The Basement Yard - #356 - I'm Terrified Of Teenagers

Episode Date: July 25, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss how scary teenagers can be! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard Frank, how's it going bud? I uh, you know Doing quite well. Okay living the dream It's hot. I was just gonna say it's or it's hot in here. I'm gonna sweat hot town summer in the city It is currently right now. It's summer. Is it the summer yet? I don't It's july. Yeah, it's the fucking okay. I don't know. There's always these weird dates Like it could be summer at the beginning of june where then people would be like not technically it's spring No, no, no, it's I think it was like june 20th or something
Starting point is 00:00:31 We should switch because I know it works off of like the sun and the moon and the planets Uh, what date time the seasons summer solstice Spring equinox, what's a solstice? Yeah Same. Yeah, I don't know. No, I I I'm pretty sure it's when we're like Like this. Oh good explanation because What is that the earth it rotates it revolves and then it also does this It's an oversimplified way of saying it so it tilts you mean yes, right? And I think where our summer is when we're tilted this towards the sun. Yes
Starting point is 00:01:08 So we're soul sting right now. We're soul sting right now. Yeah, and uh, and then we'll source backwards the other way We yeah, we like, you know, we're for the winter comes and we're just like Yeah, yeah, fat jolene back fat jolene back at terra squad. Yes, the you the new york is terra squad during the winter months Gotcha. You got you guys. Uh, but yeah, it's it's a it's a hot boy in here. Yeah, it's a steamy one It was hot outside. I picked a bad day to wear all black. Yeah all black head to toe head to toe all black literally all black Yeah, uh, but I'm glad to be here as I always am. Yeah, uh, live in the dream. How are you? I'm good. I actually saw something today That was very fucking strange and I wanted to bring it up on the drive here My two hour drive in because traffic wait real quick on this drive. Did you piss in a bottle?
Starting point is 00:01:52 I didn't this time. Wow, but I did cut it close and once I got here. I ran inside That'll do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I caught caught really really close. You're really punishing that bladder. I feel you know, it's uh Someone's got to pay someone's got to pay someone someone is paying. I think someone's someone's need to be held accountable Yeah, all right, and for everything that my bladder has put me through I put it right fucking back got it Uh, but I was driving here. No pee in the bottle. Okay But I do have bottles in my car I believe it that are not currently with pee But are ready for it ready for piss yet
Starting point is 00:02:29 I go to like a like a deli or get like a drink and I look at a bottle and just wonder like open mouth good for pee Yeah, most of them. Can you pee in like a regular? Like a pepsi bottle or something could I or have I or will I or the answer is yes to all three I'm saying if like are those the bottles you usually go for you try to get like a Gatorade. No, I I I'm not a sociopath and just drinks Gatorade By the way Yeah, people do that Power rate I haven't drank and I don't do that. Okay. Just want to make sure no, I don't uh, I drink uh pure leaf
Starting point is 00:03:05 Like the pure leaf tea. Those are big openings. They got big openings. I got a long neck though So it's deceit deceivingly not that much liquid. I was gonna say I was gonna say Yeah, I've had to cut it off a couple times And then you know little dribble drabble on my on my pants. We know no big deal Just pour some hand sanitizer on it good as new. Yeah That's still fucking the craziest thing they've ever heard but uh, what did you see? So I was driving and I drive when I come here since I'm coming from jersey I I take the Holland tunnel. I find that's the easiest way and that brings you through
Starting point is 00:03:37 South Manhattan, you know back to soho that general area and I was driving and uh, there was you know summertime hot town summer in the city Why do you keep saying that? What does that mean? It's a good song. You don't know that song. What is it? Hot town summer in the city I think it's by the Loving Spoons. I think it's called look it up. Oh Uh, but there was a girl walking across the street in a sundress and like a typical girl You would expect to see like a like in the Tribeca soho area, you know like rich Possibly but wearing those like influencer like hats that are just like the hat and then just like a huge big brim
Starting point is 00:04:13 Yeah, big, uh, Kentucky Derby brim big time. Yeah, um sandals Duh, you know flowing sundress big tits I I couldn't tell you I was more Astonished at the fact that she was standing on the corner waiting across the street carrying, you know, like a designer bag Right with a cigar Not a cigarette Not a cigarette. She was ripping a stove dude ripping a fucking cubano
Starting point is 00:04:42 Really dude, I couldn't like wait. It's 10 a.m. Yeah So this was like at least a half an hour ago. I would say it was closer to 9 30 9 30 a.m. Cigar on the street of new york city now listen If you how old was she? Mid to late 20s not around our age. I would say What the fuck? Bro, I was astonished. First of all a morning cigar You only hear about in two places
Starting point is 00:05:11 Fucking cigar shops and obituaries. Yeah, and also just like old Italian men wearing fedoras I would say like Like Cuban men off-track bedding if you smoke more than one cigar a day That's crazy questionable, dude. That's wild. What was it for? I think you should leave It's like hugging these dolls tammy craps are like smoking five macanudos a day I uh The only time I've ever seen women smoking cigars is when they're wearing their boyfriend's suit jacket at like a wedding Yeah, I would even I I've never seen a wedding one all the ones I've seen have been like
Starting point is 00:05:46 sorority formals or like fraternity formals, which are just parties Got it. And they're just like Pretending to know how to smoke a cigar along with the other guys there that don't know how to smoke a cigar Right. Uh, are you gatekeeping cigar smoking by the way? I am not it sounds like the cigar smoking community is a bit of a gatekeeping community It's like star trek You're either in from the beginning or you're not a fucking part of it I guess they do that thing where sometimes they go in cigar shops and they have weird looking cigars Like some of them like legit look like cocks. Oh, yeah, all of them look like dark cocks like like dark long cocks
Starting point is 00:06:20 Yeah, bro It's it's so funny that like we have like cigar efficient audio like magazines And like we we we measure machismo with like people that drink scotch and smoke cigars. Hey guys Cigars look like penises. Yeah, so smoking penises Who was the rapper that said that young thug young thug? We smoke in penises. We smoke in penises, man Yeah, uh, but I couldn't It was such like a Like are we living in a simulation moment because I couldn't that made no sense
Starting point is 00:06:48 Understand what I was watching. I would have had to pull over and question the woman Be like, can you just tell me what's going on because I'm very confused. I want to know what's going on You need to like I I enjoy cigars, but I don't I don't smoke them as often. I would say I have one maybe a month Maybe yeah I have like two a year Maybe and and yeah, and and that's during the summer like I don't from fucking October until march. I probably don't have any I honestly think it's a little fucking crazy to do the whole like scotch cigar thing. I know they like pair well or whatever, but
Starting point is 00:07:22 scotch Makes my throat feel like A demon fucked it. Yes, and then a cigar makes it seem like I ate a chimney So like that combination for the next three days. I smell like an old like chimney sweeper. I have to because When Becca was pregnant with ruby I would have to her she was so sensitive to smell that when I would go have a cigar. I would put a robe on smoked my cigar
Starting point is 00:07:53 Either have tea or or scotch with it and then I would come in and basically have to like Shower I would leave the robe outside. I'd have to wash my face hands and hair Like an extra brushing of my teeth Like I it was it was I mean, they're stinky dude. They're a stinky babe. I don't really like them Uh, but the the cigar smoking community is a little bit of a gatekeeper I honestly I would only smoke a cigar at this point like If there was a thing the last time I had a cigar it was like a rangers playoff game And we were in Connecticut and I was like, all right, whatever that was that was a good name
Starting point is 00:08:27 And I didn't even finish it like I didn't like half of it or something. I wouldn't even say half Maybe not And I spoke out like good cigars. Yeah, I was like this is an awesome idea and then I Started smoking a little bit. I was like I hate this. Well, you had also been beat up from that day You were drinking all day So you were you were was I yeah, you were hurting that whole day. Oh, yeah, we were playing a lot of games I think that no that was that was Friday night, which is when I got there got it. You were there I think you hung out with like my sister and Danny that day and you were drinking that day at their house. I think so
Starting point is 00:08:57 Oh, yeah, I could be wrong. Nonetheless Uh, yeah, man. Anytime I go into a cigar shop. They're like, uh All right, so what do you like light medium dark full halfway. Wait, what's full full body? You never had a full body. Well, you know if you had a full body. I like light dude I don't like this like darts. It feels like I'm smoking like the fall Bro, I had a full body cigar once and I was falling asleep. I saw one. Literally. It was like this thick That's like who's smoking this thing caught thickness doesn't matter. Of course it does It's no it's all about the power of power of the tobacco
Starting point is 00:09:36 Oh I don't like it. It there. Yeah, man. They they'll get you but they're they're you know how they are Just like most people like with like, you know, if you hear a girl say she likes sports, you're like, oh, yeah Name four sports. Yeah, you know fuck cigars, dude. No, also this girl's a psycho path either way like I mean Sundress so ho You know mid to late 20s Smoking a cigar that's just like what are we talking about? I couldn't it looks like she was leaving on a midnight train to mesothelioma Yeah, I don't
Starting point is 00:10:09 Wait mesothelioma. Yeah, isn't that a lung thing? Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. I thought you were trying to say like mesopotamia And I was like, dude, you're talking about diseases Also mesopotamia Not a place anymore. Oh, what is that? It's like an ancient place. Yeah, I mean, it's a place though It's like the like Old very like at lannis. Is that real by the way? I don't know man. You're asking questions Atlanta's real the city under the sea or whatever. I would I would hope not. Oh, you know, that's where a little mermaid is from Well, I don't know. No, it's based off of like apparently a real place. Oh, okay
Starting point is 00:10:42 Like I was gonna say vitiligo, but that's the skin pigmentation. That is, you know, we've been wrong for the last three minutes So I what are we gonna get right here? Wait, what are you saying vitiligo? Pompeii Oh, Pompeii. That's the lava the volcano got those. That's a real place. Yeah, of course the the volcano got him though Yeah, okay. No awful. You need to be to die from a volcano. Well, I don't know about that. But you know what? I actually don't know too much about volcanoes, but I have seen Dante's peak with pierce bross and then you remember that Yeah, I do remember that also that guy is still hot. Jesus Christ. But anyway, I still got it The the the lava in that movie it moves pretty slow. That's a thing. I just drive out of there
Starting point is 00:11:22 I would say like even just a brisk walk away from it You'd be okay. Well, it you know, it really it doesn't stop. It's a liquid. You know, it just kind of goes Yeah, but then just go into guess what the ocean Yeah, but I think they were landlocked. I think it was in like, Colorado or something. I'm making that up Oh, yeah, that might be a problem. But they were like they were landlocked. It wasn't like they could just like They're not in San Diego where they'd be like, oh Yeah, I don't I don't it's just going to like knee deep in the water and you're fine fill up your bathtub and that's it Yeah, I I haven't seen time to speak in quite a while bro. I when I was younger. I was
Starting point is 00:11:58 Super afraid of two things tornadoes And lava well twister wasn't very scary movie Well, I thought that anytime it rained it would be a tornado Bro, there are tornadoes that touch down like 30 minutes from my house all the time Really? Yeah, and there was one that like before we moved in touchdown I like how we're like first of all great storm catching. Yeah
Starting point is 00:12:20 Uh Like at our block a couple like maybe a year before we moved in that's fire dude. No, you have a basement Yeah, we also have fucking people in our house that we need to worry about. Yeah, get them downstairs Your roof though. I'd be worried about that. Oh, yeah, that thing. I've already fucking right the fuck off Yeah When we got the roof done they were like, oh, this won't don't worry about it storms won't pull this thing off Just be careful about tornadoes and I was like, how am I going to protect myself? Yeah Don't just fucking holding the ring and hold it down as best as I can
Starting point is 00:12:53 No, but yeah, so this girl was a clear psychopath psychopath. What a way to start a morning. Yeah. Yeah. That's a girl that lives fast Yeah, also the other morning I started my day by finding out about the zack wilson story where he like zack wilson new quarterback for the new york jets Him and his girlfriend broke up and allegedly the reason why they broke up is because he was fucking his mom's friend His mom's best friend best friend. Make sure you put the best slamming because there's a difference, right? You know, that's a that's aggressive. Dude. Yeah, but also Well, first of all, don't cheat. Well, yeah, but like second of all Kind of rad. Is he a Mormon?
Starting point is 00:13:33 I think so. He went to byu and I feel like you have to be you have to like You have to be a Mormon to go to byu. You have to fuck with with god and stuff Well, I don't know what Mormons do soaking. You know what that is. You told me about it on the show Yeah, oh, maybe that's what they were doing. No, he was fucking her. Oh, he was full on. Well, that's what allegedly he was fucking We're not soaking her Super soaking was she wait. What is it a bad thing though in the Mormon community? They're all Polyamorous and polygamous. So I'm sure like there's no big issue, right? I think that's a generalization It probably is and I've probably upset people but guess what? I don't know what a ladder day saint is
Starting point is 00:14:08 But that's something honestly Just reminds me of the movie boondock saints okay, uh Ladder day saint like they're only good in the evening and her okay the mother of the just quarterback Zach Wilson shared a crude message she received from a critic as her 22 year old son
Starting point is 00:14:33 What happened? No, I was just trying to look okay I gotta say as you're pulling that up. This is the best thing a jet's quarterback is done So this is real like he's done it like confirmed like she's talking about it where she's saying like don't be a dick I'm not in the mood like blah blah blah. She was like answering someone's fucking Like a message someone said who like who are you giving current parenting advice to you know You can just parent your kids without telling the world about it Well, I don't know what that means. Maybe she had said something Well, I think the way it came out was because surprise surprise the internet started to the girl that was his long time girlfriend
Starting point is 00:15:08 Posted a picture with his fucking college roommate who was also I think on the football team And oh a little bit of revenge and oh, I don't know about revenge But as the internet does they instantly started, you know, destroying her, you know, you're you know I think they called her like a star fucker or something like that And she responded like oh, I broke up with him because he fucked his mom's best friend That's crazy move. I said it. Who's your mom's best friend? My sister Who's your mom's best friend probably your sister too
Starting point is 00:15:45 Yeah, I mean she has some friends, but I feel like there's a point when you first have kids Like it's such like a like an isolating incident that like you kind of lose friends And then you get friends later on in life again. Yeah, I'm speaking for women Right. Yeah, as I'm allowed to do right you want me to do it hop in as a white guy or no Do you do mine? I mean I could if you want I would really appreciate this is exactly what women do But that's a powerful move though to bang your mom's friend Again, I'll tell you like best thing a Jets quarterback has done since
Starting point is 00:16:17 Chad Pennington. Oh no, Mark Sanchez Yeah, since winning a couple games. Yeah abc championship, right? Yeah two years in a row 2009 2010 they got there. Guess what lost both Yep, I mean it was the defense, but Well, no, he played well in the playoffs go look at those playoff numbers. Yeah, but this probably trumps that I would say this absolutely. Yeah trumps it. Yeah, and listen we we understand We are not advocating for people not to be you know For seeking extra marital affairs or like cheating on their partner
Starting point is 00:16:50 But like if you're 22 though, if you're 22, you're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets And your mom's friend your mom's best friend Is she I don't know. I don't know I mean Chavis, I assume You need to establish yourself as a big time player as a big game guy Got it. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah And just a hard nose run it down your throat football club. Wow. Yeah, that's a good way to put it Exactly. I never thought it was right up the gut. Mm-hmm. You know splitting them right down the middle
Starting point is 00:17:23 Are you trying to make sexual innuendos now 100% I thought you were too. I was just talking about football. Oh, yeah That's what you do well. Yeah, maybe she gave him the uh, have you heard about the siren gaze? Siren siren gaze. I don't know. I when you say siren gaze. I think of just like loud. They're screaming. Yeah No, that's not what I Siren gaze. I meant gaze like Oh, like yeah, not gaze like a gay. I've gazed upon the I've gazed you. I've not that I'm gonna Gay you up now. I'm gonna. I'm not gonna gay you. Yeah. I'm gonna gaze you. I'm gonna gaze you. Yes And these are the gays, you know, what is it? Is that what she gave him or he gave her?
Starting point is 00:18:05 Oh, I don't know, but it's just like this new thing going around. I saw an article on it. Um Oh, we're done talking about Zach Wilson. Well, no, it's like, no, it's like it's sort of like like, you know Tell me how you feel about this, right? Okay. Yeah, go ahead Basically, it's like a gay it says master your siren gaze and use seduce a man's soul until it keeps moaning your name Pretty dramatic way of saying that. Uh, this hypnotizing look inspires obsession And I wrote a guide on how to teach all the girlies how to master your siren gaze Okay, so kind of similar how on the other episode we did I've read the article about doing the best butt play Sort of so you're gonna teach me how to do a good siren gaze to get the boys
Starting point is 00:18:41 Well, I think it's for women bud. Don't try to take everything from women I mean, you've done so well at it. I might as well try myself. Don't even try to fucking do that um But so this girl gives a step by step on like tiktok or something. She said elevate your eyebrows Narrow your eyes Open your mouth slightly as if a breath of pleasure Hold on hold on open your mouth slightly as if in a breath of pleasure Open your mouth slightly
Starting point is 00:19:13 Oh Reachers has been shown that this expression women have before the big This is the expression that women have before the big. Oh, and this is what men's brand brains pick up on subconsciously practice Makes perfect. So go get your mirror out Uh But this is the look this is give the camera the siren gaze Yeah Open your mouth slightly. Yeah
Starting point is 00:19:36 Is that what people look like when they come if that is the face that I've never made on the other on the other end of this Fucking, you know Offensive onslaught. This is what I look like when like I'm on a roller coaster. Oh, yeah That's what I look like right before a hard sneeze Yeah, that's what she said elevate your eyebrows narrow your eyes Maybe the narrowing in the eyes isn't like meant to be a squinting as much as it's just like a like a Fucking but how do you narrow your eyes? Just like just forget the periphery and just kind of just like fucking zone in
Starting point is 00:20:08 so like But like you gotta get a little lower, you know get a little like that that's a good one look through your eyebrows Yeah, you're clearly looking at my eyebrow right now I don't know where I look at your face. Whenever I talk to someone I look right here Wait, when you look at someone you look between their eyes. Yeah, I think I go from eye to eye I sometimes I go all over the place. Actually. I just looked at your mouth It depends on you know, what sort of power play I'm trying to give off sometimes I will go eye to eye but like just to make it seem like I'm looking at both
Starting point is 00:20:35 I just look right in the middle Oh, I can't stare at that. I got to look at an eyeball dude. Really? You think so? Yeah, sometimes I look at a mouth, but you can't look at a mouth from too close because then you look fucking nuts Yeah, I I if someone's looking at my mouth and they're close to me. I'm like, oh, they want to kiss me That's that's what I went back and I first started dating She was like, how did you know I was interested and I told her a part of it was you were looking at my mouth staring at my Mouth. Yeah, and I knew yeah, she wanted to be inside of that mouth. She wanted. Yeah, and I wanted her in there. Oh nice. Yeah Sounds a little weird. Yeah, you guys are married though. So it's okay. Yes. It's cool. My kids don't watch yet. Yeah, no yet
Starting point is 00:21:10 I hope they don't but I'm almost confident they will Now I'm staring at your nose I'm staring at your nose right now too. You have a really good nose. Do I you have a powerful nose I feel like I have a big nose like look at my well, you're speaking to the king of big noses right here Yeah, but it suits your face. Thank you so much. I appreciate that didn't always I'll tell you that no I recently was like you were a big nose kid. I don't even I would never describe bro I looked at pictures of myself from like middle school that were on like facebook You wouldn't believe how much of this nose I had to grow into you had a schnaz
Starting point is 00:21:43 I had a schnaz and a quarter dude. Wow. Yeah, I mean I'm looking at it right now and it does look pretty meaty. Just be careful. Just be a little careful It looks meaty. It does look meaty I'm gonna see if I can really quickly pull up a picture and if I can't I don't care enough Your nose kind of looks it would look it. Whoa Your nose kind of looks like it would be delicious If you cooked it to eat. Yeah. Yeah, bro. No, this is all cartilage You wouldn't be able to bite through that son of a bitch. All right. I'm in a fantasy world here where we're eating noses
Starting point is 00:22:12 Dude, I'm assuming it's got some good meat. What part of my body would you think would be the most delicious ass? Yeah, probably not your asshole. No that would butchie avoid that like a plague Yeah, probably because I'd give it. What are you looking for? I'm looking for a picture of me as a kid with a giant schnaz and enos I mean, I grew up with you. I think I have a pretty clearly you don't remember it I don't remember you just having a giant all schnaz you bro. I had I had to grow into this nose What did you Damn, that's a big fucking nose. Isn't that nuts, dude? Also the chain that doesn't help
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah, no, it doesn't thank god. You're you're out of that. You're out of the woods there. Do you still have it in your house? It's somewhere. Absolutely. I just need to find it Frankie used to wear these exclusively wear these silver columbian jewelry pieces Oh, god forbid. I was gifted jewelry from my father from columbia that he says he had made but we know he didn't Obviously he didn't but also they were just way too big. That's a big nose. It's a big fucking nose, dude guys It's a big nose. Look at that nose. It's a great hairline though You know I don't like this. I don't like to my own horn too much. Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:22 Uh, but What were we talking about? I don't know. So you having a big nose? Yeah, we were also talking. Oh the gaze The gaze. Yeah, not the gaze The gaze right. This is the gaze. Yeah, because they're I hug them Oh, I thought you meant they're they hug each other. I don't well You know, there's a drag queen bar near my house My apartment in Astoria. Mm-hmm. Let's go
Starting point is 00:23:47 I mean, I've been there. I've always wanted to go. I went and they had game night I've always wanted to go and I hope this doesn't sound like we're like exploiting, you know, like it is good But I had their zoo animals, Frank. You want to go watch them, right? Yeah A drag brunch because they're like a pretty popular thing a drag brunch. Yeah, my only thing that I'm afraid of though I'm terrified of drag queens. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'll well. We'll unpack that in a minute. Okay the only thing I am afraid of is my experiences Uh with drag queens, uh, which is not a lot. Mm-hmm. They're fucking ruthless. That's why I'm afraid of them
Starting point is 00:24:25 They will If you've never been roasted go to a drag month and brunch and you'll or an event and you will be fucking Toasted bro gay dudes If I ever got into an argument with a gay dude, I know I'm I'm losing Yeah, because it's not even about the substance of what you're arguing. They're so good at fucking Shitting on you. Yeah, and I remember being like Drag queens unfortunately because they probably heard it their whole lives. Well, they're just quick I don't know what it is, but I just like I now is I remember because we went to that bar
Starting point is 00:24:56 Um, and they had like game night or whatever, but there was no roasting or whatever. They were just like hosting this like game thing um But I remember I'd like drove by the other day and there was like three drag queens like Outside like smoking cigarettes, you know, like the green room or something. Yeah, and uh I I always get this feeling of like they would just tear me apart Yeah, and just be like look at this piece of shit for some reason. I don't know No, you're probably a hundred percent right a couple years ago. I went to um
Starting point is 00:25:27 I went to like a karaoke night. It was a it was a drag karaoke night. Nice in jersey And I I you know me karaoke. I'm there The drag queen there was just absolutely torching everyone that got up on the mic and I said I was like I can't do this Yeah, he's gonna violate you. I would have been Annihilated. Yeah, you know, so it could be it could be a little intimidating. It's a little scary. But you know what? For the culture, I'll do it For the culture. Yeah, which culture the culture Which one the uh, you know
Starting point is 00:26:00 Yeah, this clip has 4.6 million views The siren gaze sends subliminal messages to a man that hits sexual pleasure points He won't even know why he is so addicted to you So here's the thing and go ahead. I I I think this is bullshit Well, duh, like if a person that you're physically attracted to then gives you some sort of look like Obviously that's going to attract them because they're looking at you like you ever been at a place before you were married And you see like a good-looking girl and you're and you like find yourself just like looking in that direction
Starting point is 00:26:34 And then if you see her kind of looking around and then you guys make eye contact and it lasts like a full second You're like nice. Uh, never happened for me, joe In theory, I think I understand what you're saying But like, you know I'm saying like eye contact eye contact is a thing but this but you don't have to like Yes, for me, you just have to look at me. This also plays into the absolute double standard at which, you know, Express their sexuality we were having fun views and we were happy but no, but this is absolute Bullshit, yeah, because certain people just look a certain way like I can tell you I I'm I can almost guarantee there have been people in life that have you think are looking at you
Starting point is 00:27:20 And you're like, oh, maybe they're into me But they're fucking not no, especially with a gaze where it looks like they're gonna shit their pants any minute Oh And if I saw someone making an actual Like just before like the pre-organism face in public I'd wonder what's going on. Yeah, I feel like are you okay because usually that looks like What's that What's the face you make it's kind of like a scared. What's the face you make right before me? Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:52 I don't know you close your eyes. Don't you know, I don't close my eyes. You keep them open. Oh, yeah It's like a sneeze. You can't keep your eyes open during an orgasm Bro, what you can't do it your eyes will pop out You're you you're blind when you jizz that's saying I'm blind, but you just like No No, no, no That's what you say. No, it's it's you know, you got to imagine it's more like like a What was that your tongue came out?
Starting point is 00:28:25 I'm not saying that's mine. I just imagine I'm trying to come There's definitely like a like a like a bunching up of the lips Why don't we stop placing fucking like expectations on the way people should look when they're doing it Bro orgasm faces are probably super ugly. Yeah, they're terrible. It's like john mayer singing like in theory What's going on is sweet, but when you watch it happen, you're like, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah But I mean, dude, I think the uglier your o-face is like the better it is like you can't have one like Oh like hey like ew This is this is great. Yeah, you're not supposed you're supposed to smile immediately after your orgasm. No even that
Starting point is 00:29:01 No, no, no, like you know, that was insane. No after it's not supposed to be a smile It's supposed to be like just a like a feeling of just like exhaustion and like I'm done like Okay, you know like No, got that over with Frankie is like first he's this and then he goes, oh Oh All right, let's go No, but you're right the uglier it is and the more like detached from a good-looking face
Starting point is 00:29:40 Because this is where it came from porn porn has completely fucked up people's expectations Of like what they're supposed to look like sound like and act like during sex When the fact of the matter is that wait not that it's not that like poetic. Do you think it's innate? For like moaning. I think so. I think it is like a form of expression, but I think I think it's a form of expression, but I think that the standards that the porn industry have set on people to be Bro, think about it. You women are like they send it to a high octave
Starting point is 00:30:19 Women are supposed to like hold their fucking ankles as earrings, and then they're fucking supposed to be like Oh my That doesn't that's that's it up. Yeah, it's not your voice. You have to like perform during sex and men too men need to You know You know It's like bro What are we doing man? I mean, you know, we're pretending
Starting point is 00:30:46 I I stand by I think that porn has put just like wild standards on the way that people are supposed to perform during sex I guess Tell me you do not think that or are you just kind of I do but i'm trying to figure out like which like how much of it is innate Like bro. All right, think about it like this You could with confidence say you started watching porn before you started consistently having sex 100% okay Do you think Your idea of what sex should be
Starting point is 00:31:23 When you started doing it consistently was in any way Shaped by what you had seen in the in the tube dude, of course exactly, but like that's that's everyone I feel Yes, I'm saying it's all wrong. No, but I'm saying like no, but I don't think it's wrong But that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be innate too I think there's there's like a part of it that's innate, but it's just porn turns it up to 11 for the entertainment factor Of course, dude, bro. I can almost guarantee like things are just like i'm gonna fucking just fucking you're like chill Think of the set this fucking clit on fire. Think of the 40 000 men and women you've been with in your life Okay, and men and women. Yeah, well
Starting point is 00:32:02 But like the door open there think about it like When you're comfortably Like when you're in a comfortable relationship where you don't need to worry about like, you know performing for everyone Sex is very different from like a fucking one night stand or something like that. Oh light years better Yes, but i'm also saying like it's different when you have a physical connection to that person and you don't need to like worry about like Do they like how i'm performing? Do they like with the puppet jappas? Yes, got it that's second part of yes. Yes Uh, we i know we've kind of brought this up briefly in episodes before and how we got here from zack wilson
Starting point is 00:32:36 I'll never understand. He had sex with a woman That he did easy bridge. Oh the gaze the gaze. Yes gaze with eyes. Yes, not the Gaze joey hates talking about him You're done Uh, let's get to the ads. Why don't we right after that right after uh, the first one being liquid iv liquid iv Love i'm going to arizona tomorrow and i have packed in my toiletry bag like six Packets of liquid iv what we'll talk about the fact that you called it a toiletry bag, right? Is it not just keep going
Starting point is 00:33:13 Uh, but liquid iv uh, there's they come in like these little packs and you uh, it's like a powder You put it in 60 ounces of water you mix it up tastes really good and it hydrates you okay to hydrate hydrates you two times faster than regular water and more efficiently And it's great. They have great flavors like concord grape lemon lime peanut colada tropical punch Which is the newest one i've tried and it is Really good, uh, but i love it. Watermelon is probably still my favorite one. They're great, but they contain five essential vitamins uh b5 b 3 b6 b12 and vitamin c three times the electional uh three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks made with premium
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Starting point is 00:34:25 Moving on here. We have better help better help is uh online counseling So if you want to do some therapy you can use better help and talk to a counselor and they connect you in just under 48 hours So it's a pretty quick turnaround to make a very seamless to find the right fit for you as far as you know Who your therapist is going to be? They have licensed professionals in all the states
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Starting point is 00:36:29 Head to square space comm slash basement for a free trial And when you're ready to launch Use offer code basement to save it's 10 off of your first purchase of a website or domain Again, that is square space comm slash basement For a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code basement to save 10 off of your first purchase Have a website or domain. All right folks Well, we got you here. Make sure you go check out the patreon basement yard On patreon patreon.com slash basement yard a little slip up there almost a little slippy sloppy
Starting point is 00:37:03 But go check it out. We tell you guys all the time about the patreon I'm really appreciate all the love and support we get there. But that's really the light blood of this show, baby So, um, the patreon is a great place where you can get not only the content early But also extra content that people don't necessarily get to have their eyes on sweet sweet sweet content that you want to be Pushed down your throat into your eyes Patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard you signed up for that first year You get these weekly episodes that you're seeing now a week in advance So when you see people saying like, oh my god, how did they
Starting point is 00:37:31 That was six days ago. What is this? That's patreon, baby And then next year will boom bam shazam. That's where the goodies come in because every single Friday 7am You get additional episode that are a little saucy or a little naughtier A little bit of this a little bit of that and also extra videos that are up there that people don't necessarily get to see Yeah, i.e. me getting my pussy waxed i.e Joey doing uh, what didn't you do something on there that you found gave myself an enema gave himself an enema It's all on there if you've ever wanted to see both but whole plays from both of us Well, guess what patreon.com slash the basement yard is the place to do it sign up now
Starting point is 00:38:05 And uh, if we get to 12,000, well, joey's gonna be doing something this time He's gonna be putting himself through some sort of torture torturous event activity of the sort We don't know what it is yet, but boys it could be good because I have a couple ideas that I hope that he does So patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up now and love me forever Well, love you forever too. Thank you. Love us both forever Yes, uh What toiletry bag. Yeah, what what was the problem with me saying toiletry bag? Do you also wear fucking horn horn rend glasses that are fucking a half inch thick?
Starting point is 00:38:40 What does that mean? Are you from the 80s? What should I call it? a bag It's toiletries. What is it toilet? Like your toothpaste like I just throw that in my regular bag What do you mean? You might as well need an additional bag for that So that it's organized It's it just the bag goes into the bathroom and you just unzip it and open it and it has all your shit It has toothpaste. It has a toothbrush contact solution my glasses You do need those things you do you have to bring more stuff than I do when I when I travel
Starting point is 00:39:09 I just bring some toothbrush toothpaste and uh deodorant. That's it. Yeah, there's like other stuff in there Well, I don't use deodorant. So One more time I don't think we've spoken about this and if we have I've forgotten because my brain tries to forget it You don't use deodorant. I haven't put deodorant on my body in five years five six years Ever and you're cool with like the way you smell right now There's nothing get over here Let daddy get a sniff
Starting point is 00:39:43 That smells like vanilla Is that your natural is that your natural underarm smell bro? I don't smell. What the fuck is that? I don't know. Oh my god. Is if you need to be any better looking I don't use deodorant. There are days where I actively leave here and I say to myself. Whoa I stink I mean, I I definitely do like Like the other day I went to the track and I was like running and stuff So like when I exercise and then I went every day when I exercise. I get a little stinky
Starting point is 00:40:14 When I was exercising and then I was sitting on the toilet and I was shifting Right And as I was sitting there, it smelled so like shit whatever that I thought I was smelling been gay Wait, I don't know what it was Wait a second. There was a combination of like your body naturally gives off the smell of like menthol Your body naturally gives off the smell of like menthol. I thought I think that no Is that what you're saying? I think there was a mixture of things going on Uh, you know between like the sweat and stuff because it's not like I never smell joey. Let me make something clear
Starting point is 00:40:51 Yeah You need to put something in your body in order to have it smell like been gay I know mint. It may have been something just in the bathroom. I was like mint like soap No, no, no, do you use like the I know that unscented soaps I use for the whales right for the for the whales for the sea turtle. No, I wear I use non-scented shit and That's it. I so what you smell like right now Yeah, has nothing to do with your soap body wash deodorant. No cologne. I don't wear cologne Very rarely like I don't have a cologne. I don't own one. What are you fucking kidding?
Starting point is 00:41:31 I only wear cologne if like Like this weekend when I'm in Arizona and there's like a bunch of people around maybe someone has it like maybe I'll put it on But like that's the only times it happens So in addition to everything else you got going good for you. You also just don't smell I smell good right now because guess what deodorant harry's deodorant I usually don't smell like anything like it smells like nothing. It just smells like just skin or whatever There's a war on deodorant right now. So I understand if you're not getting into the game right now Well, like I so like I also used to wear like
Starting point is 00:42:08 Old spice or whatever, but then there's like that's not you're not supposed to wear that Yeah, because it's like a bunch of bad shit in it. Yeah, good good thing you got out of that The only times that I will put on deodorant Is if so what I said was a little bit of an exaggerate not a little bit it was it was It was a tiny bit of an exaggeration because If I'm like about to go out and then I notice that I smell because it's very rare that it happens But I always like check. Yeah, but if it does I will use like
Starting point is 00:42:35 That company native deodorant because it's like make really good stuff because it's like all natural like ingredients or whatever But like I don't really wear deodorant like I don't wear it every day. I like Maybe I put it on like four times a year Literally Bro, that's insane. Yeah, it's crazy, right? I've been wearing deodorant since fucking like 13 I never pack it. I've never packed it on a vacant. Actually, that's a lie I have a small stick in my but I've never opened it. It's like unopened That's wild. Good for you, man. Isn't that so weird?
Starting point is 00:43:07 But I've met people who have the same thing like yeah, I don't wear deodorant. I don't smell That's crazy. I I I do I I also probably do it because it's a bit of habit too Like I'm sure it's like what came first the chicken or the egg that I smell first And then deodorant or deodorant first and then I like I smell because I'm not wearing it But I I couldn't I couldn't believe like that's that's honestly not even all jokes aside I'm quite envious of that Because does it take up a lot of your time? No, it's a bing bong jing. Ba bam booms
Starting point is 00:43:37 But I'm saying the fact that like It's just like an additional expense like deodorant's not cheap Really stick at deodorant like good deodorant could be like six or seven bucks If not more, whoa, and like Yeah, it'll last you a month But like you think about that It's not cheap. No, I mean it's another it's another expense But also it's like another thing to do and now
Starting point is 00:44:01 With like deodorant now everyone's like there's aluminum in it. Yeah, and like don't Parabas don't What is a paraben by the way? You're asking me dude. Yeah, the guy's never used deodorant. It doesn't even use it I I had gotten this one deodorant, which they're will remain nameless. They smelled great But it was like putting cream cheese under my arms That's another thing that like I find that to be So counterproductive to the point of deodorant like people who have like Just like white dust
Starting point is 00:44:32 Under their arms. I'm like this to me is more gross than if you smelled that for some reason because it looks like Mold and also there's no good way to put on deodorant without fucking up your shirt So like if you put on deodorant then put a shirt on you're gonna get streaks on your shirt And if you put your shirt on then you have to fucking You know legends of the hidden temple to stick through your arm without hitting your shirt If it makes you feel any better, I'm a sweaty bitch. You are I don't sweat here though Do you do you use any like antiperspirant? What
Starting point is 00:45:02 There's there's deodorant and antiperspirant. Oh, no my arms don't sweat So like they I won't get like big sweat stains, but my head sweats like crazy. I I will say this. I don't sweat a lot from my underarms Your asshole my balls and my bald bonge butt. Yeah, the triple bees Yeah, the killer bees the killer bees the balls bonge in the butt Though that's where I need it and I think now like manscaped free plug I think makes like a free deodorant a ball deodorant now. Yeah, like a ball refresher or something. It's called something like that but I would like those like
Starting point is 00:45:36 You remember when we were kids and we'd go to models And they sell those like little like they look like plastic like ping-pong balls and you turn it and throw it in your shoes at the end Of the day. Yeah, we bought those for my dad. Oh my dad's feet dude There was a point where my feet were really bad to the point like my family would gag Really? Yeah, my dad's shoes were fucking crazy, bro. When I was fresh in puberty I Also was like a little dumb idiot kid and would just be like, oh, I'd wear socks two days in a row
Starting point is 00:46:06 But you're a kid you're sweating all the time you're running around you're doing stupid shit And uh, there were times where like I would take my shoes off and my family would be like, yo, we have to Like you need to go outside There was one day my dad tells at the lake where I was sleeping in My room and he like opened the door to wake me up in the morning and he's like I couldn't believe this stench that came And he's like, did you shit your pants? I was like, no and he looked and he saw my socks and he was like, yo, it was your feet
Starting point is 00:46:36 Wow. Yeah That's a lot. It was but I'm a better man now because of it. I don't know about that. Yeah I got clean feet and I don't talk to my dad My dad we used to put like three balls in one of his shoes I remember your dad having big shoes. He had huge shoes like wide very wide. He was like a size like Yeah, they were wide as far like if I put them on like my feet would not be touching the sides Yeah, no, no, no. I once like did that as a joke and I regretted it Yeah, and they're always wet in there. I could I think at a point
Starting point is 00:47:10 I could have fit both of my feet inside one of your dad's shoes. They're cavernous for sure Yeah, but yeah, and I don't I don't think I have stinky stinky feet either, but I don't really get down there I don't really wash my feet to be honest. Yeah. Well, um, I should I've tried but then I like almost slip and I'm like I'm not doing that. You're not and you're also I guess You don't really care much about your feet because no one's sucking on them toes No, definitely not. I'm way too ticklish for that. Yeah, no one's sucking on these toes either I think I would enjoy a toe sucking, but I'm way too ticklish Like I I wouldn't enjoy it because I'm ticklish 12,000 you suck my toe
Starting point is 00:47:44 No, are you insane? I just want you know, I'm not putting your my insane I almost got my fucking insides ripped out by an esthetician You could suck my toe for 12,000. You want me to perform a sexual act on your toe? It doesn't need to be sexual How do you suck a toe platonically the same way you eat a fucking pickle? It's attached to your body. Okay I'm not sucking your toe. Think of it as a pickle That helps. Yeah. No. Do you like pickles? I don't yes. Okay. Well, you don't you don't or yes No, I do. Yes. I like them think of my toe as a pickle I'm not going to ruin pickles for myself. We'll make like a little glory hole and I'll put my toe through it
Starting point is 00:48:23 How about this see me? Frankie. Yeah, none of this is gonna work. I'm not sucking your toe Are you really petitioning hard for me to suck your toe? By the way, I want you to do something comparable to what I did and I think that would be a good start Putting your toe in my mouth. Yeah, I think you'd like that a little too much. Uh, it'd be a power thing I'd have one up on you. Yeah, I wouldn't get anything sexually out of it just like But egotistically. Yes. Is that huh? Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely Okay
Starting point is 00:49:00 Well, no, I'm not okay. I'm not doing it. Oh, uh, no, I'm not so close. No, I'm not doing so close. So close Um, but yeah, also I wanted to bring up this story that I found just pulled my phone on my asshole Uh, does it smell? No, um Does my ass smell if I put my hands in between my legs right now. Will you smell it? No, not in my pants. Not like on my asshole. Just like Nope Oh, not bad right now
Starting point is 00:49:26 Yeah, happy for you, buddy Um, but I saw this story that the new york post came out with and I was fucking dying, dude Wait real quick. I wanted to ask you this before I just pop back into my head Your jeans, right Like my like DNA or my pants. Oh pants. Okay, all right Your jeans how many times do you wear a pair of jeans before you like wash them? Two if I'm not doing anything really that's it three if I'm like active
Starting point is 00:50:02 Wait, wait. I'm sorry other way other way other way other way other way other way other way three If I'm not doing anything two if I'm active in them, dude I'm wearing the shit out of jeans like how much like a lot. Well, you don't clearly You don't sweat in your your in the killer bees as much as I do. Well, well, maybe but I I think I wash my jeans like Once every like six uses. Ooh Yeah, that's a lot. Also, how many pairs of jeans do you have? Including work jeans or no Because I have like
Starting point is 00:50:34 Four pairs of work pants and then I think like three pairs of non work. Yeah, I have like three pairs of jeans. That's it Yeah, I don't need and like black gray and like a light blue is that that's all I got. Yeah All right. Anyway, uh, I wanted to bring up the stories because I saw the new york post post this and I was fucking dying It just literally says I'm a plus size teacher and my students beg me not to eat them Okay, which is like the classic thing to say to a fat kid when you're younger. Oh, you're gonna eat me Or you're gonna sit on me. You're gonna sit on me. You're gonna eat me. They're two big ones But yo, and then she has She teaches kindergarten. So kindergartners are like, please don't eat me bro
Starting point is 00:51:16 I mean, I I maybe presumptuous here, but if the new york post is writing this, maybe it's a new york teacher Uh, I don't know because I'll tell you this Go to like kindergarten in like Jersey the kids are cool They're like nice kids. They're respectful bro Kindergarteners in a new york city public school. Yeah, right You're you might get less roasted if you went to that drag show we were talking about earlier She has some other ones that are so funny. One student told her that she looked like
Starting point is 00:51:47 Uh, Ursula from the little mermaid, which is crazy. We're gonna drag. Yeah, you know what's so Hold on. I'll get to that. But then she also said some kids said to her there are two types of people Oh Some have a line body Some have circle bodies like you Bro kids are fucking like ruthless Absolutely, dude, and this is your place of work and their children. So you can't say anything you can't go Shut the fuck up you little bitch. Oh, you could have maybe like 15 20 years ago
Starting point is 00:52:17 Yeah, I've had a teacher call me a bitch. What's wrong with the world now? We can't curse at kids anymore Thanks, biden. Yeah You can't touch kids. Well I mean, I'm not talking about that kind of touch. I'm talking about normal touch I thought you were trying to set me up for a joke there. No, no, no, you can't That's why I like backed away from that one No, you can't like put your hand on a kid's back like it's okay, timmy. Don't worry about it. Really? Yeah, you can't Oh, I I don't know. I'm not a teacher Keith was explaining this whole thing to me. Well, yeah, Keith
Starting point is 00:52:46 Keith worked in uh, you know, like an after-school program with kids, right? Yeah, and Keith's great with kids but like he told me this story that one time like the kids loved a mr. Keith and that a girl, uh I think that maybe she was like absent for like or maybe she was on vacation or whatever and she like I guess missed Keith And he I mean he's there every day like doing whatever and the girl's like mr. Keith and right up to him and just like hugged him Around his waist and he literally just went like this Hey, man, better you imagine the security tape of like a kid hugging
Starting point is 00:53:21 Better safe than sorry man. I know but it's funny. You know, you don't It's so weird because kids I've had teachers like Do stupid shit to me bro. I went to a teacher's wedding and I'm pretty sure I saw like Her husband like ripped the garter off her inner leg. You know what I mean? Like back in the day. They didn't give a fart Yeah, I don't know if I saw that that might have been wishful thinking of fourth grade Frankie. Maybe but No, you you seriously you like They were fucking rude because kids and I you know Miles is seven. He's not in kindergarten
Starting point is 00:53:56 He's going into second grade, but they don't have The ability to like yet understand that what they're saying might be fucking mean Yeah, so like there will be time like I remember we went to like the boardwalk and there was like We were walking by people, you know up and down the boardwalk and there was someone walking a young like a baby And Miles goes mommy. Can I can I talk to you and she's like, yeah, what's up, bro? I don't know why but I thought you were gonna say he said can I punch the baby? I don't know why that popped into my head close He goes that baby was really ugly
Starting point is 00:54:30 And we're just like Okay, I mean, you know and he's like I would never say that to them. We're like good now. You're getting it now You're getting it. Yeah, but kindergartners man. They just have a level of just not giving a fuck I know man. It's so funny and then being a teacher though. They must just tear you apart When my brother when we were younger we would go to an after school program And there was a teacher there a black woman And my brother asked her He was maybe four at the time
Starting point is 00:55:00 He asked her why she was chocolate What did she say? Oh wait, is this the teacher that I know? No, oh no, no, no, no, no I don't she would have she she's put her hands on me before I don't know who you're talking about Uh, miss walkins. Oh, no, miss walkins would have snapped his fucking neck when I was picking him up by his leg Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it was it was not at ps2. Um She was very upset And I mean, I mean I could understand but also he's for that's a thing. I think my parents were saying like Listen because it became a thing like she had complained and called him racist racist four-year-old. Yeah, no, and uh, why are you?
Starting point is 00:55:38 And She had said like Listen, he didn't he was he's a four-year-old. He was being observant like, you know on the back end You can teach them why that's wrong, but like you can't get upset about them Like they're observing visual differences at the age of four now if he were 10 He said like a slur. Yeah, you'd be like, okay, your dad said yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, but uh Kids just don't that's fucking hysterical. Yeah, but mean Yeah, of course, but also funny
Starting point is 00:56:11 And that's okay Dude and also like kids just humble you in ways that you just like You feel like such an asshole because it doesn't matter who you are or like whatever like or Whatever your status is in the world Sometimes you go up to a little kid and you go high five and they just go They don't give a walk away from you and you're like, I feel like a fucking dick Yeah, bro Or like you pick up a baby and they just start crying and you're like am I that's different babies are different
Starting point is 00:56:40 I don't know babies are very different because yeah, but I'm not saying this is the same response where I'm just like I'm nothing I'm pathetic now. Well, you are pathetic But I think babies have nothing to do with it because babies. It's like it's it's a connection thing You know like babies really only like to be held by their mom or dad We get it. You're the most part but Bro, I recently went to miles birthday party was that like one of those like trampoline action parks And it had a ninja warrior course for kids
Starting point is 00:57:06 And bro, there were kids doing this fucking thing backwards and forwards I went to go try I almost pulled my arm out of my socket And the first thing I did was like pop up Not because I wanted like Becca who was standing next to me to know I was okay because The kids all around me were judging me. Yeah. Yeah, because you knew Bro that they would have lit me up like the fourth of fucking July There was a time where It's still to this day. I think I'm afraid of teenagers
Starting point is 00:57:35 Yeah, because but I don't mean like And I don't mean like 17 18 19 I mean like 13 12 13 14 like I'm I'm very scared of them like and for some reason in our neighborhood growing up Where I live now still I there's not a lot of them, but sometimes they pop up and there's been more popping up And like I'll be walking down the street and then there'll be like a bunch of 13 year olds walking towards me and I'm like I'm gonna cross the street And I don't know why
Starting point is 00:58:07 Yeah, you know because like if I had to I'll tell beat the shit out. I'll tell you why they freak me out I'm gonna I'm gonna lay it out here, and I'll explain it make sure it's all like they're gonna flame me for some reason Think about when we were 13. Yeah, if someone was walking across the street and tripped That person was gonna get screamed at. I'm not saying it was right. We were little assholes, but guess what? It happened. It happened. I'm not proud of it I laugh at it because it was fucking hysterical You know, it's actually super scary when you're driving in your car And because of a red light you have to pull up next to a school bus
Starting point is 00:58:42 That I'm like, oh my god get me out of here, bro or behind a school bus Yeah, if they're looking back at you and they're because they're just like in the back of the bus Look at you fart and I was like bro. I'm not fart. What what they call you fart. They call you names They don't realize no, I'm talking about a little bit older like fucking eighth graders and shit Well, fuck. I don't eighth graders just try to get a rile out of you, you know, they try to get a Again, bro, I will pull over on the side of the road. I can't I can't be next to a school bus It freaks me out. Well, yeah, legally you also can't I would also say Frank No, dude, it's because like
Starting point is 00:59:19 Bro, listen, if you are over the age of like 25 never argue with someone That's between the ages of like 13 and 17 because even if you're making the best point ever They're just they don't even get it. They just will destroy it. Like if you were to like stutter, they'd be like, oh, yeah And you're like, fuck you. Yeah, and then it's like, what are you gonna do? You're stuck Yeah, and also it's hard to argue with someone who can't comprehend what you're saying Even if you're winning you're like in a normal conversation I'd be winning right now, but they they can't retain what I'm saying Yeah, and they're just throwing back poopy face and and they're winning. Yeah, exactly
Starting point is 00:59:52 You'd be like you'd make this like eloquent argument and you know like say like just like nice big like put together statement And I would just be like, all right Gay ball and it's like you're destroyed. It's like, I don't even know what that means But it somehow it hurt more than when my dad said he didn't love me, you know, right? Yeah No, that was a big day in your life. Yeah big year. Yeah Let's clear the air real quick because I know sometimes there are clips of this show that my dad has seen my dad's a very loving man He's a good guy Still in my old your hand and like kisses you on the mouth
Starting point is 01:00:23 Yeah, bro, your dad would smooch you if you if you gave him the green light he'd fucking nail you bro Like with four years ago my dad and like at the lake house. He was like I was like, oh, who's coming up to the lake He's like, oh, we got so so coming so so coming. I was like, all right. Where are they where am I gonna sleep? He's like, oh, you can sleep in my room and I'm like Let's set something real quick dad. I am not doing that 25. Yeah I know how men wake up I'm not waking up next to you. You wake up every morning with a boner No, but like I wake up with a with an engorged peep. Yeah, I wake up with a fat because I got a piss
Starting point is 01:00:58 Yeah, yeah, uh, but but I don't wake up every morning with a fucking just like a steamroller I don't think I've ever had a steam Yeah, no That's never happened to me I almost pissed myself the other day actually because of my dream. Welcome to the club No, I know you are just like the king of pissing yourself, but like wait. No, no, no, no It's reset that pissing your car. Um, thank you Nobody had a dream. I was like peeing into uh
Starting point is 01:01:26 One of those urinals that like dude Those are the worst things too. Like, you know what? It's not a urinal. It's just like a fucking trough You got a piss into ice. Yeah. Yeah. I like pissing on ice though. I don't think I've ever pissed on ice. Oh, I've pissed on ice I pissed on ice You know what? His bathroom's like that forced hill stadium Oh, I was gonna say met life is like that too. They have troughs. Yeah, I like this trough I believe if I could be wrong, but last time we went for the giant spangles game. I think it was God damn, dude. That was like fucking seven years ago. I it was about six seven
Starting point is 01:02:01 Nailed it. Wow. Um, but yeah, I I like pissing on ice, but I don't like pissing when there's no like I just have so much dick in my peripheral Oh, I don't mind not because I I'm not looking but like it doesn't I just I fucking Stare straight, you know, I stare down. You stare down. You're more likely to see piss Uh, other dicks. Well, I'm looking at mine. I'm making sure I'm just mine's still there or whatever When you go to a urinal, you don't look at your penis every time I pee I look at my penis. No, I look up Every time you pee you look up. I look up or I look straight at the wall I look at my penis
Starting point is 01:02:38 I really appreciate the places that have like TVs right in front of you Wait, do you think do you think more people are like you or me because I look at my penis when I'm peeing Um, I hope they're more like me when they're like looking around I think it's I think it's more like they set themselves up Like they have to park the car before they you know, they don't need to watch the whole process I know but I I get in here and I take it out and then I just start peeing and I just stare at it Oh, because what am I gonna stare at the walls right here? Why am I gonna stare at it? Just stare at the wall Stare up. No, I stare at my penis. I don't look down at my penis because you're more likely to see other penises
Starting point is 01:03:10 Put your hand out in front of you stare at it put your hand this way You see that I see them both though But it seems you're saying I get more of like the shape. Yeah, it's it's a little it's like it's like 2020 here You know in the farther away you get, you know, you need better glasses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had bifocals though Um, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, I like to stare at my penis when I pee I I have mastered uh peeing in my dreams, but not actually peeing the bed Well, that's what I did the other day
Starting point is 01:03:43 I had a dream that I was peeing into one of those like troughs and then I woke up and I was like, oh Oh, I didn't even have to wake up and do like that. Oh, I just in your dream. You're like, oh, no, this isn't real Yes, yeah, is that how you wake up because that's how I wake up in dreams. I go Oh, no, I try to blink really hard in my dreams I I actively like in my dream will say like I can just wake up and I wake up Oh, wow, that's pretty cool. I usually have to do this. Oh, I don't I don't do that I did have a recently scary dream where a building was falling on me and I act like I said like I did one of those like waking up like
Starting point is 01:04:16 Do you get sleep paralysis? No You've never had it. I don't to my knowledge knock on what I don't think I have People that is the one part of you know, how like people say like, I don't know I've never experienced it. So I don't know what it's like that Yeah, because people talk about like there's a sleep demon in my room and I can't move that is bullshit though I not that it's bullshit I'm sure it happens for some people but that's never happened to me the sleep paralysis that I have is that I fall asleep and my mind wakes up before my body does so I can't move
Starting point is 01:04:43 I've never and I consider myself quite lucky that I've never felt that at this point. It's like, okay. I can like Try to breathe as normally as possible and it usually only lasts like seven seconds or something But it's a long seven seconds. I can say that sounds like an eternity Yeah, and like you just can't move and then you come out of and you're like, oh Like, you know, whatever but then also when I get sleep paralysis like that It's usually because I'm like super tired or I took a nap earlier in the day or something Which is rare, but if I take a nap, I usually get it and when I get it Every time I fall back to sleep it happens again. So I if I get sleep paralysis
Starting point is 01:05:16 I usually get it like four times in a row because I have to go back to sleep because I'm exhausted and then it happens again Yeah, that sounds miserable. Yeah, I will I'll keep you updated on on my sleeping. Let me know. Let me know But no, no sleep paralysis keep me abreast. I will keep you aboobed. Thank you. Yeah, um, yeah, we can wrap up here Frank, where uh, where can we find you? F alvars 80 85 on twitter the frank alvars on instagram Fucking god almighty. Yeah, that's here Ah the frank alvars on instagram and like I said earlier go check out The baseman yard on patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard and while he just walked through Go check out santa gata studios on youtube. Uh, we got some great content on there every wednesday you get new videos
Starting point is 01:05:56 We got our friends together We contacted the people that we needed to contact to get santa gata slam poetry volume three Yeah, which is up there now. So go check it out. A lot of people like volume one and two So if you haven't seen them go watch those watch three. It's a good time Good time. You guys can follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all See you next time

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