The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Gym Peacocking on Taco Tuesday with Jaida Essence Hall & Heidi N Closet
Episode Date: November 10, 2020Straight from the 12th season of RuPaul's Drag Race, this week we welcome Jaida Essence Hall & Heidi N Closet to engage in thorough conversation about Gym Peacocking, Green Asses, Paul Ruth's Steakhou...se, and Humps with Eyelashes. To follow Jaida: @JaidaEHall To follow Heidi: @HeidiNCloset To follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel To follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TBATBYT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Y'all like having a place over your head?
Huh?
Shut your ass up then.
I told them I ain't got no kids.
Oh my God.
Wow.
We are really here.
We're here.
We're queer.
And we are joined.
Well, hold on.
Well, first, welcome back to the bald and the beautiful. We are two faggy bald fucks who have the distinct pleasure and incredible honor to be joined by two gorgeous and beautiful ladies who have a full head of hair each.
Absolutely.
Except for a tiny piece in the front of my head.
Wait, wait. And also, wait.
So, Jada Essence Hall and Heidi in Closet,
can I please serenade you very quickly?
Yes, please.
Sincerely.
Please.
Congratulations.
Oh, that was supposed to be applause.
Oh, shit.
Yay.
It was beautiful.
Thank you, thank you.
One congratulation to you.
Thank you.
And then I was thinking that you were going to sing as well.
Why am I still in this amazing voice right now?
You sound like you're selling something.
This is like right now we're selling shade buttons.
And we have one in the pussy pink. And we have another in raging red.
Yes.
Now, we're lucky because I saw you on orville's story yesterday and i was like
this woman's in town we're gonna try to get her and then i didn't know that this woman was gonna
be here and i really didn't either they kind of just picked me up off the corner
i didn't even see them pick her up i just looked over and she was next to me in the car
you thought she was a bag.
Can somebody please get their things?
Oh, it's talking. It's Heidi.
We were recapping season 12 to do a little
cramming before you got here and I was like,
we should get Heidi next and then somebody said she lives here
now. Yes, I moved
a month ago and I'm living my best
life over on the hoestroll.
Welcome to Los Angeles.
It's Los Angeles.
Which can be a little more specific about this stroll?
Behind the 24-hour gym.
That's one.
Oh, the one on Santa Monica?
Oh, that is the whole stroll.
Do you also want to tell them your full address?
What's the last form of your social?
People won't tell that.
People will be waiting outside the gym,
just looking like she's going to come past at some point.
People have a right to know that is the whole gym.
And I've heard,
I went to 24 hour fitness for three and a half years.
And my friend told me that people aren't drinking off in there all the time.
I went there for four years and never saw no one naked,
except those extremely old people whose skin looked like tortilla.
It's right here.
You know,
I'm right here,
but I never see anything sexy, but I got for taco Tuesday. skin look like tortilla? I'm right here. I'm right here.
I never see anything sexy.
Thank God for Taco Tuesday.
Taco Tuesday.
Only day for tacos.
I never see any naked shit at the gym.
Do you? Like sexy stuff? Yeah, me and Courtney went.
This is before the quarantine. Me and Courtney worked out at Crunch Fitness
and we looked over and this man was looking at both of us
and he had a huge dong.
He had took down his shorts and it unfurled. What? and we looked over and this man was looking at both of us and he had a huge dong.
He had took down his shorts and
it unfurled. What?
And we both looked at it
and then up at him
and then at each other. Not that he missed it.
But wait, there's more.
It was huge.
You see this microphone right here?
It was like that soft.
It was enormous. And he was probably five, six. Did anything happen? Nothing Yes. It was like that soft. Whoa. It was enormous.
And he was probably five, six.
Did anything happen?
Nothing happened.
Thank goodness, because that would tear you up.
Destroy.
That's a big microphone.
With my teeny cunt.
Oh, my little cunt.
My tiny cunt.
The money spot.
Yes.
Well, I got to tell you, you picked the right time to visit Los Angeles because this is
kind of the best time
to live here
with the smoke
I mean
the smoking air
the air is currently
unlivable
which means
she just started
smoking with her windows open
I'm driving
no she's driving
with a cigarette
blowing it out the window
yeah
yeah
no you guys
you guys obviously
didn't know each other
before season 12
hell no no I didn't know this at guys obviously didn't know each other before season 12.
Hell no.
No, I didn't know this at all.
You don't claim
each other now.
Absolutely not.
Okay, great.
She stole my...
Sorry to this man.
I would not know
if he was walking
down the street.
We still know each other.
Yes.
Who is this woman?
Me and this prostitute woman
have known each other
an extremely long time.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry.
I was literally just in the car when we were driving
around. I was like, I remember when she crashed
her smart car. Yes. And she was so
proud when she got that little smart car. Yes.
I crashed a smart car delivery
driving sub sandwiches. I believe it.
It happened to me. Yeah. An old
man with a fake leg ran a red light and
hit me head on. It was fucked up.
And luckily three cars stopped
and we're like,
we've been following him
for like a half mile.
He's been swerving.
We'll like vouch for you.
So I totally got my car.
You're a victim.
And if you ever purchased a car,
I got the type of insurance
where if it's totaled,
you get all your money back.
So I walked away with no car
but I didn't owe anything,
which thank God.
Can I ask,
was the sandwiches okay?
The sandwich was fine
but I was a delivery driver
and I was so shook.
I remember calling the person and being like, I'm not going to be able to get your sandwich.
Oh, no.
She said, I'm covered in blood, but the sandwich is still in the bag.
It was the Herbert and Gerberts on North and Farwell in Milwaukee.
And I called my store manager and was like, I didn't get the delivery.
I got in a crash.
And he was like, did you get the delivery?
Oh, my God. Not are you okay, but did the delivery I got in a crash and he was like did you get the delivery not are you okay but did the delivery
make it well cause they were like we'll make a new sandwich
and run it to where it's gotta go that's service
I mean but yeah
you must be a little older than me
because I turned 21 on my birthday
which most people get older on their birthday
I went to see you at La Cage
and I was there to see Bibi Zahara
Bonet on my birthday.
And that's that day when I had that little tiny chop wig with that pink ass lipstick.
It was Nicki Minaj like pink Friday.
It was even pre-pink Friday.
It was probably that pink Friday.
Because it was Nicki Minaj with the bob.
And Jada was doing Nicki Minaj.
And you're, I mean, you're skinny now.
Your waist and your pads, you just were.
You said that as if she was fat before.
No, her waist was like just stupid.
Back in the days, it was like much more.
She was skinnier.
And she wore huge pads.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Well, no, it wasn't even pads.
You know what it was.
Remember, that was back in the days when I would like get the stock and then fill them
up and stuff them with like pillow filler.
You're kidding.
Yeah.
You're kidding.
With loose filler?
Yes.
I did the same thing.
Cotton filler?
That's it.
Girl.
Girl.
It was the best shape in the universe.
It was.
It was pillow stuffing.
I've never even heard about this.
It was polyfill pillow stuffing.
And you just, every day you'd try to even it out.
You just stuff it.
And then you pull it out right.
You haven't done that?
Never in my life.
I've never even heard of it.
Never seen it.
But it's right.
It's right.
It's like the smoothest lines around the edge.
But when it's wrong. it's so totally out.
I was going to say, what if you kind of like lean on something?
Does it shift?
Well, this is a thing.
Well, that's what the girls' asses are doing now anyway.
But it was literally like if you, some of the girls would pull it up and stuff it,
and then they would just pull it down, and the next time you pull it back up, but it didn't, would get like bungee and it was
like knots.
Oh no.
What about like the heat and moisture make it congeal or harden ever?
No.
Okay.
No.
I want to try that.
At the end of the night when it was heated up, it will kind of come out in one loaf.
Yeah.
Oh, a loaf.
Just all together.
Yeah.
And until you really figure out pads and unless you have some really broken in couch cushion,
those are hard.
Because when I first started, I'd be buying the green stuff from Michael's and it's so
stiff.
Absolutely.
No deal.
I bought the green foam, but then it turned out that was for stuffing flowers in.
Oh no.
Oh no.
No.
The styrofoam.
Crunchy.
Crunchy ass.
No way.
I'm doing this all the way wrong.
That explains your runways on Drag Race.
Crunchy ass.
Oh my God.
Shit.
I wore green foam on, I had my green ass on Drag Race.
Yes.
I had a green ass too.
I did.
Did you really?
Yeah.
And when you have the green ass too, you have to wear so many sets of.
Yeah.
Because even if you get it smooth, the green shine stills.
Yeah.
Can't go to the green screen with that ass.
But you have to like layer like the stockings.
Uh-huh.
Yes.
Very that.
Like you have to color correct.
How many stockings do you wear now?
Let me see.
In my mind.
I wear one, zero.
Maybe like, you know, I wear like five, but then I wear like the transition tight.
So I like reverse it.
Where like the toes are out in the front
But then if you wear too many
Then it's like
Couldn't under your
Toes do this
The toes start to crunch
Yeah
The pull back
How many tights do you wear?
I probably wear
Two pair of tights
And like three pantyhoses
Okay
Just because
I'm a real woman
Say it again
Two pairs of
How many
Two pair of tights
And then three pantyhoses
So pantyhoses
So pantyhoses Little So pantyhoses,
little thin things.
Three pairs of panties.
I'm like, what?
Little thin.
Yeah, they're very thin.
Those sheer, ultra sheer?
Ultra sheer panty lines
so they don't have that ugly
control top.
Yes.
I hate that.
Leave Canada's drag race alone.
Wait, wait.
And remember when we were
doing drag,
we would always go to Walmart
and get those
Fucking tights where you could see like the line
The control top
And we layered them and it would be like
A line here here here
The Walmart drag was the good drag
You would get the tights the control top legs tights
The fingernails
The kiss express nails
And then people would tell people
She's just doing mall drag
I'm like we did Walmart
Dots
Dots
Of the wig store
I would go to the wig store
Get all my jewelry
Get the hoochie mama outfit from the back
The bangles
The wig that's only $35
That has three scraggly pieces of hair
Straight bangs
You remember the lady who worked at the hair store On North Avenue Do you guys remember? That's only $35. That has three scraggly pieces of hair. Straight bang. Straight bang.
And then you also,
you remember the lady who worked at the hair store on North Avenue.
Are you talking about Victoria's?
Yes.
Of course I do.
And she was like, I'm so proud of you and Trixie.
You know what she said to me once when I came in?
I was in drag.
I was,
I don't ask me.
I was there in drag.
And she goes,
I was in,
she goes,
you know what you look like?
You look like that Paul Ruth.
Yes. She said I looked like the Paul Ruth. like? You look like that Paul Ruth. Yes.
She said I looked like the Paul Ruth.
I love Paul Ruth.
Paul Ruth.
Paul Ruth.
Big house.
Paul Ruth's big house.
Girl, and that store was lit though.
And do you remember, I used to, it was very frugal.
You get the wigs, the double stack wigs,
and then you get that shitty black lace catsuit
with the open crotch.
Oh my God.
Leg avenue.
From the lingerie.
Yes, from the lingerie.
Leg avenue.
Leg avenue. And then you wear the black waist belt. Three my God. Leg Avenue? Yes, from the lingerie. Leg Avenue.
And then you wear the black waist belt.
Three belts.
If you need it.
40 belts, a bangle.
Were you ever this bad, Katya?
Absolutely.
Up until two weeks ago.
I do kind of want that ring back that you never gave me back.
Was it gold?
Yes.
Was it big?
Yes.
The confrontation.
I think I do remember this ring.
That ring.
It was when we did the college I think I do remember this ring. That ring. It was we did the college show.
I do remember that ring.
That was AKA you're not getting it.
I said, I'm on television now.
I will not be buying my own jewelry.
Have a great day.
She's picking her job.
On today's episode of Drag Queen Serengeti.
I know that Drag Queen Serengeti. Serengeti. I know that Serengeti. Yes. I know that Drag Queen Serengeti.
Serengeti.
I know that Serengeti.
We have the Jada Swallowtooth.
Jada Swallowtooth.
Oh my God.
I've never swallowed in my life.
It is crazy because we, I mean, I remember being really young and being like, me and
Jada would be like, you should be on Drag Race.
No, you should.
Oh my God.
And then we both won.
But then we auditioned at the same time.
I can't even.
Yeah, this is a whole other pod.
I'm going to ask you guys to leave.
It's time for the winner's circle.
Bye, everyone.
We're leaving.
The winner's circle.
And you know what?
We love James Mansfield, but she is the other third queen from Milwaukee.
So me and Jada won.
And then James Mansfield was first out. James called me after from Milwaukee so me and Jada won and then James Mansfield
was first out
James called me
after Drag Race
and I go
how'd it go
and she goes
remind me again
which cut is the deepest
oh no
and then of all the songs
to go home on
she went home
with Sinking the Love Shack
which plays in every store
all day every day
all the time
every mall
yeah
where you can buy
a new sweater
we are selling sweaters right now beautiful sweaters argyle sweaters gorgeous every day. All the time. Every mall. Where you can buy a new sweater.
We are selling sweaters right now.
Beautiful sweaters.
Argyle sweaters.
Gorgeous.
And we even have
some made from
genuine yak hair.
Genuine?
If you're interested
in that kind of thing.
Yak hair?
Ew.
You need to be
on the intercom
of every department store.
Please.
I'm chiming in
every once in a while.
Hi.
We have a dead woman in homeless.
We have a woman stealing things in lingerie.
It's me.
Her legs are covered in blood.
Have a lovely day.
I will say this.
Did you guys ever, can I ask, did you guys ever steal from the beauty stores?
Because I never did.
But when you're a drag queen, they watch you.
I never did, but they watch you like you steal.
I think they watch you.
Well, I'm used to that.
Anyway, so. Being a woman of color. I never did but they watch you like you steal I think they watch well I'm used to that anyway so
being a woman of color
being a beautiful woman of color
shop I was going to say shoplifting
in the store
that's part of the problem is you walk in
shoplifting in the store they always seem to watch
me while I stole things
that's the problem you walk in and say I'm here to shoplift
it's like if you're going to think that I'm
stealing now I'm going to start taking things.
You want to profile me?
I'm going to rob you.
You know what?
I wasn't going to take anything until you made me feel like I was going to take something.
And now I'm taking everything.
All of it.
I'm going to take four of these dollar rings and stuff them in my purse.
Yes.
I think drag queens do get watched at stores.
And maybe it's because, for good reason, you both gave me a look when I said, have you
ever stolen from the store?
Well, I ran the store and robbed it
That's right
She ran a costume store and stole
But I had a very fierce policy when it came to shoplifting
I will only steal from places I work at
Okay
That was after being wrongly accused
Which I really blame the system
Because I was wrongly accused and terminated
And said I'm going to get back
When she comes over here I make her use a clear bag
like Macy's.
In a full body, first ever way out.
I get the full pat down,
which I love.
Do you ever work anywhere we had a clear bag?
It's very dehumanizing.
I worked at JCPenney.
Did they make you have the clear bag?
I get why they do it, so that they don't have to accuse you
of stealing because they can see in your bag.
It's like Privacy please
I've never worked anywhere that was nice enough to do that kind of policy
There's nothing to steal
The best job I ever had was janitor at a hospital
Oh my god
Wait wait wait
Get out of town
I did steal some stuff from people
What did you take?
I did steal gloves stuff from people. Key bags? What did you take? Boxes of gloves.
I did steal gloves.
I stole the warm socks that they keep in the little drawers.
The hospital socks.
She stole them because they were warm by the time they get home.
They're ice cold. You are a freak.
Like you can't warm your own socks.
Absolutely not.
Do you ever steal a bedpan?
No, but I should have.
You take a kid.
See, I don't want to go here
stupid those clear back uh i used when i worked at the mac counter he used to come sometimes yeah
trixie is the only person well now somebody else did my makeup um but she was literally the only
person who ever did my makeup ever in my life but it was as a boy. Yes. She came in as a boy. I think I remember it.
Studio finish concealer. That's how much I remember it.
And your skin looked
the same today as it did then. Thank you.
Oh my god. That's from across the room.
In the dark.
I didn't mention work completely in the dark.
With her eyes closed.
I gotta ask. I'm sure you guys are getting
sick of hearing about it but we were
recapping 12 today and we were like
they really did that while nobody could go anywhere in the world. I'm sure you guys are getting sick of hearing about it, but we were recapping 12 today, and we were like,
they really did that while nobody could go anywhere in the world.
Yep.
I mean,
what a fucking gag.
I can't imagine you guys.
I think, you know what,
I feel like the craziest thing I think is like,
one, it was good because,
you know, you could be out on the road,
and then you have a bad day,
and you're like, okay,
all these people are here,
and they can be like, what the fuck, this bitch is a mess.
You know what I mean?
But we didn't have to deal with that.
But then also a lot of us, you know, like traveling on the road is the way that people can get to know you outside of what they see on the competition.
And then you miss all of that.
So it was a little weird. I mean, can I ask, I don't want to ask financials, but like i'm assuming most of your gigs came digitally or like prides or i've done a lot of online gigs especially some college gigs
some pride gigs just all kinds of gigs online and i've never been like a technologically sound
we had her on the pit stop and she had just moved here and you didn't even have furniture. She was sitting on the ground.
I was sitting on the ground.
Her ass shifted.
Running my laptop.
I was on a pillow.
She was sitting on her nut like it was an exercise ball.
Big enough.
It was running my laptop
off of my hot spot on my phone.
Shut the fuck up.
That's why I look so grainy on the video.
Can you say thank you T-Mobile right now?
Thank you.
Thank you T-Mobile.
Thank you T-Mobile for your excellent service.
It does well because I ran laptop.
I ran my PlayStation.
Gaming with other people off of my hotspot on my phone.
She illegally watched Canada's Drag Race.
And did.
Fire stick. You better work Canada's Drag Race. Amazing. Fire stick.
You better work.
That was the nice thing about
Pit Stop is you don't have to worry about where to find it
because they just put it in front of you. Absolutely.
It's everywhere. Because when you don't have cable, it's kind of hard to find
drag race unless you just buy it on iTunes. But even then,
you're watching it the day after. Absolutely.
Do you guys have cable? You can buy it on YouTube.
I do. It just got turned on
because I paid the bill. I have cable, but I buy it on YouTube. I do. It just got turned on because I paid the bill.
I have cable, but I never, ever watch it.
Like, I feel like now I just have not been in the mood for TV.
I think because we've been in the house and we had no choice but to watch TV.
Absolutely. I don't give a fuck about none of this.
Like, I don't want to watch, like, in some of the shows, it's like you realize how repetitive some stuff on TV is when you have no choice but to watch it all day.
Yeah.
We I don't watch a lot of TV and we only see things for like the Netflix show.
Yeah.
If that shouldn't exist I wouldn't see any of that.
Yeah.
No.
Absolutely.
Damn.
Yeah.
We don't watch I don't watch a lot of TV.
I don't even know why I pay for cable because when I do watch TV it's streaming services like Hulu or Netflix.
Yeah.
Every fucking cable outlet has an OnlyFans now.
It's like you know what I mean?
You gotta pay for like HBO Max
and then da-da-da-da-da-da
and then you realize
it's like, wait a minute,
I'm subscribing to like 1400 OnlyFans.
We almost had a heart attack.
I was like, I don't see it.
Where?
Where is it?
Do you subscribe to OnlyFans?
No.
Oh.
I'm too poor.
I can't afford it.
You should start your own.
Ain't nobody gonna pay for that.
Excuse me?
Sure they will.
Absolutely they will.
Nothing will bust it open, girl.
Oh, well, I mean,
what else do they want on there, Ian?
Shea Coulee does fashion videos.
Fashion videos.
What would I do?
Personality videos?
Whistle.
Just whistle.
Topless.
Topless hours.
Well, then, how are you going to make something?
We're going to be right back.
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And we are back.
Wait, and so I have to give a shout out
to one of the best entrances in Drag Race Herstory.
Just insane.
And I don't even remember doing it that long.
It was so long.
And I mean, I was like, okay, this could either be like real time or editing or whatever.
I don't care.
I think it was real time though.
It was so fantastic.
It just went on forever.
It was so funny. Crazy. went on forever. It was so funny.
Crazy.
That entrance matters.
You know, I just sit at home when I'm doing nothing
and just make as weird, fucked up noises as I can think of doing
just to know that I can do it.
It's like, it's called talking.
Do you live alone?
Do you live alone?
I do live alone.
When I started living alone, I'm never here silent.
I'm talking. I'm doing voices.. Oh my God. I'm talking.
I'm doing voices.
I'm doing accents.
I'm making sounds.
If I hear something,
if I hear something,
I paired it to myself for days.
I don't know why.
It's a narrative.
It's a story.
It's a journey.
And for no one.
We're here.
Yeah.
And for no one.
Yeah.
You don't live alone.
I don't live alone.
Oh, you don't.
But she stands alone.
You do.
Okay.
You live with G?
Yeah.
Were you guys public about that?
Yeah.
How long have you guys been together now?
Now it's been 13 years in November.
Wait, what now?
Yeah.
Her boyfriend, 13 years.
How does it feel?
We still have a relationship as old as I am.
That's interesting.
Are you her son?
What could you imagine? Are you her son?
What could you imagine?
Are you her daughter?
The only plot twist Now without my daughter
The Jada S. Hall story
You're only involved
In the beautiful
Do you find family secrets?
Yeah Maury Popich
Watch out
I mean we've been together
For a really long time
And it's like
It's good
Because you know like
That weird thing
Where it's like
Hard for drag queens
To find love
Yeah we were just
Talking about it
And I'm like
I literally did not do drag
Until I met him And he was like This would be good for you And I was like I I literally did not do drag until I met him.
And he was like,
this will be good for you.
And I was like,
I don't know.
That's not something I want to do.
He was right.
He was well,
look at you now for once in his fucking life.
Wow.
Well,
not to mention he's sort of a,
um,
he's more than a boyfriend.
He's sort of your assistant.
He does hair.
Creative partner.
Even like,
you know,
pre drag race,
he would be backstage at the gigs
helping all the girls. It's like a smorgasbord
of help. He's a
helpful person.
He's a smorgasbord of help.
It's not like it's a fucking help.
A help sandwich.
By the way, we're making it sound like Jada couldn't
do a thing without him. We're like, thank God he's there
to paint you.
Remember that was a rumor that We're like, thank God he's there to paint you. Remember that was a rumor
that people were like,
she never comes,
she never does her makeup
at the shows
because she doesn't know
how to do makeup
and her boyfriend
is doing her makeup
at the house.
Well, you sure did prove
them all wrong on Drag Race.
You're like, I wish.
The gag is,
it's he was there doing it.
I'm like,
I was like,
please, I need to tend one.
Please, please, please, please,
please, please, please.
He's in the bathroom
with the brushes. I need some glue on that eye. I need to 10-1 please please please please he's in the bathroom with the brushes
I need some glue around that eye
I just come back fully painted
leave the room and share
come back and share
I have to shit really fast
I'll be right back I'm just taking my makeup with me
and I just try to do as much as I can while I'm in there
oh my god
we had a girl on 7 who was
it was maybe her first times getting in drag by herself.
I'm right here.
Miss Fame. It was probably her first times
doing her own corset.
Yeah.
It was getting all the things.
I remember on All Stars with
Alyssa, it was like
when, because we had been working
once you had been used to having an assistant
and then you go back on Drag race and you got no help.
And it's like,
can somebody get the shoe?
No,
no,
nobody can get the shoe.
Actually.
No,
no,
we can't get yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's jarring.
I know.
Cause I was never that helpful period.
People would be like,
can you just come help me with this sewing machine?
I'd be like,
yeah,
yeah.
So you take,
you build a time machine.
You go back in time.
You take some sewing classes.
And you wouldn't be in this position.
And then you walk away.
And then I walk away.
Do something with yourself.
Or no, I tried to help.
That's one time I tried to help Shangela.
And she tried to make a tube dress.
And she didn't know to use stretch fabric.
So she had me show her how to sew a straight line.
And then at the end, she was like, it doesn't fit.
I'm like, that was a dress you were making
it was like sequin dot fabric no stretch
I was like I thought you were making like a trapper
keeper
that was a tiny
dress
if she can't fit in I was like it's not happening girl
it's just not it
your ball thing
was fantastic
well everything that I wore on the show besides the yellow look and the black wedding dress,
I made everything.
You made everything?
Yeah.
Everything.
You used to make everything.
Going into drag races, I'm a really poor bitch.
And I want to look okay.
Yeah.
And nobody can do things for me.
I have no money.
So I'm going to have to figure it out.
Well, locally, like doing drag in our town, Milwaukee is, I think, the 16th biggest city
in the US. It's not huge. If you want nice drag,
you have to get it.
Because we don't have wig stylists in Milwaukee.
And it wasn't like we were ever paid
enough budget to be like,
and a drag investment. It was like, literally,
you would do drag, and you would get done,
and you were like, let's go to Taco Bell. God,
we need to do another show tomorrow, because I have no money now.
And if you could stack a Hamburger Mary's gig with an appearance at a club, you were rich. let's go to Taco Bell. God, we need to do another show tomorrow because I have no money now. And if you could stack
a Hamburger Mary's gig
with an appearance at a club,
you were rich.
Oh my God.
And then,
but that's only if the club
would be like,
you're not doing another gig
somewhere else.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
The exclusive gig.
Oh no.
The exclusive gig for $40.
Right.
They want exclusivity
and loyalty
and then for nothing.
Yeah.
For nothing. And new costumes.
I'd be like, you just did that number.
I'd be like, well, yeah, I made $4.
I'm doing it again.
You're going to see it tomorrow.
I hope you like it.
And I might learn the words tomorrow.
You never know.
I went into drag race
poor as fuck in debt.
You made a lot of your stuff.
I made a lot of my stuff. I made a lot of my stuff.
Yeah,
because I didn't,
I get no money.
Heidi,
did you make your stuff?
It's hard.
Me and my two drag sisters
made most of my stuff.
It was very stressful
because actually
I was supposed to go
compete at nationals
for a pageant
the same week
that we left for drag race.
Miss what?
Entertainer of the year.
She chose drag race
over a pageant?
Are you stupid? You could have been entertainer of the year. And that race over a pageant are you stupid
you could have been
entertainer of the year
and that's coming
to Jada
and the thing is
I got approved
for the show
like the week after
I spent all my money
for nationals
so then I was poor
when they gave me
the call
so I was like
oh so now I have
to scrounge up
what I can
so I can go
do this thing now
I think most people
are making their drag
I mean not to call her out
thank god the theme
for the pageant was
Drag Race.
And for gown,
she was wearing
a black wedding gown.
Actually,
actually it was
the theme I was going to do
was like the sparkle
was going to be
my pageant gown.
I'm like, ooh,
was not going to wear
the ramen wig.
I was not going to wear
the ramen noodle wig.
I was going to say
choices are being made.
Cornetia.
Choices are being made.
Cornetia. Cornetia. Remember are being made Cornatia Cornatia
Cornatia
remember Shangela's
Cornatia that green wig
I sure do
that micro braids
the green micro braids
with popcorn glued in it
that was cute
my friend just sent me
a text
the full Cornatia moon
bestows peace and blessings
to you
I think most people
are making
I mean on season 7
I had never even seen
drag like Miss Fames
no
absolutely not all designer I still have wigs let's be honest at the time as nice as RuPaul's yeah On season seven, I had never even seen drag like Miss Faves. No. Absolutely not.
All designer.
I still have it.
Wigs, let's be honest, at the time, as nice as Repulse.
Yeah.
And better.
Perfect hairlines.
Sometimes better.
Better.
Better hairlines.
Yeah.
Custom.
I'd never seen drag like that.
A custom hairline.
I think that changed drag race a lot because then it was like, we can't just go in here
with anything that we brought
now. And Violet.
Seven was
a turning point. It was.
After that, you had Kim,
Naomi, people just like, oh, this
is drag now. Looks and fashion.
Expensive.
Can we go back to season two?
You could get something from
Seal. It's crazy though now because
all of those fucking
when you leave to do the show
we are literally just regular
ass girls working regular
gigs. You cannot expect
me to show up with a $100,000
wardrobe for
a competition. I think that there should be
a limit or something.
A budget. It's like you did the Yankee for a competition. I think that there should be a limit or something. There should be a budget
or you can't. It's like
you did the Yankee swap at Christmas.
$20 gift limit.
They're inspecting lace.
They're like, is that Swiss lace? Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here. just have half or have half
of the challenges
be design challenges
design challenges
yeah
you know
I think I would
go home
I would really
would really like
more like design challenges
I really do think
that would be really
our season was rare
because we only had
one design challenge
just one
just one
same with all stars
we only had one
design challenge
I think our season
is one of the only seasons to ever have just one.
Girl 7 had like 20, didn't it?
3 had like 20.
3 had the most.
It was Project Runway.
It was the season of Project Runway.
I remember being rejected. That was the first time I applied
for season 3 and I got a call back
and then I was like, I'm on it.
You were in the casting special.
I was like, I'm on it.
I didn't tell anybody, but I was like, I'm on it. I'm on it. You were in the casting special. I was like, I was like, I'm on it. And I started to get it. Like, I didn't tell anybody, but I was like, I'm on it.
You started to feel the fans.
Yeah.
This is great.
And then, and then I didn't receive a second call.
It would almost kill myself.
And then, but then I saw the season.
I was like, thank fucking God.
I would have jumped out the window.
You know who else thought she was on it?
Who?
Thorgy thought she was on it.
Cause she was on that casting special too.
Oh really?
And she was like, I'm on Drag Race. Yeah. And then never heard back. And she was like, oh. Devastated. When the cast came out, I was like, oh, I guess I'm not on it? Who? Thorgy thought she was on it because she was on that casting special too. Oh really? And she was like I'm on Drag Race. Yeah.
And then never heard back and she was like oh. Devastated
when the cast came out I was like oh I guess I'm not on it.
Yeah. But I would
never. Months later.
Episode one. Coming this summer
RuPaul's Drag Race season three. Huh.
Interesting. Yeah.
Wow let me just call that number back.
Hey I'm not seeing myself in the ad.
What's going on right now?
Where should I tell my Uber driver to go?
I have all my drawings.
So I'm in LA with a bunch of things.
I'm just walking.
I'm just in drag walking.
How would you have fared on season three?
I think I would have did really good.
I feel like I'm very good at making things when I'm under pressure.
That's what I think I usually will do the best.
But this has to be like.
And I like to sew stuff like really fast versus like taking my time.
But is this 2011 Jada?
2011 Jada was like.
Okay.
This hooker was gorgeous.
But I used to like go to the beauty supply store, right?
Buy a pair of leggings.
Buy another pair of leggings.
And make a tattoo. And make a hole in the crotch and pull
them up in your arms through the legs. Did you ever do that?
Get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out.
You sew the waist together and you cut a hole
in the crotch and it's a catsuit.
I need to see that to believe it.
It works if you use a busy print.
Oh my god, yes.
You gotta go to the beauty supply store and get all
the crazy print leggings
Okay
That's what
Like that literally
Was my Nicki Minaj fit
All of that
With a waist belt
A cheap waist belt
Oh cover up the seam
Yeah yeah yeah
Or you corset over it
Oh right sure of course
Yep yep yep
And then you poke that hole
And then every time
You put it on though
You have to crawl in
Through the head hole
Yeah
Cause there's no zipper
Oh so it's just a
Scoop neck or something
Okay
Yeah
It's a gig With a little jewelry on Yeah and then sometimes I would buy a third pair And then I would cut because there's no zipper. Oh, so it's just a scoop neck or something? Okay.
It's a gig. A little jewelry on.
And then sometimes I would buy a third pair
and then I would cut one of the legs off
and attach it here like a hood
so then it can go over your face.
Yeah.
Like a freak.
Oh, wow.
You know, this is Milwaukee,
classic Milwaukee drag.
Classic.
Okay.
These are things that people in the world
would know if they would have just
casted us a little bit sooner.
Yeah.
Or we could have changed the world, but whatever.
I think you would have done fine on early seasons, though.
You had your shit together really early.
I think the main thing is I was not really comfortable talking.
I would talk to you, but I wouldn't ever really have conversations with a lot of people.
I didn't feel comfortable around people like that.
We were a good 10 years younger
than any other working drag queen, probably.
Milwaukee's a very-
And you know, people-
Experience.
Sometimes Trixie will say,
but some people were so nasty to Trixie.
And I thought it was just ridiculous.
Really?
It was for a while.
We would be in the dressing room,
we were just talking,
and she looks really terrible right now.
And this is just like a conversation.
And we're in the mirror like,
we're looking in the mirror like, did she just say i didn't look good but also did you no i thought this
i love that i love that you're like that's awful but did you
were you episode one hiding closet season 12 bad well if you look at season seven though
didn't you all look at me like,
who's this idiot?
I was like,
I thought,
who is this fashion woman?
Thank you.
Who is this runway model?
Well,
I'm not going to lie to you.
I didn't think I was a comedy person.
I was like,
I'm doing modeling.
Absolutely.
Because she did,
she did so much modeling too.
And then you look over there.
Like,
really,
did you not?
She was literally like,
always in fashion shows.
What kind of modeling are we talking about? Original OnlyFans stuff. That's what it be. OG OnlyFans. I was just, I was as weird looking as I was now, but with none of the actual intent or knowledge.
She would go bald and just like wear just like a little piece of hair.
So you were like, yeah.
So you walked in on seven and was like, I am the fashion queen.
And then looked over at Kachi and was like, no.
No, I was like,
I'm a makeup artist
and I'm a fashion model.
And we both look at them like,
we're looking at her like.
And she was a woman.
I thought it was a woman.
She was going to
Entertainer of the Year 2
when she was the fashion.
Yeah.
It was crazy.
But you know what?
Thinking back though,
you know when you're young in drag
and everything's an insult.
So somebody would be like,
if you're going to do
your cheeks that dark,
maybe do your forehead a little darker
and I would go home like she fucking came for me
I'm like yeah everything is a read
but people are just trying to help you
you might want to contour your nose what the fuck
what the fuck are you and then you go home looking in the mirror
you don't get my drag
it's older queens being like have you tried wearing shoes
and you're like you're coming for me
how dare you
because you can't be told anything
don't stifle my art
damn it
but no
literally
I'd like to tell you
like literally
Trixie was like
I'm like
wherever
I remember when she was like
we both auditioned
that's when we did
the fashion show
like at the haunted
Fister
the what
the what
it's like this haunted
ass hotel
in Milwaukee
and people always
stay there
because it's haunted
but we did a fashion
show there
and then like
that was like
right when we were like
I'm like my tape
I submitted it she was like i submitted mine it's like yeah
you're gonna get a show she's like no trust me you'll get on before me i'm like no i'm like
because the thing was like when we did drag like what we would do in milwaukee more people would
be like we love jada because we get it because that was different than you were you were the
perfect type of drag though because you were pageant how you did your drag was very like 21 year olds loved
it and all the pageant girls who booked shows loved your drag normally hate the young girl
and she was like well you get on updos and gowns and she was like
well you get on the show because of that and I was like that is so
weird I'm like I think you will get on the
show because your drag is not
I was like I hope
as soon as you get on the show
you will take off and the world will like be able to
see you and then it will be completely different because
in Milwaukee it was like people had like
such a defined idea of
what drag was like you had
even for like
Trixie or me
either you did pageants
even if you didn't like it
you had to
or they would not
give you bookings
that's a lot of places
at home
it's a lot of cultures
where when you do
the pageants
to prove to sort of
the bookers
that you aren't booger
that is the biggest way
and they still
kind of won the pageant
she's not kidding
and they begrudgingly give you your $40 prelim win and they still kind of won the pageant she's not kidding and they begrudgingly
give you your
$40 prelim fee
and they
dethrone you
if you skip
your $30 booking
absolutely
girl
they take your crown away
if you don't come
to your $10 booking
entry fee
$100 prize
$125
girl
entry fee
$100
which is hard
to come up with
and then a
$1000 package booking fee $100, which is hard to come up with. Yes, it is. And then a $1,000 package.
Booking fee $125.
Then they give you the price of the crown.
I'm like, why is that my problem?
You did miss Gate, Wisconsin.
Yeah.
And you won.
No.
I remember the year.
So you're not a state title holder?
I think I should have won that year.
So you're not a state title holder, J.D?
I mean, I am.
You know, I am, but you were there that year at the pageant.
I was there.
And when we say gooped at the pageant, Jada looked perfect.
And you did that song, Like an Animal.
Yes, Animal Talent.
And she did African dance with a big, huge hair on with backup dancers.
And it was flawless.
And they didn't give you nothing.
And then you know what they gave me? They were like,
you seem upset.
Why are you packing your things? You should stay on the stage
a little bit longer. I'm like, I stayed and took the photos
you asked me for. Now can I just pack my things?
They're like, but why? I was like, why are you
trying to like, y'all already got me.
Why are y'all trying to make me feel
so bad right now?
They were trying to get you to get as a girl
you know how they say it's her year
sometimes it's hard with pageants
because you're competing but when people say
things like it's her year it's like
well how fair is this
it's not at all
no they're not going to do that
it's nobody's year it's my year
until then they're like
first alternate
how political is the pageant system?
And are they different?
Like is the continental system from the gay American system?
I think the pageants are all different, but I like to believe in a trusting system.
Like at least for like national pageants.
I mean, I would never like even go to or support a pageant I didn't think was fair.
You know what I mean?
Right.
But I think also like people give pageant
like pageants like shit and pageants have
like some of the most creative like
like wild ideas
even when people see some stuff off Drag Race they're like
oh my god I'm like you do know
that they stole that from a video of a pageant
girl 100% some of the
runway looks that people gag for like
all of that stuff when I see a girl
do a jump split in a Wonder Woman on Drag Race,
I'm going to turn off the TV.
If she does not drop from the rafters,
look up there.
Look up there.
Look up there.
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Not if a
dick. And we're back.
I hope that's how we come back.
Not if a dick.
Not if a dick.
Get that thing away from my face,
Trixie.
Back to pageants, too.
I always tell people, like, whether or not you like pageants, the pageant is going to be the shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry.
I told you not to have that milk.
The pageant is going to be the best drag show you'll see all year.
Yeah.
You'll see all year.
Yeah.
And also I feel like on drag race for people who are casual fans of drag or just drag race fans that the, this pageant quote unquote pageant thing gets oversimplified into generalized
on drag race.
Yeah.
Because the pageant world is enormously diverse and very complicated and like interesting
ways.
Like, and there's multiple systems, different systems with different roles.
And also drag Queens get pigeonholed before they even open their mouth on Drag Race.
Absolutely.
So you're a pageant queen, but can you be funny?
And it's like, well, where does that come from?
I don't get it.
It's so strange.
Because no one clocked me as a pageant girl on the show.
I was like, oh, I probably have the most crones.
Because they were busy trying to figure out
what was going on.
Did you say the most crones?
She had the most crones.
Cones.
Cones.
It happens a lot, I think.
Like, if you look at somebody like a Kennedy Davenport, you're like, how could you ever
think that a pageant person can't be hilarious?
Yeah.
Because that hooker wins every comedy challenge.
Ginger Minj is also a pageant.
She goes to the pageant scene, too.
Most people do comedy pageants.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Have you ever done a comedy pageant?
No, I've never.
Honestly, before the show, I've never. Honestly, before the show,
I've never done anything comedy adjacent.
I was probably... You thought you were a model and not a woman. I thought I was the full woman.
The only pageant queen.
I was the queen that was
in North Carolina doing, I wouldn't say
do all the pageants, but
the girls knew which pageants I was going to
do and they would not go do that one.
How was that, y' that. All two of them.
And we'll be spelling delusion.
Delusion.
This episode is brought to you by...
This episode is brought to you by
delusion.
Delusion.
You're out of your fucking mind.
She was the only one in Ramsur,
North Carolina.
The only Ramsurian.
She said,
when I went to the pageant,
the other three and a half girls knew not to show up.
It was so funny.
I know this one girl from back home.
This one girl from back home, she always does pageants
and she always wins because no one shows up
and then I never get that lucky.
I always show up and that's when eight other bitches
want to be at the pageant too.
I'm like, why can't I never just have a walk in the park?
That does happen, especially in the club system.
You just might be the only competitor and just win.
And then the pageant happens.
They do the pageant anyway, though.
Yeah.
You gotta walk the category.
The worst part is the girls who get like a really big head
when they're like, I'm going to Miss Wisconsin.
I'm going to do the pageant.
And you're like, okay.
And then you're like, you won a prelim with nobody there. That's like my friend. You're going to be a problem when you get, yeah. You get to do the pageant. And you're like, okay. And you're like, you won a prelim with nobody there.
That's like my friend.
You get to be a contestant.
You get to do the full thing.
Oh, you do.
What if you still lose?
You have to.
Well, some do that, though.
Some do that.
It could happen.
Some systems have it where you have to score a certain amount of points or you still lose.
Because I could imagine.
Damn.
I would cry myself to sleep that night and then wake up and keep crying.
It's like, here's a box of shit.
You still lost.
You still lost.
Entry fee?
Entry fees are ridiculous.
They are very high.
Almost as much as you would win if you win.
Yeah, and pageant systems are a business.
So you also win.
The commitments are huge. You basically have to do whatever those promoters ask you to do pageant systems are a business. So you also win, the commitments are huge.
You basically have to do
whatever those promoters
ask you to do for free
for a year.
You gotta cut those ribbons
at the supermarket.
You gotta kiss those babies.
But you know,
if it's 2011
and you're Aurora Sexton
Miss Entertainment of the Year
and you're touring the country
and the booking fee is
probably a couple hundred,
which is better than $40
at the hometown game. And also you get to go travel
travel
travel
and then people
who love pageants
I mean I feel like
pageants and like
drag race
have a lot in common
especially like the way
that the fan base would be
because people
you go to a pageant
and you would make
so much money
and tips that it's
ridiculous
ridiculous
that's true
before the show
pageants are where I got
the most of my money from.
Yeah.
It just was.
I don't know what
you were competing.
You were just taking
the crowd.
She was on the crowd
with a bucket saying
this is for the girl.
This is for her.
I promise.
They cannot be tipped
during the pageant.
So put it in my pocket.
And I will give it to them.
Not that she's like
robbing entertainers
during Corona time.
She's like,
you can't touch the entertainer.
You have to put the money
in the pocket
and she's like,
out the back door.
She's operating
digital drag shows
and everyone's Venmo
is Heidi in Closet.
I'm going to split it.
She's like,
it's just less complicated
to me
and I'll give you your tips
and it's like $3.
Like,
what the fuck is this?
I'm splitting it even.
I swear.
This is all we made.
Have you guys done some of the digital? Yeah, I've done
a couple. Can I just ask?
I have to ask. Hard.
It was weird to win Drag Race, period. Was it weird
winning Drag Race in your living room?
Yes. And closing your computer and laying
down in bed? It was so weird.
Today's feature project.
Delusion. Delusion. You lost your fucking today's feature project delusion delusion
you lost your
fucking mind
no
we're running a
two for three sale
on delusion
I could have sworn
I wore a galaxy gown
to the finale
oh my god
no
I think it was
someone else
and your cinch
was so flawless
I actually had a wave
yeah it was amazing
I don't remember that
the mask just the mask right wait wait wait I actually had a wave Yeah it was amazing I don't remember that The mask
Just the mask right
Wait wait wait
Wait wait wait
The mask
RuPaul
In the mask of Zorro
Yeah
What in the
I don't know
I mean I don't think
Anybody knows
I don't know
It's like you know
When Netflix releases
The next few episodes
Of Unsolved Mysteries
We will probably find out
But as of right now,
there's no way of telling.
The jury's still like you.
I'm still,
I'm still haunted by it.
When I,
when we watched it,
I was like,
oh,
that's right.
I'm just assuming she may be,
I mean,
I'm just speculating.
She likes to look her best
and maybe she had a skin treatment
or I don't know.
I think,
I think like the crazy thing
is probably like no makeup
and she probably wanted to be like in drag
and like have that done.
Like if I can't get that
but with quarantine
it was just like
you can't
but her men's clothing
is so fabulous
pull out any of those suits
I mean
I know
so strange
I love buying
Klein, Epstein and Parker
exactly
I love suits
are you trying to get
an endorsement
as try
wow
as try
as try
as try
what was your favorite
what was your favorite from What was your favorite?
What from the season are you most proud of?
Challenge-wise or runway-wise or whatever?
Sending Me Home.
Oh, my God.
What was the song?
Are you triggered when you hear it?
1999 by Prince.
Wow.
Humps me to this day.
I love that.
You know, you're lucky because Twisted Fate doesn't come up much.
Never.
Never.
Never hear it in my life.
Mine's everywhere
like I go to the bar
it's playing
I go to the store
it's playing
I go to the gas station
it's playing
playlist is playing
yeah
like I think
like I was like
that day
I was like
oh my god
I know I'm going
and also
I had to pee so bad
so bad
and they would not let me pee
and then the worst part
was that I was going out
to do a horrible skit about really peeing on myself at a pageant and I would have let me pee and the worst part was that I was going out to do a horrible skit about
really peeing on myself at a pageant
and I would have pissed on myself in the audience waiting to go on stage
to tell a story about peeing on myself
how ironic
that's a little too on the nose
but I had to go to Rue's bathroom
like the one that all the judges use
it had like
poopery in there
please tell me you walked in and she was in there powdering her nose
what the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here, you fucking loser.
And I'm like, no, she could do a mad dance.
And I'm like, hey girl, I didn't know you were in there.
Can I ask, had she flushed?
Yeah.
Was it clean?
Was she letting it mellow?
It was flushed, but the water was like a sheer citrine.
Citrine.
The water was sample of green.
The water was Periol.
Could you imagine?
After you flush, fill it with this water bottle.
You do hold your pee so long on Drag Race.
Sometimes you're like, when I get to that bathroom, I know it's blood coming out.
You just feel like your guts will explode and you will die on the stage.
I remember I couldn't get my nails off quick enough to like claw my pantyhose.
You're actually afraid you're going to pee your pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, this is going to happen.
Because the closer you get to the toilet, your body's just like incoming.
I'd always have a PA help me with the tights.
I'm like, look, don't look.
Just start pulling down and I can take the rest.
Oh my God.
Just pull it a little bit and I can go.
But I never peed because I couldn't put it back on.
Like if I took it
You had to put the dick back on
That's
Oh
It's a strap on
I had to put it back on
Strap on
I had to cover my genie cunt
The little cunt
The strapper
The strapper
Stupid
Oh my god
So you won in your damn living room
Yeah
I mean I was like
We won in the living room
And like
When you watched like
That reaction video
We actually watched it
Like separately
And they told my boyfriend They were like he can't be in there watching it on
his phone or something because no because I'm like I don't want to know like in case like if
if the phone would go faster and they announced that on the phone faster than what we watched on
the the show when we watched all together he would have been like oh my god you won or like got
excited and I would have knew but then I knew before him so we were completely prepared that he would know before me
and all of a sudden like like scream and he came out the corner like
did you guys feel weird too i saw like um because you know we've done a lot of stuff remotely
and it's just drag remotely is not magical it's so hard to feel it. You're just like, I'm in my house.
The energy from the audience is not there.
I feed off of that.
The fact that you're not in uncomfortable shoes
on your feet.
I feel like I deserve some energy from the crowd.
I think you do too.
I crave it.
I yearn it.
Not you pulling your shirt closed
like it's a necklace day.
It's a V-shirt and a neck shirt and she's pinning it closed like it's a necklace day. She is. For the listeners at home, it's a V-neck shirt,
and she's pinning it closed like it's a blouse.
She is.
She's a southern woman, okay?
Well, I do declare her.
She's got her ankles crossed, beveled,
and she is just pointed.
She is pointed.
Boom.
And she is literally perched.
She is perched.
Yeah.
Arched and perched.
Arched and perched.
Do y'all not just sit all perched like a woman at She is perched. Yeah. Arched and perched. Do y'all not just sit
like all perched
like a woman
at all times?
No.
She is in a suit
brought to you by Chanel.
Chanel for the southern woman.
She went to Dillard's.
Dress Barn.
Dress Barn.
She went to Christopher Banks.
I don't know where
I'm going with this.
Yeah.
Wow.
Christopher E. Banks.
What do you guys Want to do when
I mean you know
We're tired old
Show hags
But young
Young new celebrities
Like you guys
What do you want to do
When the
Corral opens up
Wait
You toured a little
Didn't you do
Work the world
No I did
Like the drive and drag show
Which was like different
Than the work the world
A little bit
What is this We did this On video Heidi said was like different than the work the world a little bit. What is this?
We did this on video so bad.
Heidi said, no, I did not do work the world.
Thank you so much.
That's like when anybody brings up AJ and the Queen and I'm like, oh, the show everyone was in?
Even though I was on tour and couldn't do it.
I'm like, I was not there.
The thing is, is I would have been there had I been asked.
If you look at my schedule and assume that I can't be somewhere, I don't want a part of it.
I don't want a part of it.
Yeah.
Well, there was like that book, that fucking book was, I don't know if it was Bagnus Tayser.
There was a drag book that literally had every fucking drag queen in the goddamn world except me.
Damn.
Not in that book.
Was I in it?
Yes, you were on the cover.
Congratulations.
Everyone.
They put Heidi on the cover of something.
I have a beautiful tan.
We're in that book.
You're the picture for me, the author.
You look great.
Yeah!
In the back.
And then I also, on the audio tape,
about the author.
Yes!
It's a full book.
Jenna Essence Hall is a woman
from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with a mission.
She knew that one day she'd be successful.
A great writer, philanthropist, and artist.
She celebrates life every single day by being exactly who she is.
Once again, delusion.
Once again.
She drives a black Mercedes Benz.
Girl, you don't drive.
God damn.
Do you not have your license?
No.
Her driver is a black guy named Mercedes.
A black guy named Mercedes.
My Mercedes is outside.
I drive around.
A guy named Ben.
A guy named Ben.
Yes.
Like, literally.
Like, I always, like, the first time that I tried to, like, I was learning to drive,
and I was on fucking Valit not Valit Villard
Avenue and I got pulled
over by the police and it was like four
cars and then I got like a ticket
ticket ticket and went to jail
is a thing surprise
it's a thing it's the thing
do you remember Devere Burnett
remember Devere Burnett yeah I would
me and Devere Burnett lived together I would only get pulled over when he was in the car
with me always always and always
shit
my roommate was black
and we would only get
pulled over together
and I'd be like
what I'm so
I would be like
why am I getting pulled over
he's like you know why
because I'm in the front seat
with you
as soon as you like
sometimes
well most times
as soon as you cross over
into Wisconsin
it was like
you're like
nobody anywhere else
is like on the street
patrolling this hard
yeah it's the most segregated
city and so it's um in a few blocks it goes from white kids white families to like the black
neighborhood and then it's the hispanic neighborhood it's like literally like in milwaukee like when
you cross the bridge the 27 and 35th street bridges and then it was like, a whole new world.
It's very,
it's so.
You'll get pulled over here,
but not here.
Literally.
It's like real crazy,
but anyway.
But you,
Heidi,
the way you drive,
you'd be pulled over every neighborhood.
Drive?
What's her?
I get tripped.
Who is she?
Driving.
Drive,
who is she?
What's that?
Drive,
who is she?
A southern woman as myself would never.
You're lifted.
I'm walking.
You mean my Uber?
She's pushing my shopping cart.
Going to get groceries.
She's pushing a shopping cart.
She's using hand signals.
I get to tie up her Heelys.
Tying up her Heelys.
People need to know.
Do y'all have Heelys?
I do. People literally need to know. y'all have Heelys I do
People literally need to know
I just got some
On Amazon
They make them up
To men size 15
Wow
They were 40 bucks
They're very worth it
Oh no
I'm a 16
Oh no
Time to find them feet
You know what they say
About being with big feet
They have big socks
God
You like that
You like
That was good
That was good
Heidi has been over here
At Walmart literally perched
like a fucking southern dove.
Do you want a tip?
I am a physical person.
You like that?
Oh my God.
I'm funnier to look at
what I'm doing
than what I'm saying.
I'm funnier to look at.
I'm funnier to look at.
Which is great for a podcast.
It's great for a podcast. I'm funnier to look at Which is great for a podcast It's great for a podcast
I'm funnier to look at than here
For the Patreon
You get to see the visuals
We didn't mention she's in drag
Imagine she opened her Patreon and then all of a sudden
Her followers start going down
Just because you mentioned it
Only fans quit
Because they heard you might come
They're like nope
Yes
Get the fuck out of here
Do you have fans
Have you gotten sick of any like
People trying to ask you to whistle
Or anything like that
Has it been
You know
Long enough or
No
You know
What we get from the show
You know
People see what they really enjoy about you
And they want that from you
Yeah
And I
Or they don't
Jada enjoy about you and they want that from you. Or they don't.
Jada.
But I have come to terms that for the rest of my career, I'm going to have to cry in lotion
bottles, whistle.
Honey, those are called assholes
you've been crying into. that's not lotion coming out
girl that's a topical ointment
that was so funny though
I see what you did there
you guys both did an amazing
job on drag
I mean come on we always talk I mean
that idiot almost went home second I went home
fourth on season seven yeah the girl
I mean winning's fabulous, but like, yeah.
Yeah.
People love you guys.
Now with National Coming Out Day coming out,
and your name being Heidi in Closet,
do you want to issue an apology on this podcast?
Because the way that you're weaponizing those words.
Yeah.
Your rhetoric.
It's not that I'm weaponizing it.
I'm trying to claim back the word closet because.
You're trying to go back in the closet story.
Nobody took the word closet, lady.
Look, see, look.
Played on closet.
We're coming for you.
Back in your day.
Yesterday.
The people.
I'm still young.
I promise.
Would say, they would make it a negative thing.
Closets are for fashion, not men.
Okay?
So this is the story.
This is what I'm going for. Okay. We are taking back, not men. Okay? So this is the story.
This is what I'm going for.
We are taking back the word closet or closet, depending on how you're feeling.
Or closest.
Or closest.
Closet or closet.
Closet.
Closet is my cousin.
How about just Heidi and close it.
Heidi and close it.
Heidi and close it.
Heidi and close it.
You gotta do the either or.
Oh, either or. Oh, fuck.
I only have the ones from last time. It's okay.
Do you know I want to be House of Heidi instead of
House of Closet? Just Heidi something
like Heidi and cupboard, Heidi and cabinet, Heidi and cas something. Like Heidi in cupboard. Heidi in cabinet. Heidi in
casket. Heidi in casket.
Heidi in seagate.
I don't think we have time for either.
This has gone long.
You've ruined it, Heidi.
Jesus fucking Christ.
But I did take a little short video of Miss Closet
so that people can see the true
audio.
That hump in her back where she shakes it.
She has a lash on it.
And I'm still paying in profit while I do.
She put a stone on it.
She has a lash on the hump.
If you lash it,
then you're not going to put a stone.
If you have a hump,
you better draw an eyeball on it
and put a lash on it.
And make it wink.
And make it wink, sis.
Don't make the hump wink.
Heidi, do you want to know
where everybody can find you on the internet?
Yeah.
Yes, they can find me on all my social medias.
Heidi and Closet, except for TikTok.
Okay.
It's the Heidi and Closet because someone stole Heidi and Closet from me.
I was Trixie Mattel 8.
Wow.
And I called TikTok personally.
I called her.
And I got Trixie Mattel.
The power that is.
The beauty that is
the grace that was
Trixie Mattel
but this is Los Angeles
and I'm white so I can just ask TikTok
she said TikTok
I'm really upset right now
excuse me
on my name
white woman in trouble
help me she pushed her white woman button There's an ace on my name. Only ace on my name. White woman in trouble.
Help me.
She pushed her white woman button.
Oh my God.
It's just a help button.
Where can people find you, Jada?
You can find me everywhere.
Right now, I'm in my mind.
I'm in your mind.
The back alley of Mickey's. Are you looking at me?
No.
You can find me on social media Everywhere
Jada E. Hall
That's Jada E. Hall
And jadeahall.com
I sell some things on there
Oh yeah
The girls can support
It's the best way to support
The teens right now
During these trying times
And I'm working really hard
To get a Gucci duffel bag
And if you could just buy
A couple of things from me
Please
Please support the essence of beauty
Yeah
You know what
When I'm in the airport
I want to floss a little bit savings retirement real estate that yeah get
that duffel bag the clouds are not sunny anymore it's not sunny skies anymore it's gloomy day
well it's because of the reveals yeah well with covid there's no better time for travel equipment
she said i'm not going anywhere out, but when I do, it's over for you, Hugs.
And it's going to sit
and collect dust in my home.
You know what? Also, I think that
gender reveals have done a lot
of damage during this time, and I think that this is
a good time for us to reflect and think about the
reveals that we are doing on Drag Race
and that some people need to calm down a little bit.
We might start a fire
next. Oh my God.
Utica.
Gender reveals.
This is 2020. Gender reveals have been dangerous
for a long time. Did you see
the post where they talked about the very
first official gender reveal and it was really
just this woman whose their child
does not even really conform to typical
gender norms, which is crazy.
And then they like, do you have any proof of it being
the very first one? It's literally just a vanilla
cake with icing and pink icing
in between the two layers. And she really tried to say
I did that. I did this.
I am an inventor.
Trailblazer. Risk
taker. I invented burning down the forest
with wild displays
revealing gender. I know
it's sad it's crazy
there's nothing funnier
than what started a fire
a gender reveal party
that's something
that didn't need to happen
didn't need to happen
this wasn't someone camping
this wasn't a home electricity
no
during
the pandemic
at that
girl
having a party
having a party
should you not be having parties
during quarantine times
absolutely not
Miss Closet I thought that was a question I was like? Absolutely not I thought that was a question
I thought it was a question at first
Speaking of
We should get back to the 400 person get together
In the living room
Thank you guys you