The Basement Yard - #189 - America, The Beautiful

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

On this episode, Danny and I discuss the history of America and the Founding Fathers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check check check check check check closet check my dad's closet check check check daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy check my dad's closet I think I'm low uncle uncle stop Okay, what that's a little heavy. No, I'm just saying stop turning the thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's all I'm serious. Okay. Anyway Back to the basement yard Why is my thing always fucked up? Hey, man, you do you do over there? That's not true I always make sure this thing's always all squiggly-dibbly over here. Not sure what that means for that song Would a Barrington Levy and shine

No, oh, yeah, yeah, that's all right bad boys. Yeah Barrington Levy and shine that sounds like a fucking Are you making me louder? No, I'm for no, no, I'm for oh your for oh shit. You're one, bro. Damn on the one That's good The one I'm the one that's a nice shirt you have on there. Thank you sir. It's a new merch new merch Here's why and here's why and here's why Danny I think at first you were kind of fighting the fact that you like I don't say it that much But now it's just like it's so obvious so many people have caught on to me So it's like, you know, I can't hide anymore. You can't hide. You're just out there open in the open

Yeah, yeah, you know, I just wanted to be me and I feel like the best way for me to be me was to make a monetize a shirt, you know That's where he doesn't be me is to just slap money on it. Yeah, why not? I mean, I mean you guys go check those out at the Santa got a store calm Go cop yours. There's a link in the description, right? I don't know. I'll that's my job. I'll check. Yeah, I don't know what goes on there is there is I hope the show's going well cuz I don't know the show's doing pretty good actually. We're doing all right The show's doing great. Do you ever like?

People ask you like how stuff's going. Do you hate saying how stuff's going? Uh No, I don't mind that I do I don't mind that I hate when people ask me what I do Yeah, me too. What do you say? It's easy for you to say it. I just say I'm in entertainment. Oh You get back. Oh, I'm an editor. I'm a producer for this podcast I used to say that but then they'd be like, what do you produce and then I'm like a podcast and they're like, oh And then I was like, what the fuck you mean? Oh, yeah, bitch podcast now you fucking got hundreds of thousands of listeners

Fucking horse. Yeah, fuck you you fucking bitch or your shitsu There's a bitch with a shit. Yeah, she had a shit. I'll never forget her old fucking dumb face Wait, you were talking to an old woman with a shitsu. Yeah at the dog park. Oh, you know, you chatted up at dog parks Yeah, I hate talking to people with the you know, the dog conversation is one of the worst conversations You can have with a person where it's like your two dogs like meet each other and now you have to talk to this How old is he? How big z that's yeah, it's nice. Do you believe in dog play dates? I I don't I mean, what do you mean believe like if somebody was like, hey We should like have a play date like where our dogs like will come and hang out. I'm like, I don't really want to do that

Well, I don't think that has anything to do with the dogs. I Just think it's weird if a girl was like our dog should have a play date. I'd be like, oh, but the fuck yeah Yeah, yeah, but it's been in that instance for it's been like old men Hmm an old man Old man, but he was like a few years like maybe 40. See a priest. No, I don't know I he might have been he might have been a gay gentleman I just don't want to go out there on out there. Yeah and say this man was trying to suck my you know Gentilia, yeah, you know

What is genitalia is genitalia both male and female? I think it's just the grouping It's just the grouping genre because I would have thought like it'd be Spanish like females It would be like genitalia and ours would be genitals or genitalia. Oh, yeah Like Italian names. That's what I thought. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, hey, I don't make up the words here. Yeah, I Think genitalia sounds more feminine though genitalia. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's why I think we made dick because dick is just like a rough Like dick. Yeah, it's definitely like cock is just very like imagine you had a rough penis Like sandpaper-esque, no, it'd be awful like a matchbook Why every time you jerk off there's smoke not smoke, but like, you know, you ever rub sandpaper. There's smoke

Well, not like is it sandpaper on the side of matches? No, no, no, that's uh, I Don't know a flint. I know what a flint is. Is that fire related to flint? Yeah, it is right. Yeah, okay All right, I'm not far off. Yeah, I don't know what that is though. No We should know this. I feel like we know it, but we don't know it. I hate bad matches a Matchbook like yeah, like bad matches that like they either break or they don't stay lit for too long. I Don't know you like are they you who collects matches. I like matches. Yeah, why because I like them for my bathroom Just for your poops. Yeah, I think I think I think so then what's the point of having a different one? No, it's just like listen

I know everyone thinks we all we do is talk about poop on the show sometimes and I just want to say yes What are you doing? Oh, I'm just I have OCD with my hands sometimes like you see how there's two dots right here No, you can't see them, but I'm making a perfect figure eight around them. Okay when I used to be a kid I used to put my hand out the window the car And you know when you would make it go like this so that the wind yeah, yeah, yeah, and then straighten it out Yeah, yeah, yeah, I still do that. I still do that But what I would do was is every time I would go buy a car. I would outline the car with my hand

Yeah, so like if a car came up I would go under the tires Wait for the next one go under the tires and keep doing that. Really? Yeah. Yeah So you had your work cut out if there was like an 18 wheeler. Yeah, it was it was a while It was a while out there going crazy. I was shaking the shit out of my hand But yeah, I used to do that all the time You know what I used to do and this is kind of like weird that I'm saying it now. It's very like Jeffrey Dahmer of me, but uh Where could this go? Yeah, I used to pretend that the handle like isn't the back seat

I used to pretend the handle was like a joystick That had rockets and I would shoot other cars. That's cool, though Yeah, I mean I was killing people on the highway. You know, it was weird cars I had those seats that face backwards in the back and you'd stuff small children back there. What you know like Like a horse and carriage. Yeah, like in the back of old station wagon So it used to be a pop-up where there'd be two seats in the back And you would face looking out the back window of the car Why do I not remember this? You don't remember those kind of cars?

Maybe you never see like movies where kids like Like shooting at people there Yeah, I was shooting rockets. Yeah that way you shoot you're shooting them followers. Yeah. Yeah, they couldn't see you coming No, but that's what uh, I used to do as a kid Maybe I'm making that up because we just had such a big family, but I don't know But also you remember those cars that used to have just a bench in the front No, I don't remember a car bench. Well, no, no, like I never had one either but like you know on it No, no, like wait, you don't know what I'm talking about

I've never seen a car equipped with a bench like a like a old car Would have just one seat across. Oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah that I thought you were talking on the front of the car Like on the fucking on the bumper There was a bench. What the fuck and I was like, dude, what the fuck are you talking? What is that? I was like a twisted metal car. Yeah. No, my dad used to have this old Buick That had y'all dad's love Buick. Yeah, they did Yo, I feel like whoever drives a Buick like plays a lot of golf. Yeah

Yeah, or like oh somebody some money But like a Buick was like so heavy that it was like turning a boat Like I remember when I first learned how to drive it The fucking crank the shit out of the steering wheel just go left. Really? Yeah, it was so heavy Yeah, my dad's van was like that I learned how to drive for my dad's van that like the brakes like worked like sometimes Like I would I almost crashed that car a million times I used to hate driving in the snow and you hit the brake and it'd be like Yeah

I'm like, I'm gonna die right here. Yeah, that's terrible There was actually one time that Keith was on the highway with my dad and the brakes just like Quit and my dad slamming on the brakes and he's screaming and he's screaming He tells me the story all the time. My dad looks down and he goes we can't stop How'd you guys stop e brake there? I mean, hey, I wasn't there So I don't know. I think he just kind of like you remember in the movie speed. Yeah, you got to keep it about 55 I think he kind of just like eventually like top like topped out a little bit Yeah, I guess so. I don't know but you know, I wasn't there. There was a time my mom drove me to basketball camp

And I accidentally kicked the car into into gear and rolled down I was just gonna say my your mind's like that too my story Oh, but we were on the highway and I kicked her shit into neutral. Oh and the car was just like And I was like, oh fuck and I can hit it back. That's awesome. Yeah, it was scary That you scared me so much as a kid like if I was like backing up like like the first year I had my license I put it. I thought I would put it in reverse But it just being neutral just be a I'm like, oh shit. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna blow the fucking engine up dude

There was one time I would have killed everyone On northern boulevard over here because I went to kfc with kief To get the double down double down, which by the way, do you know what that is? Is that the I don't if they have it is that the double biscuit double That's the double biscuit and the double breast and uh, what else was it? No, no, no So it was kind of no, there was two biscuits I know it was double but it was a sandwich, right? And instead of bread. It was just fried chicken. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was cheese and some special sauce sauce

In the middle of it. I don't know In the middle of it and it was disgusting and gross and would make you like shit blood But like it was so good on the way in that you dealt with the way out Um, but we went to kfc and I was at the window and I was like a little far away So she goes to hand me my food and I just get up like this And kind of like stretch my leg at the same time And as soon as my hand touched the bag my foot hit the gas like all the way down Dude, the sound it made oh man was so loud and it's I thought I I thought my car was like all fucked

It was my mom's car too If that car was in like if I was just holding the brake and did that I would have drove out And fucking murdered tons of people and then got hit by three different lanes of traffic Yeah, that would have been pretty cool though No You would have lived Why? Come on in your in your story in my scenario you would have lived

See, I don't know if mine was a dream or it really happened. What? I don't I can't remember You have a story I have a story, but I can't remember if it was a dream or it really happened. I was very young Okay, I was very young And I think me and my brothers were me and my brother Michael were in the car And one of us hit the gear shaft into neutral you say gear shaft. Yeah, that's what they call it shift No, the gear shaft. It's called a shaft to shaft. Yeah. No, yes shift

I think it's called gear shaft a shaft like an elevator shaft. It's it It's called a gear shaft. It's not a gear shaft. You know what a shaft is right? Yeah, it's a penis I think it's called a gear shaft. It's a gear shift I think it's called both. I don't and if it is called both no one on this side of the mississippi says it Yeah, it's called a gear shaft. No it is I'm gonna need to see this with my eyes and also called a drive shift Who the fuck calls it that and a drive shaft called a lot of things Whatever, but I don't know if this was real or not

So I'm gonna call my dad after this to confirm But one of us hit it while my dad got out of the car and we rolled down a hill and he had to chase after the car You didn't hit the brake. Yeah, I know how to do it. I think I was like a baby. Oh, wow. Oh, that's scary Yeah, that's what your dad's not gonna admit to that. No, no, no, but I think I was like a baby. Oh one time My mom and dad are arguing um My mom and dad are arguing while they're getting into the car, right? So they put all the kids in the car And they drive away and my sister kiana is like, where's jarrett

My dad hits the brake and jarrett just comes sliding down the fucking windshield. No way. Yes Yes Like a gallon of milk. Yep Left him on top of the fucking car and he came sliding down the windshield. How far did they drive? A good ways like three blocks a good ways enough for my sister who was a couple years older than my brother Because we weren't born yet, but A couple for her to be like, where's jarrett and my parents were like, oh shit My dad stopped the car and there was jarrett just slid right down the fucking windshield

That's fucking crazy. Yo, that's my parents were bad parents. That's a bad parent moment That's a bad parent. They're good parents overall, but they took a hit that day I remember once I was holding my nephew on time while he was a babe You dropped that bitch didn't you? I dropped him He's fine now. Actually, yeah, yeah, no, he's good What was that actually? No, no, no, no, no, no, because he's got one eye, but no, no, no, no He just like ripped a jewel a lot, but like that was your fault. That was my fault I think I knocked something loose in his head, but I remember I literally how high how tall were you?

I was first of all, this is what I don't understand about my family is that they would let me watch children I was like 10 I was a great babysitter, but I'm 10. Yeah, you're also 10, you know So you dropped as a 10 year old boy. You dropped your nephew. Well, I was on his head. I was in oh, I'll tell you I was an uncle when I was eight So I started watching children since then so like in Spanish Italian families doesn't matter your age if you could watch You know enough if you could breathe. Yeah, you're gonna watch a child

so I think when I was watching my nephew It was I guess I was around 12 or 13 I want to give myself a little more a little more Age there, but I could have been like 10. So we're watching him. I remember because we're sitting on the couch. I'm holding him. He's a baby like an absolute baby child like a newborn like Less than a year maybe a little over a year. So like still in that like toddler toddler So I remember we're on the side of the couch and he's like on my chest and I'm watching tv

and he's on my chest And I just feel him release from this arm just off the side of the couch And he hits his head on the floor And scorpions and then flips over onto his back Now he's just a toddler on his back like laying on his back And he doesn't cry So now I'm thinking Baby's dead. He's dead

I think he's dead. So now I'm just like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. So I pick him up Me getting frantic. I think scared him and he started crying. So now I'm like, oh my god, like And then he had this bump on his head You get those you get those when you but I didn't tell my sister Ever so what you think he's he had a fucking tumor. No, no, no, she found out later and I was like, oh, yeah, we were playing We were playing and I Bopped him on the head a little bit by accident. Do does she know the truth now? No, probably not. She'll find out now That's what I mean. Yeah, I did. I dropped Jesse when he was baby. Sorry

Man, I've never dropped a baby. He never drops it. Yeah, it sounds awesome. Dude a baby's head hitting the floor is very dense Yeah, it's probably like a cannonball. Yeah, I was like, I just dropped a thing Baby's heads are disgusting. I think babies are disgusting. Yeah, they're gross unanimously. They're gross I love when people are like, oh my god, isn't he cute? I'm like, this isn't a thing yet Let's give it some time and I think that babies aren't cute until at least like almost a year and a half Oh, I'll go like three, you know, like if you don't have any teeth or anything Yeah, and your hair is all weird. You got to be able to like wear an outfit for me to like Yeah, thank you. You're like cute. You need to fit in like one of those little polos and those elastic jeans

Yeah, like walk a little bit walk a little bit, you know, wear those strappy shoes now. You're cute Yeah, I don't want to see you just be be gross and jewelry and puke. That's not cute Yeah, I'm not I'm not a big uh big baby guy. I don't hate babies Yeah, you know, and I want to have kids one day, right? But for me to look at this kid like a newborn child And be like, isn't he cute? I'd be like, or you know what the best is when someone goes doesn't he have His dad's eyes and I'm like, what? I was like this baby can't even open its eyes It's like first of all your dad has brown eyes Everyone's got fucking brown eyes. Yeah, that's true. God is he has his dad's nose

Where are you seeing This shit every baby has the same nose I just I don't like babies The one thing I love about babies are their feet. Yeah, they got little feet. Yeah, and their toes are like Kernels of corn and then when you put your pinky in their hand and they go Yeah, and they grab it It's very cute. That's my shit, but I just don't think babies are cute On that level of like

I don't know. I think mixed race babies are the cutest babies Yeah, mixed babies are the cutest. You need to be at least two. Yeah. Yeah, if you're under a year old I'm sorry. Yeah, you just look like a bald half person. Yeah, you look like a little alien. Yeah, yeah Which could be cute to you know, but you know if you're asking I don't know. Yeah, if you're asking me I got a big baby standard apparently if you're asking me I'm not really big in the babies. Yes. Yo, so actually I gotta get my laptop because speaking of babies pregnancy I have a story that I found back. Actually, no, I got an email someone sent it in the base me or dot com To contact the show button at the top. Mm-hmm. Someone sent me this link. So I need to talk about it because it's incredible

Sounds good to me. Yeah, but babies are weird Oh I already have it pulled up Yeah, you're not gonna believe this This is a story or is it a question? Oh, no, it's a it's a story. It's a real story. Okay All right, the the the headline is oral sex a knife fight and then sperm steal impregnated girl Now Based upon those clues

What happened here? Okay, give me the first clue again oral sex. Okay got that knife fight Scared of that then sperm still impregnated girl. Okay. So all right. So they were in a I really want to try and take like a realistic guess here go Okay, and the first one what was the first one again oral sex oral sex. All right So they're in a oral someone's getting oral sex, right in like a back alley, right? A guy or a girl a guy is getting sucked is getting sucked, right? Okay, and then like a knife fight breaks out next and this guy's like I don't know if I should keep getting sucked on or like join this fight because like I know people in the fight

you know what I'm saying, okay, so like When it comes down to and he goes, you know what I have to join this fight this head's really good But I can't you know be looked at as a bitch on the streets because if you're looked at as a bitch on the streets You know people are gonna, you know, you're gonna get way less head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're gonna try and have to wait with you So it's like so what happened was he joins the fight? He's victorious in the fight. So the girl that was sucking the penis is watching from a safe distance So he wins the knife fight. He stands victorious over this with this bloody knife victorious, right? and he's fucking screaming just like

Everyone starts chanting and raising their knives at the same time to like like like like this and then uh She is so turned on by it that she has sex with him instead of just sucking his penis She has sex with him And she gets pregnant with this warrior's baby How close was I there's not far off I mean come on, you know, that's about as good as it gets What a ridiculous uh Scenario I would watch that movie. Oh, I'm horny now. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ

Nothing hornier than getting sucked in a knife fight and then killing someone and then fucking It's hot if you ask me Um, who doesn't like danger in head? So okay There's twists. Okay, there's twists. I'm sure I'll start off with the oral sex Guy was getting sucked. Okay. Boom ding ding ding got that right. So so a girl, uh, you know, actually she was a little young I believe she was 15 years old

And she was uh, you know sucking her boyfriend, which is fine sucking this warrior. It was he's not a warrior yet. Okay. Um But she was Just Before she was stabbed in the abdomen She had practiced fallatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover Oh And then the fight knife that knife fight ensued

So She she's sucking And then former lover walks in sees the sucking Pulls out a knife and starts poking motherfuckers. So who got stabbed first her or the dick or the or the penis? The guy or the penis the girl penis was stabbed in this story. Oh, so he stabbed her. Yeah, he stabbed her Jesus but um, so here's the twist, right? So she got pregnant from I guess sperm getting on the knife and being in her body or something like that Which hold on it gets crazier. It gets crazier. It gets crazier. First of all

You came Yeah, there's a knife fight. Some people turned on by that. I guess so this guy must have loved all parties lived I'm hoping right. Uh, yeah, everyone's alive. All right. She sent the email No, no, no, she did not send the email. Oh, she's dead. Oh, no, she's not dead. Are you sure? No No, yeah, she's alive. She's alive. She's alive. Okay um But not buying that either. I have to no, no, she's alive. I promise No, I swear to god. I know this. I know this. I know this

I'm trying to find the part where it's the it's the twist because I don't want to say it in a way that's wrong I promise I promise you the line Okay, okay sperm blade so in night sperm blade in 1988 A 15 year old girl living in the small southern african nation of

Yes, keep going. I don't know where that is. Uh, came to a local doctors with all the symptoms of a woman in labor Here's the part that's insane But the doctors were quickly puzzled because upon examination She didn't have a vagina A woman who was sucking was stabbed And then got pregnant with no vagina

What year is this 88? Oh, I was gonna say is this like Jesus. Yeah, is this the son of god? That's what I thought Wait, so she had no vagina first off. How do you not have a vagina? You you don't you just don't have one. It's it's absent. So you just have like a pee hole Um inspection of the vulva showed no vagina only only a shallow skin dimple So where was she going peeps? Out of a shallow skin dim I don't know

How do you peeps? I don't know. I don't know. Um I'm not even sure. I don't know. You get stabbed. You got no vagina You got a baby though. You got a baby. But where's the uh c-section probably another stabbing. Well, that's it Who is this miracle baby this miracle baby would be 31 years old today. Well, I don't know if uh, it was born Oh See that wasn't in there. Right. Um, but definitely, you know, vagina And can you can you look up is it possible to not have a vagina and be a person? And they actually said in the in the thing it said, uh

That's not like it's uncommon. Oh, it's uncommon. I'm about to say it's it's happened before imagine you went home with a girl I was like, listen, I have to tell you something. It's like, yeah, what's up? She's like, I don't have a pussy. I'd be like, whoa I'm a dick. Yeah, I feel you penis. I should be like, no, I just don't have a puss I'm like, all right. Let me see this non puss because I think you're lying to me now Yeah, I'd need to see it. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god. You don't have one. You just have one of these shallow skin dimps Yeah, less work for you less work for me But good for her for getting pregnant. Not only one boyfriend, but two boyfriends by the age of 15 Surviving no vagina and surviving a stabbing too. Yeah, I would not fight over a woman with no vagina. I don't think though

Might have to let her pass I wouldn't be like, hey, man, give my girlfriend back. It doesn't have a puss Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'm right. I guess like she was performing oral sex So she was probably Like known for that throughout the town. Maybe I don't know That none of that was in there. There was no superlatives attached to her. I'm trying to I'm trying to like build a back story of this person Yeah, uh, all I know is that I hope that never happens to me where um, you don't have a pussy. No where I I'm get I

Where I'd be getting There's so many things that story. I don't want to happen to me. I don't want to date a woman without a vagina Sorry, I don't want to get stabbed while getting a blowjob. Sorry again And then I don't want to have to take care of this miracle, baby That might not even be mine because I don't even know Yeah, I think when if you get pregnant in the middle of a knife fight, it's kind of up in the air if who the dad is There's so much common there Well, what if you just on the I don't know. Yeah, I still don't understand how that happened

I kind of skimmed through the article. I'm a little Skeptical I'm a little skeptic about what a little skeptic about this and baby Now she didn't have a vagina but if you Maybe it's like Well, what is a vagina? Sit down joe. It's not a urethra. You know, no, there's there's two holes down there. I know all right three if you count the asshole Well, it's it's definitely down there. Yeah

Why did god be girls are girls assholes closer? Yes To the front than ours. Yes, I think so. Well, they're connected by that strip Hmm, what are you talking about? It's like I feel like the vaginas and buttholes are kind of connected kind of well They're not connected. No, but there's a very small Space I have more distance. Yeah, because we don't have a couch where our gooch is would be our coochies That's what I mean Like there there's this closer in proximity. Absolutely because then ours are yeah, our gooch is is where their cooch Would be yeah. Yeah, so their sniz is a quarter of an inch away from their b-hole

That yeah, well, I don't know if that's the exact measurements, but I think I'm right I just I honestly just looked and I was like, what's the tape measure? I don't know what I'm measuring Like I guess men can have longer gooches than others though Like really big boned men. Yeah, no, just like they just haven't like their balls are closer to their shaft probably like the more farther up I don't know It's just weird that if I lift under my balls and touch my gooch, that's where vagina is

There's not is it where vagina would be? Yeah, there's no vagina there. No unless you're don't they say like Like you have both sex organs when you're in the in the in the womb The thing and then like you one day you just choose. No, but how do you What happens to make you a boy or a girl? He's just gonna roll the dice No, no, no like scientifically what like what happens? There's more like Different kind of chromosomes or something That was a good guess

I think if you have too many chromosomes, you're like slow though. I think I fucked that up Well, you can well you didn't say take all of them. No, no, no That answer by the way would get you a d-minus. So it's really bad. I don't know. I could be on something You're not on you're literally not on to anything x y those are okay. Those are chromosomes, right? Yes, all right. So if you have y chromosomes are the girl ones Now you've lost me. Yeah, and I think x are boy chromosomes. I don't know. I do a lot of editing so x and y are just x Where things are so I don't this isn't my area. You know how I learned x and y The letters like yeah, yeah, yeah, no like the um

Like longitude and latitude, okay um Well latitude I remember because it's like Latitude like you stretch it out. It goes around, you know And then you could say long no, but longitude to be like it's a long way down Yeah, but you can say also a long way this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah But how how positive are you that longitude is vertical? Well, I'm 100 sure because that's how the guy taught me

Who's this guy my teacher longitude is because you yell it's a long way down like longitude I'm good. I'm right I'll be honest with you. You're not sure. No Okay, I think you are right Yeah, it's a long way down land a longitude It's a long way down longitude. That's what he said All right, that's I'm sorry and then the x and y axis The y is down

x is across x is across and y Is yelling Yelling going down That's how I learned that's how you learned it. Yeah, that's how I learned it Isn't it weird how you learn things in like a weird way and you never forget it though Like, you know how to spell Wednesday because wed nest day. Yes. That's how I spell it too. And I always thought saturday

like um Why is I hate that it there's a you in there Oh, not saturday february february. Yeah It doesn't need february february. No one says that nobody says that Let's get rid of it. It's february. It's february Throw a w in there february february. Yeah or library Library library I say library. I say library, but I'm trying to say library

Yeah, I'm going to the library library I gotta go to the library Yeah, see li berry Yeah, yeah long island berry That's how I used to remember it. That's how you used to remember it. Yeah Wait, that doesn't help. No, I used to the long island bra re Oh a bra's in there. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of cool titties I'll take that. Do you have anything else like you remember from my school?

I remember one like uh, oh, I had a story about my school too left and right Lefty loosey righty tidy No, but like, you know, you're left like you're left and you're right because when you go like this This is an L. So this is your left. I hold many L's. Okay No, but I'm saying I remember because people you call you a loser How would that help you with your left and right? I don't know. It's just part of growing up How did you learn left and right? How did I learn left and right my hands? No kidding, but like what did you do?

I when I grew up I was left-handed so whatever side my left hand was on I knew that way was left But you had to learn what was left and what was right. Yeah, my dad taught me my dad was saying like He was just like that's your left. That's it. Yeah, there was no like fucking little acronym or something No, I don't think I learned left and right until after I knew what hand I used Because you got to think about it this but when you're four or five You're playing like t-ball. So you already have a baseball mitt Yeah, so like that I always knew like whatever

This is my left hand. That's how I knew Yeah, I guess so, you know It was all like sports related Yeah, you know, you know, what's weird people that are like Throw with their left hand but kick with their right Do you do that? I write with my right hand and I'm left-handed and I kick with my left Anything sports related. I'm lefty anything house related. I'm righty house related. Yeah, like a fork. I eat with my right hand

Okay, a screwdriver. I'll use my right hand. You yank with the left or right. I yank with my left. Please don't get crazy Um mouse I use my right. I think everyone uses their right hand for a mouse though, right? Yeah That's weird. Wait, do they? I do This would be this I wouldn't be able to do anything. I don't think I could I just would take forever I don't think there's left-handed mouses Meese. Meese

Do you remember the fucking iMac ones? I used to hate mouses with balls where you used to have to untwist it Oh, my oh on the balls to get the dust out of the fucking ball. I hated it Sometimes I would take the ball out and just throw it back. Oh my god. Yeah, I'll be playing catcher I'll be playing catcher that little magnetized ball like this My dad used to get so mad. Who the who the play with the mouse? Where's the ball? I'm like dad. Jesus christ. Yeah, they were actually heavy. So if you dropped them, it was rolling down. Oh, yeah What color iMac did you have? I had a purple one. I had a

Yeah, purple one Yeah, it was like one of the newer ones because when the first iMacs dropped it was like Wrapping at me. Yeah, but the first iMacs dropped it was only red and a blue and a green But I had purple and then orange came out with the whole thing No, oh the apple computers the iMacs. They weren't iMacs. I think they were called that They were called apple. They were macintosh apple Yeah, they were called iMacs. I don't they might I think they were called iMac. Maybe I think

Because these aren't called iMacs now. Yes, they are they still call them. Yes You know what I never knew what's that little square thing that's square computer. What? Um Like if you go to buy at the apple store, there's a little spherical one. It's like 500 gigs of ram I think that's just like a tower or something. But what does that do? I think it's just extra memory that you like plug into your iMac. Oh, I don't know There's no screen. You know what sucks how apple never has shit on sale. Fuck you guys. Do they never? Yeah, I've never gotten in there and been like, hey, what's up? You want last year's model? It's full price

Yeah, you guys are fucking cocksuckers. Who does that? Yeah, you never gonna throw in like a free like mouse never ever Nothing cool. Nothing the apple store has never done anything for me ever Yeah, the genius bar genius bar. You got a bunch of fucking assholes. Yeah. Yeah They've never done anything. It's like all my screens cracked. Uh, yeah, that's not under the warranty So what does it cover? Uh, you know system failure? I'm like, so if it turns into a grenade and blows up in my pocket Then you guys are gonna help me out. But if I crack the fucking screen It's made of this flimsy glass Then you can't help me. Yeah, we'll take it to the back

I'm convinced they just go back there and just hang out drink coffee and go It's fucked. You gotta buy a new one. Yeah, or they just like give you a you know, I give you like a new screen And it's like maybe under warranty But like every time I go there, I know that they're gonna fuck me somehow And I'm just used to it What are you gonna do anyway, let me get to these ads on my apple computer Oh It's fully functional at the moment

All right, I do love apple products though. If you're watching send this stuff You're right imagine don't give you a 10% off of something. You're gonna send you a whole fucking like and we're thinking of sending you a keyboard I'll take it. I'll take a keyboard too. Fuck it. Um, all right. Let's get to the sponsors here The first one we have is postmates postmates is your personal food delivery grocery delivery Whatever to condom delivery That hurt. Damn. You hit your funny bone. Whatever. Yeah Whatever delivery you need all year round. All right Anything you're craving postmates can deliver you just hit them up you download the app and you're like, yo

I want this from this place and then they pick it up. They bring it to your house and boom ba da ba boom bang fire You know what I'm saying that is fire flames exactly 24 hours a day 365 days a year If you do the math correctly, that's every day of your life postmates will bring you whatever you need within the hour Hell yeah, okay, unless you are like asking them to go to some crazy place, which I don't even know if that's possible but anyway For a limited time postmates is giving our listeners 100 dollars of free delivery credit for your first seven days To start your free deliveries download the app and use the code basement That's code basement for 100 dollars of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the postmates app

Anything you need anytime you need it postmate Postmates postmates that postmates that I postmated the other day Yeah, if we need like batteries or something pow postmates because you know, we can't leave I guess how much money I pay it on delivery zero dollars because I have a hundred dollar credit for the first seven days that I have The app with the code basement All right Next we have stamps.com stamps.com brings all the amazing services of the us postal service right to your post office and service

Right to your computer whether you're a small office sending invoices and online seller shipping out products Which is what I used to use stamps.com for is shipping products and Or even a warehouse sending thousands of packages a day stamps.com can handle it all with ease You can use your computer to print us postage 24 7 for any letter any package any class of mail anywhere You want to send I feel like i'm dancing to this right now. No you got moves With stamps.com you get five cents off every

First class stamp and up to 40 off priority mail Dude what I know it's pretty crazy that I didn't know that is a lot of percent But I did I did use stamps this week and I had to send out a 1099 And uh, you stamps there you go stamps.com. Uh, it's a no-brainer saving you time and money. It's no wonder why 700,000 small businesses already use stamps.com. Um, right now. Yes, keep going. You'll eventually get there. You can count it I lost count Right now our listeners can get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any Long-term commitment just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in basement

That's stamps.com type in basement my sister crush stamps.com Because she's always returning things and it's just like or shipping things or whatever. I don't know You know, it's weird. Have you ever returned anything? I've never returned anything. I returned. Um If it's like super expensive, I'll return it but like Yeah, like I've returned like, uh, I got like sonos ones and like didn't work and I returned that Well, those are expensive. Yeah, I was like, I spent way too much money on this and I'm not just gonna eat this I'll be honest though. If I someone else's fire, dude. Yeah It's dope like the speakers

Yeah, uh If I buy like a pair of jeans Or any piece of clothing and it gets to my house and like it doesn't fit Fat doesn't fat If any clothing gets to my house and it doesn't fat if it doesn't fit I Will just not do anything. You know, just like adapt your body. All right. I'm just like I'll take a take a little bit off of here. It'll be fine. No, I'll just be like, all right. You got me

I'm like that too. I'll just be like it's somebody wears it. I'll give it to him Or if I get food at a restaurant, I'm not I'm not sending this back See I used to be Oh, I'll send it back. I used to be that guy, but now I'm just like just eat the food and shut the fuck up Yeah, what am I, you know, but unless it's dangerously undercooked like if it's chicken, it's like, dude, this is mad pink Yeah, yeah, that'll do and then if it's like A super expensive place I will

If it doesn't meet my like You're like, you know, I paid $40. Yeah, I'm not gonna pay $40 $50 for something that I wanted to be cooked a different way Fuck that. I'm not doing that shit Fuck it. I just eat stuff. I just no but oh the story. I wanted to tell you about school. Um When No, because we were looking up something we saw that dinosaur protest So a bunch of well, it wasn't a dinosaur project. Yes, it was they went all around a dinosaur and collapsed and they and they were comparing themselves to Dinosaurs saying if we don't do climate change, which I support don't jump on my asshole. Um

We're all gonna be extinct people. Yeah, but when you say dinosaur protest that means people are like no more t-rexes Like that's not what it is. They went to I hate triceratops. They went to the to an exhibit a dinosaur exhibit Whoa He would just ask people like, yo, like what do you like to do, uh, you know, uh, I like fishing Duh, we put a whole fish tank in your shit. It's like we took your car. We extended it put 1500 gallons of water At 800 fish in it. There you go. It's like, how am I supposed to drive this? There was always that like dude with the backwards hat and like the goatee. Yeah, what else would put you right? It's a playstation too. So you play video games, whatever you want. Yeah, you can play video games while you drive

It's like it's kind of dangerous, man Oh Yeah, that show was so good. You don't even start y'all You gotta push and he would always drive off and I'm like, yo, be back I love that show. That was a good show. Yeah But um, yeah, so protesting about dinosaurs not about dinosaurs. So 300 people it said I don't know. All right. So 300 people It was definitely a crowd. So they all went to this dinosaur exhibit and then out of nowhere. They just went

And died. Yeah, they fake died. They pretended to die And then one guy held up a sign is like if you don't believe in climate change, you're helping, uh The human race will be becoming extinct I have two thoughts on this One that's a lot of people two Wait, how many what like the 300 people like that's a that's a big commitment How do you know 300 people just like hey, what's up, dude? We're all gonna go here on thursday and fall down

We have like facebook groups. So I guess What's up, man? You going that thing tonight? Yeah, I'm falling down. You falling down. Hell. Yeah, or I'll see you there So how you gonna go down you go down backwards or you're gonna go knees first and then hit the floor I think I'm gonna go one knee and then to the side Dramatic death dramatic. I'm gonna go like I just got shot in both shoulders like And then go down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because you want it to be a peaceful protest. You don't want to hurt anyone Exactly, you know, you gotta go down slowly. Yeah, and then also don't you think humans are gonna be extinct at some point? anyway

Hey, man, not for me to say I don't know It's like Probably we got to run out of shit someday, right? I just feel like you know, there's how many people in this world 8,9,7 or I think 8 billion at some point. We're gonna run out of cheese You know what I'm saying? Yeah, probably at some point. We're gonna run out of trees probably That's that you say cheese cheese. Oh, they said trees. No, I said cheese. We're definitely gonna run out of cheese I can't why are you saying cheese cheese like cheese? Like mozzarella mozzarella cheese. Yeah, we're gonna run out of that. Yeah

What about trees? I would hope we don't run out of trees. Oh Yeah, I think we need those we need trees to survive. Yeah, but here's the thing about that is like Brontosaurus is used to eat trees. Mm-hmm. So were they down with climate change? See you later. Yeah, that was a really dumb point. How is it dumb? Because they ate the trees. Yeah, they were destroying the trees. They weren't eating trees. They were eating leaves Oh, I know is that eating the tree the bark does anything eat trees termites boom. They don't like climate change Where you at leo Did you see that earth video by little dickie? Yeah, it's terrible. Really a song is so bad

I mean for what it is. It's like it's not like a song you'd be like, oh, yo, he goes hard on this shit Yeah, but it was like, you know, like it wasn't entertaining at all to me. Oh, no, I found it entertaining. Did you really? Yeah, I thought it was like catchy. I didn't I thought it was so bad I thought it was like a like a scene from ice age. It was a good movie I Sage one was good. I didn't watch two. Yeah, I think they made like seven too many I keep making money. You're gonna do it But yeah, uh

Was it was 300 people at a dinosaur exhibit? Yeah, and they all like say I get protesting would you do that? Fuck. No, I'm afraid to protest I just like I don't care about anything enough. Wait. Why are you afraid to protest because like it's like It's a commitment, man What I think it's like a commitment to like go out there And be on the front lines and be on the front lines, you know, see I'm just afraid of the I don't have the balls Yeah, yeah, I'm afraid of tear gas. Yeah, I feel like all protests get broken up

In a dangerous way. Yeah, I'm not I'm not a fan of protesting. I mean I I like protesting. I haven't done it I'm saying I like the idea of it. I think we people should Uh, not this one. No, I don't think I you know, I support protesters. Yeah from a safe distance If they like are protesting on shit that I like, right, you know, agree with But I don't want to be out there holding a sign. I'm not great at that. No, no, no, no, no Like this is monday night raw and just like I got a sign. Yeah It says like austin 316

But it's just also like there's a lot of marches, dude There's a lot of marches. There's a lot of marches And it's like if it's going to be like an equal rights one, you know, like like a women's march Yeah, yeah, I didn't attend it. Me neither. But my thing is I still supported it But like, you know, if you went to like The the women's march You should have gone to the black lives matter march to them if you're talking about equal rights I don't think that's how that works. I think I think that's how it should work

Why you think if you go to one march, you should go to every march. No, I just think that if you're if it's about equal rights Yeah, you know, you can't be picky and choose about who you want rights for maybe work that day. What about black women? Well, I would say the same for the other you can go to the black lives matter march and not go to the other marches Yeah, but I don't know. I don't think it works like that I would like of course it does I think if you go to the women's march, you should be in fully supportive women and then black lives matter You should be supporting black women on march Yeah, but it doesn't mean like if you don't go then you don't support. No, I'm not saying that

That's what I'm saying. It gets tied up once you start protesting. Oh, you think once you dip your foot in it's like That's what I'm saying. Where does it you gotta do them all you gotta do them all because then people start looking at you like, oh, okay You'll march for rape, but you won't march for Right, whatever or gay gay rights, right, you know You'll march for women's, but you won't be at the gay parade, right? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because once you enter that arena, it's hard to get out The protesting arena. Yeah, that's what I'm saying because people are gonna look to you like, oh, you did this one Where are you at?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying So that's why you don't yeah I'm being honest. I'm being honest I don't know I just like I it doesn't I don't know see a part of me also like the the um I don't know the right word. I guess ignorant is the word is is does protesting do anything? Yeah, it does does it. Yeah, it does but like my thing is is like I

I understand where you're coming from like I understand that train of thought my point is being like people who are protesting outside of the white house like and let's say there's 300 people right there's A lot more out there in the world, but let's say 300 people show up to the white house and they're protesting against whatever Yeah, do you think? people in the white house are going I don't know they're starting to sway me probably not that's what I mean, but it's just people it uh, you know Exercising a constitutional right that's yeah, and that's why I like I fully support protesting right and the idea of protest but the

Idiot side of me is like Right well, it's also it also also depends on what kind of protests that's going on like I don't consider like breaking windows And like setting shit on fire. It's a riot protesting. I don't I'm sorry. I don't I think that's that's silly No, that's not protesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah So like I don't consider that to be like protesting sometimes you need a good riot though. Yeah, of course You got to turn up sometimes once you got throw that chair through that window, but what I'm saying is tvs Yeah, I'll take a free tv. See I would I would see here's the thing. I would be tempted to take a tv

I would if I was in the middle of a riot I'm not gonna throw the brick through the through the glass. No, but once that glass is broken I'm gonna take a gander. I'm gonna take a computer. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, fuck apple dude. We just talked about how much we hate them Yeah, no on sale boom no because I just feel like once you enter that like super political realm And like protest the realm can't get out dude Stock I don't think you're stuck. I think you're stuck dude. I don't know Jesus, you know

It's it's it's tough you got to commit to that shit Uh, I know I only know of one person that went to a march Um And they haven't gone to any other one Yeah, so like they're doing it. I mean, I knew a lot of girls that went to the women's march um But like uh, I I I've done like march of dimes What the fuck is that? It's like a it's a charity for I don't know for some

Man, I should know that that is such a dumb thing. I just I was gonna say I'll march for kids, but it was gonna come off weird. So I was like, I don't know I will walk across glass for children. I will walk through fire for child I don't know man. It's like uh I feel like protesting's like well, so like here here's my protesting background. We had we scheduled the walkout um In high school against the iraq war Against the war against like america being in iraq. They wanted they the the the protest was that

You know, they didn't agree with it And they were gonna schedule a walkout day to show that they weren't in agreement with the war. Wait that I'm sorry I'm all for like raising awareness and doing whatever but like Why are you walking out on your high school? Like they have any say in the war? Well, that's a thing It's like principal principal davis stop the war not no, but it wasn't it wasn't that it was to raise awareness Like to be like we're walking out. Why are you guys walking out? This is why That's what the protest was. Yeah, but then they just go cool We still have math though and like we can't change that no what happened was is that if you were whatever you could leave

Okay And you didn't have to come back to school that day, right? So it's like a walkout. So like we're walking out. Yeah, so I They were like exercising. They're right. Yeah, and I exercised my legs and walked home Is what I did You know, does that make me a scumbag? You didn't care about the war. I didn't give a shit I didn't care about fucking shit. I was 14 years old 15 Trying to fuck. I didn't care trying to fuck. Yeah, dude So they were like they were dude if somebody said to you you could walk out

Just be peaceful. You're gonna walk out of that bitch. Yeah, I went home and I played madden I What I'm being honest I walked out I'm gonna walk out. Yeah 9 11. I just went home too I was forced to go home. Yeah. Well, you guys are in the city. I was living in westchester. They were like everyone stay here It's like I'm out. I just left

Oh, you just walked out. How old were you? Uh, I was 12 It was 2001. It's like seventh grade eighth grade. Oh, yeah, I would have bounced. Yeah, I've been so scared I've been like young mom a lot of like, uh The eighth and ninth graders walked out. I was cooler with kids like a year older than me So I was like, yeah, if they're bouncing I'm bouncing. Fuck that. What are they gonna do? Call my mom? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, she's like there's fucking terrorist attack. No That was just like, yeah, because I was I remember I called my mom because my cousin died in 9 11 Yeah, but uh, I remember I called her. She was like freaking out. I was like I'm going home

I was like, I'm not fucking staying here We didn't know what the hell was going on on 9 11 And actually I think some people have asked me to talk about 9 11 before but I don't think I have no but um, I was in fourth grade. We've never talked 9 11 on here. I don't think so I don't think so, but I was in fourth grade and do you remember it like that vividly vividly every day. Yeah, um, but I was in fourth grade and it started happening like in Earlier in the day, obviously and I was in like my science class And I had a class with Frankie all like through my childhood

So me and Frankie are in the same class and we're like sitting next to each other And the phone keeps ringing and kids keep having to go downstairs Now we have no idea why because we don't know what the hell's going on There was no like tv's or cell phones or anything like that and I was in fourth grade So like eventually it started to become funny to us Oh, yeah, because you don't know what's going on because the phone's ringing and kids are going downstairs So we're like, you know, what's going on like what the hell and then it was just like when the phone would ring again We'd be like, oh, it's probably someone else. It's like, oh, yeah

It is another kid like they have to go downstairs and then we started laughing right and then the phone rang one time and the class started laughing and Then uh, as soon as the teacher hung up He turned around and was like you're laughing and there's people dying out there Oh, yeah, that's bad to a fourth grade class. Yeah, so now I'm like, yo, what the fuck is happening now? I'm like terrified, right and your dad's firing too He was retired at that point, but he was only three years retired So I was like, I like I don't you know, right whatever like my dad has a job

So I don't really see him during the day or in fourth grade. You don't know what the fuck happens Um, he retired in 98, but I didn't even know that right, you know, you just thought like he was still a fire I know he retired, but I didn't really know what that meant. Nobody knows what that means. You know fourth grade Yeah, unless it's like a sports person. Yeah, so then uh, I remember being at lunch And some kid some older kid came up to me and Frankie with a note that had our names on it. He's like, are these Are you this you guys and we're like, yeah, it's like, all right, your your mom's picking you up So Frankie's mom picked up me

Me and Frankie Then we drove to get Keith and we drove to get Shannon and his sister Jessica because they were really good friends back then And I just let you said Shannon and his sister. I was like, uh, who the fuck is Shannon? No I was like, oh, all right, Shannon. Yes. And then uh, I remember that Frankie's little brothers. They're twins And I think they're two or three years younger than me and they were in the back seat And they were crying because they were so scared I remember one of them being like we can go to like uncle whoever's house because he has like an apartment in the basement And then I remember smart kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then so they were freaking out, right?

And then I just remember Frankie's sister turning around in the passenger seat and going No, we're safe No, we're safe right now and I was like these kids are like in first grade. Let's scare the shit out of these children Yeah, I remember that vividly dude, but I remember being so scared because I I thought my dad was dead because we We got home And we're looking at the tv and we're watching all this shit and I'm like, oh my god Like I just knew like firemen and my dad. Yeah. Yeah, you put it two and two together

Yeah, but the next day was actually worse for in my experience for me because I mean I I was watching it on tv I wasn't there. I wasn't, you know, whatever But the next day my dad was calling up a bunch of firehouses and he was just finding out that like, you know 50 of his friends were died. Yeah And he would have died if he was still on it because his company was like in the tower Yeah, fuck when it like collapsed or whatever or something like that like it was it's crazy. Yeah, like My cousin was on the 82nd floor 83rd floor And uh when they got down to the lobby they they

Told them to go back upstairs at one point. They told them to go back up Go back up. Yeah, well after when the first tower got hit and then when they got down they told them to go back up Um, my cousin's phone call is like one of the most famous phone calls like in like of 9 11 um And where she went back upstairs. I think the plane hit on like the 78th floor or something so she was above it She was above it. She had no chance to get out. Yeah, but um But it's mad like as I got older. I didn't realize because my mom was like hysterical She was like, uh, we can't find melissa. Like, you know, like she's not calling home

And then you listen to like the fucking phone call. It's just so sad. Uh, yeah, I can't listen to just like tell my mom I love her like i'm gonna die. No, i'm gonna die And then she just passes out and you can hear her like like Storing almost because she passes out from the smoke from the smoke and then uh, they obviously they never found like her like body or whatever, but um That's when it was real to me because I was like, oh fuck dude. Yeah, I was like, yeah And like my mom was like hysterical like they couldn't find her um

And another crazy story was my boy's dad Worked in the world trade center And this was back then like not everybody had so like cell phones were down Yeah, no public transportation. They closed down the city basically. Yeah, like the bridges and shit. Yeah The the world the world was closed down like in new york. It was closed So no one heard from this kid's dad at all So they're like the whole day. They're like, yo, he hasn't called He's got to be dead

So they're coming to terms like, yo, he might be dead and they're all Standing on this lane In our town and he just barefoot just comes walking down the lane. He walked all the way home From Manhattan from Manhattan to westchester county Which is like a 45 minute drive And it took him like 10 hours to walk home barefoot Yeah, because nothing was nothing was moving

Nothing was moving my girlfriend's dad went to get on the train And he didn't hear about it because obviously there were no smartphones And he's like, where the fuck is the train? Yeah So he like calls like his cousin and he's like, yo, what's up? He's like dude go home and watch tv Nobody's going anywhere. Yeah, that was after the first plane hit You know, like that's the first thing in our lifetimes. That's going to be like in history books really Which is crazy because like that's our kids are going to ask us about that

Yeah, they're gonna be like, what's 9 11? I'm like, oh shit, dude. We saw the second tower From where we were in Hastings. There's this place called the waterfront So when you go to the waterfront, you can see the George Washington bridge You can see the twin towers. You can see all that the shit flew right over Hastings the plane that hit And uh It just looked like the whole city was on fire Yeah, and I'll never forget like that fucking picture

Like just like holy shit Like I just remember and then like A lot of cool shit happened after that like the Yankees went on like that world series run and like the city was like Like coming back together. I remember George Bush throughout that first pitch at Yankee stadium and shit like that shit was crazy Yeah, like how how new york came together after that. That's why new york says the best fucking city in the world Yeah, and also you remember the untouchable like we were just like, yo, we're gonna get through this fucking shit Do you remember the concert? Yeah, I fucking shay stadium No, no, no, wasn't that it? No the one msg. Oh the one. Oh, I'm Madison square garden. Yeah, that one

Yo, that one was the greatest guy. I have it on tape. Yeah, I remember that Uh, that thing was insane like everyone in the world was there. Yeah It was like the who billy joel and elton john were up there and it was like the crowd was all policemen and fire Fighters and their families They like honored everyone and like everyone was who was on stage was always wearing like a fireman or like a it was fire It was dope, but uh, you know, that was a crazy time man and like when I think about it it was like I was in fourth grade And a part of me is like I feel like thank god. I was in fourth grade because I feel like if I was older

It would have had more of an effect on me. Yeah, like it didn't really hit me really until I saw like how much my mom was crying I was like, holy shit. Like real people are dying. Yeah That's what's weird. It's like, you know, like real people are dying like my friends like And you've probably never saw someone like heard of someone dying at that point. No not not Especially in that way. Yeah, catastrophic. So it was like You know and then like when I went to my cousin's memorial Uh, like her funeral, but it was it was a memorial. They didn't have any remains of her, but It was like

And like the operator that took her phone call was there. I was like, all right now this shit is mad real I was like, this is sad as shit. Yeah, and I remember like when I went back to school I remember Like I cried a little bit because I remember in the moment. I was like that Like my buddy came downstairs like, you know, some idiot fool fucking planes are the fucking thing. We were like, oh, what idiots? You know, like you're not thinking people are dying. Yeah, you know, people are jumping out of the fucking windows and shit So like dude on live television on live television, dude And like I remember just being like, yo, this is fucking serious shit. And I remember my dad

I've seen my dad cry really twice like on shit 9 11 he cried because he was like, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen and uh, sandy hook he cried Yeah, because he was just like, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen but That was the craziest day and it's crazy because most of that year. I can't really remember That well Bits and pieces like girls I kissed or like things I did in the summer that were stupid or but that day I remember it like it's an hd. Yeah 1080p in my brain. Like I'll never fucking forget it. Yeah, uh, you know, just uh

And for you to remember in fourth grade just shows you how lasting yeah of it is I remember everything from that day like I remember all of it's your poor dad probably Jesus I can't even imagine what he was feeling like that was the first time I saw my dad cry And that was the first time I ever had heard of anyone dying. I believe So I because I'm in fourth grade like at that point like no one in my life had died No, I didn't know anyone who died. I wasn't you know, whatever It's just something you may be heard on the news But again, I was like my my dad also wouldn't let us watch the news when we were young

Because like he was trying to keep you away from that So I had no idea and then I see people jumping out of buildings on live tv It's just like, whoa, like this is crazy and it was it was just insane, dude Like I remember I remember it like it was yesterday An actual like a little funny part of this whole thing is I remember it also being this girl's birthday And you know like when you're in fourth grade like you like Bake car bake And then in our school like you would bake cupcakes

Like for the class and then the class would write you birthday cards So it's like you look forward to this day because you're like, oh it's my birthday I'm gonna get a bunch of cards like I'm and I remember her just like crying and holding her cupcakes and I'm like This shows you this shows you How innocent you are as a child because listen because even when I was in seventh grade the night before The Yankees were playing the Red Sox and me my dad and my brother Jared and my brother Michael and my mom are at the game At 9 10 2001 And it got rained out

While we were there it just it got postponed Roger Clemens was pitching That's fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is like how fucking far back it is My brother also said something very very strange that day But like I almost don't want to say because I don't want people to think I'm lying But it was crazy because what I need to know What they were thunder and lightning was super light like boom like blowing up And my brother Jared looked at my dad and was like, you know, it's like the end of the world I mean, that's not that crazy. Yeah, I know but just for like the day before now

It's like it's just eerie to think about Because it felt like the end of the world that day like like days after it felt really really bad There was only two times in my life. I've ever felt like that and that was one of them And the second time was when this fucking sky turned blue dude. I was like, yeah I was legitimately hyper ventilating that night like, uh, yeah, dude. I was fucking terrified. I was home alone My whole reality was flipped upside down like legitimately my reality I was unsure of everything. Yeah, I was like We are about to die because aliens have invaded us like we made jokes all of our lives about this and it's happening

I know I still think I still think I'll get to there in a second but um This is how innocent was I even asked my dad. I said, you think they'll still play tonight Yeah, you know, you probably fucked you up. No, my dad just looked no because he knew that he just knew in that moment Yeah, a kid a kid and I and he was just like no, I don't think they're gonna be playing for a while Yeah, and then I was like, oh man, and not he was just like, yeah, I know Don't worry. We'll go next time like to another game and I remember they didn't play baseball for like two weeks

I don't remember like immediately after 9 11. I only remember 9 11 and then I remember like the big things after that Like I do remember uh, george bush throwing out that pitch and like I think I cried through a heater Yeah, that guy's a little athlete out there an absolute heater from the from the mound too Yeah, I I remember that you know what jeter said to him when he walked out, right? No, so george bush is warming up in the pen and jeter walks by him And he in the presence like oh, he's like, hey, mr. President, whatever this is And he goes don't bounce it. They'll boo you Really? Yeah, he said he said that to him. He goes. Are you gonna throw from the mound or throw from where?

He's I'm gonna throw it from the mound. He goes. All right. Don't bounce it. They'll boo you And he ran out there. So like, you know what I mean? And then they lost the diamondbacks in game seven which sucked, but It was kind of cool. They put the city on their back for a little while. Is that shilling and johnson? Yeah I mean, yeah How can you put those two guys in the same team? Yeah, it was crazy Was louise gonzales on that team?

Uh, yeah, he was the one that hit the fucking walk-off. Oh, yeah, that's right. I hated his batting stance playing around It's like this Yeah, it was very ugly. He killed it though, but um Like I don't know how I'm gonna tell my kids like about like tragedies You're not Like that's what the school's for. I don't think my parents ever told me anything. Yeah, I think that's what school is for You learn about history and whatnot. Yeah Can I ask you a question? Yeah speaking of history

That was my favorite subject in school by the way Do you do you think we we need to do that? Like teach history. Yeah. Yes, absolutely Like how far back I think as far back as the constitution is and you need to teach things like slavery and stuff like that Oh, yeah, you need to teach the foundations of this country because people need to know where they came from I just feel like I learned about so many like little things that really have no effect Yeah, like I don't give a shit about the geneva convention. Like I don't know what it is. I don't care Uh a treaty. Yeah, no, I don't but like, you know, it's like

You should know what happened. You should know what happened, but not like I shouldn't know. I shouldn't have to know what day it was that these two people met and like When alex, you know fucking alexander hamilton got shot and this is why like who gives a shit You know what I mean, but I think in terms of history I think schools should have two history classes modern history Yeah, and american history like like ones that are like go all the way back If you want all the fucked up shit all the fucked up shit because sooner or later

We're gonna have to start teaching these kids tech technological history You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like the history of technology because that's what our whole fucking Era is that's what our lives are like people are going to be teaching them about the iphone and shit Yeah, which is crazy kids are gonna be learning how to code soon. That's what they're already doing They are they're already doing it like as early as first in kindergarten. They're learning that shit Like dude, I didn't even know how to fucking take a shit by myself Let alone fucking I knew I should in my pants. Yeah quite often

Not often. Okay. I was trying to feel you out. I want to see what kind of pooper you were No, I was definitely not throwing it around, you know, like do you think like, uh Like you should teach like Oh on this day jfk got shot See the jfk stuff is like, you know, it'd be dope like a conspiracy class Yeah, I think I would take that class because it would make me more It would make me learn more about the actual thing. Did you ever I was jfk in a thing What? Uh, we had to pick people in history. Oh my god, funniest fucking story funniest fucking story. So

in seventh grade Um, no in fifth grade, excuse me in fifth grade Everybody had this history project. It was known throughout the school every year did it when you reach fifth grade You picked a historical figure and you did a presentation of you as them So my brother did michael jordan when his fifth grade year was up. Okay when my fifth grade year was up I was jfk What do you mean? I was jfk you chose him. Yeah, I chose jfk. Okay um

Because my dad really liked jfk and he would always talk about him, but um And michael jordan my brother's name is michael jordan So that's why he went that route And his one kid in his class comes walking in who do you think he's dressed as? jfk adolf hitler To the t he wore a swastika. He wore a swastika. He wore this Adolf hitler And did a whole thing on him what parents are letting their fifth grade child walk into a school dude. My dad was

So mad and so fucking like full of laughter at the same time He said I can't believe this fucking kid is adolf hitler. Oh, let him do that So the kid walked in his adolf hitler. Did he like hail and like yeah, he did the whole thing He did the whole fucking thing Yeah, it's crazy He used to say like adolf hitler would get boners when you give speeches There are a lot of boner pictures. I've seen those. Are they real? Oh, I don't know Can you get can you get so hyped up that you get a boner? I think so

Like when you get a journal wash, I'm sorry. I guess so there are no there've been fighters with like boners Like at wayans. Yeah, I don't know Fighters with boners like let's go. Oh my god. That guy's got a hard penis. He's really excited to be here If you had to pick a historical figure to do A essay on right now, who would you pick? Albert Einstein. That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, but he also had the fleaed nazi germany So you and that kid could have fucking did a fucking tandem one right there. I didn't even know that Yeah, I don't really know much about Albert Einstein, but there are times where I I always latch on to random figures and like want to learn

So much about them Yeah, I have moments where I just I care only about this person for a period of time I got really into JFK at one point. Yeah me too and like the whole conspiracy Where the shot of everything do you think there were multiple shooters? I believe that they were multiple shooters Yeah, I think it makes sense. I think that what they're telling you where the bullet kind of redirected and hit 10 people Like what is this fucking now? I think the mob killed them I think the mob put the hit out on them I don't know, you know

That's just what I think They gave them the old let the record show that he is alone on that thought. I am not I am not saying that No, but it's weird. It's it's it's weird that our parents Live through that type of shit like vignette assassination. We're pussies, bro. Like besides 9 11 like that was like obviously That's crazy. I mean we had the housing market thing Yeah, yeah, but like yo like world war two and then like vietnam and shit like what the fuck, bro Imagine getting a letter in the mail. Just be like, hey joe pack your bag. You're gonna go die now

Yeah, and then when you come back you're gonna be nuts You're gonna be lieutenant dan. Yeah It's crazy. When I would you call him Don't call him stupid We've done lieutenant dan. I love gary synees man. He's bad. What what did you say you whore? Guys always biting a cigarette I love your fucking lieutenant dan so much. I think you think I'm gonna be calling you captain No, sir

Yeah, but no dad dad ice cream Yo, we've touched on so much Yo, it went so many different places. It's insane. Do you have anything else you want to say? Um What are your thoughts about the history? Do you think do you think how far back do you think we should go? I don't know like 70 70 1776 and then forward

See, I think it's important to highlight things. I just think that a lot of the history I took Like I feel like there was one major thing that happened this year in a specific year, right and Like that we should learn about and then there was like also like Five more chapters on the same year. We're like and I was like This is I don't even know what happened. No, let me know the 13 colonies Let me know that all the first presidents were pieces of shit and they all had syphilis Yeah, but they don't tell you that either as a kid. You're like this guy was the president and then I'm like 10 years later

I'm like this guy had a whole bunch of slaves. This guy owned people It was the times and no I don't care and he raped any war wigs. Yeah, dude First of all, the first presidents of the united states are so confusing. They had like 18 layers They're wearing like a petticoat draft. They dress like half a woman They wear wigs and shit put makeup on Own people and then rape women If that's not the most confusing, that's the last person I would listen to. I know that's our president Yeah, I wonder this country was a psychotic place to live

You got a fucking clown up there who owns people wear makeup wear wigs and 15 layers and boots made out of fucking Wood and wooden teeth. Yeah their teeth are what is riding a horse. Yeah That is someone you're gonna listen to fuck that guy if that guy existed today, we'd be like someone shoot him He's not and no one would vote for him All of those are symptoms of a psychotic man. Yeah, I mean get him out of here I'm not gonna touch that one It's insane No, it's it's

I know where you're going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but um, I mean it's a little less crazy. It's a little less for sure Absolutely. This guy though, but you know, but it's also weird that like our country's at war. Okay, the president fights Dude imagine being at war and the president is just like Oh Everything back then was so dumb. I know even the wars Can you imagine being this dude our country fought each other once over the right to keep people like pets And make them do work. We fought over that. Yeah Yeah, in this country. Yeah, we fought over that and people we killed each other for that

Dude, it's insane when you really think about yeah, that happened. That was real and our president had wooden teeth. Yeah Have no teeth instead. I know I know That's always I always think about that too. Like if you think about like old movies like when you watch like what's that movie? Heath Ledger When he's like a night's tale. Oh, yeah, like back then like There was no way people were that good looking back then. I'm sorry. No, they were hideous They were disgusting. No one vile vile people doesn't have teeth who's fucking that's what I'm saying

Like if you were royalty like you showered like once a month Yeah, and it was like sick and it was like awesome. It was no soap Think about just run water over you think about how dirty like your penis and plus were I know there's probably utis all over the goddamn place That's what I'm saying the fucking plague and shit It's insane living a castle That's pretty dope though. It's probably freezing though. Yeah The insulation in there has got to be awful. No central air. No, it's terrible It's probably like a you open a window. It's like a crazy jet stream. Did you ever think that you could be like

All right, let me ask you this we we talked about this At one point and people actually gave us some backlash for this. I cannot wait to talk about it then. Um Kings and queens Do you think that there should still be kings and queens? What are we doing? I know Kings and queens. Yeah, what are we doing? You wearing a crown You're playing dress up Put the crown down. Yeah, that's it. That's it And I get it. I know I know your difference. It's a tradition. It's a tradition. I'm not shitting on the queen. All I'm saying is

Queen yeah, it's like that's like saying that the president is a pharaoh, right? It's like it's just an outdated thing to say. Yeah, it is. You know, that's that in theory a president is a pharaoh He rules whatever attack like, you know, not rules, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah But we don't call him a pharaoh. No, because he's not a pharaoh, right? He doesn't stand on a fucking Pyramid and do this To hundreds of thousands of people slaves Hear my hear my words. Yeah, and like paint his body goals like that does he doesn't do that? No, you know the queen

Maybe she's just Like a president. She's like a symbol. She's like a prime minister or something. I don't even know what that is But like is the queen in there like making like choices and shit. I don't hey, I think she just wears gloves and then uh Yeah, we're gonna get some for that, baby No, yeah, she I don't know. I don't know. I just don't it's a monarchy right I don't know that just sounds like a breed of a bird. I don't even know what that means the monarchs I think that's like a ladies basketball team. I think

I think it is. I think it is Yeah, I think it is. Do you know what's so crazy? What do you think's the craziest thing that's ever happened in american history? Literally everything I just said right there was a person who was president Who dressed the way they dressed I know that had slaves that would wear a white wig and makeup And then and then everyone was like, yeah, he knows what he's talking about Let's go ahead Do you know that you know what that means that means? We had to have been the dumbest people ever. Oh, yeah, of course

And then you also think about it too like like I said even about the civil war like there were still sides like Yeah, we shouldn't have slaves anymore. And then there was a whole another side that was like, all right, wait a second How dare you Try and take away our rights. I was like This is weird. I don't know how that works. Then they all killed each other Yeah, and not only that but that imagine if we went to go fight South carolina us What the fuck

That'd be so fucking weird. Yeah It's like, all right, man. All right Let's go Who was the president? Abraham Lincoln And did he hold no weight of like can you just be a parent real second? We'll quickly be like, hey guys, don't hey relax Don't do this. I just don't get well the the The rebels

Dude and also the way that they fought wars back then Was so organized. Yeah, and you're jerking off a musket the entire time How the fuck do you end up on that front line by the way? I'm skipping. I'm going all the way to the back I'm gonna get sick that day. Hell. Yeah. I'm not doing that. You're like, all right ready go Give me a stick. It's like dude, you are so dead fucking light in a cannon with like a stick also just being this guy I It's like, what is this guy with a drum out here? He can't help us. Why are we why do we need music? You just had the drum didn't you? Why did why do we need music on the battlefield?

Who's listening? Did they shoot the drummers? I'm sure they got popped. Yeah, what do you think they're all like snipers People were so weird Dude shooting cannons at each other. I know cannons You were shooting cannons at each other. Yep, big ones too giant cannons And for what for me to jerk off on my cell phone now That's like I listen like I know that people will be like, yo like America sucks, right? Yeah, like all right. I hear you but like Listen, man. I caught up on like sports while taking a shit on the toilet today

Like what are you saying? There's a lot worse places that you can live than here. Oh, yeah I mean, we we've made some strides. We've made this we've come we've come a long way We've come a long way, but there's we couldn't have gotten down is what it was, you know So I'm not gonna be like, oh man. We're like, yeah, my parents are we were at the absolute. Oh, yeah like debauchery Yeah, it was just terrible So the only way you can go is up and we've come a long way and there was a time like if my parents were like tried to get married like

No 40 years ago. Yeah before they got married probably would have killed one of them Yeah, which is kind of weird. Also, you know, it's you know, what else is crazy to think about because I feel like the world now moves so fast Yeah, it feels like everything was so long ago, but it wasn't Yo gay dudes just got or and anyone who's gay just got the right to like get married They just became cool. Isn't that? That's what I thought you were going with that one You thought I was gonna say that be like, yo gay dudes are like finally like all right, you know No, I was gonna say they just got the right to get married. Isn't that like

Crazy to think about. Yeah A basic human right. Do you know what that means? That means people are gonna talk about our Era of life one day of being like remember when these fucking idiots wouldn't even let these people get married Like I'm over here being like, yo, this guy wore a white wig makeup and a rode a horse backwards or whatever the fuck And Like my thing is this too like all right. Let me ask you this. It's a tough question A boy transitions into a girl, right? Yeah Should they be allowed to play girl sports?

I don't care, right? But what if it what if the what if it's like say weightlifting, right? Yeah, and she's just Shattering records. So You're okay with it Yeah, because I think that a girl can work up to the point of Being as big as a dude. There's plenty of girls out there. Yeah. Nick mangle stronger than me. Nick mangle sister is like a fucking animal Yeah, she could like set like prs. Yeah, but like there's this whole thing about being like transgender and like transgender Athletes and like where does it stop and like where do you do? Where do you draw the line?

That's like there's so much like thin bureaucratic tape that's just annoying. I just think that That is such a small problem. Like who gives a shit. Yeah, like if the kid plays basketball or not There's this girl who used to be a guy and she's wrestling my son and kicking the shit out of my son It's like well then tell your son he sucks and to get better Like what does it matter

Or your daughter or whatever the fuck I just I don't care like that's what where we're gonna like draw the line on trans people Because of sports. I don't want to be a part of wrestling Dude strap up. Yo, she can only live because she used to be a dude. I'm just like, all right cares Dude, I just there's so much shit like that. I cannot wait for the comments this week Yeah, I you know what it is. I really know. I think the comments will be fine. Yeah. Actually, I'm not confident in that I'm not reading them. I don't read them anyway, but like for the most part. I'm good. No, I think uh I think when people get so upset about things that have no effect on them whatsoever It's just so weird to me stand it like when people were so against gay marriage. It was like, oh man

What's next a guy's gonna marry a dog and I'm like let him marry the dog. Like why do I give a shit? Well, he shouldn't fuck the dog though. I didn't say fuck. I said get married. Yeah, but you know marriage doesn't apply You know with honeymoon, you know, a lot of married couples would say otherwise. Yeah We'll agree with you on that. No, but it's like when they go crazy about that It's like, oh, we just can't let this happen. And then also like all of a sudden they're religious like the bible says it's like, dude You've been not listening to anything. You've been jerking off for like 12 years, dude. That's not right You're not supposed to do that either and the other thing I wanted to say is uh, you know Especially now like I hate when people become like the face of like

An annoying thing like remember like that gun girl What remember that girl? She was like come and take my guns. She was like 16 or like 17 No, so there's this girl who's known as like gun girl and she's like Come and take my guns college girl like holds guns. She goes to Kent state or something. You just said she was 16 Yeah, yeah, but it started when she was like a couple years ago What the fuck was that? One of those dinosaurs came out of the exhibit of the floor just shook Um, so apparently she pooped her pants some party. Oh my god. I did see that video

I'm just trying to ask people questions. You guys like let me actually let me ask you a very serious question Did you shit your pants at that Friday party? She's like, why are we talking about that? Like, you know, it's like be careful How hard you make your stance is that's why I'm saying we're like the protest is like, I don't know if I can go all in Because someone's gonna bring up time that you should someone's gonna talk about the time I wipe my ass on the floor I don't know if I'm gonna be able to bring it back in, you know Listen, I wipe my ass with a fucking a strange umbrella

So I can't do anything without someone remembering that people from this era will never be able to be president It's just not possible Yeah, probably not. You know what I'm saying actually when you really think about if I could dive in anyone could be president If you dive down the hole deep enough You're gonna be able to find a picture of that someone's penis and or butt Endure but hole or it's like a semi racist tweet. Yeah, or a full blown racist. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean And it's like, you know, I was like, what's his name?

Uh nick bosa his tweet was like So on the borderline of races. It was like, oh man black panther is the worst avenger movie and you're like, all right I'm not mad, but I'm starting to look at you. Yeah I got my eye on you. It's like, all right. Why do you hate it so much? Everyone loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah one thing It's not the panthers. No, no but like Yeah, I don't know man. It's gonna be weird like when we're 60 and like we're voting for people

Oh, I'm not I'm not when I'm 60. I'm gonna be I'm gonna get high every day And just not give a shit about anything and hopefully be on like a boat tanning every day so high Yeah, like not caring. Yeah, hopefully I get eaten by a whale like that's how I go I just hope I have enough money at that time that like nothing that happens in the world can bother me. I mean Like not no, you don't need to be insanely rich for that to happen. No, I mean, yeah, I mean, but like comfortable enough It's like, hey, it doesn't matter who's president. I'll be all right But unless this fucking psycho is fucking eight different pairs of pants comes back He's got a fucking belt buckle on his hat

Most people are fucking weird. What was that whole story about Someone chopped down a tree or something chopped down the cherry tree. Yeah, I cannot tell a lie Yeah, who's that abe lincoln? No, it was george washington george washington. Yeah This guy did nothing But chopped down a tree that if dude, yeah, but he didn't he didn't but he didn't lie though. He didn't lie about it The fuck Dude chopping down a tree and getting away with it is more impressive to me Yeah, then chopping down a tree and telling on yourself. I don't give a fuck

Chopping down a tree is an impressive thing in itself. I would tell you, you know, wait, isn't that honest abe? Oh, yeah, it might be honest, abe So it might have been abraham lincoln. Yeah, he was called a cherry tree, right? abe lincoln was cool. Good wrestler, by the way, apparently abe lincoln. Yeah, he was like a really good wrestler Yeah, it's because I fought like this back It's fucking weirdos Like the gangs in new york love that imagine living in that time just everyone gets stabbed Kill them over like a pocket watch. Yeah, and it's like we are such pussies. Just leave them in the street. Yeah

Yeah, I know I I can't I'm getting tired and hungry now. Yeah, I'm tired and hungry as well. Tongue. Tongue Gray or tongue Gary Tongarian Targaryen. Okay I'm not gonna get into thrones right now Someone got mad at us like oh my god fucking spoilers. It's like dude. You're on season two It's eight eight years in the making if you haven't seen season two then suck my wiener. I tweeted uh something like about Thor's appearance Yeah, people lost it people gave me a shit

It's like my pussy. Yeah, come on, bro. That's not it's something. Yeah, that's not something It is a little bit of something Whatever, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. Anyway, Danny, where can they find you? You could find me in st. Louis rolling on dubs smoking on dubs and add daniel opriori on instagram and twitter Uh, you guys can follow me on twitter and instagram at jo san agato. Go follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram And go check out the merch the new merch. Here's why merch. Uh, go to the san agatos store.com And also our patreon. Thank you to our patrons who are uh supporting us If you want to become one of those and get every episode a week early and get a an exclusive episode

Once every month that's only for that Um and some extra bonus content as well. Go to patreon.com Slash the baseman yard patreon spelled p a t r e o n dot com slash the baseman yard and that is all Oh and go check out our website the baseman yard dot com and send us Anything you want us to talk about because we've been finding some good shit in there. Oh, yeah the baseman yard dot com Uh the button at the top says contact the show hit that shit. All right, not at all get out there and vote get out there and vote We'll see you guys next time