The Amelia Project - Episode 27 - Inmate 10642

Episode Date: October 11, 2020

“When are you going to take the bag off my head?” Episode 27, Season 3. With: Alan Burgon, Julia Morizawa, Julia Thorne, Andrei Zayats, Alexander Mercury, Amrita Acharia, Alexander Ballinger, Benjamin Noble, Torgny G. Aanderaa, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa, Gianluca Iumiento and Harald Thompson Rosenstrøm. Written by Philip Thorne. Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager with additional directing by Benjamin Noble. Sound design and music by Fredrik Baden. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Check out this episode’s sponsor, Dipsea! To sign up and get your 30 day free trial go to: DipseaStories.com/amelia Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details.

Cold tapes. A gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone. You know, life on the base means, well, it's close to six months without light. That does things to people that study that he was doing to watch us and then set off us like mice around this special little experiment how many people are on this base 16 on this one someone amongst them is our killer experience cold tapes the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to The Amelia Project.

The interviewer has been kidnapped, but where has he been taken? Find out in today's episode. This episode is dedicated to Sophia Anderson. Thank you so much for being such a generous and loyal patron of the show, Sophia. When are you going to take the bag off my head? No more questions. Where are we going? No more questions.

Can you loosen the chains just a teeny tiny bit? No questions. I'm hungry. When are we going to eat? No questions. Can you loosen the chains just a teeny tiny bit? No questions. I'm hungry. When are we going to eat? No questions. What type of plane is this? By the sound of the engine, I'm guessing an Antonov An-148? Can you make it shut? I tried.

Does it bother you? I don't know. Hey, hey, snook, снова заканчивай. We arrive in Moscow in one hour. The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Ostein Braga, with music and sound design by Frederick Barden. Episode 27. Inmate 10642. Welcome to Golovkin. Charming place.

The securest prison in Russia. Why am I here? You should be flattered. Gololovin is heavily overbooked. How was the flight? Long. He wouldn't stop asking questions. You've exhausted the poor girl. Asking questions is my job.

Well, what do you want to know? Who are you? My name is Boris Malchalin. I'm head of intelligence. Kolovin's manager. What do you want? Is this about Anthony Welby? There will be plenty of time to get into all that, believe me. Plenty of time.

Goodness, what happened to him? Hanged himself in his cell by his shoestrings. Значит, все. Я получу мои деньги. С Михаилом об этом поговорите. Мне сказали, что вы легко садитесь за русскую. А вот на деле ваше прикрытие было неподушным. What about him? Stopped by his cellmate. Пусть он лучше заплатит. Что ты думаешь о нем? Стоп, Бахи Салмайт.

Пусть он лучше заплатит. Я и так сделала больше, чем должна. Вот как? Как вы там себя назвали? Татьяна Гурковский? Должна быть Гурковская. Удивительно, что вас прямо там не разблочили. Кстати, мне кажется, что я прямо там не разблочили.

Михаил, он заплатит. Работу все-таки выполнили. Mikhail will pay you. You've done your job. So, you're free. We'll contact you soon to kidnap that marine biologist from Antwerp. So, learn Dutch. If you need me, you know where to find me. This is where we part ways. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. It's been a pleasure. Are you ready to discover your new home? I'm ready. Gosh, you don't skimp on security around here. Nobody lives, Kole Kolovina alive. Dobry vechir. Dobry vechir.

Can you take these chains off now? I think they're cutting off my circulation. This is just the outside perimeter. I've got three more gates to pass. Blimey. Dobry vechir. Добрый вечер. Добрый вечер. Добрый вечер. Добрый вечер. Добрый вечер. Dobry vechir.

Dobry vechir. Dobry vechir. Look, D. Now we can take off those chains. Oh, thank you. Your cell is at the far end of that corridor. Cell 333. Here. Well, in you go. Well, fry me like a kipper and call me breakfast. Is it to your liking?

My desk. My armchair. My cabinet. My bookshelf. It should all be there. Birrandello, Kierkegaard, Gottfried, Keller, Calvino. Yes, all there. Now let me see. One, two, three, four, five, six. One, two, three, four. Exactly right. Good. The

window behind my desk situated just so the sunlight hits my... Oh. No sunlight, I'm afraid. The window is painted on. The illusion is most convincing. Now, my desk. Rubber bands and Maltesers, good, good. Paper and pens, good, good.

Paperclips, envelopes, sellotape and... Letter opener. Sorry? There's no letter opener. There should be a letter opener in the top left drawer. Oleg? Yeah? Write down, please.

Yeah. Who's he? That's Oleg. I figured. I mean, what is he doing here? Oleg will be with you at all times. Oh. I don't usually have an Olek. Hello, Olek. Other than the letter opener, is everything to your satisfaction?

It's most impressive. Feels like home. Good. Who's that? Your first client. My what? Your first client. My what? Your first client. You want me to... Do what you do, yes.

Here? Yes. Why? Would you prefer a normal cell? No. Then stop asking questions. I... It's just...

This is... Alright. I'll be back in half an hour. Good luck. Don't be shy. Do come in. Where am I? What is this all about?

That's an excellent question. You're an inmate here? Yes. That explains the handcuffs. Who is he? Oh, that's Oleg. What's he doing? Another very good question.

Oleg, are you writing down everything we're saying? Да. That was yes. Why? No, no, let me guess. You're making a transcript. For Boris. Да.

Oleg, would you care to elaborate on what this is all about? Нет. That was no. You just say two words, yes and no. Да. Nothing else. Нет. Well, this is all most unusual.

Nothing else? No. Well, this is all most unusual. Let's just try and ignore our monosyllabic friend and crack on. Your name? Alexey Popov. Profession? Butler.

Employer? Viktor Prokhorov. Ooh, the oligarch? There is only one Viktor Prokhorov. Sentence served? Three years. Sentence remaining? Sixteen years. And why do you want to disappear? Are you joking? Ah, yes, I see. I guess that question is somewhat redundant in here. Look, what kind of game is this? Is this a trap? Relax, Alexei.

I'm here to help you. Help me with what? To escape. Really? Yes. But first, I want to know a little bit more about you. Why? I like stories.

Is it really safe to talk in here? Everything that's said in this room is strictly between you and me. And Oleg. Which means Boris. Yes. In other words, this isn't private at all. Oleg, could I ask you to take a break? No.

Oleg, could I ask you to take a break? No. So, how are we going to plot my escape if he's writing down everything we're saying and giving it to Boris? I have to say, the circumstances are somewhat unorthodox, but I think we're just going to have to power through. Tell me, why are you in prison? I stole a loaf of bread. Oh, golly, how very les miserables of you. Excuse me? Quite the Jean Valjean. Do you sing?

No. Pity. Nineteen years for a loaf of bread. Outside of French literature and West End musicals, that's a bit excessive, don't you think? It was a very expensive bread. What was it made of? Gold? That too.

What was this bread? The Roman of gold leaf loaf. Prokhorov had it specially made after a recipe passed down from Alexander III. Although he exchanged the water in the original recipe for champagne. Oh, I would have done the same thing. The loaf is made with the finest ingredients rubles can buy. And topped off with 23-carat gold leaf. It was right in front of me.

And I thought, what harm can it do to try a tiny sliver? Prokhorov got me chewing. What did you do? What could I do? Run? We were on a yacht. Swim? Prokhorov had me tied up with sailing rope before I had time to swallow.

That bastard. Still, 19 years. Prokhorov was best friends with the Kremlin And he takes his bread very seriously Is everything alright? Oh, sorry, sorry Just a bit distracted I've just noticed they've given me my buzzer I wonder if it works

Shall we see? What's good to eat around here? I've just noticed they've given me my buzzer. I wonder if it works. Shall we see? What's good to eat around here? Nothing. Especially not the stroganoff. Bring me some sausages and chips, please. You can't go wrong with sausages and chips. You'd be surprised.

And plenty of ketchup. Now, where were we? You said you could help me escape. Ah, yes. You're crazy. Nobody escapes this place. Let me show you a little something I always carry in my breast pocket. A pocket knife? This isn't just any old pocket knife. A pocket knife? This isn't just any old pocket knife.

It's not? No. What makes it special? It was custom designed by Hans Rudolf Pachlatko, Switzerland's most prestigious cutler. Okay. It has more than 200 different tools. That's impressive. It has a wire scraper, skinner, fish scaler, crimper, ball joint pickle fork,

shackle opener, tape measure, metal saw, hammer, flint, hoe, shovel, wood saw, hook discorger, pruning blade, laser pointer, coil spring compressor, nail gun, spatula, compass, hoof cleaner, chisel, razor, thermometer, box cutter, wrench, slingshot, defibrillator, pry bar, torch, hex driver, hatchet blade, nail puller, and breaker bar. This knife has helped me out of many a pickle. When I was running guns into Nambia, my jeep broke down in the middle of the Kalahari Desert. I used this knife to dismantle the engine, change the intake valves, clean the combustion chambers, scrape the deposits off the spark plugs, then screw it all back together again.

I drove on and the engine purred like a kitten. When I was a Dominican monk, this knife was my only worldly possession. I used it to shave, cut my hair, clip my toenails, prepare food, and carve blasphemies into the cloister walls. When I was head gardener at Hardwick Hall, toenails, prepare food, and carve blasphemies into the cloister walls. Uh-huh. When I was head gardener at Hardwick Hall, I could never have pruned the roses to the Duchess of Devonshire's satisfaction without it. When I was a strategist for the Tibetan resistance, we got word that the Chinese were approaching

from the other side of the Koshi River. The only route across was via a truss bridge. I used this knife to unbolt the portal struts, causing the bridge to collapse, thus blocking off the only access for 25 miles. Wow. When I was scaling the north face of Mount Higa, my climbing partner slipped, sending both him and the rope into the abyss. climbing partner slipped, sending both him and the rope into the abyss. I was left stranded halfway up the mountain, so I took this knife, swung it into the rock above my head, and used it as a grip while I pushed myself up with my legs. I continued like this until I reached the summit. When my fellow conservationists at Galleria dell'Accademia asked my opinion of a neglected

painting, I used this knife to peel away centuries of varnish and overpaint to reveal a masterful Caravaggio beneath. When I was rowing refugees across the Mediterranean, a poor woman had a heart attack. With 40 miles to the coast and a storm brewing, I decided we needed to operate on the spot. I used this knife to cut through the breastbone, remove the clogged blood vessel, refunction the left internal

mammary artery, and reroute the blood around the blockage. Wow. I could go on, but I think you get my point. This knife can do anything. Even get me out of Galavin? It will be a dawdle. You're serious? Here's how this will work.

When Boris picks you up, you walk out of here with the knife attached to your right ankle with a rubber band. Shit! He's here already. Relax, it's just my food. Спасибо. You speak Russian? It's getting rusty. You can teach me more in return for helping you.

Chip? No. Thank you. Oleg? Chip? No. Your loss. So, that knife will get me out of my cell?

Good. Not just you. Excuse me? You'll retrieve the knife from its hiding place and use it to cut through your handcuffs. It will cut through these chains? Like butter. Wow. But listen, Alexei.

You're going to have to be very careful. You wouldn't want to slip. Not with this knife. I've got a very steady hand. I certainly hope so. Once the cuffs are off, you open the cell door. And how do I do that? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. There's a utility key. It's compatible

with 3,517 different locks. But just in case yours isn't one of them, you can always go at it with the pry bar. When I was unemployed, I used it to break into a J.P. Morgan bank vault. So, I break out of my cell? Then you release the other prisoners from theirs.

What about the guards? They'll stop me? That's where the 35,000 megawatt laser comes in. It can permanently blind your attacker and set their skin on fire. Alternatively, you can squeeze the knife's handle and trigger the nail gun. That's amazing! Yes, I know. Oh dear. What? It seems we don't have any champagne.

What do we need champagne for? We'll have a knife. A toast, of course. I see. Hmm. Ah! In the absence of champagne, I'll raise a chip. To the end of Golovin. To the end of champagne, I'll raise a chip. To the end of Golovin. To the end of Golovin.

They are very good. Right, well, that's that sorted. Oh, and look, we still have ten minutes. Just enough time for you to teach me some Russian. All right. Let's start with the чтобы ты научил мне русский. Хорошо. Начнем с алфавита. Хорошо. Повторяйте после меня. I think we can stop now.

All right. I don't think Boris will be reading anymore. Listen to me very carefully, Alexei. Okay. Here's the real plan. What about the knife? Forget about it. I got it free me very carefully, Alexei. Okay. Here's the real plan. What about the knife? Forget about it. I got it free in a pack of Frosties. I doubt it would cut through a slice of toast.

Um, I... I don't understand. Once Boris reads Oleg's transcript, what do you think he'll do? Read calmly to the end? Or stop everything in a panic? He'll raise the alarm? Yes. He'll send every guard and golovim to my cell? Exactly.

How does that help me? They'll find you dead. What? You slipped whilst trying to sever the handcuffs and slashed your wrists. I told you I have a steady... What do you mean? Along with the knife, I'll strap some sachets of ketchup to your ankle. I'll fake my death? You'll fake your death.

Prisoners drop like flies around here. But they'll check my pulse. Take this pencil sharpener and put it under your armpit just so. Squeeze down and the sharpener will press on the auxiliary artery, making it difficult for the blood to pass. Your pulse will slow down and then completely disappear. You can survive without blood in the arm for six to eight hours. I don't expect you'll have to wait long, though.

They'll want to free your cell straight away. After all, Golovine is heavily overbooked. Once they've whisked you through the outer perimeter, you can get off the hospital cart and run. I can't thank you enough. It's my pleasure, Alexei. Now, shall we get back to the alphabet? Oh.

I thought that was just... Well, if you want... I do. Looks like I'll be in here a while. Might as well learn the language. Where did we get to? M. N? N. N. N.

O. O. P. P. R. R. S. S.

T. T. U. U. F. F. H. H.

C. C. Sha. Sha. Sha. Sha. V. V. Х, С, Ш. В, В, В. Д, Е, Ё, Ж, З, И. И краткое.

L, M, N, O, B, E, V, V, R, S, V, U, F, H, S, CH, SH, SH, third is not. V, V, V, forget it. Ah. There. Come in. Come in. Oh, Boris. Do you mind if I sit down? Be my guest.

We've confiscated the knife. I've sent it to the polizia for examination. Oh, bugger. You caught Alexei, then? Found him dead in his cell. Oh, no. Seems like he slipped while trying to cut through his handcuffs. Poor Alexei. Although, I have another theory.

Oh? We'll see what the police says, but my guess is that what you gave him is nothing special. When Alexei realized that you tricked him, he committed suicide. In any case, you failed your first task. Failed? Yes. I hoped you would be better than this. So this is some sort of test? Well, consider it an addition.

What for? First you have to prove you're up to it. So you brought me here because you need my help? You are now working for the Russian government. Well, dunk me in tea and call me a hobnob. I thought you wanted information on Anthony Welby. He's working for us, too. Cell 405.

Seriously? We tracked him down in Siberia. Brought him here and gave him a lab. Let me guess. He built you a cybug? Yes. He used it to spy on MI5. Then they swatted it. Ant is working on a replacement, as we speak.

Look, we will take good care of you. We will get you anything you desire. Which reminds me, you're a letter opener. Thanks. You're very welcome. Do you have any other requests? What have I asked you for a stroll outside? Out of the question.

Thought so. Listen, you're right. I failed my first case. But do you know why? Tell me. Because I can't do this alone. The entire Secret Service is at your disposal. They will undertake any fieldwork you require.

I need specialists. Who do you have in mind? My team. Amelia, Alvina, Joey, Salvatore and Kozlovsky. It was hard enough smuggling you out of the UK. Without them, this whole operation does not work. Right. I'll see what we can do.

Put Leroy Street into the GPS. Okay. Leroy Street. You will reach your destination in 20 minutes. Let's go. In the early hours of this morning, the Panaraguan Pythons made headway into... So, this is their other office? Yes.

Take over the presidential palace. President Julio Che Rodriguez... Whoa, Cole, slow down. And this time, we'll get there before anyone else. ...has fled Panaragua and is believed to be seeking refuge in the criminal. A new message on the answer phone. What? New voicemail, just in.

No, we're closed for business. Oh, you're going to want to hear this. What is it? Just listen. Okay. Amelia? Alvina? It's me. Don't worry, I'm safe. Ridiculously safe. I'm surrounded by four security perimeters and protected by a hundred or so guards. Nobody is going to get near me. Believe me,

this is the best place to be right now, which is why I've made arrangements to bring you here. Now listen carefully. They want you to make your way immediately to the Russian embassy. Ask to speak to Natalia Fedorov. She will take you to the airport in a diplomatic vehicle and fly you out here in total secrecy. We can keep running the Amelia project from within a Russian high security prison. In a few months, once the search for us has hit a dead end, we can escape. I have some ideas. Be quick. Bring Coco. In a few months, once the search for us has hit a dead end, we can escape. I have some ideas. Be quick. Bring Coco.

We hope you enjoyed Inmate 10642. Next regular episode the week after next, but for $5 patrons there will be an additional bonus episode next Monday. We'll be playing a little taster for that in a moment, but first the credits. This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Einstein Breger and Philip Thorne, with music and sound design by Frederick Barden. The episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Alexander Balinga as Andre, Amrita Acharya as Tatiana, Andre Zayats as Boris,

Harold Rosenstrom as the pilot, Alexander Mercury as Oleg, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haynes, Torgny G. Ondero as Agent Cole, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia C. Thorne as Al Haynes, Torgny G. Ondero as Agent Cole, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Gianluca Jumbiento as Joey, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore, and additional voices by James Carney. The episode was recorded at the Bridge Writing Studio in London, Spike City Studio and LSI Lutz Produktion in Oslo and Torngeber Studio in Vienna

and engineered by Billy Halliday, Gabriel Geber, Steiner Borgen and Robert Rustad Amundsen. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Thank you to all our patrons who make this show possible and a special thank you to Jem Fiddick, Eric DeMarge, Angel Acevedo, Sophie Leveso, Sophia Anderson, and Katarina Sindela.

Now, we'd like to play you the prologue for next week's bonus episode. If you want to hear it in its entirety, as well as all the other bonus content for seasons 1, 2, and 3, consider signing up on Patreon. It's a secure third-party subscription service, and you can think of it like leaving a tip every time we release an episode. If you'd like to become a patron, we'd be super grateful. It really makes us incredibly happy whenever someone decides to make a pledge. For more info, go to our website, ameliapodcast.com, and click on Support the Show. And now, here's the prologue for the bonus episode, Maria and Daria.

Excuse me, do you know what's for lunch today? I've been told not to eat the straw. I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Hey, prisoner, no talking. I'm sorry, I was just asking... I said no talking. Of course, I apologize. Are you answering back? I wasn't...

What are you doing? Of course. I apologize. Are you answering back? I wasn't... Sweet! What are you doing? I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just needed an excuse to speak to you in private. What? You help a pof escape. Inmate 10642?

Maybe. Me and a friend need your help. Oh. Well, I'm all ears. Not now. Meet us in the cleaning cupboard on level 4, block A, in one hour. Now, scream. Sorry?

Scream! Brasio! I'll throw you in the grave, you rude little bitch! You piece of shit! Next. Next. Yes, sorry. So, what's for dinner today?

Что это? Строганов. On second thoughts, I'm not that hungry. The Fable and Falling Network. Where fiction producers flourish. Ah! Wow! Where fiction producers flourish. Whoa! Whoa! Check out this place.

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