The Basement Yard - #372 - Becoming A Billionare

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss what would happen if they became billionaires Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank! I'm doing good. I'm not so good though. I'm a little upset. If I knew you were wearing such an absolutely awesome shirt, I would have also have worn a really absolutely awesome shirt. Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my baby. They said, I'll bet you'll never make it. Look at the sunlit dawn.

Look at the sunlit dawn. Bro, is that it? It works, right? The sunlit dawn. What is it then? Tell me it's not sunlit dawn. The dawn and dusk, which by the way, I don't know the difference between those two things. The dawn of the day is the start of it.

Oh, dusk is like at night. Dusk is at night. I don't know why this is night. I don't know what you just said. Dawn. Night. Okay. That's you putting the sun away.

Yes. Like the dawn of the sun dusk. Gets a little dusky. Yeah, I honestly don't know. So you don't know the lyrics, but you're going to shame me. No, I do, I do. I do know the lyrics, but you're fucking me with the sun. I'm definitely not doing that.

With the sun stuff, it's fucking my head up. They say nothing, they'll never make it. But look who's something. Fuck you. Now I have to look it up. So what's it called? Shania Twain. We're still together, still going strong.

You're still the one I want. You're still the one I want. All right, now I got to look it up. Now you're still the one. There's no sunlit dawn in that. I'm fucking positive. Looks like we've made it look how far we've come, my baby. We all might have took the long way.

We knew we'd get there someday. They said, I'll bet they'll never make it. But just look at us, son. No, I know it's not son. Us holding on. Us holding on. We're still together, still going strong. So going strong.

Yeah. Honestly though. Just talk about love. But the sunlit dawn, that's kind of not a bad lyric there. I mean, I guess you can light a dawn with the sun. But that's kind of, I guess. All of the dawns are sunlit. That's what I was going to say.

It's a bit redundant. That's like saying the wet water. Can I ask you a question? Yes, sir. How do you feel about daylight savings time? You for that? Or do you want to abolish it? First of all, abolish all the rules.

Get rid of all of them. Which ones? Oh, you're like an anarchist or whatever? Yeah. Oh, okay. Fuck yeah. No, I don't, I never cared for it. But I'll tell you when I started.

When I had fucking, when Ruby was born. Because Miles is my stepson. I wasn't around when he was super, super young. But bro, it fucks. What the fuck does this have to do with daylight savings time? Because it fucks up kids. Like it fucks up their sleep schedule and shit. Oh.

Bro, Ruby woke up yesterday morning. I looked at the clock. It was 5.15. I was like, I said out loud and woke up Becca. Absolutely not. She usually wakes up at 6.15. Well, it kind of varies. But in that moment, there was no shot I was waking up with her at 5.15.

God, because she doesn't wake up with the sun. She wakes up when her baby body is like, I'm good on the sleep. I honestly don't know what wakes her up. Yeah. Legitimately don't know. She'll just wake up sometimes. But 5.15. Too old.

And then I think about it in March when we lose the hour. If she's like all fucked up and like she is waking up at like 5.40. And she wakes up and it's 4.40. Now, yeah. Oh, she's a big time trouble girl. Ew, don't say that to me. What the fuck was that? Freak.

That's what we say. But forget about the children I'm talking about. We're talking about dusk and dawn, babe. Are you like a sunny morning or do you like a... I don't mind either. You like a sunny night? Not a sunny night. I kind of like a little sunny night.

Like during the summer when it's like 8.30 out and it's night. I mean, it's day. Yeah, we still got some sunlight. I like that too. I kind of like that. But I like a sunny morning. It really all depends on the time of year. Because I don't want a sunny night during Christmas Eve.

We should have reversed the fucking things. Like because... No, you want the nights to be... You want the summer nights to be longer. Yeah. That's... Yeah, isn't it? They are long right now.

It's the longest time of the year. No, no, no. For us. No, I honestly would rather the reverse. Waking up early in the dark and it's cold out? Fuck that, dude. No, I don't mind it. It kind of helps ease you into the day because it's so cold out.

Freezing cold in the dark? Hold on. First of all, let me ask you something. Do you sleep in a place that has four walls, insulation, and fucking heat? What do you have to worry about? You're not homeless. You're never going to be unless something really bad happens. What do you mean, wake it up in the freezing cold?

What are you sleeping in? I'm not saying waking up in the freezing cold. I'm saying waking up. I usually wake up around 6, 6, 30. At that time, right? Because I'm so productive. I take a cold shower. You guys didn't see.

I hope you caught... Edit my eye roll in there, please. All right, but seriously, if you guys want to talk about my morning routine, I wake up at 3 a.m. Shut the fuck up. And I work out for an hour. Then I read 100 pages of the dictionary. And then I read 100 pages of the Spanish dictionary.

And then you read every single biblical or religious text known to man. You're currently on the Quran. I go to church every single day. What are you saying about that one? The Quran? Yeah. You were really upset about it. Hey, don't even fuck around.

Get up. We don't touch religion. They'll get us. No books. None of the holy books. No, we don't. I'm afraid of religion. I don't like...

You know those things that you get from... Buy my daylight savings time. Onto religion. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. You know the little things at funerals or wakes? Mass cards? Yeah, yeah.

That has like the picture. And it says like, you know, let the sun be on your back and your face in the wind. Yeah, it's a prayer and like a picture. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Let the grass grow between your toes. Yes, Joey. I know what you're referencing.

So those things kind of, I don't like throwing them out. I have them. So I don't throw them out. They're just about. Yeah. I don't know. There are hundreds in my house. I just don't know where.

But I want them to go away. I'm serious. Like I have them. I think you can do like a ceremonial thing. What? Light it on fire? Yeah, I think you could. I think it's all about the meaning.

No, no, no. See, that's... I'm with you there, but I'm also the other end of the spectrum where I collect those things like fucking Pokemon cards. Oh, you like them? Not that I like them. I don't like them, I know. Yeah, but no.

But I'll like go to like my grandmothers and I'll be like, I'm going to take seven. And there's no reason to. Wait, what are you talking? Oh, oh, you know what I mean? I'll take seven of those cards with me just to have like a bunch. Don't ask me why. I'm going to hand them out to clients. In my head.

I'm not kidding. In my head, it was like, I'll have one for home. I'll have one for this room. One for the basement. One for the carry on me. What the fuck? And do you do that? I did when I was younger.

You had cards all over the house? I carried someone to me when I was younger. Really? Yeah, I did. That's not... That's weird. 2007 was a big year for me. I lost two family members, grandmother and my uncle.

And you carried them around with you everywhere? I did. I carried them around everywhere. I put them in my baseball pants. In your baseball pants? Yeah, dude. You're playing baseball. You were in the outfield and grandma was in your back pocket.

First of all, I was a catcher. Well, whatever. You're behind the plate. Yeah. And grandma's in your back pocket. Yeah. Yes. No, no, no.

Let's be very clear about something. Yeah. I'm not saying it was a... I was not saying it wasn't an attention seeking move because looking back, it probably was. But I would... I don't... I don't defend it. That's crazy.

You know? It is what it is. I'm just afraid of throwing them out because I feel like someone's watching me. Well, they're always watching. That's the point of the cards. Yeah. It's like Toy Story and like, you know... The cards come alive.

The cards come alive. That would be cool. So, you know, Harry Potter. Yeah. They have the paintings that are like alive. Would they cool if those cards were alive? The cards... Well, they do.

They have like the cards where it's like, oh, look. I'll be stumbled on. He looks away and he's back. He's like, oh, he must have gone somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I... I want one of those for like dead people though, like eventually in the future. Yeah. But that'd be kind of terrifying. There was actually an episode of Black Mirror about that. Do you remember the one? The...

It was called... And there was one where they put the spirit in the teddy bear. Oh, yeah. And there was another one where they put it on a key chain and it was like the guy being shocked. Yeah. Fucked up. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't... So, if you could have the cards of your dead relatives, who you carrying them with you? Or you swapping them out like... No, I have like a bunch of random people. Yeah.

In... The last time I went to your apartment. Yeah. Which was a couple months ago at this point. Yeah. So, we no longer record there. Our friend Dylan's grandfather's mashed card was on your bar cart. Legitimately, had never spoken to him.

But I had it and I was like, I don't know what to do with this. I can't throw it out. So, I just like put them places. Yeah. Like, I'm sure there's like some in my car of like random dead people that I'm like not even... When I was younger, we used to go to this house upstate. The guy who owned that...

It was like a bed and breakfast type of thing. The guy who owned that house, his name was Frank and he died in a car accident, bro, like 20 years ago. I have that card still. You still have it. Because I don't... And I must... And I've moved three times.

You need it. And you bring it with you. You're packing it with you. It's all right. I'm hoping that the... That life just takes them and gets and just moves them. Yeah. But I...

If I see them, I'm like, I'm not gonna throw this out. So, I just kind of like hide them. And I just hope that they like... I don't hide them. I keep them. I think I have a bunch of like in the attic right now in storage. And then there are some like random ones that I'll honestly, I'll find them in like five years time and be like, oh, shit.

And I won't... Some of them... Here's the fucked up part. Old people, like our grandparents' age, they never used their real name. So like there was a guy that lived on my block. I don't remember his real name, but we called him Santi. And he was good friends with... He was good friends with my grandmother, my maternal grandmother, and like my mom knew

him growing up. Maternal. Maternal grandmother. Yeah. Yeah. So when we went to his wake, I got a card and I don't remember his real name was like, you know, like, Giorgio Pepepi, you know, Gabba da Goops. And I don't...

Was that an Italian thing you just did? Yes, because he was very Italian. Yeah, that's... You can't talk about my people like that, and I hope that you like... Sorry. I'm going to tell Italy on you. But like, I'll have cards in my house and currently do of people that I know I knew when I got the card.

Yeah. But have no fucking clue who it's for now. Right, yeah. Oh, because they don't have pictures on them. Yeah, some of them don't. Yeah. They do, and you can be like, oh, yeah, it's, you know, it's so-and-so. Yeah.

Oddly enough, I don't know where my grandma's is, and like, that's the only one that I like would want. But I don't know where that shit is, bro. She died in 2012. Yeah. I have... I know a bunch of dead people. I don't know...

I don't know where their mass cards are. You know how they say, like, when you go to heaven, it's like, oh, you know, your people are waiting for you when you get there? I'm thinking about, like, if you, like, I feel like... If they got the call, it's like, Frankie's coming, it's like... Like, God forbid, right, if I died, like, a year ago, I don't like talking about death in the future. I'm just gonna say...

But if I died a year ago, showing up, that would be such a weird group of people. Yeah. I'd be like, what are you guys hanging out with? Yeah, I would want to, like, I kind of want to wait to die, but also... What the hell? You want to wait for it? Like, I'm saying, like, I've always joked around with my family and said, like, I hope I go before all you guys, because I don't want to deal with the pain of losing loved

ones. Right. But also, if I went last, and I showed up last at the party, and I'm just like, oh! Yeah. That'd be pretty sweet. Yeah, yeah. Especially if you live to, like, 108, and they're like, yeah, where the fuck is... What version of yourself, in your current body, what version of yourself do you think

is the one that is, like, forever? Holy shit! Fuck you! I'm so jumpy! I'm sorry! It's him. Jesus Christ. It's him.

You know, he scared me. Yeah. Fuck, I hate when you do that. Sorry. Jumpy fuck. What version of yourself do you hope is memorialized, like, as, like, you go to heaven and you're forever this age? This one, I think?

I would say this one, too. If not this one? Actually, no. If not this one? 20-year-old Frankie. Savage. Um, I don't know that you would get in. What the fuck, why did you...

I don't even know how that works. I think that you have, age is not a thing, and, like, you don't have a face, you just kind of, like, float. I'm just, like, floating beings. Just, like, you know, you're a bunch of animals or people see me as the version they remember me as most. Or what they want to see. Exactly.

Like, maybe you could be, like, a nice, like, you know, like, black and Asian mix. No. That's what I'm not. Yeah. Either of those. Yeah, well, none of us are. No. No, no, no.

There are people that are black and Asian mixes, Joe. But, no, I know that. But I'm saying, like... You said none of us are. First of all, I'm, no, no, I'm saying none of us are what we are. We can't, if we aren't, what we be. Stop. We can be that.

We can be whatever you have. A couple tattoos in a Shania Twain shirt will change your man. Let me tell you. What are we supposed to talk about? We started talking about Daylight Savings Time. Yeah. Oh, dude. By the way, the other day, I saw, not I saw, I smelled spray paint and I realized I really

like it. I'm serious. I'm serious. I was driving and my window was down. I was on, like, 19th Avenue and I was like, spray paint and I was like, damn, I fucking like spray paint. Damn, you kind of like that? I was like, I kind of fuck with paint.

You were huffing spray paint, like Charlie? I wasn't huffing it, bro. I was not going to get a bag and like, you know, sniff it, but I, but I like smelled it and I was like, I don't like, I think I like paint. Oh, are you going to go back to your old graffiti drawing days? And by graffiti drawing, I mean in the back part of every notebook you had in high school. You want to talk about graffiti? Yes.

You fucking, you did graffiti. When the fuck did I do graffiti? I never tagged up with spray paint. I hope. No, I've never done that. I know. I know. I never said you did.

I said you would write fat graffiti letters. You know the, you know which ones I'm talking about, the fat ones. Yeah, I do. The J where it's like all the parts connect. It just looks like a big like, um, like a fat bitch. Like a bean. What's the, what's the beanie? Beanie?

Wait, what's it called? Bean. What are you saying? Beanie babe? Beanie? No. What's the, you sit on them. I know what it's called.

I'm not going to tell you. Fuck you. I hate when you do this. I'll let you figure it out. Beanie. No. Are you the only thing that comes to mind is bean, bean, bean bag chair. There you go.

There you go. Bean, bean. Fuck. Can't find the bean. Story of Joey's life. Yeah. Yo, honestly, I'm not going to sit here and pretend like, you know, we're like the sex masters of the universe.

Speak for yourself. But yo, I feel like, you know, he's like a funny joke guy, oh, where's the clip and all the, you know, whatever. Yeah. But like, it's not very difficult. You know, the G spots harder. It's inside. And it's different.

And it's different. Yeah. And it's always, it's not, you know, it's a button that like, it doesn't always work when you press. Yes. I think the thing that's tough is put it like this. All right. I'm going to compare it to something that you might be able to figure out.

It's such a finite space, you know, like there's only so much space. What are you talking about? The vagina. Got it. It's a finite space. Like what you see is right there. It's all right there in front of you. But it's such a densely populated area.

You know, there's a lot going on. It's like Manhattan. Yo, it is. It's like the, the vagina is like Manhattan, New York because there's, there's like so many buildings and so many things to do as a coffee shop right next to this, then there's another coffee shop. And even when you're in what you think is the best place, they'll be like, yo, have you checked out downtown?

Yeah. And it's like, hold on. And then there's speakeasies. Yeah. And it's like, this looks like a hot dog spot. But if you go on the back, there's a really nice cocktail bar and you're like, and that's kind of like the G spot. And as you're passing one part, you'll come across something you really didn't know

was there. Right. What was that? Stygtown's pretty cool. And also not only that, but places are constantly closing and then opening up. So you're like, oh my God, I'd never seen that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

The vagina, you're discovering new things about it. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, James Cameron made a movie about the Titanic where he went down there and observed and like figured it out. I wish she'd make one about the vagina. Me too. It would help a lot of people. Yeah.

And we should let that same old woman tell us about it too. Oh, she's long gone. Yeah. You know, when I watch, it's crazy how we could just jump over the place. We're jumping boys. But whenever I watch movies or TV shows that are like older, what's older like like Seinfeld or something. Right.

So 80s and 90s. Yeah. So like I watch something like that. And then I see old people and I go, this guy's dead. Yes. I always think about the people being dead. I don't just think about like the people. I think of like the background extras.

Do you know that to be a thing? Do you know that's a thing? Right. Hold on. This is this would be cool for people to know if they don't know it. But on TV shows, like the laugh track, like sitcoms and stuff that they would use all the time. All those, it was recorded in like a years ago.

I don't remember the, let's just say it was like the 40s or something. They recorded then and all those people were are like dead or like it was like, you know what I'm saying? So all those people are dead. So you're hearing the laughter of dead. So when you're watching Big Bang Theory and hearing the 4,000th Bazinga and the 8,000th laugh track, they're listening to the laughs of dead people. That makes sense.

Cause there's no way people that are alive laugh at that show, so TV sucks, big bang theory sucks. Um, did you, some people are going to kill you for that. That's okay. I'm, I'm, that's fine with that. Yeah. Did you see that there's an Airbnb that people made in Washington DC that completely recreated Dunder Mifflin and there's like a bed in the middle and you can sleep on the bed.

Like it looks like the off, like the office. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. Where is it? DC. Yeah.

Probably can't. Like it's probably booked out. No. Probably is booked out per night because the show debuted in 2005. It's only $20.05 per night. It's kind of smart. They're making that money back. I mean, they're losing a lot.

It's not the word I would use. I would say it's like kind of cool, but smart is not the word I would use. It wasn't. No. They're financially responsible. I think it's $2,005 a night. I'd be like, damn. Yeah.

That'd be cool. Uh, but yeah, that, I defend the office as one of the greatest TV shows ever. I don't know why we got there. I don't know. Big Bang Theory. You were talking about how much you hate that show. I don't, I mean, I don't know it. Well, speaking of things that people watched, Joe, there's actually some news that came

out in the last couple of days about our friend, the Pope. A couple, every couple of days the Pope comes out, has some, has something to do, something to do with the news. Does he? Um, I think he kind of shows face like El Papa, you know, he kind of tips his papal cap. I could be making this up, but I thought that the Pope, just like, like in Aladdin, you know, he like walks out onto a ledge and he's like, and like the whole town's there. I'm going to do you a one little, I'm going to do you a one little favor here, Joey.

There is no Pope in the movie Aladdin. No, no, no. I'm saying like in the movie Aladdin, you know, he like steps out, like the Sultan like steps out and like makes an announcement or whatever. He's like, Jafar is fucking. Yeah. I think that's what they do. He walks out on the ledge from the big church.

Is that called the Vatican or is the Vatican the whole Vatican is the country? So what's the building that he's in church? Yeah, whatever. I think, I think the building is also called the Vatican to Vatican's well. So then he walks out and he's just like any, he says stuff. I don't know. Yeah. I think he comes out, wait, what the fuck were you talking about, completely cut you

off? Well, yes, you did again. He came out and said that there are some popes, some nuns and people in the church that watch porn. Well, you knew this, priests and nuns are watching porn. Well he spoke about it during like a Q&A, which apparently you can do with the Pope. I actually sent you the article if you want to pull it up, can you imagine we get the Pope on this show?

I would have a show. First of all, he's cool as shit. He's coming out all the time and like just like half upsetting people, half like making them happy. He comes out and he's like, I just want to tell you that like being gay, fucking cool. He said that? Yeah. He's cool with gays.

Fire. I type in Pope admits nuns into, into Google, into a wall and what you found doesn't sound good. No. So this, this story is there, but there's also another one, Pope admits clerical abuse of nuns, including, uh, why, why do we need to go there, Joey? And then the word slavery, so heavy stuff, guys, heavy stuff. This one's the fun one here.

Uh, it says nuns and priests watch internet porn. Yeah. Pope admits. Yeah. He said the devil gets in that way. Uh. Porn. Oh.

It depends what kind of point you're watching though. Well, I think he, at one point in the article, cause I read it, he says like, he like downplays it. He's like, you know, it's not like the illegal stuff. It's like, you know, like the normal porn. Oh, I got the quote right here. It says, it is a vice that many people have. Many laymen, many laywomen.

What does that mean? I think that's what they call people of the church. Laymen and laywomen. Yeah. I think so. I don't, I don't make these words. I'm just telling you what they might be. Many laymen, many laywomen, uh, and also priests and nuns, uh, the devil gets in that

way. And I'm not just talking about criminal pornography or like that involving the abuse of children. Jesus. He went right there. Strange to immediately draw that. He knows. He knows. I know what everyone's thinking.

Yeah. Yeah. Chill. Not like obviously that shit, but also then he's, oh, and then he said, but the pornography that is a little normal. So like gaping buttholes and like squirting PPs, uh, gaping buttholes that I wouldn't consider normal porn. I think normal porn is just like, uh, gaping buttholes and first one that came to my mind.

You know, honestly, I've seen a video, okay, I'll be honest exactly where I thought this was going. I'm going to speak so that we don't get demonetized, but I saw a, a video, uh, of a woman. He already said gaping butthole. You know that, right? I know. I know. I know.

So listen, listen, listen. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to, you're going to know what I mean. Oh, wait. Put me in it. No, hold on. You got to look at me.

You'll know. Oh, gotcha. When I was younger. Uh-huh. How old? I was probably 14 years old. Okay. I didn't make the video.

I saw a video. Okay. You shouldn't have been looking at 14. Cool. It's 14, right? And I saw a video and it was of a woman and she had her legs behind her head, kind of with her butt up in the air. Wearing her ankles as earrings, as we so call it.

Yes. Right. But also putting a lot of pressure on her, the top of her spine. Yeah. She was like that. And then her, uh, tunnel, her tunnel had, had been, uh, parted, yeah, so much. And then a man, uh, put a golf ball into, into said tunnel. Yeah.

Uh, and then I like got really like weirdly like fucked up. No, I didn't. I didn't. I swear to God. Okay. I've liked weird or shit, but not weird or shit that what the fuck could be weirder than that? Joey?

No, no, no. But I saw that and I was like, what is happening? And then I shut it off. And then I started thinking. And then I had some time to think about and reflect. And I was like, what happened to that ball? Is she okay? I'm sure the ball came out.

Yeah. I know. But how, one, how do you, how do you open a tunnel like that? Um, you know, I. Joey, I am a very, uh, smart person. I don't have the answer to everything. Unfortunately, it would, I could try to come up. I could probably come up with a guess.

I mean, it wouldn't be too laborious, but I, it's not that easy. Well, I, every single week, I hope that you forget every single week. I hope that you forget about that fucking word. I would think it's a lot of practice and also I think it's just, you know, like if if it could do it for a baby, it could do it, you know, to get crazy. That's, that's my saying. Cool. That would be true if, uh, you gave birth out of your asshole, which you don't.

Oh, whoa. Hold on. Oh, you're talking of the, the back. The back tunnel. The back. Yes. I thought you were talking about the, the front one. Oh, well, just, you know, the, the, the, uh, well, how's it, what's the word

I should use here so we don't get to monetize more. Um, this sphincter, I'll use medical terminology is a muscle just like, you know, and you can work out muscles. Yeah. Well, that's the strongest fucking asshole I've ever seen in my life. Well, it, it's probably not as strong cause it was opened up. The strength of them, of the sphincter is when it's closed, you know, not when it's open, when it's open and it's just like, you know, kind of like a, like a bag

in the wind. Ew, Frankie. Uh, and then also the Pope, by the way, he's, he caught, he said, dear brothers, be careful about this. So he was like warning all of the priests is like, yo, just to, just to be honest, there's some fire porn out there. The devil gets it. That's smart.

That's smart. He's trying to test their internal fortitude and just be like, all right guys, listen, it was like bootcamp for like the, the priests, right? Bro. In 2020, Pope friends, his Instagram account appeared to like a racy photo of a Brazilian Bikini model dressed in stockings and suspenders. We talked about this. The devil.

The devil got him on Instagram. The devil. I know her. The devil. Nope. The girl. Oh, like, yeah, like you, like, hi, nice to meet you. Yeah, I've met her.

Wow. Okay. So you and the Pope, there's our six degrees of separation. It's insane, dude. Imagine the Pope likes your fucking butt pic. That's kind of, that's a holy ass, dude. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, you know, that you've, you've just been blessed.

Yeah. He wants to shoot his holy. He's like, damn, you're blessed. God bless you. Shoot his holy water. God bless you. Yeah. No, that, I love the plan where he's just like, all right, yo, guys, listen up.

God, like God, you know, God is cool, but porn. There's some sick shit out there. So be careful. And none of that kitty shit, guys. I'm talking about real fire. I'm talking, I'm talking like porn. If people found out you watched, wouldn't want to kill you. Yeah.

Don't do it though. Yeah. You know, he's like, there's stuff out there that like Satan really wants. And how does he know? I would be like, yo, Pope, hey, Fran, that's, you want to battle harden Pope. When you get a Pope, you don't want someone that's been, you know, you know, everything's given to them on a silver spoon and a silver platter. I feel like if you're a Pope, you should allow that.

You should be allowed to have sex if you get to Pope. If you get to Pope, you should be able to fuck. Oh, like, it's going to say whoever you want. Okay. Yeah. Like illegally, right? You know, because like you're like the cream of the crop at that point. Like you're like, you're like the highest rank besides like being the fucking God himself.

Yeah. Well, Jesus and stuff. Or herself. Inclusive. That's right. Or they self. Whoa, dude. You just.

Okay. Why are we assigning any sort of gender to a spiritual being? Yeah. Um, I would say that, yeah, you get to be the Pope. You could just be like, yo, like our father who fucking lick my nuts. You know, how would be that name? You know, now you're being offensive to prayers. Am I?

You're asking the wrong girl. I don't have no idea. Sorry. Um, anyway, Frankie, thanks so much for saying that we're going to get to the ads for today. We have stitch fix, ladies and gentlemen, stitch fix. It's like having your own personal stylist. You log on, you take their style quiz. You let them know what you like, what you don't like.

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Boom. Um, but yeah, Before you get to whatever we're going to upset people with next, make sure you also go check out the Patreon guys. October. We, we were just there. Let's kiss the tip of 12,000 on our Patreon account, which you could find at patreon.com slash the basement yard. And we promised you guys that we get to 12,000 patrons, which we very might realistically do this month. We're going to have a, uh, a drag artist come in here, do Joey and I in full drag, document the experience and then do an episode in it.

So make sure you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up today or give the gift of the Patreon. The holidays are coming up. And guess what? Oh man, is it a good gift for lovers of the basement yard. The first tier that gets you these weekly episodes a week in advance. So you get it on everything a little earlier. And then the second tier, well, that's where you get those exclusive episodes that not everybody gets a chance to see that are somehow a little more ridiculous. Can you believe it?

Go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Sign up today or give the gift of it. You'll love it. Yeah. Um, also I just got an update on my phone because I bought a lottery ticket. Oh yeah, I got to buy those today. That Billy is calling my name.

1.9 billion Powerball. Join tonight's historic Powerball drawing before it's too late. Yeah, I've joined. Yeah. You better hope I don't. I don't know. There's something about buying it on the app that's a little fishy to me. Fishy.

Yeah, no, no, no. I'm going to do it in person. Whatever. I'm going to do it in person and then I'm going to lose in person. Yeah. I bought like maybe like, you know, like a hundred bucks of tickets over the last week. Bro. And every morning I wake up not a billionaire.

I know, but imagine. And it hurts. There's the drawing tonight, I think. There is tonight. Bro. I want $900 million. Cash. That's if you do the cash.

I know. If you do the annuity payments, it's more. If you do the annuity payments, you're a pussy. Oh, no. You're kind of... Frankie, don't be a fucking idiot. No, no, no, no, no. No.

Hear me out. If you do the annuity payments, you're financially smarter. And... No. And... You're financially wrong. You're... You understand that you're less disciplined.

Who fucking cares? I do. Okay. I'm going to come over there and just write... Get over here. What would be the annuity payments? I mean, you would probably get just over a billion dollars, if not a little more, over... I think it's like 20 years or something like that.

You don't think that's smart? Oh, no. So what? You get a monthly... What would it be? A billion dollars divided by 20. So let's say it is 20. What's 20?

Years. Oh, oh. Time frame. So one billion... I gotta... I gotta turn it sideways. This is a lot of zeros. Yeah, it's a billion.

Divided by 20. That's 50 million a year. Divided by 12. That's... 4 million a month. No way. That's so stupid. Why?

Bro. You can get... Was it 50 million a year? 50 million a year. No. Dude, that's kind of smart. Nah. Yeah, because think of it like this.

You need that capital. You get... You have a billion dollars. It's still yours. It's in an annuity. It's still an asset. Bro. It's not like it's not your money.

It's still your money. Also, the market is shit. Put it all in the market. Wait for it to boom. No! No! It's gonna fucking... The market is gonna go right down and then put it in the market.

Yeah, we're going into a recession. It's the best time to have cap. Yeah, absolutely. There's none. Nah, dude. I'm fucking taking that money. And then I'm blowing like 25 million dollars in the first weekend. Oh, I thought you were saying right now you have 25 million dollars.

I don't know if you still want me to perk up. No, I'm saying I'm blowing 25 million dollars. Yeah, Becca and I had this conversation when like... Not this time. The last time it was a billion dollars. When like a one person from like North Carolina won it. I wonder what happened to them. How come all those people go broke?

Well, that's the thing. There's a popular thing out there called the curse of the lottery. And it's like people... Bro, overnight! Overnight. Now listen, we joke about your earnings. You are very comfortable in the amount that you make, but you're not a fucking billionaire.

Bro. Yeah. In one night, you can go from what you have. Yeah. A good living, modest living, to having unlimited resources for your kids, for yourself, your kids, their kids, their kids, and their kids probably.

Right. Unlimited. Do you know mentally what that does to a person? Bro, I don't know if your body can comprehend that. The reason that everyone loves Elon Musk is because he's slowly built his worth. You're not listening to me at all. I am, I am.

Okay. But bro, you would go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow morning. Everything about you would be the same except for the fact that now you are a billionaire. Fire, dude. Fire, dude. It would, but also terrifying.

What are you scared of? Fucking, first of all, getting murdered. What are you talking about? I mean, I think you can stay anonymous. Yeah, but there are people that will know it's you. Nah. Yes. They say the first thing that you should do with that money

is call a lawyer and a financial analyst. What's the lawyer gonna do? The lawyer has to help you, like, negotiate, like, getting the money and stuff like that. Yeah, whatever. There's someone that knows you have it. Okay. The financial advisor, another person that knows that you have it.

Higher security. I mean, okay. Higher security. You have $900 million. Yes, Joey. I don't think you're a million. The paranoia that would come along with that. Oh, no, I'm not.

I'm not scared of that. You're not. You're not afraid of the paranoia of walking around. I don't have it on me. Yes, Joey. So what is someone gonna do? Hold me hostage? This is not Gotham City.

First of all, yeah, they will hold you hostage. No. They'll hold me hostage. No one's gonna hold you hostage. What do you pay in ransom for me, realistically? If I have a billion? If you have a billion dollars. It really would depend.

Ten mil. The guy would have to... The people would have to have a really good track record of, like, maybe they've killed someone. Yeah, show me your kidnapping resume. Yeah, let me see. Yeah. Because if you've never done this before,

like, you're not gonna have one. Give me three sources that you previously kidnapped that I can call and ask about. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I need to see your resume. Bro, a billion dollars. That's crazy. Becca, one thing...

I'm not worried about that. Bro, buy a fucking castle and live in that, and then hire lions. Yeah, okay. To fucking patrol. Yeah. Good idea, Joey. Yeah.

Really awesome idea. But rich people walk around all the time, dude. If you live in Manhattan, you've walked by people who have hundreds of millions of dollars. Yes, but you don't know them. I mean, you do. And no, but you don't. Bro, the fucking CEO of Goldman Sachs is a DJ.

And he DJs, like, at fucking random bars. Yeah. Well, I didn't know that. He does. Okay, sweet. So, like... If I knew that, if you knew that, you're gonna tell me you wouldn't go up to him

and say, give me fucking two million dollars right now, you piece of shit, or I'm cutting your balls off. It doesn't happen to him. I'm sure it has. No. I'm sure people are like, you're gonna have a job. And he's like, fuck you.

Becca's like, what's the first thing you do with the money? And I was like, what's the first thing you do with the money? And she's like, I'm calling my parents. I'm paying all their debt off. I'm calling, you know, like, I'm giving some money to like, I'm putting away for the kids, I'm giving some... And I said, that's really sweet. All of them are...

I hate those answers. I love... Like, my sister would say, oh, I'm paying off my student loans. Shannon, do you not realize the amount of money you're talking about? Yeah. I said to her, and this is legitimately like, I would use it if there is a God, I would use it very well.

I would be honest and responsible. Please. But the first place I'm going... And I said this back, I was like, the first place I'm going is the bar. Because I can't... I need to put my brain in a new place to comprehend the wealth that I have just amassed. You know what I think I would do?

If I knew that money was coming, I would just spend every dollar that I have. Yeah. She's like, fuck it, we're gonna get rid of this. Yeah. And just do something. And then I would just start buying houses. Well, that's a good point.

Housing is probably one of the smarter moves because you'll make money doing that. Actually, I would go on like a three month long trip to fucking God knows where. It's so tough because we are in very different stages of our life and I would do those things under different pretenses. Bro, get a private jet. Put the kids in the jet. Who cares?

Higher five professional nannies that are incredible. I want to be there with my kids. You can be right there, they're gonna be right there, but they can leave. No, but why hire a nanny that's sitting there and not doing their job? I want to be there, I want to do it too. You can do it too.

But 35,000 feet in the air. Bro, I'll tell you this. I am not kidding when I say this. Yeah. Dinners, breakfasts, and lunches would be wildly different. I'd be like, where do you want to go for dinner tonight? Prague? Let's go.

Yeah. You know, oh, what do you want for breakfast? You want to call Gordon Ramsay, have him come over? Not a problem. Probably could. You could pay Justin Bieber to show up to your birthday. That's a weird name. I don't know why I said that.

Yeah, I don't know where or why you immediately went to... He's in like a weird like religious phase now, so maybe don't... Maybe not him. As soon as he got tattooed patients on the back of his ear, I was like, what's happening? Yeah, I don't want religious Justin Bieber. I want pissing him buckets Justin Bieber.

You want... What was his name back then? Jay Bebs. Yeah, no. Whatever it was. Whatever it was. The one who was wearing like leather jacket. Yes, yes, yes.

And then I want to hire Dennis Rodman and be like, yo, let's go out one night, me and you. Let's just... Let's just go. Yeah. No cocaine for me. You do whatever the hell you want. Okay.

Let me ask you a serious question. Okay. You become a billionaire tomorrow. Yeah. One, do you give me anything? Absolutely. I think I'd give you some money. Dude, I've been giving everyone money.

A billion dollars. Can you give me a little more? What would be an amount that you would be happy with? Honestly, if you want me to be really, really, really honest. Yeah. I would be happy with $500,000. If you were a billionaire. But if we're starting to throw in like, you know...

If we're starting to throw in like hidden fees and stuff like that. What are we talking about? Like a phone bill, Verizon. You know, like you got your phone charge. You got your insurance. You got your data charge. You got your... Yeah.

I would be like, all right, that's our base, $500,000. I'd be like, I've known you for 26 years. Yeah. You know, another $500,000 per year. Oh, you're talking about a salary. Or at least another $100,000 per year. Okay. You know, then take into account the fact that we've seen each other cry.

What the fuck does that mean? You're good friends with people that have never seen you cry. Okay. That's, I think, another like $200,000 on tax. Okay. I would say realistically, I think my worth would be around like the 2.6, 2.8 million range. Sorry to have 500.

We're up to 2.6. Yeah. I would be happy with 500. Right. But I do think my worth has contributed to a little more. If I won a billion dollars and I was like, yo, Frank, I'm going to give you some money. Yeah. Or let me reverse this.

Okay. You win a billion dollars. Yeah. And you say to me, I'm going to give you some of this money. And then I find out that amount is $500,000. You know how I hate driving to Jersey, but I will be there. You know what I would do? I may walk.

You know what I would do? I may walk so that the anger gets built up more. And then I just burn your house to the ground. I would. Yeah. I would. If you're going to give someone money from a billion dollars, you can't give them anything other than that.

I'll be honest right now. You ready? If I made a billion dollars tomorrow, I would buy you a helicopter and a heliport. So it would help you come to New Jersey more. Cool. I would just probably take it to the Hamptons though. I'm going to be honest with you. You can take it where you bring it is okay, but you're obligated to do like once a quarter

to me. Okay. Okay. No. I honestly, and I've thought of this an abnormal amount. I would, I know I would give you a fair amount of money and I would have a speech ready for it. I would give.

I wouldn't tell you I'm giving it to you. I would come. I swear to God. Okay. Fucking don't do that. You think I want to carry around millions of dollars in cash, but you have a, you have a very nice car that could carry that. I'm not talking about the physical capability.

I don't want to walk around with a million dollars. No, no. I'd be like, you have a briefcase. You know what I would do? I'd be like, yo, where are you right now? I need to say, oh, I'm at the gym or I'm jogging 12 miles on a Saturday morning because I am a fucking. Okay.

And you just show up with the money. I would show. I'd be like, yo, meet me at your apartment in two hours. I would, I would take you on a wild goose chase. I'd be like, yo, there's five million dollars for you somewhere, but you have to do these things. Oh, I wouldn't. I wouldn't make it that fun or cool.

Oh, I would. I wouldn't because that would suck. I would. Oh, five million you'd give me. Yeah. Yeah, probably. And but I would, I would. I think I'd give you five, but I would, but I would do stupid shit.

Like, I would just like ruin your life before I gave it to you though. Oh, I would just like slash your tires. What's the difference? Yeah. Like I'd like slash your tires. Okay. And you'd be like, oh, someone slash my car. Oh no.

Here's a new car. Yeah, but you would leave that car there. Yeah. But like, you know what I'm saying? But I would, I would do this before I told you I was giving you money. I would just start slashing tires. Then I'd be, then I'd throw a rock through your fucking window. Okay.

So you would pull like a watcher, you know, like you'd torment physically, emotionally, torment me and my family. Exactly. Yeah. Like light your lawn on fire. And then, yeah. And then on the back, on the back end, just be like, oh, by the way, here's five million dollars.

Yeah. You'll never sleep comfortably or soundly ever again. No, exactly. I would like to traumatize you. I don't like, I don't like talking about having this money because in my head, my brain tells me you could, but in reality, I won't. I wouldn't even know how to react if I like woke up and I was like, oh, you won the jackpot. I'd be like, I got to be honest.

I don't know how to read. I might have already won it and I don't know. Well, no, you would know. No, I, it's so hard to read. You need to get all the numbers plus the red unless it's double triple multipliers. And it's like, bro, just, just tell me, just give me 10 numbers. Yeah. Tell me I got it.

Yeah. That'd be insane, dude. $900 million. I would start, I would give, I would give a million dollars to like fucking notes, like people I just passed on the street. Well, then that downplays the people you do give it to. So don't do that. Cool.

I don't give a shit. I do. I care about that. Oh, so if I gave you $5 million, but I gave a stranger a million, you'd be like, I'd be like, they're one quarter, one fifth my worth. Yeah. That would be upsetting to me. Then I would take the money back.

You selfish bitch. Too late. It's already gone. I already spent it. Oh. I don't like talking about these topics because in my head, I get excited about what I would do, but I am very much so like the type of person that like, I don't allow myself to get excited for things until they have already happened.

You know what I mean? Okay. Like I've been burnt before by things that are not necessarily, like they're not, what was that? I've been burnt before. Yeah. I've been burnt before getting excited for things. I don't think that like pretending to win the lottery is getting burnt.

In my head, I get so fucking, Joey, I don't think you realize how much I think this would change my life. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, of course being a billionaire would change anyone's life, but like I thought of like how I would quit my job. I've thought about if I would keep doing this show, I've thought about like the conversations I would have with like you and I gave you money, my parents, my siblings, you know, Becca's parents.

You're deep in. Like I get very deep in to the point that it's very unhealthy. I literally make everyone I know a millionaire, like without a doubt, like everyone. Well you only have, how many millions is that? A thousand millions. So you can only make a thousand people a millionaire. I don't know a thousand people, Frankie. Yes you do.

You've met a thousand people. There's under 50 people that I would give a million dollars to. There you go. Not everyone then. 50 people. That's 50 million. Oh. Yeah, you'd be a mill, well, higher millionaire.

I might give aunt a little bit. Wow. I might give aunt. I might just be like, bro, like I'd do, I'd, you know, I would be, how much does he give aunt? I would say maybe like 250 million. No. I'd give him 250.

You want to call him in here, see if he'd give us any? No, I don't want to know that. I think we should ask him. I would beat it out of him. Yeah. I, uh, I would give it, yeah, I'd give him 250, you'd give him 250 to have a dollar. I'd give him 250, but like I would turn into the salaries have changed drastically in here if I had a billion dollars.

Oh yeah, I would be like, I don't care about my salary anymore, give it to fucking kids in Africa or whatever. I would, I would legitimately become the biggest, in a sense, douchebag in the world. Well, yeah, I think that's like without saying, because I would do the, I carry rolls of hundreds on me and tip every person. Oh, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that. I would do that.

But I would be like the most pretentious, like I would become a snob in like the most weird ways. Like you'd only eat prosciutto from a certain part of Italy. Exactly. So this is, these are imported actually and it's like they're bananistic. Yeah. I would like to think I'd get smarter, but I, I wouldn't care to be smarter. Actively get dumber.

Actively beat dumber. Yeah. I think so. Before we move on with this conversation, we do have some sponsors that are, uh, you know, keeping us afloat here. The first one being MVMT guys, the holiday season is coming up and MVMT has some great ideas for gifts. Their, uh, watches are incredible, um, and they are the fraction of a price of a watch

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up for a free trial at Shopify.com slash basement. All lowercase, go to Shopify.com slash basement to start selling online today. Again, that is Shopify.com slash basement. So like I said, if you're going to be doing e-commerce or anything online, definitely go check them out, um, and see how you like it. Uh, and I figured we're going to end this show on a, on a hot, uh, topic here. Um, but there was a story that came out about a girl who, uh, turned her fallopian tubes into a necklace.

Yeah. Now how do you feel about, uh, organ jewelry? Um, I, I gotta be honest. I didn't know what happened enough to feel a certain way about it. Yeah. Um, but my question is, um, what's your opinion? My question for you. Yeah.

Without looking it up, what do the fallopian tubes do? Those are tubes, um, that are in women, right? They fallope. Well, they do. Yeah. And, um, things fall out of them. Is that what happens? No, no, no.

I think it has something to do with birth. I think it delivers the egg from where it goes into the, from egg to, it's the turn pike of the body for women of, yeah. So it's like, and what's on the turnpike is not, you know, Bruce, it's a little egg. The fallopian tubes are the turnpike of a woman's body that takes the egg and passes it through. It brings the egg from freehold, you know, to Piscataway. You're naming New Jersey towns.

I am. Absolutely. Um, I am absolutely. But also just from, uh, this I didn't know, uh, she actually, so I thought it was going to be like the whole tube was like a necklace, but the tube doesn't look that very, it doesn't look very big. I don't think that they're long tubes, plus I know that they, like things shrink when they are cut off in or leave the body.

And like sometimes when they're on the body, they get really tiny, uh, but it's just, it's just because of the cold. She put them in like a locket, like a see-through locket, like when your grandma dies, like a shadow box or yeah, something like that. And, uh, there, it's like this big. I thought a fallopian tube was like a long, well, you know, as they say in the song, life is a highway. I assume the fallopian tubes would be, you know, kind of like a winding road.

They are a little windy, but she, uh, she's 22. The girl who did this opted out of getting of her, opted to get her fallopian tubes extracted from her body and then she turned them into a piece of jewelry to tether around her neck. She's so adamant on not wanting kids. So she underwent a... Say it. Salpingectomy. One more time.

Salpingectomy. Salping... Salpingectomy. Salpingectomy. Salping. S-A-L-P-I-N-G. Ectomy. Salping...

Sal... Or salpingectomy. Salpingectomy. Sal... Yeah. Salpingectomy. Salpingectomy. All medical words need to flow together.

Are you going to Google to say it? Yeah. Dectomy. Pronunciation. Self-injectomy. Jectomy. Jectomy. I didn't know they were ejecting.

I don't... Yeah, well, that makes sense because they... It's projecting. I think it's the removal. Oh. Ejecting. Eject. Yeah.

Oh, eject your... Eject. Sal gets Sal out of it. Sal ejected me. Sal, listen. He ejected me out of it. He ejected me out of it. Yeah, okay.

And wait till you hear what Hister did to me because Hister acted me out of it too. Oh, yeah. What is that? What is Hister? That's when you take the whole pussy out. No, I know. But what is Hister... Histeractomy.

Oh, the Histeractomy is you get rid of your whole pussy? The uterus. Oh, the uterus. Who's... His... It should be Histeractomy now that we're thinking about that. Well, everything is his story. Yeah, I know.

You know, everything is about the guys. Fuckin' everything. You know. Men have to take everything. Yeah. But at Histeractomy, they take your whole pussy out. They take the whole cat and caboodle. Yeah.

Anyways. You know, and they say they're just taking the cat out of the bag there. She said it makes her feel empowered to have her tubes on her... Why? She's like, yo, my tubes. RIP. Okay. Well, is it like a medical thing?

Like she had to like... Nah, she just didn't want kids. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I didn't see this part of the story. She's 22. She opted to have it because she was like, I'm definitely not having kids so fucking get these tubes out of my...

Well, if she's definitely not having kids because of a medical thing, I... My heart goes out to her. But listen, we're not one to often judge what women do with their own body, but we're going to do it. I'm going to do it too. This seems a little go hard, right? That's like if I was like, bro, I'm just going to fucking never have like fucking kids. So here are my balls and I hang them from a chain.

Yeah. That's the male version of that. Would you do that? No. Because guess what? At 22? I like having balls. I honestly could do without the balls.

I don't care. You don't like your balls? No, they are whatever. They're an accessory. Why? You sit on them a lot. You sit on your balls? You've never sat on your balls for...

I've sat on my balls, Joey. And that hurts a lot. But not a lot. I would say once a quarter. I got... I would say once a quarter. Four times a year I sit on my balls and it's excruciating. It does suck.

But also, if you're asking me, like, balls are a necessary evil for having a big dick. Bro, what are you saying? What are you saying? What are you saying? What are you saying? What are you saying? I don't even know what you're saying. Oh, here comes the tongue.

There it goes. I like having balls though, dude. I touch my balls. Why did I say big? I don't know. I'm working cool. You're working cool. You're not making sense anymore, Frank.

I like juggling my... Not juggling. What the fuck? Not juggling. I meant like, you know, like, what's this? Playing with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like those guys that have those metal balls and like, to like, calm down?

Like yesterday was Sunday. Sat on the couch, watched football all day. My hand was fondling balls. Your own? Along... Yes. Okay. Well into the afternoon.

So, I mean, I need those balls. You do need them. You can do without your balls though. You can get rid of your balls. Yeah. I mean, at this point, I have, you know, another child on the way. Like if we were to... Forget about that.

If you could still keep sperm and all that shit, but you would just say, oh, balls are like, you know, whatever. Yeah, bro. They're fucking... They're unnecessary flash. Don't need them. Flash. My life would be so much easier without balls, bro.

What problems occur in your life? Hitting them. Getting them in the zipper. Getting them in the zipper. Yeah. Dude, that hurts. Yeah. You've never?

No. Yeah, dude. It fucking hurts. I like pull my pants out when I zip them. Well, I mean, I try to do my best to avoid it, but there are some times where you're going quick and you go, whoa, whoa, what was that? It hurts. I've never done that.

I have cut my balls when I was... Oh, I've cut my balls shaving. Like, yeah, like you're trimming and then it's like, and then my, you know, balls bleed a lot. Balls? I have a lot of veins in them, especially mine. You have a veiny balls? I have veiny balls, bro.

You ever... Never mind. Just go ahead. I was going to say, you ever like really look at... Oh, yeah. Why don't our balls have like dots all over them? That's not what I meant. That's not what I meant.

I meant like if you, if you like squeeze them, you know what I mean? And then it's like hair follicles. Hair follicles, that's right. Yeah. But why are they so like, they're like little anhyls. Well, because the skin there is so thin. Yeah. So I think it's, I think it looks weird.

I listen. Because they don't feel like... What do you think? My ball... Show me yours. I'll show you mine. Right now. Why do you think...

Nothing gay about it. I'm not thinking it's gay. I don't want to see your balls. Why not? We're, you know, doing a show and... Well, wouldn't the cameras go off? Even worse. No.

I haven't seen your balls in years. I don't need to see them again. Yeah. I have, I, every now and then I see them and I'm like, good on you. Good for balls. They're still there. Balls are... Never mind.

Nope. What the fuck just going on? Wait, what the fuck? Someone commented, so this girl made a tiktok apparently with her like a... Yeah. ...flopiantubes and someone wrote, bro, they told me I couldn't keep mine. I wanted to make a snow globe. Kind of fire.

I would... That's pretty sick. Oh! Um... What? Well, um... Bless me, bro. No.

You're not going to God bless me? What if I don't? Then you let the devil in. That's what my grandma told me. That's why you say God bless you to block the devil. I know. Because the devil when you sneeze... God bless you, Joey.

Thank you. Remember that I just bless you in case you do win a million dollars. A billion dollars. That's why I said billion. Um... No, listen. In regard to this girl, I, you know, whatever, you have your fucking full body autonomy. But doesn't this seem a bit premature to be like, I'm absolutely not having kids at

the age of 22? I think people probably know by that time. But there's a difference between saying that you don't want kids and then actually... Because I know people, I've come across people in my life that have said their whole life they never wanted kids. And then they changed, had a kid, and they're like, what was I fucking missing? And I know the other end of it too, where people are like, yo, I never wanted kids, didn't have kids.

It's the biggest regret of my life. And it's too late now. I'm not saying this world doesn't want kids. I think it might be a bit premature for her to say I don't want kids. And then in addition, that's like a super hard-o move to like show people like no one... I'm sure people in her life, because people do it to women all the time, they're like, when are you having babies? When are you going to find a good guy?

But that's like the hardest and most over-the-top way to be like, I'm not doing it. I physically can't. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, wearing it, I'm like, yo, if you know, I think that you could figure out that you don't want kids that early. And whatever, you want to get your tubes out? I'm not going to give a shit. Do whatever you want me to.

Well, they're dried up. My mom still has my foreskin when I was a kid. What the fuck did you just say? My mom still has my foreskin. Your mom? I think it's my foreskin. Or it might be my belly button, probably my belly button. She has your belly button.

Yeah, you don't. I guarantee your mom does. My mom has my teeth. Yeah. Oh. She's kept my teeth. And I found them recently. Yeah, I know.

You told me. It used to be in these little like neon green... Like caps. No, they were like a treasure chest. Yeah. My teeth were in there. Yeah. But your mom has your foreskin and your belly button.

I don't know about my foreskin. Don't quote me on that, mom. I don't think you have that, I hope. But your belly button? The belly button, yeah. I don't... How does she have your belly button? She has like the crust one that like falls out?

Yeah. Ew, disgusting. That's a thing that parents keep. We have rubies. I know Becca still has myles. But why? It's just a keepsake, dude. It's...

When are you going to look at it? Parenting doesn't make sense. I'm not saying that you're wrong. It's ridiculous. Parenting doesn't make sense. It's stupid. Yeah. Why the fuck does my mom have my fucking eight-year-old teeth?

Call your mom. Call her right now and ask her. I bet she doesn't even know. Like, keeping like, oh, this is his first shoes. Call your mom right now and ask her. Call her and ask her why she has my teeth? Yes. Call her right now and say, hey, ma, it's Joe and Frank, you know, and then be like,

mom, can I ask you a legitimate question? I'll call my mom, too. My mom's just getting over COVID, though, so maybe not the right time to call her. I hope she answers. Yeah, me, too. Oh, she will. She's retired. She's got nothing else going on.

I thought you'd laugh. You're looking at me. Hello. Hey, mom. You're live on the basement yard right now, but me and Frank, you just had a question. Okay. Hi, Liz. Hi, Frank.

How are you? I'm doing well. Doing well. Good. So you know how, like, you kept my teeth from when I was a baby? Yeah. Why? Why?

I don't know. Please call the mothers. They do that. Franky, and do you have my, like, belly button? No, no, no. Because that would be disgusting. That would be weird. Exactly.

That would hold on. Teeth normal. Belly button weird. No belly buttons. Okay. That's about your foreskin. So you have no idea why you just keep them. It's just like a thing.

Well, you know, like when you, when you lose it and then, you know, you put it under your pillow and you're all excited and then we take it and, you know, keep it and, I don't know, I had those little treasure boxes. It's cute. Remember those little cute treasure boxes? I do. I just brought it up. Did you ever pay me for my teeth, by the way?

Of course. Okay. Kids today make out. How much? How much? How much? How much? You know, it would depend, I guess.

Depend on what? The size of the tooth? Just a good tooth. Just as a mola. That's about three bucks. Well, when you get away with a port or anything, it's like, oh, you take that or a dollar, you know. Yeah.

We made a mistake once a million miles. Five dollars. Also, Franky said that his mom has his foreskin. No. I misspoke. I misspoke. Mom. Mom, yes, he did.

He said that. Mom, say it live in the air right now that Nancy is disgusting for doing that. I'll say it. I don't think she has it. It's a joke. Liz, Liz, I tried explaining to Joey that, like, when you become a parent, you do things that are stupid and irrational, but you do it because it's meaningful to you. Well, you know, it's a part of your child.

Everything is so important. Think about it like this. The garbage. Think about it like this. So then why did you throw out my belly button? Well, it was different. It's not something, you know, something like that. You can't cheat.

It's like a piece of rotten fruit. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Rotten fruit. Yeah. Your mom's got your rotten fruit belly button. It hardens up. It doesn't rot.

There's no mold on it. I bet it doesn't look good. It doesn't. You ain't wrong. But Liz, you think about it like, you think about it like this, like those little teeth were inside your belly at one point. Ew. And they also weren't.

No, they weren't, really. They were in your, your bouncing baby boy's mouth. Wait. Oh, wait. Hold on, mom. I don't know if you know this question. The answer to this question. But when, when babies are like in the womb, right?

Obviously they don't have teeth, but are the teeth in their like face? Yeah. Like in their gums? Yeah. And then they like eventually come down or did they not have teeth yet? No, no. I think the baby, I think both sets of teeth are in there somewhere. Oh, shit.

Bro, you have like teeth in your eyeballs when you're born. Frankie's just saying things. Yeah. That one's not true. We're not dentists, but mom, we appreciate you so much. Um, we needed, we needed a confirmation on why parents are keeping their teeth. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I still, but now they're all jumbled together. So I don't know who's is yours or who's strategy. So somewhere in our house, somewhere in our house, you just have a ziplock full of children's teeth. You have a ziplock of jumbled up teeth. Yeah. Do you want to know something? I also.

Oh, yes. You have our dog's teeth. Mom, you get the dog's teeth. That's great. That's great. I didn't even know the dog's teeth came out. Of course they did. He died.

Remember? So, so Liz, can I ask you a question really quick? Do you hold Chase's teeth? Liz. Liz. Frankie wants to know if you think Chase's teeth are more important than mine. No, no, no. I wasn't going to say that.

No, no, no, no. The kid's the first. Can I ask you a question, Liz? Do you store Chase's teeth in the same spot that you store the kid's teeth? I don't know everything. That's a yes. That's an absolute yes. So there's, there's just, there's teeth everywhere.

There's like a bag of 100 teeth. There's photos. So if we go in the garage, there's just photos and fucking teeth everywhere. And don't forget little, little clips of hair, you know. You kept our hair. Yeah. What are you making a potion? What are you doing?

Teeth and hair. The fuck is going on. That was another one. Baby, your first haircut, of course you keep a little clipping. You swept under the, the, the woman who cut my hair and kept it. They take a lock at your first hair. I cut it myself. Well, yeah, that's probably, that's probably the other thing.

You should probably cut the hair. You were asleep. Oh, God. Okay. Well, that's about it. That's all I could take. Unless you have any other fucking secrets. Thank you so much.

They'll come to me. You got any toenails of mine down there? No, no, no, no. In fact, you should have. You need to clip those toenails all the time. All right. This is gone too far now. It's gone too far.

Don't, don't keep that part of it. That's all right. Okay. Um, but mom, thank you. Love you so much. Yes, thank you. Good, good talking to you, Liz. Thanks for keeping all my stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I'm not throwing it out. Don't worry. When I die, you can throw it out. Throw out the indiscriminate bag of human teeth. Mom, don't worry. When you die, we'll put a zip lock of teeth in the fucking bag. Send it with me. Yeah, yeah.

I'll put it in your coffin. You're going to be, it'll be at your wake. You'll be under your hands to be a bag of teeth. I'll be laying there my last breath. The teeth. So I go get the teeth. I can't go without the teeth. That's great.

That's awesome. Someone go get the dog's teeth. I can't go. I only count, I only count four sets here. All right. Well, I gotta go. You people are crazy.

We're crazy. We're crazy over there with hair and teeth in your house. It's a fucking crime scene down there. Oh my God. Oh my God. All right. I'll talk to you later, mom. I love you.

All right. I love you. Bye. Well, she's got a bag of art. Bro, I'm telling you, I want to know what my mom's would say it's too late.

And my mom probably wouldn't do well be on camera and your teeth at Falvors 8085 on Twitter. The safe Alvors on Instagram, Tik Tok and YouTube. So go check it out? Then make sure you go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard.

In addition to Basement Yard on all social media accounts, Tiktok is blowing up, but Patreon, we get the $12,000 and we do that drag show. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. You guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato, go follow the show on Tiktok and Instagram at The Basement Yard and that is all. See you guys next time. Shout out to Shania and Twain.