The Amelia Project - Episode 44 - The Man With No Heartbeat

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

With Hemi Yeroham, Erin King, Jordan Cobb, Torgny G. Aanderaa and Ben Noble  Written by Philip Thorne Story editing by Oystein Brager Edited by Philip Thorne  Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager Sound recording by Dominic Hargreaves Sound design by Fredrik Baden Music by Fredrik Baden Graphic design by Anders Pedersen Production assistance by Maty Parzival For full credits see our website.  The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network.  Website: ameliapodcast.com  Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts  Twitter: @amelia_podcast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because the Skip app saves you so much time by delivering stuff like your favorite cool treats, groceries, and bevies, you get more time to have the best summer ever. Like riding roller coasters. Learning to water ski. Applying sunscreen to your dad's back. Yep, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with skip did somebody say skip cold tapes a gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone you know life on the base means uh well it's close to six months without light that does things to people that study that Hello, Experience Cold Tapes, the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts.

Hello, today's episode is dedicated to I Am Trash. Trash told us they want to fake their death in a way that involves standing up for their LGBTQ plus peers. Then they would like a full makeover by Kozlovsky, including new teeth. So far, the scenario the interviewer has come up with is that in a valorous fight against a homophobic vampire lord, trash will be bitten and die, then come back as a reanimated vampire hunk with sharp, shiny fangs. In the interviewer's words, we all know it takes a vampire to kill a vampire.

Well, the interviewer might have to improve a bit on that plan, but it's a start. Anyway, thank you, I am Trash, and thank you to all our patrons, without whom we couldn't keep making this show. We rely on listener pledges to keep the cocoa flowing around here, so if you'd also like to become a patron, we'd be ever so grateful. You can choose any amount that feels right to you, $2, $5, $20 or more, and depending on the tier you choose, you will get access to exclusive perks such as bonus episodes, live streams and shoutouts. But right now, it's time to begin the new episode. And today, it's time to catch up with MI5 agents Cole and Haynes,

and CIA agents Jackie Williams and Mia Fox. Cast your minds back to the Season 3 epilogue. Cole, Haynes, Jackie and Mia had brought the body bag containing Kozlowski to an MI5 holding cell. And that's where today's episode picks up. Enjoy. I don't want to tell her. He's dead. Pull yourself together, Cole. It could be worse. I'd rather be that corpse. Let's get this over with.

Good luck. Right. Okay. Now that the morons have gone, let's get to work. Get to work how? We have to decipher him. Decipher him? All those tattoos. You think they contain clues? There's a phoenix on his forehead, and we know that's their symbol.

My guess, there are codes scribbled all over him, and we have to decipher him from head to toe. Talking of toes... Yes? There are numbers on them. What do you think they mean? A phone number, perhaps? And I think those are coordinates on his fingernails? Yes. And Morse code around the neck. We should take a look at his back. Ready?

You want to roll him over? Yes. Wow. Guys, a picture book. A picture book on acid? I love those pyramids. And the arctic landscape across his shoulders. We should donate him to the Met.

The Hell One is freaky, though. So is the one of a priest being shot from a cannon. Is that the Loch Ness Monster on his left butt cheek? And Santa on the other. Weird. We have to document every inch of his body. There's stories here, I'm sure of it. What was that? Holy gadzookers! He's... he's alive! Well... hello there. The Amelia Project by Philip Thorne and Osein Braga with music and sound direction by Frederik Barden Episode 44

The Man With No Heartbeat Uh... Hello. Where am I? You were knocked out pretty good. We thought you were... Dead? Yes.

Through all your veins shall run a cold and drowsy humor. For no pulse shall keep his native progress, but surcease. No warmth, no breath shall testify ye livest. The roses in ye lips and cheeks shall fade to paly ashes. Ye eyes windows fall like death when he shuts up the day of life.

Each part, deprived of supple government, shall stiff and stark and cold appear like death. What is this? appear like death. And in this borrowed likeness of shrunk death, ye shall continue two and forty hours, and then awake as from a pleasant sleep. Sorry? What? Silphium Silphium? Sends you into a motionless slumber,

slows the heart rate to ten beats a minute. We should get him some clothes. Yeah. I'll go inform Cole and Haynes and get a bathrobe or something. No, stay here. But he's naked. I'm not naked. You look pretty damn naked.

I am wearing a vial. You mean the necklace? Yes. I thought it was a pendant. Whatever it is, it's the size of a pea. We will get you some clothes as soon as we can, Mr. Kozlowski. Do not worry. I am perfectly comfortable.

Uh, right. So, what can I do for you? You're under arrest. And we've got your colleagues, too. You're going to tell us everything. Ugh, not again. Excuse me? This is the second time this month.

Second time for what? What do you mean? Very well. Let us get this over with. Who are you? Jackie Williams. Mia Fox. CIA. CIA. Wowsers, trousers. So we are pretending this is America. I think his mind is still woozy from the drugs. Yes. Better give him some time to wake up properly. My mind is as sharp as a scalpel.

Okay. Okay. I guess let's get into it then. Your name, uh, is... P-P-P-Piotr Kozlowski? No comment. How long have you been performing unlicensed surgery? No comment.

How long have you been under the employ of the Amelia Project? No comment. How am I doing? How long have you been under the employ of the Amelia Project? No comment. How am I doing? Well, you're going to have to talk eventually, so if you cooperate now, we can commute your sentence. No comment. I see. You're the stubborn kind. Yes. Are you satisfied?

Can I go now? I have work to do. Very funny. I am not going to talk. A colleague of yours was here three weeks ago, and despite being shouted at for three hours, I did not say a word. A colleague? Of ours? The man who plays rum-tum-tugger in Cats. The rum-tum-tugger in Cats. The Ram-Tam-Tugger.

What are you talking about? Sorry, you're not a fan of musical theater? I too prefer classics. Mia, do you understand a fucking word he's saying? This is a waste of your time as well as mine. Go and prepare for Medea or Lady Macbeth or whatever you are doing later. Um. I assume you have a show tonight? for Medea or Lady Macbeth or whatever you are doing later. Um... I assume you have a show tonight.

A show? Alvina only books the very best West End thespians. Thespians? Are you joking right now? No, I respect your profession. Costumes, accents, new identities. We have a lot in common. Okay, we told you we're CIA.

And I am a master magician. I'm serious. So am I. You... Okay, you think this is a simulation. I think you are doing your job admirably. You really believe. You commit.

I like that. With younger actors, the facade can be paper thin. Are those your real accents? Can I slap him again, Jackie? Now you are taking it too far. That is unrealistic. Oh, you think so? Is that real enough for you?

A real police officer would not have done that. There is a code of conduct for law enforcement officials, and they would be obliged... We can do what we want. Nobody knows what goes on inside this room. Apart from Alvina. Sorry? You can be sure she is watching.

How can we get it into your big bald head that we're not actors? The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Ha. Very clever. Tell me, what is your favorite Shakespeare play? Oh, now this is a book club? And we might as well find a topic of conversation to pass the time. Let me think.

Oh, here's a topic of conversation. The Amelia Project and the clients you've helped disappear. Oh, that is the only thing I cannot talk about. Oh, shame, because that's the only thing we're interested in. I find that tragic. Don't you? There are so many ways we could use this time. We could talk about astrology, mushroom picking, or Ukrainian mud wrestling. I could tell you about my journeys through the Middle East or my expedition to Antarctica.

my journeys through the Middle East, or my expedition to Antarctica. I am an expert in Hellenistic art, and my knowledge of Roman literature is second to none. I am also caught up on Grey's Anatomy if you want to talk spoilers. This guy's a whole new ballpark of weird. I am just saying, if we are forced to spend this time together, we might as well have some fun. Last year, they sent a man with a clumsily applied moustache. I taught the poor fellow how facial hair is properly applied. It's an art, you know.

The next day, he wrote to thank me. He said that for the first time, he had been able to get through Act IV of Uncle Vanya without fearing his beard would fall off. Imagine that. It allowed him to approach Chekhov in a whole new light. Perhaps we could do something like that. Like... Like Chekhov? Like applying beard on your face.

I could teach you about makeup and prosthetics. New skills to put on your CV. Well? We'll engage with you once you start taking this seriously. You really just want to sit this out?

Knowing Alvina, we could be here for hours. Do you know Teenage Dream? Wait, you mean the Katy Perry album? I know it off by heart. The lyrics are very moving. Do you want me to recite them to you? Yes. Mia. What? Right. I think I have reached my limit. What do you mean? Good day to you. Wait, stop that. What are you doing? Sit down. Alay! Stop that. She can't hear you. Alay!

Alvina! Would you please just sit down? You can see me, Alvina. I know you can. There is a camera in here somewhere. Alvina! Listen, Alvina. You cannot keep doing this.

Why don't you join the Amateur Dramatic Society? It is not fair to take your hobby out on us. I refuse to be part of your charade any longer. Alaya! Alvina! Yeah, Alvina isn't coming. This is real. We are real CIA agents, and you are being held in a real interrogation cell. Now, you have two options.

Option one, you start taking this seriously. Cooperate, and we strike a deal. Option two, you keep insisting this is a sham, and a few days into your life sentence, you realize your mistake. Now, which should it be? Hmm. We'll give you one minute to consider. Shit.

Lie down. What? Just fucking do it. What is happening? Jackie, I don't think this is a good idea. How was the meeting with your boss? Brief. Really?

Well, that's a good thing, right? You did tell her he's dead. Yes. Thought you said she'd blow a fuse. Oh, she did, but... She also wants us to drop the case. Why? Northcott never really took this case seriously.

And now, with our only lead dead Too bad she's taking you off the case That really sucks All these tapes and case files And scrolls of ruddy papyrus I mean we've come so far And the others are still out there By now they're probably in Australia

Or Argentina Living it up on the beach. So what? They could still be running their scheme, even from an Australian beach. Yes, but they're outside your jurisdiction. Well, that hasn't stopped you, has it? What do you mean? Well, the last time I checked, we were in Britain. Your point?

Well, you are foreigners here. You're meddling in foreign affairs. We're CIA. That's what we do. Okay, guys, there's something we have to tell you. Oh? What's that? Mia. Okay, we have to tell them, Jackie. What's going on?

Jackie? Jackie? Jackie? You're right, Mia. I wanted to keep it to ourselves, but... Yes? In the spirit of partnership... Oh my god.

Is it something big? Yeah, you bet. A new lead? Not exactly new, but... Enough with the suspense. Just tell us. Do you want to spill the tea yourself, Jackie? You boys sitting comfortably? As comfortable as it's possible to get in an interrogation room.

Come on, tell us! Well, we were looking at his tattoos and... Yes? You know that phoenix on his forehead? Yes? Well, that phoenix is no coincidence. What do you mean? That's their symbol.

What? The Amelia Project. It's their symbol. And? It's a clear link. It's definitely Kozlowski. But we knew that Not for certain we didn't Now we've got proof Proof?

Yes How does that help us if we can't talk? Well, it's better than nothing, right? Oh, bravo Great investigating, ladies Really great Real game changer Oh, bravo. Great investigating, ladies. Really great. Real game changer.

Oh, okay. Jackie... Told you, Mia. They're being jerks as usual. We should have kept it to ourselves. I actually thought you were going to tell us something that we could take to Northcott. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Too bad we'll be parting ways. Heartbreaking. We should, how do you say it, go for a pint. Very droll. Anyway, before we can say our goodbyes, we have to wrap up this Kozlovsky business. What do you mean?

Well, we have to compile a report and bring his corpse to St. Thomas Hospital for an autopsy. We'll take care of the corpse. Oh. Well, we'll get started on the paperwork then. Once the coroner's report comes in, we'll add it to the file. We'll have to take a fingerprint and get pictures of all those tattoos. Won't that be part of the forensics report? Well, we might as well do it now. Yeah, good thinking. Hold on, that's weird. Wasn't he wearing some sort of necklace thingy? He was. Did you remove it?

Yes. Well, we'll need that for the report. I just wanted to take a bit of a closer look at it first. You're going to make another breakthrough discovery, I'm sure. Jesus Christ! What? Did you see that? See what?

He twitched! What? I you see that? See what? He twitched. What? I swear, he twitched. I didn't see anything. Check his pulse. Nothing. Fuck. I was so sure I'd seen him move. Come on, Cole.

That report isn't going to write itself. You're right, Mia. You look kind of pale. Yeah, you need some fresh air. A trip to the hospital will do you good. See you later. See you. What the fuck was that about?

Everything okay, Mia? No, everything is not fucking okay. That was treason. Don't be silly. We're working for the U.S., not the U.K. Okay, you heard Miss Kennedy. We're cooperating. Oh, please.

So driving off with the body bag and hiding it at a bridal store was okay, but now all of a sudden... No, this is different. Is it? Faking deaths? Yeah, that's a whole new level. That's what they do, not us. We didn't fake anything.

We simply withheld information. And how long do you intend to withhold information? I just want to hear his story before they do. You know, get a head start. Interesting. Yeah, you still think this is a drill?

I was wrong. Well, at least we got that sorted. You were lying. What? No. We were telling the truth. We're CIA. You haven't telling the truth. We're CIA. You haven't got the audience. I am your only lead. Oh. That. You need me.

Don't start getting cocky with us. Okay, I gotta ask you something. Yes? Why couldn't they feel your pulse? You're still under the influence of this sylphium thing? No. So why isn't your heart rate back to normal? It is. But- Crocodile skin.

Crocodile skin. I grafted crocodile skin over my wrists, neck, groin, and temples. You cannot feel a thing through that. Come, see for yourselves and temples. You cannot feel a thing through that. Come. See for yourselves. Touch. Go on. You know you want to.

When in Rome. Wow. Okay, no, that's freaky. I can't feel a thing. So, playing dead is like a habit of yours? It's an option I like to have. Okay, what about the necklace? Where is that? Do you really want to know?

Oh, you mean you put it up your... Yes. I could not risk our enemies getting their hands on it. Our? Enemies? We aren't covering for you. I was under the impression we are working together. Now, what's in the vial? Silphium? No. Then what?

Patience. First, we have to finish what you started. What do you mean? You started faking my death, did you not? Well... Once my death has been properly faked, I can give you knowledge, and in return you give me my freedom.

That seems like a fair deal to me. We're not letting you go. But there is more to death than pulses and heart rates. Death involves paperwork. Paperwork? We need to fake my autopsy reports. Jackie?

I thought you wanted me to tell you about the Amelia Project. I can tell you everything. Uh-huh, and you will. See, you're overplaying your hand. We can get you a lenient sentence. We can get you into a white-collar prison. Hell, we can get you a steady stream of Veuve Clicquot while you serve time. But you will serve time. You want to know my secrets, do you not? Yeah, of course we do. That's the deal. A soft sentence

in return for your secrets. My secrets cannot be told. What do you mean? They have to be experienced. What are you talking about? I will take you to remote locations. To the edge of your imaginations. Where medicine meets magic. Where science meets song, where ritual, myths, and stories are strong. Buried treasures are there to find if you open up your mind. Beneath the trivial and mundane, there is a wild and wondrous plain. Where

do ghosts go when they die? What if pigs could really fly? Who turns on the stars at night? Why was Pythia always right? Are you willing? Are you brave? There is a life beyond the grave. I'll be your guide and you will see. The world is full of mystery. This is not for the faint-hearted.

It is a journey into the uncharted. This is what I have to proffer. Now, will you take or leave my offer? What the hell was that? Fuck knows. Hello? Hello? Oh, shit, he's gone into some sort of trance. Hello?

Hello? Hello? Sorry. Oh, shit, he's gone into some sort of trance. Hello? Hello? Oh, sorry. My mind just went for a spin, but I'm back now. Oh, phew, because you just went real trippy on us, rambling all kinds of BS. Pigs and ghosts and graves and shit. Oh, I meant every word of that. What?

That's my offer. Every word of that. What? That's my offer. You want us to fake your death in return for some sort of hippy-dippy theory of everything? Yes. I want my freedom. But you're not offering us anything. Am I not?

You're... You're insane. Maybe. So, what do you say? Are you ready to have your minds blown? The story continues in two weeks' time. Or become a patron for an Alvina Archives episode next week. Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. This episode was written by Philip Thorne with story editing by Ostein Breger

and quotations from Khalil Gibran and William Shakespeare. It was directed by Philip Thorne and Ostein Breger with music and sound design by Frederick Barden and audio engineering by Dominic Hargreaves. It featured Hemi Yeroham as Kozlovsky, Jordan Cobb as Jackie Williams, Aaron King as Mia Fox, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haynes and Torgny G. Ondero as Agent Cole. Graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Marty Patsival if you'd like to support the show on Patreon

go to ameliapodcast.com click on support the show and you'll find all the info on that note thank you to our wonderful patrons and as always a heartfelt shout out to our super patrons Sophia Anderson Kate Sukiyasu

Sophie Leveso Jem Fiddick, Orban Asant, Rushabh Shukla, Amelie and Alison, Stephanie Weitenhiller, Chloe Lefferman, Elizabeth Curry, Mince and Such, Rafael Eduardo Vifas Verrastaki, JK Robbins, and I Am Trash.

And now, the epilogue. Coffee, Colm. Have they fixed the epilogue. Coffee, Cole? Have they fixed the machine yet? Ha! Guess. So you'll have an instant? Yes. I guess the day can't get much worse anyway.

It's a new brand. You never know. Might actually be good. Haynes! Haynes. Haynes! What? I've just run Koslovsky's fingerprint through the database and... Yes?

I think you'd better come over and see. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to the Strata. There's two of them following me. I know that for sure. Hand over the package and we'll let you go. You'll let me go? Oh, that's cute. The first bullet hits me in the chest. Sends me staggering back a step.

All right, you assholes. Look out! Ah! Let's go! Move it! Yeah, run. That's it. And spread the word. Don't mess with Rust. Ever. Anyone who tries is gonna... Oh, forget it.

The Strata. This place is gonna... Oh, forget it.