The Amelia Project - Introducing Civilized

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

A strange message on the Amelia team's voicemail... is it a hoax? Is it from outer space? Could it be our friends and collaborators from the Civilized podcast? Listen and find out! You can find out more about Civilized and subscribe here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because the Skip app saves you so much time by delivering stuff like your favorite cool treats, groceries, and bevies, you get more time to have the best summer ever. Like riding roller coasters. Learning to water ski. Applying sunscreen to your dad's back. Yep, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with skip did somebody say skip hello dear amelia listeners we've missed you the amelia project returns next week with season four as well as a brand new patreon mini series called Alvina Archives. So get your cocoa and Maltesers

ready, and if you want to re-binge the previous season in preparation for next week, now's a good opportunity. But first of all, here's a little bonus crossover treat for you. I won't say any more just yet. Amelia is all about the secrets. Enjoy. Alvina, I think you'd better listen to this. What is it? A new message on the answer phone. A peculiar one. Hmm. Let's hear it. Oh, uh, well, hello there, Amelia. You have a lovely voice, and I am very serious about trying to get some help, so thank you for your offering.

Um, my name is Beatrix, and, um, I just thought I'd bring you a message about the impending doom of the Earth. I'm not really sure if anyone back there is going to hear it, and I'm not really sure how long we've been gone, but just in case someone can do something or send us some help, we are in extraordinary mounts of peril, and it's been going on for a really long time. I'm not actually sure who I am or what I am or what iteration I am. All I know is that I die a lot and I would really like to stop doing that. So if someone could come send us some help that would be wonderful and if Amelia you're the person to do that it would be so nice to talk to you and hear that lovely voice on the end of this Pahoney. So thank you very much for your time. I hope that you

are not suffering impending dooms like we have here and that the world is not still on fire because it was on fire once anyway um have a lovely day and again this is uh beatrix and you can reach me at this pahoni number so um uh uh bye the impending doom of the Earth. She says she keeps dying and coming back. Most of our clients only fake their death once. Do you think she's a client of the Incognito Project? She says she's not on Earth, so... Don't you think maybe... The Incognito Project has branched out into space!

Do we need a space branch? She pronounces phone P-Honey. What's your point? This is a prank. I don't think so. It is clearly someone making fun of us. Oh, another message. Do you think it's another space client? No, I hope it's a real client. Space clients are real clients. Just play the message. Another one. I'm feeling all like Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Oh, where's my Casio keyboard and my pottery kit? What are you on about?

I need to prepare. Let's just play these. We have a message. Well, actually, I'm not sure who you are, Amelia Project, but I do have a problem. I am serious about it. Not hanging up. I've been trying to bake a souffle for the last few years, and I don't have any eggs on this planet so uh could really use a recipe that has like an egg substitute where we could uh but but using alien dna on a foreign planet

well i uh i i i would appreciate um help is that good you keep on going. Okay, okay, okay. All right, I'm doing well then. All right, okay. Yeah, no, that's, it's like, I feel good about myself. Okay, I would like help building a better me. A souffle. Yes. Building a better me. Could be code.

Impending doom. Alien DNA souffle and help building a better me? I think I know what's going on. Do you? Yes. It's a signal that's been sent through time and space. That's normally how signals are sent. Through time and space. No, Alvina. I mean, these messages have gone back in time, through a wormhole. Excuse me? These messages are from a group of settlers on a planet far, far away who have ended up in dire straits.

What did you put in your cocoa today? Nothing. Oh, come on. Someone is having us on. But they sound so genuine. They sound like a comedy improv troupe who are obsessed with sci-fi. so genuine? They sound like a comedy improv troupe who are obsessed with sci-fi. Oh, poppycock. When I was part of the

Third City Improv Impass, we were never even close to improvising something so specific. And we were the best comedy troupe for miles. No, these people are clearly telling the truth. And I think we should figure out a way to... What are you doing? Deleting

those messages. But now we can't call them back! And I say, good riddance. In 20 minutes you're seeing the dentist who was exposed for pushing candy to children. So get yourself ready and let's handle a proper client. Oh, I really think we missed out on something special there. Well, if those messages were from the future, we couldn't have helped them anyway. Now, put your trousers on. They're still drying.

I'm not going to ask why. I had a Malteser accident. Um, how? I thought you said you weren't going to ask. You're right. I don't want to know. It also involved two litres of Verve Clicquot and a Bunsen burner. I'm not listening. It's really a very thrilling story.

It might be impossible for the interviewer and Alvina to respond to a message that comes from a distant future in a remote corner of the universe. But if you want to go there, you can. Beatrix, Bob and Bartholomew are all characters in the improvised space sitcom Civilized. And if you haven't listened to that show yet, it's one we heartily recommend. It's a dark comedy about three terraformers on a new planet who are lost in space in so many ways. The incredible thing is that the whole show is improvised, which you really wouldn't think with such layered world-building and complex character arcs. Civilized is a great escape to a planet and a time far away,

and you get to listen to the very first episode of the show right now, right here, on this feed. Civilized is one of the other shows in the Fable & Folly network, and they're great friends and colleagues of ours. In fact, their designer, Eli Hamada McElveen, plays Hiroshi on The Amelia Project and has guest-designed several of our Season 4 episodes. The Amelia Project will be back with Season 4 on the 15th of October, as well as with a brand new Patreon-exclusive miniseries called The Alvina Archives. But in the meantime, enjoy the very first episode of Civilized, look for the show on your favorite podcatcher, and make sure to subscribe. Mayday, Mayday, this is Echo Bravo 379er, emergency transponder activated.

We have emerged alone in unknown space. There is no match to known or projected star charts. I repeat, we have emerged alone in unknown space. Mayday, Mayday, this is Echo Bravo 379. This is Echo Bravo 379-er. No member of the fleet has responded to our emergency beacons in over 90 days. Mayday. I repeat, mayday. This is Echo Bravo 379-er.

We are initiating Foxtrot Charlie Kilo protocol. We have identified a nearby planetary body for an unscheduled landing. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Come on. Come on. Come on. You can do this. Get your nose up! Get your nose up! Humanity's last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake. Civilized. Oh, man. Damn.

Just keep building, just keep building, just keep building, building, building. Kibiatrix, here's the next box. Oh, thank you. This'll make a great holder for sand. Is that enough? It's like four of those things I've drug out. Bob, these are all empty boxes. Well, yeah, but it's still a lot of work getting those out of the ship all the way over here. It's like crazy raining out here. Bob, I appreciate how much work you think that is.

Thank you. I'm just going to keep putting holes in the ground and putting up tarps and, you know, protecting us from this liquid that's falling from above us that we don't know is acid or has any kind of chemical properties. But I'll put myself out here while you go get another few empty boxes. I'm going to go back to the ship and try and—might take me a while to find a box that could be acid. Really? Bob, I— I'll be right to the ship and try and... It might take me a while to find a bug. It could be acid. Really? Bob, I... I'll be right back. Okay.

Ah, Bob. Yeah, hi. Woo. Did you know it could be acid out there? Yes, well, actually, I wanted to mention that. I ran the sample that you collected for me through the analyzer. A sample? Yes.

Oh, the wet stuff you took off my face. So I ran it through the analyzer, and I wanted to share the results with you. Oh, great. They were inconclusive. Oh, cool. So that's good then, right? We can go back outside. Possibly, yes. Awesome. Okay, I just have to find another box. Do we have any more empty boxes that are really light that I can bring out to help? Well, you could check the box room. Nope. Definitely can't go in the box room.

What? Nope. Captain. Box can't go in the box room. What? Nope. Captain. Box room is off bounds. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. How am I supposed to find boxes if I can't go in the box room? It really is the function of the box room. I know, but the box room is empty now. It's being used for something else. Excuse me, everybody. I'm so sorry to interrupt.

I know I've just been outside for a while, but, um, Barty, Barty, I was wondering if you could just look at my skin. It seems to be bubbling in a weird way. Oh, boy. I know, it's kind of growing and pulsating. It's, uh, the grossest thing about it is the smell, I think. Feel free to just stand

back. It does not look good. So, uh, no one else is having this reaction? No, I guess no one else would because, uh, no one else was outside building a shelter. I came outside. Oh, God. I don't know. Does Bob look okay?

Maybe he's immune to it. I don't see anything. What about my face? I can't see my face. What's my face doing? His face kind of just looks like your face always looks. Oh, okay. No more or less pleasant than usual.

Oh, God, look what's happening to her arm. Yeah, it's starting to pulsate. I'm a little concerned that my arm is now two times larger than an arm probably should be. I don't know. I'm just the scout. So, Captain, have you ever experienced anything like this from your database? I know of a first aid book in the library. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just going to go to the box room and, you know, try to find a...

No, we can't go to the box room. Oh, we can't go to the box room? No, we can't go to the box room. Oh, okay. Can't get to the box of first aid supplies then. Because it's a box. It was in the... I moved it all to the library. So you can go find all the box of supplies that you need in the library. Well, I guess books look

like boxes. So all the boxes are in the library now. All the boxes have been moved to the library now. So the library shall now be called the box room. Yes. Why would we call it the boxbrary? No, that's not a good... Oh, and there goes my arm. Just fell right off. Oh. I am in excruciating

pain. Beatrix? Yep? I know this might come off crass, but do you think you could finish putting the poles in with one arm? I really don't want to go out there. Well, you know, I have lost a limb, so I mean, why should anyone else have to do that? So I'll just go out and sacrifice whatever remaining limbs I have. Yeah, no, that's, um, I guess this is my function, my job.

We appreciate your earnest dedication. I really hope someone's going to stop me. No, no, okay, all right. Well, I guess I'll just go back outside. No, it's cool, it's fine. Thanks, Beatrix, you're the best. Oh, okay, well, I guess that's what support feels like. I feel sort of awful that I didn't volunteer Barty to go and help her.

Yes, it is Bartholomew. I'm so sorry. I'm just going to take my arm back out. It's starting to smell. I didn't want to inconvenience you guys further with my dead tissue arm. Now it's fine. Wait, no. I have something I... What is it, Bob? Nothing.

Alright. Taking this thing that was once attached to me and walking outside. This isn't scarring at all. Very considerate. Barty, Bartholomew, now I feel even worse. That's two times I've had and I didn't offer to help. very considerate. Barty, Bartholomew,

God, now I feel even worse. That's two times I've had and I didn't offer to help. It's fine. She's fine. Really? I mean, obviously she's not fine, but it's no problem. It just feels so strange that we're both sort of standing here watching the rain come down

while she just goes back out there. Well, standing here is a large part of my prescribed role. You, well, we would expect ultimately once the external shelter is erected, we would expect you to give it some homey touches, a range perhaps. You could make a nice kitchen area maybe. Yeah, yeah, okay. So perhaps you should stop focusing on Beatrix and start focusing on what you can do to help the team.

There is some protective gear in the library box room. Sorry. The library box room. Box, library? Don't want to concern anyone Just lost a foot But it's all good Gonna stay out here

Got one more foot Two legs Pretty good Somebody get that girl some protective gear Your optimism is much appreciated No I'm doing I'm doing it I'm going into the

Why don't Why don't I want to go into the boxberry I feel really strange. Barty? Bartholomew. Bartholomew? I'm doing it, though. I'm going to go get that box.

I'm going to get Beatrix some protective clothing. How are you doing out there, Beatrix? Oh, fine. Just lost two fingers on the other hand, but it's manageable. Not merely an appendage. All right, I'm going. I'm going to go. I'm going to get that box.

I feel really strange, though, for some reason. It's just down here to the left, right? Oh, hi. What's your... Ah! That's why he wasn't meant to go in the box room? I told him! It's not my fault he doesn't listen.

Just keep building, keep building, keep building, building. Hey, hi, Beatrix. Oh, what happened? Why are you missing? Oh, I'm just mostly gelatinous cysts at this point, so, you know. Beatrix, oh my god, what can I do? Oh, probably go inside. This is for the good of the mission at this point.

I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer like this. Oh my god, let me help carry you inside. What do I... I'm fine. What do you mean you're fine? No, Bartholomew! Something's wrong with Beatrix!

No, I just have a feeling I'm going to be okay. I mean, I'm in, like I said, excruciating pain. I have never thought that my nerves could experience this much trauma. But, I mean, all for the good of the mission, right? Glad you guys are warm and inside. I'm so sorry. I wish I had found you earlier that I could have done something.

Bob, you were helping me earlier. I mean... I was? Yeah, you were... Yeah. You brought out the four empty boxes. What? No, I just carried this one box out here.

Are you okay? Oh, God, your teeth just fell out. Oh, yeah, I just carried this one box out here. Are you okay? Oh, God, your teeth just fell out. Yeah, I guess that'll happen. I'm going to go get someone. Don't move. I'm melting. This is a joke. I guess you can't move.

I'll be right back. I'll be right back, Beatrix. Barty! Barty! Bart, all ofw, actually. Beatrix, she's a puddle. Well, there's a face, but a puddle. We need to go help her.

That does sound serious. I'll make sure that an appropriate award to honor her dedication is prepared. What? Well, you know, if things don't work out, I want to make sure that she's recognized for her gelatinous dedication. Bravery. I don't think things are working out. She's melting. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. We will prepare maybe a nice plaque.

You know, something that she can hang on her wall. What? Marty, what's happening to my arm? Oh, dear. Would you enjoy a plaque? Civilized. Starring Christy Bolton, Michael Davinsky, Mbula Enobong, and Sean Howard. Sound design and music by Eli McElveen.

Cover art by David Demare. Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at CivilizedPod.com. Ah, looks like rain. The Fable and Folly Network. Where fiction producers flourish. Mount Absalom. A community.

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