The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Trimming the Tree with Ropes of Milky Goodness with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

A dusting of snow gently kisses the needles of a vividly green six-foot balsam fir, all alone in a small forest meadow. Nothing captures nature's majesty quite like a pine-scented solstice soldier, standing guard against the cold; a stark contrast against the pallid December sky. The time has finally come. The season of Krampus is officially upon us. Lock your windows, bolt your doors, and gird your loins for the long, dark, bone-chilling embrace of winter. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and save 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Start your holiday shopping at Etsy.com and use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase! For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it! Shop https://www.Etsy.com Go to https://www.mindbloom.com/podcast/bald and use promo code BALD for $100 off your first six session program today! For everything cozy this holiday season, go to https://www.TommyJohn.com/BALD for 20% off your first order! Before you start your holiday shopping, visit https://www.Rakuten.com or download the app to earn cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. You can start saving today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor. RuPaul on Drag Race UK.

That does not get old. I love when RuPaul walks up to them and it's like... Three things she says. Where you're supposed to say like, so, you really been in front of struggle in the competition.

If it's UK, RuPaul walks up and goes like, um, I don't, like, like, please, sir, I want some more. He does Oliver Twist. Yeah goes like, um, I don't like, like, please, sir. I want some more. He does Oliver Twist. Yeah. I love Governor.

Or, um, what's the other one? Galapagos. Spice Girls. He does like a sporty. By the way, the craziest thing happens today. You know, I'm a little bit psychic. Yeah. I, today was at the gym where you were.

Yeah. I was working out. I was working out a little bit harder than you. Just a little bit stronger in my upper body. Because of all the golfing in Mar-a-Lago But the golfing in Marla. I I was I said I'm gonna text Mel B I texted Mel B and then I look up and the Spice Girls were on the TV a second later And then I had another psychic episode two days ago somebody who works on this tour

Okay, I won't say his name because I don't know it He's been on tour with us for a year for you Could have any color hair yes Could be gay he gets on the elevator and I already have my button push he gets on I'm on six I think I push for he goes. How do you know if my room was for I said? I'm telling you I have these psychic flashes and I just knew your room was for your floor was for. Wait, you did it unconsciously.

I hadn't spoken to him or anything. He got on. I just pushed for like a bellhop. Yes. But he didn't tell me what floor he was on. Mommy, you got the gift. You got the gift. The house in Virginia.

Bones and all. Bones and all, honey. You got the gift. Bones and all cannibalism. So when? Well, you don't have to start eating people yet but when are you going to open a psychic shop i'm not going to eat anybody but i am going to dm them about it you should open a little psychic shop the problem is it's unpredicted it's it's

i don't know how to control it so if you ask me what are the lotto numbers i don't know no no no we're not doing a lot of numbers like um okay so it just strikes when but for no reason at any time yes it's like walking through the walking through the world and then I'm like, have you talked to your mom today? They're like, no. And I was like, I think you should talk to her. I just think you should talk. It's unwarranted, unprecedented, and unreliable. And unmonetizable.

Yeah. So that's how you know it's the real gift. Yeah. So what if I set up a little table on Hollywood Boulevard and people come for readings and I go, well, how much time do you have? Because it could be days. Yeah, yeah. But listen, be like, I have the gift.

So we just have to kill time until the real thing comes in. But I will definitely improvise in the meantime, you know. Do you know what else is the gift? What's the gift? Gratitude. As much as Wimberly. It's true. It's true.

The thing is Sometimes the last thing I want to hear On this tour Is somebody The G word Somebody gorgeous Stunning

Like Wimberly Going gratitude But you know what No it's true She's right Mama she's right She's right So I told you about

The trans woman Who was exiled from jocks Right Across the street She would yip and yap Certain things that She would she would yell platitudes Platitudes like if you were trying to so it's a long story attitude. So platitude is like a empty Like a phrase or a saying that has kind of like no meaning in a way

So like people were like, you know, you're better than this Emily. You're better than this cuz she's harassing them She would go platitudesitudes, platitudes. And so that's what I hear in my head whenever I hear gratitude. You hear platitude, which is the opposite almost. It's sort of like nothing you're saying matters. Nothing you're saying matters

and it's all meaningless. And I have this voice of this woman in my head and it is so haunting. But she also yells, leave Erickson. And just any other, because the do is swedish she wanders the streets and yells words well blonde thin very striking pale face um changes

into khaki pants in behind cars it's very very she you know she could have a whole lifetime series anyways gratitude gratitude hey you know what i could have a whole lifetime series. Anyways, gratitude. Gratitude. Hey, you know what? I was thinking about this today because I was thinking, how can I have all my dreams come true and then sometimes feel the need to complain about it? Do you know what it is? What? It's rubbing the skin off.

As performers. Rubbing the skin off. Performing is an ejaculation. There's cum everywhere. Oh, wow. Ropes. Ropes of milky load. That expression has always turned my stomach. Yeah, it's a nurse rope.

Solid as a liquid. Do you know what I mean? Ropes of cum. Ropey. Ropey. Ropey. Ropey. We're not doing ropey.

We're not doing ropes. We're not doing ropes. I want my cum clear like water or blood. Yeah. One or the other. Don't give me ropes. We're not doing ropes. We're not doing ropes. I want my cum clear like water or blood. Yeah. One or the other. Don't give me ropes. Not a healthy white load. I don't want white ropes.

I want clear ooze or red, red blood. Or grape jelly. Black shoes, white ropes, red blood, clear cum. Shouldn't be allowed in the theater. But if you jerk off too much You rub the skin off Yes of course And when you tour

And you perform like this You see what you're saying Okay It's a metaphor Okay I've been watching Breaking Bad Okay And I was researching

What happens to the brain When you're I mean This is new information to me But what happens to the brain When you like Bombard it With these dopamine rushes Oh it's and how the chase is futile because your brain is so exhausted.

Yeah. Your brain's not going to do the same release again. Right. And so when you perform this many days in a row, even though gun to your head, you love it. It's not the same as if you do maybe one show a week where it's this. It's like it's like this is my eighth day load. Oh, yeah. This is my eighth day load oh lord yeah this is my eighth day rope your your jizz is gonna feel better your your comb your your comb is gonna feel

better if you haven't done it in days but if you're jerking off five times a day you're blowing sawdust out there that's what i mean you're throwing lemon you're throwing grapefruits you're scraping up ropes and uh throwing them there. I understand what you're saying. Do you know what I mean? I completely agree. If we were doing this show one day a week, we would go out there like, this is the moment. How about this? When it's six days a week.

Once a month. There you go. 12 good times a year. Yeah. Why don't you come up and not see me sometime? Yeah. Couldn't get tickets? Yep.

Nobody could. Next year. No, we do it. We do it. 15,000 seat arena Yeah Once a month Two weeks of rehearsal

It's a lot of rehearsal A lot of rehearsal And then one week Of decompression afterwards Where we do Songs and share And by decompression It's like

Weighted blanket therapy Oh absolutely Because like you said Because there's only one You know what Peaches Christ always talks about The post show blues Oh yeah

I don't get those blues With this show I get the post showshow blues. Oh, yeah. I don't get those blues with this show. I get the post-show. Hey, hey. But like. But that's for real. When you do like. You need money?

Now's a good time to ask. Woo. Coming out from Chicago. I'm like, oh, you need anything? You got 12 minutes to get it. The way I dance. That's true. During the last number of the show.

When we have like two days off. Oh, with the smile. I'm like. The smile. It with the smile. I'm like, the smile. It's the smile. I'm like, because sometimes I'm kind of like, you know,

but two days off, I'm like, I know. It's terrible. But I've been trying to think about it because I'm like, performing is magical. I love doing the show.

But when you do this often, it's impossible to feel like every moment is the height of magic. You know? Yeah, of course. Of course. And also, Christmas comes once a year.

Once a year. Santa climbs up on that chimney. What would the Who's do if in Whoville it was Christmas every day? Oh, they would probably, yeah, they'd probably, oh God. Martha May Who would look ragged. Yeah, yeah, ragged, ragged. Well, listen to this. So think back like on your favorite shows or whatever you

wanted to see as like a youngster growing up and now put into your head the fact that your favorite performer or band or whatever probably experienced a version of this of the show you saw where like i love you i wish i could be here all night and then they turn around let's get out of here do you know what i mean like that is unthinkable to me because it was like for me it's magic there's like everybody was there doing their best and being like incredible like you know cirque du soleil or whatever those contortionists were probably like oh god i can't wait to go home and like you know jerk off or like i can't wait to go home and watch you know family guy or whatever and it's not magic for them yeah that's so terrible but it's honestly a lesson in like you want want to make more money, wear a suit.

Like, do you want to make a little less money and enjoy it more? Yes. There's also a version of that. You are yourself employed as a performer. Yeah. And I think that's why like the B-52s, for example, they just, well, they're, they're grifters and liars. And I'll say this on the air, live on the air.

They said that this is their farewell tour. And I was finagling with our previous tour manager Bales. Which one? I was going to say there's so many previous tour managers.

Yeah, our tour managers are here for a good time not a long time. Not a long time or not a leg anyways. You know who we need? Gus Spring. Who's that?

That guy from Breaking Bad. Oh, oh, Gus. Gustavo. Oh my God. The chicken guy? Yes. Oh, the chicken manager? He would get all those motherfuckers right together. Oh, you God. The chicken guy? Yes. Oh, the chicken manager? He would get all those motherfuckers right together.

Oh, you don't like that? Box cutter. Whoosh. The two twins will come with the axe. They were hot. I would let them cut me up. I wouldn't say I've been learning Spanish, but I've been watching Breaking Bad and saying back what they say in the show.

That's fair. Have you watched Better Call Saul? No, but I'm going to watch it next. You have to watch it because it's one of those rare instances where a spinoff is greater or as good or better than the actual fucking show. I'm going to watch it because my brother, who's an attorney, says he loves it. And I feel like if lawyers like it, then it must be. If lawyers like a show about a lawyer, then it probably is good. Yeah.

Because it's always like a doctor watching House who's like, that would never happen. Right, right, right. Or like Ally McBeal. That's so frustrating. What was she? Women and men in the same bathroom. Wait, what is Ally McBeal? Ally McBeal was a show with Calista Flockhart.

It took place in a law firm in Boston, but it was quirky. But she's a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all lawyers. People like it. Oh, interesting. But she probably inspired a lot of women to be lawyers I think so I think that she inspired a lot of people to use unisex bathrooms too that was the big sort of like set piece of the show do you think you would be a good lawyer absolutely not I would not be no maybe I don't know Jason I were talking about

how in or no where is it mean me and you? I can't remember. How on a witness stand, I would just be like, would tell them whatever they want to hear. I would just be so controllable and coercible. I wouldn't, I'd be the worst witness. You'd be like, where were you on the night of? Well, I was sitting home.

I killed him. Yeah, I'd be like, well, I killed him yeah like um well i killed him i think um do you want me to yes like this is a traffic citation court we're just looking for a hit a little uh ding on the side of a fender like okay well like i did do that and i also killed the family yeah yeah yeah i know but i'm learning a lot about law from breaking bad okay like such as well i'm also learning spanish like i said. The other day I was watching and the guy goes, blood for blood, and I went, sangre de sangre.

So like, I am catching on. You are, I mean you're basically like. It's my babble. Yes. It's my duolingo. It's gonna stick better too. It's gonna stick better. Cause you're gonna have all those like,

terrifying, horrifying, like bloody, you know, associations with it, that's good. I love Spanish. do you i know why don't we know spanish what a waste what a waste it's so embarrassing do you know that if we were good at spanish if we knew what we knew about french we could perform and travel to spanish speaking parts of the world and and be better you know what i mean claro que si and paris they were so thrilled when we throw little phrases sure if. If we could do that in Spanish. Mama, we got Latin America.

We got Central America. We got Southern United States. We got España. We've got plenty other places. I'm not saying French is useless, but like today. Mama, French is the UN. Today I was watching, it was a leader in Senegal. There was a fist fight at like a UN meeting, leaders of Senegal. Mama, those French are ornery. They really are UN meeting Leaders of Senegal Mama Those French are out

They're ornery They really are Senegal Senegal Have you Wait I'm gonna go to Africa this year Girl we gotta Journée en Afrique bitch

Oui Je vais aller en Afrique But no wait Back to Spanish It's so shameful It's And it's so Living in LA

Beautiful And where we live now I just I feel I honestly feel excellent little embarrassed yeah then I'm 33 yeah and if I had prioritized that language younger though I don't know I'm gonna know I gonna know we're all gonna be speaking German in a year yeah we're pretty soon the world will be one giant arm of China oh Oh, my God.

Can I just say? It's the Christmas episode, by the way. Oh, speaking of which, Merry Christmas, guys, and happy holidays to you. Happy holidays. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. I got to tell you, Vanity, she made a video the other day, and she said, because her handle is Wigs by Vanity, she said people DM her, and they come up to her and say, hi, Wigs. You're my favorite drag queen, Wigs. Love you is Wigs by Vanity, she said people DM her and they come up to her and say, hi Wigs, you're my favorite drag queen, Wigs.

Love you, Wigs. Wig, first name Wigs, last name Wigs. First name by Vanity. By Vanity. I think by is her middle name maybe? She's by. That's crazy. This episode is brought to you by CIBC.

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I think, I don't know if this is actually real, but when RuPaul said he plays Deer in Deer Evan Hansen. I hope that's real. RuPaul loves words, though. I remember on What's the Tea, which is so old now. It doesn't even exist anymore. You did, what, 12 episodes of it? Yeah, 12 episodes.

It was like the Johnny Carson or the Ed McMahon of it. Pretty much. Or Conan, the other guy or the Ed McMahon of it. Pretty much. Or Conan, the other guy who sits on the couch. Andy Richter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, when I saw Michelle last,

I said, are you guys having to do What's the Tea again? And she was like, I don't know. We want to. We talk about it. And I said, well,

because I was never a guest. So I just think it's funny. It's fun. It's so fun. I just think one time I did it and Michelle wasn't there and that was a hoot because Ru is just nuts.

You know, she is. She loves RuPaul is we'll be like what how do you and what's that word say it again yeah yeah and can you spell that and you're like the word is orange what are you talking about she really does like get um stuck on these elementary like vocabulary for she I think she maybe has like a linguistic learning. She loves words and she gets really wrapped up in like, now where does that word come from? Say it, say it again. And you're like, my name's Steve.

And was she the one that smoked the weed? Never get tired of that. I love what little nuts about us she recalls. They're fractured memories of a time Of the bygone era Crimes of the future And I don't think she was very clear on them during that time No no no

So the hazy mystery of it is very unclear Is she the one with the ears? Is she the one with the ears? Yeah was she the one that dragged her pussy on the stage Left a stain on the floor I don't even think she knows Well here's the thing I don't even think she knows well here's the thing i don't know anything anymore about it i don't know i would lose in a drag

trivia contest i would lose i just saw something where i saw three drag queens in a cosmetics ad and i said it's crazy i said they're beautiful these girls i said i it's great for them to get this gig i mean these unknown drag queens they're gorgeous were they the winners of the comments and it was like oh these are winners or like top queens from another i said oh what what work i honestly i just i haven't seen it i haven't seen an episode of drag race since i did pit stop last so whenever that was three years ago two years ago two years ago really girl i didn't watch why do you hate drag so much? Why do you hate gay people? I'm watching Breaking Bad. Listen, I had to step away from Watchmen.

And that was brave of you. I think I consumed everything there is to consume on the internet about Watchmen. That was very brave of you. Because you know when I like something, I don't just like it. You like it until it hurts. I go deep.

I stay up late. I think about it all the time. Yeah, you talk about it all the time. And I talk about it all the time, so I had to move on. Okay. So now I'm watching Breaking Bad. Again? again well it's my second time watching it my life first time was maybe 2014 oh it's the 2014 okay it's a fantastic show it is but the emotional labor oh my god as soon as you start to think something you're like oh these characters i care

about they're getting on the straight and narrow oh Oh, God. Kristen Ritter is heartbreaking, that one. Who is that? Kristen Ritter is the girlfriend of Jesse, who owns the apartment. Yeah, Jessica Jones. So gorgeous. So gorgeous. Heroin, though. Mama Heroin, he lets her aspirate on her own vomit.

Because she was going to bribe him. Or she was going to blackmail him. Yeah, yeah. She's like, um. It's so fascinating i just watched the episodes where um now skylar has the car wash and they're trying to launder the money and he's like here's seven hundred thousand dollars and she's like we own a car wash working at the car like they might never get rich are you telling me by the end of the year you will

have made seven million dollars and she goes we couldn't launder this with 50 car washes like jesus christ that's i'm not gonna say do that do people do that i think people want jewelry stores and whatever oh and they definitely do but well i think it's harder when it's good sold right but if it's something like a nail salon hair salon services right you can't really track it right bars i'm sure yeah not our go to my bar our books are squeaky clean thank you squeaky clean very on but i think i don't know much about money laundering but i'll tell you this i would do better than they did what do you mean i know that they're supposed to the whole point of that show is oh there's no bad people there's people making bad choices that's what makes a bad person sure sure right and so i'm watching it going

that's not how you should have done that yeah amateurs go bury the money in a hole also well how much money do you need cook the meth for three months and get out see that's the problem though that i think that's a real interesting question that is too difficult to answer well obviously he wanted to pay for what his treatment or something and then he wanted to he thought he was going to die from terminal cancer within the year okay so he wanted to leave them some stuff newborn in his family i'm not saying it's right but i mean there's a character he cooks meth with who's like um he's like i'm a libertarian and i feel like people are gonna get this drug on the street anyway at least with me i know they are buying exactly what they oh absolutely i think that's

fantastic just get a pressed pill i just took a press pill but i know what it is i go to jesse he gives me a press pill and i just i the the ethics of like um i don't know it's well there's these um people in canada who were buying drugs from the dark web testing them and then redistributing them. Because there was like so many. Testing them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there were so many fentanyl contaminations and like overdoses and stuff. So people were like dying from cocaine. Like you're dying from cocaine.

Like a beauty review channel. Hey guys, it's me. Welcome back to the channel. So they were taking this press pill I got from Senegal. Let's just hope there's no fentanyl in it. Okay, here we go. Yeah. No, but it was like, so they were selling, here is absolutely

one gram of cocaine. No cutting agents, you know what I mean? Right. Which is never available on the black market. So it's an interesting thing. I'm not saying I would ever do crime because, you know, my biggest... I think you should do crime. Second act. I have not saying I would ever do crime because I you know, my biggest think you should do crime second act I have nightmares

That I have accidentally yeah reported income wrong and I go to jail or put the wrong thing in the recycling bin Exactly, so I will never I'm not a rule breaker period But when I watch the show, I'm like fools you should have made your little money and got out Yes, what are you doing? But at a certain point I mean that's the character right he he does it for the power trip yeah and I think when straight guys watch it I think most straight guys a lot I think that they're watching it and they're not watching it to see moral decay no they're jerking off to I'm bald and dumpy yeah what if I became powerful exactly yeah I became like a

fully realized evil genius character? Yeah. Well, guess what? It's not going to happen for you. Oh, it's just, that's a very,

Bob, the drag queen told me to watch that show. And I remember I watched it for the first time and it was like, it was so intense. Yes. It's so intense. It's not light. No,

I watched that better call Saul, right? Like in sequence. And then another crazy, Oh sequence and then another crazy. Oh, and then another show. I'm fucking with the what was his name? Walter Bryan Cranston with his son that in New Orleans. He's a judge and it's a dark horrible thing.

I needed to watch like the Wiggles after that. Yes, but it's almost like French literature or something where it's not good prevailing. It's like here's this character and we're going to watch life get worse yeah i love that shit you do i love it when it ends tragically horribly with no good feelings have you seen call me by your name i have seen the sex scenes i watched it for the first time the other day because oh no i have seen it i remember at a certain point i have to go you can't just re-watch the pretty bunch movie every day you need to expand to new films yes there's so many good ones out there. I had to put down my baby blue,

which was Marsha Taylor. Or what's her name? Christine Taylor. Christine Taylor. I had to put down my baby blue and step away. And I had to try a new movie. And I went to Netflix, award-winning movies.

Yeah. So I watched this movie called Call Me By Your Name. I had not seen it. What did you think about it? Tell me. Pedo. I mean, it's giving pedo, right? The whole time I'm thinking, this is an underage actor playing an underage character.

It's a bony bitch, that motherfucker. That's a bony bird boy. I mean, I underage had relationships with adult men that i don't consider looking back harmful to me but i did feel conflicted and sort of like this is a kid i thought he should have been younger this is a kid well he was what 17 yeah and maybe i don't know i don't want to say well it was definitely a may december type of thing. Yeah. Maybe an April, November. Yeah. But I thought it was like kind of the mood piece.

Very sad. I expected something. And then at the end when he gets married to a girl and he just, I literally laughed at the end. You did. It's a long shot of staring at the fire, crying while the credits come up. I laughed. It was like, this is crazy. laughed at the end it's a long shot of staring at the fire crying while the credits come up i laughed it was like yeah i mean it was kind of like too much of it just like a

mood piece and can i say if i'm gonna watch something gay i'm waiting for the nut the nut and the peach not the nut but like it is a long film oh my god and i'm like something gay gonna happen something gay gonna happen oh something gay almost happened nothing happened something gay gonna happen and there was something gay did happen. I was like, oh, it's a kid a Bird boy with bony ass. Yeah, he's like 42 pounds soaking wet. I mean he's do you think he's attractive? Well, I don't think he's not my type right of course, but like what I put him in a cosmetics ad tomorrow Yes, but he's not my type sexually. Yeah, that's the other reason I wasn't gagging for it is yeah, it was um, I

Don't know two straight little straight guys when a cannibal one little bird boy going at it So crazy, but one plays a cannibal now in a movie. Well, no, I mean he's just sent all those weird cannibal texts Oh, the other one is a cannibal now you meet Armie Hammer cannibalism is in your future Yeah, we hate this person for DM in cannibalism. Yeah, then this person other ones Play the cannibal now See you meet Armie Hammer Cannibalism is in your future Yeah We hate this person For DMing cannibalism Yeah Then this person's

Gonna play a cannibal It's all circular The vicious cycle of Hollywood The vicious cycle of Hollywood Speaking of Hollywood Merry Christmas everybody Merry Christmas I went Christmas shopping yesterday

And I got you a present Ooh What'd you get I got you some fragrance Oh okay I didn't think you were Actually gonna tell me What's the point of a present Well you don't know Which fragrance it is It could be like I got you some fragrance. Oh, okay. I didn't think you were actually going to tell me.

What's the point of a present? Well, you don't know which fragrance it is. It could be like shit, you know, a stay larder or Avon or whatever. Pink Friday. Yes. Pink sugar. I got you three discount bottles of pink sugar, extra large. Well, thank you. I got you something really cool.

Did you really? Yeah. No, I think it's cool. It's not Super expensive, but I had it's like a one-of-a-kind piece Well, you're entering the bracket where I have to I have to inquire about what is your super expensive now? What is your super expensive? It's not about money. No, no expensive isn't about money gift-giving No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just curious about it wasn't super expensive to me means like oh It was like not over $100. Oh, this was this is an original piece from Etsy

Well one of a kind and should they make them on per order pretty like when to people on them is few hundred dollars Okay, but it's not crazy. I don't know Well last Christmas you got me a pair of or maybe my birthday. You got me a pair of shoes. That was like Well last Christmas you got me a pair of or maybe my birthday you got me a pair of shoes that was like What's money what's money what's money among friends numbers on a paper Where are you doing anything for Christmas girl? I'm I sit in here in this bed, and I goon out to the thought of Christmas because I'm going to Palm Springs. Oh, that's right. Oh wait, you're driving me. Yeah.

You're driving. I am. I'm just making sure you remember. Yeah. You're driving me. You remember you and I are going to Palm Springs. That's right. I don't want to say when,

but if you're staying at the motel in December, you might see us by the pool doing a podcast. Yep. Peeing in the pool. This might come up by then, but, uh, and then I'm staying with David's family and David's family.

They know how to do Christmas. The Jews know how to do Christmas. The Jews know how to do Christmas. Cause they're Jews know how to do know how to do Christmas because they're impartial. Well, they see it from the outside They do Hanukkah and I get that's fun. Yeah, and then when Christmas comes it's it's like in America We're obsessed with the tradition of Christmas. So like oh put out that old disgusting rag doll that was grandma's so it means something Nasty where's Davis families like don't put that on the tree it doesn't go with the colors yeah it's yeah they know they're not uh they're not swept up in that whole jesus stations of the cross like um you know virgin Mary thing make it nice it's like it's like a nordstrom window in your home it's beautiful these hotels in the uk in the christmas time fierce gorgeous stunning absolutely gorgeous christmas trees everywhere in the lobby chris we

need to bring christ villages to America. Every city's got a Christmas village. I know. I don't think that they would do well in America. I think Americans would tear that shit down. I think in LA it wouldn't work. Maybe somebody bent over shitting. Literally there'd be, um, Ivy drug use by the, um, old wine.

And then there'd be like, um, but the cotton candy, they'd be with people fucking, fucking, fucking. It would be, it would be Ivy drug use by the mulled wine. And then there'd be like, but the cotton candy, they'd be with people. Fucking, fucking, sucking. It would be, child trafficking by the frito. It's like too much.

Yeah. It'd be a miss windy in a mini skirt with a 40 in her hand. Work in the corner. Yeah. And like Santa told me you were bad this year. Yeah. I'm going to take that license plate and slap you in the face with it. Also, there's like the one Ferris wheel would be always broken.

It just wouldn't be a mess. It'd be a mess. You're gonna laugh when I got David. Well, one of the things I got David. What? I got him a year subscription to Masterclass. You want to make more money? That's great.

That's great. So he can choose any classes. Yeah, he'll have access to all of them. All of them. That's fantastic. Because he's into He can choose any classes Yeah he'll have access To all of them All of them That's fantastic Cause he's into interiors And he's into drink making And there's all this stuff

He likes And spiritual enlightenment Via RuPaul So that's gonna be Come in handy yeah I will say there's There's so many classes And some of them are really

Suspicious Well it'll be like Home cooking with Ina Garten It's like oh that makes sense Yeah And sometimes it's like Millie makes sense yeah and sometimes it's like millie bobby brown on transcendentalism and you're like yeah or um chinese aphrodisiac cooking with renee zellweger yeah okay it's a little like um a brow lift with carrot top

it's like two thousand dollars i don't know how much they are but they're quite expensive yeah i've inquired into the ones i think like david lynch had one on directing or something but it was i think it's 250 for the year oh that's not bad no master class david if he wants something he'll buy it for himself so he's so hard to shop for i know i'm the same way because it's it's like it's hard to shop for people like that yeah they'll just They want something they'll get it Where do I get my fucking nephews I mean I'm gonna check in with the parents Paw Patrol

What not Everything like that but Did you say Paw Patrol Paw Patrol is usually what the kids are into Is that a show Yeah Oh It's where like animals are policed

Is it bad if I thought that was like a party at the Eagle Well it sounds like Paw Patrol Take a breath Paw Patrol honey Summertran Paw Patrol Yeah I don't know what to get the little kids But I'm gonna get them something like Well, it sounds like a pop patrol. Take a breath, Bill. Take a breath, Bill. Pop patrol, honey. Summer tramp, pop patrol. Yeah.

I don't know what to get the little kids, but I want to get them something like memorable, wonderful, dazzling. Well, I mean, you could get them something that's like not in memoriam. They're not dead, but whatever the version of that is where you make a donation in their name or- To hurricane relief. Have you started a college fund for them? Oh, yeah, yeah. We got a little dirt.

We got a hole in the ground. Shoveling money into that. Make a fat little, so get them a little toy or something and then make a fat little deposit into that. That's what I've been doing. They don't need toys. Children.

I feel like it's, I'm right. They get thrown away, whatever. And also I feel like by the time it gets there, they'll probably lose interest in it. Absolutely. I mean, yeah, it's just more junk in the junkyard. TD and your small business go together like... TD's small business account managers have in-depth business banking expertise,

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Sale on now. Shop online or visit a King Living showroom today. Can I ask, are you having separation anxiety from your new home? Are you, does a bear shit in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Absolutely. Yes, and I want to show you.

So your desire to be home has only compounded now that you own it Right Not only that But there are people Actively making it better Right Which is great

So I mean Actually it's a good thing That I'm not there Because it's so noisy But I just I think about lemons All the time I think about how

They feel in my hand I think about going out Onto the porch And grabbing a lemon From the tree And sniffing it It's too bad You don't drink alcohol

And I don't say that To a lot of my sober friends But there's nothing like- Oh, fresh Meyer lemon in a fucking cocktail. When you have somebody come over and you go, do you want a drink? Do you want a lime or a lemon? Yeah.

Boop. Yeah. It feels so cunty. Yeah, I know. It is very cunty. It feels so cunty. Because you know what people did before Gelson's? They grew food.

They grew food in their backyard. It was called a corn maze, but originally it was a maze maze. Because corn is called maze. This original corn maze was a maze maze, honey. Oh, you. Oh, you. Do you have holiday ham on Christmas?

No, of course you don't. You're a vegetarian. No, I go down to the silvers. What are they making for you? David's mom makes sugar creaks and scratch, out shapes cut out everything they make Christmas breakfast everything David's sister will have a signature cocktail Picked out for that Chris. Oh wow, that's fierce She plays bartender and whatever you want like eggnog martinis or whatever and because I'm the guest

All I do is wash the morning dishes and take out the trash and then sit around that's so fierce well they should like I imagine they circle around you because you were a Christian well they know usually they I have to pay them back I have to play guitar for them at some point okay there's like a written yeah um my other question to you is oh my god I just forgot what I was going to say. I saw The Glass Onion. It's The Glass Onion. Have you seen Knives Out? Yeah.

It's a sequel to that. Oh, did you love it? I liked it. I thought it was entertaining, but I think like most movies these days, it was 20 minutes too long. Mary Dugan, we are connected to a cinemaplex. I know, The View. A cinema movieplex.

Yeah. The movies are back and they're right over there. Well, I took some pictures of the show times today. And I wonder if you could advise me on what I should see. Okay. So the options are this film called Pray for the Devil. Okay. That looks like a fun home movie.

Okay. It starts in 10 minutes. I'm probably not going to make it. No, no, no, no. The menu. Love it. Okay. Go see it.

Run, don't walk. Run, don't walk to see the menu. Run, don't walk to see the menu. Lo Love it. Okay. Go see it. Run, don't walk. Run, don't walk to see The Menu. Run, don't walk to see The Menu. Loved it. It was actually one of the movies that I've loved. I loved it from start to finish, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. Well, if we're talking about men in cinema that I'm not attracted to because this has nothing to do with pedophilia because this is an adult man.

The man in this from X-Men First Class. The gentleman in the menu. What's his name? Ralph Fiennes. Is that his name? The chef? No, that person. I don't know who that is.

Oh, Nicholas Holt. So hot. I love him. So hot. You won't love him in this movie. Well, I shouldn't give anything away. Is it Big Fat Cock? He's so cute.

He's so handsome. Yeah, he's so hot. He's so, so handsome. He's so handsome. Yeah, he's so so handsome But menu five stars five stars in x-men he plays, you know beast Hey boy, and it's like that character. It's so stupid. No, I love it I'm at least but I want to look normal and I want I want to fall in love with them be like no I want you to Remember that we get on top of that giant blue dick and blow my eyeballs out of my skull But that dick so far from me that my eyes shoot out of my head.

I want to be like, the coroner needs to be vacuuming out blue hair from inside of my body for weeks. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And by that, I mean, I want you to slip one pinky in and me to go, stop. You're going, stop. Ow. Ow.

What about him and Mystique? Why didn't they get together? Both blue shit. Blue babies. Could you imagine? Yeah, of course. Blue. Wait, don't they use her blood to make it so that he can look normal?

Isn't that the whole thing? I don't know. I forget. X-Men, whatever. I've only seen those films once. Yeah, they're not that great. Well, I watched another movie that was fine and not that great. Which one?

It was great which one it wasn't great it was called the wonder oh victorian starving girls florence pew florence pew listen friend of the pod friend no oh i was like i would watch her give herself a pedicure i don't care but yeah she's so talented but every movie she's in they go all right then we're gonna have this long scene of you walking away from people toward the camera trying to hold it and crying yeah so you're gonna have a long shot of you going yeah and i love that yeah in emotions they're great i want to watch a movie cry myself pretend that i'm in it oh god i cried while i ate

the other day with food that was really special i haven't done that in a while which hole were you putting it in well i was shoving it through the back hole no i was eating um soup and um spicy soup and then i would start crying it's chic did you did you look at our spotify um podcast rap by the way for the year people have been listening to it in a very, how should I say, unhealthy manner. Don't you think? We're actually some people's number ones. We're in the top 1% of subscribed to podcasts. Wait, wait, what?

Yes. Hold on. How did we do that? And we are the top 1% shared podcast. What? Which means people share our episodes a lot. We don't deserve it. Isn't that great?

Thank you, everybody, for listening to our show. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas to us. Shit. We put out 1500 minutes of content on this pod this year, I think. Wow. 1500 what? 1500 minutes of pod.

Oh really? Is what we put out, I believe. Wow. Isn't that crazy? It just seems like flash. Also seems like it goes on forever. Either means there's a lot of pods, which is probably Everybody has a podcast. Everybody has a podcast. So thank you for listening to ours

I know you have only so many hours in the day and your commute is only so long and you choose to use us and That's great. I think most people do listen to on the commute. Don't you think? Yes I think the LA is like literally keeping podcasts afloat because of the long commutes How do you how where's to work? Have you furnished everything in your house? I meant to talk to you about this. Yes. I only need stools for the kitchen counter and I need some outdoor furniture because we're getting rid of all that.

And then some wallpaper. That's it. And some like, you know, things as like we go, I didn't want to go crazy right away because I wasn't able to fully transition it into witch hut because it was a 1960s kind of modernist house you can still go kind of dark sided yeah kind of dark side is the key though i don't want to go

like full-on like why is there a witch living in this house totally it's not in the woods you know what i mean yeah so i don't know it's great though it's like i could look at wallpaper all day long what do you want i get bored what kind of wallpaper do you want something geometric but fun like but kind of like moody. Tight geometric or big? I want something bigger. I had stripes. It was a little beetle juicy.

The wallpaper guru. Oh, vertical stripes? Mm-hmm. That seems a little crazy. I liked it. It was only on one wall. But the wallpaper guru installed it and it came off the next day. Mama, guru of what?

That's what I'm trying to say. I think it was like guru. By RuPaul. Yeah, like I don't think he knew what that word meant yeah guru is like the wall is good at it yeah it was so bad and took forever it's hard we had wall shop do all of our wallpaper tricksy cosmetics yeah and it's perfect has never moved to is it very expensive they have so many fuck no i have so many wallpapers it's crazy um there's just one i want for my office in the new house the there's this is it a mural no it's a gucci wallpaper but it's so fancy and cool it has like lion heads on it and stuff yeah i've seen that one i've seen that one it's like don't buy don't

buy designer because i know you know but if it's a small wall like this size Just one I think I'm gonna have some local kids come over and do a Mural and a acrylic paint. Mm-hmm. That's probably the best scenario hand painting. Yeah, I'll hold them by the legs Thank you. Do you like in home murals? I? Mean I've just like, you know bought a a Celli or Da Vinci or something. Yeah. But I don't think like a. You wouldn't have somebody come in and paint something.

I don't think so. Unless they were a very talented classical artist. Okay. You know. They take deceptively long. When we did them at the motel, they took, one of them took 15 hours for three or four of us. It's a giant painting.

It's a giant painting. But you look at it and you go, oh, it's just shapes. No, Mary. When we did that flamingo wall on Trixie Motel, it was like. The pressure's there forever. No mistakes. It's cute and all until 40 minutes in when you're sick of it. And you're like, we're not even scratching the surface.

It's horrible. Time. Plus you have to either freehand it or project it to trace it. Oh, that's smart. You didn't do that? No, we did project it. We did. Okay.

But then just even penciling it is a whole process. Then you turn the lights off and turn on and you go, but then you have to mark what all the colors are going to be. So you don't paint things the wrong color. Oh my God. Oh, right. It's because you make mistakes like that so long.

Yeah. Honestly, this is the new house. I was like, I'm gonna have to hate something a lot because the motel took it out of me. Renovation style. Oh, I see.

I see the new house. I'm like, it's so pretty. The new house. We have some, I'm'm gonna change some fixtures, but I'm like Those stairs I can't change anything sumptuous mahogany woodwork. I know I love those stairs so much I'm gonna fall down those stairs and die you are yeah, like just like dumb. What's her name from Dolores Claiborne? What about a lovely portrait? Could we get you in like a linen Ebenezer Scrooge pajama outfit and then a holiday photo shoot? And then I can be Jacob Marley?

Wait, wait, for what? Just life. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I had the giant fat lady with her pussy outframed. So she's going to be prominently featured. I was like, oh, this might be too much. She's huge. She's six feet by something.

And you made that out of your own volition in college or what? Yeah, in college for drawing class. And they required you to make a giant one? No, no, no. I was just like feeling extra. And the teacher loved it. His name was, he was an English guy. He was kind of whatever.

He loved it. I love the giant pussy. The students were like, you are weird. Wait, when you presented that, you presented that in college and you had to talk about your process. Yeah, I was just like, oh, you know, I created this character. Her name is Cherry. And here she is. She's got a lot going on downstairs.

Sorry about that. And it's a bunch of straight people and stuff. And they're like art. What is it? Art 101? No, it's drawing. It was like drawing. Oh, so it was majors?

No, it was like art elective. It was an art elective. So you're at an art elective unveiling your rot pussy manifesto? I thought it would at least be like funny or not. If not funny, then like, wow, school's so boring. Can you describe what it is? I don't think everyone knows. So it's basically just like a cartoonish oil pastel drawing of a very large woman who's squatting with her knees open.

You see her whole labia and there's a lot of warts and bumps and stuff going on. It's like decay. It's gray. It's gray lips and then some sores and stuff and she's also

holding her breasts you know and she's got brown teeth. I'm just obsessed with this being an elective and people are just like I'm just trying to get through midterms

and you're like anyway here's this. I really wanted to just unroll it. That's the fun part. You just you know what I mean it's dramatic

because it's in a role. Giant art is hard to come by. No fucking shit. And also art in a home is tough because what do you go to? Go to the art store? You're going to go down to the art store and get your art or whatever. So you don't have to like know the person or whatever. It has to be some kind of like,

I don't know. Craigslist? Yeah. There's an art section on Craigslist where people are just getting rid of paintings or sculptures from all different eras and then you got to get a car and go pick it up though well that i got that's right yeah i'm gonna get an uber to take me to what like sierra bonita to pick up a giant pussy painting one day you come down um you call me, I'll come over to your house on the car, pick you up, I'll take you to the convenience store, you can buy a candy bar, I'll drop you home. That's going to be huge for me. That's going to be huge for me.

I think this is a big, big, solid move in the right direction for both of us. Did you know Kelly Mantle went bowling last night? Yeah, with Jason, yeah. Do you think Kelly's good at bowling? I think that she was. I think she won a round last night, right? Didn't she win. You think Kelly's good at bowling? I think that she was. I think she won a round last night, right? Didn't she win?

You think she's bad at bowling? She was terrible. Oh, you were there. And she ate? She served, yeah. Good for her. Well, she's not much of an actress. That, by the way,

so getting tired with the material of the show, ground to a halt the other night when you sneezed and then you're like, sorry, I'm allergic to bad acting. That was so funny.

It was in the middle of Kelly. So funny. So funny. Not a monologue, like two paragraphs. And I sneezed in the middle and I don't know. I'm just, I was looking for something.

We're going to feel something. Orville Peck called me and was like, are you at the point in the tour where you're like purposely making changes to keep it fresh i said at this point i think we're actively skating around the material yeah yeah we're avoiding it or making fun of it making fun of it avoiding it yeah um hurting each other hurting personally sandy yeah that last show in fucking North Carolina Is gonna be real boo-boo Real boo-boo So if you have tickets You're gonna love it

Sorry By boo-boo I mean Wonderful I'm just looking forward to Oshkosh, Wisconsin Well who isn't Clearwater, Florida Would like a word as well

We're doing all the major cities Mama Oshkosh Clearwater Indianapolis. Well, Miami. The juggernauts. Low ticket sales.

Why? Miami's never a good market for us. Never. Why is that? I don't know. Too many hot, sizzling Gloria Estefan fans there. But the gays don't live in Miami, do they? Yeah, they sure do.

Well, why don't they care about it? Gay men don't like us anymore. Well, I went to a club in Miami in November. Love it out? Yeah. No, no, no. Just a gay men don't like us anymore? Well, I went to a club in Miami in November. Love it out. Yeah. No, no, no. Just a gay club.

The Twist. Lovely club. Went in there. Nobody wanted to have anything to do with me. It was fierce. I thought I'd be like, oh, you know, I don't want to take pictures. Nobody wanted to take pictures. They don't like drag?

I don't know. They didn't like me, maybe. I don't know. Brandon and I went to a club in Orlando once that was formerly known as the Parliament House The Parliament House I love them I do too I did white party there once You did too right And the humidity though That's right

That cracky motel Love you Parliament House RIP she's gone anyways I mean not good but she's not offended But we were there once on like a weeknight and there was a woman performing. It was a woman doing drag, naked, no shoes on, boobs out, pussy out, no shoes on. Who was the drag? Maybe a dozen people there.

Is the drag in the hair, the wig? I guess it was just the essence. Attitude? It was the attitude. And the bartender gave us money to go give her because there was no transaction being. It's sort of like if it's a store and everyone's just looking and no one's purchasing. It's tough. So it's going to break the seal.

The bartender's like, go give her money. I'm like, I fucking will. Pity tips. Yeah. Pity tips. That's tough. No, just naked woman. You sure she was a drag queen she didn't

wander off the street no it was a naked woman really it was a naked woman it was a naked woman with maybe earrings were the drag like like chunky earrings maybe a bottom lash and some earrings and complete nudity well that's christmas that's the magic of christmas did you see fina was on uh delta's podcast no no oh god what did they get into i can't wait to listen to it the two i can't wait to see what these two people talk about when they get together the surly and irascible um weather patterns have like found each other the number of ice cubes everything nobody's safe the attitude of the clerk at the drive-thru oh um. Well, the clip was Delta being like, you know, if all drag is valid, when you say like your drag is old school, she's like, well, yeah, it is. But what's wrong with that? She's like, what's wrong with wanting to wear like nice hair and jewelry and perfume and put nails on?

Yeah. And she's right. Yeah. And she should say it. Absolutely. All drag is, I mean, why do we have to say valid? Valid what is valid? It's like I'm a professional. Well, you somebody paid a dollar for your services Yes, that makes you a professional you work professionally if you sell your services for money your Halloween costume is valid

That's absolutely your pants your shitty chinos from the the dollar store are valid You know your your neck brace is valid. Everybody loves your brown hair. So who gets into drag for validation? I started drags at other drag queens. If you want to get validation, just go to a parking structure and get a ticket. Yeah, or do like take some adult karate where there's like, here's your belt. Take adult karate. You know, here's your belt.

You get a series of colorful validations that add up to something very huge. What's the validation in drag? A drink ticket? Well, it's like, do they really mean my drag is good? Because that's off the table. And it's subjective. Of course. And speaking of which, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Just a little bonus holiday episode. You know, not to overpromise, but when we finished touring in the spring, we look forward to going back to one episode a week. I think we can say that. And without teasing too much, we now have a place we will be consistently recording in with consistent camera work, visuals, the same set every week. It's basically going to be like a television show now.

It's incredible. And there was a CBS studios was so nice to give us all of their lots, access to every lot they have. That was huge. It was huge. And we're on the Paramount lot. Our studio is actually in the tower, the water tower. It's a lot of pressure, but I think we can rise to the challenge.

The Streamys are Sunday. Oh, my God. Well, what? We can't go. If we don't get that editing award, I'm going to have to kill Bob Streamy's our Sunday. Oh my God. Well, what? We can't go. If we don't get that editing award, I'm going to have to kill Bob Streamy. Yeah, I'll have to kill myself too. I'm going to have to strangle with a piano wire.

I'm ready. I'm ready to do it. I think we should at least win. I mean. We got best unscripted before. Okay, that was great. I felt like that was the consolation prize, but that was just me.

This is our third best show nomination. Editing, Mary. We need to get editing. Don't you think? Yes, of course. But we've also had best show three times. This is our third nomination. Well, I just think that the real crime is the editing.

Editing should be acknowledged. It's so fierce. And also in this YouTube world, it really paved the way for, it inspired other people who have become successful on YouTube. Not to say that they've ripped us off but like there was really created something um it yeah it's a it's a moment it's a thing i never feel like our show i mean maybe the editors feel different but

i think when our editors notice their style being emulated i don't think they're ever offended it means you have an impact it means people appreciate what you do imitation is the the highest form of flattery absolutely well so merry christmas everybody and i hope you have a happy holiday bye wigs Bye.