The Basement Yard - #311 - Bring Back Pirating 2021

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Frank & Joe discuss pirating, pillaging, and bringing it all back. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to The Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going? Good. Why do you look like a female tennis player? You look like... You don't like the headband? You look like... Dude, you look like a female tennis player. I...

You know what? That's a compliment. I will take that. Women's tennis player? Women's tennis... I don't know how to... Yeah, don't say... You might've just offended a couple. I'm not one of those guys that says that. You might've just been like, oh, let me guess.

You want me to call you Starla now? No. What? Just like one of those people that's just like, oh, I'm not going to call anyone different from what I've been calling them. Oh, no. Yeah, no. It's like women, female. Starla? No, because like, you know, I don't...

You know, I think it's weird when guys say that. Sometimes when they're like, you know, females, and I'm like, it's just a weird way to describe... Well, I think it's weird. Are we talking about like species? Well, I think it's when like... I'm kind of picking up... Yo, females are crazy.

Yeah, and that's what I think you're picking up. Just say when... I know exactly who you're talking about, and I know why it bothers you, because the person will be like, damn, I love me a female. And it's like, all right. She's like, yo, what are you, a deer?

You're really... Like, you're really fucking breaking the mold here. Love a good female. Speaking of, a bunch of females... Bunch of naked ladies. Well, they're not naked. They're bathing- they're bathing- They're bathed?

Bathing-suited ladies on your shirt. They are bathing-suited ladies, yeah. Where'd you get that? This was a gift. From... From... My dad? Like, where'd you get it?

Like, where'd you get it? No, no, it was from my brother and sister-in-law. Oh, nice. Nice, nice. Should I have taken this as like, they hate me? No, I think it's a cool shirt. It is, it's nice, right? I enjoy it. No, I do like the shirt.

Well, I look kind of yoked in it. Definitely don't. Okay. But I was thinking when I was putting this shirt on today, remember how like, guys would get like, old like, sailor men or like, men in jail in the 60s? Sailors would have been fine. Yeah, that one.

Sailor men would get like, the pin-up girl tattooed on their arm. Yeah. To be like, this is- this is my- Or they'd get it here, they'd be like, look at her dance. Yeah. They'd fucking shake it. And she'd have her like, her- her pussy out. And it would be like, Harry's.

Oh, I don't know. Well, I never saw Harry pussy tattoos. Uh-oh, I mean, I've been on weird parts of the internet. So- Is that on a part of the internet? Yeah, you could definitely find- I've seen- I've seen tattoos of dudes getting like, women's legs coming out of their belly buns,

so it looks like a fucking open- Just like a poop hole. Yeah, well, yeah. Well, that's more- That too. Or like a cow's ass. It looks like a cow's ass hole. I've never seen those, and I would-

I would be very, very upset if I did. Like, I've never seen like, grotesque. I think like, I was in like, sixth grade where I was like, yo, you know what I'm gonna get? I'm gonna get ladies' legs up and down like this side. That's what it was. You know what? That's what it looks like.

And let me tell you, very dumb. Yeah, this is- this- But then it would look like a- It would look gross. Harry's. It would look really like a fucking prepubescent vagina with like, just like, 12 long hairs. I think that you just said you put like, a thousand peas-

Pre-pubescent? Pre-pubescent. Yeah. But I never understood why they'd get that. Me neither. Was it like, to jerk off to? Probably. I'd be like, oh, look, this is-

This is Darla. There's Darla again. Yeah, you know, I feel like- It's like, look at that. It's like, yeah, I don't know about all that. And she's dancing and shit like that? People used to get weird- Remember, like, I mean, Popeye had one,

but like, just like an anchor? It's like, what do we- I think, again, that's the Sailor Men. So, because you were on a boat? I think it's the- Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, I need to remind people that, like, my whole personality is about the fact that I was on a boat once.

The anchor holds me down. It's like, we know- Keeps me grounded. We know someone that got, like, a fucking octopus. And I've never heard of this person caring about the ocean ever. An octopus? Yeah. I won't say their name because they might be in a federal position.

What the fuck is he talking about? But they just shot, like, a fucking, like, big-ass octopus on their arm and chest. And it's so stupid. I'm not a big octopi kind of guy. Octopi are really good to eat. I've never known one. I'll crush it.

You're crushing octopus. Yeah. But, yeah, I never, I never got the whole- Dude, what is it with sailors? You know, they got weird tattoos. They're known for, like- Pottymouth. Pottymouth.

And also, like, fucking women in every city that, like, who are these men? Well, I think it's, yeah, it's like any port has a dock, isn't it? Is that what they say? No, every port has a hole. No, what was it? Every port-

Port has a- Any port in a storm. Any- Yo, what are we gonna say? We're gonna get close. Any port in a storm. I mean, I guess that makes- I said any port in a storm!

You know what, Joey? Technically, I think you might be right. I think I'm not wrong. You can find a hole in a port. It's just how big that hole is. Yeah, I don't think I'm right, but I don't think I'm wrong. You're definitely not. You got the terminology all fucked up.

Any port in a storm. I guess that makes sense. If there's a storm, you want to get to a port real quick. And if you're having a horny storm- Just pull into anything. Just find any port. Yeah. And just dock your boat in it.

Yeah. Tie it up. You know what I mean? Well, that one- Careful. That one might be a little- Oh, not the port. Not the port.

Tie your boat up. So the girl, I assume- She is the port. Or the boy's butthole is the port. You think sailors were slamming each other? I think sailors fucking- Apparently, Pirates, I had made a comment about they had to have been gay. Yeah, we talked about that a while ago.

Then someone DMed me and was like, Yo, for real, they're known to have crazy- Pirates are just so gay. Well, not like so. But I think that they're in the way that you go to prison and you make sacrifices. I guess. I guess. Or you are sacrificed.

Yeah. Any port in a storm. Any port in a prison. They were hitting a lot of- Any cell in a prison. They were hitting a lot of storms out there on the open sea. Yeah. Between Rob and folks.

Yeah. Just like, what were they doing with all that booty? You know what I mean? What is that? I think booty is just like something valuable to them. Like treasure. Like booty. But then there's the poop deck.

A lot of butt stuff. Well, now we know that the men's sailors were like- It was like red beard, blue cock, and fucking black beard. They were all just going to town on each other. Yeah. I know there's like the stern. Which is like- Well, I know there's the bow.

The stern. Bow sounds like bowels. That sounds like a 2012 Joe Sannegalo TV. Yeah. That sounds like- That sounds like bowels, so that's- We're back to butt. No.

I think the bow is the front of the boat. Well, I mean, just saying. No, no, no. I think I know this. Oh. Well, you're saying that definitively, but also saying I think. And I don't know how to read that. I have my boaters license.

Yeah. We only have to take a written test. No, you have to take a class, which we cheated hard at, by the way. Espo told me he's like, you just take a test. We had like in the state of Connecticut, we had a guy come to the lake and he taught the class to everyone. He was like, all right, take the test and like left and we were all like, so let's help each other pass.

Yeah. And it was like his grandma and me, like just like fucking sharing secrets. But the bow, I think is the front. Okay. Where's starboard? To the right. And I remember it because it's port and starboard. Starboard.

It's port and starboard. I said that like the guy from Men in Black. So there's port. Yeah. Your neck. Starboard. Played by Vincent Denafrio. Do you know that?

The guy that played Kingpin and Daredevil and he was on. Recently, I saw some. Oh, you know what? I didn't know he was in. He was fucking. Private Pyle. Yeah, I had no idea. He was sucking a golf ball through a garden hose.

Yeah, he was. That's, listen, I know it was a mean thing to say, but that's one of the funniest lines I've ever heard. Oh, amazing. Also. He's like, you gave private Pyle? No, sir. Bullshit.

You can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. That's great. Incredible. But port and starboard, I remember port is left because port and left have the same amount of letters. Gotcha. And starboard is the right. Because it has more letters.

Yeah. So they go, you know, we go, I don't know why they're British on the sea. Yeah. That's it. That's better. We've got a, we've got a good old fish on the port. Also, no one sounds like that. So like pirates just like made up their own accents.

No, I think. How bored were they? I think they did. I think they were like from like, hey, they're always like, they're giggly men. Pirates were mad giggly. Yeah. Have you ever heard like they're like shanties? They make no sense.

But they're fine. They are super fired. It's like hardy on the way to deport and on the flame. Like what's that? Yeah. Like what are we saying guys? They do sound pretty good. They do have good songs.

So they were like very musical. You know, they experimented. They were very by curious. They were honestly robbing. They covered all bases. They did cover all bases. Had their own accent. They would just like plunder, which is a cool word.

What is that again? I think it's like when you just take a lot. I thought plundering was like forceful entry. I do think that like you're not taking something with consent when you plunder. But you're definitely like, it's not as aggressive as like a pillage. You know? Well, what does that mean? I think like, you always hear like pillage, like rape and pillage.

Yeah. Which bad things. I think like that just goes in. We know what. Are you looking this up? I'm looking what pillage means. All right. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to guess this.

Pillage is like the same as plunder. To just like aggressively take. It's using violence especially. Yes. In war time. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Okay. I was right. I'm always the other one. Plunder. Plunder. Plunder means to steal goods from a person or place. Okay. And in a time of war or civil disorder.

It's pretty similar to pillage. So if there's war going on. If there's war. If you steal during a war, you're plundering or pillaging. Got it. Why do we call it rioting then? Let's just call it plundering. Well, because rioting doesn't necessarily mean you're taking something.

It means you're just fucking destroying shit. Oh no, I'm looting. Looting. Looting. Looting. I think just another cool word. No, I think it's less cool than plundering. It's like, oh, there was 80 people plundering.

There are more rap songs about loot than there are about plunder or pillaging. Put it like that. I know. You know, give me the loot. Yes. It's great song. That's it. The other ones.

No. I mean, I think that we should get rid of looting and we should replace it back with plundering. Plundering. I agree. Like how if like on Fox News and they were like, those thugs are out there just plundering the city. They're plundering the dick sporting goods. Yeah.

Like that sounds kind of. Honestly, I would like, of course, I'm not a big Fox News fan as it is. I'm not a big media fan as it is. Like I would definitely watch more if they use the term plunder and pillage. I think if we let pirates do the news, we'd see an uptick in awareness. You know, because they're very straightforward. You know, and they're just like, they're pillaging and taking the boat. It would be really like, they would not, there'd be birds flying around.

Like there'd be a fucking cockatoo on his shoulder. There'd be a guy behind him. He's got one eye, no eye patch. He's just like, just sharpening a fucking, just sharpening like a broadsword. They're just bananas and random fruit about and just like big, big rope fucking crates like hanging above, you know what I mean? Like at any point in time. So we can just slice the thing and go up.

They're like, we're going to cut to all silver beard for the traffic. He's going to cross next to the ship. I can see down upon you yonder. He's got this thing. Oh no, let me get a better look. He's just fucking extensive. Pirates? I'm seeing.

Well. Uh-oh. And he's like, all right, back to you at the disc. And he holds a rope, slices something and it just goes up. Oh my God. Dude, the pirate news. The pirate news? Let's start it.

At least for the sea. I would also like, you know, there's like air traffic control, bro. There's like a sea version, which I assume there is. Port Authority. I mean that and the Coast Guard. I know like Coast Guard, you should have to talk in a pirate accent. I'm not kidding. Yeah, at least on Halloween.

I'll tell you, I worked with, when I was in college, I worked with like the ROTC. I didn't go to ROTC, but I worked with their office. I'm kidding. You're fucking green beret right now. And by the way, we'll talk about your green corduroy hat in a little bit. But it was like a fucking like antagonistic term that people in the services would call the Coast Guard, puddle pirates. Okay.

So I would think that lean into it. Like how cool would it be? You know how you see like all these commercials like, join the Navy, be brave, join the army, be the elite. And then the Coast Guard is like, hey, come get your sealings. Jump on kelp and come find a booty. Oh my God. That would be pretty fucking cool.

Yo, that really killed me. Make me join. I thought you'd do it. I think I need to be a pirate for Halloween this year. Yeah, you do. I'll start. I got the hair. I just need to start growing the facial hair now.

Oh, fuck my face. Don't fuck his face. Do you think they were doing any like mouth stuff as pirates? Because like, I would imagine that was like just like uncharted territory. What are you talking about? Just like mouth stuff with like, you know, down there because they didn't shave. Well, like blows and blows. No, I don't think anyone shave it back then.

But that's what I'm saying. I think like having pubes is like a, like a, like it was like, oh, a royalty. You know, like when you were fat, it was like, yo, this person's mad rich. Mad rich. But if they have mad pubes, you're like, yo. I would say the opposite. Races were probably expensive. Yeah, but no.

Do you think they had like, if there was like a red beard, a black beard, and then like another term of like power would be like, oh, that's firebush. Oh yeah. Yo, that sounds scary. Wouldn't you like, I'm saying like, you hear red beards coming and you're like black beards coming. That's kind of racist too. Like if you're afraid of that.

And then if you hear like, uh-oh. African American. Yeah. Afro beard. It's like, oh, but then there's firebush. Yeah. Fucking terrifying. Yeah.

That is, that is not, you know, crab cock. That's pirate crab cock over there. Wait, what's crab cock? I don't know. It's another term. They were probably all covered in like crabs and shit. Oh, I would say barnacles. Like fevers, a lot of fevers.

Every picture, when I close my eyes and think of a pirate, I just see pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, but I like, just like they have barnacles growing on their neck. Oh, like, and like one hand is a sharp claw. Yeah. Dude, I love that back in the day. They went to the, someone loses their hand and then I'm like, just put a claw on it. No, they're just like, just shove a stick in it. It's like they have a stump.

They're like, yeah, they have a stump, just like shove a stick in it and they walk around just like with a fucking, their leg is blown off by a cannonball. And it's like, I don't know, dude, tie a stick. I never understood like using cannonballs because like, there's no science behind that. You're just throwing a big ass piece of metal. Well, yeah, if you throw it at a wooden ship, though, you could make holes in it. But like, how shitty do you need to be as a captain if you get hit by one of those? Like if you see it coming, you're just like, Oh, are you familiar with how to drive a wooden ship?

I can say. You can't get out of the way of anything. I can say I'm not. The thing is coming in the air. You think you should be like, well, like things has to like throw like, you know, like if someone's like throwing some night, you throw something out, like shoot a cannonball at the cannonball then to like get it out the way. Just like, just like fucking.

Frankie, we just discussed how these people were shoving sticks into legs because that's what they thought was like the most efficient way to take care of it. You think they could shoot a cannonball out of the sky? I don't know. I don't know. This is what I'm saying. I know. I know this.

I don't know. I think everybody knows. I would argue. No, I think that everyone knows. I can't hear myself that well. Uh-oh. I'm out of one ear. There we go.

There we go. We're good. Oh God. I would say that they're, they're not doing that. I would say they are doing it. I would argue. I would love to. When were pirates?

When? Yeah. Wait, weren't they like, they're still pirates. Yeah. They're like scary ones now, but like back then they were like the cool ones that we have movies about. Oh, they were definitely terrorizing people and scary. Well, they were scary, but like you would see them show up with like gold chains and

like frilly jackets and show like that. You wouldn't be afraid of them. You'd be like, oh my God. Oh, now. Now. Now. Yo, if that. Now you see a pirate big, big fat problem.

Yeah. But. If I saw like Pirates of the Caribbean type of pirate, let's just say that. Yeah. And they're all hammered and they're all like covered in like grease or something. I don't know. But if that existed, I would really think about it. I would really honestly think about it a lot.

Like if I would probably join up. Oh yeah. I thought I'm saying if you wanted, like back then you had to be like born into piracy. Now you can like, what's like, what's the harm in being a pirate? Like now, like instead of like, don't do crimes, just like be on the water and just like, okay. That's it. Just drinking rum.

No, you're not a pirate unless you're robbing. Like you got to like comedy or robbing. I was like, who the fuck is robbing? No, no, no, like you're robbing robbing and just like robbing, you know, plundering and pillaging pillaging. I get that. You have to do that. You have to rob.

But what if you just like make it a fun thing like for kids? Like just go to like an island and just like bury something and then like kept like be like, we're just going to be pirates. I mean, this is just, we're, this is Easter that you're describing. You're describing Easter. Not Easter. You bury stuff on Easter. Well, not my parents, but some, some people they, they had parents who like, who the fuck

is burying stuff on Easter? They just put it in stuff like they'll throw an egg in like a fucking like patch of flowers. Did you guys do eggs or you have like a different Greek thing? Well, we did, we did the Greek fighting, the Greek American fusion, which yes, we did the egg fighting. We've talked about, you know, Christos and Esti and the Sassios and Esti and I did. That's very wrong. But then we would also do like the normal stuff, like baskets and like egg hunts.

So like the egg hunts, right? What would your parents put in these eggs? Well, I, from what I remember, and I'm sure my parents will hear this and be like, oh, yeah, that's a rough childhood. It wasn't like my parents that would do it. We would go to like a family member's house because we didn't, where were they going to fucking hide it in the lawn, like that we didn't have. Yeah, you didn't have a lawn.

You know, on the concrete slab in front of my house, you know, in the alleyway, in the alleyway next to the fucking used condom. Yeah. Yeah. You imagine? Yeah. But they would put like someone have candy, someone have quarters, nickels, dimes. Dude.

Yeah, right? Okay. Because I thought I grew up way more poor than I did when I hear people talk about Easter and they're like, oh, Nana, she puts, she puts a, go back first of all, that's literally lyrics from a Trace song, fucking song. Oh, Nana. No, but like, it's just that my Nana would like hide $100 bills and I'm like, bitch, who's your grandma?

Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. I've seen, I've seen, my mom would put like a jelly bean in the yellow ones and then fucking like, you know, maybe we get 37 cents in one. That would be, that would be cool. Or sometimes, Miles' grandmother from his father's side, she did like an Easter egg hunt form and put like $5 bills in some of them, 20s, and I was like, God damn. Dude, if I ever found a $5 bill, I would just be like, that would change the game.

I'd probably try to move out. I would be like, oh my God, this is a funny Easter egg hunt, $5 bill, be like, I'm finding every fucking egg. Get the fuck out of my way. In my yard. My mom used to also, which this is just good parenting, but my parents used to put these things in, in, in those are like, I don't know when else they would do it. But Easter, for instance, they would have these little notes and they'd be like coupons.

Oh. So they would be like, oh, you don't have to do the chores or it's like, oh, you get to designate a family game night. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute. Very cute. Not money though, bitch.

No, there's my dollar, dollar bill. Cash rules, everything around me, ma. I did that. I got that for like Father's Day. I got a coupon book and it was like, we'll mow the lawn. We'll do the dishes. Like, no, you fucking won't. Yeah.

You're not going to do anything. You know, you ain't going to fucking do it. You're not going to bother a lot. But what now, what I have seen is, you know, like when we get like the, like nieces and nephews together, they color coordinate the eggs, which is smart, really smart. In what way? It'll be like, all the orange eggs are for miles. All the green ones are for James.

Oh, I don't like this at all. I think it's smart. It's a competition, Frank. But that's why I don't love it because it's like, oh, it's like everyone needs the same amount of eggs. Fuck no. No. Get your egg.

Like same thing where it was like pinatas, bro, if you were not under that pinata when it broke, you ain't getting a goddamn thing. You're not getting. I'll tell you what you're getting. You're getting the lemon Jolly Rancher and the Toblerone's that are in that son of a bitch. Toblerone. Wow.

Yeah. What year is it? Yeah. I've never even, I don't even know what it tastes like. I've never had a Toblerone or a Charleston chew. I've had a Charl... What? I've never had a Charleston chew.

You've never had a Charleston chew. No, because I'm not a fucking old-timey dancer. Dude. Why would I want a Charleston chew? You know? Dude, listen, you got to have a Charleston chew. Not a... You got to freeze them, though.

You got to freeze them. You and your family's obsession with freezing candy makes no fucking sense. We freeze chocolate. Everything. You would go to like a normal person's house and open the freezer and it would be like fucking like frozen, you know, like frozen, like fish sticks and you know, ice and like other like legitimately understandable frozen things. You open Joey's, it was KitKat, Snickers, Charleston Chews, fucking Hershey's Kits.

You don't enjoy the candy that way. You just bite it and sacrifice your teeth. No. No, you got to let it melt, baby. No. Yeah. No. I don't want Charleston chews, bro.

Charleston chews don't even like get like super hard. Are they chocolate? Yeah. They become rocks then. But no, they're not like full chocolate. There's like a... I think it's like marshmallow in it. Oh.

It's mostly marshmallow. Hard. Yeah, but not hard. Hard. No, just harder than soft. No, no. Harder than soft. I don't want...

I don't... I hate that. I hate that so much. It makes no fucking sense to me. You know what I hate? Actually, my mom or my sister would buy Milky Ways and then she would freeze those and I'm like... You ruined it.

You can't eat it. Yeah. Now you're biting into fucking cement. Yeah. You said that. I said it exactly how I wanted to say it. My words let me say them the way I fucking want to. You got it.

But I never ever, ever understood that. The only thing that I snack on is in the freezer is fucking ice. And even then, it's very rare. Snack on ice? Would you just have your tonsils taken out? No, I love ice. The fuck? You ever snack on ice?

Just like a... Just like a nice, like crunchy ice. If I had like a glass of water, like sure. No, no, no. I'm not just gonna like go out and maybe be like, I'm just gonna have some ice. I feel a cup of ice and just chew on it. It's great. I love it.

It's so weird. Why? I don't know. I feel like... Can I ask you something? I actually, I'm glad we're talking about this. I don't know. We're ready to talk.

I need to know if what I did was weird or fucked up. Oh no. It's a train. Trains here. Yeah. Time to go. Time to go. All right.

All right. All right. So before we go any further, we do have some sponsors for today starting with BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online counseling. You can start communicating just under 48 hours with a licensed professional. You know, during the pandemic, a lot of people wanted to try therapy. I was one of them. I've been in therapy ever since and it's very helpful, I think.

So I recommend it for everyone in the world. And if you want to dip your toe into the world of therapy, you can use BetterHelp. Like I said, you can start communicating just under 48 hours and they also make it very seamless to transfer to therapist to therapist to find the right fit for you. And you can schedule calls or video chat or text or whatever you want to be talking to your therapist. Also it's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is also available, which is great.

And on top of that, our podcast listeners can get 10% off of your first month by going to BetterHelp.com slash yard that is BetterHelp.com slash yard to get 10% off of your first month of therapy. Okay. So go check it out. BetterHelp.com slash yard, 10% off your first month. Next here, also a way of taking care of your body is with liquid IV. Okay.

It's keeping you energized. It's keeping you healthy and it's keeping you hydrated as well. They have a bunch of different products. I love all of them, big liquid IV fan. I have them all the time. Like I would say every other day I just pop one for no reason, but usually like if I know I'm going out drinking, I'll drink one like before I go out and then the morning I'll have another one.

I'm like, all right, I'm good. Like I'm, you know, whatever. It hydrates faster, more officially than water alone. And all you do is like you take this packet, you open it up, it's a powder, you put it in a glass of water, mix it up, boom, you're good. And it contains five essential vitamins, more vitamin C than an orange and as much potassium as a banana. All right.

All in this little packet. So it's great. Like I said, it hydrates you quicker and more efficiently than water does. On top of that, they're on a mission to change the world. They've donated four million servings, four million servings in response to COVID-19. They're donating to hospitals, first responders and everything. They've donated over 11 million servings globally, which is wild. Also you can get this nationwide at Costco.

But if you don't live near a Costco or you don't want to go into a store, you can get 25% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code basement at checkout. That is liquidiv.com and use the code basement at checkout for 25% off. And look, they have great flavors. Like they all taste good. I love it. You know, they have watermelon, strawberry, lemon lime. Lemon lime is actually like my favorite.

I don't know why, but it just is. I just like it. It reminds me of a different kind of drink that I'm not going to say, but it's really good. So go check them out. Again, that is liquidiv.com and use the code basement at checkout for 25% off. And lastly here, we have stamps.com. This is great for small businesses or anyone trying to ship anything out.

Stamps.com brings the same U.S. postal and UPS shipping services right to your computer. You can do it at any time. You can be in your underwear at 3 a.m. You're going to be printing out postage, whatever you need for any class of mail, any package, whatever you want. All you need is a printer, computer, boom. You got it. Stamps.com, you can print it at any time.

Also it's saving you time and money because they offer you deals that you can't get anywhere else like 40% off UPS and up to 66% off UPS shipping rates. So it's great. And with their switch and save feature, you can quickly compare carriers to find the best rates every single time. All right. So if you're going to be shipping stuff, you're going to want to be using stamps.com and you're going to want to be using our code because with the code, you get a special offer that

includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale, no long-term commitments or contracts, no risk or anything like that. The code is basement. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage, type in basement, and there you go. All right. So again, that's stamps.com. Click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and then type in basement and you

will get the four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. So go check them out and that is all the sponsors for today. Thank you guys. So Pest Control came, that mouse, that son of a bitch. I laid down a bunch of traps. Not a damn thing. What kind of traps? Did you get like the old Tom and Jerry ones?

No, I didn't. I got some cool looking new ones, useless. Don't fucking get them. Glue traps? I did get, I also then went out and bought some more traps. Glue traps. You know, glue traps. In my old department, there was a mouse.

When I first moved in, I put a glue trap in the bathroom. You stepped in it. No. It caught the mouse and I opened the door in the morning. It was like 6 a.m. I go to take a piss and I see the mouse and it's like struggling to get off of it. First of all, I opened the door and I saw it on there and I screamed very loud. Yeah.

I was like, huh! And then I saw it. One more time. HIT THEM! Literally, it's probably that. I opened the door and I'm like, oh God, and like I was so sad because I was like, what have I done? You've killed it.

Yeah. Like, and this is like, it wasn't a big fat little boy like wise mouse. Yeah. It was like a baby kind of. And I was like, fuck dude, like whatever. So I didn't have the heart to walk over to it, especially because it was moving. And I was like, ah. So you got a new apartment.

I shut the door and I left it there for like five days and just used the other bathroom. Of course you did. And then I walked in when I was like, gotta be dead. It's gotta be dead, was it? It was dead. It was very dead. And I threw it out and I like really tried not to cry because I was like, fucking damn, you killed a life.

It really hurt me so much because I love animals, bro. I know. I feel bad when I check the trap. Insects though? Fucking feel nothing for that. I'm kind of the opposite. I'll save an insect before I save a mouse because the mouse will come back. The insect is just like, it has no fucking clue what it's doing.

Mice are cute and they're like furry. Like, like, yo, a cop. Like I literally could take like spiders, cockroaches, crickets, praying mantises, anything. Put it all in a microwave, set it to 100, sit in a chair with popcorn and just watch what happens. No, I care more about bugs than I do mice because mice, like they carry diseases and shit. They're coming into your house.

They're shitting and pissing all over everything. It was just things fucking doing to me right now and pissing me off. Well, yeah. I mean, poop is not. But we haven't had issues with bugs lately because we have like a family of praying mantises that live in our backyard. So like as soon as you open the sliding door, you look up to your right, there's a light picture.

There's a praying mantis on it all the fucking time. Aren't they like in danger? They were. They're cool now. They're like fucking happy as shit now. Nice, nice. But like this thing, like no bugs are coming in because that thing just fucking catches them.

But let me ask you if I'm wrong. Religious bug. Go ahead. So Becca, I'm working yesterday and Becca's like, hey, the water guy's here. Do you want to come? And I'm like, what are guys here? She's like, yeah, he's here. He's in the basement.

I'm like, what the fuck? I don't remember. And she told me afterward that she's like, oh, I told you about this. I didn't fucking remember. Okay. I'm going downstairs. The water guy's like, hey, I'm just fixing, you know, I'm changing the meter out. We have to do it every so often.

But I'm like, okay, can I see some ID? And he's like, uh, yeah, sure. And he hands me an ID. I'm like, okay, do you guys come normally? He goes, no, only if we're, you know, we arrange for a meeting. I was like, do you have an order or something? And he's like, no. So I go upstairs and I'm like, well, I asked the guy before I go upstairs, I'm like, how

did you get here? Well, not how like drove, duh, but like, how did you end up here? I wouldn't have been here if I didn't have someone made an appointment with me. So I'm like, what the fuck? So I go ask, but I'm like, did you make an appointment? She's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, she's like, I told you, it's like, all right, I don't, I don't remember. She's like, why?

I was like, oh, I asked him for his ID. And she's like, you asked him for his ID. That's so, I think she used a term that's, uh, she's like, that's so embarrassing. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why is this? And she was like, don't get defensive. I'm like, I'm not getting defensive. Why is what I did wrong?

And maybe you can help me here. Maybe side with me because you're my best friend or side with her because she maybe is right. She's a female. Yeah. Like what's wrong with that? The guy comes to my house. I want to see some fucking ID.

Like anyone can hijack this fucking truck and drive and just be like, yeah, it's me. The what a guy. Yeah, but I don't know. Like I mean, I would probably never ask that. I would have probably asked Becca first. I would have been like, yo, did you? I was in, I was in our room on the phone with someone for work and she just comes in and she's like, the water guy's here.

He's downstairs. So I don't, there's, there's instantly someone in our house. So like it's not like, go meet him at the door and ask Becca on the way. I would have just been under the assumption that this is like, it would be like Con Ed. Like they just show up. I don't know. See, like how many times have you heard people getting scammed like that? Yeah.

My eye just went, I, uh, the Con Ed guys, whenever I would let them in. To my mom's house, I would just shadow them. Well, then I felt bad because he's in our basement, which has all of my collectibles and video games. So I'm like, I need to go downstairs and talk to this guy and like not make it seem like I'm watching him because then I feel like I already asked him for his ID. He did his part. He probably was like, the fuck?

This guy, I thought he was going to steal who do you know here, but it's like a frat star at the door. It's like, yo, who do you, $10 a cup unless you know, fucking someone here, who? $10 a cup. But was I wrong for asking for his ID? Um, I think it's a little turbo, but it's, I don't think it was like embarrassing. What? What?

Turbo. What's, is that being used as an adjective now? I did just now. So what does it mean to be turbo? Because honestly, it sounds awesome and I kind of want to be. I just, I just mean like, you know, it's like super charged. Like it's like a overly, like I don't think it's embarrassing behavior, but it's definitely like a few steps of what I would have done.

I probably would have just been like, uh, if someone shows up to your house and it's like, I'm here to change your water meter, come, I need to come into your home again into your basement. I'm completely under the assumption that it would be like connet who just shows up. Yes. But even then, like they need, you need to be like, Oh, if someone's just, it's me, connet. I'm here.

You're just going to be like, Oh, come on in. Or you're going to be like, dude, I need like, let me see. I've done that so many times. Okay. So there's no problem there. If they, if they, you know, if they have a flashlight, I'm just going to trust it. So that just like those guys that snuck into something carrying a ladder, like, that is the most genius video I've ever seen in my life.

Very, very smart. If you guys don't know what we're talking about, there was a video of these two kids. It was like, I think some prank YouTube channel or some shit, I don't know, but they were getting into all these venues by just having a ladder. So they would just like, just pretty normally put on like a high vis vest and a ladder. And then they were just like, Oh, they'll be walking up and then people will just open the doors and let them in and they would just get in everywhere. Very smart.

But also, uh, that's not great either. Yeah. Exploiting our security issues. It's just confidence just to get you in there and it's, it's, I understand like, there's a lot of what you were talking about, about the fucking, about crashing weddings. You need to be confident. I understand it's the common, but also I guess on your part is you need to have a little bit of just like trust in them.

Like there's a little bit of naivete that comes with it. Like, Oh, I trust you. I don't have no problem letting you in, but like, don't fuck me. Yeah. But I like, I watch them. I don't just like leave them like, Oh yeah, kick your feet up. Like I'll go down there and I'll like be with them. I went down with the guy and like, I left him for a few minutes and I started to get

it in my own head. Like, Oh fuck. Like cause the ID was a little like tattered. It looked like a little old and it was from like 2011. He's been in the game. He's been, he's been doing the stuff for a while. So I went down and I was like, sure you don't want coffee tea. We just moved here.

We, how does the water work? Like I'm just asking, I was asking the dumbest questions just to stay there. And I, I just started to feel bad a little bit. But like also like, you feel bad that you like, you were like fucking, I guess it's like, I, is it wrong to like, want to ask this guy for fucking ID if he's coming into my house? Yeah. I don't think it's like wrong that you're asking this guy for ID, but like, I don't

know. I'm also like way more like when I'm shopping, I don't ask for help with like retail. Like I don't like, if I can't find something, it's isn't lining up. No, but I'm saying like, I'm shy to like ask questions to people for a shit like this. Oh, you'll just be like, yeah, no, like, if I'm in a store and I'm looking for like, you know, a black sweater or something, right? If I can't find the black sweater in the sweater section, I'm not going to go, hey, do you guys have black sweaters?

Like I probably won't do that. Really? Oh, I'm definitely, I'll only do it like maybe 55% of the time. If I really need to, I will, but I'll hate you. I know you will hate this about me. I'm the one that I'll like, the other day I was looking for something in Target and I couldn't find it and I went up to the guy and I was like, hey, man, I'm looking for this.

It might be over there, but I might just be a fucking idiot at looking for things. You know what I mean? At that point, like I'm like one of those where like I tend to be like overly friendly with people that work retail because I get how fucking awful it could be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm the other end. Well, I don't, I don't care. I'll ask anybody.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just have like, I think I did the right thing. I have like weird, I don't know. Like I don't mind doing that. Like I'm not like, like, oh my God, I can't, I can't like, I'm embarrassed, whatever. I just, I don't know. I don't want to bother people. That's how I feel.

I don't mind. I don't mind being a bother to people that I don't care about. Like, hey, Mr. Water Guy, sorry if I was a bother at, but like, I do not want to be a bother to like my friends and family, but like, I don't really give a fuck what the Water Guy knows or cares about me because it's like, I'll never see him again. If I do, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Well, he'll be back.

Unannounced. In 10 years. Unannounced. Yeah. Apparently. Every 10 years. The other day, I also had like this weird running with this old guy. I don't know.

I don't know why I said run in. Like I ran into my nemesis and was like, oh God. Apparently this guy knew you have some history. Yeah. No, I, I was just walking to my apartment and there's like that little park thing behind here that has like steps. And, and there was an older man walking ahead of me and he was wearing black pants, black shoes, black belt, and then a black button down with short sleeves.

So I'm like, this guy's upset about something. Yeah. Well, yeah. I was like, oh, this like obvious, you know, priest is just having a holy stroll or whatever. And like, I'm walking Charlie and then Charlie like walking Charlie. That's the name of your dog. That's not like a walking habit up here with a big cock or something. No, no.

That'd be a cool terminology like I was just walking Charlie all day. You're not wearing underwear. You walking Charlie right now. Yeah. Yeah. No. So I, so I'm walking Charlie and I'm, I walk by the guy and Charlie like sniffs him or whatever.

And he's like, and like he was a little ahead of me. So I stopped and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, father. Guy wasn't a priest. Oh. So I was like, and he just said, and then he just like looked at me and he didn't really even say anything. But you had a holy moment with him. Well, no, apparently not.

He's just an old man who was wearing all black, old regular guy. Might be a widow or something. Can men be widows? Widowers are what men are called widows are the female version. It's when you're, if you're a female and your partner is your widow, if you're male and your partner does your widower. Oh my God. I thought widower was like the thing that made you a widow, like, like a car crash or

like a murderer. Got it. Gotcha. That's kind of fucking that. I would be like, that'd be the widow. He's the widow maker. That's the widow maker. Yeah.

That's what I thought. That's the widow. I think that's what it's called. I think it's like, I'm the widow maker. Yo, this is a very bad moment in my life. Like I literally thought that. So you thought that like, if I kill you, your significant other is the widow and I'm the widower.

That's kind of cool though. Honestly. I think that's a cooler. We definitely shouldn't change that because I feel like that would incentivize people because it is a cool name. Yeah. Don't, we don't, you're called a, you know, dumb fuck if you're the person that does it.

But I thought I think maybe they'll be called like the black widow because the widow, the black widow is a dangerous little, little spidey. So like the widow is the, the partner of the dead person. And then the person that did it is the black widow. That would be cool. But we don't want to incentivize killing people by any means. Yeah. So I had to run in with a priest.

I will say though, we got, we all, there was actually a priest in our neighborhood. Yeah. He got, he got, he got pinched. There was a, that we got pinched. He got pinched for sure. There was a priest in that church that I lived across the street from Roger that we would play in. We would play in it all the time.

We wouldn't play in the priest. We would play in the, well, no, we would not play inside of the priest. We would play in the parking lot of the church where he was holy. Yeah. Where he like chilled was being holy. Yeah. Where he, he, uh, he did a holy, holy day. He expressed his, anything a priest does, just put the term holy in front of it.

Yeah. Which is like, you know, like holy food shop, holy food shop, holy breakfast, yeah. You know, um, but he, uh, my sister sent me an article the other day and it was like the priest who we know, I'm not going to say his name. I don't know why, but I'm not going to criminal. Yeah. Who gives a fuck about him? Yeah.

But I don't want to get involved with the church. There's a lot of underground stuff. I don't know. Oh yeah. They're come, they'll come for you. Yeah. They'll come in you and then for you. Jesus.

Um, but yeah, apparently this guy ran into, so that was OD. Um, but. All right. All right. It's fucking. I don't want to stay even in. How you doing? That was a reach.

Um, but apparently this guy got in some trouble for some stuff. I don't really know exactly what it was, but it doesn't really matter. I was just like, that was weird. Um, but it was the one that would scream at us when we were kids. Yeah. We're just trying to play men. Honey black. No, you can't.

You can't play tag. It was, you know, yeah, you know, it's, I guess, so he got in trouble for, you know, taking his hands till diddle italy. You know what I mean? Yeah. He, uh, was apparently engaging in some unconsensual inappropriate underage, a sex sexual activities. Okay.

And kind of crazy. Uh, it is, it is great. Like it's crazy because like it happened right there. You know what I mean? Like everyone always says like, oh my God, it happens and like it hits you harder when it happens in your back fucking yard. Well, I don't know that it happened a while ago. I don't know if it happened.

No, he got arrested recently, but I think the charges were from, I think it's been like years. Yeah. Yeah. But the fact of the matter is that what's from the nineties, like when we were there, you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know.

That's what I'm saying. It's kind of crazy because it's right there. But like apparently it was the guy that would come out and yell at us. Yeah. Because so just to let you guys know in a story where we grew up, I lived across the street from a school and it was a Catholic, yeah, Catholic school. I don't know. Catholic, Christian, Protestant.

I don't get it. I think it's all the same. Um, uh-oh. Protestant isn't Christian. I don't know what it is, but I think they're more like go hard. Yeah. Um, it's like being Jewish and then Hasidic Jew, never mind. Yeah.

Just stop. Just stop. Yeah. I feel like Hasidic Jews are like, you know, we're definitely going at it. We're Jewish. Yeah. We're going hard. I think they're considered Orthodox Jews.

Yeah. I don't know what that means. I don't either. I think Orthodox. I think like the way you stand when you box. Yeah. Like it's like a fucking like they're the cooler Jews. Yeah.

You know? Or like, you know what I'm saying? Like when it was like with skateboarders, it'd be like regular and then goofy. When you go the other way, I'm just saying it's just different. Your agent's going to be pissed. Probably Jewish. Oh man. Oh yeah.

Big time. Big time. Um, but, um, he would like come out and we would play in that parking lot and around that building like manhunt, fucking soccer, soccer, football, like everything. And he was apparently like committing pretty aggressively disgusting crimes. Yeah. Possibly. Could you imagine that?

Like he would like come out and be like, I shut up. Cause he was like trying to like commit a crime. I don't even want to think about that. It's fucked up. Yeah. And hindsight, if we could go back and tell ourselves one thing and be like, you know, beat this guy up. I'm not going to beat up a priest.

Beat up a priest? I think the only time you could beat up a priest is when they're. I think you have to really be sure, dude. You can't just beat up a priest on a whim. We're, I mean, you're going to go back in time and look at your like, yo, I'm you from the future. This guy gets arrested for fucking or, you know, violating children, beat the dog shit out of him.

You're going to tell me you wouldn't do it. I'd be afraid someone comes to me from the future. Listen, I don't care how there's no such thing as a priest that I can't beat up. What does that mean? No, there's got to be a jack priest somewhere. There's a jack priest, but like they give their, their, like their muscles to God. You know what I mean? Nah, dude.

I think that's how it works. Nah. But like this guy, I'm, I'm going back and be like, yo, 15 year old me, like put the little Wayne down. You'll have plenty of time. Go fuck this guy. Go fuck this guy up. You'll have plenty of time.

I would do it. I don't care if he's a fucking priest. Do you remember when we played manhunt, so he used to play manhunt around the rectory, which was also like these things were all, it was like a church, a school and the rectory. We're all near each other. What is the rectory? No idea. You know where there were rectums being.

I think it was just, Jesus, I think it was just a, like, you know, it was like the dormitories. The quarters. Yes. Yeah. The dormitories for the holy gentlemen and some women there too who did stuff, clerical work. How do you think they lived there? I think they just went there, you know, no, I think they lived there.

Did they? I think so. But anyway, I remember one time we were playing manhunt over there and Keith went into the front yard of the rectory and it was a bush there and he laid down and then he fell asleep and we were so pissed. He couldn't find him for two hours. Yeah. He was a very good hideout.

I was like, yo, you just ruined the game, bro. He did ruin the game, but he also kind of won the game. Well, he did win the game. You think about it. Like you never find people when they're hiding. You find them when it's like, I've hidden here, I need to go to my next hiding spot and then you find them. Why do you always have to piss back?

The second I hide, I am full-time peepee trained. Yeah. It's like, I have it. I don't know what it is. Thank God it's pee and not crap. Yeah. Well, sometimes that happens to me. If I get really scared.

Really? Yeah. I got to shit. So you get scared to like crap your pants? Or like if someone texts me something like, yo, I need to talk to you. My mind just goes crazy places and my body's like, we got to poop this out. Yeah. We got to poop out the...

Seriously? Yeah. I swear like literally every single time it's like, or if like my sister or my mom will text me just like Joey, then I'm like, what the fuck is going on? You know, like they never text me that. Or if my mom's like, can I call you? Yeah. My mom has zero etiquette for texting.

She doesn't get it. Yeah. So she'll do stuff. Like she'll hit me with a K and I'm like, bitch, what the fuck? Yeah. Fuck you, mom. Or like she'll like do like dot, dot, dots and like not really know that she's... I'm like, yo, is this passive-aggressive?

Are you mad at me? That's what my dad does that too, but he also does it with like commas. So he'll be like, I love you, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma. Dad. Did your dad ja, ja, ja? Sometimes ja, ja, ja. He did something yesterday that was a big issue, that he's going to get made fun of

for a long time to come. He was in Florida. He went down there for a week, a cousin of mine passed away. And he, on the way back, he was like, all right, I'm getting on my flight. Anytime my family travels, they say like, getting on my flight, love you. You know, I do that too. Nice thing to do. He landed in New York and he's like, just got, just touched down big daddy's home.

I was like, what? Big daddy's home. Big daddy's home. What did you say? I got to it late, unfortunately, but like the rest of my family was like, big daddy. Like my brothers and my sister were like, what the fuck is that? I was like, God damn, like we got to talk about this. Big daddy's home.

My dad also is like a very affectionate person, but doesn't realize that what he's saying could be an issue. So like he'll be like, like in that example, he'll be like, oh, it's me, big daddy. And it's like, dad, I can't call you, I cannot call you big daddy. Do you love your big daddy? Yeah. It's like, well, stop it. Stop it right now.

Dad, I'm 30. Well, that's the thing, like there was also times like in the last couple of years, like not like over maybe like four or five years ago where we'd be at the lake house and he'd be like, oh yeah, you can have your show is so we'll sleep Becca and Miles will sleep in your room and you can sleep in bed with me. It's like, dad, let me make something clear. I am an adult. I'm not sleeping in a bed with my father.

I don't care if we're in, if there's one bed and the rest is fucking hot lava. I'm dying before I sleep in a bed with you ever again, because guess what? I know what happens to men's bodies when we wake up. Bonertown. Bonercity. You wake up with a boner every day. Every single day. I don't.

Oh, sometimes I wake up and I dig just like my fucking cock is excited for the morning. Yeah, it's not. It's not. Bring me this day. Bring me. I am going to slam the sunlight. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Not every single day, but on the days, on the days that it does, I also recently, I've been starting to worry about if I wake up too much to pee, like I might have an old man pee, pee problem. Why, you pissed a lot in the night? Yeah, like at least twice in the night. In the night. I never get up in the middle of the night. Oh, I wake up and like, I'll wake up early sometimes because it's like, I didn't pee

enough in the night. So I wake up with just like a throbbing cock. And it's pee. Yeah. And it's pee. And it's all pee. I only wake up. I've woken up in the middle of the night to crap.

But that's usually because I, because I like drank and then I ate like fucking poutine or some bullshit. Poutine? Where the fuck are you? Vancouver? No. You say Vancouver? Vancouver.

You said Vancouver? I said Vancouver. You said Vancouver. You know, there was one night I went out and there's a place across the street from the comedy cellar called Palm Freaks and it's just fries in like a bunch of different ways. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to get the poutine. And then I got it and I got an Uber. And before the Uber can make a right, I was done eating poutine fries, cheese curds,

gravy. Oh, syrup. I thought it was so, so it's just disco fries. Yeah. Just call it that. Fuck you, Canada. I don't know. They're not really into disco out there.

They're not. They're into like, you know, the woods and cougars. The animal. Oh. I was like, they're watching a lot of alone lately and it's set off of, they do have cougars up there. It's set off the coast of, you know, that's fucking awesome. Honestly, how long you lasting?

First of all, I'm not going to eat there because I can't kill anything. Yes. And also, if I did kill a squirrel, let's just say I'm the best. I'm Legolas with a bow and arrow. Let's just say that. And I kill a bear. A bunch of fit. Well, the fish is different.

I could just kill it a bear with a bow and arrow. Well, yeah. Well, a lot of bow and arrows, a bear, bunch of fish, all this shit. I don't know how to prepare. Yeah. That's the other thing is like, I would just be like, oh, I'm just going to eat this skin. Like I wouldn't know what I'm doing here. I would just put the whole thing on fire.

I feel like fish, I would be okay because like fish, there's not a lot of parts. Like fish is like what you got is in your hands, but you got to like, you got to like shave it, whatever that thing. Yeah. All right. You scale it a little bit. But then like, you know what the meat looks like, like if I open up a bear, I'll find anything and be like, I guess that I can eat this.

Yeah. Like this looks like a pouch. What is this? That I wouldn't be able to do. And like rabbits are too small. There's too much. And also I saw one where a guy like, and also people eating squirrels, like dude, I could never.

I would do it. I could never. I mean, I would eat one if someone could prepare it for me, but I would never get a squirrel and be like, yeah, this is it. I found one where I was watching one episode where this guy found a slug, boiled it and charred it over the fire. That's not bad. That's fine.

Oh, but then the other one was crab. He found a bunch of crab, like little crabs on the on the beach and he collected like 30 of them and just boiled them and like ate like a king that night. Fire. That's super good. But I have no idea how to. But like these people are like, oh yeah, well crab, you could fry it, you know, but they don't have the tools to fry anything out there.

Saute. There was one guy I remember in an episode he killed, I think a moose. And he's like, yo, I have all this meat. I'll be good for the whole time I'm here because he's also in like the tundra. Yeah. And then it got stolen by a Wolverine. Oh yeah. I remember fucking Jordan.

That was his name. Bang. Watch that. That was my favorite season. Because we're on first name basis, huh? Me and Jordy. You and good on Jordy. Yeah.

That guy, I didn't even honestly watching that. I didn't know that Wolverines were a real animal until I saw that show. I was like, they're not very big, but apparently they could fuck you up. Yeah, I assume. I would beat the shit out of this thing. Okay. The issue, this guy, there was one episode where this guy literally the second he got onto the beach, the boat dropped him off.

He's like, oh my God. He started fucking like, you know, like bottom lip quiver and crying. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to go look to see where I could set up shop. Literally like feet off of the beach, bear den, look up in the tree, forebear. Stop. Yeah. All right. I'm done.

And like after that first night, because the bear were coming to his tent and like fucking like scratching at him. He's like, I'm done. Yeah. Fuck that. Definitely not worth your life. No, definitely not worth the life. Yo, how is this like legal?

How do people not be like, how does no one die? I think, I think they have to be like, so like there was one episode where this one guy, a bear came up to his tent and then he called like the emergency line. They give them like, it's like a bear like spray thing that like scares them and like big noise that like fucks with them or some shit. And um, and then like if they need them, they like go to rescue them and shit like that with like fucking guns. I saw one where a guy like accidentally lit his fucking shelter on fire and I was like,

you're done. Yeah. He's like, well, there was one where this guy was like, I showed up and I chose not to bring a flint because I don't need it to start a fire. He gets there and he's like, I fucked up. I'm done. I'm quitting. Yeah.

Like the day in. There was that one guy, dude, I was laughing so hard. I was watching it with my sister and her husband and he and the guy on the show. It's like, they're pretty decently far in. They're maybe like 30 days into this thing, but he's like crying so much about how he misses his wife and he's like, and he's like screaming to the sky. He's going, but the fight in me, but the fucking fight in me and he's crying, right? Dude, my sister just looks over at her husband and she goes, if you did this, I would leave

you so hard. She's like, don't even come home. She's like, don't even. It's like, you're yelling about me like that. She's like, just stay. Put the fight in me is a pretty awesome thing to scream. Put the fucking fight in me. That's pretty cool because like no one said, people asked like, help me, dude, tell, show

me. Like, no, like put the fight in me so I can fucking go. Yeah. He quit 10 minutes later. Okay. All right. I think like the next day he was like, I can't. Well, that's the thing too.

I have families. So they'll be like, I'm doing well. I'm doing well. I'm doing well. Oh, shit. I thought of my son. Yeah. They're just like, you got to go there and have no family and just be like, I hate your

wife, hate yourself, hate your wife and just be like, I'm ready to die out here. Yeah, exactly. Are you? Yeah, exactly. You know, like that's the thing. It's like, you need to put someone out there that has nothing else because they're going to win. Yeah.

They got nothing else to lose. Right? Dude, it's just like, I get it though. I'm just being alone with yourself, no phone, no music, no nothing, like just you out there. I would be like, it'd be really cool for a day or two. After that, the opposite, it would be like, what did Tucker Carlson say now? I need to know. You know what I mean?

Like I need to fucking know what this guy said, right? Like I would just, I wouldn't be able to do it. Like there's a certain level of just like serenity that I would never be able to live in because my body would just be like, you need in human interaction now. Bro, not only that, but it's fucking scary. Like we're from the city and noises like that's I need some sort of know it like anything. But like, I was just in, where the fuck, I was in like Roscoe, New York, so I was upstate Roscoe.

And the house that I was staying in was was like very secluded in the middle of the woods. There was the other, I couldn't even see the other houses because like there was like a bunch of land and I couldn't see anything. A dude, it was so dark that when I walked out into the living room at night and I turned the light on, the windows were just painted black. And even if I walked up to the windows, I couldn't see anything. I might as well have been like just in space. And I was like, I am fucking scared.

That's the thing is like, I've tried explaining this to some people because everyone's like, oh, you're from New York and now you're in Jersey. How do you like it? And it's like, it's a fucking place like relax. But I've tried explaining it like here, noise is comforting because you know things are going on. You know the world hasn't stopped. You expect that there are people and things going on because like there's just so many

fucking people here. Down by me, it's dead quiet. So the second you hear something, you know that it's not supposed to be a sound. Yeah. So you're like, fuck. Something's wrong. You know what I mean? And that's why like sometimes like a small little like, I won't be able to sleep for

that because it's like, I know that it's so quiet and granted, I don't live in the middle of the fucking woods. I live in a pretty suburban area or rural. I don't know the difference. I don't really either. We'll put that on the Patreon. But like, it's quiet enough that if there's something going on, it's abnormal. You know what I mean?

So it freaks me out. It definitely fucking freaks me out. And then like in that show where you know there's not supposed to be anything that you do here is a fucking death sentence. You got a big old problem on your hands. Yeah. Like I could, I could never like just like camping, like actually camping and I'm hearing like the rustling of leaves.

I'd be like, bro chill, like, yeah, kill me. You know, I need, I need a gun. I legitimately think I would last one night because I'd be like, I'm just going to sleep. I won't be able to make anything. I'll wrap myself in a tarp, sleep, wake up and be like, I'm done. I have to go home. Yeah. I'm just here for the boat ride.

Yeah. That's pretty much it. Also, let's not forget it's like 20 degrees. Yeah. Yeah. They're there. I think they did one season where it was the Arctic, so it was like zero degrees the whole time.

Why? Don't do that. Don't do it. It just makes me feel like useless. Like I'm like, dude, if you literally, if you put me in like parts of Long Island, I'd probably feel the same way. I'd be like, I don't know what to do out here. Well, these people, they're looking at a tree and they're like, oh, I know this tree.

The sap is flammable. And it's like, how? Yeah. What? Like this guy's like, oh, this is a good moss. I'm like, what? You know, actually there was one episode that I saw this guy had a squirrel and he's eating it.

And then he's like, oh, look at that, the blood, the blood, this is the best part. As he's eating the blood, it comes up on the screen like, don't do this. Don't do that. He got sick, went home the next day. Yeah. That's the other thing too, is like a lot of these people would be like, oh, these berries, I'm foraging for berries. There's a berry bush by me.

It's so good. And they're like, I ate too many berries and now I'm going to shit my pants. Yeah. And it's like that back in the old timey days where people would normally die of diarrhea like every week. Old timey. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Back in the day, you wish you had something cool like polio. They died from like fucking shit and too hard. What was it? Dysentery, I think it was called. You know what's crazy? Have you ever had like diarrhea? Like, I mean, like recently, no, I'm not, I'm not talking about like, you know, I'm just pooping waters.

I'm talking about like, I have diarrhea, like I can't stop shitting all day every day. Oh. And like now I need to make sure I drink enough liquids because I'm going to be dehydrated. No, no, no, I don't, I don't think I had it in a very long time. I can't remember the last time I had it either. I did recently have the worst stomach ache of like recent memory and I like, I couldn't focus. I was in so much pain.

No, I was just in so much, I wish I was farting because like, it was just like, I had so much pain and it was because I ate fucking chorizo. You can't eat chorizo? I guess not anymore. Damn, that sucks. But I did something recently and I said this yesterday, two days ago, I had hot pockets and they. Which kind?

Which kind? Any kind of hot pocket that's worth having pepperoni pizza. Yeah, thank you. Don't get a fucking like, oh, I got the ham and cheese. Fuck you. Ew. Freaks. Idiot.

And my stomach hated me the rest of the day and I told my wife, I need to remind my body that I can't eat certain foods every now and then because they're delicious and because I have to feel the pain. The trauma is what reminds me. Scars remind me that the pouch is real. Damn, I had it wrong. Yeah. That wasn't going to finish it.

Oh, god damn it. But like, I have to remind myself that like, my body can't handle it just to like, be a better person. Like now I know, in the moment, I love those hot pockets. Afterward, I hated them and now I know not to have them for another three, four years. I have milkshakes like maybe twice a year for that reason. Like I get to a point where I'm like, I know what comes after this. Oh yeah, you do.

But I'm going to enjoy this on the way in, live it up and then I'm crying on the toilet. Live it up and suck it down. Yeah, it's so good. Oh my god. I haven't had a milkshake. God knows how long. I haven't had a milkshake probably in probably like a year and a half. If I had a milkshake today, I would be hurting for the rest of the week.

I would, I wouldn't be hurting for a squirtin. I'd be fucking carousin for a pollution, you know, and then the squirtin part, I think you'll just be like natural. It's a byproduct. It is. I'm living. Hey man, you know, don't cook, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, you know, don't finish the joke.

Don't, don't. Oh fuck. All right. Well, I guess we could wrap it up here, Frank. Where can they find you in your cool shirts? Definitely not where you bought that stupid fucking hat. AlvarezHR85 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on Twitch and Instagram. And then go check out the Patreon, patreon.com, slash the basement yard.

Every single weekly episode, a week in advance on the Monday at 7 a.m. and exclusive episodes Fridays at 7 a.m. So you can start your weekend off great. Yep. And you can find me at Joe Sanagato and also pay the prices out right now. Me and Greg's game has hit the shelves. Yeah. So go to pricegame.com.

Joe, he said if he sells 10,000, he's going to give me a quarter of the proceeds. Okay. If I send, if I, okay, never mind, if I send 10,000 copies of that, I'm literally not going to stop until I could fit my dick in my own ass. You're going to jerk off a lot. But yeah, go follow the Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram at the Basement Yard and the patreon, patreon.com, slash the basement yard. You get every episode a week in advance and you get exclusive episodes every single week,

like Frank just said. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.