The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Chelsea Handler!

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

Today, the gods of show business saw fit to rain down upon the grizzled gay ghouls of the Bald and the Beautiful with the brilliance, the eminence, the sheer megawatt starness that is: Chelsea Handler. So stop what you're doing, take your spoon out of that peanut butter jar you filthy animal, and pour yourself a fizzy, New Jersey-inspired wine spritzer. For on this fine day, you heathens, you all shall feast with the comedy gods as Trixie, Katya, and comedian, TV host, advocate and six-time New York Times best-selling author Chelsea Handler talk microdosing, vagina cabins, and the myriad joys of being childless and alone during a worldwide pandemic. Don't forget to check out Chelsea's new HBO Max special "Evolution" and her new podcast, "Dear Chelsea"! Links below! Follow Chelsea: @ChelseaHandler To check out Chelsea's new podcast, "Dear Chelsea" go to: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/dear-chelsea/id1563085598 To check out Chelsea's new HBO Max special "Evolution" go to: https://www.hbomax.com/feature/urn:hbo:feature:GX425zQkSc2NViQEAAAbg Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TBATBYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, welcome to another lovely episode of the bald and the beautiful. We are so pleased and pleasured to have today an actual star, megawatt. Megawatt superstar. International woman of incredible acclaim. She's a model. She's an actress. She's an icon. And she is the moment yes she is now come on

now a woman who is absolutely beautiful and not even a little bit bald not even a little well in the special we learned a little bit about sudden onset female baldness but we'll get to that chelsea handler's here today i am i am slightly i am a little bit bald and yeah, so I, that's why I wanted to do this podcast. Thank you. You're being vulnerable. Thank you for vulnerability right off the bat. Anybody who saw evolution, your newest special knows a little bit about your, uh, surprise onset baldness, a surprise to everyone, including the doctor who prescribed you testosterone, including the doctor who prescribed me the testosterone that made my hair to start falling out. She was as surprised as I was when I brought it to her attention.

Which makes me feel really good about the provider that I'm talking to. They're like, what's your name again? What are you here for? It's a bit like when you talk to a vet, you know, you don't get a straight answer you always just get vagaries like you know this your dog might be sick or your dog might have all of her teeth removed like it's like is that how are they yeah how can they like age a redwood tree but then you bring a live animal to a to a doctor who is a specialty in that animal they say well it could be 50, could be 40. But isn't that how they rope you into rescuing dogs?

They're like, he's two years old. He's got a full life. Yeah. Yeah, but still, once you find out, that's the place where you're rescuing. They can be full of shit. But when you bring it to the doctors, you know, the animal doctor,

they should be able to draw some sort of conclusion about how old your dog might be within like a margin of two or two of like years, not, not, you know, decades. Yeah. Yeah. You go to the doctor and you go to the vet and you're like, how old is my dog? They're like, this is a mountain lion. Well, I go to the doctor. I was like, how old do I look today? You asked the doctor, how old do you look? She still has no idea. And she doesn't really care. I was walking my two dogs in Whistler and they look like little teddy bears, my two dogs. And I was walking them in Whistler without a leash at Whistler Canada. I was there for a few

months over Christmas. I mean, over the winter, this past winter. And this woman was walking down the street and got scared when she saw them. She went, oh my God, they're off leash. And I was like, well, yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm like, yeah, but look at them. Like, what are they going to do? And she goes, you should put them on a leash. People could confuse those with bears. And I'm like, they're both wearing handkerchiefs.

If anything, they look like nice little hipster people from down the road. They look like they're both from Silver Lake. And they had on little glasses, tattoos. They don't look like bears. What's it like to trade crypto on Kraken? Let's say I'm in a state-of-the-art gym surrounded by powerful looking machines. Do I head straight for the squat rack? I could, but this gym has options like trainers, fitness pros, spotters to back me up. That's crypto on Kraken. Powerful

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everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. You know what, though? I was just jogging last night. I exercise. And I saw a girl

with a dog on a leash and she was like barely holding it and the dog did lunge. And I'm like, Mary, grasp the leash. Yeah, well, they have cats on leashes too have you seen cats on leashes i don't like that i don't want a cat is on a leash i find that very creepy it's it's a very particular kind of energy and it's um oh no it's it's a little like it's suspicious but also it's strange and suspicious but i don't know i'd rather see a person a leash. But it's also like cats shouldn't be out.

They should be in the house and keep them there. You know, cats aren't caring. Dogs are. So keep your cat at home and they don't need a leash because they're never supposed to leave. Yeah, that's true. Or just don't get one. Do you like cats, Chelsea? No, right?

What do you think? I don't fuck with cats whatsoever. And less than cats, I don't fuck with cat whatsoever. And less than cats. I don't fuck with cat people. No. Yeah. Yeah. They just piss and shit everywhere. And then they,

they just wait for you to find it and smile at you. It is a very different kind of energy. You're right though. Cats versus dogs. Like that cat, like when someone says I have a cat, it makes me think like, do I,

you know, like it thinks twice when someone says they have a dog, I'm like, okay, good home run. Yeah. Yeah. And also people talk about like dogs or dogs are dirty. Dogs are smelly. It thinks twice. When someone says they have a dog, I'm like, okay, good. Home run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also people talk about like dogs are dirty, dogs are smelly.

If you have a cat, your home permanently smells like piss and shit. Yeah, and there's hair everywhere. Everywhere. All the time. And dogs aren't going to the bathroom inside the house in a box. Cats are going inside in a box and then hiding it from you. Yeah, and they're more dignified. Yeah.

Now I have to ask Chelsea, obviously you're a celebrated comedian, but I, after doing some research, I didn't know you were also a beauty pageant veteran. Oh yes. Yes. Come on. Well, I'm from New Jersey. I'm from New Jersey where the pageant game is strong. So it's almost like it's like a southern state in that respect where people take their looks and their hair and their like presentation very seriously, but with bad fashion. So it's like, you know, because obviously no one from New Jersey is like coming out hot.

But yeah, so I was involved in the pageant scene which was so so uh dirty you know behind the scenes and oh yeah i did like three or four and then my parents got taken for like three or four thousand dollars by some for some big pageant that was never really gonna happen and then after that they're like we're not spending money on this anymore. So that was how I got ousted. I'm showing Conti this picture of you from a teen of America in this blue dress. I'm confused. You said there was no fashion in Jersey. Cause I don't see anything, but I mean, this is like the height of glamour. Yeah. Maybe you were just supposed to be doing drag pageants. Cause honestly, this is, this is drag. I have done drag pageants too. Perfect.

When did you go to your first drag show? No, I haven't done a drag pageant. I don't think I've been to a drag show. Oh yes, of course I've been to a drag show, but not a pageant. The pageants are a whole different thing. That's next level. I need to, yeah. The pageants, the drag pageants are a whole different thing.

The drag show is like people are drinking whatever. They kind of know the words. You know, Uncle Ted is in a wig on a box whatever the pageants is like the parents i would assume that the your the parents of the new jersey teens in the 80s take it about as seriously as the adult men in wigs at the pageants yeah even more everybody leaves the pageant believe they were they were robbed they should have won everyone should have won did you have to was it a racket i mean like what's the entrance fee and all that? There's all these like hidden fees. And then at the end of the day, when you get your prize,

the winner gets the prize, it's like, you're kind of in the hole. There's really not much of a payoff, is there? Well, no, of course not. But that's what a racket it is. But I don't remember how much it was, but I remember just like the absurdity. First you had, because there's ones where you need talent, a talent, you know, and then there are ones where you just do a, like a bathing suit and evening gown. Why they're dressing up teenage girls in evening gowns is a good question, probably for Woody Allen. But no, there's like, there's a, there's a bathing suit and evening gown. And then I feel like there was like some sort of business component. Oh no, they ask you a question, right? You have to say, well,

you're to save the world or whatever. And then the most humiliating part was there was a dance number and I have no rhythm. Like I cannot hold a beat to a song or like coordinated dancing is just like not something I choreographed. I can't follow. So they had me at the front because I was cute and you saw my hair. They had me at the front of the line. And by the end of our rehearsal, I was off the stage in the second group, like behind the thing, because they didn't even know what to do with me. I was like, I couldn't follow the steps. And they were very fundamental. And so everyone stayed late for me, like the pageant judges. Everyone was like trying to get me to dance.

Oh, my God. And it was humiliating. Because the more people that watched, the more nervous I got and the more in my head I got. So I couldn't do it. And at the end of it, I was in the last row, you know, one of the last girls so that nobody could see me dance. So that really screwed up. Which is a great way to win, by the way. Great strategy to win. Yeah. I'm sure your confidence just kept going up.

I rocketed from there. And then the next note I got back was I came in like in the top 15, right? And you could call and get your feedback the day after. And the next note I got was that I had to lose 15. Oh, no way. That was for me. I'm sorry about that. Holy shit. So but that's Jersey, I guess. I mean, hey, I think that's pageant world, not necessarily specific to Jersey. Yeah. When you filmed your special evolution in Jersey, are you like hometown hero

though? Or are they like, Oh, we know that whore from down the street. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I feel like everyone, you know, from Jersey kind of knows I'm from Jersey, but yeah, like my high school, someone told me when I was campaigning for the governor of New Jersey, Phil Murphy, this guy, I was campaigning for him a couple of years ago. And one of these kids at my high school or a teacher from my high school said they don't have my name on like the hall of fame wall in Livingston, New Jersey, because I openly spoke about abortions or getting abortions. And I was like, what? She's like, oh yeah, Jason Alexander's name is on there. He went to my high school and like two other, you know, moderately famous people. And I was like, uh, I think that's a bit of a hiccup. And they were like, yeah, yeah.

They're very like, they don't, they don't advertise that you are from there. And I'm like, oh, interesting. Jesus Christ. They're worried the kids are going to turn out like you. Yeah. Rich, famous, gorgeous, successful, successful gorgeous entrepreneur they don't have to say you know drug doer and you know naked skier they could say like entrepreneur drug doer abortion getter killing babies since 86 yeah so in your special i was watching it and um i loved it so much and you were saying that you kind of have a talent of knowing what drug people would like yeah can you do like a video do us can you do a video consult you you do well with drugs i think you do well with like even like heavier drugs like molly or i mean you're definitely fine with cannabis and you're probably like molly and a couple of

other like ketamine maybe once in a while. And then you, I think, might have a stronger reaction to that type of stuff. Or did I get it? Oh, no. Keep going. Keep going. I don't know. I don't know about it. And that you do not have a good relationship with cannabis.

I mean, it's a little bit game show energy. Do you want to reveal the truth is I'm pretty straight edge. And this person right here on the block and through the sewer. I got completely backwards. Oh, right. Well, she has the she has the lifelong drug experience that you have. she has the lifelong drug experience that you have, but I had the sort of like only last year and a half cannabis discovery that you had,

like the gummy discoveries. And she is, I mean, she is a like, whereas like if I would require about like a duffel bag, just like condensed into a, like a powder and then just blasted up my nose. You know,

she is get, what is it like half a milligram of a gummy? And then she's on Saturn. Oh, five, half a five milligram gummy. I'm on Jupiter. Yeah. I see. I see. Okay. Yeah. Copy that. Well then you, and then you have a long way to go in your cannabis discovery, by the way, because that's just, that's so fun that you have like a tolerance like that to play around with. I wish I had a low tolerance because sometimes I have to take like month long breaks to get them all back together. Can I ask a question to somebody who's a little more drug experienced? I love to do a gummy. It keeps me from drinking. It keeps me in bed early, whatever. It keeps me interested in rock of love.

But how do I not eat the house down after? I mean, I get so hungry. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a problem that a lot of people have. I honestly, what I do before I take weed or before I take an edible and if I know, I just say to myself, you are not going to be a fucking pig. Like you literally have to set the intention of like, don't go and start grazing out of the refrigerator. Like I usually, right after I take my schedule, a meal, like an hour after my edible hits

or like a soon after so that I'm satiated. And then I just say that to myself before I take it. And it kind of works. You have to say to yourself, don't do that. Maybe I need to like take it and then have like a late dinner so that the dinner is the pig out. Yeah. You want the meal to be your snack and yeah. And just like any major drug,

even though it's only cannabis setting an intention before you do it is always helpful because I don't want to do that either. I mean, I spent all of quarantine smoking, walking to my refrigerator. I had to set an alarm on my phone to not touch my refrigerator for three hours. Wow. The commitment.

He could probably rig up the fridge to set off the safety alarm. Have the cops come. I need to put one of those ring alarms on the fridge. I can come over and install that for you. No problem. When I used to do the circuit parties and we would do GHB.

Have you ever done that, Chelsea? No, but I've heard a lot about that and I've seen people on it. You know, the gays get turned would do GHB. Have you ever done that, Chelsea? No, but I've heard a lot about that and I've seen people on it. You know, the gays get turned on the GHB. They, it's always somebody, there's always one person who has an iPhone with a timer and the dropper and the Gatorade, and they're the one dosing people. But the person dosing people is always on drugs. Yeah. It's the most absurd thing. It's not a sober person. It's just someone else high going, it's time for your second dose.

When I learned what is actually like the correct safety protocol for taking that drug, I was like, oh, good. Okay. So a bunch of lab techs at the circuit party are going to be doing this. No, it's a bunch of crazy tweaking fags. And they're just, I mean, it's like little droplet. The dose, it has to be so precise. Otherwise you just pass out and people just trample your body on the dance floor. Or in a bathhouse and people just do sex to your lifeless body.

Yeah. It's real. What is the GHP protocol? It's, I mean, dosage to the milliliter, I think. It's literally like a droplet. Droplets. Drop or two in a cup of Gatorade. And I think it's once an hour.

An hour. Yeah, it's very precise. And you're not supposed to be combining it, which everyone does. And yeah, fatal if taken with alcohol. So, great for parties. Well, they say that about everything, don't they? We're going to take a break. This episode is brought to you by CIBC.

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bugged when you started talking about um the it was at 5meo dmt you took at that topanga um the the little now do you believe she's an expert because she knows the exact words yeah you taken on you had taken off your own clothes? Oh yeah. I was, I was immediately like, it took about 30 seconds and I was drenched in my own sweat and I have an aversion to heat anyway. Like I like everything cold and moving, the air circulating, like as soon as things are hot, I'm out. And so I couldn't even sit up, so I couldn't go anywhere. So I'm ripping my clothes off, but my bra is like just immediately soaking wet.

I was in such a state and I don't lose control like that very often. So I was, you know, embarrassed, but not embarrassed enough to stop. What, you know, I might pass away right now. Like I have to save myself. Oh my God. This one went on a similar amethyst journey recently and the drugs didn't work. unravel you know like from like to full-on just like um retching and you know uh purging the whole night and then screaming crying and i'm and i'm just like i'm one of like 100 people i'm just like you know in my sleeping bag just like watching it all unfold i'm like oh yeah you know i did a

special for netflix on ayahuasca where i went to peru yeah i saw it and yeah and that happened to me i didn't get I didn't feel anything. It's like called Chelsea does drugs. I didn't feel anything the first night. But this, but what happened to you is similar because my my two friends I brought had really, really intense experiences, which kind of pulled me out of my own. You know, I felt somewhat responsible for dragging them down there and forcing them to do it, a hallucinogen and, you know, the rainforest of Brazil with a shaman who shat his pants twice. So we, I, the second night I did it alone.

The shaman's like, she's too distracted. We need less camera, fewer cameras. And she's going to do this by herself. And I was like, okay, great. Give me a fucking double dose because I had it prepared for it. The way you're supposed to, did you prepare for it? I mean, there's a, there's a pretty, like, it's a pretty, uh, the diet is they, the prescriptions can kind of go on and on. It's like, you know, the levels of it, like there's a full aesthetic practice like that. You could do like a week or even two weeks or more before it. Cause you're supposed to do like clean food, no caffeine, all that, right? No caffeine, no salt, no meat.

You're not supposed to have pork. There's some things. No pork, yeah. No sex, no masturbation. Right, no alcohol, no alcohol. So I didn't do that. But anyway, the second night I did have a good experience. Did you try it again after the first time?

No, I went down one night. Half of the group was doing a full second night. And at that point i was like no fucking way i couldn't i because i took three cups of it and most people just took two and there was um a handful of us that were not like you know tripping the life fantastic so we were offered a third cup and that cup just made me um puke my guts out and but that's it oh oh wow yeah yeah yeah that sometimes happens you hear people talk about that that's such. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. That sometimes happens. You hear people talk about that. That's such a bummer though. Yeah. It's such a bummer. And they're like, well, just come down again.

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know. I love when drugs don't work and people keep trying to convince you to use that. Like it doesn't work. Like I have certain friends that can't smoke weed. They'll never be able to have an edible. And I just have to accept that. And I'm the biggest pitcher that I know, but I'm like, okay. I think that's a great, another Netflix special where you invite drug resistant people into your house and like panic room the whole place and just wait until they get high staring in the face. What's happening's happening yeah i dosed a couple of my girlfriends at my girlfriend's 40th party a birthday party last year in cabo was like our last our trip our last trip before covid and i had a bunch of edibles and i just thought

everybody was on the same page and i was handing them out you know and like three girls had to like go home and lie in bed for the rest of the night and i didn't hear about it until like three weeks after the party they were like oh god remember the night the night Chelsea dosed everyone? I'm like, what did I do? And like apparently three people were sick and bad. Oh no. From edibles? I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah, exactly. An edible. I'm like, then you don't even deserve to be taking one in the first place if you can't handle it like that. Because I'm pretty good about dosing people. Like I know if you're a beginner, if you're an intermediate, you know, place if you can't handle it like that because i'm pretty good about dosing people

like i know what if you're a beginner if you're an intermediate you know or if you can handle something i mean other than getting you guys completely wrong are you girls completely wrong i mean other than that i've had a hundred percent well we do have different we have different energies yeah we have different energies the lighting in here is not so great. Yeah. Have you ever, what's the worst? I mean, you've said like, you're pretty, like all of your drug experiences have been pretty pleasant or at least, you know, interesting. Is there anyone that's been a total nightmare or a dud? Well, the 5DME, that one was really bad because that one I was stuck in like some, you know, vagina cabin in like Topanga Canyon. It was just, all of it was everything that I didn't want anything. It

was at a retreat and there was a, you know, a sound bath in the woods. Everything that I heard, all these terms made my like vagina close up. Like every time I heard another thing that I didn't want to do, I was like, get me out of here. Get me out of here. So that was just kind of like the icing on the cake for that weekend. Because by the time I was there with her, I'm like, okay. I mean, I did do the drug again after to make sure. You did. Okay. I was going to ask you, what was it like then?

It was a insane experience. Really? Really? Because I know in your special, you said it was kind of, I mean, you kind of wanted, you got the Tower of Terror experience a little bit. Yeah, totally. They say it's an ego killer and that it's like a death, like you experience death. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't tell me anything about experiencing death.

I don't know. That's not what I'm into. I want like good times laughter. Yeah. I want like good times laughter. Yeah. I kind of see where you're coming from though. Like just like the caucasity of it, of like the terms come to Topeka Canyon for the sound bath.

Like the type of people you would, the candle entrepreneurs you might run into there would be too much. Yeah. The holistic, you know, the holistic business starters and stuff. I had a hard time with like, sort of trying to balance the, you know, the, the cultural tourism of it, especially with the ayahuasca stuff, because that can get a little like, I don't know. It's a little,

a little weird with, you know, just these white folks wanting to be like, I want to see what, you know, what a, what a real mystical native experience is like, and,

you know, do the whole thing. And it just has this kind of like, well, you're just looking to get robbed and you probably deserve to be yeah like coming out to the retreat with like a navajo blanket from anthropology you know garlic aromatherapy you know it's like i don't want to hear terms like you know micro panic attack and things like that. What is a micro panic attack? It comes with a pound of kale. What is your, what is your, are you like, um, what is your diet? Like,

as like, uh, as an L you've been in LA for so long, you haven't like sort of drunk the Kool-Aid yet or have you? Oh yeah, no, I fucking do everything. Like I have to see, is it seeds, berries and leaves? Yeah, basically. No, I do eat, but I'm like very, very strict about my intake and my food and my working out. I mean, yeah, totally. I've definitely drunk the Kool-Aid. Whatever I do to be like prettier and younger is always, I'm like, sure. I mean, I've had some treatments. I don't know what's fucking working and what's not yeah at this point you can't pinpoint what works so you have to be stuck to all of it yeah as long as they're like this is anti-aging and this you're like does it cause cancer maybe okay I'll take it that's I go to those you know those like gifting sweet things

and a lot of times there's vitamins and I always take whatever take the vitamins they could be giving me anything and then I start taking one of every single one that seems different and i can't tell if anything's happening but i don't if something did happen i wouldn't know which one to start or continue to take yeah that's why you just got to take them all 47 vitamins to say b12 i don't know yeah i went to my anti-aging doctor the other day and she was giving me she was testing all my levels and she's like, oh my God, you're so healthy, da da da, going on and on. I'm like, yeah, because I'm shooting myself up with all these supplements that I don't know what they're doing,

but apparently they seem to be doing a good job. And then she went on to say that I have the ovaries of a 25 year old and I have a lot of fertile eggs. And I'm like, how are you measuring that? And she, and I don't know. I didn't listen to what she said because of course. Your aura. She's down there with one of those cardboard egg things, like one. I wanted to say to her, like, know me less, you know? Like, great fertility.

It's like, I've been working my entire life to remain childless and alone. So you telling me that I'm a fertile is like not anything close to what I want to hear. I thought we were

going to wrap things up soon, you know? Yeah, yeah. That should be, that should be the, the, you know,

the, the building, you know, whatever, the University of New Jersey, the Chelsea Handler Childless and Alone like concert hall.

I like that. University of New Jersey, Chelsea Handler concert hall. Yes. It. University of New Jersey Chelsea and we're concert hall. It'll be the only wing where nobody under 18 is allowed. Yeah, it's just for the promotion of the health of young women who don't want to fuck with kids.

It will be an abortion provider, a drug provider, and then a self-esteem boost. We'll do positive affirmations on the way out. You know how they have the family planning crisis centers that are really Christians convincing you to not get an abortion? You could open the opposite. Like perfectly normal people, like,

because I didn't have a baby, you could be like, are you sure? You also have a lot of free time. You want to do some drugs? We convince you to think twice. Right. Are you sure? I don't know. You seem young.

God, you have so much life ahead of you. Let's do the abortion. We'll go to take some ayahuasca. Come on, honey. Cause at the Christian clinics, don't they like show you a picture and show you the heartbeat.

You could like, this is how much money a baby will cost. Yeah. This is what we could be doing over the weekend in Cabo. I need you to hold a shitty diaper for five minutes. That dovetails nicely with my podcast here, Chelsea. We could film that since it's advice driven and life advice. I could set it up there.

And then when people come in for their live action advice, we can just record it and kill two birds with one stone. You guys are really great collaborators. And honestly, Chelsea, no matter what their problem is, you can circle back to like, but on top of everything, you cannot have kids. Yeah, that's basically my message. Also to remain single is a huge victory in life.

If you can like really have a good time by yourself and be able to like go where you want without telling anybody ever, you have no responsibility. Like people aren't advertising how great that is either. Yeah. That's a really good point. Fucking A. And I think she just gave voice to all of my internal, like my struggles.

It's like people ask me all the time, why are you so unreliable? How can we never find you? And I'm like, well, because I'm alone living my life. Without a child. Without a child. Living your dream. If I want to lie in bed

all day and watch TV, nobody can say a fucking word about it to me. If I want to, you know, go and leave tomorrow for France and for, for three weeks again, I mean, a couple of people would say something, but I'm not listening, you know, really just like, especially post pandemic. I've never been more prideful of my singledom and my childlessness than I am now. Cause it's like, especially post-pandemic, I've never been more prideful of my singledom and my childlessness than I am now. Cause it's like, haha, I knew something like that was going to happen. And guess who didn't get stuck at home homeschooling for a fucking year? Could you imagine? No, no. Hey you. Yeah. You. Scrolling TikTok and avoiding your chem homework? Chegg here. Hot take. You've

seen enough Bama Rush, ASMR keyboard, and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means big wins tomorrow. With Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this.

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After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons. Two scientists. One movement disorders coordinator. 58 answered questions. Two focused ultrasound procedures. One specially developed helmet.

Thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions. And that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. By the way, Chelsea, I have to say you're a youth doctor. I mean, you're special. You got to be kidding me to this one, you truly look exactly the same. So whatever is going on is working. It's crazy for a white person. You girls, you better stop. I have to ask, do you do your own makeup, Chelsea, in the specials?

It's beautiful. Oh, no, no, I don't. I mean, I do my own makeup now, which is why you can see that the concealer under my eye is a different complete color than the rest of my face. Because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. They you out in those specials your skin looks gorge yeah you look great wearing white is incredible yeah i like i always feel weird commenting on women's looks but i am a homosexual who wears wigs so it is the first thing i think about well no i don't think it's i think it's okay i think the only people that are not allowed to comment on women's looks right now are single white men you know, or not single straight white men.

Yeah. Yeah. Those are the men that those are the group of people that is on probation. So I think definitely between the rest of us is good. On the palm, the, the, the, was it help me Chelsea? No. Dear Chelsea. Your brand new podcast.

What's the craziest bit of advice you've given out to someone who's asked so far? We had someone call in who asked about if he was, he said he was microdosing cocaine at work. And he wanted to, and he's been very, very productive. And a lot of people have been noticing his level of productivity. And he wanted to know, you know, if microdosing cocaine was a thing. So that was pretty stupid because microdosing cocaine is not a thing. Oh, totally. That's crazy. However, it is crazy.

However, that's insane. I know a lot of people in this world. I mean, that's not healthy um chelsea without microdosing cocaine you and i'd be sitting here talking alone we wouldn't even have this one here today so i did he give you were there details about what exactly constitutes a microdose of cocaine because it's really just one letter difference between macro and micro i'd like to point out um is it a tiny bump? Yeah. I think somebody already pointed that out to you. So you understand that they're one in the same. It's six dozen of one and half

of another. Yeah. So what's a micro dose of a bump? Is he just doing the gums thing? Very discreet. Yeah. Hold on a little bit under the tongue. So that was like, you know, we get it. We get people like that, but then we get people calling in with like serious problems. And when we have serious problems and we know we're out of our wheelhouse, like we can't be giving advice like that. So we bring in like experts or like if it's a legal question, like, you know, a lawyer or I have like Charlize Theron called in for the first one because it was about parenting and she and I.

So she gave her kind of, you know, two cents about this kid who was, we had a kid whose mom called and said that he was just walking around saying, I want to suck my penis. I want to suck my penis. I want to suck my penis. So we had Charlize weigh in on that. He's like four. And then we also kind of talked about a relationship, like a fight we once had where we had something where we had to sit down and have a therapy conversation.

And if I hadn't been in therapy, I wouldn't have had the tools to even understand how to do that. So a lot of the times, Brandon, my assistant, and I will talk about our personal experiences and weave them through. But we're getting people with serious problems. I just want to be careful about not giving too much medical advice, but I'm not really a doctor. Oh, come on. You have nothing to worry about. I mean, when you look so good, you might as well be a doctor.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't have kids. Get your hair done. At the very least, a nurse. Oh my God. I want to suck my penis. I want to suck my penis.

Yeah. That's me on G over and over again. Honey, you're too fat. It's never going to happen. Wow. Would you ever, if we can call in, because I am very curious about macro-dosing cocaine. I think it might

work for me. Why don't you call in and just use a voice box so I don't recognize your voice. I'm sure people don't recognize it. Love your show. I'm so curious to know macro dosing meth amphetamine heard it would be great for me i like that you're uh ambitious yet cautious because we on our show we talk a lot about issues and people ask their questions and we are always like do as we like not as we do we're not role models yeah like from the

from from our mistakes if anything i have a story about where i tried to do what you're about to do and i fucking fell on my face so like don't do what i'm doing yeah because at a certain point you can't have a show where you're like call me i have all the answers have a great day well yeah and also some people just need a little boost in the right direction like a lot of people are about to make decisions about breaking up with their families or breaking up with their boyfriends or leaving a job. And they've already made up their mind. They just kind of need like, you know, that best friend to say, Hey, you've got this. It's okay. Go for it. And so a lot of it is like that, but it's real

people with like real world problems. And it's also a good reminder that everybody's always fucking confused about what to do, you know, and we always survey our close circle of friends. You know how when you get a piece of information, you tell like the three people in your life to make sure what everyone's saying. And then you base your opinion on that a lot. Even I do that. And I'm, you know, so it's nice to have something like to say, okay, I'm just going to go get advice from this person and listen to it when, you know, you just want people to have like, be a little bit more brave in life.

Totally. If Charlize Theron is telling me to stop sucking my own penis at four years old, you better fucking believe I'm going to stop. We have a couple, I have to ask you one more, two more things. You have an ally for equality award from the human rights campaign. I have to say glamorous hilarious people women like you When did you know that the gays were your people? Oh Pretty early. I mean, it doesn't take all you have to do is meet one gay person. You're like, oh, where's this party? You know This is way more fun than anything else that's going on

So, you know you feel like I think everyone can relate to just feeling not like they belong. So it's easy to connect with another person who feels that way, you know, and sense of humor to me is pretty much everything. So most gay people have excellent senses of humor. Yeah. My, my gay friend was actually, I told him we were interviewing you today and he said, uh, he went to your house once and you asked him if he was wearing a wig i thought that was really fun because he has this beautiful long hair that sounds about right which is a great way to get to know someone first question are you wearing a wig well if they're not though they feel super confident that their hair is so lush right so it's a good way to get to the meat of the matter. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. No, all of this, put your fingers through it.

They are. That's another home run. Or maybe it was like Chelsea's trying to get the party started. Are you wearing a wig? No. And then she goes, well, here's one. It's blue. Put it on.

And then we ask everybody this question because we love to hear people's perspective. Who are your beauty icons? Who are the ones that you're just like, damn. That's a really bad question for me. But who do I like love looking? I mean, I remember growing up and being like, you know, in that age where the supermodels had just came like on the scene

where it was like Christie Brinkley and Ellen McPherson, you know, and all, and Cindy Crawford. So, I mean, I don't know if they're my beauty icons. You know who my beauty icon is? Robin Wright. I mean, she's like, that's who I love. Oh my God. Yeah. Like I could look at her face all day. Yeah. She's fucking stunning. Yeah. And she's like 56 or something. I mean, I don't, or maybe 55. I shouldn't say 56. She

could be 55. She'll kill me, but she's pretty who I look up to. But yeah, I mean, I don't, or maybe 55. I shouldn't say 56. She could be 55. She'll kill me, but she's pretty who I look up to. But yeah, I mean, beauty icon. I don't know. I find, you know, sexy fucked up things beautiful now way more than I did when I was younger. So it would be so different. Yeah. Well, you literally are a beauty icon and we love you so much. Thank you so much for being here today. Oh, it was so nice to meet you. Have a great day. Do you want to let these whores know where they can find your podcast oh yeah dear chelsea it's on all wherever you find your podcast or you can find it on iheart podcast yes and i have to personally recommend evolution it was so beautiful it made me laugh so hard i cried in the bathtub watching it it's just

i really it was wonderful everybody should just watch it thank you thank you so much bye