The Basement Yard - #267 - Infiltrating Amish Country
Episode Date: November 9, 2020Frank spends a weekend in Amish country and reports back to Joe with some interesting stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, what's going on, man?
Ah!
You're so married right now.
I'm so married right now.
Franky got married over the weekend.
Yeah, well, by the time this is recording, by the time I came out.
Oh, you've been married forever now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two weeks forever.
One of the first things my brother asked me, he's like,
How do you feel? I hate that question.
How do you feel?
In any regard, on birthdays, on, you know, anything.
It's like, so how do you feel?
And she would go, shut the fuck up, Uncle Jerry.
So I gave him the answer he was, I assumed looking for.
I was like, slightly gayer.
Get married, get gay.
You got it.
That's the only way that the only out, I guess, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
But I'm not looking for an out.
No.
Anyway, that was an actual clear.
It wasn't like a, that wasn't like a subtle under the table.
Yeah, I wouldn't even know what it would mean to be honest.
Yeah, I get it.
So anyway, you know what it might mean.
How do you feel?
I fuck you.
Yeah, fuck.
I feel great.
I feel good.
I feel great in the hood.
We're going to edit that out, I think.
Why?
Because it just was, it sucked.
It didn't suck.
It sucked.
Nothing, let's be honest about some real upfront off the bat.
Nothing I do sucks.
It's maybe not great, but it doesn't suck.
Gotcha.
You went on a mini moon.
I did.
I did go on a mini moon.
And I'll tell you all about it right after I let people know here
that they can check out more of BasementYard at patreon.com
slash the BasementYard where you can get an epi, poop, poop.
You get poop.
If you come to our Patreon, you get poop.
All right, get jammed.
I had it.
We'll shit on you.
I had it.
Do you know what I mean?
I fucking, I was, I was coasting.
We should set a thing.
If we get 10,000 patrons, we'll poop on one lucky patron.
Boy, they know what?
We might get people seem to be into that into the poop.
People are always asking you for like your feet and your pee-pee picks, right?
No, my feet.
Just your feet.
The my feet?
Like I don't, my feet are trash.
I've never, can you see them?
Yeah.
I'm not wearing socks too.
So I'll put these bitches right on the, yeah.
You have a fucking steel plate for a big toenail.
Dude, what is that?
Jesus Christ.
Touch it.
Touch it.
It feels like a dung beetle's like shell.
Yo, that's-
Isn't it weird?
That's impressively-
It feels like a diamond.
That's very hard.
Dude.
You know who else has one of those?
Hard toes.
Well, just like a fucking like-
Shovel?
Shovel.
Yeah.
Espos.
Oh, Espos got disgusting freak feet.
Dude, this kid's fucking big toenail.
I kid you not, can kill a family of four.
One slice.
Yeah.
Take a head off.
And he's got a heel like a fucking-
Just disgust.
It is gross.
I've never seen it.
His whole feet, they suck.
His feet situation's fucked up.
What were you talking about?
About the Patreon.
Oh, the Patreon.
Yeah, you get an extra episode every single week of this show
and you also get promo codes on merchant shit.
And it's a good time.
Changed to win a thousand dollars.
Yeah, you get a thousand bucks.
Which by the way, I kind of looked into that.
That might be illegal.
Yeah.
Oh, I think I said this.
Did you?
I think I told you like-
Well, I looked up like the terms on Patreon
and it was like, we can't do contests.
It's not a contest.
I'm just, you know, giveaway.
Yeah.
What's the difference between a giveaway and a contest?
Guys, don't tell anyone.
That's what we're trying to say.
You're not like-
I'm still gonna give it out.
You know-
I'm still giving it out.
You're not like doing anything, Joey.
If you get this Patreon shut down,
so fucking funny.
No, dude, no.
That's not gonna happen.
But like, think about it.
You know what I mean?
Like, think about-
Yeah.
Like, if they're not doing anything for the money-
Yeah, they're just there.
It's just, you know, it's not a contest.
Contest.
But yeah, Patreon.com.
I also think that like, there's, it's, you know,
it's just like a small little, you know-
Listen, do they know-
Do Patreon know who you are?
They're not watching this shit.
They don't-
Well, I don't know.
Be careful.
You never know.
Mr. Patreon might be on here.
It's true.
But go to Patreon.com, slash the basement yard,
to check out the Patreon.
So tell me, how was your mini-moon?
It was good.
It was good.
I told you a little bit about it.
Yeah.
We had a nice chill and relaxed time.
See, I'm not like-
I hate the beach.
I'll fucking kill myself before I go on the beach.
So you went to the antithesis of the beach.
The antithesis of the beach,
which is Amish country, baby.
Frank, you went to Amish country.
It was awesome.
Did you make milk?
I didn't, but I did buy like wildflower raw honey.
Oh, cool.
Just as good, right?
Right.
Just as good.
Oh my God, dude.
We went-
So we went-
It was-
First of all, I really did love it.
It was fucking awesome.
It was like small, quiet.
Yeah, the country, yeah.
It's nice, you know?
And we went to like the small farmers market
and we're walking around fucking-
I love shit like that.
I really do.
A farmers market?
Farmers market.
Like you buy the-
Like you buy the egg right out of the chicken's ash hog.
You have to take it out of the ass.
No.
Well, is that where they give birth?
I think there's only one hole on a chicken?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think they have one hole that does eggs and puss and puss.
And now I know what we have to do.
Google chicken vagina.
I have to Google-
Yeah, I have to Google chicken vagina.
How many animals like vaginas do you think you've seen?
Um, one, two, I would say three chicken vagina.
Yeah.
Wait, do I want to see this?
Yeah, they got vaginas.
They do?
Ew!
Dude, they're red!
Really?
Dude.
How red?
I don't know if this is real.
Oh, no, it is, dude.
Oh, this sucks!
Dude, the chicken vaginas are not cool.
They look like a pimple that's like ready to pop.
Let me see.
Let me see what?
That looks like a pimple, doesn't it?
Dude, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It looks like an infected pimple.
Dude, it looks like every boss in every Star Fox game ever.
It's just that white part is the weakness and you have to shoot it.
It looks like that thing that they were throwing people into the desert.
Oh, the Starlack pit.
In Star Wars, yeah.
Just a little less teeth?
Yeah, I hear you on that.
Yo, chickens, get better vaginas.
Dude, you figure it out.
You think after hundreds of millions of years of being chickens.
You get better vaginas.
You'd think so, because they're probably ridiculed for having just disgusting vaginas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, so like, we're going and I'm going to buy this honey.
Okay.
Dude, fuck your honey.
I'm talking about, I got a vagina, a chicken vagina on my screen.
I can't argue with that.
I can't look away yet.
Where does honey come from?
Bee's vaginas?
Oh.
Honey?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
They, what is that?
I don't even know what it is.
Spit, isn't it?
They spit it out?
They do.
What should I type in?
What is honey?
Where does honey?
What is honey?
So, well, the reason I'm asking is because we were at a farmer's market and Becca, you
know, sometimes honey is like extracted with a machine.
It's not necessarily from a honeybee.
Okay.
Okay.
So this farmer, like, yo, is this honey actually from the bees?
And the farmer looked at her like she wanted a fucking kid.
She was like, oh, it was a woman farmer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They don't have a different dude actor actress kind of thing.
Oh, they're not.
They're real, I think.
I don't think they're actors and actresses.
No, no, no, no.
I'm saying like farmer, you know, like, there's like actor, actress, waiter, waiter, farmstress,
farmstress.
Is there, is this a sexist?
I don't know.
I'm afraid.
I think it's, let's just call it a farmer.
Cause she's doing a lot of work probably.
She's, I mean, she's, she's jerking those bees for that honey.
Yeah.
That's not.
It's not how it, I honestly don't know what honey is.
Dude, honey makes no sense.
It's like syrup, but not.
It's like not, but syrup is not, dude, I've touched mad flowers.
I've never gotten any honey on me.
Yeah.
Like bees pissing out.
I mean, like, that's what I think it might be.
Piss.
It might be like bee piss.
It's got to be.
We're drinking bee piss.
Listen, I know we're getting a lot of shit for that, but you also don't know what it
is.
Yeah.
Oh, people.
And there's a couple of people that just learned about it and you're fucking junior
of high school.
Fuck off.
Yeah.
Unless you're fucking-
Cause we're not learning about bees in the world.
Yeah.
The only people that I'm taking fucking information from is going to be an apurist.
And I guarantee you're not one of those you idiot.
Apurist?
Apurist.
What's that?
That's beekeepers.
Jesus.
You didn't know that word, did you?
No.
You meant to say like a purist, but you said it weird.
And I was like, I don't know how this-
Apurist.
No, I think it's apurist.
Apurist.
I'm pretty sure that's how it-
You learned that this weekend, didn't you?
No, no, no.
I learned that from the office.
I learned that from the office.
And then I looked it up.
I was like, what the fuck is he talking about?
Nice.
But like, yeah.
So honey, just bee jits.
Or BP.
Yeah.
BP or BJ.
Ooh.
Wow.
That'd be nice.
Nice.
You're going to have your own- oh, here we go.
Now, Joey's going to be like, I'm going to come in next time.
Yo.
So I'm coming up with a new brand of honey.
Here we go.
It's going to be called BJ.
Yeah.
Or BP.
Or BP.
Well, we already got BP.
The oil people.
BJ?
Are you kidding me?
Who wouldn't want to buy a bottled BJ from Joe Sanagato?
Well, BJs.
Ah, yeah.
That's right.
That's wrong.
Some copyright issues.
We'll figure that out.
Yeah, we'll figure it out though.
But dude, this woman like wanted to fuck her up.
That's good.
Like legit.
Wanted to punch a pregnant woman.
Was just she Amish?
I don't know.
I don't- like, I think-
Well, she weren't.
She was like-
Like net, like, horn hat.
You know what I mean?
No.
You know what I mean?
A net horn?
It's like-
It's like a-
Like a milk maid?
It looks like it, but it's like horns.
She was wearing a horny hat?
It wasn't horny, but like it didn't come out like horns.
It was just like here.
Fuck.
If you knew what I was talking about-
Oh, now we got to look up Amish woman hat.
Well, then she was Amish.
I think so.
Did she have a weird accent?
Like she sounded like she kind of like Dutch?
Amish.
Do Amish people like have a language?
Amish woman.
You know what's crazy is that we're probably offending people here, but-
The Amish?
They can't listen.
They're not allowed.
They're not allowed to listen, though.
Isn't that not allowed?
Unless they're on Rumspringa?
Oh, man.
If they get on that Rumspringa, they're crushing it.
By the way, for people who don't know, Rumspringa for the Amish is like-
You're like Amish your whole life.
And then you hit-
You get this like spring break from your religion or whatever, you know, Amish is.
And then they can like go out and go anywhere, go to Times Square and like bang hookers or
like, you know, they don't-
I'm assuming they don't do that.
I mean, I'm sure I'm sure one or two-
I mean, wouldn't you?
If you had to go experience like-
If you were like living in a very small, you know, quiet community for so long.
It's kind of like this, Joe.
It's got a little bumpies.
Oh, that's a-
What's it called?
You know, under his eye.
Fucking-
Yeah, something like that.
What is that called?
What's that show?
Hamming's Tale.
Yeah.
But wouldn't you-
If someone-
And you don't leave this room for your whole life.
Okay?
If I get outside and I go to Times Square, like dude-
That's going to be an assault in the senses.
Yeah.
Dude, my dick pop, like my butt fall out.
Your dick is popping.
Yeah, like I feel like crazy stuff would happen.
I feel like I would like cry.
Like it'd be too much for me, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Especially here.
You know, fuck yeah.
But at least from what I experienced, you know, like I didn't like go into an Amish community
and talk to people, but like they were like out and about like in stores and stuff like
that.
And I figured to be in some way like integrated into the community-
I'm going to look up some facts.
Maybe not at the level at which other people would expect, you know.
But like they didn't have cars.
They were horse and bugging all the way down the road.
But they had lights on the back.
Of the horses?
Of the-
Of the wagon.
Of the wagon.
There was-
Wow.
There was literally like hazard lights.
But you stop a horse by pulling the reins.
Whoa.
Well they stayed on.
They basically just stayed on the whole time.
The lights.
And like people like you drive around.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Wow, that's fucking dope.
Yeah.
I looked up some Amish facts just now and the first one I saw is some Amish kids play
with faceless dolls.
I don't trust these people.
I'm trying to think if I saw-
I don't trust the Amish.
You play with a faceless doll dude?
It's a horror movie.
That's written out.
You're a demon.
You're like you, you know what you do.
You know what you do.
But I asked my father-in-law and I was like, oh what is the-
Like why do the Amish practice the way that they practice?
And he said basically from what he explained, now listen, I have no clue.
He said like basically it's pretty much in line with Catholicism.
But the only difference is that they believe they should only live in an environment that
has the technology that was available back when the Bible was written.
Which-
Cool.
You gotta move forward somewhere.
Somewhere.
You gotta do something, you know?
So no light bulbs.
There's gotta be an Amish like Jebediah just like going down the road just watching a
fucking like four tourists drive by and it's like, god damn it.
Yeah, why do they all have those like encyclopedia names?
Like they just find-
Like you ever like-
You ever like just skim through an encyclopedia and you're like I've never heard of any
of these words.
There's so many consonants.
I'm gonna look up-
We're gonna rate right now.
We're gonna rate top Amish names.
Wait, hold on.
Also I have more facts.
Oh, okay.
They're not allowed to listen to music or play instruments.
Really?
Yeah, no.
What are they just saying?
Well this is off of the site that I typed into Google so I don't know how true this is.
Yeah.
But maybe they can sing.
Here's a really good one.
They can't pose for pictures.
So you have to like catch them.
You have to catch them.
Yeah.
Basically like if you wanna like-
If you want to bring Pokemon Snap to life you go to Amish country because they're not
allowed to fucking pose for pictures.
You gotta catch them in the wild.
Boy, we're definitely offending some people.
They're not listening.
Yeah, but like you know there's someone out there that's like listen, I know Amish people
and I'm offended for them.
Like dude, fuck you.
All right.
So I mean go try and take a picture of your Amish friend then and tell me I'm wrong.
If they pose, narrow out.
I'm not saying it's for a bad-
They're throwing them out.
I'm not saying it's for a bad reason.
I'm sure there's some religious belief they have behind it and I support them.
However, you gotta get a candidate of an Amish person.
Of course, dude.
Now I almost want to get one.
I almost felt a little bad because like some of the places we were going it was like oh
go on a tour of Amish country and it's like we're kind of exploiting these people and
their communities for like our gain.
Well, it's just not normal.
It's not your norm.
Like you get these people who are just like-
But I think normal is subjective.
So for them-
No, I'm talking about the majorities.
Majorities is like normal technically, no?
Again, I think the term normal has to do with a perceived majority way of living.
Yes.
However, in their communities what they perceive to be normal is different from ours.
I know that.
But what I am saying-
Got them, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, like my normal-
I fucking got them.
My normal is different than your normal.
Damn right it is.
My normal is better though.
See?
This is where you get this that's bad.
Kids are not allowed to go to school past eighth grade.
I mean because they instantly start whittling shit.
They're known.
Carpenters-
I mean, Amish are known to be like incredible carpenters.
You ever see-
Like it's like a joke.
Like they've had it on like Family Guy.
But like the Amish can put up a house in like 30 minutes.
Exaggeration.
But very close to being the reality.
But like what's with the dolls?
I think that's just their way of saying like stay the fuck away because at night we'll kill you in your sleep.
That's what I think but like there's a thing written here that says-
Um.
This is fucking funny.
This is actually hilarious.
It says some Amish kids play with face of stalls.
I tried to purchase one from a well off the beaten path Amish shopped recently.
What?
And was told that they usually just sell those to their own people.
And then it said I kind of liked that response.
What?
That came from someone that's also racist.
That was so weird.
I kind of like- I like their moxie.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I believe in that.
I can get by in this.
No they were like- I mean I didn't like interact with many-
But like they had like Amish kitchen restaurants and stuff like that.
So like-
What does that mean?
It was- it said and I quote outside like typical Amish food.
Beans.
I would say wheat and rolled out bread and you know maybe just like fresh from the titty milk.
That's kind of sick.
Really?
No.
You'd be going- they also had like weird types of milk.
They had like orange cream milk.
Excuse?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They had bottles in like fridges.
It was like 97% fat milk.
You know.
What?
Yeah.
Isn't that not good?
I mean it's from the- it's literally from the farm.
97?
From the tits?
To the bucket?
Isn't milk that you buy in stores like 2%?
Oh no.
I think it's just like- I think it's like 2% fat free.
So it's like only 2%.
So it'd be- yo, we're fucking idiots dude.
All right, all right.
I gotta look this up now.
Oh by the way.
These top 10 uncommon Amish male names.
Go.
All right.
Now hold on.
I need you to rank these.
Give me a thumbs up or thumbs down.
Edo.
IDDO or Edo.
That's all right.
Edo?
Edo.
Edo.
Edo.
Okay.
Wally.
But W-O-L-L-I-E.
Wasn't that a movie that I never saw?
It's a good movie.
Harness.
Like honest?
Like Harness.
How do you spell that?
This next one?
Sofire.
Jethro.
Oh like Jethro tall.
Like Jethro tall.
I don't even know what that is.
I know it's like a song.
It's a- it's a band.
But think of that.
Jethro.
Jethro's dope.
That's so fire.
That dude wears a lot of black.
Melbourne.
Okay.
Eww.
Leander.
Leander.
That's a- that's a Pokemon's name.
It's got to be.
This next one is a- it is a difficult and tight rope to walk.
Fienus.
Whoa dude.
Dude.
That's close to penis.
You're real close to being penis.
Fienus?
Fienus.
Are you sure it's not like Phineus?
It's a form of Phineus.
But it's Phineus.
Eww.
Phineus.
Yeah.
Achilla.
That's kind of cool.
That's fucking sick dude.
Yo like an Amish rapper named Achilla.
Yeah.
Achilla the Amish.
Oh wait a second.
You're going to kill the Amish?
Oh no.
You guys heard that obviously.
Okay.
Absollum.
Sucks.
Absollum.
Yeah.
It's a biblical name.
It sounds like in the beginning of-
It means father of peace.
Absollum sounds like the beginning of like-
A hymn?
Like an Arabic term.
Careful.
Careful.
And then Arden.
That's not bad.
Arden's not a bad name.
But Jethro.
Jethro's cool.
Jethro's fucking fire.
Well I've been in like Ezekiel and like all these other you know.
Yeah.
I wish I had a cool name.
My name is just like- just sucks.
Joseph?
Yeah.
Your name does suck.
Like it's like ugh.
Okay.
Whole milk contains more fat because it's higher in calories than the 2% milk.
It's higher fat milk.
Yeah.
It's whole fat.
Yeah.
It's whole milk.
I knew that.
It's the whole thing.
I knew that.
Hold on.
It's the whole entire milk.
Skim milk.
There's like a thing where it's like whole milk is like 3% technically or some shit like
that.
Yeah.
It's- I don't know.
Why aren't we just talking about cows, tits?
We were talking about cow, titties.
Last episode, right?
We were always talking about cow, titties.
Cows of all the animals I've seen have the nicest titties.
That's not true.
Who?
Who?
Dogs?
I won't- they don't- dogs don't have areolas, this is not weird.
They only have nipples.
They just got nipples.
Yeah.
It's very weird.
Yeah.
I won't say who it is.
No bras.
No bras.
We knew someone that used to suck on dog titties.
You remember this?
No.
Oh boy.
Let me get a letter.
No?
What's it gonna give it away?
I mean there's only one person- Give me a last name letter.
No one's gonna know that.
G.
I don't know that.
I don't know that.
We had a friend who sucked on dog titties.
Dude.
Dude.
He used to- on his bed, the dog would stay above and he would lay under and suck on the
fucking teetie.
Ew.
Yeah.
I was- I never saw this.
Yes you have.
Nope.
Yep.
No way Joey.
You saw this guy sucking these dog titties.
No way.
Yes you did.
Dude.
Yes you did.
And I can tell you the name of the dog.
Oh no.
That would give it away too.
I can't.
I don't want to know.
I gotta tell you now.
I have to tell you after.
It was a girl.
That was the stupidest question.
Oh my god.
Girls are not that dumb Joey.
No.
I'm saying it was a girl dog.
Yeah.
Obviously.
Well no.
Boy dogs have titties, nipples.
No they don't.
Yeah they do.
I think you're wrong here Joey.
I am not.
Let's agree to disagree.
We're gonna just know.
I have a dog.
Okay.
You checking his nipples all the time?
Dude.
Yeah.
I've cleaned his fucking dick out for him.
Not out.
But like you know I've done.
I've washed it.
Unscrew it.
Clean it.
And then screw it back in.
Yeah you get the inside.
Ugh.
The red rocket.
No no no.
Sometimes you know it gets a little like you've got some stuff.
You know.
Sometimes you gotta wash your dog.
There's no nipples on this thing.
Alright.
Whatever.
Regardless we knew someone that sucked on dog nips.
I'm sorry that I don't.
Gee.
Gee.
And once you know who it is you'll be like that lines up.
Are we friends still?
We have not been for a very long time.
We're not not friends with them.
But like it's been a long time since they have been around.
Like we went to school with them.
And we were friends with them.
Like we would hang out.
Like neighborhood friends.
Yes.
And we would hang out quite frequently and then in they were going home.
Fucking sucking on them.
To their defense.
They were like 5, 6 or 7 years old.
They were like 14, 15 sucking on fucking.
Oh.
Okay.
So this is a young f-
Oh.
This is the.
He peed on us.
Oh yeah.
Oh my god.
Oh yeah.
We had a friend who chased us with piss.
Yeah.
Peed on us.
So do we tell a story?
I'm sure we have at one point.
There was a kid we used to know who used to he was running in public.
I hope.
Wait.
Hold on.
I hope we haven't told this story and used their name.
I mean, nah, I mean, hey man, we, it's like, it's all alleged.
Whatever.
Allegedly.
Yeah.
We haven't buried into an Amish conversation anyway.
Can't wait till we get that cease and desist letter.
Oh, that's going to be great.
Dude.
Wow.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
He did that.
Yeah.
I definitely don't remember that.
Oh yeah.
I didn't really go over there.
Oh, I was there quite frequently.
I remember me saying that.
I was there quite.
I can confirm.
I never partake.
Partook.
I mean.
You've never sucked a dog's tits.
I've never sucked a dog's tits.
Oh, God.
They're not even like cool.
They need Ariel.
I mean, no.
No.
You're going to have, you're going to have nip, no air.
Think about, think about how weird if people didn't have Ariolas.
They've got, I mean, there are probably, there are all types of boobies out there with nipples
and all types of nipples.
I'm sure that there's at least one or two in the world right now that just have nip,
no ariola.
I mean, I'm sure they have little tiny ones, but there is some Ari.
There's no, there's no zero Ari in just nipple.
There's definitely.
There's definitely.
No, that's Joey.
Listen, listen.
Humans have nipples.
Listen, listen to me.
There's always the exception to the rule.
Always Joey.
Do you think there's ariolas nipples?
Look them up.
No.
I'm done with this phone.
I like not knowing and just thinking I'm right.
You think I'm wrong?
Yeah.
There you go.
Exactly.
You're good living in your own encased world of being right.
You don't like to admit that you're wrong.
Because I'm wrong.
Oh, you're going to say wise.
Oh, well, yeah.
They go hand in hand, Joey.
But yeah, the Amish were, there's a, dude, honestly, fuck the Amish dog nipples now.
Amishly fucking 10 out of 10 would recommend going to Lancaster PA.
So much fucking fun.
Interesting.
It was a lot of fun.
And I will say also a lot of crack heads in the city.
Crack heads.
Oh yeah.
Amish crack heads?
No.
Those are like oxymorons, you know, biggie smalls, jumbo shrimp, Amish crack head.
They don't work together.
Understood.
But like we were sitting down eating lunch and there was just a lot of crack heads walking
around us.
Damn.
How'd you know there were crack heads?
You see, you see a crack head, Joey, you know a crack head.
You know what I'm talking about.
You see a grown white woman wearing a size small, I should stop, right?
Was she drinking a Mountain Dew?
She was wearing a size small SpongeBob shirt with flip flops and shorts.
It's a crack head.
Sounds like another day of Walmart, honestly.
You know, well, is crack heads in Walmart?
Walmart's crazy, man.
Dude, Walmart is wild.
I remember when I first...
You should do videos about people from Walmart.
I remember when I first started that series on YouTube, someone had reached out to me
like multiple times.
I had seen it like a couple of times.
People were like, yo, you should look up Walmart.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Like I've never...
Because I've never...
I went to a Walmart one time when we drove to PA with Nick and that was the only time
I've ever been to Walmart.
Mad Hasidic juice there, by the way.
That was so random.
No.
The one that you're talking about was one we went to up in the Catskills.
That's...
Oh yeah, not PA.
It was upstate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it was just like mad random.
But like that was the only time I was ever in a Walmart.
So I was like, why am I looking this up?
And then it looked up like, you know, people at Walmart and it's just insane the amount
of people who shit themselves.
Like it's one big bathroom that sells stuff.
There's so much poop in Walmart.
Dude, Walmart is like, take it from someone that worked in retail.
People legitimately treat retail like it is their garbage can and their toilet.
Yeah.
Like they just walk in and like, Joey, you need to use the bathroom.
You get anxious.
You get...
You set it yourself.
You set it in a bathroom instantly.
There are people out there that are just like, I'm cool with just...
Isle 7.
Right here.
Yeah.
You know, right next to the Enfamil formula.
I'm just dropping one.
Yeah.
Right in front of the dog toys.
Curse...
Splat.
It doesn't...
And you hope it's a curse splat.
It's easier sometimes for a curse splat.
It's usually a...
No.
Sometimes it's just a...
Oh, like a heavy...
You know what I'm talking about?
Like a good don't bump and then a...
Like it rolls underneath something and you can't find it for a month.
I don't know about you, but I feel like whenever I have to really go to the bathroom, it's
never like solid.
Like I can hold a log in.
I can't hold in water.
You can't hold in spit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't have a dam.
You know what I'm saying?
I hear you.
Can't hold it up.
I hear you.
I mean, there's no like...
Hmm.
I have to use a bathroom, but it can wait for me.
It's like, I have to use a bathroom right now.
Yeah.
Or I'm gonna...
Dude, that happened to me the other...
Like literally yesterday, I was playing Call of Duty and I was on the headset with like
Keith and Steve and I was like, yo, in like 15 minutes, I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom.
And then literally like 27 seconds later, I was like, remember when I said 15 minutes?
I meant fucking right now.
I was like, get the load out.
I'm hiding in the house and I went in there and I barely made it.
In my own house, I almost should have...
I will tell you that the fuck, first of all, in your place, you're lucky enough that you
have two bathrooms.
I share an apartment right now with my wife and my wife and with a five year old.
So like...
Is he poop?
My pregnant...
He poops in the regular toilet.
Yeah.
He's been crapping all over the place.
Did he ever set it off in there and you're like, yo, what the fuck?
I'm trying to think.
He's been pretty...
He's a little kid.
He takes a big shit.
Dude, there was one day where he shit, I kid you not, black.
Not like dark or green.
Like the cups of coffee they didn't have.
And I remember it as clear as day because he stood up and he goes, whoa, what did I
eat?
And I was like, no way.
That's bad.
That's like blood, isn't it?
He was all right.
I mean, I think it's okay.
He was just hungover.
The worst thing we had for him is when we started potty training him, which was about
two years ago, he, like two and change.
You start with a fake toilet.
Yes.
So it was a kitty toilet.
It was like a fucking...
He just like shits in that, like in the living room.
That's what I'm talking about.
It was in the bathroom.
No water.
It was in the bathroom.
No water.
Nothing was...
He was a child?
Nothing is worse than just in like raw in the air room temperature shit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, dude.
So like, and it's got like a weight to it, but it's like that weird weight where like
you put like water on a plate and if you move one way, you're like, oh, God, that is
so gross.
And then when you have to dump it into the toilet.
Yeah.
Dude, I don't even think about these things.
Like when it comes to children and potty training, you're shitting into just a
bucket like a cat.
Dude, this kid, no, at least cats can cover it up with some fucking kitty litter.
This kid's just shitting in the wind.
Friends over at Pretty Litter.
There's a free plug for you.
Um, no, this kid was just shitting into a just not even a bucket, it's not deep.
It's just a cup.
This kid's just basically shitting in a bowl.
Just like a like a shallow bowl.
And then he always gets up and then it's good boy too.
And then, well, yeah, because you're, you're, you want to, you know, happy.
The best thing we did, we bought for him was like the hybrid toilet seat that was like
adult seat.
And then it's another one slid down and it was like baby seat, very smart move on our
part.
But like then you got a teacher about wiping their ass.
How do you even do that?
You tell them to just don't stop until you, until you get the green.
Don't stop.
Do you get enough?
You know what I'm saying?
Like just, just, just go, just go for it.
So literally how, like if I'm, you know, how would you explain wiping my, cause like
how confident are you in your ass wiping ability?
Uh, you know, I've never changed a diaper.
So I'm going to have, I'm going to, no, no, no, no, not for someone else.
I'm talking about for your own.
Oh, at a 10, I'm a, I'm a three at best.
I don't think I'm that good either.
I'm a three at best.
You know, sometimes I get itchy and I'm like, I had a bad, I could sit there and just, just
fucking like, you know, like sandpaper wiped down my entire body and it'll still, you know,
like, like, it's like a marker.
You know what I mean?
Like there's nothing you can do.
You're just doomed from the start.
Sandpaper?
Yeah.
Just like, you could get as close to the grain as possible, but you're a torsion your ass,
but it just doesn't matter.
Yeah.
You know, but, um, yeah, with kids, like, I remember with Miles, we, we would teach him
to wipe and then wait, are you guys like as a team in there?
Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was like pretty much all Becca.
I can't even really, the only part of this process that I could take credit for was the
Twizzlers.
And that was his reward for using the, the, the potty.
This is literally like training a dog.
Yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
So when he would wipe his ass correctly, you'd be like, here's a Twizzler.
Yeah.
We would say sit on the toilet, use the bathroom, wipe and you get a Twizzler.
And it would, they were the pull and peel ones.
They were the best ones.
Those are better than the fucking other ones.
They're all great.
But, um, and then like he would usually wipe two times and then he would go, all right,
check.
Oh my God.
No.
And then like we would just like give it a courtesy wipe just to make sure it was good.
You've courtesy wiped him?
And I'm sure I have once or twice.
Yeah.
It's a kid, dude.
I know.
It was crazy.
He's crazy.
You're going to be so fucked when you have a kid.
No, no, no.
I don't think I like care.
You're so fucked.
I went to like change Shannon's kid, like, like Michael's diaper, but I also like in
my head, I'm like, you know what, I shouldn't know how to do this.
Like, I'm going to, you know, but then I always just go, no, I know I was like when, when
I first moved in with Becca, I think Miles was on type.
He was on diapers, like it's crack.
He was like in diapers for like, maybe two months.
And then we started potty training him.
And I remember actively saying like, yo, I'm, I'm not doing this.
Yeah.
Because like, I don't like, I won't have, I don't think I will.
A baby is a different story, but like it's like a two year old, but like, I don't think
I'll have an issue with my child's shit, but that's because it's my child's shit.
Right.
I will have an issue with other child's shit.
Right.
Especially when they're two, like when they're baby, it's like, all right, whatever.
But like two, it's like, oh my God, we could, you could talk to me later.
Yeah.
You know, he was not your kid is what I mean.
We knew it was time to potty train him when he like, we knew like, he knew he was shitting
in his diaper and like, we knew that he was able to express that he shitted in his diaper.
And he was like, yo, I took a, I don't know.
He would literally, he'd go into the corner of the room and he'd come back and he'd be
like, Miles, did you poop and he'd be like, oh, he's a liar.
He's a little lying idiot.
And then we'd be like, all right, by the way, we need to come up with a better way of checking
for kid's shit than putting their ass in our fucking face.
Can I just like turn a color?
Like sometimes like shit or you piss in the thing, the outside turns green.
They have ones like that where it'll be like a blue strip.
But like for the most part, like if you want to check if a child's shit, you like pick
them up and just like hold their asshole in your face.
Or you like open their pants and you check at that point, like you might as well change
the diaper anyway.
Yeah.
Like now I'm looking at a shit dick.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's worse dude.
Dude, Shannon, I was at her house one time just kind of hanging out, trying to have a
nice morning and trying.
She was like changing the baby, but the baby was like crying a lot and she like picked
him up and she's like holding him now, like naked baby screaming.
And then she just looks at us and she just goes, in this tone, he's shitting.
And I'm looking and she was not lying.
Baby was spuffing all over dude because it's like whatever they have for those first few
months and they don't shit.
It literally goes right through them.
So they'll literally be sucking on the nipple and then it'll just be firing like fucking
out the back.
You know what I mean?
That's the only thing that's going to be tough for me is like you ever hear like your parents
say to you like, I used to wipe your ass.
Look at you now.
Not that you're that's not your dad.
mom but like you know what I mean like I didn't realize like what kind of power
that had and what that can do to fuck someone up until now yeah like I'm gonna
see like my I don't mind wiping a butt but when you have to apply the this stuff
like the like the cream or whatever the fuck oh the butt paste or whatever yeah
you gotta paste them you gotta paste them up yeah that's that's like I'm gonna
look like I'm gonna have my beautiful daughter in my hands I'm gonna be like
oh my god like I'll do anything for this girl you know she's gonna love you
she's gonna grow up to be a beautiful woman and then I'm just thinking about
like she's just gonna be just fucking all like just firing off rounds out of her
asshole yeah you know like that's gonna fuck somebody up hey yeah you oh yeah
that's what's gonna happen yeah yeah yeah and there's like no rhyme or reason to
it they could be just like having the greatest day of their life and just
fucking you know dude one time I was holding Michael like he's small so I
can have like basically his whole ass like in my hand this dude farted into my
hand and I thought someone like threw a rock at me it was like oh I was like
yo my palm caught all of that it was insane dude they have so much velocity
they got a lot there you wouldn't think they're basically just gas in skin yeah
they shit and piss so hard like a baby's piss can fly that's the only thing I
haven't experienced yet baby pee pee like dude literally they could piss like
they always say like a porn star can squirt not just comparing a baby to a
porn star Joey way to go every porn star starts as a baby I guess I guess we
you know that's profound Joey exactly like that that's how you do it yeah let's
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right so there you go boom bang that's a good one those are all good ones so Joey
I actually I brought some to the table this week it's all right right now don't
touch it I brought some to the table this week that I wanted to drink to you so
I was going through my notes on my phone you know and I found a list of quotes
that I came up with when I was 20 years old 2019 that general that general age
you have quotes on your phone this is what you wanted to tell me yes so there
have been times Joey we're like I come up with things and I'm like and you think
they're profound and I'm I think they're profound and I'm like you write them down
and I write them down and since 2012 since 2012 I don't have a lot because I
haven't wrote I forgot this existed for quite a while and I just recently found
them and I think it would be good to kind of go over some of them right now this
is I guys this is the most Frankie fucking shit of hold on wait how's that
how's it the most Frankie shit of all time clearly it is he's doing it I'm doing
it well just because I do something doesn't make it the most for each of
all time if I'm doing something that might necessarily means that it conforms
with something else so what do you mean this is the most Frankie shit of all time
fuck you sometimes I say things and I think they're profound so I write them
down I can I cannot wait to hear what this is why because if you could come up
if you could guess what one is I don't they're gonna be not profound why not I
think some of them will be profound I don't think you this is gonna are they
are they serious they're all serious they're not jokes none of them are jokes
oh my god this is so much better none of them are jokes oh my god I remember as
clear as day I had a good friend she's still a good friend and I told her like
okay I'm gonna I'm in a one day write a book and these quotes are gonna be the
chapters for the book the chapters the chapter titles you know like chapter six
you know so on and so forth and so wait chat or chapters just like names they're
not senses well some of them could be themed they could be whatever the fuck
they want you know they could be whatever you want them to so I need you to
prepare yourself wait hold on seriously I'm like be serious with me you I just
want because I need to know like it's gonna make it funnier you wrote these
down because at the time that you wrote them you're like you know this is like
amazing yes it's not funny one of them one of them now that I'm reading it was
kind of funny but I remember having like a serious like outlook on it this is gonna
be so good okay um so I'll just start you off with some of them oh god and let me
know do you have dates I don't have dates but I can tell you they were all from
like 2010 2011 2012 any I don't think any of them are past 2013 okay this is prime
this is prime r.a. frank that's yeah so wait yeah yeah so some of them might be profound
all right I'm gonna I'm gonna I'll start off with one walk directly through any crowd of men
that's it
what are your thoughts
I thought there was gonna be more
that's that's just one of them what that's just one of them
is that like be confident or something yeah like you know you're walking down a street
there's a crowd of men coming toward you don't go around walk through a crowd of men you know
walk directly through a crowd of any crowd of men think about it can you tell me like well like
I remember I remember there was I wouldn't say I remember as clear as day I was um with friends
on my college campus and we were walking you know on campus and there was like the there was like
two big fraternities on our campus men yeah and one of the like the opposing because we weren't
like rivals or anything but the other group of men were from the other fraternity and they were walking
by and I remember the people like veered off to the side to like give them the sidewalk and I was
like fuck that I'm gonna walk through them and you did and I did the bit yep no but like that's
what it is like don't just walk through any crowd of men you know what I mean like and think about
that like if you don't have to conform or like give it up like it's about confidence yeah yeah yeah
god that was so okay fucking much better than I thought it was gonna be all right I can't believe
there's more how many are there one two three four five six seven so there's six more left
thank god all right number two and again all of them are serious except one it was like kind of
joking let me know when that one I'll do the jokie one now okay okay okay I fear the day that my arms
will betray the rest of my body and I remember because I remember because there was a joke that's
the joke I remember because I was in like our like dining hall and you know when like you do one of
these really quick where you sit down and pull a chair in at the exact same time okay I like joked
and said like one day my arms are not gonna do it and I'm gonna fall down who were you during this
time period people must have been burned like Frank we're just trying to eat lunch like one day
I know I like I fear the day I fear the day that my arms will betray the rest of my body
think about it like if your arms like just like like give up on you betray you yeah like Judas
like one day stabbed or like you're gonna go like you're gonna go like sit down and like you're
gonna pull the chair in at the same time but your arms don't do it and you just go straight down
think about detrimental like that would be to your psyche and your ego
lots unpacked man so much unpacked you know so I got the joke went out the way okay next I can't
believe that was the joke yeah next uh life is an interview what do you think about that one that
was pretty good though that was pretty profound think about it life looked at me from the side
you're like life is an interview that one's a good one give me that yo I don't even know who this
person is yeah you do you know who this person is life is an interview thing but it's true everything
if you approach everything in life as an interview you'll be a lot more like better off
oh god you know what I'm saying this is going so much better than I thought you're still holding
that but I'm holding it can you put it on your knee or something we're fine dude you're okay what do
you do you was already betrayed yeah see you're lucky do you agree that life is an interview
I mean I guess yeah you want to like it's about first impressions and and if you agree and believe
in an afterlife this is all just an interview to just get there one day I don't know if I do and
that's not why I wrote it I wrote it mainly because like every interaction you have with someone
in a way you're like trying to sell yourself you know mm-hmm like you I you know I'm your
interview and me for your role as a friend every day mm-hmm you see what I'm saying yeah that was
not bad okay that was not bad it's just funny to picture you doing this I can tell you like I
would get these ideas and be like oh yeah like it's a no-brainer have you ever read these to anyone
else uh yeah my friend her name is Melissa very good friend did she go whoa I think I think she
was just pandering to me where she was just like yeah those are good yeah yeah I think she was
definitely pandering to me got you she's a good friend she's a great friend are we supportive of
course uh some of the other ones she might she I wish she had maybe been a little more upfront
about uh so the next one never break eye contact again that's that's just a good that's just good
advice for anybody that's one of them that's one of them that's not profound that's profound that
was like that's literally like a thing that you just do that's profound wait never never
okay always keep eye contact okay you know what I'm saying because the person that does and I
remember I had an expert like I remember that my logic behind this one was like there are three
types of people in this world ones that never break eye contact or when they see you they look down
and it's like they're submissive or they look up and they think they're better than you so always
keep eye contact in the middle a healthy balance healthy balance they look up and think they're
better than you yeah like you ever like if you like you're trying to like break eye contact with
someone you have eye contact and they're like uh like uh uh and this guy you know what I'm saying
and then people are submissive or like I guess yeah if there's like
dude it's flawless logic I just this is great do you agree with any of them so far I get your
point it's just like I said it's funny to imagine you like just do it so you get my point that one
was easily the worst one because it was just it would be like fold your hands like it's like
have good manners like yeah I mean you know sometimes it's good to know they never break eye
contact to never to never have to feel like you are you have to give in you know what I mean to
always be your own person yeah those are good advice words yeah those are good advice words
all right the next one uh some dreams are not worth chasing
I was told this one was profound by one of my smartest friends some dreams are not worth chasing
you think you came up with that I know I did no you did it it's written on like
things yeah we're Joey where have you seen it before means yeah tell me show me a meme
dated before I said this exactly all right some dreams are not worth chasing so unpack that for
me please so my buddy sly uh he was like he's the one who told you that this he goes I'll tell you
exact interaction my buddy sly he goes what was your he goes what was your dream job
like we were like we were just like talking casually and I was like oh you know like SNL
you know and I was like you know sophomore in college at this point you know going to school
for criminal justice and he's like why didn't you ever chase that dream and I go literally I didn't
like think about it I didn't step back I just like bang on the cusp I just went you know some
dreams are just not worth chasing and he literally he goes wow that is that is profound
that's exactly what he said why are you saying it like that because that's he has an accent
he does not that one sly yeah he does what I don't even know what accent you're doing
Sylvester is this accent where he's like so trust me thank you if anyone here knows him so like I'm
so Francisco that is so profound he calls your friend he always calls me Francisco I love it
and uh he's the person that smacked me in the ass and almost made me pass out that one time
oh yes wow he's got a big he's got a dude he's got a big old hand he's got a he's got a he's got
some power behind he's got some girth behind that palm nice but he said he was like that's profound
and I then that was an invitation to elaborate more got you just think about it you just said
invitation whatever it's so it's true sometimes some dreams it's just not worth chasing I understand
you know okay you got to really think about like the effort that would go into it
do you have anything to say on any no it's good I get it no I in a in a serious tone like yeah I
understand what you're saying some things are just like you know you got to know when to kind of give
it up you know yeah um wait which number are we on uh I think there are one two three more
okay okay why do you say like that I don't know all right this is real these all next three are
very serious okay I don't know why this one was serious but I remember like it's serious if you
forget someone's name okay hold on that's not it I have to add a little context here if you forget
a man's name call them Richard so you can freely call them dick
so the theory behind that one
yeah the theory is that how many times is someone like just like a dick you know what I mean but
like if you pretend you forget their name if you want to call them a dick and call them Richard
instead or Richie so then when you do call them a dick they think oh it's because they think my name
was Richard that is one of the dumbest fucking things I have ever heard in my entire life
that is so wildly fucking stupid on so many levels that I am shocked that that was like a reasoning
to the point where you thought I need to write that down so I remember it put it in a time capsule
bury it under my house and hopefully people in 200 years dig it up no think of it like if you forget
you just call them dick
I thought the original one was if you forget someone's name and that was the whole thing are you
trying yeah even you have to not fucking awful that is 20 year old Frank he's got all the answers
it's a smart way like for instance if I forget someone's name no matter what it is I always ask
them like oh am I like how do you spell that I do that too I go how do you spell your last name
yeah yeah yeah and it's like all right and you know how do you spell your full yeah yeah like
yo just spell your first and last name for me so I could put it in my phone or something like
and it's just so much easier it could be like Bob and they'll be like b o b and I'm like all right
Bob thanks dude I've done that because like I used to get when I would get text from people and you
don't know who it is I'd be like oh yo can you just send me your full name because I I like having
my contacts being like first that's what I do too I say that that's what I do too but if I get a
number if I get I mean it hasn't happened in a very long time but if I were to get like a text
message from a number that I don't know let's be like sorry I don't have this number like I'm just
like straight up like who is this like I don't have this yeah now at this point like I don't get
text but it's a smart thing to do you know just like it's like just like pretend like it's more
like to get the upper hand on them you know what I mean like to call them dick is that what you're
saying like I should be like oh rich you know that's fucking that's great man that's awesome dick
you know also who started that Richard and dick I don't know I don't know where that came from
not even close dick chard like why why call someone like rich richy rich dick is dick chaney
Richard chaney I think he might be or is he just dick I don't know dick Kovett is was he Richard
Kovett you don't know who that is I have no idea who that is um I thought I honestly remember at the
time all right these next two are I believe the most profound and this is not a joke okay god um
so at the time I was on a college campus in West Haven kind of a rough area would often go into
downtown New Haven also kind of a rough area so I gave advice to my male cohorts to quote always
carry a knife and a condom on you you never know when you're going to need to poke someone
you
you didn't write that I did it's in there oh my god always carry a knife and a condom you
don't know where you're going to poke someone you don't know when you're going to need to poke
someone I need to fuck someone right now I need to stab someone you know I mean like
think about it like two things can happen when you're on you you probably thought that was so
clever I was so fucking happy you were hyped on that I was so hype so hype I can't even tell you
I was sitting on my car you never know when you're gonna need to poke someone bingo oh man that sucks
it's great advice no why not where's your knife and condom well not anymore because I got I have
literally no condom you know what I mean no knife and I don't need a knife because I have keys
just as dangerous in the right hands literally not you know what I'm saying you never know when
you're gonna have to poke someone never know you never at the time oh by the way anyone who's
watching who it's your senior year in high school and need a senior quote one of these oh god if
someone listen to me right now if someone use these my arms my arms walk through it directly
through any crowd of men that would be a nice woman's senior quote I mean I think that'd be great
if anyone uses these their actual senior quote in a yearbook I will fucking
love you I will send you Joey's shirt all right it's my last one are you ready
before I get to this last one out of 10 how good of these been two with one being the best
no no no like bad these are horrible they're not horrible they're good advice they're not
profound they are profound they're not new thoughts they are first of all they're all new thoughts
they're original thoughts from you from you yeah exactly but they're original thoughts from me that
came before you no yeah no one came before me you came first you my dad I guess hey
like I guess I guess uh no I think these are honestly like I mean I could have polished them
up a little bit but at the time the way that our mentality Joey you were a dumb 20 year old too
yeah you used to rap don't think I forgot that that doesn't that doesn't first of all
what uh second of all
one out of 10 10 being the highest obviously yeah I can't go higher than a 5.8
just because the like the the the two in the middle weren't great this last one is gonna bump
it up to at least a seven oh okay I think okay oh man live life
come on let me get through it live life as if you're driving on a highway no matter how fast
you're going there's always someone ahead of you and someone behind you
be sneezed there baby that one you're super proud of that one I'm very proud of that's a good one
dude there's someone ahead of you and so no matter how fast you're going mm-hmm always someone
ahead of you and always someone behind you know which I guess unless you unless you live out in
Montauk no there's always someone ahead of you not if you live at the end of the Long Island
there technically where you're going there's always someone in front of you not behind you
but there's always someone behind you too no because if you live in the last house they're
trying to get to where you are and you're trying to get elsewhere that someone else could be
see this is a profound one I don't even know what that meant this is profound all right think about
it Joey right now you do I didn't say close your eyes okay you're doing like well for yourself
like you know you're happy you know you have a good job 800 million last year 600 and no matter
how like you're always attaining more you always want to get more there's always something else
that you want to do with your life but there's always people behind you that want to get to
where you are right now right so technically there's always someone ahead of you on the highway
there's always someone the metaphorical highway that's what I'm saying not necessarily the real
highway it's like a cul-de-sac no matter how fast you're going and even a cul-de-sac right that's
right you know because what about a dead end even though if you're going to a dead end you're going
to the dead end with the with the mindset of getting somewhere else so that elsewhere that
you want to get someone is already there but what if you live at the end of the dead end
but there's always more space because when then then technically that's your starting point at
another point in time fucking good right 7.3 I'll go 71 that's passing that's great yeah yeah that's
71 that's unbelievable you know those are good quotes I mean I can't believe those are real
so all all seriousness 100 authentic there's no part of those that were made for the show
fact check if someone out here listens and knows my friend Melissa you could ask her she'll tell
you she remembers and I said I wanted to write a book man what were you gonna title it I'm sure
I had a title but I don't remember at the moment yeah I mean we could write a book and I could take
all the profits um 70 70 percent of the profits there you go oh wow really well let me give me 70
Frankie no more than my two that's more than my two but yeah so do you have any quotes because I know
there's been profound Joe of course but like but you hid them I hid them smart no but I don't I never
like wrote down I would write down quotes at one point in my life of like other people that I thought
like resonated with me but you never came up with them some yourself I don't think so I'm sure
I like did but like I didn't like write them down like I'm gonna keep these and like you know what I
used to do oh this is actually insane I used to uh hear certain songs and be like this would be good
in like a a move or like I would think of like a scene that it would be like a good okay and I would
have it and it was basically like a soundtrack not like a soundtrack to my life but like if there
was a story about whatever like there was songs I'm like oh this would be a good song to play like
during a scene like this I used to write that down for some reason did you ever write a screenplay or
something yeah recently oh really yeah I wrote one with uh with Greg a pilot oh no but a screenplay
like a like a movie no I mean it was like a it was a pilot episode but we did plan out like a
whole season gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha but I never but there was only one part of it that I
was like oh this song would be perfect for this part gotcha and it was iris spy google
of course it was
dude that song fucks we're gonna find you that song's mad good dude oh um I always think about him
just like isn't he like in like a watch tower and that don't remember that it's like I don't
remember that I wrote a screenplay when I was in eighth grade like the first like seven lines
please have it I don't have it but I remember the opening line it was gonna be a rom-com
duh and I fucking Joey I remember this like yesterday it was gonna be a rom-com and the
opening line was gonna be a narration by the couple that said um it was fuck what was it hold
on hold on hold on it was um uh were you ever superstitious enough to knock on wood and then
the girl would chime in and say and touch red what the fuck does that mean what the fuck does that
mean suspicious enough to touch wood knock on wood you ever hear this say like oh knock on wood
what's red apparently red is also a superstitious thing too it's like oh touch red oh oh yeah yeah
that was the opening line yeah
why do you remember I remember it as clear as day we were sitting in a starbucks
who was we my then girlfriend oh and you were writing it with her yeah and she was adamant
about the touch red the red the red yeah it's a good addition it's you know it's something
what was the superstition is this it was like it was a rom-com like about like you know like
things happen for you know gotcha they get together somehow gotcha gotcha yeah that was
when I wanted to become like an actor nice and I went to uh an audition a kid audition in eighth
grade yeah why did I know this you didn't know that no yeah it was for what it was a big topic
of contention in my family because it was like one of those like radio things it's like do you
want to get famous you know like brenna song and it was like her ad agency in new york was holding
auditions for kids and you went and I went with my dad and my sister who the whole time told me
don't go and I was like I just need to experience this myself why didn't why she didn't want you
to go because there's a scam which it was nice and I went and they were like it was a thing and it
was like at the end of it it was like all right you need to pay for acting classes which were like
for like five it was like two thousand dollars so I was like trying to save up to take acting classes
yeah I read an ad for a gatorade commercial
do you remember the do you remember the first line of that no no no didn't work out no but now I
have to look up her agency because they were the they were the people that tried to I mean she might
not be with the same agency now brenna song is that the girl from uh Disney channel uh yeah yeah
yeah child actress she was in the social media movie right yeah social network I mean yep got you
brenna song child actress agency um it's so irrelevant frank no it's I mean all right it's
more for me than anyone else but yeah we'll talk about that another time another time you guys know
where to find me f albert's h5 and nope eight I heard a gurl f albert's eight five f albert's
eight zero eight five on twitter and if you want to come hang out and play video games with
me Mondays and Tuesday nights on twitch f albert's eight zero eight five on there as well and then
the frank albert is on instagram yes go follow uh the show on instagram too at the baseman yard
and our patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard um go check us out and we have uh an extra
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go check that out as well um yeah that is all see you guys next time