The Basement Yard - #182 - Getting To Know Our Bodies

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

On this episode, Danny and I take a long look at our "bodies". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard me and Danny hanging out today. How you doing, man? What's on your finger? Oh, it's just a hair tie Why sometimes I wear them cuz my hair is getting long on top Sometimes I put it in a little just tie it up a little bit. So it's not all on my forehead Why don't we uh, I'm gonna wait I'm gonna wait until I'm gonna wait until this grows in a little more Next week next week. Let's see. Yeah, next week. I'll get a sneak peek. Oh, I'll sneak me. I'll sneak peek it I'll sneak peek it. Okay Yeah, Danny has highlights in his hair. Oh, yeah

But I'm waiting for the sides to grow in so it's like a little more even, okay, and I'm gonna do something else with the sides Wait, what? That's a mystery. You'll find out. Are you gonna put a design in your head? Just might you're gonna put a you what do you put in your head? Can't tell you you put the design in your head Just might what is this 1998? I'm bringing her back. What's the the puka necklaces or whatever? Oh, no, I can't do that I used to I used to think those were fucking cool as shit I always thought like I always wonder if they were a real shark tooth. Oh my god. Yeah, are they? I don't know they always look too small to be a shark's tooth Maybe it's a small shark could be could be that would be easier to get that tooth. Oh for sure. Yeah, like I I think

What what Aaron you think had the best style Like documented 80s like the flap flappers. What are they called like the old one bitches had like feathers in their heads And like everyone was like, yeah, no, I can't Johnny. Yeah. Yeah, they'd smoke very long cigarettes And so it's like I'm like what is that wooden thing the holder cigarette? Why is it so long? I don't know. It's dangerous It's a it's a hazard and um They used to have like someone have to step on their back and pull their corset. Yes. Yes. Yes, isn't it? Yeah Yeah, they breathe. I think that was the 20s. Yeah, maybe not Uh, I liked it when women started to become like sexy

No, no, no when they started to because they've always been sexy What's the word I'm looking for like we used to treat them terribly and like beat them up and shit, right? Yeah, I'm talking about when the when the tides turned. Yeah, and then women were like You know I'm saying like they're like, no fuck you guys, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, they started being like Sexy mistresses. I guess that's the 60s That's definitely wrong. I think no, I think that was like We're gonna free some titties. I'm not saying free titties. I'm saying when they were like You know, we're gonna wear whatever we want

No, they could they could like be not disrespectful But they could be dismissive to men and like they wouldn't get beat up for it, right? And I'm not trying to be funny when I say that no, I know I know I'm smiling because it's it's just it is a ridiculous It's a ridiculous sense, but when they were just like no no Johnny I'm not dancing with you at the blue monkey. Yeah, you know like that era was kind of hot Like not like the era where you could just drag a woman anywhere. Yeah, that was out of control. That was insane Yeah, that's really crazy. Do you know there were some rules put in place in the United States where in certain states? You could only beat your wife once a week

They had a law show at them at you. There was a maximum How many times you could do it? And let's just say right this is how ridiculous this country is okay There is there I mean not anymore obviously, but there were real laws put in place in certain parts of the country where It was like a maximum on the amount of days you could beat your wife That's crazy, and I know that because I used to do those videos where it was like the most ridiculous laws in the United States And those those were so prevalent. So there's there's a beating quota

Not a quota that you have to hit, but you definitely can't surpass it. Yeah But it was hell crazy is that I feel like they also used to smack women more in movies But yeah, I shut up. Yeah, like smack him around like Humphrey Bogart was smacking bitches. Yeah, I know yeah Which is insane. It's like yeah, there's a piece of clothing that we call a wife beater because people used to beat their wives in it Yeah Are we and we just like we just let it go. Do they sell wife beaters here? Yeah, they're like no Yeah, I know exactly what you mean Oh, you mean the piece of clothing that men used to wear when they beat the shirt of their wives when they come home

Because they're she overcooked the steak What is this marry it's bullshit knock it off the table scary times scary times. Yeah, I mean, you know, you can't do that shit anymore Good old days But it's like to even fathom that that was like people used to think cigarettes were healthy for You know what I'm saying like I feel like there was an era where everybody smoked cigarettes Yeah, dude, they were smoking on planes. That's insane. I literally I just I was in Miami not so long ago and on the plane right back I was just like thinking I said to my friends. I'm like, yeah, imagine someone's just like just absolutely crushing cigs right now Other thing too is they used to like a box old boxing events

There's two athletes there fighting and the whole place is full of cigar What fuck yeah, when did that stop happening? Can't you smoking clubs in Miami? Were you in Miami? Were you in any clubs in Miami? A lot of them are like half indoor outdoor places So you could just kind of like smoke wherever well not really like I didn't see anyone smoking inside Oh, I thought that you could smoke inside clubs in Miami. I don't think so. I mean they have like cigar shops and shit Yeah, a lot of places have cigars. Yeah, but that's what I mean. You mean cigar clubs Well Not clubs there. They have clubs like so yeah, dude cigar lounges or clubs or whatever the fuck whatever the building

Yeah, they're it's so intense. I would you go to one? I've been to like numerous. Are they cool or they just like I mean, it's not a club where it's like you guys got bottles. So what do you need? You need a fucking Rocky Patel 1993 It's like I'm good, you know, but The hell's Rocky Patel, it's a it's a cigar. Oh Was that the name of it? I think Rocky Patels. Yeah, Rocky Patel used to be like a kid of my class No, are they Rocky Patels? I don't want to get that wrong now. Not that there's any fucking like Cigar connoisseurs like dude. It's actually not that honestly. They're probably us. Yeah. Yeah, Vinci's 1990 is the year Those are good though. I've smoked those like a lot, but those are good. Those are the only ones I know

So where do you go? Do they give you like a smoking jacket? No Jack yeah, like one of those like you have no jackets. Oh my god. I wish I'd go like right now They have like upscale cigar lounge. You know, you can't breathe in there. I actually went to one in Connecticut Not even Vince. Oh, there was no vents. It was like you walked in. You're like, alright, you can't fucking see yeah I'm good. I'm good. It just smells like 800,000 cigars. Was it like the Connecticut Was it like a Fox Woods like the casino? No, it was like a very hole-in-the-wall place It was like in the middle of the woods like we're Frankie summer houses Oh, okay. Yeah, so we just went there to pick up some cigars and then when we walked in do like yo

You guys must stay and like smoke cigar. I'm like, I'm gonna die in this place Yeah, if we don't have you ever been to that Fox Woods casino in Connecticut, you should go one day Would you go? I'd be afraid to lose too much money. I'm afraid to be with you. Yeah, sure in a Casino, yeah Nah, just sports gambling. I'm a pussy. Well, that's not true sports gambling. I'm not a pussy real gambling I'm a pussy. I'm reversed sports gambling. I'm a pussy. I'll do like $30 or $40 bets Real gambling though like roulette like I usually let like all of my money ride at least once on the roulette table Yeah, like whatever money I have like I could have a really good day and be like, oh my god

I'm up like 3k and then just be like pulling this on red Fuck it. Let it ride. Yeah It's just feel like, you know, I mean if you have the means To do it, I guess Like like if you're up like in the casino like fuck it like that money's like It's not real until I leave the casino See, I feel so differently. You're like, you're like, it is real like yeah, like boss has said the same thing Well, he'll be gambling and I'll have like a bunch of chips and he'll be like these don't have any monetary value

And I'm like if you would walk 15 fucking feet to the cashier they do. What do you mean? Yes? Yes And he's like, no, man, these this is nothing. I'm like, dude, just walk right there get 300. Yeah She'll give you money. She'll give you voucher, but now we should go one time one time to a casino. Yeah Why would we go to Fox? Let's go somewhere like nice. Let's go to like fucking Vegas I've never make it back from Vegas. I'll be what I'll have to walk home now. You'll be all right. You don't drink Which is great. Honestly, I Would love to not drink in Vegas

Actually, like be like a smart gambler not even just like I'd for whatever reason I can't control myself in that place and it's not even about the Is it just like is it just like that the atmosphere that makes you just like lose all It is the atmosphere and it's really not me being like, oh, dude I just fucking party and slug fucking tequila. Yeah, it's not even like that. It's just that it's everywhere It's easier to get alcohol than it is a bottle of water Wow like in those places because you have to go to the restaurants then they'll give you water like whatever but it's like There's not like delis around like there are like little shops or whatever

But everything is like if you're on the floor gambling which the entire fucking strip is basically one big casino How long is the strip? It's long. I've walked. It's probably a couple like a couple miles I've been right outside as just like desert. Yeah, like nothing even when you're coming Well, there's a city, but it's not even that big like when you're coming over in a plane Yeah, and you get to Vegas. You're like, oh because you could see the fucking the pyramid. Yeah, the Luxor Yeah, and there's like a the ferris wheel that you see and you're like, okay That's the area then you see like a town and it doesn't look that big from the sky and then literally nothing That's crazy. It's scary. Yeah, it's a lot of bodies out there in that desert. Oh my it's hunts

hunts tons of bodies out there like I would be so afraid of like Like people that like cheat in casinos. Oh my god, like you're crazy. They'll kill you. Yeah Put you in the fucking mountains. Yeah, no one's around. Yeah, who gives a fuck like the desert. I've never seen the desert I would love to see the desert. You don't it's not it's not cool. No, it's just like there's nothing here. It's just brown Yeah, I feel like just to see it like I would love to drive cross-country. We've talked about that before now I would too like certain places. There's like cool desert like Vegas is not a cool desert in my opinion It's just literal sand dunes. Yeah. Yeah, nothing Maybe like Arizona is a cool desert right because I mean Arizona has the Grand Canyon and then like Utah also

Arizona does have the Grand Canyon know that now South Dakota has Mount Rushmore. That's Is it South Dakota or North? It's South. It's one of the Dakotas But also Utah has like Zion like that famous like campground or whatever. It's like it's pretty. Yeah But Vegas is just speaking to Utah. How do you feel about that whole Russell Westbrook situation? Oh So for people who don't know Russell Westbrook is a basketball player and a fan Was yelling at him and said Get on your knees like you used to yeah, which is kind of weird to say to any man that you don't know. Yeah, I mean Personally, I feel like

That would have so the jazz ended up banning him from for life the fan Yeah, so he's not allowed to come to any sports games anymore because in my opinion that is Clearly racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah black and white. Yeah, and just the balls on Someone to say that is just like it's crazy. I think it's funny too probably not only that But it's like you're you only have those balls because you know that this guy Like you're protected by Because he has so much to lose. Yeah, like yo clearly Russell Westbrook when he steps out onto that court, right? And like you suck is one thing, right?

But being like dude Russell Westbrook can beat the shit out of everyone in that crowd Yeah, he's a monster like three at a time, right? You know what I mean like Clearly that would be like because we're going to the Nick game on Sunday Like if you stood up and said to LeBron like hey LeBron Tell your son to suck my dick I'm sure that's happened, which it's like yo, it's like That's crossing line dude. Yeah, like yeah, I'm all family members I'm all on shitting on some like a player though like I'll be like, you know you fucking suck that's different, right?

But I'm obviously doesn't suck, but I'm just saying cuz my team sucks. See I don't I I'm not a big fan of that if they could hear me No, it's one thing to be like in the in the nosebleeds and being like all this fucking guy man Yeah, you do that at home But if I know they can hear me like dude, that's a person right, you know like I'm not gonna have you ever had Just saying have you ever had yelled like an athlete? Of course, but not anything bad being Jackie Bradley, Jr. Got into a pretty bad once on the socks on the socks I was in right I was in left field like on those seats that are right by the foul pole. Yeah, I

Like Jackie Bradley, no But we were losing I was just fucking riding them This is like the last time I talked to him and he literally like looked at me and like Was like what'd you say? Like said it to me. I was like, oh shit. I didn't expect him to like respond I was like, yo, whatever like they dropped you in the lineup like you suck Like you want to be here like next year And then he was like, why don't you just shut the fuck up like he did like what Russ said and I was like

Son Yeah, no, but I like I've never I don't think I've ever shout out to Jackie Bradley, Jr. Yeah, sorry about that Yeah, no, you fucking son But I don't think I've ever the only thing I've ever said to anyone I went to a Knicks game with my friend Marco. We sat mad close and I was like yelling shit, but like Dumb shit like for people like I was making fun of what's his name Jordan Clarkson for having like mad headbands, right? This guy's got mad accessories, right? I'm like, bro. You need a little more minutes Well, you're really successful you make you're making an observation. You're not really going at him

No, yeah, once you start attacking someone's like like it's one thing character if you go like 0 for 10 from 3 This it's it's the garden, bro. Like we're gonna shit on you Yeah for not hitting your shots, but I'm not gonna be like go back to Africa or some crazy shit Yeah, get on your knees like those people should like we should just allow Russell Westbrook to be like Yo, he said that all right good and then just beat the shit out of them See that's the thing that's the one problem with basketball the fans are way too close to the party. Yeah, they are way too close It's just weird and then they had an old video surface where they're like Russell's dancing and one jazz fan is like, yeah dance boy

And then Russell immediately is like yo, don't call me boy Like you see it on film. It's mad weird that guy deleted like all those racist tweets and shit. Yeah, but a lot of people got They went and got those yeah, but so those people should just get the shit kicked out But if you're fucking, you know run our tests run into the crowd and fighting people wasn't that the craziest thing ever Yeah, it's kind of awesome guys if you've never seen it Google Malice at the palace and you will see what happens when a fan throws something on an athlete Ron our tests and Ben Wallace got into like a scuffle under the rim, which is terrifying Yeah, those are two men that just let them go

Especially Ben Wallace back then was like a back-to-back defensive player of the year or whatever He was like John Cena. He would wear headbands on his yeah, he was gigantic I'm terrified and Ron our tests laid down on like the score table and someone threw a full beer at him So he just got up and ran to the crowd and started swinging at people. It's kind of awesome Then there's that one dude who jumped out onto the court and like came at Steven Jackson I think a Jermaine O'Neill Jermaine O'Neill and then someone but then he rocked. Yeah, if he didn't slip you would have killed that guy Yeah, probably yeah, he hits the guy so hard. You have to go see that you have to go see that But I just feel like this is like

Entitled people that sit close to the games think they could do shit like that cuz yeah a lot of money. Yeah, there's this weird Affiliation with oh, I paid all this money. So this allows me to do these things like hey, I pay for my seat, man It's like yeah, that's great. Don't be a fucking loser Yeah, like I'm like especially at baseball games for whatever reason I'm not even the biggest baseball fan in the world, but I baseball games like I'm loud Like I I cheer a lot of baseball games, but I don't I never like baseball is born So yeah, I gotta do something but I but I don't attack players like I think that's crazy I won't attack them personally

But like I attack like Jackie Bradley, Jr. Cuz like he was like hitting like shit at that time So I was like just getting on him, you know Oh, I will say there was a time where I heckled the shit out of this kid this high school player Because Eric had a playoff game and he was pitching. Okay, and he didn't have a good outing. Well, that's different though Yeah, that's riding for your boys. Yeah, it was my high school, but I had graduated from it So I came in there and I was just heckling this kid bad and yo, I swear to God. Oh you graduated already. Yeah, I was out Oh, you're douche. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I went because my friend was pitching was the playoff. So I was like, all right fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah come through and we all went and

This kid he had like goggles on So I kept calling him goggles the whole time and you know, there was this and there was this one time He kept throwing this curveball, right? And it was getting everyone but there was one time he threw it like went past the catcher So I was like immediately this curveball sucks like I just went to that mode Yeah, so I literally screamed as he's like checking for pitch I was like, yeah, throw that shitty fucking curveball again, and he threw it and it went in the dirt. Oh, nice I was like, I got him and like yo

The head to the point where Eric told me he's like, yo everyone on the team was like, yo Tell him to come back to the next round because they ended up rallying and scoring like seven runs and like the seventh inning And they ended up winning. Yeah, you could you could break it out a fucking high school kid easy Yeah, which I feel bad about are you like yo I used to have friends where their dads would come and be the most embarrassing people in the world dude Sports dads are rough like imagine getting into a fight Like at your kids high school game with a parent. Yeah, what are you doing dad? It's wild I don't know if I like it'd be really hard for me to talk to my dad like after that

Yeah, thankfully my dad was never like that my dad was usually like a coach or whatever and if I was getting heckled It's probably for a good reason because he would be like yo You're either gonna get heckled because you're really good and like you just can't let it get to you Yeah, or you suck in that case you earned the heck. Yeah One time I got drilled on purpose playing baseball I've gotten drilled mad times on purpose and I wasn't even good But it was because my cousin fucking got kicked out of the game and I was the next guy up like

My cousin graduated a year late and he was filthy at baseball and they and they let him play like he was allowed to play that year So they were like oh, it's like a ringer like this kid's too old to be playing or whatever But he was only he was only 18. He wasn't like 20. Yeah, so he was playing they were heckling them and They start going like they're like benches clear and shit like that like I'm ready to fucking go like I'm ready to fight Cuz I sucked I was on the bench like ready to fucking fight though. I was like, yo, it's my cousin I'm just gonna fucking punch his dude in bath, but he got kicked out of the game So I had to pinch hit for somebody they also got kicked out of the game and they fucking drilled I love it. So part of me was like yo, I'm gonna start a fucking brawl here. Like I'm gonna run out there

What the fuck is that I don't know is that your phone that's my cell phone Who is it I So random number fuck him anyway But I think like heckling kids at high school games when you're in school is one of the most fun things you could do Yeah, of course ride that fucking kid when I was when I was playing baseball first of all When I was playing baseball growing up

like I Was like rare adonis Like a really good fielder couldn't hit yeah, I couldn't hit it. I bet like 230. I'm being generous there Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't feel door hit, but I was fast and I could field so I play like center I play third or some shit. I actually growing up was like a pitcher like very illegally pitched Like it fits you like every every single game like my arm is probably shot because of that because like I pitched every game Cuz I was like ahead of my time when I was younger so I could throw really hard Yeah, like no one could really like hit I mean I wasn't a fucking ace or anything

But I could throw really well And actually one time I hit this kid in the face and broke his nose in his jaw and I cried on the mound I was felt so bad. It's pretty fire though. No, it's not kids fine now. I mean, yeah I found out like years later I saw him at the fields again and like we were watching like my brother's game or something and I saw him I was like, oh, hey, he's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, you know, you didn't only break my nose You also broke my jaw. Like I felt so Throw cheese

I don't think you have to throw that hard to break a nose and jaw the fuck yeah You do not you get hit in the face or the baseball in the right spot. You fucking yeah, not fuck that You know what I threw a thousand miles an hour. Yeah, kid got caught up with the heat get out of the way There actually was a time where I was pitching Keith was the catcher and my brother Thomas was the on point That's fucking awesome. And my dad was probably and there's no way that strikes on how to be huge Yeah, right. My brother would if anything fuck me. He wouldn't help me out bastards. Yeah, what are you gonna do? My family is not those kind of people. No, no, it's the complete opposite When I used to when I used to ref like Wreckley basketball, like there were kids like I babysat

And I would always like put them on the line Really yeah, because they weren't good. Yeah, and like every time I foul Yeah I got him on the arms like dribbling up the court It's like two shots two shots two shots. We're not in the penalty. No, it's two shots two shots bonus. Yeah, what 11 free throws Technical fouls. No, but um, I feel like would you ever coach your kid's team? I would love to coach a team. Have you ever coached your team ever? No. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, and no It's awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. I would love to do it

um I always felt like I was a better teacher than I was a player I was a pretty good player though. Right like at pretty much everything except baseball Oh growing up, but it's a hard sport Yeah, it's it's one of those things that like I was good when I was younger because I that's like all I played I that was the first sport I played was that in basketball and that I didn't get into football until I was like 12 11 12, you know, so my whole life. I was good at baseball picture I could feel like a hit and then I just like didn't like it as much as

Basketball and football. Yeah, so I just stopped playing and it's not one of those games that you could stop playing like Oh, it's just like a bike. I'll get back in there. Yeah over doesn't work like that. It was um Do you remember Like bringing snacks to games baseball games any games Like like a Gatorade I was the kid that always forgot to bring like a Gatorade or like a snack A snack to a game. Yeah, you never eat like chips like on the bench or something. No, no

Baseball dude, sunflower seeds and chips crushed seeds. That's for sure candy and shit too I don't know I don't know man. My dad was a hard ass like like a kind of coach like No, I don't want that shit in the dugout. Well, I don't know. I just like was so honed in like on the game. Yes My dad can eat my dad was The coach of my basketball team benched me because he said I wasn't good enough when I was clearly better than the kid Who he started over me, but he thought that I wasn't hustling enough I can get more defense out of this kid. So I don't need you

You guys win or lose that game. So here's exactly what happened. I'm swear to god. This is a true story It was our first game. We were playing this team from brooklyn. I forgot the name of it But he benched me for like pretty much the whole game. Like I played maybe eight minutes Right. Wow So Well, what age are you eight minutes? Maybe the whole game. No, no, no, we were I think it was like eighth grade. All right. So yeah, so like you're old enough to hoop Yeah, so I so I didn't play a lot so

Um And this is the first game and he told me because we did tryouts or whatever and he's like I'm benching you And I was like, dude, are you kidding me? Like I felt like I was like the third best player we had right, but he's like he said I didn't hustle So I was like, all right. So he was just, you know teaching me a lesson I guess at the end of the game were down Three uh four uh wait. Yeah, we're down four points. Okay, right? So he puts me into the game And there's like a minute left

I get a shot on the elbow and I hit it. So now we're down Three no, we're down two, okay They go down And we stop them whatever we get the ball and like the shot clock is going down This kid gives me a pass. I'm in the corner and I'm like falling out of bounds and I hit a three And we go up by one and there's like eight seconds left Less than that. Right. This kid

Who was on their team? Brolich and fast as shit. Yeah I hit that shit in the corner falling down Without hesitation. They inbound and gave it to that kid. You got no numbers coming back He just ran down the court laid it up and we lost I was like and then I wanted to like flip out on my dad and be like, if you gave me some fucking minutes I would have begged more threes out there. Fuck you dad So funny man, uh like uh

You want to hear something crazy too? Yeah So there was a time where Keith was on this baseball team. He was older than me. So he was playing in a different league than I was Yeah, like a u-15 or something like under 15 Yeah, whatever it was and and he was a smaller kid on the team and they had this like ace pitcher And their head coach ended up getting thrown out. It was a championship game. I think Their their pitcher ended up getting thrown out of the of the uh, no their coach ended up getting thrown out And they were down like five runs and like their kids, you know, they're maybe 13

Or 12 And they're like losing their minds now because once you go down by five runs in one inning It's like, oh, fuck the world, you know, whatever So my dad just like steps in as like an interim coach And just like coach them to victory and like key and like they were they had two outs And it wasn't like the bottom of the ninth or anything, but it was like the end of the game It was like maybe the seventh right and it was like two outs and I was like, all right, who's up and it was Keith All right, so Keith Keith gets up to bat and uh, you know, everyone's like blah blah blah

And he walks So he gets on base and then my dad is like you see if he's gonna get on base like Let's go And then he like coached him back to and they fucking ended up winning the game. See that fucking bill bell check Apparently Gets everybody out. Listen my dad. He can give a speech. Yeah, the guy can talk his talk his ass off good for him Yeah, good for him. That's it though What was Keith sport of choice?

Defense Yo, Keith in every sport we've ever played he was the best defender we had and our on our basketball team that same team I'm talking to you about Keith was on our team and my dad when he was the coach would uh We'd start the game and Keith be on the bench because he wasn't really good offensive right You go offense for defense He was like the fastest kid and the most like aggressive kid, right? So We were like, all right

He wouldn't start and then we we'd start the game and then like after a minute My dad would call a timeout and be like, all right, Keith guard that guy like he just put him on the best guy And he'd just be a fucking mosquito. It's so annoying. Face guard on me. Yeah, exactly That's awesome. And he yo, I couldn't tell you when we were super young We had to winning a championship with the psych teams like when you were like, uh, we were the 76ers Like not even like a school just like the 76ers wreck league type shit. Keith would steal the ball 100 times a game Run down as fast as he could good as fast as he could stop on a dime And then everyone would go flying past him. You have a wide open shot right over the backboard

That was great, you know, you ever miss like a wide. Oh, yeah, I've missed so many wide open layups like on fast breaks It's fucking insane. Yeah, it's one of the worst feelings ever Especially in high school your whole fucking school is there Steal it out on the break I would always try to do like something nice when I go to lay the ball up spoon it or something Spoon is when you smack the backboard and lay it up But uh, I would always try to do that fucking miss like get benched after that type of shit The worst bit story I ever have is I was like 16

And one day my friend called me and was like, yo somebody was supposed to pitch Um I'm trying to go through he went through like his whole phone book to like see if a friend will play I was like, I'll play. I don't think I'll pitch though. Like I'll play in the outfield or something So I get there that they make they end up making me pitch So the first inning Strike the first guy out Second guy

Little dribbler And then the next guy get out pop him up. I'm like, holy shit. Like I'm fucking good, dude. Yeah Next inning walk the first six batters I've done that. Yeah, and I'm talking like walking. I'm like, yeah, yeah Catcher can't even get it it's hitting the fucking tin four one counts. Oh my god. It was terrible It was it was so bad that the umpire had to walk out to me and show me how to hold the baseball That's how bad it was. That's pretty bad. Yeah, that's pretty bad There was a couple of times I've gotten hit in the fit

Like I'm one time I got a game ball because I got hit in the face I struck a batter out and then turned to the side and the catcher threw it hit me right in the face Jesus can be right in the mouth. I hit the hit the floor Impy when he used to catch for me would throw curse balls back to the fucking mound all the time. Um But there was another time where I think I've told you this before where I made like the play of my life Oh, I'm like center field. No, no, I was in sec. I was on second base Okay, and someone hit a fucking liner down the first baseline and our first baseman wasn't that good So I went to go back him up. Oh, you're on defense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to go back him up

And it rolled off his shoulder and I just so happened to like just be on my way there And I was like this and I like reached back like literally like oh del's catch and caught this ball And landed on the base and got the kid out everyone who was watching Other team too was we're clapping right and I just get it trying to be cool like throwing it around and I'm just walking back to the To second base. Yeah, she's too dead. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to look cool walking back to second base The kid who gets the ball on third because wherever it was going Throws it at me and I'm not looking and it crushes me in the side of the head And I just laid on the ground and I was just like, oh my god

And I'm not like I couldn't play they wouldn't let me play. They went around. They went around the horn Yeah, I know I wasn't I wasn't looking though. Why you throwing it to me? Like I made the coolest play ever. Let me let me cool walk it back to my back Let me cool walk it back to my back. Yeah, you know what I'm saying I don't know man. It's gonna be weird like when I have kids because it's like I feel like Like I feel like parents they do whatever they can right so like their kids can like get ahead, right? Okay, okay, and like you you saw this thing with like Felicity Huffman and that shit where like they're paying like

Charitable donations quote-unquote for their kids like getting to like these prestigious schools. Yeah, she was paying money This is against the law. Yes. This is fraud by the way the FBI stepped in. Yeah, this is a federal offense Paying for your kids to get into Ivy League schools Now, do you think that It should be allowed if someone's saying the uh willing to be like hey, listen your tuition is x amount unwilling to pay z amount All right, and z is double x

Do you think that that should be allowed? As two people that did not go to college, right? Yes, uh I don't I want to say I don't give a shit right, but I also get it for someone who's like I studied my whole life to get into duke and now this guy just paid his way into duke. Yeah I get it like it, but I also feel like you know Anywhere else in the world that's the case you could pay your way into anything. I even think it's the same thing here though

What you could pay you could pay your way to get into anything here I'm saying anywhere in the world anything If someone has more money than you they will just pay to be ahead of you Yeah, like they were paying like coaches and shit for like their kids like beyond teams too like now that's fucked up now You're taking like scholarships away from kids Yeah, you know what I'm saying like just so you could be on the fucking They've one of them is like the rowing team The tennis team. Did you say it was like the sailing team? Yeah, the sailing team. What the fuck is that?

I don't know. I didn't even know colleges had sailing teams. I had no idea either How do you competitively? How do you competitively sail? I? You're racing boats. Yeah How white is that I know My boat's faster dude. Listen, I'll give you $15,000 right now. I'll feel a Jeremy join the sailing team I'd be like lady Your son's fucking nuts You know how bad someone has to want to sail? I know for you to commit a federal crime

Just so he could sail You're not going to be a professional sailor. I'm sorry All right, it's just it's jack sparrow majelin and christopher columbus. That's it. That's it No one else professionally sails. We have enough. We have we've had enough sailors It's it's over. Yeah, unless you want to drive one of those cruise ships I don't know why you want to be on a sailing team that bad I don't I don't want to want in rowing I don't get rowing either. I'm sorry. That is a rich person. I'm sorry rowers. Yeah, that's rich

That's rich white people and then they probably have like weird terms like yeah when I hit that second Kern I was just like, you know in the front of the boat We were like really pulling hard and then uh skylar behind me was really token it So like we were ready to go. We came upstream. We were just uh, we even pull it out tonight I'm just like this sport sucks. I just nobody wants to watch this shit Through a competitive sailing. I row crew. No, you row a boat Okay They'll tell me what gently down the stream. Yeah, I mean you do it merrily merrily. Merrily. Merrily. Merrily. Life is but a dream

I don't want to see your fucking Yale crew sweatshirt. You fucking dork Listen, and also if if you're on if you're on a rowing team I'm not going to give it past the sailing because I just I can't give that I can't get past the sailing Sailing guys are kind of a real row rowing guys are kind of jacked. So here's the thing I guess you give it that but that's a stupid sport and you're never going to convince me that it's not It's just you're rowing You're rowing. Yeah, uh sailing You put the sail

And then the boat just goes What what else? Yeah, I just found better wind than those guys today You know, I came around the turn caught the jet stream. Yeah You're sailing. Yeah caught a good pitch northeast swung at starboard and then I was ready, uh You know it was uh all she wrote from there. So Want to thank god for wind? Like what do you do if there's no wind that day? I don't know fucking blow into it We have to cancel today's fucking sailing event due to no wind

I think about that a lot actually. Yeah That's weird. It is weird. They're just having a sailboat and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm gonna sail to Florida and then like you get to like north carolina and and then the world's just like Nah, no wind and you're like, all right. I'll just float then Keeping her fucking diary. Dear everyone. I haven't been able to sail because for some reason there's been no wind for three days There's probably always wind now that I think about it. I don't know I don't know

There's some days in the summer where I'm like, there's no wind. I cannot wait for the sailing Community to just lose their minds over this episode. Well, if you really understood the inside of sailing and I'm like, guess what? I don't care sailors are fucking athletes. Yeah, sure Right. That's a toughie. That's a tough one. That's yeah, you're not gonna ever convince me that I'm sure there's a sailor out there that could that could beat the shit out of me, but If your parents paid for you to be on the sailing team on an ivy league school I'll die before you fuck me up. Yeah, we're like, I will kill you. Yeah on that boat With the sail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just I just don't get like how

And it's like It just doesn't set a good example for kids that are working hard Especially when it comes to sports and you know what? I know that's fucking like bias because I played sports my whole life But like sports is just something that you don't hand out anything No, like you don't give participation trophies that is horrible and fucking counterproductive And you're ruining the children and you don't put people out there because they are somebody I stopped playing basketball. I I loved basketball. It was my favorite sport. It was all I played for a long time And I went to my high school that school specifically because I would go to basketball camp there

Every year when I was like sixth, seventh and eighth grade and then I got there and the freshman team when I when I tried out for them I Literally the kid who I was guarding during the whole thing didn't get to touch the ball Because I was just face guarding the shit out of him Right and I was scoring and I was passing and like playing so well And I got cut and a kid who was and that's fine Like I don't mind getting cut from teams Because if people who are just better than me and most of those kids who were on the same work

I felt like these kids are nasty like they're just good right there was kids on that team though that only made it because they're like Fathers or like alumni who do this and like clearly this kid is not good right like not even good at all Yeah, and like it just infuriated me and then I played football Yeah, but I think I think college and high school athletics are very corrupt when it comes to shit like that Yeah, it's all about like money and shit. It's scary It's it really is scary that you could get your kid into like an ivy league school because one you're famous or two You're a CEO of a company. You just have mad money

Yeah, honestly, if I'm the fbi, I would arrest all those people except the woman who paid for her kid to be on the sailing team I'd be like you need a mental hospital. Yeah Because this fucking had to control here. I get soccer Not sailing. I just yeah. Yeah, I just I just don't understand any of it to be honest He just won the kid just wants to sail. I know get him out on the ocean then make them undeniably good at sailing They don't have a club sail team. You got to go on then intramural sailing Yeah, get your own fucking bow and go sail whenever you want. I liked volleyball. I played intramural volleyball in fucking high school competitive sailing

It's like a red bull event. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Oh other thing Did you see that fake well quote on quote fake picture of milania trump? What? There's a picture going around of milania trump and they're saying that it's an imposter milania that it's not real There's a fake first lady. That's what they're saying. I gotta look. Yeah And you be the judge you be the judge. I will say I think it's I think it's fake I think she's a fake Wait, but she's not a no milania trump is a real she has like a stun double a stunt double a stand-in a stand-in trump

I just don't know she just came out of my mouth weird, but yeah, it's like a stat. It's a stand-in Yo, that's not her right I I'm I'm not trying to be funny. It's not her. I'm not trying to be funny either. I'm really not trying to play this up But I will say This woman has an old-ass face. Yeah, and milania trumps is frozen in time because of surgery Yeah, and she wouldn't step out looking like that. Yeah, no She would not she wouldn't she would not be caught dead looking like that I mean

Yeah, that's not her. No, which like she has like a body double Yeah, she has an old face like yeah, like the shit like milania's chin is just like cut out of Like the grand marble. Yeah, it's just ridiculous. It's like the side of an italian mountain or some shit And this woman's face looks like it's been through a couple wars She's got a little bit of that and she's got some some whatever this is The droopy mouth. It's some some It's rocky. Yeah, it's rocky. Yeah, and looks like a fucking heartbeat monitor. Yeah

and uh Milania doesn't have that shit. No This is a fake first lady. Yeah, there's a fake. Why would you have a fake first lady? Because I have two theories and she's like, I'm sick. Just send the other me. I have two theories One It was that like she's like couldn't make the event right or she's dead. No, no, no No Imagine milania trumps dead and they just gave her like like like fake fake one. Yeah, I'd be fucking scary

Yeah, but two that she can't stand and they him and they got into a fight and she was like, I'm not going That's kind of funny and then they just like Fucking brought the other brought the other milania out of the fucking Got on the phone the dugout like uh, send her in. Yeah, send her in. Uh, yeah, uh, we need m2 Dude, that's awesome. Like if I was uh, you know a president I would love to have a person who was me but not, you know Yeah, even like you mean as a president like you were the president you would even have like a clone president Oh, yeah, oh hell. Yeah, she's like, I don't feel like flying a career right now. Yeah, just be like

I'm good. Just go there and shake his hand. Send joe too. Please. Yeah. Yeah That'd be awesome Would you Say you're not even the president say like you're just like super duper famous Okay, like beaver famous. Okay, would you hire a body double to like Keep paparazzi off you and then you go somewhere else That'd be cool. I think I would do that. That'd be awesome I think that's probably been done

Yeah, I think so right and I also I know celebrities like disguise themselves and like go out Like you remember drake was on ellen and he said that he went on a date to uh six flags with tyrant banks and they both like uh Made had disguises on That's one that's cool and kind of weird I know I think that's a cool first date a cool first date for Famous people. Yeah, would you do that like normally? It should be like, hey, listen. I got a crazy idea But let's just do this

Uh, it's not gonna go over. Well, you have to be famous to do that. Well, you have to have a reason to disguise yourself Yeah, because you're famous. That's what I'm saying. You can't just be like, uh, you know, let's let's wear disguises and go out I was like, why don't we just fucking go? Yeah, why don't we just go out? Yeah, can we do that? Yeah What do you think's like a weird first date Um Like like movies obviously like I don't like on the movies. It's not a good first date But I'm just saying like it's something that you would do right. What would be a weird thing to do on a first date

I don't know. I feel like taking somebody like Involving animals on the first day What that's like not like a zoo What else involves animals like horseback riding is a weird first date. What the fuck? Who does that? I'm probably the sailing kid. Yeah the sailing kid like that would be a weird first date to go horseback riding, right? I don't Necessarily agree. You think that would be cool. I think yeah I honestly think as a first date the weirder it is the cooler it is like if you're just like, oh, let's grab a drink

I'm like, that's fine. And that's not really that's not really a date Well, I hear what you're saying, but I understand if you get a drink at a booth That's true. That's true. You know that is kind of a day. Isn't that weird how a booth turns it into a date If it's at the bar, it's not really a date. Yeah, my friend actually told me differently He'd see like I think it was Pete. He would rather be at the bar anything. He says I'm gonna agree. Yeah, me too He's So smoke but like I think it's more intimate to be in a booth and like I'm looking at you and like there's a little candle here That may be real or fake. I don't know when we put my hand over it

I also like to do the thing where I stick my finger in the wax and I pick it off too. Yeah It's a great. It's a great first date. Also, Pete. You have an 11 inch dick. So anywhere's a date for you. Okay That much work not much work you have to do Pete Oh my god, you just have to be around them. They just have to be in the vicinity of that dick, but Um No, I was gonna say that but I think I'd be in a booth is like, you know, it's a date. Yeah, I think a booth Definitely becomes a date. I know someone who on first dates

used to Uh bring up streaking Why and not in like a sexual manner just sort of like a freeing like let's just do something crazy Because it's like a memorable thing. I guess That's fucking weird. It was Greg It was Greg who I do other people's lives with another show, which is great. Go check that out. I love Greg opl great show Weird thing weird thing. Yeah, he said he said it would work all the time He said I wasn't even saying it to be like, I'm gonna see this girl naked

He's like, I'll run ahead of them. He said it worked. Yeah, he said he's done it multiple times And streaking for those who don't know completely naked running away and I said how far did you run? And he's like, well, I would run far enough that if someone saw me like I wasn't near my shit Like I'd be naked Yeah, I'm very rarely speechless on on the show. I need to talk to him. Yeah, like as soon as possible. Well, I'm just this is a real thing I would never in my life consider doing that I I think it's kind of cool. Have you ever gone pool hopping like like skinny dipping pool hopping in a stranger's pool Yeah, no

You ever done that? No one has pool. I had a pool, but no one else has. Yeah, sure. There's no pools around here Yeah, no, I would we've done that. That's fun. Yeah, I've gotten skinny dipping mad time. So I can Connecticut with Frankie and shit Yeah Well, like not like so here's the thing right there. Hold up. There was a girl there. Okay. All right. Okay And she was like, oh if you guys do it, I'll and I was already naked in the water Okay, all right, but here's one thing In your group of guy friends, we both grew up with different groups of friends. This is gonna get good. Hold on

Let me go get my laptop. That's fine. So we both grew up with different groups of friends, obviously Your friends you've had your whole life my friends. I've had my whole life We never Showed each other our dicks So we were never like friends look at this dick. Yeah, like hey, what's up like oh look at my watch It's my dick like we would never do that right never. We're into it. Okay, not dick people. Yeah, you guys I have all seen each other's dicks. Yeah, and like have no problem with it. No What why is that?

I don't know. Is it like where you grew up? No, are you guys just filthy out here? No, I just dumping your dicks out for each other We were dumping our dicks out like I haven't seen someone's dick in a while. Actually, no I saw someone's one of our friends dick. So one of our friends. I'm not gonna say who it is but one of our friends Usually when we go on vacation is dicks out. Oh, yeah Yeah, so like I heard about this so that dick I saw recently But all the other ones I haven't seen and like I actually haven't seen all of them. Wait a second. Did him

Somebody's legendary penis come out. Oh, yeah. So yeah. Oh, so I just saw two dicks on the last last one Yeah, was it everything you thought it was? I'll be honest with you Okay I'm so fucking jealous. No, no, no I missed it. Fuck I missed it. One of us had to see it It was a legendary dick that's been talked about for for years

And uh, it popped out for a second. Everyone saw except me and I was so mad. God damn it. I've been fighting for that Yeah, shit, but yeah, I don't know. I've I've literally I've known my friend since I was like in kindergarten shit So yeah, so you're down to like dump that dick out. I'm not like down to dump my dick I sound like we get drunk and we're like, dude, all right dick time and like, you know what I'm saying Would you go skinny dipping with your friends? Just guy friends and not think it was insanely gay. Well, I did No, I wouldn't do that if we were like, let's go guys No, no, no, no, it's not like that. All right, and it's never like, oh, we're all naked now It's always just like one person like like running from the bathroom to here

Right, like funny. Oh his butt cheeks are out or being funny of like, oh you guys like you like I remember one time We were in Miami for a different trip and there was like the world cup was on the tv There's a lot of dick in Miami with you guys. Well, we've been there like four or five times Jesus christ, but we were there and like there was something going on in the tv And one of our friends was in the shower and I just walked out of the shower holding their dick and balls Like doing their best job, but like not really doing like all the job Right, so they're just standing in the living room like holding their dick and balls and we're all watching tv But it's never like oh, yo sword fight

Like it's not like that. What about this? Have you ever peed into a toilet with one of your friends at the same time? No, I have not done that. Okay. I've done that with like my brother when I was like super young Yeah, that's that's different. I'll do that with my brother now. I don't care Like, you know, like yeah, your brother's dick is different Well, we know that those dicks. Yeah. Yeah, it's different different than my dick. That's for sure Let's just let's get to this ad before we fucking move All right before all right before we do that. Do you wish you had Keith's dick? without question

He's so nonchalant about it too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he is Let's get into these sponsors. Let's get into these sponsors I'm probably gonna get an email from this company being like, can you not do that? But anyway, uh this episode is sponsored by sponsored sponsored sponsored by stitch fix Okay stitch fix It's basically like having a personal stylist. Okay, they reinvented how we find and buy clothes All you have to do is go Answer some basic questions about your sizes your favorite styles and budget right from your laptop smartphone. What have you?

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But yeah, check it out stitch fix. Uh, I use them too. Like it's it's very easy like every month because like I'm not everyone's like danny where you find the time every eight minutes to go shopping somewhere. Yeah, so Uh, you know, it's nice that monthly you can put in like your shit and I also like it because it's kind of like christmas every month It's like you put in your information. You're like, okay. I Tell these people my sizes and what kind of what style wear jeans and like this and that Um, and then once a month a package arrives and like five five items and you're like, oh That's an I want to look shopping. That's an outfit. Yeah, exactly. Um, you can hurry to stitch fix dot com slash

Basement, sorry. I almost fucked that up a stitch fix dot com slash basement to get started now Keep all five items in your box and you'll get 25 off your entire purchase fire. That's huge That is stitch fix dot com slash basement stitch fix spelled s t i t c h f i x dot com slash basement So there you go folks. Very cool. Yeah, is that a new sponsor? Have you done that before? I've done stitch fix before Yeah, I gotta check them out. Yeah, that's cool. I'll see see if they can drift. I like just having like a package That just pops up. You're like, oh, hey, I forgot about this. Love random packages Anyway back to these penises. Yeah, no, yeah, but no, um, I don't know why we we never were like Dick dudes. Well, I'm not saying we're dick dudes. We're not dick. You're dick dudes

We're not dick dudes. You're dick dudes. All right. Let me name some friends. You tell me you've seen their dick Frankie you've seen his dick. Yeah, all right. Eric. You ever seen his dick? I'm not on purpose. All right. Marco. Have you ever seen his dick? Actually? No. Okay, so that's one out Pete no Or yes Parse you've seen his dick peripheral peripheral dick. So that's accounts. I've seen peripheral dick You've seen that dick. Sure. Dom you've seen his dick. Uh, no divinos dick. Oh, I wish We too

Me too see I haven't seen that many Ralph's dick Dad is a true wish that I have I need to see that. Actually, no, I have seen he too. I have seen that. Why's all your friends got these monster dogs They don't have monster dogs. Oh, there's only there's Three people that have monster dogs. I was about to say no wonder you fucking see each other's dicks all the time No, there's only three people that have monster dogs Uh, actually only two of them are monster ones. Just like that's a really good dick, dude But two of them are monsters. All right. So yeah, I can guess the two monsters

Yeah, and then the other one damn who's them. Who's the mystery dick? So the one Not the mystery dick is not really a mystery. It's the one that I see all the fucking time on vacation. Okay. All right That's the one. Yeah. Yeah, you know, he's got an impressive dick. It's not like Whoa, no, but an impressive dick like you would look at him and be like, okay All right, it's like one guy in a gym is like lifting something like not crazy heavy But he does something pretty good. You're like, oh, it was impressive. Look at that. Look at that. That's nice. Yeah Yeah, good for you guys Hey

You didn't answer my question if you got skinny dipping with just your guy friends So, no, I've never done that. He stutters. Well, because what I was gonna say was the story with Frankie Right, we were on it. We were but it was in a big-ass lake. It wasn't in a bucket. This doesn't matter Well, of course it does. So if I'm telling you if we all jump it's up to naked Yeah, what's the distance that makes it a little Listen, if we're in a pool and it's like, oh Naked dudes and it's it's like six of us hot tub is even worse Yeah, but now we're talking about bacteria. Yeah, because that lives in hot hot, you know temperatures. Yeah

And if it's not gym related if it's gym related, you could see that dick What do you mean? Like because you're supposed to get naked in the gym. Oh, I don't get naked in the gym I don't either but like You're right Yeah, sorry Penis is a dick on the minds. Yeah Ghost dick got my mouth. I think but yeah, but uh, I never get naked at the gym because I'm just a shy guy I don't I just I think the gym's gross

Like I don't even like taking my shoes off in there because I'm like, oh people are just like sweating all over this place I wash my hands like twice like I wash my hands Like when I leave the gym and I go into the locker and get my shit I'll wash my hands and then when I get home I wash my hands again Have you ever showered at the gym? Uh, no I think I think that's like a like a commuter thing like if you go like five in the morning Yeah, I would if I had to yeah like I you know, I would do it, but I haven't but I did shower at the fucking um

What's that place called oh the sauna place that I went to the Turkish bath house the Turkish bath house. Yeah, and that was a gross gross shower House hell just because I know people are coming in and out of that thing like numerous it's in Manhattan. So And it's in a basement And it was like a jail shower The word bath house always kind of has a bad Connectation to it. Yeah, there's like what like dicks out sex gay stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, which

You know, it's not my story to tell but apparently That place has some stuff going on And you know what I was that's sick. No, no, it wasn't when I went but this guy's seen a lot of dick No, no, no, I saw no penis while it was actually that's why I saw a dick dead. Yeah impressive Uh, it was definitely solid. I'll admire a good rom. You know what I'm saying a good one What's that penis in what language? It's just uh, oh it's one of your no, it's not one of mine Okay But anyway, I'll admire a good peen peen for sure a good peen peen

Yeah, I'll admire it from afar from close if it's a good dick. It's a good dick, bro Uh, I just don't like when dicks surprise me. Yeah, I don't like surprising dick But if the dick's out, I won't say it to you like, yo, you got a good dick But like I'll like as soon as I get in the car. I'm like the guy had an impressive day This guy, you know after Me me and greg went to the bath house just in my fucking rear view mirror But not this guy, uh After we got out of the bath house, I was like, wow, I'm about to get out of here without seeing a winner

Right spoke to somebody spoke way too soon jinxed it hard Right well not hard. It wasn't hard. It was definitely flaccid, but I know my dick doesn't look like that flaccid. So I Uh, I can only imagine right Uh, no, but then the guy was also standing right at my locker and he was like captain morgan He had a leg up and he was like washing his fucking thigh or whatever like Yeah getting the sweat off or the water off or whatever And I just like I'm like, oh fuck and I go over there and I was like, hey, man, can I get in there?

You you talk to him while he was naked What was he gonna do you stand in front of my locker? No, I would have waited. I would have waited I was like, hey, man, can I get in there? And then looking back I should have been like not in there like in my locker. What's up. Can I get up in there? What's up, man? You got room in there? Oh, geez. Yeah, but that thing was just dangling So this place casted a shadow actually I don't know if that was because of the the size or if it was because of just the light hitting it at a certain angle Damn, that's fire. Definitely was a shadow against the wall. Yeah

That's amazing Yeah, I don't know. All right. Well, I have a perfect segue Let's go from dicks to chips Dicks and chips, man. Dicks and chips and I have a gripe with this. Okay, Twitter, Instagram Social media going crazy over a chip debate News flash we did this shit four months ago Probably longer longer We did it first and I'm gonna state that on the internet everyone could suck my peen-peen

And you also lick my pink ass. Yeah lick that pink ass. Is your ass pink? Oh, no, I like to say that once the last time you really looked at your butthole Uh, so this isn't gonna help my case what we were just talking about but I just oh my butthole I haven't seen that in decades, but my ass I saw because uh You know when we were in Miami We were in Miami this past whatever Frankie was taking a shit

Right. I was like, dude, I have to shower like because we're gonna leave So I just took a shower while he was shitting. Yeah, damn. So that's jailhouse shit Yeah, and like I was well, he wasn't shitting the they're different things. You know, but he it was glass. There was no like That's what I'm saying. There was no like curtain, but also farting in a shower Disgusting disgusting. I mean it takes the the fart to like maximum fucking power. Yeah, it does. It's disgusting It's like the super Saiyan farts. Yeah becomes amazing. Yeah. Yeah, but I couldn't take a shit I couldn't I couldn't take a shower while someone took a shit in there

Yeah, you know for some reason every time I would take a shower My mom would always have to come and use the bathroom. We only had one bathroom. Yeah, we would do that all the time every time Hey, uh, Danny. I gotta come in there So now I got a tiptoe naked to the door open the door for you Tiptoe back into the shower and listen to you go to the bathroom. Yeah, it's not pleasant You know, it's not pleasant. It's like, yo, how bad do you have to pee? Yeah that you have to come in here And take a pee while I'm there. Yeah, and then you want to know another thing. That's a myth The flush in the toilet thing

Don't flush the toilet while while I'm in there. Oh no that helped that that happened in our house not in my house I thought the piping was weird. No when they would flush that toilet it would get so hot Oh, I thought it was always cold or maybe it was cold Big difference but But also bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I always thought that was a myth None of ours that happened with ours and you guys had one bathroom seven people right six six Yeah, we had one bathroom seven people fucking crazy. It's terrible. Yeah, but so they did this frito lay

Chip selection shit. Yeah, okay. You're upset about it. I'm upset about it because we did it first And a couple episodes ago, we were talking about Whatever, I think maybe I think it was last week. Maybe we were talking about getting credit Listen chips are chips. I didn't expect to get credit for it, but It's a little it's a little weird That people are pointing out chips now. I mean, you know how I feel about it. I know it's very Coincidental. Yes a lot of it a lot of it a lot of the time and I remember when you first started working here I told you I'm like, yo

Believe it because I showed you there was an example that happened I'm like remember we took like I talked about this and then it just and I posted something about it and then These three memes pop up out of nowhere on everyone's page and now they're popular people are tagging me in them Yeah, and I'm like, where did this come from and then I look at the dates when they're posted and it's after I put out this thing And then you're like, oh, it must be a coincidence and then it just kept happening and you're like, all right. What the fuck? Yeah, but anyway the chip thing the chip thing. What were the chips? It was Cool ranch Doritos nacho cheese, so they're all

lays I guess made I don't I don't know they come in that box. So it's lays potatoes original barbecue lays Fritos Cheetos crunchy Uh red Doritos cool ranch Doritos

And then you rank those and then you rank those right you want me to go first If we don't have the same number one jump in Cool ranch Doritos is number one. Absolutely number two Can go two ways No, it can no it can but I'm gonna say It's gonna be barbecue lays. It is barbecue lays. Yeah, it's barbecue lays. It's cool ranch chips Cool ranch Doritos barbecue lays from the bunch right that we have here I was gonna say that the number two could be could sneak in there the nacho cheese Doritos could sneak in there

But maybe if I'm on a picnic, right and they're both there. Yeah. Yeah, and you you You know you ever take chips and put it on a plate? Like at a picnic. Yeah, it's kind of weird, isn't it? Don't like that. It's like, oh, let's you know what else I don't like When see did you put ice cream in bowls? I put ice It depends on it depended on what was clean But I would put them in a mug sometimes and I would put them in a bowl if The bowls were clean basically what did I prefer? Yeah, I prefer to mug because I could hold it It drove me crazy

That like people from other places were muggles They were bowls. Yeah, like they'd be like And I have no problem with it going in a bowl. Yeah, but there's bowlers and there's Muggers and there's muggers bowlers and muggers bowlers and muggers. I'm a mugger. I'm a mugger. Super. Yeah, I will refuse a bowl almost Yeah, uh, that's not true, but There's people who are like Yo I can have some ice cream. I'm like, yeah. All right. Where's your bowls and it just I just uh like I want to hit them

And it also is like Forces you to eat a way more ice cream than you probably should. Yeah, you know, I like the mug Were you one of those families that had an actual ice cream scooper? Hell yeah, dawg. We had that too. I loved it. My mom had multiple First you had this green one that was fire had like a thing for your thumb Because yeah, yeah, really dig in press that button. It comes right off. Yeah. Oh, we had another one that was like Silver right it was silver And then like you

You would press a button and then there was this thing that went over the bottom of it was like shush And it would cut the fucking uh The ice cream out of the scooper. That's fire. Yeah. Yeah. It had a slide piece. Yes. Take take it off I had that I had that like that Also, the worst thing is we can take ice cream out and it's way too frozen I would rather even get your spoon in there that where you bend your spoon. Yeah. Yeah I hated that and then you gotta bend it back on your mouth. Yep Yeah, why would we bend it back on her mouth? I don't know

It's just literally Trying to get the spoon back to form You know what my mom used to buy just put it in your hands You know, my mom used to buy what and she's a bitch for this fucking The sherbert fucking cake. It looked like a loaf of bread. It was just this orange thing makes a lot moth. Yeah Yeah, what is this bullshit? Where's the fucking vanilla chocolate cookie dough? I got a fucking orange bread Yeah, that's disgusting and we loved it. We were like dogs. You know how a dog if it's like Oh, you want like a little and it could be cyanide and they'd be like yes

Because it's just you you're framing it as a treat That's basically what my mom did with this fucking orange bullshit You know because we'd be eating like she'd make us eat like peas and that cake that cake sucks though that cake sucks my anus Yeah Did you like biscotti? Biscotti biscotti. I had one of those on the plane. They're so good. They're fine. Yeah dipping them in coffee I don't fuck with coffee No, but get like a like a chocolate milk then and dip it in a hot chocolate. Yeah, man. I'm a big cracker in in a

Wet thing. I mean, it's like a cracker and wet. I mean, it's like a cookie. I understand But it's like cracker. What are you dipping crackers in water with that soup? Just dip a saltine in soup. Yeah Salt is a super good. I'm not a big soup guy though. Yeah, you're not. I don't think I I've known you for like a year or so now We've been doing this. I think Never seen you eat soup. I don't like soup. I think it's bullshit. What's your favorite soup if you had to pick one I don't really believe in soup. I don't think it's a meal. Do you think it's like a poor? It's like it's a poorer person's meal. That's like why that's how like soup came to be soup is stupid

I hate soup I really don't like soup. It's just like I want to mix my water and and my my liquids and my solids I don't want them all together. I just You know, what about ramen? Yeah, ramen growing up. Oh, no, no, that's a soup Yeah, but you drain the soup water and just eat the nudes. No It never really no, I don't like it. I think soups bullshit. All right. Do you think chef boyardy is soup? chef boyardy is poison That's what it is. It is

There's so much left red sauce after and I always had to drink it Why did I do that? I don't know and it takes so long to come out of the bowl too. It's like skipping cancer I had chef boyardy maybe twice in my life Yeah My mom cooked a lot when we were younger. We were like super young. She would cook dinner like every night Why are you looking at me like dude chef boyardy is fire chef boyardy is disgusting. Yo, it's fire son Yeah, but it's not better than homemade. This might be the first time I walk off the show Are you are you really hating on the chef? No

I'm hating on the chef. All right. Sorry. Oh, we're in agreement that it is poison. Yeah, I agree Yeah, I agree a lot of things are poison. I love them ice cream poison. I mean not poison. It's not yo It's probably like a little grams of sugar and fucking ice cream sugar is great. Yeah, it is well for you Lucky fuck Yeah, I had a mojito in Miami. You would have died if you had it. It was so sure there was a sugar cane shoved in it Yeah, you would have to bring me to the hospital. Yeah, that's how bad my you know, you eat some so sugary that your neck starts to Like do like tingling and you're like, okay That's what I was doing, man. I was like, I'm just trying to get drunk. Why I gotta put this fucking

You ever sip alcohol that like makes your like feel like your throat's closing Yes, isn't that a weird feeling I could be like I took a shot of knob creek because I didn't know it was knob creek not supposed to take shots of that And uh, my voice disappeared. Yeah, like you feel like your voice is like I felt like my whole throat was just going like this My throat looked like an anus. That's just like That kind of does look like an anus. Yeah, it does It does right I try not to laugh. I tried to walk through that. I just couldn't

That's nothing. This is a funny one, but uh, I have to ask again. Yeah Oh, wait Sorry, wait, what are we gonna say? And then we'll and then you'll do I was gonna go back to chips. Yeah. Yeah We'll finish the chip. I was like And answer me this question as honestly as possible. I asked before you didn't answer it I hate this when is the last time you physically looked at your asshole my hole Yeah, like you like you spread your cheeks and wanted to see your asshole. I'm not very familiar with it to be honest with you I'm not very familiar with my anus

Uh, answer your question. We're not friends. Uh, I'd say Yo, honestly, probably like like 2010 like it's been a while Damn, it's been a while since you've seen your asshole. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm just saying How would you feel about today looking at your butthole you gonna go look at my anus Yeah, I wouldn't even know how to go about that. Do you just go stand in your mirror? You spread your cheeks and then do the look around. No, you look through your legs Oh, yeah So you're like a bird. Yeah, you look past your dick and balls and then you look into the reflection

You see your butthole. I don't know why I said bird I don't know birds do that actually they they do do that like they just like yeah, they dip through Yeah, I think I mean would you be willing to look at your asshole now? You want me to go look at it right now? Yeah, go confront your asshole I'll go look all right. Go confront your ass. All right. Cool. We're gonna pause this. I'll let you know how it goes Oh boy. Oh boy So I definitely got a look of that ass

Not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Hey, listen What don't lie about your asshole. I would never lie on my asshole. Yeah, don't lie on your ass No, I would never lie in my ass. All right. So what'd you have? What do you mean? Like like like describe it a little bit. How's the hair situation? Uh, you know, I'll be honest with you. My ass was kind of like the eye of the storm. Okay So around it is all right. Yeah It is definitely out. Yeah, you know, uh, how brown It's not

Oh What are we working with down there? Are we like this is mahogany? No, no, no. So here's the thing cherry woods. So here's the thing, right? And I'm gonna try my best to stay off web md Are you worried about your asshole? So it was like it's obviously your hole Is like a little darker than the right thing. Yeah, for sure because it's going through Battles dude. Yeah, it's a daily thing down there

Um, and it looked like and I don't know if it's because of the lighting in the room or like Which is great lighting in there. Yeah, um, it there was there was a purple hint Oh, like a darker purple, but I think this goes. I'm a white. Yeah. Yeah, I think that makes sense. That makes sense Yeah, a purpley brown ass. Yeah. Yeah, good for you. Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be I thought I thought I was you know, honestly, I was I said a prayer beforehand because I was like I don't want this to ruin my relationship with myself. Did you spread your cheeks? To yeah, did you do one hand or both? Oh, I both. Yeah, I did both. I spread the I almost hit the walls. Yeah, I I spread both my cheeks. Yeah, I spread the shit out of it. Uh,

I will say though, um 100% your asshole is cleaner than mine. You probably yeah It looked very clean, you know, like like when they dropped napalm in vietnam Yeah, like my butthole looked like the aftermath like the soot. So yeah, well, it's very dark. It's dark. There's some dirt Yeah, am I dick like not my dick my butthole was like Like it's like counter it's like counterclockwise. Oh like in australia. Yeah. Yeah. I have like an australian asshole Yeah Yeah, I will say this too while I was back there and it was hard to ignore but my balls

Way bigger than I thought they were like did you did you crap trap them? Or were they or they just hanging loose? Oh, no, I was letting them Like, you know, because you could trap them between your legs kind of oh, that's that's cheating. No, yeah, it wasn't um No, but it looked like I don't They were just bigger than I thought. Yeah, that's good. So now you made two discoveries. You got a purple asshole and your balls are huge Yeah, I you know, honestly, and I don't know if it's just because this is the angle that I get

So I really get the whole like yeah, you know, you don't get the undercarriage, right? Yeah But I but then when you when you deep when you go down under. Yeah, you see some stuff. Yeah, right Do you feel better more in tune with your body now? No, you don't no, you don't feel more in tune with yourself No, I mean I saw my butthole So that's it That's all I did So not one part you saw and then that you also made the realization that you do have bigger balls Then I thought not saying that they're massive. I hear you. I understand where you're coming from. Yeah

But apart of me. I could just be having a good ball day. I feel closer to my body now That's good for you because I did wash my hands after Which is You know It's not this is pretty bad. It's a proper etiquette. I'm not gonna spread my butt cheeks in your room Just walk out of there willy-nilly. Why did you wash your hands? Did you like spread your ass whole? No, no, no, no, no. I spread my butt cheeks, but I'm just saying What's that

Nothing, it's just funny that I spread my butt cheeks in your bedroom Yeah, you're a fucking asshole part of like molecules. That's what I'm saying my duty particles everywhere So that's why I was just like, yeah, like did you see any poop? No, no I took a shower this morning. Oh, okay. Good. We recorded an episode last week. I didn't shower for almost a day and a half Thank god this didn't come up then it would have been worse. Yeah, I would probably ask to see I would I think I would wax my asshole All right, taking a turn if you paid I'd wax my asshole Why the fuck would I pay for that because I'm not how did I get dragged into this because like I you have more money than man

I wouldn't want to waste money on waxing my asshole Who would you even wax your asshole for see like I would do it if there was a reason for imagine what Europe is shit People are like, you know, you gotta you gotta tan that hole Because they tan their holes out there. No, they bleach their holes. No in Europe. They tan their holes They tan their assholes like there's nude beaches Yeah, so they tan their holes. Yeah, you can't directly can't be purple out there. I can't be purple out in Europe I gotta get a nice tail as golden tint. Yeah, you can't be purple in Europe. Yeah Can't be doing that. You're absolutely right. So

Would you say That and we're gonna get right back to the chips I promise Um that your butthole Is on is on the cleaner like the like the cleaner of men's uh Like assholes Yes, because I don't have a lot of ass hair. See I don't have a lot of ass hair. I have crack hair

I don't have crack here. Damn, dude. If I showed you my ass right now, let me see it. No, all right Take a picture later. If you think about it. No, all right, uh, I don't have a whole lot of ass hair But it is like when you wipe your butt. Yeah, imagine wiping your butt and there was just nothing there What like I like If you wax your butthole and wiped your butt, oh, yeah, it'd be a beautiful sensation Yeah, probably. Yeah, it should be like wax on a new car. Yeah, you're like, oh It growing back. It's like it's not like thick hair back there. I have like very thin Yeah, asian hair. Yeah asian but like an old asian

Stash, yeah, like a foo man chew like I It's like it but like my butthole has a beard, right? Yeah, but you know, so, uh, cool ranch Doritos Nacho cheese No, no, no barbecue cool ranch barbecue barbecue and then how about the nacho cheese nacho cheese Doritos No, no, no, I mean, uh, cheetos cheetos cheetos then the regular and then And then Fritos Fritos

You want to take this one? Uh, I would rather eat A bag of shit I was gonna I wasn't gonna go that far, but I was gonna say they are literally the worst chip of all time Worst chip of all time if you consider that a chip you're you're a fucking stupid person. It's disgusting And honestly that video that went viral someone picked them as their number one. I'm worried about that guy. Yes Why would you take Fritos now the Fritos barbecue twist? Anything with the word Frito on it can suck my aims. I agree with you. I agree with you. I do want you I do want you to try one Frito

I'll try a Frito That one. No the the barbecue twist The barbecue twist Fritos. Yeah Get my purple asshole out of here I'm fucking trying man I can't It's not purple. It's not Barney purple No, it's not it's not Barney purple

You're butthole dead You ever see like a sick old white man in a movie and it's like why is this guy kind of see-through and like there's a little bit of purple Damn dude. Yeah, it's not like Thanos purple though. No, no, no, no, no, no But you know, it's just a tent. It's just a tent Yeah, but Fritos are definitely the worst chip of Possibly all time. I'm gonna have to agree. Yeah. I hate that chip and that's something that I just I'm gonna stand by Fritos are disgusting. Maybe my furry ass

Yo, yo, can we just realize that we stopped the show to go look at our assholes and give them a yelp review If you had to put a star rating on your asshole Where are you going if you had to compare your asshole to a Restaurant. Yeah, like a yelp review. So my asshole would like if I had to compare my asshole To like a restaurant. It would definitely be like a mom and pop shop. Okay, you know what I mean? Yeah, like it's it's not the worst place in the world But the food's good, but like the walls could use some redoing right and you know all the customers though like firsthand Yeah, yeah, you know, but it's like once something else something better comes along. We're probably gonna get bought out

Yeah, but like, you know, we're not fancy, but we got good food Right. So that's kind of what I would say about my ass. And then what stars would you get? I would say probably out of five. I'd say I would get 3.7 just based off of like You know reoccurring customers the decor brings you down a little bit. Yeah, I don't have a whole I don't have Bright lights or anything. Yeah, I would be like one of those really good like restaurants But like doesn't have a rating in the window It'd be like a b You know what I'm saying like somebody found something in there. Yeah, and it was enough to knock you down a full letter grade

You know what that means, but the food is still good Right, but that means you have a good anus But just from the looks of it. I wouldn't I wouldn't go in there on my first try because you got to be yes So like I'm hesitant to even get in there because you got a little yeah, you know, it's a fixer upper Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what for me like Definitely if you're going to buy the space you're going to have to paint. Yes You're going to have to put money into it to flip it for sure. Exactly My ass also fixer upper

I don't know who let us do a podcast. I don't know. I don't know I think more people should have butthole confidence though I'm all about butthole confidence going into 2019. Yeah. Yeah. Can you believe that it's almost fucking april? I cannot wait until it's nice out. I know but it's gonna be the fucking it's gonna be fucking Christmas again before we fucking know it It's crazy. We still have the whole summer dude and then like autumn, which is like a cool fucking season Football will be back. Yeah playoff baseball Yeah

I What is going on what is this there's always something new going on here fucking ridiculous I never have my ringer on my phone rings. No one ever calls me. Yeah The fucking guys are beeping all over the place out here. It's insane You know, honestly like before we get off the subject and I'm sorry I'm just I'm these are these are discussions that matter These are the ones that people want to hear about they want to get closer to us Yeah, it's not much closer than getting my anus like basically I did like a fucking

Palm reading of my ass holders now for you guys. Um, but anyway, what am I job lover over here? What I went in the trenches with you. Yeah, I know but that's what I'm saying. I said me. I meant we yeah, man That's my asshole you're talking about. I'm sorry The same be respectful Now that we're talking about assholes. Um, oh now. Yeah, did you ever yeah? Did you ever uh hear about people who like put gerbils in their ass and shit? I heard that Richard gear did that once the actor Richard gear put a gerbil in his anus Yeah, it was like a big rumor that like he put like a hamster up his butthole or something

And that's supposed to be like Arousing I guess it like tickles your your like your anus. I don't know my anus tickled Is it your anus or your colon? How far your colon's up your anus, right? I think the anus is just like what we see. Yeah No, what's that? That's how your asshole looks like a door on a spaceship that would open up like Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then it closes like that. That's kind of what it looks like It's really like beautiful if you really think about the science of the asshole Like how like it's like it's abilities

Abilities to open and close and hold shit Like your butthole literally is holding like this holding shit in there without you having to do it If that muscle were to just be like, I don't feel like working today poop would fall right out of your butt Yeah, that's happened to me before You've lost control of your butthole Basically, yeah, like when did this happen? Well, I had the shit so bad. I held it until like my muscles got tired and we're just like Oh, yeah, yeah bench anymore. Yeah, and then squeak that on you

It wasn't so much a squeak as it was Absolute fucking loud bang What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say? I'm sorry No, I just wanted to mention the durable thing because oh, yeah I popped into my head when we were talking about it because like I'm like I said, I'm not in good terms with my anus Right, uh, so I would have felt you got closer to your anus Well, probably now we can have a conversation But I would never put a hamster in it nor do I think I could fit a hamster in my anus. Oh, you'd be surprised

I would be shocked Is that Weird can you be normal and like shit like that? The definition of weird Can you look actually look up the actual definition of weird? No, I don't have my phone whatever whatever. We know what it means Oh, that's google. Hey google What is the definition of weird So there's something supernatural about you putting a fucking hamster in your asshole

Yeah, I would say so. Yeah, like and I don't think that's a functioning I don't think like if you're into weird shit I don't know because I always had I have this theory also that everyone's into some weird shit sexually But I've never say it. Absolutely. You know Where they're like Sorry, where they're just like weird stuff where like I like to like spread my ass and like rub it on the carpet But you won't say that to anyone when I was like, oh my god. I can't believe I'm gonna confess this. Oh my god When I was a kid

Um No, you have to go ahead. Yeah, I'm no hesitation. I gotta say That This is gonna haunt me But I knew that someone in my family would expose me for this at some point. So I'm gonna beat them to it When I was a child Instead of using toilet paper, I would wipe my butt on the floor Like a dog like a dog

How would you wipe your butt on the floor? I would I would sit on the floor and drag and drag your ass Drag my ass on the floor after you took a shit. Yeah And who was cleaning that up? I don't know This is 100 true. I cannot believe I'm saying this Danny You dragged your Boy ass. Yeah on the on the on the ground. Yeah, I did and left a shit trail Like a slug. Yeah

And what did people say who's tracking mud in here? Oh my mother was furious And how long was this going on? I don't know how long it's it stemmed for Should I call her? Yeah, all right You're gonna call your mom right now and say how long was I shitting on the ground for? Was there at least carpeting or was it hardwood floor? Oh, we were going on tile, baby See, I wouldn't even how would that even? Oh, I can't believe this is happening

Hope she answers I hope she fucking answers too because I need answers If anything mic is a good backup Mike would know. Yeah So this isn't this isn't a secret this is now this is this was well known throughout the family I was you know if there's poop on the floor someone's gonna find it. How old are you like four or five? It's way too old to be I agree sliding shit everywhere Mom call call Mike

Okay Oh my god, I can't wait until Mike says this. Yeah, see I'm I'm not a liar I'm not a liar. One second. I'm trying to find this phone number Type his name it. I'm trying but I'm just revealed something huge to the world You're typing a bunch of shit. What are you doing at Da Vinci code? So type his name it's like type his name Someone needs to pick up. Yeah, dad's next Yeah, what's up, what's up you're on the basement yard right now

Yeah, say hi to everybody All right, so So I had I revealed something to the audience today that I used to be a butt-dragger Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Do you know how long that lasted? How long were your butt tracks or how long did you do it? Well both both both both Uh, I'm pretty sure one was almost like three feet. I'm not even kidding three feet of shit

How wet was that poop? No, I'd say like I'd say like maybe a foot maybe a foot. I'm not gonna You know those guys that laid down the lines on like, uh On like the street that's the yellow like the yellow uh for the double lines. Yeah, yeah Basically what Danny was we just did it with his butt Wait, and he how long was he doing this? Uh, all right, so I would say that he did this it wasn't it didn't last that long. He had like a it was like when he was What would you say Danny like five? Yeah four or five

Yeah He did it like I would say it was like maybe a half a year. He didn't do it that long. Yeah Six months is so long to be dragging your ass. I didn't like to wait I didn't like the way toilet paper felt on my ass, but you you like tile He also took shit to the kitty litter it acted like it was a cat. No, he did it. I did I did you're a mad shitter I was at that age. I was big in the shit. I'm telling you Yeah, wait you shit and tried to blame your cat you psycho I didn't try to blame my cat. I shit in there and somebody asked me if I shit in there. I said it was either me or the cat

That is that is such a ridiculous answer. I was five All I know is that I was 10. I didn't know the art of 10 I was a seven and even even I knew I was like that ain't no cat shit Also, I also did I also did pee on Jared's face remember that Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, you're a psycho. Yeah I was just I went through a poop face Yeah, Danny went through a really strange Danny didn't give a shit. That was his problem. Oh, I gave a shit. I gave him just everywhere else

Yeah, he gave him to the floor. He gave him to the tile out of control This used to see my cat walking through the hallway like No, that cat didn't do that Hey, listen, you got to cover your tracks somehow. But yeah, no, I didn't I didn't you know I don't want people to think I was bullshitting. No, no pun intended Well, to be fair to like not make Danny seem like the only fucked up one I peed in the tough ones and and Danny slipped on it and cracked his chin on a toe boulder. Yeah

That is that is also true So what you're trying to say is there was piss and shit all over the ground Yeah, a lot of a lot of piss and shit in the low priority household Oh my god, yeah, so I was shitting I was shitting I wasn't shitting you Yeah, no, that's amazing guys. What are you doing? Are you live right now or what are you doing? Yeah, we're live. We're recording the show We'll fix this in post though. We'll probably edit all this out. No, we won't we're keeping all of it I don't think it's that weird

You wiped your ass on the floor Who cares Me and now I don't do it now. I was five. That's fine Everyone's got weird shit. I mean, I mean it is fair to say that it's like I was just aged But I've also I've also I feel like I can if we went around and asked other five-year-old kids Which would be weird, but if we want to ask you about other five-year-old kids Hey, do you rub your your your your asshole on the ground to wipe your butt when there's no paper? They would probably say no and then say they do something else weird

But when you're five, you're like, what else could I do? What's accessible? What's not, you know? Yeah I worked with what I had and what I had was a four I feel like we'd also meet a lot of kids that would go hell. No, you're disgusting get out of my face Yeah, I feel that'd be the majority. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We just we needed a myth buster. So mom didn't answer so Absolutely, we'll give you a shout. All right. I love you guys. I love you too. Peace Yeah, man This is the most disgusting episode we've ever done. Yeah, probably we're getting flagged probably. Yeah, they're not gonna monetize this one But it's fine. What do we even title this? I don't even know

It's strange life poop That's not gonna be what's the weirdest thing you did as a kid I don't know you're putting me on the spot I wish I had some time to think about it, but I'm sure I did something right kids. The weird things I guess One time One time I remember sitting on the couch and like opening my pee hole I just already got I remember opening my pee hole

Like that I'm just like looking in my dick. Yeah, like just be like, what's going on in there? You know one time I made my pee hole You were talking with it. I was talking with it. I've talked with my dick too. See you don't want to say it I had to say it. No, I've talked with my pee hole. I was like Made him sing and shit. Yeah, I didn't make him sing. I made him sing. We had conversations But I would open I was I remember because I was like a baby I don't know why this sticks out in my head, but I was a baby You were not a baby and had fully control of your hands to open your penis hole. You were four or five

No, I don't know but I was I was opening my my four or five year olds There's small children. I was wearing like shorts, but I had like I thought I was being slick Yeah, and my sister saw me and she like said something to my mom, you know joey's playing with his penis Like upset because I'm over here trying to like make donald duck noises with my fucking dick hole You know, we are strange you know, yeah, we are dude. Yeah, we are I never did any poop stuff though I think six months was a little long. I think my parents were better parents than that I think they put a stop to that a little quicker, but yeah, I would have beat the hell out of you for the dramatic valley Oh, I got some I got some

You don't wipe shit on the floor and get away with it's got free Oh my god, you don't get away with that. I'll tell you that. No, sir. No, sir. There were some spankings because of that Rightfully saw yeah, rightfully saw yeah, I never got spanked for you know opening up my pee hole, but yeah It's a smaller cry. Why are kids so weird? We're trying it out. Dude. I see my dick. It's like a thing of my business thing and then I open it But what possessed I like I think about it. What possessed me? I What possessed me in my mind for me to go you know what this makes sense. Have you ever done this?

Wait, you're not circumcised, right? No. Yeah, I'm not so yeah, I've done this before Where I've rolled my dick Like the skin yeah, and just like rolled it up till it's all the way like now now it looks like I'm Uncut yeah, and I just like roll it as far as it can go into my like Skin yeah, yeah my dick. Yeah. Have you ever done that? I've done that Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I've rolled my cock up. Yeah It's kind of feels cool. Not so yeah, and then you see it like unravel kind of yeah, and you're like whoa It takes forever to unravel

Oh my goodness unraveling dude, and it's just like but it's not so much rolling as just pushing it It's just coming out pushing it and then rolling the skin foe. It's like reverse putting on a kind of So when you guys are uncircumcised you guys still have some skin left over there Yeah, it's just not like a it doesn't it's not like this. Yeah. Yeah. It's not turtleneckin No, no, no, I could roll I could roll skin over the top of my dick if I wanted to yeah That's fire I mean It's not like fire. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it if I was like damn dude

You got a cleaner asshole and a cleaner dick just trash, you know Well, you tell me here's his brown mines purple. I don't know if that's true. Yeah, we might have to go to the doctor after this Yeah, let's just say I'm gonna have a great week of therapy next week. You got a lot to tell the guys Listen sit down Have a glass of water. We had a long fucking session this time. I used to wipe my ass On the floor. What does it mean doctor? I don't know You know, I always wanted to tell that story on this on this show. I feel I feel relieved You're liberated liberated for sure. Well, I talked about how I wipe my ass with a random umbrella

Yeah, like I have nothing to hide at this. I trust my floor over an umbrella for sure Same For sure, but an estranged umbrella. Yeah, it's okay We both made it is what I'm trying to say. I'm hanging on. I'm hanging on if I get a fever now I'm gonna get real scared. No, you'll be fine Oh god, this is probably the most ridiculous episode we've ever done and I feel like we've always said it And it started out so nice. We were talking about sports. We were talking about sports We were talking about college being weird

It was a trojan horse and then now we're in and then the fucking war started I think This you gotta have a mixture of both gotta have a mixture of both All right and listen to my fellow butt wipers out there Don't be afraid. You could come out. You could say What you used to do because guess what I'm here for you Was that your motivational speech? No, that's my speech should be like hopefully someone out there Else has done that so that's why

All right, I was five Whatever, let's give some shout outs here to some people Just uh, it's our patrons here Um patrons Yes, our patreon if you're supporting the show, we appreciate it You get every episode a week in advance You get an extra episode that is only for the for our patrons Through patreon on there that's on video. Yep, and also some q&a stuff that me and dany put out from time to time

Yeah, um, so let's just give a shout out to certain people here. We have dom Uh, I devia can't fuck that up. Yep. Uh, mary rose deep hero jail in her nandes uh sarah cadman ashley marie shon ford nancy martinez jennifer brown daniel gerardo hailey silvernail rachel wolf what? Foam dad foam dad pacity reasoner christ st John christ st. John, uh, alex peters rachel lutcher Uh, grant goff reed

Uh, who else we got who else we got? Hold on. It's loading. Oh my god matt Uh, alex haigman, uh, samantha denis brena k Uh christian revera megan lux. Thank you to all everyone too. I'll be giving some shout outs Periodically, but thank you to everyone who's supporting us via patreon. It's helping us in ways you cannot even imagine. Yes Um, what are we at now? I'm very close to my raise Yeah, uh by the time this comes out. I might even have my raise, but let's see We are at oh 1343 right once we get to 1500 daniel will get a raise. Yes

So he thinks or a new butthole at this point. I think I'd need it before you. Yeah, probably Yeah, anyway, daniel, where can they find you? You could find me, uh wiping my button At daniel peory on instagram and twitter guys go follow me on social media at joe sanagato and go follow The base me yard on instagram at the base me yard and our patreon Is patreon.com slash the base me yard go check that out. Uh, and thank you But we'll see you next time