The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Cat Litter Retreat in Mexico with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

Fresh off an insane trip to Mexico for the kitty litter party of all kitty litter parties, Katya regales us with tales of hallucinations where she had an in-depth conversation about Franklin Delano Roosevelt's economics polices with a purple frog whilst on the deck of the Titanic. (in reality, she threw up a bunch after taking some psychedelics, but the purple frog/FDR story sounds amazing, right?) From a physical rebirth south of the border to Madonna's greatest acting performance to the joys of a shorn a**hole, today's episode is, quite simply, marvelous. Enjoy. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TBATBYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let me turn my watch off. Hold on. My watch is beeping. Rich. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, my ass. I woke up this morning and I was shocked because I watched the BBC every morning and there was a horrible death of an icon. And I wasn't shocked, but I was like, it's weird that the news is reporting on an American drag queen's death. I know. And a gay person, too, because the BBC is notoriously homophobic.

Yeah, I mean, I just felt more offended that like I thought you and I were so close that if you were going to die, you would say something. I would let you know first. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, well, you know what? We're of course talking

about Prince Philip who died. R-I-P-P-P-P. Rest in pee-pee, Prince Philip. Rest in pee-pee. Rest in pee and poo-poo, Prince Philip. Can I ask an ignorant

American question? Yeah. Do people in the UK, when somebody like this passes away, is it like a celebrity to them or a politician? Both? Is the country truly mourning? Is it like Kim Jong where they're like

ahhh! You know. Well, no. But so, okay. Somebody who did this Irish writer who did the most incredible sort of profile of that Meghan Markle debacle recently, he put it this way. So we have a capitalist kingdom here. America is a capitalist kingdom, right? Tragic kingdom.

Tragic. Yes. No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. But so the Kardashians, Oprah, LeBron, you know, these are the royalty, right? I mean, think about're a mixture. I would say they're a mixture of a politician and a famous person. They're famous politicians. But, Mary, it's a huge range because... It's symbolic more, right? I mean, do these people really have power? Mary, no.

They got nothing. I mean, they don't got nothing. Who pays for them? How are they so rich? Does the public pay their food and water and everything? That's a great question. Do they get an allowance from the country? I believe it is the taxpaying English citizen who foots the bill. And they still have the audacity to have rotten, jagged teeth.

As someone who basically runs several sweatshops of the entertainment industry, if I had some people getting paid to exist and vibe mary you would have you would put the kibosh on that day one on my watch like not on my watch it's that i'm not even comfortable with you getting paid when we it's the first is two it's two gifts number one is the ayan left fist down on the table and then it's her walking through the woods. You thinking about all the people you just terminated. Totally.

That's absolutely what it is. With no regret. Yeah. You don't have to think about a lot too. I think about that movie. I care a lot. A lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think of the haircut. You don't think about more than anything. The vaping. The carburetor. It was a carburetor from a fucking Chevy Malibu. It was a Chevy Malibu.

Yeah. She is vaping on. She's basically holding a toaster. It was huge. Two-handed. She had two hands. Two-handed. Two bony hands on that toaster.

Can we address the elephant in the room? How was your spirit journey? I'm going to tell you all about it. Funny you should mention I care a lot. So there is, there was, I was alone in this house in Tijuana. Caring a lot. Caring so much. Well, I was there alone with another man.

There was a guy there and he was being this motherfucker god bless him he i overheard him talking to somebody he's saying you got to watch this movie it's called i i i care so much i care a lot and i was like oh my ears pricked up he loved the movie because all he did was watch he never left the house seven days he never left the house seven days. So he was there for, he had severe depression. Severe depression. Am I boring you? No, I'm responding to a text. She's literally, she's reading a book right now.

He said he loved the movie I came along. He loved it. I was listening. I listen to him every once in a while. You know, eavesdrop is what I'm trying to say. But he was, I have to tell you, Trixie. I have to to tell you you are a very well-adjusted person me not so much however however severe depression is not really a part of my story severe depression is rotten this motherfucker was literally like the cartoon you know the cartoon cartoon of the boll weevil, not the boll weevil,

the peanuts, you know, peanuts, the dirt cloud. Yeah. Pig pen. Pig pen. It was like that, except without dirt, it was sadness.

Oh, wow. Like literally dragging his ass. I mean, literally dragging his ass down the stairs to get the food, go back up the stairs, be in bed the whole time. Seven days. Gorgeous weather. The whole time?

And he was there before me. And he was there when I left. Mary, it was beautiful weather. Gorgeous weather. Mexico, Lambada, Cucaracha. And he never left. Are you bored, huh? No, man.

I just went off. Oh, my God. Just kidding. Oh, my God. I'm so surprised at you. You know what mentally healthy people do? We multitask. Yeah, I know. But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So let me surprised at you. You know what mentally healthy people do? We multitask. Yeah, I know.

But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So let me, you're the one who has to go on an exotic trip to Mexico to remember to eat. I know. I went into the cat litter. It's a cat litter retreat. Yeah, the folks at home. I went down and I did this experimental treatment. It's almost like, it's almost like-

Because at this point, what do you have left to lose? Nothing, nothing. I went down and I said, strip my clothes and take the leg. Do it now. And they just said, this is not that kind of a treatment. This is not that kind of treatment. Put your clothes on and we're not amputating anything. You said, strip me down and take the leg.

They said, Mary, this is a pottery barn. You're at a pottery barn in Brookfield, Wisconsin. This is a baby jogger. We don't do that. This is a limited two. A lip balm or a scrunchie? But it was fabulous. Vegan diet.

Tell me everything. Okay, one down there. So without, I won't get into it. It's too, it's a long story, but anyways. No, no, no. We got to start with what's the program intended to do for people? Okay. So the program is intended to, so it's Ibogaine.

It's a psychedelic drug that when administered in a clinical environment is being used to treat anything from addiction, mostly opiates, but addiction, mental health issues, PTSD, depression, things like that. So trauma, absolutely. They're doing it with psilocybin or mushrooms. They're doing it with a little, I don't know, MDMA, I think also ketamine. So there's all these kind of... Can it help the skinny? No. I'm asking for a friend. You have no hope. You're destined to waste away in three to four weeks. I have to wonder if it's sort of a new agey cactus ridden girl interrupted. Okay. Ooh. Ooh. Because if everyone has different issues, but they're seeking the same treatment, I would think that that creates a very eclectic environment.

seeking the same treatment, I would think that that creates a very eclectic environment. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, unfortunately, it was just the two of us. I was like hoping for a real kind of like a white wall, you know, like, yeah, like I was hoping for the full thing. But yeah, yeah. You know, I had nobody to complain to other than the Mexican staff who are, by the way, fantastic. You were hoping it was going to be like a prison thing where you walk in with like a rolled up mattress and a tube of toothpaste and they're like, come on new fish. Yeah. And I've got my,

I've got a sack full of dimes and I'm ready to fucking swing. Yeah. Um, but it wasn't like that at all. Unfortunately I was, I wanted to be Angelina Jolie, you know, with the blonde hair and the attitude.

And then I was hoping to find Brittany Murphy with the eating chicken, but it was not that. It was nothing of the sort. It was nothing. There's this show I like to watch. I believe it's called 60 Days In. 60 Days In? Anyway, it's a show where people who are not convicted of a crime go to jail for 60 days and they have to withstand 60 days in jail.

The 60 Day Jail Challenge? A lot of the time. It's a TikTok dance. A lot of the time. What about this? In a world um a lot of what about this in a world of tiktoks be a ted talk ted talk i just listened to your scathing courtney dragging me through the mud for 26 minutes straight i heard something about barbies and then all i could hear was just uh shitting shitting shitting the bed it was you were it was well apparently you told her you were you told courtney act you shit the bed and you'll replace the mattress and then she got back and the mattress wasn't replaced and you said it didn't seep through i'd also love to just point out several facts that the listeners

might be enjoyed to hear um this is a woman who has no struggle this is a woman this is courtney act she's got no struggle i knew that she would bounce back from this experience and maybe even get a tail or two out of it I myself was at a very trying point but also but also I was thinking about it and I was like I'm so I said either I go on the podcast to set the record straight or you'll hear from my lawyers I'm confirmed for two weeks from now but I do want to say right now I would love to set the record straight in another way I am not a good person I'm going to be vulnerable right now. I may be very warm and welcoming and lovely. I am not a good person.

Let me straighten this out for you. Because to be vulnerable, you have to share something no one knows. And right now, you're telling us something we've been missing. We're preaching. Yeah, I'm puking on the choir right now. Yeah. Oh, my God. I will say, Courtney is one of those people who has, what is it, an indubitable spirit?

Listen, I was back from a shitty bed. See, she doesn't even fall, though. There's no bouncing. There's no bouncing. Yeah. Nothing phases her. This is a person who is the definition textbook of not relatable. She's absolutely gorgeous.

She's completely healthy. A paragon of health, a pinnacle of human achievement nothing is difficult she doesn't she doesn't shy away from opportunities she doesn't shrink in in in anxiety or horror she just floats not to say everything's easy but she is just i don't get it she's the mother I always wanted she's the sister everybody would want and she's the friend I hit

with my 1994 Dodge Intrepid and she's the mattress I shat on several times that's you talking about Jennifer with a G I don't know a better person I don't know a better person she's the headless doll I stuffed through the about Jennifer with a G. I don't know a better person. I don't know a better person. She's the headless doll. I stuffed

through the chute. So you get to Mexico. Do they take your wallet and keys or anything? No. So, you know, thankfully, it wasn't like that. It's not like a lock-in at the YMCA. It's not a lock-in. It was not a lock-in. I took a town car down there, Mary. I was... Mr. Lulu.

Let me tell you about Mr. Louis Lu. Louis Lu, the only Chinese sedan driver, the only black car driver. He, listen to this. We stopped halfway from San Diego, here to San Diego. We stopped halfway. You took a car? Yeah. To Tijuana, it was four hours.

Not even. Oh, I forget that Mexico is so close. Well, Tijuana is literally right over the border. It's Baja, California. It's right past San Diego. Wow. Yeah. But so listen to this.

You'll love this. We took a, he's like, do you want to take a break to go to the, you know, stop at a rest stop, go to the bathroom? I was like, well, I'd love to have a cigarette. And he says, oh, I didn't know you smoke. That's good. That's good that's good yes that was he said that's good and then he pulls out the biggest cigarette you've ever seen and continues to start smoking with you or what you're exactly right did he say great and then you both smoked in the car

no we didn't smoke in the car but he pulled he pulled out of his sport coat a fucking cannon of a cigar and waved it in front of my face and said, I smoke more than cigarette. Stronger. You thought it was a PVC pipe. He pulled a Swiffer out of his pocket and lit the end of it. It was Louie Lou. Get into it. Louie Lou. He was there for you.

I'm on my way to Tijuana for a cat litter retreat. You think I'm afraid of smoking? And he fucking picked me up too. He was there in fact a week later. People whose biggest vice is a cigarette don't go do cat litter retreats in Mexico. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So, but it wasn't a lockdown. Like, yes, it wasn't a lockdown. It wasn't, um, they, you know, I could come and go. I,

it's, but it was just, you know, it was, it's like a yoga retreat. You're going to want to be there. You're going to stay. You're not going to leave, you know? So it was halfway between like a, like a inpatient experience and, and a frou-frou goop kind of wellness getaway. It was halfway in between. So, but how long was it? Seven days. And so, yeah. Wait a minute. Is this like the people who pay the woman to teach them to sting themselves with bees? Absolutely. And let me tell you why. So first of all, I, this is the, I didn't know about the diet. I didn't know. Somebody lied to her several times when they said she could eat cookies, candy, soda, and bread. When they said the accommodations were going to be fly, hot, sexy, and beautiful, they were nothing of the sort.

No, but they, Mary, it was, I go, I get there and they said, oh, there's no coffee here. And I'm literally about to grab my bag, like Viola Davis, just get out the chat. And then they said, I was like, oh, but bag. Like Viola Davis, just get out the chat. And then they said, I was like, oh, but tea. And they're like, oh yeah, we have tea. This fucking whore has the nerve to grab a box off the shelf and say, we have this tea. I said, Mary, that's not tea. That's some dried fruit.

That's squirt. Why don't you fucking pull down your panties, spread them legs and squirt into my open mouth? Yeah. He said, we have some tea. You said, well, tell you what, why don't we go back outside, get in the car with Lou and fuck myself? I used to teach yoga. I could probably bend over and fuck myself. Yeah.

I'm going to get Lewis cannon of a cigar and shove it up my ass and start crying. Right up my ass. Right in my ass. Right in my fucking ass. So they said no coffee. They brought you tea, which was what? Dried fruit? Dried fruit. It's an herbal infusion.

Let me tell you something. It's not tea. There's no caffeine in that. There's not tea. It's an herbal infusion. That's dried sticks and in leaves in a pot of water by the way there is a time and a place where like an herbal tea is so lovely pre-dinner three minutes before bed a little chamomile chamomile three minutes before bed yeah

yeah not not at fucking six in the morning so but anyways it was then it was then it was then it got just got so much more real and real and real. No meat. Okay, fine. Fine. Fine. No dairy. Okay. No sugar.

No sugar. Mary, that's that's that's a tall order for a lot of people. Salt for you. That's a lot. No sugar. People know that you I'm not kidding. We've been on set where you have sent your assistant to go to the 7-Eleven to buy a handful of candy bars to feed you during the day. I have shoved Skittles up my ass when you're not looking. With the wrapper on.

I've seen her do Coca-Cola. She shoots it. Intravenously. Right up my ass yeah right up your ass or you do one of those baby feet masks

you hear that listeners that didn't do that much to me really I did the baby foot not that much happened well you probably got you're gonna never work

today in your life you got them feet like that well my feet are gorgeous yeah mine are not nothing of the sort so so they wait wait can we get to the actual administration so three days in I'm like okay Gorgeous. Yeah, mine are not. Nothing of the sort. So they... Wait, wait. Can we get to the actual administration?

So three days in, I'm like, okay, let's get this party started. And I've done other psychedelic drugs before. Years ago, recreationally. More recently, therapeutically, under supervision with lots and lots of stuff. And there's a huge difference in the intent. So I was not looking to go on a roller coaster, but I was looking to have a, of an interesting, transformative, illuminating, illuminate. Thank you. For lack of a better word,

mind blowing, to be honest. And then Mary, Oh Lord. So it is, it was eight hours of fucking horror. I puked my guts out several times. And I had fasted for eight hours before the administration of the drug because for that very reason. Imagine your worst hangover. The most horrible motion sickness. So you're laying down because you want to lay down. You have this thing called ataxia, which is basically your body is kind of just paralyzed, but you can move if you want to, but you don't want to. You're just, and then it's just the spins.

You close your eyes and you are hurtling through infinity, spinning, revolving, flipping. That sounds horrible. It was horrible. It was horrible. Someone lied to me. I should have asked. You know, this is the third time I have, after the fact, have come up with very basic questions that would be very pertinent to ask before. Like, for example, very simply, is this going to be fun?

And after that, I asked all the clinicians, how would you have answered that question? They would have said, oh, no. Can I ask you a question about what were your intentions? Like what were you looking to adjust in yourself in this experience? So basically, so are you trying to do drugs in the woods or are you trying to like change? No, no, no. I'm trying to change. It is completely therapeutic. I don't, especially with this drug, I did a ton of research and still there's so there's such a wide variety of experiences and people describe it so many different ways it's kind of like you know you gotta just at a certain point there's things that you're gonna know like

okay i'm not gonna get up and want to dance i'm not gonna be screaming i'm not gonna be up you know i'm it's gonna be a very down tempo introspective experience with my eyes closed up you know i'm it's going to be a very down tempo introspective experience with my eyes closed but girl i mean shit like you know you hear on ayahuasca people throw up girl please well shit well shit what are y'all doing screwing well can i say this this type of experience also it not just depends on the experience you have to one one person who's maybe a cynic, they might have a different experience than someone who's like, there is a very obvious placebo effect for some people. Because even if it does nothing, if somebody goes under an experience like that, believing that they are going to come out the other side different, it does work because you believe it works. Of course. And guess what?

I'm not saying the drugs don't work. I'm saying even if the drug is a fake pill, if you believe it's going to change you, you change. Oh, absolutely. I mean, the placebo effect is insane. And it's funny you mentioned that because that's exactly what happened. I went into there. And because there's a traditional ritualistic element, native to the population, native

to the culture, that to, you know, the, the culture, you know, that's just not my experience. That's not my experience. Is this a Native American, like kind of curated thing?

No, it was, it was a shamanic. So it was not, not necessarily Native American, but it was a shamanic kind of experience. So there was like, there were,

you know, candles and sage and feathers and all that kind of crap in, which I was, I'm very open. Like, you know, I'm, and feathers and all that kind of crap in which I was. I'm very open. Like, you know, I'm open to it. Anything that's going to facilitate, by the way, the openness, by the way. I mean, maybe I'm biased because I grew up Native American, Native American religious stuff. Of course, it's stories like the moon is a wolf, whatever. The earth is a turtle. But on the other hand, a lot of it is based on like metaphysical truths. Sure. The circle of life. When you die, you go back into the earth is a turtle but on the other hand a lot of it is based on like metaphysical truths sure the circle of life when you die you go back into the earth that's also scientifically

true yeah so it's easy to get on board with that yeah dreams being or they they believe dreams are you know sometimes telling the future it's like well yeah you dream about the things you want you dream about the things you hope will happen and then they actually are the future so like i think with native american stuff it ends up being more of like what parts of it make sense to you use what you like there isn't really a rule book no no of course not and this is all a lot of this is it's very nebulous and it's in like you said that i mean i am a very i'm at i'm of two minds i'm extremely open and interested in in uh quote unquote kooky stuff the metaphysical the spiritual the occult however I'm extremely skeptical and so what happened one I went into it very open very emotional I mean like there's a thing there's a

little ceremony before where I was crying because I was just very very like I was just very ready to change yeah and I I was just cause you're thinking about what do you want to change? What do you want to change? Like what parts of your body do you want to get rid of? What do you want to, you know, and it would just get very emotional. I take what I'm asking you. What were you wanting to, what was it? I wanted to be released from the addiction. I wanted to be a released. I just wanted to get that monkey off my back, you know? And cause girl, not telling your story,

but some people reach to that point where they don't not, not like drugs anymore. They're fucking tired of the cycle of it. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, sick and tired of it where you're just like, yeah, I'm over the process. And it's,

and it's not even like, and there's so many layers. It's in, usually it's at the like, and there's so many layers. It's in, usually it's at the most selfish layer. It has nothing to do. Sometimes it has nothing to do with, you know, because that addiction brings you to a very,

very self-centered hell where sometimes you're not even fucking thinking about the pain you're causing other people in your immediate vicinity. You're like, I just don't want to feel like this. I just don't want to feel like that. But so anyways, the, so go into so anyways, the, so go into the retreatment,

the, the thing starts and bitch two fucking hours into it. I was like, I got gooped. I was like, I was like, this is a fucking scam. This is so disappointed.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

not to not, not hold on. It gets, it gets more interesting. So two hours into no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no it because you don't believe in santa claus but you're so down for the ride oh yeah sign me up yeah so but two three hours into it it was an eight hour trip or experience i was like get me the fuck off this hokey pokey tilta world because spooky spooky hollow wookie i'm like this is i was like you know how i was thinking the money i spent i was thinking about you know the feathers the smoke i was like what a fucking bunch of fucking charlatans.

This is a bunch of bullshit. And I stayed like that until the bitter fucking end. And then it was 10 a.m. at 10 p.m. Tripped in, lasted till like 8 a.m. Puking my guts out, being miserable, horrible. Then spent the next whole day in a horrible hangover seething with resentment fucking fuming fuming fuming but then guess what finally fell asleep woke up felt the best i felt in 10 fucking years really yeah 10 fucking years the next day even better 15 fucking years oh my god so do you think

do you think maybe you did have some sort of do you think that you thought that the process would make you very aware of certain purging of of negativity or whatever do you think you would be more monitoring it i that because of it seems like you're you think you would be more monitoring it? I, that because of, it seems like you're disappointed that you didn't feel it happening as it happened or something. Definitely that. I mean, I, in the moment.

So like, for example, with this other, this other drug, um, that is called five MEO DMT mama, there's nothing to describe it. You are Joni Foster in the wormhole.

And I'm not joking. I'm literally not joking. It's actually, it's crazier than that. Your entire being explodes and reforms and folds it. I mean, there's a whole, it's insane. It's the six flags of psychedelics because it's a ride.

And it, most, many people, and there's nothing I could ever say to you to prepare you for what it'll feel like because there's just, it's just crazy. This, however, is much more explainable it was not enjoyable it was not a ride there was lots of things that happened but in the moment there's no real is there i had no realizations i had no transformations i had no uh awake nothing no awakenings it was just shitty but the but the the researchers say that what's happening is that there's some neurological changes that are cumulative over the time after for weeks and weeks after the treatment again i'll wait for the scientific papers to to you know what i mean i

would because i mean mama when people say to me that there's a drug that's going to rewire your brain, I say, are you an electrician? Well, and also like maybe these people and maybe it does rewire the brain for people who are I don't want to minimize anyone's experiences. But there's dabbling new addicts. There's like diet addicts. And then there's people like you. There's a whole range. It's a different thing yeah and so for example i heard about this treatment and got connected with this treatment because of a friend of mine who was when i tell you he makes my addiction look like a fucking

sandbox full of children this motherfucker he is which is what addiction looks like yeah it's a sandbox full of children there's's a little litter in there. There's a turd sometimes. And the children are cat shit. I mean, he was shoving needles into his every vein. He was having multiple, he was hotel rooms bouncing people up. A parade of anonymous fuck people.

I mean, it was burn down a house, burn down a house. So, and oh yeah, Mary, the list goes on. It's not even scratching the surface. It's not even scratching the surface. Burning down a house burn down a house so and oh yeah mary the list goes on it's not gonna be scratching the surface it's not gonna be scratching the surface burning down the house but he went down there desperate and he was like i i don't care if this this treatment kills me i am he was at the very very end well that's what i mean for people like you and him it's like well you're not gonna mess up my brain oh yeah that's the damage has been done mama i already shit the bed might as well sleep in it yeah i already put the

doll down the chute it's done yeah but so but anyways so here's the thing though what i'm taking away from it is that i'm keeping open but what i'm not what i'm looking at are the undeniable facts. A, the willingness to go down there says a ton. B, the fucking, the cleanse, the time away, the getting your shit just on the body level. Mary, that shit is beautiful for the body. Oh, are you kidding me? I felt brand new. Yeah. When I was vegan, I swear to God, I felt like I was 15 years old.

Yes. Yes. I looked stunning. The whites of my eyes, my skin, my attitude, my sleep, my energy level. Everything. Game changer. Yeah. Yeah.

I think vegan people are so... I've never met an unhappy vegan. No, but annoying ones, but not unhappy. Definitely annoying, but not unhappy. No. And so, yeah, the caffeine too. Once I was up for that second, third day hump, I was bolting out of bed. I was literally doing a triple axel out of the bed at 7 a.m. saying,

Hello, baby. Yeah. Well, because I don't think people realize their relationship with caffeine. No. My sister last night was like, that's just who I am. I sleep during the day and I stay up all night. It was like 11 p.m. and she was having a Red Bull. I said, girl.

What? Duh. That's crazy. That's crazy. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot, but the rewards don't stop there.

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Right. But so it's all about returning to life with all the shit in place to make sure that your day-to-day is taken care of, that you have day-to-day. I mean, I was propelled into the stratosphere in January, but came back down to Earth. Earth is the problem. I have a problem with earth on earth.

I act a fool in the stratosphere. Everything's great. Do you know what I mean? What happened in January? That's that was the five MEO, the, um, the, the crazy, crazy cat litter. Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah.

Yeah. So, so I, so for the listeners, I did a very, like the, the most potent psycho act to psychedelic drug just as the therapeutic thing. And it was insane, but, But it brings you right back down. No hangover, nothing. It's crazy. Would you say that there is any validity in, not me, but a naysayer who says doing drugs can't cure doing drugs?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because I do think that this type of therapy attached to a certain amount of full-time self-care, meetings, accountability, fitness, sleep. I do think this plugged into other stuff could definitely work. It's an amuse-bouche. But this alone could not work. It's an amuse-bouche. Yeah, it's not a it's not a diet it's a it's an hors d'oeuvre honestly or it's it's a it's a schedule change or it's it's literally saying okay we're gonna pick you up you're going you're in the left lane we're gonna pick you up put you in the right lane

now you have to walk bitch you know what i mean right nobody's gonna walk for you but you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna gravitate right towards that left lane if you don't change your shit you know what I mean? But there's a whole thing about – and it's a controversial thing, I know. But recovery is not controversial. Psychedelics and recovery, they're very rigorously self-aware and honest with each other about these therapeutic applications in the context of a recovery program. Do people in meetings talk about doing these type of experiences? No. Because in a regular meeting. It's an outside issue. And it's just,

we're talking about traditional 12 step, like narcotics, anonymous, alcoholics. It's a drug. It's a drug. Mind altering substances are not on the table, you know? And like you said, you can't, it's like, you know, so, and this is all very new therapeutic research is very new um well you know it's using drugs to permanently change people isn't new i mean i'm sure you know that molly was invented as a it was a therapy for people who are married who were kind of like not in love anymore yeah well i'll get this though what the guy i was just talking about he was down there because he was on antidepressants antipsychotics for 20 years oh my gosh and that's and he was just trying to get trying to like little by little incrementally just get off the pharma you know because he's just his whole chemistry his whole identity his whole life for 20 fucking years as pharmacy

have you been on antidepressants i've tried them and i you know they just i'm not a person people for some people who are depressed if they get the right vibe the right cocktail life-changing sure yeah um i have somebody in my family who had suppression and she was like when i i didn't want to take them and when i got on them she was like it was like whoa I could feel like this all the time yeah yeah I mean there's there's a lot depressed I'm not depressed when I'm when all things are when all of the the the bulbs and the whistles are pointed in the right direction I'm team too much I mean I'm like oh yeah yeah like right I mean girl I bolted I bolted out of bed at 7 a.m. Is that hello world? Hi, what you got for me today?

You do have kind of two settings, though. But you know what, though? Don't you think that's sort of a hallmark of a lot of addicts where they either burn extremely bright on both ends or they're like laying in the dark silently? Well, I mean, alcoholics, I kind of famously are achievers because if when you are achievers because it is a classic thing. You observe it if you go to program stuff in recovery. You take away the booze and the drugs from very alcoholic people. They just shoot to the moon because there's an enormous amount of like, it takes so much to continue to live while actively killing yourself. Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, that's true with booze because, especially with booze because there's this front end of you're losing hours and losing time because you're drunk or whatever.

And then when you're swinging back, waking up hungover, you lose a day because you can't do anything yeah yeah i mean let's be honest when you go out and do heavy drinking you can't take off that night you need to take off that night and the next day really that's even for a casual drinker i mean if you're gonna go out and get drunk with your friends have four cocktails let's say you can't just like wake up and go to pilates no can you not i'm the opposite a lot of the times if i'm hung over i wake up being like well too bad bitch oh but you're still an overachiever though we're still gonna do i was wait um i just ran what was i doing oh orville peck and i went out monday and had like four gin and tonics against my will.

It was my will. I was like 2.30 a.m. and I'm at home drinking a White Claw drunk playing video games. I don't have to work tomorrow, but I guess I'll go to sleep. And the next day I woke up and because I had the day off, I was like, no, no, no. We're not spending the day drunk. We're not spending the day hungover. We're getting up and doing things, bitch. I still went on my jog.

I did it all. drunk when i spent the day hungover we're getting up and doing things bitch i still went on my jog i did it all so for me it's like i'm almost at the point where like if i'm hungover i'm like we're compensating yeah we're not gonna be a flop just because we had fun last night you push through it if i would go to work sick why wouldn't i go to work hungover you know what i mean yeah there's no crying in baseball there's no crying in baseball why is a league of their own such a good movie well tom hanks i mean dinner davis tim hunks yeah madonna madonna great great madonna great and what if i go and oops my my bosoms fall out my bosoms well yeah you think there's anybody someone who hasn't seen your bosoms yeah out. My bosoms fall out. Yeah. You think there's anyone that hasn't seen your bosoms? Yeah. Lori Petty.

Which one's Lori Petty? Is she the kid? The younger sister. Kit. The young sister. DeLuca. Yeah. Oh, Geena Davis,

when she goes to catch that ball and falls into the split. Yeah. She invented drag. During the skirt. Yeah, she did. Geena Davis,

nobody knows this, Geena Davis originally hosted Drag Race. She did. But she, do you know about the League of Their Own? She was so outrageously non-athletic that they had so much trouble with getting her to seem like a top tier athlete. Really?

Yeah, because she's so tall. She was so gangly and uncoordinated, even though she's so intelligent, is like an incredible archer or whatever. But she was famously struggle, struggle, struggle bus for that role. There's this incredible scene in that movie. If nobody's seen A League of Her Owns is. A League of Her Owns is. There's this part where, what's her fucking name? Rosie O'Donnell, who's also in it.

Yeah. Whips a baseball at Geena Davis and she catches it with a bare hand out of the air. And it's so cunt. Dottie, I married a plastic surgeon. Have you ever seen the show My 600 Pound Life? No, I don't need to because that's what I'm currently living right now. I love that when you gain 10 pounds, you're like, well, here we are, obese again. Obesidad morbida.

The 600 Pound Life, there was a girl that was on it. And well, they're all very big and they all are at different times. Some of them want to lose weight. Some of them don't. Some of them make it to the surgery. Some of them don't. It's interesting. It's not the same as drug addiction, but food addiction.

I'm sure there's some through lines. Oh, Mary, I'm going to tell you something right now. I would take drug addiction any day over food addiction. You think? I know.

Because here's why. I don't have to walk into a Kroger and look at shelves of crystal meth. Yeah. But you do have to look at Benadryl,

which is in crystal meth. Isn't it? No, that's pseudofedrin. Pseudofed. Pseudofed. Pseudofedrin. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That'd be me trying to make meth, by the way. Benadryl, the active ingredient Benadryl.

Mixing up a few ingredients that I saw on Breaking Bad. Benadryl diet spray in a Zima. Yeah, just cook it up to a golden bubbly. But David was watching it and he goes this woman is 900 pounds and i responded to via text that is so cunty because the ultimate i'm not making fun like at at the ultimate okay it's cunty to be whatever really snatched and fit yeah but the commitment it takes to be 900 pounds or whatever. Yeah.

Is also, it makes me think what else could this person do? If this wasn't their thing, could they fucking build a thing about it? Could they cure cancer? Like it's hard to be that big. Mary body does not want to be that big. I'm telling you, I would, I would. So Wimberly, Jason Wimberly beat my ass today with a bat. Like, it's hard to be that big. Your body does not want to be that big.

I'm telling you, I would. So Wimberly, Jason Wimberly beat my ass today with a bat. He stuck a bat up my ass and started kicking me in the head at our workout today. So you're saying seeing a trainer is the same as a 900 pound woman? No, I'm saying I gained 10 fucking pounds. And the difference I felt doing pull-ups, I was like, these whores are carrying around 600 plus LBs. And they are, you know, the stress on the body organs. Like it is, they're having to deal with so much. It's crazy.

That's what I'm saying. Like, like doing the marathon, it's an exercise in like pushing your body's limits. Right. Yeah. Gaining that much weight is a similar, I think, it's a commitment. Well, I don't know if it's a commitment. I mean, I don't even know. I can't even imagine. My body experience is so not in that neighborhood. So if you watch that show, where do they kind of tell you where they come from? Like how does it start? Because that's where I'm getting a little confused.

Well, there's sort of a few things that are always in place. There's always – when you're that big, 600 pounds, you can't get up and cook and grocery shop yourself. There's always a husband or a wife or a mom. There's an enabler. I was going to say there's an enabling, right? Because at a certain point, there needs to be somebody cooking you 2,000 calorie meals and bringing them to your bed. So that's what I mean. It's an impossible physical feat to get that big.

And it makes you think, wow, the body is so amazing. This person, if this person put this energy into something else, just the human body. and put this energy into something else, just the human body. Some of these people, I'm like, I mean, I only watch the show, so I only know what I see on the show, but everybody has, you know,

some people, their mom died, or some people, it's usually trauma-based. Obviously, food is their escape. And food is hard because it's your entertainment. And even when you have a food addiction, you have to eat three times a day. That's what I'm saying. That's why I would trade. I would take drugs over food

because I don't ever... I'm talking to live a healthy, balanced, wonderful, joyous life, no drugs. But you have to eat. Food has to be part of the picture several times a day. It is so... Well, eating on drugs is horrible.

Unless it's like marijuana. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, eating on uppers is not a thing. I know that's because that's why I like uppers because I don't really like to eat that much. I mean, not relatable content. Most people love to eat. I know.

Well, I love to just, you know, be on speed. But I just I just think of these really fat people. I just think of these really fat people and I think of like, wow, if this person, if these people replaced the fat or the eating or whatever in their life with, I don't know, a healthy expression of some kind of like, these are super humans. They've just sort of placed the interest and the emphasis and the coping on the wrong thing. Yeah. Like some people do fitness as an, some people push fitness to the point of unhealthy coping. Of course.

Yeah. Another thing, I mean, my mom, a psychiatric nurse for over 30 years, you know the hardest group of people she ever worked with? The population of the hardest? Her kids. Her kids. Her kid. Her kid. Me. Her kid. Yeah. No, eating disorders. Eating disorders.

It was just... It's baffling. That particular mental illness is so insidious it's it's baffling that that particular mental illness is it is so insidious it's so baffling it's in the most most importantly it's so confusing to people who don't have it because it's so it's like it's just doesn't make any sense because you're looking at a skeleton you're looking at a skeleton i mean a skeleton on the brink of death or on the opposite end you're looking at someone who is paralyzed in their body by their own body yeah yeah you know yeah and you i mean the really the really really really skinny people too like i remember in college we had a girl in ballet class and she

she dropped out the semester but i remember three weeks in staying after on ballet class and going to the teacher and going it's not my business but at a certain point i feel bad still not saying anything has anybody said anything to that girl because there was a girl who just the bone was a skull her face was a skull yeah it was ghoulish and even a sanity and the teacher was like um respecting her um privacy i can't say much but it's been brought to a lot of the instructor's attention we are taking care of it because i remember just being like when a person like that enters the room and then we're all supposed to act like like you don't see it right yes yeah it's tough yeah it's just we're not supposed to act like we don't see it right yes yeah it's tough yeah it's just we're not supposed to act

like we don't see it that's the thing we're supposed to be like right i don't even know that girl's name and i didn't at the time but i'm like oh what's with that fucking girl but again because it's puzzling i mean yeah i have a hard time i love food i have a hard time skipping a meal i have to be so busy to like forget to eat lunch yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not trying to eat, Mary. So I first came to Edward Jones with a great deal of trepidation when I first met with my advisor, and I really was feeling vulnerable about what I would have to share. I was, of course, pleasantly surprised to find that there was absolutely no judgment and a lot of support.

And when it was time to get serious, he really took my hand and helped me to do that. Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. Ooh, are these wine glasses crystal? I didn't know HomeSense had such nice glassware. Hon, wouldn't these be perfect for guests?

Did you say crystal? Who do you think is coming over? Well, they're only $20. $20? For a whole set? Forget the guests. Our anniversary is coming up. We can use these.

Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you.

Small steps today means big wins tomorrow. With Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. So just to keep it light, I have to say, and on the topic of the bald and the beautiful, I have to, in the body, Mary, I got to say, I shaved my asshole and it may not be beautiful,

but it's bald and it feels. What a reset. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Has it started growing back yet? Because that's also a reset. Not for me, mama. Not for me. Okay. Because when it starts growing back, that's also a reset not for me mama not for me okay because when it starts growing back that's a reset it can be it can be it can be very challenging but at a certain point you kind of get used to it but i'm going to tell you i have never after shaving my asshole not felt several degrees of incredibly better no matter what i'm going through what's happening what if i just left the zoom right now click i'm telling you when i fucking weed whacked that nasty hole i'll get out of the shower can i ask what's your process what's your process

are you what are you doing are you bent over the you're gonna laugh when you hear how i do it squat baby i'm in a deep squat, baby. I'm in a deep squat. Deep squat, yeah. I'm shitting over a hole. You know what I do? This is horrible. Put a leg up? Put the toilet seat up. Wait, wait, wait.

You don't do it in the shower? You don't do it in the tub? What? No, I put the toilet seat up. I squat over the toilet with my toes curled around the ceramic bowl. Like a gargoyle. Yes, like a gargoyle. On Notre Dame.

Yes. And then the hair falls in the toilet. From what action? And then I flush it. And as the hair goes away, I sing, I don't want to wait. For my night to be over. But let me ask you, are you using a clipper? Are you using a clipper?

Yeah, I use like a... Okay, gotcha. And then in the shower, like if I'm shaving for a clipper? Yeah, I use like a... Okay, gotcha. And then in the shower, like if I'm shaving for like a photo shoot, then I shave with a... Excuse me? What kind of photo shoot are you fucking shaving? Remember when I was naked a couple months ago and I called you? Yeah, but who's... Are you spreading your cheeks open and showing your fucking gait?

Fina painted my asshole. Oh my God. You are just... Fina painted my asshole. Let's talk about trauma. Let's talk about trauma. Let's talk about trauma. Let's talk about inflicting trauma on other people. But you know what though?

If you're going to shave all the parts that the camera's going to see, you also need to shave all the parts so that you can feel it. Thank you. That's exactly- I was just going to- You took the words right out of my mouth. That's for you. And you feel like the only-

You feel like you have a pussy? You are LA's tightest pussy three years in a row. Because I was tucked too. Me tucked naked with pumps on. I felt like fucking Amanda Lepore. Yeah. I looked like Amanda Lepore. P O R.

You look up, you've got three plaques on the wall that says Los Angeles tightest cunt. 1997. I wanted to be Amanda Lepore, but I was a man who is poor a man who is poor oh my god wait wait wait let's take a break let's take a break

the time for a break is long gone but speaking of assholes your dad called me speaking of assholes for the marathon I have to wear a body glide in my butt crack because when I'm running 20 miles, if I don't wear that, I get bloody red parentheses around my asshole from where the skin was rubbing. You are Chafin Buttigieg.

Chafin Buttigieg. What is... That is so good. I got Chafin on my peat oh my god what yeah what the fuck what the fuck it's crazy well this is really illuminating i couldn't wait to hear about your uh your yeah all in all great experience and i do want to say, listen, I, you know, just in the terms of like, I don't like to be all, I'll just skip that part. Nevermind. Well, no, no, no.

Let's make it clear. We're not glamorizing drug use. We're not glamorizing. Yeah. 600 pound life. Right. And also I'm not trying to let, I'm not trying to like, I've learned over the course of being this kind of famous, famous you know this gay famous gig for the last five years or something i've learned that it's not necessarily like i i need to kind of retain a little bit of privacy when it comes to this kind of stuff because i

don't a i don't want people in my business a b i don't want people worrying about me c i don't want people thinking like projecting anything on me and c and d i'm not trying to be no fucking hero for any recovery are you suggesting that our fans don't have a sense of boundaries with us i'm sure i don't know what you mean i'm sure when i receive letters to my house yeah yeah they're saying that letter did i say that yeah i'm just like i'm just not the type of person like they're in in listen it's a new age so with the social media, I've noticed people will post their sobriety milestones on social media. I am not that person. I mean, that's not – and it's not because I'm ashamed or it's because I'm whatever.

It's just it's none of really people's business. But I thought this was an interesting experience. No, there's some things I like to – it's okay to – as a performer, I will tell you the texture of the skin around my ass. Yes. But I won't tell you how I felt when someone died. Right. There's some things I don't want to talk about. Yeah.

Boundaries. I'm never going to let my stuff go. I don't like to talk about death, sickness, my own health. I don't like to talk about national tragedy. Yeah. Like political affairs. There's certain things that to me are private that I feel uncomfortable sharing with people yeah and it's okay to it's okay to be to be that way yeah like I don't want to like tell anybody's business but there's something drag race is doing for chichi and

they said do you want to say something people are making videos and I said I in theory would love to but I'm just pretty private about like loss and grief and when people die and i don't want to talk about that yeah absolutely i mean and yeah and it's like in the the ways that and i also my boundaries don't need to make sense to people right like duh they don't need to make sense they don't need to be consistent and they don't need to make any sense because they're my boundaries there's something i don't like to talk about. My boyfriend and I, it's probably one of some of the only times I've gotten mad at him. I, as a vegetarian, I don't like when people talk about my diet, my vegetarianism, a time they saw me cheat on my vegetarianism, et cetera. I'm so tired of people being like, well, how vegetarian are you? I don't want to talk about my diet.

Yeah. It's none of your fucking business. I really don't. So why are you a vegetarian? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm not saying that boundary makes sense. It doesn't have to. That's one of the things I learned recently. It doesn't have to. It's like I can talk about these experiences or I can talk about my experience in recovery, but I'm not going to tell you my sobriety date or I'm not going to tell you that I'm sober or not. It's none of your fucking business. Whereas some people, you know why? Because some, I will say a lot of people when they get sober,

it becomes something you hear about a lot. Yes. It can get a read. No, but it can get evangelical. It can get evangelical or the support system they gain by being public really helps them but not everybody wants that but in not everyone and that's that's the main thing i've learned is that accountability from a pub from strangers is not for me real accountability and support i think it's insulting i think it's insulting it can be for me it can be patronizing um it can be a little bit yes yeah but but that's it's like when you it's like when you went crazy a couple years ago and all any interviewer ever

asked about was you and i was like you're not asking because you care shut up no give me a break it gets a little it gets a little slimy and even and it's tough because you'll have me on the other hand who's crazy with no boundaries. So it creates this like, well, she's insane. We can ask her anything. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? It's all very murky.

Do you remember when we met Chuck and you found out her sister was Lana and you basically jumped down her throat like a Japanese horror film? Yeah. I grudged my way into her esophagus. Yeah. Yeah. I sure did. That was the craziest moment. It was weird.

But also being photographed by Chuck Grant. Chuck Grant. Yeah. Yeah. Stunning, by the way. Beautiful young woman. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful.

And I remember how it played out because I was friendly with her. She was like nice, chill girl. And then she was, she said, oh, you know, she volunteered. She opened the door. I'm going to say she opened the door. Well, we said, where do you live? And she said, oh, I live up on Mulholland. And we go, oh, wow. Mulholland. Wow. That's crazy. You must be rich. Ha ha. And she goes, well, I'm not rich. And I think she said, like, my sister does okay or whatever. My sister's a performer, she said. Yeah. My sister's a performer. And then we said,

who is it? Who's your sister? She said Lana fucking Del Rey. And you were putting makeup on and she said, Lana Del Rey and I'll never forget your head doing

about six rotations. Yes. You looked like one of those owls looking backwards with big eyes. Yes. You looked like you looked like Codyls looking backwards with big eyes. Yes. You looked like Cody Choi. Cody Choi.

Yes. And I never looked away, though. I was like, boop. Well, I don't think she realized you were, at the time especially, truly a devoted fan. Stan. Yeah. And so she accidentally opened that door. She opened the door.

And I'm going to admit, she gave me her phone number. And I unfortunately sent her some texts. No. Yeah. When I was at home, when I was really twisting in the wind, I reached out. No one opens the door for a native New Yorker. No one. What did you say were you were you turntine Aguilera I was turntine Aguilerta in in in Moulin Rouge I was like very it was very um in in some people you know thankfully it was I think that people kind of

got the gist and they're like oh this man was a little she's having a moment and then we're just gonna we're gonna disengage with with compassion and I think that's kind of got the gist and they're like, oh, this moment's a little... She's having a moment and we're going to disengage with compassion. And I think that's what most people did. Thank God. Because I never got... First of all, I love that term, she's having a moment. Because in Hollywood, it means two things. Like Billie Eilish last year was having a moment. Okay.

In a good way. But also, Rose McGowan was having a moment sure and it has two different meanings oh yeah yeah but it's the same yeah six words or whatever four words it's how is she she's having a moment yeah oh she's having a moment or she's having a moment it's like so funny that'll be my next special she's having a moment where it's kind of like fierce it's like oh she is fierce and it's like oh she's fierce yeah oh is this oh that yeah or like it can either mean a glow up like she got fierce or well she got fierce like how was the show it was fierce girl or like oh it was it was fierce it was It was fierce, girl. Or like, oh, it was fierce.

It was a swift and steady decline. Totally. Or it was up and like, you know. Totally. I was just watching The Housewives and Erika Jayne was talking about how easy it is for gay people to talk to each other because she's like, I'll be talking to one of my queens and I'll be like, bitch. And he'll be like, girl. And I'll be like, okay. And then we just like, girl. And I'll be like, okay.

And then we just meet at brunch. That's it. That's true. It really is like, and if you want it more, it's like the masterclass version of that is like, bitch, girl, mama. Ooh, okay. Seriously. And that's all the words. And by the end of it, you've choreographed a number.

Bitch. And by the way, in the meantime, you have fought and made up. And then it's too much. I gotta go wash these fucking things off. Okay. Well, why don't we let you go? Hey. Hi. I'm glad you're still with us.

What about this? Oh, wait, wait, wait. I just heard. Oh, God. Okay. Shit, girl. I'm going to push unrecord. Bye.