The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Sonic Boom Personified with Drew Afualo and Trixie

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

In the grand pantheon of lusciously loud cackles, there exists two gorgeous human specimens for whom the rules of physics do not even remotely apply. These two auditory angels, known colloquially as Drew Afualo and Trixie Mattel, fly right up to the sonic barrier, spit in its face, and emit laughs at such an octave that only the gods atop Mount Olympus can hear without permanent hearing loss. So close your windows, crank your speakers up to 11, and prepare yourselves for a blisteringly beautiful barrage of chuckles, chortles, and guffaws the likes of which mere mortals have never experienced. To order Drew's new book, Loud, head to: https://drew-afualo.com With Chime’s secure credit card, you can improve your credit scores all summer long! Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Climb back on that porcelain throne, and make us proud! Feel the difference, daily, with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Need a website? Head to SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Whether you’re looking for friends, fun or finding the one, download the best dating app for gay men, Archer, today! For more info, head to: https://www.ArcherApp.com Follow Drew on TikTok & Insta: @DrewAfualo Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I have no straight friends. Do you think that that's like the final evolution of your feminism? Yeah. Is that you just ditch men altogether and you just start begrudgingly eating pussy? I just choose. Yeah. Well, it is a choice. It sure is. Believe me, if it was,

I would select the other box and get the fuck out of here. I would not be here. I'd be selling used cars. What do straight guys do for a job? What do they love? Consultant? Analyst?

DJ? Oh, no. A DJ. Oh, God. Yeah, who would do that? That's a really specific sect of straight man a straight man dj everything i say doesn't apply to gays or drag queens i was gonna say i thought you were coming for me because sometimes when i watch your content i'm like yeah fuck him fuck that white

bald man and then it's like hello darkness i'm like fuck that rich white the game of thrones song plays after totally make peace with it have you ever watched game Hello, darkness. I'm like, fuck that rich white. The Game of Thrones song plays after. Totally. Make peace with it. Have you ever watched Game of Thrones? Of course I have. Okay.

I've never seen it. Really? Yeah. And I have a three month sabbatical and I think that's going to be my project. Yeah. Get into it. Cause I think I'm going to get on the couch. Watch that and then watch House of Dragon after. House of Dragoon.

Dragoon. House of Drag Race. House of nikita dragon i think i'm gonna put on the game of thrones well i gotta get it's on hbo yes i literally have a show on max and don't have it you're welcome yeah i like i called it hbo too and you also have a show on max hilarious look at me doing your job for you what a bad virgo i'm gonna watch game of thrones i'm gonna put my legs up in stirrups like I'm at the gynecologist and I'm just going to let it happen. But I heard it's a lot of, it's sad, right? It's very sad. Yeah. But it's also really cool. Incest? Yeah. So you think incest is cool?

Well, it's in the book. I mean, it's besides the point. I don't want to talk about my hobbies outside of work. I know that these listeners from your voice from your laugh it's just it's comforting to have someone else with also a difficult laugh in the studio today because between you and i think we could break the sound barrier oh my god i know the way when i go on podcasts they're like can we move the mic just like a little bit down a little bit away because of the way i laugh i'm just blowing out eardrums everywhere i go oh people are probably stuck in traffic right now and their car radio and their 92 accord is vibrating because you're like when i filmed that episode with caleb and

britney uh some people were like the laughing was so loud i had to turn it down because me and britney together is loud enough you me and britney would be crazy too much yeah and caleb laughs like that guy from that band i forget the name of it. What was it? The Gorillaz, yeah. He cracks me up. He's so funny. It's really upsetting. That bitch is so funny.

I know. Fuck him. You guys, we got Drew Afualo in the studio today. Yeah. I had the fortune of doing your very successful podcast just maybe, what, eight months ago maybe? A year ago? A year. That was.

It was like season one. You were just starting. Yeah. Just started season two, actually. So that was actually two years ago. Wow. I know. Time is such a construct.

That's so fierce. Well, I felt so exposed because I was talking to Brittany and she was like, you know, Drew said that she tries to hang out with you and you don't do that. And I was like, that doesn't make sense. And I look at text and I'd be like, I think my text. And also can I, can I amend that really quick? I wasn't trying to hang. You just told me to text you and I did. You're like, I wasn't trying to hang out. Hold on. I'm not that much of a loser. Okay. I wasn't double texting someone. Hey, do you want to hang and getting no response? I wished her a happy

birthday and she didn't respond. And I was like, message received. No, the text was Trixie. Can I get a ride to the airport? That's how I remember it. message received. No, the text was Trixie. Can I get a ride to the airport? That's how I remember it. Can you help me move on Saturday? Oh, I tell you, I'm hosting a painting party. Do you remember those? Oh, that's right. What kind of painting? Do you paint? No, I don't either. No. And when people ask me, they're like, oh, help me move and I'll buy pizza. I'm good. Baby, honey. A moving party? Baby. College.

Hey, I'm just going to like buy some pizza and beer and move. Oh, okay. Well, have fun with that. I'm doing anything else the day that you. Don't say Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday. I'm about to move out of your life. Dream girls, move right up.

I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I would love for you to call Los Angeles movers and have them show up and go at the, when they put you that invoice for $12,000 to move four items across the street, you can go, well, I have some little seasons in the fridge and they go, perfect. We'll just call it square. Oh God. Thank God.

Cause you know what? Moving things at like up seven flights of stairs and sweating in the summer. I would love to be paid in pizza. That'd be my favorite. That's my ideal situation. Well, it's LA. So it'd be gluten-free dairy for pizza.

So it'd be disgusting. So it'd be nasty. And it would be $48 for one slice. Cause it's obviously from air one. Totally. Do you eat cheese? Uh, I do,

but cheese doesn't like me. Oh, I'm lactose intolerant. I know, but it is a dice that I do roll. That's the thing. Every time. My lactose friends, they're like, Oh, this is, i couldn't eat that it would make me so sick give me some though and i'm like only like two bites they're like you have two bath you've went upstairs yeah i'll have some yeah

i just want to make sure i can shit out there like i need to shit somewhere else that's so many speaking of brinney when she and i went to uh what was it coachella year. And we got a house for all of us and our friends. We were, I was sending her, I'm like, do you like this one? Do you like this one? We're texting and she goes, wait, wait, wait, that one, there's only two baths. And there was like nine of us. And she goes, nah, dude, we need more bathrooms.

And I was like, yeah, you need your own. And I need my own at minimum too. And each has to be designated for the two of us. Absolutely. We just be blowing it up in there and an outhouse for when you guys really have like a cheese pizza. You know what I mean? Like a hole in the wall down the street. Like there needs to be levels. Like at my house, we have the guest bathroom on the first floor, which is like, if you want to pee modestly,

you go in here, a polite little tinkle. You're close enough that we could yell at you from the kitchen and you'd still be peeing like, yeah, girl. Although I do hate when people sometimes come over and they're like, can I use your bathroom? And they pee with the door open. Why would they do that? People. Who does that? People do it. Yes, they do.

I was going to say, who's doing that? I have had friends, male and female. Yeah. Bofa. Bofa. Who they'll say, and I'll be like, God, they're in the bathroom. And I just feel like I can hear them clear as day. And I turn the corner and that bitch is wiping.

And I'm like, hey, what the fuck? You know, I had a guy come to my house once that was fixing my dishwasher. And so me and my boyfriend, my boyfriend let him in. He comes in and he's like an older gentleman. He's probably like in his 50s. Your boyfriend? Well, I mean, time is a construct again come on ages but a number but he comes in and he's like kind of like yeah you know i'll let me take a look at whatever as he's

like working my boyfriend i go outside for a little bit like we go we go into the backyard with our dog and then he comes out he goes do you mind if i use the restroom and we were like yeah yeah there's a there's a guest bathroom at the very front and he's like okay cool and then he goes does that whatever comes back, he works forever. And then he finds out we're Polynesian. So that's like a real, like, it really hones in a prey drive on an old racist white guy. Cause like, he's like, I've been to Hawaii. I'm not Hawaiian. I've been to Hawaii. I can easily, I can ease, I can talk to you about Hawaiian football for hours. So he does, he harasses my boyfriend for like 40 minutes. then he leaves the next day i had work and my mom and sister

come to my house my mom goes i'm gonna use the restroom she goes to the bathroom she goes hey there's like shit in your toilet and i was like which toilet because i don't live with neanderthals so what the fuck you mean there's poop in the toilet so i go and look there's a huge huge skiddy in my guest bath is skiddy poop yeah a skid mark skiddy and it's black as tar and then i go neither of us have used that restroom but you know who did that man who came to my house you're a plumber or like whatever the fuck you call it someone who works with pipes i don't know what you call those things but because i'm not a straight man but you go and you're like wait i gotta take a shit i'll just wait till i get to the client's house so sickening yeah i couldn't

i've there's like a stater brothers down the street like you couldn't have gone there to take your fucking shit starbucks or something right yeah like i don't know i i just like the thought of him only working for 10 minutes and then being like i have to have diarrhea right now and going and doing it in my toilet and then being like anyways yeah i've been to hawaii was it a white guy yeah and he's bald yeah knew it i fucking knew it it was balding it was well it was you more hair than i did damn you're like there's a difference bitch you don't look like a god damn easter egg i think balding's worse than being bald 100 it's denial yeah my boyfriend said he's like as if it's thins even a little shaving the whole thing power bald like professor x and then growing the beard out 100 because i'm balance it

that way i i i gave oral sex to a man with a super long beard once and how's that you know when you're i don't want to this is like so not me to be like explicit sexually but you know when you're i don't want to this is like so not me to be like explicit sexually but you know when you're um sucking up here's your mom's here oh my god sucking dicking cock and balls some people when they're providing oral sex to a man and there's a hair in your mouth you're like that's a pube it was a beard hair that's how you know that beard is long yeah like it's reaching all the way down there i felt like one of those recalled dolls that eats the girl's hair do you know about this? There was a doll in the 90s that you like fed and it would eat food and then poop it out.

But it had a mechanism to actually eat the food and it would get caught in girl's long hair. So imagine you had a Cabbage Patch doll that was eating your goddamn hair and you're screaming. That's horrifying. So you're not from Hawaii. No. But you went to the University of Hawaii. Yes, I did. Where you got two degrees.

I sure did, girl. And you obtained also some special certifications in um what were your two degrees journalism and communications that makes so much sense because you sure do deliver information bitch yeah i'd be telling the news girl you know what's funny is i was recently looking at old tiktoks because someone was going and liking like my oldest tiktoks like four years four years ago four score and seven years ago and it's crazy because when I click on them horrified immediately, not because of what I'm saying, but because the way I'm talking, the way I was taught in journalism is like, I have to raise my voice like two or three octaves because my professor was a bitch,

but she also told me that my voice was so deep that it would be unappealing on camera so in some of my earlier videos i'm talking in such a high octave like i'm a soprano yeah and it just doesn't it doesn't sound anything like me at all because it's just so high and i i'm so horrified that i just immediately delete them or private them i love a thick voice on a woman me too um what's her name from um that 70s show Oh yeah The girl plays Donna Yeah Laura Prepon I think is her name Love her deep voice Yeah I love a deep voice on a girl And my register sits a little low

So Period One of my good friends Went to journalism school And they They listened to him talk In a heavy southern accent And they were kind of like

Here's the states You should apply for work in Because ain't nobody Want to hear this shit over here For real My professor told me That I should focus on being pretty because that was going to take me a lot further than trying to be a good journalist and i was like okay um you're like so you think i'm pretty you're like what kind of journalism do i just wear nice makeup and don't talk just yeah

and just let that lower thing go yeah i just serve just serve. And one of those blue screens behind you. Did you ever want to do the weather? Is that so separate? No, that's different. You have to be a meteorologist to be a weather person, but can't you just get that certification online? Like ordained like a minister?

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I got one of those. You should get ordained. I should, but then I'll, then I got another job.

They're going to try to make me do. Who's they? My team. Oh, capitalism. The patriarchy. Sleepy going to try to make me do. Who's they? My team. The man. Capitalism. Joe Biden. The patriarchy. Sleepy Joe is going to make me go marry someone.

I just already know. I would love to see you doing the weather. I think that you would give it to people because this is the problem with the weather is they're liars. Yeah. They're liars. They're like, girl, put on your tank top because today is the day to let your hard nipples get some sun. You better believe you're going to walk outside and get hit by lightning. They are goddamn liars.

It's a conspiracy. They're all under the boot. Because you're a news educated person, I'm assuming at some point in your life you thought you might be on camera giving information to the world. Yeah. Do you watch news and stuff and are you Miss Simon Cowell? Are you just like, mama, give it up? Like, do you kind of like, no, no, I think I feel like now that I do this for a living, I think now I feel that way about hosting. Like if I watch TV and host, cause it's like a completely different like sect of hosting that they choose from. Like I've hosted many times. So I feel like that's where I become Simon Cowell when I watch people on TV host.

Yeah. And I'm like, I wouldn't do it thatell when I watch people on TV host. Yeah. Um, and I'm like, I wouldn't do it that way. Me just being judgmental. I've only been doing it for a couple of years, but things happen for you. I mean, you went from sitting on what I presume is your toilet. Yeah.

Um, to like being on the red carpet for, um, like, or like for the fucking Oscars. Yeah. So you must've had to like, all right,

we're just doing this, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Like as soon as it's, it really kicked off. I mean, I think hosting the show helped a lot as far as putting me in that light of like, I can host. So like hosting my show, the comment section, I do one with my sister, two idiot girls. And then like just all my videos in general. But for the Oscars, I actually,

the girl who pitched me and I got picked like the CEO of the Oscars has to approve every correspondent for the Oscars. So she told me that he was really interested in me because he liked my show. He liked how I talked to people on the show, but he wanted to see me in a live setting. So then she showed him my Black Adam hosting when I did the premiere for Black Adam in New York. And then he was like, okay, perfect. Tired. Wonderful. I was like, period. Wonderful. I was like, period. What does possible sound like for your business?

It's having the spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. You know, I'm such a fan of yours as like a follower of your work, but I took the deep dive of actually preparing for an interview because I really care about your book. Tell the kids about your book. Thank you. Yeah. My book loud. I'm very excited about her. Um, it's loud except nothing less than the life you deserve. That's the subtitle. My scene was like, make sure you say the subtitle too. Cause I'm just going,

yeah, loud. Anyways. Uh, and the viewer's like, bitch bitch we know you're loud yeah they're like are you just talking about yourself oh nice it's also ironic that this is the first piece of media you're making where they don't have to hear your voice and you're like i'm still loud yeah you're silently reading a written word and you're gonna feel like i'm yelling as you fucking should um it's really exciting though i'm very excited for it i think people are gonna love i'm excited for it too because i saw that you broke it up into some different sections yeah so it's it's like it's more so it goes in waves it almost like starts from like when i was younger and then builds to where i am now and so that was kind of like the flow that we understood but it was it's it's kind of in pieces it's very anecdotal

talks a pull for a lot from my life experiences and a lot of funny stories in there being me being fucking mean to men since i was young so yeah it tracks look at me do you like can you can we talk about um girls girl yeah i love the phrase girls girl you're a girl's girl i am a girl's girl but it's never but it's always used by it's always used as you know what you're not a girl's girl it's always used in a denigrating sense it's never used in a positive sense totally what are the hallmarks of like not a girl's girl uh i think just being a pick me which is like that's what they call them the pick me girl pick me girls and it's like that's literally from meredith gray's monologue and gray's anatomy when she's talking to like mcdreamy mcsteamy one of the fucking ones derrick shepherd mcflurry yeah exactly it was mcrib obviously dr mcrib imagine that would be my name if i was working at a fucking hospital

we were just saying you're not gay no in that you have a loving relationship with peely yes who i thought was named Phil. Yeah. But that's my manager. Different guy. It's called whitewashing. Yeah. It's erasure. Yeah.

That character, if he was written into a show, they'd be like, we're going to go with Phil. Exactly. Can I just say Phil? Is that easier? Yeah. Let's just do that. And then Drew, they'd be like, it's too confusing. It's genderless.

She's going to be Sally. You know? Yeah. Yeah, actually. And she's not going to be loud. She's going to be very demure yeah she's gonna be so humble but more importantly skinny skinny and um beautiful gay people yeah well yeah obviously yeah all my friends are gay like all of them are i'm i'm a token straight friend for most of my friends it's so funny you know

what's funny is when i'm hanging out with you i don't feel like i'm hanging out with a straight person which i take pleasure in my friend hina who's a non-binary lesbian they said that i'm gay adjacent completely yeah i run parallel to y'all well you know like when they have like a when it's a split let's like it's a taco bell and a kfc together that's you yeah exactly it's authentically heterosexual but but I don't want to say the F slur, but you know what I mean. You can, it's your pod. I would take you to a gay person, but I feel weird unleashing it on a straight person. Hey, faggot.

It's all right. I take it. I take it. It feels wrong. I accept it lovingly. And just want everybody to know that I said it and she didn't. Yes, please. Okay.

Please no. I guess you are so queer coded that people must, even though you are very femme presenting, people must still earnestly ask pronouns and all that of you. Oh yeah. Yeah. They, especially like my sexuality too. Like they asked me that a lot, even when they meet me in person. Cause I'm, I'm like actually a big bitch.

I've told people like, I'm tall girl. I'm a, I'm a big bitch. And they don't believe me until they meet me in person. And this is like, I'm I'm like actually a big bitch I tell people like I'm tall girl I'm a big bitch and they don't believe me until they meet me in person and this is like I'm not kidding a knee-jerk reaction from most fans when they meet me they're like oh my gosh you're like huge which feels like a read a little bit which I'm like you could have picked any adjective but you picked huge love that oh yeah appreciate it when I'm in drag and I think I'm four, two. Yeah. I think I'm Nicole Richie's right. And they walk up and they go, God,

you're big. I go, thank you. Yeah. What do you say? The cameras over there, bitch. Let's take a picture.

Everyone in Hollywood is this big. A figurine. Like truly a porcelain doll. A poopay. Really? And I'm literally yawming in every fucking room. They come in, they're like, Whoa. They're like like it's like i ripped the roof off and they're like no please that's how i am in every room in hollywood you well you're a tall gal too which obviously being a tall guy no one cares

being a tall gal it's the first thing they're gonna say they're like oh oh like even when you see men standing next to me like on the carpets that I've worked Like I talked to John Cena I met John Cena for the first time Like he and I are eye level Love John Cena I love him He's great He's so wonderful

And so funny He and I have been in two commercials together Really? Different commercials And we both shot separately both times Damn And that's how close But I love

John Cena Love Your passing ships Starcross lovers Totally Yeah You know who you also I know that you're friends with Yeah Dwayne the Rock Johnson close but i love john cena love your passing ships i know starcross lovers totally yeah you know who you also i know that you're friends with yeah duane the rock johnson oh yeah who i also love my my brother in christ love yeah i love him he's and he also standing next to me doesn't look that but he's obviously taller than me but he next to me they're like i literally got a comment when

i hosted that black adam live they're like i know you've told that you're, you're tall and you're a big person, but like, I really didn't conceptualize it until I saw you standing next to the rock. And we were like around the same height. Like he looks normal size standing next to me. I was like, well, first of all,

everybody's this big. So like, that's not. Yeah. Also, I am a big bitch. Yeah, I am.

Okay. He looks normal. He's Dwayne, the pebble Johnson, not a full rock. Yeah, exactly. It's just a little tiny little tiny

i'm the fucking rock every in every room no one no one will hit you with the truth bomb like a fan just blurting out what they think although my mom hit me with a rough one the other day did she yes that bitch i said to her i said to her and i don't care what she thinks because she doesn't watch me anyway because she does not think i'm funny so which no one does your mom and i have that in common but you're giving mother yeah it's giving mother it's giving mother alexa play mother by megan trainer oh my god aren't you in that video i'm in uh you're major look yeah made you look so cool that's me me not even remembering i'm in jojo yeah actually that's how she and I met hanging out with more gay people. Talk about more star cross lovers. Totally.

Jojo. She probably met you and you made her gay. That's how gay you are. Can you imagine? Yeah, I was her gay awakening. We're just in her twenties. We're joking.

But if Dwayne ever comes out as gay, I'm going to be like, and who is he hanging out with? It's me. Yeah. What? I'm like my like King Midas. But when I touch you,

you turn gay. Totally. And the irony is I'm never, my like King Midas, but when I touch you, you turn gay. Totally. And the irony is I'm never gay. He's going to be Dwayne, the like quartz crystal Johnson, Dwayne, the crystal Johnson. My mom said,

I said, mom, you know, I said, if I ever want to get married, I said, are you okay? If I don't have a big wedding,

you know, I mean, I said, you know, I'm a gay man. You didn't picture me in a white wedding dress anyway. Ha ha. And she goes,

yeah. And it's not like you're young oh oh i said and what age were you bitch when you got married oh you were 35 and i'm 34 thanks a lot ho yeah get off the floor bitch let's take a break i gotta get out of here it's too much there's the door bitch there's a fucking doorbell okay do you like to spar with your family you're so close with them yeah absolutely oh my god my my all my family members like literally keep me so violently humble it's crazy like my brother just graduated from high school last year wow when he was in high school like literally last year um again i've never been doing better in my career just going up right right and so my

brother goes oh yeah girl in my class today she told me um she was telling me about tiktok or something and i was like oh my sister has a tiktok i think she has like a following on tiktok and she goes really what's your sister's name like what's the username and he goes i don't know and i go it's my first and last name you know the last name we share and then he was like well how was i supposed to know that love i god i don't fucking you got me there i don't fucking know let me hit you with this one three weeks ago my aunt gooch love right my answer is that a name a government name or is it a loving it's not quite on the birth certificate if that's what you're asking okay but she is in she is a um uh jet black mullet plumber lesbian gotcha well you know plumbers the things you

don't know about because they were for straight men yeah well naturally we lean towards gooch right okay and she listen if you ever have something wrong with your toilets or sinks that bitch is in there i'm calling up gooch hundred percent austin plumbing milwaukee wisconsin like i might as well give her a business plug i always talk about her if you live in the wisconsin area she can do anything plumbing heating water like all of it response to gooch response to gooch call her up hey got a toilet on the fritz you know make it happen but she said to me the other day i said you know she's been tired drag's been a lot and she said you what? You need to get your own TV show. And I said, oh, like the one that's on.

You know, it's funny. I actually, boy, do I have news for you? The best part is she was on it. She was on it. Did she think you guys were just hanging? Like all drag is valid, but apparently not at the family level, but not on max. Please stream Trixie Mattel on max.

I'm like, you filmed an episode with me. We helped me find the water main in my house, but I should get my own TV show. Do you mean like young in the red? Like what are you talking about? She's like, why don't you put some, your fucking back into it and get a fucking show. Do you like acting? I love acting because i was i saw bethany frankel was on a lifetime movie okay and it was this movie where

she was talking to a young girl and she was like you know a lot of those um films sometimes that's how people get into acting have you ever really wanted to just pivot and do scripted acting yeah totally i'm super down to do that i i've've done a couple auditions. Um, haven't heard back. They said too tall. Yeah. They said blocked. Um, I remember one of them that the first one I ever did was voice acting and they asked me, well, they reached out and it was very exciting. And I was like, Oh my gosh, yeah. Like I would love to do it. And they were like, okay, um, can she sing? And I was like, no, uh, respectfully. And my team asked me, can you sing sing and i was like no uh respectfully and my team asked me can you sing and i was like no i can't i mean i'm not tone deaf but i can't sing so you should make a voice

note and be like what do you think you tell me and then i send them a voice note drop it and it's it's just the exact christina aguilera voice within track you know like that's me and they're like it's not i just record it and then i go i send them a spotify track and it's not even me i'm like just imagine you know what's funny it's elena my heart will go on it's like i want to dance with somebody by whitney houston it's you know what's what he said this is like me sidetracking again i was having someone someone was designing tour art for us once recently and it was like a few months ago and i had this idea i wanted it to look like an old jaws poster and like i was like okay i want us to be water skiing in the front and my sister

and i were talking about what we wanted it to look like and i was like yeah just like put us and they were like okay can you send us pictures of you in a bikini and i was like no first of all perv second of all no and i and i literally made this joke i'm like just tell him to look up a picture of sydney sweeney that's about like we look honestly, when I'm on the beach, they're like, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. Oh. And I'm like, guys, please. Right. Speaking of, you know, what's my favorite Sydney Sweeney thing that's ever happened. Tell me when she got, she like posted pictures of her mom's birthday or something. She was like back home with her mom and her mom and her dad and like her brother or something. They were all wearing MAGA hats in the pictures and she's just

like standing there. And then people were like, what the fuck? Like all these people are like, Hey, what the fuck is this? Like, like sending it to her on Twitter and shit. And she responded and she goes, guys, it's my mom's birthday. And that was it. And she's so real for that. I was like, damn what I would give to be able to be like, guys, it's my mom's birthday. Whenever I do something fucked up, guys. That's so wild. It's my mom's birthday. And everybody forgot, but I didn't.

So I feel like it's my job to remind everyone. It's a bold move. I think it's hilarious. You know, go into FaceTune. You can't control what your family members do. That's what I'll say. Exactly. Exactly.

And I don't always believe in. And it's not indicative of her. Yes. Yeah. It's not indicative of her by any means, but that's the funniest response. Guys, it's my mom's birthday.

Here's her address. Here's her cash app. If you don't like her hat, buy her a new one. Guys, it's my mom's birthday. Let's all remember. It's my mom's birthday. Let's all remember it's my mom's birthday. That makes me think of that vine of that guy with the smoke.

And he goes, Adam, I don't know why. Or the one where they share, like the guy, the lady's like filming deer. And then the guy sneezes and she goes, nice, Ron. And he goes, oh, I can't sneeze. And then it cuts off. Love. You know, I don't miss mine, but it cuts off. Love. You know what? I don't miss mine, but it taught me that if you can't tell a story in seven seconds, you're not a storyteller.

You shouldn't be telling it. Totally. These 80-minute YouTube essays about like LuLaRoe. Girl, sit down. Get a part-time job. Have you ever tried LuLaRoe leggings? I have. How was it? And you know how I have?

Because my mother-in-law, my boyfriend's mom, she used to do like HR for them or something. So she used to get a fuck ton of LuLaRoe leggings. Fierce. And they are hideous. Okay. But they are warm as fuck. Okay. Them shits are, they're thermal.

Like you could wear those in the snow, bitch. In a favorable way or like I'm overheating? And I mean, for me as a sweater overheating yeah but in like if i were going into the fucking if i was gonna hike the himalayas like i'm putting on lularoe leggings and i'm getting to work how did she survive the 18 days lost in the alaskan wilderness she had one lularoe leg not even both not even both and she stretched it over herself like a cocoon like like leonardo when he dug when he cut open that bear and slept inside it, me inside LuLaRoe leggings.

Dude, I'm better. Cut open the bitch wearing the leggings. Get in there. Get inside her inside the LuLaRoe leggings. Absolutely. I've outsmarted wilderness. Totally. I've outsmarted the elements.

You do strike me as an air conditioning hoe. Yeah. Absolutely. And when we're going on tour, we're going to be in a tour bus. And it's like me, my sister, my parents, my agent, my tour manager, my hair and makeup artist, my boyfriend, there's a bunch of us. So we got a big, big bus, but oh, and my assistant, but my assistant and my agent are two small white women.

And so they get very cold very easily. And I said, listen up. We're a majority rules family. All of us run at 90 degrees. So the bus is going to be 65. Bring your LuLaRoe leggings and your sweaters because we're not turning that shit up. I'm a big air conditioning girl. Yeah. My concern is that you said that your family runs at 90 degrees. The human body should be about 98. I think y'all should go down to the, well, that's HIPAA violation. So I don't feel comfortable sharing that information with you.

So violation. That's a HIPAA violation. I was like, HIPAA, who like my Marianne had, he couldn't even like wrap around that. I have been on many a tour buses over the years. And I'll tell you that for,

I would love some tips for tour. Oh, you never went on tour bus. No. Okay. Let me, I feel like I'm imparting it on the youths. Please do.

How old are you? Well, I'm way younger than you. Are you? Yeah. Way, like so much younger. No, I'm 28. Oh. And you're 42.

Sorry, 41. Pretty much. Okay. Like pretty much. Katya's 41. I'm 34. But I know I seem a lot older. I know that.

No, I knew you were in your mid-30s. I was just being mean. That's why I don't fear aging. Me either. This drag queen today, she had very public about getting some work done. I don't think I'm, I don't know. You bleep the name.

Bravo, bravo. Okay. Some drag queen got their face done. Yeah, yeah. Breaking news, drag queens get plastic surgery. And I was like, I've never had anything.

And she was like, you will. And I said, I don't think you understand. I've looked 34 since I was 16. You don't get the levels I'm operating on. That's not going to happen. You don't get it.

I'm not Benjamin Buttoning. As far as aging goes, I finished my Scantron early and I put on the teacher's desk like 10 minutes in. You've been done. You've been eating your snack for a while. Were you good at standardized tests? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I was really good in school. I bet you're a good tester.

Yeah, I was really good. I took a lot of pride in being really good at school specifically. Me too. Yeah, Virgo. I think. Look at us. I think it's, honestly, I think it's corny, but like bring back being good at school is a good thing. I think it's like cool to get good grades and care about school. I'm with you. If I have,

and I know you can, I don't know. I'm not a parent. Thank God. But I want to be really bad. Really? Yes. And if I ended up with some kid who's like fuck school, I don't know what I would do. You said I have to return it and get a new one. A hundred percent. I take it back to target. I go, he just stopped working. I put it back within the 30 day window. Totally. I do have my receipt and the debit card.

I bought it on. And they crack open the back and they go, did you drop it in water? No, no, of course I didn't. I put rice on it. Let me get back to the tour bus.

Yeah. For cleanliness reasons and hygiene reasons, they keep tour buses extremely cold. Oh, if anything, you will be chilly. You will the tour bus. Yeah. For cleanliness reasons and hygiene reasons, they keep tour buses extremely cold. Oh, okay. If anything, you will be chilly. You will not be hot. Period. They keep it cold.

Thank God. On buses full of, you know, 12 drunk drag queens who shit themselves from a fireball regularly, they would keep it so cold because these whores don't wash themselves. When I did the group tours. Oh, God. This was the smell just absolutely palpable the hygiene was just nowhere to be found these men these full-grown men that's when you realize

that these girls walking around all day with acrylic nails and no eyebrows you kind of just think of everyone as like these are these are the fierce little these are the divas and then the tour bus two days in you go okay so i'm snow white and these are the seven dwarfs and they they're just they don't they don't do soap yeah they do glue they do they do got to be sprayed hairspray and cheap perfume and that airspun powder and that's it and that's all you smell that and shit you use a makeup artist i do but you are such a good makeup artist oh my gosh thank you don't you think i think so like me personally yeah i think so how'd you get good at it i mean just trial and error more than anything i think my my personal preference of makeup has like shifted a lot if

you're talking about this beat i did not do this oh let me be clear you look amazing today thank you and that's because i hired someone whenever they're like, oh, can you give me makeup tutorials when I post glam pics and stuff? I'm like, sure. Um, hire someone more talented than you. That's what I did. Do you like sitting in the chair? You like the.

Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't know if I love like the process of getting ready. I just love that. I don't have to do it. Sure. Yeah. So like, I mean, you unfortunately have to do be your own makeup artist. Do you ever get your Trixie makeup done by anyone else?

I never have. When I did Queen of the Universe, when I did season one of Queen of the Universe, all the other judges had hair and makeup teams. So when we would cut, they would all fly in. Sisters, hair, makeup, and I had nothing. So like 300 live audience members would watch me pull out my little Trixie Cosmetics compact and like, and I felt so like humiliated because everyone was like, oh, and everyone's all getting sprayed and primped.

And I was like the little engine that couldn't, you know? So then the tiny Tim outside the restaurant, very tiny, watching in so teeny, so teeny. And the next season I got to make a part is when I'm such a control freak Virgo, they would sit behind me in the mirror and just go, that's heads on even a little more part over here. Cause I'm not great with symmetry. Oh, okay.

But I like being a control. So they're just like coaching you from the stands kind of thing. Totally. Giving me like a sports commentary. He's coming around the eyeball. They're sitting with the headphones on. They're like, yep.

Get them on the corner. You got them on the corner. Yeah. When you're left to your own devices, what's like your go-to glam? If it was just you and it's a gig, it's really, honestly, it's very simple. I think I do like a very, I'm more skin based. I love skin more. I'm not very good at eyes. I can't really do eyeshadow very well. So I'm all like a big lash and like a really beat skin like and lots of blush. That's like my vibes. Totally. Yeah.

I love a fake lash though. Lash extensions, fake lash, whichever. I'll take all of them. Do you like bottoms? Yeah. No, I don't like a bottom lash unless it's like a specific look. Like I'm doing like a like a doll like look, but I like bottom mascara. For sure.

Love that. Because you have such beautiful like thick bottom lashes. Thank you. but they don't look overdone i have like giant eyes so i what i'm really happy about is my makeup artist like he does my hair and makeup and he's also someone and he's my cousin so he has done he did my prom makeup he did like my homecoming sadie's makeup but like he the way that he does my beat is so specific i've worked with other makeup artists and like they were all great but they just don't get my face like my face is so round all my features are super round and so i feel like if they do a very specific kind of look it doesn't work on every face shape right but he has done some when people he's done black people he's done

asian people he's done all kinds of people for years and so he just gets my face like very well so i don't even have to tell him unless i want to do something completely different i just sit in the chair and he just does it i feel like when people like you like fuller features full eyes full lips there's more you can do more yeah but so much more can go wrong yeah exactly it's like much more painfully obvious when it's not right right because. Because I have such big, like it's funny too, because in some of my things when I was working with other artists, you can tell because I look completely different.

There was one girl I worked with and she was great, but like she made my eyes look so beady. Like, I don't know if she, they just looked incredibly small. She just punched you. Yeah. That'll do it.

Yeah. When she, when she literally carves my eye out, that's typically what it. Yeah. When she, when she literally carves my eye out, that's typically what happens. But yeah. Well, when people read your book loud, yes. Which comes out which day? July 30th. People, I want them to envision you in full glam at a typewriter. Up in the mountains. Like I go on a writing retreat. I go up there and I start typing. Well, you were a good student in school. Yes. So you have some writing experience. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. I did really, really well in like any sort of language arts, like writing. Those were like my strong subjects. And journalism. Yeah. That's why I was like math. No, thanks. Science.

I'm good. You were so prepared to do this. Yeah. I was, I was, it was written in the stars for me. That's my prophecy. The part about me being just fucking awful to horrible men. That's just a fun thing for me. Right. I just sprinkled that on top. There's parts about your life that you're including. I mean, you always talk about the world around you as it's existing. You comment on like, this just happened.

Yeah. This just happened. Yeah. But there's like a whole part of how your life up until we saw you sitting on your phone screaming at people. Yeah, exactly. It's all the stuff you missed. And I'm so excited to hear about that. Like what's in it? It's, it's, uh, I feel like when I was writing it or we were first like getting ready to write it, my team asked me like, give me like 10 to 15 subjects that you feel like you could write a lot about or want to expand on further. And so I did all that. And then we winded, like winded it down to the chapters themselves. And then we reorganize them. And then they would give me the topic and be like, give me like 3,000 words on this or give me 1500 words on this. And so I would just write it, send it, edit back and forth.

And so it's all, it's basically centering around de-centering men entirely and finding confidence, like love, strength, courage, whatever it is you're looking for outside the confines of male validation. So no longer, not needing them in any capacity, whether it's how you feel about how you look or how you feel about what you do for a living and everything in between. So it's like, and then I, it's very anecdotal. So I pull a lot from stories that have, of things that have happened to me or happened around me that have shaped me and molded me into who I am today. Cause I feel like that's the most commonly asked

question is like, they just really want to know how I got this way. So like, what's the tea on you girl? What's wrong with you? So did every man in your life just line up and slap you one day? Honestly, that is like one of the most, most they're like did something just like horrible happen to you and then you just decided that you hated men i'm like no um but also have you ever hung out with a straight man like you'd hate them too you don't hate any find that hard to believe well i feel like it's also a little reductive and cop out that people consume your material and what they get out of it is that you hate all men i think that all the time that's not what you're saying i i and even if i was what are you gonna do about it okay well that is what i was saying and it's not it hasn't been people think that because you're like and so what if i

do yeah and shut the fuck up and that's how i feel like i i even when women do tell me that i'm like period you probably have a good reason for feeling that way i don't blame you well i think one of the Yeah. And that's how I feel like I, even when women do tell me that I'm like, period, you probably have a good reason for feeling that way. I don't blame you. Well, I think one of the reasons I'm sure a lot of people listen to this podcast is bald and beautiful, which today we do have the bald and the beautiful here. Period. I was like the bald and the beautiful. Yeah, totally. No, that's just me and Brittany. Right, right, right, right, right. Um, I, she's another great makeup artist. I, she's crazy good like she's really

good i and it's annoying added to the list of reasons why she's so talented and annoying she have you ever heard her sing yes of course it makes me so mad she she's done karaoke at like with me and my family um at my sister's 30th birthday i we literally got a karaoke machine so we could do it at home and then we were like she was singing with my cousin who's also gay and he is a fantastic singer so the two of them were doing duets all night i went to bed i was pissed off hey goodbye this is supposed to be talented somewhere else give it up carry underwood yeah i'm like hey it's not your fucking birthday no kidding you guys are being mean to her totally you're like i hate men and you now add britney broski to the fucking list totally

oh my gosh i thought i was saying oh give me a second what was i just talking about they're so enthralled by us no i just i have whatever kind of brain rot that i just like it's like a ping pong ball around the room and then i remember what i just said that's okay i have that too oh you have a french bulldog i I do. I have two. Whoa. Yeah, I have two. I think your Wikipedia says you have one. Oh, hello. Get on it. Get in there.

Update it. No, I just recently adopted the second one in December. So what's the name of it? My first one, his name is Squid and my second one's name is Tuna. So, and Tuna is completely deaf. So we fostered him for like a few weeks and then we were like yeah we're gonna take this one which is greater it's worked better that way because we when we were fostering him um the old owner had told us that if he tried to take him to a shelter they would put him down because frenchies are super expensive obviously dogs to take care of and then he's also

deaf so they were like they would have put down. And so it honestly worked out because squid is so, for lack of a better word, annoying that I needed a dog that was missing a sense so that he could like socialize better. And now they're both really calm and gray. They're besties now. I think that's beautiful. Yeah. I got two little hogs. I have two little Lincoln logs that live in my house.

They will die without me immediately. Like they can't even be outside for very long are they going on tour no absolutely not that would stress me out people do bring dogs on tour if i start making the kind of money where i can fly like an asshole and fly private and shit then maybe i'll start bringing just squid but i think tuna would be overstimulated the dogs will be flying you'll be on the bus exactly and i would do that i'm not even kidding i'm not even kidding i would do that and i know like meg the bus. Exactly. And I would do that. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. I would do that. And I know like Meg Thee Stallion has Frenchies and I know she takes one of them.

I think she has like four, but she takes one around with her. That's like her first one. And so if I start making fuck you money like that, then maybe they'll start coming with me places. Do you know who Jan Crouch is? I don't think so. Jan Crouch was a televangelist from like the maybe nineties. Oh, okay.

Purple hair. Lilac hair. And she was a televangelist from like the maybe 90s. Oh, okay. Purple hair. Lilac hair. And she was a televangelist? Televangelist. She had a very famous iconic story about, I had a chicken that died and I prayed on it and he came back to life. She like told a story about she prayed. She's so me.

Wild. She's so me. But she used to use the church money to fly her dogs private. Honestly, go off. That's shocking. I did not know churches do fucked up things like and like honestly go off that's shocking i did not know churches do fucked up things like that i know that's shocking to be honest flying dogs private is one of the least fucked up things that a church that they were doing yes breaking news believe it or not yeah i got two little frenchies but they're i love them dearly i started sobbing the other

night like not even kidding like a week or two ago, just looking at my dog squid. Cause he was just, he was just looking into my eyes so sincerely. And I was like, if you die, I'm dying to let me know when you go out, girl, give me a five second warning.

Yeah. Give me a two week notice. Let me put my lashes on before they find my body. I can't be found bald. I, then they won't find me beautiful. See what I mean? No lashes is your version of bald.

Yes, absolutely it is. Absolutely it is. That and my pussy. Oh my God. Oh crap. So I am so jealous of some of the people that you have gotten to work with. Oh my gosh. You interviewed Jamie Lee Curtis.

I sure did, girl. Dude. The icon, the living legend she is so fucking cool taller than you'd expect to she looks like a tall bitch yeah she's taller than you'd expect she though she fascinates me because the way that she listens is so intense that i thought she thought i was the stupidest bitch alive. Cause when I was talking to her, she was going the whole time, not moving. So you thought she was like,

uh huh. And she's just listening very intently. And then after I finished, she was taking a minute to answer. And I, because I'm a fucking yapper at heart, I like filled in, I feel the intense desire to fill the silence with,

with talking. So I started trying to, you know, cause like I'm like over explaining and she goes, no, I understand. Hey, shut the fuck up. Got it. Message received. She's like, keep going with your little fucking story. She goes, maybe if you shut the fuck up, then I can answer your question. And then after, after she took like a couple of seconds and she was like, that's actually a great question. And then she answered it. I was like, I thought for sure I was staring down the barrel of the end of my career. I didn't want

to offend Jamie Lee Curtis. No kidding. Yeah. What a thrilling person. Yeah. She was so nice. And so, and she was so open. Like she was like, yeah, TikTok. I know about TikTok. Cause of course, that's how I'm pitched. They're like, do you want to talk to this dickhead on TikTok? Are you interested in that? I know when people went like just today, I was like, Oh, I'm doing a pod with my friend drew and they're like, who? And I said, it's hard to not describe you this way. You know,

that girl. Yeah. I get that a lot. That girl who yells at guys. It's like the girl that's mean to men and has the laugh. That's like those two are, those are two are my identifiers. That's exactly what I said.

That's my kombucha girl with Brittany. Like Brittany's kombucha girl. Like that's mine. It's like the girl with the laugh. Who's mean to men on TikTok. That's my, the kombucha girl with Brittany. Like Brittany's kombucha girl. Like that's mine. It's like the girl with the laugh. Who's mean to men on TikTok. That's the kombucha girl. Yeah. Like when I,

when I had Sasha Colby on my show, I was telling her, cause like we're a APIs and I was telling her, I was like, when they can't have you, they're like, what's that bitch's name? She's on TikTok.

What's that bitch's name? I think she's a PI. Get her. If they can't get Sasha Colby, they'll ask for me. Right. Just alternate the two of us. I was like you and I, I was telling Sasha, I was like, you and I should be like the rock

and Jason Momoa. Just alternate us. You know what I'm saying? Like that. Yeah. You, the rock, Jason Momoa and her are like some kind of fucked up Powerpuff Girls. You guys like crime together. Yeah.

They should be the Powerpuff Girls. I'll be the professor. The one that cooks them up. It'll just be me. You actually, I mean we i feel like your content gets celebrated by people someone people because they're like oh my god i never heard about this till you said it yeah but so many rando uh rando white people i learned shit from you that i don't know about yeah like your tattoo oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely i've never

known that if i didn't like that's right on the front of your book you can see it all down there yeah your hair you look so good on the front of your book. You can see it all down there. Yeah. Your hair, you look so good on the front of your book. Thank you. Uh, Adam did my hair and makeup and actually took that picture in my kitchen, in my, in my house. Yeah. Yeah. Literally where he's like a, we're a one-stop shop. So he was like shooting it, um, on a camera of me and we had like two, I had like a box fan and like one little shitty oscillating fan. And that's what was blowing the hair and everything. Yeah. You have just a few extra pieces of hair in that. Just a few. It is bundled. Yeah. I'm bundled. I got bundles all up and down my neck, bitch. Do you like Pixar films? Yeah. I love Pixar. Have you seen the film Tangled? Of course I have. She has

a lot of hair. Yeah, she does. She does. She's very me. That's, you know, what's funny is Tangled is how it feels once you build a platform. I feel like I can't go anywhere. Yeah. Without very real fear following me. I'll tell you where we can go. Ooh, okay. We can go to Cabela's. We could go to Dick's Sporting Goods.

Oh, yeah. Actually, men hate you. Or Stagecoach. I performed there. Oh, yeah, you can't go. I can't go. I yeah. Actually men hate you. Her stage coach. I performed there. Oh yeah. You can't. I can't. I forgot your white.

Brittany can't go either. No, of course she can't go. When me and Brittany go anywhere. When we went to Coachella last year, we would have, we, this makes me sound like a dick,

but we had artists bands and then we had to walk into VIP to get some stuff. And she was like, she wore a bandana and then I didn't, but I wore, I wore a wig. Like I wore like't but i wore i wore a wig like i wore like a 26 inch like platinum blonde wig and and like sunglasses and everything that's your don't look at me look that's my it's not me look that's my it's not me but it doesn't matter because my fucking boyfriend is a lighthouse so it doesn't matter like he's so much bigger he brings all

the bitches to me immediately so when we were walking she goes you need to put a fucking mask on because when the two of us are together it's even worse that's like me and katya people be like i think that's now i know it's yeah exactly like britney and i've gone to like dave and busters and i'm like one of us can play a game at any given time if we're together one has to go hide in the bathroom and the other one gets to play that's so true about about there was one moment where because we didn't know this at the time that you could like again a dick in the artist area they have little carts that can take you places we didn't know that yeah because that was our first time going artist so when we were trying to go see another band they're on like

the other side of the grounds and then this worker was like oh you could if you just walk through ga it'll be faster and And we were like, okay, the stupidest thing we could have ever done. The way that we walked in it, I felt like Jon Snow and that like, you won't know this reference, but maybe the room will, if they have Game of Thrones,

there's a episode called battle, the bastards where he's fighting like a million men at once. And then he's being suffocated under a pile of bodies. That's how it felt. The two of us walking together. It was a nightmare. We never should have been dead. Yes. The scene where a Glenn, when Glenn dies. Yes. Yes. Yes it felt. The two of us walking together, it was a nightmare. Have you ever seen The Walking Dead? Yes. The scene where when Glenn dies?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. We think he dies, I think. I don't know. Okay, anyway. He's like a dumpster and they're all going around. Is Walking Dead straight culture? I think so. Oh, shit. In a lot of ways it is. But you're white, so that makes sense. White people love The Walking Dead. That's okay. You get that pass. It's okay.

I think I should leave. Well, I'm quarter Native American, so I only three quarters like okay there you go indigenous love that indigenous look at you girl can i tell you a story that i told katya that literally she was so excited to hear did she do the comment section yeah she did you know just have anybody well she was hanging around by the dumpster i thought you want to be on the show she's outside like taking up those cigarette butts and just smoking the end of it. I saw her. I saw her digging in the dumpster and I said, do you need a ride or a warm meal? If you're cold, they're cold.

Bring them inside. If you can't walk on the hot pavement, neither can they. Maybe that's the walking dead. Well, have you done that? You've done VidCon, right? Yeah. You've done conventions where sometimes it's a huge multifunction room and there's Q&A. Yes.

Sometimes these Q&As, there's people with real questions. People are like, how do you think drag has changed or whatever? Cool stuff to talk about. Or like funny joke questions. Yeah. And then someone will go and they'll tell a long personal story and you go, okay, but we're looking for a question. Are you just letting me know or?

Okay. I got to tell you what happened. I know I got to let you go. No, no, you're fine. Don't worry about it. I just love talking to you. Please do. I think you're great.

Thank you. So pretty and so smart and funny. Oh my God. And I feel like your best kept secret is that you're such a sweet person. That actually is true. You know, most people think I'm a fucking cunt, which I am sometimes but i can be nice too i have the opposite everybody everybody thinks you're really nice i think everybody thinks i'm really nice and in real life they're like why are you just sitting quietly i'm like i was asleep like i don't know i was uh at a function in milwaukee

last week visiting my family and i was sitting there with my friend and my friend and i were sitting this close like having an intimate conversation. The type of conversation that maybe, you know, you wouldn't interrupt. Yeah. Well, you can read the room that you guys are talking. You'd think. You would think. This woman was still, she was sounding it out as far as reading the room.

She was sounding out the letters, still trying to put it together. Which is fine. And she's just in Wisconsin, right? So the accent, she goes, hey, can I ask y'all a question? And I was like, sure. And she was like, do y'all have a cigarette? And I was like, no. And then she was like, I'm not even supposed to be smoking.

My stepdaughter, she doesn't smoke either. And she's not gay, but I asked her. I asked her if maybe she was a little gay. At first I said, do you have a boyfriend? She said no. Then I said, do you have a girlfriend? And she said no, but she was a little weird about it. So now lately we've been having cigarettes together while we're on FaceTime. She goes

to the University of Madison. I'm so glad you shared that with me. I was like, do you need something for me? I felt like she ripped off my clothes and forced herself on me. It was so crazy.

You're like, Hey, what are you talking about? And then later on the same night I was with my friend and this guy at the bar taps on, you know that thing where you're staying at a bar with your card so that the, which feels rude, but I know it helps the bartenders know who's ready.

Yeah. Go faster. Yeah. And it always feels rude to be like money, but this guy taps me and we turn and he goes, I was this close to fighting the Germans in the war. And I was like, what are you people drinking? What is this?

Is everyone okay? Is everyone okay? And also I'm looking at him. I know he's like, it's got to be about 80. I'm doing the math in my head. You fought the Germans in the... I don't think you did. Hey, I don't believe you. I don't quite believe that that occurred. I don't think you did hey i don't believe you i don't quite believe that that i don't believe you not even a little bit can i ask one more question about

your book please do so kati and i wrote a couple books yes they actually have one of your books oh hey the first one you guys came out with i have my sister actually got it for me uh for my birthday like before i even had a tiktok kati and i having a guide to modern womanhood feels slightly less helpful than your book which which is actually about helping women. So if you're looking for satire, maybe try our book, but if you're looking for actual inspired stories about living your life, check out loud. Period. They're deceptively hard to write. They are. What was hard for you about writing a book? Um, I think for my book in particular, the hardest part was like being vulnerable because there are certain stories, like there are a couple stories in the book that I've never talked about publicly. And when I first wrote them, I felt like I was giving a very like PR canned version of it. And one of my editors was like, Hey, I think, I think you could push a little more. I think you could open up a little bit more. Um, just give me, give me more details. Like it's okay to open up a little, you might be

surprised on how it comes out. So he was like, we can always go like wind it down if it's a little too much, if it's a little, you don't talk about anything you don't want to, but I feel like you could give me just a little bit more. And so I was like, okay, like those two stories, honestly, I wrote about multiple times because I was struggling to be more vulnerable, but I've talked about how the book, I feel like it was very therapeutic in a lot of ways. And those two particular stories were very, very like helpful for me to be honest and more open about it. And so I think I struck the right chord, but that was definitely the hardest part. I think other than the title, shockingly, the title was the hardest part to nail down. And it took the longest i mean other than the

actual writing but which is shocking because my original pitch was it's actually the chapter it's actually the name of a chapter in my book but i wanted it to be the title of my book and it was i'd rather die alone that's what i wanted to title it they said it was a little thing they said it was a little too negative and like like I wrote so hard for that title. Peelee picks up your book and goes, I'll just take the dogs and get out of here, bitch. Okay, wow. I'm like, well.

Your sister jumps off the tour bus. They're like, bye, bitch. Everyone's like, fine, bitch. That was another reason why when we talked through it, we were like, I don't think this is as encompassing as we would like it to be right but i was thinking in the same vein as like jeanette mccurdy's book we're just like i'm glad my mom died it's like that's not necessarily true but it's like catchy it's bitey and it's also applicable to what she's talking about so that was my understanding of a title but thankfully we picked a better title i think

and now that gets to live as a chapter title, which is better for me. But I think it worked out for the best. But the title was pretty difficult to come up with. I'm just proud I came up with it. I like an inflammatory title. And Loud still kind of probes. Absolutely. It would have been crazy to be like, my eyes are up here.

The Drew O'Fallon story. It's like, what? I like the idea of a catchy title. But I do get that that was a little dark yeah that's what they told me i was like especially with after having written the whole thing and the manuscript and everything even my editor was like i think that this title works in better context after you read it like after you read it you're like oh that makes sense because it's like satirical and it's very nature and he's like but that's not like what you what you want a title to be. And I was like, all right, I guess I'll trust you,

man who works in publishing for 20 years. Guess I'll trust you. I'm excited to read it. And I think other people are going to be excited to read it because I think people on the internet, they look at you and they look at the way you like process the world, deflect the right things, embrace the right things. You're like, you know, and you see through the bullshit and you just seem so strong thank you and i feel like people are going to want to know in that section how you got there yeah that's i think the biggest like the biggest thing that people are dying to understand is how i got to this point yeah that's why they'll ask me questions like did like just a

million men fuck you over and that's why you're like this? No, no, no, not quite. But I did. I have had many a bad experience with men, but that's just because I'm a human living in the world. Unfortunately, that experience is not exclusive to me. Believe it or not, many people have had poor experiences with men. I'm going to tell you this.

Men are dogs and liars. And that's on period. Men are dogs and liars. They surely are. Check out Drew's book, Men are Dogs and Liars. And that's on period. Men are dogs and liars. They surely are. Check out Drew's book, Men are Dogs and Liars. My eyes are up here. As if they don't know where to find you. Can you tell the kids where to find you on the internet?

Oh my gosh, yes. You can find me at Drew Afuolo on literally everything. And then if you're interested about my book, you can go to drew-afuolo.com and all the info's there. But that's in my bio too, so just go follow me. We are so lucky to be alive at the same time as you. And I'm so happy for you. Thank you. I feel the same way about you. Well, by you, I mean Katya, but also kind of you. I know. I know. We all feel the same way. Okay. Bye.