The Basement Yard - #177 - Milk, Milk, Lemonade

Episode Date: February 18, 2019

On this episode, Danny and I discuss the deportation of 21 Savage, our dogs and the legend of Milk,Milk,Lemonade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Danny's here. Obviously for show got a new chain for show Obviously keeping it fresh. So when you what do what chain are you gonna stop at? Let's just start off with that. What chain are you gonna stop at cuz I'm sure you're gonna look like maker maker maker Mr. T pretty soon. I think this is it. This is it. I keep them very small I keep the pieces small anyone believe that this is it no great. I do. Yeah, I'm sure you do we'll see We'll see you got some new ice depends on the razor Jesus's face Damn got the Jesus on the chain. Yeah, and I don't need shit. All that shit is religious for sure Yeah, well, these are just garden angels. Yeah, you pray. I do you pray. Yeah, how much not a lot

You don't pray. No, I do when like you're throwing up and you're like why God yeah, yeah I do that all like I'll walk like I'll walk by a church with my dog and like just like Just a quick just yeah, just a quick one. Just to be like, what's up, man? I remember you. Yeah You ever see Greek people do the sign of the cross. Yes. It's a it's a thing Yeah, like one of my friends is Greek and every time we drive past a Greek church Really, yeah, it's like 14 like signs of the cross and it's just like some kissing of the hand I think This one they do the whole shebang. It's like trying to make them like sign in a bunch. Yeah Yeah

It's like Jesus. What do you do? What are you telling God that I don't I can't hear are you telling Jesus to steal? Yeah, you tell like you tell him just take take second base. That's literally what it looks like Greek people are just like You know, what does that mean like why you telling secrets like I'm sitting right here. Tell me to I wonder when that all started What the whole yeah, yeah, who started the hand motion Catholic probably started this I know this is weird to like fuck you man. Do you do this or this? This is the M and oh, no, what is the M? I do the M&M one the M&M. I don't do that I don't really throw middle fingers at people Remember when this feels more strong like it's got some brace behind it. I got my my thumb there to be like

It's very white though. This is why fuck you man It's like that's like a white dude in traffic. You fucking lose your cut me off, man. Fuck you Double is so fucking corny. Yeah doubles corny. Oh my god. Yeah, fuck you man. Do you remember this? Hell, yeah, yo come scissor me Is this on camera? Can they see that probably do you remember when you could like? Oh My god, it's a pussy. Yeah, it's not a pussy. No, it's just your hands your friend's fingers Yeah, and then the other one where you made a dick where you got it. Wait, how'd you do that? Wait, you didn't know that? No, I don't know to make it. Oh, we did dicks too. How do you do dicks?

Well, you kind of like just put it come here. Come come fuck me. Okay There and then open up But it's also just my fingers. Yeah, it's too. It's a double dick spoiler alert. Yeah, you know But yeah, anyway, you would do this open up and like oh my god, it's pussy Yo kids are idiots. You used to get in trouble for doing that for doing the hand thing. Yeah, just being like Vagina. Yeah, and they'd be like hey, don't look at that hand pussy. Yeah Don't look at your friend's fake pussy. It's gross Inappropriate do your fractions. Do your friend. Do your goddamn long division, dude. I must it like I

Couldn't imagine being a teacher and like talking to kids like trying to reprimand a kid Dude, I have no idea how to talk to children. I talked to them like I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah? They're like crying. I'm like what's wrong. What is happening? Imagine walking into a room every morning and being like in charge of 30. Yeah assholes. Yeah, especially like middle school That's the worst. Oh my god sit down. Everyone sit. All right. We're all gonna do this Dude, I was such a dick in like seventh grade. Yeah, like yeah, whatever fuck you You ever curse a teacher? Yeah. Yeah, but not not I feel really bad I didn't do it for no reason like I felt sick and like yo, this is like a weird ass story, right?

But I had I had my homeroom teacher was also my Spanish teacher, right and she was Chinese and like barely spoke English. So it was really like there was a language barrier, you know and I Remember one time it was like at the beginning of the day and I just got to school and I was sitting at my desk and My friends were dicks, too, and I was like, I don't feel good. I want to call my mom like whatever So she's like you can't call your mom And I'm like, all right, so I'm sitting at my desk like this, right? Because I feel sick and she comes over to me and I went it was a public school She comes over to me and she just kind of like leans in she goes you can't pray here

All right, she says that to me and then I literally like lift on my head I'm like, I'm not fucking praying like I don't feel well. Yeah, I just want to call my mom to come pick me up And she's like you can't pray here, right? So my friends hear this and they're dicks like they were the ones who were like Like we just be an asshole for nobody we know no, no, no, you don't know any of them But it's none of my friends from around the neighborhood. This is my friends from school You know, they like they heard that and they would they came over to my table and like joined hands And we're walking slowly in a circle going our father who are in heaven. Oh my god

And it like around me. I'm like, yeah, you guys are dicks. I'm like, I'm just like still like not feeling it then she goes She's like, all right, you can call your mom or whatever like she felt bad like she apologized or something right? So I call my mom and I'm like, I'm not really feeling well blah blah blah, so she's gonna come pick me up and Then I get back to my desk. I have my head down again because I don't feel well. She slides me a book, right? It's a Bible in Chinese I was like I can barely pass your fucking Spanish class. What do you think I took?

Chinese fucking in fifth grade So she barely spoke English told me I couldn't pray that gave me a Chinese Bible. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense None of it made sense. What was her name? Mischie Yeah, that was her name. Mischie. Mischie She fucking hated my guts. She definitely hated. Yeah, we were such dicks in middle school It was crazy. Those are the golden years of dickheadedness though dickheadedness dickheadedness. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's like She spoke with a microphone to

She had a machine and she would sing the national anthem every morning. No fucking star-spangled banner Yeah, every morning. She would sing and like one of my friends like had his foot on the wire one day and Just pop that shit out mid fucking star-spangled banner and she's like was just like looking at the mic and she was like Like trying to get it to work. I talked to her to Mike. Why would I have no idea that's so strange Yeah, and she had like a the system of marking like grading people's behavior. Yeah, like checks or minuses Okay, I had mad minuses and there was one day we were taking a Like a state test or whatever and a bunch of my friends and like we were all just like being like Trevor's trying to copy on me. She's like looking for the name Trevor like trying to give him minus

He doesn't fucking exist. Oh my god. Yeah, you guys are fucking mastermind. Yeah You guys are a collective group of assholes. Yeah, it was it was really bad because in sixth grade I was still really good like I was a straight-A student my whole life Yeah, not my whole until sixth grade after sixth grade They took all the bad kids and put them in one class which was my class in seventh grade after that They're like, all right. It's a great spot to flourish in too. Oh, yeah, it's like going to jail I would never ever want to teach that grade. I think it's the worst That was when I was at my peak like worst like kind of child. Yeah, I would say

That's when it started for me. That's when it was all like yo pussies. Yeah, I broke my hand pussies I broke bad around that time Definitely Yeah, I was Heisenberg ask at that. Oh wait, do you remember milk milk lemonade? Around the corner fudges made do people not like some people not know what that is if you don't you suck Yeah, hold on. I got I like so I brought this up to someone and they knew like the basic one But then there's more around the corner fudges made. There's something after that. Yeah, I don't I don't know that milk milk mm-hmm

Insinuating obviously the rest milk titty milk nipple milk for sure milk milk Lemonate vagina PP Vagina PP around the corner fudges made that's poo poo at your butt butt. Yes poo poo kaka Stick your finger up the hole whoa out comes a tootsie roll Eww You went to Catholic school right in high school, but this was way before that I'm not say no Yeah, no, so it was milk milk lemonade around the corner fudges made stick your finger up the hole out comes a tootsie roll Stick your finger twice as far out comes a Hershey bar

Why are we saying this and why are you talking about going so far up your own ass? Twice as far twice as far. How much do you think you can get your butthole right now? Like no warm up no warm up Cold ass cold it cold ass cold anus. How far can I get my finger cold and index finger? Like I can't fight it no No, I think I can't get in you get this far. I don't know if I could get in I need to like really wiggle it in I hear you you know what I mean play around a little bit not that I've tried I'm just saying twice as far as deep in your butt dude at that point

Might as well have a penis. I have a little finger, too. I wouldn't want this in my butt. Yeah, no no way No, I've never had to go to the doctor and get any of that stuff yet, but I'm gonna have to soon You know yeah at some point you got to look your butt look at your balls look at your pain. Oh They've seen my dick and balls. Yeah, I Haven't gotten cough. Yeah, one of my worst fears by the way is when I know I'm going to the doctor get a physical and they Gotta grab your nuts and like do whatever. Yeah, I'm like man. I really hope I don't get hard Yeah, I've had that feeling before too, but that was like way more when I was younger and I associated everything with like sex sex Yeah, I was like this guy's gonna touch my dick. I'm gonna get a boner

That's all my friends are gonna call me gay. Yeah. Yeah, basically. Yeah, I was like something You know what always feel weird when they would press on your stomach. Yeah, but like near my nuts. Yeah, and it would feel kind of good And they would have like you know how like Michael Phelps before he dives into a pool He'd have his hands like that and he'd be pressing. Yeah, why you gotta brace your hand. I know you're a strong man You just a young boy. Just press it with one hand. What is this double fucking fisting? What's going on? You and they would like make small talk. He's like, all right, so like Anything like schools good like everything's all right. I'm like this dude's getting gradually closer to my penis And it's starting to feel better and better. Yeah, so that a part of me is like

You think about when you're 14 years old, you don't know any better. Yeah, you're like, dude I don't like you're scared. Yeah, and then you're just like Because no one's happening there no one's seeing your Wang dang I oh my dad would also be in the room too though. Oh my what I would be like, yeah No, first of all my dad would never take me to the doctor He's just like go with your mother and my mom. I'm not showing her my wiener My dad hated like taking me to like to the doctor He'd be like literally do like scratch off like well like the doctor like checked out my penis. You could do like cash words

You should be sitting there. Just like Yeah, no, like he's been good like yeah, like he hasn't coughed in a while Yeah, like doing fucking scratch off. I Love when they do that with the scratch off old people love smacking it They love smacking scratch off and they love smacking newspapers against their hands. I got damn it. Yeah, they do they do Fuck what I never know. They're always like What are you doing? What do you do and I know you want to get the scratch a pack of cigarettes You're trying to pack. You know what I'm saying. Do you do you ever play scratch off?

Not typically but I have dude when I used to get drunk like I would always buy scratch offs Why I don't know like I would get a sandwich be like give me like five cash words So let me get two number fives. Yeah 17 and they've been always give you the wrong number. Yeah, I was like, dude This is 14. I don't want this game. I wanted 17 clearly. I said that it's the one on the right What's the most you think you ever want to scratch off? 60 bucks. Yeah, I think like around there to have won like 50 $50 I would love to fucking win the lottery, but yeah, you know, it's really fucked up Those fake scratch offs. Oh, yeah, we did my terrible to do to somebody. Yeah, they want one of my family members did it

On Christmas to my uncle and he was so happy and like flipping out I was like, how's he doing financially before that? I mean, he's not like strapped for cash. That would be one thing I fucked up. You know, I mean like you're super poor Poor your poorest uncle and he's like, oh, I did it. It's like nah, bro. Got him pussy still poor read the back Yeah So alright, so he did any scratch it. Yeah, I think it was like 15 grand and he like oh my god I like he was like obviously happy it's 15 grand and then I think one of my aunts It's like now read it and then where I was like, I was just fucked up. Yeah, it is fuck

I wouldn't want to be a part of that. No, I I didn't I didn't know part of that Otherwise, I would have blown up the whole operation. I'd be like, hey, so I'm going down later Be on your toes like fucking deep throat in the parking lot like sliding like a fucking one of those fucking envelopes Like here's a radio call you in 45 minutes No one is gonna understand a deep throat reference at all but Metal Gear solid. Well, and it's also it's from Watergate. Oh Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, I associate deep throat with video games, of course with Metal Gear solid Yeah, you know second first obviously we're talking Heather. Do you like history? Yes? Absolutely Heather talk about history talk about she made history Heather Brooke anyone who knows Heather Brooke

I think don't go Guler. I think Heather. I deep throat turned most people my age into men. I Think she did she did she she was like a beacon of hope to all of us No one will ever measure up though. No, no one can beat her. She's undefeated undefeated You know the internet's undefeated Heather Heather Brooks underfated fucking undefeated. She's iconic. Oh Without a doubt. She's amazing. I would buy her merch Yeah, in a second Yeah, we should probably look that up after the show hell. Yeah, and see if she has any I'd be so far She was like a patreon like on art like a patron and like new of ours. Oh my god

Oh my god, I do anything for that, right? I first of all, I'd Venmo her money back I'd like don't just the fact that you just know me is great. Isn't it weird how like porn stars just like disappear though Well, yeah, they just give up you just like stop work like stop working Well, they probably collect a bunch of quiche and then they do other things. Yeah You don't want to get pounded for the rest of your life, you know You're gonna give these holes a break you ever see like some porn stars like they'll be older and you're like It's kind of like it's like it's like if someone gives you a burger that like isn't made the right way But you're like no, I didn't say I wouldn't eat it

You know, I'm just saying yeah, all right. All right. This happened again Okay, it's like Jeter's last year. You're like come on man, like you don't want to see him go at least take a bake Up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, come on. Jesus. Oh Stuff we're gonna immortalize you. This is the type of stuff. I think about like what about myself. Yeah, I talked to myself Constantly that I know you think you think it's like something like mental I have or you think it's just what I Maybe I have like ADD or something Why could you talk to yourself? Yeah, wait, do you talk to yourself like in your head or out loud both? Well, I think the in your head is very normal, but just having a full-on conversation like nah, yeah

Kind of like out loud is a little fucking nuts Now we're talking about crazy guy in the subway. No, like I'll do that from time to time not like that should be in like Like I don't I'm not like talking to actually I I Talked to my dog. I talked to my dog like it's a person that has like that has human abilities. I Do the same thing. I talked to Charlie. Yeah, I've talked to Charlie about his like behavior I've sat him down and talked to him like come here sit down Let me talk to you and this dog is like what the fuck is this person doing come a little man?

Let me talk with you. See if I can page you to the large picture. Yeah, exactly I'm just like listen man like what you did today like wasn't cool Whenever you yell at your dog, you sound like an idiot because you're like, what are you doing? And your dog just looking at you like dude, I don't have the fucking talking about and you're like, yeah Why did you do that? Explain to me why you would do that and they're just like dude. Why do you keep smelling the floor? Like he's gonna turn around and be like, oh, uh, I smell something like uh, you left some beef down here from that uh, negamaki Yeah, the fucking dog doesn't know what it we're fucking talking about I wonder what they hear is it just like

Like remember in the rug rats when they used to talk to spike wow Remember that and he all was black and white black and white I mean, I feel like sounds are just sounds so he has to be hearing what we're saying Well, they know sit and shit like that. Yeah, but yeah, but it's just sounds that we make right they don't understand our Hey, why not? Why can't dogs understand us? I know Like we're teaching where they don't have the capability. Yeah They're smart if I could teach you how to Like not run away when I take you off the leash and like you know, I'm saying and you know how to sit and you can understand

Some certain words. Why can't I just say the whole sentence and it's also like When other dogs bark at them They know how to bark back, but if we bark at them, they're kind of like, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? Will you make fun of me? No, you can't say that. What's the matter with you? It's offensive Barking me. It's kind of like the n-word for dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, try to bark at a dog And they're like, whoa, that's for us. That's us. That's not your thing You can't say it and you guys can't do it. First of all, you can't even do it correctly You sound ridiculous

Like when you do it like around other dogs like sorry about him and listen listen my owner. He's a fucking idiot He doesn't know what he's doing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's just go get this ball My dog actually gets pissed when I when I fake bark at him because I'm trying to get him to talk And he'll just look at me and get right in my face and be like Stop talk about getting in your face super bowl party. Charlie tried to eat my fucking sandwich out of my hand Yeah, I know I almost kicked him into the sky. Yeah, you had like the biggest like dog owner reaction. You were like, whoa What are you doing? Isn't it like don't you get so embarrassed when your dog does something?

I get more embarrassed if like my dog does something embarrassing Then like if I did something embarrassing my dog listens to me for the most part He just like he's he's literally like a like a teenager Or like a like a like a 12 year old kid That when you're around they're on their best behavior But when if you're not looking for a second, they're like i'm gonna get away with this You know because I could eat something On the floor right like a sandwich or like whatever and he would just stare at it

And he would never even dream of like whatever even if I wasn't looking at him But if I if if I like left the room for a second, he'd go walk right up to it. Yeah, yeah Like oh, I could do it now, you know, he walked right out to me and was like I'm eating the sandwich I was just like, yo, bro. Like I don't know what to do. I'm a little afraid She's like, listen you big bitch this sandwich is coming with me. He's like, all right I'm taking this. Yeah, and he went I was like, whoa Charlie also your dog threw up all over my back seat puked everywhere. That was awesome. Yeah, it was great

Just driving just driving my car. Thank god. He didn't throw up on the way back too Yeah, that would have been terrible. I'm just glad it wasn't poop. Yeah Dog vomit's not as bad as dog poop. No because it just comes out as food. You know what I mean? Like it's not like And thankfully like a human throw up. It's crazy. Yeah, thankfully it was very cleanable Yes cleanable cleanable clean able I don't know. Yeah, but that's definitely not clean able. Yeah, that's what I know. Yeah, so, you know, we uh,

We we we had a nice nice weekend with the dogs, but literally that night I talked to him for like 30 minutes and then it got to a point where I was like, what are you doing? And then like when they're like you talk to them like babies you're like What's your dog voice your dog like um I don't know. I I don't know Why Yeah, you sound like like fucking Mario

Every time I see him you get so fucking hyped up. Yeah, seeing a dog. It's so excited when you come home. I'm like, at least this fucking thing Loves me. Yeah Well, thank you. At least someone cares somebody fucking cares where I am. He's out on an hour walk right now Are you got the wag going got the wag going nice. Yeah It's pretty sweet. That's what yeah, you want to know what it is? If you call enough places and complain, they'll give you some free You're a big time complainer. Oh Let me all right

And I mean that in a good way. Yeah, I just said meat meat. I got it though because you want to know why I said that You know I texted, uh Alana's mom ama Ima Yeah, I'ma call you soon and I was like, I can't believe I just fucking said that. Yeah I was like that is The one of the dumbest words ever, but it's only a word used to your friends

Right, like if you see ama, you know what it means, right? And for ama for people that don't use it. Ima like I'm gonna. I'm gonna so ama. Yeah It's not. Yeah. Yeah, which could be confused with like wait. Is this like a Croatian friend of yours? Yeah, but um, uh Anyway, what the hell were you talking about for that? I don't know that honestly came out of absolutely Why did you bring that up? I don't know because uh, I can't remember now I just had a complete brain fart. Yeah, you brought up ama Yeah, but before that we were talking about like dogs and shit. We were talking about dogs. All right off the rails we go

fuck Anyway, yeah, my dog threw up in Joe's car A lot a lot a lot a lot, but um talking to the dog it feels like It makes sense when it's happening Like when you're talking to them you think they can understand you yeah, or you're just like it feels like they can though You're like optimistic about this will be the time he gets it. Yeah, this is the time You know, yeah, did I talk to my rumba the other day? Yeah It was it was driving towards an area that I didn't want it to go

And like hey get away from there. And then I was like, what am I doing? Get out of there? What am I doing? I Roomba's are amazing. What's your Roomba's name? DJ Roomba Mine's the big suck. That's fire. Yeah, I went I went full parks and rec DJ Roomba. Yeah, what is that? It's uh on the show. It's uh Roomba that they have but they attach a An iPod to it so it plays music while it cleans up the floor

Yeah, that's cool. Yeah That's really smart. It's very smart. You know, it's also very smart. Go into patreon.com slash the baseman yard It's signing up to be a patron of the show. Um Like we said a couple episodes ago. We've had a huge influx We had an even bigger influx of people coming in now a lot of people supporting the show now We can't thank you enough. Yeah, and we said on the other show you guys bought these Beautiful microphones. That's why I'm about to get new cameras in and we're about to get new cameras And this is because of you guys and we just wanted to say thank you and then to the other people that aren't there

Fuck you. I mean go fuck I mean what what? Look at that. Oh, yeah, where we start from start keep going So yeah, yeah, so the people that aren't in there just go to patreon.com slash the baseman yard and sign up and become a patron All right Come chill with your boys. There's extra content up there. Me and Danny do a bi-weekly segment calls What the fuck does patreon want where we answer your questions? um hell, yeah, and

What else is oh you get every episode a week early Some tiers you get a personalized video message from me and Danny show for show about the record mad ones of those Yeah, we have like 20 something to do. Yeah, um, so we're gonna do that right after this Yeah, by the way, and you know and guess what our patrons? They get the real love not that you guys don't get the real love but We show them the real love because they put that money in there. They're part of the family I feel like you know what i'm saying. Yeah, there's real love there. So we just appreciate that

I honestly like I would love to get it to the point where we could just pay for like a legitimate studio to record in Yeah, that's some fucking engineer. Yeah, so he could just handle all this shit. You know, we just show up the assholes and Go home. That would be that would be great. That would be coaxing. It would be coaxing to be honest Get like a screen and just like Have a fucking guy back there. Yeah, I know guy that went to school like a dork. Yeah I can't believe you did that dude. My god work for us now No, but that would be great But um, also the other thing is too is uh, if you guys want to see us do def a slam def poetry slam jam

It's not def poetry. It's slam poetry. It's slam poetry. Def poetry was like when Kanye was doing like the bittersweet verse If you guys want to go see us do slam poetry Oh, yeah youtube.com slash santa gata studios Do some cool videos. I haven't a lot of fun. Yeah, that slam poetry video was so fucking funny That's probably the most fun. I've ever had making something and that also was probably The I think the most Like at the video that put up that gave the most reaction to people like people I knew personally were reaching out and being like, yo, this shit was funny, which never happens. Yeah, but that's usually when you know

It's funny. Yeah when they come and they're like, you know, this shit was hilarious And just like random people texting me and a lot of like dms and people reposting it like people people love that shit But it was just so it came out way better than I thought it was I thought so too like we almost didn't shoot it because one of the cameras was dead and the other The fucking battery was like fried. So we're like, all right and then And then we tried to uh, we used the other camera that I have and ended up working out and it was fucking great Yeah, man That was honestly the most fun. I've had shooting something in a long long time

It's not that I don't have fun shooting but like a long time Dude, we were and I think it's gonna be a long long time Elton's usually on every episode now. Yeah, um, but uh, I'm not the man. You think I am at all No, no, no. I'm a rocket man Rocket man Burning out his dreams out here alone That are are we going to that thing? Yeah, dude. We talked about that numerous times. We gotta go. Yeah. They're expensive Yeah, like the highest seat's like 213 dollars. Oh, we're gonna have to figure that out. What are you gonna?

patreon.com No, but um other thing I want to talk about too 21 Savage Oh, yeah, that's right. He got deported Trump got deported 21 Savage. Well, I don't know if he like I mean If he like did it personally, no, no, no, he was like listen guys get go get this in 21 Savage a great artist Get him out of my country get him out of here. He's a Brit. Isn't that so weird though? Where's his accent? Well, he's not from like London. I know but he's from Britain though. No He's from like from what I saw

it's These islands that are like I don't know where they are. I thought he was from London. No, he's not like from London No, he's not I'm in London. Got to be from London. No, it's uh Yeah, we're idiots. He's from like these islands or whatever that aren't like London But they're owned by the uk. So technically he's like, oh, all right, you know But didn't he say he was like from Atlanta though? Yeah

Who know like he could have maybe gotten here when he was like fucking for they said he moved here when he was 12 Yeah, so that's mad years Can you how old do you have to be like how long do you have to live somewhere to like claim it? Oh, that's a good question. You know what I mean like, uh Like I would say you're more of a Of like a new yorker. Yeah, then I am Because like I didn't move to the city until like three or four years ago Right, you've like kind of always been around the city. So like I would say you're more of a new yorker

I'm I'm from the burps. Yeah, you need to put some more time in. Yeah. So like I would say like five years. Maybe you could claim it People are very hesitant to let you claim that new yorker. That's what I'm saying. I was born in the Bronx though Yeah, yeah, but that's that's something that people say when they're not from new york So don't say that. Yeah, like someone like someone who like lives in california for like 20 years like oh, but I was born in brooklyn That's great. Yeah, never fucking. We're here though. Yeah, so Where's that mean? We're just gonna give it away. You could be a new yorker. No, I mean What do you mean by new yorker is like new york cityite? Wow, that's new york can't say citizen. It's just new yorker

Yeah, we're all technically new yorkers though if you live here I mean for me if you're not the majority of my life I've lived in new york if you're not from the five burrows right not from new york city, right and new york city I think you get the stamp of new yorker. See, I don't ever say like I'm from new york I say I live in the city Right, you know, yeah, like I haven't given myself myself that stamp of like Like new york city born of bread, you know It's in my blood. I tell people that I said I'm from new york city. Yeah, you are you are

But it's like if I said queens they would be so what's the time frame though? I don't know you think five or ten I don't know 20 new yorker 45. I mean you weren't that far out, bro Like if you you could take a train there 30 minutes. I was here. Yeah. Yeah, but you ain't got no subways No, no, no, we stray bourbon. Yeah Well, fuckers need caught someone tried to check me for that once really that I wasn't a new yorker What the fuck's their problem? I was like, yo, oh uh Some some dude on twitter. I remember one time he was like, yo, you're not a new yorker or whatever, you know where he was from

A westchester I was like one of us ruining it for everyone. That's what I'm saying. Mike bro. I'm like, listen. I was gonna get at you But you're from westchester. Yeah, there's no trains over there. No, you know I'm saying like you got to get on the train It not this the fucking Yeah, whatever that is yankers is like the biggest city That's where he was from yankers. Yeah, he was from yankers. I'm like, bro You're not Yeah from the city. I'm sorry. No, why are you trying to check me? No

I'm right here I get on the motherfucking train buses and shit 50 did say All the other cars they come from yankers That's fine But you can't you can't be like, yo I'm a new yorker. Well, no, I don't even care about that. You can't check me though. No, I'm right here I've lived here long I've lived in the city long enough to know the ins and outs of like what you're supposed to do in the city and shit

Yeah, like that like I've graduated to that But like I would never like if I wrote a biography I'd be like In the streets of new york city I used to take the subway to school. Like, you know what I mean? Like I never did that Yeah, you know, I fucking walked to school the differences. I can say That I grew up in new york city, but you'd have to say I grew up in westchester. That's that's that's what that's the only difference So it's what it's where you grew up. So that's why I'm saying so 21 savage Grew up in both something both he grew up in some

English place and then moved here. I think when he was like 12 or 13 lived in Atlanta Dude, I can't even imagine being deported and what that's what do they do? I don't even get to bring your things I'm being serious. Yeah, I'm not even trying to like make a joke. No, yeah, because this deportation shit is fucking serious And I just don't know what the process is not I see those videos like people's dad's getting deported Like what's happening here? I don't know you get to bring your stuff I just feel like yo if you're gonna live here and just abide by all of the rules For like yo since 12, he's that's like I think he's 21. Oh, he's 24 or something That's what I'm saying

So if you've been here for that long you've like abided by all the rules you've paid taxes you've done this you've done that Like to me, it's like bro. You're like a citizen. That's what I'm saying Like it's not like you're temporarily here for like also though too like I think of it like this Also like these guys that are like entertainers and they're from other places like whenever they do a show in your city They're boosting that city's economy way up everything around it bars restaurants shit like that like You know, I mean our our case. It's different because like Madison Square Garden It's like right in the heart of New York City and there's fucking restaurants and shit everywhere

But like when there's like a ranger game Like when we went to ranger game and we left and we went to watch the end of the patriots game the chief's game That place was fucking packed. Yeah, so like having places to go they boost the economy Like these guys are putting money in other states like they're they're giving back like doing these shows and shit. Yeah I just don't understand like How visas work. I just don't I don't I don't understand you get every year like I don't understand it Well, I Here's the thing and I don't think we should just let everyone into the country because then I don't think so either

There has to be some sort of rules here. Yeah, but All I'm saying is like I'm not saying like yo, just let him in he's gonna make bread or like whatever You know, but what I am saying is if he's gonna be here for 9 10 a decade. Yeah Why does he have to leave now? Like he's been here for a decade. Yeah Like I get being like, yo, you have a year to work or do whatever you have to do and then you got to go back like But yo, if you can be here for nine like I just don't yeah, and how did it take this long? You know, you know, that's why I'm afraid that's why I'm like really afraid to get like super famous

Shit, just because I feel like some like some part of my paper. You've done something. Yeah, you've done something You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you didn't pay taxes in like 2006 Yeah, now you got to go to jail. You owe $1,200. You got to do time. You're like, whoa I was like, what the fuck is this? Shit is scary, bro. That's the thing like I'm gonna pull back on this podcast a little bit I can't I can't handle this We're getting too big I think too many people watch I can't do this man. You ever think like uh Like you'd be capable of having like a celebrity meltdown Oh my god. Yeah, like I feel like I would have a meltdown way faster than any of these like other people

like um Like like you have you have a regular meltdown. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But Bieber had like Is he a citizen of here too? Does he have dual citizenship? No idea. Probably not. I think Drake does I think Drake's a dual citizen because he has he owns property in Los Angeles. I know that I don't know what Bieber does though I don't know. He probably lives here most of the year I don't have no idea. I have no idea how citizenship works and I feel like I should know well

Do you think you could pass a citizenship test? There's tests dude. There's citizenship. We have to do that. Wait So when you come here you and you apply for citizenship You have to just know about the culture. You have to be like Who made the first american flag? Betsy Ross, right? There'll be like how many stars are in the flag the first one 13 And what do they represent the callonies so they have stuff like that

But like what the fuck does that do well? It just has to show you that you like It's it's a test of your knowledge of the country that you're becoming a part of but who gives a shit Why is that even relevant the government? I guess that's so random. I know you never heard of a citizenship Dude, I know people who are born and raised here have no idea who Betsy Ross They probably would confuse you with Betty Crocker like oh, it's too big pots and pans Do you think you'll pass a citizenship test? Probably because if they ask questions like that, I know like the basics of it But if they ask me to name all 13 colonies, I'd need like an afternoon go for it. No

Do you know all of them like for sure like if I started around? You don't why would you know that? I know virginia is one of them virginia the carolinas New york new jersey pennsylvania new jersey is definitely not in there delaware Um, hold on. I gotta get this out because new jersey massachusetts No, because if anything was new, I feel like if it was new If they said new oh new jersey wasn't there. All right. Go ahead because it's new All right, so name them so there had to be an old jersey. You know what I'm saying an old jersey Yeah, so all right. You fucked me up though now. Now. You're good virginia. Okay the carolinas

Hold on. Hold on. I gotta open this up. Get all of them. All right All right Okay, you said virginia the carolinas. Yes, that's three delaware delaware is there new york new york is there new jersey New jersey is there to my surprise massachusetts massachusetts is there. Um, main No fuck uh vermont no Um Think small Rhode Island. There you go. Um, so that's eight. They're still five more of these

Yeah, um I said pennsylvania, right? No, but yes, that's all right. All right. Um Did I say vermont And that's on there, right No, it's not from i'm not on there. So I have nine of the 13. Yeah, um West virginia no georgia georgia

New hampshire new hampshire. I knew it was one of those ones the main vermont. I forget that's the state sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah Uh and connecticut and connecticut How many of those do you think you would have got? Uh, like I said, I would need to after do a lot of trial and error, but I think I'd get there I would name every state I know on the east coast now. I know the now. I know the 13 colonies I mean, you probably forgot already. Do you remember the first do you could you just shot in the dark? What year was the first colony like set up? It was virginia 1774 no 1765

1776 was the declaration of independence. I know that's what but that's when we like officially like Got away from them Think virginia might have been 1765 maybe No, it was 1607 1607 you're only off by a whole fucking hundred years. It's not terrible But I'm saying like we were here see if you asked me but but but england still they were still running shit Like they still had they still had their hand in us. That's when we we decided to become our own country was 1777 Okay, told them suck this ass We told england to suck our ass. Yeah, we were like, hey

Suck this ass. Yeah declaration to suck this ass right here I Think the conversation went a little differently than that. I think yeah, they probably use different words for sure Yeah, probably like suck that I asked or something. Yeah. Yeah, that's a little warmer And they put like a e at the end of why do they talk so like weird back in the day? I don't know Have a fucking to thigh window breath dude. Just say it. How the fuck did they write with feathers? Who would have thought who thought that up you'll hold on Let's mutilate that bird

We can make pens out of it pass me that bird and what is ink? What is ink? I don't even know what is ink? How do they make ink? Were they squeezing that out of octopuses? That's what octopi. Yeah, maybe no, they weren't no What is ink? I don't know Yo, I feel like that's way too easy to not know like we should know that Do you ever look at shit like a tv and be like, yo, how the fuck does this work? Even what you have like a second where like you kind of just break down. You're like, this is amazing Dude, I think about the most amazing thing I've ever seen. There's a wire bringing me something that's happening In another country. Mm-hmm, and I could see it. Dude. I think about that all the time with like texting. I'm like

How did it get there and then who is the genius that came up with that? Just be like, hey listen, we're gonna set up these satellites. They're all gonna go They're all gonna bounce off each other like a pinball and guess what your friend's gonna get it and go ha ha lol How do I type a word and then it Hits the The wi-fi it goes out into the earth in the air And then it flies To your phone and then connects into letters

What How is that happening? It's it's amazing. I don't understand You know what else is amazing what tell me it better be amazing Oh, it is MVMT watches watches are awesome movement watches. Okay, you already know I have like five of these Make me look like a pimp like I like I own some stuff to show a restaurant some real estate. Hell. Yeah I don't know on either of those things. I would love to run a restaurant I would love to own a bar

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But yeah, that's all we have for today. I picked up my laptop weird. I'm gonna get some stuff about that, but Oh, you're so rich. You dropped your way dropped your laptop I don't know. What voice was that? I don't know. I feel it says how like skeptical skeptical people talk Yeah, do people rob houses still? Yeah For sure, man No, I know they do a crazy story when I lived in westchester. Sorry. I jumped on you, but um This guy That lived in hastings got robbed one night on the street. No, no, no

He he dealt he dealt in like a pizzeria and like had cash and stuff on them. Yeah They drove this in this in the town that I grew up in This shit like this doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen Like the weirdest thing you'll hear is like somebody sold a gps out of a car It's like the worst thing But uh, they followed him home and like tied him up and robbed him in his house. Whoa. Yeah That was like the craziest shit. It was like five minutes away from my house Scary. Yeah, it's very scary

But do you want to know what else is scary? valentine's day What valentine's day kind of scares me why because it's like I hate valentine's day I don't know what to do sometimes. It's like do you hate the menus? Yeah, and it's like it's all fixed like I don't want to eat truffle Whoa, you just did the italian. Fuck you. Yeah Did you do on purpose or you got itchy? I got itchy. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't know if you were you were telling me to Fuck off. No, I would never say that to you. Come on. Yeah, but you know

anyway Fixed menus hate them. Yeah. I think it's terrible. I don't want this fucking ahi tartar. I want something else Yeah, you know what I mean and they serve weird stuff. Yeah, too fancy stuff Like I don't really eat raw foods for the most part and usually like three of these courses are you said tartufo the other day Yeah, I don't know what that is. It's like It's a dessert. It's it's mad good. It's like it's like tiramisu. No No, is it a pastry? No, it's ice cream It's like a wonder ball. Okay of ice cream. So basically it's like half

vanilla ice cream with like a chocolate shell Yeah, and then a cherry in the middle of it And then on the other side is chocolate with the hard chocolate shell and then they like, you know, they dress it up with like Maybe other are there shit like whipped cream You know, you ever have a lava cake and it just feels like it's like pouring through your body and immediately you're like jizzing Like as soon as it goes through. Yeah You know dominoes lava cake. We're talking about right? I'm talking about like a restaurant lava. Oh, no, you ever had the dominoes lava cakes I mean, I assume they're jam packed with like

Things that'll clog these arteries the show but now lava cakes are fantastic. I love lava cakes Yo, those videos on instagram. I can't get enough of them. No when someone's just going over with a what a fucking spoon They're like, uh, you know, so this this this fucking lava cake just Takes a shit on the plate. Yeah. Oh, that looks so good. I want to lick that whole plate. Yeah. Have you ever licked a plate? Yeah, I've like mad plates when there's like caramel on it. I love caramel. I'll lick a fucking plate upson I'll lick it up. But the thing about valentine's day is it's like I don't know the rules like of like

Is sending like a gift to somebody's job is that weird? Do you consider that weird? Would you ever do that? I don't consider it weird I think it's a cliche Sentimental thing to like like why can't you just open when you're here? Yeah, but now I got to carry this home too That's what I mean Yeah, I would hate to be at work and someone sends me something. I'm like, no, I got a fucking drag this on the train Yeah, I don't want to do that. No, I got to carry this fucking vase Yeah, you say vase or vase. I I switch it on that to be honest with you

vase vase for some reason my mom would always correct me But I would say vase to a vase It's like, maybe she's pretentious Yeah Yeah, but I'm not I'm not I'm not into it. No, no, no, no, no, but Oh, oh the thing that we were talking about like some people like will send like They're like I've seen on instagram. They'll they'll send their girlfriend something at work and it's like A human-sized teddy bear and mad chocolate. It's like bro

Now she's got a hire a team to like transport this back to her car if somebody that was employed If I employed somebody and that was sent there I'd fire them immediately Get your fucking bear and get the fuck out of here It's a place of business not a place of love Dude job. Look at this goddamn chocolate. It's goddamn bear out of here. It's fire hazard. Here's another thing valentine's chocolate Garbage judo trash rustle stover is garbage rustle stover You're never gonna sponsor this show or give me money ever. So fuck you guys Absolute garbage, but your your product sucks Whitman's though

No, all of it sucks. No a Whitman's sampler. No, what was that Whitman's sampler. No, it sucks It all sucks. No Whitman's sampler anything that I open up and I have to like First of all, I'm like, it's like a fucking puzzle. I'm like, wait, hold on. This is the rectangle. This is the circular like Is this coconut? Is this coconut in this one? You don't mix coconut and fucking chocolate. Those are garbage Yeah, I don't like it. All right, and then you're throwing in like random walnuts in this thing What are you trying to make a fucking little bomb of bullshit chocolate? Get this thing out of here The caramel ones first ones to go. Good night. And then milk chocolate

crushing that crushing that I don't know what I was doing this like I'm crushing it up and snorting it like Yeah, it's hot. God, I love milk chocolate in my veins. It's so good. No, but those those are those are garbage Yeah, no, I think the thing that I was talking about before that I forgot. Just give me Kit Kats Yeah, you fucking crush Kit Kats, dude. I love Kit Kats. Word about you. What's your favorite chocolate like thing? Oh, it's absolutely 100 snakeers Over twigs. Here's why I don't like twigs. I feel like sometimes I get a bad twix

Like twix isn't my number one. Is you a bad twix? Yeah, like they'll be broken already Like uh, like the piece like the nice chocolatey caramel piece would be like broken off And it's just like the new get underneath who do oh when you bite into it. Yeah, I don't like that Yeah, I don't like when they separate either. I don't like that. Snickers. I know what I'm getting every time I know what I'm getting every time. I'm not I mean I like I like frozen Snickers. I like a Snickers I like frozen Snickers. They are so good. Yeah It took it took some time to warm up to it to be honest because the first bite is so cold Yeah, but you also have to drive your teeth into the cold Snickers bar. Yeah

It's really like I might not come out of this with I might I might leave here without a tooth And then you also have like that one peanut that's like kind of hanging out of like that thing It's like, oh man, do I suck this peanut? Yeah, I'm gonna suck this peanut You always suck the peanut gotta suck the peanut Yeah, gotta suck the peanut the thing that I forgot is you were saying that I'm very good at complaining Yeah, I think that's what it was and I am oh you're bringing this way back. I know but I'm just saying I am I am fantastic at that Yeah, and I just wanted that if that shit was bothering me that I couldn't figure it out Yeah, and now you know what it is now. I know what it is. But yeah, I can call anybody and fucking get my money back. I'm fantastic at it

Um, but yeah, I think also chocolate. Wait, hold on chips ahoy or Oreo Uh, we talking chewy talking regular blue bag red bag It's up to you. Um Wait, hold on. Hold on. Let's start easy. I'm gonna go. Hold on Let's start easy chewy or regular chips ahoy chewy all the way You're a dumb bitch. No, I'm not chewy is gross. No, you want to know why a cookie should should have some crunch No, I understand that but

The the I don't like chips ahoy cookies For their crunch. I like them for their taste. So chewy less of a cleanup No, and they hold milk better I don't give a fuck Just letting you know how I feel. Regular chips ahoy are better than chewy chewy's Dog shit in the cookie world. It's dog shit. No, you know, what's dog shit? That's worse than that the fucking uh reverse Oreos, what are you doing this? Yeah, why are you doing this? Well, that's why you give us 19 different versions of it Don't give me a dyslexic oreo anything that has a white cookie on it. Get the fuck out of you

You like those Michael Jackson cookies? What the half white half black ones? What is that? They're like cut down the middle Remember it's like it's half. Oh, oh like the marble ones The the you get like in bakeries. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're half vanilla half black. These are all right I'm not crazy about them. But like they're I'll eat them. Yeah, they're not better than like oreos or chips Ahoy, yeah, you also got your fucking asshole shredded for saying samos or trash. Yeah, I know even my own family And thin mint. So your cookie opinions. I don't know if I can run with them Thin mints are fucking disgusting and I'm never gonna back down from that double down on a kid I'll try double down on it right now. I'll try drive on that ass

I will try a Samoa and give it another shot. It came off the heels of thin mints So I could have eaten anything at that point now would have you know thrown up I'll give Samoas another shot because everyone swears by them. Are they still here? Uh, I think they are I'll check. I'll check. I'll check. Oh, you're gonna keep complaining. Okay So I'm gonna try Samoas again. They're in the back of the fridge purple box. You already know um But a lot of people were complaining about that even some of my own family members were like I can't even I I don't believe this. I like how are we related and you don't um, this is gonna happen. Isn't it?

It isn't gonna happen because listen Honestly, I had to agree with them This whole thing about the Samoa is not being good They're a good cookie man This seems like the one that everyone was upset about like a lot of people are like, oh, no, I like thin mints But I get it but like I agree when they were like, you know, fuck your ass. Yeah I agree with you on thin mints 100% I do all the way. Yeah Samoa's I I couldn't I couldn't get on board with you. I was worried about you. I really was

Now I understand I I disrespected some people, you know, you know, but listen if you really don't like them, you don't like them Yeah, I can't what do you want me to do? You know, I don't want you to bite this and lie That's the one thing I don't want you to do what pretend that I like don't eat this and lie right now But that I don't like them. Yeah, or that I do like them. No, don't lie and say you like them if you don't like them Respect the game. I respect the game. All right. I stood up to all those people all those samoa and fin mint lovers Fin mints can go to fucking hell. I agree with you I I will go into the depths of hell with you against thin mints. Samoa's I might leave you at the might leave you at the game I'm not going to lie. I promise. I'm not going to lie

I did say even in the video when we did the things I said, listen, it didn't help that I ate a fin mint before this right so it could have some still mint in my face You know, not a big mint guy put the thing in your face right now It Is nowhere near The same like tasting the same as it did that day. It tastes better. Yeah, okay, so that's good I'm gonna finish it. Yeah, there you go. You spit it out. I know That's a good fucking cookie, man

This is a good cookie. Yeah See I like the caramel texture to it. There you go This is a good cookie. Yeah, I told you thin mints ruined it. That's that's what I heard Yeah, wow this is game-changing a lot of people are gonna be like now They won't sit in the back of your fridge now you you've saved a lot of face here, right? Yeah And honestly, you wouldn't lie No, I'm not I've seen you spit out food all the time. You don't care. I'm what you know Yeah, they're fucking fantastic. These are good. I told you man

I told now I'm just I'm honestly impressed by thin mints being so fucking bad They ruined this for me. I know I know That's why everyone was like, dude. What are you talking about? Yeah All right, so now the now. I'm happy that we got you back on on the right track here Yeah, they're not great for you 152 cookies. Well, you had a great day at the gym today Yeah, I ran a mile for the first time this week Thought I was going to die Let's just put that out there

Running is so hard I can't run I can't I can't that's a thing though. You don't that's why you know, I can't you can't I'm so afraid Of what I'm just being like Just running It hurts You're running hurts. Which part of you hurts when you run my lower back

Like the first like quarter mile I was like, wow, I could do this I then immediately I was like, nah I'm sorry. I'm still just kind of no. No. No. No. Do your thing. Do your thing. Yeah, I'm happy that you I'm actually happy that you like it. Um Shot Yeah, man, that's a good fucking cookie, bro. That's a good cookie. Yeah See we got him Ladies and gentlemen, we got him Smokes are officially good. All right, good. Um

I should have brought you some water too. Sorry about that. No, it's not even like that dry All the other cookies were like super dry. This one's not dry Of course with the caramel refrigerated to probably adds a little little pop to it. You know What's your idea of like a good valentine's day gift flowers? Do you still get the candy even though they're trash trash? No I think valentine's day should just be Dinner indoors or going out. No, no, no like going out. Yeah going out, but like No, you don't like like gifts on valentine's day

I've never done like Item gifts. No, it's like always valentine's day gifts of like here's like a teddy bear and like a card and like chocolates or whatever But I just I think I feel like that's like a teenage thing and I'm gonna go on the record I'm gonna stand up for the boys We don't get shit I like flowers or fuck my flowers you like flowers. I love them

I love flowers, you know, I've never even thought about if I liked flowers. Yeah flowers are awesome I love flowers if somebody gave me flowers as a gift. I'd be so happy Like a bouquet. Yeah, I think flowers are beautiful. They add so much to your house. They smell nice They make everything look clean. They're beautiful. You're breaking down gender roles right now I'm just telling you like I like I'm cool with some flowers. If somebody sent me flowers as a gift I'd be like that is so nice. I wouldn't be like what the fuck is this? I think they just associate flowers with girls. That's fucked up Hey, I like flowers

I don't I you know, I've never even thought about if I did like you ever think about putting flowers in here I like some flower. I got some flay plants or a guy thing plants are cool Plants are fucking dope. You need plants in your bathroom. Yeah plants are fucking cool. I just want to know what it is I think it's being it's being surrounded by something that's like Like not I'm gonna sound dumb but like this is gonna sound dumb. No like industrial like built in your house and like you know what I mean It's like something from outside. It's alive. You water it. You know, it's organic You let you add some responsibility. It adds some responsibility. It adds a little uh pizzazz pizzazz and personality to where you live

To your living space. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's what I want. I just want my I want my living space to pop Oh You know Someone get this boy some flowers for god's sake goddamn flowers. I'll get you some flowers. Thanks bud that I appreciate as far as a vase vase You're on your own there a vase vase. Did you did you ever have one of those stereotypical kid? Excuse me stereotypical kid moments. It's like, oh my god. We broke grandma's vase Uh, probably I haven't broken pretty much everything in my house I broke a couple lamps one time. I spilled white out all over

Our dinner room table dude. I miss white out so much. Yeah. Did you do this? Dude, yeah, I'm smelling that white out. I sniffed the shit out of white out dude I think I sniffed pretty much everything when I was younger. Yeah, like I was crushing markers like yeah Yeah, not my fault. You made those markers so delicious smelling. Oh my god. You know what I mean? You remember you would open it's like, oh my god the pink one smells like bubblegum Yeah, and bubblegum was like the it was like blowjobs for children. What yeah, so it's like, yo, I'm gonna crush Like I was crushing that that thing. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I mean blowjob for us Yeah, yeah, I got you. I got children. They had they had bubblegum stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like blowjob for children

I used to think I used to think I almost agreed with that too and then immediately my brain actually worked and I was just like I didn't say Children are getting blowjobs I'm saying it's the equivalent or equivalent. Listen. I understood you. I'm just protecting you It starts as bubblegum and then it becomes blowjobs when you get to a certain age And then also don't make stuff that you can't eat smell like stuff you can eat Those stickers scratching sniff. Oh my

I want to eat this now. Do you think they have scratching sniff tattoos? How would that even work and dude, I would have tattoos even work But if you get like a mosquito bite, you're just like, yo, I smell like cherries in here. It's good I was in the backyard. I have no bug off Bug off. Yeah, it's like the spray. It's called. I thought it was just called off. No, I think it's called bug off like bug off It's not like Ebenezer Scrooge Yeah Yeah, I'm gonna be such a fucking decrepit old bastard when I get older

I cannot wait to just be like so mad at the Because kids are gonna be like you want to hear running the world you want to hear a fucking funny story About get out of my yard. No. Anyway, so danny, where can they find you? What about get out of my yard? Was that even me? Yeah, that's a topic. You know jk Simmons the actor Uh shilling or shilling or from us And he played like the head guy Uh, not the head guy the head newspaper guy in the original spider-man trilogy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That guy. Yeah He used to live in my town. Mm-hmm

And when we used to walk home or go to my friend's house, we would cut through his backyard Who one day jk was like jk? Yeah Starts screaming at us. Yeah Get out of my yard And he's filming us With a video camera One of these his wife had the camera and he was yelling wait, so this was back in the day

It was this like yeah, it was it was like one of those not not like that the like the pack ones But it was like my mom had it was a jvc pop out for sure. Okay. Yeah, why? Because we walked through his yard every day and he was gonna like complain to the town Probably I don't know. He's fucking actor living in our fucking town being an asshole if you're if you're complaining to the town That is white. Hello. He was get out of my yard So we would do it on purpose then then almost every day after that, but um I remember no fences. No Fuck that. Dude. We're kids walking around

You get fucking deer. You're gonna tell them to get out of there too. We'll just cross them. I'm sorry. He didn't have a fence No, you don't have a fence fair game nah, man Dude, everyone with their doors unlocked where I lived you could fucking just walk in and take whatever you want Just return it. Yeah, and just return it. You know what I mean? But uh, my mom saw him in california recently In in like in a place eat eating And my mom goes up to him. She goes, hey, uh, we're from hate we're from hastings

You know we used to see around times like oh, hey, she was like, yeah, you videotape my son In your backyard. You used to yell at him all the time and he was like, oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids were always walking around the backyard. I was like, mom. Why the fuck would you say that to jk Simmons? 20 years later is what you say to him That's amazing. What are you doing? You know, but the only thing that would have been better if you'd be like, yo, fuck your son Yeah, those kids drove me insane. He's like your son and his friends fucking suck ass I hope they all have horrible careers and you're a bitch for making that kid. I'm eating food. Get the fuck out of my face

Fuck you and fuck my old backyard And then he moved and then he got like like super more famous. So Yeah, now he's like out in LA. That's great. Yeah, I'll fucking son jk Simmons. So if I see him on the street I'll be like, yo, I'll walk through your fucking backyard right now. What's good Yeah, but that was my story about jk Simmons and backyards. I don't have any jk Simmons stories. No, do you have any like, uh Who's this? Did you have any celebrities living in your neighborhood though? Like when you were growing up? Like like where you lived? No, no

I don't think so. Who's like the most famous person before you? I don't know. I don't think anybody From Astoria. Yeah I'm sure there's someone I just I just like athletes or anything No, not Astoria. Yeah. Yeah. There's some queen like queens rappers obviously in the um, how far does it make queens from here? Oh, like 10 minutes the queens bridge right over there. Yeah, I lived three blocks from queens bridge in my nice apartment Yeah, yeah, yeah, but um The baseball league over here. Yeah

It's like a couple walks away Manny Ramirez used to play in that. Yeah, because he used to live and watch the nights He's a lefty or a righty. He is a righty, right? He used to hit bombs lefty Yeah, and he was like the best player anyone's ever seen. They were saying he's also wait whitey ford So you're on way back. I don't remember whitey ford. I was not alive But do you remember when righty ford pitched like a perfect game in the world here? Thomas Jefferson actually is from Astoria Um, no, but You've been to my mom's yes, and you know how like the outside deck. Yes

So across the street, there's that factory that used to be whitey ford's batting cage. Really? Yeah, and he was outside one day Uh, and it was like the opening whatever and my uncle was like waving at him. They were like yelling at each other from across the street And that's isn't so funny like it's like Having conversations with people from across the street Like you'll literally be sitting when people are just being like, what's going on? What are you doing? It's like nothing All right. Well, it's good to see you No, no use for it. Text me text me Stop it. Stop yelling. Yeah, don't stop yelling. That's an old person thing. What yelling across the street conversations

Yeah, cross the street convos not having them not having them I don't even like saying hi to you. Literally. I like I won't say hi to people unless they're like within three inches of me If you're down the block, I don't don't wave at me because I'm really not going to return it I'm definitely not going to go. Yo, you are not a waiver. I don't think I've ever seen you wave ever I don't flag people at all. No. No, I don't very rare Very rare and I feel like every time like, uh

Like even if you see me like across the street, like if you're coming to pick me up or something or for a meeting You'll never be like You just get out of your car and open the door. I'm like, what's going on? I'm not big on greeting. You're not a big greeter. I guess not. I need to be more like, uh, it's like that too though No, Keith. It will he won't even say hi to me He's never said hi to me in his life. He's a cat. He is a cat. You know, he's a cat It's a cat. It's a fucking hilarious cat Shout to Keith. We got to get him doing some poetry in here

I don't care what he says if I got a fucking drag him in here Dude kids hysterical. I was on his twitch stream last night. Go check it out twitch.tv slash case santa gato He's fucking good at fortnite. Yeah, he is He says he sucks He's full of shit. Well, he's just like the most humble person in the world and it's like annoying. Yeah He's like, I suck. I'm like, dude, you have like 55 kills Let's get a 55 kills in one like match. I might go. What the fuck? Uh, what was the cod world at war? Uh, world war two we played that he had like 47 kills and four deaths. Yeah, I was like, who the fuck is this?

Yeah, this is like before I knew new Keith. I was like this kids can play anything. Yeah, and be good at it Pretty much. Yeah Yeah, I used to look battlefield one me and Keith played like yeah Fucking hell remember like that was like the hangout though like weekends just Crush video games crush video games and fruit roll-ups Remember fruit snacks. Yeah, dude. Well, there's scooby-doos scooby-doos Also amazing in the fridge

Hell yeah gushers. Oh Get at me dawg. Yeah, I'm not I'm not even joking. I would put a whole fucking pack of those in my ass I've never right now. I've never ate one. No, you're all first of all. They're all connected Someone's got to figure that over there. Let's just make it one thing. No, but I like that though I love it too because you could take it apart Let's fucking take it out I'll be jamming in my p-hole. I'll go out on a limb here not one bad flavor of a gusher Not even close. They're fantastic. I'm gonna knock it out of the park gushers

Crushed it. Yes Yes, they did if this entire table was filled with gushers. I could finish it. Yeah I would help you. Yeah, I'd get a hole in my like chest or something My heart would fail, but I'd be able to medicine for sure. Yeah, I'd have to like definitely Yeah, you know take a break drink some water. Yeah, do you think you could ever go horseback riding? I don't know why that just pops Do I think I could ever go horseback now because I was watching CNN last night and they were uh They were just showing like stuff about like farmers or some shit and I saw people riding horses. Yeah

I don't think I could ever ride a horse Why not? Because I'd be too afraid Just hold on for dear life. No, man They do never see that video of that horse that goes up and falls back on that woman Yeah, it's awesome. No, thanks. Yeah, but you you live I think that fuck. No, dude. You're gonna get hurt. Everything's gonna crush everything in you. How much do you think of horseways? Let's both take guesses Man, I'm really not good at this stuff. I'm gonna say 1200 pounds

I'll say like 800 800 a male horse What are they? Wait, are they like one of those things where the females the females are smaller, right? Dude, I don't know I don't know shit about horses I wrote how much does a male horse weigh? Whoa, you were right. It's like 1300 Dude, let that fall on your chest. That's like picking up a Prius. I'm throwing it on somebody Yo, that's fucking scary. No, those things are majestic beast. Yeah, those things will kill you They got legs on you ever rub a fucking horse's head. That thing is granite

Yeah, I'm like what is this tough sons of bitches? Jesus Ugly fox No, they're cute. No, they got the big if you look at them from the front, they're weird. Yeah I don't like the front, but I like I like going like the side like you ever like You know, you ever see free willy and he's like petting the whale. Yeah And like ah, this looking at this eye is kind of cute. I would pet a whale. I would love to pet a whale Yeah, I would pet a whale I would pet

Dolphin seal. Have you ever touched dolphin? Have you swam with dolphins? No, no, no, no, no Me either. You know, I just saw a video by the way. I was way like too broke growing up to Be anywhere near a dolphin. Hey to be fair. I haven't touched a fucking dolphin. I touched a stingray once Yes, I've done that. I've done that. Whoa. Yeah Little dangerous to me. But anyway, something more to stingray. I feel like it's you know, all aquatic animals I feel like I want to touch them all. Yeah, but but I'd be afraid. Oh man. I want to hug a bear so hard Yeah, like yeah, like I would I would want to be one of those crazy stories that end up on the news Where like I somehow fall into the bear thing. But like the bear protects me. Yeah, and like holds me. Yeah

You know, like takes me in as one of their own. Yeah as soon as I fell into like a bear thing. I would start walking like a bear I wouldn't be afraid Danny I would just pretend it. No, no, no. I'm saying I would be afraid. Yeah, I would be terrified Yes, but I would try to act like I wasn't and just start like moving like an animal You have to I would just I don't know what I would do. I'd probably cry. I'm not even gonna pretend like that That's why I think it's safer to pet aquatic animals Yeah, like Even like do you count polar bears? No, they're they're not aquatic animals

They swim They swim. They're in that tank, bro. I know they're in that tank Yo manatees they walk on land pet manatee Yeah, I want to pet a big ass whale though, bro. Yeah I wonder what a whale feels like probably it's like a dick Yeah, like a wet ass dick a smooth penis smooth penis. Yeah, do other animals have pubes? Hey, it's weird how dogs have

Completely hairy dicks and their dicks are inside of them Yeah, right. It's very protected. This is gonna sound super dumb. What else is now? Fish have dicks, right I wish you weren't hitting me with these hard-hitting questions right now I yeah, I do they fuck. I think they do or do they just like spray little eggs on people or something. I don't know. I I grew up with fish Never seen fish. Oh, you grew up with fish. I grew up with not personally. I had them in a bowl

Aquaman over here. Yeah. No, I had them in a bowl and I've never seen them fuck So maybe they don't damn dude. No, they have to please check if a fish has a penis Because I to me to be honest, I have I have my phone. I'll check I'll check I'll check To to be honest with you. I don't think they have Penises I hope that I'm wrong. I know dolphins have dicks Wait, so if it's a dog as cow, I know that if a dolphin has a dick. Yeah, it's technically a fish But it's like yeah, it's like a weird slimy thing. It doesn't look like a penis. It looks like a I don't even know it honestly just looks like

You cut it. Oh, no, this thing has real penis, dude With like balls. Yeah, look at his dick, dude What's that? That's a dolphin's dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that look oh, wow, that is that is a one pointy fucker Can that pierce you? It's pretty nice somebody can you penny can you get pennied by a dolphin pinky? It looks like a on eagles talon, but like covered in muscle. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's pretty thick dick too. That's solid penis. Yeah, it's a solid penis on the dolphin That's a bottle nose dick. That's a bottle nose pee and pee. All right. Let me let me type in fish penis. All right

I got you. I don't know how I ended up doing this, but Fish penis. Ew. Why Do they have The first thing I see is just this I don't know if those are like a collection of penises that could be them But I don't I don't think so. I don't think fish have penis I think they just like spray stuff on each other like like a little weird animals So this is kind of weird. This is the second picture on google. It's just a picture of a fish But then the caption says fish in a penis

Someone put a fish in their penis. Let me see Sharks have two penises. Wow sharks got two penises are we dropping knowledge here shark penis Yo, how why You got to be like the king of the sea and have two cocks. I've never learned this. I've watched a lot of shark week, too Do What do you do with two dicks? Fuck

Yeah, probably. Oh, wow. It looks like a Oh, they got it looks like it looks like a another fish. It looks like a long vagina It looks it does look like a long badge. Yeah, that's a long-ass sniz to have Whoa, what is it a split sniz? Is this real? Let me see. Look at that That's a whale dick. Oh my god Yo, literally, it's a wrecking ball It's a wrecking ball. I gotta see I gotta see it up close

Yo, that's a oh I wonder how much they weigh. Yo, we we can both fit in it Like we can both hug each other and fit in a whale's dick Dude, you could jump on that thing and hold on to it for dear life I would slide right into the whale's p-hole. That's the biggest dick. I've dude. It's that can knock down a building Hell, yeah, it could literally just sway and just We could we could crawl up that thing's p-hole easily without question That is unbelievable. Wait if a whale ate me

It would shit you out Would I live if I had an oxygen thing? No, what would kill? Oh, the probably the stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I think I could survive a good amount of time in a whale It's just weird that these things have penises dude Yeah, I honestly think if an if a whale ate me I could I could survive a good amount of time before I died But I think they're gonna blow you out the hole. Maybe you might be too small I don't think that's how that works. What gets blown out of the hole. I don't I know But there's also other stuff they eat. They're not shitting out of the top of their heads. Danny do they eat kelp?

I don't even know what that is. It's little things their mouth is just bristles. That's what they eat. They don't eat like Oh, not kelp. What's that plankton plankton? And yeah, whatever. That's what they eat. What's kelp? Was that like kale before the ocean? I don't know. It's like a healthy alternative Oh, man, it's so funny to be stupid, but uh, but um, I was like, um They don't eat people But if they accidentally open their mouth and you get in there, I'll get sucked into that thing Yeah, I think you could stand in a whale's blowhole I've never seen one of these holes. I want to know how big their blowholes are now go go that

We're learning a lot too. Yeah, and also you guys are learning and we don't charge you guys anything Yeah, you're getting an education, bitch Honestly whales are really scary and now if I find out that I could accidentally slip into a blowhole. I'll get even more scared All right now that I've seen their penises. I'm just intimidated We know blue whales are huge, but their blowholes only can reach up to 20 inches in length so that's like A good party you can get in there I could slip into that blowhole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could fit right by dude. I've like fit into smaller places

It says that's big enough to squeeze a baby through or a forward focus That's a pretty big scale I've been around a lot of babies. I've seen my share of forward focuses not the same size nowhere close. Who wrote that article? What's the guy looking at babies with a magnifying glass? Yeah, this is a mash. This is a mashable, uh Fucking idiots. Yeah It could fit a baby Or the empire statement. It's like, yeah, maybe maybe a baby whale they're talking about. I don't know I don't know. You know, it's weird how hermit crabs like switch up crypts

Word Like I'm done with this. He's like, no, this is trash. I'm not just like living this soda can for like kawaiis We used to have a hermit crab growing up. What was his name? Her name was mrs. Crabtree. Oh, I'm sorry yeah Did you know it was a girl? Uh, no, no No, mrs. Crabtree was uh, I think I believe that was the teacher from little rascals The blonde I only had a porno voice

From what? The little rascals Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You've never seen it. Yes. I have donald trump's in it He isn't it for a second. Yeah Wow, that is weird. He's also in home alone too. Yeah, I know that um, but She had a porno voice like yeah, we're collecting money for the race and you're like, oh my god I gotta go back and watch the little rascals. Fuck. Yeah, but anyway, her name was mrs. Crabtree. Keith won froggie. Uh, yeah Keith won

Won it at a fair he did that like you throw a ball and it bounces and it went to the cup And he won a fucking hermit crab and of course being like if you're a parent I want a fucking crab. Yeah Well, if you're if you're a parent and your kid wins at a fair you like Yo, please just pick a fucking like a stuffed animal and he's like bro. Give me the hermit crab And then he used to take it out and play with it you know like Morticia Adams playing oh shit, you know what I mean? So he too would take it out and play with a crab They're just going like this and then one day it just like got out and we didn't know where it went

And we were like fuck. There's a crab on the loose here And then we ended up finding it like outside. Okay dead or alive It was alive, but it died like, you know, like three days later. I mean, it's from a fair If you get a fish from a fair it's got maybe 48 hours before this thing's swimming. Yeah, you know, I like fish I like fish like fish you like flowers. What else you like? Plants that's about it. Yeah, just those two. I do like plants though. Me too, but I do like what's your favorite aquatic animal? Mine's dolphin for sure They're fucking badass, dude dolphins are cool dolphins fucking half sex

I saw our video of a dolphin jumping out of the water at a real life woman and then humping like fucking Try to fuck a woman with this that pink bottle nose cock. Isn't there something like uh Um Whoa, you okay? Yeah. No, no, no. I'm trying to think. Yeah, we did talk about didn't you say they rape? Yeah, and then we found out it was a myth. It was a myth, right? Yeah, me and frankie were talking about how dolphins like rape. Yeah, but I had heard that for so long

Yeah, but that you're saying there's a video evidence of it now I'm assuming this woman did not want to be jumped on by a dolphin I mean, I'm not gonna make assumptions, but I will say she did look a little shocked. That's all I'm gonna say I'm not making any claims. I'm just reporting the news That's all that's all I'm saying. You know what I'm saying Yeah, so I don't I don't know. You know, maybe that's just one bad apple Do you ever do you ever watch as as to now when like Keenan would do like that, uh like that

That inmate that would come in to like talk to like the kids No, oh dude, I'll send you those skits. They're fucking hysterical But I think he said something about a dolphin one of them. It's like real funny. I can't remember the truck though But uh, I would everyone thanks Danny for bringing that up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Some people out there will know it's funny, but whoa, that's sure. I just realized what you're wearing It's a cool shirt, right? Wow Goofy movie great flick. This guy had more sex than dolphins

Also, he's supposed to be like MC hammer, right? Yeah, you know rock sand in goofy movie smoke is real life hot Oh like the actress. No, I don't know who the actress is. I'm talking about like Oh, if I saw rock sand outside right now, I'd be like, she's fucking hot. Yeah, I'd be like, yo, I'm I'm whatever Yeah, whatever you need. I'll do it. It's so weird how they're good at drawing hot cartoons. Yeah, why and what is that? It's like a fox. I think Nah, she's a dog Even better. Yeah, I love dogs. Yeah

Pet behind her ear get her leg going. Oh my god. Mm-hmm. You know be easy. I also think she was in high school though Well, I'm sure she's a big now and now in that movie. Are they in high school in dog years or are they in high school in regular years? That's true because if they're 13 14 those dogs roll the shit Yeah Your universe I'm just playing in it. Listen all I'm saying is She's probably of age now and I'm like I'm ready for her. Yeah, you know, yeah, I make mistakes with her Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. I wouldn't regret anything. I wouldn't even call them mistakes I just kind of be be ready for whatever the consequences. Yeah, you ever see like videos like how you said with the dolphin humping?

Why do dogs hump? Like legs. Yeah Like I like it's like they're doing they're doing the humping but like they don't have their balls anymore And why do female dogs hump? Trying to Like like scissoring You think so just got to get to get stimulation. Yeah, like, you know what I'm saying like you just rub it against the carpet And it kind of feels like something dogs get periods, right? Yeah, they do, right? Yeah

Oh Damn, dude, even female dogs can't catch a break dog Damn, that's gross. Yeah, what were you talking about before the the period? Oh, I was gonna say why do Female dogs hump. Oh, yeah, because of that. But dogs hump because they're just trying to get that not off I know, but don't you take their nuts off so they don't do that? Yeah, but they know they got penises. That's true It's it's animalistic to fuck so much so that if you take my balls, I'm not gonna give up I'm still gonna Never hump this whatever. Yeah, and I'll fuck that leg

Fuck yeah until something happens. Even if nothing happens. Can they gonna fuck it? Can they still jizz? It's No, right? I've never seen dog jizz. I've never seen dog jizz myself either. Thank god. No, I'm happy. I've passed on that Charlie was never really a humper. I've seen a big huge ball. Yo, Charlie's balls I'm not even trying to be funny way bigger than mine. Yeah He had real man balls dangly Fucking buffalo nuts. My man had grapefruits. R. I. P. Those balls. Yeah, we took them away. Sorry. What are you gonna do? You're gonna do

Anyway, I think we can wrap up on that. No Oh my god, yeah before you go this one was all over the place, man We're a little off off of the rails right now just ended talking about charlie's balls, man We went from talking to dogs to closing with seeing their balls Wait, what? Because we opened with like talking or like talking to your animals out Oh, now we're like talking about their balls. Yeah, you know, whenever I Yo, you know, it's crazy one time my my dog actually gets like offended when I call him a woofer Really? Yeah, because there was one day where he was just like like going like, whoa

Like, you know when dogs just look at you and they're clearly angry and they don't they want something for you So they just go Yeah, so my sister was calling him a woofer, right? And He then he he like snaps his head and looks at you like what the fuck did you say to me? Yeah, like we're being derogatory or something. Yo huge huge question here But it's out there. Oh, no. Can a dog be gay? I think so I think I think they can

Yeah, my brother's dog like is all about that penis. Yo sniffing Eli's ding dong hard body. I know he's he's all about that penis. That's why I'm like I can't see why not you know I always wondered that if other animals can be a gay Are there other gay animals? Yeah, I think so. I think dolphins are gay. Aren't they? They are I think they have sex with both sex. Why do we know so much about dolphins in their sex life? I don't know It's just weird

You know, um, but anyway to close this show kind of just wanted to give a shout out to uh, some of our patrons here Wow This is the first one that I saw. What is it? I swear to god the name is big dick jankins I'm not even kidding big dick jankins. Well I don't even if he needs a shout out to be honest one of our one of our patrons big dick jankins. Thank you Carly posi pause pause Cassidy

koonahan Fuck that up. Uh courtney commander. Whoa You're a porn star That's a really good name daniel geraldo, that's cool sounds like he does the news. Yeah, uh daniel geroux geroux geroux geroux. It's all it's spelled like matt like g i r O u x. Oh, okay You know geroux. What are you gonna do? Uh, daniella gasparic gasparic

That is that is funky. Uh, darlene shout out to you Eddie parent Eddie parent is that a pun? Air apparent no, no, I'm not in my whole place. That was fucking terrible. Emily. Hamilton also shout out to you. Um And we'll do one more here. We're gonna go Jalen hernandez jalen hernandez guys shout out I just want to give some little shout outs at the end of you know Each episode to some of our patrons because we do appreciate you guys and you know

We just want to show some love to you and know that we're thinking about you y'all are dope as fuck But for the most part we're thinking about big dick Jenkins. Yeah, okay, wherever that is Yeah, big dick Jenkins for the win. I would say I want to find out who that is Um, anyway, that is all for this week on the baseman yard danie. Where can they find you at daniella puri on twitter and instagram? See that's I did small hand stuff there didn't go big when small go keep it keep it simple Um, you guys can follow me on social media at joe sanagato Go follow the show on instagram at the baseman yard and our patreon

If you would like to sign up is patreon.com slash the baseman yard patreon spelled pat r e o n dot com slash the baseman yard We appreciate all of you. Thank you for watching every single week. Even if you don't sign up It's cool, but you know all the support helps for sure. So yeah, that is all. See you guys next time