The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Lost In Scott's Eyes with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Hi Scott. Thanks so much for coming into the office today. Would you mind sitting down? Great. It's rather hot in here, don't you think, Scott? That shirt you're wearing looks awfully thick and warm. Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you took it off? Perfect. Now isn't that better, Scott? Come to think of it, we're a bit warm, too. Shall we all take our shirts off, Scott? Yes? Excellent. To get the #1 meal kit for eating well, head to https://www.GreenChef.com/60BALD and use code 60BALD to get 60% off plus free shipping! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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OK, harassment in general. Inappropriate conduct. Things that things I never thought about. Actually, I thought it was going to be mostly like touching here is bad. You what I mean I thought it was gonna be really like stay clear of these zones yeah because like when I worked at the mall and stuff and I had to do like Macy's corporate training it would be like a VHS and then it would be like someone being like is that real I've seen them I've seen that in the movies a fake Macy's counter and some fake employees like hi Debbie how's your weekend and then like you know they start talking about great gwen but only thing that happened is i got groped at work oh no yeah or it'd be scenarios like oh look greg just got here with his earring it would be like it would freeze and

be like where did he go wrong like you know where did he go wrong is it the size of the earring or that the fact that he's a fag is that the wrong maybe well we had to participate in some types of scenarios you know part of these trainings is uh examples right so it's like oh robert tells an on a sex joke in front of a group of men okay is this better or worse than in front of a group of women plot twist it's not it's inappropriate period it's inappropriate because you're at work yeah but it was it's designed to see they show you that the line is so blurry that people have different answers to that. Some people do feel

it's bad across the board. Some people do feel it's worse in front of women. It's kind of a trick question, right? Yeah. Well, especially since a lot of this harassment training is gendered

and we're a little past that in most entertainment, especially like, you know, like, Tracy can't slap my ass when I get her coffee anymore totally right no but I don't feel bad for people but it is this impassable like bank embankment where it's like is it you're afraid if you if you're like really straight but empathetic you're afraid to ask someone's gender but you're afraid of getting it wrong so I do think even

though it's corny these conversations and these training videos and stuff, they obviously have a purpose. I love it when people say they're afraid. You should be bitch. You should be terrified. Because welcome to our lives. You know what I mean? Like terrified to leave the house every day because you're gay? Yeah.

Mom, I get on that level. Well, I get asked my gender a lot. Out of drag. Do you really? No. I get asked my gender a lot in drag on like real corporate, like commercial for a brand. Yes. Or like a.

What pronouns do you prefer? Yes. A lot. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. And I do feel like the presence of me in drag makes everyone like. Well, because they don't know.

Because they don't want to get in trouble. And they don't know because you, you will answer glibly or flippantly. Yeah. And make a joke out of it, which they don't know how to handle. They can't. They're like, my name's Scott. It's he, him. And what is your gender?

What does it look like yeah well and then you should you pull up your skirt and show them your fucking huge gaping gash yeah which is sexual harassment right and yeah what does it look like scott he's like well you you look like a girl i'm like oh i don't know what a girl looks like yeah what is that woman what does the girl feel like maybe you should fuck me scott why don't you stick your dick in my scott i can't tell if a woman till you girl feel like? Maybe you should fuck me, Scott. Why don't you stick your dick in my ass? Scott, I can't tell if I'm a woman until you crawl up on top of me and fuck me with that big cock, Scott. Scott, could you put that big cock in my ass and let me know I'm a woman, Scott?

I thought you were having a clearer picture, Scott. You know, Scott, you can make a woman out of me this afternoon over lunch, Scott. Trixie Mattel LLC would never- With that big, huge, oily dong. Yeah. But anyway, it's just being in these like very,

let's say, lame- Wait, when do we get accused of. But anyway, it's just being in these like very, let's say, lame. Wait, when do we get accused of sexual harassment? Because that's one thing I've started to think about. It's a hard. Mary. No. In drag, my instinct is to walk into a room full of camera people and light people and say something like, well, who's here to fuck me? But like, you can't do that.

Even though my instinct is to just try to get everyone to laugh. You i think you can though because i think well they did talk about something they talked about that's interesting and i'm sharing this not even as a joke because i did find scott jane jane jane go back don't use that jane scott i'm still waiting for you to slide that oily cock down my throat. Scott, my pronouns are guzzler and cum and cum guzzler, Scott. Shut up. Oh, shut up. Shut your mouth, you whore. Whenever we choose someone's name, I think of that listener. Someone named Scott on the freeway right now.

He's going to be cracking up. Let's say your name's Scott and you're listening to this on an edible and you're like, you know what I mean? I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail. I'm not making a joke out of it other than in drag by nature. Our job is to show up in cross lines, cross lines and be crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. But I do want to be, of course, sensitive, but they did talk about, I, they said, what about,

let's say when they did, well, I don't know. I, I don't want to tell what we talked about. Cause it feels like, well, it was an interesting training. I don't think sharing things. No, but somebody't want to tell what we talked about. Cause it feels like, well, it was an interesting training.

I don't think sharing things I learned as bad. No, but somebody was like, what if it's kind of in your job description to talk about, you know, what if you are a script supervisor on law and order SVU by nature, you guys are talking about a murder or a sex crime. Then they were like, well, there are certain jobs where let's say you're a dancer and it's a sexy number and on camera on stage, it's implied that you are to touch. Right.

Right. Right. But that doesn't mean when you walk off stage, the person who just touched you is allowed to touch you. Intimacy coaching, intimacy coaching. And I do think lines like that are interesting because for most of us, we never really have to think about it.

We just, we just. Mary, never. Never. Jacques Cabaret. Yeah. You think we had sexual harassment training? I you didn't no we had if any training we we were training ourselves to be harassers yeah you know because we'd go out assault the um the bachelorettes

and have them assault us they're waiting for it they're waiting to assault us yeah they're sticking their hands up my up my skirt it's crazy they want you to be like Oh this guy you're getting married to Does he have a huge cock That's literally what they're waiting for Or they're waiting for you to be like Oh good thing you found someone To marry you Even though you're flat chested

You ugly cunt Yeah You unfuckable whore Nobody would ever marry you Anyways Yeah Fina spit on someone I know

But she got fired for that Yeah That was crossing the line Yeah I don't like the touching I don't think we should touch each other At work No touching at work yes no we shouldn't right i just it was interesting to think like if it's in your job description to go on camera and be zany or be

sexy like you still should be careful on camera but you know it just made me hyper aware of like you know if a sound guy if i'm in drag and a sound guy comes to mic me he's so scared to touch me because he doesn't know what's real or what's not real i know so then i go like just touch whatever you want it's all fake and then i know even that's like i've so i've i that is a really good i've learned over the years to just don't do any jokes don't do any jokes don't do any jokes with the sound guy because a they probably don't want to fuck you i know they don't want to fuck me especially when they put their hand inside my swamp ass yeah and they're like why did i do this why am i here who is this creature but my instinct is to like make it less uncomfortable by making a joke right like you know

i think that would that might make a lot of people more uncomfortable right because i asked um i asked a sound guy if they who's like every sound guy i'm like have you touched julia roberts have you put a mic on her and they always say no but one guy did oprah and he would she would only do her own microphone oh interesting yeah she wouldn't let anybody touch her like that it's interesting well something else i talked about the training which was actually valuable was like well what happens if someone does get offended or there is a transgression or there is let's say um microaggression you you wrongly um guesstimate the boundaries with someone. Yeah.

What is, how do you the next day at work resolve it? What do you say? What do you do? Well, stuff like, hey, I know yesterday was uncomfortable and I want to assure you that was not my intention. To the person. And if you would give me the permission to talk about it further, it would help me know exactly what that line is.

You give the person the permission. You don't force them to talk to you about it because you're uncomfortable. So you ask them if it's okay. Is it okay if i pull out my big cock so we can talk about how long it actually is scott yesterday when you called me a cum guzzler you also forgot to mention that i was a load receptacle from behind scott and scott i don't appreciate my back hole being completely overlooked my mouth is just like my ass scott i would say i clean one more the other you can decide scott um you know poor scott but something else they're giving their kids scott a lot of people white people there was a lot of

people who um there was an interesting there was a interesting um interesting example okay they said let's say it's at work and you have a um a co-worker who is of mexican descent and they do a mexican accent sometimes when they're telling a joke right and maybe their defense is oh girl i'm mexican i'm just doing my grandma's voice like that's my but what they said interesting was that person doesn't speak for every other person's feelings about that thank you very much like if i'm gay and i use the word fag it doesn't mean everyone in the room is comfortable with that word i'm not saying it psyched me out but it really made me think you and i have such a weird job to know where those lines are sometimes. Well, yes. And we also have two important safety nets. Number one, the editing bay.

Of course. And number two, the love and affection of an audience who- Will give us the benefit of the doubt. The benefit of the doubt. Yes. Because they know we're not ever maliciously or like, we don't ever set out to like hate something or somebody. Do you know what I mean?

Yes. When I'm DJing and I get on the microphone and go, let me hear if you guys have wet pussies tonight. And that's a metaphor. Right. How many of you have hard dripping cocks tonight? Like how many of you have a little bit of both?

You know, like I'm just- Who had a full sex change? Yeah. Yeah, I'm just like, you know, it's our job to deliver on that front and be zany and wild and sexy, especially in a world where queer sexuality is hushed and and and yeah and muffled yeah and i know it's my job as a drag queen to to give you that moment where you see queer sexuality screamed into a microphone into

a megaphone into a microphone yeah yeah to offset the rest of the 23 hours a day when you're in straight spaces where it's like well it's yeah you don't let them know you're gay they might burn you at the stake yeah yeah so i don't know i i'm not saying i learned a lot um but it made me think a lot about unique scenarios i mean i've that's what i do cause i constantly struggle with that because i find i'm more entertaining off camera than i am on we all think so which is a very convenient opinion to have yesterday i was at your house off camera was it yesterday no two days ago you were there in my house yesterday we hung out two days yesterday no it was the day before monday yeah monday no tuesday saturday it was saturday it was saturday well who would do it and you were you were doing kind of a george carlin

like sort of you know radio city Radio City, you know, one night only. With the mic stand. Yeah. You were doing Bo Burnham inside, top to bottom. And I was like, God, she is funny. She's killing it. She's killing it.

Yeah. Maybe she should bring this energy to the, you know, the crowds that we go to. Did you get some resolution on that subwoofer cord? Subwoofer cord. What's subwoofer cord? You had that speaker and you hate that black cord. I put it on the other shelf, the black shelf. It blends right in.

And that's definition of gooning. Well, it was, what's gooning for the ears? It's body euphoria for the home. It's gender euphoria for the home. It's like the surrounds down. And I mentioned it to somebody I'm casually talking to. And they're like, ooh, bragging. I was like, not bragging.

It's not that expensive. Casually talking to like sexy? Yeah. And it's like, he thought it was like a brag. Are you pursuing a romance? No. Sex's not that expensive. Casually talking to like sexy. Yeah. And it's like, he thought it was like a brag. Are you pursuing a romance? No sex. Yeah. Whatever.

So it was like careful. Dune. What? Don't get wrapped up. Don't get swept away. Like, um, Teresa.

Oh my God. This face, this face. I need to get that hard away. I better be sure that, you know, you face. Don't get swept up. I need to, hold on. You give that heart away, you better be sure that you know you can take it back on your own terms. I'm pulling the cord and ejecting out of this moment to present you with your birthday gifts. Are you Dave, a claims-free hybrid driving university grad who signed up online? Well Dave, this jingle's for you.

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Turn on confidence. Turn on connections. Turn on connections. Turn on possibilities. There are hundreds of programs and services available at the Y. See what you can achieve at YMCAGTA.org. Oh, can we do something else first? Yes. We got an award.

We got an award? For real? Wait, this is just for me? Oh, never mind can we do something else first? Yes. We got an award. We got an award? For real? Wait, this is just for me? Oh, never mind. Fuck you. Sorry, I thought this was Bofa. I thought it was Bofa. What is it?

Is it Slinky? 2023 People's Voice Award winner. Oh, wait, let me present you with it. A ShamWow to clean it. Thank God. Okay, so. I thought it was for both of us. I'm sorry.

No, it's for, okay. And now, the 2023 people's voice award winner for general fashion beauty and lifestyle videos is trixie mattel transforms into dr manhattan i won an award for my dr manhattan video not for your drag not for the time i painted myself blue not for the drag so she went into where i think they're trying to say mom hang it up. Hang it up. Yeah, it's like every year when my mom gives me makeup wipes for Christmas. We know what the messaging is.

Take the shit off, faggot. Stop. You know what I mean? Why don't you clean off your face, faggot? Scott. Scott. Why don't you wipe your face off before you come fuck me, Scott? Why use a cum rake, Scott, when my hole's right here?

I just push it out. Shut up. And you can use my prolapse as a sham mask that's the line that's the line but these people that's the line i have something for you before my birthday what is it what is it it was an impulse purchase is it a wig it's kind of a wig is it that is it that oh it's a baby oh my god it's kind of a way i am so i'm i'm so horny for this hold on hold on one second i'll i'll brief people. Targeted ads make me laugh.

And this one was fucking funny to me. And I thought you needed it. In the meantime, we have Bald and the Beautiful live coming all over the United States. We did just reschedule two of them. That was my bad. But we have so many coming up. It's so fun live. And we've actually been doing them off, like microphone, like not recording.

So when you come to the live one, you will get stories and stuff that we never talk about to everyone else. So your ticket price is really like special to you, your private episode. Cause I think at the beginning we were thinking of releasing them all, but sometimes now when we tour, we're like, let's just let this be for the girls, me, you, that person, you know, what's the prognosis? By the way, I have been having some physical developments and I appreciate everybody being so nice about it. But don't say it in a way of how horrible I used to look. We can talk about me building up my gun show or whatever. And we don't have to say, I can't believe that it's you

and I'm not throwing up. We don't have to. I'm so sorry I'm late. I just, I got a Brazilian blowout and it took forever. And then they fucked up the bangs so I put on a hat.

Why is that so much worse than a wig? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I thought this is that so much worse than a wig? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I thought this was your color. It's a little brassy, I guess, but. Brassy? Are you kidding me? This is perfect swamp water blonde.

You think? It's 24A probably, or B. It gives good burger. It gives bad burger. Horrible burger. Oh, and the synthetic hair on my sweaty neck feels delightful. Oh, look at my arm in the video. Oh, yeah.

So to that point, I want to reinforce that. You don't need to compliment someone by illuminating the fact that you clearly think they look like trash before. Right. Or this person is in the best shape of their life. You don't have to say, why am I attracted to you? Not me being attracted to that fucking goblin over 60. Not this. I must be Scott.

You know what I mean? Am I a cum guzzling front and back hole receptacle taker? Maybe we've been beautiful and you guys have been shallow. Or maybe you've been sleep. But I have been. Your gifts. Yeah, yeah yeah go ahead Well first of all

Thank you I thought that was our thing I'm sorry That was humiliating I'm sorry That was humiliating And I love this on you You know I've never won an award

Never This almost makes up for it That's so crazy Basically I think they take baseball caps And sew tracks to it That's what it is Which is really crazy Oh you are too much

Oh you are too much Oh Oh, you are too much. Oh, God. My birthday is this week. Thank you. It's on Wednesday. It is. And I think I'm going on a date that night. So I'm not doing anything if you're doing anything.

I'm not. Okay, good. Dave and I are going to Chicago for a family thing. Okay, perfect. Yeah. So I'm happy. I'm happy. Oh, I'm filming during the day, but I like working on my birthday.

Me too. I'd rather be in drag filming on my birthday. Doing something. Doing something. Keep your hands busy. Oh, I'm gonna love this! You will. You will honestly love this. Okay, this is Make Your Body Your Machine Home 2 System TRX.

Oh, shit. Not sponsored. I gotta hang this on the wall. Very expensive. You can mount it. You can also take it on the road and use it from a door. Seriously. Oh my God. And it sounds like, oh wow, but it really is fantastic. Thank you so much i like resistance bands no no but this is not that no i know but yeah the stretchy shit is not my favorite

i think i might really like this you will yeah because you can use your whole body and like it's it's fabulous yeah i love personal development great so then i got you another thing it's very heavy and it's like so it's such a burden burden, but it's like, it's a. I guess I could tell the kids at home. That was a piece of exercise equipment that I just received. I just, you know, this feels heavy. Yeah. It's just, I don't know why I got it for you.

Well, that makes me feel great. Perhaps it was a gesture of friendship and love. It was a while ago too and I had it wrapped there. So it's double wrapped. Double bag that condom, Scott. Scott, put two condoms. It's a pretty book. Birds.

I'm quite fond of birds. It's birds. Every page of that book. Oh, love that. Every page of that book, birds. Wow. No, no, don't do it. I just want to look inside.

I just want to see what the vibe is. It's like ASMR, except it sounds terrible. If you're driving, I'm sorry. That's just the sound. I forget this is a podcast. I forget that most people are not watching us. But there's cameras here, so what am I supposed to feel? I love this.

On the front, there's a beautiful red cardinal. Oh gosh i'm gonna love this it's pretty it's pretty birds of the tea i'm sorry they are just life's they are nature's mystery i have to take this wig off this kill me hold on one second wow two cans oh my god ostriches eaglesks, goslings, owls, penguins. Love that. It's like a coffee table book. Obviously, you're not going to carry that in your pocketbook. Yes. It's really amazing and I really appreciate you. And then there's a, this is just a stupid fucking candle.

Thank you. But look at the wrapping job. I did it myself this morning. I know. It's the best you could. It's the best you could. But it's probably for the studio. Yeah. it's, it's, it's the best you could. It's the best, but it's probably for the studio. Yeah.

Here. Cause it's kind of more a gift, like a work gift. Yeah. An appropriate work gift. This is what, what would have been inappropriate is, um,

a fleshlight, a fleshlight, um, a dong, a fucking, you know, just a dong, a fucking machine.

What if you presented me with a fucking like $500 fucking machine with a big metal fucking cock on could you date someone who like they had to get fucked by a fucking machine at least once a week if i if i was really into them yeah i mean i mean that what does that have to do with me it's like if you want to do that can i can be in the room. I can be doing other things. No, you have to be wearing a cheerleader outfit and cheering them on from the sidelines. Then no. Because it's happening in a football field. Then no.

Okay. I'm very sex toy positive. Okay. I love all types of toys and gadgets. You do? Yeah. Love it. Like, what's your favorite one?

Without getting too personal, of course. Love anything, like anything you put your dick in for fun. Okay. Fleshlights, sleeves, things like that. Yeah. Love anything that vibrates, anything like that. I'm always for that. Anything like stick your cock in the Dyson.

Do you know what I mean? Were you the kind of kid that put your dick in the vacuum cleaner? I didn't put my dick in the vacuum cleaner. No, I didn't put my dick in the vacuum cleaner. But I like stuff. I like objects. I like hardware. Okay.

Like items. Although I don't love some of the greats. I don't love poppers. I don't either. I don't love cock rings. Me neither although i don't love some of the greats i don't love poppers i don't love cock rings me neither i those i don't know what is something about them because it disrupts like the the the picture of the genitals yeah i like solo porn and a lot and part of why i like solo porn a lot is because i like people on their own fucking toys in their free time i think that's fun it's a victimless crime it's a victimless crime you know unless they're chained to a radiator in Romania Baloo Spa

You love them I can't get enough of them This has been in your house For months Yeah And I keep going I like this And you go

Yeah it's for you For your birthday I'm gonna give it to you later I taped it But I didn't burn it That smells nice Could you imagine If I gave you

Like a half burned candle I could Like that would be very me I could Gotta get into this I watched a TikTok The other day Cause I have a bunch

Of candles right now That are all burning down Give them to me Well I love this brand Boy Smells Oh yeah What's up with the name Gotta get into this. I watched a TikTok the other day because I have a bunch of candles right now that are all burning down. Give them to me. Well, I love this brand, Boy Smells. Oh, yeah. What's up with the name of that company, though? I can't vouch for the name, but I can vouch for the quality of the scent.

What does that mean? Boy Smells? I don't know. You think it's like men's groin. It's not male smells. What are they? They're like pine. I think it's smells made by a boy. I think the owner's a man.

I don't know. What's this gender got to do with... Anyways, go ahead. I don't. I think the owner's a man. I don't know. What's this gender got to do with... Anyways, go ahead. I don't know. How do you gender a candle? I don't know. Well, you make it like pink. Pussy hall.

Yeah, I don't know. What do you think that fucking Gwyneth Paltrow pussy candle smells like? Honestly. The crust cut off toast. The crust cut off a peanut butter and jelly. Yeast. Sour dough. Something that rises.

It probably smells like Lake Michigan on a Thursday afternoon. I love gifts. I love the way that looks. That's important. Do you know what I mean? Like the candle jar itself. Why don't we keep it in here? That's what I'm saying.

We can burn it in here. We're running out of shelf space. By the way, what do you guys think of the studio? It's really been developing, huh? Oh, look. Two. I mean. Really been developing, huh? Oh, look, too. Let me get that over there.

Really been developing. We have a lot of awards. You know, we have a lot going on. A lot of stuff going on. The rain. The rain. My house has my- You got water damage? Yeah.

You did. In the guest house and the house. I have to fix all of it. Did all the horses get wet, too? But, you know, lately I have felt, and I don't want to be a- I know that we are social media personas and we work on the internet yeah lately you don't have to post i don't have to lately i have been barely caring to open social media or post at all i have some news for you that's a good thing i don't care to do anything like that that's okay that's good

that means you're probably engrossed in having real life. Yeah. Whether good or bad, you're probably like actively dealing with the facts and figures of your actual life. Yeah. I don't want to over promise, but I think,

um, you know, those of you who have ever enjoyed that I'm chronically online. Oh yeah. That enjoy it. Yeah. That time is over for me. I think when I got on drag race,

I had my phone on my hand. Like I charge it three times a day. You were were good at social media but i was like always on it my eyes my screen time was probably 23 hours lately i turn it off and leave it for hours at a time yeah i miss calls all day yep well you don't this whole thing of being perpetually available has really fucked people up right they. They're not available. Sometimes you're not available. Yeah. And lately, honestly,

you know, I've been vulnerable. Yes. And so I've been seeking real life connection. Yes. I need face to face companionship more than I need fucking the internet at all. Honestly, I need you.

I also need to tell the people about what happened when you came over on Saturday, because, um, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, I don't, I'm not going to overshare, but I have been in a tough spot. She's having a hard day. So your friend's having a hard day and comes over to gab with you. Yeah.

I come over with the predication of, Hey, I need to come over and cry. And you'll probably hang out. Yeah. So she lets me come over. She cooks me a nice cup of tea. She cooks me tea. Right away. I got the tea ready. It was, yeah. She said, I need to come over and cry and then probably hang out. Yeah. So she lets me come over. She cooks me a nice cup of tea. I said, come right away. I got the tea ready. It was, yeah.

She said, I'll come get you. And then I said, I'll take an Uber. And she said, okay. But I mean, she should have said, I'll come get you again, but she didn't.

And I came over. I come up. We have some tea. I cry for, you know, not long, just a good 90 minutes. Yeah. And then we,

I just like, I'm collecting my items. I'm like, I should just, where's my keys? I was like, let me get all my stuff in a pile here. I was thinking of migrating to the couch for a little bit. I grabbed my wallet and she immediately stands up and goes, oh, you had now? Like she was waiting for me to twitch a muscle for her to go. Are you leaving already?

I basically, I scooped her up. I had the car running. It was like, I'm not kidding. had the car running it was it was like i'm not kidding like my phone was here it was like i went like this is the phone yeah i went and i like shifted my weight and she goes are you going yeah oh no you're leaving bye it was but you're like oh no i'm not leaving i was like i'll let you know when i'm fucking leaving your house you'll know because i'll be gone the funny thing is like i do the that's not the opposite i'll just leave somewhere you just leave yeah you know i don't know i mean especially at a party one-on-one

is a little weird obviously you don't do that the irish goodbye when you especially now that i don't drink now when everyone's turnt i'm like oh no i care if i leave oh goodbye get the hell out of there no way yeah i don't know that's the best thing about hanging out with drunk people yeah you slip out like a candle in the wind yeah um i did i think we talked about this on the last part did i tell you i watched the comeback for the first time i don't think we talked about it here i can't believe it i never see it did you gag i laughed so hard i loved it my it blew my mind it blew my the first season blew my the second season tore me up oh yeah it's actually quite poignant tore me up tore me up you know i've been vulnerable and some of that content was similar to what i was going through and so it just true

poor i was exercising watching it sobbing i mean her performance she gives him that is so fucking beautiful yeah my god it's so funny yeah and layered and crazy layered like lasagna the scene where she wants to go patch things up with her husband and she gets convinced to put on a body mic and he realizes she has a body mic on when she's trying to save the marriage yeah crazy laura silverman jane yeah jane jane yes jane so perfect pitch perfect as that like like chili but doesn't want it like wants to do something of substance, but it's like stuck in this like weird, because this is like early in reality TV.

And she wants to do something of substance, but you can tell she starts to believe she has to exploit Valerie to get it a little bit. She has to push the boundaries. Yeah. And she becomes, it's like she crosses the line frequently. Yeah. The scene, spoiler alert, the scenes are like, Valerie's like's like this is my real life i can't do this right now and you know she's like this is your love story people are going to want to know oh that is that is how producers talk to

you yes they try to make you feel like you have the wheel and you don't you don't so like that was so chilling i mean like you when you're maybe think of like drag race when you're like mad or whatever and they'd be like well the other option is if you let everyone else here tell their side of what happened don't you want your voice to be present in that like they say things to get you to participate when your boundaries come up they can see it and they go under it or over it do you know what i mean yeah i that stuff doesn't work on me anymore. I just wouldn't put myself in those situations. Yeah. You know, like. But also in reality, to perform reality well, you have to anchor it in reality. Yes.

Because. Yes. You have to. Unfortunately, there's casualties because you have to at least dig your hooks in to play a fake scene that is still somehow real. Yeah. That's why housewives can cry and shit is because, yeah, they might've yelled action, but they're playing out a real emotion with a real situation, you know?

Yeah, that diabolical, huh? Yeah. Well, because I think because, did you have that thing when you were young where like you had the self-consciousness of a gay person? Of course, everywhere at all times. That's where my posture came from. Have you ever seen me like this?

It's because in life, I got tall early and I was like. Hyper vigilant. You know, protection mode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I think that's the reality TV thing. Like there are cameras around, but you're there long enough. So you kind of forget them, but they're always there. There's always an awareness of you're being watched and surveilled.

The cameras become your friends. The camera people are often your friends. They're in the room for significant moments in your life. Yeah. And so you feel very vulnerable. It doesn't feel like you're being surveilled anymore. It feels like you have the support of friends. You're being witnessed rather than surveilled.

Yeah. You're being supported by them. Their presence supports you instead of makes you feel vulnerable. Oh, right. That's like a movie. I mean, they're supporting you.

They're making you a star. They're not like, yeah, they're not filming you in a spider hole but their job is also like um their job is to get the truth and

they make you feel like you're in on that but the truth is it's not the truth watching Valerie Cherish they're they're filming her knowing she's lying

covering for herself making excuses that she's flopped what I loved about the the comeback is she's unraveling. Yeah. And she never plays it.

She plays it the way an actress would, which is to fight it the whole time. It's crazy. She never unravels. You can see in her eyes she is struggling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she never gives up the ghost. Yeah.

It's like chilling. It's chilling. And it's so much more effective than if she had just broke and cried or whatever. But like her fighting for her dignity basically the whole time when she was kind of a flop. I mean, they play Valerie Cherish kind of like, not even a husband. But she never made it. Right.

And she's always like, well, I'm it. That was her big thing. But like, yeah. Yeah. And then the second season where she's, the opening, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. And then the second season where she's,

she, the opening, I'm sorry. In the opening of the second season, she has to go audition for a role based on her that is written to make her look horrible. That's right. For HBO, right? And this,

the cold read is like, just go in there and write jokes about my old pussy. And she's reading it. It's funny, but you can tell in the moment when she does the cold read, you can see her eyes well swelling and her feelings are hurt. Yeah. Like, oh, it's so fucking good.

Yeah. She turned it. I've never seen anything. It beats Watchmen. That's how much it impacted me. I was like. Isn't it startling to realize, like, because if you know her from Friends, you're like, whatever. And you realize, like, what an incredible, dramatic and comedic actress she is.

It's like insane. Amazing. I turned to David and I said, I would love a show like this where cameras just follow me around and I get to act like an idiot. And David goes, I go, yeah, but they get to talk to the camera and stuff. And David goes, what do you think you do?

David goes, you know how much footage we have of you looking right into the camera and talking from last season? I was like, oh. Yeah. What else have I been watching? David's been watching The Real Housewives of New York. There's all new girls.

Oh, Jenna. Who? Jenna Lyons. I watched her like, did you know that if you spray salt water on copper, it'll give it a patina in 24 hours i didn't know that yeah it's cool i will say it's interesting because that's what i learned from her video she's wacky wacky wacky les jackie oh yes at least queer i don't she might like guys let's not say les let's not say les okay you homophobic bitch she well i know she likes girls i don't know if she likes boys.

I don't know. Well, I'm not talking about her sexual preferences. I'm talking about her design proclivities. Oh. I'm just saying she gets brownie points for being queer for me. Of course. They're queer housewives. This is my point.

She doesn't have a wife. This is the second one. She doesn't have a husband or a wife. Why? Yeah, so. Why is it called housewives still? Because, well, it used to be all these women. New York was traditionally these older women, very engaged in their sex lives. Most of them divorced, very sexy, very drinking, very glam.

Cougars. Yeah. But the reality stars have gotten, I guess, for whatever reason, they took that entire cast, people who've been there since the beginning. And threw them in the dumpster. The wood chipper. And got all new girls. Well, the truth is you can negotiate yourself out of a salary. At a certain point, I think the network was probably like, you know what?

It's going to be chunky. But if we let all these girls go, we can get a new audience invested in the new ones. That's the truth. It's going to be chunky. It's going to be clunky and chunky. I like chunky as a corporate strategic watchword. But at least these women, a lot of them are married. Because the other ones, I don't think there was a single actually wife left.

Well, I think they're probably, it's less liability because their husbands are often known to embezzle, steal, murder, and do other crimes. I wouldn't recommend doing anything like that unless your books are really clean. And I'm talking clean books. Like, I haven't murdered anybody. Turbo also haven't i've robbed the dead well how many deads have you robbed today what is dead exactly you know deceased if it's bones in a box yeah what am i doing stealing from the museum like own collector yeah whatever um what else we've been watching watching? I watched something that I, I watched something. I watched something. Okay.

And I'm going to tell you what it is. It was, I don't remember. Tomb Raider. No, it was like a, it was something good. And I liked it. You maybe watched Dune the other day, part of it. No, just for the sound. Just for the sound.

Sound you can feel. Oh, that's what I, I came to some conclusions about Dune. Tell me. Chunky. You don't know? A little clunky. No, I think that Timmy-

What were you swept up in? I think I was swept up in the idea of, there was one scene that hooked me and then I just kept watching it over and over like a screensaver.

Uh-huh. Almost like that ADHD relief music that I put on that was sounding like a fucking telephone soundtrack. Yes.

Like, it just became like a rattle sound like a fucking telephone soundtrack yes like it just became like a rattle like a soothing balm the movie you know what i mean oh kind of like a background thing yes exactly you know that's that's how i am with the office but i've watched it enough times now that it's starting to lose its flavor i'm getting nose blind from it yeah yeah so now i'm like looking at it uh clearly very clearly and i'm like oh that was that scene was overwrought. That could have been cut. This was kind of boring.

You know what I mean? Like the story is not that fierce. With The Office now, I'm so deep in that I'm basically watching background characters. Like, cause I just have, everything else has been downloaded. So I'm like, oh, Pam's boobs are huge. Like I'm noticing physical characteristics of characters. The Witches of Eastwick, I watched for the 27th time maybe. And I noticed that when she gets called a slut in the supermarket by three jealous women, they're all blonde, brunette, and redhead.

Oh, wow. Like mirror images of them. But like the, you know, the stuck up like housewifey types. I was like, I've never noticed that. But that movie is fucking fierce. It is. It sure is. It needs a reboot.

Who's in it? No, that's, I thought about that all weekend It can't get a reboot. No, you know, they're gonna they're gonna drag out Yeah, do lape and Emma Roberts Yeah, and yeah and um an ice spice and they're gonna they're gonna drag out and a pitbull is gonna be jacked Charlie Sheen is gonna be Jack Nicholson. No, you keep the thing about Hollywood is that you can't you don't have a um, you don't have a You don't have a Cast of the Of stardom

Of equal like Caliber Who will it really be The redhead will be Bryce Dallas Howard No too old That's not true They're not

She's not young in the movie They're 30 I'm gonna say they're 30 Love the scene where They're 30 She's directing the band And she finally is like I want you to put the music down

Yeah And we're gonna play the shit Out of this thing Yeah When i count to four we're gonna play the shit out of this and then she's flailing around i do think that's the hair do you ever take a music class like choir a band well no yes i did i do think that is a part of music classes that is missing it's so like posture the notes yeah the poise. Yeah. You spend hours every week playing music and it never feels free. Right. It never feels. It's just like.

These are musical outcry. Yeah. I think that it is technique though does go a long way. Well. You have to know what notes to play in order to play them freely. Yes, of course. Of course. I mean, you really have to know it in and out.

So, but who would play her? So 35 to 40, we're going to say that's the age range of the women. I like Bryce Dallas Howard for the redhead. Okay, fine the Bryce share again Or maybe it's less this time and the devil's well they tried to and the three are men Not men cuz that's the masculine would never get into that It would never they would never cross three dongs crossing the streams Is it implied that they're eating each other's pussies and everything it's implied that they're having sex together it's not implied it's demonstrated okay wow do you know they um there's a scene at the end where they're all in lingerie in the bed waiting for him yeah they all

fuck they fucking yeah so the the man is played by who would replace jack nicholson? Who is that person today? Jack Nicholson's still around. Ewan McGregor. No, no, he's too old. Timothy Chalamet. I would kill myself. I know.

Timmy's the Willy Wonka trailer. Have you seen it? Tell me you've seen it. Yeah. I'm making chocolate. Of course, girl, that's Alyssa Edwards.

Girl, that's Alyssa Edwards as Timothy Chalamet. That's Willy Wonka. I'm making chocolate. Of course. Yeah. That's Alyssa Edwards as Timothee Chalamet as Willy Wonka. I'm making chocolate, of course. That movie looks like, I don't like it when there's an outcry for like, oh, cancel culture. I wish that movie would get canceled before its release because we do not need to see that. Can we just let Gene Wilder live? Willy Wonka.

Yeah. Wait, it's not based on the book or the movie. It looks like it's a prequel, huh? It looks like a big, nasty turd on a piece of- Well, he learned to make chocolate somewhere. I'm making chocolate, of course. I'm making chocolate, of course. I'm making chocolate, of course.

And also, he went so mid in his- Gene Wilder's a genius in that movie. Like an unhinged genius with a range that's so expansive. Amazing. And he's like, well, I guess we're gonna go for your note it's like so crazy goofy stupid but only mid it's like i'm making chocolate of course it's i hate it so much it doesn't matter it's so corny it's so corny everything hugh grant does an oompa loompa yeah well get the check where's your dignity where's your dignity oompa loompas in the first film were little people obviously the second one i don't remember if that actor was little but and in the third one we don't need to do any guesswork because there just shouldn't be a third iteration of that yeah it's not gonna why are they gonna

make a franchise because they're making chocolate of course they're making chocolate of course oh and musical numbers i hate all cgi yeah all from like 22 year old interns chained to desks for like 95 hours a week yeah people in those like green screen suits with ping pong balls all over them and then they just put their face on at the end they like have maggie smith gone like fly her like private jet for four hours just do a bunch of the lines and then that's it it's crazy why do you think ai is so obsessed with human expressions of grimace or like laughter? Whenever you put humans into AI, it's always like. I don't, I don't know. I've never put, I've never used the AI.

David Silver gets a little high and uses the AI and likes to see what comes out. I mean, I'm always interested in what comes out, but it depends on what like the engine is. David put in like gay pink and purple kissing Batman. Gay. And what came out was one of the batman had big boobs so the ia doesn't know the ai is just how about that that seems close enough right and you're like you know what i mean you're like hold up hold up remix okay bye wait wait wait is that it it okay okay oh my god we're so good at ending we got to do it better than that good intro and we don't know there's no intro there's no outro so i'm gonna do it so as we wrap up listeners thank you so we all we of course want to thank you so

much for listening but we also want you to know that trixie is having her 34th birthday in just a couple of days it will already have happened once this has aired but she wants you to know that Trixie is having her 34th birthday in just a couple of days. It will already have happened once this has aired, but she wants you to know, and I want you to know that she's still here at 34. 34. 34. Somebody called it dirty whore. That's what that age is.

34, dirty whore? 40, wonderful. Anything one is wonderful. 30, wonderful. Dirty whore. Dirty whore. I love that. I've never heard that before.

34, you dirty whore. Come back next week for more. What is like, oh, what age are you turning in this you dirty whore come back next week for more what is like oh what age are you turning and it's like dirty whore you don't even say 34 you wait for them to figure it out can you say 44 dirty no no it's a rhyme that's the thing about rhyming they have to sound the same homonyms homonyms that sounds the same but spelled the color red i read a book homonyms homophone oh shit i'm i'm wrong thank you it is homophone thank you very much homonyms nothing is no it looks the same but it sounds differently i think you're right

i know i'm right no i'm not i'm not sure to keep me on the pod just long enough to be right and now you want to correct now you have now that you seem smart you You're like, I think we're good. I think we're good. I think we can end it. Fucking faggot. Fuck you, Scott. Fuck you, Scott. Bye. Scott,

we're done with the pod. Now you can come plug my hole. Scott, bring the machine in, Scott. Hook that jelly dildo up to the fax machine and let me have it, Scott. The kicker is Scott's the sound guy.

You know what I mean? The whole time. I know. I know. Sorry, Scott. Sorry, Scott. Sorry, Scott. Bye.