The Basement Yard - #186 - Danny Got a Raise

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

On this episode, Danny gets his long awaited raise...he also has a list of demands for some reason? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing Danny? How was your weekend? When pretty goddamn well, why'd you hesitate like three different times? Oh, I didn't want to curse like the first word out of my mouth to be a curse Right. We're gonna go pretty fucking damn well. Yeah, pretty fucking damn nice. You sound like a truck driver Yeah, I didn't want to sound like that. Pretty fucking damn good. It was pretty pretty damn fucking ness. No, no It was yeah, it was quite nice. Yeah, I did I I had a Had an eventful weekend. Did you really? Yeah, I used a bidet for the first time. Really? Yeah

Oh, I guess. Yeah, you've never been to like Europe. Yeah, they have a lot of those over there. Have you used one? Yeah, every day in Italy when I was there. I fucking sprayed that ass. Did you like it? It's fantastic. Yeah, I Mean, it's a little weird because your buttholes wet. Yeah I don't know how I feel about my butthole being soaked. What I would do is I would wipe then bidet then wipe again Whoa ultra clean. Yeah, I'm also dealing with a beast You got the black hole in there. Yeah, so you know, yeah desperate times call for desperate measures I'd say yeah, you know, there's a lot that you can go through as a man and like having a pretty banged up But there's one of them. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a given. I think in this world. Absolutely life taxes and a banged up anus

Couldn't said better myself exactly pretty goddamn fucking good. No pretty goddamn fucking good Yeah Yeah, all right, so how to go. Yeah, I mean, it was it was cool I mean for people who don't know a bidet basically like it It sprays water at your asshole. Yeah to clean it. Mm-hmm because there is that thing It's like, yo, if you got shit on your hand, would you use toilet paper just to wipe it off and be like, oh, I'm chillin now Or would you get some water? You know, that's the idea behind of bidet is that you know, is that really there? I don't think that's not the idea, but that's like what people say

It's like oh, but days make sense because it's like you wouldn't just use paper. You'd use some water in paper. Yeah, you know Yeah, um, it's also weird that our body just weaves these little poop baskets around food Would you say cuz like your body's like weaving poop right now? Weaving yeah, like what's the process of poop like when you poop? Does your shit come out like crochet like what are you talking about? Well, you're it's wrapped up What's wrapped up the food that you ate in what in poop it's not wrapped up yes It is it doesn't get wrapped up. Yeah, it gets woven with duty son. No, it does. Do you know what poop is?

Yeah, I've seen it a bunch get the woven. Yeah Dude, you ever break you ever see your poop and there's food in there. Hold on Do you we're about to ask me if I ever broke open my poop? Yeah No Tell me Not like that like everyone at Willy Wonka try to find this in the golden ticket Don't sit here and lie to me. Okay, and tell me you've never peed on your dad's poop Oh

Yeah, it's only funny cuz I've cut that shit in half my pee hell. Yeah, I would I'm like oh Try to pee really hard and just cut it in half. That's what you do with your pee Yeah, there's poop in there. Oh Why'd you go dad? Because you don't really do it to your own poop because you flush your poop and you pee while you poop But if there's poop left over from dad in there when you're young you're trying to sink that battleship sure Man you are on fire today I'm just saying it's just how it is. It's true. That's a thing. You've done that

So you can't sit across from this table say I'm on fire today I've cut poop in half with Pete Numerous times. I haven't done in a while though, which you know, I might be a little rusty at it. Yeah Yeah, for sure, but I definitely have done that. What's up with dad's not flushing the toilet, too I don't think my dad cared about much I think they just had enough of life at that point. They're like, you know what I've raised these kids I'm not flushing this shit. I'm pretty sure that He's thrown up in the toilet and was just like well, that's where that goes Wow, you know

And then I had to you know, it wasn't really a pleasant surprise. You ever throw up in the sink. Oh Yeah, big time. That is the worst cleanup of all time. I've thrown up like everywhere. I throw up in the sink shower Can't that's a horrible clean up, too I think that's the easiest clean up. No, cuz all the chunks get stuck in the in the great chunks go everywhere when you throw up anyway I forget who was that? I was like a bunch of chicken. That's what people sound like when they throw up. Yeah my brother actually told me a story that his his Old college roommates dad when he throws up Screams right before because then it doesn't like feel weird

Apparently like it stops it from like you gagging I guess so he screams So girl, it's like a super saying like anyone's eating during the beginning of this podcast It's a rat. Yeah, sorry. They shut this off. I don't know. I just think I'm in a very good mood because I Got my raise All right, that was quick. Yeah, it literally was like oh five minutes in Danny brought up the fact that he's I just felt like you were dancing around it and I feel like you've been been ducking me a little bit. I've not been done. What do you mean? I'm here You're here cuz you have to be here. That's true. You know here. Yeah, so you live here. I had to come to you

It's true. So with that being said wait, hold on. Hold on. What that's just so what we did was With the picture doesn't want pay me. It's not the whole is I'm explaining you jerk I haven't called someone a jerk in years, but anyway, I'm wouldn't you fucking jerk The patreon that we have set up. I said once we get to 1500 patrons Danny would get a raise because he's been asking for a raise literally since the sixth day. He's been here Oh, I'm checking the patreon now. Just to make up. We're at 1530 so we're at as of right now 1530 patrons we appreciate all of you guys

You know, it's it's because of the support from the patrons that were able to do this podcast every single week and Can you stop whipping? What's this new the that thing? What's the whoa? What's it called? What are you doing the one when it's like? The whoa, I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. I think it's called the whoa sick so the page So yeah, but with the patreon if you do sign up and support the show you guys get every episode a week early You get an extra episode that is exclusive to patrons It's uploaded on YouTube Unlisted and then the patrons can watch it

And then there's Q&A content that made Danny shoot up there every so often and other stuff too promo codes for merchants You like that so you get a bunch of stuff when you sign up for the patreon So thank you to everyone who has done it, but also fuck you because now over 1500 people did it Which I didn't think we'd get to yeah, and now I believed in you guys the entire time Yeah, I rode this horse and I thought about it and while I was riding this horse Figuratively in my mind. I was like I'm gonna ride this into salvation And I did and I felt like I rode it out of the gates of hell To get this raise and all these people rode horses alongside me

What are you talking about? Oh, I just blacked out. Yeah, I don't know what you tried to sound like nah If you were deep enough you'd understand I guess I would understand what I went through to get here You know I'm saying yeah your life's hard. Yeah It is okay cool. All right. Just let you know he's upset. He's gotta give me some money. I'm not gonna upset, you know, I Just have a little something here Oh my god, well legal documentation it says Demands and then dumb man. Yes, I made it. What's raised. I did it. I'll raise demands. I did it right. It's how you spell it Yeah

All right, I really hope that was a joke and you don't really spell that way. Yeah, it was a joke. How do you spell demands? Open it up. All right Do you actually like Yes, no, it's This is my mail you Open one of my mail things no So he has a list of demands and it's written in Sharpie, of course it is yeah because sharpies are forever Also demands now spelled another way. I think I got it right on that one

Okay, first one there's already an error. He fucked up his first thing. Yeah, there's ten demands on here What is the ten commandments? I'm just saying that you might not want I might not get all of them You gotta shoot for the moon here the ten condendments. Okay, that's pretty good. No, I'm gonna kill myself. All right 7% Okay, first demand we have 7% equity of by whatever that means Yes Does that mean like whatever that means or you don't know what equity means? I mean whatever whatever that means I don't really know events. All right

I'm gonna go know that To Mazda Miata in parentheses any year It's doable that way It is doable. It is doable. I'm awesome. Yeah, you would look so weird in a Mazda Miata No, I would look gangster. No, you know how small they are. They're like toys. Yeah, you would look like the whole car It's all about I'm all about the Miata dog. I Really wish that I've hoped that there's one day that I I can Scale whatever we're doing here to the point where there's tons of money coming in and as a Christmas bonus

I can give you a Miata. All right, so that's a that's a maybe that's a that's a down the line Maybe I'll take it. Okay, we'll revisit number one like another day was 7% equity. We will not revisit that. We're about 1% Okay, three Number three One friendship one follow post on IG. Yeah, what does that mean? You go on Instagram? You tell people follow me on your Instagram. What's friendship? Like be like, hey, this is my friend go follow my friend Danny on Instagram one friendship one follow. Yeah, what like one friendship follow like do it like as a friend You know, I mean not just cuz like you like I'm telling you do it. I mean, it's a demand

It's a demand as you wrote. Yeah, I Think I think you could make that work Said okay, we got that one. No, I'm not doing that for promoted Your handwriting is fucking awful, but what do you want me to do? I was nervous right in that I don't know. This looks like you wrote it left-handed in the dark and drunk I am left-handed in the dark partially dark and I wasn't drunk. Yeah, I know that This looks like I wrote it upside down. Yeah, my my hand on a roller coaster. My handwriting is very bad

I will say that. Yeah, this handwriting is terrible. One of the demands should have been I write that better. Yeah, honestly I don't know. There's anything you can't read. I'm here to translate Yeah, I can't the only reason why I can't read is because you can't really write. Yeah This is really bad. Okay Okay, so noted. I bet I have bad hand. Yeah, very very bad for Promoted to co-host in parentheses so I can post on my IG bio What's your IG bio now a diabetic producer That's right, I forgot about that. That's really

Diabetic producer of the basement. All right number five some kind of fish Yeah, I Don't know. She's like buying me like a cool fish and then and then you drew a little fish Yeah, I drew a Jesus fish that just looks like Things going off again, there's always little tunes dishwasher. Yeah, I know it's it's like a clown that lives in here So you you want to fish? Yeah, it's some kind of fish you picked the fish We're gonna ignore that or we're gonna

That's a long song for a fucking dishwasher to play yeah, it's it's weird So you want to fish like a goldfish or like a like a like a like a salmon Dude, you want I stand by my demands like a flounder. Is that a fish? Yes. All right Okay, wow. All right Also holiday not really a word that you're good at spelling I guess Six one and then in parentheses holiday over vacation because people call Vacations holidays know the parts of the country and I didn't want to confuse people I mean other parts of the world in this country. We call them vacations. Whatever, bro

So one holiday Spent together. Yeah, you want to go on vacation together? I do I does that one. I'm down. Okay, that one. I'm down for all right But who's gonna feed the fish? We'll figure that out. Yeah, we have to get a fish sitter. Yeah, I get a fish sitter all right Number seven tell me a secret. You've never told anyone off-air acceptable Yeah What I want a deep dark one you want to deep-seek. Yeah, I want to deep-seek You got them in there. I feel like I feel like I've told you some deep-seeks. Oh another one. You want you want an extra

Seek. Yeah That one's I guess that's doable. That's Yeah, I don't know. Let's see a write me in as your vote for the next president of the United States in Zozo oh 2020 Those are twos. I thought that was I was like what the fuck is Zozo at first. I thought that was these At first I thought this had zoo. No, I thought you wanted to be like president of the zoo I would love to be a president of a zoo, but they don't have that's too hard

Yeah, I don't think so. All right, so I'm gonna write me write you in as the next president Yeah, so you could you could vote for whoever you want or you could write in your vote So in 2020 I want you to vote for me for president so I could say I have one presidential vote All right Okay Nine give me every dollar in your pocket right now What do you have what do you got on you? I don't know go check My wallet you do nice. What's in there? Oh, yes, I just took money out. What do you got?

$65 all right There it is raises already that's an advance that's an advance And number 10 your final I think finals is double-sided nothing else last one Yeah 10s 10s reasonable demands All right, so 10 donate a hundred dollars to a Blind sanctuary of your choice right now a bird sanctuary

I thought that's a blind no no no, what's a blind sanctuary? That's like where that where they all went there is a blind sanctuary where they all went in that movie What movie I'm Netflix with Sandra Bullock. Oh bird box Sondra. Is it Sandra? It's Sandra Sondra Bullock they went to a blind sanctuary Sondra Bullock in a blind sanctuary yes that that technically you said it what's a blind sanctuary that technically what bird box was Yeah, yeah, I yes, and there were birds there. Yeah, so what's a bird sanctuary? It's like where like birds go to like live in peace like you can't like bother them Where's that I don't know and how do you donate to it? I'm looking up right now

I'll if you find a bird sanctuary donation link I will I will gladly donate a hundred dollars to the birds ways to donate to a bird to the world bird sanctuary Donate now I gotta donate to a bunch of birds. What's with you and birds? It's a one-time donation. I like birds there you go The world bird sanctuary Yo, this is a real thing. Yeah, bro one-time donation ten dollars to five thousand dollars Oh, it's tax deductible. There it is. That's nice. Well, it is a donation

I don't know how I feel about Putting my credit card information into this world bird sanctuary I don't know how legitimate it is. All right. All right. Well, if you don't want to help the birds, that's fine I mean, I'll help you don't care about birds. I care about I had two birds when I was younger Yeah, what were their names marty and molly? That's so made up. I'm not asking what color they were You're already think you could say you could say any color. I don't have ask any question then picture What kind of birds are they parakeets? That's the easiest type of bird that you take home That's the one that fucking people get. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. You would say I had a tropical parrot

How long did you have them for that? I don't know that's a Already poking holes in the story who took care of it. It was Shannon's birds. Okay, so they weren't your birds You lied about that. No, they had I had they were in my house We had birds We had birds. I had access to two parakeets. So you're telling me you had birds two birds Keith had Lizards lizards and they were all living in the same house. Huh? They're all living in the same house. Oh, yeah big time What about this hermit crab too the hermit crab was around too. I was like six days before that thing got out Yeah, Jesus. Did you guys had a whole fucking uh like ace ventura over there? No, that's the only things we really had

chase Well, no chase came way after all that like this was when we were super young My sister had two birds. So what happened to these birds so called birds alleged birds. They both just like died Like and when birds die, it's fucked. They just they're stiff and they just fall over right They just like they just die old pieces of wood. It's like Imagine you spent your whole life on a tree branch When you die, you just fall and hit the ground And then you're just on the ground you're a dead bird, right?

I never really thought about that. It's kind of brutal. Like don't get your kids birds It's kind of fucked. Yeah, you know and like I don't know how it is with like parrots and shit Maybe they just like they could tell you like yo I wanna die And then you gotta take it to the vet. How do you know birds sick? You don't do The uh, my bird looks kind of sick Not really flying as well. Like can you take a bird to the vet? You can take anything to the vet. They fix they fix you up

You know, yeah vets are just highway robbery. If you don't have insurance for your pets Even if you do have insurance, it's still okay. Yeah, I mean, it's not like robbery, but oh, it's robbery Someone's got to fucking fix these animals. I know but it's like I'm talking about these are surgery. Let me let me ask you this about animals. Yeah If your animals like really really sick I don't know right. It's really really sick Would you pay to like keep it alive? But it's still like kind of sick or would you like put it down? It depends what what it is

If I knew it was going to be in pain for the rest of its life Like it would have to like take like yeah, it would not live like a great life But you could pay to keep them alive for like another couple years You got to put it down, right? Yeah, I mean it sucks. It sucks to think about you don't keep your pet alive If like they're in pain. Yeah, you know, what are you doing? You don't do this to people either How do you feel about when people? Well, a lot of people do that though Yeah, like people that will be like uh and like comas and shit Comas are different. No, but like if they're like they're never going to come out

Well, you don't I don't think you can know that well people that are on like respirators and shit I think they're technically in comas, right? I don't know. I don't know much about wrong. Yeah, not a doctor Yeah, I know you don't need me to tell you that but that's a thing But yeah, hold on real quick about marty and molly, right? You had to pull the plug on them But they just died on their own and no, yeah, this wasn't this wasn't uh, we didn't euthanize them You know age just got to them age Uh, my sister loved these birds

Right marty was yellow and green He was a pretty bird and then molly the girl bitch would bite You ever get bit by a bird and they have that black tongue that comes out It's it's fucking terrible. You know birds are kind of birds are, you know, they're misunderstood Their tongues are like pretty Jurassic Yeah, they look like dinosaurs in their mouth

They're a little Jurassic. Yeah, you know, they're not really fucked with birds. It's also very weird how they clean themselves as well Yeah, they kind of just like headbutt their armpits. Yeah, just fucking start smacking themselves. Yeah, you're like, yo, just You know what I'm saying? Do you think you could like if your kid wanted a bird? I wouldn't get it for it No, I'd be like, yeah, you're an idiot. It's like not even a pet I'm not getting you a fucking bird. It's like I'll get you a real pet. Yeah, right Like if people have like fake pets like guinea pigs, dude, what is it 1998 get the fucking thing out of here I also hate when people are like the bird got out. I'm like, yeah, it's a bird. It's like it's supposed to fly Yeah, you have it in a cage

Let the bitch fly. I think having a bird in a cage is kind of fucked up. It is kind of fucked up I think it's actually fully fucked up. Yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go like I'm gonna go 93% fucked up. I think it's more fucked up than keeping a fish in a bowl Because don't they say like fishes are dumb? Probably not dumber than us. Oh, no, they say they have like short Memories or something. I don't like enough. Can a fish really know it's in a bowl I think they could figure it out Like at one at some point or like are they like this is in the ocean

This isn't a river. This isn't a lake. They have to or maybe they're like, I don't think so. I don't think fish have the the wherewithal To to be to be like, oh, yeah, this isn't a pond I think I think they just they adapt to their environment. I think birds though At the first chance they're gonna fucking fly out of there. Yeah, I don't think anyone trains birds Actually, that's false. You know those dudes who like stand on top of old broken down movie theaters and they're like And then birds just fucking start flying in circles like pigeon man from uh, fucking How how how did you train?

birds to just And they were making circles. What about messenger birds? Well, that word gave you trouble, huh? Messenger birds. Messenger birds. Yeah, that's insane too. Like oh, someone could send a bird. Yeah And you just tell them Not only that, but it was like Crucial messages. It was like war. It was like, yo, where do we find the guy and he's like, hold on. Let me just Go I really wonder how the fuck It's insane. There has to be a vice like on that

Yeah, I want to know how to train a bird Wild birds. What about those hawks that fly in right to the dude's arm like during a national anthem? It was a bad ass Fucking crazy vision. I just don't know. Do they have like something like a treat on the glove treat? No, I think they just train those bitches. What are bird treats? They have to be like vermin farming vermin I knew a girl in high school last name was vermin. Her last name was vermin. Yeah, but I don't think that's what you're saying

Like what you're trying to say Like what are mice like rodents rodents. Yeah, but they're like vermin or varmin I think they're vermin. I don't know man, but her last name was vermin. She was cool She wasn't she wasn't red. She wasn't she wasn't a fucking wait No vermin are pest and or nuisance. So I was right. I thought I didn't I want to say Varmin, I want to say varmin. Yo, I wanted to say that you were gonna say varmin, too What is that look that up? I don't know because I feel like in a cartoon like well you varmin. Yeah

Yeah, yeah Exactly what I mean. I don't know what that is, but you know varmin a troublesome wild animal wait a minute. So if a varmin is a nuisance animal a varmin What a tee is a troublesome wild animal. So then it was a bug. I think it was bugs bunny. He was a varmin Yeah, god damn varmin. What was that guy? Wiley kai not wiley kaioria Whoa He was always on all the truck things What?

Like like the mudflaps Remember like behind trucks behind the wheels. I can't be the guy with the two guns Not wiley kai. Oh fuck Holy shit elmer fun. No, that's not elmer fun No, I thought was like he quiet. I'm hunting for rabbit. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the guy that shot the guns Oh, oh the pirate. He wasn't a pie. He was a cowboy Who's oh the guy with the little legs? Yes. What the fuck was his name elmer fun was the I know Elmer fun was what I was thinking. Quiet. I'm hunting for rabbits. Yeah

Um, I don't know what about porky pig too just have the biggest stutter of all time Yeah, it's like, let's give this guy a speech. I'm a pet I haven't even hated voicing that fucking guy. It's like, yeah, we get it. We get it. We get it. Come on So it was elmer fun Wiley coyote Road runger. Yeah, porky pig Daffy duck Daffy duck

God damn it. Is it oh, uh, uh Something sam you'll 70 sam I think so kind of look it up. Yeah. All right. You're 70 sam. I think I'm right. I think I will I You said sam. I said you'll 70 sam, but it's fun. We'll take we'll take credits here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Boom. Yes. Got it. Yeah What was that like, uh, what was it? That rooster that like kind of sounded like a black man Oh like That's um

Oh god, I think there was like racial backlash with him. I think I could be making that up example of that remark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What the fuck was his name? Uh, his name was something foghorn leghorn. Yeah, that's that was his name, right? Yeah. Yeah a little racist Why is that racist? I don't know. I feel like it's racist though. I'm gonna look it up that I don't see how that's racist Is foghorn leghorn Racist black it comes up. It does It's foghorn leghorn racist. These are the type of things we tackle on this show by the way Yeah, we're trying to break down barriers. I don't know what I'm saying right now. Wow. There's a whole thing about

Exploring the hidden racist past of looney tunes. Do you want me to read this? Yes, okay Let's ruin my childhood See that's what I'm afraid to do. No, I'm I'm fully trying to do this because I like when people get ridiculous You know I don't know. Oh, it's getting serious. Yeah, I don't feel comfortable reading this one. Oh, wow. They're saying some crazy Can I read it? Yeah, I don't want to read this but just read the name of it Wait read what? It starts with a j. Oh

Oh, yikes, I then go up a little bit. There's a picture This is a picture of no Out of the foot somebody else it's an advertisement of like bunions How to fix bunions without surgery use this simple little device and then it's like a fucking Uh I don't I don't I don't see a picture we see it Are you talking about

Yeah, why is that what am I looking at the bottom left? That guy that character. Yeah, it's a little like oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, there's a little bit of racism, but like that just makes sense to me. Honestly. Yeah, because it was I guess it was racist Yeah, yeah, I think everyone's kind of racist. No kidding. Like the cartoons are going to be racist the people were fucking racist It says all right. So this is why is fog horn leg horn racist? I've never watched a second of him by the way. I only saw him in space jam. Like I never watched I don't even know what fucking show he was on Oh, the reason he's considered racist

Is because he would use the word boy a lot boy Like that. That's how racist people say it. Yeah So perhaps I went too far in declaring that fog horn's use of the word boy is racist But during that certain time period that's when people it could be taken as racist talk for sure is what they said Yeah, it's even weird now when people say it. I think something just happened like in sports where someone said boy Or something didn't like fog horn leg horn beat his wife A chicken beat his wife

What I think he used to talk about beating his wife Miss prissy was her name. Oh, miss prissy was getting the hands. I think so Damn, it's fucked up the chicken hands It's a little scary actually. Yeah, I mean, I think you're diving too deep Yeah, I don't want to hear about this now Also, they were only based around like murder or two like elmer flood wanted to just murder fucking Bugs bunny all the time. You never thought about that till right now to be honest with you. Yeah

And he would shoot fucking daffy duck in the face all the time and blows fucking beak off and the kids would just sit at home Daffy duck also black just put it out there getting hunted by a white man a white man It's getting some sponsors Oh my god, do we have sponsors today? We do have some sponsors And grab my list of demands that you rudely threw on the floor. I didn't see that I was Listed as the demands But I need them for history's sake

History and also we're gonna put them in a museum. I needed legality reasons as well I bet you didn't say yes or no to any of them That's how you do business All hands make sure the money shows up. Anyway, uh today we have two sponsors for the show the first one being Casper mattresses. Okay, danny I love a good mattress. You like to sleep. Yeah. Love it. One of my favorite things to do. Why you look scared? Yeah. Oh, no, no I I was reading something about fuck on that corner and I don't want to talk about it anymore Okay, cool. Uh, so the casper mattress, all right

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I will sell water to a well grab my demands I want them There you go. Whoa. Here you go loser You fucking geek dude. I feel like that's how like dorks always caught stuff in movies. Yeah, it's like oh, no I don't have hands. I hate those movies man. They're so they don't even like like 80s like bull like bully movies Someone just takes like a whole thing of gravy and he's just like Pours it on the kid's head first of all Why you need so much gravy? Yeah

It's a lot of gravy. I feel like I feel like those movies were like Not beneficial to like bullies. I feel like it just gave bullies like More ideas Oh, like, yo, we should start hanging these kids by their underwear. Yeah Like days to confuse like Ben Affleck paddles people Yeah, like people probably paddle people just because Ben Affleck did it in the movie. Yeah, you know Yeah, I know what you're saying Which is so fucking weird

Yeah, and like I love how those dudes are like hyper masculine, but also a little gay They're super gay. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, yo, if you want to be part of the brotherhood and like We got to spank your ass. Yeah, particularly your dick. He's like, what? Yeah What do you want to do? That's why it's like, yeah, we put all we carved our names into this wooden paddle I'm gonna smack your ass with your bare ass with it. We're all gonna take a try. Yeah I don't want to be a part of this and then and then after that I'm your bra like it's weird Yeah, and then and then we're cool. Yeah, it's like and then I'm cool now Then I'm gonna do this is somebody else next year. It's like the white person version of getting jumped into a gang

Yeah, it's like we're just gonna smack your ass and then we're one of us It's like the fuck. I don't think I could have rejoined like a frat I could have but like I'm way too like I'm just not gonna do that, dude Yeah, you know if someone's like, all right, here's we're gonna do we're all gonna spit in this cup Like and one of you pledges is gonna drink it. I'm like, I'm all sad. Well, that makes me want to throw up right now Just think about it. I'd be like, how about we just fist fight. Yeah, I was like, I'd rather you guys just jump me Yeah, how about I just don't come to any of these parties. Yeah, I like, you know I don't know, but it's just it's weird. It's a weird culture. I think like I know, but is that like

We're in greek life Oh, yeah, I would have thought you would have to be greek To join a frat, right? I mean they're using their alphabets. That's what I'm saying. First of all greeks A little wacky looking alphabet there Very sharp very sharp very sharp. Yeah, I think you got cool sounding names alpha omega. Yeah. Yeah, they do Yeah, they all sound like like cool finishing moves. Yeah, they all sound like pro wrestlers and shit. Yeah, they do Yeah, but they they sound like spells kind of They do, you know when you say I'm all alpha beta kappa. Yeah

I didn't know what that means. Yeah, I don't know either Uh, but sigma five Sorry, I also hate like they always they're always screaming. Yeah, why and you know, there's like rules with fraternities like when you wear those sweaters that have like your letters on them Yeah, like you you can't like drink when you wear them or something Wait a second. Yeah, man I don't know if that's true for all fraternities, but there's like rules. Are there like any like sober france I guarantee it. It's like we're not gonna drink. We're not gonna drink. We're gonna go home and just cross water

Like christian fraternities. Those are probably wacky. Yeah They probably get it on sexually for like they don't drink, you know like anal. Yeah, they got to fill the void Yeah, you know, so they do it with their like well, there are there's girls like that that are like no No, no, no, I'm just saying that will have sex with you. No that that are like, uh They're religious and they say that they're virgins because they only do anal And hey, if you're out there and you're one of those people who got news for you Not a virgin. No, you're not you're actually More of a not virgin than people who are having sex

That's like getting drafted and skipping the minors going straight to the majors. Yeah, it's like that's what that is Dude, it's insane. That's also What about if well, if you blow someone you're still a virgin, right? In my eyes. Yeah, in my eyes. Yes. I think anything below the belt whatever hole gets Gets get some dick up in it. Yeah, I think you lose your virginity Yeah, I think once there's penetrage Because then you know because there's probably girls that have had a ton of sex and like their hymen hasn't like popped or whatever it is Yeah

Yeah Their hymen hasn't popped science. No, I no, I don't think that's true. Yeah No, I heard you could you could break your hymen like riding a bike or like playing volleyball That's what i'm saying. Like that's not like the be all end all of like being a virgin No, I think the penetrage is the is what you know, I also think like hold on I remember being a virgin and the first time I had sex. I swear to god I swear on everything as soon as I was like locked inside of a vagina. I was like Yeah, I had that moment. Like it literally was like, ah, that's gone. Yeah, you know

It's kind of like when you're on probation. It's your last day and it's like, all right. No, I don't gotta worry Yeah, you know, do you feel like you were better at sex at like 18 than you are now? Not even remotely close. All right. What about do you think you lasted longer back then than you do now? No What am I 40? Yeah, I like you ever look at I'm in the prime of my sexual fucking career No, I would say the prime of a guy's sex career is like 23 No, 23 25. Yeah, if you're 23, dude, you're at your sexual prime and it's all good

It's not all good because here's what it is when you when you're in college, right? I never went there, but yes Yeah, this is all speculation. Obviously, we don't nothing's based on Yeah, so don't please don't yeah, no, but when you're in college. Yeah, those are your jackhammering years. Yeah, that's all college dudes are like You know, it's just like that you can go all night though You should drink a whole bottle of jack daniel's and you know what years you're in school 1822, right? So here's the note to 21. Uh, maybe if I don't know no 1822 is four years So anyway So the guys we're so stupid

Yeah, it's fine. So that's your jackhammering years, but then it takes some time and when you get out of What just the term jackhammering years? It's like when you're just fucking like, I'm just gonna go as hard as I can Yeah, but like if I try to do that now, I'm like I have to pretend like I hear something in the other room or like Uh, I should let the dog out like there's like I have to make excuses Why because I used to be a little jack jack hammered into the sun into the night into the fucking wee hours of the day Yeah, you know, okay. Now I had like I had to master like breathing techniques like shit gets hard, dawg Yeah, but I don't think that comes with age. I think that just comes with like Comes with it comes with age, bro

I don't think the older the older you get you can't jackhammer as much as you used to But that's what I'm saying. No one no one likes a jackhammer Can you jack as hard as you can as you used to when you were 20? Well, now we're talking about two different things. We're talking about jack. We're talking about jack. I'm talking about jack Which jack this one? Oh, we're talking about jacking fucking this. Yeah Uh, yeah, I think so. I think I'm stronger now. I was a very flimsy boy You were flimsy, but you have like knee problems now. I have one knee problem We played basketball yesterday and joe collapsed

I didn't collapse dude. It looked like somebody shot you from like 150 yards away out of my ACLs torn so I And it made a sound And I got so scared that my hands went on my head immediately like this. Yeah, my bones they Shift together sometimes when I do, uh You just fart no No, I thought I heard fart No, but like if I do lateral movement sometimes my knee will pop out and my bones will hit together and it feels like a

Torme ACL again, but since I my ACLs already torn it doesn't like blow up or do anything But I was all right. I'm good now. Yeah And and then I almost won a three-point contest. Yeah, you did. I lost in the finals Wind a lot of wind yesterday a lot of wind a lot of wind, but no, it was uh, I just happy that you're walking around I thought we were gonna take you to the hospital No, he goes do we have to call someone like no, I'm good Dude, you you were laying like you were clutching your knee on the floor So I was like nobody touched them too and they say like non-contact injuries are the worst ones. Yeah, so I was like, oh

Fucking shit. Yeah How are we gonna do the show was the first thing that went through my head I'm laying on the ground and I said something like no, I'm good. I'm chillin. It's just it's fine. And then and Danny's like Yo, honestly, this is not the time to be making jokes Yeah, I was like, yo because I look at it like this, right? Yeah, and this this I'll tie jack hammering into this I think the better shape you're in the better you are at sex No, so do I yeah, and I think that your libido

Is is better when you're in shape and stuff But there was a study That like fat people can fuck like they're mad good fucking. Okay, apparently But that doesn't really make sense to me though, but it's scientifically proven that like Like like thick dad. Yeah, like thick daddy's can jack, you know like thick dudes or like fat dudes I think it was fat. I think it was like obese obese dudes. Yeah All right. I mean, I've never got banged by an obese dudes. No I don't know. Can I ask you a serious question?

Yeah, a real serious one and if you don't want to answer it don't answer it. Okay Could you ever sleep with a girl that was like morbidly obese? What so like morbidly obese meaning like like my 400 pound life Oh, oh, I don't think like physically I could I could No, you could get in there. All right. I'm You could be honest, dude I am being like I have no problem being honest someone who's 400 pounds not really my type But what if you really like liked her?

And she and she came to you and was like, yo listen like I'll have lost sex You know, yeah, but I don't fuck people for favors. Well I'm out I guess I was on your list of demands. That was that was on my original list when I crossed it out I figured on the vacation. Maybe, you know, like a thicker girl like a bigger girl. Like I like thick mamas Yeah, shout out to all the thick mama seeds Yeah, shout out to all the thick mamas. But yeah, being being like thicker and like bigger is like that's fine Like I'm not like I'm not like not attracted to that type of type of woman, but

A 400 pound woman. That's that's very that's very big. Could you If you're asking me if I physically could do it. Yeah, like physically you could fuck anyone Yeah, I don't go Are you asking if I would want to or if I physically could Would you do it? I wouldn't want to do it. All right. So that's a no. All right. That's a no Well, I was wondering how you were asking. I was just asking a question. All right. I got my answer We got

Who's asking this question? We got him. We got him. We got it. Is it weird that we love watching shows where people are just miserable That show my my 600 pound life. Like it's it's my 600 pound life. Right. It's not my 400 pound life Is it 400 or 600? No, it's 600. It's 600. Yeah, and like those people are are Very big and they can't get up. Do you think do you think American? women take They're actually like girls that like obviously aren't fat And we'll say they're fat

Do you think that's Like bad for our culture to like think that you're fat when like you're not like we were talking about thick mamas Yeah, you know what I'm saying. It's like Oh, what's that? What's that thick model's name? Aubrey something Aubrey What? No, no, no, no, Aubrey Graham. Fuckin. What's her name? Oh, I know her Ashley. Ashley Graham. Yeah, right hot. Hot. Fuck Yeah, so it's like this. It's like

I feel like girls throw around that I'm fat a little too loosely Well, I do think that there's that's coming from thick daddy. Yeah, you know what I'm saying I just think girls throw around like I'm fat a little too Loosely and I think it's like kind of Ignoring So it's it's a common in a way in a way for lack of a better word I hear what you're saying. You're saying it's like it's it's damaging for for skinnier people to be like to say I'm fat. You're like, all right, like whatever. But here's the thing. There's two. There's two things

One there is a lot. There's way more like social Pressure. Yeah to look a certain way nowadays. So someone who isn't overweight, but feels like they're fat now Yeah, like I get how they could like how could like maybe they actually feel that way But then also there are people that do it for attention. I'm like, oh, I'm so fat or like I'm that's what that's what I'm getting towards Right, that is like, but it's hard to even tell who's being that because like I said, you know as a member of thick culture it's like, you know It's it's I don't false claim, you know, I'm saying don't false flag out here. I don't like any of that

You know, you're either either down or you're not Yeah, you know you're set tripping like I'm I'm gonna call you out, you know But I just feel like everyone's so quick to call themselves fat like like, you know, it's like I'm talking about females. I feel bad that they put themselves under that pressure when they're not fat Yeah, I mean, I don't think they could help it because like I said now because like back in the day All you would see is there was billboards magazines and television, right? And like it's easy to ignore a magazine And if you don't live in a big city, there's like maybe one billboard, right?

So you don't really see it You don't really see that right and television wasn't really that popular like I mean it was popular But like we were outside. Yeah kids and shit But now kids have instagram and they follow people who have Fake bodies or they have You know, like they're just They're genetically just incredible or they work out like hell, right? And they're like, oh, I don't even drink this fucking tea or like whatever and they see these people would followers and likes and getting all this love

And it's like that becomes a tape like now. I want that. Yeah, so that's why there's so much pressure on like a girl Who's fucking 16 years old when it's like dude, you haven't even grown into your legs yet. Yeah, you know, you barely walk relax Now do you think Like plus size models Do you think that's a good thing or do you think that that's like prolonging like an obese? issue Ooh, that's a good question. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, uh I think that first of all, I do I think that the at the term plus size model is probably the most thrown around thing

Because if you've seen some of these women, they consider plus-size models, you're like, yeah, she's like 145 pounds You know, the modeling industry is kind of wild like I feel like they're ruthless mother fuckers Like I've heard stories of them being like, you know, a girl who you know, we would see her and be like, yo Let's go You gotta lose 10 pounds like you're disgusting. Yeah, like they will say things like that. It's an it's insane Yeah, right and it's just wild. So a plus-size model horrible industry. Yeah, it's kind of it's it's like great and bad at the same time Um, but it's it's horrible. So you're asking like plus-size models. Yeah Is that what is it doing? What are you saying? Like do you think damaging? Is it damaging to like for people not to get fit?

Because they can embrace like, you know, like she's a plus-size model. I could do it like I don't have to do this Because you could be thick and live a clean lifestyle Yes, but I do think that scientifically if you're overweight, you're technically unhealthy, right? But that's what I'm saying though. So do you embrace the plus-size like model community? Like it's like a double-edged sword kind of I kind of see it as I'm not asking you. No, I'm just saying why ask me like I'm down to answer. No, but I mean like as people do do we Where's the line? You know what I'm saying? Like it's like You know plus-size model I get like get your like, you know, get your money like get your fucking groove on girl

Get after it take mama life. But then it's like also like there is health stuff Yeah, you know, so it's like it's a double-edged sword. Like I don't know how I feel about it to be honest I I could I so here's how I feel about it. I think that I'm a plus-size model myself. So right uh I think To completely ignore either way is irresponsible. So to come to to be on the thicker side And assume that everyone has to think you're beautiful and has to think that thick women are beautiful and has and has to think Whatever like that's just wrong. Like people have preferences like right. I don't have to think you're fucking beautiful because you're thick

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like it's not it's not because of that Like I have a preference just like other people have preferences like for whatever other things It's like you're a thicker woman. I'm not into that right not me But I'm saying I know No, but uh, but like so so there's that right so you can't ignore that you also can't ignore the science behind How a human being gains weight, right? You know, there's right, right? An overabundance of calories and not enough exertion Uh, uh exercise going on and that's why you gain weight. This is making me tired. Just listen to this

So there's the science behind that as well, right? So technically Maybe you're not living a unhealthy lifestyle now, but at some point you were Right and that's what has gotten you to this point of why your body looks the way it does And it doesn't look like someone else's now That's one side of it. Now the other side which also people can't ignore which people will always do is Uh Some people don't give a fuck and it's and to me it's like smoking cigarettes, right? Right, so it's like if someone wants to smoke cigarettes, you know

Cigarettes I said that weird, right? Yeah. Yeah, if someone wants to smoke cigarettes It's like you know what it does to your body. It's printed on the goddamn label Yeah, it's like there's so many things and now there's so many like whatever you know It's killing you and it can cause cancer and it could do this and it could do that And you're outside in 10 degree weather in the middle of a work day smoking a cigarette You took the elevator down to smoke a cigarette bang heaters. You know what I'm saying? So it's like at that point though I'm also like, yo, like you clearly know what is going on here, but you're doing it anyway

You know why because you're a fucking grown-ass person. So do the fuck you want. I don't care You know what I mean? It has no effect on me Right, you know, I'm not sharing a body with some morbidly obese person If you want to fucking eat all this shit and you're like, dude, whatever I don't mind being fat or I don't mind being thicker. I don't mind doing this And I'll stay healthy within whatever I think that is the parameters of my own health. Yeah So it's like I don't really care but to but to But so like I don't really have like a hard stance on it

I think that if you're overweight You are unhealthy, right? No matter what like for me Uh, I don't think I'm overweight yet But I think that Uh, you know, because I you know, this this is forget you're there this past month. I've just been awful I have a crazy sugar addiction. Yeah, you do and I'm I'm literally Kicking at cold turkey like not doing sugar. Oh, I'm gonna try I'm gonna try I'm not gonna like say But so I have to kick that because like I could if I get into like 190 something

I'm gonna be overweight and I'm not gonna sit there and be like, yo, I'm fat and I'm this and I'm that but technically I am fat And I'm on healthy I wouldn't say you're fat But I would say you you would be overweight overweight. You know, okay. Sorry. You're over. I'm overweight That's that's what we were trying to tackle. You know what I'm saying But being overweight is being unhealthy. Yes And I know some of it is genetics where you know, you could have You know, everyone in your family is like bigger or like whatever but

It's also not genetic to reverse that. No, you can Right, you could you could eat better. You can exercise right do this. You could do that, you know So it's like you can't ignore both sides of it. It's like at one hand. I'm like, dude, do your thing Like it doesn't I'm not sharing a body with you But is it like but it's also weird though like like like Jonah Hill, right? Yeah, like people always make that joke like he's not funny because he's skinny now. Yeah, like That becomes part. It's like a part of people's brands. I feel like well, yeah, and that's another thing So it's like Chris Farley

Who's to say how funny he'd be if he was skinny, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like he was like the guy that would fall through tables and like Wear tight pants and you know do that. Yeah, and then ultimately that and drug abuse killed him. Well You know It's a mixture of both but I'm just you know, yeah, you're right. You're right But like to that's why I'm saying like it's your progative Like whatever you want your body to look like you should make it look like that Like we have no like people who have such a hard stance on

uh You know Thicker people of like yo just getting shape like just fucking whatever like you're disgusting like you're not like you're not beautiful You're gross right who have that sort of like stance Love fake tits. It's like yo, those are the same things. It's like I want my body to look this way I'm gonna put some fake things in my chest or whatever and these people I don't care about being fucking whatever. I think it's also like Unrealistic to like look at somebody on instagram. I think you're gonna look like them

No, of course Like you know like you could try and lift like the rock and like do all this shit Like you're never gonna look like the rock bra. It also took him 35 years to do it to be where he is and a whole lot of steroids and a whole lot of cosmetic surgery cosmetic surgery. Yes, what do you mean? he's got like his Tits done. I know you got his nipples done. He's got he they get a lot of cosmetic surgery. They're actors, dude Yeah, they get fat sucked out of places. They do their thing. They know what they're doing. I got lipo sucks

I got lipo. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and then some people are just genetic freaks Yeah, some people and that's and that's another thing too because it's like the dudes who have that stance of like Oh, just be healthy and like blah blah blah blah blah It's like, yeah, but you aren't going off after people that aren't healthy but still manage to maintain Like a skinnier body. Yeah, people who are like skinny fat Those aren't healthy people either. Right and it's like, are you really worried about other people's health? Like why are you so angry? I know, you know, I'm saying like you're not going around kicking people's doors and it's like Is there broccoli in here? Yeah. Yeah, you know

Those carrots frozen. Yeah, fresh carrots. Yeah. No, I just salt the preservatives. Yeah I'd bang a fat lady though for sure. That's where we were That's all I wanted the answer to. Oh, you want you'd bang a 400 pound woman. I'm with it Yeah Now there's something I'd say I'm with it if you would it I'd be like two dinosaurs Like two what be like two dinomores Dinomores dinosaurs clashing in the fucking jungle

Do the jump did they live in the jungle? I think they just kind of went where the fuck they wanted Where did they leave? Who is going to stop them really? The jungle makes sense. There's a lot of food there, right? Yeah, and there weren't lions back then. We're there No, no Alligators though I don't know they say they're they say they're like prehistoric Which is prehistory So how would you know

Fossils and shit fossils and shit. Yeah, yo by the oh my god I don't know why when you said dinosaurs are kind of kind of reminded me of my dream I had this dream the other day. That was so fucking weird. I had a dream too. I'll tell you I posted on uh Instagram I was like, yo, I had this dream. It's crazy. I might make a video for it or whatever, but I'm just gonna say it on the podcast. Yeah, okay So I had a dream the other night that um now I gotta try and remember it. All right, so this kid that I went to high school with Uh, I haven't seen him since then And he was that he would like inviting me to a party Oh

Yeah, so he invited me to like a house party, right and like I'm skipping a bunch because I just don't it's all foggy to me but I went to a house party and uh, he's like, yeah, man, whatever. I remember walking up to the door and he opens the door and There was like beer pong table set up and like flip cup, you know, whatever But everyone in the house was horses

Like they were were they like centaurs. No, no Full blown horses and they could talk and I don't think Centaurs centaurs minotaur. I don't know. But yeah, they they no they couldn't talk. They were they were horses No one was like, oh, hey Jeff and like being a horse. No, they were a horse like a Like a horse. How many were in there? Oh, it was a house party like a like in a movie house party Like there was tons of horses And also the thing that was hilarious is that I was not freaked out. I was just like, uh I just like I was like, oh, yeah horses. This is a common thing in a house party. This is what you would see

I'm trying to like see why you would have this dream But I can't horses with beer pong tables. No one was playing beer pong. They're horses That's fucking weird. Yeah, but I wait the horses are actually playing beer pong like no, no, no hoops. Nope Just standing around being a horse horse have hooves, right? Yeah, yeah But That's it. That was the dream this kid that I went to high school with and you just woke up Yeah, and I was just kind of like Fuck was that that's weird went to a house party with a bunch of horses. It's kind of fire though

I mean, yeah, I mean, y'all honestly though if you walk into a house party and there's a bunch of horses You'd be like, this is the greatest. Yeah first. I'd be scared initially. I'd be scared as fuck I'd be tripping. I'd be tripping a little bit. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah Why you got mad horses in here dog? Yeah, first of all very costly. Yeah horses are expensive Oh, yes And I wouldn't get behind one because they like an back kick. That'll break that'll break your chest plate Fuck. Yeah, I should have a fuck your whole plate up. Shatter any plate in your body. Yeah, probably Yeah, I just you know that I wouldn't get behind one. Have you ever rode a horse?

I rode a horse once when I was like five. Yeah, me too. I rode a pony. Yeah. No, I rode a fucking horse They put they put a you can't put a five-year-old on horse. Yeah, but you have somebody on there with you You can't put a five-year-old on a horse. It's you and a person that's trained to ride a horse You never rode a horse, but I'm sorry. It's a pony. I have photo evidence. It's a pony. Okay. You fucking idiot It was a white horse though. It was a white pony Wasn't pony was a horse. It wasn't a white. It was pegasus. Did it fly? Did you dream this I'm just selling the picture Listen, I know about horses. I was just at a party with fucking 400. I'm just letting you know I rode a horse

You didn't ride a horse. I was on a horse High your little five-year-old feet are gonna go over of the saddle of a horse Let me ask you this when you ride something when you jump out of a plane You jump out of a plane by yourself Or is there a guy on there? I don't jump out of planes But I'm just saying any video if you saw your dumb friends jumping out of a plane There's a guy attached to them, right? You ever see a horse in the air? No, no So what are you talking about when I was on the horse a professional horseman?

Was behind me on the horse a professional horseman. Yes. That's what they call them a horseman. No, they're equestrians This guy I got a question for you. Yeah, you've never even ridden a horse. Have you I've read I wrote a pony Yeah So you didn't ride a horse. I know the difference between ponies and horses as do I and I was on a horse The lines are blurred for you. No, I'm not. I know what a pony looks like. I've caught many in red dead redemption There's ponies in red dead. Yeah There's horses too. Yeah, but I caught a stallion. I think that when you were younger, you're like, oh my god No, it's not one of those things where like I saw like

Kangriffy jr. And he looked like he was 12 feet tall or something. Yeah, you're like, oh my god. This this thing is huge It must be a horse. It's a pony. I was a horse dog. I also shot a musket when I was like nine A musket. Yeah, I went to a jamboree who gave it to you. Lee Harvey Oswald. No And even then a guy spotted me when I shot it because it's too powerful of a weapon for a nine-year-old boy Am I making this up? Well, you played shack one-on-one too. Yeah me and Aaron Carter Who do you think that song was about? They just didn't want a Puerto Rican kid to beat him because it wasn't racially diverse enough

Yeah, you know, I had a dream that I went back to high school and I was 30 years old and everyone knew Like Everyone's like, what are you doing here? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they're like, why are you here? Did you get bullied? No, I guess kind of but I was 30 years old like in class like learning And everyone knew I was 30 and I was me right now But it was everyone that I went to high school with but in their high school form It was mad weird. Would you learn nothing? But I just remember just being in a class and a teacher was talking and everyone knew I was 30

And everyone kept coming up to me and asking me Like, why are you here? You're 30 And like when I woke up I was like, damn, yeah, like Does this mean I have to grow up in real life or like did I just have a weird ass dream? I'm sure someone will have an answer for you. No one's gonna have an answer for me though No, they're gonna say like horses are a sign of like diligence some dumb shit Yeah, do you believe in like dreams meaning anything? No, I don't I don't Because your teeth fall out

You're losing power. No, because like when we talk about what power power. What am I a fucking A mage I'm a fucking I'm a sorcerer. Yeah, the power do I have so like you'll see like on the basement yard Uh, youtube she plug Uh, youtube.com slash the basement yard. It's where all the full episodes go But like you'll see like in the search like suggested it's always like video game stuff Because like that's what I watch when I go to sleep like I'll learn about like I love Learning about video games. Okay, so

I'll fall asleep to that and like sometimes I'll have a dream Where I'm like in the video game and what's coming through my ears is literally what's having happening in the dream Okay, have you ever had that? Like if you fall asleep watching something. Oh, I forgot a crucial point of my dream Go back Because you said that yeah That's like that. So kind of the kind of relates. Yeah And when I was at the house party

I had to go to the bathroom So I went to the bathroom the kid had a urinal in his house It's very strange. I wouldn't mind one in my house. I love a urinal But so I went to go pee In the urinal. All right, and Then I I woke up as I was peeing in the urinal So I think my body got like confused Oh

It was like, oh, we're peeing So I woke up and I was like, oh, I almost pissed my bed. I was peeing in my bed. Yeah That's when it was yo, I got this close a dream's coming your alibi. That's right there 27-year-old man pisses the bed. Yeah, because I was I was listening to something about like, uh, I was pissed the Casper mattress I was pissed that Casper But like I know because like I'll have dreams falling asleep And like I'll have a dream that the dialogue that's happening in my ears Yeah, is the dialogue that's happening in my dream. That's crazy. Yeah

Because it's like you're half in you're half out. It's kind of like conception like what other videos do you watch? That's what happens if you listen you watch you fall asleep to like porno You probably have a sex dream. Yeah, you know, I've never had a dream where I actually like penetrated anybody. Let me ask you this That's weird and also But you have penetration dreams. Yeah, but I can't come though Yeah, you know you can't come in dreams. It's weird Why would no you can't die in dreams and you can't come in dreams Yeah, I can't I I've never penetrated anyone

It's always gotten to like right to the whatever or maybe it's like I'm sort of penetrating, but I can't see it Yeah, you try to look but you can't see. Yeah, so I've never seen me actually Well, I've had a dream where people have cut my fingers off and I I swear to god I felt it Hey, yeah, that's what's weird like I felt them and then I woke up and looked at my hand, but no like um, well, I was saying I like about the sex dreams When you jerk off Do you ever think about like if you're going straight from the memory bank not using video?

Okay, so what 2003 we're talking about, right? What was the setting? What do you mean like where are you having sex with this person? Oh on my head. Yeah You never really I never really thought about that like where's the actual setting? I haven't done it in so long because you're never focusing on the background Yeah, you gotta fuck somewhere, but where is it? I don't know. It's just some weird made of world Oh, so you're yours. Yeah, I swear to god. I like where is it like is it on a bench? I've jerked off to like weird like magazines where like women are fully clothed and I'm like I see a curvature of a tit I'm going for this

Those are the good old days. Yeah Fucking honest. I think I'm taking I'm taking this shit So That's just honest american jacking it right there. That's all I mean, it's my favorite past time. Yeah Is hiding my jerks. It's football And hiding my jerks from my my little entire family. I know Have you ever yes I'll go out. I don't let me just say yes. No, no, no. So here's the question

Have you ever been jerking off? And like somebody knocks on the door No, someone comes in the room and like they don't catch you because you're like pretty covered But that's like at the time that you come so it's like I'm already coming so I have to keep going Um Not to that point, but I've had it like be really close to that point And like my mom definitely knew I was jerking off like there's no shot. She didn't know Oh, yeah, you had to beat it. Yeah, but then like

The weirdest I'm gonna be so conscious of kids jerking off like once my kids turn 11 and be like I'm gonna catch these fuggers beating your dicks. I know, but where was your jack zone the bathroom? Yeah, yeah, I would jerk off in the shower like But that's also weird because like your family's moving around about the house and you're just jacking it Yeah, I definitely would yeah, I would not wait until people no one would ever leave no six people I know that's what I'm saying. Fucking birds and shit. It's like you're jacking it's like Keith. Can you take the garbage out? It's like Stop it. Are you ever you ever have your friends text you? Yeah, and you're like

Dude, I've had my mom text me. Yeah, it's rough. It's rough And you have to like say like oh, okay. No problem mom. See you later. Love you. I swipe up I can't I can't do a conversation and get back into that zone. I just hold it off Those are the worst. We're disgusting. I know it's whatever. It's party are disgusting. We're truthful though Yeah, this is true things. I think I think a lot of truth comes out on the show I don't want to lie about it Me neither. Why would you it would? A lot normal people probably. Yeah, most likely. Yeah, but you know

I'm a truthful guy. What can I say? Yeah, I think you're a truthful dude. I think you're a truthful guy. You think you do? Yeah I want to see how truthful you are. Just be honest. I want yes or no because you skimmed So before we get into the The patreon All right. Yeah, and then I'm and then I have a little thing I want to say to the patrons after that I wrote All right, you wrote. Yeah in my mind. All right. Um the seven percent equity of basement yard. That's out, right? That is so out

What about one percent? What about next? Okay Mazda miata That is that is a future process possible process possibility. I like it One friendship follow post on instagram. It could be on your story I post you all the time Danny That's yes, all right I do Technically promoted to co-host so I could put it on my my bio. Go ahead Danny. Yes got that one guys

We're winning. Danny's a co-host. Here we go. Uh five some kind of fish Yes, or no, you could say no. Are you gonna take care of it? No Let's not kill a fish. Let's not do that Probably no no, I want to say that I would so bad. I really want to say I'll take care of this fish But if you but if you what kind of fish would you prefer like like a Nemo fish a clown fish? Whoa, those are a little expensive. No, they're not. I think they're more expensive than a goldfish. They're quite tiny That doesn't mean anything. I think it's the rarity. All right

So, you know, I'll even make that a maybe the fish is a maybe all right So one holiday and or vacation spent together. I hope I'd be super down for that. Where you want to go? I'll go to Colorado. Good Denver. Oh nice. Yeah, let's do that Have a panic attack out there, but it's fine from the elevation Uh, tell me a secret. We'll figure that out A secret of my choosing if that's even possible. No, um Do I have your presidential vote in 2020? Because here's the thing

New York, are you gonna sell me on this? Here's the thing about yeah, here's the thing about you. We're a blue state We're a blue state. It's never gonna not be blue. It's never not gonna be blue So you could you could potentially write me in without people being like, oh 2020 look for your Hope you're a senator. You can be my fucking running mate. I'll vote for you if you vote for me I want to see How many votes we could get in the presidential election. No, don't do that. That's irresponsible. Yeah, it is vote for me That would be so funny. Yeah, I mean it'd be so dumb. It'd be so funny. I've seen it

It would it would make a mockery. Did you see all those things back in the day? I'm about a rambit Like 13% no, no, no, no like 10,000 total people Like no in like primaries though like run against like real people. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah um Give me every dollar in your pocket. I have that and then, um Donate a hundred dollars to a bird sanctuary Yes, or no once we get the legitimacy. I'll donate that's fine. You know, we are doing something tomorrow. Maybe we'll donate to that

okay We'll do that keep an eye out for that too. It's gonna be fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I should yeah And then 11 is uh, actually just like just the oh, I don't know why you're turning it over. There's nothing written The legitimate raise to that I forgot about that point, but here we go. I wrote something for the patrons that uh Same paper I want to thank the patrons of the basement yard patreon This day was a day that we thought would never exist A day we thought would never happen

But a day that we made It is a day that will live in infamy For those out there who never had a chance to be who they want to be Buy what they want to buy I just want to say to everyone out there. Thank you so much. I appreciate it and um Go nicks I Had I had to get you off stage. You know, they played me off. They played me off. They're playing me off. Yeah, I played you off

Sorry, sorry. Um All right, cool I love how you Read that as if you did like a commencement speech like it was a day And you know, you do breaks because it echoes. It was a day day All right, let's get to these shout outs For the patrons again, if you want to support the basement yard, you can head to patreon.com slash the basement yard patreon spelled P-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com slash the basement yard. Also, if we get to 2000

We're gonna do something special for that too. Yeah, there's something that's on there Right now to just to get to 2000. It's a placeholder It's a placeholder, but there's something that we're working on that's super special We don't want to share it now. Do we? Oh, yeah, but I don't know if we could get that done by 2000 I think we could Do we want to do on do we want to speak it? No We'll speak it on a future episode. Yeah, I also not even completely Is certain in what you're talking about when I think we're on the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay, but it would be fucking epic

Yeah, it should be good. Yeah. Uh, all right, cool. Let's get to these shout outs. We have brena k brena k k brena k brena k k k well She's coming through with that k. Yeah, uh, brena k just sounds like the name of a girl who was like The hottest girl in high school. Oh, yeah

I mean, I mean like when I was in high school not right now, please god. Yeah. Yeah, um, alexandria pares Political yeah Sophia just so fia. I guess we have there jayme swank That's fire. Yeah Hillary shrank it's not it's swank swank. This is this is shrink. She looks like a horse kind of Christian Rivera Yeah, it's your front of the middle guy. Yeah, it sounds like he's good at handball cleanup hitter. Yeah, uh, brady schlegel I'm even gonna touch that one

Sounds like a nice jewish gent. Yeah, it does. He's definitely a jewish guy. Uh, he lives out on long island His parents have a a landscaper that takes care of the bushes Merrick larson Uh, Merrick larson a woman Merrick's a girl's name, right? I don't know. I don't know. It's one of those like unisex Just I like those names. Just a great guy girl. Yeah. Yeah Um diana daca

Okay, that was a good try john Hubble great telescope great. Uh, cj angel angel chris angel, maybe maybe chris angel is probably a fucking patron, dude. Dude, that's sick made it Magicians fuck with us mind freak. Uh, aj aka nichromaniac Too much for me. Yeah, I don't like it. So your aka on a professional, uh, What is this bush league audra horris? A lot of horse stuff

A lot of horse stuff or horse stuff Not horse stuff. You said horish. I said what oh no horris. Oh Her last name wasn't horish. I don't know people got weird names. Uh, horish is probably someone's last name. Oh, absolutely Horish, uh diana I'm dirty diana. This is this is polish. Uh Zabluski, yeah, jesus Zabluski the big Zabluski the big Zabluski diana come on Uh, john blinkenship Jingleheimer schmitt. Yeah

Uh, asherina mochi I have really nothing for that, but thank you so much mochi Tiffany puns it sounds like someone's trying to say pants puns de leon puns Where there is an accent over the e puns puns That's not helping Stephanie carvalho carvalho carvalho, no

You're just saying things now Hey, I need your help. We need a horse. Oh, she's got a picture here. Let's take a look at her Let's back this up Zoom it We're gonna zoom in. Oh zoom me. There's Stephanie See Steph Yeah, I think it's carvalho I don't think it is carvalho. We're pronouncing that wrong

Uh, we also got home. I pay my pages. Okay, uh, angelica diradrian. Fuck that up Game of thrones character. Yeah, it's definitely a game of thrones character. Yo thrones you pump for thrones diana win For the win spelled like benwin Don't know either w a y n n like win like that or w i n n n g Oh Like win win. Yeah, they're asian. Yeah Yeah, they're asian or Polynesian maybe anastasia corinic mm-hmm

anesthesiologist Probably not destiny nicole. Yikes got a lot of destiny of porn. Yes. That's your destiny is porn um Danielle holder White picket fence. Yeah husband wears an apron Oh, it's the holders honey. Oh, let's stop by the holders on the way home brendan butler I gotta get hoop. Yeah

I gotta get a hoop smooth jelly Great rapper. I really don't have to say anything about that. Uh, annie for shetty bruschetta bruschetta bruschetta some kind of cheese mark delacruz Sounds like a rapper name. Yeah, we're a guy that drove like a Honda crv like a Honda crv back in the day the hatchback. This shirt was fire. Alisa curry carillo Carillo alicia alicia carillo I don't know. I don't know. I just like saying her name. Yeah, me too. I just like saying it samantha king

A king a queen and a king. It's fucked up. Uh, jacob florans that guy's rich. Yeah florans. Come on. Yeah This guy's got a fountain named after a beautiful city. Yeah, john zaff Come on, john. Get together john. Yeah, get a different name dude Z a ph pf. No, just zaf Zaf he's he's a top tier, uh Yeah, zaf daddy zaf daddy That's so funny. Noah frost. Whoa. Whoa. No no frost. That would be my name. Noah frost is a cool name Yeah, that's pretty cool

Someone in his family has to be named jack, right jack frost has to be it's a sad movie, man Yeah, but somebody has to be named jack is what i'm saying in his family. Come on jack Okay, the last two first one dallas hernandez. Okay I feel like see this is like very conflicting because dallas, I think is the name of a southern white I don't know. I've met a couple of people named dallas and they weren't white. Really? Yeah I don't know. It's actually let's ask fockhorn leghorn. Yeah, don't ask him Um, and then the last one we have here dad slayer 69 Save the best for last save the best for last dad slayer damn dude. It's fucking slaying dad. That's fire sexually

Fucking dad's dope. Oh, no, we have to end on this one Skyler lash. Oh man. That's a wrestler. Yeah, that's a wrestler. Skyler lash cum wrestler, maybe Skyler lash is kind of porny hell. Yeah, that's cool from the top rope deep throat top rope top rope three It's what it sounded like. Yeah, all right, we're gonna end on that one But shout out to all the the patrons. We'll eventually get to ah we'll eventually get to uh We'll eventually get to all of you and uh, read your names out there and give you a little shout out on the baseman yard

Try to try to guess who you are for shelf, you know Also, hold on. We got one right and I forgot the dude's name. No way. We got one right. Yeah, dude We said his name. I think it was like It was like alex parez or some shit like that I don't know what it is. All right, we'll find out. But he dm'd or he tagged me. Oh, that's what it was I think he tagged me and you in something so I saw it And we said something like it's good sounds against a strong jaw and like blah blah blah and I looked and he's like a male model This guy knows what I'm talking about. He like tagged me in it. You know what I'm talking about

You son of a bitch strong. It's like a strong jawed bastard. He's like this. Yeah, this tall fucking Sharp chin fuck from like Canada. That's like a smoke. Fuck that guy. God damn it You know people are so hot. You're like, fuck you man I All right, uh, Danny, we're gonna find you at Daniel Peary on instagram and twitter Good god, I don't know twitter. I don't know. I'm doing what a co-host does. Yeah, you know You guys would follow me on twitter at Joe santa gato Why I say twitter you guys would follow me on any social media at Joe santa gato

And you can follow the show at the basement or go check that out for little clips and shit from the show YouTube channel is youtube.com Slash the basement yard and also go check out the videos on santa gato studios youtube.com slash santa gato studios And uh, also Uh, I have another show called other people's lives. You guys can go check that out where we interview strangers about their Crazy stuff that's going on. What do you think's the weirdest person you ever talked to on that show just off the off the top? Uh, I don't know It's hard to say it's not that it's it's more like

Shocking because they're very unique. Yeah, you never you're like, I've never you'd know this to exist Do you ever go into those with like, yeah, I'm not going to buy anything this person says Yeah, there's one of them and I actually kind of went at her Really? Yeah. Wow What episode was that she was like pro anorexia. Oh, okay. What season was that? Okay, we're gonna have to go back and let's go check it out But it's called other people's lives go check it out on soundcloud and wherever you can get your podcast But that is all we'll see you guys next time

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