The Basement Yard - #204 - The Museum of Peen

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

On this episode, Danny and Joe discuss Iceland's Penis Museum, Kenyan farts and much more! Enjoy.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm doing pretty good. How are you doing? Okay, cool. Okay. That's it. Quick intro. We don't want to do intros anymore, so we're going to do very fast things like that. I like your baseball shirt. You look like you're in the sandlot. Thank you. Like a remake or something. Well, I had to wear a very thin shirt today because I'm having a sweaty day. You kind of look like Benny the Jet Rodriguez. Yeah. Like if he got older and had a couple kids. Retired from the Dodgers. Retired from the Dodgers. I like that he's still home in the end. Love that he's still home. And he pointed up to fucking the Smalls. Yeah, I was still wearing the fish hat. Yeah, which is there's no way that a hat can last that long. Not a fish hat. No.

With a brim on it. I know. It was a very long brim. What's the other one? What's the other like? I feel like every movie back then was narrated by somebody like in it as they were older. That was James Earl Jones, right? No, no, no, no, no. He was the blind man next door. Yeah, yeah, the old black blind man. But he didn't narrate it. Smalls is older version did. Yes. Yes. Because James Earl Jones was like, why don't you just jump over my fence and come get it? Why don't you knock on a door? I would have got it for you. I would have got it for you. It's like he got a big dog back there. Yeah. Who's your favorite character from that one? Dude, Benny the Jet Rodriguez. I wanted to be him. Yeah, I don't know. Ham was kind of,

the great Ham Beano was kind of cool. Do you remember he was cool? Yeah. Do you remember when you were younger and getting a new pair of sneakers? You're like, oh, I'm faster now. Of course. Why did we think that? I think that's the beautiful ignorance of being a child. Yeah, you're like, oh, like, I'll race you now. But now I have these on. And it's weird. The older you get, you're like, I hate new shoes. They're not broken in. They hurt my feet. Yeah. You know? It's like, I'm going to get a blister now. I was like, I hate this. Do you remember when they put the pump on the side? Hell yeah. And you're like, oh, dude, it's a wrap. Like this is giving me nitrous oxide. Dude, I would have legitimate, like, I thought this would happen,

like visions that I could be able to jump and like stand on the backboard and like dunk a basketball. Stand on the backboard. Yeah. That's what you think, though, as a kid. You're like, yo, these shoes are going to make me jump higher. And I'm going to be able to dunk the shit out of this basketball. Jump higher, run faster. Everything. I think that all stems from the, from the sandlot. It could, it could, especially in our era of kids. Yeah. But I never had P.F. Flyers until I was older. Yeah, I didn't either. Like I got P.F. Flyers because a buddy of mine got P.F. Flyers. And I was like, I'm getting P.F. Flyers too. They were like, knock off converse. Yeah. Yeah. P.F. Flyers. Do you remember what shoes you wore as a kid?

Like Velcro shoes. I hope Velcro comes back, yo. I know it's for like kids. It's coming. It's coming. I know it's like for kids and like old people, but I really hope that Velcro makes a resurgence because it's just so easy. It's nice. It's very convenient. I mean, the older crowd does them really well still. Yeah. You know, I think you could do cool Velcro though, like not like the two across, but you could do them like an X like that. Something cool. Like something cool. Yeah. Some cool Velcro. Some cool, cool crow. Yeah. And also, I have a pair of jeans that have a button fly. Let's retire that. Yeah. That's fucking dumb. What do they call them? Butterfly flies? Pussy. I don't know. What do they call them? Button flies or butterfly things? I don't

know. I think they call them a certain name. I remember like all my lucky jeans had them. Yeah. I don't know. The only thing that comes to my mind is butterfly pussy. Well, kind of, that's the only thing. Do butterflies have pussies? Yeah. They have, they fuck. Do they? Yeah. Butterfly poo. Yeah, they fuck, dude. Damn, I gotta go to the tape. Sorry. Butterflies also have dicks? I don't know if they have dicks per se, but I know they fuck. They cross pollinate. Okay. Butterfly vagina. I've spelled kajina. Oh, the first thing that comes up and says butterflies in my vagina. Wait, what? What? That's fucking art. Oh, I almost dropped that. This common butterfly has an extraordinary sex life for the cabbage white sex involved sperm packages of ungodly size genitals

that double as a souped up stomach and an unexpected set of chewing jaws. God damn, yo. What the fuck, yo. Butterflies are freaks. I don't know. What are they fucking? What do they say? They had double genitals? Double the size of, I don't know. Got a fucking butterfly there with double gents. Ungodly amounts of sperm, which how much is that? It's ungodly. What's an ungodly amount? I don't understand that saying, though. Ungodly? Yeah, I don't understand what ungodly is. Not godly. I know, but like, wouldn't it be godly? Wouldn't you want a godly amount of fucking giz? Yeah. Like, wouldn't you want Thor's giz? I would love that. You know what I'm saying? Like, be like half lightning, half goo. Mostly goo, though. But definitely lightning. Yeah, you would have some lightning giz,

and then your kid would be born like during a storm. Yeah. And the lightning would strike him as soon as he comes out of the birth canal. Yeah, and he'd be like smoking. Yeah. Like a jack baby. But yeah, genitals that double as a souped up stomach. So I guess a dick stomach. Yeah, maybe they're dicks on their stomach. Or maybe a pus stomach. First of all, I know butterflies hit a doggy. I know that for sure. I've seen it. You've seen butterflies fuck each other. You've seen butterflies have sex, dude. No. Just type in butterfly sex. Okay. Butterflies can have sex. They have reproductive organs. Butterfly sex. Goal images. I really hope the government doesn't knock on my door.

No, they will. I just see that. Oh, wait. These people are back to back. All right. Maybe they do their own thing. Are you sure that butterflies have organs where they actually do it? Yeah, because they have weird organs. They have weird organs, probably. You see flies land on each other. I've seen flies go at it. And they're fucking. Why would a butterfly fuck? Fly, butterfly. Because they're skinnier, I feel like. Where would you even put a pus on that thing? Oh, you could find a pus. Yeah, but I'm saying where would you put it? There's not a whole lot of space for for like, you know, the vaginal, you know, that brings that brings me to like,

actually, where our penises and our vaginas are so convenient. Why? Because like, what if like, our cocks were on our head? And like, girls pussies were on their back. I mean, we'd get a little dizzy because we'd have to like, that's what I'm saying. Headbang. You know? Yeah. But I mean, on the hand would be the most like, if you had a pus hand and I had a dick hand and we could just like. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. You know what I'm saying? Come from it all the time. Yeah. And then it's an easy cleanup. It's just okay. And just wipe your hand. Yeah, but then the giz goes through your arm. Yeah, it goes into your bloodstream. Wow. Yeah. I love how I'm saying this, like it's fact. Like, yeah, of course it would go. Yeah,

but then you wouldn't be able to wear gloves. Well, you get some modified gloves. Yeah. You get an extra finger put on there. Like an extra piece of cloth for coming out. Yeah. Has to be elastic, though, because if you get a bone and then everyone would know you had a boner, dude. You have a hard fist. That's true. You can't contain that, though. No, I could contain it. You ever have your jeans just fight your boner and you're like, dude, I don't know who's going to win this battle because I'm in pain right now. Yeah, it's a little tough. And I and when I get boner, sometimes it's like, uh, it's not overwhelming, but you have overwhelming boners. Well, you know, those boners that you know, like you can't just like think of candy canes and like

grandma's birthday and it's going to go away. Right. You know, this one's here to stay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some of them you can't fight. No, some of them. The blood is just pumping so fast and you're like, I think I'm going to pass out. Yeah, because it's just so much. Yeah, that happens, though, like once in a while. It's like a super. Yeah, you get a fucking mega boner. Yeah, you got a mega cock and it's just so fucking hard. It actually hurts. You're like, yo, I'm so hard that I'm in pain. They also just never come at the convenient times. Like anytime I have sex, that boner doesn't show up. Oh, what? No, never. He's sleeping. Yeah. That boner shows up when it's like, Oh, you have a wedding to go to this morning. Here's a hard ass penis. You have a long meeting.

Here's this hard, disgusting boner. Oh, you're on the school bus on the way to sixth grade. Well, enjoy this fucking hard cock. And people have a lot of conversations with other people. You probably don't even know if they have a boner or not. Yeah, I wonder how many times that's happened. Let me ask you something. Wait, I'm not hard right now. Okay, I couldn't get hard right now if you if you were like, yeah, I'll give you $20,000. I could get you hard, dude. No. No hands though. Yeah. No hands. Oh, no hand. Just literally like hands right on the table. And you don't think if I just like, maybe if I close my eyes, you made like sexual noises. Hey, I could probably get hard. I'm getting a little harder right now. I'm saying you just

say manage, manage, imagine it a little. Yeah, a little something went down there. Flick it. Yeah, don't unravel. You know when you get like just amount enough blood in your dick that you now you have the ability to move it? Oh, yeah. I love just when you just go like this and your dick just goes fucking pulse that pain. Just fucking pulse it. It just does this. You ever do that with your butthole? Pulsate my ass. Yeah. Like work it out. Yeah. I mean, I've done it. You've done it, right? Yeah. Just to see like, yo, like that's a strong muscle. Yeah, I could probably like, I feel like I could like eat worlds with my ass. Well, I don't know if about eating worlds, but I think I could maybe

crack a walnut if it was like half in half out. Yeah. And I really like clenched. I'm trying to. Yeah. You pulsating that anus? Dude, I got a strong ass, bro. Do you? Yeah, dude. I'm fucking destroying these devious fucking jogger pants. I don't know if my ass is as strong as yours. No, probably not. But like, listen, not everyone can have a powerful ass. Yeah, I know. You know, I wouldn't be like, I've come to, I wouldn't be hurt by it. Right. Yeah. Like I've come to grips with that. I could almost grip anything with my ass. Yeah. I feel like you could pick up like a watermelon probably. Oh, easily. Like, you know, those weird guys that like have like the whole like a car with

like the rolled up cock on a stick? What is those videos? I don't know. There's like these random dudes like, yeah, they have the stretchies dicks over there. What is that? For some reason, they have like a bamboo stick and they're just like keep turning it. And their dick just keeps going with it and like roll it up. I'm like, dude, you're nothing's hurting. And they don't grimace at all. No, no. Or they have strong sacks. Yeah, where they put string around it and they can like pick up like 15 rocks. And then there's like, I don't know, you guys got to get cable over there or something because like there's 40 people around just like, yeah, get these people a fucking like retirement home where they can sit and just watch like channel one or something. You know,

that's a crazy thing to think about those like you're known for like, the stretchy car. I could hold mad shit with my cock. Or you ever see those videos also and honestly, I don't even know if it's India. That's just me being like a fucking ignorant. No, I think most I think most I'll have stand with you. That's fine. One leg one in one out. Okay, fine. So we're both going down then. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want you to go down by yourself. So I'm saying, but I saw another video of this guy who had gigantic balls and he was sit on them. And they were so big that his feet wouldn't touch the ground. Was it like it had to be like a cyst, right? A cyst. No, it was a fucking it was it was like a disease. His nuts would not stop. I'd rather live with no balls. Oh yeah, take my nuts. Take

my nuts. He can't walk. Take my nuts from me. I'm gonna show you big ass balls. I'm gonna type in. And you've seen that dude that like uses all those ace bandages like the guy in Mexico with like that penis cock. Yeah. Yeah, apparently it might be fake. But see, look at this video. Like that's a disability. This video, the name of this video is just big balls. Ready? See, god damn son. Yeah. Those are balls on him, bro. Dude, those look like rocks you sit on at a park. Look at those things. Look at that. Oh, he's gonna need somebody to help him. That's a that's a whole sack, dude. Dude, just jerk off. No, that's not from sperm. Was that a fart? Did you? I got problems here that many one was funny. You heard that.

Yeah. So someone's out there with gigantic nuts and they have to be helped upstairs. Imagine getting that job. I'd rather have a stretchy cock than those disgusting balls. Yeah, I think my dick's a little stretchy anyway. Like, you know, your dick's just like soft. Like, you could literally just slam it on the table like you're trying to tenderize meat. Yeah, it'd be fine. It's like when somebody slaps like punches your hand with your hand flat on the table, it doesn't hurt. Yeah, why is that? I don't know. It's weird. That's what you could do with a squishy cock. Yeah, it could probably withstand a whole bunch. Have you ever gotten a blizzage with like half a soft peen-peen? To start or like the whole

time? To start. I don't know. I get pretty excited when I know what's happening. That's what I'm saying. It would have to happen like someone break in and do it immediately and I'm like, I don't even know what's happening. No, you get a fear boner if anything in that situation. I don't get a whole lot of fear boners. You've never been so scared you got hard. No, my dick's like really not brave. So it's not coming to fight. It's gonna retreat. It's kind of like a ground hug or like a turtle or a turtle. Yeah. If you like let firecrackers off in front of a turtle, they're like, oh, I'm going inside. Firecrackers off in front of a turtle. Where'd that come from? Is that a saying? I don't know. That was very like, it sounds like something they say in like

Kentucky or something. It sounds like something like Jeffrey Dahmer did to animals when he was married. Man, I'm most scared than a turtle ran some firecrackers. God dang cleanest. They probably have the most amazing sayings down there. Oh man, Southern old people have like hickory dickory does like, yeah, what is this? What are you guys talking about? It's like she's hotter than a piece of chicken at a school dance. You're like, what the fuck does that mean? That boy more fried than an egg on a concrete during the Sunday. And you're like, what? I'm trying to follow here. I'm trying to figure out what you're trying to say. They have their own language down there. It's weird. Accents are weird. Just like geo targeted accents. How does that happen? I don't know. Just some dude

who's just like in Boston one day was just like cat. Yeah, but like, I was like, that sounds cool. I'm doing it. Yeah. Getting the car. Everyone's like, isn't it car? Getting the car. Yeah. All right. Call it. It is. We agree that that's the most disgusting accent of all time. It's my favorite one though. It is my favorite when I meet somebody from there. I could listen to people from Boston where the thick ass Boston accent talk all the time. Yeah. It's like, fucking yeah, he's a wicked fucking cool. I'm like, look at this guy. Yeah, nice one kid. It's like, all right. Even like the nicest people there are probably just foul mouth bastards. Yeah, which I love. Yeah. It's like a priest like Pontius pilot. He's a fucking cunt. Obviously, you fucking stab that Jesus. Who gives

a fuck, you know? Who gives a fuck? Fuck him. You missed the best pat. Fucking Jesus. Risen from the dead. Risen from the fucking dead. Wicked fucking risen. And he was wicked dead. Yeah, wicked dead. People are going to shit on our accents. Probably. Yeah. Well, fuck you. How you like that? How you like that? You fucking buy you fucking but your lady continue. My fucking my and I fucking my says you accent's fucking bye bye. Bye bye. Oh, man. Oh, look how much sweat I'm leaving on the tail. I'm sorry, dude. Oh, you're sweating. Well, I'm just like, I'm like sticky. You know, like you're a clammy man. I'm a clammy man right now. I have a little touch. I think a little of a little FB. Oh, you're food poised.

Food poised. You're poised. I was up till 4am. Just doing duty. Just just straight up. Yeah, shooting off the geyser. And I got like two or three hours of sleep. But you know, I hate the feeling of when you're just sweaty. Yeah, just be a clammy man. Yeah, when you don't feel well, and you're just sweaty everywhere. I am not a big fan of all that. You know, it's kind of driving me a little nuts. So whenever you do ads, I would just love to just like paper towel myself. That's all right. Oh, I thought you were going to go squirt it up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not enough time to do. Come on. I'm more professional than that. Not enough time to do. Do you think that was funny? What do you what do you think about like,

see me and you have very different concepts of getting like, like sick. Do you think food poisoning is something that happens from because I never understand when you get food poisoning. Is it like two hours after? Is it a day after? I think it varies. Is it the day of? In my experience, it's been like hours after. It's like, right? That's usually what it is. Yeah, because I don't want to say a place gave me food poisoning when they did it. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to say the place on here. Right. But like, I would hate to like, pass that along. Like, if somebody went to order from there and I'm like, yo, they give FP out there. Right. You know what I'm saying? Once I get food poisoning from a place, I never order from there. I almost said

scoliosis instead of E. coli. That would be really bad. Well, you're like, oh, they got scoliosis in the fucking in the meat. I couldn't get it off. So I completely left out E. coli. What is scoliosis? That's when you're all fucked up, right? It's like your spine. Your spine's like crooked or something. They got scoliosis. It's like it's two Italian guys from Brooklyn like talking about the fucking chickens got scoliosis. You can't be going swimming in the East River. They got scoliosis in that river. How long has that hand been out? It's probably got scoliosis. It's just random things that don't. Old Italian people are just like, they're dumb. I love them to

death. You know, it's great. They don't even try to pronounce anything correct. No, like my dad, like with fucking like Twitter. What do you get out? You twat, you tweet, whatever. What are you doing? I'm like, dad, you know the name of it. Yeah, I don't know why you're. Get the twat around. Yeah, twat me out. Yeah, we should pee pot. I pot where we have pot. Make sure you twat me out. Tag me when you twat me. What are you pulling on here? Like goddamn magician. Yeah, I know. My leg hit a wire over here. So. Oh my god. Yeah, we're taking on water. That's taken on. I'm taking on water or anything. Yeah, you are. You are. Do you ever take on water? No. I don't want this to sound weird because if it only happens to me,

I'm gonna be really like scared about my health. I love these things. Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night? Crying? No. Have you ever woke up like screaming? Audibly? Yeah. Like I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, ah. Yeah, yeah. Literally never. But I have heard of people doing that. That happened to me like three or four nights ago. You scream? Yeah. I was having a dream. Was Elana there? No, no, no, she wasn't there. That would be hilarious. Why were you screaming? Did you have a bad dream? I'm trying to think if it was the same night I had the dream where you were sitting on the throne as a jester eating hard-boiled eggs. Yeah. I don't know why that dream happened. I was dressed as a jester. Yeah,

you were sitting. So I had that hat on with that. You had like that big like, like that bushy, like the big neck white thing. Right. And then you had like purple and gold on. Yeah. And you were sitting there just eating hard-boiled eggs, like one after another just eating the eggs. Like a whole ton. Yeah, but I don't remember the context of the dream, but I don't think that's what made me scream. I don't know if it was the night then or the night before. That's nothing really scary about a jester eating eggs. No, no, but I have like night terrors. You have night terrors? Yeah. And like, and sleep paralysis. I've gotten sleep paralysis. Yeah. So like, I'll have night terrors from time to time where I'll wake up. It's not like I'm,

but I'm like, and then I'm like, yo, chill. And my heart, you know, like when you feel your heart really beating, that's what I feel. And I'm like, yo, chill. Yo, if I woke myself up by screaming, I would immediately start dying laughing. Yeah. But you gotta realize you have no idea where you are. When I'm really scared, I laugh. Yeah. I get scared. When I get scared, I laugh too. Also, when I used to like, my brothers used to beat me up. I used to laugh all the time. That's Keith. Oh, Keith did that. My parents would beat us. They, he'd laugh at them and they'd get more angry. Yeah. For some reason. Yeah. It's weird. I don't know. So you never, you've never had that. See, now it's weird. No, people have screamed in the middle of the night. It's so funny to think

about. I'm thinking about like someone who's like, awake, like asleep and just like, ah, ah, ah. It had to be dream related. I mean, I was definitely in some fear because I woke up afraid. Of what? I don't know. Of your yell. Maybe. Maybe. You scared yourself. No. Possible. Very possible. You were over here screaming over a jester. When was the last time? When was the last time you were legitimately scared? Like for your life? When that light went off. Kind of. You were like something. Yeah. I was like, yo, I'm going to die. Yeah. I literally like, that was one of the like very few times in my life. And I'm like, oh, shit, this might be it. You have it on film, but it was when that our Uber driver kind of lost control of the car for like two seconds. Oh, when you were

filming the car just went. Yeah. We were like, whoa. I was like, yo, we were so close to just flipping this car right now. That was scary too. That was scary. But it wasn't long enough for me to be like scared for my life. No, no, no. Oh, freaky. No, no, no. But yeah, yo, I hate that shit. You ever been in the car with Frankie? Yeah. This guy tailgates like crazy. It scares the shit out of me. Yeah, he does. He does. He does. I don't want to say it because he gives me rides home sometimes. When I sit in the passenger seat, my feet are pressed up against the front of the car like I'm pressing on the brake because I'm like, Frank, I don't understand why people drive like that. I don't know why they tailgate because I'm like, yo, you're not getting anywhere

anywhere faster. And if he slams on his brakes, you're for sure hitting him. Also, I don't like the like the speed up lane change boys. I speed up lane change. I know, but you don't do it like excessively. I do it so no one hits me from behind. Like when we were driving in the Hamptons, you tell me I drive like a grandpa kind of. No, I mean, you drive regular to me. All right. I feel I drive a little fast. I'm not making a lot. I don't drive slow. But like if it's 35, I'm going 35. Yeah, see, I don't I don't do that. I drive a little fast, but I definitely don't like speed. Like I'm not on the highway like ripping 120 and shit. But if I'm on the highway and no one's on it, like I'm going 80. What's the fastest you ever got your car up to? My current car?

Yeah, like 110. Okay. But it was like literally on my way to Connecticut and there's a road that's straight and there's no one around. Yeah. You know, so I'm like, if you have a nice car like that, you got to open it up every once in a while. I mean, it's dangerous, but you know, and I don't even like speed like that. Like I really don't it's just that with that car, you don't even realize like sometimes I look at I'm like, yo, I'm going 80 and I feel like I'm going 65. That's one of my bigger fears is actually speed. I don't like it. That's why I don't like I used to hate planes, but like I know we talked about planes recently, but it's because you can't feel faster going. Yeah, I don't like the feeling of taking off when you feel faster going. Yeah. You know,

it's like, damn, we're going like four or 500 miles an hour right now. I'm terrified. But you just fart again? No, no, no. I don't say it because I had a fart segue. I thought you farted, but that was your leg. I could work one up for you. Yeah. Can you fart right now? I don't know. No, sorry. Don't shit your pants here. But I want to talk about in Kenya, they had a, I think a Congress meeting or an assembly meeting and an assemblyman farted so bad that they called off the meeting. Yes. In Kenya. In Kenya. Yeah. Imagine you farted so bad you ended a meeting.

Damn, that was a Kenyan bomb. You let off a fart yesterday that smelled like garbage. It literally like didn't smell like a fart. It just smelled like, it smelled like a kitten that was like rolling around in garbage and like you brought him home and he's stinking up your house. Yeah, it smelled like an abandoned like old doctor's office or something. Like there was a lot of rubber gloves around, but they haven't been touched since 1901. Yeah. You know what it's weird? You know what it smelled like? Like the inside of one of these, like a like a like a like a thermos, a thermos. Your fart smelled like the inside of an old thermos. Yeah, like a like an empty one. There's nothing in it. No, I know. What did you eat yesterday?

I don't know. You know, you know, it's crazy. Your farts have a musk. There is, but it varies. Like if I eat bad, then it smells like a fart, like a gross fart. But then when I don't eat a lot and then I fart, it just smells like an empty room. Yeah. Like you ever like go into a house that's like being renovated and there's a tarp down, but and there's like paint cans, but they haven't started painting yet. There's just nothing in the room and you open and you're like, it smells a little like empty in here. That's that's what comes out of my ass. It's kind of like like what like a old person's basement would kind of smell like when it first started smelling. It's like, it's not all the way old person basement yet,

but it's on the brink. You know what it smells like? It smells like the baseball club section at Models. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little stink here. Yeah. I'm trying to remember now. It's disgusting. But the fact that you could clear out a room with a fart. Let me ask you this. I've never done something like that. If you clear out a room with a fart, especially like a fucking meeting. Yeah. With like people who talk about real shit. Yeah. Are you embarrassed or are you kind of like, yeah, I did that. Did I get outed? Do people know it was nois? No. And the thing about this is nobody knows who did the fart. No one will come clean about it. Who wrote the article? Fox News.

Could be whoever wrote it fucking. I don't even know. Well, somebody said in the meeting, they said, I know who the fart, who the farder is. So this is, can I read the article real quick? Time, time, time. Yeah. There was a mini investigation. There was an investigation and there was the word farder was used. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Here it is. Kenyan city council members refused to continue session after someone polluted the air. That's what they call it. Polluted the air. Well, yeah. Yeah. So city council meeting in western province of Kenya was abruptly stopped Wednesday when officials refused to continue after accusing one of an, they were accusing one another of passing gas. So they literally were like,

yo, you farted. This is a meeting. This is a congress meeting. Yeah. Because they probably don't do well with passing laws if they can't even like, you know, decide to be farted. These are assemblymen going, yo, you farted. Yeah. And he's going, you farted. Right. Yeah. These people make decisions. Yeah. I'm doing about farts. Right. I continue. A city council meeting. Home Bay County assemblyman Julius Gaia interrupted a debate on market stalls after someone reportedly passed a foul smell. So, so foul members refused. That's, that's gotta be a typo. So foul members refused to stay in the room and be fumigated by the flatulence. Fumigated by the flatulence. That is an amazing way to say fucking smells like shit in here. Yes. And then I'm being fumigated

by the flatulence. And then they approached the speaker and this is a direct quote, honorable speaker. One of us has polluted the air and I know who it is. Gaia reportedly said, according to the BBC, but the officials at a Gaia accused the act denied the farting claims. This is a real life thing. And then, and then the person that he accused the farting says, I cannot do such a thing in front of my colleagues. Now, we all could do it. But now, this is where this is why I wanted to bring it up. Are you a smelted delta or deny it supplied? It's tough, man. It's tough. I'm not talking about us farting around each other. No, I know. I'm saying it's tough because it there's not enough science, not enough research done on that. And

I would have to run the numbers on all that. But I just know that if I fart, I'm not. And it's really, really, really bad. Yeah, I'm not saying anything. And I love when I'm not going to say a word, but I love when you know who you know, the kind of people who fart and don't actually say anything when it's them fat ladies when they go. Fat ladies. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fat ladies are gross. Yeah. No, they're not. They fart and they'll deny it. Well, yeah, you ever excuse me, a bitch, you farted. Yeah, a fat woman. Bitch, you farted a fat woman. They smell especially bad because the air has to travel through all that like button. Yeah, dude, you know how long it takes for a fart to like leave my ass. Yeah, you know, like that's a raven when they go in her eye. Yeah,

that's like my fart coming out of my ass. Yeah, I know. Because for me, I don't have like, oh, you know, I'm just the regular little twink piece of shit. So it's like, you know, maybe it'll clap against my cheeks a little bit like a big up and it's out. You know, like, you know, like for you, it's got to like travel and it sounds like a werewolf will be like, and then it comes out. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a little different. There's some more meat. There's some more travel. Yeah. You know, I mean, sadly, I do. Sadly, I do know. Yeah. And the old bitches, they got fucking see your farts or winding roads in that as hell. Yeah. And your farts are like pleasant. The smaller you are, you have more pleasant farts. You know, that's eating gladiator

when he's walking, he's like rubbing the wheat. Yes, that's what like that's what like skinnier people's farts are like ours are like a AC DC concert. You know what I'm saying? It's hard getting smashed. Somebody might get set on fire. And we're back. Yeah. Those are those farts are like hell. Yeah. But I'm more of a No, but hold on. I want to say is that there's people who go like, Oh, if it was me, I would have like said it. I'd be like, No, you wouldn't know because no one has ever farted and it's been so bad. And then they go out of the way like, Oh, dude, you smell it so bad. It was me. Not one time. I've never been in a bar farted and been like, Sorry, guys. This is the one. But I do

fart sometimes and see if people smell it. Yeah, I want to see like a cartoon, you know, how like the smell would go travel and hit them in the nose with like a peppy lapio. That's what I want to see. Dude, I do that all the time. We're like, you know, when you fart and it's like hot and you're like, Well, this is going to hurt someone's feelings. And it comes out and then you could feel like a wind blowing on your right on your left arm and you're like, Oh, whoever sitting over there is fucked in like three, two, and then you just see him go, Oh, and you're like, God, you can just like, you can time it because you get to be like, it's like thunder. It's like, you hear thunder, you see lightning and you're like, one, two, three. Okay, here we go. All right,

we got it. It's four miles away. It's like, you get to be like your own little fucking fart terrorist or like a couple of seconds. Do you know what also sucks when you fart and then, you know, it just kind of lingers in your pants for a while and you're just kind of like, All right. Well, like I smelled it and it was bad, but no one else said anything. And then like three minutes later, someone's like, Oh, what the, and I'm like, dude, it's still here. It's still hanging out. And the hard thing is to another thing like that too is like, you know, the, you know, the spin move, right? Oh, yeah. You know, you spin that fucking fart off your ass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So fart one, two, spin usually gets rid of the fart never works when you're getting in a car,

though. You always drag a little bit of that. Oh, I'm dragging that far. You're dragging some fart in here. You're wearing a backpack of fart. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to happen. Have you ever been in bed and you're farting throughout the day that literally your entire room is just engulfed in just fart, like disgusting multiple times, but you enjoy it kind of. You enjoy your own farts from time to time. If it's really bad, I'll be like, Oh, that kind of it's like a, it's like a smelling salt. You're like, Whoa, that kind of woke me up. Yeah. Some farts you can not you can surprise yourself. You can impress yourself your own farts. Love farting. Yeah. I sound like Trump. Love farting. There's good farts on both sides. Good, good fart people. I like the long ones that

feel like they're clearing out your small intestine. Everybody knows a good fart. Are the American farts piss farters in America? Let's make farts great again. But yeah, that's our farting. That's our farting quota for the month. There we go. Yeah, we hit the we hit the fart. We hit the fart quote, but I'm more of a deny till I die guy. If it's in a public setting, you'll deny. Yeah, for sure. 100. Yeah, I'd be like, dude, I wasn't I'll even say it like, dude, it wasn't me. Like, I would say if it was me, like I don't care. Any gathering over seven people, I'm letting it go. I got a shot to get out of this unscathed. Yeah, you know, skate, they're escaped. I wish you didn't ask me that because I think it's unscathed,

scathed, scathed. Do you say breathe or breathe? Breathe? Yo, a dude said breathe to me. And I thought he was hitting me with like, like an abbreviation of something. So I was like, like, breathe, a breather. You got a cold sore? Yeah, I was like, yeah, I was like, what? He's like, I can't breathe. Because he was talking about the humidity at the dog park. He was like, yeah, like, I can't really breathe. And I was like, yo, it's breathe, it's breathe dog. I've heard breathe, like I'll save your life, but you got to say breathe. Yeah, correctly once. Yeah, no, I mean, I feel like that's like a ghetto thing. Say breathe. It's true. Like I could picture you when you have your accent. Oh, here we go. When you're

out shopping, like damn, it was a little hard to breathe. Like I can hear you saying that. It is hard to breathe sometimes. Sometimes it is hard to breathe. Yeah, it'd be hard to breathe, bro. I listen, you sometimes get on the treadmill. It's very hard to breathe. Yeah, I have a hard time breathing all the time. Yeah. Wait, can I just backtrack real quick? There was a man at a dog park that said he couldn't breathe. Yeah, no, no, no, no. No, I've seen the guy there before. He's a nice guy. He's also a white gentleman. But and he can't not saying that ghetto people aren't gentlemen. God damn, we're digging ourselves. I got them. Well, I didn't you did. Yeah. But no, he was just like going like, was he an old guy? He was like an older, heavy set guy. He's

going down now. But he's like his dog was there. He's like, man, I got a guy that's humidity. I can't breathe. So I was like, all right, see you later. And then I was like, he said, breathe. Oh, and the other day and the other thing I said, uh, so I walked out of my building getting in a car to come here. And a guy was out there that lives in my building. And he goes, Hey, is this your car? I go, I wish didn't even look at the car. See what kind of car it was. It was a Saturn. Yeah. Just like a regular ass Saturn. Yeah. And he looked at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, Oh, no, it's parked illegally. And I was like, Oh, yeah. I was like, dude, I just told him I want to like a 1997 Saturn. Yeah, man, it's your dream. Do you have go to like,

hellos and goodbyes? Buddy, big buddy guy, buddy. Yeah. No, but like, like things you'll say, just be like this weather, right? But oh, man, I'm out here living. Like you have like stuff like that. I have like, like a template. I have like, hit me with something. I'll give you my answer. How you doing today? Just hanging in there, you know? Yeah, that is you. That is you. All right, ask me. How's it going today, buddy? If I told you, would you care? Do you say that? No, with my doorman sometimes. If I told you, would you care? Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah. Because it's like, oh, I was joking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, from time to time, I'll use that with my doorman. I like that. Hey, Danny, what's going on? I'd be like, if I told you, would you really care?

He's like, starts laughing at me. Then I'm like, yeah, got him, got him, got somebody upstairs, writing fucking new material. It's fucking pieces of paper everywhere. Tomorrow I'm going to slay that doorman. He's not gonna know what hit him because you have to have banter. You have to have banter. Yeah, I go very basic. What's your goodbye? Take it easy. All right, I'll have a good one. I say, I'll see y'all. I've never heard you say that. No, if my accent's up. I'll see y'all. I've never heard you say that. Like, if I'm leaving and not saying goodbye to individual people. Yeah, like two people. You'd be like, I'll see y'all. And another thing is, it's like, all right, be good. Be good? I don't say be good. I say, be good. I say, take it easy or have a good one. Yeah.

Or I'll see you around. I see you around is a good one too. But I'm like, all right, be good. See y'all. See y'all is hilarious coming from you because I've never heard you say that. I never say you all. Do you say you all? Well, there's no reason to say that. Yeah, y'all is a word. Yeah, I know. But I usually say that you guys. I'll see you guys later. See, you want to know why I used to say that. And here's, you know the video, the GameStop person? He's like, it's a man. Yeah, yeah. Oh, one of my favorite videos. So like, for some reason that resonated in my head. So I'm trying to stop calling people guy, like girls guys, you know, do you think girls are ever like, yeah, we're not guys. It's like, listen, like you guys are over there talking

about your own thing. But it's like, you're talking about like girls, two girls. See, I feel like you guys is so like universal that if I, if I went out of my way to be like you girls, then they'd feel like I'm like, are you saying that or making like making them little kind of yeah, like trying to make them scrutinizing them, scrutinizing, patronizing. Yeah, fucking beat them down. Yeah. Sorry. It's ma'am. Before we get into pronouns. Because you know, that's a long conversation. Your pronouns are a big deal these days. No, they are. And I just I honestly would love to be on board. It's just a lot of work. Yeah, I know. It's a lot of me fucking up along the way. Go ahead, read those ads, Mrs. Joe. Let's get these ads out of the way. You go take a shower

or whatever the fuck. I just got I just got a cotton off. What's up, everyone? So I read the wrong sponsors on this show. And then I realized it like the next day. So we had to reshoot them. And so here we are. I apologize. Okay, so let's get to the sponsors for this week's show. The right ones this time. Okay, starting with quip. Everyone knows quip always been on the show been on it for a while now. Okay, a favorite electric toothbrush. You got that quip? No, waiting on you to get it for me. God damn it. Oh, you can't just buy your own quip. We got promo codes. I know we got promo codes. We got more money. You should get me one. No, I'm not going to get you one. You know why? Because it's very affordable. Okay, and I'm going to get to that. But I'm going to

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I don't hate sinks. I don't know why I said that. I mean, I hate like when people have 400 bottles of what is this? Yeah, I mean three different like toothbrushes or like you have eight different aftershaves like take it like you'll be fine. Yeah, keep your toothbrush new keep it quippy. Yeah. Speaking of aftershaves or shaving in general, we have Harry's over here. What a segue that I didn't plan on by the way in the bathroom, baby. I'm just getting here. We're staying in the bathroom. Okay. If you are, you know, a big fan of the sponsors on the show, your bathroom is hooked all the way. Oh, yeah. Harry's razors. The best razors in the game. Okay, there's 10 million people who have tried them. A lot of people. Yeah. Shaving their

or shaving their what shaving their fast. Oh, they said what ass. No, no, no, I meant like face and ass. Well, you could shave your ass. Put them where you want. Yeah, it's hair. Just shave the hair. You know what I'm saying? They make quality durable blade blades at a fair price just $2 per blade. There's a 100% quality guarantee. Okay, I like guarantees. I love guarantees. The founders were two regular guys tired of getting ripped off and paying for overpriced gimmicks. You know what I'm saying? Some crazy stuff. Like a heated blade like what do I like one of those guys that used to come around the Wild West and sell you elixirs that don't work or they would just do what they used to shave with like a knife back in the day. You don't want to do this. No, no, no. That's why

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trying to do. All right, use the codes. Go buy your bathroom. All right, a little bit. You want to redo some tiling? You're on your own unless we get a tile guy to come in here and start picking up spots. We get a Home Depot sponsorship. We'll start fixing everything around. Home Depot, Home Depot, Home Depot. But yeah, that's harrys.com slash basement. Now, next, we have a new sponsor to the show. Football season's coming up. Yep. People like to make bets. Oh, yeah. I like to bet. You might have to sip this sponsor out, bud. Yeah, I know. This is right up Danny's alleyway. Tell you that. And that's a dark alleyway. Yeah, it is. The dark alleyway that never ends. It's kind of like falling forever. Yeah, but my bookie, it is the place to bet on football every weekend.

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Enter basement. Okay. Everyone knows how to spell basement. If I have to spell that out, you got some trouble there. Okay, folks. But yeah, use the promo code basement when you create your account online. Next, another new sponsor, which is very interesting to me. Okay, we have feels, which is CBD. Now, for those who don't know, CBD. How do you explain it? It gets all the benefits of marijuana without the psychological feelings of the THC. That's what it is. Psychological is the word. I think it is. We'll see. But yeah, CBD has been proven to greatly reduce anxiety, pain, and sleeplessness, which is weird because I actually have been having a trouble like staying asleep at night. I just like wake up a thousand times

for some reason. I even got one of those apps where like measures your sleep. Oh, yeah. It just looks like this. Yeah, mine looks terrible. What am I running around the room? Like it's ridiculous. But CBD helps with with that. Also anxiety, pain. And it delivers premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. I had a trial set from them. And I tried it. You know, I thought it was great. You know, it tastes a little funky, but you know, you liked it though. I liked it. I think it kind of it cools you out and makes you feel calm. There's no like drastic difference. Like I don't think that well, there's a difference in like it doesn't make you feel like you know when you like drink, like you feel drunk,

like it's not going to do something like that to you. You're not going to have the psychological effects to it of like of getting high. Yeah, it offers, you know, and they offer a free CBD hotline and text message support to help guide you through your personal experience. So if you have any questions, cannibalism, you're like, yeah, exactly. So that's a cool thing that they have. But all you have to do is like place a few drops of it underneath your tongue or they come in like some little tubes, you just throw the tube under your tongue for like 30 seconds. And I think you can swallow it. Throw those feels in there. So yeah, feel it out. Damn, if that's not a tagline on here, I'm gonna ask for a million dollars.

That's a good number. It's a good number to start at. What, a million? Yeah. Oh yeah, 100%. But yeah, you could feel better naturally. Works naturally to help you feel better. There's no high hangover or addiction to this. You can't like overdose on it. Oh, you know, I think I don't want to actually fucking say that. But you know, whatever. But I really don't think you could. I think it would just like upset your stomach if you just ate, if you just had like a ton of it, which no one's ever overdosed on everything in moderation, folks, you know, you know what I'm saying? I'm probably going to get in trouble for that. But feels as many as no one has ever died. Yeah, on weed. Yeah, you can't. But it's not even like, like I said, it's not going to get you high.

It's just going to mill you out. It's going to make you feel nice. It reduces anxiety and stress. I feel like everyone has a little bit of bouts of anxiety and some stress, you know. Who are you talking to? Yeah, this guy. You should have jumped in a whole ocean full of that stuff. Get those cannaboids in your baby. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to need 18 trials. That's where the big guy. Yeah, right. I want one too. Feels, it's got me feeling good, you know, feeling my best every single day. And it can help you too. You can become a member today by going to feels.com slash basement and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. That's f e a l s.com slash basement. Okay. So f e a l s.com slash basement,

become a member, you get 50% off automatically on your first order with free shipping. That's a lot of percent. We're both a little delirious. What happened just now? I don't know. I don't know. But you know what I mean? You were talking about you going to Scotland, not Scotland, going to Iceland. So first of all, Iceland's expensive as shit. Yeah, because the import is like insane. I saw that. So like, I looked into it a little bit. And you want to know what one of their major attractions are? Somebody told me about this. The lagoon? No. Take three guesses. Ice caves. Lagoon. Keep going. Volcanoes. A penis museum. They have a dick museum? It's called the phallic museum, I think. Or the phallus museum. I don't

know the exact name, but they have over 215 specimens of cocks. How many? 215. Different mammal cocks. Wait, you're telling me in Iceland, there's a museum that have over 215 different types of dicks? Land, sea, air, cocks. I'd like to see some sea dicks. Would you go to a museum of cock? I would 100% go. I need to see some water penis. Yeah, I would want to see other. Honestly, some aerial dick too. Yeah, I want to see some aerial cock. I prefer land cock. You prefer land. I'm more of an aquatic cock. Aquatic. A quack. A quack dick. Yeah. We're back to the Boston accent. A quack. A quack. A quack? I suck this quack. I would go to a cock museum. Would you let your dick be in a cock museum? I don't know if they would put it in there.

Would you, if they were like, hey, we're making a YouTube wing of dead YouTubers cocks. We want to throw your cock in there when you go. Can we sign off and take your cock? Yes, and I'd pay up so it could be gold. Like the NFL Hall of Fame, they just have a bust of your cock. I would just like put in my contract and make sure I'm hard. Someone jerked my dead body. Would you ever donate your organs to science? I don't care. You didn't answer my question? I mean, I don't know. Would you donate your brain to science? Sure. Would you donate your heart? Would you donate your eyes? I'm dead. Yeah, but like, wait, do you want to be cremated or do you want to have funeral? I see. I haven't even thought about that. I don't care. No. See, I want to be cremated.

Probably up in a chair. I'll just sit here. Yeah. You know. You ever see those funerals where like guys are like dressed up? Yeah, and they're like sitting in a chair and they're like. Who can think that's a good idea? That's a terrible. Who out there does that? That's a spooky thing. Who is who's doing that? You don't like it. And they put like sunglasses on them. They weakens it. Burning and burning. Yeah. You fucking dance with them. The guy's dead. Yeah, I can't. Dead bodies are gross. Dead bodies are gross. I just don't like I don't want to get like I don't want to die and then have someone like apply makeup to my dead face. And it's like I can't okay it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we went a little heavy on the blush. Let's take

it down a little bit. Let's dial it back. We're going for a little more of a summer look. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're going to pancake my shit up. Yeah, don't put paint on me. No, no, please, please. And then they fold your hands. And then there's like a little thing like a rosary or something on your hands. Then people come up and touch your dead hands or they kiss you on your dead head. Oh, you kissing a dead. Ew. Yeah. I kissed my grandfather's head when he passed away and it was like kissing an ice cream cone. Well, actually sounds amazing actually. Why was it like I meant the texture like like the the the uh of ice cream. He felt like ice cream.

What the fuck are you talking about? I meant to say ice cubes. I said ice cream. That's why I'm like, oh, you kissed an ice cream cone? I would love to kiss an ice cream cone. Here lies grandpa who turned into ice cream after. No, but I kissed him on the forearms ice cold and I was like, never do that again. Yeah, no, I can't open cask. It's weird, bro. Not trying to have an open conversation with an open cask. Can't do it. Yeah, you're letting the spirits out how the kids doing this guy's dead. We're all doing well and we're not and we're just pretending. Yeah, that we're cool. Yeah. You know, it's kind of cool though, like the the driving to the burial. You feel like you're in a biker gang. Yeah, I'm just like, don't don't cut in

to this funeral service. I'll fuck you. It makes you feel like like you're a politician too. Dude, there was actually a memory I told you that story not so long ago about how I was beeping at that taxi. Yeah, he was helping that pregnant woman. So there was a time where I'm like this fucking asshole won't let me in. And it was a funeral service. I was like, why isn't this guy letting me in? Like I'm trying to get into the lane. I'm just like, what's a good amount of time to spend that awake? If you didn't really know the person, you're paying respects to like your friends, something friend, something. Yeah. Why are you talking friend something? Yeah, I'm into it. I'm into it. My diarrhea is surpassed.

Yeah, I'm a fucking little bit of time. I'm going to say 45 minutes to an hour and 15 perfect bingo bingo get out. I think that's a long time. No, 45 minutes is a good time. Yeah. I think anywhere in between 45 and 115, you're good. You've been seen enough, you know, boom bang pow. Yeah. Yeah. And then you want to know it's weird is that they have the pictures on the side so you see them alive and then it's like, they're dead. I just met you and now you're already there. The whole story, I just saw your whole life and now I got to look at you dead. I don't want to see that burn me up. Yeah. Honestly, if I die, well, I'm going to die. Yeah. When I die. Yo, honestly, if I ever die, like I'm a vampire, if someone ever sneaks up behind me with a wooden

stake. Yeah. No, but they're donating that cock though. I'll donate a guy. Yeah. Just keep it a secret. Don't tell anyone. Whatever that you died. Yeah. No ceremony. Secret. I think that's kind of cool. Like how's Joe doing? All right. His dad buddy's good. No, but he's not. You don't know that you think I'm alive. So I'm alive in your eyes. But is that that can be illegal? Why? Oh, you don't tell government officials that right, right? The government knows you're dead. You're dead as shit. Yeah. I mean, do you have to file dead papers? Of course you do. I don't know. Yeah. Because then you could like skip out on paying taxes. The government thinks you're dead. That's right. Tupac did. Yeah. Think about what would happen if Tupac really came back.

How shocked would you be? That would be so cool. I would be so floored by that. If one day he was like, I was like, yo, what the fuck? Fresh out on bail. Damn, that would be fire, dude. That'd be crazy. Also, it would be like, yo, shit, that's possible to just be erased. There's definitely people out there that are fake their deaths and are around right now. Without question. Isn't that fucking crazy? You may know one because they're a different person now. I don't think I know that many people. How many people do you think you actually know? What does no mean? Like on a first name basis. A lot. Over a thousand?

Like if I saw them. Thousands of people. Like if I saw them? Yeah. Yeah, I think a thousand. Even if I've never met them. I'm going to say 600. Even if I haven't met them? Yeah. Yeah, you haven't met them. But like, I know that through the internet. Right. But it's not like they follow you just because they follow you on Instagram. No, no, no, because I have to know them. Right. Yeah, I would say probably a thousand. I know a lot of people, man. That's what I'm saying. You do. I would say maybe like, yeah, 700. I'll give myself seven. I'll give myself seven. Yeah. Do you think when like we die, we can like donate our dicks together? What? Like tie them together? No, I mean, that would help. But like, no, just like

that would help a whole bunch. Oh, we can make it like one of those like, we can like sew them together and make it one of those Chinese. Yeah. Finger dicks. Yeah. Whatever that thing is. Well, I'm uncertain. We could dock. I'm on circumcised so we could dock each other. I could definitely put my dick in your dick probably. Yeah. It's called docking. Yeah. I mean, you're docked. Yeah. It's like charging a jewel. Yeah. That's what it's like. Kind of like that. It's kind of like that. Yeah. Maybe we could make our dicks like one of those Chinese like traps. And it becomes like one of those things like where like you can't pull like that sword out of that stone. Yeah. It's like Alexander Hamilton. No, Alexander

the Great. Alexander Hamilton. Yeah, not that. Son of an orphan, abortion, horse spin, locked in a horse spin. So where are you staying in Iceland? You know, I have no idea. It's that famous city. It's like a rock or some shit. It's like Ragnarok or some shit. I forgot the name. So you're going to go to the cockies. Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely going to my itinerary now. Yeah. What animal cock would you want to see the most? And it's dead. So you get to see it in all its glory. I don't know off the top of my head. I just know that I want to see like a fat one. Like a walrus' cock. Just like a like a dick that's like is astounding where I'm like, who's is that? Yeah. And they're like, yo, that is like this beluga whale's dick. And I'm like,

bro, that is like, that's a big, you probably paid a lot for that case because it's so big. It's a lot of glass. That's a lot of glass to cover that cock. In a game of name that cock, how many do you think you could get? Not a lot. Dicks are like, listen, human dicks look one way. And then the rest of the animal kingdom have like, it just looks like soggy fucking. See, this is why I believe in God. Because God gave humans like the best looking cocks. You know, I think our dicks are the best looking. I think we're just familiar. No, no, no, a dude, a dog's cock is disgusting. It's a wet. It's disgusting. It's gross. Yeah. Yeah. A horse's dick is gross. So your entire religious beliefs are based upon the

fact that you have a pretty penis. Yes. Praise him. Bless a day. Bless it. But praise be under his fucking eye under his fucking dick is more like it. Imagine if Jesus really came back though. Okay. And literally was like, if Jesus came back today, I don't think anybody would believe you was Jesus. Probably not. You know, I do. You're not even verified. Like, come on, dude. Yeah, or there he would have to start doing some magic tricks. Like, all right, we'll then change this into a goat. Yeah, it'd be like, if you had Jesus, touch this thing and make it something else. Fix my son. He got scoliosis. You fix my scoliosis, boy.

My son ate the McDonald's and got the scoliosis. You fix that. Maybe we'll talk. I had to take work off for three days because he can't go to school because he got scoliosis. Touch him. Like, tell me he got, he told me he got scoliosis. I put him on Tylenol. We're gonna see what happened. They said he needs surgery. I said, nah, we're gonna figure this out. We're just gonna tape a pillow to his back. So if he falls, he's gonna brace them. Did you ever wear Halloween costumes like past Halloween? Oh, dude, I used to wear a Ninja Turtle costume all the time. Not a normal thing. No, it is. It's not. It's imagination, dude. Where's your fucking imagination? Fuck. I would have, I love being a ninja, but I wouldn't like dress up as a ninja.

Why would you? But I'd have the sword and I would just pretend to be a fucking ninja. If I wouldn't dress up as the white ninja. Yeah, but I just went the extra mile, dude. It was very easy to get in. You could step into it, is slip on. It was all slippery. It was slipping on. Did you have like an actual like back shield? Yes, I had a back shell. It's called a shell, thank you. It's a shield, though. Yes, I guess. Which ones did you have? Did you have the little like like the Common Electra? Not Common Electra, just Electra. Did you have those things? I didn't have the Common Electra Ninja Turtle set. I didn't. But I had, she's so hot. I know. Do you remember the turtle toy where you could pull a strip through

and it would talk? Yeah, yo, those titties. But anyway, yeah, I remember those. Yeah. The Common Electra might have been my favorite girl growing up. Like titties? No, because it was like Common Electra, Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy, right? Like they were like kind of like the three when you were a kid kind of the MTV, whatever they watch. Just a whole bunch of boobies. Bunch of titties. Pam probably had the best titties. But Common Electra, I think, was the overall hottest. Yeah, she's so hot. But I like Jenny McCarthy because she was like a little foul her mouth and like a little dirty, you know, there's a dirt effect. Yeah, there was a little bit of that. You know, I like that. Yeah. And Common

Electra had that perfect balance of both and just the face was just crazy. Yeah. Then she dated like Dave Navarro, though, which was like kind of weird. Pam Anderson, though, she was up in there. She was really doing it on camera. Yeah, suck a dick. Yeah, birthday, birthday, birthday. You know exactly what I'm talking about, baby. If anyone gets that reference out there, I will bless you. I bless you. I will follow you on Twitter. So many people won't. No, they won't. Oh, boy. Oh, man. I have a feeling the male demographic will know that one. Oh, they better. It's historic. That's historic stuff.

That's so funny that you said that. Yeah. But yeah, Common Electra was the best. She was. She was really hot. It's also just like a fucking hot name. Yeah. Electra. So what's her real? What's her real name? I don't know. It's probably hideous. It might not even be Carmen. It's like Glansburg or some shit. Carmen Electra. Oh, her name is Tara Patrick. What? Yeah. Wait a second. Tara. My worlds are colliding. Tara Lee. Patrick. Wow. Her lay. I don't know. She's 47. I'm going to thought she'd be older. Yeah. She's fucking smart. Okay. Yeah. Wow. I forgot she married Dennis Rodman. Yeah. And he broke his penis having sex with her. Yeah, dude. When you're really going after with

Electra. Yeah. That's one of my biggest fears is to snap my penis in half. I don't know if I have like the ferocity. Yeah. I think you need a whole lot of just, just driving force. You could snap your dick. Yeah. But I never. What does that feel like though? You ever have, you ever have it where your dick like pops out and then it hits like the edge of it. Like her butt or like that. Yeah. And then your dick just kind of like. Oh, I don't even want to think that I can feel it. It's like a car crash. Yeah. Your dick's like, ow. Yeah. They ever see an NFL player land on his head? Oh, he bounced off dude. And then they're like, sorry. And I'm just like, let's keep doing this and I'll worry about this later. Yeah. But it feels like your dick's going

to fall off. Fuck yeah. But yeah, she a glamour model. She's from Ohio. That's smoked out. Her LeBron. Just got some goats out there. Steph Curry. She's from Ohio. Yeah. She's from Akron. Machine Gun Kelly. Dude, she's so fucking hot. I'm gonna put Comer Electra 90s. Oh, I mean, she was unreal. Yo, we dressed like fucking idiots back there. Yeah, we were. Yeah. I don't know what people were thinking in the 90s. I think everyone was trying to look exactly the same. And what I mean by that is that dudes were trying to look like women. What's the same deal with like 70s though? And today kind of we all want to look like 90s was the only time where it's like, dudes, we look

like shaggy dogs. I'm like 2000s. We all wore like quadruple XL shirts and that's what it was 2000s. Yeah. Yeah. Not 90s. 90s was like alternative and like stuff like that. Didn't you say you wanted to talk about some? Oh, yeah, something that is making me fucking sick. But there is a Instagram that I came across and I was like very confused by I was like, what is this? But it's basically a cartoon. Okay. Right. And it's not a cartoon like Dora the Explorer. It's like a cartoon like Shrek. Okay. Or something that's like it's cartoon, but they also like sort of look lifelike. Okay. You know the animation. Like, like, yeah, like Lord Farquaad, like how he looks. Okay. Right. You're like, okay, I can see that this is like a person. It's not a clear cartoon, but it's

like a cartoon or whatever I'm trying to explain. Yeah. But it's of a pig man. So it's a pig man. Okay, cartoon that has an Instagram account acting like a real person. So what that means is somebody created a pig man cartoon and is now having an Instagram account where it has a life. And is creating content for the pig man. And people are following this pig man. Like, how's he doing? I don't really know. And I really looked for him. I couldn't find him, but I'm sure the pig man will show his face once again. Oh, yeah. It will rear his ugly head, especially after this. Yeah. So the pig man is going to pop up. That's terrifying. It's very scary. And it's very strange. Yeah. Yeah. So it's kind of like your favorite. It would be like if

Homer Simpson had an Instagram page. And it but but they look real and they look like they're done professionally the pictures because they're obviously cartoon, but it's so like real looking. I gotta see this pig man. It's one of those like pics are fucking movies where it's like, this looks so real though. Are we talking up? Are we talking toy story? Like toy story. That's creepy. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking nuts. So like he just post himself like standing places or like going doing stuff or like eating. Yes. That's creepy hanging out with the the fellas. What man and animal do you think would be the scariest thing combined? Don't make me do this. A man pig is scary to a man pig is terrifying. A man shark. I'd be terrified of a

man shark. Do you find this guy? A mark? No, man. I'm really looking at like a man shark. I think dog men would be cool. Like a dog person. What the hell are you doing over there? I'm trying to combine animals that would be with people that would be like under like cool kind of. I'm typing in pig man, but I'm not really getting much. I'm getting a bunch of like pot. I don't even give a fuck that there's dead air on the show right now. No, I want to find this fucking pig man too. I love that Frank and always sonny's like that's dead air. That's dead air. No, we're like pig man. His name is not pig man, but he is a pig man. Brian Pig Macquaca pig man TV. No. I don't know, man. Oh my God. Did you find a pig man? No, but this guy, look at this.

That's what a man pig would look like. Ew, man. Yeah. This guy is a pig head on his head. I really want to find this pig. I don't know if he's a pig. Why do people that shoot animals have to take pictures with them? With like you just sliced its head off and now it's like, it's like, let's all smile in this picture. Also, I don't really get trophy hunting where you're like, oh, dude, let's go kill a giraffe. Yeah. What the fuck for what for how? I wonder how much a giraffe weighs. Dude, I wouldn't get close to fucking giraffe. You kidding me? Where's this fucking pig man? Yeah, cartoon. I'm going to type into a giraffe weighs 1800 pounds, by the way. You would think if you search the tag pig cartoon on Instagram, you wouldn't get a whole lot,

but you would not believe the amount of pig content that is out there right now. Oh, there's a lot of pig content. People love pigs. Would you ever have a pet pig? Yeah. This one is just of a girl who has pig ears. The fuck? I just I can't find the pig man. This is gonna honestly, it's gonna haunt you. It's all right. It's all right. I want to say his name is Brian. No, no, his name's not Brian. I'm telling you, he has a human name. Everybody doesn't have a pig name. This guy that I'm looking up is named Brian. That might be why I'm thinking Brian. Yeah. Pig man. Pig character. Instagram. Not Esther the Wonder Pig. I don't know what the fuck that is. You'll know when you see this pig,

dude. Okay. No, that's not it. But this is a verified pig on Instagram with 500,000 followers. All right. Come on. How's a pig verified? Who the fuck likes pigs? How's a pig verified? I'm not. Hey, man. It's a popular fucking pig. Apparently. Yeah. The pig man's in the wind. Yeah. He's in the wind. But if you see him, he'll pop up eventually and get ahold of that pig man and sentence me because like I can't sleep at night. But it's very strange just to think about and that's not the only one I've ever seen. I saw one of a girl and it was the same kind of thing. Like it was very like Final Fantasy Japanese schoolgirl shit. And she had posts where she would post shit and have captions. She'd do like the whole thing like. Yeah. A little Asian.

Yeah. It's like you can't cover your mouth with this. No. Use your hand. Yeah. Don't do this. So she would, was she Asian? That's up in the air. Or was she be pretasian? Pretending to be Asian? No, she wasn't pretend. It was a cartoon. Oh, another cartoon like the pig man. Oh, but she was Japanese schoolgirl. And she was a character that has an Instagram. I don't know if she was actually Japanese, but she definitely had like a Japanese uniform. It was like, like, yeah, skirt. Yeah, it was very like, she looked like a street fighter ish, like a hot Pokemon trainer or something. Got it. Got it. Got it. So I saw that too. And I'm like, now there's two of these things like this. There must be a market for that. And there must be someone thinking like,

here's what we're going to do. We're going to create a character, but we're not going to make a TV show around them. We're just going to make them an Instagram. Yeah. And then we're going to get kids to follow them. Yeah. Yeah, probably. It's it is. People are sick freak. Isn't that sick freak? Sick fucks. You know, I don't think I could ever own a pig. Why? Because I feel like I wouldn't be able to give it enough, you know? Well, I think they just eat and eat. Yeah. Like, you know, I think you give it like a whole apple and it will crush it. The pigs have tea. Hell yeah. They do, right? They eat humans in some movies. Oh yeah. That's right. They will eat you. Feed them to the pigs. Feed them to the pigs.

That's a little scary. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be eaten by a pig. No, no. Probably hurts. Yeah. No, no pig. No, no. No, no. That'll do pig. That'll do. Well, if you could own any animal though, like that's domesticated, other than a dog, what would you have? Like a cheetah? That's not domesticated. They can be domesticated. You cannot domesticate a cheetah or kill you. Not personally, but people have domesticated. Yeah, but they still live in like cages and shit. They're not just walking around their crib like, yeah, what's up, man? Monkeys? Ever since I saw that woman get her face ripped off, I'm too afraid to like own a monkey. I'm talking about a little monkey. I'm not talking about a gorilla or like a fucking,

like a pickpocket. Like an orangutan. A pickpocketing monkey. Yeah, I'm talking about a boo from my lab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little thing like that. That goes out of hand. I could punch the thing to help. Yeah. They're just swinging around your head. Yeah. Because they got long tails. Pete is going to come get us. Yeah. We're talking about if they're bad. If what's bad? A bad monkey. Yeah. Listen, there's bad monkeys out there. Yeah. I mean, there's bad people. I'm not putting up with that. There's bad whales. Yeah, but if they got a fat dick at a museum, you're going to go see it. Whales probably have crazy peepies. Longer than you and me probably put together. Like me standing on your shoulders. Yeah. You got to think about the

velocity that that jizz comes flying out of that thing. Remember the commercial where like the wind would blow that guy back in that seat? That's what it would look like. Pain. It's like I've seen the miles per hour out of that blowhole. Now what about that low hole spraying that jizz into the ocean? You think you ever swam in whale? Yeah, I was just thinking that. Probably. If you swam in some whale ejaculate. And also, how does a whale get on the beach? Kind of a dumb whale, no. They get stuck? Like a beached whale. Yeah, like. Yeah, but I think they're like dead and they wash up on the shore. I don't know. No? Maybe. You got to be kind of a dumb whale and just swim onto the beach. Yeah. You know? No offense. Sorry for the whale enthusiast. I apologize. I saw the whales

watching. Yeah, whale watching. You ever been whale watching? I live in New York City, Danny. So what? I've never been whale watching. I've been whale watching and it's fucking cool. Wait, where the fuck did you go whale watching? Cape Cod. You saw a whale? Multiple whales. How many whale? I don't know. Is it whales? I don't know. Wait, did you see them like jump up? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, dude. You go to Cape Cod. If you go to Cape Cod, you could see whale watching and you see them go and they shoot the shit out of their head. Yeah. Dude, I want to see a whale so bad. I'm telling you, they probably have whale watching somewhere in New York too. Where are their whales around here? Look at it. Look it up. No. Dude, the Atlantic Ocean's right here. I mean,

it's not right here. Dude, if you go to Jones Beach, they probably have whale watching fucking shit out there. That's true. I've seen a shark there. I saw a shark at Fire Island once. I had to tell like a lifeguard, be like, yo, there's a fucking shark because I saw it. Fucking snitch. Oh yeah, I'm just going to let some old fucking Susan get eaten, get her life bitten off. They say most shark attacks happen in shallow water. That's where the people are. That's why the fuck is swimming out in like 400 feet of water. There's always dickheads out there in the lifeguard You gotta tell them to come back as a current taking them all the way over there. Yeah, but there's most sharks. I forgot. Most sharks. Most shark attacks happen because that's where

all of the people are. Duh. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that people are out in water too. Like people scuba dive and do all that shit. Yeah, but not nearly as much as there. There's 10,000 people in fucking 10 feet of water in Coney Island. I wouldn't say that shallow water 10 feet. I meant like 10 feet out into the water. Good save. Yo, let me see your pecs. You want to see my pecs? Yeah. Why? All right, let me see. Just see your biceps. Wait, what are you doing? Let me see your biceps. Do you have a bigger bicep? Like, do you feel like one of your arms is bigger? No. Do you feel like one of your arms is harder? One of my arms is stronger, but because I have a fucked up shoulder. I dislocated my shoulder

when I was like 15. So your left arm is stronger? My right arm is stronger. Your right arm is stronger. Yeah, because I can lift more with this because this one is a little weaker. Got it. So you could feel that all the time. Yes, if I don't go out of my way to like make this shoulder like strong. Yeah, okay. Like I have to do like weird shit. So you're not going to pop those guns up? No, I'm going to pop my guns out. You can double them up. Why? I just don't want to see what I'm working with here. What are you working with? I work with you. I want to see you make sure. Let me see. Oh, yeah. That's suckable right there. Yeah. Fuck. Would you if I just started getting a nose

bleed? Yeah. Unless you couldn't make anything. What? What was the redheaded girl's name in Pokemon? Misty. Yeah, Misty was hot. Yeah, the fucking redheaded slower. Yeah. Was Brock black? I think so. He was, right? Yeah. Or Blazion? He's more Blazion. Yeah, I think he was a Blazion. Yeah. Blazion, man. Hot or hot mix. Fucking dick though in the beginning, you know? It's like, oh, I have Onyx. I'm like, dude, fucking relax. Yeah. Also, I love Onyx though. Yeah. Onyx was cool. Yeah, but also chill. Yeah, come on. Don't be all high and mighty about it. We get it. It's a cool Pokemon. Don't be an asshole though. I'm going to take it out. I'm going to take care of you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I think that's all for this week's episode.

Oh, Danny, where can they find you? What else? What else are you up to? You could find me at Danny Little Peoria on Instagram and Twitter and also go check out the Stank Podcast coming out every Friday, 7 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Me and Frankie, just talk about our favorite movies, Davil and some boobies, whatever comes to our minds, video games, TV shows all the time. That was a great poem. You just say, Titty Vee shows? Titty Vee shows. Yeah. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask you to before we go. But that's where you can find it at the Stank Podcast, everywhere you could find podcasts. What was your most monumental tit that you ever saw? Like the first one you were like, yeah, I'm here. Like movie tit.

Because somebody asked us on the last stank. What's the best tit? Yeah. He said Halle Berry from Swordfish. No, I didn't see that till later in life. My monumental tit. Because I remember Pam Anderson in that movie, Barb Wire. Her titties came out. This is tough. Can you throw some titties at me? Kate Winslet, Titanic. Didn't see that till later also. But that was a monumental tit. When do you think it's the first time you ever saw a tit that like wasn't in your family? Like in the wild or like online? In the wild. I remember it. Whoa, tell me. I think I have told you this. Have you? The first time you saw a tit? Yeah, I think so. This girl was like, if you hit a half court shot, I'll show you my tit. No,

I never heard that. Oh, so it's a funny story. I don't know how old I was, but. How old was the girl? Like around your age? She was older than me. Okay, cool. But yeah. No, she was older than me. But nice. She was like, if you hit this like half court shot, then I'll show you my my tit. So I shot it and I hit it. Drained it. Well, I didn't drain it. Off the backboard and then off the front of the rim and in. Yeah, that's even better. So I was just kind of like, I just tossed it up because like fucking a tit. And she did it. And then one of my friends who I won't name said, all right, I'm going to go now, like and shoot it, right? But then beforehand, and she's like, all right. And then beforehand, he was like, yo, when I go to take the shot, just like,

like distract her and we'll all just celebrate like it went in. Ah, classic. Right. So I have one of these two. I'll tell it after. So I did my job, shoots it. She's distracted. Completely misses like it hits the backboard really fucking hard. Right. And then everyone's like, whatever. So and she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then Frank's like, oh, I hit though, like whatever. So then she goes, she goes, you just said his name. Oh my god. That's a Danny mistake right there. There you go. Yeah. So anyway, so then that happens and she ended up, she's like, okay, okay. So she goes back to the place where like she showed

me was like in the corner. There's always a like a hidden titty reveal place. So instead, she had like this jacket on. She opened it. And you remember that you remember the do you remember the company FCUK? Yeah, I do. It was like French connection, whatever. It just said, don't FCUK with me. So she opened that up and just sundered fire. That's fire. Yeah. Tiddish are great. All right. So me and my friends used to do this thing. Okay. When we were in high school and Can't believe I did that. That's awesome. I'm more impressed that you drink. You earn those titties. Yeah, I did. We cheated. So what we would do is like, I'll be like, yeah,

take any card out of this if I guess it to your boobs. What we strategically do is have a friend behind drinking a beer. So when they showed the card, they would know what it was. And they would be like, even now that she like four clubs. If you're like, oh, yeah, we see some titties tonight. So that was the game. Nice. Anyway, you guys can find me on you guys can find me on Instagram and Twitter at Joe Sanne. I got them go follow the show at the base me on Instagram and go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard to support the show. We appreciate that you get extra content and you get every episode a week early. So go check that out patreon.com slash the basement yard and that is all. See you guys next time.