The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Higher Than Giraffe Genitalia with Dulcé Sloan and Trixie

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Please prepare your mind, body, and soul for Trixie's delightful chat with stand-up comedian, actress, makeup mogul, and Daily Show correspondent; the eminently-hilarious Dulcé Sloan! From plane-trav...el safety tips to in-depth kimchi reviews to African mammal facts, this episode is a once-in-a-lifetime journey through an enchanted forest populated solely by colossal smiles and rapturous glee. Follow Dulce: @Dulce Sloan and head to https://www.dulcesloan.com for tour dates! Start all your shopping at https://Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today, your Cash Back really adds up! From acclaimed screenwriter Diablo Cody comes LISA FRANKENSTEIN, only in theaters February 9th! Visit https://LisaFrankensteinFilm.com to get tickets now! Check out SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Need to find the perfect gift? Don’t panic. Head to https://Etsy.com and try Gift Mode on Etsy now! FX’s Feud: Capote vs. The Swans premieres January 31st on FX! Stream on Hulu. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/feud Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:15 We have the beautiful, the effervescent and hilarious Dulce Sloan in the program on the pod today. You guys, she's been recognized by Just for Laughs as upcoming faces in comedy. She was recognized in a list on Rolling Stone of like 10 comics you need to know. She is a regular commentator on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. She just literally was on stage accepting an Emmy with him a few days ago. If you haven't seen her beautiful thumbnails on YouTube, you've seen her online. She is so funny and beautiful. And I've loved her for years. And she reached out saying she wouldn't come on the pod.
Starting point is 00:01:40 And I was like, please. We barely have guests, but I was like, please. So let's talk to her. She's so fucking funny and brilliant. And if you're watching on video, she is quite beautiful to look at. Miss Sloan is on the podcast today. Can we get a clap, clap, clap? Dulce Sloan!
Starting point is 00:01:55 Dulce Sloan! Do people actually come at you like, hello, Miss Dulce? I've been called Dulce and I have to say say what's the most interesting is someone who will come to me and go well you know your name
Starting point is 00:02:09 spelled wrong I'll go you know it's a different language oh stop centering yourself bitch it's not your language you know I won a Webby award and never got it
Starting point is 00:02:20 is that what this is yes yes we have I have to I think I have to buy it. No way. Did we have to buy it? Tracy helped me get
Starting point is 00:02:29 mine. No, me and Josh Johnson got one for our podcast Hold Up. Thank you. And honestly, since the pod is done, it's almost like more pressing. You're not going to get nominated again. It's the only time I can win for Hold Up because Comedy Central started and ended a podcast network in one year.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Damn. It was that good, huh? It was that good. They had to shut the city down. Think of it this way. Your pop was so good that they were like, we can't top that. We can't top this.
Starting point is 00:02:53 We got to pack it all up. Josh Johnson saying that anything made out of tomatoes is tomato soup. Can't top that. Girl. That man was on wax and said the salsa is tomato soup. He's crazy. Are you, when you're in
Starting point is 00:03:05 your comedy duos are you the wackadoo or are you the straight man with me and josh i'm the wackadoo okay josh is definitely the straight man okay um because like on hold up we would do uh so we did like socially conscious rap versus like club bangers because I enjoy the song Nuck If You Buck and Josh is a nerd
Starting point is 00:03:31 because he was like oh talking about Common all these other rappers I'm like when I want to go to school I go to school when I want to twerk
Starting point is 00:03:39 I twerk I don't want to hear school over twerking music that's not fair you know what song always feels like a school song to me I know I can I know I can be what I want to hear school over twerking music. That's not fair. You know what song always feels like a school song to me? I know I can.
Starting point is 00:03:46 I know I can be what I want to be. Remember that song? That gives actual baby shark. Like it gives actual kids music. I'll tell you this. The socially conscious rap. Like, yes, I understand that it's supposed to be helping. It's not what I'm here for.
Starting point is 00:04:03 I listen to NPR. Right. I don't need your services sir right like certain people they need this it's like this is how they find out like oh man the hood is hard yeah but i know about pbs so i don't need you to tell me about you know like what's going on like you know socially consciousness i i just need you to say fast words so i can shake my derriere yeah it's really what i'm here for it's's like peak time on a Friday night at the club. You're like, turn on that song about the environment. Yes!
Starting point is 00:04:28 Who's? Oh, Greta Thunberg came out with an album? Wow! No, I don't want none of that. But yeah, so we have that very, so we're starting our own podcast together because people just love me and Josh's dynamic because I bother him and America loves it. So it's, doing podcasts is, man, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.
Starting point is 00:04:51 And I one day just had a really stupid thought and I was like, is a podcast just the radio? It kind of is, though. It's the radio. It's the radio with cameras. It's the radio. A podcast is the radio. Because I was thinking about the other day i was like well i remember listening like those old school radio shows from the 30s
Starting point is 00:05:09 like before tv uh-huh it's a fucking podcast girl and you and i are trying to sell makeup to people at the same time they're telling us we belong on the radio yes and it's like oh this means this non-visual medium right hey buy my makeup girl that's the spirit of drag it's like you're a star we just have to change your name your height your gender your eye color your your body shape absolutely but it's you it's you're a star you're a star i uh i had one of my agents was trying to get me to audition for something by telling me that i was going to be a big star and i called my manager and i said tell him how to watch how he speaks to me don't do that oh as in implying you're not a star now no as implying like i should do this thing
Starting point is 00:05:47 it'll make me famous it'll make me huge i'm just like i don't need that i already know i'm gonna be successful and he's being weird so i need you to talk to him about how he talks to me because the thing about being in entertainment is people pimp your dreams to you oh explain that as in for example people go oh my god you're you're in acting like you just it's like there's so much rejection i was like every line of work has rejection so why dating has rejection everything has rejection family has rejection right so like if i went to fucking accounting school and I get out of school and I start applying to different firms and I'm like, oh, I hope H&R Block calls me the fuck back. If I don't hear from where I want to work, that's rejection. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:33 But we're the only ones where people are like, oh, no, they said you weren't as pretty as someone else. Well, you're still a hot girl in a room full of hot girls. I'm over here at the Kroger sticking up a bag of groceries looking like Quasimodo. So what else? So that's what I'm like. It's, it's very interesting to me that this is the one line of work where people were like, they take what you want to do and try to use it against you. That is so sinister. The way I'm going to drop that on a zoom, like I thought of it, the way I'm going to say it on a Zoom like I thought of it. Yeah. The way I'm going to say it to my managers at a moment where they're actually trying to be nice to me. I'm going to be like, excuse me.
Starting point is 00:07:13 My friend told me that you're trying to pimp out my dreams to me, bitch. Pimp your dreams to yourself? No. Because the one thing you have to remember is that because, yes, we are artists. Yeah. And we are creative. We are. But it's also a fucking business.
Starting point is 00:07:26 It is. are creative we are but it's also a fucking business it is and you know i always girl i always am the the cheerleader for talented people who reject things like social media because i'm always like it's a free tool it's free yeah and somebody half as funny as you will get twice as successful yeah just because they did it and you didn't yeah i feel like my talented beautiful friends if they're not taking pictures of themselves sharing their jokes i'm always like why would you why would you not pick up this resource and use it it's the thing is it's like sometimes i just didn't know that people cared that much about what i was doing they do and it's interesting because i was talking to uh talking to somebody earlier today and i was like when I was a kid I didn't know what Mariah Carey was doing all day girl don't even get but you thought about it no it's not my business that's her life unless she on the radio unless you do
Starting point is 00:08:14 a concert that's not supposed to be my business but it's different now I know because like that's why the paparazzi always bothered me because it's just like why can't tisha campbell go to ralph's yeah why can't tisha campbell go to ralph's why can't dashina arna go to a sweet green why are you in this woman's face when she's trying to enjoy her lunch with her children yeah and it was just like oh we have to know because it's because someone is famous we feel like they owe us a hundred percent it, well, the other thing is now back in the day, it was like,
Starting point is 00:08:46 you're a performer and like Dolly Parton was always like, my job is to perform and shut up about world issues, my personal life. My job is to give people
Starting point is 00:08:53 escapism. But now in comedy or music or anything, you have a responsibility to have open book accounting with your code of ethics with like, you need to get online
Starting point is 00:09:04 and talk about the news that day. It's like, you know why? Cause so many people were racist. T. And we were like, Oh, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Did you know? I bought a racist album. Yes. You bought a lot of racist. A lot of sexist people, racist, whatever the is that's wrong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:23 You bought their stuff. Yeah. Everybody thinks everybody that walks in nature that's wrong. Yeah. You bought their stuff. Yeah. Everybody thinks everybody that walks in nature is a night. No. Well, that's the problem too, is even if you buy, you know, in the makeup world, it's always like who's canceled or who isn't. And it's like, well, you also can't speak for everyone who works at that company who you don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:38 It's like, well, the canceling in them is like, I, you make makeup. It's going to happen at some point. Well, here's my thing about cancel culture is that, because people are like, as a comic, do you worry about cancel culture? I'm like, no, because I talk about myself. Yeah. Nobody's going to police me from shitting on myself on stage. No one's going to be like, I'm single.
Starting point is 00:09:56 My titties are huge. What happened? No one's going to go, she shouldn't be saying that. Stop it. You're not single. Stop. Oh my God. Like the whole thing where it's like i uh
Starting point is 00:10:06 i used this joke about um i like i was saying about you know just as a person and how i look you know how hard it is to be dating as you know plus size woman a fat woman whatever and there's always some woman that will come up to me after a show and be go you're not fat you're beautiful and i was like no i said okay one does not cancel out the other. Because we've all seen ugly, skinny people. So don't do that. Thank you. I can be both. Now listen, I haven't looked down and seen my feet since the, I don't know, Clinton administration.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Because I've always had titties. Right. But the idea that like, because it's been used as an insult. So it's just like, you're not fat, you're beautiful. No, both like i didn't say i didn't one isn't the other right i didn't say it wasn't pretty your eyes work there's reflective surfaces everywhere we didn't do that and so that same concept of like well i can't get canceled so it's like well what is your responsibility as a plus-sized woman i don't know it runs two ways too because it's like if you think that losing weight is
Starting point is 00:11:05 going to make you attractive you better check with your face first you better check with the rest of you first let me tell you something some of y'all need a little plumpness that you get some of y'all need these uh calories and you need these pounds because we've seen a couple people lose a weight million damn that's what was under that's who was driving that truck you know she's in there because it's the thing it comes up great because that's the problem because i've lost the weight just because i've been out and about and walking nature and shit but do you do you fluctuate yeah just as a as a human i could like let's talk to my stylist about it but every person especially a woman you can fluctuate by like five to 10 pounds in a week. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Just hormones, salt levels, just anything. Traveling, all of that. And so it was like, if you lose the weight, you always want someone to lose weight very quickly because the skin is so loose. You're talking about Katya? I'm just kidding. Listen, I don't comment on other people's bodies.
Starting point is 00:12:10 You won't get me. But it's because when you lose weight too fast, it doesn't give your skin time to grab. To snatch. It doesn't give these kids. So when you see somebody lose weight very quickly, like a lot of times people get the bypasses and stuff like that depending on how their how their process was
Starting point is 00:12:30 then you can have now as you could take a long time to lose a bunch of weight but if you lose like 200 pounds even if it takes you two years to lose it that's a big difference right i've never lost that much weight because if i lose that much weight i won't i won't exist but because it's interesting also it's like you don't know weight is so different body type is different i got my eggs frozen and it redistributed all of the weight in my midsection the numbers are just numbers numbers are numbers people wear weightbers are numbers. People wear weight so differently. One person's 200 is so different than another person's 200. My mother is an inch shorter than me, but our body types are completely different. Yeah. So she was at a weight and she
Starting point is 00:13:16 wore a size 26. I was at that same weight and wore a size 18. Yeah. she's only an inch shorter than me fierce so that's how much different a body can hold because she holds everything in her middle right i have butt thighs all this so mine distributes to my whole body hers just sits in the middle more evenly right so when i lose weight i lose weight everywhere when i gain weight i gain weight everywhere right when i lose weight sometimes i'm like only when i it's like also i think i have body dysmorphia sure because i always look the same to me oh i have reverse body dysmorphia where i'm like this is gonna fit me perfect and i go in the dressing room and i'm like it's a baby size like i think i think because i had a salad last week i'm like oh yeah let's give me the small And then I go in the dressing room like something's wrong.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Is this Italian sizing? They're like, this is the gap, bitch. I'm like, oh, never mind. Also, you're a grown man. You haven't been to the small since what? Well, I'm always between a medium and a large because my weight fluctuates about 30 pounds every other year. Yeah. My stylist loves that.
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Starting point is 00:15:32 And when the buzzer sounds, you deserve a Coke Zero Sugar. The one with irresistible taste and zero sugar. Win or lose, Coke Zero Sugar is the most refreshing way to end the game. Coke Zero Sugar. best Coke ever. Learn more at Coca-Cola.ca. I have been on set and I've had wardrobe people. I give them my sizing and then I get to set and the clothes are always too big. Which at first you're like, woo, healthy me.
Starting point is 00:16:01 And the other hand, you're like, what doesn't fit today? No, no, no, no. The clothes are too big because they think that i lied about my sizing oh my gosh so many actresses lie about their sizing that they always buy the clothes too big they'll buy the size you gave and they buy the clothes too big so i guess especially for people that are my size i guess we lie i think drag queens lie too everybody lies everyone lies i was met a girl who was working on uh who's doing wardrobe for the So I guess especially for people that are my size, I guess we lie. I think drag queens lie too. Everybody lies. Everyone lies.
Starting point is 00:16:26 I met a girl who was doing wardrobe for the Papa John's commercials. Oh, fierce. Say no more. And apparently, from what I heard, he thinks he still wears a medium. Remember, he's been doing these commercials for 25 years. Right. And so they take his shirts cut the labels out and then put a medium in okay so he think so he thinks he still wears a medium but
Starting point is 00:16:49 he doesn't to piggyback on that do you know there's a costumer there's a there's a couture costumer marco marco and he told me once that for drag queens no matter who they are what size they are the tag he puts in says marco Marco extra small because these six foot five men are like me, a petite young girl. He's like, sure. Delusion if you believe it. How dare you? You juggernaut of a man.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Are you? What's that dress? Oh, it's just an extra small. Yeah, right. Check the tag and you're like you're seven feet tall bitch because women's I wear women's clothing, spoiler alert. A lot of it sizes this way. It doesn't resize lengthwise. Women's clothing doesn't get taller usually.
Starting point is 00:17:32 It does if you wear plus size clothing. I usually wear plus size and then I'd rather always buy plus and then take it in a little bit. Because man shoulders, big titties, big hips. If you buy too small, I don't know what you do to fix it. Listen, nothing. Because most of my clothes are very flammable. So I have to get the size that I wear. But I had to get this skirt taken up because my stylist came to my house in the middle of the night.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Because my mom got me. It's like a two-piece outfit. You can't tell if it's riding up. Oh, I thought it was one. No, it was chilly no it was it was chilly so i tried to put my pants away but usually you know just out here giving a little it's funny because like i didn't always wear crop tops uh-huh and then i got my eggs frozen and i just wanted my stomach to be out and i have no idea why good for you it's it happened very it was like i did it
Starting point is 00:18:21 when i was like the fall it, the fall of 2022. And afterwards I started buying crop tops. And I don't know why. I think the phobia of crop top has so much more to do with like you than anything you're presenting. No, because it's like I had this dress where like the back was out. And I was like, I'm not going to wear this dress. You know, it's like beehive back here. I'm wearing this dress out.
Starting point is 00:18:45 And then one of my friends was like, you wear a two-piece bathing suit. And you have for years. So I wore bikinis for years, but I would never wear a crop top. Psychological. Yeah. And she was like, this sounds insane. And I was like, first of all, bitch, calm down.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Second, she's like, what's the difference? I said, because I'm not near water. She said, what did you just say? She's like, I only feel comfortable if at some point I'm going to be dripping wet in the direct sun. Yes, I'm going to be in the sea. Like, I don't have a problem. Yeah. In a two-piece if I'm in, you know.
Starting point is 00:19:14 In the ocean. If I show up in a two-piece, somebody better hose me down or something. Listen, I'm out here living. And it was like, because for a long time they didn't even make like, there was a big push like last summer because for two-piece bathing suits and plus sizes, there was never like string bikinis. It was already like, okay, we have a bottom, but it's going to touch the top. So it was like, you're technically in a two-piece bathing suit. Yeah. But it was almost like a, but it was like a tankini.
Starting point is 00:19:40 The tankinis were wild. Tankini? Yes. What's a tankini? So the tankini was basically what they did was they took a one-piece bathing suit and then they just cut it through the middle. Stop. And so they called it a tankini because it was like a tank top with a bikini bottom.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Oh, okay. So literally when you were standing there, it looked like you had on a one-piece bathing suit. Then what's the point? So you can take a bottom off without getting completely naked. Oh, I kind of get that. So you could pee. It's basically what it was for, so you could pee. Aren't people peeing in the point? So you can take a bottom off without getting completely naked. Oh, I kind of get that. So you could pee. It's basically what it was for, so you could pee.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Aren't people peeing in the ocean? Yes. The person that doesn't pee in the ocean. It's more better if we do it in the toilet. Where do you think that water goes? Tennessee! Space? Go in the ocean, piss on the fish's face, and get out.
Starting point is 00:20:21 I don't know if you've ever seen space. I saw space. You've been on a private plane before. You're doing well. I've never been on a private plane. Listen, I was on a private plane with Trevor. We were going to do a show in Atlanta because I was bullying him.
Starting point is 00:20:35 I need a Trevor. You need a Trevor. I guess Vanderpump is my Trevor. Yes. But even she hasn't got me on the PJ yet. Oh, then she's playing games. I've seen her house. She has to fly from side to side of it.
Starting point is 00:20:49 So we're on the plane and I look out the window and I'm just like seeing like I've been on a million planes. Right. And I've and so you look out and this is the first time I've looked out and been like, oh, I think we're on the top. The top. Yeah. Like I looked out and I was like, I think we're on the roof. Oh, like the roof of earth. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Like the clouds. I was like, cause you know, usually in a plane, you look out, you see clouds and you're like. Or you see them close enough that you're like, I see where we are. I see where we are. Cause like there's clouds, but like, you know, there's more clouds. Right. Yeah. And then I looked out and I was like, oh no, we on the roof.
Starting point is 00:21:23 We're on the roof of the world. Like there's no more clouds. Like how many more feet could we on the roof we're on the roof of the world like there's no more clouds like how many more feet could we go up before we start floating away well here's the thing so i'm looking i'm like oh fuck we're on the roof and i look up and i saw dark blue no space yes yes and i was sitting there and i was like josh where's the gig mars bitch josh because we just fly from New York to Atlanta. I've done this a million times. And I was like, Josh.
Starting point is 00:21:48 A two and a half hour flight. Why are we in space? Why are we up here? What the fuck? What is the point of this? I didn't train for this. And so. They're like, by the way, you're the flight attendant.
Starting point is 00:21:56 You're in charge of safety. Thank you. No food. Right. Just wondering why I'm not Apollo 13 mission. And so I was like, Josh. Because he flies the driver all the time. He opened for like four years. And I was like, Josh, look. Because he flies with Trevor all the time. He's been with Trevor for like
Starting point is 00:22:05 four years. And I was like, Josh, look. He was like, what? And I turned to Trevor. I said, um, Trevor, excuse me. He said, what? I said, nigga, is that space? What did he say?
Starting point is 00:22:21 What did his face say to you first? What? I said, what did he what did he what did his face say to you first what what i said negro are we in space you're like i know you heard me i know you heard me he was like well private plane is far higher i said i don't hate you there's yeah i think because i saw another private plane when we were up there this close almost a fender bender i was just thinking just a quick just you know you know little dent and scratch but he's like what do you mean and i was like you see that blue i said yeah i said that's the sky i said look up look at that space i'm like why are we up here i didn't train for this why he's like well you know we fly higher i was like for what does this get us there faster
Starting point is 00:23:02 because there's less air i didn't train train for it. Why are we up here? Maybe it's like commercial flights fly here. And then, and then to make sure we don't crash into people, we put the PJs up here. Here's the thing. The sky is the fucking sky. How we crash it.
Starting point is 00:23:18 There's so much space. Go anywhere. Go anywhere. That is such a good point. Well, move left. You were in space. I were in space there's no i was in space and so he was like ha ha ha i said he he hell we in space sir i ain't gonna fuck i didn't train for this i was like i would say right i looked at josh i was like if we lose gravity girl you
Starting point is 00:23:38 look down you said are we in space the diet coke just starts to float away you're like well listen listen that little one of those strawberries off that cheese plate. The lash lifts off the eye and just floats away. That's Jurassic Park. I'm sorry. What's your flight outfit? Do you have like a flight
Starting point is 00:23:54 kind of look? I have a comfortable stretchy pant. And then I have this cat shirt that my mom got me from Walmart where it's like little gangster cats.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Oh, love that. So like one that's like a 1930s gangster and then one that has on like a hat that says Hug Life and then another one that has on a bandana and he has like a gold chain with a pendant. Or I would wear my shirt,
Starting point is 00:24:16 let's see, Atlanta Changed My Life or Atlanta Influences Everything or Blessed, Booked, and Busy which my mom made me. So I'm like, I'm just going to make a little regular shirt outfit. And then a comfy shoe. I don't understand the airplane fashion show.
Starting point is 00:24:32 I've never understood that. I've never understood the airport fashion show. Why are you wearing his hat? What the fuck is his hat for? Why are you wearing boots? The big round farmer hat? Where are you going? Are you shucking corn on the plane, bitch?
Starting point is 00:24:45 What is this fashion show? Why are you wearing? You can't wear it in the seat. You can't wear it in the seat. Thank you. Because the other thing is we're going to go sit. You should wear something that you should be able to like borderline sweatpants for comfort. Right.
Starting point is 00:24:59 And the airplanes, I find them notoriously cold. So I don't think it's smart. I love a cool time. I don't think it's smart to do shorts on a plane or like flip flops on a plane. Ice cold toes. Yeah. Ice toes. And also it's like, even if it's, I don't know, there's like a little bit of air that
Starting point is 00:25:15 gets in where your toes are. Yeah. That's where like the air conditioning is. Yeah. Have you been on a plane and you see that little like, like the little AC cloud? Not space. But like when you're on it, like when they first turn the AC on sometimes on a plane and you see that little like, like the little AC cloud? Not space. But like when you're on it, like when they first turn the AC on sometimes on a plane. There's an AC cloud?
Starting point is 00:25:31 It's like, I've seen it. Like you haven't seen it where those like little icicles start to fall on you? Oh my God. I think I have seen this little white, like almost icicles come out. I have seen that and I thought it was coming from outside. I thought snow was coming in from. I thought snow was coming in from. Oh. I was wrong.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. You know, I forgot to tell everybody who you are. We have an amazing. We said Miss Sloan. I'm sorry, Miss Sloan. Dulce is in the studio today.
Starting point is 00:25:58 I mean, she has a makeup line. She has many a special, including the new Netflix program. So I have a half hour. So I have two lateflix program so i did i have a half hour so i have two late night spots and then i have a half hour from the comedy central half hours and then i guess it's a special it's called verified stand up on the netflix yes i'm on the first episode on the last comic and i do like uh it's like just 10 minutes but i was like because i was talking some other comments i said this is a special they're like yes it's a special I was like okay I did one of those like group specials I did the standout Netflix special with like a bunch of comics where you're like a piece and then I remember like
Starting point is 00:26:32 fortune and Nicole did I think it was the stand-ups a few years ago I remember seeing them on that it's a great opportunity people love Netflix and people love you I don't want to embarrass you but when you asked to come on here, they were like, is anybody familiar with her? I said, yes, I am. I love y'all. I was so excited because I was looking at my,
Starting point is 00:26:51 because like my publicist was like, oh, we're just going to get you a couple of things. And I was like, okay. She sent me the thing. And I was like, they're crazy. And I love them. We are.
Starting point is 00:27:00 And I love you so much. And I'll say what caught me when I remember I watch a lot of standup on like the YouTubes and they'll send little clips out, which is a great way to discover new comics because you get to see somebody's like six minutes or whatever. And the still, a lot of comics sometimes in there still, they look a little funky. Yours, you look like you're doing comedy, but your hair and makeup and styling, you
Starting point is 00:27:18 always look so fucking pretty in these specials. Thank you. Do you do your own glam? I did. It depends. Let's see. For the Netflix, I didn't do mine. There was a lovely girl named Monique who did it.
Starting point is 00:27:32 And then for my half hour, Enid Seymour, who's our makeup artist from Daily Show, she did it. So when I did my, it was very interesting when I did my half hour. That was for, I mean, she did you for, I mean, it's too late. No, this time jen for grozo did me okay cool so you know jen because she does the makeup over for everybody of course and so i met her because when i was a judge on rupaul's
Starting point is 00:27:54 yes she did my makeup and i was like i look amazing she did it you did look beautiful on dragons and you looked fucking gorgeous at the emmys Thank you. She did my makeup for the Emmys. This is the most demure that my nails have ever been. You like fun nails. I love a fun nail. These look like the base coat for something you're going to do to them. Yes. And this is not a life I'm accustomed to.
Starting point is 00:28:18 But my friend was like, they're classy. And I was like. They are. They're classy. I get it. But I feel like that we make classy mean plain you like
Starting point is 00:28:27 I was deep deep deep stalking you you like square tips this is why I started wearing them because they're the strongest I like a square tip it's the strongest
Starting point is 00:28:35 because I travel so much because almonds and stilettos break more than anything they do especially so like a rounded tip is the weakest shape
Starting point is 00:28:42 yeah so as I was gonna go almond for this. I think it's a more delicate. My mom might say, what? Not more feminine, but it elongates the fingers. It elongates the fingers the most for sure. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:56 But it's a weaker shape. And for as much as I travel, I'm like, I don't need to be breaking a tip off. Like, you know how many times I've had to glue the tip of a nail on on a plane? Just like half of it doing a surgery, an open heart surgery on the nail. Open heart surgery. Like on the way to the Bahamas. And just with me and Super Boobie. I'm like, all right, I'm on the way back from Scotland.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Me. You got to hold the mic right here. Okay. So thank you so much. They're going to be like, have she walked away from that mic? Just left it. I was devastated. So it's me on the way to the Bahamas.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Uh-huh. Doing full on. Excuse me. Can I get a napkin? And I got open a napkin up and then I got set up my. OK, here's the tip of my nail. People next to her are like, what the fuck is this bitch doing? Pure fucking surgery.
Starting point is 00:29:41 And I was like, OK, and let me make sure that I don't get the super glue on my fingers. And then, you know, know you gotta mop your brow and then it's just me on a plane just being like mission impossible like to cut the red wire or the blue wire you're like shaking heart monitor going for some reason I'm like who brought this in here why am I on oxygen the fuck get off me the oxygen thing drops down you're like thank you all right thank you so much because I got glue of a nail back on. Because these are my nails. These are your nails. These are my nails.
Starting point is 00:30:09 These are your nails. Now, this is dip powder on top of my nails. You have beautiful nails and hands. Thank you. Only because it's dip powder. Because if I didn't have dip powder on here, I'd have the hands of a longshoreman. It'd be like my hands look like this, so hers can look like this. You could do like the before and after.
Starting point is 00:30:28 Listen, it would just be both of my hands look like this so hers can look like this you could do like the before and after listen and it's just it's it crazy it would just be both of my hands yeah because i'm my hands look like this so then my hands could look like other stuff because i'm the only i pay for this i want to ask you about doing drag race but before i do what do you think of that airplane with the door flew off in the air i as a frequent traveler a professional traveler yes what would you think or do if you heard a bang? You look over and that door is fucking wide open in the air. Well, one, I've never anywhere near the emergency exit. Thank you. Because that's asking for it.
Starting point is 00:30:53 I looked up who was sitting there. It was a mother and son. And the wind was so fierce, it tore the son's shirt off. It's not funny. But imagine being a kid thinking about Pokemon, what the fuck kids think about. And the door flies off and your shirt gets stripped off you. So the kid is topless probably covering his, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:15 at that age, whatever he is, you're not the most like everyone look at my body. He's freezing, probably covering both nipples with ice cold hands. Like what the fuck Alaska airlines. Could you imagine? Listen,
Starting point is 00:31:26 this is, if anything, if anything, this is the video they should show you to wear your seatbelt. T cause they were saying if he had to have his seatbelt on, he got sucked at the fucking plane. Well, they were saying in movies,
Starting point is 00:31:38 they tend to make that look like a vacuum that like tears chairs out of the floor, tears wigs off. They said in real life, there is a suction, but it's the closest right by the door. So they were saying the mother and son next to the door got the most like wind tunnel.
Starting point is 00:31:52 But they also said the oxygen things dropped down. Cause they said when the air is that thin, that high up, if the oxygen things didn't drop down, you can get like so oxygen deprived that you like after a few minutes would lose motor function. So those oxygen things save your life. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Just like the seatbelt. And then the flight attendant, I listened to the recording. Very professional. Was so calm. Like, all right, we're going to land the plane. If I was the flight attendant. Or I would be trying to lie But the worst I'd be like
Starting point is 00:32:26 Pretty bird everyone's fine And they'd be like is she crying I'd be like girl Now listen I know y'all think that the door flew off this plane And I understand why you think the door flew off this plane But this is just a new feature that we have For Alaska Airlines This ventilation
Starting point is 00:32:41 The plane was a little stuffy Somebody was doing their nails. Someone broke a nail. We need to ventilate. The bathrooms got a little backed up. We don't want you to have to deal with this, the odor, because this is a classy airline. So what we decided to do was blow the doors. And actually, just to let you know, we have a couple of stuntmen on the plane.
Starting point is 00:33:01 And you have been um invited to uh participate in a drill in a stunt in a stunt yeah hollywood you're on what would you do you're on what would you do uh what would you do come on out come on out what yeah i it's like this is alaska airlines we thought you just uh let you feel a little bit of Alaska chill here today. Right, listen. Naked kid, buckled into a seat. This is a new feature on all our planes. It's called the real life experience. I just think it's funny that the plane ripped off the children's clothing.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I just think it's funny. How loose was his shirt? Girl, he was probably, I don't know, that old Navy fit where it's just cardboard. But here's the thing, it's like usually little boys have a big head and a small body. Maybe it was one of those, well. So unless he was wearing a tank top, I don't understand how the shirt got over his head. Not our monkeys, not our
Starting point is 00:33:54 circus. Truly not my ministry. Not your ministry. Not my ministry. Turn off hesitation. Turn off doubt. Turn off doubt. Turn off fears. The YMCA of Greater Toronto helps you turn off whatever's holding you back. So you can let your potential shine. Turn on confidence.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Turn on connections. Turn on possibilities. There are hundreds of programs and services available at the Y. See what you can achieve at yMCAGTA.org. This will be the day. Can I ask, you got to do RuPaul's Drag Race. Yes! Which I hope if you like Trixie and Katya, it means you love drag. I have been watching RuPaul's Drag Race since it was on Logo.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Because you're from Atlanta. There's a lot of drag in Atlanta. A lot of drag in Atlanta. I performed with drag queens doing stand-up. Uh-huh. But I started watching it in 2009 when it was on Logo.
Starting point is 00:34:51 Uh-huh. And you know to have Logo, you had to have like the Africa channel. Yeah. You had to have like all of the cable. All 12 Gulf channels.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Yes. All 12 Gulf channels. Also, the thing that was upsetting about the Africa channel is that there was never any people on it. Just animals? Yes. And I'm the thing that was upsetting about the African channel is that there was never any people on it. Just animals? Yes.
Starting point is 00:35:06 And I'm like, I know more about the animals of the continent of Africa than I do from the people I'm literally genetically related to. Yeah. I blame white people for this. You're like,
Starting point is 00:35:17 I don't know shit about this province that I'm from, but I can tell you about the toucan and their mating habits, bitch. I know so much about monkeys that I don't need to know. Right. Like how high is giraffe pussy?
Starting point is 00:35:28 Why are we, why have we been asking this question? You ever heard this phrase? How high is giraffe pussy? No, I've heard, you never heard people say I'm higher than giraffe pussy. Please don't tell Kaji that phrase.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Oh my God. I'm going to hear it for six months. You got to hang out with more country ass black people. Maybe that's something when somebody said that they're hip maybe i should try that on someone they're gonna be like what the fuck did you just say yeah you're higher than pussy what no ma'am that's not how this works does it mean higher like higher or higher like higher like so like weed we call weed being high you're higher than draft pussy because drafts are up there I'm learning more about weed words.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Most of it I've learned from Missy Elliott songs. I know past that Dutch. Listen, how old are you? I'm 34. But I didn't start weed till 30. I don't like it. Okay. I've never liked it.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I've never enjoyed being high. Do you like alcohol? Yes, because I can process it easier. But the only alcohol I really like to drink is this Korean rice liquor called soju. What? That's amazing. I know. I believe that it's amazing.
Starting point is 00:36:30 But is it like sake where it tastes kind of planty? It's more fun than sake because it has flavors. So, like, there's peach flavor. There's, oh, yeah. I might start drinking again. Oh, you have to. That sounds delicious. I mean, don't lose your sobriety for it.
Starting point is 00:36:44 But it's like. I'm not in the program. I'm just annoying. Oh, then fine to. That sounds delicious. I mean, don't lose your sobriety for it, but it's like. I'm not in the program. I'm just annoying. Oh, then fine. Drink it. Well, I would recommend this. It's made to be had with food. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:36:52 So when you go and get Korean barbecue, do you eat all the animals? Do you eat some of the animals? No, I'm a vegetarian. Okay. So if you want to grill up. It's a little fun. So just grill up some carrots or something. Free range.
Starting point is 00:37:01 So you can get like a veggie bibimbap. Yep. And then, you know, get you a veggie bibimbap yeah and then you know some nice kimchi vegan kimchi and there are so many delicious flavors they sell it everywhere it's Korean we did a mukbang
Starting point is 00:37:16 kimchi came on my YouTube channel and we did a Korean food mukbang and she did not come hard with the soju she gave me banana milk that was good it was like flavored milk I guess is popular in Korean. She gave me banana milk. That was good. It was like flavored milk, I guess, is popular in Korean cuisine, like strawberry milk, banana milk. It was good. Kimchi was wild, though. It made me gag.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Kimchi? The food. Oh, kimchi's amazing. It had a strong... There's different types of kimchi. It had an undertone. Was she... The kimchi the kimchi brought you, was it homemade or was it store-bought?
Starting point is 00:37:46 It was from a restaurant. Okay. Everyone's recipes are a little different. We ordered a bunch of Uber Eats. It was a very sophisticated process. Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What I would recommend, they sell, what you might have been reacting to. Dosed with.
Starting point is 00:38:00 I was dosed. Is they'll use, to make kimchi, can use like um like either anchovies or like shrimp to start like the fermentation process yes so you might want to try vegan kimchi because my mom doesn't really like regular kimchi because that's a fish taste it doesn't have a fish taste but it has a strong flavor some of them i, I love kimchi. Um, but I also like vinegar. So interesting. Yeah. It's,
Starting point is 00:38:27 it was a, it was a very strong taste. It's a strong taste. And, but everyone makes like, has their own kind of like recipe for it. But I think if you go to, cause they haven't,
Starting point is 00:38:37 like I've gotten an H mart and also gotten it like at whole foods. Okay. Um, but I try to get the kimchi that's made by Korean people. Not with the one that made by white people. Cause the one by white people tastes weird. I believe that.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Because now the white people are like, hey, we make kimchi now. They should call it the white people version Kimberly Chi. Thank you so much. You know,
Starting point is 00:38:56 I started my hands they're so cold. Okay. You're just, you had, I've seen so many of your pieces little standups on, did you blow up first
Starting point is 00:39:03 on like YouTube or social media because I found you through YouTube because your pieces, little standups on. Did you blow up first on like YouTube or social media? Because I found you through YouTube because your clips kept getting suggested to me. Probably because. I think it's who you follow. I, um, getting Daily Show was like the big break for me. Which congratulations. Daily Show just won an Emmy.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Thank you so much. You were on stage accepting. That's how I know you looked beautiful. Thank you. I was standing behind a man I bothered for five years. Also known as Trevor Ezekiel Noah. His middle name is not Ezekiel. That's just what I call him.
Starting point is 00:39:32 You have an interesting middle name. Lazaria. Lazaria. It's the feminine version of Lazarus. Love her. Don't say Lazaria Sloan. Bitch. Yeah, my mom did that. That really has like cunty ceo energy yes and i'm a i'm a problem
Starting point is 00:39:49 that name has too much power it's fun because like i was uh i wrote a book and i talk about how like if you break my name down my name is sweet lazarus sloan this is my name you break it to the most basic thing. My first name is either Sweet or Candy. Sweet Lazarus Sloan. Sweet Lazarus Sloan. That sounds like an old film. Girl, that really gives back page.
Starting point is 00:40:11 Listen, really gives back page. That's the mother of the house at Swingin' Richards in Atlanta. Yes. Which I think is closed now. Oh, it's gone. And it was so funny because like my friend, Tiffany had it impressed with her. And she was the most upset with it i know she's like in a black veil crying i mean she was upset but the reason it got shut down because it was
Starting point is 00:40:30 there for like 30 years yeah gentrification why don't you tell people what it is so swinging richards was a male strip club um get it swinging richards and oh swinging dick i didn't even get that swing and dicks yes kati and I have gone there. Kati and I went there and I'm always afraid. I want to support sex workers, but I'm afraid of that. Like I'm embarrassed of that transaction. I'm embarrassed of the attention of it. So I give Kati the cash and she tips them and I watch.
Starting point is 00:40:56 It's a very weird, he said, she said financial situation. But that was a place where, you know, they're fully erect. And Kati had a baseball cap on and got on her knees and the guy came up and went like this and the hard dick knocked her hat off and we all clapped. What a blessing. It was a blessing. And I mean, I've only been to, have you ever, you've done
Starting point is 00:41:16 JFL a bunch of times. Yeah, I've been to JFL a couple times. There was a male strip club in Montreal that I went to with me and Nicole Byer and all the other gay comics. It's not on the same level. Swingin' Richards had a real, this isn't a bad way. It had a real grit to it. You felt like you could go off in the corner and fall in love.
Starting point is 00:41:36 You want that feeling sometimes from a strip club. Sometimes you don't want there to be like that veil between you and the performer. Swingin' Richards, they are up there. They're coming up to you and the performer. Swingin' Richards, they are up there. They're coming up to you and touching. Well, what I've heard about like male strip clubs is that the performers are more hands-on than they are like women's strip clubs. Girl, have you ever been to these strip shows
Starting point is 00:41:58 where they bring the women on stage and put them in the chair? Yes. The woman barely makes it out alive. No, no, no, no, no. And what, this is the thing. If you do that to me, That's what I'm saying. You better fuck me later.
Starting point is 00:42:14 I'm gonna be mad as hell. Oh, I thought you were gonna fight back. No, fuck that. No! How dare you come up here and tease me like this? Oh, they're not. No, we go together. Let's go they take like francine from accounting because it's always like a group of women and she gets slapped up flipped and rubbed she gets choked out no she leaves in a neck brace no like and her friends
Starting point is 00:42:35 are like filming like ha ha ha and the girl had fun but is now horny and embarrassed. You are not going to fillet me in front of a room of people and then go home without me. No. You're going to finish the fucking job. How dare you? We're just going to stop the song in the middle too? What the fuck? No.
Starting point is 00:42:55 No, no, no, no, no. Because like my friends were like, because a bunch of my friends went to go see Magic Mike because they had their first like Asian performer. Cool. And Magic Mike, and I couldn't make it because of my schedule. But the other reason I was like, I can't make it because of my schedule but the other reason I was like,
Starting point is 00:43:05 I can't make it because of my schedule because I would love to go support but also, I'm like, I'm going to see these men doing all these
Starting point is 00:43:10 kind of gyrations. With no follow through. With no follow through. If I want that, I can text some motherfucker on my phone. No. How long have you been single?
Starting point is 00:43:19 Forever. Really? My whole life. I don't normally say this but look at this beautiful successful hilarious fucking woman and if any of you are interested in her well first you should get a ticket to her show your new book hello friends hello friends stories of dating destiny
Starting point is 00:43:36 and day jobs uh has come out sidebar this is what i've noticed i'm usually on a podcast telling people that i'm single and it's usually a podcast that has a large gay man following sorry do you like girls no if only right they're nice they're not well they're not all nice i don't listen men are not all nice there's a man i'm not speaking to right now it's katya she's in there sir um but yeah how Well, like just look at a drag woman go. Hello, sir. It has to be offensive.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Of course. See, I know. Well, now, now on sets when you know that everybody's afraid of misgendering. So they'll be like, hi,
Starting point is 00:44:15 I'm Mark. I'm he, him. And I go, great. And then they go, what are your, what are your pronouns?
Starting point is 00:44:22 And I go, what do you think there? No, don't do that to people. Don't do that to people they're i'll tell you what if you get the right thing it'll be great and if you don't well i'm gonna tell everybody what you called me i'm just kidding no i'm trying to i'm helping because normally they're so scared now listen these pas i know i know you are terrorizing some piece like i just wanted to ask trixie they'reie. They're being responsible and doing the work, and I'm just driving the truck off the road. Well, listen, this is, like, somebody was talking, it's just like, I'm so tired of people asking what my pronouns are, and I'm just like, what?
Starting point is 00:44:57 Isn't that? But you tell people what your, like, so it's just like, but it was somebody where you should go, because the person who said it, because I wasn't ear hustling, but you know, it came into my ear area. And I was like, okay, I know you don't want people asking what your pronouns are, but you look like a person. So somebody should be asking
Starting point is 00:45:14 what their pronouns are. So don't get mad at me for not trying to defend you. You can't get offended because I'm trying to make sure I'm not offended because you offended. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:20 You can't get offended because I'm trying to make sure you're not offended. I'm trying to be a good person and walk in nature and be like, hey, how do you walk in nature? And you're not offended i'm trying to be a good person and walk in nature and be like hey how do you walk in nature you're like i don't want to tell you how i walk in nature no bitch tell me how you walk in nature fine you can't get this chipotle i'm trying to understand i know and then it's like i can't believe you just asked
Starting point is 00:45:36 that it's like well um i find i'm not gonna ask it's like what you're assuming see there's nothing either this is a trap but that's what i mean it is a trap. But that's what I mean. It is a trap. It's a PC trap. It is a PC trap. But in drag, I always have to go, all right, my instinct is to play with this and make this person nervous. Yes. But I have to carry the torch here and go, thank you for asking. Thank you for asking.
Starting point is 00:45:55 My proud's in drag. Are she her? And in drag, out of drag, he him. And they're like, okay, freak. We don't actually care that much. I was talking about RuPaul one day and I was just flipping between and i was like yeah she came to the show she was in boy drag and my friend was like wait what is what's boy drag and i'm like oh i'm talking to a civilian right okay um you're like you're like you know that that's not her hair right right like i don't
Starting point is 00:46:23 understand because it's like because he's like he's like well i don't there's rupaul in the girl drag i said rupaul's vibe is everything is drag yeah right and she's kind of right she's kind of right she's kind of right so the vibe is everything is drag then there's boy drag then there's girl drag yeah and then they're just rupaul dresses the elephant flip-flops so just trying to understand what's going on because like when i came to like when i was a guest oh my god i probably never gonna ask you back why because afterwards i was in tears thanking rupaul for having me on the show i was like thank you i bet that meant a lot to her i hope but i think she got very uncomfortable or she was just ready to go because i was like thank you because i didn't think i was gonna
Starting point is 00:47:04 she's plugged into her like you know nipped and tucked and i hear you she's in her thing she got very uncomfortable or she was just ready to go. Cause I was like, thank you. Cause I didn't think I was going to start crying. She's plugged into her, like, you know, nipped and tucked. And I hear you. She's in her thing. And I was just like,
Starting point is 00:47:12 thank you for such for having me. And then I got worked up before I thought I was going to get, and I was just like, and I was just like, did you have a good time today? You're like, that, that happened. Cause it surprises you sometimes.
Starting point is 00:47:22 It does. And I'm like, I look like an idiot. Cause like, I feel like at one point when I went to do the lipstick for your life. Which is scary in real life. Listen, first of all, I'm sitting there. It's not a joke.
Starting point is 00:47:33 And I was like, well, that's why those girls are always looking slightly to the right. Because the judges are over there. They're over there. Why are we not dead on? Yeah. And also, I know you've seen this. Yeah. When RuPaul goes, all right, we're just going to check the levels. And check the level of the music yeah and then rupaul goes all right this time's
Starting point is 00:47:48 for real it's chilling and on tv you're like oh i'm at the bar i'm having my vodka soda i'm like i wonder what's going to happen in real life i've heard from other guest judges they get concerned when they start crying and it's hard in the real room when a drag queen is crying it's hard well also you're like oh my god she's so upset and then it's her life it's her life and also what's really weird about it as a performer is that i don't know there's it i always knew there was no audience but it finally clicked to me that it makes no sense that there's no audience i don't know if you did clock i'm thinking of the anatomy of a soundstage you're all the way in the corner probably on the other corner behind the cameras usually every pa every story person everyone who works on the set is watching comes and crouches like like to watch the lip sync yes
Starting point is 00:48:40 everyone comes to see it but i was thinking i, I was like, as a performer, this person is trying to, is literally fighting for their future in front of four people. Yeah, whereas drag queens are used to every time a song starts, there's at least a room full of people half interested. Someone's handing you money. So you're running around, you're trying to make sure you don't slip on a drink. You're waiting for RuPaul to at least flip you a susan b anthony coin or something just something just to suck a golden dollar just anything just you know just to silver dot something and so i was like fuck these people are these girls are fighting for their very existence i know in front of four people i know as a performer i was like this is a mind fuck imagine doing stand
Starting point is 00:49:26 up it's like um this is your last comic standing and every night the audience is going to be four to six silent people now i tell you last week i was at the greenville comedy zone and on thursday nine people came work and i would tell you because some comics would be like oh was it a good nine people it was a good nine people okay that's good and so i was like you know what i saw that and i said i'm gonna perform like the room is full and when the room was full for the next two days i perform exactly the same yeah because some comics were like oh only nine people came we could do this in my living room but i'm like why are you shitting on the people that showed up i i will say i almost have more fun on shows where it was 16, 20 people because you get a case of the fuck it's and then you perform really well.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Yeah. Cause you're like, I'm just going to do a good job for them. Cause the VOD, cause sometimes like you don't know what a vibe is in a room. And when there's a lot of people in a room, it's you kind of, you definitely have to work harder to set what the vibe is.
Starting point is 00:50:22 And like manipulate that energy. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Did i answer all your questions you did you did i'm sorry no it's fine i just wanted to one more i didn't get a chance to talk about your makeup we can take two seconds to talk about the makeup because i want to talk about the makeup tell them about it so lace larabee and i who's another comic she's like my sister we started a company from merch because you know selling merch on the road is hard yeah
Starting point is 00:50:43 and so my mom gave us the idea and it's called Giggle Gloss. Giggle Gloss dot com. Hello. Hello. So there are six shades. Would you like me to name them because they're all based off jokes? Yes, absolutely. So the we've got purse vodka, Lafayette Majora.
Starting point is 00:51:00 I'll show you crazy. No more broke dick. My ministry. I saw my ministry. I saw. My ministry. Future wife and Amos lady. And so what we did was these are her three shades and these are my three shades. And she's a white lady.
Starting point is 00:51:13 And we made sure all six colors look good on both of us. So right now I'm wearing Lafayette Majora and No More Broke Dick with a brown liner. Gorge. So you can mix them together. There's like two sparkly colors, two the um two non-sparkly colors i gotta say i always wondered why i always thought more comics should be in beauty because i'm like these are people who have to often do their own makeup their whole careers let me tell you something no one can do their makeup better in a car than lace laramie i've seen this bitch in between lights because at one point i was like we were
Starting point is 00:51:44 going to do whitneymings' podcast. And I was like, I can drive. She's like, oh no, I'm good. I'm like, look down, please. Please look down. She wants to be a beautiful corpse. And she can go by her damn self. Because I promised my mom my open casket. So if
Starting point is 00:51:59 I go first. Damn. No, no, no, no, no. But yes, so I brought you that because one, I'm very proud of what we made um and two it's when you do stand-up do you sell your own cosmetics as merch is someone doing a table for you we normally just do on the road we'll do one or two pieces like a candlelight supper like a we'll bring like one lip gloss shade something really universal but normally we're bringing like shirts, totes. Because I can tell you when I was.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Because makeup travels different than t-shirts and shit. It does. Because I don't need different sizes. Your mouth is your mouth. Right. But I can say when I was like looking at like trying to come up with like the packaging. Because I designed the logo for it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Because it's a mouth with like a microphone in it. Uh-huh. Oh, yes, it's yes. And so I found it on Etsy and like a microphone in it like uh-huh oh yes it's yes and so i found it on etsy and bought the rights to it and then changed the logo around where it looked like cute um but i was looking at your line especially because i love the colors of your line and the aesthetic of your line thank you and i was like how do we incorporate and then when i was looking at like you're doing your videos for your makeup because like we started uh i did a big shoot at my house uh-huh and so i invited my friends over
Starting point is 00:53:11 and so we did like uh different like asking just different questions and stuff to the girlies while they have the makeup on and i was like looking at your videos and i was like well what are other ways what are other ways that we can like focus because it's a four comics and so we're katherine blandford's another comic and so the other thing we wanted to do is partner with comics totally they can have as much to sell on the road so we're partnering with katherine blandford and we're going to be releasing that in the next couple weeks but it was like well how do we because people always want to talk to comedy it's about comedy but it's like comics doing stuff basically comics also have to get themselves ready they have to look good and throw themselves to the because people always want to talk to comedy and it's about comedy, but it's like comics doing stuff. Basically.
Starting point is 00:53:45 Comics also have to get themselves ready. They have to look good and throw themselves to the wolves every night. I would trust a comic with makeup, honestly, before I would trust a model. Well, that's why I started at shows. Um,
Starting point is 00:53:56 I started doing lives backstage where I'm doing my makeup. You do great makeup. You always look beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Um, what am I wearing? Anastasia, the Norvina palette.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Oh, yes, yes, yes. That copper. Yes, yes. And then just like a double, like a double wispy and then no more broke dick and laughing Majora and then just concealer. So I don't have like a full, I never have a full. This is your real skin? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Oh my God. Look at this fucking bitch in here today. You look so pretty. Because like that's what Jen did. Jen, when she was doing my makeup, she's like, I'm not putting a lot of, um, she didn't put a lot of stuff on me. I don't, first of all, people put a lot of stuff on me. It's also the secret to looking like you have no makeup on is just doing, like, a paint
Starting point is 00:54:36 by number. Mm-hmm. You basically just do concealer. Mm-hmm. I just do concealer. And then your real face shows. And then I do a banana powder. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:54:42 And then I do, like, a little translucent on my, you know like the old school translucent powder? Like the jar of setting powder? Yeah, where it's just like the, it just comes in like translucent or tan. Because I think like, I think it's like Delta work. I think she buys them by the case. Are you talking about Cody Airspun powder? Might be the Airspun powder. So the orange with the flowers?
Starting point is 00:55:00 Yeah, it's the Airspun powder. Girl, you better get into that old school drag shit. And so that's what I have on my chin and on my nose and on my forehead. It's very absorbent. Katya and I have talked about it. It's something in it. It's very absorbent. It's talc.
Starting point is 00:55:12 It's probably going to kill us. Well, there you go. It's talc. It's probably going to kill us all. Listen, for some reason, something that goes in your face can affect your ovaries, and I'm not quite sure how because I do never put powder on my pussy. Your kids are going to come out without a shiny face, and I think that's okay. I mean, listen, as long as somebody can get them in there yeah you know when you're not following her backstage doing lives when you're not seeing her on stage accepting
Starting point is 00:55:31 major awards when you're not seeing her selling product and writing books where can the children find you on the internet I'm on Al Gore's internet on Instagram at Dulce Sloan and on on X was that is X I'll never be on there because that website is confusing from day one. But... Because like when Instagram and Twitter came out,
Starting point is 00:55:51 I was like, oh, they broke Facebook in half. Oh, yeah. Because Facebook was pictures and words. Instagram's pictures. Twitter was words. T.
Starting point is 00:55:59 And everyone was like, what do you mean? I was like, dick, baby, dick. Threads. I don't know who the fuck's on that, but I'm on that. It's all at Dulce Sloanan and then i have a website dulce sloan.com um and i have a link tree but yeah all my dates that are coming up i'm going to be in um
Starting point is 00:56:15 kansas city and then i'm going to be in arlington virginia and then i'm going to be in jacksonville and there's dates for those things if you're going to my website yeah go check out the website and i can't recommend it enough go on the little youtubes and just Jacksonville and there's dates for those things if you go to my website. Yeah, go check out the website and I can't recommend it enough. Go on the little YouTubes and just search your name. There's so many reels and TikToks of her and even in 60 seconds, bitch, you crack me up. You're so gifted and I'm so
Starting point is 00:56:35 happy you asked to come on the pod. I fucking love you. I'm so excited to be here. I love watching y'all. Y'all are insane. I love every time y'all pop up on my one of my favorite things is when y'all pop up on my Instagram. First of all, your show has been called, it's very dumb.
Starting point is 00:56:50 It really is. We were going to go with the today show, but. Oh, you should have called it the yesterday show. Maybe there's still time. Bye.

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