The Amelia Project - Episode 53 - Pretzel

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

“Welcome to Dover Petrol and Pretzels, do you want dough or diesel tonight?” Episode 53, Season 4.  With Ben Meredith, Julia C. Thorne, Torgny Aanderaa, Benjamin Noble, Jordan Cobb, Erin King, Hemi Yeroham, Adam Raymonda and Julia Morizawa. Written by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne Edited by Philip Thorne  Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager Sound design by Adam Raymonda Music by Fredrik Baden Graphic design by Anders Pedersen Production assistance by Maty Parzival For full credits see our website.  The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Website: ameliapodcast.com  Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts  Twitter: @amelia_podcast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details.

Cold tapes. A gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone. You know, life on the base means, well, it's close to six months without light. That does things to people that study that he was doing to watch us and then set off us like mice around this special little experiment how many people are on this space 16 on this one someone amongst them is our killer experience cold tapes the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts. Hello, it's Pip, welcoming you to a new episode of the Amelia Project.

In the last episode, Alvina managed to escape a collapsing cliff by the skin of her teeth, and that's where we pick up today. This episode is dedicated to Alban Assant. Thank you, Alban. Enjoy the show. Congratulations. You have reached the Amelia Project. If you're not serious, please hang up. If you continue, there is no return. Come on.

Good choice. There is a new life awaiting you. You'll hear back from us. If you don't hear back, please consider this a hope. I know, I know, I know. We're to the end already. Leave your message after the beep. Amelia, please call me back as soon as you get this. I'm sure you've heard that

Saga's cave collapsed. Well, I'm fine. But now I'm stuck here in Dover. Gustav didn't show up. I told you we shouldn't trust a career criminal. Anyway, I'm outside this petrol station. Dover Petrol and Pretzels. Please call me back. Oh no! I'm out of battery! Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! موسيقى The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Ostein Braga, with music and sound direction by Frederik Barden. Designed by Adam Raimonda. Episode 53. Pretzel.

We're still going south. Yep. And it's just gone 9pm. Northcote will be leaving her office. The report was due on her desk three hours ago. So,

what do you think she'll do? That depends. If we recapture Kozlowski and reveal the Americans have gone behind our backs, I reckon she owes us big time. Whereas if we screw up and return empty-handed... She'll have our balls for breakfast. It won't come to that. No.

We just have to keep following their car. Wherever they're headed, it's bound to be interesting. We've been driving for a while. Does anyone else need to, you know, tinkle? I am so glad you say that. Nature has been calling for a while. You're not seriously suggesting we stop. I am.

Why didn't you go before we left? I kind of forgot. But you don't need to go. I can hold it. For how many hours? Many. It's an essential skill for a field agent. Liar. What? I can see your thighs shaking. What? Admit it. You need to pee just as much as I do. I don't need to pee. You do. I don't. You do. I don't need to pee.

You do. Fine. Fine. I'll pull over at the next gas station. What's that? What? A blinking light on the dashboard. What? Are we out of petrol? It just suddenly dropped into red.

Ah, this bloody Nissan. Ducky said it was fully stocked. Right. What do you suggest we do? Drive on fumes? Well, perhaps it's just the meter playing up. We can't risk losing them. Oh, this is really going south. Okay, we have to find a petrol station, fill up as fast as we can, and then try to catch back up with them.

Where's the nearest petrol station? Well, according to Google Maps, there's one coming up. Ah, I think I can see it. Wait, wait, wait! They're pulling over. They're also stopping for petrol. That's great. Is it?

Well, this way we won't lose them. But they mustn't see us. We don't have a choice. Pull over. We need petrol. All right, folks. Let's do this quickly. You, no funny business, and stay close to us at all times. Of course.

If you run, we will shoot. Let's go to that cafe. We can use the restrooms there. Don't worry. Look, they're going into the cafe. They've stopped for food. We're safe. Look. Grab one of these. What's that? It's a fake moustache. Why is there a fake moustache in

the glove compartment? It's an undercover car. There's a wig in here. A couple of hats. Sunglasses. That must have been what Dougie meant by fully stocked. Moustache it is. I'll go for the wig. This wig stinks.

Who do you think wore it last? At least you don't have the moustache. Tickles. Looks good though. Are you ready? Let's go. A human! What?

We don't get many visitors this time of the evening. Welcome to Dover Petrol and Pretzels. Do you want dough or diesel tonight? Neither. Oh? I need to buy a phone charger, actually. You haven't got one at home? I'm trying to get home. Can I help you buy a phone charger, actually. You haven't got one at home? I'm trying to get home.

Can I help you rent a car? No, I need to charge my phone. I could give you a lift when my shift is over. No, thank you. That's not going to work. Did someone stand you up? Yes. As a matter of fact, someone did. Oh no, that's dreadful. Anything I can do for you? Yes, a phone charger, please. I need to call my friend. Well, I'm not sure they deserve that if they stood you up.

Another friend? Sure, just give them an earful, mind you. Shouldn't treat a lady like that. The chargers? Oh, at the back, next to the postcards. Finally. You've heard about what happened over at the cliffs, I assume? Hmm? We're all over the headlines.

The Guardian. The collapsing cliffs of Dover. The Daily Mail. The shite cliffs of Dover. The Times. The White Cliffs are over. Gah! None of these charges are right.

Oh, there's a phone box across the road. You could use that. A phone box? I haven't used one of those for years. Okay thanks, I'll give it a try. Welcome to Dover Petrol and Pretzels. Are you here for carbs or kerosene? Oh, yeah, just paying for petrol. Well, at least some people have realised this is a petrol station and not a psychiatrist's. Um... Oh, that lady who just passed you on the way out. She got stood up by her fiancé, I reckon.

Oh, OK. Anyway, you gentlemen are on your way to a party, I reckon. Oh, OK. Anyway, you gentlemen are on your way to a party, I presume, what? No. No? It isn't a fancy dress party. Do we look like we're dressed fancy? Maybe not very fancy, sir, but your moustache is falling off. Oh, shit.

Could we just pay, please? Of course. Which pump did you use? Er... I didn't... Forgot to check, did we? Oops. Classic. That's a classic mistake. But we're the only car here. Can't you just see the number on your little...

Nope. Gotta give me a number. What's wrong with this guy? Don't worry, I'll go out and check. I wanted to add some air to the tyres anyway. Keys? Here. I'll go to the loo in the meantime. Back in a sec.

Where's the loo? Door on the left, next to the soft drinks. Right. Oh, welcome to Dover Petrol and Pretzels Salty or gasoline? What the fuck is he talking about? Do you have a restroom? Out of the three restrooms at that cafe, zero were in working order When you say a restroom, you mean...

Hello Got it Door on the left, next to the soft drinks. Phew. Oh, but you'll have to wait. What? There's a gentleman in there. Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? You can't do that.

You only have one restroom? Well, there's one at the back, but that's just for employees. Here's 50 bucks. I, um, certainly. It's a very nice room back there. I even have a sofa. Sitting there on quiet days and do sudokus. It's a very nice room back there. I even have a sofa. Sitting there on quiet days and do sudokus. It's fake leather. Will you stop talking?

Certainly. And smiling. Can you stop smiling? Most people like my smile. Just take us to the goddamn restrooms. It's this door here, behind the counter. The loo is on the left. You can't miss it.

I don't think anyone has used that payphone since 1982 It's covered in rust, stinks of urine And wouldn't accept my coins I think someone jammed the slot with chewing gum I'll write to the council You don't happen to have a charger I could borrow, do you? Not for that phone I'll have a Nokia It's pump number three

But this gentleman might be able to help you I'm sorry? This nice lady needs some help I could borrow, do you? Not for that phone. I'll have a Nokia. It's pump number three. But this gentleman might be able to help you. I'm sorry? This nice lady needs some help. Oh, hello. Yes, certainly. How can I be of assistance? I'm really sorry,

but I'm in a bit of a situation. My phone died and they don't sell my type of charger here. I was wondering if maybe you could lend me yours? Oh, of course. Of course, no problem. My pleasure. What kind of phone do you have?

Ah, cool. You paid yet? Not yet, Haynes. This lady needs our help. Yes, but we... Haynes, Haynes. Have some sympathy. She's got stood up. Isn't that right? By your fiancé. What? Oh, I told them. I... I see. In the middle of the night.

I mean, that's such a shitty thing to do, isn't it? It really is. We're in a hurry. Hey, I didn't become a public servant not to serve the public. Now, I haven't got a charger for that phone, I'm afraid, but you could borrow my phone for a quick call. It really needs to be quick. I'll be super quick, I promise.

Thank you. You're welcome. Love your costumes, by the way. You look like Bon Jovi and Tom Selleck. Uh, thanks. What the hell are you doing? She's got something about her, hasn't she?

You mean her voice? What? Her voice rings a bell. Reminds me of someone, but I can't put my finger on who. I'm not talking about her voice. I'm talking about... I mean, she's very attractive, and I think she likes me. Cole! You're married! Well, not for long. This trip? One more surprise late shift? Might be the last nail in the coffin, this. Call her, then. Tell her you're sorry.

And get yelled at down the phone. No thank you. At this point, I'd rather try my chances with that damsel in distress. You fucking idiot. Are you all right over there? I'm just trying to remember the number. It's a new one and it's stored on my phone, which I can't enter, so... I know the feeling. The only numbers I can remember are the ones from before mobile phones.

Yeah, Cole, that's how to chat her up. By telling her you're old. Shut up. I'll be quick. You watch him. No, no, no, no, no. I go first. Why you? You said you could hold it. You said I couldn't. I, no, no, no, no. I go first. Why you? You said you could hold it. You said I couldn't. I haven't peed since Washington, D.C.

What? I have a hard time peeing in new countries, okay? Yes, but... Fine, I've peed a couple of times, but... I have not relieved myself since before I drugged myself. Shut up! Ladies first. Wait, I...

It's no use. I can't remember the number. I, uh, I have the phone book. They still make those? Well, it's from a few years ago. Well, this number won't be in there anyway. You can, uh, use one of those, uh, mnemonic devices to remember. Well, that's a bit late now, isn't it? Oh, I suppose.

Oh, tell you what. There were some people who came in while you were at the phone booth. I'm letting them use the loo in the break room. Why don't you pop back and ask one of them if they have a charger? That's a good idea. I'll do that. Well, thank you for your help anyway.

Here's your phone back. It's a pleasure. If there's anything else, I... We just want to pay, please. Calm as an ocean breeze, calm as an ocean breeze. Calm as an ocean breeze. Come on, Jackie You can do this No, can't do it

Okay, okay, that's it I can't hold it anymore Mia, Mia I do not think your friend is quite finished Different tactics I do not think that is a lavatory Okay, okay Lock picking Not bad I do not think that is a lavatory. Okay, okay.

Lock picking. Not bad. And lo and behold. A maintenance cupboard. With a sink. Perfect. Hey, what are you doing? I am going to relieve myself. Was that not the idea? Not you. Perfect. Hey, what are you doing? I'm going to relieve myself.

Was that not the idea? Not you. Me. You can go after. You want to leave me unattended? No, you're staying with me. There is no space in this cupboard for two of us. You just... Fine, fine, fine, fine.

Nothing goes my way today. And going your way would be peeing in front of a man who is under arrest. I've done worse. Please tell. Just shut the fuck up and be quick. Hello? Hello. Hello.

Sorry to bother you, but you don't happen to have a charger for a... Are you okay? Why is everything in this pokey little excuse for a country so difficult? Is it so much to ask for a gas station to be equipped with more than one functioning lavatory? Oh, the one in the front is free now. Is it? Yes. Oh, thank... How good are you with the taser?

Excuse me? Here, I'll give you my charger. That's the right one! And this taser. Just the charger will be fine. In return, you'll keep an eye on that closet, and if a guy comes out big bloke with tattoos, you tell him to stay rooted to the spot or you'll taser him.

If he so much as blinks, you... Got it. Good. Back in a jiffy. Card or cash? Card. spot or you'll taser him. If he so much as blinks, you got it. Good. Back in a jiffy. Card or cash? Card. Would you like a pretzel too?

Sorry? Oh, pretzel to go along with the petrol. It's on the house. That restroom better be free or I'm going to shoot somebody. Duck. Duck, sir? Thank fuck. Duck? I. Thank fuck. Duck? I like a duck.

I'm afraid there's only ice cream in that freezer. Oh, well, never mind. Thanks anyway. Sure I can't tempt you with a pretzel? No, no, we're good. Bye. Bye. Keep walking. That was close. Shut up, just keep Keep walking. That was close.

Shut up. Just keep on walking. How the hell did she just appear like that? I thought they were over in that cafe. It's a good thing we were in disguise. Hardly. Your wig is slipping. If she hadn't been in such a hurry, she'd have spotted us for sure. I actually think this wig kind of suits me. Sure. I actually think this wig kind of suits me.

Yeah. I thought you said it stank. Well, I don't know. It's growing on me. Oh, I see. You think you look like Bon Jovi. Well, she did say... You're such an idiot, Cole. I just wish I could have said goodbye.

I mean, I really think she liked me. Oh. What? So? What's the plan? Will we wait for Jackie to come out? Do you think Mia and the surgeon are also in there? Probably.

We wait, then keep following them. Shit! What? My credit card. What about it? It's not here. Must have left it in the petrol station. Who's the idiot now?

I was paying, then all of a sudden Jackie burst in. I got distracted. Must have forgotten to take it out of the car. Reader machine thingy. Well, sudden Jackie burst in. I got distracted. Must have forgotten to take it out of the car. Read a machine thingy. Well, quickly bought back in. And risk being spotted by Jackie. Nah. So?

We'll wait until they come out. Once they drive off, I'll dash into the petrol station and get my card. You wait for me with the engine running. I'll only be a few seconds. We'll catch up with them in no time. Uh-huh. Okay. Idiot. Idi Okay. Idiot.

Idiot. Idiot. Charging, charging, charging. Come on, come on, come on. Don't move. Um, excuse me, who are you? I... Where is everyone?

She... Why are you pointing a taser at me? I was told to wait for a man. I see. I can take over now. Give me that taser. Here you go. Thanks. And who are you? Oh, I was just looking for someone to lend me a charger and your friend kindly obliged. I'm just waiting until I have enough battery to make a call. Where did she go? The loo in the front. Actually, if this one is now free, do you mind if I... You need a tinkle?

Um, yes. Knock yourself out. I'm done here. Thanks. Good pee? I feel reborn. I know what you mean. When you've been holding it in for so long, it's almost like a little orgasm. An orgasm is le petit mort.

The little death which makes peeing a micro-death. That's disturbing. Where is Jackie? In the front. Let's join her. What? It's bloody cold in here. We can turn on the ignition.

Oh, I suppose. The leading headline in the UK today is the collapse of a large section of land by the White Cliffs of Dover. What? Turn it up. The police reports that a forgotten underground cave system near Dover Castle has now been revealed by the collapse. Blimey. Just down the road from here. Although no bodies have been found and no one has been reported missing, Although no bodies have been found and no one has been reported missing, the police reports that they did find remnants of recent human activity among the rebels.

Probably a homeless person living down there or something. Among those items recovered was a broken bottle of Veuve Clicquot and a thermos of cocoa that was still warm. Oh, what? Turn it off. Why? and a thermos of cocoa that was still warm. Oh. A truly baffling combination of pleasures... What? Turn it off. Why? This is... I need to think. Fine.

They're still in the UK. It could be a coincidence. Ferv, Clico and Coco, no. They're here. You think they had officers down there? You think blowing up the cave is some sort of scorched earth tactic? You know, covering the tracks? You think someone else blew it up?

Your girlfriend. What? I thought her voice sounded familiar. What do you mean? From the tapes. You don't think she sounded like that secretary person? Elvira? Alvina?

Yes. Well, I... I guess. You really think? Oh, yes. Oh. Jackie. Okay, we've wasted enough time.

Now, let's get back on the road. Hang on. You haven't purchased anything. I'm sorry. What? You can't just come in here, use the facilities, and leave without so much as buying a pretzel. You can't spend a penny without spending a penny. I gave you fifty bucks.

Yeah, but the rules say you have to actually buy something. Fifty bucks for letting us use your restroom and maintenance cupboard. What are you complaining about? Maintenance cupboard? He peed in the sink. You know it's me who's going to have to clean that up. Cool it, everybody. Let's just buy a map and get out of here.

You have maps? Next to the ice cream. That's weird. What? All these maps are for the south of England. Are you sure? Yeah. But they wouldn't sell road maps for the south if we're in the north. What are you laughing at?

I wondered when you would notice. Have we been... We are in Kent. We have been driving south-southeast since we left London. For fuck's sake! Why didn't you say anything? We just added, what, four hours to our drive?

Maybe from here on, I give the directions. You? How can we trust you? To be honest, Jackie, when it comes to directions, maybe I trust him more than I trust us. You know your way around this wretched country. I know the English countryside like the back of my hand. If we want the safest route with the least exposure, I know the back roads we should take. Sure. Whatever gets us back on track, I just want to get to Scotland as soon as possible.

Soon, but relative to safe. We will drive the back roads. Sure. Let's go then. Let's go. Hey! You need to buy something! They're coming out. What now? They're coming out. Yeah. What now? Do we follow the surgeon, or do we stick with Alvina?

If that really is who she is. Oh, shit. I don't know. We could split up. We only have one car. If I stay here, how will I follow her? You could just arrest her on the spot. On what basis?

We don't have a warrant or any kind of proof. I thought you were sure. Northcott is going to want more than my certainty. No. We have to stick with the surgeon. What, so we just let Avina go? What do you think? I don't know.

They're driving off. We need to make a decision. Okay. I'll be to make a decision. Okay. I'll be back in a second. What? Oh! What is he doing? Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, Haynes. Drive. So, you got your card? Oh fuck What? I forgot it again Seriously? You want me to stop? No no you have to catch up with them

If you didn't get your card then what were you doing in there? I got something far more important What? Alvina important. What? Alvina's phone. What? How did you get that? I wanted to see her one more time.

I wanted to commit her face to memory. I wanted to... I don't even know what I wanted. I just couldn't let her go that easily. But she wasn't there. Come again? The back room was empty. I don't know, maybe she was on the loo or something, but her phone was there charging.

I grabbed it and came straight back to the car. Nice! This is going to be very interesting. We'll have plenty of material here. Pictures, texts, emails, contacts, court history. I could start going through it now while we drive. Good idea. Look, we've caught up with them. Contact's cool history. I could start going through it now while we drive. Good idea. Look.

We've caught up with them. That's them just ahead. Yes. I really wonder where they'll lead us. We're back in business. Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. This episode was written by Einstein Allsperg Braga and Philip Thorne, edited by Philip Thorne, with sound design by Adam Raymunda and music by Frederick Barden.

It featured Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Torgny G. Ondero as Cole, Benjamin Noble as Haynes, Jordan Cobb as Jackie, Aaron King as Mia, Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski, Ben Meredith as the pretzel guy, and Adam Raimunda as the newsreader. Coming up, Julia Morizawa as Amelia.

Graphic design by Andas Pedersen and production assistance by Marty Partival. Thank you to all our patrons who chip in to make the show possible and a shout out to our super patrons Angel Acevedo, Sophia Anderson, Jem Fiddick, Alban Assant, Amelie and Alison, Stephanie Weitenhiller, Mintz and such, Rafael Eduardo Vifas Verrastaki and JK Robbins. For transcripts, merch, bonus material and ways to support the show,

visit ameliapPodcast.com. And now, the epilogue. Alvina, glad you're back. Work is piling up. Are you going to ask me how I got back? How did you get back? DFDS. What? You took the ferry? Yes. Didn't you get my message? Your Gustav fellow stood me up. Oh, sorry about that. Anyway, listen, Alvina, I need you to find a car mechanic who can

build us an exploding engine. Well, I'm taking a day off. You don't get any days off? Listen, I've just hidden in a dirty fishing hold, interviewed the most unhelpful client ever, survived a collapsing cave, lost my phone, and been scrunched up as a car trunk stowaway on the Dover Calais Ferry. I think I deserve a day off. Uh,

fine. I'm treating myself to a nice lunch in Saint-Germain-des-Prés. In the last 24 hours, all I've eaten is a bag of pretzels. Pretzels?

See you tomorrow. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Beyond the Dark. Sub-Level 19 was nothing like the other floors at Machine Co. There were no alabaster workbenches, no spotless white carpets. Here, it was dank, dark. And that noise. A humming, throbbing sound like a sickly heartbeat hiding behind the whir of a great machine. A large metal cage loomed out of the darkness, backlit by an iridescent blue monitor,

on which a cursor blinked idly. A metal panel slid out of an aperture in the cage near the monitor, and suddenly the cursor came to life. It read, Insert hand here. Beyond the Dark, a sci-fi anthology by Mark R. Healy, creator of The Strata. And here.