The Basement Yard - #217 - Growing Your Pits Out

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

On this episode, Danny and Joe discuss his trip to Chicago, losing their virginities, teenagers, girls with armpit hair, jealously & a bunch of other outrageous things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, kind of a new setup, bitch. BAYO! It's good, it's good, it's good. I feel like people get really upset about, like, setup. We sit in different chairs and shit. Oh, yeah, if it's different chairs or it's a different setup and it's like, there's like this weird growing period that people have to go through. Yeah, they're like, oh, I don't like this, my whole brain's thrown off, I'm like, dude.

You've been through more. If that's throwing off your brain, I'm worried about your day-to-day activities. Yeah, seriously. You know, we're just sitting in different, in a different area. You'll be buying. You'll be buying. You'll be buying. But, yeah, so I just got off a flight yesterday.

I was stuck in Chicago over the weekend, not the place you want to be stuck right now because it's like 13 degrees, but I went, Chicago's cool, I guess. Chicago's great, can't wait to go there, on tour at some point, low Chicago. There was nothing wrong with Chicago. We actually, there was like a really cool arcade down the block from where we were at. Which I wanted to go to one in Nashville and you shot me down. I didn't shoot you down. Yeah, I kind of wanted to go.

I want to go to an arcade, you lucky bitch. There's arcades all over the city. We can go at any time. There's one you can throw a baseball and hit one right now. Take me. Sexually? No, no, no, to the arcade. Oh, I didn't know if it meant take me, like, take my body and do with it what you will.

Yeah, no, no, you were saying? No, I'm throwing off. You want to talk about switching seats? Yeah. I'm thinking about taking you. No, but taking you is so weird. It's like, I just want to take you from behind. You know, isn't that weird?

I feel like people say that when they're in love, but it sounds like the opposite of love. Like it sounds more, you don't have permission. Yeah, that's like, yeah, it's like either kidnapping somebody or raping someone. That's why I didn't like, I'll say the R word. Yeah. I'll say rape too. That is what it is. I'll drop some R words in here.

I don't care. It's rape. That's what it is. Taking anything. That's why we're like taking your virginity. It's like, whoa, I thought we agreed on this is going to be a nice night. You're giving me your virginity. Yeah.

Thank you. We are exchanging. You know, I'm giving you a penis, you're giving me the virginity, and then we go our separate ways. That's a business transaction. Yeah. I didn't take any, I hope you got something from this. And it's weird.

Do you think there should be like an emotional tie to someone that took your virginity? Well, like, oh, I'll never forget my first. Yeah. I mean, I don't have that, but I don't know if that's because I'm a dude. I'm getting also sexist on the show. No, but I don't know. I feel like a lot of people are like, like, I'll never forget your first time. I've never taken anyone's virginity in my life.

Really? Yeah. I just feel like that whole, like, there's a whole other, like, preparation and there's a, you know, a different system. Well, you gotta be in real love. You gotta be in real love to take a virginity. Or think you're in love. I've taken multiple virginities.

How many vergines? Just two. Okay. That is multiple, I guess. That's like when you're 2-0 and you're like, oh, we're undefeated. Undefeated. But you're 2-0. You're not undefeated.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I've never taken a virginity. And honestly, kind of just like, not that it scares me, but it's like, to me, when you do, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, I have no experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like, does it even, like, count? Because I feel like the first time is like, oh, am I, or is it? You know what I mean?

You gotta, like, tread lightly. Well, the factors are is that you're usually pretty young when it happens. Pretty young, yeah. And not sexually active before that. Yeah, not charged. Yeah, so you don't really know what you're doing. You're right. You're just trying to, you know, knock one out the park.

Yeah, see. You just want to get inside. Like, when I took someone's virginity, they also took mine. And then I took someone's virginity as a non-verge. Damn. So I've experienced. A revenge. A revenge.

You take mine, I'm taking yours. I for an I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I had to get something out of this. Yeah. Yeah. But the first time, I was like that.

I was like very like. Is this okay? This is cool. Yeah. Yeah. The second time I was like that too. Because like. Because you don't want to, you know.

Yeah, you're, you're nurturing. It's nurturing sex is what it is. I don't. What? It's like, you're like, oh my God, is this okay? Like, are you all right? Does that hurt? You know, this, that.

Yeah. So there is a weirdness. Sounds like a checkup. Honestly. Yeah. Doctor like, how's that feel? Is that good? Breathe in deep.

All right, good. Turn your neck and cough on me. Yeah. But there is a, there is a sense of that. So you like have to be like nice. I assume. Yeah. You have to be nice about it.

But I mean, it was, I don't know. I'm just glad I never had to deal with the whole, you know. You'd be good at taking some, someone's verge. Oh, I'd be good at it. What does that mean? I think you'd be nurturing enough to take someone's verge. Oh, yeah. You might not be patient enough.

Maybe. What does that mean? No, I'm not saying that you would. I didn't mean it like that. Let's just get this over with. No, no, no. Yeah. But like, because usually when there's virginity, you have to wait a long time before you

have sex. I was a virgin girl for a year and she was a virgin and she wasn't like. She suck your thing though. I mean. Hand jobs at least you got to come at least in a year. No, it wasn't. Listen, there was stuff that happened, but we didn't have sex and I was never pushy about it.

Right. Yeah. You can't be pushed. No, obviously not. Um, we're flirting back with the, you know, the other stuff we were talking about before but like that's a little crazy. But, um, yeah, no, I, I never really had an interest in doing that either. Like I was never like, you know, thankfully I lost my virginity to someone who was like

older than me. Season veteran. And I don't, I know a season vet and I never feel like, oh man, would love to just see her again and I'll always have a place in my heart. Yeah. That's what I was saying. No, I don't feel that way. Yeah.

That may be just like a stereotype that people are like, oh, you never forget your first. I mean, yeah, you can't forget it because it was the first time you did it. Yeah. But it's not like the one that got away. Yeah. No, not at all. You know what I mean? Not at all.

Cause like I kind of regret losing my virginity at 13 and listen, it's cool when it happens. I just shot all spit rocket at me. I'm sorry. Yeah. Take it easy. But, uh, fucking taking me right now. I know. I did take you.

I did. I took you from the front. I mean, you tried it. You fell short to be honest. You could just rub it in. If you want, I'd like to not do that. I wouldn't either. So get ahead.

Especially after this story. Yeah. I'm just kidding. But what in my head, I was like, you know, 13 is like pretty young to be having sex. And then I was kind of like, I don't know if I, I don't know, I kind of regret losing my virginity that early because it just turned me into a sex horn freak after. Okay. You know, I was just horny all the time.

Yeah. Do you think that's why or do you think that's just, you know, you just, I think being exposed to sex at a young age just makes you makes you want sex more, more, because once you have it, it's like, wow, this is what everybody's talking about. What, see, I had the, I had an opposite reaction to it. You were, you were turned off. Not that. No, I was not.

I was not turned. I wasn't like, oh my, this is icky, brother. I just feel like it had been talked up so much that when it happened, I was like, okay, that was it. You know, uh, so that was like my original thought. And then I didn't have sex again for like a year. So I wasn't like, oh, dude, I gotta get, I gotta get my fix. Like I wasn't like, you know what I'm saying?

Well, well, I was with the person. Yeah. So like we had continuous sex for a while. Oh, so you were steady. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't a one time thing when I was 13. And then I didn't have, I was like sort of with the person too.

But we, but it wasn't like, it was just like, you know, I didn't even think it was going to happen. Like it just happened spur of the moment type of thing. And it happened. And then we, it didn't happen again, but we still like talked. Okay. So it wasn't like a fuck ship. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, no, it wasn't like a, you know, a friend, I don't, I don't know. We were in love, Danny. Yeah. I hear you, man. I wonder if she tells people that you took that. Did she know that she took your virginity? No, I lied. Oh, good.

Cause you probably be telling people all the time, be like, see that guy took his fucking B card. Yeah. I mean, no, I lied cause I was nervous and I was scared. You got a lot. Yeah. I was like, Oh God, this is going to be so bad. If I, but like looking back on it, knowing her, I, she wouldn't have care, like it wouldn't

have mattered. Right. But I was just in my head of being like, you know, yeah, in the moment, yeah, you don't want to come off as a virgin bitch. Yeah. You know, I honestly don't remember, but I do remember it coming up and then being like, she was wondering if I was, and I was just like, nah, you know, who do you think hunts virgin?

Hunts virgins. Yeah. I wanted to say this a better word. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to run a hunt. Who do you think hunts virgins more? Males or females? Uh, males? I think females kind of are in the like taken dudes virginities.

I don't think, I mean, I think that'd be nice for them cause I think it's kind of like a dominating thing. And it's also like, it's like a notch. It's a notch. I just think that it's, it depends what kind of personality you are. If you are a dominating person, then you're like, I'm going to be the, you know, yeah. So I, you know, I don't know if it's a male versus female more than it is like a personality trait type of thing.

But like, I wonder if there's girls out there that are only interested in meeting like a virgin man, but they've had sex before. Like it's not a religious. I'm sure they're, I mean, dude, doing, it's like their thing. It's like, I only like to fuck virgin dudes. Right. Yeah. I'm sure I'm positive.

That's a thing because I mean, after doing other people's lives, the other podcasts, like you realize that like everything is possible and like everything exists as well. Yeah. So there's definitely people out there who do just that. Is there a virgin dating app? I'm sure there is. That I'm probably, yeah. And if there's not, we just fucked up.

Yeah. Let that one off. Yeah. No, there's, there has to be. Has to be, right? Yeah. But I also don't think that would even make sense to be honest. Like, why would you go out of your way to date a virgin?

Unless it's like one of those religious things where it's like, you need to save it for marriage. Then I get that. Could be. Or just maybe some people like are awk, maybe like socially awkward and like they haven't had, like they've gotten, they're like 40 year old virgins. Yeah. Would you talk to one? Yeah, we did.

We talked to a 40 year old virgin. So like, I'm sure that he had some instances where like he maybe got a head or like a hand job or something like that, but he just couldn't have sex. I think it breaks the ice if it's two people that are kind of like, you know, we haven't had this. It's okay. I'm just trying to be comfortable because some people aren't comfortable in the bedroom doing, doing fucking.

No, yeah, I, I think, um, I think it's one of the things that people just talk up so much. Oh, yeah. So it's like, it becomes super intimidating. Yeah. Of course. Of course. And it's, it's way more spiritual, I think, for female as well because like you're getting

entered. Okay. Okay. I'm talking about straight sex here. You're talking about, no, yeah, I know, but I'm saying like, we're just, what do you mean spiritual though? Cause it's like you're letting somebody inside you. Inside of you.

Inside of you. Inside of you. Is it wrong with me? Is it wrong to be inside of you? It's a great song. I love that shit. Inside of you. Um.

Which one? From six to midnight. Yeah. I don't know. I remember feeling like the fucking man though. I immediately told two of my friends. Yeah, dude. I walked home like fucking, you know, the end of the breakfast club or the freest frame.

Yeah. That was what happened. Yeah. Finally, dude. Yeah. Um, yeah. I, uh, I don't know. Anyway.

Um. Yeah. So you were flying back from Chicago. I was flying back from Chicago. How did we even get? I don't know. I don't know. Went to Chicago, cool city, did the sky deck thing, which is scary, creepy.

I wouldn't do it. Really? Yeah. Nah. Why not? Doesn't interest me. I'll say this. And by doesn't interest me, it scares the ever loving shit out of me.

Well, I, I was like not scared at all. Okay. And then, uh, I walked out into the box and then I realized like, whoa, this is high. Yeah. Cause it's high as shit. Yeah. How many floors? Is it a hundred something?

Wow. Yeah. Is it in the Sears tower? I don't know where the fuck, I don't know what it is. It's just in a tall as bill. It's big as bill in Chicago. Um, but yeah, so did that, whatever. So anyway, you know, the morning we're supposed to leave it snows and I knew it was going

to snow, but I didn't think it would be like anything crazy. It didn't snow even a lot. It was just like blizzardy. Yeah. So everything got backed up and then I'm, our flight got pushed from like 345 to eight. And I was like, all right, whatever cares. And it was, it was clear the rest of the day. So I'm like, we should be fine.

And then we get to the airport. Dude, I have so many text messages from Delta. It's insane. I'm like, oh, your flight has been put all your flights been pushed back. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Your flight has been, and I'm like, yo, so it kept getting pushed back. So it was like eight, then it was like eight 20, then it was nine, then it was, uh, 945, then it was 1030.

And throughout that time, cause on the Delta app, you can see where the other plane that you're supposed to get on, that's coming to your airport, like where it is. That's that's cool feature. Yeah. So you can like gauge like, Oh, our flight's on the way here. So we should be good to go soon basically, you know, um, and that flight got delayed. So it's like, Oh, I know we're getting delayed because that flight got delayed, you know, and then, uh, they switched the plane and then it just got fucking canceled at 830.

So we were in the airport for like six, seven hours and then the flight got canceled. Then we had to get a hotel and on the way to the fucking hotel, did they pay for it? No. Wow. Yeah. Mad people got, I honestly didn't expect them to pay for it because tons of flights got canceled. I'm sure.

Fuck. But how do you, how do you pay for all that? So I guess my phone's fucking snowing. It's a commercial airline. They got to have some money in there. Yeah. I'm sure they do. But, you know, like your money, uh, yeah, they got my fucking money.

They give me a back. Um, but our Uber driver on the way to the hotel, dude at one point was going 98 miles an hour. I hate and I literally was sitting in the front seat and I'm like, yo, slow down. You told him. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, good.

I was like, slow down. Good for you. And then he's like, oh, yeah, whatever. And he like slows down. Then he starts going fast. I don't even know where the fuck he was going. Mike, bro, I'm going to the hotel in an Addison, right? It's like 15 minutes away.

So he starts driving. He's on the fucking phone. And I'm like, I'm like, yo, you got to make a left here. And he goes, oh, it's, it's, uh, West suburbs. And I was like, and I was literally was like, I don't fucking, you live here. Yeah. How do you not know where Addison is already pissed off to probably. Yeah.

I'm like, bro, it's fucking the town over from the airport. Like you don't know where the fuck it is. Like you've been driving. How many years? So I was like, I was like, yo, you don't know where it is. Like I'm fucking whatever. So I put it in my GPS. Now he's looking at my fucking phone.

This guy had no GPS. He probably did. So he's driving mad fast. And I'm like, yo, slow down. And then he slows down and then he's going slow for a little while. Then he speeds back up again. Now he's going like 98. And I literally just turned on my go, yo, slow down.

Like there's no rush. Yeah. Like I'm trying to make my flight tomorrow and you're trying to flip this car. Yeah, that's crazy. So I was like, slow the fuck down. And then when we got to the hotel, he like hopped out and first of all, I took him $2. I was like, yo, everyone get out. Yeah.

I was like, I'm paying for this thing. So I went back there and I took him $2 because fuck that guy. And he went to the hotel and he ran to the bathroom. So he was probably driving 98 because he had a shit. So it's like, bro, now I feel bad for him. Well, fuck that guy because he almost killed all of us. Like I was so mad, bro. I was like, oh my God.

And then the next day my flight, they booked our flight for 2.45 PM the next day, which is insane. Yeah, it sucks. It's 23 hours later and that got delayed for an hour and then we finally got home. And when we were coming home, we're coming in, we're flying into LaGuardia. Turbulence is one thing, right? Right. Shaky.

Oh, like that's one thing, right? But this dude was all over the sky. Dude, we were like back and forth, like tilting like this and going up and down. And I'm like, yo, it just feels like the plane is doing this, right? So I'm like, this guy has no control. Like it literally, it felt like someone was just driving like that. Like just, it was weird. So then we get, we, we, you know how like the plane dips and you kind of go down and

then you turn away? Yeah, I, I, I hate that. Dude, it dipped far, went very far. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God. So it's going like that and Espos sitting like across from me. It's not that big of a plane. It's three and two.

And I can see his side and the guy does the tilt towards his side and we fucking went like down, right? And then when he levels out, I'm like, oh shit, we're still pretty high, but I know we're close. Right. Cause I could see like the city sort of. And then he dips towards my side of the plane goes and I was like, yo, I look back on my window bro were like 50 feet above the ground.

That's scary. I was like, and then we hit the, we hit the runway and I was like, yo, I am done with planes for a bit. It was so scary. I was dude, I was a scared little Jewish boy. It was insane. You're not a boy. I'm a, I'm not Jewish either, but for that, for, for that day, I was, you know, I said

that though. There was two Hasidic Jewish guys there and they were saying stuff and I just felt like I was a part of it. Like an honorary Jew. Yeah. Yeah. In a way. So I was like, yo, whatever you guys are talking about, like I'm in because this is scary.

You know what I mean? So I was kind of, you know, I was shook, but I'm so glad we hit that. We hit the runway kind of tough too. So it wasn't really a big, a big thing. You know what? I've had bad luck on planes recently. Yeah. Yeah.

My Orlando flight home was bumpy the entire time. The Nashville flight that you missed was fucking insane. And for like five minutes, guys, we're gonna have some moderate chop bounced all over the place. Yeah. Well, yeah. I want to take a couple of weeks off. I'm taking some fucking weeks off.

Yeah. Yeah. Stay off the planes. Stay off the planes. I'm never flying in the winter again. Did you, did the people clap when, when they landed? I hate that shit. No, they didn't.

Thank God. Yeah. No. I haven't, I honestly haven't been on a plane where someone's done that in a while. Every time I ever did that is when we went to Los Angeles and like people clapped. But I think it was like a, like a obnoxious clap. Like people didn't really mean it. Oh.

Like they were just doing it to be dicks. And then like, you know, one person starts clapping, you start clapping. Yeah. It's like, it's one person starts running, you start running. Yeah. You know, especially like old white people, like once you start clapping that they're just like, they're on board for the clap. Yeah.

They love clapping. I can't, I can't. Oh, by the way, you know, they're trying to ban clapping. I'm so glad this came up, by the way. You didn't see him on Twitter. I reposted something. They're trying to ban clapping. Yeah, dog.

From like, from earth. Not that, I mean, I don't know who they is. Like, I mean, I know it's not going to happen. Well, they, it's they, they're, they're trying to do it. Yes, they are. Yeah. Um, yeah. So it said a non-binary force.

This was on Good Morning Britain, classic Brits. Yeah. I don't even know. I honestly don't even know what I mean. I was joking. I don't want to get beat up by the Britain, Britain, by the Britain. I don't want to get beat up by the Britons. Britons don't beat me up.

Um, no, but some woman, uh, says theaters should swap clapping for jazz hands to be more inclusive to those with anxiety or sensitivity allowed sounds. So a dude's up there playing his heart out, maybe celloing to hell. And we just got to, that would give me anxiety. If I saw, I'd be like, yo, what happened? I can't hear anything. Not only that, but it's how creepy would this be looking out and just seeing people like that?

I'd be like, ew. Just a sea of people shaking. Yeah. That's scary. Yeah. But, uh, so I think that's a little ridiculous though. I think this, this world in general as a whole is just starting to get ridiculous. Yeah.

You know, I, I do, I will say this. I will say that for things like clapping and shit, like, come on, what are we doing here? See the, the problem with that and I, and a lot of some people didn't really like what I had to say because I said pretty soon we'll be sitting in silence, trying not to offend each other. What a wonderful world that'll be. Um, which I, I, I think would be the police coming after you boy.

Yeah. They didn't like that too much. But the reason why I said that is because I think it's just as damaging to just shield people from whatever it is that bothers them. There is something like, I talk about on the podcast all the time where like being uncomfortable is important. Yeah. But that's like also like how you recover from anxiety in ways you have to put yourself

in. Dude, I, I suffer from like crippling anxiety. It sucks. Your sister struggles with it. So it's like, you know, I, I, for one, as somebody who has panic disorder, this isn't going to help me. Yeah. And it's, you know, you know what I'm saying?

Well, I mean, I don't know what they're trying to say. Well, no, it's like being overly sensitive. But no, there's people that just have different sensitivities and like whatever, like some people that have other anxieties, like don't like loud sounds or whatever. But what I'm saying, don't go to the fucking movie theater. That's what I'm saying. Like just don't go to those things. Like if you have vertigo, we're not going to slow down roller coasters.

Just don't go on roller coasters. You know what I mean? Don't go to a fucking John Mayer concert then. Yeah. So that's where those headphones that babies wear at, at Super Bowls. You always, the babies always have those little headphones on. Jamming out. Yeah.

Give them those. Yeah. That baby has no idea what's going on. It's probably shitting itself. It's the scariest fuck. All four being inclusive and making the world a better place for everyone, but there is a certain line that you can't cross where it becomes enabling in a way. You can't enable that behavior because if that, if you decide like, okay, at theaters,

like no one can make loud sounds, right, then what you're, what you're doing is obviously, it's not even about the theater. It's in my eyes. You know what I mean? It's just the notion of we have to make sure that everyone's comfortable. Everyone's not going to be comfortable. No matter what you do. Yeah.

And then you're setting them up for failure in that way of being like, like I said, if you have vertigo, cause I know someone with a vertigo and they don't go on roller coasters because it's like all that motion is just going to give me a headache. I'm going to get dizzy and like it's going to fuck up my day. So they don't go on roller coasters. But for that person to expect to be like, you know what they should do for people with vertigo to slow down the roller coasters and make it more of a scenic ride. Yeah.

And that would be, it's like, dude, that defeats the purpose here. Yeah. You're supposed to shit your pants on a roller coaster. Yeah. It's the speed. It's the whatever the fuck. And you're supposed to get a little dizzy. It's like, that's what roller coasters are.

If you would like to enjoy a roller coaster, invent your own. Yeah. You know, like there should be some, should there be some roller coasters that are slow and like whatever, like maybe, I don't even know how fun that would be, but like do that or some theaters that are like, this is a theater strictly for people that have these kind of. Yeah. But you can't just all of a sudden expect the world to turn on a side and be like, now

we have to cater to everyone. Yeah. Because. Well, that's a thing. That's one of the problems I kind of have is that like people have to understand that like you can't do everything. Yeah. Like if there is like physical limitations to certain things, you can't do everything

that you want to do, you know, but like, yeah, like when I was going through my stuff and my panic disorder was like at its worst, it was like, I wasn't going to stuff. And then I was just like, yo, I have to go. Yeah. But like I went, I went for myself. Like I wouldn't expect everyone to be like, hey, can everybody in here be more quiet so I could feel more comfortable. Yeah.

Which is like, you know. Come on. Yeah. But again, I'm not one of those people that's like, oh my God, just like, I've been around people sometimes that you go to like a bar or something and they have like a gender neutral bathroom and they'll just make a comment and you're like, this isn't a big deal. Dude, just go take a piss or shit and shut up. Yeah.

It's like, yeah, it's like, you know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. I'm like, I'm not like, oh my God, it's boy and girl for God's sake. But like I said, I'm all for shit like that. There's just a certain line where it becomes enabling. There's another one too. They got rid of tag in schools. You can't play tag in school anymore.

Why? Because it's like too physical of a game. It's not. What's physical about it? You tell me. I don't know. Schools around America. I'm not going to say around the world because I live here, but they are banning tag.

You cannot play tag. They ban dodgeball too, I think, right? Like what the fuck? I've crushed kids with dodgeball. Yeah, but it's like gator skin ball. As long as you're not using the one filled with air, you're good. Wait, what? Gator skin balls, they have the foam inside of them and they're covered by that weird

throw. There's always rips in them. You could finger it and throw a weird curveball at someone. I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, those ones. You can't hurt anybody with that. No, yeah, you can't. Why?

Dodgeball is one of the best school gym games of all time and you're fucking ripping it away from children. Let them have dodgeball. Let them have tag. Okay? That's like a very simple game. Yeah, I learned how to get away from my parents through tag. What?

They would strike me at times. They would strike you? Yeah. Yeah, no, I made my name in these streets with tag. Yeah. How fast. You know what I mean? I could put the jukes on people.

That's what I'm saying. Like why can't a kid play tag? You know what a kid's natural instinct is? Run. Run around. Chase your friends. They're like puppies. They want to run around until they're fucking, they can't really do it much anymore.

Like horses. Horses will run until, you know, horses will run until they have a heart attack and just die. Yes. That's dumb. Kids want to run around. It is dumb. Kids will run around.

You know what's also dumb? Dogs will eat themselves to death. Will they? Yes. Because I've always thought about that, but about Charlie, where I'm like, this dog always wants whatever I'm eating, even if he just ate. At what point does he stop eating? Have you ever told them, I do.

What's wrong with you? Yeah. I talked to my dog. Like, yeah, what are you even doing? And he's just looking at me like, I don't know what you just said, but give me some of those fries. I think it's because dogs have no sense of time really. And it's like, what about, you can't feel full?

No, but I think for them, they can't. Like they physically can't because like they're instinctual and they're instant. One of their instincts is to eat and it'll just eat because they don't vomit because they don't really know. Dogs have schedules, domesticated dogs. Yeah. Like Eli knows when he's going to eat. I'm sure Charlie knows when he's going to eat, but it all is around you.

You have to wake up and make the noise and the like, oh, oh, God. Yeah. It's like, yes. You know, but like they'll just keep eating and eating and eating until they die, which crazy to me. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Isn't that crazy?

That's so weird. And when someone told me that about horses, I was like, damn, dude, horses got like, horses are super majestic and like beautiful and shit, but they got a short end to the stick because if they twist their ankle, they just put a bullet in the horse. Yeah. They're like worthless. Yeah. Which is fucked up.

Which is crazy because they're so expensive. They're like 40 grand to get a horse. And then if it like tweaks its knee, it's like, well, put it down. That's like, dude. Also, think about like what a vet bill is for like, if you're nursing a horse back to health, it probably costs you hundreds of thousands of dollars. And not only that, but have you seen the videos of the vets that have to put on a giant arm condom and go inside of the horses on horses?

And what are you doing in there? Checking? I don't know. I think it like helps like expose their puss or something. I think, yeah. Like why do you have to go to their asshole or get to their puss that just sounds like extra work? Who was the guy who was like, I'm going in through the back?

I always wonder about stuff like that because also like you got to figure a guy was like, you know, we can get in there a little bit, you know, and just like, but then someone pushed the boundaries and was like, I'm going as far as I can go because they get up to their shoulder. Yeah. Do you remember when Johnny Knoxville did it? Yeah. Would you do it?

Yeah. I would do it, but I'd be very scared to get kicked. I would too. If I knew I wasn't getting kicked, if I'll do a cow, cows can kick. Yeah. But like not like a horse. There are two tons. Dude.

If a horse though, I'd be more afraid of getting kicked by a horse than getting kicked by a cow. A horse will kill you. Yeah, dude. It will cave my chest in like a goddamn piece of fucking aluminum foil. Yeah, it really will. I'm trying to like think of a contraption that could just if I knew for a fact, I wasn't going to get kicked and I was like safe.

I would put my whole arm into a horse. Yeah. Just to say, just for Instagram, honestly, let's be Frank here. I mean, that would be great content with your whole arm up a horse's ass. Yeah. If anyone owns a farm, me and Danny would love to fly out maybe in a couple of weeks or I get a break and put our arm in your horse. Yeah.

I want to put our arm up your horse or your cow and artificially inseminate it. Yeah. Well. That's what they do it for. Yeah. Don't they have to like? They're not just sending their fucking finger and fucking fist and ass. No, I think they are.

I mean, they are in the grand scheme. They are fisting ass, but it's to get like, I don't know what it is. Sometimes they turn babies is like the right way in there, which is just insane to me. But they do that with humans too, but they don't go up your asshole. Yeah. They go up your front hole. I think they just like rub your stomach like a magic like a fucking magic crystal ball like pottery.

Yeah. Shaping it. All right. I got it. I got it. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, exactly.

Weird dude. I mean, I would love to put my arm into a horse. Yeah. And that's it. I would. I would like I would love to go to a fucking straight up night and kidding would love to go to a farm and just experience all that shit. You know what I mean?

Like I would love to like I don't want to kill nothing because I don't have. But I want to hold like little baby animals like I want to hold a baby tiger. I want to like feed a horse carrots. I want to put my arm in its ass. I want it to lick a sugar cube for my hand. I want that too. I want a chicken to kind of chase me and like get my blood like boiling a little bit because I get scared.

Turkeys are mad scary. I would love to see one of those. Oh, pigs would love. I could watch pigs eat for hours. Do pigs have hair on them? Yeah. Like very light pubic hair. It's like finite hair.

Right. Yes. It's like blonde pubic hair all over their body. Okay. Weird texture of the skin. Yeah. It's a little bit cute for that reason. I would love to just carry a piglet around for one day.

Put it in my bag. Yeah. Or like a little papoose. If I could, if I could carry around a pig. I'd get a purse. Yeah. You know what I mean? Fuck yeah dude.

The only reason why I don't get a purse is because I know it's like a female thing. You know what I mean? And I'm still like too self conscious to be breaking down barriers like Jayden Smith. But if piglets were a thing that I could just have in New York City, getting a purse, putting the piglet in the purse. You'd say something about my purse. I got a pig in it. You could own a piglet in New York.

Can you? Yeah. I think you can. I don't even know if I want one. Hey yeah. I just want to hold it for like four hours. I would love to hold a piglet and then walk around. That thing would be a vagina mag.

Nit. Dude. Yeah. Girls would be like is that a piglet? Is that a pig? Oh my God. He's so fucking cute. You'd be the fucking man.

Yeah. And then it would just shit in your purse. Yeah. Dude, would you categorize what I wear as a purse? That's a bag. I don't know what it is. Those are fine. I like those.

The side bags. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people still aren't fans of those. I like them though. I think they're cool. By the way, I'm just going to go on record and say this. This summer, Keith turns 30 years old.

It's a big birthday for Keith. And I'm getting a fucking petting zoo. Yes. I'm doing that. Yeah. That's a thing that's happening. Yes. I've already decided and I have someone's card.

Yeah. Damn. It's going down to my invited. Yeah. Mother fucking llama bitch. What? Yeah. Piglets.

Stop. Goats. Stop. This is all going to come true. Yeah. Wow. It's birthday. I don't know.

But this is, I swear to God, if it all cost $10,000 would be the easiest money I ever spent on one day. Fuck yeah. Yo, llamas dude. So they just pull up to your crib with mad animals and just come in your house? They don't go in your house. I don't think they go in your house. You put a llama in here?

Like the fuck? Also they'd be shitting probably. Llamas here. Llamas here. Open up the door. Llamas here. Put them in the back. Put them in the bedroom.

Put them in the bedroom for now. Put some newspaper down. You can't be around the pigs. Yeah. Separate them. I hated when people had that too. They had like a dog and a cat but like they didn't get along. Get rid of one of them.

Or just don't get. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. The dog and the cat don't really get along. So why are you just ruining their lives? Also, you know like fighter fish? Which like they can't, you don't know, wait hold on.

You don't know this? Fighting fish? Fighting fish? Yeah dude. Is this like a board game? What are you talking about? No, no, no. What is a fighter fish?

A fish that fights bitch. Other fish? Of its own kind. Now I gotta Google it because I'm scared. Fighter fish. This might have been a lie that my mom told me back in the day. Well, yeah. She also did write an amazing note to Santa for you.

Nah bro. Siamese fighting fish. Siamese fighting fish? Yeah. Males in particular are prone to high levels of aggression and will attack each other if housed in the same tank. So like back in the day we had two fighter fish and my mom told me she's like we gotta keep these bitches separate.

So they were next to each other, which this was kind of fucked up, they were next to each other in different bowls. They just stared each other like this? That's what I'm saying. That's kind of fucked up. Put them in different rooms mom. Just wait. Yeah, you just wait.

They accidentally put me in your water. That's... How do you even fight as a fish? You don't like... You just ram into each other? Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? I guess some of them have teeth?

Damn dude, we're one with a fish tie. Yeah, a fight to the death. To the death. It's kind of crazy. That's kind of crazy if you really think about it when like people feed other animals to snakes. Yeah. It's just like, alright, I got something for you.

I've done that. Yeah. We're not snakes. I fed a snake. Keith used to have big ass lizards and we had to get a little mice, which is foul. But they breed them to be fed. That's fucked up. I know.

There's literally labs all over the place where they're just breeding mice so you can give it to like your fish. We're dead ass making babies. Yeah. And just killing them immediately. I know. It's fucked. And they come in a Chinese takeout box.

Yeah. And for what? For a snake? Fuck snakes. Snakes bring nothing to the table. Let snakes get it on their own. They're capable. Yeah.

And so are lizards. I've made the mistake. I've, you know, I'm trying to go down a right path now. I say fuck all these animals. Right. I've got a dog, cat, fucking. And that's it. What else?

What other animals do you need? If it needs to be encased all day, you don't need to have it. Don't get, yeah. Dude. And I've gone to people's houses where they have a snake and they're like, oh yeah, just put that rock on top of the screen so it doesn't get out. I'm like, you tell me these things even strong enough to even just pop its way out. Do get rid of it before it ends up fucking halfway down your leg when you wake up in the

morning and you're about to get swallowed hold. I also hate when you walk into someone's house and they have the weird heat lamp on top of it. Yeah. It was like a burgundy light. Yeah. I'm just keeping it warm. Dude, this thing is a fucking science project.

It simulates tropical weather. I was like, dude, this thing out of here. Only thing holding me back from the snake is a stupid heat lamp. Get it. Get rid of it. We used to have a heat rock too. You had to plug it into the wall. Shit was hot.

The fucking thing loved it, man. I remember a kid, I was babysitting once, had fish and he was like pretty attached to these fish, which really made me sad about him because it's like, damn, dude, like you love these fish. For fuck this, kid, but I just want to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm there and like, you know how you have to have like a motor in there or some shit, like a filter? Yeah.

The thing got sucked up the filter and all I hear is like, oh my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. And I'm like, yo, what's going on? I was like, my fish isn't enough. He got sucked up the hose. Who was this kid?

Who was this kid? This is a very little kid. What was he getting? Elf? Why does he sound like that? Why are you small? He was like maybe like second grade. He's like, wow.

So I'm like, yo, I got to save this fish, right? So I popped the filter off. Oh. You're out, right? I'm in the sink running water to keep him alive while I'm trying to get him out that bitch, right? So I'm doing this. I'm doing this.

I get the fish out. Goes right in the drain of the sink. Yeah. Yes. And I had to convince the kid that the fish was dead because I couldn't get it because the thing was- That fish was alive, dog. It was alive.

It was alive. It was in the back. It was in the bathroom sink and when it went down. You did so many smart things, dude. I know. And the one smartest thing, I fucked it up. I fucked it up. And then I was trying to get him out with a toothbrush and I could feel his tail.

Like I was feeling his tail. Whose toothbrush? Was it his? Because now he might have salmonella. Double whammy. Yeah. But I tried because I've saved this fish before. No.

This is a- This was a- A troubled fish. Yeah, it was a troubled fish. Yeah. So if anything, I freed this. Yeah. If anything, most fish that I saw, you went to the ocean.

Exactly. Yeah. He's dead. He's done. So I've saved him from this filter before, but this is a dangerous filter. Yeah. But he was just small enough to get in there and it was his favorite fish. A lot of knows about this.

It's his favorite fish and he went down the drain and I couldn't get him out and then he was just gone. And then when the dad came home, I was like, yo, listen, you know, I forgot the name of the fish, but it was a typical fish name like Sparkles or Sprinkles or some shit. Yeah. And I was just like, listen, Sprinkles, we were trying to save him. He got stuck in the filter and he went down the sink and he's gone. And the dad looked at me and he goes, and I'm like, oh, is he mad?

He was like, yo, thank God that fish is gone. He hated this fish. How do you hate a fish? Because it probably is some as fucking like obsessed with it. Dude, I'll never get my kids fish. Yeah, or birds. Fuck. Fuck birds.

Birds as a gift are not good. No. You know, yeah, we actually have to do sponsors. And we're pretty deep into this episode right now. What about a frog? Would you own a frog? I don't a turtle. Because I would like to put like little things on his back and have him bring

him to me real slow, like like the remote tape the thing. Just have him come bring me the remote and also these people with the dogs that can get them to fetch beers and close the fridge. How do you do that? How I need that. How much Caesar Milan are you watching that you can like teach your dog to do how is that even possible? I didn't even think dogs are smart enough to do such things.

They are apparently. Yeah. Can you grab my laptop over there? Yeah. Where is it? Right there. Oh, it's under Keith's face. Yes, it's under Keith's face. I'm supposed to have these lined up, but I don't. It's all right. It's all right.

So we'll just talk. Yeah, I mean, but we covered everything so far up until this virginity dead fish. Remember when people will see if girls were dead fish? They would ask, but you know, is she a dead fish? You don't know that saying I do. But this is weird. All right, let's get to these sponsors. Yeah, yeah.

All right, we're going to start off with MVMT watches. Holidays are coming up. You don't know what to get. Your guy, your girl or whoever, your aunt, uncle, mom, dad, doesn't matter. Step dad, get an MVMT watch. OK, you're covered this season. They got hundreds of watches. They started just $95 clean design, minimal, OK, and really quality products.

Like, I got a bunch of MVMT watches. Actually, this weekend when I was in Chicago, this kid that I was with had one of them on. I was like, yo, is that MVMT? I was like, those are my dogs. OK, homies, homies. Go check them out. Go check out MVMT. But yeah, I always talk about the watch that I have that I wear all the time. The other one, actually, I'm not even going to lie, I haven't worn in a while. But the one that I usually wear is silver with a blue face, super clean, love MVMT

and they're super affordable. And now, even in the holiday season, they're going to get even more affordable. Because like I said, they started just $95 and you can get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to MVMT.com slash basement that is MVMT.com slash basement. So you start at 95, so you get 15% off when you use MVMT.com slash basement. OK, so go check that out. It's a great gift for anyone for the holidays.

So definitely hit them up, OK? Next, also kind of related to the holiday season. We got stamps.com, which brings all the amazing services of the US Postal Service right to your computer, whether you're a small office sending invoices or you want to send your antipackage, you send in some socks or sweaters to your relatives, you use stamps.com. OK? It's no brainer. You save time and money. Over 700,000 small businesses already use stamps.com, so you should too.

And with stamps.com, you get five cents off every first class stamp and up to 40% off priority mail. So go definitely go check them out. I've used them in the past. I always use them. My sister is a big time stamps.com user. So, yeah, there you go. There's no risk promo code is basement. You get a special offer that includes a four week trial

plus free postage and a digital scale, no long term commitment or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in basements that is stamps.com and enter basement. And listen, I know you're going to be sending packages to people holiday season. Maybe you can't like your aunt from North Carolina can't make it. You want to send her a nice gift. You stamps.com print out your stuff. You get some money off. Check it out. Again, you go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the home page

and type in basement. OK. Get your stamp on. Get your stamp on. OK. And we got a bunch of sponsors today. I mean, the holiday season is busy, so I want everyone to have it all out there. You got idea. Like for me, at least I don't know what to buy people for for the holiday until like two days before and then I panic and somehow make it happen. So that's why we have a bunch of sponsors today.

So you guys have ideas of things you can buy one of them. Now we have a new one is some nice jewelry from Majuri. OK. Kind of rhymes there a little bit jewelry from a jury from Majuri. Majuri makes a handcrafted fine jewelry for every day. OK. They have stuff called like a boyfriend stacker ring and a single mini hoop. You know what I'm saying?

They make I got a lot of some earrings off the jury. There you go. And I'll get to why that is huge. You don't have to go to a mall and guess what you'll like or like, fend off those pushy people who like come up to you and like, dude, please just buy this whatever. It's kiosk gold. Yeah, I'm done with this. OK, I'm not doing that.

You just go to Majuri dot com. Check out the pieces. You probably get just about anything there and she'll like it. Let's be honest. I checked out their their site tons of paces there that are nice and super affordable as well for show. They've removed a diamond ring that's easily over five hundred dollars at a traditional retailer is less than two hundred at Majuri.

And it's not because they're cutting corners. It's because they're remove the traditional markups. OK. Love that. Making it more affordable. Love that. Hate markups, hate markups. And when it comes to pricing, you can see how they price each item

in comparison to estimated retail costs on every page. So definitely go check them out. And also every week they feature a new item this week. It's the four styles Galaxy Edition, all 14 karat gold. But yeah, or, you know, just you can get her something right now. Go to Majuri dot com slash basement for free shipping on orders over one hundred dollars, spelled M E J U R I dot com slash basement. Again, Majuri dot com M E J U R I dot com slash basement.

OK, so go check that out. Some nice jewelry pieces for the holidays. You know, get your girls on nice. Yeah, and there's no no sense in overpaying for something. Go to Majuri or get yourself something nice or get yourself something really nice. I love buying myself gifts all the time. All the time, all the time. Next, we have better help, which.

Is like online counseling that's there for you. They have professionals that you can connect with in a safe and private online environment. It's very convenient, you know, it's for their licensed professionals, counselors who specialize in, you know, self esteem, relationships, anxiety, stress, depression, sleeping, anything you share is confidential. If you're not happy with your counselor for any reason, you can request a new one at any time, no additional charge.

There's 3000 US licensed therapists across all 50 states. It's available worldwide. You can text, chat, phone or video, and you can start communicating in just under 24 hours. So, you know, if, you know, especially on the show, we talk about like mental health a lot and like Danny's gone through his stuff and I've had some things in the past as well. This just seems like a very good service that people should use. And actually, I wanted to say because we did do a spot for them a while ago

and there was some backlash from it because there were some reports that there was something wrong with this company and maybe there wasn't licensed professionals that were, you know, working for this company. And I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. So I was like, you know what, it's not worth it to me if this is a company and that's doing something like that, like, forget it. Like, you know, I didn't do my research or anything. But I've talked to, you know, the founder of the company.

I've done my own personal research due diligence. Yeah. And I've found that there wasn't a whole lot of. Evidence or fact behind those claims. When we originally read the read for them on the podcast, like it was something I mean, Danny both talked about afterwards being like, though, that's an awesome service that you could like text a therapist. And, you know, it's it's like something like that should exist. And then when all that stuff came out, I was like, oh, that's definitely

not what I want to be like a part of. But after talking to these people and getting an explanation and, you know, doing my own research, you know, I think that there may have been some miscommunication there. But again, because we care about our audience. Yeah, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think that the service was like right like a good service, like something that I would use. But definitely, you know, just give it a shot. If anyone has a very bad experience with it, don't hesitate to hit me up.

You know, and just let me know. But from what I gather, all that stuff, there wasn't a whole lot of evidence to support the rumor that they didn't have a licensed professionals. And, you know, like I said, I've done research. I've talked to people who's advertised for them and stuff like that. So, yeah, just, you know, check it out. Also, it's also very affordable. You guys can get 10% off your first month with the discount code YARD.

So when I could start it today, go to betterhelp.com slash YARD. That is betterhelp.com slash YARD. Yeah, like I said, don't be super controlled by a rumor. It would be unfortunate if a service that is trying to do something so great for people is destroyed by a rumor, but also at the same time. Try it out. Let me know your experience. If it's if it's terrible, then I'm going to try.

I'm going to try that. I'm going to personally try it out myself. Go check it out. Lastly, we have Peloton, which. What a gift this would be for people. Wow. OK. What? I said, yeah, like wow.

Oh, I thought. Yeah, it would be a great gift for people. Peloton, they have a 30-day home trial. OK, basically, so, you know, this is a gift that is. What are you doing over there? Right, riding a bike. You're riding a bike. Yeah, OK, yeah.

So they they have a workout bike. This holiday season, give your loved one what they really want. OK, give them the gift of Peloton. Have you ever used a Peloton bike? Yes, they have the screens on them, right? The screens with like trainers on them and like motivate you to keep going. It's like a class that you could take it like any time. Like it's it's really convenient.

You know, you get to sweat it up in your own in the comfort of your own home. You don't have to go to a gym or anything like that. But it's it's it's a great thing. And the gift of a worry-free trial as well with Peloton's new 30-day home trial, they can try the bike worry-free for 30 days and they should decide if it's not for them. They can return the bike for a full refund. Peloton will even come pick it up at no cost. That's an awesome refund, I would say.

And it's a gift you keep on using with an endless variety of entertaining live and on-demand classes, plus motivation from world class and show. It's the gift that keeps them coming back well beyond the holiday season. All right. So go definitely go check out Peloton. Like I said, all these things are like amazing, but that you could like have a professional basically on demand. Yeah.

Doing like a biking class. Dude's like very very futuristic. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. That's what it is. One subscription comes with multiple profiles. The whole home can use it from pop rides to metric rides.

There's a workout for every member of your family. This holiday, give the gifts of Peloton for a limited time. Get $100 off accessories when you purchase the Peloton bike. Go to onepeloton.com and use the promo code basement at checkout. Peloton spelled P-E-L-O-T-O-N dot com. Onepeloton.com and use the promo code P-E-L-O-N dot com. And use the promo code basement at checkout for $100 off of accessories when you purchase the Peloton bike. All right, peeps.

There you go. That was a lot of ads today, but I will say this. Christmas is coming around. Good. So is everything else? Hanukkah? Money's got to come in for money to come out. That's just how it works.

You got to make money. You have to spend money to make money and make money to spend money, you know? That's a fact. I think so. I think Abraham Lincoln said that. He did say that. Yeah. Can we talk about this dog with that fucking tail on its head?

Where? There's a dog going around named Norwhal and it's a puppy and he has two tails. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Yeah. He has one on his head and he has one on his butt. Everyone's saying how cute it is. I'm going to come in with a super hot take.

I'm not digging it. I'm not crazy about this extra forehead tail. Thank you. I'm not. I don't know, man. I'm not like, you know, like, listen, like, a dog's cute. Don't get me wrong. It's a cute dog.

But I'm not going to be like, oh, it has a tail growing out of its head. No. If I had a growth on my head, no one's going to think I'm cute. Yeah. You're going to think I'm a bumpy, lumpy boy. Yeah. I've got enough bumps in my life, which is I want to go on record. My butt is okay.

Just everyone's keeps asking about my ass. Oh, okay. Cool. Many people asking about my butt. I mean, you made a whole big thing about your butt. Because it's a big deal. If you see the comments, there's a lot of people that have suffered with the same butt prop.

It's a pinot 906. Pinot 906. But yeah, but this dog has a little tail on it. Yeah. It kind of creeps me out. It looks like the curl that John Travolta had in Greece. Yes. But it's a tail.

Yeah. And it's foxy looking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the puppy around the tail is very cute. Adorable. But then you got a tail right here.

You know what would make that dog cuter? No tail in the forehead. No fucking tail on its head. Yeah. No extra appendage. Like, is it one of those things like if you remove it, it'll die. Then leave the tail. Right.

You know, it's like, dude, you have a bullet in your chest. But if we take it out, you'll die. Yeah. So you have to live with it. Keep it. Keep it. But if we can take the tail off, I would love to take the tail off the stone. I will even go as far to say this.

If the tail wags when he's excited, now I'm disgusted. I think can't move. I hope not. Because I can't have a wagon face. And then what's weird is if you're rubbing it and you're rubbing his head and you're just pulling his head tail back, like back and forth. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah.

I'm not on the Norwalk. This is super cute train. Yeah. I would almost rather him have a whole other face. Yeah. Because then you could pet two faces. Yeah. Two dog faces.

Like if a dog had two heads. A double-headed dog. That'd be cool. Yeah. But if one of those faces had a tail on it, I'd like the other one more. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean.

Listen, if I had an extra finger grown out of the side of my face, you wouldn't be like, oh. You'd be like, yo, you disgusting freak. Yeah. Get that taken off your face. Yeah. Or go work for the circus. Yeah.

No, remember the circus? It was always the bearded lady. Is that really a circus thing? People were blown away that women had. That woman has a beard. Oh my God. Suck it down, popcorn. Just so you guys know, all your girlfriends and all of them are in there fucking putting

that cream on their mustache, that nair shit. Yeah. They're all doing that shit. Yeah, they're all hairy. They could all do that shit. They're not going to be as thick as some. You know? Yeah.

I would love to see a bitch with like full-blown bees I hear. Like just something like a grizzly Adams. That would be tight. Yeah. I will say that there were girls in my middle school. Mustached up. Those bitches had stashes. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. They did. They did. They were stashed. They were very stashed up, which was crazy because I couldn't grow facial hair. But I was like, why is she able to? Lucky bitch. Yeah.

I was almost jealous. I know. And yeah. One thing I will say also, especially like Italian girls, they got hairy arms on them, because they're hairy. I don't even care though. But it's their hair is also black. It's dark hair.

So that's why it shows up a lot. Yeah. As long as you don't look like Robin Williams, like I don't give a shit for shit. But I'm just, I'm bringing it up because. Can a girl be too hairy for you to like have sex or like for arms or mad hairy? No. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, if it was like Robin. Yeah. If she had like hair going up like a dude, like all like up here. You know? Let's just be honest. Hairy shoulders. Yeah. Bit much for me.

That's what I'm saying. The forearms fine. Cause like that's where my hair stops, I think. Yeah. Like I don't have hair on my arm. I don't. I get hair like up here. I mean, I get like random stragglers back here.

You have light hair up there. So like I'll remove hair from right here. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Cause I have like some like hair that grows here and it's weird. I don't like it. Yeah.

Some like Italian girls that have hairy forearms and it's like, it's fine. Like I don't really care. I don't think it's like that crazy, but they're very self-conscious about it. Oh yeah. And then they also have like those sideburns. Like girls have. Oh yeah. My ex-girlfriend from in eighth grade burned up.

Yeah. I'm like, bitch, you want me to line that up for you? Yeah. You want a chin strap? Like what are we doing? Honestly, this shit went low. Like it went like. Yeah, dude.

She was hot though. Yeah. Back then. I'm not saying, I'm not thinking about her now. I'm thinking I'm transporting my body back to eighth grade. You can see past the burns. Yeah. I was way past the burns.

Yeah. I was way past it. But yeah, shout out to her. And her sideburns. Hope they're doing well. I hope that she doesn't watch the show. She's very nice. Hope they shortened up for you.

I'm sure it cleared up. Yeah, yeah. I hope you grew into them. Yeah. Yeah. But that was always the thing for me. The circus and a bearded lady. So the circus is so crazy because the fact that they had a traveling freak show, right?

And it was just like, look at all these people with extra appendages and fucking some deformity. Yeah. Let's put them out there like they're freaks. And then they'd sign up for that. Yeah. Yeah. And there was always a one-eyed guy. Is that a thing?

Yeah, I guess so. One dude with one eye. I've never seen that episode. Oh, like a Cyclops man? I thought you meant he just had a one eye and was just walking around like. No, no. People have one eye. Yeah.

I was about to say there's many men with one eye. Well, who has a singular eye socket? I, for one, have never seen a Cyclops man. And there's always like the hairy faced boy. Yeah. There's like a wolf boy. The wolf boy who's just like his face is covered in hair. Yeah.

And then there's like, like, well, I think they would like bring like, like, not lepers but like people that like they're like, they had like skin deformities and shit. Yeah. And they would bring them out and just parade them around. Yeah. It's like, look at this guy. He's got bumpy skin like a cucumber. Yeah.

That's what it was. It was crazy. Yeah. I was like, dude, people would pay to just go. Fucked up. Yeah. People would just pay to just go. Ew.

Yeah. And then they would be. Aw, sick. And then I'm thinking of like, yeah. And I'm thinking like. Oh, look at him. He's gross. And think of the actual freaks.

I don't know what to call them because that's what they are. I mean, they're freaks. Because they signed up to be a part of the freak show. Yeah. Those people who work for the show. I'm not, I'm not calling them freaks. I'm just saying that's what they called themselves. Why would they sign up for that?

Just to get paid off of their. Yeah. Facial, facial hair. Their likeness. They were the first influencers. Yeah. Yeah. The bearded lady was like, would have been popping on IG.

Now we have like Bella Thorne like just let some fly. See girls with armpit hair. Listen, do whatever you want. I could never date some, a girl with armpit hair. Well, launch yourself. No, I'm just being honest. It's a big, that's a deal breaker for me. I couldn't do it.

Because. Just because it's, I hate my armpit hair. Yeah. I'm going to hate yours. Right. You know? And it's just not, it doesn't do it for me. It doesn't make me, doesn't get me sexy.

I react however you want. No, I don't. I don't want to see you with armpit hair. It's just not my type. I'm allowed to have a type. Of course. I don't have to date everybody. I agree.

I will say this too. About the people who get upset that dudes are like, oh, kind of gross. It's like, yo, can you blame a guy who has been socialized into thinking like this is what a woman looks like. And like, I know a lot of women who just shave every part of their body and they're like, forget hair at all. Yeah. The ones on my head, my eyebrows and that's all.

But you can't really get upset when it's like, like this is all that dude like knows, you know? Yeah. Like it has to be an adjustment period. If like, all right, cool. You could start growing out your armpit hair, but it's going to take me a while to like warm up to it. Like I can't just be like, oh, it's gorgeous.

Like great. Yeah. If I was hanging out and girl came up to me and I shit you not. I couldn't date them for a long period of time just because I wouldn't want to explain it. Oh, because you're like, your girlfriend's got something. Yeah. I wouldn't want to explain it all the time.

And I wouldn't want to have to, because I listen, we live in the real world. Guys are going to be like, yo, what is that? Yeah. Like, no one's going to pretend it's not there. That's what I'm saying. No one's going to be like, oh, yo, she's hot. I'm like, dude, she has full on armpit hair. Yeah.

You know? And it's, and that is, and by definition, that is weird because they haven't had armpit hair for hundreds of years. So sorry if it's weird. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's strange. Do what you want.

Happy for you. Yeah. If it makes you feel free. But let's not. It is strange. And also girls with armpit hair usually date a certain type of guy anyway. They have a type. Everyone has a type.

Everyone has a type. You can't get mad at people for having types. Types. Turn-ons and turn-offs. Yeah. Turn-ons and turn-offs. Yeah. You just repeated both those.

Yeah. I tried to say something else, but it didn't come out of my mouth. You don't. Like, we're not going to look at him and go, oh. No. I'll be friends with an armpit bitch. I don't care. I would actually go out of my way to be friend an armpit bitch because I feel, because I

feel like there's a certain type of mentality and way of thinking. Yeah. You don't give a fuck. That leads you to the point of being like, yeah, I'm cool with that. You know what I mean? Your armpit hair just grossed me out. It's not great. Yeah.

Like, who wants that? Ever. Yeah. I buzz mine down. I don't shave it, but I buzz it down. One, I stink less because I get stinky. Yeah. You're a stinky guy.

Yeah. I can get stinky and I buzz mine down because I don't want to be stinky. That's all. You know? Listen. Listen. I'm not the cleanest person in the world. I had a bump on my butt.

I fart a lot. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I have chest hair. I've been known to blow smoke at this boat. Yeah. It's just this boat. Did you just call your butt hole a boat?

I think so. That's kind of cool. I actually like that. Yeah. I like that. My butt's a boat. Your butt is a boat. I do.

I like that. But yeah. Here's the tugboat. Oh, yeah. It's got some stuff behind it. It could pull some weight. It's got some stuff behind it, too. Yeah.

It's pulling some stuff. You know? I'm sure people will be offended by that, but I'm just speaking my truth, Doug. Yeah. It's a fact. And also, it's true, though. Yeah, man. Don't fucking come at me.

I just don't like that. Come at me with your pits? Yeah. Listen. If you want to have a hairy vagina, that's fine. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine.

That's your vagina. Dude, my fucking balls look like a whole whisk of weeds. Whisk? Is that what it's called? I don't think so. Isn't that what you have big brownies with or something? Or like whisk somebody away? Can't you whisk somebody away?

I thought I only know whisk of this. I thought I whisk them away. Whisk? Why am I having such a hard time with that? I don't know. You're flustered. No, I'm not. I'm just passionate.

About hair. I'm passionate about hair. Arm pits. I get my back waxed. Do you? Yeah. Nice. Does it hurt?

Yes. But thankfully, I don't have like a deep-rooted hair. Yeah, like a werewolf situation. I have like... How often? I have like patches. See, I hate that look. Yeah.

It's like one here, here, and that's it. You want to hear something gross? I do it like every month. You want to hear something gross? Yeah. I know a kid who has like a birthmark on his back and only that gross hair. Ew. It's like a planet.

Yeah. It's like a garden. You know what I'm saying? Because it's darker than the rest of his back. When he showers, it basically waters it. Yes. I also have one long-ass hair that grows out of my shoulder. Oh, yeah.

And it's impossible to pull it out. Yeah. It's deep. I will... I groom myself a lot. Like, I go... I'm going to go get these done. Like, my nails are long.

You got some hairy nucks. Yeah. I have hairy hands. I have hairy feet. Damn, you got hairy hands. Your hair comes up to the... Your hair comes up to your fucking... Right here.

Your brim. Right here. No, I'm talking about on your actual hand. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's called being a man.

Yeah. No, but like, I do have hairy feet. Look at my feet. Ew, that footnuck. Yeah, dude. I got hairy feet. Like, I'm not saying like, you know... What about girls with hairy feet?

Is that a thing? No. Girls don't grow hair on their feet. There's no way. And if they do, God, I feel fucking horrible for you. What? Why is that, though? Like, why do dudes grow facial hair so easily and women don't?

Testosterone. Okay, but what does that mean? Like, what is... But I'm talking about... What is that, like, evolutionary reason? Well, I don't know scientifically, but it would just produce... I'm just kidding. It just produces a chemical that produces hair more.

But why your face? To keep your face warm? Yeah, because men in ancient times were hunter-gatherers, so they were outside more. Okay. And with evolution, their beards were there for warmth. That's what beards are for. I wonder if that is even remotely true. Probably.

I get some things really correct on here. I'm not sure about that one. But yeah. You know, it's scary... It's scary to think, though, that... And that's scary. That's not the right way. It's just weird, like...

Let me ask you this. This is a big question. Oh, no. This is a big one. This is a big one. Yeah, it is. Okay. I was watching old Jerry Springer shows.

You know how I watch... Already know what you're gonna say. Go ahead. Okay. If you're dating somebody who is trans... Yes. Should they have to tell you the night of, like, on a date? You just said if I was dating them.

No. Like, yeah. You went on a date with a trans sexual. And she... And was, like, didn't tell you the first night. But then, like, a month later, you guys been doing some hooking up, kissy-kissy, rubby-titty. You know, maybe she jerks you, sucks you. And then she's like, listen, I got something to tell you.

Would you feel bamboozled? Yeah. I think that... I think you are supposed to disclose that information. I think you should. Yeah, of course. You know? Yeah.

It'd be tough. I hate to compare it to this because I'm not saying they're the same things. I'm not saying these are the same things and I hate to compare it to it. Old Springer was crazy. But I feel like that and... I'm gonna get so much shit for this. That and, like, something like herpes. Right.

Where it's like you know you have it. Right. And you know it's going to be a conversation eventually. Like, you're not having sex with this person. Right. So technically on a first day, there's no real reason to bring it up. But it's something you bring up because you know eventually it's going to get to that point. Right.

So you have to like, you know, whatever. Because listen, at the end of the day, not everyone's cool with trans people. Yeah. So... Sadly, yeah. Find out first. Right. Before you do that.

Because even someone who I assume is transgender wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who's like... discriminating against them. Of course. So why wouldn't you want to get that out of the way first? Because maybe they're afraid. That's... But yeah, but that's fine. But then you can't move all those steps.

Right. And then you get to that point and it's like... Like, that'd be like a big like... If you were lying about your job or something, like even that would like kind of upset me. Well, lying's different. Lying's different. Well, not telling somebody for like a month. And this is all based off Jerry Springer logic here, by the way.

Yeah. Fake show. But like... What happened on Jerry Springer? So it was like I've been dating somebody for a year. Yeah. And like now I'm telling my man that I'm trans. Right.

And they would, you know, do it. Yeah. And I was... I really thought about it. I was like, damn dude. Like imagine though in a real life situation that happened. Right. You'd feel fucking betrayed by that.

I would. About... And it could be something as simple as like what your name is. Even that would be enough for me to be like, yeah, why would you just like... Like even I said, like your job. Like if you just lied about your job for a year. Yeah. I'd be like, dude, what are you...

Like you're a psycho. Yeah. Like why would you just lie? Like just tell me. Yeah. You know? But like me, if I was someone who was trans or like forget about the trans... Because it's all looped into the same kind of mentality for me.

And I would love for someone that's trans in the audience to reach out to me. And let me know. Because this is something I want to learn about here. My thing is this, right? Just to make it easy. Something like if I was ashamed that I worked at... Like I was like a cashier at like fucking Walgreens. And I was ashamed of that.

Right? Not knocking that profession. No, but it's just like a regular fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. If I was ashamed that I was a cashier at Walgreens. And I purposefully deflected the situation. I didn't come out and lie and be like, oh, I work for a bank or whatever.

You know? Right. I just purposefully made sure the conversation never went to work. Like the first time you meet someone. That's one thing of being like, I'm just like ashamed of this. But if you develop a relationship based on you just omitting this information because you know of reaction that you don't want to get. Like, I feel like that's the bad way to go about it.

I feel like you know, like, okay, this is a job that, you know, pays minimum wage. This is, I live in like whatever. If you live at your parents' house or some shit or you do this, you do that. It's like even something like that. You live at home and you're 35 or something, right? It's like that everyone knows is something that is a deal breaker for certain people. Yeah, for sure. So you have to get ahead of that and be like, yo, here's the deal.

Here's the thing. Right. Because there's no point in dating someone for a long period of time and then just saying the thing that you knew was going to be like a conversation in the beginning, maybe. And now it's like, oh, why the fuck would you not say that? Yeah. That's in a way that's fucked up. Like in any capacity.

And also like being trans, it's like on the surface you're, you know, you're a woman. Yes. You believe you're a woman. But you know, some guys are not going to be okay. Right. That you have male genitals still. Or that you once had male genitals. Yeah.

Even that. Even that. Yeah. It's a conversation that needs to be had, I believe. I think that at some point, relatively the first day. Yeah. Because I feel like you don't even want to get involved with someone who might have a problem with that.

So you got to get that out of the way. Yeah. For anything. Like if I, if there was something that I knew I had to say of like, oh, this is where I thought that this may be something that causes a problem. Yeah. It just keeps going. You got to get ahead of that.

You say it immediately because if it's someone who just can't deal with your shit and be like, oh, you, you like this or whatever, it's like, or if you're like, oh, I just want to, you know, like I got crazy anxiety and like I can't go to stadiums and stuff. And this is, and this is a person who's like gung-ho about concerts and like goes to one every weekend. It's like, then it's never going to work out. And you don't want to fucking drag along this conversation and waste your time with this person.

But then you're also playing with people's emotions as well, though. Yeah. But I also just think, because what if you really like this person and then this huge thing about them comes out and you're like, I don't even know who you are. Right. That's why I said even lying about your name. Cause I'd be like, what the fuck else have you like, like why would you lie about your name?

That makes no sense. Yeah. You know, so it's like, get that out of the way and let's move forward. Cause you need to find out. Like why would you want to waste your own time also, especially with, like I said, with the, with the transgender thing, it's so prevalent nowadays and people, it's, it's obvious. They're like the most discriminated against like group. Yeah.

You know, and you know that it's going to be a conversation no matter what. Yeah. And you know, not everyone's cool with it. And it's a very like new thing as far as it being like a mainstream thing. Don't play dumb. Don't be like, oh no, I thought that it didn't matter or I thought that like you have to, you have to say that dude. You know what I'm saying?

Like you have to have some disclosed information. Right. Because it's like, that's an important thing about you and you want people to know that and you should wear that like a badge of honor because you know, you, you, cause you did it. You know, like you, you made the transition. You did you thing like wear it like a badge of honor. Don't play dumb and be like, oh no, this is just, and it's like, people need to know that.

Yes. At least now, maybe one day we can get to the point where it's like, who gives a shit? Yeah, maybe, but there's other people involved here. It's just too new. Yeah. It's just, it's just, it's too emotional. It would be like, it would be like having HIV and being HIV positive and not bringing that up because you know that there's certain pills that you could take now for HIV that

it's like 99% that it's non-transferable after you take your pill and one pill a day. So if in your mind, you're like, oh, I didn't think it was a big deal because I can't give it to you. It's not your decision to make though. Yeah. You know, like I have to make the decision to know that if you have HIV and I, and I'm educated on the fact that like this pill exists and like whatever, like that's still my decision to make.

Right. If I want to do that. Yeah. Like, but you have to disclose that information. Yeah. You don't just like make that decision on your own of like, oh yeah, I can't give it to you so it's not a big deal. Right.

Don't I need to know, you know? For sure. So it's kind of one of those situations. Yeah. It's definitely like, you know, it's definitely, that's a day one conversation there. I think no matter what, at a day one first date, you do everything in your, I think the whole point of a first day is to find out if you're actually compatible with this person at all.

Yeah. Like I, like any first day I've ever been on, it's literally going in with the mindset of being like, trying to push the envelope to find out where we're off. Yeah. You know, because if you're actually going to show up at the same place, clearly you have some sort of chemistry and you're like, you know, whatever, but when you get there and you start having conversations, you want to find out like, okay, where is the thing? Like is she going to like throw some weird racist comment out of nowhere and I'm going,

you know what I mean? Like, and that's what I'm going to get that out of there or like, what is it? So I think you try to find out where that thing is. And things like that, it's like, those are big things, like this is who you are. Yeah. Like just start with who you are, you know? Yeah. For sure.

So I think that's like, that's my whole thing. Did that make sense? Yeah. It made sense to me, but that's not saying much. You know what I mean? But yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's kind of my whole, why and, oh never mind.

Because I watched it on Jerry Springer and then I saw like an article too where there was like a, like a high school girl, I think, who was trans and the parents were upset that like, uh, nobody asked her to prom or something. Okay. And then I was like, yo, but like, I was like, yo, I feel bad for her, but I was like, yo, these kids are like 16. Not only that, but like tons of people don't get asked to prom. Yeah.

You are dropping facts. No, but no, but think about that, it's not hot enough, dude. Honestly, yes. I didn't mean to throw the dude in there. I just meant. No, but like, that's not, you dug that hole when you bought that out. Um, no, but I think that it's, those are one of those things where it's like, yo, these are children that you're dealing with.

Yeah, man. And what do you think a 16 year old has the emotional like, uh, maturity to be like, you know what, forget about looks, let's, let's talk about you as a person and like this and that. It's like, dude, they're 16 years old. Yeah. Like what do you, what do you think? You're not hot to somebody in that school.

No one's going to ask you. That's just how that works. So it works. And like that, that's, is that right? No, but that's how that is. Those are children that we're talking about here. How do you know what I mean? This is a weird segue.

And it's funny because, hold on, just, just compared to something, my dad was one of my basketball coaches, right? Okay. This is the same sort of deal when you compare it to sports. My dad was one of my best well coaches and it was at the end of the game and like the best players are in the game and a parent went up to him and was like, Hey, why doesn't my son like play or he doesn't play enough? And my dad was just like, your son sucks, didn't say that, but it was like, your son's

just not as good as these guys and we're trying to win the game. And that's just what it is, dude. Like this isn't like, we're talking about, uh, we're winning this game is the only thing that matters. You gotta be out there. Right. You know, like, and that's just, that's life. Yeah.

It sucks. It sucks. But it is like that. Yeah, dude. If you're not attractive to someone, you're not going to, if no one's asking you, you're not going. How do you feel when like hot girls ask like, uh, like challenge people to go to fire to prom?

I always think those are really nice. Yeah. Of course it is. You know, of course it's very nice. Yeah. Like that's, that's great. Yeah. You know why?

Because girls that like are aware that they're attractive and can probably go with any of these guys. They're like, it doesn't, it would do nothing for me to go with this dude. Yeah. But I would feel a lot better and I know I would do something nice for this guy. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

And that's a very mature way of doing that. But we're talking about anomalies here. Yeah. Yeah. We're talking, we have to talk about it in a very general sense. So many things have to fall into place. You either go to prom with one of your really good friends, which is actually what I did in high school.

I went to high school, I went, I went to my high school prom with a friend. She was dating another dude. Yeah. Kind of weird. Yeah. It's a little strange. I think they were like newly dating. So it wasn't like whatever, but they were, he was dating somebody, but no, I did not.

No, I did not. But she was great. She was, she was awesome. But we were just like, oh, yo, if you're not going, like if we, if no one, if you're not going to go with anyone by this date, like let's just go us too. Yeah. And then that ended up happening. So we just went and it was a fucking blast.

But I didn't like go out of my way and ask somebody who I like had a crush on or whatever. Cause so it's either you go with a friend or you, or someone you're dating, you're dating or you go with someone who you like, just go out on a limb and kind of ask. Yeah, dude. And as guys, we always shoot high anyway, you know, we, we get fucking shut down all the time. Yeah. Cause I was the man, but you know, so it's, it's just one of those things, man.

It's like, that's the reality of it with prom. I'm not saying that's the best way to go about it, but at the end of the day, it kind of sucks if you, if my daughter came home from high school and was like, no one asks me to go to prom. I'd feel fucking terrible. Yeah. At the same time. It's like, what am I going to do?

Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to get mad at the kids. Like, no, I can't get mad at these fucking kids. It's like they're just being children. Yeah. It's the hard part about it is like, it's part like fuck those kids, bro. And like at the end of the day, fuck those kids. Yeah.

Like in high school, fuck all high schoolers. Yeah. They're assholes. Not that they're assholes. You know what I'm saying? Not that they're assholes, but it's like, they're not who they're not who they're going to be yet. Well, yeah.

I'm just speaking off of my high school. I was a fucking asshole. Yeah. So like, you know, no, but I'm not saying that what I'm saying is like, when you're 18 years old, you have no idea who you are as a person yet. Dude, I still don't know who I am as a person. 30. I know.

For the next like five years though, you're going to just change a big time, like rapidly. There's a very small, just to prove it, there's a very small percentage of people that think about how many people in high school wore like gothic makeup and like chains and then continue to do that after college. I would say 1%. It's a small amount. It's because you just change, man. You go through stuff during those next years.

So I'm not saying fuck all high schoolers in that way. I'm just saying like, fuck them in the sense of like, if my daughter came home and was like, oh man, no one asked me to prom. I'd be like, fuck those kids because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Yeah. You know, but you can't go with your daughter though. No. Like, what do you do?

Like, what advice? I don't have the only advice that I have break my fucking heart, man. Well, yeah, I know. The only advice that I have is what I was trying to explain when I said, fuck those kids. Somebody fuck my daughter. God damn it. Somebody asked my daughter to dance.

Let my daughter grind on you. Fuck. To Acon. No, but I honestly would probably tell her like, look, like, I would say in high school, kids are very surface level and yeah, very entry level people. Yeah. And you have a lot to offer and this is a good like a lesson in a way because they're very surface level, but I'm assuming my child because of how fucking like insanely deep I

can get with conversation would also be like that. So it's like, you have a lot to offer the world and like this is just a day that people think matters, but it doesn't. I don't even remember mine. Yeah. I remember bits and pieces of it, but I wasn't even like drunk. It was all right, but uh, no, but that's, that's kind of what I would say. Like I would never want my daughter to feel like, oh, you're not good enough because you

didn't get asked the prom. Like there, there could be a multiple amount of reasons why someone didn't ask you. Dude, I'm thinking back on it in high school, just the kind of person I was. There's no way I could have asked a girl that I was interested in who I wasn't friends with. No way that would happen. Like I would be terrified. Also in high school, like people make your relationships for you. Not really.

Yeah. No, but they'll be like, she likes you. Yeah. There's like a, there's like a brokerage. Yeah. There's a great vine that gets spoken through and then it's just like, all right, you know, it's going to happen. It's just, and then like everyone leaves you alone, you know, and it's like, this is supposed

to happen. That happened to me in sixth grade. Yeah. Actually, my friend, Sean goes, oh, you and Sean got together. That's nice. No, no, no. My friend, Sean, I told him, yo, that girl's like hot and he's like, yeah. And then literally like, you know, cause what the, what a wingman, sixth grade, listen for

him. So yeah, in sixth grade, um, he was first of all, like, I wasn't supposed to go to this school. Yeah. My mom wanted me to go there. So she like pulled some strings or whatever because she worked in the fucking DOE or whatever. So we go, I go there the first day and I don't have a class yet. So they're calling up classes and like names and shit and no one calls my name.

So I'm just by myself. So I have to go to the principal's office and I'm just sitting there for like an hour. And then this kid, Sean, who I ended up being good friends with, comes down and he's like, yo, is this your name? It was on a card. I was like, yeah. And he's like, all right. He's like, you're in our class.

So you like come with me. So we go up there and immediately I saw us grow and I was like, yeah. So long story short, this is how it works in sixth grade. I tell my boy, I go, yo, that girl's hot. Yeah. And then he goes, bet. And then he travels over to her kingdom, finds out her concierge and goes, what's going on?

My boy likes your girl. What's good? It's consigliari to consigliari. Exactly. Consigliari. And she goes back. She talks to the queen and she goes, hey, man, boy over there in the blue shirt said it's good.

And then she, she relays like she accepts. And then this is literally what happened where I'm standing like, we're like kind of near each other, but not really in class. And it's like one of those moments in class where like everyone's just like talking and shit. So we're like standing each other, but not really. And then Sean just comes over, puts his hand on my back. And then the hand on her back and goes, all right, you guys are dating then swear to God.

That's how it happened. And guess what? We were. See, that guy was a great wink. Sixth grade. Never kissed her. When I got away. When I got away.

When I got away. I've seen her though. I put her in the box. She's from around here, not this neighborhood, but it's just like, you know, but I remember seeing her when I was like 23 years old and I was like, oh my God, how are you? Oh my God, how are you? No, I also I also did see her in high school when I was a junior. She came to one of our football games because she was friends with this kid.

Her friend was dating one of my friends in the football. How'd you guys break up? Mute. She broke. She broke out. She broke it up. Damn broke your heart over the phone, man. Sixth grade.

You know what she told me? She said, I think we should say other people. Sorry to God, dude. I never told you that. I think I said that before. It wasn't fresh enough in my mind. Now it's going to stay there. Yeah.

I think we should say other people. Damn. I was destroyed. I went to the park and just shot free throws for like two hours. I once broke up with a girl and she, uh, I was like, I don't think we should be together and she goes, yeah, I agree. And that was the end of the conversation. That is so fire.

And I was just like, damn, she suned me. Like, cause I was like, yo, I'm going to sun you. Like, yeah. Oh, you wanted to make it like a spiteful breakup. Yeah. She was waiting for me, I think to break up with her cause she like didn't want to do it and she couldn't have been more jubilant. That's funny.

Yeah. Sun to you. Yeah. Sun me. And then I got mad and I called back and I was like, Hey, you're supposed to be sad. And she was like, yeah, no, dude, I'm at Six Flags. I was like, Oh, no, good for you. I'm like, dude, it's gonna fire.

Give me a churro. I would cross a churro right now. I would beat the shit out of a churro. All my meals are under 400 calories, nice, which is, you know, it's good, it's good, losing, losing poundage, but I would suck somebody's fucking cock for a churro right now. Chocolate dip churro. Yeah, dude, I broke up with a girl once and uh, good for you, man.

I, uh, I don't really, there wasn't a whole lot of backlash. I don't know. It's so crazy that there's this weird force of energy that shifts when someone breaks up with you. What do you mean? Because it's like you want to be in the driver's seat of a relationship. You want to. I feel like I always wasn't.

Yeah. I feel like I always was the one who was like, um, at their mercy in a way. Yeah. Of being like, oh, I just, like, I'm not going to break up with you. Like obviously you're going to have to break up with me. Oh yeah. I'm here. You know what I'm saying?

Like I feel like I was always that guy. You know? Well, I remember me and Alana broke up once and I broke up with her and then I was like, you know, like whatever. And I was like, oh, like I want to get back together with you. And she was like, no. And I was like, oh, oh, this is how this feels. I was like, this is terrible.

You know? And then once there's a paradigm shift, it's like, oh my God, what is happening? Yeah. I honestly like, this is going to sound so, people are not going to believe me, but whenever there's like a breakup, because I've gone through like a couple and my biggest thing is like, I just don't want us to hate each other and be like, yo, let's never talk again. Because anyone who has actually like gotten to the point where you have to break up with me, like you're like dating for serious, like I've been cool with them.

And I'm still like to this day, like anyone who's there's been a breakup, like we could talk and it would be totally fine. And I'm like dating other people and it's not like whatever. So it's not really a thing where I'm like, I, if I'm not the dude that's with you, then fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like I'm not that dude.

So it's always been like, all right, cool. Like we can still be friends though. So what's your dump to getting dumped ratio though? Is it more, is it more get dumped than dumped? Yeah. All right. So yeah. I've been dumped way more than I've dumped.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I feel like girls hold the power of dump more than guys maybe. They dump. They dump. Girls dump.

Well, you know why? Because girls dump like crazy when they're, because they're more mature when you were younger. Oh, for sure. Because no, but that's just the fact, like the girl that in sixth grade was taller than me. Yeah. Because she was like, and then all of older dudes, I mean, we were in sixth grade.

No, no, no. I'm saying like realistically. Oh, like freshman year. High school and shit. Yeah. Like freshman year is like, oh, I'm going to date a college guys. Like dude, slow down. I was like, that dude is going to dog you out.

Yeah. Yes. He is. But I'll be here. What's up? Um, but yeah, no, I've been, I've been dumped more than I've dumped. They dump though. Girls dump.

Girls dump hard. Dude. Kind of, kind of ruthlessly dump. They violently dump. That's why like when you, if anyone has no, like just tuned in, just tuned in, you're going to be like, what are they talking about poop again? Another thing too is you ever see the videos of the guys and be like, my girlfriend's cheating on me.

I'm going to go catch her tonight. Yeah. I don't mind. And then the girls are never faced. They're never like, oh my God. They're just like, what are you doing here? Like, why don't you like just go there and then I'm like, yo, ruthless. I also just think like those elaborate, like there's a, there's a viral video of this guy

who went through this whole thing and he like made cards and like these pedals and like fake proposed and was like, oh, I'm dumping you. Like I would never do something like that. Like I feel like that is like, that is psychotic behavior. I would think about doing it, but I wouldn't follow through just to down to pure laziness. I wouldn't be able to execute. I don't know. I feel like I'm just a very like forgiving person, but did you ever have like a fiery

dumpage? No, I've never had a fiery dump. A fiery dump, a fiery dump can lead to you guys not talking anymore. It could, but I also would, that would make me feel bad for like a certain amount of time and I'd be like, oh, cause like there, there was a time that like I was angry about a break. For the most part I've been like, I understand and like it's sad, but there was one where I was kind of mad, but, and of course you give that certain amount of time where you stop communicating so you guys can kind of like get it back to balanced.

And after that, I was just kind of like, I wasn't mad at all. And I was just kind of, you know, cause when you think about it, like I feel like breakups have such a bad stigma, but it's like, yo, this person's doing you a favor in a way. You know? I mean, it depends how they go about it, but like, you know, if they're not fucked up and they just tell you like, listen, I don't know if we should like, I don't think that we're good together. It's like, you don't want to be with that person then.

So like they're doing you a favor, but they're not going to waste your time. So and there's such a bad stigma that's like, oh, I got to go into rage mode and like, fuck this guy. He doesn't want me like, what am I not good enough? And it's like, no, that's not what that means. So it's like, so I've, I feel like I've always had an understanding of that. The reason why I was mad at one of them is because it came out of absolutely nowhere. And I was like, just like blindsided by it.

RKO'd you. And it was kind of, and it wasn't that I was, yeah, RKO'd me. And the wording kind of made me a little, whatever. Spoke to you like a bitch. No. That did not happen. Cause then I wouldn't be talking to them. Like it was like a respectful way, but they didn't realize the way they were coming off.

Give it to me. Let me hear it. I know. I'm not going to do that. Why not? I don't want to hear it. I don't even know it like that. It's a general sense of me feeling like, I don't remember being actually mad, but I do

remember it being like, I needed to tell her like, oh, I'm not mad at you. Oh, okay. You know? So like, cause there might have been some confusion, yeah. So I needed to tell her that, but yeah, it's okay. If you're with me, you're with me. That's how that works. I see.

I'm not that dude. Yeah. No. If you're with me, you're with me. Yeah. I know you are. Everyone's dead. See, I'm not that guy dude.

Like, I don't know what it is. Like I'm too like deep in my shit. I think you're like maybe more comfortable with yourself. Yeah. I think so. I'm just very like, like if a lot of came to me, she's like, Hey, I'm going dancing with Alberto tonight. I'd be like, what are you talking about?

Yeah. Who is Alberto? Where have I been? It sounds like a great day. Yeah. And that's the worst part because his name's Alberto. He probably dances ass off. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. One second. Before you go, who is this? Who is this Birdo? I know. I'm not just out here. Just like, oh, yeah.

I'll just go with Alberto. Like, I'd want to know who Alberto is, but I'm not going to be worse. I'm not going to be like, you know, you get into a fight later, like a week later and you're like, Oh, yeah. Oh, let me guess. This is because you got fucking Alberto out there. I bet you wouldn't be mad at him. Like, I'm not going to bring up Alberto that way.

You know what I'm saying? Alberto said the funniest thing. You're like, tell me what Alberto said. I want to hear it. Yeah. Get Alberto on the phone. I want to hear the joke. Yeah.

Let him tell me the joke. Another thing I would feel weird too is somebody didn't find my significant other attractive. What do you mean? Like if I approach somebody and I just be like, yeah, like a guy like, say like, I would be mad if someone broke up with my ex for some reason. What? Like if, sorry. So let's say like me and a lot of broke up, right?

Yeah. And she dated somebody and then he broke up with her. Yeah. Cause he just didn't like her. Yeah. I would be mad at him. Why? Because I'd be like, how could you not like her?

Well, I'd be, I'd be in like a weird zone and I'd be like, that guy's a piece of shit. Well, that doesn't, see, it makes no sense. It doesn't. Cause it's like, people don't break up because of how you look. I mean, it depends. It depends. If you fall off a heavy cliff, then that could be based on looks. But for the most part, I would say-

A heavy cliff. I meant to say like a steep cliff. Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess heavy though. Heavy cliff works. It works. Cause if you put on like 200 pounds and you're like, oh dude, this is not who I said to work.

Now you're, now you turned into a heavy cliff. Yeah. Now you're, you've turned into a cliff. Yeah. Yeah. You've turned into a heavy cliff. What's so wrong with her? Huh?

It's like, dude, you broke up with me like six months ago. I'd be like, oh yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. But I can do that. I did it for the right reasons. No, only I could do that. Yeah.

I mean, I think dudes are, are a hypocritical in that way. You think? Yeah. We're the most hypocritical fucking things on earth. It makes no sense. It's like, I'm just hanging out with, it's just a girl who I'm friends with. Is it a girl all alone by ourselves? What's the problem?

It's like, and then you get mad because she's talked to the cashier and like said how you do and you're like, why the fuck did you say that? Why'd you ask for sparkling water? Fucking slut. See, I've never been that dude ever. When I was younger, I was like, I have way too many problems now. I can't worry about that. Yeah.

No, I was never that guy because I was just like, that never, it honestly never made sense to me. Just how like being a fiery dude about that. Yeah. Just being a dude who's like constantly jealous and like worried about their girlfriend cheating on you like in the same bar that you're at. Frankie tells me, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'm guilty of that of like, oh, like, yeah, like if, oh yeah, for sure, like if we are at a bar and Alana would like went to the bar

to get drinks and she was talking to some guy and she was like laughing and shit. No, no, no. No, but I'm just, that's what I'm saying. Young, younger. Yes. That's what I mean. Now. No.

Now just be like, how many drinks you get out of them? That's what I mean. Like I tell her now, I'm like, yo, if you go out and someone hits on you and offers you a drink, if it's clean, drink it. If it's clean. You know what I mean? Don't like, if you run it through a filter and it's clean drink. Yeah.

Like if you see a guy like make you a drink, like, take the fucking drink like that doesn't bother me. Now I don't want to hear that you had a great fucking time with them. You know what I mean? That's that's the other thing that you guys are going to pottery class. I just don't understand also dudes that I don't understand too. And it's like, like a dude sees a girl in a bar, like it's vice versa, like, hey, what's up?

Like, what's going on? Like a guy's like, yo, why are you talking to my girl? I'm talking to my girlfriend, dude. Oh, yeah. It's like, dude, I didn't know this was your girl. I'm talking in a bar. It's what you do. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, you know, this guy was talking to my girl, so I fucked them up. I was like, yo, that dude had no idea who you were. Yeah. That that is that's wild. Yeah. Like, yeah. And like, I've had my friends sometimes, like if like, I'm out like there was a there

was a time I remember like when I was like 21 or 20 years old or something. Yeah. I was in a bar. Oh. And my God, illegal breaking rules. And I was with this girl that I was dating at the time and she and some dude was talking to her. Yeah.

And two of my friends are like, yo, some guy's talking to her. I was like, okay, well, yeah. What should I do? Yeah. Like, like that doesn't make sense. It's like, yeah, she's a very attractive girl. Yeah. People would fucking if she walked by that's how I talked to her.

Yeah. She walked by the wall. Yeah. That's not actually how I started talking. Oh, hey. Get over here. Oh, fuck. Look at that.

Look at those melons. Look at them. Oh, guys. Oh, man. Oh, dude. I love the idea of a town hall like my mom's meatballs and be like, oh my God, I wasn't going to date you, but then you brought your mom's meatballs. You compared me to your mother's fucking pressed together mixture of pork and beef.

You said I was tastier than Bolognese. The only thing dumber than those guys are the girls that fall for that shit. I'm sorry. Oh my God, sweetheart. That works on you. Good for you. God bless. God bless.

God bless. Not a great, not a great team. Not a great team. I think we could wrap this up there. This one was everywhere. All over the map, kid. Yeah. That's how we do on here.

Handle business. We do that. Yeah. At Daniel L'Opriori on Twitter and Instagram, also go check out the Stank Podcast everywhere, youtube.com. That's the Stank Podcast that I do with Mr. Frankie Alvarez who doesn't love Frankie. And also we also have a Patreon, patreon.com, slash the Stank Podcast where we do some extra stuff there and we do monthly giveaways, which are video games and Amazon gift cards

as of right now. And come have fun, hang out with us over there. Yeah. And you guys can follow The Basement Yard on Instagram at The Basement Yard. We just started doing this segment called Commenting on Comments, where we go through YouTube comments, Instagram comments, Twitter replies or whatever. And we pick like a bunch. He picks a bunch for me to read.

I pick a bunch for him to read. And then we make a nice segment for it. That's a new thing that we're doing on Instagram every single week, so go check that out. Also we were on Flagrin2, Andrew Schultz, Akash Singh, and Kaz's podcast, so go check that out. I don't know, just type in Flagrin2, Basement Yard, you'll find it. We were on that podcast. It was like two hours.

It was fucking hilarious. Also Other People's Lives, another podcast that I do at my buddy Greg, where we call people anonymously. We just talked to a 9-11 first responder, which was an insane episode. We have an episode that just dropped today actually of an ex-gang member, which was nuts too. He's been in drive-bys. The story is about a vented jail.

A whole different life. Yeah, it's a whole different life. So definitely go check that podcast out. It's really cool. And yeah, that is all. See you guys next time.