The Basement Yard - #308 - My House Is Haunted

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

Frank's been experiencing some wild paranormal activity in his new house. Is it real ghosts? Is it demon videos? Who knows.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. How's it going, buddy? Good. Sorry, I'm a little... That was a weird opening. I'm a little delirious. Josh, keep that in though. What? That opening. That's a weird opening. I'm sorry, I'm tired. Bear with me. I'm a little sleepy boy. Go ahead, tell me about how you're a dad. Um, I just got like something came out of my mouth or nose, possibly both. Buggers. Well, surprisingly, I'm not tired because of...

The baby? The kids, yeah. I'm not tired because of it. Um, why are you tired? I was up late. Duh. Yeah. Up early. Duh again. Why is both of these duh? Because that would be the two things that lead you to be tired.

Gotcha. Don't get enough sleep, Joey. Gotcha. And we're not all sitting here in their fucking, you know, in your, your, your primrose castle. Okay. Yeah. No, but, um, we've been having like, uh, I don't know, supernatural possibly occurrences? You've been having paranormal activity?

Possibly, possibly. You might be. Wait, you're being, you're being overrun by ghosts? I don't know if it's ghosts. I don't, it also just might be just strange coincidences all happening at the same time. You know when like they say like things happen and they seem like coincidences because you're thinking about them happening? You know what I mean? Like they're things that are like, you know, you never see the color blue and then you're

like, oh my God, I've recently seen the color blue a lot and then you see blue everywhere. Yeah, yeah. I mean like, but, um, it started a couple nights ago, we were in bed and, you know, we have, we have, we, we sleep on a Casper mattress. Pretty nice. Uh, and we have a mattress. Casper's a ghost. Damn, it's the mattress.

There it is. It's the fucking mattress. Solved it. Uh, but when you like roll to the side to get off, it like squishes a little and it hit, I think it hit the remote, which was on the side of the bed and it turned the TV on it like two AM. And so like Beck and I got freaked out because we, and it was like a fucking, I think it was like a Spanish band, like a mariachi band.

So we woke up to just like Jesus. Yeah. Maybe it's a Spanish ghost. It might be a Spanish ghost. Maybe it's like one of your like dead uncles or something. Oh, I only have one. So is he dead? Yeah.

He's dead. I only have one uncle. One dead uncle. Oh, so maybe it's him. Uh, yeah, it could be, but he, he was a nice guy. This stuff is getting like to the point where it's like freaking us out a little bit. Okay. Not as much me because I tend to believe more in coincidences than I do like spirits and

stuff like that. It's a Spanish coincidence. It's a Spanish coincidence, which it's a run of the mill for you. It's not ghosts. It's a Spanish coincidence. But then the other night at like, it must have been like two or three AM, Miles comes into the room and he says he had a bad dream and Becca at the exact same time wakes up from a bad dream.

So oh boy. So she rolls over to me and goes, babe, babe, I'm waiting for like, you know, so can you do this? Can you go grab a bottle? The baby. Yeah. Yeah. Um, have you, have you watched any demonic videos today?

Becca asked you if you were watching demonic videos. Yeah. Yeah. You know, videos, videos of demons, I guess demonizing like a scary movie, you know, like an Annabelle creation or some shit. It's like, Hey, were you up all night watching exorcisms? I told her. I was like, what?

What? What time is it? Like two in the morning? It's like two, three in the morning. She woke you up. She, babe, babe. Are you watching demonic videos? No, are you?

Did you? Did you watch any demonic videos? But like, what was her thought process that you watch them and then now they're slipping out through your ear and into her head? And Becca is more in tune with, you know, her spiritual side. She believes in that stuff more than I do. And I'm fine. She thinks that the demons are inside you.

She thinks that like watching these movies, she's not a big fan of scary movies that watching these movies conjure up these bad spirits. Yeah. And like, it's like the idea that is kind of funny that it's like just waiting until they watch this movie. Yeah. That it's like the fuck in the minute, you know, like the conjuring part three starts just like comes out like, Hey, yeah.

And now she's having nightmares and you sleep like a baby. I've been sleeping pretty good. Yeah. Um, uh, like I honestly, but I could have had nightmares and I don't really remember them. Dude, I don't know if I could deal with something like that. Like if I was you and she's like, Hey, have you been watching demonic videos? I'd be like, get away from me because like I'd be so scared from that.

I'd be like, get away from me. Don't say this to me. It's what she, it's what like she believes in that stuff. And I'm not one of those people. It's going to be like, you believe it. You fucking geek. It's like maybe one day I might not stick. I'm trying to, exactly.

Yeah. I'm trying to be like sensitive. Like I get it. I, you know, just cause I don't believe in it doesn't mean it's strange coincidences. I don't know that I believe in ghosts and demonic forces, but I'm definitely not going to talk shit about them. Well, yeah. Like, don't poke the bear.

Yeah. I don't know. I'll be the one that causes them to be real. I don't want this. Maybe one day to come around. I'm not trying to, but then. So that was a couple nights ago. Last night.

Luckily. More demons. Oh yeah. More demons. Wait, hold on. Why did she ask you that? What'd she say? It was just random.

She said like, well, because they both had bad dreams at the same time and she was like, oh, she was just trying to like think of a reason why. Why? Cause it's, but she had, she dreamed of demons. No. And Miles's dream was of like bugs, but like it's not, it's not the fact that the, you know, of what was in the dream, not the content. It's the fact that he had a dream.

They're scaring her. Yes. She's like, uh, last night we wake up at 11 45 and we hear like sounds like, okay, like what the, you know, and like I wake up and like I look up and she wakes up. She's like, did you hear that? And I'm like, yeah, I did. And she's like, okay, we roll over. I hear it again.

Maybe have like mice. We'll get to that. Okay. So, so I'm like, oh, and she instantly goes to, did you hear that? And I'm like, yeah, I heard that. It's weird. She's like, someone is in the house immediately. Right?

Instantly. And what they're tap dancing in the living room. I guess so. Like they're just like fucking looking for stuff. So I'm like, all right, you know, I, I, I get up, I go look and to her credit, I go out there. No. It's to her credit.

Someone was in the house. No. They're credit. I hear, I hear nothing. So I'm like, all right. You know, like whatever, she comes out. A Spanish consequence. Miles has a, a, a dream or some sort of nightmare at the same time.

Wait, this at this point again, at this, at this point, how their dreams like synced up. They're weird. They're weird. They, they're on like Bluetooth or something. Yeah. What the fuck? And he's like mumbling in his sleep.

Like, just like saying shit. And she goes in and she's like, Miles, are you all right? And he like sits up and he's like awake, but he's still like, just like mumbling like sleep talking. And she puts him down. We go back in the room. We hear again and we're like, all right, like I'm getting pissed at this point in time. And she's getting very concerned, you know, understandably, she's got, she's got a half

asleep mumbling son doing demon prayers. He's freaking tons over there. You know, she doesn't realize that he's fucking chatting it up with Pazuzu in his spare time. She's Googling. She's like, this language died years ago. She's like, how does he know this language? He know Latin. This is a thousand years ago.

This language died. Yeah. So she's like, we go out again. We check again. You know, all the doors are locked, all the windows are locked, security systems on. There's no way someone's getting in the house without being a spirit, but well, yeah, without phasing through the wall. Exactly.

And so then we go back in the room. We hear it again. So at this point, we're like, all right. So we go outside and she goes, grab a, grab a weapon. So I grab a knife and I'm just sitting on my couch with a knife like 12, 15, 12, 30. Baby's sleeping at this point. She's like, I'm starting to get concerned. I'm like, all right, do you want to go to a hotel?

Do you want to call the cops go to a hotel? That was on the table. Of course it was on the table. Dude, I had to sleep out in the yard before I did that. Well, if you know, what if it's like people like knocking on the door, stranger style and running around? Oh, oh yeah. No, then you're dead.

Well, yeah. Yeah. Also, if she thinks it goes, you grab a knife, well, that's what weapon did she think like, go get your backpack? Well, that's, well, that's the thing that's funny is like, she's like, go grab, grab a weapon, grab a weapon. And I sit on the couch with a knife. What's going to happen if there's a ghost?

What am I going to do? Fucking, you know, slice and dice this thing. Yeah. It's going to go right through. From what we know about ghosts, you can't stab them. Apparitions you'll go right through. Just start praying. Really hard.

Well, like garlic, garlic, garlic. Oh no, that's vampires. Vampires. That's vampires. Sage and the wood. What's the wood one? Palo Santo. Palo Santo.

I have in my room. I don't know why. That's why you've had such good luck. You're burning Palo Santo. Apparently that like brings in good spirits. It brings in good spirits. Apparently. Oh.

I used to burn that bitch a lot. Well, they, well, you got a money tree. You got Palo Santo. It's been a good year for you, Joe. Me on the other hand, I'm fucking, I ain't burning. I got that thing. Nice to be burning this shit in his bed. So I'm sitting out there and finally I start to hear the, like the ice machine.

So I'm like, all right, wait a sec. Okay. Earlier in the day, I shut the ice machine off because in our, we have the freezer that it's like a pullout drawer. Sucks, by the way. And once the freezer, once the ice gets blocked up, it like comes to like a fucking peak and starts to like fall over the side, like in the freezer, like falls like through like all like your frozen goods and shit.

So it makes sounds. So I'm like, all right, I'm starting to feel better. And Becca's starting to feel better too, because I'm like, it's got to be the freezer. But then I hear something in the kitchen, like fall. And I'm like, fuck, God, it moved from the freezer to the kitchen. And I go over and I'm like, all right, like what's going on? But then I see like, you know, when you leave something and like you just kind of like put it down and it's like teetering and it can like, there's no reason why it will go one

way or the other, but it just eventually will. Right. I think it was something like that. Cause I saw a couple of things like that. I was like, all right. This morning. Dude, the demons are with you. They're fucking hanging with us.

And I didn't sleep. I stayed up until about two because I just couldn't fall asleep. Well, yeah, you're probably like your heart's racing. Well, I'm thinking about these demons and if someone come, you know, we put, we put Miles in bed with us just cause it, you know, make Becca feel better. That's two demon dreams against one. That's I would be, I would be up for, I'd be in a bit of trouble. Yeah.

And then this morning, you know, you know, I drink a lot of tea and shocker to the world and I'm looking and I'm cleaning up the counter and I see like possibly residual tea from what I make my tea. But also I'm like, Oh, what if it's mice poop? Oh, I thought you were going to say the tea like spilled something in. Oh, no, that's when you burn the house. Dude, I would have been fucking, you know, they burned the sage and the Palo Santo and the fucking shingles at that point.

Set the roof up fire. Yeah. Oh, you saw a mouse poop. It might have been. It could have been. Was it circular? Cause I know mouse poop. No, mouse poop is not circular.

It's like, oh, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But little logs. Yes. But they're little. But then again, I also make my tea there and I make loose leaf tea. If you expect me to know what that means, it's literally tea, like not in a tea bag and

it's not ground up. Oh, okay. It's like, it's like the leaves. So you're like rolling doobies basically. So I'm basically rolling do. So I'm going to, you know, I'm going to figure it out. Last part of this story is, you know, I've been, I've been having a little tough time with certain things.

I'm telling Becca this morning. You know, I just, in some ways, I feel like I'm just going fucking crazy and she's talking to me. Don't laugh at that. You son of a bitch. No, I'll wait him because I feel like you're building up this moment. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, I just feel like I'm going crazy and she's like, don't, you know,

don't worry. Like life's okay right now. But bye. And then I get a text from her, her sister named Sarah. She goes, I just spoke to Sarah. I'm okay. She goes, she had a dream and she, you know, she woke up to someone in her. You're going Sarah and woke up.

Was she like alone? She was in bed. You know, her husband next to her. He didn't do it. He was sleeping. Apparently. I assume so. I don't have that much info yet.

This is happening as I am telling this story. This is real time. I am finding this out. Okay. And apparently she had a dream that I had gone crazy and lost my mind. What did that look like? She said, she said, like, I just looked like I just lost it. I was like, what the fuck did that look like?

I was just wondering, like, yeah, what does that look like because I think I keep it together pretty well. That's a fucking hilarious. But you know, now what is this all this interconnected dreaming? That's what I'm saying. Becca's, Becca's understandably very freaked out. So we're going to do the sage and the palo santo and she's, are you guys going to have a seance?

Oh, I don't know about all that. Well, I don't really know what a seance is. I think that's like when you like draw like the star and like sitting it with no, no, that's like, you're trying to like pull a demon out of a book or something. Well, what if it's in one of our books? Well, I throw the books out. I don't get it. I don't know.

No, I think like a seance is like, you got to have like items that you like are willing to part with like, you know, like an old pair of shoes that like from your baby and then like you light a bunch of shit on fire and like sacrifice it to like, yeah, gods. Yeah, you got to like give something up to get something, you know, eye for an eye kind of thing. Who's the guy? Ruben. Ruben Stuttered.

No, Ruben Stein. What's the guy's name? Eye for an eye. Hammer. Hammer Abbey. Hammer Abbey. Ruben Stuttered. I didn't say Ruben Stuttered.

You said, I said Ruben. And then you said Ruben. I said Ruben Stuttered. You said Ruben Stein. Yeah. Yeah. That's a Jewish doctor. Probably definitely is.

Yeah. But I don't really know. So you guys are going to go home and you're going to burge a bunch of stuff. Well, you know, again, I'm not really like, she's clearly uncomfortable and rattled. So like, I'm going to let her, you know, burn the sage and the palo tanto and just like try to figure it out because that was, I will say, although I'm not one to, you know, kind of subscribe to the, you know, spiritual demonic way of thinking. Yeah.

These are, there are a lot of coincidences here. It is interesting to have that. I've never had an experience like that. You've never had an experience with a ghost? I get out of there pretty fast before it gets out of hand. There was one time that I was walking, I like woke up in the middle of the night when I was living at home and my room was upstairs and I came down the stairs and all I saw was like, you know, on some nights when the moon is just like bright, like someone just cranked

the fucking moon. Oh yeah. It's like daytime out there, but it fucking 1 a.m. And like, it like hits through the window so perfectly, it kind of illuminates the room. It's beautiful. It's cool. Yeah. So that was happening, but it was just illuminating this random chair in the middle of my living

room, which I don't know why it would be there. And I walked down and I just saw that and I was like, no. And I went, I literally just went back upstairs and was like, forget about the glass of water. Like I'm going to sleep. All these people in these scary movies that are like, there's a demon. And like, there's, you know, I understand my situation, people could say it's a scary movie, but like in like real life, when people are saying like in the movies, when it's like they like, it's like scratched in the wall, like we're going to fuck your face.

Yeah. And they're like, and it's like, we got to stay. This is our home. Nuh-uh. You lost that home to that demon. I had. Yeah. Dude, put it on the market.

I will concede quick. I think that's why demons don't fuck with me because they know it's going to be like this. You're not going to have any fun. You can literally like, the one thing, or I see something, if something falls off the wall in a weird way, or like a spoon just flies across it, dude, I'm leaving. Well, listen, if a spoon is flying across the room, yes, I'm getting out of it too. I'm out.

All these people in scary movies that are just like, we got to take back our home. Uh-uh. I'm not fighting a fucking, I can't see. There's other, other homes. You'll find one. Other homes. You'll, you'll find one. I'm sure in some parts of the country, there's ghost insurance, like maybe in like New Orleans.

Isn't that like a voodoo town? Is there, it is apparently a haunted, very haunted place. Or do you think I'm buying a house without voodoo insurance? I just like, I, I need someone because it's so weird because I don't believe in that stuff until. Don't you want some exposure therapy too? Like, like, I feel like I want, like, everyone's like, yo, this is a fucking, an insane asylum. Why are always insane asylum?

It's like the place to be. Because there are tortured souls that died after, you know, it's, it's stupid. Are they? But like whatever. But you know, like, they're like, oh, this place is haunted, like crazy shit happens here. I was just like, no, I need to go. I need to go and experience this, like for myself. Oh really?

There was a place that people used to go to on, on Long Island. I forgot the name of it. No, no, no, no. There was like a, not like, Amityville is like a tourist attraction now. Well, yeah, I think. But it was like a place where like murders and shit. But like there was like a rundown asylum that like people would break into all the time and like do like the whole like, oh my God, people are here.

And I actually knew people in college that were a part of like the paranormal club. Your college had a paranormal club? Oh yeah, big time. What is that? What do they do? They have like night sessions where they stay in a building. Like there was like a haunted building on campus and they would stay in the building and like, like do like a ghost hunt.

What the fuck are you saying? I swear to God. They have like fucking cameras. What is a ghost hunt? What are you doing? You're gonna trap them? You're gonna fucking see them? And, and then what?

That's what I'm saying. Oh, I need to see it. Like if, if, if the go, no, actually, I don't want to say that, oh my God. I don't want to. Where are they? Are they below us? I don't, I don't want to see it unless I'm like going out of my way to see it. I don't want to see it.

Like I'm getting a glass of water and then I close the door of the refrigerator and this is the guy standing there. I will lose my mind. I'll be like, if it's like six cents where like I like turn my head and there's a girl like throwing up next to me, I'll be pissed off. 13 ghosts, you know, any of those, I'll be a little upset. But like if I just like walk in and like someone's just like chilling like in a chair, that's not as bad.

But like when they get up and they're like, yeah, don't get, don't like chop at me. It needs to let me see you're there. Then you can move a little bit. Don't start with the movement. I would like to see a go if, you know, if I was going out of my way to see a ghost because again, I want to be surprised by one. I would like to just see one like reading a book. Yeah.

I don't need to hear any kid sounds. I'm definitely like throw a rock at it. Like I would almost rather see a ghost like just like standing naked and bloody than hear like, no, bro, and bro, first of all, flip all it would take even like, and I'm saying this is a warning. This is a warning to ghosts, all the ghosts that I have said this before and I'll say it again because it just needs to be reiterated and I'm so dead serious in a Chubby's tank top.

If it if it is after midnight and I am by myself and there is an unsupervised little child, I'm going to fight it. I'm going to fight it. Like I'm dead serious. It's terrifying. But what? No, but see, that's the opposite. I don't know why.

I would go the opposite way. Dude, I'm no because those are the big demons come in small packages, bro. You're right. You're right. It's like a little like the little girl that like walks out and she's like, I'm here to take your home and like their fucking head turns. I would rather see a 12 foot fucking shadow monster with like dicks for teeth bleeding covered in like diseased blood in an assignment like that.

You pulled that out of your ass real quick. Yeah. And then I would rather see that than like a little girl like playing hopscotch and like an asylum like that. I'd be like, we need to get the fuck out of here because that would terrify me more. You're walking down the street. What's worse? I used to have this.

I remember specifically, I used to have this like not in a nightmare, but like when I would walk home from your house, I would freak myself out by putting myself in these situations. What would be more freaky? You're walking down a street, a story of street, you know, they're long, you could see pretty much the end of it. You see like a grown man standing in the middle of the street running at you or you see a small child with like a fucking twirly twirl lollipop just fucking booking it at you like a, the Oregon trail.

It's the child. For me, I don't, I really don't know why. It was a time where- I cannot run a kid though. Like that's a thing. I'm not worried. I'll just keep running. Hey man, it's a demon.

You run one way. She's going to appear that way. Like we've seen- But see that's the trick. We've seen these movies like with like Jason Voorhees and like Michael Myers. Like if Jason Voorhees was after me, I would just keep backing up and just watch him. There's no way like someone who just walks is going to like catch me, dude. Like there's just no way.

These people that are like running and they're like, oh, fuck shit. And they're tripping. And they're tripping over nothing. I haven't tripped in years. I have tripped not to the point where I can't get right back up. I actually stumbled this morning to be honest with you. Oh, a little stuff. It's coming.

It's laying in the ground. I was listening to music and I was walking my dog and then like part of the sidewalk was like up and I was wearing like slippers. I was, I just hit it. I was like, oh, I always try to like play it off and I'm the half to me in person. But like I've fallen at my house like a fucking geriatric piece of shit. Just go down on your hip. Yeah.

I like, I get, I get up right away. I have that luxury right now, like, but yeah, if it was, if it was a little kid, I hear what you're saying. I wouldn't fight them. I would just run the other way. There was a time specifically, and maybe this is where it started. Um, well, I think it started with the shining because that scene always freaks me out with the two girls at the end of hallway.

Yeah. Like that's like the scariest part. Also when the kid's screaming, rad rock, that literally like literally I would kill myself like literally gut. You wouldn't let that go. I would. Yeah. No.

Cause I'd be like, well, I can't go on now. I'm just going to think about this kid every single fucking time I try to sleep. So it's over. Let's just, let's just do it now. But there was a time where I was driving around in the Petropolis's car. They had a van at the time. Tim was driving and I was in the passenger seat and then Johnny was in the back and we're driving around Astoria because it's so foggy.

Like to the point where if you go down to the strip, you can't see the city at all. It looked, you can't see the bridge. It looked like the end of the earth. Like it was just black. It was that foggy and we're driving around and we're like joking around like, yo, this is mad creepy and we turn on a block. It's night, bro, 1130, something like that. And there's a little girl and I like shrieked because there was no one around.

Yeah. No, that's, that's, but then like her mom or dad or whatever, like came around the corner and was right there. And I was like, bro, literally like that's what I knew. I was like, bro, that literally like struck fear in my heart. I'm like, oh fuck. It would be tough. There was one time, I don't know if you remember, we were walking down what we have called the

longest black in the world, you know, which black I'm talking about, 43rd between Dittmarz and 21st. And on the corner of 21st and 43rd, yeah. You remember this? Yes. Scared the shit out of us. There was a, there was a house on the corner of 24th, 21st and 43rd. It was a house that like, you never saw anyone coming in or going out.

Honestly, I've only seen a car drive through the front yard and it was always dark except for one lit light in one window. It had several windows. It was a pretty big house for a story of standard. And I remember we were walking down and we both looked at the same time and there was an old woman with like, in like a red fucking gown, just like and hair in front of her face to the ring, like the ring. And this wasn't, I don't think it was Halloween.

It was like, bro. It was like summer. Yes. Yeah. It was summer because it was daytime. Yeah. Like we were like, this is not yet. I literally just ran home.

Yeah. This was not good. It was not, not a good time to do there. That fucking, and Keith was there too. He remembers that story. I'm sure he does. It was fucking legitimately scary. I really don't fuck with any of this shit.

I really just hope if a demon does take me, just like continue to like financially support my family. That's all I ask. Oh wow. That's nice of you. That's literally the last thing I'm thinking about. Oh. I'm thinking about demons.

Like, bro. I'm also thinking here. Just start like, like just sage every time I come in here and like, if you see me like convulse, you know that we have a problem. Just sage every time you come in here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No. I already know I'm going to sleep tonight in here like a fucking deep voice. I'm going to be like, oh my God. It's just like shunned dark on dark. Like fucking like reading from the book of the dead. Bro.

What would you do if Miles like woke up out of his sleep, just set up his eyes of clothes and he just started like speaking a different language. Well, that's, you know, you don't hit, you don't punch him. I mean, like that's what he started doing last night. So like not speaking a different language, but he was like, yeah, no, no, I don't want to go. He didn't say that. Bro, don't fuck with me.

He said, no, I don't want to go. He also in the middle of the night when he was in bed with us, sat up and started collecting the blankets and like, all right, I'm going to go. And like Becca was like, Miles, chill out, lay down. Go where? I don't know. This is like it now. He's going to the sewer.

Yeah. I might be, I might be. Bro. He said, no, I don't want to go in his sleep. I would have. I would, you would have had to. All right. Hold on.

It might not have been. No, I don't want to go. But like, he was like mumbling like shit. Oh, yeah. I'm, you know, I can't have that. It was, it was like, dude, if my future kids ever wake up out of their sleep like that, like just sit up and like, I'd be like, well, I'm going to jail to protect myself. Put them back.

Yeah. Just start shoving them back into your, I'd be like, oh, come on, buddy, we're going to sleep out in the yard because look at the flowers. Yeah. No. God, that is terrifying. I don't really fuck with any of that to be honest. I don't, I don't, but I also don't believe in it.

Like I'm trying to like tell Becca, like this is, I understand if you do believe in this and that's okay, but at the same time, it's nothing to get like freaked out to the point where you're like, we need to leave this home. Yeah. Because apparently like, so exorcisms, right, are like a real thing apparently, but I've never known someone who's even known someone who's gotten an exorcism. Yeah. It's one of those things that like people hear it through their grapevine.

Yeah. I love to meet someone who's like, oh, yo, my cousin, like, oh, I don't even want to open the door. Don't send me messages. Don't send me messages. I really don't want to fuck you up. Here we go. Here come the messages.

Like, really don't want to know. Don't want to know. My cousin used to sit on my face and then was exorcised. Yeah. Exorcised on my face. Um, no, but like, I really don't want to hear any of that. I also like, I, because I'm not going to believe them either because I saw this, actually I saw this documentary, um, and it was about 9-11, right?

And people who lived around. Where are you going? No, no, no. I'm not telling you. I'll circle back. Don't worry. Uh, bin Laden. No.

So that would be a scary ghost. It was a documentary about, uh, memory and it was, uh, it took the stories of people who were around 9-11, right, around, in Manhattan, around the building sort of who lived like in the area and they asked them like shortly after 9-11, uh, you know, to recall what happened that day. And then they asked them 10 years later, right, again, same questions, like recall what happened that day, 50% of their story changed. Oh yeah.

So it's interesting that when you, as you, no, but I'm saying like, they tell the story and like, yes, this is the way it happened, but you told a different story when it first happened, when it was new. So over time, as you tell stories, little things get attached and then you believe them when you maybe exaggerate like a tiny bit or whatever, and they become part of the story that is so true to you. So when people have paranormal, you know, memories or whatever the fuck, um, and it's like, oh, the years ago this happened, I always think of that documentary because I'm like,

maybe people like want to believe in this so bad. Well that's the thing and that I truly believe that us as like humans, as people, we're always trying to make sense of whatever happens to us because the, the concept that like the world is chaos and nothing is meant to happen at any point in time is very, it's very discomforting. That's really uncomfortable. Or that you have some sort of understanding of what is happening. I remember when the fucking conhead thing exploded. Oh yeah, we, I legitimately thought aliens were here.

So for people who don't know, and I feel like a lot of people do, like a transformer exploded at Con Edison, which is like not far from where I was living. It was like March of January, March of 2019, at like 6 p.m. No, it was later because it was dark out. Like it was like nighttime and all of a sudden the, the sky was lit up like teal blue. Yeah, like, and it's hard to explain it because it sounds so like from a sci-fi movie, but like picture the color teal blue. Yeah.

Look at the sky at night and it was that color and it was like fucking glowing. Like it was like, yeah, and it was like light out, like you could see everything now and it almost was like as bright as daytime, honestly. And at that point, it's such a different, I was like looking outside and I was like, I don't even know how to react because I don't know what's happening. Yeah, yeah. And, and, but that's the thing is I think that we as people try so hard to give explanations to things that we often look for answers in places where they don't belong, you know,

like, and, and, and like look for coincidences, you know what I mean? Like if again, like with the example I used earlier, if you're like, oh my God, I'll give a better example. My brothers legitimately at one point in time in their lives thought that the number 42 was haunting them. They would look and like it would just randomly be like 42. What time is it? 420.

What, you know, where? You know, just like, and like when you have this idea in your head, Jackie Robinson, Mariana Rivera too. When you have this idea in your head that something is happening and it's like, yeah, you're, you're going to create instances where it's going to make sense for you. And I do feel sometimes because again, I'm not a very spiritual person, but in these situations, like that's what happens with these moments. Like people are like, you know, like I heard a noise plus I had a nightmare plus I feel

disgusting today and it's like, holy shit. I felt cold. Yeah. Like, okay. Your brain is trying to comfort you to give you some sort. I mean, yes, it's scaring you, but it's trying to let you know that you're not crazy. You know what I mean? Like there is a logical explanation or possibly illogical, but you're not crazy for thinking

the way that you're thinking. No, yeah. I mean, I just, like I said, I was looking out the window at a blue sky and I was just like, am I dead? And let me make sure I make this very clear. We are not psychologists, but we know we're smart. I mean, listen, I went to Yale. I took a psychology class.

That's right. You did take an online six year old psychology intro to psychology class. What are you going to do? Hey, man. That's what it is. That's what it is. And with that, let's pivot to our friends at the same time, though, I want to let you guys know, remind you, we do have a Patreon account for those of you guys that don't know,

patreon.com slash the basement yard. You go there. If you join, you get every weekly episode, the ones that you're watching now a week in advance, get in on the jokes six days prior to when everyone else does actually seven days prior to when everyone else does. And then if you go to that next year, well, we have episodes that come out every single Friday morning. So your weekends, your weeks are bookended by the basement boys.

All right. So make sure you go check it out. If we get to 10,000, Joey's going to pee his pants and poop his pants. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. We're so close to getting to 10,000. We love and appreciate our current patrons and for those that can and want to support we understand, but check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard.

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I will say, I did, I did have another experience. I'm bringing a lot to the table today, man. You have, you had another experience and someone. So remember we, we recently spoke about no one sending me fun messages and I got one fun. Wait, what? When did we say that? Remember when you were saying like the person, like about the, the poop?

Oh wait, hold on. I have to say this cause it's so funny, but do you remember when I read that DM about someone shitting and then like the other person like pulled it? Yeah. Yeah. No, I trust me. I have tried to forget. So hilarious.

Right. So for those of you who missed that part of the episode in the last episode, I read this DM and the girl basically said that her boyfriend at the time was into her shitting and would like record videos of her shooting, pull it out. Right. So at that point, there was a part where she says, yeah, he like, I would be shitting and he'd be like pulling it and that would be like the way that he would come.

Interpreter, my interpretation was that he was pulling shit out of her, right? She was, but then he was pulling himself. Well, yeah. A lot of people were like, uh, I think what she meant, like pulling it, like jerking off instead of pulling the shit out of her ass. You, but see, that makes a lot more sense. It does make sense, but also shame on her because context there is big. She could have said jerking off, cranking it, spanking it.

Clearly she's from a pulling it town. Beating it, beating it, pulling it down. Where the fuck is that? Nebraska? Prop. I mean, it sounds like Midwestern. Yeah, it would be. A lot of corn over cracking it off or something.

Yeah. Just, uh, but she knew like she, come on guys, we obviously fucked it up. I think you're okay. Did you get a shitting one though? You got a shitting. No, no, no, no. So I got one from a friend of the show and not quite as, you know, intense as that one, but definitely one that we, we, I wanted to talk about.

So no poop. Um, no poop. All right. That's no poop. Good. Um, just binge watched the beginning of next week's episode. And you said, you never see funny DMs and I could fix that until I was 16. I thought I could only come when I masturbated, when laying on my stomach.

Okay. Like face down ass up. They spelled ass, by the way, with the dollar signs. They draw the line that they asked for. Okay. Uh, breathing was an issue. Breathing was that an issue? Wait, that was wrote, that was written in there.

Yes. Uh, of course I'd get bit by the horny bug while at my friend's house cause they had a hot mom. So I would literally lay on the bathroom floor, face to the ground and just beat my lap hog to smithereens. Lap hog. Lap hog. Got it.

Is there more? No, that's it. Did you hear that? You're, you want to tell a story? The demons are coming out. Oh boy. Yeah. Jesus.

Um, nice kick Charlie. Wait. So this kid can only jerk off face down ass up. I, I, I mean, I, I don't know. I haven't asked if he still does this. I was confused for a second. Cause I'm like, yo, how do you lay down and jerk off at the same time? Well, like, like a caterpillar.

Yeah. I get it now, but like, I thought he was just laying on his stomach. Why does it like, why do you believe that that's the only way that you can come? I, I think you believe weirds. Like the first time that you discover your penis is, and you're probably doing weird stuff to it. Gotcha. I used to do weird stuff.

I used to just like press it. I used to just, I used to have a, the back massager. I've told this. Yeah. My, I used to honestly, my dick was like shaken. Uh, but that's like a weird way. Like that's a very compromising situation to be face down ass up. Yeah.

I don't know who that's what it is, but like you've never seen like, I don't know how I know how to jerk off. Maybe it's like a Nate and humans, like sneezing and coughing. Yeah. Like you know how to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Breathing and stuff.

That's a good question. How, like no one's ever been like, yo, you do it like this. Like I was like, but like, oh, how, how most I would say, uh, young, adult males learn about sex. It's from porn. So I'm sure you just look at porn and you're just like, you know, I remember when I was a kid, I would fucking, I would jerk off. Like I was trying to take paint off a wall.

I would go so fast. Really? Yeah, man. Geez. I was afraid of that. I would have a nice, like steady sort of, and I remember afterward it would like tingle and I was like, something's not right here. I almost started a fire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With no lubricage. No. Well, I, I, at the time I would use hair gel. So I forgot about that. It was a very, it was like Teflon. It was like fucking shit was slipping and sliding. Oh yeah.

Well, yeah. If I wasn't careful, I would have pulled my whole dick off and not knew it. So was your pubes just like, well, a lot of the time it would happen in the shower. You would jerk off with gel in the shower. Yeah. Jesus. It would have to be pre hand pruning because then then it's just ruin. Now it's just like, yeah.

Now it's like you're getting jerked off by a fucking bag of raisins. Yeah. That ain't fun. Yeah. You know what I've never done, which a lot of people do like fuck fruit. No. Well, I've never done that. I've never done it either.

Yeah. Which, which fruit would you though? Honestly, I really like watermelon. Yeah, but that wouldn't be cool. Why not? Because it would collapse. No, watermelons are tough, dude. No, it's not like other fruits.

I'm not fucking jumping on it like I'm trying to kill it. No, but as soon as you put your penis in a watermelon, it's a wrap. It falls apart. What? What? What? Yes. How the fuck is that even by it's a fucking hard ass watermelon.

You can't finger a watermelon. You can cut a hole into a watermelon. What do you mean? You can't finger a watermelon. Joey, do you understand what fruit are? Frankie, this is what I'm saying. You get a plum, not a plum. You get a peach.

That's good to say. Peach will fall apart on you. A peach is way more like together than a fucking watermelon. Yo, hold on. You're talking about the outside shell. I'm talking about once you get, you know, you breach the atmosphere. A little will fall out. Sure.

Oh, that fall out. Bro, what do you think? I got a blender for a cock. No, that thing is going in there and it's not going to do much. This is what I'm saying. I'm saying you get a watermelon, right? Obviously the outside's hard. You drill a hole in the top and then you get rid of the, you know, whatever.

And then you start banging it. My thing, what I'm saying is the actual red part, the pulp, the pulp of the fucking thing is once you put your dick in, it'll just smush down. And now you just got a, yeah, but it's like digging a hole. Like the, the farther you dig, the walls collapse in on you. No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. And then it's digging a hole at the beach.

No. The walls stay up. No. Joey, it won't stay up. What are you digging a hole with the fucking auger? No way. Those things I've dug, I dug holes at beaches. Joey, I've dug, I've dug.

You get down there, you get down there and the holes will collapse in on you. Dude. Absolutely. No. You put a little bit of water, which was a lot of water in a water. There's a water, but it's, it's living in the water. So it's like slushy in there as it is. You're going to be going in and you're going to be like putting your dick in a

slush puppy, baby. You think banging a watermelon would be better than banging a peach? Are you fucking dumb? First of all, what fucking peach are you getting a hold of? Peaches are like the size of baseballs. You can get big peaches. A big at most is like that. And that's all you need, baby.

But, but then your dick is going through the other end. Yeah, it is. It acts as like a thing. You remember the term, you bruised like a peach? No. Why do you think people were fucking peaches and they were falling apart on? That's not true. Yes.

No. Yes, it does. Bruised like a peaches for fucking, bro, you ever bit into a juicy peach and it's just, yeah, you don't want that. You do. But the second you bite into it, it just fucking, it's just, you got to get it. You got to get it. Well, yeah, obviously you pit it, but then the pit, the inside, the fucking

butthole looking part, that's, that's a little, that's a little rough. I mean, it's not that rough. It's a little rough. Watermelon is a little rough too. Let's not get crazy outside, but it's going to be hitting your fucking balls dude and your stomach, the inside of a watermelon. Yo, I can't believe you think a peach will get fucked and hold up more than a watermelon for how?

Yes, I mean, Frank, yeah, because it would, it would be like, where do you feel like, where do you feel about, what do you feel about cantaloupe? I would slam a can. I really would. Pat, I think it would be okay. People microwave it before they slam it. How do you know that, uh, that movie? What was that movie?

Good luck, Chuck. Remember he banged a candle. Oh yeah, he's all about it. I probably wouldn't do that, but I have fingered a pie. What was that pie that? Oh, I fingered a pumpkin pie and I was like, well, pumpkin pie is just mush. That's the same thing.

If that's what you're arguing about, a fucking watermelon. That's the same shit. If not, if it's softer, it's like baby shit. I'm not advocating for the pumpkin pie. If you're going to finger any pie, three, two, one, cherry pie. Ew, dude. I know it's disgusting, but it's like, you got like the bumps in there and it's like ribbed.

What the fuck pie are you eating? Cherry pie. I'm not eating it, but like there's cherries in it. No, but I'm telling you, I fingered a pumpkin pie and I was like, this is nice and mushy. Well, yeah, it's mushy. Yeah, that's what you would want. But like, this is what I'm saying, bro.

Yo, I am flabbergasted. Dude, you're flabbergasted. Have you ever bit into a watermelon? Like it, it's like rough. It's that smooth. Yeah. Joey, when I have, when I cut the watermelon and I bite into it, but it stays intact and if I fucking put my finger through it, the whole thing doesn't fall

apart like it's peanut brittle. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. It fucking, if I'm sitting there and bashing this thing, the kingdom come, then yes, it's going to get a little wet and mushy in there. But that's the whole point of fucking fruit, bro, bro, you, you're nuts. You're, honestly, this is fucking wild.

Also like grapefruit. Yeah. Obviously grapefruit is the supreme fruit to plot. It's very stingy. Cause it's like, if you have a cut, you ever see that video of that girl jerking off the, yeah, that was just like insane. They're good for her. I mean, great for her or her partner.

Yeah. Well, yeah, just don't get a cut because then it'll sting bingo bingo. Oh, well, some people might be into that stuff. Oh yeah. No, there is. Like it's in the pee hole though. You're in for a big fat fucking problem. Oh my God.

Like a full week. That's going to hurt like crap. One time I got a, one time I got a shampoo and my, how you doing? Oh yeah. That was not, no, never fun, never fun. No, literally like a mini fire at the tip of your penis. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Absolutely. But Joey, why did we get into banging fruit? What was he talking about? Oh, he's fucking face down, fucking. Oh yeah. This guy jerking off face down. I, I can't, I can't believe you think a peach will hold up better to thrust action. I think it would be better to bang a peach than it would to bang a watermelon.

It might feel better, but that's, that's all we're here for. Subjective Joe. No, some people are here because they get fucking off on the moisture. Bro, the watermelon feels like there's a fruit covered in like spider web. Listen, that's what it feels like. Listen, that's what you enjoy spider web. The way things feel is subjective. Joey, a good back know they're not.

Yes, it is. What feels good to me might, might not feel good to you. So I'm asking you, you like a spider web on your penis? I've never put one there. So I can't consistently say if I would or would not. No one likes spider fucking webs, kid. Well, when they're on your face out of nowhere, but the other I got spider webs are quite silky. I can understand why that might, if I'm not silky.

If you had a bunch of it, it might, it might, it might. Bro, I walked through a spider web and it hit my knee and I freaked out and it slide my knee off. Well, because you're afraid of spiders. No, I don't like the feeling of a random, like, like a string on it. Understood, but if you have, we're able to ball it up and fucking jerk off with it, you might like it. A spider web? Maybe. What are, what is happening?

Welcome to the basement yard, ladies and gentlemen. It's fucking insane. I, I, I, whatever you want to say about spider web, I, I, I just, I legitimately, it's bothering me to the point where you think that a watermelon would not hold up as good or feel as good. It definitely wouldn't feel like it might, but again, objectively, that's subjective, Joey. It's not. That is subjective. Things are right and things are wrong. Yes, but the way that things make each individual feel as an individual can't be either of those.

We're talking majorities, macro and micro. Listen, I would say out here, people would rather, okay, no, they'd rather fuck a peach. You're right, you're right, but it's, that thing is going to be just fucking cobbler under your cock. A watermelon, cut a hole in that son of a bitch. That thing will last for multiple uses. We're talking about quantity over quality here. No, we want quality. Yes, but then you got to buy more peach.

You could buy one watermelon, fuck it for a week and you're living the dream. Fuck it for a week? Dude, you're really underestimating. No, bro, watermelon, you ever picked up and held a watermelon? That shit is sturdy. Yeah, I'm not saying you're going to like break the watermelon in half. That's what you said. No, I'm saying that the stuff inside, I forgot to talk about this way too long, but like the stuff inside, right?

If you put a watermelon like this, and I just take my finger, let's just say like a regular watermelon's like boom, boom, like that, right? Like a half, a half piece that you would eat. Normally, if I stick my finger through the middle of the red and then took it out, it's not going to hold its shape. The top is going to break. Well, because of the science of that, but if I lay it down, listen to me. If I lay this down and I put my finger through it, my finger will go right through that. It's not going to crack the whole watermelon. No, but what will happen is that part of the watermelon will just compact and it will leave a hole.

But then they're around it, it'll be a crater and it'll be sturdy ground around it, it's like a sinkhole. But you'll be digging in and out of it and eventually the walls will just get wider and wider. I mean, they're not going to get wider and wider. They're going to get as long and wide as your fucking shaft, which is not going to fucking break any, you know, structural defaults. I don't know, I don't know. If anyone's fucked a watermelon, let us know. Yeah, literally hit me up. If anyone has fucked a peach or a watermelon and or both like to try it out.

I think that a peach is a gateway to a watermelon. Can you just do me a favor just to please, like not please, that's the wrong word, to satisfy also bad. Can you just Google, I'll Google it, just someone fucking a watermelon. I just need to know what would happen when someone fucks a watermelon. What do you think happens? Um, I also, what happens if you get a seed in you? I mean, can that grow? I assume.

What happened? Watermelon could be natural Viagra. Straight to the source. Oh, I don't even believe in any of that. Do you believe in that? Have you ever eaten an oyster and been like, Oh, I'm horny. No, I don't think so. Yeah, like who the fuck is horny eating oysters?

Those are an aphrodisiac, but like I've never eaten like oysters. I'm like, Oh my God, I would love to have sex right now all over the place. I'm eating a disgusting, like booger. I need that's not disgusting, but you know what I mean, I need to see. Um, I would love to like drink beers and have oysters soon. Bro, this guy looks like he's going. He's doing a pretty good job with this watermelon. What, define what does that mean?

You're dark. Oh, there it goes. I probably just gave my phone a virus. Yeah, Frank, you're Googling men fucking watermelon. Like what do you think is going to happen to you? Yeah, I just got a pop up saying my iPhone has been hacked. Perfect. You ever, you ever get that pop up when you're watching porn?

It's like, yo, the FBI. No, no, I don't. Oh my God, so good. So good. Scared the hell out of me at like 13. I bet I was like, yo, the FBI aren't there ones that are like, um, they'll like send you like a message saying like we have, we have a video from your camera of you jerking off or some shit.

That reminds me of the black mirror episode. You remember that one? Yeah, that was fucking crazy. So many twists. Don't, don't spoil it, but boy, yeah. If you guys haven't watched black, did I say black widow? No, you said black mirror, black mirror on Netflix. It is fucking white.

I think the episode is called shut up and dance. It is. And it is wild. It's a good one. Yeah. Crazy. So what was that? No, no.

Oh, we haven't even talked about this kid. He's jerking off like he's jerking off facing, facing down. The kid's jerking off like an inch worm. That's also kind of weird because like you're putting your face on the bathroom floor, like at your friends. I love you. I'm not putting my face on your floor. I wouldn't put my face on my bathroom floor.

It is gross. Well, also, especially your shaving bathroom, you're mostly barefoot when you're in there too. Yeah. I'm well, if you're getting out of the shower, it's clean. Yeah. But during the day, I don't wear like, well, yeah, I guess not barefoot, but like socks and shit.

I guess so. Yeah. I'm wearing shoes all day. That would be bad. Do you have a shoe off policy? No, like in my house? No, no, no, no, I think that sucks. That's like a cultural thing.

I get it. I really don't like it. I once went somewhere for work and I wear my work boots, you know, the infamous, the sketchers. Yeah. And you're like fucking tied into those things are tied in. And I went and I went to interview this guy at his place and he was like, yo, you got to take your boots off.

And I was like, I'll see you in a half hour. Yeah, you know, but I get it. It's a, again, it's a cultural thing. I don't think it's a cultural thing. It's like, I think it's in Japan. Yeah. Japanese people, they don't wear shoes. Whatever.

But like, it's, I think it's everyone's like, oh, germs. And it's like, bro, I just like, come on, I'm an adult. And now I'm just like, I'm not eating off the floor and I'm not licking it and like putting my face on it that freaking. So why, why do I care that much about like what's on it? Yeah, like it's the floor for a reason. It's the floor, bro's, the floor. And then again, it's like, God damn floor.

Imagine if like you walked into me jerking off in that position in your, in your bathroom. If I opened the door and you were face down ass up jerking off like an inch worm. Yes. Ah, it would be the best day of your life. Also, I'd be staring down the barrel of your asshole. Well, I wouldn't, I could have be facing my face, face in the door. Well, you can just see my silhouette.

Yeah, I, I don't know if I could really, I almost, that kind of like happened to me though that happened with like Keith when he was like, he was like drunk and he was like naked. Oh, and I like open the door to the bathroom. This was like blackout Keith, like the peak icon icon, like the blackout Keith story icon of the game. Yeah. He, he was like, he thought his room was the bathroom and he was like closing

the door on me and I was like, bro, the bathroom's in here and he went in there. My mom's like, get him out of there or whatever. And I opened the door and he was just bent over and his fucking asshole was just looking at me like, oh, yeah, that's crazy dude. I don't think I've seen another person's asshole except for myself. Really? And even then, I think it was like the last time I saw the, the, the, what's it called when me, you and Danny did the episode and I went in the mirror and

checked it out. Yeah. That was a rough day. I like, I couldn't believe what I saw. You saw your bunghole. I was really disappointed with myself. So let's bring, let's bring it back. 98.

I mean, you clean it. So you're good, but you know, I said, mine was like kind of purple that day. It was weird. Yeah. You can, you can clean something so much. If it still looks gross, it doesn't fucking batter. Yeah. You know, yeah, like if I power washed an alleyway and like bleached it and

everything, would you eat off the floor? I probably wouldn't eat off of like the earth's ground. Well, all right, but I'm saying like an alleyway, like it's like paved. Yeah. That's little of rock dude. No, yeah, but it's not man made. I mean, it is man made. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Well, that doesn't make it, it's made out of earth material. Is that called natural resources? Nevermind, Joey. You're not getting what I'm saying here. Whatever, bro. Also, speaking of cleaning, like all these fucking celebrities now are coming out, being like, yeah, I don't really take.

What the fuck is going on? I don't really know why everyone thinks, you know, like Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis were like, yeah, we take like one shower. I was like, no, I think they were saying like they don't bathe their kids as much. Yeah, but they're like only when they get itchy. And I'm like, that's gross. That's weird.

If it gets to that point, it's bad. Also, like celebrities have been getting enough attention. So they need to start, you know, stir in the pot a little bit. So people start talking about him again. Jake, Joan Hall came out and he said some weird shit too. He was just like, yeah, you know, I don't really shower that often these days. Honestly, if I was that rich and no one gave a fuck of how like he can go anywhere and people will be like, I don't care how you smell.

You're Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't, but like, here's the thing. I get it to a certain point, but these people are taking it like to another level because one, it's just not comfortable, especially in the summer, when you like naturally sweat and like whatever, like you have this sticky feeling on you. Yeah. You don't want to get that right now. I'm like, yeah, I'm all, I feel like, you know, I'm covering gum or something.

It's a little uncomfortable. I don't, I, I, is this going to be like the new fad? Like how veganism was about like eight years ago. Stop doing showers. Yeah. Where everyone was just like, I am not eating animals like because everyone else isn't, and now it's like, oh, I'm just going to stop showering. Yeah.

Which there's something to it. I don't, so I'm not on a strict showering schedule of like two a day. No, I mean, neither. I don't, I don't really do that. I mean, I do shower. I do shower twice a day, most days. But that's only because I'm like forced to shower if I exercise. Yes.

I only shower once a day. Yeah. And it's in like, it's in the morning. But again, if I, you know, work out, I'm not, I would, I would wait, work out and then shower. Right. But for the most part, I'm not also, if I'm going in like a lake, I'm not showering for that day or the next.

That's another thing. Anytime I've ever been in Connecticut with you guys, which I've been up there for like four days, sometimes I don't shower. Actually, the last time I went, I showered. Really? Well, that's because I went and played tennis with Espo. I would just lather up some natural soap in the fucking water. I did that with Ahmed once.

That's someone that needs to shower a lot. That dirty fuck. I'm kidding. I meant, I meant, it's probably better groomed than I will ever be. I would say so too. I would definitely say so. He's always smelling good. He's always wearing cologne.

He is. Um, but yeah, no. Well, if you can name three celebrities, you think definitely don't shower. Mickey Rourke. Yo, that is a fucking, you, you've thought about this. No, that immediately came to me. I'm like, well, this guy looks greasy. Mickey Rourke.

Okay. Who else? Um, what's that guy's name? He's a really good actor. He was in, um, warrior. He played the drunk dad. Uh, uh, Nolte. Nick Nolte.

Nick Nolte. Doesn't shower. Just smells of fucking stale cigarettes. Yeah. Oh, Kid Rock. Kid Rock, dude. Kid, you know, Kid Rock babes in the tears of people that he uses homophobic slurs. I think Kid Rock doesn't shower, but he does go home and use one of those like spray

bottle fans. You know, he's just fucking, he's like, oh, I need to get clean. And he just has a fucking 15 year old bottle of acts and just like goes under the arms and under the, the, the boys, the boys. All right. I'm going to give you some celebrities. You're going to tell me yes or no if they shower or bathe, I guess is the term I'm looking for.

All right. Carson Daly. I think he used to, I think he gave up. He's like, whatever he's like done. What? How was that the first time you thought of Carson Daly? The next one I thought I was really going to throw you off. What?

Baby Spice. Baby Spice? Yeah. I haven't even seen this woman in 20 years. All right. Mel B. You're just going to name the Spice Girls. I don't think there's many women that I would associate with not ginger.

Can you name all the Spice Girls? Uh, ginger, scary, sporty, posh and baby. Wow. You are good. Come on. There's a fucking Spice Gash. Remember those lollipops? Do I remember the lollipops?

And they were so good. He's to fuck those lollipops up. Oh, I was waiting for the, I was waiting for the up, Joe. Uh, all right, um, uh, Bryce Harper. That's a good one. Yeah, I think he's forced to. John Goodman. Not so much these days.

Well, he can reach now. So I assume now he showers. Hey, that's a little much. Oh my God. Natalie Portman. You know what? Maybe not. Oh boy.

Why? First of all, I'm, I'm like, there was a time not too long ago where I was like legitimately in love with her and I like checked if she was like engaged. She was, you know, you ever do that though. You see, like you watch a movie and like someone's like, like whoever and you're like, are they engaged? And then if they aren't, you're like, I have a shot. You don't, you never had.

I thought, you know what? I legitimately believed I had a shot with at the age of 13. This should be good. Vanessa Hudgens. I swear to God. You feel like, yo, I felt, yo, I legitimately felt like, yo, I, I like, could I, if I shoot my shot, I'll be all right. I remember being young and, and, and being like legitimately like upset and

like confused by the feeling of like that Katy Perry didn't know who I was. No, that's a good one. I was like, yo, I can't, but like, I'm so mad. I had in like, she just needs to meet me in like 2010. My background on my computer was the, the picture of her from the California girls video, like her, no, the one where she's like laying on a cloud and like her, like, her ass holes out, maybe not the whole, not the whole, but the ass was out. Yeah.

Yeah. The ass was out, but I, you know, the one where it was like, she had like her tits of like cream out of it. Yeah. That was, that was doing it for you. Yeah, it was. Uh, but I, um, I just had another one that I was going to remember. Mariah Carey was another one.

I was like, yo, do you, you thought you had a shot? Um, no, but I was, cause she was like, you know, but I, I was like, God damn, this woman is hot. What about Courtney Love? Is she showering? No, you know, you're not even going to answer that one. Are you? No, um, but do you know who, uh, who I saw the other day and I was like, good for

you, Reba, Reba Mcintyre, Reba Mcintyre, she's still doing it. Oh yeah. Uh, I remember I used to make fun of like, yeah, I remember I used to like, remember when SNL did the thing where it was Kenan Thompson dressed up and he was like, I'm Reba. Yeah. I used to say that shit all the time. No, like I, I saw, uh, I think she has like a Tik Tok account and she just like,

you know, she looks the same. Well, it's good for her. It's Reba. It's fucking Reba Mcintyre. And she's a survivor. And she's like feeding cows or some shit. Like she's living her life. She had, she had a show.

She's had albums. Albums, yeah. She's crushing it. Yeah. She was an actor. She was in Little Rascals. Wow. She was in little, she was the mom, right?

No, she was like the main driver woman. Driver woman. The whole race was like, uh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I should have known this. Miles recently watched it. I, I got to get better. Yeah. Um, $200 cash prize. No, you, you know a lot about the movies that you know, you know, outside of that,

you don't know, right? No, the fucking movies. Man, uh, yeah, no. But I remember at the time, um, Vanessa Hudgens, like a girl that I knew in middle school, she was like, Oh yeah, my aunt is Vanessa Hudgens's manager. And I was like, Oh, legitimately tell her like, I will like take her out to dinner. I wasn't bringing her out anywhere.

Yeah. No. And, and then I heard that song, sneaker night. And I was like, I, I've gotten over her. You're not a good song. You heard that song. I know that song. I'm put your sneakers on.

She's wearing like Echo Red sneakers. Everyone go Google Vanessa Hudgens, sneaker night. Oh, it's so bad. It's terrible. It is so fucking. It's honestly a shame that Rebecca Black got so much shit for Friday. And she didn't get enough shit. And, and Vanessa Hudgens, I kind of got away with.

Honestly, there are three like that. Call me maybe time out. No, no, no. Listen, what I'm going to say, you're not going to say anything bad about it. It's a banger. It is an absolute banger, but it like, it was so popular that like people had to hate it. You know what I mean?

Like call me maybe. I've never seen something like that in my entire life. Yeah, that actually all town road, but that's it. The just those two, I can't, you know, I am able to speak to call me maybe because I was in college at the time and it was ever, you know, what other songs swept the names. You know what other song was big like that too? And it drove me nuts was, um, shut up and dance with me.

Shut up, dude. I hate that song so much. That was, um, the walk-in song for my brother's wedding. Of course it was. Yeah. Like for the groomsmen. And yeah, I hate that. If I was at your brother's wedding, I wasn't even in Miami.

I would have been fucking very angry because those two songs and call me maybe was one of those that like just blew up. Call me maybe an all town road. We're like insane. I'll call me maybe it was even more like kind of great. I mean, do you remember all town road in the, in the bus to my sister's wedding? Yeah. I'm not a big like popper of bottles.

I was going, you would have thought that I had just won the fucking super bowl. Yeah. I was going ape shit. It was the winners of the ALCS, but call me maybe Friday is a bad song. It's not a great song, but she was also like 11. Wasn't there another song she made? It was like Chinese food or some shit like that. No, there was a different.

It's the same guy who like had that company, which also weird like business strategy. Who was that guy that the black guy looked like fat usher? Yeah. I don't know. He kind of looked like just poor Flo Rida. No, he didn't look like Flo Rida, Flo Rida. No, what? Also, you know, Flo Rida song came on the radio the other day and I was like, yo,

I feel like people forget this dude had fucking hits. It's still, still fucking crank them out. This guy's got a bajillion dollars. Also, Tio Cruz had a hot fucking minute. Do you remember Tio Cruz and Luda? What about, um, what was that other guy? So baby on you down, down, down, down, down. That's Jay Sean, bro.

A lot of segue. Did we just hear that? That's a good song. Oh, Lil Wayne was on that remix. Oh, he was in Young Money. Jay Sean. Was he? Remember Kevin Rudolph?

Oh, let it rock. Dude, that's a weird looking guy. Really? And honestly, the song was only cool over the one NBA commercial that was in. It was good for like two days. I thought it was good. And what about party like a rock star? You remember those guys?

Yeah. Party like a rock. I actually remember going to Connecticut for the first time and we were in your dad's car and you were playing that song and he immediately shut it off. Really? Yeah, he hated it. Oh, my dad loved listening to the music I would listen to. I remember one time on Christmas, we were driving and it was when, oh, that's

another one that was big too. Tonight, fun. Dude, I remember one funny story. On Christmas Eve, we were driving to my uncle's house and that song was on the radio and myself, my brother's and my sister were all in the car and singing it. And my dad was crying. Crying? Why?

Cause he's just like happy. He's my family's in here and they're singing a song and they were fucking just singing. That's a sensitive boy. That's good. Yeah, fun. We got it. You know what?

I would love to discuss. What happened to fun? There's still a cranking fucking songs about nothing. Really? I need to get my story straight. My friends are in a mad doom. That's a banger though. Is it also a one night or something about night?

What's that song they have? It's fire. Oh, some nights I stay young. Cash it in my backpack. I don't know any of their fun songs. Actually, there's probably another one, but I don't know. There's definitely like one or two, but they're bajillionaires forever now because of that one song.

That's it. Dude, it's crazy how some songs just sweep the niche like that. It really like call me maybe bro was so fucking good. You don't hear about songs like that often anymore. Like every, you would have like one a year of those when we were younger. Yeah. Like it was, it was get low or yeah. Or fucking lean with it, rock with it, lean back.

You know, like just like every year, there was like one or two songs that was like Z 100 played at every other song. Yeah. You know, dude, I'm thinking about call me maybe. And like, there was so much like content around that. Like people did all these remixes for it. And it was kind of the same thing. Also, all town road, I think is the most played song of all time.

Is it? Yeah. That song, that song with Billy Ray still slaps. Song went, dude, I remember being at a bar and all of a sudden you hear, yeah. And everyone'd be like, oh, it was, yo, people would lose their fucking. People still lose their minds. I honestly, if I was drunken out and I heard that song, you best believe I'm going on. Think about what would happen in 20 years when that song comes on.

What's going to happen? I'm going to lose it. What's going to happen when our kids are like, oh, mommy, daddy, show us the hits from when you were a kid. I'll be like, all right, sit down. I'm like, here's 50 cents. Get rich or die. Try and study it.

I'm going to be like, Ruben, you want to hear a fucking classic? My buddy, my buddy. You know, she's like, what the fuck is this? Oh, it's true, though. There are no like classic, like family friendly song. Like, well, like our parents were younger. It was like, you know, fucking, you know, well, and now it's like, you know, like, wait, do you see my dick?

Hey, what are the, what are we going to show our kids? Probably a salt shaker. Oh, I am. I recently showed my nephew some biggie songs and he was like, yeah, I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I was very upset. Beats of shit. Yeah, boy, it's going to be interesting.

That'll be, that'll be a good time. We'll see. And also I'm definitely going to hate the fuck they're listening to. I hate what people listen to now. I don't. I do. But I think that one day I'll get there. I remember hearing a note, no disrespect to a Takashi six nine, but I remember

hearing one of his songs and I was like, this is like, I personally couldn't listen to it. Well, yeah, that's definitely an acquired taste. Yeah, exactly. That was his hit single. I got the hiccups again from screaming. The demon was coming out. Demon was coming out.

Demon came out. The demon came. That's what that was. Yeah. I've been possessed by the ghost of Takashi. Yeah. He's not dead, right? No, he's alive.

Okay. She still making music? Um, that's neither here nor there, I guess. Gotcha. I don't really know how to use that. If there was one musical artist right now that was singing or producing music, that's like as a result of a demon. Who would it be and why is it Kanye West?

Do you see the videos from the Donda performance? Yo, that was kind of crazy. No, he was like airlifted out of the stadium. That's stupid. Yo, he's got some balls doing that. I'd be terrified to do that shit. It's Kanye West. What I want old Kanye, man.

I want fucking Kanye's workout plan. Those days are over. I know because now he's like, I do have, I am optimistic that one day he's going to drop an album. That's like, because I feel like he could still do it. Yeah. And he could if he wanted to, but he likes being innovative with his music. But I think that one day he's going to do it and it's going to be awesome.

I want a full album of just like the style that he put into the verse from poker face with Kid Cudi and, uh, yeah, um, Lady Gaga, but can't, uh, the sample. Yes. But who's the other rapper that was in it? Uh, common. I just want that. Just like a whole album, you know, just give me like 12 different styles of kind of his workout plan and while we're at it and touch the sky.

Man on the mood. Kid Cudi was a good album too. That was, that was, I remember I posted, uh, um, once upon a time, nobody came. All said and done and my cock's been sucked. And like one of my like family friends was like, Hey, don't post that. Don't post this anywhere. Oh God. All right.

Cool. Uh, we could wrap it up. I'm starting to sweat like a bane. Don't be like those other fucking elitists that you know, and not shower. You should shower after this. Well, I'm going to go for a run after this. It's 105 degrees out. I went running yesterday.

It was even worse. You're, you're out of your fucking mind. We're going to find you Frank. Hopefully on this show next week. Yeah. I hope I make it. Uh, full transparency. Uh, might be a demon in my house.

We're going to get rid of it though. Uh, that's a good pun. Full transparency there. Transparent F alvers, eight zero eight five on Twitter. The Frank Alvers on Twitch and Instagram. And then go check out the patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. Get every weekly episode of week in advance and exclusive episodes on Friday. That drop that are kind of a little, believe it or not, a little more all over

the place than our weekly. So they're a lot of fun. Yeah. Uh, you guys can follow me at Joe Sanicato and go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.