The Basement Yard - #184 - The Friendship Test
Episode Date: April 8, 2019On this episode, Joe takes a friendship test and we discuss rats. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
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Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing Danny? Doing great. Good. Awesome. All right fantastic
What do you why do you have my laptop? Oh?
Funny you ask so you know a lot of people ask us all the time
You know how'd you guys meet? How'd you guys become friends or your best friends?
Oh, a lot of things are about friends a lot of things are about friends. We gotta stop talking these voices. I know
No, so um I decided today. We're gonna do a friend test
Yeah, and just you know, just so everyone knows Danny told me about this earlier
He's like, yo, we're gonna do a friendship test. Don't really know what's involved, but I know
That there's a friendship test about to happen here, right?
So it's so the name of the test is what kind of friend or you okay?
Okay, so it's gonna see what kind of friend you are so what kind but like what does that mean like I'm a best friend
Or am I just kind of like a well, we're gonna be able to analyze the results see it
Well here how it is tips for taking the test. This is for you. So listen, okay?
I'm listening. I'm all ears when you take the test. You might be tempted to answer the questions the way you want to be perceived
So you might be a fake friend, right? Oh, okay?
So however, it's important that you answer each question truthfully. Okay truth. Yes out of your mouth. Yeah
You might not like the answer
But the truth needs to prevail so you'll find out what type of friend you really are
Take your time as you move through the questions. Oh, we will
Give each question some thought. Don't just blurt it out unless you are so confident. Okay. Okay. I got this. All right
Analyzing the results the results will tell you what type of friend you are and give you some tips
So it's also gonna tell you what kind of friend you are and maybe help you become a better friend
Okay, what if I don't want to be a better friend? Well, then that just says a lot about you
Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, you might find out that you need to do some work on yourself
No, yeah
To become a better friend if you do don't despair most people have some work to do
I've never read this much directions in my life. I just helping you analyze the results
God take the test and share the results so everyone knows what type of friend you are. All right real quick
I just reminded me. I just want to tell a story real quick
Did you ever read directions growing up with like tests? Absolutely not exactly, right?
So in fifth grade at the school up the block over here
my fifth grade teacher on the first day of school gave us all tests and
She's like here's a test and we're like, oh, no like with all these questions or whatever, right?
She's like read the directions and then take tests like whatever in the directions
It was like four sentences and the last sentence was
Don't take the test just so that your desk can do nothing
So I did that and everyone took the test and then I didn't
I got a hundred
Two things I haven't read since then two things good for you for reading. That's great. What a conniving bitch, right?
What a conniving little fucking bitch. Yeah, she was a little mean
But you know she she did just you know the meanness kind of helped me in my life kind of a sick fuck
Yeah, fifth grade kind of psychotic. She was also the sex ed teacher
We took that in fifth grade that lasted about a week. I got kicked out of that class
Because she said the penis was a miracle. I could not hold that together. Yeah. Yeah
I got I took one look at Frankie's face and he was smirking. I was like, I gotta get out of here
She's like get the fuck out
But yeah
That's isn't fifth grade a little young for sex ed. Yeah, nah
I was learning about dicks and vegets in in fifth grade. No, I think that's the right time. Really? Yeah
I think like fifth sixth grade. I don't even know what my dick does in fifth grade
Did you jerk off in fifth grade? Fuck yeah, dude. I was jacking this thing. I will do in fifth grade
I wonder if I was beating it weird flex beat the devil out of it
Just like Bob Ross just beat the devil out of it. How'd you get that smack sound? I can't get that
I don't know, but it really hurt my finger. So I don't do it again. All right
You ready to be the see what kind of friend you want to know shit. All right
You just splurge on a sleek new Louis Vuitton clutch
And the color perfectly matches the dress your BFF plans to wear on Saturday night
Did you click on the right test? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's there's male and female questions here. We're not we're not gonna okay
We're just gonna see what kind of friend you I heard Louis Vuitton clutch. Yeah, that's fine
I just didn't read the recipe. Can you start from the top, please?
You just splurge on a sleek new Louis Vuitton clutch or bag whatever and the color perfectly matches the dress your BFF plans to wear
On Saturday night for a hot date
She asked to borrow the clutch
You and here are the answers you have to choose one
Tell her oh, you don't really want to borrow this the color clashes with your your coloring and while I think well now
While I think of it, you should toss that dress you plan on wearing to no good next one is
That was a long answer
Wonder if she lost her mind and say over my dead body like there's no way I'm letting you borrow this. Okay
Hum and
Ho for several minutes people humming. Oh, what does that mean? I don't know. What is like?
Hummin ho that sounds like this like the fucking
Yeah, the seventh war off the work we go. I hope I hope
So it says ho and hum for several minutes being like you already know you're gonna say no, but you're like
Make it seem like you're considering right. Okay fake consider and then the other one is letter borrow it
Let her borrow it ho hum be over my dead bods and then the other one is
Find an excuse for her not to wear it
All right, so I'm definitely not the first one. That's like, oh no, it doesn't work with your dress also throw it out
You look like a fucking hooker. You're not gonna beat around the bush. I'm not gonna say that like that's kind of crazy
Yeah, yeah, what was the second one over my dead body? Yeah, that's a little aggressive as well
Probably wouldn't say that I think you're a ho hummer to be honest. Yeah, but I also would let someone borrow something
I guess
So between ho hum and let borrow for the night. Which one do you honestly think you would do?
I don't know. I'm trying to put myself in the in the body of a girl like they I think they you know
They care about that clutch yourself in the body of a friend
Okay
Oh, I just that just made sense. Wow, I did the hum. Hmm. You hummed me. I actually am thinking you didn't hoe me
Yeah, I did not hoe you I am humming
I don't know I think
It would depend how much I like this clutch. Yeah, but it's you love it. It's a beautiful clutch splurged
I love the clutch
Do you let them borrow it
or not
How hot our date this is dude really hot. He's fine. He it could be the one
God when you said that it kind of convinced me to let her borrow it. All right, but you were leaning more towards ho hum
Yeah, but I'm not gonna get in the way of true love. All right, so I'm gonna select ho hum
I just said all right. All right, let her borrow it for the night. She's extremely trustworthy and respectful of your belongings
Okay, okay. Yeah. All right. So that's it. Would you let me borrow one of your lv something?
Of course. There you go. All right
Next question. Okay, your friend calls you on the phone
She's very excited because her husband just surprised her with a new bmw for their anniversary
You tell them
blank
What is this for this is not for us. It's fine. It's fine. Okay. I like I kind of think what girl joey as a friend would be
Would be the same as guy joey. Okay. All right. Yeah, go ahead. All right. So here are the answers
That's great. But are you sure he can afford it? Oh
Where's mine like kind of a joke ha ha ha passive grass
All right, that's fantastic
You deserve it. Can you break these up because I think they're connected. Okay. So the first the first one is
That's great. Give me a bc. Hey, that's great
But are you sure he can afford it?
b
Pasaug, where's mine?
See that's fantastic you deserve it
D
Cool. Hey before I forget what time are we meeting for lunch tomorrow? That's you. Yeah. Yeah
Fucking dick just like downplaying it like awesome. Oh, that's cool. What are we doing tomorrow? Yeah, that's you
I
All right
I'm not a oh my god. That's fantastic. You deserve it. Okay. You know what I'm saying unless she did deserve it
I don't know what she's done. I need some context. Did she just get out of nursing school? Did she just like save a
No, no, no, no, you know I'm saying it's just you being you
Don't add all these extra things in there. Just be yourself
But I'm trying to be myself
But I would like if if you did something
Extraordinary and then you know your your husband bought you a car
I thought hey man, you deserve that car
Yeah, but sometimes there's a plenty of times I buy like some some cool stuff and I'll send it to you
And you'll be like cool. Hey, so 1130 tomorrow. Yeah, so that's more you that's more your speed
Okay, but don't protect yourself
But how weird would be yourself how weird would it be if I've been like, oh dude, you just bought that chain
You deserve it. That would be a little strange. That would be a little like who stole your phone. Yeah
That'd be a little weird. All right, so mark me down for the kind of fucked up one. I did
It's kind of fucked up. Not the first one was complete. I think you're poor. I was gonna get afforded
I just don't think you think
That way like oh, that's really cool
If it's somebody else's
What? I don't think you think other people's things are cool
Are you getting me? You want your own cool stuff?
All right, you ready? Okay
You and your girlfriend are dining with one of your best guy friends
Okay, all right, so wait. Is this a lesbian relationship? No, no. No, no. There's guy and girl questions in here
But like oh wait. Whoa. Whoa
Wait, what's going on now? I'm a dude now
You're you're just getting used to being a chick. All right
We'll keep it as a girl you and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends
You and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends. Okay, okay?
He mentions that he likes your friends a new haircut. No, you gotta read it regular because now you're fucking it up
I think I'm not okay. No, okay. All right. Hold on start over. Sorry you and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends
Bro, he mentions he likes your friends new haircut
My girlfriend's hair. Yes, your girlfriend my boyfriend's haircut. No, your boyfriend says that he likes your girlfriend's hair cut
Okay. All right, Joe. Yes. Okay. Hey
Say that your friend has the perfect face shape and there's never a hairstyle that doesn't look good on her
B
Agree with him and mention the next time though. She didn't have so much length taken off. It's not a good look for her
See
Turn to him and say why don't you date her then since you like her hair so much and
D
Say nothing because you're busy wondering where your waitress is you ordered another Diet Coke like an hour ago
See I would go the Diet Coke route, but I hate Diet Coke. Okay, don't drink soda if it was a beer
I'd probably choose that one. Yeah
In all actuality, I
Just wouldn't I wouldn't care. I think you would say that would you go out of their way to be like, oh, they look great
Or would you go out of their way to not make them feel bad? That's B
You would agree agree with him and then mention the next time though
She shouldn't have taken so much hair off. No, cuz that's that's that's sort of passive-aggressive. All right
So I think a I think you would say oh, yeah, she's got a great symmetry of the face
Sure. Okay. Let's go with that. Yeah, because if yeah
Yeah, I hear you if my boyfriend was like, hey Danny
You got a good face. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a good face. I wouldn't be like well fucking
Yeah, I think it was between a or D between the the coke and the
Had that been a beer. I would have sold me absolutely. All right
It's a bitterly cold February night and your friend's heater went out
She asked to stay with you for the night until she gets it repaired in the morning you this is the middle of the night
2 a.m. Well freezing and my girl hits me up my friend my girl. Yeah, my friend is a girl
Yeah, you're bestie. Okay. All right. Hey, let her come over but warn her
She needs to be out by 7 a.m. You have a lot to do in the morning and don't want to be bothered with company
That's a B without hesitation say of course
See tell her you just don't have the room even though you have a spare bedroom
D be grudgingly
Agree she could stay with you, but wonder why she can't just pile on extra blankets and deal with it
That's you. No, no, I am a you are begrudging grudginger. No, I'm not you so begrudging. I'm not you just fart. No
Okay, I thought you farted got him. Um, no, I'm a
I'm a hundred percent. You're a yeah, I've done that. No, you can come over, but you gotta get the fuck out
Not not like that way. That's all that's what you're saying, but I yeah, essentially
I'm telling someone to get the fuck out of your house
Kind of you're inviting them in only to kick them out. Yeah, you could come over
I just have to be out because I'm gonna be out of the house
I'd like whatever and it would be kind of weird if you just sat here. Okay, right so I fuck out of my house
Basically, okay. All right, but we'll be like fine, but like you can't light a match. Yeah, and just yeah, yeah
You know, I think a party would have been like yeah, just like put a blanket on it
Like just cover up
But all right, we went with a your best friend just won a thousand dollar scratch-off ticket
You say congrats. Don't spell it. Don't spend it all at once. That's a
B. That's great. Now. You could buy me those Tom Ford shades. I've been lustering after
See lucky you this kind of thing never happens to me self-loader Pasaug
Now we can try that chic new Italian restaurant everyone keeps raving about
So basically a is like that's awesome spend on yourself
B is that's great. Now. You can get me something. Yeah, see is lucky you that thing never happens to me
So I'd be like a little bitch about it and
Then D is yay. Now we can go out and like do something together
Probably go see
The self-love you self-love. Yeah, cuz I don't win shit. That's true. I think your life's okay though. No, yeah, it's
I've never want to scratch off though. All right. Oh, yeah, of course
No, you're being honest. I'm trying to be honest. I don't want to pick all the nice ones
All right, a friend just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Oh, yeah
You've always found the guy to be attractive. Oh
Boy, yeah, you tell your friend
She's way too good for that loser and secretly ponder whether you should ask him out
Oh
Like an eighth grade test
Don't be don't give the guy a second thought you're not you're not one to ever go after a friend's ex
C can't even remember his name John
Jack
D ask him out without telling your friend what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'm gonna guess
You're not that kind of guy. No, you're not gonna fuck one man. I'm not gonna fuck your man
Don't worry about it. Thanks, bro. Your man is safe. Thanks. I will not fuck your man
Yeah, I'd be all right with it if you came to me and asked me to fuck my man though
Like if you came to me like a man, I was like, yo, I'm gonna fuck your man
No, I fuck my man. I wouldn't say I'm gonna fuck your man. I would just say yo, dude
Is it cool if me and your man?
Possibly like make some love. No, see I don't want to hear possibly. I want you to come be real with me
I don't know if I'm gonna fuck your man. We haven't met yet. I haven't like gone out
We got a dippertone of water to see if you like the temperature
I hear you. I would let you do it if you if you really wanted to if it made you happy. I
Would let you do it. I'm sure if if you're if fucking your man for so long made you happy it would make me happy as well
Yeah, fuck. Yeah
Who's this man? I don't know. He sounds hot as shit. I'm so hot. Oh fuck this guy
Why don't I let him go in the first place? Oh, no, fuck that. I don't know what's wrong with you. Probably cheated on me
You and your best friend have plans to go out that night at the last minute a guy you have a crush on
Asked you to go out with him
Do you a keep your plans with her and ask the guy if you two can do something another night?
Be cancel your plans with your friend and lie about why you can't make it
See tell her the truth and apologize. You're sorry, but you have to choose the hot guy
I
Know you have to choose the hot guy
D pull a doubleheader have a quick bite with your friend and meet the guy afterwards for drinks
What so I
think
Hmm, it honestly depends. No, it doesn't well wait a minute. I answer you ask
I'm just saying it's cutting dry hot guy call says hey. I want some of that snow. Yeah, you're like hey I
Have plans with my friend or are you gonna be going like well?
It depends what game I want to play that day well play a little like playing hard to get maybe I'm like
Hey, man another time keep them on the hook. Maybe he's like fuck. I thought that was gonna work
I'm trying to like no, but but duh, you know I'm saying or the other option. You're lying to yourself
I'm not lying to myself, bro. Do you want this dick or not?
All right, so how would you get this dick? This is what I'm trying to explain to you
Okay, all right. Tell me how you get this day listen the dick's gonna be there for show
You know I'm saying so what I'm saying is do we play hard to get to make the dick wanted even them much more?
Yeah, or do I just do the doubleheader?
You just say tease that dick. Yeah tease that dick. Okay
Not mine
No, yeah
Tease that are you teasing I don't know is what I'm trying to I'm trying to get at is is you either tease that penis
Or you do the doubleheader where it's like best of both worlds. I can do both. So pooh pooh. All right pick one
Three wait, hold on just give me the name of the guy give me the name of the guy
Mauricio
Oh
That dude can move he could dance hell fucking sweep you right off your feet I
Would tell him that I
Have plans that night, but let's meet up another time. All right. All right moving on. I
respect your decision
You're in a bind. All right
You're a hundred dollars short this month and rent is due the next day
Oh boy, you ask a friend if you could borrow a little cash and pay them back at the end of the week after you get your paycheck
They're also tied on funds and
They say that they can't help you out
You a sign wonder if she's telling the truth. Maybe she's just being stingy
Be understand where she's coming from and decide to ask your parents
See tell her remember that time when you asked to borrow money and I gave it to you
I guess what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander
That is one of the whitest expressions that I've never heard of yes
D have a hissy and call her cheapskate
I would ask my parents for the money ask your parents for the money, okay?
Yeah, if I ask someone for money and they told me they didn't have it. I'd be like
Yeah, neither do I
Guess we're both not going out all right a close friend is getting married
And you were sure so sure that she they would she would choose you to be her maid of honor
Okay, now this is getting serious. She chose someone else
And made you a bridesmaid
You thinking you're gonna be made of honor. Do you don't care one way or another weddings are kind of annoying anyway?
Be tell her if you can't be made of honor you refuse to be in her wedding at all
See give her a guilt trip and tell her she doesn't value your friendship as much as you thought
D
You're a little surprised surprised. You're a little surprised and slightly disappointed
But you keep your crap shut. Yeah, I'd keep my trap shut. It's not it's not it's not about me. Yeah, it's not my it's not my thing
I'd be like all right fuck, but all right. You know who does that good friend
Yeah, if you're not a good friend by the end of this, it's that's a bullshit. Yeah, all right
You're at the Mac counter the what I may see. Oh
Oh, I thought like I was thinking Apple Macs. No, no, no, no, no, no, we're talking we're talking makeup
Yes with a girlfriend and sampling lipstick
She tries on a cherry red color that looks absolutely dynamite on her
Sexy friend. Yeah, it's definitely her shade you say blank
Hey, oh that is pretty, but it makes your teeth look more yellow than they already are
So that's like being brutally honest though
That's like no, no, if it's true. Maybe I'm being a salty slaw could be a salty slaw for sure
Yeah, all right be worry she'll receive more attention than you and decide you can't chance it
You say only sluts wear red
Yeah, wait, those are only my choices. I don't know you got more. Oh, okay
See tell her the truth that she looks fabulous
D. Don't say anything. It's just lipstick. Nothing more. Nothing less
Why is this written by a bunch of like salty bitches? I don't know. It's a salty hotel test for show for show show
No, I would tell you it's great. All right. It's actually fabulous for that song. Oh, well, yeah
A friend asked you to babysit her daughter
Oh
For a few hours on a Sunday
You agree to watch your daughter. She's a cute little girl and you don't have any Sunday afternoon plans
Roll your eyes and tell her only if it's for two hours max
See tell her yes on account she throws you a few bucks or D
Tell her to put down the crack pipe as if you would ever spend a portion of your weekend with a little rug rat
I wish that wasn't the fucking answer
Well, the real thing I would do is probably like lie and make up plans. Yeah, I don't want to watch your fucking kid. Yeah
So you're I'm not gonna say a
Like I'm not gonna be all hunky-dory about it. No
You're not gonna be like, yeah, I'll watch that fucking kid. Fuck your kids. I don't watch your kid
No, roll your eyes and tell her it's only for two hours max
So you have to decide between that or the or the crack pipe
No, no, or they ask for money as for money, but you're not gonna want money. I know you yeah
So I'll probably do the the be like yo two hours. I'll do it. Okay. All right. That's fine
That's more realistic for me. I guess you and your friend are going to the movies
You can't seem to agree on a title. First of all, who goes to the movie and just picks a movie
I know what I'm going to go see. Yeah, that's a very old-school thing Jesus. Let's go to the movies and see what's playing
How about we have a plan before we get there? God damn it. All right. She's in the mood for a comedy, but you want a drama
Yeah, I do love drama. Hell. Yeah drama. That's bitch. All right. Hey
Tell her she has awful taste in films and she most definitely should let you choose the movie
Yeah, there's people that are like that though
There's why would you be friends with those people because they they there's a they have a way of like controlling you
What they have a way of like controlling you like if you don't have a lot of friends and your only friend is like someone that's controlling an asshole
Like you're gonna stick around. I don't have no friends. Oh, some people aren't as strong as you female Joe. All right, so be flip a coin
See demand to see a drama. No ifs answer buts. Otherwise, you won't go at all
D I
Was made to re-questions. Yeah, you were D decide it doesn't really matter what you watch because all the movies lately have been awful anyway
Probably flip a coin. I think flip a coin is that if I was taking this test, I would say that
Yeah, we'll flip a coin not gonna be like your taste in movies suck ass. Yeah. No, that's a horrible person
All right a guy you've had your eye on for the past few weeks ask your girlfriend out on a date
Oh my god that fucking asshole your best friend your best friend
So they asked me out on a date
You're disappointed and can't believe he chose her over you you
Tell her she's a piece of trash and refused to speak to her again
Yo, the all the A answers coming so hot
So tell her her she're glad her dad's dead. Yeah
Tell her you rather fuck her dead uncle. You're gross. Jesus. Yeah, that's dark. All right B
Tell her she respects you and cares about your friendship. She'll turn the guy down
See, are you happy for her that someone so cute and cool is interested in her or D shrug and say
whatever
I'm really I'm really B and D right now
That's what I was guessing. Which one I think you're more of a B. I'd be like, yeah, I don't do that. Yeah
Actually, no actually, no, you think I shrug you're shrug
You want to know why cuz you're a little past you're a little posse ox sometimes am I yeah, like you won't cut somebody's throat out
But you'll you'll let it you'll slowly let him bleed
You know saying no, I don't know what you're saying like
Here's the thing if I fuck some guy that you really into like you head over heels for this guy and I fucked him, right?
I went on a date with you be tight and I don't think our friendship would be the same after
Yeah
The dynamic would be old. Yeah, so would you shrug and say whatever or tell her if she respects you and the friendship?
Turn him down. I
Think I
Want to say whatever but I know that if I say whatever I'm doing it. I'm sucking that dick
Oh
It's tough and he's fucking hot too, I know man, that's why I like him so much I
Think I think I
Want to say whatever but I'm gonna say the other one. All right. I respect you for that
Yeah, because I I like to think that here's the thing in real life. I would say whatever
but
If I really really really like this person, it would bother me, right upset
Yeah, like your head over heels for this person like and they know that too like come on. Yeah, fuck you bitch
Yeah, like chill man. Yeah, that's my fucking dream. Yes. That's my dream dick. Yeah
My dream peen that's my dream peen. Yeah, man, that's fire like that shit hell yeah dream peen merch
Oh
Yeah, but put them on the fucking USA dream team jerseys. Oh my god. Oh
That'd be so tight
Obviously just kind of kick at no big deal. You break me off a piece of it. Yeah
Bring me up now you cat. I got you, bro. Bring me off a piece of that kick at that football cream. All right, uh
Chrysler car
Football cream. All right, so what do we got? All right when your besties name is mentioned
The first thought that pops into your head is a my partner in crime
A my partner in crime two peas in a pod B. I wish I were that pretty. Oh well
C such a sweet girl too bad her forehead is as big as the Grand Canyon
I
D that tramp owes me $20
Good one
I'm a right. You're like, that's my guy. Why would I keep my best friend be someone I don't like? Yeah, it's my bitch
All right, work has been driving nuts. Of course your boss has been breathing down your neck. It's very strange. That's saying
I
Those reports
Ask me from over there. I've been riding my ass. Hey, she can't just message me on slack
Leave me alone has been breathing down your neck all week and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to get caught up on paperwork
You call your best friend and ask her to meet you for happy hour
She has prior obligations and can't make it you scream nice friend. You are thanks a lot and hang up the phone
be
Are disappointed, but what can you do about it really? She already has plans
See tell her. Oh, I guess I'm just not that important enough. Whatever be that way or
D no biggie, but next time you want to go out and I may not be able to make it either
What was C C was oh, I guess I'm just not important enough whatever be that way
so
These these plans that she had yeah, yeah, is it like
Work obligations. It says obligations motherfucker. That's like that's different than plants
Obligations are different than plants. So it's like I have work. Yeah, or something. Yeah, if you have work
I don't care, but if you have plans or whatever. It's like, you know, can you just meet me for a drink real quick?
I'm just asking right, but if she has obligations, I'm like, all right. It's whatever
All right, so
All right, you're disappointed, but you could what can I do about it? She has obligations. Yeah
All right
You're at a swanky nightclub and spot your best friend's boyfriend
He has his arms around a rando, which is the most definite
Which is the most death
Which is most definitely not your friend
I
Don't know why the word Randall swing me laugh so much you a text your friend stat. She has a right to know what's going on
B chuckle to yourself. You always knew he was a slime ball
And sure enough you were right
See March up to him and demand to know what on earth he thinks he's doing
Giving that he's supposed to be in a monogamous monogamous relationship and all with your friend
D ignore the situation if you want to cheat, that's his business not yours. I
Think guy Joe would
Love a girl Joe pick girl Joe would text her immediately. Yes. I think guy Joe would do that as well
What if I saw?
Yeah, wait, what? Well, if I saw your girlfriend cheating on you. I would hope so. Yeah, fucking just let that happen
I can't well. I don't know if I will I probably text and then walk
Then go up and be like hey, I would I would approach like I would want them to know that they're caught so they can't be like yo
That wasn't me
That's why I would do the text and walk. Yeah, I would do the text and walk
I'll be like, yeah, I'm just like, you know, I let so-and-so know that this is happening. I'm sorry
Actually, that's not true. You wouldn't do it. I would text first
Wait for a response because what if you're like, yeah, she's out with this
You know, I don't want to walk over there and be like, hey, what the hell's going on here?
And it's like a long came Polly and the guys like dude. I'm gay. Yeah. Oh, all right. That's true. Yeah, you don't want to be that dude either
Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right
All right, so it's your birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you and a group of your friends are all getting together for girls night out
You can't my birthday on your birthday
No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but they're they're all together for girls night out
Not your birthday. It's your birthday, right? Yeah
So a casually mentioned it's not a big that big of a deal if they want to cancel. It's fine
It's only your birthday after all not a national holiday
Be demand everyone bring a present otherwise they shouldn't bother coming
See hint it wouldn't hurt if they decided to chip in and buy you a little something nice from Mark Jacobs
D have just one requirement that you all have a blast
It's hard getting everyone together at once and you're really looking forward to seeing all the girls
I
Think you're deep. Yeah, I would say some shit like dude
It's my birthday like you guys knew as my birthday may plans
Yeah, but I also would feel weird making them cancel because I've been on the other end of that
What like come on get like like get out here
Yeah, but even for other people's birthdays. Yeah
Like I stopped working to come to the Davino's birthday because I know you wanted me to be there
Yeah, so happy birthday to be know by the way
Cute fucking bastard bastard. So you just have just one requirement that you'll have a blast
Yeah, I'd be like everyone have fun though
Before we move on how many more questions we have we have eight
More hey, man. You want you wanted to be a fucking judge a good friend by ten questions. This is a lot of questions
It's all right. Let me get to the spot. Yeah, I'm gonna get some water too. All right, cool
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All right, Danny. Let's get back to this this God forsaken test here
Postmates me a laptop. Yeah, here we go. All right
What the hell you drink. Oh, that's a emergency. Yeah, because you've had been having this weird little throat thing and I don't want to catch it
Yeah, don't don't get it. Yeah
Next one one of your best friends is in the dumps
She can't believe she got passed over for a big promotion at work. You tell her a I'm sorry to hear that
But that just means you weren't right for that particular position. I bet there's another job waiting for you though
You'll be perfect for it. Mm-hmm be your boss is an idiot. Now. Let's go grab some ice cream
No, you're dead
See it could be worse you could have gotten fired
D that's life the person who got the promotion is probably a lot better at her job
Jesus
I'm all about that ice cream, baby. You're about that ice cream, right? Oh, yeah
You're picking me up guy, but you're also a realistic guy, but I'm gonna go with the court the one that you said
I am I think a while at ice cream
I'd be like, oh dude, whatever blah blah blah, and then we'd go get some ice cream ice cream is co-word for beers
And then during that conversation when we're trying to make sense of it. I'd probably just be like, hey man like
It'll probably a combination of like all of them might be like
This person's probably equally as good as their job. This should motivate you should motivate you to get like after it a little more
Yeah, yeah, and that's the way the world is. Yeah, all right, and maybe it wasn't meant for you to get it now
Ah, you sound like a
I'm saying that's why I sound like B DNA. All right, so do you want B or do you want a I want B?
I want to go get some ice cream. Yeah. Oh, it's like the ice cream. Hell. Yeah
That was one of the weirdest high fives ever
Come on man before all friends here
All right
You're out shopping for clothes with a friend and stumble on a dress in a beautiful emerald shade you both look at
You both look at the dress and realize that you're both the same size, but the only problem is there's only one
you a
Tell her this would look much better on me. Don't you think and anyway green makes you look like you have jaundice. I
Thought jaundice your skin turns like yellow. It's yellowing of the eyes. I think
Be say I really don't care who gets it. It's just a dress
See snatch up that dress and say I spotted her first mine mine mine
D hand the dress to her and insist she tried it on it's got her name written all over it see
You are a fucking snatcher, of course. It's like shotgun. You're like that in fortnight
Me you're a snatcher. You're a snatcher. No, no, no
You're a thief fuck. I share though. You're a thief though every time I go get a goddamn treasure map
I bring you shit back. Yeah, but you're I always give you golden
How many times do I whisper to you even in the game to turn around I give you something nice twice more than once
But there are times where I don't give Keith and you come flying out of nowhere
I don't give a little rat thief. I don't give
You're red. You're fucking red your father's a fucking red
Just real quick for anyone who doesn't know have you ever watched mob wives and watch these women talk about there
All they talk about is their fathers and rats and they all sound like they just got done smoking for the past like
Four months and like your fucking father's a fucking rat. You're a rat. You all die rats
Your sister's grandmother's great uncle's dog. What was the rat? Yeah, you're a rapist. You got a cat. He's a rat
You got a cat rat. All right
And your whole fucking family's right my father if he was a right if he was alive
He would contact your father and then all the fathers would have on fathers. They have a meeting and
Then they kick out all the rats and you'd be one of them
You'd be the first rat you'd be swimming you'd be rat snap trapped. You'd be trapped as a rat
There's a rat
Don't you ever talk about my uncle? He's not a rat my uncle my uncle's father was not a rat
That's what you're wrong red. I did like big and dressed in peace because she was always trying to calm it down
She was the best. Yeah, she was the best
Calm down you girls are like crazy. I love big and no one fucked her too because she'll beat the shit
Big and was big and for a reason was big
You know big and was like definitely the girl like dude would shoot someone pass her the gun
Hell, yeah, and stash it. Yeah, I had to admit it. Turn me on
I had to admit it turns me on
Again the way you hit her hit that dude with a gun
No good most girls would have ran I had to admit it turns me on
You catch the rat you've read everybody knows a rat
Guys put down the Marlboro lights, please. All right. Oh
And wait just back to fortnight. I
Share with you a lot. I don't share a Keith because he yells at me all the time
Oh
He's yelling at Keith is a yellow. Yeah, he also you too. Oh, yeah, he does. Yeah, whatever. Why is he yelling at me?
I don't know. There's Keith has good qualities and bad qualities. That's one of the bad ones
Yeah, but I don't think he knows he's yelling. He's just talks very loud. I think he just talks that way
I think he just snaps. He doesn't realize it's like who'd be really mean
He really made me sometimes and I'm like Keith. I'm trying my best man. I'm not that good of a game
Yeah, you know, he'll be like you're back here Danny built man. Oh my god
Yeah, like that like makes me feel so bad about myself. So fine. Don't engage. Yeah, at least he's not a fucking rat
At least he's not a rat. He's not trapped like the rat
He great-uncle's father's dogs. He's a little filthy grandfather's dirty filthy rat
filthy stinking dirty fucking gray rat
fat rat
You
Great-uncle's dog walkers gardeners a fucking rat. He was spying on my grandfather's grave ratting
Worldwide his own funeral the rat
You're a stack of rats
Family line them up stack of rats
Burp back a rat was the rat
Burp back a rat burp back a rat was a rat
Played this shit on a piano, but we use the rat would tell on everybody
I got him. I got him
My cheeks hurt
It's the only thing that there's just
That's great song
You get a call in the middle of the night. It's one of your good friends. Yeah, and she's a rat
All right, you're gonna come fuck man for back her ass so far
You got a call in the middle of the night. It's a good friend of yours and she's upset over her recent breakup
She can't sleep and need someone to talk to you a
Wouldn't bother picking up the phone. It's just way too late
Listen to her for two minutes before dozing off
See talk to her talk to her about her problems
Talk to her about her problems for a half hour
D say to her we've been over this so many times just take an ambient already
That's Shannon
She'll be like dude, just take an ad not
Take an ambient. Yeah, call me in the morning. I would probably I
Probably talk to him. I talked to him if it's serious you talk if it's not you don't if I wake up
You don't
Probably talk him a little pep talk. Yeah, forget him. You don't need him. He's a fucking rat. He's a fucking rat
He's a dirty thinking filthy fucking rad just like this is like burp back around
Anytime we say
That rhymes with rat now the whole time. I was I just wanted to say red so bad
All right, so you would listen to them talk to her about her problems for a half hour
Sure. All right
For questions let's do rat. Here we go. All right, your friend's baby shower is coming up and you're not looking forward to it
You've never been a big fan of those silly little
Frufru parties
FROU Frufru I
Don't know what the fuck that is
Silly little Frufru parties
Is that like parties with like frozen yogurt? I have no idea a cancel on her without bother giving an explanation
Be bite the bullet and go to the party
You want to support your friend even if a baby shower is in your favorite thing in the world see?
Lie and say you got called in the work last minute D. Show up an hour late and leave as soon as the open up those gifts
Probably bite the bullet and go and hate it the whole time. Yeah, I
Always feel bad not going the things. I think you're right about that. Yeah, I feel bad because it's one of those things that like
Don't be a dick. You have to go. Yeah, but it's like, you know
How much shit you do in your life? You don't want to do yeah, like every christening and baptism that I've gone to
I'm like, I don't want to see this fucking baby get drowned for a second. I gotta get dressed up to watch your baby
Take a bath is gross fucking
Splashing around the water like a rat
Look at the way they're watching that red little rat, baby take a rat bath over there the fucking priest is a fucking rat
Be careful with that priest. He's a fucking rat. You went away. You went a wire father. You're fucking red
Oh man, I'm glad that we didn't do this at the beginning of the episode. Yeah
Your definition of friendship can be summed up summed up like this sorry
Hey, it's a bit of give-and-take, but I'm usually the one in the right
It's all about support love and trust
see
friendships
Like other things in life don't usually last I feel
D it's all about me and what I get out of it. Hey
It's a bit of give-and-take, but I'm usually the one in the right. Yeah, I don't think you've ever been wrong
All right, you're having friends over for a wine and cheese party, you know, he's cheese, right?
You haven't cheese. Yeah, no kidding you fucking rats. Yeah, why don't you get some extra cheese on there? You're fucking red
I love how they're all rats. They're all ratting on each other on the show. I don't know
It was that white background too. Oh my god
I love I love when they have that they cut to them like a professional and they're all just like I was good
Drita, I was gonna beat her ass always and I'm like yo first of all I'm Drita could fuck me up
Yeah, I'm 100 can beat the shit, but it's just funny how like they're all just like you father's my father with my father was
He would be fine. He would do something to your father your father and they cut back to her
And she's always just her hands always in the air like this
I fucking beat this shit out of her
Fight though like on the show like they would fight. Yeah, she was trains and shit. Oh my god. You saw that flying
Look like a rat a pigeon is a flying rat. Yeah, it is
You're having friends over for a wine and cheese party
One of your friends brings a girl with her you've never seen before you and you weren't planning on having a new member in your group
You a don't give a hoot who this girl is
After all, she's not your friend
Be figure the more the merrier welcome the new addition see pull your friend aside and say
And D look the new girl up and down and
Wonder where on earth she purchased such hideous clothes. I would put my friend to the side. You would right? Yeah
Like if I came here one day like it was for like work, and I just brought a dude like a friend of mine
You'd be like what the fuck you doing?
I think you would
Yeah, I'd be like Danny. I don't know who this guy is, but he has to leave
10 minutes ago
All right
You're at a friend's house
And she shows you a pair of new Christian Louboutin's
She asked you what do you think of her new heels, and you say are those suede be careful suede gets beat up really quickly
Be your feet don't look nearly as big in those as they normally do
See they'd be fabulous if they were on my feet and D. Are you kidding? They're gorgeous. I
Think I'd go with
Probably say they were gorgeous
See, I think you're an a person like are those suede. Yeah, like I kind of feel like you'd be like
But if someone's I don't see the like like you're very rarely like you know, those are like you'd be like
Yeah, but like those are gonna be like hard to keep clean
Like when we talk about sneakers, yeah, you know, okay, I
I
What do you think? All right, so we'll put a then no, it's you. What do you want?
Be true to yourself. What do you which one do you think you're more likely to say?
Do I like them?
The Christian Louboutin's but some of them could be ugly. Yeah, so if they're ugly if I really like them
I'm gonna say that I like them. All right. Are you kidding? They're gorgeous. Yeah
Last question
Here we go the big one one of your friends is crying because her boyfriend of two weeks broke up with her
You a say that sucks, but it's not like it was a long-term relationship
B
Tell her get over it already. It was only two weeks
See frown and say what a bastard
What a rat what a rat men who needs him
D hug her and tell her how sorry you are that she's upset
He is a rat. He is a rat
It would probably be like
It would probably be like a and then immediately be okay. That sucks and
Then get over it. Yeah, which one which one of you that sucks, but I think you're a more than your B
Well, I would eventually get to be
After a while of them being like, yeah, but I'd like you just don't even fucking know this guy
Yeah
So which one are you a or B? I'd be a okay
Like it sucks, but at least it wasn't like a long thing right should be easy to get over and then if you continue to act
Like, you know the world is ending. I'd like it the fuck. You don't fucking know also two weeks isn't boyfriend. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry
You got you got port. Yeah. Yeah, this guy reeled you out. Yeah, like a rat
Oh
My god
Joe's result as a friend is can I read it? Can I read it? Okay? I'm gonna do my my big reveal my result as a friend
My result as a friend is a Debbie Downer Wow
Hello Debbie Downer. Why so negative?
There's no need to rain on anyone's parade. It doesn't do you or them any good
You're in difference towards your friends and their needs is very off-putting
Step up to the plate and try being more caring
You get what you give and as it stands now. You're not giving much. Wow
Shit off my soul. I didn't think that was gonna be the answer at all. I'm a Debbie Downer
I'm a Debbie Downer
That's it. I'm a Debbie Downer. I don't agree. I don't agree. Oh
No
You do good
Do you believe any of that?
That I'm a Debbie Downer. Are you insane? No, no, no, no any of that like
Definition there of what a Debbie Downer is. Yeah, well, no their definition of like how you treat your friends
Dude, it couldn't be any more
The antithesis of a Debbie Downer and like someone who's not caring and this is girl Joe though. I agree with me
I
What are we talking about I'm afraid now
No, yeah, but how did I get Debbie Downer? What did I answer?
I don't know
But oh, maybe that last question really did it in yeah, could it could put you over the edge
Yeah, I could have yeah, because that was kind of like down
I would want a friend that's like oh after two weeks and I'm gonna sit there and sulk with you. Yeah
You're not a big sulk her though. No, I hate that shit
But you but if you're sulking you like to sulk I
Yeah, but I'm a very short sulker
You are short
I am a short sulker try to say that three times fast short sulk or so so so so short sulker
You're trying up. What am I saying again short sulker short sulker
You guys say it three times fast short sulk or short sulk I can't do it
Short sulk or short sulk or a short sulker. Oh, I got that Canadian. I short sulker. I can't do it short sulk or so
Short sulk or short sulk or short sulker
You got to take a deep breath and close your eyes the only way short sulk or short sulkers
It's funny because it's had an oddly sexual when I came out of your mouth the first time
Now that I can't say it three times fast
Short sulker short sulkers short sulkers short sulkers
It's a mess Scottish. Okay, ready
Let's try. Yeah. Yeah
Shit you read
So you read you read and you fucking read
Short sulk or short sulk or short
It's impossible. Okay. Oh God Jesus
Man, yeah, but I would not say you're a Debbie Downer. No, I don't know not at all
I don't think I'm a Debbie Downer. No, if anything, you're the life of the party. I would say
Yeah, I like to be a life power
Can't say anything now short sulk or short sulk or but I do sulk
But not for a long time and I tell people that all the time
But you don't like when other people sulk around you you can't stand it. No because yeah, I don't I don't like it
Why is that you think?
Because I don't like to do it and so it's like I went even when I'm doing it like I hate that I'm doing it so I don't
Like if I'm sulking about something right heaven recently
We're like a whole day. I was just like not doing shit. Yeah, I was just like I was just all thrown off
But when I have days like that
I'm not like looking for
Yo, come comfort me and like, you know, I know I know what I'm doing, you know, I'm like aware you like to be alone
What when you sulk you like to be alone? Yeah, like the initial sulk
Yeah, because I feel like no one can fix this like I'm gonna fix it like you telling me like hey man
It's gonna be okay. Like that's does nothing for me like it's nice to hear but at the end of the day
That's not gonna get me any results, right?
You're not gonna convince me that like here's what you gotta do man
You gotta get back on the horse like I know what I gotta do, right, you know, but it is nice to hear
And I'm not saying like I don't want to hear it, right
But a lot of people kind of expect to hear it or they like need it and like I don't like that
Okay, because I feel like I know what I have to do and like whatever and like you're also kind of a truth
like I mean like like you'll be like
Like you said you answer one of the questions like it would start with the ice cream and then like kind of end with you
Like kind of like speaking some truth. Oh
Yeah, where I was just like, let's go. Let's go get yeah, cuz that's what I would do
Like if you told me like, you know, I just got laid off at work. I
Just got laid off at work like so can we go get a drink or something like well
I'm like, yeah, cool. And then we get there and we talk about it
But eventually we get to the point where it's like dude like right, you know
And like I wouldn't but I wouldn't sit there and let you sulk and be like oh man the sucks
Like I know man. It really does suck like, you know, but you know, you just gotta like, you know, what I'd have like
Yo, here's a plan of what we're gonna do. Well, how do you yeah?
How do you usually get yourself out of places like that of what like?
Like like you said you had a whole day where you kind of like salt kind of yeah
I just how'd you get do you think you have to do that sometimes like are you are you in deep thought when you're sulking?
Maybe subconsciously I am a little bit right. Yeah, kind of everything kind of goes still a little bit
Yeah, I mean dude your mood and like I'm a big energy guy your energy when it's all thrown off. It's like
I'm not even fun to be around if my energy is off and you could read me like a book. Yeah, so it's
That's what it is and it's like I almost get it's it's motivating and it makes me angry a little bit at the same time
If I'm sulking and then like later on the day, I'll have to be like alright
Here's what I'm gonna do tomorrow right and I'm gonna have to get this shit done
And I have to get this shit done and this is what I want to do
So I can't sit around and just sit and be this dude all day
It kind of gives you an example of like what you could be
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's a good thing because it bothers me to watch people do it
Why though, I don't know it just does I guess it's because I don't see you like you're like do you see do you see it as weakness?
Yeah, you do right. Yeah, so you kind of just like stop being like weak
Not as harsh as you're saying right it's like you're showing weakness
Now
The way my head works is like yo like now that you're here now, you know like
What you have to do in order to come out of
This like state that you're in like yeah, you know
But I feel like are you a person that like say like you feel like you know the answer
But nobody would know the answer to help you
No, it's I mean it has nothing to do with that
Okay, there's no like answers to when you're upset about something you're upset about something like you can't help that like if you're upset about something
And I could not understand it, but why the fuck are you upset about that doesn't change the fact that you're upset, right?
but I
You don't want to hear about it
No, I'm down to hear about it like I'm not like that like dude. Don't tell me your problems like you know
That's your sick. Huh? Unless you're sick. I'm sick. No if you're sick. Don't tell me don't tell me. Oh, no
If I ask you how you're feeling just tell me you're fine
No, if it's the second time second time first time I ask you how you doing and you're like, oh, dude
I'm not really feeling well whatever and then like two days later. So you're like, you know, how you doing?
Don't be like
You know, it's just really like just like hey, you know, I'm all right
It's good. I'm kind of a rhetorical, you know, no, but uh
It has nothing to do with like the answers or anything. I just feel like when I'm upset about something
I know what I got to do to make myself not upset and to pull myself out of like whatever and at the end of the day
Everyone's gonna have to do that for themselves like you can get all the reassurance and all the you know, whatever from somebody else
Of them being like, hey, man, you just got to keep your chin up
Like why do you want to hear that like you know all that you hear it on TV
You hear like you give that a bullshit advice to other people like whenever they're sad
So it's like why do you need to hear that it means nothing like at the end of the day
You can give me all the reassurance and all the like pity in the world
But if I don't choose to be like today
I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna get some shit done and I'm gonna forget about this then that means nothing, right?
You have to grow from the sulk session
Of course. Yeah, right and like I don't get that though
Yeah, but that's that's why I like to be alone because I think it expedites that process like I don't really like to be
You know, I'm someone who likes to be the center of attention, right, but I don't like to be the center of attention when something
Sad is happening. Yeah, like if something bad happened like for instance
I was out at a bar and I bet the
Under in some game, okay, right to put a bunch of money on it and
The last second there was a deep-ass three that put it over by half a point
I remember the game so I was just like, oh my god
And then everyone around me is like oh dude and like asking me questions or being like, oh, it's alright
Don't worry about it. Like I'm like, all right, right fucking relax. Yeah, you know, like it's not that big of a deal
I'll chill, you know, like I don't like that sort of center of attention where it's like everyone knows something bad happened to you
So they want to console you like I don't need you're like consoling
Yeah, like so like support and
Like whatever is different then my baby in somebody sort of you know what I'm saying
It's gonna be okay. Like I don't need you to pat me on the back
I just need you to be my boy and like whatever you know I'm saying keep it moving after that
Yeah, that's it like I'll be alright that me up. It's all good, but I don't need you to be like fucking
You know make me feel like a child here. Yeah, you know, I could be belittling at the same time too a little bit
Even if they don't mean it it's just like you're
Yeah, that's probably something wrong with me in there. Yeah, that's like that. But yeah, I don't I don't like that
Yeah, you're not a big fan of sadness
No, I hate it. I don't know why anyone would would be a fan of sadness. Yeah
No, I feel you on that. I do
But yeah, I don't know whatever before we wrap up here
Let's get to some
Patreon shoutouts our patreon by the way patreon.com slash the basement yard
Every dollar helps support the show. We appreciate it. Hell. Yeah, and we love our patrons on the show
So we want to shout them out on episodes that we remember to do it and we did this week
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Makes a lot of money Nedra McClain
Undercovered agent definitely an agent
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Just a nice lady from up north. Yeah, I don't know I'm getting kind of like a mean principal vibe to be honest with you
Oh, Mrs. Colburn's here. Yeah, Alana Longo
Just a wholesome Italian girl. Yeah, Max Nielsen. I feel like he invented something like invented the bike or something
Yeah, I think so
Rasmus Nielsen that dude fought in the Coliseum. Are they related? Who is it Nielsen and Nielsen? No
I I don't know where it is now. Okay. It's all right. Melissa Tashara
Good first baseman. Great first baseman. Thomas Gallin
Hold a lot of water. Hold a lot
Alex Peters
Two first names probably got a chiseled jaw. Yeah, probably a couple thousand followers on instagram. Yeah solid
He's got a future ahead of him. Light eyes. Light eyes solid. Rachel Lutcher
Nice girl next door. Yeah, Michael Colbert
Or Colbert, maybe I don't know Grant Godfried
Gilbert Godfried son. Yeah
Uh, Samantha Dennis two first names and both sexes too
Whoa covering a lot of ground Sam Dennis
Sam Dennis
Let's switch that up. Yeah, I don't know
Alec had Hageman Hageman
Hageman, I think he plays defense in the NHL. Yeah, uh
Brittany Middleton
Popular in high school. Yeah, for sure. Um Alex Brath
Not popular in high school. Not really but probably put it together in college and then lost it after indie guy. Yeah
Megan Lux that's a porn star
Barbara Kiss another porn star
Uh, Emily Malcomson
That's a I think
That's an english teacher. Yeah, this is malcomson. This is malcomson
Brett Olson that guy put a lot of people in lockers back in the day. Oh, yeah
Uh, Camilla potch
Pillock
Podge, podge, please. What was that? I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was
Osterpedic
Potch or pedic. Yeah, she imagines. Oh, maybe
Uh, Michelle Gordon
Girl next door tries an fcb. Yeah
Connor McGreevy. Oh good fighter. Good fighter. Also a good hockey player. Jackson Webb
Good night. I just got terrified. All right. Last one we have here. Emily Fields
Good baker and good country girl. Good country girl. Good country girl for sure. Um, so shout out to all our patrons
Thank you so much for supporting the show. We appreciate it
If you want to sign up for the patreon you can go to patreon.com slash the basemeyard
You get every episode a week early
And you also get
An extra episode that is not posted on youtube. It is only posted on the patreon that just went out
On whatever the fuck. I don't know what date it was last week. Yeah, whatever the hell
Um, but yeah, go check that out patreon.com slash the basemeyard danie where can they find you at danie
Little Peoria on twitter and instagram and you guys can follow me on social media at joe sayagada
Go follow the show also on instagram at the basemeyard and that is all see you guys next time. You read you fucking read