The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Courtney Act's Fall Rhinestone Jackaroo Fashion Tips with Katya

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

This Fall, buck the hackneyed trends that ooze like a puss-filled pimple from the runways of Milan and Paris. Instead, embrace the effortless style that comes from the classic down-under fashion of the extraordinarily ebullient and embarrassingly eloquent Courtney Act. Whether you're channeling your inner Crocodile Dundee or the cowboy sleaze of John Wayne's 40 lbs of impacted colon feces, look no further for your comprehensive Fall Fashion Guide! From Miss Act's sparkly rhinestone Dr. Martens to her signature "Coochie-Cut" bugle crystal jorts, your neighbors will be peaking through their blinds to goon at the unadulterated gorgeousness on display. To accent your genetically-perfect complexion and perfectly-coiffed hair, finish the outfit with a genre-defying sequined denim Jacket and blindingly-neon-yellow tube-top that subtly hints at the existence of the perky little nipples that lie beneath. If you can walk down the street wearing this outfit without being instantly booked to be a model on Ed McMahon's Star Search, then you can slap my ass and call me Shirley. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Courtney: @CourtneyAct Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. Oh my God. Welcome back to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful. Today, I am bald and she is beautiful. Welcome back, Courtney Act. Unfortunately, yeah.

What's the sound of one hand clapping? Yeah. Go on. What if there's two one hands oh but that's not that that's cheating that's called teamwork you know well so i remember way way way way back in the day uh like learning about you and i was like courtney act what the fuck kind of name is that but then you're from boston i was like courtney act oh my god yeah so that's that's it only works on like one very you must be a hit in p town it's such a hit in p town two summers great summers yeah but that's it everybody else courtney act well it's just a name isn't it it's like um

chancelor bing wow short message no that kind of like that's not a pun no i know it's not a pun but for everybody else they just think court Courtney Act is just like, oh. Yeah, Lisa Rinna. Marriage Act. Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox. I mean, can we talk about that? No.

Courtney Cox. Courtney. You're Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox. People will often, if they're not saying, are you Derek Barry? They're saying, Courtney Cox. And I'm like, it's Courtney actually.

Thank you. You do. I mean, it is uncanny the resemblance between you and Courtney Cox. Oh. Thank you. Speaking of, I just want to draw the listener. If you don't have the pleasure of watching this episode. Or hearing the sirens.

Or hearing the sirens. They're coming to arrest me for being too gay. No, too sexy it's before noon and she's so hot she's wearing crystal denim jorts so wait i'm going to paint the listeners a picture we've got impossibly toned tanned legs um punctuated by a beautiful uh what'd you call that? A crystal dock martin. A crystal dock martin. A rhinestone boot.

Rhinestone. And then as we travel north, we get into a bugle crystal jort. Dangerously cut to the coochie. Oh, yeah. These are definitely stolen from Courtney's wardrobe. She tape tucked before we came here. And then we've got a lovely little spangly uh denim jacket with a uh a neon come hither tube top yeah um all uh wrapped around a the the complexion the skin tone the skin quality

it's it's really it's really something to behold and it's something for me to be ashamed of because you are older than me by two months or something when was. And it's something for me to be ashamed of because you are older than me. By two months or something. When's your birthday? What's your star sign? What's your fucking star sign? I'm a Taurus. So that means I'm-

May? Yeah. Oh. What are you? I'm an Aquarius. So that means February. Okay. But first and foremost, an atheist.

Yeah, yeah. She was born in February. So that means I know her entire personality. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She was born in February, so that means I know her entire personality. Yeah, yeah. No, but the point is you are older than me and I look about 15 years older than you. I'm bigger than you and I'm older than you and I will always beat you. You will. Also, I think it's important for the listeners to know that I'm not in drag. No, you're not in drag.

Loosely male presenting. Yeah, I'm wearing an equality shirt because you look like a super faggot. I look like someone who's going to be gay bashed and you're going to need to be my ally and protect me. I'm going to be the like, no, no, no, wait. Equality, remember? Remember?

Can't kill her. We fought for this. Have you ever actually been gay bashed? Well, I'd say that it was a crime of opportunity that turned into a gay bashing because. What? Well, I was walking up Crown Street in Sydney. I had a tub full of bobby pins because Vanity was doing turn back time share at a bar on Oxford Street. She forgot her big black pins.

Gotta go get the pins. So I went home to get her pins and I was texting on, to give you a timestamp, it was a Nokia, like a green screen, monophonic ringtone. So early 2000s. Yeah. With a non-QWERTY keyboard. Love. And I was sort of texting. It was late at, not that late at night, like maybe 11 PM.

And a group of, I think three or four large gentlemen. I wasn't, I was completely unaware. The next thing I knew I was just on the ground being kicked. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh my God. And the pins went flying in the air. And I think they just wanted to steal my thing.

They just wanted the pins. They had drag queens in need too. The unit was loose. There was another share impersonator i don't know if my rug will survive this gay bashing but fingers crossed wait you really kicked yeah but you know what i remember thinking i've this sounds like a oh god this sounds like a weird statement but i remember thinking i'm in the moment which you know you're quite present but i do remember a thought being like i'm glad that they're wearing sneakers and not boots that's that's not a weird thought at all it's like you know if you're gonna get kicked in about gay bashed and kicked on the ground you want to hope for like you know bedroom slipper yeah not a steel-toed doc martin no maybe

like a marabou um a marabou mule yeah well no the mules have got a hard front if they're lucite yeah but they're open toe that's true yeah you want to hope there's a sack of peanuts hanging out over the front of that open toe yeah the lacquered corn chip tip grabbers yeah with no uh no no gel nail because that'll pierce the skin and please get i mean file those those yeah so you got kicked Did you get bruised? I had like some light, like I had enough, like a little bit of blood that it looked dramatic, but no actual injury that meant that I was, you know, long term. I didn't have to go to the hospital.

But did you milk the opportunity for sympathy? Oh, I wrote a song about it. I performed it at a anti-violence rally um equality um but i think what happened was is that they wanted like wallets and phones but when i was like on the ground screaming please not my face not my beautiful face that's when it turned to faggot poofed uh kind of thing although they were a block off oxford street which is the gay district of sydney so you know what i mean please if you hate fags don't go to fag town and yeah you know and so then i saw it up they were um they were like give me your phone and i gave them like the nokia 3210 or whatever it was and they were like you're like i want a razor yeah and i'm like give me your money

and i had i had a had a Gucci money clip. And so all it had in it was like a card because I was a poor twink. But when I moved to Sydney in the year 2000, I sold, I need to go back one step further, a rite of passage for a middle class Australian in the 90s was to buy the first public offering of our national telco. So they were like, what does that mean? Like our telephone provider, like AT&T going public and they've got like a share offering.

Like stock stuff. Yeah. Stocks. But it was like very, it was like the first time that stocks became like for the people. And so like, I bought like a thousand dollars worth of Telstra shares when I was 16. And that was with my Mr.

Tiny tot 1987 winnings. Mr. Tiny tot 1987 winnings. Mr. Tiny Tot 1987 winnings. I know we're going down a lot of tangents, but as viewers of this podcast will know, I'm very good at wrangling. She'll always bring it back. She'll always bring it back. So after winning Mr. Tiny Tot in 1987, I won a thousand dollars in a Mitsubishi hatchback Colt. That's a car. Mom and dad sold the car at a garage sale. Don't know what happened to that money. But that $1,000 went into a bank account with 10% fixed term annual interest. You cannot find an interest rate like that in a savings account.

You're lucky to get half a percent these days. Thank you. And so cut forward to the mid-90s. I bought $1,000 worth of Telstra shares. Cut forward to the year 2000. I moved to Sydney. I thought this is the time to cash in. sold those shares for two thousand dollars got a credit card went shopping bought among other things a gucci money clip cut forward to 2004 i'm laying in the

street being kicked by this group of men and i'm they're like give me a wallet i'm like it's a money clip it's gucci you can pawn it yeah so i think the moral of this story is obviously if you invest in any telecommunications stock you're gonna get the shit kicked out of you by gay bashes well also the good thing was is that they were the gucci money clip was actually a moment of like what what's he talking about and that's when i ran oh it's like the alaya it's like in uh clueless it's like um when she gets um like keep going held up she's like but it's an alaya i know what uh you know it's a really important designer you know like that yeah yeah so that's when i got up and i ran i got to the dressing room at slide where vanity was did you bring the pins and she no and she was as i walked in she said oh don't worry i found the pins she doesn't even get bruised bloody and she's like i'm gonna go on my number are you okay and i

was just like yeah i'm my gucci money group and they beat me up and i was so shooketh but i was in shock until that point and she sort of just held me she did a number and then turn back time vanity share and i because there had been a spate of uh violence around oxytree at that time and there was this report this this idea of like you need to report it so we have the numbers so we can resources yeah so vanity dressed as turn back time share and i went to the darling house police station to file a report. And we were sitting there on a little wooden bench, and then they took me into a room

and Vanity had to wait outside. Dressed as Cher. As turn back time Cher. And when I came back out from making my report, she had taken her wig off, turned it into a pillow, and she was asleep. She should have been like, we need to turn back time before my friend was gay bashed

damn well that's i'm so sorry that you had the shit kicked out of you thank you but you know what you you grew up you uh became a stronger person i did i did i genuinely did struggle for quite a while after where i i felt i think I was so privileged and innocently blissful up until that point. I didn't know people could just punch you in the head. You never seen like a karate movie? Yeah, but like I'd never, that was on the TV. The TV, yeah.

I never got punched. I've never thrown a punch. And so that was the first time that that happened. And it was like a like a bubble was burst where i was like oh it doesn't matter how smart you are it doesn't matter how anything you are someone can walk up to the street and take away your power with their fists yeah also in like if when you add alcoholism or alcohol and um alcohol and a little bit of ignorance can really run you. And then you add a drag queen.

Yeah. Not a great recipe. Yeah. I mean, I remember I was in Glasgow. You know, we've done gigs in Glasgow. Yeah. And for some reason, that town, like the promoters would never let me walk to the gig. Even like the hotel was like a block away.

They're like, no, no, no, no, no. You're going to get escorted. Oh, I know the exact, yeah. You know, the AXM? AXM, yeah. And I found myself back at the hotel in the elevator with five stag party, kilt wearing, drunk Glaswegians. I was in drag. And it was like the longest five floor trip of the elevator.

And they, I was like, these men are either gonna, I think they're gonna kill me. Or they're gonna fuck me. Fuck me. I hope they fuck me first. You know, but I was like, these guys really don't like what I'm selling. And it was like, it was scary. It was actually scary. And on the short walk over, I was like, faggot.

You know, like they were like, they really did not like. And I looked great. You look great. I look beautiful. You always look great. I'm fuckable. Ever since I was a little child, I've always wanted to be a professional photographer of kneecaps. Not legs, not ankles, not even thighs, just kneecaps. Kneecaps are absolutely amazing. There's something so deeply beautiful about the soft skin sitting atop the hard bone underneath,

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I love ZocDoc because I don't have time to wait months to see a doctor with travel and shows in this podcast, taking up all my free time. I need to see a doctor as soon as possible. And with ZocDoc, I can. ZocDoc helps me find the best doctor in my area and book them. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of ZocDoc. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bald. ZocDoc.com slash bald. It's funny you talk about elevators and drag because I was just in New York City recently

during Pride. I was doing a gig for Booking.com. Which a lot of people in the US aren't familiar with, which I guess is why booking.com are a sponsor of New York Pride, because they're like a hotel.com Travelocity. But they have a great LGBTQ training program and travel proud partnership that they do. That's booking.com.

So we were doing a gig at the Edison Ballroom. Peppermint was meeting and greeting people. Sasha Velour. Sasha Velour. Sasha Velour and Conchita Wurst. It's not Wurst, right? It's Wurst. Look, tomato, tomato. Well.

Because it's German. So it's like Wurst. Conchita Wurst. Conchita Wurst. We were all performing and I was in drag, like big, gorgeous. Like I looked like. Beautiful. Like a princess from a fairy tale.

And they gave us a room in this hotel to get ready in. And so I was in the lobby. It's like 10 o'clock at night. Yes, I'm in New York City, but I'm in Times Square, which is not New York City. It's like tourism. It's the armpit of hell. It's like Midwest.

It's families from all over America and all over the world. Bridge and tunnel, tourist trap. Come to stay in Times Square specifically. Yeah, you don't want to go there. So this was the first time in drag, since all of like this kind of drag queen rumor, don't say gay stuff, had gone down, that I was standing there like feeling pretty, walked into the lobby, and there was like families and children around. And I was like, oh, am i something that they despise now do i should i just like normally i'd

be like hi be like you know a fairy at a kid's party or whatever right like yeah oh maybe i just won't engage maybe i'll just and it was such a weird feeling because it's weird how like those ideas project onto you and then change your behavior. Absolutely. And like make you feel like where normally you'd just be like bringing joy to people. Yeah, it sours the fantasy. It really sours the fantasy. Also, I really don't love because, you know, I've been doing some club gigs recently.

And but prior to that, you know, me and Trixie did this whole theatrical run where it's like, we go to the venue, we get in, uh, in costume in the dressing room, we do the show, we de-drag, uh, and go home.

So it's not a little like transit drag. And I don't like transit drag. I don't like, especially if it's like a three star hotel, you know, like if I'm at the Ritz Carlton or like the four seasons, I will give you whore in the lobby because it's a verystar hotel. Yeah. You know, like, if I'm at the Ritz-Carlton or at, like, the Four Seasons, I will give you whore in the lobby

because it's a very expensive hotel. There's a lot of, you know, the service is impeccable, but if we're at the best Western plus or the level

in Seattle, I don't want to, like... The level in Seattle was lovely. I was happy. Hated it. I was happy to be in whore drag for that.

Were you happy trying to fish out your key card to, like, open the door to then go into the- It was preparing me for the eventuality that I would have to fish out the key card to open the door of my room. Mary, no. You got to like, you got to swipe it to get into the elevator banks and then you got to-

Swipe it to get to your floor. Swipe it to get to the floor. You have to do that anyway. No, no, no, no, no. You get in the elevator, you push the button. It doesn't work. You got to swipe to get to your level. Let me tell you what kind.

Well, it is a brief hotel thing. This is what I want. Give me a giant fucking three pound key. Okay. A physical key. Yeah. Like a fucking Game of Thrones skeleton key. Okay.

You can tie it to a chain or a rope, whatever. Maybe a ladle. Yes. A paddle, a fraternity paddle. And no scanning anything, okay? You press the button, elevator opens, you press the floor, you go up, and then you turn the key and that's it.

Look, I get that. And that's how it used to work. But in 2024, we have layers of security to protect yourselves and each other. But you know what? The Palazzo Avino in Ravello, Italy. They remember your face. They say, welcome back, sir, ma'am, sir.

Signore. Signore. Bellissimo. Yeah, yeah. Signore. Welcome back to you. But it's like, you know, it's a very reasonable $5,000 a night. But yeah, you just, that's what i love because when you're trying to have a little um after hours moment perhaps like tiptoe i don't want to have to tiptoe down the lobby i don't

want that i want to be able to bust them up yes i don't want to have to be affronted with overhead low institutional lighting yeah in a family of four that you have to share the elevator with with your trick. I'm in my honeybird at lingerie. Yes, it's demoralizing and humiliating. For everyone involved. Yeah, nobody wins. Nobody wins. Plums does not win.

No. Okay, so Courtney is staying with me. And she is such a nice person. She would never complain about the accommodation. So I will do it for her. It's an interesting setup I've got at this new place. I have a TV in front of a TV. So in the living room, there's a bunch of mismatched furniture that looks horrible.

And a giant wall-mounted TV. And then a console with a TV in front of it. That's the one that works. Yes. So we've got a wall mounted TV. Actually both of them work and I've come home and I've seen her watching Fox News and MSNBC both at the same time. I want to hear both sides.

Just one eye on each one. Could you imagine, could you imagine if I was watching Telemundo and then like, like it's crazy no but it's i just um you know i have been in a bit of a depressive state recently i don't have the wherewithal to get rid of the to take the tv off the wall right and put the other one up get a man in yeah don't do it yourself my iran my iranian my persian my muscled Persian braced handyman that I was in love with just won't return my phone calls. Maybe it's because you're sexually harassing him in the workplace.

I did nothing of the sort, although I probably did indicate heavily with body language and eye contact that I would risk it all to like eat his ass. Maybe he watches the pod. No, there's not. Not a chance. Not a chance not a chance but he escaped iran to avoid military service wow that country wow this man is so he has orthodontics he has the most beautiful hair he's like a little bit short jacked braces gorgeous trimmed beard beautiful thick glossy hair and i just i love him i love him maybe instead of employing him to hang your television i could employ him to fuck me in the butt no he's a i i found out he was like 22

and i was like jesus christ it's a deal breaker yeah but i mean i never i was like 22 he knows i'd use a ladder though right we didn't have those skills at 22 i don't have it wait so how old are you 42 fascinating fascinating i've been saying so i stayed with you for a week wait wait hold on okay i i you're in the guest room with a horror movie lighting it's it's like saw lighting it's very bright and overhead and there's no dimmer. It's a cool, horrible, punishing light. Like a queer person has never lived in this house before you and you just haven't got around to it yet. No, it is a very unflattering light

that I just couldn't do anything about. I'm so sorry. But the bed is comfy, right? The bed is comfy. Yeah, I don't think there's a ton of cum stains on it. The pillows are, well, there are now. The pillows are interesting there are now the pillows the pillows are interesting because i often like quite a recently in my life i've come to appreciate

a low profile soft barely filled pillow okay okay and soft nothing because i'm a back sleeper okay and so i just like that little support under the arch of my neck But your pillows are quite high profile And firm and I also Noticed that lately I've been Although I'm a back sleeper I've started Becoming a side sleeper And a low profile pillow is no good For that. No no you need a little firmness

A little firmness and some good profile And so I was like okay let me try this And I've been sleeping on my side and I'm like oh This is quite lovely. And then last night you said. You got to stick one in between the legs, hon. Right in between the knees. So you keep those hips level.

Because I've had a little. Parallel. I've had a little QL issue in my lower right back since a week before my 40th birthday, in fact. And I thought, I'm going to try it. So I slept with a pillow between my legs last night and thought of you. Thank you. fact and i thought i'm gonna try it so i slept with a pillow between my legs last night and thought of you thank you and i uh i did i uh took the liberty of um a soft glaze of thorazine on all of the bedding so you get that really heavy sleep i wasn't sure if thorazine was some hormone inhibitor thorazine is like a is like a anti-psychotic tranquilizer thank you have you watched uh i saw like a tikt TikTok or an Instagram of a TikTok,

I should say, the other day. Isn't that weird though? That's how we consume media. It's like, this is a TikTok. Why is it an Instagram? Because I'm not on TikTok.

I post things on TikTok, but I don't watch TikTok. And I'm a millennial. But it feels like every Instagram reel is a TikTok. Yeah. It's like just, what are you trying to,

anyway, sorry. I post a TikTok natively and it posts the watermark and I don't save it, I had to pay for an app that will download my TikTok without the watermark so I can post it on Instagram as if it's native. Let's go back to Nokia bricks. Let's go. Seriously, the little teenies. Let's go back to making our own hand dyed indigo capes. Okay.

Yeah. Speaking of Instagram reels, that is not instagram reels that is not a tiktok it's actually a fucking martin scorsese or like a vim vendors um uh fucking uh marvel movie this let me find her name this woman this asian woman she's dying she's creating a she's creating a dye out of like plants she's like harvesting plants in a field she's going through this whole process of creating indigo dye like it is so breathtakingly gorgeous rabbi's underscore world one r-a-b-i-a-s underscore world number one also i posted uh her story this morning and she reposted me and said,

thank you so much, my friend at Courtney Act. And then I, and then I DM'd and said, your video is amazing. Thank you for creating them. And she said, I'm glad you love them. Thank you for your love and support. She's like, also you look like a fag. No, that's incredible. She, she showed me this this morning and I was like,

I couldn't believe it. I was like, it was like five and a half minutes as well just like avengers end game level of like it's the most beautiful um she's in the chinese like mountain side yeah like the uh what do you call that the little plateaus the little not the rice paddies but that sort of place where the rice like that kind of gorge yeah beautifully shot and lit stunning but she's like a woman cutting stuff putting it in hauling giant hauling giant heavy things yeah crazy and then it ultimately ends with her creating this big beautiful ceremonial cape as she like walks up the steps to a temple and like turns around to the camera and it's so wild it's beautiful it's so

wild it's like it's very like, if you can't, you know, if you don't have the time to, I don't know, collect and crush your own indigo dye over the course of 18 months, store bought is fine. It's so business? It's having the spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. Hello, I'm Heather McDonald, stand-up comic and pop culture expert and the host of my podcast, Juicy Scoop.

If you're obsessed with Hollywood romances, reality TV drama on and off camera, and celebrity gossip, this is the show for you. In each episode, I dive into the juiciest, most salacious, and controversial pop culture stories of the moment. And I give my opinion in the most comedic way. It's based on my own Hollywood experiences, working on television shows,

and of course, my own experiences with the actual stars themselves. You're also going to hear from a range of guests, from actors to comics to reality stars, like Countess Luann from New York Housewives or Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules and now The Valley. So if you want the scoop on the hottest gossip, you've come to the right place.

Tune into Juicy Scoop wherever you get your podcasts. You'll thank me later. Dua Lipa, Harry Styles, Cardi B. You know these artists for their songs, their videos, their epic performances, but they have so many stories beyond their fame. That's what we're here to share with you on the Spot Podcast. We sit down with some of the biggest names in music. I know what it feels like when you feel like everybody's turning your back and like, don't ever think it's because you did something wrong. And along the way, our guests reveal stories

that even their biggest fans may have never heard before. There's rarely people that like totally understand you. And I think both of them, because they are solo artists, you kind of talk and there's an understanding there that you don't necessarily get from everyone. So check out the Spot Podcast to hear famous people spot off about more than what they're famous for and find out who's spotting off next

wherever you get your podcast. I also love, do you know Erin Parsons? She's a makeup artist too. It's like fascinated about history of history of makeup and so she'll say like, oh, the Egyptians used this so she'll say like oh the egyptians use this and she'll like you know order the the mineral or whatever ground it up and use it yeah often

very toxic yeah um and um lithium and lead lead yeah arsenic strychnine um and it was like but it's so she's so cunty and she did this like, she did a gloss on her lips. Like I hate gloss, like as a performer, I don't really do gloss. Depends on the hair. Of course. Yeah. If I'm performing, I'll wear a glitter lip. Ooh, really?

I love like a, I've got this gorgeous, not Swarovski, Kryolan opalescent glitter that just throws the perfect warm tones. Doesn't wear though. We can't kiss someone with it. No. But it wears very well. Does it really? Yeah.

All night long. You know, Miss Fame, actually, when she did my makeup, she applied a red glitter lip so precisely. And so I was like, how the fuck did you do that, bitch? Like, I mean, it was, you know know it's so precise it was a candy but anyway she did this um gloss a gloss she took like um she just squeezed a fucking huge dump of like um i guess it's like super sticky gloss and then like she put so much on it had the juiciest most satisfying look but it's just like for editorial you can't actually do anything out of the house in that but i was like oh my god i think it was just like cheers i think

it was just like wet and wild juicy clear gloss it wasn't like ancient no no no no that like she'll do like um we're gonna use like um uh toxic cadmium to ground it up and use it on our eyes and like whatever it's fascinating but like um god i don't know i love that like i do love like a mac lip gloss like dewy but it's so impractical so impactful it's for one photo one photo before it starts to dribble down your face and go into the cracks and. Juicy. Okay, so back to your accommodations. Oh yeah, I've had a lovely time. Cause I was here, I've been in the US for two months and I stayed with you for a week at the beginning

and I waited until I left. I did tell you maybe in advance that I might be back at the end of the month, but I didn't wanna push it. I waited till I left and I was like, hey mom, I'm gonna be back from this date to this date if you happen to be available i can make alternate arrangements and you were like no you're always happy to have you uh we you know it's funny uh you are a great guest uh it you know is a little awkward we haven't really discussed the

fee for staying there but um you know i guess I guess I'm hoping and assuming that all that will be taken care of at the end of your stay. Wendy will talk to David. Could you imagine if I sent you a Venmo request for like $600? $600 would be fine. $1,600? How much is the fucking Airbnb these days? I'll tell you how much a hotel room in New York City is. $500 a night.

For a shitty one. This was nice. For three square feet York City is. $500 a night. For a shitty one. This was nice. For three square feet. It was like $350 a night and it was pretty. What was it? If you say the standard, I'm going to kill myself.

The Ludlow. Oh. Downtown, Lower East Side. It was quite gorgeous and glamorous. Okay. Because I have like.

King size bed. Bathtub that filled so fast. They even had a warning on the bathtub that was like, this bathtub fills really fast. Don't turn it on and walk away. Don't walk away.

I turned it on and I was like, whoa, I'm in the water already. That's cunty. That's really cunty. Do you love a bath? Yeah. I don't do them often, but when I do, I like to enjoy them. Sometimes I get in and I'm like, all right, now what? Yeah.

I don't find it's like, it's not a hygienic experience. It's more of a relaxation type of thing but i often have that it's like so okay so here we are and um okay i like a magnesium like epsom salts like if you're a bit sore sure um you know what else i got into was ice baths let's talk about it mama let's Let's talk all about it. So are you talking about, you're talking about below 40 degrees Fahrenheit? Yeah. I'm talking, I don't know what the temperature is. My friend, Robert, I was staying with him in Nevada city, which is like this sort of mountain Tahoe. Cause you hear Nevada, you think Vegas, but this is in Northern California, like three hours out of San Francisco, old gold rush town, queers and artists have taken over.

And he has this gorgeous home and property. And there's like an artist commune where six like three hours out of San Francisco, old gold rush town, queers and artists have taken over. Okay. And he has this gorgeous home and property. And there's like an artist commune where six people live in this like barn and create their own dies, intentional communal living. They create their own dies. They cut their own wood. And he's got a, an ice plunge and a sauna.

Dedicated cold plunge, right? Yeah. Like there's a room that's like the cold plunge and like the infrared sauna. County. Side note, I saw a video today on Instagram. I feel like it's an important PSA for anybody watching with breast implants. This woman who's like a breast implant doctor, she was like, I have no evidence.

I have no science. I'm not saying this is true. But I have had three women come in over the last year who have had melted breast implants and the thing that they all had in common is that they were using infrared saunas i don't want to be the purveyor of the perpetrator of fake news let's just saw this proliferate some pseudoscience no that's crazy i mean and that's a significant anecdotal yeah you're kind of like popping yourself in a microwave right one of my friends in sydney osha hi osha um invited me to use his sauna and i was like infrared sauna he's like no

no no old school yeah like we're not melting those fake titties i mean infrared i just feel like i mean okay this is an uneducated opinion that means nothing. But infrared sauna. Which is different to the rest of this podcast. Yes, the deeply researched, well cited, you know, infrared sauna. It's like, I don't know. What comes before that in terms of like health measures, lifestyle things? I feel like there's so much that can be done that makes that totally unnecessary i read something i want to say a book maybe it was a pamphlet about infrared saunas and

like if you do cocaine all the time you know what i mean it's called balance i do coke and i get in the sauna it all kind of balances out you know what i mean though it's like it's like i i have to do this because I mean, not like you can't, it's not like if you do one bad thing, it's all, you know, you should do everything bad, but like,

I don't know if it's a fad. Yeah. It's a fashion fad. It's like wearing Crocs or, um, I don't know, like, um,

crystal denim shorts. Um, but so I had never last summer. I hate the, I hate going in cold water. I hate diving into cold bodies of water. I'm one of those. Oh yeah.

I'm such a, I'm such a, I'll have what she's having. Wouldn't that be cunty if you instantly orgasmed? Okay. So when you went into cold water and so Robert had this ice plunge and I was like, okay, I'm going to try it. Cause I know people pay a lot of money for this. What is it? Like how, what is it? Is it like a bucket? It's like, okay, I'm going to try it. Because I know people pay a lot of money for this. What is it? Is it like a bucket?

It's like a bathtub. It's like a big electric bathtub that's got like a cover on it. You set it to the temperature. The water is a little viscous. And I... Did you have to like psych yourself up? Yeah. Do you know what I had to do?

I had to read about like why. Because I was like like why are these dickheads getting into cold buckets of water or even into saunas i'm like i've been into a sauna i feel hot i don't like the sauna but then i read about like the science behind it actually my dad my dad got me onto it and he's sort of like he's my favorite like he's my favorite like he he should should be a man selling snake oil in a traveling show, but he went science-based. Okay. So, like, as he's a naturopath, acupuncturist, Chinese herbalist, osteopath, all of those sorts of things. It's rooted in observable, measurable. Science.

Scientific reality. As the science has become available, he's discarded the parts that the science disagreed with and was like, actually, that bit's bullshit. You don't have to do leeches anymore. But this, no, exactly. This bit still works. And so he was saying, oh, here, read up about like the health benefits. Of Fasana, what is that? So if you tell me, if you tell me, Courtney, that sweat, if you say sweat and toxins.

Okay, thank God. It's about when your body gets heated up to a certain temperature, like above a certain temperature. It doesn't matter whether it's infrared or old school heat or whatever. It stimulates like a protein creation that is good for like longevity. That is good for like longevity. But it's unrelated to the physical act of sweating, which is purely the body's cooling mechanism. That's just cooling. That's just cooling.

It's different. Because if I had a nickel for every time a yoga teacher said, we're going to sweat out all the toxins today. I was like, bitch, no, we're not. We're sweating out water and a teeny little bit of salt. Heat exposure stimulate production of white blood cells. It's an immune response. Hang on. What about the stimulation of a certain temperature?

The thing I love about chat GPT is you can ask it leading questions and it'll give you the answer you want to hear. It's like, does this top really work with these pants? It's like, absolutely, it does, Courtney. When the body is exposed to high temperatures of a sauna, it can trigger the production of a heat shock protein. Heat shock proteins are groups of proteins that are produced by cells in response to stressful conditions,

including heat. Here are their benefits. Cellular protection protects from stress and damage. They assist in proper folding of proteins, preventing accumulation of damage on misfolded proteins that can calm cells. Enhanced recovery, aid repair, maintenance of cellular protein, improved immune response, stress adaptation,

longevity, and disease resistance. You can read more on ChatGPT. And also the same for... Okay. of cellular protein, improved immune response, stress adaptation, longevity, and disease resistance. You can read more on ChatGPT. And also the same for- Okay, I'm not sold, but yeah. There's stuff, I mean, you could- Well, and there's, you know, our favorite blowhard, Huberman,

was like, he cited scientific studies, and I could be wrong, I hope I am, that the sustained release of dopamine is equivalent to about 150% of cocaine. Right. And it's not a crash. It's not a spike in a crash. That's from the ice or from the heat? The ice.

From a cold plunge exposure. And it's got to be like 20 minutes. Yeah. And it's like. You can't be in a cold plunge for 20 minutes. You'll die. No, you have to. That's called hypothermia, dear.

No. I feel like it's three minutes. No, it's longer than three. Really? Yeah. So I used to follow this like young athlete guy on Instagram. He was in his like early 20s. And I was like, this is weird.

I'm going to unfollow him. It felt like a pedo. But he's one of those very dedicated Gen Z like rise grind rise and grind kind of people you know i'm talking about you know like uh his whole thing is like gotta wake up and do hit it every day no matter what man he gets into a cold plunge at five in the morning every fucking morning for like 15 minutes and then goes on a mile run and i'm like too much dtm yeah it's crazy but but i mean it's but yeah that that's sort of some of the data has suggested that the the dopamine it releases in your body is like very significant and it's a sustained and steady um i mean even doing it for

90 seconds or two minutes which is the max i've done, I've noticed you get in. First of all, and look, you can get this with a lot of things, but I had a fear of cold water. I got in the first time for 30 seconds, got out instantly. Like you feel the blood rush. You feel the blood flow. You feel amazing. You feel warm, weirdly. Then the next day I was like, okay, I'm going to try again.

I got in for like a minute. The next day I got in for a minute and a half. And you definitely feel like a high, but also like you've just experienced trauma. Yeah. So like maybe that's a shock. Yeah. If you do it with a little bit of cocaine. Perfect.

No, at the spot, I've done the cold into the warm and like boop, boop, boop, boop. Love that shit. Like spa, I've done the cold into the warm and like, boop, boop, boop, boop. Love that shit. I, can I, you just, our conversation, I thought, I wonder like last time we got into like talks of masculinity and stuff like that. And as you were talking then

and something we hinted on earlier, gave me the idea for a serious topic. Talk about it, tell me. You said I was following this guy who was in his early twenties. I unfollowed him because i felt like a pedo i think he was maybe 17 right yeah but i'd like to talk about this because i think that i was talking to my therapist about like um feeling like around especially like after

i got called a groomer in the australian senate um it then sort of changed my perception of how other people looked at me where I thought like I'm on the train, relatable. I'm on the train and there's like, you know, young kids sitting around and I'm like, is anybody in this train looking and thinking groomer? There's that Courtney, actually she's a groomer. And I thought there's an interesting thing

where I think a lot of gay men and a lot of men men actually period a lot of men straight and gay might have feel uncomfortable around younger people because of the narratives about um that sort of thing there are actual like horrible crimes that are committed against children and the idea of using the terms of abuse where no abuse actually exists diminishes uh the actual accounts where it is existing. And so I feel like sometimes when, like I find like that idea, like I was sitting on the beach after the Senator grooming thing,

sitting on the beach with my friends and joining myself and some kids started like kicking a ball in front. And I thought the Daily Mail like takes a picture of like Courtney Act with a bunch of kids. And it's weird because you then project that idea. And I felt like a form of my innocence was taken away by that. And I just, I obviously,

hopefully this is obvious, strongly oppose all forms of child sex objectification or any of those sorts of things and i just think like i don't know why i don't know where i was going with this subject it's i mean i'm fascinated by it because i think that like like sexual assault and and like you know uh sexual assault of any kind to me is a maladaptive behavior is a maladaptive behavior it's it's a mental illness i i feel like i know that like rape is a is a historically is you know as a species it's just like very part of our culture um and it's always going to be but like to me it's like crazy because because I interpret that power dynamic as a sexual titillation to be mental illness. Do you know what I mean?

If I'm having sex with someone and I even get a whiff of a lack of desire or reticence or never mind, no, no, no. I'd be like, ah! of desire or like um reticence or never mind like no no no i'd be like ah like my weenie would become my two inch hard-on would like shrink to that it's half inch flaccid well um there's an australian grace tame who's an amazing advocate for sexual assault survivors i've heard her talk about the fact that um it's not about sex it's about power i know and um i guess i don't know why i i'm not i'm not sure why i brought this up i think it's because i abhor you know child sexual assault and grooming and all of those associated things and i feel like sometimes as queer people because of the social narrative of the alt-right we're forced into this bucket i hate it because just we're talking numbers and percentages men usually are the perpetrators of these crimes if we just if we

break down the numbers it's why did the straight guy why is that it's like such a fucking shit it's such a um it's such a bullshit um bait and switch it's like uh excuse me excuse me what about the i don't know 70 to 90 percent of men who were uh targeting women young girls uh it's like i hate that like we're groomers mama we're grooming our outfits to perform at pride and you don't want your children there not to mention the catholic church all right i've kind of coined mama they are the they are who have kind of coined. Mama, they are the, they are Grumius Maximus.

Like they were born in the game. Yeah. You know, this is dark. I always wanted to get diddled by a priest, but. Really? Yeah, but they were so ugly at my parish. It was such a bummer.

Like none of them are gay. They were all super mean and ugly. So your fantasy was for a priest that you were attracted to. Yeah. To have a sexual experience with them. But you have to understand, I was rebellious and very much into Satanism

when I was forced to go to Catholic mass and in Catholic school. So I was the kind of kid that was like, I'm going to get fucked by the devil. And so I would have loved. But that's probably, again, it's almost a consenting fantasy, right? And even though you're a young person who's by the court, I'm incapable of giving consent, statutory rape.

Yeah. You were still someone who was having potentially just like a healthy teenage fantasy. I was developing my sexual fantasy world. Yeah. Also, I mean, the studies and all the Pew research polls have all indicated that rape fantasies are the number one fantasies

that women have. Wow. Yeah. Fantasy and reality, it must be noted, are two very different things. Fantasy is not real. Fantasies exist in your head,

in a book, in the ether. They do not have tactile, you know, physical consequences. And I think like, yeah, I don't know. Have you ever been, have you ever genuinely, sincerely been like perturbed or troubled by a fantasy that you've had? Something so dark that you're like, oh my God, I can't believe this. You don't have to share it.

I'm just curious. I don't have to share it. I'm just curious. I don't think so. No. Do I ask you the same question or should I fear the result? I'm waiting. Have you? You know,

yeah. Yeah. I got to say, when I was in high school, I read a lot of necrophiliac porn. Oh, wow. And I wished, I was an avid reader.

Where did you find that? Tumblr? No, no, no. these were books yeah you find necrophiliac porn in books yeah you were resourceful where do you get the books out of bookstores so like it's fine i was an avid reader in um like high school read it always reading you know introvert and my parents you know they didn't i would go to the bookstore buy books poppy z bright was this author and she um wrote a bunch of books where the the characters were like uh vampires uh they were corpse fuckers there was a

lot of like cannibalism and then necrophilia yeah it was like very very like pushing the envelope of like super dark erotic literature and I was like um I think like if i were to go back and reread um from like a you know literary perspective they're probably badly written i'm sure but oh yeah i love that 120 days of sodom wow nasty shit you know do you know what when i in a pre-prep era when we had sex with condoms and you still can have sex with condoms. You certainly can. They are available for free at your local gay club. Yeah. I, this is how,

I think this plays into your narrative about me quite well. I couldn't masturbate without working out a rational way in which this fantasy situation involves me having a condom to have sex oh my god i love that i love that it's like i can't get into it unless i feel myself buckling my seatbelt that is so that's amazing that is so weird right oh i'd be like oh it's too hot god i'm like but wait but wait wait where's the did i have a did he happen to have it no that's did you struggle to put it on did i give my biographies wait um i mean i'm uh people condoms are such a funny thing um i know i know there's like doxy

pep doxy prep doxy you know doxy pep whatever. Not whatever. Please tell me actually what they are. There's DoxyPep, which is post-exposure prophylaxis, where you take two doxycycline antibiotics and it can reduce your likelihood of contracting syphilis and chlamydia by up to 75%. What about gonorrhea? And gonorrhea by somewhere around 54%, I think. Don't love those numbers, but it's something. Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.

Yeah, and it's also better than those numbers, but it's something. Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. Yeah, and it's also better than shitting in your friend's bed. Thank you, gonorrhea medication. We were just talking. Where was I? I don't think I've ever

brought that up before. Once or twice. God, I can't, I'm waiting for you to get even. Well. You're going to leave and there's going to be

a fucking brown, like fucking huge puddle of shit in that. I was with, was it yesterday? It must have been yesterday because I feel like Jinx was there. I saw Jinx yesterday and a bunch of girls doing their drag pack filming, encouraging you to go out and register to vote. And somehow we were talking about real, real dolls. Oh, yeah. And I said, no, we're at marco marco studio that's right

it wasn't jinx um and it was the last time you're talking about my friend jennifer yeah yeah and we were talking about real dolls and then someone said like oh how do you suppose one of those and i'm like you stick it down the garbage chute yeah and they were like what i'm like well that's what katya did at my place with her real doll i I mean, she was just a torso, though. I would have felt it would have been a different experience. But it had arms and legs. And a head. She didn't have a head.

No, she was just a big titty. That might be even worse. You just stuck a dismembered corpse down my. She didn't. Listen, I. She was Jennifer because I gave her that name. The person finding Jennifer's torso, if indeed it made it down to the dumpster

or if it got lodged halfway and the building manager had to come and poke it with a broom. And then they're like taking out the dumpster and there's just like But not that because there's no head. Well how do you think my mother felt when she had to

coordinate moving from one place to another and it was boxed in a box that said mega fuck slut, 40 pounds of fuckable pussy flesh that her gay son had purchased at a hustler store for about $700. Wasn't it at She She's a Real Sex Shop? No, it was at a hustler on Hollywood Boulevard. Okay. Lovely guy. The manager loved him.

Lovely guy. Yeah. Mega fuck slut. Wow. it was at hustler on hollywood boulevard okay lovely guy the manager love him lovely guy yeah mega fuck slut wow it was like 15 or 20 pounds of fuckable flesh or something i mean i loved it oh was this a cardboard box that you'd written on with a sharpie or that was the box she came in this was the box that was not discreet whatsoever i mean it was like it wasn't the plain brown packaging no no no no it was like it was like those doorbuster sales like giant huge bright letters it was just very humiliating um but anyways prep gonorrhea prep gonorrhea um condoms condoms i don't i've had a i don't i haven't used a condom i'm primarily top which i don't and i don't have a lot of sex so I I rarely have STI as I don't have HIV I don't you know I'm pretty like aware of my situation and it's it's

I don't I hardly ever had I don't keep I've had STI is like oh I have herpes but like comes and goes I've only had one outbreak. Right. But like, I don't have the experience of being like a no loads refused doors, you know, weekend warrior, like, come on in. Like, you know, there's paper towels over there. There's like, you know, get in line. Don't cut the line. And then you're like taking loads all day. But like, I.

I've also never been one of those people. I mean, isn't that that interesting I think that's fascinating that behavior yeah I mean I'm not I don't want to denigrate it or demonize it no I don't yuck anyone's yum but I'm interested in the squelching what about ASMR

ASMR no loads refused weekend is it is it is it um is it is it what i always think about terms things in terms of power and control i think about it being the empress no seriously it's a fertility goddess like you're filled with this you are like seeds of many men you are yeah you are the earth mother like do you think they're thinking about it like that i don't think on any level i think subconsciously that's the vibe it's like i'm gonna take the whole wide world up my ass and then gestate and give you're gonna be like super mom octo mom or like yeah deco deco whatever mom don't decohedron mom. Like literally one of those fertility goddesses.

I mean, that's obviously a fantasy, but it's interesting. Better than like a trash dump. Like I don't like that. I'm just a hole. I think it could be like just a receptacle for some people. It's about, is it about like, I'm a piece of shit. I want you to treat me like one. Yeah, I'm just a hole.

For it to be filled it's fine i like i am um earth mother come come fertilize this soil well ironically earth mother mother has become a bit of a trash dump because of humanity oh my god that's right mother earth is just a hole now earth is just a no load Poor bitch. Wow, we've really come full circle. We have. But you know what? I always take solace in the fact that Mother Earth will kill us before we can kill her. Mama, not even Mother Earth.

Asteroid baby. Let's go. Let's go for the third. You think Asteroid's going to do it? Honey. But the Earth is way more powerful than we are. They've done it twice before, sweetie. Look her up.

I recently became aware and I'm now of course totally obsessed with the two asteroid events hitting the earth with the impact of a billion atomic bombs. Is that how dinosaurs went kaput? Uh-huh. What else?

It was two major mass extinction events. Almost every single organism on the life on earth was wiped out within i mean like hours the impact was so enormous the whole earth was uh covered in like uh dust dust at like just radioactive poisonous um ash cloud or whatever. For millions of years. Conti. That's Conti. And then what emerged out of it?

And then millions and millions and millions of years later, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, dinosaurs. Then boom, the sequel. The sequel. I'm so ready for that third, the trilogy. The trilogy. Yeah. Just imagine how,

if there was going to be another event like that what if any time warning would you want like what would be would you want three days three hours three years it's hard i actually thought about this recently i watched independence day the movie with um will smith and jeff goldblum on independence day actually um I think no warning is better Really? Because I think humans are They will just cause chaos No it's just you

Oh I'm the only one? It's just you uniquely yeah Like because what are you going to do? Tell your loved ones you love them? I don't know It depends like if say Like I think you'd behave differently If you had a three week heads up

A three hour heads up Or a three year heads up So out of those what would you choose either none or like the longest three years oh really i think yeah like if you knew that you were if you knew that it was all for nothing which it is but if you had a time limit on it i work very well with deadlines wouldn't it be cunty if though if like you knew and then two days later you got hit by a car that would be so shitty you're like you're like i know something y'all don't know and you just get in my car i think deadlines are like boundaries for me like in high school i was the kid who left it all to the last minute did did really well like i've had an assignment yeah

everybody like everybody yeah but i've realized as an adult that i'm like why can't i be better at that and so i've learned to create artificial deadlines for myself yeah and even though i know their lies they still help absolutely i'm not perfect at getting things in on time or done when they should but i definitely have known that like breaking things down into small chunks small achievable chunks and setting a timer even if it's a timer for 20 minutes really helps and so in a way knowing that we're all gonna die in three years but then also would i still care about like i wouldn't care about like changing the world to make it a better place if i knew we're all gonna die. So maybe all of my values would change. Throwing your trash out the car window? Maybe. No.

Well, for what? Why not? I feel like no matter what, do not litter. I'm a bit of a nihilist, but not like a negative nihilist. I'm like, yeah, this is it. I'd rather you steal children and like make them into soup than litter. That's never been a desire, thankfully. I know, but like go full baba yaga just don't litter i think that so like what

motivates me now like is i love i love performing i love being on stage i love entertaining people and i always want to do like i love big pretty costumes like i want big pretty costumes i want a live band i want a sound man i want like all of the accoutrements so I can do my job as best as I can. But you have all this stuff. Yeah, but I want more. Oh, you want more. So you want to be like, you want the, you want to play at the Sphere in Las Vegas. Maybe not that big because that comes with a certain amount of notoriety that I don't think I'd want.

Don't sell yourself short. Not with the asteroid coming. Well, that's a good point. It's like it's so short, not with the asteroid coming. Well, that's a good point. I was on Very Delta the other day, and she said that if the aliens came, that she'd want me to be the one who went to meet them. Are you kidding me? If we're talking about in the drag race or drag queen universe, who is going to be the Jodie Foster in the contact? Who are we sending to Vega to make contact?

It's fucking Courtney act. Of course it is. She straddles gender lines, effortlessly, fluidly. One day she's a woman, one day or one second. She's a man,

woman, articulate, tan, toned, faggoty, but also civilized. You got it all. Please don't send candy muse.

I mean, that would be a different, different, different outcome. Wait, I want to, that would be a different, different, different outcome. Wait, I want to, I want to go back to this procrastination thing because what occurred to me in school and in college was everybody waits to the last minute to do their essay. If I were a teacher, I'd be like, okay, thank you for these. Take them back because you're all flops. This was a good first draft that you thought was the final product.

Why would you ever accept that the first thing you do, the first try at the last minute is like, it's not good. It's not good enough. We were never meant to do that. I wonder whether that's just, dare I call it the artist mind? Is it like a spectrum of attention deficit disorder? Is it like, is it something to do, like, are there, I think there were kids in school who got the thing, they did the work progressively and they handed in a really good product at

the end. Not in my school. No? No. Not a single one? I mean, maybe one or two, but we all did shit. None of us wanted to do it. We all did at the last minute and we all put in the bare minimum.

Now, of course, certain abilities indicated like I could do something pretty well, but my first draft is not going to be my best one. But I was never made to do a second draft or a third or a fourth or a fifth. I'm like, that's really fucked up. I always say the kindest thing you can give a drag queen is an extra 15 minutes. Yeah. Like when they're like,

we're running 15 minutes late, like 45 to an hour before you're meant to be ready. Yeah. Or half an hour before you're meant to be ready. They say, Oh, we're running 15 minutes late. I'm like,

Oh yeah, I know. That's like, it almost gives me a chub. Thank you. I know. It's like, but I mean, you know what I mean? Like if I teacher i'd be like i don't know i don't know

lesson well also i yeah to rate you would you would you would but you have to make them feel that this is the deadline yeah this is it's do or die and be like uh just kidding flops like and you would mark them yeah you wouldn't tell them you'd mark them you'd give them back and say this is the first draft now you've got two more days yeah or whatever you're going to give them both back and they're going to be compared yeah and then you're going to see what happens when you actually set deadlines and prepare but there's not enough of that there's not enough of like real life skills in school. And also the amount of work that that would require of a teacher who makes about minimum wage and works about 90 hours a week. They'd be like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

You know, so anyways. Like imagine what there are places on this planet where teachers are paid good wages. I think I'm thinking of like the Scandi countries. Denmark, Sweden perhaps. good wages i think i'm thinking of like the scandy countries yeah sweden perhaps and i wonder like i'm i'm kind of fascinated by those more socialist countries to know how that all works where teachers and doctors get paid a similar wage and like capitalism isn't as rampant well i mean they have like what they have like heavily so it's like they're heavily taxed but they're yeah but although they're like health care, their child care.

Yes, but most of these countries are very small. Yes. They're to a large extent kind of homogeneous, you know. I'm not saying it would work if you tried to apply it to America by any means. Because I think when people use. Maybe a state though. Let's try it in a state. Yeah, or Rhode Island.

Rhode Island. Experiment Rhode Island. I mean, I guess. Yeah, I think Island. Rhode Island. Experiment Rhode Island. I mean, I get, yeah, I think it's, I think it's really interesting. Like these, I do think, and coming to the US, coming from Australia, where we have less income inequality, we certainly do have the billionaires, but we have a good social services program where we have like um we call it the doll like um um unemployment kind of benefits and things like that and housing public housing all that sort of stuff and good sort of like upward mobility programs to help people who um haven't been able to help themselves and i think the thing that I noticed in the US is like there's a real disparity

and there is a lot of people experiencing homelessness and struggling, whether it's like medical bills or whatever. The idea, which I think it was Andrew Yang introduced about universal basic income into the zeitgeist of American politics. In a future positive post-AI world. Terminator 3 world, yeah. No, the future positive.

Oh, okay, yeah. Imagine like, because there is enough. Imagine if everybody had healthcare and a universal basic income. I'm going to stop you right there. Yeah. That first point you just made is a large, we just can't agree on that.

No, there's enough. Right. And that's not large we just can't agree on that no there's enough right and it's that's not that's that people don't agree well the rich people don't agree no nobody agrees i mean there there literally is enough but they don't but on paper if you take all the money in america and you divvy it up by the 330 million people i agree there's enough for everybody to have enough and then there's enough for the rich people to still be really, really rich. But see, yeah, but it's just,

we have set up this fucking ghastly framework where that is, you can't snatch money out of people's hands. Well, that's exactly what they're doing, but they're snatching it

out of the poor people's hands and keeping it in the rich people's hands. Listen, I think it should be illegal for an individual to be a billionaire listen i think it should be illegal to for uh an individual or an individual to be a billionaire i think that should be illegal i think there should be a maximum do you know what i mean like a minimum wage a maximum wage maximum wage when i saw that clip of that fucking flop ceo from boeing on um the grand jury thing it was like uh so you it was like so mr whatever the fuck his name is, you got a pay raise of 60 million.

And then your workers got a wage increase of 1%. It was just like, it was so embarrassing, flagrant and robber barony, like this behavior that is just so, that's just the way it is. And like capitalism is just the way it is. Capitalism is just like. It's just the way it is capitalism is just like it's grim it's grim it's grim and it's hard to imagine like i can imagine a world where you know maybe maybe norway has like a uh an ai they're like you know what we're going to let this ai run our country in a fair and balanced because the thing that goes wrong with socialism and communism and these sorts of like equality um programs is greed yeah and also that they have to

usually you gotta like especially if you're trying to um implement this communist court you're kind of gonna like hey i get a mow down like millions of your citizens well that's the thing it was like i feel like like a country like norway or like a scandy democratic socialist already democratic socialist would be like we're gonna get this um algorithm to like run shit and turn it around yeah and like and and show the world i mean i think they do already show they do and guess who's mama they're not like they're like, y'all are, ugh. They're like, flop, flop, flop. I think that, fuck, we have to wrap, but before we do, I think that it should be every single fucking job. I'm talking about Walmart greeters. I'm talking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee servers.

I'm talking about crossing guards. I'm talking about crossing guards. Every one of those motherfuckers should be able to afford an apartment. They should be able to afford to live by themselves in any metropolis in the country. Did you know that the people, the baggers at like Trader Joe's are unionized? Or at least they were historically. So they got health benefits yeah they got like all of those things like anybody any job at any level should be able to live with

dignity as a human being yeah you should be able to get as much money to afford food and shelter you shouldn't have to worry about medical stuff because that is free and then um also you should get free stickers at the bank and lollipops at the doctor's office. Childcare, education, upper mobility, like things. Because you know why? I don't know how we got here. But the people who are at the top with all the money, the accumulation of wealth, they're extracting the wealth like they're extracting the minerals from the earth. But eventually that money is going to run out if you're not replenishing it. And there's not going to be anybody to buy your shoes and your bars of soap and all of that sort of stuff so it's short-sighted and i think that

well nobody cares about the future i know which is now a jd vance talking point saying that people who don't have children should get less of a say in the future of our country so only parents should be allowed to vote. Jesus Christ. We better start. Reproducing. Yeah. Can you, do you think, are we too old? Is 42 too old? Yeah.

No, my sister's 40. She has, I'm going to have her second baby. I think it's still time for us. My sister had a baby at 42 and now she's 52. And it seems like a lot of work to do in this latter stage. We've had so much fun. We don't need to, we don't need to ruin it with kids now. No. Okay.

Final thought. I believe that children are our future let them teach them well and let them lead the way I believe that they are annoying and they should be put on an island yeah I don't want them around me but you know we gotta repopulate the earth somehow okay last question yes we have to end but I don't know if I've asked you this before

it hasn't been on the air if you could learn a language overnight by chopping off one of your fingers, would you do it and how many in which language? That's a really good question, actually. I love it. Yeah.

No. None? No. Damn. I really want to learn a language. I believe that inside me I speak several, but just none of them I'm that capable of. Ich kann es glauben, dass es keine Butter ist. Sehr gut.

Ja. Aber ich bewahre meine Dschungel. Du bist es. Und ich würde lieber, ich glaube immer noch, dass es irgendwo in mir ist, dass ich in Spanien leben könnte für einen Sommer und Spanische Lektionen machen könnte. Natürlich könntest du. Fünf Mal pro Woche. Ich spreche über native, perfekte, PhD-Linguistik-Fluency. Ich verstehe es, aber ich liebe meine Finger. summer and do spanish lessons five times a week i'm talking about native perfect link like phd linguistics fluency i get it but i really like my fingers okay fine jesus christ god she loves

her hands but also you know what i realized i wanted to be a hand model when i was in high school um that was not what i realized i realized that if i learn another language i will never be funny i will never sound smart i will not like at this age at 42 learning a new language even if i learn to speak it like like fluently i still won't be funny or smart sounding mama you're not even funny and smart english no no that is not true you don't think i it's yes of course it's more difficult am i bursting your bubble about learning russian would you cut off a finger to speak PhD level Russian? Pinky, Mandarin, ring finger, Arabic, middle finger, Hindi, index finger.

You're working towards a fetish. You just want to be a nub queen. All these left digits are going bye bye. And I'm going to the UN as an official translator. Like Nicole Kidman in The Translator? Happy interpreter? Do you remember that movie? No, but I do remember the Catherine Tate sketch where she's like, well, I can do that.

But we have to go because I have a doctor's appointment and we have run over. Courtney Act. Listen, what a treat. What a fucking legend. And look at this fucking skin. Tanned, toned, taut, and ready to be touched. Thank you so much. I love you.

Thank you. Thank you for having me in your home and in your podcast studio. Yeah. I'm looking forward to the big hot steaming turd you're going to leave when you... You just wait. Okay. Okay. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye.