The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Escaping L.A. with Six Wigs and a PS5 with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

Our hearts go out to all those affected by the catastrophic wildfires in Los Angeles County. We hope that this week's episode, recorded in our car as we evacuated Hollywood due to the Sunset Fire, offers a brief respite from the ongoing devastation in Southern California. If you would like to support Angelenos affected by the fires, please visit this link for various ways to donate: https://laist.com/news/climate-environment/how-to-help-la-fire-victims New customers GET 15% ALL Lume products with our exclusive code BALDANDBEAUTIFUL at https://www.lumedeodorant.com Make progress towards a better financial future with Chime! Open your account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. You’re going to love Hungryroot as much as we do! Take advantage of this exclusive offer: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life! Go to https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD today! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! If you need a new website, go ahead and check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We are fleeing our Hollywood homes in Los Angeles. Katya made the pickup, dropped off Baby Woo Woo, and... And now what do you think? What was the plan? Well, so I had to, I went to my balcony and I looked at Runyon Canyon, a blaze, a flame, totally like burning, like it was a fucking, it was very apocalyptic. My old apartment that I lived in with Dina Barbotol,

I believe is destroyed or currently on routes to be destroyed. And I grabbed my wigs, my shoes, some food, my pills, my passport and my butt plug. Oh yeah, tell me why I get in this car and Ms. Crossy, I won't, we got it. Well, you got to grab the things that matter the most. I immediately go to look for the deed to my house and my home insurance paperwork.

She goes home to nothing and nothing. I couldn't find any of that shit. I could barely find my own fucking house key, but I got the passport. I got the wallet and I got my PlayStation 5. I did get my computer, which is broken. Bloop, Broken computer. But I get, we open the back of your car

and there's a wig and shoes. Six wigs. So. It's six pairs of shoes. But I thought, my thought was, oh, she packed a look in case there's a gig. And that way if you have nothing and you're living in a hotel room,

you at least have a way to make money. But you did what you did. Why did you grab the items you grabbed? Okay, I grabbed them because previous episode, I think people remember me saying that I was waiting for these packages that needed to be signed for. They were from this company, this shoe company.

These are these country shoes that have fangs on the heels. They're very expensive. They're beloved possessions of mine and they were the last of their kind. So if they went up in flames, I would kill myself. Right. Naturally. So, you know, you could replace girdles, tights,

pantyhose, lashes, cosmetics. I mean, she owns a cosmetic company. So I just need to get the essentials. Right. I guess I should have thought better. Like this has made me more aware of, well, first of all, there should be a go-bag, right? Donald Trump is happening.

The world is on fire, literally. And also all those times we made fun of all, there should be a go bag, right? Donald Trump is happening. The world is on fire, literally. And also, all those times we made fun of celebrities with their fleeing their homes, letting their horses go. Now it's us. Yeah, but except we don't have other estates to flee to. I do. I thought about going to my condo in Hollywood, but I was like, if-

No, that's not far enough. Yeah, that's not far enough. That's where I live. So then I thought, well, I don't know. We thought about going all the way. Originally we were going to go all the way to Palm Springs because I called the Trixie Motel and they were like, we have two rooms for you guys, but it's two hours away.

And what if tomorrow the fire is like basically done? And then it's like, oh, perfect. We just go home. Yeah. I'm thinking about moving back to Boston right now. I'm not joking around, bitch. You know, Jennifer, the director of, I like to watch Netflix, hi Jennifer.

Hi Jennifer. Jennifer. Friend of the pod. Jennifer. Jennifer, Jennifer, what a bitch. I'm just kidding. She said that she hired an environmental scientist who said that the safest place to live

for the future of the environment, et cetera, is Wisconsin. Why? Why, because the water and the cheese? Next to the fresh water to live for the future or the environment, et cetera, is Wisconsin. Why? Because of the water and the cheese? Next to the fresh water, baby, the lakes. Not to mention, it's cold, so as the earth continues to cook. Yeah, she's going to be bombing in a couple decades. Oh, yeah, it's going to be the new kind of Oahu.

Riviera. It's going to be the French Riviera. The Redneck Riviera. And I don't know, all these times when we had fun of like, do you remember, were they fires or what was it? Was it fires a few years ago where we were watching the news and it was celebrities like being like, we had to let the horses go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, I mean, you know, it's hard to feel. Well, I think it's, you have to feel for the people who work for those celebrities, you know what I mean? Like the staff who has no jobs now. Yeah, well, Brandon texted me yesterday, like the date, cause Brandon knows shit. Brandon knows shit about,

Brandon's planning for the worst case of every scenario all the time. And like two days ago, Brandon said, him and his mom have their like passports in their go bag by the door. So they, and we were like, I was not thinking that it was gonna be that serious. And I also did not think,

I just thought like Hollywood, the streets are covered in so much urine. Yeah. And everything's concrete. A note of piss around my apartment complex or my condo complex, so. And I called you earlier this morning and I was like, all right, why don't we,

I called you and I said, are you leaving? And you said, what? No, why? And I was like, oh, okay, me too, perfect. And I was watching the news. And then you called like what? No, why? And I was like, oh, okay, me too, perfect. And I was watching the news and then you called like what, an hour ago? And what was the tea, Christine? Well, I went to my balcony

and saw a fireplace that was in my backyard. Damn. Okay, we just got a text from our managers. We wanted to stay at the Hilton in Long Beach, but everything was booked up. So now we are literally staying on the Queen Mary. Oh, the room's under your name. Look, you think all these people are leaving? Look at that person has a dog in the car.

She has a mask on, she's leaving. The dog has a mask on? No, the person. No, the person's wearing the dog as a mask. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside, get the mask on the dog. Mask on the dog. Can we just, how come we have to have some kind of like

Orson Welles, War of the Worlds event in this city every couple of years? Because mama, it's a wrap on Miss Earth, I'm sorry. It's a wrap on her. It's especially a wrap on Miss Los Angeles. Los Angeles is corny, tired, and she's now on fire. I thought about going to stay at the condo though, because it's a little more south.

It's not right next to the hills, but. Well, somebody was telling me that buildings are catching fire like building the building It's like, you know, don't tell them what happened your old building She's dead gone burnt down like it was oh god So it's funny my Anton my Bulgarian massage therapist the man not whom for whom I would risk it all First time he came over my condo, he went up to the balcony and said, I live right there.

And that's where the fire was when I looked out tonight. So if he is not okay, I'm gonna KMS. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I always think people are really extra when they start, when something like this happens and people start leaving town days before, I'm always like, girl, you do too much. You have main character syndrome.

You think that that fire is coming specifically for you miss snowflake special you know what I mean like girl I've been watching a lot of I've been watching a lot of documentaries and you know footage of earthquakes tsunamis pyroclastic flow you know things of that nature if you want to put it off turn the air off for sound yeah sorry we are sorry. We are in the car. Oh, I'm so sorry. That would probably tear it. Oh, it's so much better now. Okay, let's start from the top again.

And we didn't grab, honestly, I didn't, when we left, I didn't grab the sound equipment for the pod. Okay, I didn't think about it. I thought about the passport. I thought about, I did bring my PlayStation, which is wild because, but you know what I thought? If I have nothing, right?

If I have nothing tomorrow, I will at least have my PlayStation, which is hours and hours of entertainment. Yes. And it grows the economy. Yeah. Hurts nobody, helps everybody. I will have my new Wigs by Vanity, Showgirl wigs,

my Swiss lace, my stage lace. I will have my thigh high vampire fang boots. I got my silvers, I got my golds, I got all the expensive drag stuff. Although I did not bring my Philippe Plin $2,000 boots. It's over. You know what? The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come.

What if my home... Oh, there's a fire truck. Making a lot of rounds tonight. You think they're going somewhere? No, I think they're going to get lawn noodles. That's the real tragedy of this whole thing is that I was literally leaving the house to go get lawn noodles and then maybe go watch Baby Girl.

So it's tough it's tough girl baby girl baby and now we're trying to get along the the manager said that south is the way to go and that it's too hard to get on the highway or go west right now which is great because i do not drive on the highway because i'm scared right do you know that the most accidents happen on these roads though but you know what what happens on these roads is not people merging onto a five lane highway where people are texting and drunk at 80 miles an hour. Girl, did you hear what happened? Did you hear what happened to that person at the airport with the Waymo vehicle?

You know, those like self-driving vehicles they have in L.A. now. I trust it more than a person. But guess what happened? They took one to the air to the airport, which I think is insane. Why would you take that car to the airport? And it didn't know how to stop. And so it just looped them at LAX and they missed their flight. That's kind of fierce.

Thanks, thanks, Jibayden. Yeah, thanks, Jerry. Do you know that all... OK, wait, I watched the trailer for a movie that I'm very excited to see. It's called The Companion. But, tell me. Oh, is this the,

but did you, I don't wanna give any spoilers, but the point is that this fucking trailer, it was the second one I saw of it, the first teaser trailer I saw, I was like, this movie looks amazing. This fucking trailer gave away the whole fucking plot of the movie and I'm so plucked.

I'm so plucked. Is this the Megan Fox movie? No, that's subservience and that looks a fucking mess. That looks a mess. It's like grown up, grown up like S.A. Megan. Yeah, it's S.O. Do we, cause the, cause it's kind of like Megan but like sex time.

And it features that, that, that incredibly hunky actor from the, the basically porn series on Netflix called like something, it's like a 50 Shades of Grey kind of thing, and he's just like the porn hunk. So I can't take that movie seriously at all. I won't jack off to it though. Some of this porn shit, or some of this shit, this like softcore shit they put on Netflix,

to me it's a bridge too far. Just boot up the porn hub and go to town. Like, give me a break. I know, I love a great, well-lit, like lovely sex scene, nude scene, whatever. All that stuff is, I mean, I love the opening shot of Eyes Wide Shut where Nicole Kidman takes her dress off and it's so beautiful.

But like, I love a good masked orgy scene. Right. But like, it's just, yeah, at a certain point, man. I thought it was funny. We were at a meeting the other day. This is, we have been having some type of creative meetings with a certain Amy Poehler. Yes.

And at her office, their potted tree had blown into the pool, and they were showing it like it was the eighth wonder of the world. They were like, look at it. Can you believe it? They kept saying, it's so creepy. I go, baby. I got a video of it. I got a video of it.

Actually, I do agree with them that it's kind of creepy. There's something very like AI about it. Like very wrong. Yeah, it's a little uncanny. Yeah. Not uncanny, a little eerie. Little eerie, little eerie. But I just thought it was so funny that they,

that was like the burning bush of the burning bushes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Hello, hello, it's Trixie. It's a new year. It's a new me on The Bald and the Beautiful. And one of my personal resolutions, I mean, things I want to leave behind this year, I wanna leave behind, like, the whole process of getting in drag is disgusting. Getting up there and sweating for like,

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later when we're live on the video. I want to talk about Emilia Perez at the motherfucking Golden Globes, okay? And if I get a lot of trash from Selena Gomez fans, I accept that, but we need to face facts and we need to confront reality. And we need to recognize that that movie is one of the worst movies ever made certainly one of the worst One of the worst musicals ever fucking made so can I ask what would you imagine would? Would be what would you suggest would be the basis for that being celebrated then if it's bad Because it features a trans storyline and I think people are very afraid to critique but two things

So it's wildly experimental trans storyline and I think people are very afraid to critique two things. So it's wildly experimental, so a lot of, I feel like it has this armor where it's like, if you don't get it, you don't get art. But that's bullshit, because this is bad art. And number two, it features a trans storyline and a trans actress, so it's very kind of, in a way, it has like this bulletproof,

you can't critique it because you're transphobic thing, which is absolutely ridiculous. Trans people can be terrible actors, but actually this trans actress was great. It was just the story, the direction, everything about the director's choices made it horrible. It was truly unwatchable. And it was the longest two and some change hours of my life

that I spent on Christmas Eve trying to get through this thing. It was so bad, Mary, you don't even fucking know. And when it got all this praise at the Golden Globes, I was like, okay, so what is going on? It's crazy, crazy. Well, it doesn't make me want to watch it because I watched, I've been on a huge Batman kick because I've been playing Arkham Knight this game.

And I'm like, God, I love Batman. It's so dark. It's so cool. It's so like great. And especially with the Luigi Mangione, Vigilanteism is obviously about to be on the rise. And Vigilanteism is the basis of all those comic books. Right. Right. Sure. And so I was watching some of those programs and in Joker 1, which I'd never seen before.

So Joker, The Joker, The Joker with Joaquin Phoenix, incredible, incredible, stunning actor. A billion dollar R rated movie. I think it was maybe the, I don't know if it was the first, but it was set a record for box office receipts for an R rated movie. Receipts it was maybe the, I don't know if it was the first, but it was set a record for box office receipts for an R rated movie. Receipts. Huge success.

Receipts. It was so, oh I love that dog. Beautiful dog. For the viewers at home, that dog has six legs. Those aren't legs, honey. Those are low hanging titties. And you can tell that man to get some bed with that dog and just.

Mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Um, I. I have some bread pretzels. I just. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah. Mwah. I, so. I thought you brought pretzels. I'm sorry. I was watching. You want a snack.

I know. Oh, the Will Turn. Oh! We've played there. Yeah. Haven't we? You have. I have.

Oh, I thought we played there together. We were just crossing. Madonna played there, I think, for Madamax. That's what Fina told me. Okay, so I watched The Joker, and I hadn't seen that, and this is why, because I missed yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. shitty ways it delivered on like, of course, this is what that type of man watches this and goes, yeah, women are fucking mean to me too. Nobody gets me.

Fuck my dad and my fucking mom's a bitch. Like that's the whole vibe. But it was an incredible, amazing film and the acting and oh my God, I love that movie. And obviously one of the big things they talk about is the healthcare system failing a mentally ill person. I mean, he the system is failing him actively as the film goes on. Right. And I was like, wow, this movie went like so far exceeded my expectations. I loved it. I loved that movie.

Now, do you like do you like which Batman sort of a tone do you prefer? Do you like the gritty realism of the Christopher Nolan? Which Batman sort of tone do you prefer? Do you like the gritty realism of the Christopher Nolan? Do you like the campiness of Joel Schumacher or do you like the gothic kind of romanticism of Tim Burton? I like dark-sided. I like the dark night. I like gritty. I like Gotham being a fucking mess.

I like a bunch of crime and a bunch of rich people padding their own wallets, because to me it's the most like yeah This is I like when superhero shit talks about real life. You should probably fuck with the penguin then well, I couldn't believe that miss penguin because I did watch the Batman as well with Robert Pattinson and That is um, who did who directed that? Is that this is not Christopher Nolan. Oh Crabbit says that catwoman. Yes, it was um, oh it was oh it was a Diablo Cody No, just kidding. I'm just kidding. It was

So after I watched the Joker which turned my little pussy out right my nipples were fucking blanched and hard and Racked and wet and I was, oh. I mean, Joaquin is just such an amazing actor. And an origin story for the Joker is so fun. But you know what's not fun? Miss Joker part de. Baby, so then I put it on because I thought, all right, now this is what I'm actually gonna like.

Because you know, she's fun to make fun of. I turn up for that Gaga shit and I always fucking will. She's an incredible singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, performer, artist, philanthropist. She puts her whole pussy into everything. She's incredible and so I went, if this is anything like the first one and I'm gonna get to hear Lady Gaga sing,

you better get those clothespins ready because they're going right on these nipples, right? They're going right on the nipples. You better fire up the electric stimulating cop ring. Baby, you better get that truck chains and put them around the, yes, hook the winch up to the fucking titties. Oh, the girl's like-

From the East Coast, wonder if I'm dead. Everybody's texting saying, are you okay? That's sick, mama. But I haven't responded. It's okay, leave them. Yeah. So- Pop Crave keeps texting me, are you alive? That's like mama. But I haven't responded. It's okay, let him, leave him. Yeah. So, um. Pop Crave keeps texting me.

Are you alive? No, wait, did you see, did you see Nicole Kidman? Yes, yes. We're in the car and she's like, what? Okay. Hi Nicole, we're with Pop Crave. And she goes, with what? And they go, Pop Crave.

And she like rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders and laughs like they said, we're with booby-doop. Like she just fucking. We do team pop online. Yeah, it's so funny. So I watched Joker part de folie au de and I wanted to understand it better so I Googled it.

Cause it's French for like, obviously it's like play for two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also a, it's a term, it's a medical term for when one person's psychosis can rub up with another person. Oh! Like it kind of doubles. Right, it's like when I see, it's like when I vomit, you vomit.

Yes, okay. So, what a not- Great movie. It just, I mean, it's just, it's compared to the Joker. But this is what I liked about it. Imagine these fucking, these fucking, live in my mom's basement, I hate women neckbeard incel libertarian POS

who are like, they show up to the theater in their shitty Joker makeup, just rock hard, ready to see their king, their Titan. And then Gaga comes out in the cutes, in like the Pinterest clown makeup and just sings gorgeous homosexual jazz music. Imagine. Well, I didn't have to, because I put that stinker on and from the beginning,

from the very beginning, I knew this was a movie that was tonally very fucked. Like the tone and the pace were just not gonna be riveting. And I suffered through about 40 minutes where my eyeballs constantly went up and down. tonally very fucked, like the tone and the pace were just not gonna be riveting. And I suffered through about 40 minutes where I, my eyeballs constantly wanted to look away

from the screen, my beautiful new 83 inch OLED TV. It's gone now. Gone, TV, she has none. But I just couldn't get through it. I could not get through it. I thought it was so bad. Every directorial choice was like the worst one. Every director, you know what I mean?

It was so bad. It was also long. Yeah, bitch. I watched both of them. When I finished the second one, and do you know how the second one ends? I'm just gonna ruin it. I'm gonna ruin it.

And the second one, he ends up back in jail and somebody who like is bummed that he does had a change of heart about being the Joker is like, stabs him to death in jail and he dies on the floor. Love, now that's country. And kind of the whole takeaway is like, I got was like, oh, the male rage of like doubling down and not feeling remorse.

Guess where it gets you Miss Thang stabbed. You know what I mean? Yeah, also listen, I saw, I watched an interview with, a recent interview with Joaquin Phoenix, who does not look anything like his character from The Joker. He is a, he's got like a healthy body with short gray hair and a gray beard and he looks hot.

And I just couldn't get behind how fucking ugly that motherfucker looked in this movie. Why you gotta be that ugly bitch? Why you gotta be that ugly? It's on purpose. I know, but mama. Because when you're attractive in the world, people are a lot more accepting and nice to you.

He's real thin. And also, he has no physical strength, which I think like the viewer. He was so ugly, mama. So ugly. So ugly. Since when is the Joker fucking hot? Jack Nicholson, baby.

Or you know what, the Suicide Squad Joker. Oh, with them teeth? Yeah, the grill. I liked that Joker too. Even the Joker from the Adam West Batman, zany, wacky, wild. Well, you know what else I loved? Cause when I watched The Batman, we got to give it,

I think we've talked around the pod before, but who cares, my house burned down. So it didn't burn down, we don't know, at this time we don't know. Paul Dano? Miss Paul Dano, Miss Paul Dano, she nibbles. She reached right through that TV. She grabbed, she put both fucking dry fingers up my ass,

up to the second knuckle, and she just wiggled. She stretched me, She stretched me. She said- My blue chips and salsa were snatched from the television. Her bony claws came through the screen and took my steak Diana away from me and chopped it. Paul Dano is so wonderful in that movie. He's so wonderful in a lot.

Plays two roles in the perfect movie, There Will Be Blood by Paul Thomas Anderson. Mama, you gotta watch that movie. It is perfection. Daniel Dave Lewis and watch that movie. It is perfection. Daniel Dave Lewis and Paul Dano. Daniel Dave Lewis. Yeah. You know, I watched, you know,

what else was great about The Batman? First of all, I mean, I just really love Robert Pattinson's face. His Batman outfit with his big square jaw, the whole movie, I'm like, uh. And then Miss Zoe Kravitz, this is something I wanna talk to you about, which I didn't think we'd be talking about it in the car, um, on the iPhone, but...

Can you make sure that you're recording? Yeah, I am. Could you imagine? Oh, yeah, I'm recording. Should I pause and make sure it's good quality? Yeah. Hi, it's Trixie, and today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Hungry Root.

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So I gotta tell you, okay, this happened in Pretty Woman. This happens in like Alias. This happens in any movie where a girl works at a nightclub, it's like a sexy shot girl stripper situation. Tell me why they always have on the Technicolor Bob wig. Oh my God. They always have that. Natalie Portman clothes sir wig.

Yes, why is that? And she- The Run Lola, not the Run Lola Run. Maybe it is Run Lola Run. Yeah, what is with that Halloween 2799 Adore These Boutique colorful Paige Boy wig? I know. What is that?

That party Paige, that like, that Bachelorette wig. If anybody watched Twin Peaks The Return, Diane, played by Laura Dern, was famously wearing a white wig of that nature. I mean, horrible. It was so funny and weird. I wonder what the fuck. It's a little like Drew Barrymore in Scream,

but like clown colors. Drew, Drew, these wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by Vanity. Oh, for sure. I mean, yeah. I just, I wonder, anybody who is a shot girl, because I worked in nightclubs as you have my whole life. Granted, we don't work in the heterosexual sex industry,

which is what I think nightclubs like that are, right? It's, you create an environment where men meet women, women meet men, whatever. Who? Stop, stop. Who's Wilmer? My friend Wilmer. You have a friend named Wilmer? Yeah. stop. Who's Wilmer? My friend Wilmer. Oh, Wilmer by the way. You have a friend named Wilmer?

Yeah. Yeah. Christ. I'm in screen calls just based on sound of names. Like, oh Wilmer? No. Yeah. Anne Marie?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, everybody, if anybody wants an update, if you're listening, we are about to downtown LA. The traffic's not as bad as I thought, but... I'm turning my notifications off because I can't hear these things. Well, can I, I just wonder if anybody

who works in those environments, do those plastic wigs come with the job? Like, do they give you? Is it supposed to be like, I guess it communicates to the viewer, oh, when this person goes to work, they, they maybe not recognizable, they kind of blend in. Yeah, but listen, as a person who worked at a wig shop for seven years, I can tell you and a good chunk of our clientele were strippers, dancers, sex workers, they were not going

for Miss China at all $27.99. They were going for Miss Arryn 49.99. And when the screen door lace runs came out, they were going for those. They were going for long sexy. Long sexy. They want the super Valentina. They want the long spiral.

But they want it. And they're on a budget. You know, they don't have thousands of dollars spent on wigs. So they want something under 100 bucks. But they're not doing these little like robot China doll clown wigs. I don't know what that's all about. I don't know what that is either.

I just said that's it's Zoe Kravitz. And there's a scene and her waist is 10 inches. Mary, she looks crazy. It's actually concerning. I'm like, yikes, that must have been horrible. She's so beautiful and she's so good in that movie. And she's so beautiful and sexy. And what else did I see her in?

Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film. And, you know, she's so good in that movie and she's so beautiful and sexy. What else did I see her in? Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film and you know she's so pretty. I could kind of watch her in a movie where she does nothing, but she's a great actress too so it's like win-win. But she's working in this nightclub and she's in a black leather corset the size of one of my bracelets and she's strutting through this club and I just was like, I know that she went cunty. Her profile?

Like, the profile silhouette of her? Mary, I'm thin, okay, and I put a corset on. When I turn to the side on stage, if the light hits me from a silhouette point of view, it looks like Peppa the Pig. She turns to the side, and it's like, you can't even see her anymore. It's wild how thin she was.

It must have been a very uncomfortable shoot for her. Are we gonna have to get on the Oz? The what? The Ozempic. No, it's gonna kill everybody. Oh, let's take a break. Damn. I have nothing in this world except my MacBook and my Oz.

My home burned down. It's not funny to joke about my home burning down, but the reality that it could tonight has never really been a reality for me. And so it's kind of hard to wrap my head around. Listen, not to be ungrateful or weird or one percent or whatever, I hope my condo burns down because I hate it.

But no, you shouldn't hope a condo burns down because people live in your building. What if they're staying and they die? No, but I hope that they've all fled and they all have great fire insurance. Okay. And they all get like awesome. Like, do you remember in, not Hocus Pocus,

the craft, not Hocus Pocus. Remember the craft where her shitty stepdad dies and he has fierce life insurance and her mom moves her like uptown to that sexy, with the jukeboxes, and it's Connie Francis. Connie Francis, and the mom is in that blonde wig. I love that shittown to that sexy. With a jukebox that's called, it says Connie Francis. Connie Francis. And the mom is in that blonde wig. I love that shit.

Love that shit. With her little clicker mules. With the white carpet and she's smoking indoors. I love that bitch. All I ever wanted to do with a little girl was a jukebox that only plays Connie Francis. If you had a jukebox that played one artist, what would you want?

It would have to be Ala Puguchova. Okay, something- Very relatable and yeah, people know about her. For sure. Okay, what am I doing? I think I would pick Abba. Abba, oh yeah, oh, Erika Badu. Love it.

Erika Badu would be a really easy, I could listen to that all day long, every day. God, it's, you know, I know we didn't take the highway, but normally from my house to downtown Los Angeles takes 11 minutes. Lights even on? It's hard to tell. If the fire don't get us, the cross dresser driving will.

I think we need to be more concerned about my driving skills and less about the fire that's about to engulf us all. Well, can I say, last night I lost power about 6 p.m. and had no power all night. Luckily, my iPad was charged and I had back episodes of The Comeback. So like by candlelight watching The Comeback,

you know, playing the uno, or playing the office trivia against myself. Oh, wait, what? Going through a deck of office trivia cards and just answering the questions. Fear is stupid. Oh, you don't think I'm getting on a highway? Oh, I think you are.

No, you're not. You're going under. What's your aversion to highways? The danger, the absolute crippling fear of the danger of people flying through it like 70, 80, 90 miles an hour while they're texting and drunk. That's usually what I'm afraid of.

But you know what I learned in driving school? That most accidents happen on these roads. The roads where everyone's going the same direction, there's less accidents. That's true, but it doesn't keep me from being fearful. Plus I do not text and drive. Right, it's true. I'm on the road all the time

because I'm terrified when I'm in a car. That's true. That's really true. I'm terrified when I'm in a car. That's true. That's really true. I started watching the fire on the news maybe two days ago, just pictures of it, but it's, you know, Malibu and like the Palisades, that's so far from us.

It didn't seem like it would be in Hollywood a day later. But that mama, these winds, these winds were no fucking joke. I was, I'm like a paranoid person. I always think someone's breaking in because literally last week there were break-ins in my units, in the condos in my complex. So I was like, I'm hyper vigilant about these squatters.

Anyways, so the wind is like knock, knock, knockin' and like it just sounds like people are banging through the, banging the door, like banging on the door or like trying to smashing the windows. It was really intense. It was horrible. I can't believe your old apartment building burned down. The one you and Fina lived in.

Well, it's not confirmed confirmed but it certainly looked like it was absolutely on fire because that whole area was up in smoke. It was crazy. That building was wild anyway. Yes girl because the tweaker was murdered um tweaker was gunned down by the SWAT team. Boop! Um I remember that Fina was home alone. Yeah she had just moved to um to Los Angeles and was like you know a little squirrely about being in a new city and then bam, that happens. Welcome to Los Angeles. How are we still 52 minutes away from this shit? Girl, because probably we, it's probably the highway.

Los Angeles is so fucking tired. Do you think there's a way we could get out of here and still do our projects? I was thinking about that yesterday, and of course, absolutely, 100%. Everything would just have to be more tightly scheduled and planned out, and that's it. You just come and you get a hotel

and you do three, four gig, whatever, you know. Plus most of the stuff we do, I mean, you definitely could. Because your YouTube is like from your home. Yeah. YouTube you can do anyway. That's the fun thing about YouTube. And I only want to work two days a month. So shit. Thank God you grabbed those boots in that, that, that lovely, um, real housewives of Atlanta, Kim wig.

Those there's six of them. You got six pairs of boots in the back of this car. There's seven pairs of boots and there's six wigs. My mom went fucking around. That's like, honestly, it's like $9,000. All that stuff. Very expensive. Wow.

Very cherished and unworn. It's all new. What if our drag burns down? It's gonna. Is your drag at your house? Yes. Oh shit. Everything.

But I live, but there's an Ulta actually down the street. That's also gonna burn down, so I guess we're fucked. If Lawn Noodle's burns down. Suicide watch. Yeah. I didn't know, honestly, I didn't occur to me that like, but I live on basically Hollywood Boulevard. How does Hollywood Boulevard start on fire?

It's concrete and urine. No, but I mean, it's like the buildings catch fire. The wind, like the buildings get out of control, blaze. And then these fucking crazy 40, 50, 60 miles per hour winds, they they get the trees and they hop from building to tree to build it. You know what I mean? It gets because there's some greenery around all of this stuff. They're aligning the trees that are separating the buildings and they're just getting fucking bowled over by it.

I think that's what seems to be the case because I don't understand it either. Damn. It's probably God. It's the woke. It's God. Yeah, burning us because we're too woke. Yeah, I thought that homosexual, the libs control the weather and the atheists. That's the Jewish thing. Right. That's the Jews, honey.

That's the Jews. What is, what do you think? I don't know. What if, I mean, literally, what if your husband is home? Do you have insurance? I do, I have Safeco insurance, but I've never, like, does it cover all of it? Does it cover half of it?

I don't know. My house in the hills that I moved out of, honey, when you look at the fire risk, it said extremely high, likely, it basically said this is gonna burn down in like a week. Oh, that's the street we just passed. That's the street in every movie when they're driving in Los Angeles, that's the street.

The one with the Orpheum on it. Really? In the craft when they're driving and do it going like this, and changing the lights green, like that's the street. I mean, it's funny when in Pretty Woman, Julie Roberts' beat at the beginning of the movie is right by World of Wonder.

Cherokee, they crossed Cherokee Street, yeah. Damn. It's funny. I loved that movie. I recently rewatched it, it's so cunt. Those outfits are really nice. They really are. Well, I don't know what to say.

This isn't a full episode, but you know, this is the real tea. This is the real tea of living in Los Angeles. It's weird that I spent most of my life in the country and never came close to a forest fire or my house burning down. That's not true, my trailer burned down. Okay.

Okay. So the trailer burned down, but you know, but you know, you live in like a 70s trailer with faulty electricity. It's quarter. That's not true. My whole family died in a fire. Do you know that one?

Can I ever tell you this? One time I was sleeping in the trailer that we lived in all fucking 12 of us. And I woke up and the half the kitchen was burned and gone in my house. And my mom was like, oh yeah, it happened last night. Well, my, my, my, I told you, I told everybody, they know my whole, um, top floor, my, all of our bedrooms burned

in a fire, all of it, all of it. Damn. Yeah. And I wasn't, I was the only one not home. We just got a text that there's, uh, there's, we're updating you. Do I kind of feel like I'm on the news? Well, there's also a Ritz Carlton available in downtown LA if you don't like the Queen Mary. Hell yeah.

Okay. Thanks for watching!