The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - An American Turkey in Paris with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

As the sun fades and day turns to dusk in Paris, the beautiful Champs-Élysées becomes a twinkling thoroughfare filled with the comings and goings of sharply-dressed Parisians, bustling to and fro beneath the majestic Arc de Triomphe. In a small, nameless cafe, Trixie and her family open a fourth bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape as they laugh and smile over a table filled with escargots de bourgogne, couilles de mouton, and tarte tatin. As the warmth and fellowship from this intimate Thanksgiving gathering travels through the cafe doors to the chilly street outside, the scene cuts to America: the barren hills of Hollywood bake under the Southern Californian sun; a house sits alone against a hillside littered with the detritus from citrus trees and forsaken souls. Inside, the critically-acclaimed HBO miniseries Chernobyl is on the television while a Stouffer's Meat Lovers Lasagna bakes in the chef-caliber Miele oven. A Mexican Coca-Cola sits on the coffee table as its consumer, Katya, scrolls aimlessly through videos of Turkey-Fryer fires on Tik Tok set to pop music refrains from Dua Lipa. Never in the history of the world has there been such a stark dichotomy of holiday celebrations than between Paris and Los Angeles. Alas, such is this post-modern life. From everyone here at BALD, LLC, we wish you filthy troglodytes the happiest of Thanksgivings. For a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D & 5 FREE AG1 travel packs with your first purchase, visit https://www.AthleticGreens.com/TBATB New to Etsy? Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at https://www.etsy.com! Maximum value of $50. Offer ends Dec. 31, 2022. Sign up for Firstleaf Wine Club today and you’ll get your first 6 bottles for $39.95 plus free shipping! Go to https://www.TryFirstleaf.com/BALD As you start your holiday shopping, visit https://www.rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to earn cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. You can start saving today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Now it's Thanksgiving time, but I got to tell you about something. So, so much has transpired in the past two weeks that I haven't seen you. I went from having nothing to tell you to so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm all ears. Now, before we go back into having the same show every day and the same schedule every day and the same life. Yeah. What did we do? Recently, we said something to someone where we said the same response same cadence same like oh same intonation totally it was an imperfect it was

not harmony it was like just that and it was a sign to step away from it was a step away from the mic it was like it was like absolutely or something like that at the same time it was so weird so i had to dj in boston get in bed fly go to the airport at 5 30 fly to new york go get in drag immediately to jump on a bike with a seat missing to jump on the peloton bike to do lol cody this show on peloton And it was so full circle. I'm so shocked. No, no. I think that gig is amazing,

but I'm so shocked at the wig choice. Not because it's ugly. Well, I don't want to wear a lace front to do exercise because like, what if it slips? Or like, what if? And also, I don't know what the lighting situation is going to be. So I just thought like bangs. So you thought go ugly and then it can't ever look good. No, it's not ugly.

No, it's just, it's just not your best wig. I felt hot and gorgeous. I'm sure you always do. I know you love that wig. I know you love that wig. But you know, I love stuff. I'm not saying you shouldn't love it, but I'm saying it's just really ugly. You often look amazing.

And so like you always feel amazing, which is so great. I mean, I, I I mean I speak for myself Often I feel great sometimes I don't look the best But that wig is just not I thought it looked like Suzanne Somers Do you know who Suzanne Somers is? Yeah

Are you sure? From Three's Company Yeah Yeah and she has kind of like the top pony The side pony You know in Three's Company She'll have like little pigtails in her blonde hair with bangs. Those were not bangs. Yeah, they were.

Those were bluffs. My hair? Those were bluffs. Those were like dunes or something. They were. Anyways, anyways, anyways. I would imagine you do like a snatched up ponytail. I suppose I could have done that.

Away from the face. Because you don't sweat that much. And you know what? I had them. They came through for me with the air conditioning and Cody was shivering. Good! And Cody was wearing this Patrick Church collab that I just did. You know Patrick Church? Yeah.

I love him. I have a collab with him. I couldn't believe he even would make something with me. I love him so much. And he's cold and I go. Right. And they were like, it's cold in here. And I told them a fabled tale of a little place called Netflix. Yeah. Like, oh, you think this is cold?

You think this is cold? Yeah. Down there at Netflix, they're floating at a door saying, I'll never let go, Jack. Yeah. It's a research facility in the Antarctic. Yeah. Yeah. We're talking to penguins.

And it was actually really cold. And it was a rather conversational workout. And so I thought it was going to fake the resistance the whole time, but I actually do the Peloton. So I got to- And you're very, with aerobic exercises, you're really- Yeah. And right when I started to get,

oh, it's actually a little hot, it was over. And so it wasn't that long either. So I didn't, it was nice. And then, you know, those instructors, I worked out for them in my ears on my screen for years now. And so I was honestly like a little starstruck. Yeah.

Even though they came to our show, Matt and Cody came to our show in New York, but to have to see them in real life in their workout outfits with their headsets on. Yeah. That's weird. My mind was like, Oh, you guys are like professional, famous fitness instructors. That's crazy. I was wearing a headset too, like the fitness headset. And it was, no, it was real. So I had the headset on and my gorgeous wig and my Peloton workout outfit. And I was like, this is, I'm pretending to be a fitness instructor, but doing it in a real fitness studio on maybe the world's number one, like subscription based.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so fun and crazy. That's wonderful. That sounds like an amazing opportunity. And you know what else is crazy? She's shitting your leotard. Well, Matt was in my like, Matt Wilpers, the trainer was like in my ears a lot during my first marathon. And so I had to be like, yeah, I just started doing it.

And I said, to be honest, I just like, you know, never really believed in my body or didn't think I could do anything like that. And you guys really helped. I didn't cry, but I had like that very soft like. Like the break in the voice a little bit. Well, they probably hear that all the time. Where like they what they do, making exercise accessible to people who maybe are scared to be in a gym in front of people. They're so scared of exerting themselves because what if I don't do well?

I was like, you guys really changed my life. That's amazing. I mean, I know I still don't have a six-pack, but it's just like... Six-pack is not necessarily an indicator of a health or whatever or well-being. I know plenty of people with six-packs

who are miserable fucks. That's true. How about that? That's true. And I understand that fitness is behind a paywall too and I understand that not everybody can afford every version of fitness. Right. But running especially, free bitch. Free. Free. Yeah. Free.

But also you can hit by a car real easy. Which is also fun. Kind of fun. Stakes. Keeping it free. No money but lots of stakes. And I was in New York. And I, okay, I gotta tell you. Sorry, the greatest city in the world. I know, we're in London. Flop.

New York, flop. Miami. Kind of turn. Kind of turn. So David came out with a movie called Please Baby Please. I want to see this. So it's showing in select theaters. It's starring Andrew Risbergboro who's in The Grudge The remake of The Grudge

Demi Moore I forget the other actors names One guy was Recently with Zoe Kravitz And they broke up So gorgeous Unbelievably hot in this movie Please baby please

Is it Carl Yes Carl Gorgeous. Unbelievably hot in this movie. Don't worry, darling. No, it's called. Please, baby, please. Please. Is it Carl Glusman? Yes. Carl Glusman. And then the guy who plays Dudley in Harry Potter. Oh, that must have been Harry Melling. Harry Melling. Okay.

Yes. David told me because David made this movie in Butte, Montana during pandemic. I remember. I remember. And they shot it in the winter, in the bleak midwinter in Butte, Montana. Night shoots every night. What? Yes.

Why? And very, you know, they're working in like, they built the sets in abandoned, I think like industrial style buildings. Yeah. So David would tell me how like freaking cold it was all the time. So the actors, it's that thing where when they all cut, coats come in and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I hadn't seen the time. So the actors, it's that thing where when they all cut, coats come in and everything. But I hadn't seen the movie. And this is something that I've never seen one of David's movies, like, without seeing cuts of it first. Or like, you know, we worked on the TV show together, like, you know. And David was like, you know, it's an art film. And I'm not very versed in like art house,

art films, like where concept and stuff comes before, like, maybe direct narrative. Or narrative. Yeah, narrative or narrative or like yeah but i was like you know what david you're probably making it sound like it's so weird i said you know what i love the movie rocky horror i would say that's pretty weird i would say that is pretty strange it's also a musical but has a narrative though yeah but it's highly stylized yeah you gotta see this movie i want to because how long is it not that long thank god the whole time. How long is it? Not that long. Thank God. The whole time I was thinking, this movie isn't probably for me, but this horror will probably love it. Well, just from,

it looks very, it looks very splashy and very visually juicy and saturated. It's like opulent and saturated and super stylized. They're talking in almost like heightened language. Okay. Like it's almost like west side

story energy it had no singing no oh thank god cole sings one song oh that's fine he can sing only once he can sing out of his asshole for all i care it had the look of it had the like the visual look of like a gregor rocky movie have you seen any gregor rock and gregor rocky movies he did like um uh a bunch of movies called nowhere and and Doom Generation. They're really, really super, super bright and very gay and like very bizarre. A lot of them are quite bizarre. The only thing it could remind me of, honestly, and I'm not overselling,

but the only thing I could think of was my roommate in college made me watch Eraserhead. But Eraserhead is, but that's actually good. But you know, Eraserhead's kind of like. That's like, if you want to talk about, you want to mention a weird movie, you say that one. That was my first movie where I was hide, it's kind of like, that's like a, if you want to talk about, you want to mention a weird movie, you say that one. That was my first movie where I was exposed to,

I was like, what's happening? It's fucking weird. But, but it's not boring. No, it's effective. Yeah.

And this movie was effective. Yeah. I got everything presented. Oh, wonderful. But they weren't leading you as an audience member on a leash. Okay. They were painting. Yeah. And using these big strokes and being like,

what do you think? This is great, which I guess I'm just not used to. Yeah. And so when David said it's, you know, sometimes he would come home from set and be like, this movie is amazing.

And then sometimes he would come home and be like, this movie is amazing. We might be making the craziest movie ever. And so me as somebody who, my favorite movie is fucking drop dead gorgeous. I'm not exactly a big brain movie critic. but you are a big brain um a comic book critic that's true and so it i'll tell you a little bit about it it opens with this couple it's sort of like it's sort of like cry baby like greece 50s like um stylized energy okay and it opens with them witnessing a gang brutally murder a couple whoa and then they both start having extremely violent and sexual fantasies that i

remember from the trailer demi more talking about it yes demi more giving a long i don't give away too much a long monologue about how she, she just wants to get choked. Yeah. Not enough to hurt her, but in a, and then she's choking herself moaning to me more. It's really, it's really a crazy movie. It sounds great. It was very beautiful and effective. And I, David, David told me to go and get, David told me to go get a little weed. Oh, absolutely. So I was in New York and I went to buy weed. I should have brought mushrooms with me. God damn it. I went to the weed place. Yeah. And I said, give me the marijuana that you would give your mother who has cancer and has never smoked

before. Because I want... Your mom who has cancer, I'm going to say that's like heavy duty. Well, I thought a woman who wouldn't be inclined to smoke, maybe she has cancer and it's a form of treatment. So she wants the entry level. I would have said, give me the kind of weed you would give to a sorority girl.

Who's who's artistic boyfriend has taken her to a three hour film. That is more what I should have said. But luckily they gave me this little marijuana. Okay. And so I, now you smoke it. Now we're doing, it was a pre-rolled marijuana cigarette.

It was a pre-rolled mini. It was a pre-rolled mini. I love those minis are fierce. And I said, the lowest dosage, please. I said, I don't even smoke. I said, can I buy a lighter? The lighter was a pre-rolled mini. I love those minis are fierce. They're teeny tinies. And I said the lowest dosage please. I said I don't even smoke. It's just a regular CBD. The lighter was a dollar.

A dollar? A dollar. So then I'm in the street trying to light it. I light the wrong end at first. Of course you do. This is amazing. I love watching people smoke cigarettes. By the way, I don't know why this ever happens.

I was holding it like this. Yeah, like they're like. It's so funny to me. The first thing I did was put the first thing I did was put the lighter by my face and the cigarette here

and then I went well that's wrong and then I switched it and then I realized I was lighting the filter side because nothing was happening fuck and then when I finally

flipped it around I was so scared of it I was like cough cough cough did you cough yeah I but it was like it was baby puffs because I was so scared of I don't want to cough, cough, cough. But it was like baby puffs

because I was so scared of, I don't want to be too high for this movie. Loved the movie. And the drugs probably helped because it made me more like, what's going on here? Yeah, interested, curious. I think my goldfish

brain, I think otherwise would have been frustrated by the lack of like, I need Hansel and Gretel breadcrumbs in a storyline. And so it left me more open. You know, you know how to follow and predict a plot though. Maybe, maybe just like those shitty lifetime ones,

but you know, I mean, should we talk about Watchmen? I finished it for the second time. I cried. You cried. I think crying during a reading is one of the most, um,

just one of the most beautiful things ever. No, seriously. It's just so gorgeous. The chapter where Dr. Manhattan's like, nothing ever ends. We can't get into that. Now I'm reading The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Tempest,

the fourth and final installation of Alan Moore's seminary work. Okay, fabulous. And it's very British, so I always read it when I'm here. British so I always read it when I'm here. industry? A place where you can be yourself? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot, but the rewards don't stop there. When you earn two times more points on things that matter to you and your business, easily track those business expenses and experience flexible

Aventura rewards, you'll realize how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. Wait, hold on one second. What's happening? Are we in trouble? No. So while we're at the book signing at Book Soup, what was that?

Seven and a half hours? You're being funny. We met almost 500 people at our book signing. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I wish I had known. I wish I would have planned a different outfit. I wouldn't have been tucked in. I don't know why I was tucked.

I probably was just feeling like that. I was really comfortable. Oh, the AC. Air conditioning. Book soup in LA. That was gazpacho. That was fishies. That was inuit.

It was the Iditarod. It was melted ice cream in the fridge. It was incredible. That soup was cold and chilly and served to perfection. And the staff was so nice. And everybody who came to meet us, everybody. Really was so nice. Why are the book meet and greet people the nicest people I've ever met?

I don't know. Oh, my God. Nobody said crazy things. Except the one wonderful thing, which I hope we don't know. Oh my God. And then nobody said crazy, crazy thing except the one wonderful thing, which I hope we haven't repeated. So we have it. So, so,

so the, uh, uh, uh, a couple, a guy and a girl were dressed as cowboys and I think there were French cowboys. It was funny.

It was weird how they were explaining it. And, um, and Trixie was talking about how, uh, you know, it was so nice that you convinced him to dress up because a lot of times the guys don't want to get, you know, they don't want to be dragged along in a costume.

And then you started to insinuate that you're going to get some tonight, you know, and then she's like, oh yeah, I'm going to eat his ass. No, but she said it like, oh yeah, I'm going to eat his ass. Because you were trying to like, you weren't trying to be just a vulgar. I was trying to be innuendo. You're going to eat a little something special later. Yeah, she's like, oh yeah, I'm going to eat his ass. And she was like a really young

cis, hetero, straight girl. They were hot and I would want to see that. I'm sorry to that man. They were to meet us. Very hot and sexy type of guys. The thing is, I'm not going to flirt with them because I wouldn't flirt with them out of drag and I'm not going to flirt with them in drag. And so they're there,

but I can't let them walk out of here without telling them that I think they are so beautiful. So that one big tall blonde muscly guy. Oh yeah, you wanted to root in his cellar. I said, I love,

he wasn't dressed up and I said, I love your costume. What is that? A cheap slut? Just like trying to flirt by insulting someone. I love your costume.

The guy who's going to fuck me later. Oh, that's what I should have said. Oh, there were some really hot guys in that line for sure. And before, since you were so very late and I arrived on time, in fact, a little bit early, I had time to peruse the bookstore. And I picked up this incredible looking tome. Now, this is the cover of a book. This is a dramatic actress.

Do you know what I mean? This is the coverage drama you own uh the beauty of living twice and i just want to read you the first uh is it crazy death becomes me is the first chapter death becomes me um i opened my eyes and there he was standing over me just inches from my face a stranger looking at me with so much kindness that i was sure i was going to die. He was stroking my head, my hair. God, he was handsome. I wished you were someone

who loved me instead of someone whose next words were, whose next words were, you're bleeding into your brain. That's how the book starts? That's the first, first paragraph. Oh, it's like a stroke book. A better stroke, yeah. About other stuff, I'm sure, but yeah. This is what it takes. This is what it takes is what it's sharing stone everybody i would she follows me on instagram she i'm so jealous

i don't so jealous i gotta check i i'm pretty sure she does not follow me at all i'm flattered but you know i don't stand her as hard as you do i love her in total recall and i love her i don't stand her i i'm i'm fascinated by one of the, you know, last great movie stars of like a bygone era, like of the age before social media. You know what I mean? Real movie stars. And you know what?

This is controversial. I love her in Catwoman. I know it's probably not a movie everyone loves, but I think she's so good in Catwoman. I think that everybody fucking shot the bed in Catwoman. Sharon Stone. This is what it takes. Yeah, she follows me.

Isn't that fucking crazy? She doesn't follow me. Check it out. It's my pride and joy that she follows me. She follows Michelle. She does not follow me. Check. Can you search me?

Because my Instagram doesn't work. She follows Katy Perry. Oh. Not you. What's going on with your Instagram? Is it for the best? It's glitching, it doesn't work So now I spend more time on Twitter

Wait a minute, Sharon What? Sharon Oh my god Okay, it's a child I thought this was a kid who got beat the hell up That's pie, that's food No shit

It looks like violence No it doesn't That looks like chocolate syrup Well have you seen this? Her new crying video? Girl Is it about Korea? No, it doesn't. That looks like chocolate syrup. Well, have you seen this? Her new crying video? Girl. Is it about Korea? It's an enigma.

She's an enigma. She keeps us guessing. Yeah. And apparently, well, I shouldn't say, but she has, I guess somebody told me that she has one of those dry cleaning things that for her clothes. That's sickening. I know it's sickening. That's not a sign of crazy.

That's a sign of success. Of course it is. Yeah. It's a sign of success Of course it is It's a luxury thing So it's Thanksgiving This is an abbreviated episode Because we have so much turkey to eat later I have plans for Thanksgiving What are you doing?

David, his mom, and his sister Are flying to Paris to have Thanksgiving with me Isn't that lovely? That's really nice David's sister used to work in Paris I guess it would be a shame, you know, if I were to spend it all alone, but I'm totally prepared to do that.

I would never stoop so low as to, like, beg for an invitation to your dinner, but so I guess I'll just... Do you want to come? No, no, no, no. I couldn't bother. I wouldn't want to be in position. I wouldn't want to impose.

I'd probably start crying at the table. The only reason I didn't invite you is because... Because I'm not Jewish. No. Are you going to convert to Judaism? I would if Dave and I ever had a child I would want the child to be Jewish Manischewitz, Manischewitz-Guberman that's what you name him

well I don't, I'm so like you're going to have a child I'm so Jewish ignorant about names that I only recently in the last few years started to realize. It's really easy. Gold, Goldstein, silver. Yeah, but I didn't know that.

Silverman. Okay. So like when I was like, oh, David would be like, you always like the Jewish guys. And I'd be like, how do you know? It's like, I love Jesse Eisenberg. Is he Jewish?

And he was like, of course he is. I'm like, well, how do you know that? And I didn't know that the name was a lot of it. It's like Tova Goldsmith. That's a Jewish person. well, how do you know that? And I didn't know that the name was a lot of it. It's like Tova Goldsmith. That's a Jewish person. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I didn't know that. But now you do. And now I do. And you'll have to know a lot more once you learn, you know, do your Torah and

do all that stuff when you convert to Judaism. Like Yentl. Wait, is that? What is that? I've never seen Yentl. Did she dress up in drag? She dresses as a man so she can study the Torah because only men were allowed to study the Torah. That's just one of the guys. Yeah. Totally. You've never seen Yentl. She dresses as a man so she can study the Torah because only men were allowed to study the Torah. That's just one of the guys. Yeah. Totally. You've never seen yentl?

No, but just one of the guys is obviously ripped off a yentl. I agree. She dresses as a guy so she'll get taken seriously as a journalist. That's exactly what happens. Yentl. And yentl. They make a yentl joke in it. But in just one of the guys there's like a lesbian thing. But in yentl. make a gentle joke in it but but but in but in just one of the guys uh and one of the guys she

there's like a lesbian thing uh-huh but in yentl there's full-on sex scene no no no she's a man and she starts to have romantic feelings consensually with another man studying the torah and the other guy is like confused because he's like i'm not gay but i love that yeah and then barbara streisand eventually literally removes her hat and her and gold hair falls down. And she's like, you're a woman. We didn't know.

Yeah. We didn't know. In what world do we not know that Barbra Streisand is not a man? Well, if she's not singing life's candy and the sun's a bowl of butter, you know, it's hard to tell. I don't know.

It's like Tootsie. The, the, the, the absurdity of that movie, Tootsie, Dustin Hoffman, dog, like that dog show, that movie, Tootsie, Dustin Hoffman, dog,

that dog show, that fucking Terry Garr or I don't know if it's Terry Garr. Terry Gross. That one of the older leads of the soap opera would catch the vapors for Miss Dog Show 92. Yeah. By the way, did you listen to

the newest Nymphowars? I am halfway through it. It is so fucking funny. That intro. By the way, it's a podcast. If you don't the newest nymphowars i am halfway through it it is so fucking funny that intro if you don't by the way it's a podcast if you don't subscribe to nymphowars you're out of control and you're out of your you're out of your mind the sad thing is once you listen to nymphowars you're never gonna come back you're never gonna come back to us you'll never come back that intro was the craziest thing i've

ever heard in my life i listened to it twice it's so so so good those those two women macy rodman and Theta they're talking about how she's been in a hole cooking blue meth cooking blue crystal meth during several seasons of Breaking Bad

I mean it's just so by white nationalists forced to do kidnapped by white nationalists yes I mean you think that so you people love to talk about our chemistry but they're they just have like non-stoppable electricity it's amazing through the roof yeah i wonder if they smoke weed um i think probably maybe a little bit i don't know

but then it does all the sound effects their ability to like yes and each other it's into oblivion it's so great and they and they they it's it's so wonderful i hate it when people talk too much about like the mechanics of comedy but they really do have that like because they're laughing constantly throughout it's never all that serious i mean you know what i mean like they don't take it too seriously but it's you know when people laugh too much it's like oh shut up get on with it well left too much their own shit too yes that's what i mean like when you're improvving it's like okay you're not that funny girl like you gotta give something they have the perfect balance it's so so so funny to me well they try not to laugh the whole time which is what makes it so good because then when they do finally build to

something that's so ridiculous like and out um coming out of the out of the events and uh killing Terry Gross and Scott Barnes or something yeah or's just like, or like Scott, the Scott Barnes in person. He's like, well, I don't know. Jennifer Lopez is like, I, and also the low tech of it. I'm going to leave the room and the guest is going to come in and you hear them walk away and a door open and close. They really are amazing.

Go listen to info wars. KNFW is long hauled radio. It's a terrestrial radio for long haulhaul truckers in the flyover country, and you'll never regret a moment of it. It's amazing. So the true tragedy of it was when they went on a hiatus, and I had the knife up to my wrists. I'm watching The Office for the third time this year.

No, but the human brain doesn't work like that. We need new. We need fresh. We need in order to live. That's how it is with porn. Would you ever watch the same porn twice? I wish you knew even a little bit about that. Nobody knows the inner work.

The trouble I see. Nobody knows but Jesus. If you knew about these troubles, that question would make you cackle. Sometimes when I was twirling the pookie, I would watch the same porn for five hours. Like in a loop? Uh-huh.

Was there something in the repetition about it you liked? Yeah, it's almost like a trance-like thing. It's just a weird, crazy stuff, yeah. Oh, I've watched this. Yeah, I'm very familiar. But that's how I am with everything. I'm a repeater of everything. Me too. Same food, same music, same shows. I never get sick of songs that I love.

I've been listening to, I mean, I could listen to the Russian version of Chicago probably, I probably have like 700 times. Never get sick of it that I love. I've been listening to, I mean, I could listen to the Russian version of Chicago probably, I probably have like 700 times. Never get sick of it. I think that's okay. I love it. I'm not complaining. This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations.

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New Balance has the running shoes, clothes, and accessories to push your run further and help you run your way. Find yours at newbalance.ca slash running. New Balance, run your way. Well, David and I, well, I don't think I told you this. David and I just had our six year anniversary. Six year.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. I love that man so much. I know you do. I think that's so awesome. I love that for you. He doesn't listen to the podcast, so I don't care that he's not going to hear this. He doesn't listen to the podcast.

No, I love that he doesn't listen to the podcast. That's real love. When people are like, I was in Boston, Raphael was like, where's David? I said, nobody is less interested than seeing me in drag at this point than David fucking Harrison Silver. I know, I'm number two.

Everybody in my close orbit is like, we get it. We fucking get it, girl. We get it. The get it girl we get it the only people who are impressed by me are people who never have to see me yeah I mean but it's yeah I love he's so great I love him too he's really

really we haven't seen each other that much this year and so it's been kind of a weird year but he just really is really really is that the number one thing you're grateful for this Thanksgiving season? David, yeah, honestly. I mean, it's really like,

and you know what else really works too? We really like each other's family. And when you don't like each other's family, That's very important. It's very easy to take it for granted when you like each other's family. But anybody out there can tell you when you don't like someone's family,

it affects everything. Well, it's, it sets you on it because if you're thinking longterm, it sets you on a very different course of action. Yeah. There's, I've met people who have very tough relationships with their family and

others who have great relationships with their family. And let me tell you, when you just fantasize ahead, you know that the ones with the good relations of let me tell you, when you just fantasize ahead, you know that the ones with good relations with the family are just, you're kind of guaranteed to have some kind of longevity as long as you guys can figure it out. Yeah. When I, uh, when I first started hanging out with David's mom, I remember one time I was like in drag and kind of drunk. I don't know what was into me. And I go, and David's mom's so glamorous, right? She was like all black, like very fancy.

Yeah. She's so gorgeous and glamorous. And I remember I was like, you know, I love my mom. I said, I, my mom's like, you know, I said,

I've never had like a metropolitan glamorous mom before. And she was like, well, now you do, which was like, so, so cute. I would get along with that type of mom.

Oh yeah. Like I was, cause I was friends with all those teachers, all those like older women, like love that. My, my, my brother and I are taking my whole family on a skiing trip next spring.

I'm worried about that. Skiing is very dangerous. Says who? Sonny Bono? Natasha Richardson. Dead. Natasha Bedingfield, though. Alive.

Yeah. Sean White. That's snowboarding. He's alive. Snowboarding. Skiing is two snowboards. Skorny Weaver Did she get hurt? You broke her leg in Working Girl

Still never seen it I'm grateful that I never have to ski again in my life What are you grateful for? I'm really grateful for I'm grateful for It's a big year for you Car, house, boyfriend I'm grateful for it's a big year for you car oh yeah i'm grateful oh i'm great yeah i'm grateful for um weight gain they get well that case fluctuates you never know you know what i mean

i'm grateful this is successful weight gain yeah for you i'm grateful for the um um all the i'm grateful i'm grateful for the job because i'm grateful for the ability to buy stuff and not have to think about it to have the the freedom from the fear of financial insecurity. That's so wonderful. And I'm grateful for the lemons and limes in my backyard. I got to tell you. Lemons. It makes you feel like you are Gina Davis at the end of Long Kiss Goodnight.

When you get to go outside, pick a lemon and like put it in water. It makes you feel like Ina Garten. And I'm the barefoot contestant. This is what you have to do. What? My old roommate used to do this and it made me feel so fancy. What? Lemon.

You cut it, dice it. Yeah. Put them in the ice trays, pour the water on it. And then when you put your ice cubes in your water. They have slices of lemon inside, trapped inside. Yes. Look at this. I don't even have ice trays. I got a nice machine.

What? Yes. That's rich. I know. That's really rich. The appliances in my place are off the chain. I don't even know how to work the oven. You're going to learn to cook now.

I've just figured out the microwave of the top part. There's two things. And apparently someone who knows how to cook is like, oh, yeah, this is fierce. Do you know how to like pan fry a vegetable or like do you know how to like let me tell you what let me tell you what i did the other night i put a i put a pot i filled it with water i put on the stove i turned the stove on so that it would boil uh-huh it boiled i put the pasta inside it the ravioli in fact then i took the sauce out of the can into another saucepan and put over the thing yeah that i made pasta and ate it.

Wasn't it great? It was lovely. I gotta tell you, sometimes, I mean, I like eating out, but especially when I'm home, I just want to make it myself. Yeah, we went to the restaurant up the street. It was packed, so we went back home. We went to the grocery store, and then we made food. Are you going to have a Christmas party?

I want to. It depends on, this is so bougie, it depends on whether the renovations are done. Because I want to have an outdoor winter wonderland outdoors three tiers what are you renovating you've never been over my house yet

it has no one invites me I well I would invite you but I don't see this you did this with me

the other day it's like I would invite you but I didn't think you want to come it's three tiers it's a huge the view Mary you go up to the third tier

it's a panorama view of the city. It's incredible. I didn't invite you to my Thanksgiving, but I'm saying, why haven't you invited me to your house? Thank you. Thank you. And then the other day with the Harvey Guillen, going out to Harvey Guillen, I was like, oh, wow, thanks for the invitation. That was so sweet of you. I was like, you're going to be sick of me.

You'll know when I'm sick of you because I'll look at you. Everyone's sick of me. No, no, no, no, no. I think we all know everyone's sick of me. We're all grateful. So we are very grateful for you listening to this podcast because we never thought it would last more than three episodes but she persists.

Can I tell you something else that happened to me? Yeah. So I was leaving Milwaukee in a hurry and I said, you know what? I'm going to call my sister. I'm going to pay her to go clean my condo for me and that way when I come home in December, the trash is taken out, the dishes are done, etc. What did she do? I made the bed before I left. I left the dirty towels in the wash without starting it. I put the dishes in the sink. She comes in and she calls my mom and tells my mom that the place is a pigsty and it's embarrassing and it's a wreck.

pigsty and it's embarrassing and it's a wreck. And my mom calls me and says, your sister said it's really bad. So, and I said, well, have it been robbed or something? I said, is it?

Yeah. I mean, I put the throw pillows back. I put everything away. What's the problem? Well, she was going to do the trashes are full. I said,

did you think I was paying you to come over here and take a lap just to take some instagram photos or whatever and by the way i grew up in the same trailer as her yeah i know we know what dirty is yeah this is not dirty mama get it right sis damn trailers you don't poor david sweet little david wait have you ever been in a trailer i have yeah sweet little poor david i said have, you've never been in a trailer. He's never been in a trailer. I cannot imagine. He's never been in a trailer. It's shocking for people. Well, has he been in an RV?

Because that's similar. It is. The tour bus, basically. Well, that's not really similar to a trailer that someone lives in. That's true. You know. What do you think? Would you ever have a tiny home?

You know. If you didn't do drag, let's say. Well, I don't. My house is small. Like it is is um oh i found the square footage i think it's like 900 square feet oh okay that's small yeah right that's small for a freestanding house yeah that's well but the real jewel is the the giant backyard that goes up and up and up and um there's a garage to me like i a tiny house is i don't i don't understand that's like a white person fantasy thing people who have access to big houses they fetishize tiny houses but like i want to live in a space that i can clean by myself and this one

is the perfect like i have a downstairs gym full bathroom with shower then i have um you have a gym well i have it was a downstairs bedroom that i turned into shower. Then I have... You have a gym? Well, it was a downstairs bedroom that I turned into a gym. Then you go upstairs and I have the main bedroom with the full shower and bathroom. And then you have a giant living room with a dining area and then the kitchen. And then you go down to the deck and it has the whole backyard.

It's very, it's not huge. It's not like I'm, it's no, by no means this giant house at all. It's quite small, but the area is great and the yard is just like the, that was the whole reason I bought this. Are you going to put mirrors on the walls in your gym? I did. I had them all mirrored out.

You already had it done? Yeah. It looks fabulous. Fabulous. I got the weight bench. I got the TRX. I got the, I put the gym floor down. What is TRX? It's just that, you know, those cables. You own one of those? Mama, they're just little cables that you do on the wall. The TRX is just the thing that hangs from the wall.

Oh, I thought it was one of those giant machines. No, no, no. I would love to own one of those. I just got it delivered today. You should get one of those pre-core towers where you can move the handles up and down. Oh, yeah. So you can do pushes or legs. I want to get the bars at the Yoga and Pilates do pushes or legs. I want to get the bars like at the Yoga and Pilates studios.

Get it. I want to get it all. Do you like working out outside? I do. The deck is great. Because Barlet works out outside. It's wonderful. Yeah.

I love it if it's like the right. Probably good for energy. Yeah. Take your shirt off. Oh, yeah. Get some sun. Get a little sun. Grateful for the sun.

You know, we've never done an episode of On Exercise. I find that hard to believe. We've done apparently fitness. We've done peeing and pooping like 14 times. We've never done an episode on exercise. That's crazy. Have we done the radio? The radio?

I'm so. Terrestrial radio. Have we done Terrestrial radio? Have we done terrestrial radio? Have we done absentee voting? What do you mean? Eyebrow threading at the mall? Have we done piercing for Voda? Have we done fixed 0% APR financing on home loans?

Have we done spaying and neutering your pets? We did pets. We did animals. We had real animals in the studio. Have we done outdoor halogen lighting? Have we done citronella candles? Chinese aphrodisiac cooking?

Have we done coffee enemas? Yeah, LASIK. Reverse detransitioning after 40. I mean, shit. This is probably getting to be a, shit. God. Oh. This is probably, this is getting to be a full episode. This is enough.

However. We were only supposed to do 25 minutes. Well, they get what they get. What's going to happen? Mama, it's 30. Are we getting in trouble? No, I'm saying this could have been another full episode. Oh.

Well, maybe it is. It's a Thanksgiving episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, hey, we're giving. Yeah, we're giving. More. Thank you, so we'll give. This is your go to the table, get seconds.

Did you see Caitlyn Jenner call that person a woman with a penis? I'm going to say this. Caitlyn's wild. I'm going to say this. You know, that bitch is ugly as fuck. I think it's like a combination of stupidity, the politics. No, no, not stupidity. It's like, imagine being...

Privileged. You're still wet behind the ears as a member of this community. And imagine the brazenness of speaking like you are the last and final word of what it means to be this gender expression. Yeah. Or this identity. Well, Nikki Glaser had a funny thing because she was at a roast. gender expression or this identity. Well,

Nikki Glaser had a funny thing cause she was at a roast and Nikki Glaser was like, you know, you might've been, you might've only been a woman for two weeks, but I know deep in my heart, you've always been a cunt. T you know, T something like that.

But they had Ann Coulter at this was speaking of roast. Oh, I've seen that one. Oh my God. I was watching roast cause I had to do, I was watching Natasha Leggero. Her work at these roasts is, it's amazing.

I don't like roasts. I don't even like standup comedy that much anymore. Hers were fucking hysterical. Like I was laughing out loud. She eats. She's so fucking good. Uh, Aziz Ansari jokes.

It was like, uh, now you've received India's highest on India's highest honor. Soap. Like, it's just so crazy. Demi did the roast of Pamela Anderson. I remember that clip. I remember that clip.

The boner break. She was like, yeah, I remember. I didn't see the whole thing. The roast of Alec Baldwin. Unwatchable. Bruce Willis. Because Demi Moore comes out as a surprise and does a set. And it's not great.

There's a reason she's a set. And it's not great. Oh, there's a reason she's a dramatic actress. She collects Barbie. Oh, that's fun. I mean, I'm sure she's a lovely woman. Check her out.

I'm pleased, baby, please. But it was just, I, I just don't know that I could ever, I mean, first of all,

I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I'm too easy to make fun of. I could, I wouldn't get offended, but that's why it's fun to participate. No, a friend of ours is doing a roast thing. I couldn't do it, but I would have do it. I could do it. I could do it. I'm too easy to make fun of. I couldn't, I wouldn't get offended. But that's why it's fun to participate. No,

a friend of ours is doing a roast thing. I couldn't do it, but I would have done it. They were going to roast me. Yeah. And I honestly was like, I'm not that famous enough. That's the thing is,

I'm not that famous enough either. How hard is it to roast a drag queen? Or like, especially me, if you do the most cursory little research on me, it's like, okay, drug addict,

whatever, like mass. Or like me, pretty thin, like, you know yeah successful yeah yeah yeah but i was just like you roast people who are megastars and gorgeous and perfect and rich and you don't roast the underlings why was ann coulter there the fact that she agrees to go is so sickening and also i thought i was sickening and also i'm looking at

her face and trying to read her because of course she didn't laugh at any of the jokes about her no and she has this face that is like I interpret it as like a it's like a like all the muscles in her face are like working real hard to keep it just like discomfort I'm like what are you doing up there

maybe she's a glutton for punishment what's her face said she she and Hitler have so much in common. Nobody cares about their art until they started roasting people. Oh, my God. Ann Coulter just put out another book. Her first one was Mein Kampf.

Yeah. So good. I mean, they just laid into her. You know what, though? If you're Ann Coulter and you're going to do a roast, you lay down and take it right up the pussy.

Right up the pussy and ass. And ass. No lube. Yeah. All right. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Get loop. And ass. No loop. Yeah. All right. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Get your turkey spayed and neutered.

Bye. Bye.