The Basement Yard - #265 - It's Spooky Season

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

It's almost Halloween so Frank & Joe needed to spice it up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Hey, happy Halloween. Happy Halloween to you. Yeah, you look good. It's Shpopey Shaejean. Who? Shpopey. What does that mean? It's scaling. Yeah, I gotta, these are getting foggy. I can't even wear them, honestly. Yeah, with them on you look like Mike Myers. You look like, you have like the big red bush. I don't know if you got that. No, who's Mike Myers with the big red bush? I don't know. Is that a kid that we went to like fourth grade with? We went to fourth grade with a kid with a big red bush. I don't know. Did we ever go to school with someone who was like famous for their bush? Um, I don't know. We stopped going to school together in fifth grade, so I hope not. Hey, man. Hello guys. Welcome back. Just jumping right into it. Happy Halloween. Yeah, it's not Halloween yet. Especially right now, not now because we shoot these in advance. Yeah, so it's the one right before Halloween.

He's got to go for it. Yeah, Halloween. Yeah, so I just wanted to, you know, kind of hang out. I'm a lunch lady, which is very nice. I got a hair in my eye. You wouldn't last with long hair, baby. But you know what you would last with? On the Patreon, which we have grown. This is, you know, the Patreon's going crazy right now. Going apeshia banan-ish. Okay, I don't know what that was. What was that? Okay. The Patreon is at 4,300 at the moment. I don't know what it's going to be when this comes out, but we appreciate all you guys signed up for that. All the extra episodes. We love doing them. Oh, yeah. We like to get a little more wild on those. So we, I again, dug a deep grave for myself. Uh-huh. I have to do an episode now in a tape suit. Uh-huh. And if we reach 5,000, we got to do an episode with the one chip challenge.

I'm not excited about that. Yeah, that I'm actually afraid about. Yeah. Because my insides will become lava and then lose themselves. I got a pair of fat tits in this thing. You do. They got like a tit thing. Look, look. Oh, wow. If you want to see more of Joe's Fat Tits, you can go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and get an every episode a week early. And you get exclusive content that no one ever gets to see except for those patrons. And then in addition to that, you get the opportunity to play with Joey's cleavage. Yeah, definitely see him do that. Yeah. And win $1,000. Oh, yeah. You can win $1,000 every single month on Patreon. We're giving me $1,000 to one lucky patron. Or unlucky. Maybe they don't want $1,000. Yeah.

Maybe that's it. You never know. You know. Anyway. Maybe they're just like you, just like $48 million just in the bank. Wow. Now I lost $12 million in my... It was a rough quarter. Yeah, it was a rough quarter. It was a rough Q4. I mean, this stuff was pretty expensive. So... Yeah, we went to Party City and really lit it up. So that's not like a... That's the skin of a... Is this fart? No, I dropped my phone. Oh, I thought you farted. That's the skin of a real lunch lady. That's why it was so expensive. Yeah, it was. You killed a Mildred. Have you ever known a Mildred? No, it's a disgusting name. I knew a Mildred and she was a disgusting. That's it. That's it? Yeah. Is she... How old was she? Was she a girl? She was. Well, what the fuck would she be? A woman? I mean, maybe. I don't know.

She... Oh, yeah. I guess in that regard, yeah. She was a whole... She was a grown-up woman. She was an old woman. She had like... She had mad books. She didn't. She didn't have a lot of books to my knowledge. No, you know, no knowledge on what her home situation was like. All I know is that I completely judged her by her name, which... It's fine. Sucked. No, no, I mean, yeah, you could... I judge... I don't like knowing people. I like to just, you know, just like think about them from... Mildred sucks is the name. No, yeah, it sucks. We can agree. Anyway, I want to talk about fucking trick-or-treating because, you know, obviously, in this land of... The world is very divisive. What the fuck in this land? What are you singing in that song? In this land, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the land. I mean, the land of the United States is a little divided at the moment. A little? It's a lottle. But it's... It's, you know, it's very... You don't know whose door you're knocking on. I don't know if people are kosher with that kind of thing, you know, walking up and knocking on people's doors and asking for treats. Yeah. I don't know how safe that is with COVID. Kids are wearing masks now. You know what I'm saying? I know by us, where Becca and I are in Jersey, they're telling parents to leave your porch light on if you want trick-or-treaters and turn it off if you don't want them, which I feel like that's standard, you know what I mean? Like... Yeah. But also, like... I gotta take... I gotta take... You gotta take it off.

I'll put my tooth in it, actually. Oh. Ew! Dad! It's all over your fingers. I need to drink this whiskey, dude. Drunk down that shit. If you down that thing right now, I'll fucking pee pee my pants. No, I'm not doing that. Go. Rough day. Rough day in the... There's a ghost in here. That scared me. This thing fucking moved. I don't know if anyone saw that. Oh boy. There's a ghost in here. This thing moves. I can't even... Yo, I can't fuck with ghosts, man. If any spirits... If spirits are... Do you believe in ghosts? I don't know. I haven't really... See? Because I have the same answer. Ghosts and spirits and shit. It's like, dude, I...

Like, I don't, but like, I don't want to say that because then I want them to be like, oh, word? We're gonna shake your bed tonight, bitch. They're gonna roll up on you and just like fucking tickle your feet when you're in the shower or some shit. Dude, my mind doesn't get as crazy as it ever gets when like... It's the middle of the night and I hear something and the amount of... Wax. Tooth wax. Yeah. The amount of like... Your whole tooth is black, by the way. What I was doing that, you went... No, but uh, in the middle of the night when I hear something, I just start thinking of crazy shit, man. Ghosts is one of them. Like, I don't want to be haunted by a ghost. I'm just here. Yeah, no. I've never had a running with a ghost. Thank God. Don't

fucking come knocking on my door or some shit. Can ghosts kill you? Why not? Or touch you? Why not? I feel like they... What are the rules for if you're a ghost? Has anyone gone and died and come back? I mean, like, I was a ghost for a hot little sec right there. Because like, ghosts, like, can't like, come up to you and be like, move you and shit. They're literally just like, and then they fucking run the other way, you know what I mean? Yeah, like, they ring bells, or like, they move wind chimes, but then... Yeah, they'll be like, people will be like, ghosts, let me know if you're here, and the fucking light will flicker real quick. And it's like, oh! It's like, if that's how the ghost is fucking with you, they suck as a ghost. Dude,

you know what's crazy about those ghost shows? Like, back in the day, like, I remember the... I don't know why this sticks out in my head. Ghosts, his name was Danny Seven, which is like, you know, ghosts have screen names? That's kind of fire. Honestly, I hope my ghost name is that cool. His name was Danny Seven, right? So this bitch was like, you know, there's a ghost in here, and this dude shows up with like a backpack with like, you know, whatever the fuck in it. But then he goes and he's like, Danny, or whatever the fuck he said, he's like, we need you to write your name on this. And then like, left the room, they come back, and he wrote Danny Seven. And in my mind, I'm like, girl, what? Like, I haven't written anything with my hand in like months. And ghosts,

I'm dead. I'm not writing anything. I'm like flickering the lights. And I'm fucking, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I'm gonna haunt, I'm gonna haunt hard. I'm gonna get behind someone's ear and be like, you know what I'm saying? That's a good one. If I'm haunting, I'm gonna haunt hard. You know what I mean? So like, I'm gonna go up to people and I'm gonna smack the piss out of their fucking ass, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, leave a mark. Like, I'm gonna fucking let them know I'm there. They're not gonna be, go show me a sign. I'm not gonna be like, like, or like, write my name down. I'm not gonna conform to what you want. No, I'm a ghost. I don't follow the rules. Do you want me to write my name down? No, I write it in blood on the wall. I like that placenta. Wait, what?

Yeah, now it's there's layers. They're gonna think Oh, he was a baby. Oh, so you write the word placenta and no, no, no, my name in placenta. How would they know what's placenta? Well, they would have to test it in a lineup. Oh, gotcha. Okay. They'd have to test it, obviously. Yeah, I would be fucking with people hard. Yeah, dude. Hard. You know, who would you haunt? Like, first person to haunt. Becca. Without question, I'm haunting her. Really? I feel like you don't, you don't waste your haunts. Like, you can't, you can't even tell you're joking. You would actually scare. You wouldn't. Yeah, I know. That's why I like, I'm gonna scare people. Like, I told Becca, like, if I die and you get a new lover, I'm gonna haunt the shit out of you. I'm gonna make sure they stay away

from you. You're gonna be alone forever. Oh, cool. That's what you want. Yep. You're a nice guy. Thanks. Uh, I would probably, you know what? I'd haunt you a little bit. Yeah, I have to. I have to. No, dude. Just to remind you of how good you could have had it. Would you watch me slam this dick? I would, well, well, I'm gonna jerk off after you die. Not immediately. There's gonna be a grace period, but stuff is gonna happen. What's the grace period after I die? You start, what do you feel okay to jerk? Like, four days. I'm gonna need it at that point. Grieve for four days, and then slam it. Crank one out. No, I'm still gonna grieve after that, but there's gonna definitely be a mid-grieve slam. Those first four days, real hard to get horny. Yeah, it's gonna be tough.

It's gonna be a little tough to get horny. It's gonna be a lot of my minds. It's gonna be a lot of pictures that I'm going through. But then on that fourth day, I'm fucking slamming. I'll let you know right now, now that you told me this, when I become a ghost. For day four, come over. I'm coming over on day four, and I'm making sure you don't fucking crank it. You go to crank it down. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna keep your dick as soft as possible for my life. I don't after life. How are you gonna do that? Dude, you're gonna go to like fucking like put on some porn on your phone, and I'm gonna change it to like fucking rotten.com. Or like you're gonna, you're gonna think of fucking, you know, you're gonna be thinking of something cute, and you're gonna be jerking it.

This is how you jerk it, by the way. Yeah, yeah. A lot of elbow. You're gonna be cranking it out, and then boom, I'm gonna turn the TV on. I thought I was haunted, but it was just someone fucking with me when I was in college. Universal remotes. What it was is someone, I guess there was a way with like an Android phone to connect to like Xbox 360s, and someone would constantly put on gay porn on my TV. That's fire. Dude, I thought a ghost was trying to fuck you. I thought a ghost, I thought I was trying to get fucking de-teed by a ghost. What's de-teed? Double-timed. Oh, I thought it was like deep-throated. No, maybe. I mean, or like dirt tied. I mean, if a ghost wanted to deep-throat me, if I can go for it. Why? Not. Why not? Because I don't want to

get mouth-banged in my sleep. No, if I'm not de-throating someone. Oh, they're, oh, they're, oh, yeah, that's, I'm cool with that too. Cool with that. But like, I would be like in my room watching something in the Xbox, and then it would stop, and then like random like tip-throat, tip-toed through the tulips came on once. And I was like, what's that? That's gay? You never, no, it's a song. You never heard that scary song? Oh, I thought. That's the name of that song? Yeah. That song's terrifying. Fucking awful. Yeah. Absolutely awful. I thought that was the name of a gay porn. It might be. There might be a tip-throat. Was it tip-throat? Deep-throat through the tulips. If it's not gay yet, it's got to be a gay porn. That's gay. Flowers and deep-throat. But

like, I remember I was on like my open door hours where I had to keep the door open and just gay porn just started going off. That's awesome. And then there were other times where like, people would like write me messages and it would come up on like a notepad on my TV. It was freaky. And what would it say? It would say like, go to sleep. Damn, that'd be scary. Dude, it's fucked up, right? Speaking of which. Thought it was a ghost. Yeah, yeah. When I was in, when we were in fourth grade, we were in the same class. We had computer class with the hot teacher. Oh yeah. We won't say her name. We will. We will. Well, what's her name? You say it. I don't want to say it. You say it. Come on. I'm scared. I think she has a different name. She probably doesn't. Okay. Anyway, so we were

Miss Elaine's class. No, we were in fourth grade. I was in Miss Elaine's class and it was like computer. She was a computer teacher. She was. By the way, smoke looks the same. No disrespect to Miss Elaine. Taught us nothing. Taught us how to use kid pics. Great program. I wish I still had it. Also, no disrespect to her husband who I, that's a good guy. I like that guy a lot. He's a nice guy. He was. We, him and I, I don't want to say his name because now we're gonna go crazy with the names. Yeah, we're going a little nuts. Yeah. Well, but so anyway. Yeah. So we're, I was on the computer doing whatever and then this was before like, I think AIM existed or I was too young to even have like an AIM account and a thing popped up on my screen and it said like, hello. Or like,

I forgot what it said, but I was like, what the fuck? Was it like smarter child? No, it was like a, an I am. Yeah, like an instant message. And I was like, what the fuck? And then it was her. She I end me. Oh, the fourth grade. Trying to say what's up. No, I'm a fourth grader. She's trying to see what's up dog. No, no, no. She knew she had, she had perspective site. That's a thing. No. Dude, I can't tell you how many times I've been like freaked out by like internet stuff. Because like there are fucking like, in addition to like those like jump scare websites, but like pop ups back in the day, like pop ups are no longer a thing. People don't realize pop ups used to be scary at a certain point in time.

Dude, watching porn was playing mind sweeper. Playing mind sweeper. You were playing, boom, you were playing Russian roulette with fucking porn. Windows XP. Are you kidding me? That thing was the fucking, it was working overtime. Yeah, it was. There was a lot of pop ups, you know, but like you'd be sitting there watching something normal and then just like, aww. Yeah. Like nothing's, a nice little moan that comes in, that's hot. A moan unexpected, that's scary. Also, because every time we weren't, like if you watch porn one day, right, and you're like, all right, I'm just going to deal with the pop ups. My parents are like grocery shopping. So like you go on there, you're like, I'm going to slam this thing and you're watching,

you know, big tit, you know, whore shit. That's, that's your search history. Yeah. Yeah. Big tit whore shit. Not whore shit. Whore. Whore. Yeah, stuff. So I'd watch that and then you get some pop ups and be like, okay, yeah, I'm just going to get rid of these while I can. They don't stop, but like eventually they stop. And then the next day, when you're just trying to like, you know, play like a mini golf game on like candystand.com, you know, you'll get a big titty pop up and you weren't even poring. You know what I'm saying? You're not even pop up. You're not in the middle of poring. It'll just be like, you'll be playing, you'll be doing like research for your homework project. And all of a sudden it's just like, Oh, come meet Candice. And you're like, dude,

hot singles in your area. Yeah. And then you're like, I have to meet Bridget. You know what I mean? Dude, I was crazy with the fucking porn. Not crazy with the porn. How crazy? Did you like download porn like hell on movies, dude? Yes. Yeah. Cause I was working was working. I never had cause I knew of cause, but I never had it had lime wire over time. Bro, downloading porn back in the day, you download a video, it would take 18 hours. And then you open it. And sometimes it would be like Hillary Clinton. And you're like, Oh my God, political bullshit. You would download it and you'd be like, wow, this is downloading really fast. And then you'd play and it'd be like, my fellow Americans, you know, and you'd be like, God damn it. I don't want to hear you right

now. Get out of here, Bill. You know, but some people that's as good as porn. I like that. That's as good as porn. Fun fact. So Heather, Heather Deepthroat, Heather Harman, don't, what? I thought you were like making you don't know who that is. No, you don't know. I deepthroat.com. No, Frank Key. What? I don't know. I legitimately don't know who that is. That's crazy. I thought you were just making up a porn name. No, no, no, that would be a good porn. I mean, clearly, this is the one. This is the porn. Oh, this is the porner. The porner. This is the person doing the porn. Yeah. She deepthroats. If you couldn't tell by her name. Yeah, that gave it away. And she does this thing where like, as the dude is, you know, erupting.

Okay. And listen, you'll say you'll say deepthroat, but you won't say come. Yeah. So, but I just like adjectives, not adjectives, verbs. So as he's doing that, you know what I'm saying? And he's got, I'll say this, you know, not a gay man, but what a hell of a penis. Yeah, good penis. It's her husband. It's her husband. She knows how to find him, I guess. His name's Jeff. Oh, that's it. That's a strong penis name. I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I know that, but it's not an easy feat. Do you know more about this, her husband or her? No, about her. Okay. No, I'm not even going to play games here. Okay. But he does, he does got a thing. But yeah, she used to do this thing. And it was the first

the first time I ever saw that I stumbled upon it by accident because I went to go download something else and then she popped up and I was like, wait, what is this? And then I saw it and I was like, I'm hooked. He's all about it. He's this woman working hard for your entertainment. She made a comeback recently. Well, I bet she made a couple comebacks. Um, yeah, she made a come. Yeah, made a lot of come. She made a lot of come. No, I mean, you know, I've been out of the, the, the come. I've been out of the come game. I've been out of the come game. I've been out of the porn game for quite some time. What about the come game? You know, you never leave it. Right. Am I saying it right here? You are. You are. You are. I understand.

So let me, fun fact, not fun fact, but would you let your kid, well, you have a kid basically. Yeah. Are you going to let miles trick or treat? So we're, we're, you guys just hear that inflection in his voice went rain to dad mode. So it's going to get mad. So yeah, let's talk about tying you. No, we are avoiding trick or treating this year just because we don't, so we're going to do using a throw candy. And no, so we're doing like our family's doing like a little trunk, just fucking launch Jolly Ranchers at this kid's head. We're doing a trunk or treat with her family. But you're like putting it in the trunk of a car. You've never heard of this mean either before last year, but apparently it's a thing that like people get in a field and they like decorate the trunk of

their car in a field, like a field, a parking lot or whatever. They decorate the trunk of their car with like Halloween decorations. And that's how they trick or treat. So that's what we're doing it with like her family and, and some people around us. Just, just, you know, we don't want to go knocking on people's doors. We also live in a very, you know, very affluent white neighborhood. So people saw a Spanish boy like me coming around. They might be a little scared. Yeah. But you're like, I know I'm joking. It's all, it's all for jokey. Okay. Okay. Come on. What do you mean for Halloween this year? You're looking at her, baby. Oh, you're just sticking with me. I bought this for, you know,

we did it for the show, for the comp, for the, for the joke, for the craft, really put it. Yeah. I don't really know what I'm doing. I, I hate Halloween. I love Halloween. It's one holiday. I got responsibilities here that aren't fun. I got to dress up. I got to paint my face. I got to like, you know what I'm saying? I mean, there's other responsibilities on other holidays that are probably more monetarily Christmas. Yeah. But you look like a hero because you like giving people stuff. Oh, is that how you define it? You fucking piece of shit. It's all about me. Listen, it's an ego. I love Halloween. I've won some Halloween contests at bars. All right. You remember that shit? I was too fit. That was a great fucking costume. That was a great costume. I lit the pants

on fire, like real. You lit your pants on fire. Yeah, to make it look like real two-face. Cool. I did. I did. Uh, hindsight, stupid. That was the first time I had a Skittles shot. You made me take one of those that night. Did I? I remember that. Yeah. I don't remember that. A Ditmar station. RIP, man. That bar was great. That bar was great. The Buffalo tenders. Pretty good Buffalo tenders. Remember those Buffy boys? Do you remember one time we were there and we ordered sliders and the place was called Ditmar station. So they had DS, like branded into the bun. And then some drunk girl comes over and she goes, oh, you know, DS stands for dick suck. Did she? Yeah. And we were like, it doesn't. And she's like, nah, it stands for

dick suck. And we're like, it's Ditmar station. She was onto something. She was trying to throw herself at you, Joey. Let's be honest. I think it was a sign that I didn't take. Yeah, you didn't, you didn't, you were, you never took the lob. You never took the alley-oop. Not on my drunkest day. I would have took that lob. Oh, really? Yeah, that was a bad lob. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't good. That was a good bar though. I've had a lot of fun there. Oh, dude, that fucking place was awesome. We used to had, we had such great times there and we were like 18 going. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, bad, bad, bad. We were bad boys. We like made friends with like the owner and shit. Never carded me ever. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. I remember I went. That's probably why we went

so much because like they would never ID. Ever. I stole a porno mag from- What fucking year was this? It was like 2009. Stole porn? Yeah, I went across the street and stole a porno mag. We were drunk. It was during a Mayweather fight. I was there. Yep. Well, I stole a porno mag. I put it in like the lining of my pants and then I went into Dittmar Station and like got drunk with just a porno mag like in my shirt. You saved it later? I, I did. I had it for a long time. I'm not, not sure. I had it for like a year and a half and then I went to college and now I don't know what happened to it. Actually, I can tell you exactly what probably happened. My brothers probably took it. You think they slammed? Dude, there's no doubt in my mind my brothers were not

cranking it out to that shit. Yeah, they were fucking hurting it. They were. They were little boys back then. That's true. You know what I mean? They were- I mean, dude, you stole a porno mag. Yeah, it was- They don't have those locked up. They're just out like next to the post. Yeah. Just like you could get like the fucking New York Times and they're right next to it. Fucking deep sluts eight. You know what I mean? Like there's no, there's no different. There's like a three inch gap and that's it. Did you run out of there or was it like a sneak job? I felt bad. It was a sneak job. It was packed in there though. Oh, that's what you gotta do. Yeah. I felt bad. I didn't, I wasn't happy about it, but I did. I stole a porno mag. Was there good stuff in there?

It was a lot of, like it was quite grotesque. It was quite- Pussy? It was quite grotesque. I will say that. A lot of pussy. A lot of stuff going on for, for print. Bush for print. You know what I'm saying? For print media, it was pretty grotesque. Did you see penises inside of it? You saw a lot of things on a lot of places. That's all I'm gonna say there. Wow. And I was like, shocked. I was like, I thought this only happened in the talking pictures. You know what I mean? Like I didn't know this was like, people were just like, just fucking printing this stuff on paper. Yeah, yeah. You know? Not for real. I was shocked. Dude, one time I saw, I was at my friend's house, my next door neighbor, and you know, his dad had like porno magazines, like whatever, and they're

like old school, you know what I'm saying? So they had porn magazines, but his mom had a play girl, which if you're not familiar, the opposite of play boy is play girl, and that would mean a lot of naked men. So we opened it as a joke, like, dude, and it was just a bunch of guys in jeans and no shirt up against fences with hogs. Like hogs. Thick dicks. Wait, how do you see if they had jeans on? No, they had their jeans open, but they had their jeans on and like unzipped and like open like the flaps were like, hello, how you doing? That's confidence. And then dick and balls were just kind of like hanging out. Whoa. Very tan. That's from what I remember in like long hair, because that was Patrick Swayze. That was the 90s thing. Remember that? Patrick, picture Patrick

Swayze leaning against a wood fence. Just cocking balls out with like a, like a tool built on, like they just built the fence, they're leaning on and they're dicks just in the wind. That's what I saw. And I was like, is it weird that now I need to see it? Dude, that's why we opened it, because I was like, see, it's so tough. All right, because I understand that sexuality is a spectrum and I identify as a cisgender heterosexual male. However, good God, dude, however, you got to admire a good looking peep. It's not even that I have to admire a dick. It's just that I'm not into dicks, obviously, right? Uh huh. I don't know if that's obvious. Dicks aren't into you. Yeah. I mean, they have not yet, they haven't been. Uh, I don't know if there will be a day,

uh huh. But no, but like dicks are weird, dude, because as straight dudes, and I can say this confidently about every single guy in the world, except maybe Keith. Oh, Keith hates, hates dick. Dude, no one hates penises more than Keith. Keith hates dick. He probably like, like whips himself because he's upset that he has to see his own dick. No, no, no. So but if a dude walks in, like if you're at the gym and a dude's naked, you're like, I don't really want to see this, but I have to. You have to. You know, like I have to see this fucking God. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I don't want to see it. I don't want to see the dick and I don't, I don't enjoy the dick. But now that it's here, I got to see it for science or something. If you

let your dick out, I have to look at it. I have to. Don't, like you need to understand that. You know what I mean? But I'm a changing man. And I don't know why. Why do I want to see it? I don't know. I'm a changing man. That's the old Frankie, the new Frankie won't look no more. That penises? Yeah, you can't now. What are you talking about? I'm becoming a dad. You know what I mean? Like, what does that mean? You got to cut this shit out. Looking at penises? Yeah. How does that change your fatherhood? Because you know, you don't want to, you don't want to do it no more. What the fuck are you saying? I don't know. I had the idea. You want to make changes as a father. But that's not one of them. And you know what? You can't even make that change,

because it's already, it's innate. It might be innate. When you're born, you know how to sneeze and you know how to like drink and breathe. And you got to look at a cock. I got to stop. I got to see this cock. This isn't a problem, by the way. I don't do this all the time. No, but you got to see it. I'm talking like I'm an addict. You got to see the dick, dude. Like I want to do it. I've been in the gym and like an old man is like naked because he's old school and he's probably European and God knows what's going on. I've come to the realization that I need to like, I'm changing, I'm transitioning to a new point in my life. I need to be careful of what I say. You know what I mean? I don't want in 10 years Miles to be running around and there's a video of

me saying I got to look at a dick on the internet. Too late, just said it. Yeah, I know I did. Listen, and also tell, listen, if you're not going to say it, I'm going to tell your daughter all about your penis adventures. Can't wait. Your daddy isn't gay, but he likes a penis. He likes a good penis. Oh my God, it is very hot. I also don't even know if I, I don't, like, I don't like a good penis. It's not like a neighbor, you know. Yeah, it's not like, oh, Jerry's a good guy. Yeah. Good cock. Yeah. It's just kind of like, I just need, I just need to have like a polka dex. You know what I'm saying? I got you. You know, like it's like. So go through the different types right now. Dude, when you're going, when you're playing Pokemon,

you're like, ah, it's just a fucking Pidgey. It's nothing crazy, but you need to catch it. Just to have it in the polka dex. Gotcha. If you got a dick in the wind, I need, I just need to know what you got. You need to be able to understand the difference between a Pidgey and a Zapdos. Right. I know what you're saying. Astronomical difference. Oh, big boy difference. Let me tell you. You need to know the difference between a Weedle and an Arcanine. You feel me and I feel you in this situation. If you're going to say you don't think I just named a real Pokemon, tell me, Frankie. I know Weedle and I definitely know Arcanine. All right. Good. Just want to make sure. I used to say Arcanine. Yeah. Tomato,

chipata. Those aren't the same. No. My head feels very heavy right now because I'm shaking it because like it's, there's a lot going on up here between the headphones and this fucking Godforsaken mask. Is it soaking wet under there? No, but it is hot. You want to try it on? No, you're sure? Not after that. Oh, well, why? You know what? We're going to get to these eggs. Get to the eggs. We're going to get to the Friends of the Show, the ads. The ads. Oh, you said Friends of the Show. That's my line. Is it? Yeah. Okay. We're going to get to the Friends of the Show. First one, Liquid IV. They're going to help me tomorrow morning when I've had too much whiskey because we're going out to dinner later and it's going to be a long night.

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I'm a little doughy. I get it. I didn't do enough butch ups, butch ups, butch ups. We're all doughy. I'm a little doughy. Everyone's doughy. You're doughy, joey. Yeah, I'm doughy, joey. I saw a picture of myself from four years ago and I was like, who's that guy? You're fat. No, I was like a tiny little frail boy. Oh, you've been a twink your whole life. Am I a twink? I don't think I'm a twink now. You're a twink. No, I'm a little thicker now. You're a twunk now. You're a twunky looking boy. I'm trying to get back to twink. I just like, I just, you know what it is? I just like hate dieting. Yeah, I do too, trust me. I'm in a diet right now and I want to fucking blow my brains out. I just like, I start doing it. I'm

like, I can do this, but then I'm like, I just like don't care. Like, yeah, it's tough. It is tough, you know, and I do it and I hate it for so long. And then I look at myself and I'm like, that's why I'm doing it. I think I had like, I used to think that I have a discipline problem that I can't like just do it, but like, I can do it. It's just that eventually like I do it. And I'm like, I just like don't care. Like I'd rather just go out and just like enjoy myself. Yes, I don't like crush horrible foods and not exercise. Like that's not a thing that I do. So exercise is part of my life for the most part. And I eat relatively healthy anyway. So I'm like, why am I, but you know, I would like to once see my just drop the weight. My, my dieting has nothing to do with

how I look because I'm not like unhappy with how I look. It's just like, it helps me feel better. You know what I mean? And like, I like, I like sleep better when I eat better. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying, right? Water helps me sleep and piss. Dude, you pee, pee hard. Dude, peeing on water is though. What's the closest you've been recently to peeing the bed? Like, how close do you get? Very close. You know what I'm talking about? I hit the snooze button a couple of times and I wake up like if I don't pee now, we got a problem on our hands. Dude, sometimes when I don't pee and then I go to pee, pee comes out very slow. When was the last time you peed in your car? Wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm sorry. I got to back up. What

are you pissing fucking syrup? How is it coming out slow? It's just like, it feels like there's, there's so much that my pee holes like we can't get all this out at once. Do you remember back in the day when people would scare us? Like, if you hold your pee too long, your rupture, your bladder's going to rupture. Is that not true? I think it is, but it's like, you got to hold it for like a day. Oh, dude. Can you imagine not peeing for a day? Oh man. That'd be crazy. I'm not going to just piss myself. Peeing myself is not really that bad. I don't like being wet, like my, like with clothing on. You know what I mean? I mean, as a dude, it's very easy to not piss yourself. Well, I mean, but you got to go somewhere. You

know what I mean? You got to find something. You know, get caught. Is that what you said? I, I, I would, if a ticket for getting pit, for pissing is like 70 bucks, sometimes that's worth it. I don't know, Joey. That's a, that's a slippery slope right there, my friend. I mean, don't piss on the, a child's playground. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What was the last playground? What was the last time you like, had to like pee in a cup because you couldn't make it? I almost had to do that on the way up to Maine actually this weekend. I had to, I pissed a lot because I, the day before we left, I was, I couldn't sleep. I was just like up all night. And then when I woke up in the morning, I was like, fuck, I didn't drink any water because I

wanted to be hydrated. I usually like, like to hydrate really well, like two days prior. Especially if you're going to go on a hike. Right. But not only just a hike, but like a weekend away with your friends. It's like, okay, I know we're going to drink and one of these nights is going to be probably insane. So like, I should just be hydrated for the most part. So two days prior, I started drinking a lot of water and I didn't do that. So then the morning I started chugging water. And then we had a five hour drive to fucking Maine. And then I had to pull over three times. So, you know, drain the old snake, drain the main vein. Exactly. So I had to piss, big piss, a big pissed, dude. Dude, that's the thing is like, there's no cup big enough that I cannot pee in.

I'm not confident in the size of any cup. Dude, fill cups. Dude, I could feel some cup. It's like that scene in Dumb and Dumber when he feels like a bunch of beer bottles. Dude, I can crush. I can feel so many bottles with my pee. And like, it's stinky pee too. I'm not talking like asparagus stink. No, no, no. Clear. Clear. Does clear pee stink? It all stinks. I don't think. I think. I don't think. You don't think it stinks. No. I don't think it stinks. It stinks. All right. That's it. Do you get the pee-pee smell from asparagus? I haven't had expere... experellomus. Yeah, there you go. It's an airy body. Experimus. What was the last time you had asparagus? I don't know. Fucking last summer or something. Do you get like stinky pee-pee?

Probably. Honey smacks? Piss smells like fucking hell. Wait, honey smacks? Honey smacks makes your piss smell like piss. Where are you coming up with that? Dude, have honey smacks. All right, first of all, I'm not gonna eat honey smacks because I'm not a fucking 98-year-old man. Eat. What? Those are a child's cereal. Fuck, no, they're not. They're sugar. Kids don't like frogs. Who the gives a fuck? Kids love frogs, you idiot. Dude, no one cares about that stupid, dumb-looking frog. Honey smacks are literally, they're like peanut chews and Toblerone. They're for fucking senior citizens. No, Toblerone are for people on their deathbed. That's it. So are honey smacks. No, they're not. Bring me a Toblerone, a fucking bowl of honey smacks. Oh, and at the,

you know what, a handful of weathers. No. And those fucking strawberry candies that are in the strawberry-looking wrapping. Those are not, those are, don't you dare. I will do it. Talk shit about those. I dared it. The strawberry? Dude, what the fuck? They are the ultimate old woman's candy. Those, and you're right next to it, you find three of those fucking rubber fingers, you know, with a little beads on it. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The fuck are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. People out there know. My grandmother used to have hundreds of those things. They're rubber fingers and they go over your finger and it's like, it has like, bumpy rubber like things on it. So you can like go through papers quickly. People that use those

like a thimble. Kind of, yeah. But people that use those also love honey smacks. Nah, dude, honey smacks are good. They're not old people's shit. They're fucking, no, they're chopped. Dude, there's, look at the sugar content. That tells you all you need to know. Old people don't like sugar. That's why they're for old people. They have them in the fucking, old people don't like sugar. Yeah, they do. They like raisin bran and like fucking bullshit. Don't slander raisin bran. It's good fucking cereal. Raisins are disgusting things. Raisins are not disgusting things, Joey. You sit there and you're having your fucking baby Ruth and your honey smacks and your fucking strawberry milk. You stupid idiot. I'd rather eat a log of shit

than eat a baby Ruth. You are. It's called honey smacks. No, it's not. When was the last time you had honey smacks? A long time ago. Well, I think you need a refresher course. I don't think I need a fucking refresher course. I do, you fucking idiot. There was nothing about honey smacks that makes me want to fucking eat them. Okay. Also, speaking of cereal, do you know, someone DMed me and I was like, Hey man, you and Frank should talk about the origin of corn flakes. What the fuck would we do that? Well, because I looked it up and apparently the dude who like Kellogg. Mr. Kellogg. Mr. Kellogg. He invented corn flakes to prevent people from jerking off. All right. Go through it. Yeah. So the guy invented corn flakes to stop people from jerking off.

His idea, which this is fucking stupid, what a stupid bitch. Yeah. He thought that if I make a cereal that is so plain and tastes like nothing, then people won't jerk off. Do you think we're all jerking off? Because the fucking lucky charms you idiot. Well, hold on. Oh, sugary cereal in the morning. Better crank my cock. There's been some good cereals I've had in my life. Oh my god, dude, a bowl of lucky charms. I'll stick my whole penis in that. Listen, speaking of Halloween time, you break out the box of blueberry, something's going to happen to me in my pants. A blueberry, but a boo boo in these shorts. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. A little lucky charms, a little lucky. Yeah, you don't. That is fucking absolutely flawless logic. Yeah, that's so fucking

stupid, but that's what he thought. And he actually practiced what he preached. Like I read this article that said that he never consummated his marriage, which if you don't know what that means, he never fucked his wife. I think they slept in separate beds. You know what I'm saying? That's what everyone did back in those weird fucking days. Yeah, and everyone wore pajamas. You remember back in the day, people wore those hats to bed? What the fuck was that? Yeah, like bonnets. But like with the little fucking like, it was like a Santa hat. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. It was stright though, like a prisoner. And they had the everyone wore a onesie with a fucking flap in the back so they could take shit. Yeah, or get fucked or that's probably

what it was for. Yeah. But what what where the fuck who Mr. Kellogg is a dumb idiot. And by the way, Kellogg's makes a lot of cereal that has a lot of sugar really went the other way with that one. But yeah, someone when you died, your virgin self died. You you're you're whoever took over your successor was like, we're going to put sugar back in this dude and people have been fucking ever since what happened to this guy that he hates jerking off so much. It's like a sex back in the day. Remember I told you like that medical episode we did people were like super upset about people jerking off. They don't want people jerking it. Why? I don't get it. Dude, I think the world would be better if everyone came like at least once a day.

That would be crazy. Everyone would be more like chill. That would be you know, I think a lot of people are like angry because they just haven't came yet. You're like the Dalai Lama jerking off. Yeah, I am. That's kind of nice. That's what I am. That's kind of nice. But I feel like if everyone if it was just part of a routine like there should be you know how like you know the milk industry like they fucked all of us and they're like oh milk makes you strong and we figured out that like you know milk is actually fucking us up and we're the only other mammals that drink another mammals milk so it makes no fucking sense. So stop having milk. Except for cats. What? Cats. Cats drink cow's milk. Cats are disgusting freaks. So we're never going to get

into that. Anyway. Cats are not disgusting freaks. If there was a thing that we put out like a campaign like the truth campaign where they're like yo cigarettes are killing motherfuckers right and really make a difference because it did. But if there was a campaign that was like yo jerk off every morning you know what I'm saying like you wake up you brush your teeth you you bounce that fucking pussy or something you know what I'm saying that man pussy around. Busy. Yeah. Boy. I'm saying like you wake up shake up brush up and then eat breakfast. Stroke up. I think if everyone came every single morning everyone would be like more chill. It'd be cool. Dude that's pretty deep man. I'm serious. I think that you should are you you should start today.

No. You should you should like start like a Facebook group or something for like it's like comers and on come today. Come come now. Come here. Come now. Come sail away. Oh great song. Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with me. That was a really good song. Even better concept though. You could be helping people come. You ever think about I'm not going to help people come. You could do it. I think I am with my feet. Have a lot of people are big fans of my food. Dude have you ever thought about the fact. I think I asked this before in another episode. I don't know why I touched his head when I said that. Yeah. But like people have probably like cranked it to you. Oh big time. Isn't that crazy. Yeah. You know that's a crazy concept. I don't know if I'd like

it or not. I think you like it. I think I do too. I think you do. You know what it is. I think like when it's happening to you don't like it but if it didn't happen to you'd be kind of offended. Yeah. It's kind of like cat calling you know like if you really got dressed and you look really good and you walk by a construction site and the guys are just like you'd be like is something wrong. But when they do cat call you're like I think it's a little different but you know what I mean. Yeah I know I'm trying to like you know what I'm saying. I'm trying to offend some people. I listen we're on the right track. Dude honestly the cat calling thing is like very real like I remember one time I was early in the morning and I was walking to the train to go to work

and I walked through like a construction site and I just felt all the eyes of the guys on me and I was just like stop it swear on my life. What the fucking shit Joey. I don't know if they were looking at me. I don't know that for a fact but I just felt the heat. Joey you were not being. I felt the heat. I felt the tension. I don't understand why people think like cat calling is going to work. You know what I mean like all right. If I scream at his girl if I'm across the street she's going to want to talk to me. Hey sweetie nice jokes. What fucking woman is going to be like oh well like what the fuck what kind of fucking logic is that. If I tell her she's got a fat ass maybe she'll let me bang it. Like we're like what. Not going to work but. Have you ever like witnessed

or someone cat calling. I'm trying to think if I ever cat called anyway. I don't think I've cat called either. I really wish I had. You know what I do remember we used to do is when we would see our friends walking like down the street with a girl. This is not good. We would at the top of our lungs scream and clap. Yeah. And it was probably very uncomfortable. We weren't like saying inappropriate things like oh you fucked her. Like it was just like yeah. Probably hindsight. Fucked up. Yeah. No that was fucking. Yeah. It's just like virgin activity though. Yeah. You know back then when we were all just little horny boys little horny boys man. But do you do you like I know we were speaking of cereal but like it's Halloween time. You got to talk about your

favorite Halloween candy. You got a bowl of that bitch right there. And I got to tell you a lot of self a lot of self control for me not to just go to town on that shit. What would you go first. We have. Twix. Yeah. Done. Twix. Milky Way. Snickers. Three musketeers. Yeah. In that order. Yeah. Three musketeers. You could take. Dude Dylan before said he eats butterfingers. Who the who is he. I guess it's 1996. Yeah. Who the fuck is he. But who eats butterfingers except for literally skateboarders. Exactly. He's wearing an Etnees t-shirt and element sneakers and he eats fucking butterfingers. Dude. I would only consider having a butterfingers if I was on a snowboard. I would only have a butterfinger literally if one of my parents died.

I would fucking hate it. Butterfingers suck so much. I'm not a butterfingers guy at all. I don't even really know what's in it. It's honestly chocolate butter and finger. What's in it. A finger. And also no nothing worse than the name Butterfinger. Can I ask you a question. Yes you can. Did your parents ever look through your candy. I think my mom did. Let me stop you. Not once. Really. Yeah. My mom was like whatever. Really. Not once. I think my mom did because what we would do is after Halloween we would through the year get a little bit of candy like in our backpack for like school lunches and shit. Oh she would divvy it up. She divvy it up. I will tell you though when we got later on in life. I dude it's insane to me. Yeah dude we go out like trick or treating like last year

miles came home with like like a bowl like that. A bucket of like that of candy. What a sucker. What a fucking little jerk. We used to go. I used to come home with dude dude dude. We used to have pillowcases pillowcases of candy. Do you remember the one time we stole a giant barrel of gum. Do I dude. It was first of all. Yo first of all don't don't leave candy out and say please take one because it is inviting the opposite opportunity. When you have me and Frankie in your neighborhood as children who by the way this was like our last year trick or treating and we were too old and we're like six grade. Yeah something like that. No. Well I think we're in like seventh grade. All right. Oh yeah I thought you were going to say old like way older. No god damn that's good.

So much camera. There was a house. I remember specifically I know right on right on dimmars right on dimmars and seventy second or something like that. They had a long ass fucking walkway and there was a bowl that said take one please dude. We took all the candy and the fucking bowl and dude and not only was it a bowl it was like a fucking like bobbing for apples tub. You know what I mean. And do you remember what happened when we ran out with it. There was a whole fucking family of kids about to come in. So we stopped and we gave them candy that I don't remember. Yep. And I remember specifically because there was one year it must have been like 05 06 where

or like 0405 where they did like Juicy Fruit Halloween gum and it was in like special packets. It was like there was like flat pieces of Juicy Fruit that were like this big like a playing card. And I remember because that's the whole fucking what that's what the whole thing was. Don't be a dumb idiot. If you leave candy out and say please take one I'm going to take it all. Don't don't do it. Yeah. It's simple. I'm very passionate about this. Dude you're pissed off about free candy dude. We used to get so much. Dude I swear to God. Trick or treating in Astoria was the greatest place to trick or treat ever. Oh yeah it was great because you did two blocks and you had a full backpack of candy. But sometimes you would get

those old people that were like oh we're going to give you pretzels and 18 cents and you're like what the fuck you old bitch. Those are the houses that got egged. Yeah. That's what would happen. You gave me pennies for Halloween. You were catching a couple of yolks. We're coming back at night. Oh 100 percent. We don't forget that. We never forget. Never. Don't forgive. Don't forget. Never. And then it became the cool years where we would just have fucking shaving cream brawls. We would basically fist fight with shaving cream. Do you remember actually I don't know if you were there but wait didn't we get stopped by the cops because we had shaving cream and they took it from us. Yes. So do you remember like you put I know why. Yep payphone.

You put shaving cream all over a payphone. Payphone very old times. Got them. That makes me feel old. Got them. Got them. But I remember because like in the month of October if you were under the age of 18 you couldn't buy shaving cream or eggs right or toilet paper and my mom would buy us eggs. Yeah. My mom shit. My mom would buy us an 18 pack each and be like have fun but we would somehow end up with like 38 18 packs. Yeah it was a lot. And yeah I remember I put shaving cream on like the ear part of the phone and I put it back and I was like this is going to get someone. You know who got got the cops me. Got us. I got us. Yeah. But I do remember like walking back to like by PS2 and I was trying to meet up with the rest of our friends and I I'm walking down the block

and I just see like three of our friends like on their knees facing some dude who was like an off duty cop and like swore because there was a bunch of windows that were shattered on like the block and they thought it was them but it wasn't. It was someone else who was like a paintball gun was like shooting the window. Yeah. So I think he like I think he pulled a gun on them and like was like I'm an off duty police officer. So I walked. I was walking down the block and they were on their knees and facing this dude and I was just like I just I just literally walked the other way. I was like hey man if they're going to die execution style so be it but I'm not going to be here to see it. I'm out. I walked. I was like oh okay cool they're doing that. I was like I could see it.

Dude I remember we were down by by your old place near like the dumps and there was like we were my cousin was with us DJ Guillermo. You know what I'm talking about and we were throwing shaving cream and I guess we I mean we were throwing eggs and I guess we ran out of eggs. So he threw the bottle of the can of shaving cream and dented a car and it came back and like opened the door and like started firing on us with a paintball gun. You remember those days huh? Oh I can imagine laughing with fucking whiskey in your mouth. I do remember that because I thought all my friends were dead that day because that time that you're saying specifically we were like I would say 30 people deep at that point and we were like this this van drove by and if you're a van on Halloween

don't because we're gonna hit you. Don't don't be a van. Don't be a van but the door I remember like the door opened up and I stepped out into the street and threw an egg right into this van. Yep I remember that and then they drove around and like I threw the egg and like because the van was driving by and like no one was really like there wasn't like a ready moment and I just stepped out in the street with like me and like one other person I think like egged this car and then like as I egged it I kept running and I ran into like an alleyway then I saw the car do a u-turn so I'm like oh shit I better hide just in case they come in here and they just drove by and I remember hearing us and I was like my friends are dead because of me. Dude I remember it was a red van that the

door flew open and you just hear like that you know the paintballs down and I was like holy shit like this could be it this is a wrap this could be it yeah we no joke we were a mob we had we rolled like 35 40 kids deep. I remember when someone this kid John threw a pumpkin at a taxi or like a taxi I remember a bus or a bus I was like yo that's I remember I have been like yo we're having fun like that's dangerous though. Do you remember it was like years ago it was a news story that kids threw a frozen turkey off of like a causeway killed people and it like killed this woman dude frozen turkey that's like what 40 pounds that's a cannonball that's not a and I'm not talking like turducken like that's a big boy we're talking about yeah we're gonna feed a whole

family here yeah that's a big fucking thing yeah we used to the good old days of Halloween now dude man dangerous could have definitely I remember bro I remember one time we were with a group and we egged a fucking taxi and the guy pulled over and he got out of his car thinking we were and he was like and he pulls out a phone and he's like I'm gonna film you and I remember the same kid John who threw that fucking snuff the fucking dirt off this kid no but he was like I don't give a fuck and started egging the dude and I was like I gotta get out of here yeah I'm just too gnarly for me we were not like bad kids they were like no I like to egg I like egg cars we like to egg car but we didn't like get in a lot of super bad trouble like we do kids that like went to jail and you know

dealt drugs and shit we were just like having fun yeah having fun looking back though man throwing eggs at cars is dangerous dude I always get like scared that on Halloween I'm gonna get egged and if that happens I'm stopping the car and I'm beating the piss out of these kids I don't give a fuck I've become that person now I've become that person and I'm proud of it I just heard every bodily fluid in your fucking mouth dude put that put that close I had to breathe I don't know what you want me to do no but I get it because like no looking back on it like egging cars is fucking dangerous but like you gotta do it you know I don't think people do that anymore honestly yeah I haven't like I think now kids are like dude I'm gonna do

that I just wanna stay home and get high it's like you know I'm saying like you know there's no more kids shit we used to dude literally the streets were lined with egg yolk for like a week and a half after that's why I think that because like I remember like paying attention like four Halloween's ago right so I was 24 and even then like I was well removed from like trick or treating or any of that kind of shit and always thinking that like you know the next day like this whole neighborhood's gonna be covered in like egg shells and yolk and like shaving cream everywhere because when we were younger that's what it was the whole neighborhood was fucked up for like a week like and not like a couple houses got it everyone got it yeah like mad houses got

and now that's just like not the case and I wonder why that is because I think it's just kids being like no we're all set like we're just gonna get high and fucking get some pussy and get out of here yeah let's get high make tiktoks in the park yeah dude doesn't man isn't it y'all let me ask you a question yes sir I need more whiskey I wish there was another bottle here go get it no I'm not gonna get it ask me the question and then go get no I'll get it so listen I isn't it funny how now like these kids are probably like I would say 16 to 20 years old for the most part the cool thing to do nowadays is like yo when we get home from school come over and let's hit these dances doesn't make sense to me isn't that crazy it's very weird like yo let's just dance and like

not even just like like some of them are like sexual dance actual like sexual dance they'll be like yeah like yo let's take our shirts off I mean listen we did some grinding back in the day but we weren't doing it in front of a camera and like just me and you like I would feel mad we're grinding in front of you and me and grinding on each other back in the day no I do I won't tell the story on camera one day I'll tell the story we ground no we were not grinding together but long story short I used to have a video of your dick that's a story for off-camera you guys won't be entitled to that one dude that's child pornography well I said used to when I was underage I had it when I was kid

I had it when I was kid when I was kid I had it yeah you know that's hilarious um no yeah but dude they like they love dancing with each other now and like to each their own because I'm sure like are like are like if you remember like the the generation above us they were probably looking at us when we were kids like you know these kids just love to go out there and throw eggs you know what I mean like nah but like I feel like when we were kids what was the weird thing that we would do I feel like the weird thing when we were young was the way that we talked not talked but typed like going to dub part lol see you later like that was our thing that was like this is stupid that kids would do yeah like because I because I remember how like I had you know older siblings

and they would look at me like you're you look like an idiot yeah talking like that was the thing but can you imagine I was like sexually dancing with you on camera with our shirts off yeah and like and also when we were 14 we looked like 14 year olds 14 year olds now they look a lot older yes they look a lot older and I think it's because of the way that they dress it's also weird because they have like tattoos because I don't I don't have tiktok Becca has tiktok and there'll be sometimes where her now wants to be lying in bed you know just cuddling up being cuddle bugs yeah being sleepy little ones and she'll pull up tiktok and it's like a very a quite quite clearly underage girl dancing in a way that would be provocative twerking yeah and bouncing her tits

around with no bra and like and it's like I can't see this you know what I mean like get this away from me like it's it's a very weird thing because like listen I I'm sure pedophile I know pedophiles existed when we were kids but like now pedophiles must be enjoying themselves they must be having a ball they must be going to town because everything they want is right at their fucking fingertips yeah you know what I mean and like I understand some people like they won't post pictures of their kids or something because they don't want to put the you know their underage face out there but like there are kids out there that are like you know send me a mini man I'm a rock star and they're like fucking like boobies out and shit and it's like dude you're like you're 16 you say boobies

boobies yeah cut it out yeah I know same with the boys I'm not being sexist here but boys stop jangling your good old bojangles in front of the camera for people to see stop taking your shirts off a lot of those kids that are like have mad followers they're they used to wear oh I don't know if they still do but they had these sweatpants that they would wear dude I saw a video right of one of these kids that has like millions of followers so I'm sure he makes a bunch of money whatever no not more than you I think no I cleared a hundred billion dollars last year that's right um no he like paid off his parents house or something that's cool yeah really cool right the video there was a video of him like it's

like a single shot of him on the couch with his parents and he's like paying off his parents house and he gives them the thing and they're like it's a very emotional thing and it's fucking awesome except for the fact that he's wearing sweatpants that say stop looking at my dick over the dick I need this it says stop looking at my dick over the dick while he's paying off his parents house and I'm like what is going on yeah it says stop looking at my dick apparently it's like a thing that like it's like let me ask you a question if I wore sweatpants in my house that said stop looking at my dick what would happen I'm looking right at that dick no but also my father would probably separate me from my penis oh yeah no your dad would beat the fucking gurgle out of

you he would beat he'd beat you up he would fuck you up stop looking at my dick dude if I wore that my dad yeah my dad would probably be like what the fuck are you doing yeah you know what I mean but yeah oh yeah those pants were coming off and going right in the right in the trash compactor yeah which we didn't have a trash compactor but you you're picking up what I'm putting down here yeah quick side note now that we're talking about garbage cans I hate when I go to someone's house and their garbage can is under the sink hate it yeah when it's in a drawer garbage can a drawer have a garbage can I mean I get in a drawer where it like rolls out but where you have to look for it like I should know where your garbage can is I just don't like that they're hidden you got a gross

garbage can out there right now my friend was like chocolate on the rim oh yeah that was from yesterday clean it up I thought I did no you didn't I try it was dark it was it was late it was dark and I had chocolate it was Nutella okay yeah it looks a little Nutella yeah man I gotta stop you're right I what did oh my god what did you do put the wax into the table and now I'm trying to get it off but oh yeah that's bad that's a thing that's bad Miss Elaine would not approve she would she would be upset with you you know that's what you gotta do sometimes yeah so are you wearing a costume we were having a Halloween party or what um you want to come over for you're not gonna come down to me for a fucking Halloween let's be honest I am I do have a costume

though you're you will approve you're not gonna tell me what it is of course I will blue 42 blue 42 rover set you're gonna be ace ventura I'm fucking right with the two two with the two two and you're gonna do your hair oh yeah that's dope get a crush it right what's what's miles miles is the mask and Becca's the Grinch Jim Carrey it's Jim Carrey festival dog wait wait wait she's gonna be the Grinch yeah how she got like a green bodysuit she's putting on like the green fur like boa and like hand things and feet things and then her face and it's perfect because it's got a little belly and she's got my my seed in there yeah okay that's gross when you say that it's true it's true it is true when she sees this in 10 weeks 10 to 12 years oh just notice baby I'm talking about you you are

my seed that's such a weird thing to say it's not weird you don't get it Joey I don't get it do you want kids one day of course how many three yeah you're Joey you're getting up in age though you're 28 what the fuck's that mean you want three kids dude you want to say what that does to a woman's body they need to prepare for that shit and recuperate so what my grandmother was one of 22 what the hell your grandma was one of 22 kids basically for 22 years where's they live in a in a house oh how was this house I mean the last couple like the last like 16 could kind of like do what they want you know what I mean they started like moving out at certain points in time getting jobs and shit you know and then 22 kids yeah and then one of those 22 had 18 what the fuck's wrong you people

like you get them oh my god I'm so racist against Egyptians and it was my dad's side it was the umbeans yeah all right well makes sense they fuck like jack rabbits yeah so it makes sense but yeah can you imagine can you imagine having 21 siblings bro that's a whole fucking like football team that's way too much yeah that's insane yeah how many you want uh I'd be three or four four max including miles or no I include miles you're my stepson and I you know so I would say in addition to what Becca currently has brewing you would want four max I would want four max so another two but it's all about you know Becca's a couple years older than me you know and it's all about what her body can are you guys gonna like you're definitely gonna have three after this depend I mean

all goes well god willing you know happy healthy pregnancy and labor we want to have at least one more you know because one is one one child that's tough that's scary single single child syndrome is real two kids it'd be a little scary too because you got two comparing one to the other three kids you got that middle child syndrome that's a little scary too four kids perfect not with three I think it's good because it's like then you can like hate each other they can hate each other I want them to like also be competitive like I also kind of want my kids to beat the shit out of each other that's you want you know because like I if I have to do it it's bad you know what I mean the government gets involved you know what I'm saying but like kids beating the kid you know the kid caboodle

out of each other then you get involved then I get involved and it's not that bad yeah then you could hit a jab bingo you know I'm saying bingo as I go to separate it I you know go in for a punch right for the middle child you know and I'm all about it man all about hitting hitting kids same how we doing on three how we doing on time now we're good man we're good we're good I need to fill back up on whiskey and we need to get out of this fucking hair net because the shit is itchy oh I'm hurting can you please try the mask on yeah yeah yeah no you're not gonna try um anyway Frank where can they find you happy halloween happy halloween f-holiday zero eight five on and on twitch you're gonna come hang out with me watch uh video games uh watch me play video games

play video games with me I play with you guys a lot Monday's Tuesday nights uh usually stream 8 45 p.m. eastern standard time on twitch.tv slash f-holiday zero eight five and the frank alvarez on instagram and cameo come hang out with me it's a fun times good good old time you guys can follow me at joe santa gato go follow the show at the baseman yard and our patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard where everyone's getting an extra episode every single week and they're supporting the show and they're getting discounts on merch and all that shit appreciate everyone who bought the lavender hoodies they did really cool drop I hope you like them hope you like those they're really dope and uh yeah that is all see you guys next time oh