The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Faux Bangs & Straight-Man Dungarees with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

It was a day like any other in Southern California; the sun shining and birds singing whilst one queen man-spreads on a couch in stone-washed jeans and another queen sits on a chair with frosted faux bangs and a creepy silk shirt featuring disembodied doll parts. In other words, 'twas a typical day in the life of the fabulously-famous multi-hyphenates Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamo. We could tease you with little juicy tidbits from their conversation about eating pop-rocks edibles, taking VIP showers, and smoking cigars like men do, but we would never dream of doing that. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Critical. Well, maybe people don't realize. What? You know what's sad about everything we do? You're in dungarees like a straight man with your crotch open. Aggressively, confrontationally pointing at me with the fly down and the tip of your uncut penis dangling.

Not dangling. Well, I feel like we talk about manspreading, but people haven't seen what I do. The legs break clean off and they wrap around me and I walk down the stairs backwards like the grudge. If you had to walk down, would you do, wait, how does the grudge walk down the stairs? Like the spider? Yes. Like Linda Blair? Yes. Yeah. blair yes yeah how come when how come when little nas x spreads his leg on saturday night live it's art but when i do it on the couch i'm man spreading that's a really

good point and how come uh uh uh i wasn't uh let's start okay let's let's start the wait you know what i'm at peace with the pod being low-key you get two cameras you get my living room and you get what you get you get what you get and we'll give what we give and at the end of the day it is what it is period poo mama that's on well here's the thing we we never expect well we did do a trailer that is promised certain things that perhaps maybe we have not consistently delivered on but guess what that's life mary mary as somebody who grew up in a trailer let me let me tell you never trust what you see in a trailer i'm trying not to look at myself because i do look ravishing in this clip-on bang That is not clipped by the way.

You look great. Not clipped, but you have been looking incredible. Well, I just came from the gym, the gym, the gym just came from the gymnasium. Yeah.

It's not a gym when there's a trainer. Uh, no, I came from a room in which I was trained by a person trying to be relatable. Okay. Okay. I don't know where to start.

Where should we start? What's your fitness been like? So my brother came into town I have a straight brother So do you What's his name? Dan Mine too

Are you serious? Yes, is he older? Yes Yes So we're both named Brian And we're both gay And we both have straight older brothers named Dan This is

Everybody talks about God being creative. No, I don't see creativity here. She's being redundant. She's referencing herself. She's like phoning it in. Okay. Oh my God.

She's dying. Finally. To that point. I also, my psychic friend told me that the way that I'm going to die, and this is going to shock you, it's water. Stay away from water. You said one step ahead of you, haven't had a glass of water in six years. But I immediately thought of aspirating on vomit because that's drowning.

Yeah. Well, drowning would be pretty bad. And what I've read is it takes a long time to actually drown. What I would want to know is how much of that is suffering? How much of that is your brain awake for? So I think that what happens is when oxygen can't go to the brain, you incur brain damage and you go into shock. I'm not a scientist, although I look exactly like one, especially. You forgot the soundboard is back today. I did forget. So your brother gets into town. His name is Dan. His name is Dan. Now what is his social? Who would play him?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I know exactly. There's like a new, he sent me a picture. There's a doppelganger. So I'll pull that up later. He looks like some German, like newscaster and work something.

But he's a, he's a guy who, this is a person who did a 90 day silent meditation retreat. I want to say that again. 90 as in nine zero days in a row of meditation silently at a retreat. 90 days.

There's a thin veil between the worlds of meditating and mental illness. It's a thin veil. It blows in the wind. You can see through it. You can almost push through it.

And at times, it doesn't even seem to be there. At times, they coexist. It's sort of like the fish that has the plankton living on it. Wait, what? It's a symbiotic relationship where the mental instability

feeds the meditation, which feeds the mental instability feeds the meditation, which feeds the mental instability. You know what I mean? It's a vicious cycle. It's an endless loop. Depending on your brain, how your brain works. Yeah. Meditation, you don't want to be locked up in your own brain for 90 days.

Well, here's the thing. So yeah, like what happens is that you, it's not an escape. It's running into the fire, running into the burning building of your insane psyche. Oh, God. Tits out. Running into a burning building. Tits out.

Sweaty tits. Panties singed. Fresh implants. Fresh implants running. Because the scars will get cauterized, and then the lucite shoe will fuse to the flesh of your foot, Barbie foot after. There's a lot to win. I'm having the toes removed too. If I'm doing the tits, I'm having the toes taken off. If we're doing Barbie, we're doing Barbie.

Yeah. Give me the tits, take the toes. These will be physically locked in place. I'll become someone who can't move their fingers or arms. Who needs to extend? Who needs to reach? Yeah. Hello. Hello. Let me jerk you off. Well, you could do that. I think a lot of men learn to jerk off in a lot of ways that don't include.

This is like, you know, like in common media when you're like, you're like a pantomime. You're like, oh, a lot of people are not doing that. Myself included. Kids fucking pillows. Kids putting their dicks in mattresses. Kids scooting their dicks across the floor. Like a dog. Yeah.

Opposite. Just, yeah. Shag hop it. Shag hop it with a little bit of crumbs from a cookie in there. A little texture. How did you start? Oh, wait. Someone told you, right?

Start meditating or jerking off. Wait, what? Can't we do both? Oh,, someone told you, right? Start meditating or jerking off. Wait, what? Can't we do both? Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait. Somebody in the YouTube comments of the podcast outed the first name of the person who taught me how to jerk off. Why did we take our podcast to the most putrid place on the internet?

Well, YouTube. But mama, putrid goes where putrid goes. You know what I mean? Like rotten finds putrid. I am the boom, putrid goes where putrid goes. You know what I mean? Like rotten finds putrid. I am the boom boom putrid. But no, but did I, I don't think I mentioned the name.

I really don't think I did because I couldn't remember it. Jame Gump. Frederica did a, a Jame or a Jamie G gum ever teach you how to masturbate So someone dead named him Oh he's alive Doesn't dead name

Dead name is like a name That you were given that you no longer use For instance like George becomes Wilma Like he dead named you So like if I said somebody somebody said my real name. No, that's just, that's just like. I'm deeply uncomfortable when fans go, hi, Brian.

Well, because if you've never met, if you're not like familiar with each other as peers or whatever, call it. It's weird. It's like, hi, Brian. I love that lunch you had three weeks ago. Well, no, it's like I gave you this name. I gave you this boundary. And because you found out about this boundary, you want to use this boundary. But that's not available to you.'s like, I gave you this name. I gave you this boundary. And because you found out about this boundary, you want to use this boundary.

But that's not available to you. I mean, Do you think that's weird? Personally, I've blurred and obfuscated the boundary so much. It doesn't bother me in particular, but I know it does for other people

and it can seem creepy. Can you say happy birthday to Sarah? Happy birthday, Sarah. You just need to, no, honey, you got a big storm coming. You could have one or two birthdays or you could have one big one.

Have you seen Wendy Williams on the TV today talking about Britney Spears? What is she saying? Mary? What is she saying? Mary Dugan? Mary Dugan? We are dropping it in to the episode today. Now be careful, you can't do that. While I look for the video, can you tell them to subscribe to this channel? Hi, Georgia. This is Katya and I'm so excited that you're joining us here today at the Bald

and Beautiful. Now, as you can see from my clip on bang and very smart blouse, I am pumped up and motivated for you to engage even more with us. So why don't you go ahead and smash that like button and then bop the subscribe bar and then wiggle on over to the thumbs up and then reboot your computer and do it again over and over now more than ever. This is important and it's never ending ending but it won't last until it's gone which could be soon but not tomorrow thank you so something weird happened today this is wendy williams was a rehab where they knew the paparazzi was there every day how dare you mr Mr. Spears? You had me fooled. And you too, Mrs. Spears. Death to all of them. Kitty.

Death. Death. To all of them. Okay, so capital punishment. Invoking. How come when Chrissy Teigen DMs someone to kill themselves that she gets cancelled but Wendy Williams tells people to kill themselves on national television? She says she is the queen of How dare you, Mr. Spears?

You had me fooled. And you too, Mrs. Spears. Death to all of them. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not. We're not too far away from a dystopian future where Wendy Williams is the queen of hearts. Literally executionings. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You stubbed your toe in the middle of that dance routine. Death to you and your family. Death to all of them. I. Yeah. Yeah. You, you stubbed your toe in the middle of that dance routine. Death to you and your family. Death to all of them. I think she meant shame. I think she meant shame. I mean,

I'm not offended by it. Oh, I'm not either, but it's insane. It's crazy. It's unhinged. I, Wendy Williams should be a real housewife.

Wendy Williams. What is she? I'm not, I mean, what, what is her, what is the archetype of Wendy Williams? She is unique.

Well, she, cause she's kind of, she's a character. She's a character. She's a, she's a very inhabited person with very developed idiosyncrasies. Cause she's not Ricky Lake.

She's not Oprah. She's not Diane Sawyer. She is some other whole. Well, I mean, at least on her show, she's not Oprah. She's not Diane Sawyer. She is some other whole... Well, I mean, at least on her show, she's not pretending. Okay, it's one thing if you're like,

our show's about bringing families together. No, let's bring out someone's mom who fucked their husband. You're not really about that. At least Wendy Williams isn't pretending her show's about anything other than commenting on celebrities. She doesn't claim to be the news. No, she doesn't. It's just an opinion. It's just, it's an opinion.

It's tea. It's gossip and tea. But her opinions are sometimes like forming in real time too. Like they're so unsteady. Like they're like, you can feel the wheels turning in her face and they're like, what are those wheels even made of?

Do you know what I mean? Like they're crazy. Water wheels. Can I just hear it one more time? Absolutely. They knew the paparazzi was there every day. How dare you, Mr. Spears? You had me fooled.

And you too, Mrs. Spears. Death to all of you. And the audience going, yeah. The audience is like, yes, we're back to murder. Kill them all. Execute them, guillotine. I love it. Guillotine and McGillicuddy.

I love it. Yeah. So any backlash from her at this point? I don't know. I think people are gassed up enough about Britney's situation that they're like, death can be fierce in the right moment. I mean, yeah, actually death could be kind of appropriate. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I was watching the Olympic trials the other day. And then, of course, I thought about Larry Nassar, the doctor who abused all these girls. And I think he should be executed. I know that's crazy. And it's, we don't need to talk about public, you know, uh, I don't think it's crazy punishment. You're not the law. You can say what you think will happen. Okay. Well then I would say, um, if I had all mighty power, whatever of judgment, if we're in like a, um, Mad Max kind of world, I'd be like, Larry Nassar, please come forward. Samurai sword to the neck. I would say, death to you. And I would kill him.

Because I don't want to pay for him to eat any food. Taxpayer money to keep him, you know. Yeah. Do you believe in capital punishment? Does it mean killing? The death penalty, sorry. I don't know. The hard thing is you can't ever be sure if they're guilty.

Yeah, I really don't know. You hard thing is you can't ever be sure if they're guilty. Yeah, I really don't know. You can't kill an innocent person. Then again, I mean, if there is, because there's life in prison. Oh, yeah. It's weird that life in prison is, depending on how you measure quality of life, it's weird that life in prison is less severe than death. Well, yeah, a lifetime of torture is worse than just a moment of relief then again or release when you've been in prison that long if you're in prison for life

i bet your mindset just you probably just eventually forget about the outside world and prison is your world and i'm not saying you like it but 20 years in will you deal somehow you deal a lot if you're alive also if it depends on what prison. Are you in Siberian prison, Swedish prison, or in- One of those fun Philippines ones where they do viral videos. Yeah, where the da-da-da-da-da. Remember that sickening thriller video? I do. I do.

Weird. I'm not saying that prison looks fun. No, and it is fun. But I've never seen organized dancing in a prison before. You have watched an alarming number of prison documentaries. I know you have. I have watched all of Locked Up. Are they American?

Do they take place in America? I've seen all those too. America's worst, or the world's worst prison, seen that. Which is the worst? Well, there's levels.

Like, some of them, they're just like barely flat out. Like, there is no clean water. Yeah, there's no access to it. They live outside.

Where? I mean, some of them. I don't remember. I I mean, some of them, I don't remember. I've seen a lot of them, but there was a gentleman, he's been in prison for,

he once went to prison, I believe for a decade for something he didn't do. So when he was acquitted, he was like, well, I'm going to do a show about, so people, people in the world, well,

not wrongful imprisonment. He was like, people have a right in America to have a clearer idea of what actually happens in prison so that we can maybe more understand the system that we punish people with. Yeah. Because if you have no way of knowing how inconsistent, horrible, torturous. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously all over the world, they're all different. Yeah. Especially for racism is prison is times a million. Yeah. Homophobia, transphobia in prison is times 5 million. I know not to,

yeah. Oh, I mean, I got some stories about that. What happens to gay people when they go to prison? A lot of things, a lot of horrible things that happen to a lot of people, but I knew a woman,

a trans woman who went to prison and was put in a men's prison. She had breasts, but she had her downstairs male business and you know, you can fill in the blank in the worst way you can imagine and that's what happened it's just horrifying but oh my gosh let's let's transition to a lighter note so anyway you got bangs yeah i got bangs and everything changed but my brother was in town and i we have we both have brothers named dan who are older and straight uh-huh we are named named Brian and we're gay.

So what did you do with your brother for two days? We smoke cigars. What? We smoke cigars indoors. I don't know. I don't know how you hold a cigar. Does your house smell like a cigar now? Yeah, but my house smells like a giant cigarette always.

So. Cigars smell horrible though. Oh no, I love the smell of a cigar. Yeah. If you guys like cigars, comment below. Well, the,

the, the aftermath of a cigar is quite pungent, you know, more than a cigarette obviously. And I opened the windows, you know, I'm not an animal. Yeah.

You do one puff out the window and that's all the world gets. But it was, it was fun. We watched, um, we watched movies. We had, you know, he has a young child who is the fun. We watched, um, we watched movies. We had, you know,

he has a young child who is the spawn of Satan and, uh, and he needed a little bit of relief from, I was going to say, did the child come? Are you kidding me? No. What's the child's name?

Uh, Graham. I love that. I do too. I was so happy. It wasn't like Gillespie or something weird or like, yeah, my sister was pitching baby names to me,

as you know know And it was Quite a colorful cast What did they settle on? It was a weird mix of like Really basic white girl names Or like Really obscure Like Native American names

It was all over the place Yeah It was It was all kinds of wild ones They ended on Manischewitz-Gouverman Manischewitz Itverman. It's not Orrida. That's potatoes.

It's Odina. Odina? Odina. Odina. Odina. Odina Denzel Washington. Yeah. Odina May Brown. Odina Manziel. Odina is going to be the child's name and the child should be born in a couple weeks here.

So Odina, not Adina. No, O-D-E-N-A. I believe it's a Native American word. It's pretty. Yeah, and also baby Odie. What do we think about that? Odie? I don't know.

Odie's a great name. Well, my sister had a baby. His name is Owen. I love the name Owen. You like that? Three letters. It's Owen. It's four letters.

Oh. Math. I don I do. Three letters. It's Owen. It's four letters. Oh. Math. I don't know what just happened. But it's easy and you don't have to abbreviate it. Owen. It's like, I'm coming into town. Owen. Owen.

Your brother's back. He's coming to get you, Barbara. But I love Owen and I love Graham. So what did you guys do for two? You can't just have smoked for two days. No. Well, I got him a room at the Charlie. The Charlie.

Oh, where's that? It's in West Hollywood on Sweetser. It's like a secluded bungalow hideaway built by Charlie Chaplin in the 30s or something. No. Gorgeous. I would buy the place if it was for sale. Did he live? He lived.

He slept and he ate. What did he do here? Just vibe? Yeah, he vibed. We went out to dinner. We went and bought iPads. We went to the Grove. We went.

Did you get the iPad Pro? I did. I'm so jealous. I brought it. Do you love it? Yeah, I'll show it to you. Yeah, it's already. Show the material.

Oh, sure. We're waiting for our iPad sponsorship. Yeah. We're having to buy things ourselves. It's fabulous. You brought your Cornichons. So it's like, it's really simple.

And it's like, just, it's got a lot of different pages. And it has a, you can change the cover. No, that's the real one. It's fab.

And it has a little, wow. Yeah. It has the little, a pencil. It's great. I can't wait for you to use that for work. I was, that's what I was like, what't wait for you to use that for work i was that's i was like what

is the thing i could use this for working working what are you gonna use it for do you gonna do digital illustration so here's the thing i don't want to be hunched on my phone like with emails or do mama duolingo have i talked to you about duolingo tell me i'm obsessed with duolingo yeah you are i'm obsessed i'm obsessed tell them theingo. Yeah, you are. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Tell them the story about we were in the car and the driver. Oh, yeah. So I'm doing Duolingo.

It's an app on your phone, language learning software. And you can learn any language you want in the world, including Navajo or High Valyrian from Game of Thrones for $15 a month or free with ads. Jedi shit? Isn't there a fake Jedi language? Wait a minute. Klingon? I think they probably have Klingon. And isn't there a Lord of the Rings language

They have that one Elvish Wow I think Elvish Yeah Elvish Presley Why would you want to do that Why would you want to do that

To impress people at the con The con The con Yeah Well in any case It's so great It is the con Because

Living a language No one isn't real Well me with Russian It's like so financially, she would say that Russian is about on par with Klingon. Yeah. About is useful. But so,

I mean, it's so like, it has this thing that pops up. It says, what can 15 minutes of social media do for you? Nothing. 15 minutes of learning a language could change your life. And it's true.

A day. You know what i mean i like that yeah listen we i think you and i are similar and that we we we don't agree with the education system but we like the idea of humans being educated well yes and it's a travesty and a tragedy that in america we're so we're just we're we really we're so told that english is all you need which because it kind of is. I know, but like, we should be learning everywhere. Mary, you live in Switzerland.

You pop out of that womb, trilingual. And then by the time you're five, you know, 17 languages. If I had a child, which could happen. Yeah. I thought about it. Absolutely. A Spanish speaking. Yes.

At home. Daycare. Yes. Kindergarten. Yes. Yes. Spanish is the first language of America at this point. Yes, it is.

My children will not be some dumb kid who doesn't speak Spanish because girl. Yeah, no. My friend, Eric in Boston, he and his wife raised their child speaking French in the house only. Mama. French school in the summer. The child's brain is so spongy, and I know. I've touched it.

Yeah. You've done everything to a child. Well, I did say that on Uno, didn't I? You've done everything to a baby. I've done everything you can to a baby. We're going to take a break. Looking for a path to accelerate your career? Clear direction for next-level success? In a place that is innovative and practical?

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Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, so listen, Duolingo, they sent me some swag. They sent me some t-shirts. Thank you so much, but I want a sponsorship. We want a sponsorship. Yeah, I want to do an ad. I want to do an ad because listen, what happened is I've been listening to this Russian music all my life,

or not all my life, last 10 years. And over the weeks, I've suddenly know the lyrics to some of these songs that I never bothered to look up the lyrics to. You never knew what it meant? Oh, never. I mean, half of the songs are lip sync to Back at up the lyrics to. You never knew what it meant? Oh, never. I mean, half of the songs are lip sync to Backage Jocks. I didn't know what the fuck

I was talking about. But just gesturing. Well, did you memorize like the mouth shapes or did you really recognize the syntax? I listened to them so much. I just memorized the sounds.

Probably how people learn English songs, right? Yeah, like a baby. Like have you ever, if you've ever listened to a foreigner sing a, oh, Kelly. Kelly can leave a baby. Like, have you ever, if you've ever listened to a foreigner sing a, oh, Kelly, Kelly, can't leave me without you.

Yes, of course. That's like me. That's what it would sound like if I were actually singing the Russian. Yeah. And I recently heard a Russian singer. She did, I put a spell on you and she said, it's so weird. Well, because you can love the music and not understand the language. I don't want to know the lyrics. They're all horrible.

Also, you can, you can still sing it well and have it not be your first language. It's cool. You know, everybody's learning art songs and Germans, you know, they'd have to sing in other languages.

They don't have to speak it. Yeah. They try their best to sound like it, but they don't have to go out to the world and know the language. That would be a great duet song for us. Mary, a France Gall medley would be over. Over. Yeah.

I love that brand. April March? The band? I don't know. April March is the band. Jake Habit? Oh, but who did it first? Was it France Gall or like?

I don't know who that is. I only know April March. Yeah, they sing it in French. Oh, but who did it first? Was it France Gall or like I don't know who that is I only know April March Yeah they sing it in French Oh but who did it first? When is it That was in the 60s It's a remake Mama

France Gall is like Was the 60s and 70s I thought April March was rather new The band Am I wrong? That's so embarrassing So Laissez Tomer Les Filles comes like From a long time ago

Let's check it out This candle On my iPad. Oh, you don't like it? It's an American singer songwriter who sings in English and French. Let's see. Chick Habit. What's that?

When did Chick Habit come out? This is what people come into the pod for, right? Fact checking. Fact checking. EP Chick Habit was in 1995, but it's probably a redo or whatever. Yeah. See, here on the pod,, a redo or whatever. Yeah. See here in the pod, we're learning every day.

Yeah. Scribble, scribble, baby. Katya got me this beautiful Tom Ford. Oh, wood candle. Is this what you're always wearing?

Is that why I'm always, yeah, I do it. I do. Udwood or tobacco. Uh, Ud. Ud is a very good.

Ud is an earthy, lovely, rare, um, fragrance that is extremely, incredibly expensive. Put your lighters up. Ganja's in the house. Now, I have one more question before.

If it ain't Oud, I'm not interested. What are you discovering about the Russian language that you didn't know that you love? Oh, my gosh. Well, there is, in not all songs songs Especially like Modern pop songs Are pretty like Vapid And oh Mary I have no time

For anybody In a song Mentioning Facebook Or Instagram That Do you like Like There's a song

How do you feel About Chainsmokers Selfie Nope Or like Nope You only talk in hashtag Do you know that one

I want to kill myself But But mentioning Facebook Like There's a couple of songs that i love so much i love the melodies i love the music they're so fabulous but then it's like the chorus is vinstagram no no that's like words on a dress like facebook and vk which is vk in Russia. No, no, no, no,

no, no, no. Just say, just make it a metaphor on my watch. I mean like that is so fucking lame. It is lame. It's lame.

It's lame, Mary. Like, I mean, a Chevy Malibu is different. Cause that's kind of a classic. The only time I've liked it is Courtney has a song called ugly from kaleidoscope. Courtney act.

Yeah. And she says, tap it twice. If you like it, like, but that is a pun in a double entendre. Yeah. And she says, tap it twice if you like it. Like, but that is a pun and in the double entendre. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like the lyric is sort of about her at night swiping. Yes. Through a guy she likes. I know this girl has, Olga Buzova has a song called Swipe.

Swipe. I swipe. It's too literal. Do you like swipe? Do you like swipe? Do you want swipe? It's like, ugh. But you know what I mean? It's such a boner killer. Even with like swipe? Do you like swipe? Do you want swipe? But you know what I mean? It's such a boner killer.

Even with like, ugh. But anyways, I just love, they have a way of, their lyrics are like literature. Literature. I love that. Do you get into literature? Mrs. McCluskey in the fifth grade, she says in this class, we're gonna learn about literature.

Did she sell you on it? Yes. Did you read? She had acrylics. She was 1,500 years old with brown leather skin and 14 pounds of makeup in a fried wig. And she was like, literature. Now, I have a question. When you were in school where you had to read a lot.

Okay, wait. Let me say it again. I don't know what is wrong. When you were in school, did you have to read a lot? You had to read a lot okay wait let me say it again i don't know what is wrong when you were in school did you have to read a lot a lot and then i'll know have you ever taken a class like an english class where there is a lot of reading yeah did you do the reading because i will say that about 50 of the time you could tell i didn't do the reading because you know i like to talk and i like to be right yeah so in the days i didn't do the reading you would see me sort of slating back into the background. I agree.

But also I could see how both of you would think that. I'm more curious about other points of view. Yeah. I'm looking to learn more about it. But then sometimes when I did, when I did the reading, well, and I was really good at not a lot,

but I was, it was poetry. Okay. Oh, poetry. And it was like stuff that was really feathery. Like I got on pole where it was like kind of just dark and, and, and open bag that got his bags, bag booking.

I had a good knock, knock for going the next day and people be like, I don't know what I fucking read. And I'd be like, well, this is, it's about death. Yeah. I always like got that. That's great. And poems are great because they're short. Oh, I'll do the reading when it's about death. Yeah. I always like got that. That's great. And poems are great because they're short. Oh, I'll do the reading when it's one page.

And I say this as a New York Times bestselling author, mama. But if you, if you crunch the numbers in that book, poems. I know I can either confirm nor deny that we are doing another book, but if we did, we both always said longer. Longer, Mary. Longer. A little more. Yeah. Oh. Oh my we did, we both always said longer. Longer, Mary. Longer. A little more. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, wigs. Wow. He is just. Brandon. Brandon, everybody. Round of applause for Brandon Lim.

Yes. He really went out on a limb. Well, Zach Killian, who did my wigs, just dropped off a bunch more wigs for the motel show because we start in August. You, I have, I am truly in awe of your preparation for this, which gives me the vapors and vertigo and like the heaves, the dry heaves. Well, you know me, Mary. I do know you.

You know, I don't know how to act. No, you don't know how to act. I don't know how to, people are always like, how do you find time? I'm like, I don't have time. Nobody finds time. It's just created. Entirely. Yeah.

I mean, that starts in, we just did a fitting the other day here in this living room, 16 looks. The shoes you get, you, the shoe tour itself was an MTV Cribs episode. Yeah. They got like 20 new pairs of shoes. All ugly.

I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. No, they're square toes. They're chic. Some of them are very chic. Thank you.

Practical. And then all new outfits. And they're all skimpy little outfits for being worn by the pool in the desert. So the length has to be, you know. Those little like swimsuit coverups. It's a half inch between. Does that woman have a shirt on and no pants?

Yeah. Or is that a cute little dress? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a thin veil. It's a thin veil. Going back to it. You need to be on. What's your name from something about Mary?

Magda. I need to be. Why don't you give me some pointers? I could take you under my chicken wing yes burnt chicken wing but i just like doing shit yeah i like yeah look i i you know i like complaining a little bit too i love to walk in and flop down a bag and talk about how busy i've been yeah it's like oh god the party never stops but the show must go on well can i just say i i'm happy of everything i did during pride next year i can't do it again.

No, okay. And I'm going to interject. I went too hard. I'm going to interject. I went too hard. I'm going to interject. So this is the pattern. The pattern that Trixie does is that, so she does the, and I don't mind any of this.

I'm just observing non-judgment. You do like crazy, crazy, crazy. And then it all kind of boils to a head and you say, okay, say it's July. Like October is clear. i've cleared october by september 15th october looks like another version of july i know like you just it's but that's a good thing you just do well we're ending june and i did pride stuff from the beginning of may mary through june you you took pride fucked it in the ass put it on the grill ate it shat it out and then served it on our door. Like, there's so much.

And it was nice. I made a lot of money, whatever. And I know we talk about, like, rainbow washing at pride. Rainbow washing? Oh, I get it. When they say, like, you know, hi, gay. Sashay into a deal today. We are sashaying into deals.

Happy Pride Month. Yeah. By the way, Meg, if you ever want to come on the pod. She would love to. I talked to her. If you ever want to come on the pod. I was thinking more just me and her. I'm putting it out there.

We got three guys. Meg, Z-Way, and Patty Harrison. Let's make it happen. Yeah. No, I am. I'm just following up. They're down. Look right in the camera and say it. Meg Stalter, Z-Way, and Patty Harrison. Let's make it happen. Yeah. No, I am. I'm just following up. They're down. Look right in the camera and say it.

Meg Stalter, Z-Way, and Patty Harrison, this is an official ask. Please comment. It's hard to follow Sarah Schauer, who cracked my shit absolutely up. She is so I can't believe on the last pod we talked about our guest

we didn't know. Who fucking cares? Is he going to come here and bore us to death again? So now when people come on the pod, if we don't like them, we go on the next pod and talk about how we didn't like. Yeah, it's the circle of life. Not didn't like, and that's not fair. No, no, no. It was a fine exchange.

It was fine. It wasn't a vibe. We were not vibing, and also we have a particular vibe between us, and I was under the wrong impression that he was somehow this crazy fan. Who was willing to be part of a vibe. It was not. We were not vibing. And also we have a particular vibe between us. And I was under the wrong impression that he was somehow this crazy fan. Like who was willing to be part of the vibe. Yeah. I thought it was like, oh, guess what? Actually, this person happens to be a fan of you guys.

We'd never believe it. Why don't you have him on the pod? No. The publicist was like, let's shoot. Whatever. Whereas like Chelsea. Incredible. Yes.

But also same thing. Well, we have a very specific vibe. I mean, I would love to hang out with her. Chelsea Handler. Yeah. Like,

I feel like that would be a fun time. Of course. Cause you know, I'll do the weed. The other night, I, I got somebody for pride. I got some amazing marijuana products from all different brands.

Smokies. I got smokies. Brandon smoked them. Do you do?? Smokies. Brandon smoked them. Do you do? I can't imagine you smoking anything. I, I tried. I tried.

I tried. I killed a person. I know. I tried. What happened? I was like, Oh, I want to get like a little buzz,

but I don't want to wait for an edible. I'll take this on the patio and I'll hold it and I'll smoke it. So I brought it out there. The weed, the marijuana cigarette, the marijuana cigarette, the wacky, the wacky tobacco.

Yeah. Pre-roll from Drew Martin. Lovely product. Lovely. I go out there on the patio. I light it up. It's a low dose marijuana. It's advertised as low dose.

I'm like, perfect. Right. And you know, smoking, I feel like it's not like an edible where if you took too much, you're stuck on the ride. Oh no, no, no. So I was like, I could take two puffs and see how I feel and then try again. Absolutely. And it was lovely. Right. And you know, smoking, I feel like it's not like an edible or if you took too much, you're stuck on the ride.

Oh no, no, no. Yeah. I was like, I could take two puffs and see how I feel and then try again. Absolutely. And it was lovely.

Okay. Did it again the next night. Loved it. Burns my throat. Well, it's burns my throat harsh by day three. You were addicted. Oh no,

I can't do it. No, it's, it's very, I definitely can't do it several days in a row. Let's say that. I used to smoke it all day long. So I think if I did it again,

it would be once in a while. I have a strong hay fever response and I learned on the internet. That's oh yeah. Allergies. Oh, your allergies are off the chain. So I've learned that some people react like, um,

I had like sinus, uh, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. When you feel like your nose is like full of air, full of air, you know, when you have like a sinus pressure here?

I had that for days. After smoking the weed weed? It's my body and running and then running eyes. Because it's like an allergy response. Not worth it. Not worth it. So maybe I'll do it once in a while, but maybe not that much.

Maybe rectally. Oh, thank you. So then I switched to Pop Rocks. I thought you were going to say poppers. No, Pop Rocks. Okay. Brandon, can you get the Pop Rocks? Wait, wait, wait. By, Pop Rocks. Okay. Brandon, can you get the Pop Rocks? Wait, wait, wait.

So it's edibles in the form of Pop Rocks. This is insane. This is insane. This is just asking the children to find it. You know what I mean? I'm having a late in life marijuana journey. But what if you're at a daycare? Okay, so that brand sent me those.

It's Pop Rocks, 10 milligrams of H H H V C T H T H G TV. How much is, I don't know what that is. How much gets you high? So I used to take, so a gummy is five, right? I used to take a half a gummy.

What? No. Yes. And that will put me on Jupiter. So now I'm up to like seven and a half or 10 even, and I can handle 10. So that's a whole pack of 10. I'll eat half.

The other night I had a half that. And you'll be cruising. Mama, you know, I'm learning to DJ now. I was in here. Diplo. Oh,

you were dead mouse with the, I was at Lillehammer. I was at Glastonbury. I was in here playing music. I've been learning to DJ. I was spinning Glastonbury. I was in here playing music. I've been learning to DJ. I was spinning those tables. Mama. Magic Mike. DJ Jazzy Jeff.

I had my shirt off. You don't know about me. I was in here. You don't know. And then I had a second where I had to go, oh, I'm just alone in my house. I got so into it. I was like, and I'm Molly. Yes, I had some colored lights on in here. You don't know about me.

I don't. You don't know about me. I don't know you anymore. I got stuff going on. I got stuff going on. You got things in the pipeline. You got projects in the works. Yes.

Oh my God. So that was nice. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. Yeah. Do you eat food? Three times the points. Do you go anywhere? Three times the points. Do you go anywhere?

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Learn more at MillerLite.ca. Must be legal drinking age. Saturday, I had the privilege of, um, at Cinespia in Hollywood. Oh, yeah. The Priscilla thing. Which, by the way.

Which I declined. You should have went. Why? It was so fun. Was it really? And the VIP was off the chain. Blankets and pillows outside of the stars with food.

Who was there? It was me, Brandon, a couple of our managers, Andres Regal to our left. It was a whole little roped off area. Very private. Oh, but no celebrities. Oh, I didn left. It was a whole little roped off area. Very private. Oh, but no celebrities.

Oh, I didn't. It's dark out. I couldn't see anyone. I was 4,000 people there. I got to walk out. 4,000 people? I got to walk out. The people of Pride introduced me and I got to give a speech that you heard.

How'd it go? They loved it. They loved it. They ate it up. They loved it. They lived. One of the jokes David said wasn't funny when I said, if you guys don't know, I'm a person who looked in the desert. It's an Australian drag film. I said this jokes David said wasn't funny when I said, if you guys don't know, Priscilla Quit in the Desert's an Australian

drag film. I said this film's working title was Dingoes Ate My Tootsie. Yeah. They didn't laugh. They howled. Of course, it's funny. In the middle of my speech, I turned to David and said, I told you it was funny. That was probably the funniest joke you told me on the phone. Thank you. So you're saying the rest of it wasn't good?

No, the rest of it was god-awful, but it was all validated by that. Get this air conditioned trailer. Ice cold. Ice. I was cold and drag. I was cold and drag, which never happened. I went in there.

I sat down. I put my nails on ice cold, freezing cooler. And then I, after I gave my presentation, I go back to the trailer. There's a shower. I got to shower before I go watch the movie.

And then I went to go sit down, bottles of wine, gin, cocktails, candy, popcorn, sandwiches, bagels,

all spread out for me. And I watched Priscilla queen of the desert, which I hadn't seen in a few years. So good. It's great. Yeah. Guy Pierce. Why did ABBA,

why did Australia discover ABBA in the nineties? Cause Meryl's wedding, ABBA movie. Is Pr discover ABBA in the 90s? Because Meryl's Wedding, ABBA movie. Is Priscilla ABBA-ish? Oh, yes. Mamma Mia, isn't it? I don't remember. It opens with that fierce Charlene number, I've never been to me. Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right. I mean, it's a great movie. They're not gay. They're not gay. The actors? Yeah. No. How do you feel about non-gay people playing gay people?

Well here's the thing Here's the thing Let me just check my bangs You don't have to answer that I just need to dab No no no I want to I think you might get in trouble For any kind of answer you give

No no no no no no No Here's the thing The Acting is Playing a character So with With gay it's hard

Because some actors... Hi, gay. Hi, gay. Okay, well, there's two things. First of all, there is homophobia within the industry that prevents closeted actors from coming out because of market appeal, right? Because of the assumption that Bob and Susie

don't want to go see, um, uh, Gary Oldman. No, they don't want to see fast and furious driven by a fag. Well, because that movie is moving over quick.

Cause gays aren't good drivers. I know. You think the gate, you think I would believe a gay person drifting around a corner being like, yeah, but guess what? Death to all of them. But,

but here's the thing. Sometimes the gayness of a person, like for me for example, it might be beyond my acting range to play a straight person. You know what I mean? I mean, you're doing a pretty

fucking good job right now. I'm on the bait bus. Ask me if I've ever done this before. If your lips were chapped, bam. So have you ever done this before, young man? Uh, no. And you have a girlfriend? Yeah.

We're in love. Yeah. What's your name? Daryl. I'm not a good liar either. My girlfriend's name is Daryl Sorry it's Daryl Darylina Darylina

Darylina Oh my god Fuck my asshole Well I feel that In the case of Priscilla Yeah That was at a time especially Where if we didn't have

Straight people tell a story For us It would never get told Yes But Peaches Christ Told me something interesting What? Because I said

Do you love the movie Priscilla? She goes, love it. You know, Peaches Christ is from a generation of drag queens a little older than us. Yeah. 30s. Maybe not you,

but she, I go, well, did the drag queens love Tuong Phu when it came out? And she said, no. Why? I said,

they didn't. She goes, well, Priscilla told drag queen stories like, like they were. Like it really is. Yeah. Like they were.

And Tuong Phu tells this fantasy that we're in drag all the time. And they were really trans cartoons. Yeah. So I get, obviously both movies are important, but from her perspective, I was like, I thought drag queens would have lived. And she was like, we did not live. We loved Priscilla.

We made fun of Tuong Phu. Well, because I mean, it's crazy. Like Tuong Phu, I think the impact of Tuong Phu not live. We loved Priscilla. Yeah. We made fun of two on food. Well, because I mean, it's crazy. Like two Wong Fu. I think the impact of two Wong Fu was a, just a softening of the rigidity of, of masculinity in general. Yes. It's just the fact that Patrick Swayze blade and fucking John Leguizamo are

willing to fag out for two hours for millions of dollars. Well, you know, after that though, they called it blood day to make it more, but okay. Patrick Swayze, Noxzema Jackson.

Do you ever watch that movie and go, that's blade. I'm sorry. Like that's an instance where I'm like, he's great. If we lock people who aren't gay identifying out of playing these roles we wouldn't have a Noxzema Jackson so my POV is always if you can tell the story compassionately

if we're at a place in America where two gay actors did Brokeback Mountain no one would have seen it then it's porn then it's porn but I think there are

so many trans actors out there it's just I don't know it's porn But I think And also it's like Well there are You know trans There's so many trans actors Are out there There's so many gay actors It's just I don't know It's complicated I think you should be able To play anything

I mean it's not I don't know I don't know I guess I don't have A good answer It's hard It's tough Like me watching Pose

For example I was like If these were cis No I don't want to use The word passable But if these were cis, no, I don't want to use the word passable, but if these were cis passable women playing these, it wouldn't do as much for me. Yeah. But then you have this, like, you know, so say Patty Harrison, for example,

she has a movie where she plays a surrogate. There's no, she happens to be trans in real life, but that's just incidental. Right. You're watching the movie. It's a woman, a funny woman. that's just incidental right you're watching the movie it's a woman a funny woman yeah it's so it's interesting i don't know yeah yeah because representation is important but then also like if if only trans and gay characters are being betrayed by straight people because trans and gay actors are being denied jobs due to homophobia and transphobia. That's a big problem. And of course that is the case. Right. I don't, I'm afraid of saying I need gay people to play gay people.

No, no, that's not true. I also don't need only straight people to play straight person. No, I need actors to play people. Right. But I need actors to be everyone.

Everybody needs to be able to have access to the acting, whatever. You should be able to paint the picture and get the job because you're right for it. Think about how many ugly, fat, white guys there are who are able to just be incredible actors. You know, like so talented at secondary characters, character actors couldn't name their names. You recognize their faces,

but they're just so, but they're there. And there's so many of them. So many, so many. Well, they fit in so many things because there's so many guys like them in real world.

So, you know, those characters are very anchoring. I think it's storytelling to be like, Oh yeah. Kind of dumb. Yeah. They pull you right down to the muck of reality.

Well, you get the Julia Roberts walk by and Oh yeah. Kind of dumb. Yeah. They pull you right down to the muck of reality. Well, you get the Julia Roberts walk by and then you need the, yeah. Yeah. Would you, would you be Julia Roberts or Michelle Pfeiffer? If you could switch bodies for a day, Michelle fucking Pfeiffer.

Are you kidding me? No, I'm okay. All right. All right. Jesus Christ. What about you? Julia Roberts.

Okay. Comment below. If you would like to be Julia Roberts, Julius Roberts, Julius Roberts, Michael Pfeiffer, Julius Roberts and Michael Pfeiffer. Yeah. Well, thank you guys so much for listening and watching. Should I get bangs? Should I not get bangs?

Please comment below. And thank you for, make sure you subscribe to this channel. We have our pods, not always on video. But hey, we always keep you guessing. We're never consistent, but we're always surprising. And let's just say next year we'll be together a lot and we'll be producing a lot of media on this channel. A lot of delicious content for you to gobble up each week. Stay tuned to see if she goes missing again.

Goodbye. Bye.