The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Boofing a Sangria in Anaheim with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

It's August! As the oppressive humidity sets in and the mosquito bites multiply exponentially, why not shove little Billy and Jessica in the backseat of the 'ol family station wagon and head to Orange... County to experience the magical enchantment of the happiest place on Earth! Pay gobs of your hard-earned cash for for the privilege of dodging strollers and participating in the crass commercialism of late-stage capitalism, all to the calming soundtrack of babies crying and children screaming! And if you need a moment of escape from this cacophony of soul-crushing materialism? Be prepared to fork over $27 for a watered-down sangria sucked through a paper straw that is mere seconds away from losing all structural integrity. Our advice from the vacation experts here at BALD Vacations, LLC is to dispense with the straw and the cup, find a quiet dark corner behind a churro stand, and boof sangria after sangria until the only thing you can feel is the sweet freedom of complete and utter emotional numbness. Climb back on that porcelain throne, and make us proud. Feel the difference, daily with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Happy squatting! Need a website? Head to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! With Chime’s secure credit card, you can improve your credit score all summer long! Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like Progress. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Ritual. If there's one thing I remember from my 6th grade health class, it's that we as humans all poop. It's the one thing that we all have in common. And I'm going to assume that just like me, you feel a whole lot better when you go on a regular basis. With Symbiotic Plus from Ritual, you can finally throw away the stress of emergency number twos and find the inner peace you've always sought by pooping predictably. What is Symbiotic Plus, you may be asking yourself? Well, let me tell you about this little magical object that will make your BMs stupendous. It's a 3-in-1 clinically studied pre-, pro-, and postbiotic containing strains LGG and BB12 that supports healthy regularity. Plus, you can finally live your life without the constant worry
Starting point is 00:00:40 of gas, bloating, and diarrhea. This daily 3-in-1 prebiotic, probiotic, and postbiotic features two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support gut and digestive health. It's designed with a delayed-release capsule to help reach the colon, not the stomach, an ideal place for probiotics to survive and grow. All it takes is one daily mint-scented capsule for simple, streamlined gut support. Plus, it's vegan-friendly and formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, shady fillers, and artificial colors. Be like me and poop on the regular before leaving the house to conquer the world gas free. Climb back on that porcelain throne and make me proud people. Feel the difference daily with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's 25% off at ritual.com slash bald.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Happy squatting. What's 2FA security on Kraken? Let's say I'm captaining my soccer team and we're up by a goal against, I don't know, the Burlington Bulldogs. Do we relax? No way. Time to create an extra line of defense and protect that lead. That's like 2FA on Kraken. A surefire way to keep what you already have safe and sound. Go to Kraken.com and see what crypto can be.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See Kraken.com slash legal slash CA dash PRU dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee. Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. No riz. No riz. It sounds like Abraham Lincoln trying to like speak ebonics. It's no riz. Call me Ishmael. It's no riz.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Ebonics. I went to Universal and I haven't been since probably pre-COVID. Okay. Universal, the theme park in Burbank, California. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. You have a little frozen drink at the place. Can I just say, I hadn't previously been on the new Jurassic Park ride.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Did you love it? It's fucking scary. It's terrifying. Yeah, it did a great job. And you know I'm not thrilled with animatronics. And those fuckers were close. They were coming in hot. The second one is the one
Starting point is 00:03:05 the second one the one right before you go down it was it was punty oh my god i froze it made me want to throw up it was good they were scary far away and then i realized how we were almost reaching distance them yeah and there's like it gave me like the willies but it's a beautiful like it's a beautiful little boat ride before, like at the beginning. Yeah, before things pop off. Before you go up the thingy. Yes. And then you go down the thingy.
Starting point is 00:03:31 It's a really lovely scenic route. It is. It's like a gondola ride in Italy. Or Eataly. Eataly. We got to talk about Eataly. Because I went to Italy last week for the first time. Eataly.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Oh, Italy. We went to Italy. Yes. And the branding of Italy, the name Italy, give them the marketing award. It tells you exactly what's going on. No, take away their license. This is food that is in the style of Italy. And since you're going to eat it, it's Italy.
Starting point is 00:04:03 I kind of live for it. It kind of makes perfect sense. It's horrible. Would you like a wedding? Italy. Italy. I guess it's italy i kind of live for it it kind of makes perfect sense it's horrible would you like the wedding italy i guess it's like the rainforest cafe it's but that tells you that there's a fake rainforest yeah also it's not it's also very unclear if it's a restaurant with entrees or just like coffee and pastries i guess what's the u.s United Baits of America, where you know it's going to be baiting, but America themed. Baiting? Baiting. Like masturbating? Baiting.
Starting point is 00:04:31 What about, before I talk about Universal some more, I think we have to do away with baiting. Baiters. Are you a baiter? Oh, a group of baiters. We're going to go bait. Did you edge my grandma? Is masturbating such a long word that we have to clip it? We got to circumcise it.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Bait. Did you edge my grandma in the skibbity toilet all the way to Ohio? You're not a level 10 gooner. You have no riz. Your grandmas are all dead, right? Did you munt my grandma in Ohio? So I, well, the only connection I have to this. Do you have any, do you know what these words mean?
Starting point is 00:05:08 So, so the, my, so the only thing is the only connection I felt like is munt, munt is the same as mung. No, it's different. It's a different word. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I was like munt, that sounds familiar. And also it's being used in a, in a way that sounds very disgusting and inappropriate. So I looked it up. Yes,
Starting point is 00:05:27 it is. It is absolutely sucking the dead juice out of a recently dead body. Is it really? Yeah. Yeah. So month, mong, same thing.
Starting point is 00:05:34 That was my connection to this gen a brain rot crap. Anyways, back to universal. Okay. So Jurassic world. So scary. Yeah, it was so scary.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Those dinosaurs were scary. Did you go to scary? Did you go to Mario world? Baby, I had not been in there. Jurassic World's so scary. Yeah. It was so scary. Those dinosaurs were scary. The drop is scary. The drop is scary. Did you go to Mario World? Maybe. I had not been in there. And you know, I play video games, but I'm not like a Mario gooner. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went in there. Loved it. They don't really prepare you for the scape of it when you walk in. It's very big. It was incredible looking. I was on my phone. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:04 You know, thanks, Obama. Texting, walking, not paying attention. Thanks, Sleepy Joe. Right? Thank you, Nancy Pelosi. I'm sending a text. Yes, mom. Love you too.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Whatever. I look up. I look at the Super Mario World. And if anybody's been there, you know this feeling. It was like, whoa. They really did that. Y'all really did this. They really did that.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And then the Mario Kart ride, I don't see her. I don't see her at all. I didn't experience that because we went into the Mario World and in five minutes the thing was closing and I was so disappointed it didn't get on the ride. But I guess if it sucked, who cares? It sucked. It just wasn't giving what it needed to be giving.
Starting point is 00:06:41 What did it do? You have this visor on. Oh, fuck off. And you're driving around in a fake car and you're and you're you're driving around and you're firing shells oh it's dumb no but obviously the the you know princess peach was coming out and you get to see her but you know i'm gay being in front of princess pizza princess peach's castle was so cool um i skipped transformers because i hate that ride um transformers was it oh it's the one where it's it was like robots they're transforming i'm i think i'm convincing and i might be confusing the rides at disney world with universal now
Starting point is 00:07:13 so the mummy i love it mummy eight yeah love it it's kind of overall the sudden though kind of overall the sudden there's it's like 90 90 seconds it's it launches you and then you're backwards and then you watch an eclipse happen and they're like thank you for writing the mummy and you're like but what was the narrative there was a mummy and that's it um what else the oh the simpsons ride i liked it you didn't like that you hated are you out of your mind? It's not a real ride. That is the most violent, actually making me sick ride. But it doesn't even go anywhere. It's so violent. It's all video.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Mary, I had one leg up. I had one hand on this, one hand on the wall, and one leg on the head of the person in front of me. Just trying to fucking keep the baby. Do you know what I mean? It was so violent and crazy. You almost gathered that baby into the skibbity toilet. I was losing it. And I just halfway through it, every time there was like a bump, I go, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:08:11 But it. It hurts. That ride hurts. Really? It hurts people. It hurts families. It hurts families. Tears them apart.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Tears them apart. I'm watching Gypsy Rose Blanchard Life After Lockup. Because I got sick, so I had to start watching TV I know but I need you to I've watched more TV this week than I have in six months I need you to use the name Oh it's just wet You want me to throw a neck for ketchup
Starting point is 00:08:41 So Gypsy Rose Life After Lockup Why Why Because we have a right to know throw neck for ketchup um so gypsy rose life after lockup the show because i gotta tell you why because we have a right to know the show starts with her leaving prison okay they literally cameras at prison her first scene in her own show is her getting out of fucking jail for the first time and going to a hotel the d is fire right she's having sex she's shopping for shoes no no it's not that kind of yeah it's not kind of yeah and you know knowing what we know in the media now she's not with that gentleman so you're kind of watching the show being like oh i think they break up yeah because she's pregnant with someone else now and in the show
Starting point is 00:09:22 we're watching her beat with her first husband now so it's really wild is it exploitative i mean she's a willing participant not more than other reality programs sure sure it's and we're watching her live a completely different experience than you and i will ever have i know which is being famous for that for killing your mom and being famous before during and after your prison sentence do you know what i mean yeah so unique and so you cannot but watch because i thought the show would sort of exploit her i thought they would kind of make her seem kind of like a nutcase yes but watching and i'm going to be honest you really go god i've i've never endured that level of abuse.
Starting point is 00:10:06 I've never done what she did. I've never married out of jail. All these things. I've never had a feeding tube against my will. I've never had. There's all these things where like I'm watching, but I can't really judge her because I've certainly never been in her shoes. She's so unrelatable. Really?
Starting point is 00:10:21 Yeah. And so in some ways she is so young still how old is she 25 maybe 26 i think right i think they're just watching watching porn on those laptops oh there you go okay even i infantilized her she's only two years younger than me wow how long was her prison sentence i think it was a good eight years wasn't it because she didn't know eight years she didn't it? Eight years? Because she didn't know she was like 22. Remember, that was the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Her mom was lying about her age. She got out early from 10. And so the show is like, I've never seen, but can I tell you this? I've never seen a show where someone has to openly on camera talk about the restrictions of parole. She gets out of jail and she has to report to her new parole officer in missouri or whatever so for her to be on the phone crying because one parole officer is telling her you need to go now and the other parole officer in the other states like no we don't need you here till tuesday and she's sobbing because she's like if i mess this up at all i'm going back to jail for a
Starting point is 00:11:19 year and a half oh my god and so the stakes are very high because she like has no belongings she has to get out of jail and be taken to like a carnival shoes just to get a first her first pair of shoes like and the cameras are following it's so wild and she really wants a dog but she's fighting a lot with her husband because she's talking to her ex who wants to get back together with her and now that i hope they're paying her a lot of money Sometimes when I get sick This is what kind of TV sucks me in I know but when you do go on your break I really really really need you to get into Game of Thrones Okay but that's what's going to happen
Starting point is 00:11:53 I started on some other quality television That I think you should watch I don't watch a lot of TV The Righteous Gemstones When you and I do I like to watch That is the most TV I watch all month It feels like forever. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Especially with you. And Righteous Gemstones was amazing. Really? I'm two seasons in. Is it wacky? It's about an evangelical rich church family. Yeah. And Adam Devine and John Goodman.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Yes. And it opens with one of the brothers finding out he's being bribed, or not bribed, ransomed because there's a video of him doing drugs with hookers. Okay. And so the whole first season revolves around him trying to get the tape without paying the ransom. And, you know, it's like Christian people trying to be squeaky clean, but they're all, of course, rich and crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's very comedic. Love, love, love pink.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Love pink. You know, everyone's been saying that again. She's a bad seed on this world. She's a bad seed on this earth. Georgie is so funny. The thing is, I have a similar point of view. I have an unnecessary aversion to her. I realize she's talented.
Starting point is 00:12:59 So what? She's still a rock star. Come on on fucker they love the butt oh they love the one we're on do you see my balls swinging oh damn no underpants well you don't like that no I have mom these underwear. I'm not kidding. Oh, great. Oh, my God. It's all wet. It's all wet. Look at this belt. It's a spaggy belt.
Starting point is 00:13:31 It's a spaggy fucking belt. Spaggy belt with... Go on the government website. Go on the government website. Tell me these H&M underwear are actually from 2015. Oh, my God. Isn't that horrible Kinda
Starting point is 00:13:46 You know what I haven't bought underpants in a good long time The thing is I feel like if you wash them And they're not holy Let God Say what you will about Calvin Klein I'm sure you can say quite a bit Those motherfuckers Yes I could say that how are you
Starting point is 00:14:02 Also those Marco Marco shits they're binding they're it's a tucking panty I used the I used his speedo as a tucking panty
Starting point is 00:14:12 without fail see and that bitch gets so pulverized in the washing machine and dryer pulverized yeah
Starting point is 00:14:19 unflappable tuck this episode is brought to you by Ritual unflappable talk. it's the one thing that we all have in common. And I'm going to assume that just like me, you feel a whole lot better when you go on a regular basis. With Synbiotic Plus from Ritual, you can finally throw away the stress of emergency number twos and find the inner peace you've always sought by pooping predictably. What is Synbiotic Plus, you may be asking yourself? Well, let me tell you about this little magical object that will make your BMs stupendous. It's a three-in-one, clinically studied, pre-, pro-, and post-biotic containing strains LGG and BB12 that supports healthy regularity.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Plus, you can finally live your life without the constant worry of gas, bloating, and diarrhea. I used to stay at home on Saturday nights to organize my sock drawer and watch documentaries about sex cults. Now, I take Ritual Symbiotic Plus daily. And while I still occasionally stay in to make sure my socks are organized by color and ankle height, now I don't have to hide in my house with a bloated tummy and disgusting gas. Instead, I can wear my new top hat and goggles and go to all the hottest steampunk parties in Los Angeles. And all thanks to Rituals Symbiotic Plus.
Starting point is 00:15:41 This daily three-in-one prebiotic, probiotic, and postbiotic features two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support gut and digestive health. It's designed with a delayed-release capsule to help reach the colon, not the stomach, an ideal place for probiotics to survive and grow. All it takes is one daily mint-scented capsule for simple, streamlined gut support. Plus, it's vegan-friendly and formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, shady fillers, and artificial colors. Be like me and poop on the regular before leaving the house to conquer the world gas-free. Climb back on that porcelain throne and make me proud, people. Feel the difference daily with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Get 25% off your first
Starting point is 00:16:21 month at ritual.com slash bald. That's 25% off at ritual.com slash bald. Happy squatting. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you've been in a coma for the past 30 years, you might not know what a website is or that we now eat entire salads from that green leafy thing that used to be a decoration on the Sizzler salad bar. First off, I'd like to welcome you to 2024 where everything is wonderful and the earth is. First off, I'd like to welcome you to 2024, where everything is wonderful and the earth is fine. Second, I want to tell you that you need a website right now. Even though you've never surfed the web or stupidly bought a lion costume for your pet chihuahua at 4am off of Timu, Squarespace is the industry-leading tool where you can make
Starting point is 00:17:00 websites for pretty much anything. Need a website to tell the harrowing tale of how you got into your coma? Boom, Squarespace. Need a website to contact other people from that bus you were on that fell off a cliff at Yosemite in order to start a class action lawsuit? Squarespace has you covered. I think the question that keeps popping up
Starting point is 00:17:17 in that coma-ridden head of yours is, how can Squarespace help me make the website of my dreams? Well, I have an answer for you, Debra. Squarespace has a massive portfolio of product features for whatever website you're looking to launch. And after you've launched, let's say you need help with marketing. Squarespace has so many features to help drive sales
Starting point is 00:17:34 and engage your audience with creative email campaigns that you'll be filing that lawsuit in no time. And if you have some extra knowledge that you think you can turn into some extra cash, say some detailed information about the netherworld that you inhabited for the past 30 years, Squarespace can help you post online courses. That's right. Squarespace has all the tools you need to create and sell your very own course and even set it up to be a one-time payment and or subscription. After you write a book about your insane experience over the last three decades, you can make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. Accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay, and offer customers
Starting point is 00:18:09 the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. So go ahead and check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Did you see Celine Dion with her stiff person syndrome? I couldn't watch her scream. I couldn't watch her scream. Well, I actually thought of you,
Starting point is 00:18:38 not because you have stiff person syndrome, but because you always talk about how movement is such a big part of, you need to be able to move. Imagine if your movement started to go away from you which i guess you know when i started to get arthritis they were saying like you know the doctor was like well the thing is we all live long we hope to live long enough to experience some level of disability in our life right that means we've lived a full life and with celine even though she you know um i'm not sure her age, but obviously for her, the loss of mobility is fucking heartbreaking and devastating.
Starting point is 00:19:09 And these clips of her talking about it, it's so hard to be like, oh. Yeah, I can't stand it. So sad. She's like an angel. What an icon. Yeah. Love Celine.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Love. Love Celine, for real. Yeah, absolutely. You know who else loves Celine? Kim, she loves Celine Dion. Does she really? Loves, back in the day, bitch, I used to fall asleep in bed with her, with her, with her glasses on, her MacBook on her chest, with the lights on in her bedroom, blaring Celine Dion in
Starting point is 00:19:32 her face. That's how she would sleep. That is so weird. Isn't that great? Did she ever get to see her live show in Vegas? I didn't. Oh, did Kim? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:40 I don't know. I wish I had. Cirque du Soleil guy invented that. Not invented, invented that Why don't you do your own gay circus traveling That's called Cirque du Soleil And then people come out And they get really fierce And it's hunty
Starting point is 00:19:56 No I'm going to do a Gen Alpha brain rot tour Where we're just a bunch of low sigma Novus caps Munting in the skibbity toilet in Ohio. What is that? I don't know. What is it?
Starting point is 00:20:12 I guess you either die a hero, or you're going to see yourself become the villain. Like, you know, I remember when, I don't know what, I don't think as a millennial in my teens, I said words that adults didn't understand. I don't think so because this was this was like cling on to me and i'm i'm not i'm not like eternally online but i'm pretty online now granted our own like our own social media apps generally tend to be an echo
Starting point is 00:20:40 chamber because we choose who we follow right Right. But the Explorer page sometimes throws in a little fucking shit that you don't. And it's just like. Between this and the guys putting packing penises in their underwears and shaking around and gay baiting. Yeah. What's with that? They look so fake. They are fake.
Starting point is 00:20:59 But why are they doing this? They're doing it because people because it catches the eye. But it's fake. It's a fake penis. Do people think it's real? Of course they do. I know, this is, I know I've talked about this before. Let me tell you about this.
Starting point is 00:21:11 This is how you know a dick is real. You get close to it, take a skin sample, you send it to the lab, you DNA test it. MRI. Sniff it. I realized I've been, listen, you know what I just realized? What? I realized I've been Listen You know what I just realized What Just In
Starting point is 00:21:26 Now keeping in mind My recent financial woes Which are under control By the way Oh thank you Nashville Tennessee Yeah shout out To the fun gig
Starting point is 00:21:36 What was the vibe Oh my god Let me paint you a picture You lived So Did a couple of gigs It was jarring To get back on the road
Starting point is 00:21:44 In the lip sync Mode It is Jarring to get back on the road in the lip sync mode. It is. It's jarring because it's, I mean, of course, it's always like, if I had to do it without an assistant, I would have done one gig and be like, I can't do this. You know what I mean? Because it's just, it's just too much. Crickneck. No, also, it's just too much work doing something that when you're kind of depressed you don't want to do anyways. So it's like laying out the makeup.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Packing the makeup. A lot of stuff. Louisville. Fun. Seattle. And then Nashville. Play. I mean. Did you play Louisville too? I did. Double play. Nashville play. I mean,
Starting point is 00:22:25 did you play Louisville too? I did double play, double play, uh, play Louisville was fun. They were, they were really nice. It was,
Starting point is 00:22:32 um, that is a bigger stage. It's like, I was gonna say, ironically, Louisville's the bigger one. I know. And Nashville's the smaller,
Starting point is 00:22:38 smaller one, but they're very, very similar setups. Um, the girls at Louisville were very, very nice, but then I, oh oh then i had to do michigan michigan was tough because it was grand rapids no royal oak oh i did two little
Starting point is 00:22:51 numbers um but there was it was two there were two shows when was it seven okay well there was at 11 girl it was like that is that's a matinee it was really and i was like it was not in a club you know because you can feel your fantasy in a club like you can i know we do theaters and we're like more accustomed to more like to a more theatrical schedule where there's like proper green rooms we've got writers and it's it's fancy it's kind of fancy and the hotels are cunty and it's it's like a theater where there's eight o'clock show and you can feasibly be in bed by 11 yeah you can live somewhat of a normal schedule and not feel like a like a night creature but this show was everybody was lovely the tips were incredible people were so fucking generous i can't even stand it but it was in this like
Starting point is 00:23:40 i don't know it was a stage it was very small and the sound system was very low oh no and it was like i'm doing this stupid song that really needs to be heard and it was just like even if they hear it at the perfect volume they won't like it so then to be quiet you don't mean they don't even have a chance to decide i was like there's a part in it where she screams and that's the funny part and i don't even know if they heard it it was it was it was humiliating it was yeah label so but i go to nashville and it was the fun it was so fun i could not fucking believe it approximately 4500 degrees yeahately five that we were, everybody that I could see in the crowd
Starting point is 00:24:28 was dripping sweat. Wet mud. So that I was like, well, at least we're all in this together. Right. And I like, I just lived. And I just,
Starting point is 00:24:38 I loved it. And I did, I just, I did songs that I wanted to do. I was like, I don't care if anybody, like I'm going to do these Russian songs. I don't care. I know them. Cause to do these Russian songs. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:24:45 I know them. Because my repertoire of English language songs is like nothing. Right. Nothing. I don't know Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know Chapel Roan. I know they're lovely ladies. But I don't want to talk about espresso.
Starting point is 00:25:03 Yeah. But I don't want to talk about espresso. Yeah. But I mean, Nashville, it was, I couldn't believe it. I told the DJ, I was like, I'm going to do, we do two numbers, right? In the two shows. Why are you laughing? I thought of you walking out there and it being really hot and then you living for it. And then you're that Wendy Williams meme where she's like.
Starting point is 00:25:22 I was like, I really was. Like you walked out and you're that Wendy Williams meme where she's like, I really walked out. You're like, I don't know. Like after, like after the number, I, of course I am,
Starting point is 00:25:30 you know, pigged up like pigged and I've got apple in the mouth. Stick up the ass turning. Wow. It's Lou. Count is Lou. Wow. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:25:41 I had to, of course, because I, because I have a challenging profile in drag, I have to course it. And you're big now. It's non-negotiable. Can I say you're not big, but for you, you for once are dealing with what all of us have dealt with this whole time. Where's the...
Starting point is 00:26:03 Yeah. It's Gypsy Rose Blanchard. It's Beyonce with those flowers all over. Yeah yeah it's gypsy rose blanchard it's beyonce with those flowers all over yeah it's fertility goddess so that because and also when i what what it is it is so when i feel it i don't i mean i don't have like you wear the steel bone yeah it's the one i had to wear in fucking trixie and katya tour. It was, it's, it's like no breathy, no breathy, no breathy.
Starting point is 00:26:30 And I would yank it up. So, so uncomfortable, right? Even before the costume comes on. And then it is, it's just a wall of heat, a wall of heat. It is so fucking hot in there,
Starting point is 00:26:43 but I just, I could not help myself they were screaming screaming i could have i could have done um i could have done um the macarena system there too oh it's fabulous yeah the music was loud it was the lights they have a fabulous lighting it's a real stage yes real dressing rooms real dressing rooms have a, they have a nice wall. It's not bare. It's kind of like textured or something. They got the tea.
Starting point is 00:27:09 It's like a very large, it's not huge, but it's definitely big enough to feel like a star. Definitely. It's not a podium. And the girls showed up for you. The audience was there full. Mary,
Starting point is 00:27:20 they said it sold out in two minutes. Love. Yeah. The only thing I didn't, the only thing that was a shock Is the meet and greet Sure You have to do the meet and greet on stage
Starting point is 00:27:34 You have to do the meet and greet on stage I remember doing it at that club In between shows That was like In Royal Oak especially too Everybody's so lovely of course but it's like it's another kind of show
Starting point is 00:27:48 100% I think it's harder than the show in some ways it is because it's everybody keeps saying thank you for coming we know you didn't want to be here that's like when people ask for a hug and then apologize to me like i know you hate touching people but can i or the best is when they're like can i have a picture
Starting point is 00:28:10 you must hate this and i'm like i don't i would have said no if i hated this you know it's funny a lot of people in the the past four gigs like walking around town or like in the airport um i don't know like i always forget because i don't leave my house very much i don't get recognized or whatever but i do i know you do and i will again but they like they go like i've gotten good at skipping the rigmarole like cutting to the chase i appreciate the kind words but they're rarely said succinctly concisely articulately because they're like they're just they either just scream they scream they scream at the top of their lungs and then i'm like and then it's like do you want to take a picture i just say do you want to take
Starting point is 00:28:54 a picture because that's what they want to do but there but if you don't say that there's like there's a whole encyclopedia britannica of like uh random thoughts and kind of like stuff that just you know what i mean the best is when you're with gay friends my own fucking gay friends and somebody will ask for a picture with me and my like friend from college you'll be like why like when you're real friends see somebody think you're famous my real friends will walk up to the meet and greet line and be like i don't think she's worth all that yeah you're that bald fucker like you're like you're lining up for that ugly bitch? For that thing?
Starting point is 00:29:25 Let me talk about that pig. Yeah. My daughter over there. That pig owes me $15. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. I have a question for all of you folks out there in podcast land. What are your self-care non-negotiables?
Starting point is 00:29:43 Maybe you never skip a wholesome, well-balanced breakfast, or you never skip leg day at the gym, lest you look like an action figure walking around on bony toothpicks. Or you never skip therapy day. If you're like me, your schedule is packed with your kids' taekwondo lessons, insufferable in-laws visits, or finally starting that backyard herb garden project. Listen, I know how busy life can be. It's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for
Starting point is 00:30:09 it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. That's where BetterHelp comes in. I have benefited massively from therapy. It's great to have that one non-negotiable appointment where I put everything down and take the time for some genuine self-care. And even better, I don't have to drive anywhere. I can meet with my BetterHelp therapist from the ease and comfort of my own home on a schedule that works best for me. BetterHelp is designed to work with your crazy life no matter how busy you are. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to match with the best licensed therapist for you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.
Starting point is 00:30:45 It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today
Starting point is 00:31:02 to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald. Hey, it's Joe Biden. Joe, it's a great summertime. It's a great time to start building credit. So how does the change in the routine impact your everyday purchases? Are you spending more than usual? Summers should be fun, but not financially stressful.
Starting point is 00:31:25 With the Chime Secure Credit Builder Visa Credit Card, it's easy to start building credit with everyday purchases and regular on-time payments with no annual fees or interest. Hurts nobody. Stimulates the economy. And if your credit scores grow, so could your opportunities for lower rates on loans, like a car home. So Chime's got a new feature called the Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card.
Starting point is 00:31:53 No annual fees, interest, or credit check to apply. Use it everywhere. Visa credit cards are accepted. I use mine at the drive-thru at my local pancake restaurant. Love me a stack of 10 first thing at 7 in the a.m. Build credit using your own money and get paid up to two days early with direct deposit. With a qualifying direct deposit, you get access to your money sooner. With Chime's secure credit card, you can improve your credit scores all summer long. Get started today at Chime.com slash bald. That's Chime.com slash bald. Chime feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card is issued by the Bancorp Bank, NA or Stride Bank. NA spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Auto network, ATM withdrawal and OTC advanced fees
Starting point is 00:32:41 may apply. Terms and conditions apply. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details. withdrawal and OTC advance fees may apply. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. Looking for a path to accelerate your career? Clear direction for next level success? In a place that is innovative and practical? A path to stay current and connected to industry? A place where you can be yourself? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. I love a scenario like when I was at Universal.
Starting point is 00:33:17 I was like, you know. What was your favorite ride there? Oh, I do think Jurassic kind of turned it. Turned it. Really did. I felt like I was in the film. I love to go to Universal. You can do the whole park in a couple hours.
Starting point is 00:33:31 I think it is, personally, I find it to be Flap Tina Bestie. I think it's very expensive. But you only live like 12 minutes from it. Go in there, take an Uber there. Do the whole park with the express pass, two hours. And get out of there. I did. The house I used to live at, it was like five minutes from my house.
Starting point is 00:33:46 I don't care. Yeah. I just, I, it was like $150. And it was, it was no Disney world. No,
Starting point is 00:33:54 it's no Disney. Is it Disneyland in California? Yes. Yeah. Let me tell you about Disneyland. Sheets. No. Oh,
Starting point is 00:34:02 so you don't like anything. i don't like disneyland it is wall to wall infants oh sure infants and it's like not like they say kids it's not kids they're babies newborns umbilical cords they're like they're wet and have amniotic fluid women giving birth on the sw family Robinson. They're chewing off the cords. Dingling the baby off the cliff. All of it. They are wet with amniotic fluid.
Starting point is 00:34:30 They are one to three days old. And people are doing strollers that are like stretch hummers. They're driving tractors with these babies on them. And you cannot avoid them. And I'm there with both my breasts full of milk and no one will suckle off me but my fucking family. And guess what you are absolutely certain not to do at Disneyland. What? Smoke.
Starting point is 00:35:04 Yeah, you cannot smoke even. You can smoke. Ten miles. Go ahead and get on the I-10. Go down to Phoenix. Go to Anaheim. Go to Hidden Hills. Go to Calabasas.
Starting point is 00:35:17 You cannot. Mary, when I pulled the cigarette out of my pack in the parking lot, I felt- You know, she felt Karen from Hospitality with the shotgun. I heard the ch-ch-ch. And they're like, sir, you need to get the fuck out. You need to vacate. You cannot smoke even- If you see anything Disney related in your peripheral vision, if you can see the park
Starting point is 00:35:41 in the distance, you are not allowed to smoke there. If you're in a place where they have the Disney Channel, you cannot smoke. If you've heard of Selena distance, you are not allowed to smoke there. If you're in a place where they have the Disney Channel, you cannot smoke. If you've heard of Selena Gomez, you are not allowed to smoke. Not only do they have Mickey Mouse, if they've ever had mice, you cannot smoke here. You can't even hold a pencil like this. It's fucked. It's fierce. I mean, I get it.
Starting point is 00:35:58 And then when you're a drinker, which, you know, I've been drinking again. Plenty of alcohol. But, girl, you go over to california adventure and you go one sangria please they give you a thimble of kool-aid that someone spritzed hand sanitizer for 18 and i'm like so i'm gonna have to put this up my ass at the haunted mansion this sangria at the haunted mansion to like to escape this baby fever. Babies. Babies. Not children.
Starting point is 00:36:26 By the way, love babies. Hate strollers. Yeah. Love babies. Carry them. I don't mind. I don't,
Starting point is 00:36:33 babies are fine. Babies are lovely. Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Eve, but a stroller. Like, carry your goddamn baby. It's,
Starting point is 00:36:41 or wear rollerblades. It's stroller getting. It is stroller getting. And these, these shits get really fucking wide it is it is so many fucking do you think Abe Lincoln's mother had a stroller you think Abe Lincoln fell out of a coconut tree
Starting point is 00:36:55 you think Abe Lincoln was at Disneyland smoking do you think Abe Lincoln was a bag do you think Herbert i i a lot of people seem to think that i think so i don't think his other gas was getting any kind of pussy pussy or otherwise mary lincoln turd wasn't exactly by the way looks better than her by the way by the way on your break you must go to see her play i am i'm gonna go going to go see their play. I'm going to go see. I'll tell the children.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Can I tell you what I'm doing on my break? Tell them. I'm going to see Cole's play for sure. I'm going to London to see Vanessa Williams and Devil Wears Prada. I'm going to Alaska with my girlfriends from college. Never been there. Never will work there. So I thought, let's go.
Starting point is 00:37:39 I've never been there either. I'm going to Anchorage. I'm going to go on some glacier tours. Like a tourist. Super, super cool. Going to Provincetown with some guy friends from college. Gay. Visiting my mom in Milwaukee.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Mom. And just vibing. Cool. Not spending a lot of time in LA. Getting out. Yeah, why would you? Up and out. Yeah, that's fierce.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Getting some house sitters, so the house doesn't sit empty, but there you go. You can probably use the pool cooler. Strollers? I think Maddie's staying at the house with me. Do you mind strollers in there? Yeah, you can have a stroller and you can sleep in it um i'm just i'm just vibing and i'm gonna watch game of thrones that's like my project get into it yeah it's oh man i just because i
Starting point is 00:38:16 began in the house of the dragon i watched the recent episode three times i guess my pussy's so good they make this the budgets on these on these shows are so gargantuan. Like one outfit. What's the wig? It's good wigs, right? Well, yes. It's not Netflix. Well, so there's a certain,
Starting point is 00:38:38 what do you call them? I don't know. Clan of people, the Targaryens, whatever. They have, they're famously white haired okay okay and but there are many different skin colors and so for some in the first season there was an egregious wig on this young um dark-skinned character it was a lioness
Starting point is 00:38:58 a hard front okay in platinum white blonde that looked like it was uh they took it out of the hair nut they clipped the tag and they shoved it on this young girl an adult wig it was unforgivable but but for the most part they're they're unclogably beautifully wonderful white wigs which is they have to wear bald caps underneath the they have to wear bald cats because of the yeah yeah i look i i was on kelly clarkson today and my wig looks horrible i i i glued it down so poorly the hairline looks like it is a they took that pizza pizzazz presto oven cooked it put some cheese on it and cooked it to my head it's not it's not laced it's a dijon it looks like a pizza roll did you have fun at least on there um yeah i
Starting point is 00:39:44 mean i love to do talk show stuff Yeah, and I love to she seemed like she was game. She was jumping around She's super funny and pretty and I got to watch her rehearse, you know, she sings every day She sings a new song every day on the show what she covers a song every day get out of here I got to watch her sing and it was fun to go promote Trixie Motel We filmed it a while ago a good month and a half ago. Hmm But um, I've um to go on the break. I've never had three months off drag in my life.
Starting point is 00:40:10 The longest I ever had off drag was two weeks when my appendix exploded three years ago. Remember that? I do. You remember that? I do. Halloween, right? Right around Halloween, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I'm just going to vibe. I'm not going to vibe. I'm not shaving. Wizard beard. At all. Wizard beard. It's going to be stringy, puby, unappealing. It's going to be horrible. Oh my God. You know what though?
Starting point is 00:40:33 This is what I think you should do. You should really explore a piece. Vina was showing me these Instagram, this company that does these male wigs units their unit systems whatever you want to call it and what often what we'll do like men will they'll they'll grow like a friar tuck situation right you know because they're totally bald like when i was shaving my head in the in the shower and i was looking in the mirror to make sure i got everything and i was like okay yep i'm very fucking bald like bald up here i thought i kind looking in the mirror to make sure i got everything and i was like okay yep i'm very
Starting point is 00:41:05 fucking bald like bald up here i thought i kind of had the illusion or i was under the delusion that i was wrong oh it's just very like you're very seated oh no no no no no there this is like there is nothing going on up here there is nothing we're in a recession yeah it is we're in a recession yeah it's like it's a famine of hair up there. But anyways, so they would, they'll often grow like, you know, what they can grow, which is like the Mr. Burns look. Right. And then they'll have, they'll apply, they'll glue on these units that blend into a fade and they're fucking incredible.
Starting point is 00:41:42 And it's wild because I know that like listen i made peace with being bald have you look at me yeah you're not even wearing a hat i've been doing going no hat and it's been very free love it great but so what is shocking is that these a lot of these men go from handsome handsome, bald to immediately 10 to 15 years younger. And I would say four to five points hotter. Yeah. It's wild. What do you think about that? Well, thank you for asking.
Starting point is 00:42:17 I, what do you think? Think that I think that, okay. We're white and in white culture, people wearing wigs, wearing hair pieces. Is something to hide. It's shameful. It's weird. Wild. Yeah, it's crazy.
Starting point is 00:42:35 But there are many cultures where extra hair, fake hair, magic hair, enhancements, applications, half wigs. Straight up wigs. Normal. Yeah, yeah normal yeah yeah and so i always feel that for men especially like i wish for example if you got a unit and everyone in the room was like oh she has a unit on it should be like oh i love your piece it looks so good i feel like with men's units we're demanding that the room pretend and in person it's not often completely spookproof unclogable tea i know people with units you do too we've had them on the show and not you know what i'm talking
Starting point is 00:43:12 about we've had them and not said anything yeah and in person if you wear wigs especially we all see yeah and so sometimes i feel like what it does with men is it forces the room into a game of yes and and i wish we were more open about units and the room could go, by the way, your piece looks fucking great. It looks awesome. But that would be offensive if you told someone your piece looks great. Yeah, I love your wig. You don't say that to a woman. Like, okay, I wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:43:39 So, I mean, I worked at a wig store. You say, I love your hair. Love your hair. That's true. I worked at a wig store, quickly realized that many black women wear wigs, period. Many of them have no hair, short hair. They don't want to fuck with their hair. They don't want to do braids.
Starting point is 00:43:54 They don't want to- Safer to, like, when you're growing it out, putting braids on, you know. They just slap a wig on every day. It's a part of their lives. It's literally clothing. Yeah, yeah. It's clothing. It's not a hat.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Changing your style. It's not a hat. It's wearing a shirt. Totally. You know, you can, at home you can wear your, just you take your shirt off,
Starting point is 00:44:08 wear your bra at home. You can take off your wig, be bald head or whatever. It's just like a very regular part of life. And, and I'm assuming many men who have sex with these women have romantic partnerships with them. They're aware of that.
Starting point is 00:44:22 You know what I mean? Yes. So there's like a, you know, it's not like, Oh my God, I can't believe you took off your wig and you don't have hair. Right. You know, but I don't know with, um. With men, I think there would be a certain amount of, like, let's say you're single and you have a unit.
Starting point is 00:44:39 At one point in dating a woman, do you say, well, I just want you to know that when I get my hair cut i also have a piece fluffed and folded and replaced every time i want do you think that it would bother women i don't know because i know that it wouldn't short men are so universally reviled i am so curious about what i just want to pull i don't want to know about political polls i want i want the pollsters to focus on this instead i want the exit polls on would you date a bald man who wears a piece and would that and on upon discovery of that piece would your attraction to him stay the same or would it decrease would you believe me if i told you i yearn for a beard then more than a
Starting point is 00:45:26 head of hair i would believe you because because a beard with no hair is such a good distinguished look yeah and i wish i could be shaved headed with a beard but obviously for our line of work yeah um what would you do if you had three months off of drag what would you really do with it i basically do you're like i'd end up in foreclosure i mean i'm not working in drag for like three weeks that listen you are driving the bus on this person you guys this piece of shit shit this huge puddle of diarrhea neck throwing garbage pan garbage pail kid she's taking over the whole pod with all guests and doing all the work well i'm not doing all the work i'm showing up and i'm which i'm very grateful for whatever what can i at least i can do when i first wanted
Starting point is 00:46:16 to go on the break i was not sure i could have it my cake you need it too and also go away from the pod so i really appreciate it i have yeah we have a good um we have a good i i learned that i was like i quickly learned that i cannot come in here with just anybody and pretend to have the same kind of effortless banter back and forth without you hello baby you can't read the dolls you and i do can i just say i'm just gonna i don't want to get in trouble and i don't care if i do because they have three months to get over it okay baby you can't read the bald um you can't baby you can't read the bald i you and i do things on youtube that people watch and they go oh well let's get two men in wigs and oh sure sure green screen whatever and let's copy it yeah yeah and then it's not good or whatever but what
Starting point is 00:47:05 i find funny is employers of ours studios whoever it it it is completely a process for them to accept that maybe it's not the lights the wigs the cameras the dirt that maybe it's us yeah maybe you and i are what makes it funny yeah and it's not um duplicatable like it's not just get two cross dressers throw them in the it's more than that yeah i mean like for example i had naomi on i literally just couldn't stop staring at her legs i swear to god what a great episode it was i i mean i loved it i well good but i just like i'm watching the back i'm like god can you fucking ask her a question you freak She's just staring at her legs, but she totally like,
Starting point is 00:47:47 I didn't know. I didn't know she was going to be in drag. And it really threw me like it really was a zip up hoodie. She let's relax. Uh, 90 inches tall. Yeah. Well,
Starting point is 00:48:02 90 inches. It's a low chair. Her. She was like this. I know. I know. This was her knee. Like where my feet are, her knees are.
Starting point is 00:48:10 And then they're bending down. Nobody is more beautiful than her. And it's not just beauty. It's fucking crazy. Sarah Jessica Parker is beautiful. She's like five feet tall. Naomi Smalls is 90 inches from heel to wig. If Sarah Jessica Parker's beautiful,
Starting point is 00:48:28 Naomi is gorgeous. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:48:30 I know. I'm just saying like, like, um, there are many women, many, many women are beautiful, but most often they're also very petite.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. You know what I mean? so let's say, uh,
Starting point is 00:48:41 uh, I think who's thinking of somebody like, um, I don't know, like Kristen Chenoweth. This is why I'm leaving. Lightning in a bottle. This is why I'm leaving.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Yeah, yeah. She's 4'11". She really is. You know what I mean? Simone Biles, three feet. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, orange.
Starting point is 00:48:58 But Naomi is, she walked in and I was like, ugh. Yeah. And then she sat down and her legs are so wet. Just like wet. So I literally thought you would have been misting her legs with a spray bottle the whole time. She oiled. She was so oiled. Well, she took like, what was it?
Starting point is 00:49:15 Soy sauce. She was just rubbing. Olive oil. Yeah. EVO. EVO. EVO. Extra virgin olive oil.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Oh. Pure leaf, no sugar? Tea. What's wrong with you? I like unsweetened tea. Oh my God. Look at my fucking glass of diarrhea over here. I know.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Well, I've been a lot. I put on eight pounds. Good for you. God. Hi, fat. You know, yes. yes i just my arthritis has been improving fabulous she's been on the upswing on the upswing well right now my injectable is um like hard to get so they're putting me on a biosimilar like a similar drug yeah i haven't had my injectable in three weeks but it's it's feeling so much better and you know what you know what listen
Starting point is 00:50:02 i sometimes i want lately i've been doing a behavior which I loathe, which is wandering into comment sections. Okay. And something that really bugs me is that... Is Ozempic comments under any of your photos? All of them. I think it is so... I think it's so lame.
Starting point is 00:50:20 I think it's so lame. Because if people... If anybody knew anything about you... They know that I'm too cheap for that shit. They know you would never take Ozempic. Yeah. I could barely take my like life changing medicine for my arthritis. I'm like, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:50:33 I just know you wouldn't do it. Like, because it's not, it's not to cast a shadow on anybody who does it or, or it's not even to really like look down on quick fixes or shortcuts, whatever, which for a lot of people, it is a shortcut and a quick fix. Sure. It's for a lot of, for some people, it's also, it's also a way to skirt diet and lifestyle changes. And,
Starting point is 00:50:52 and you know, I can say that because I've never struggled. The food is the only thing I don't struggle with. Right. So, right. So that's not even in my purview, but like,
Starting point is 00:51:02 I just, that just irks me because you know, I don't know. I don't know why. If we're being vulnerable in the pond, cause I am going on a break. I don't think it's any secret that this has been pretty much visibly the worst year of my life. In many ways, the audience doesn't know about, but I wasn't exactly hiding it. Well, you know, getting sick and getting so thin, it was just like all of it. yeah um you know getting sick and getting so thin it was just like all of it and let's just say when you know that you're not the skinniest you've ever been because of diet and exercise you know it's
Starting point is 00:51:31 because of being sad and that's all people comment on it's sort of like wow all these years of joking about aren't i skinny that was funny because i wasn't that skinny right so then when i was skinnier than i've ever been as skinnier than I wanted to be and I could barely get weight on, it was like, oh shit, this sucks. I never really experienced that. I've had people say like, oh, you're thicker, you've gained weight.
Starting point is 00:51:55 But I've never had people be like commenting so earnestly in a complimenting way about how thin you are. But I wasn't trying to be thin yeah and you know it was sort of invasive i found it very invasive i don't think anybody who has a private instagram profile should be able to comment on anybody's pictures oh interesting yeah if i were to own that site i would say if you're a private you have no you cannot participate you i really didn't like it yeah i think it's horrible i plus that's the way i once i the only the thing i learned from miss julia roberts i only allow
Starting point is 00:52:32 people who i follow to comment on my photos you like that well i and basically what it does is that if i if i'm looking at my own instagram which i don't really do that often but like there's only open it to look at your own. Oh, but I mean, I do love the feed. I mean, I,
Starting point is 00:52:48 it's my feet is so shitty. Cause it's all just like, it's just like bald and beautiful. There's nothing on it, but like not shitty. No, but you know, there's not,
Starting point is 00:52:56 I don't know people, you don't have people curate their Instagram and that's fine. Good for them. Not me, bitch. No, but like I'm shit post. Wendy Williams.
Starting point is 00:53:03 You up like, so that's people like you run your own account. shit post. Wendy Williams gift. You up. Like. So, do you run your own account? I'm like, isn't it obvious? Yes. Isn't it obvious? A Pee Wee's Big Adventure meme at 3 a.m.? You think that's my crackpot team of social media experts? Typos.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Sometimes an accidental ball shot. Like a nude. Like, yeah, it's me, bitch. A blurry screenshot. Yeah. Me doing a sponsored ad and misspelling google you know what i mean like girl but i like seeing there's like it just only shows like a couple of comments and those people i recognize yes it's like i don't i don't want to know what you think i mean i you, it depends which platform because YouTube, where the ball and the beautiful is, some of you watch it here,
Starting point is 00:53:47 99.9% humor and positivity. This is not like a hater nation on YouTube at all. But YouTube is really, really can be a tough, tough place. It can, but I think compared to like Twitter, which is like where, but that's just a free for all. And that's like, it's so disorganized now.
Starting point is 00:54:08 It's like open when people open Twitter, they are turtle heading it with a turd and they pulled on their pants and they get ready to shit on something. I know, but you know what? It's, but it's not even now that Twitter is, is X in it's when there's ads in the comment feed it's so like it's become so not user-friendly
Starting point is 00:54:28 that it's like oh it's just all it's just a big hot pile like a pot of boiling bullshit i don't even think it means anything anymore yeah i guess that's a healthy approach tiktok i still tiktok is a choose your own adventure though i know I'm like why do I keep getting home birth videos Because I keep getting stoned and searching for home births All I do is I check in with Little Miss Chicken Nugget And then I do Why are you laughing We love that older woman who does those intensely edited dark videos
Starting point is 00:54:58 Oh Bambi Truthers Yes I love Bambi Long hair, the laughing The Starbucks girl Bambi Trothers? Yes. I love Bambi. Long hair, the laughing. Oh, yeah. I love Bambi. Bambi's the best. The Starbucks girl. The Starbucks girl.
Starting point is 00:55:08 I love No Limbs is Cunty. She's always turning the party, rolling into the frame. And then, of course, Jessica, the Vietnamese girl, si baguette. Si baguette. And that's about it. That's all you need. That's your food pyramid yeah and then and then if i want to like kind of stay you know somewhat abreast of the new developments in the in the burgeoning generation with the skibbity toilet out into up my riz factor
Starting point is 00:55:37 right i'll check in on the brain rot did you do tiktok shop bob tells me bob told me well bob's boyfriend jacob was like oh my god when bob was on tour with madonna we would get tiktok shop bob tells me bob told me well bob's boyfriend jacob was like oh my god when bob was on tour with madonna we would get tiktok shop like items delivered here constantly i don't even know what that means like on tiktok you can shop for things oh and lately i've been wanting to buy some things damn shit but i'm trying to spend money because now three months of no income it's the fourth of my year i think you're doing okay well doing okay. Well, that's what you think. That's what you think. I'm going to burgle you.
Starting point is 00:56:09 Come swim in the house. I'm going to. In the pool. Don't flood the house. I'm not going to swim in this gibbity toilet. I come home. You flooded the house. You said. You said.
Starting point is 00:56:18 You float down the stairs. Welcome home, baby. Yeah, I'm going to shit in every room. I hope you have a wonderfully refreshing, relaxing, and rejuvenating break. I'm sure all of the fans wish exactly the same. Would you have any words of wisdom or any words of encouragement before you leave? I do. I am a little concerned that I'm going to come back and the industry we know as Trixie Mattel will be a small business.
Starting point is 00:56:43 I'm really kind of afraid that the time off is going to completely rewire my interest in working that hard ever again. Oh, well that's a good thing. I thought you were going to say, I thought you said you were afraid your business was going to be like folded. No, I'm afraid I'm going to come back and be like,
Starting point is 00:56:56 yeah, I don't care about doing all this anymore. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. Yes, I do very much. Yes,
Starting point is 00:57:02 I do very much. And I'm afraid of that, but you're afraid of simplifying, very much and i'm afraid of that but you're afraid of um simplifying scaling down so i'm afraid of like what if i don't make fun of me what if i get worse at drag in three months you think i'm gonna come back and be like what am i doing what is a brush what's you know what i mean yes i do yes i do because i took good two months off the dragon. I was like the first time you're like, uh it's also you but but you got like a I Don't know. I don't know. Thank you for that
Starting point is 00:57:34 You'll be fine. I You know, I'm excited about you know And you know what the thing is getting me hard the fact that I can go to your fucking seamstress now And she won't be so like tied up no she's sewing during the break fuck you bitch I hate you I hate your guts I hope you die on your break she's getting I hope you die I hope you I hope you fall into that Alaskan um wait did you see Azalea Banks at the Trump rally I know not to leave it on negative I'll be entering social media again right before the election love yeah I Yeah. I'm going to come back being like, what did I miss?
Starting point is 00:58:06 Yeah. Throw neck for blue. Yeah. All right. Bye everyone. Goodbye. Happy break. Throw neck for blue. Bye.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.