The Basement Yard - #375 - Is Avril Lavigne Even Alive?

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Joe and Frank discus the suspicious activity around Avril Lavigne Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Good shirt. Thanks. You know Mormons wear that to sleep, but it's gray. Bro, yeah. Mormons wear like bodysuits. A full-blown like. Why are they so weird?

I don't know, I think that, is it a onesie? Cause I could get into that. It's like, it could be a onesie. I don't, 15 wives, you got a onesie? I don't know, sounds pretty cool. Don't they also like, we once almost talked about this on an episode, but like 15 wives, don't they have to like schedule out sex with them?

Like it'll be like, all right, this week, we're doing you and you. Allison's Wednesday, yeah. Yeah, it's like, all right, Michelle and Brittany on Wednesday, you know, and it. That I don't know, I think that changes from household to household. They probably also have weird Mormon names,

like Ursula and Hephaestus. Ursula's kind of cool. Hephaestus is trash. Yeah, that's actually the name of a Greek god. I thought that was, I was gonna say Arestus, but that's not right. That's a resty, and that's a. Yeah, yeah, oh boy, we almost got a little real for you.

But yeah, by the way, did you notice that I have like a shit stain on my leg? I have no idea what this is. Wait, what? Let me see, let me see your poop stain. Oh, I did, I did see that, I did see that. I know exactly what that is. Was I like catching a dub and then some girl

shit herself on me? Damn, could you imagine? What movie, oh, super bad. Yeah, he gets a period on her. I remember seeing that and being like terrified of that happening, because that was prime dubbing days for your boy. Yeah, yeah, catching a dub, catching a fat dub.

Yeah, back then I was worried about getting some period blood on me as well. Why are we like, I think it speaks so much about like the public school system that like we were like disgusted by period blood. And it's like, it's just, it's just blood. Some people just don't like blood. Well, I understand that.

There was actually someone on TikTok had like posted, like reposted the video of us talking about the fallopian tubes and saying like, it is clear you guys went to a New York City school. And it was like. No one ever talked about a fallopian tube all through like public school. Because you went in high school,

you were in religious school. Yeah, they don't believe in. They don't believe in fallopian tubes. They believe in like, you know, babies come from God. Right. They're just like. They're leaving out all the like anal and spitting and shit. There's none of that.

No, you don't know what I mean. But like, I'm saying like the act has like a little bunch of stuff in it. Cool people, like cool like staff members in your like religious school that were just like, yo, like monkeys are who we are previously. Oh, just like talking about like evolution. Like evolution and like fucking.

No, it wasn't like what? I don't know. No, I do. It was just, I mean, we're children. So no one's being like, yo, you guys know about pussy? Like no one's gonna say that. There was always one teacher in every school that was like the fucking.

And it was, they were mostly guys, let's be honest. And if they were saying that to underage kids, they'd be underinvestigate. Well, no one investigated stuff when we were kids. Now they get upset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, I knew, I knew teachers that fucked students. What?

Yeah. You knew a teacher that banged like a current student? Like it was their student. And you were in the class? I wasn't in the class. But I know, and I can't, I gotta. Which grade? What grade?

It was high school. That's all I'll say. You won't say which year? I won't say where because I was in a couple of different places, you know? No, no, no, like what year? Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying, babe.

I don't know what you're saying. You know exactly what I'm saying. So you knew teachers that banged students? We had like urban legends who were like, yeah, this guy, like it's always like I got, there was a teacher that like. Oh, this was a, the teacher was. He was always near the girls locker room.

And I'm like, bro. Yeah, there was something, there was something weird about it. Yeah, yeah. Bro, chill. The ones, the ones that always I weirded me out were like the like coaches that were like real close. Yes, bro. Where they were just like, all right,

get into this position. Come here, come here, get right into this position. Everyone's gonna sit in my lap and we're just gonna think about it. It's like, bro, what's going on? The tennis coaches, the volleyball coaches. Well, tennis, because that's, you're grabbing like this.

Yeah, and you're like, let me show you how to go forehand. You know, exactly. So they get behind them. It's like, ew. And they're like, all right, all right. That's a paddle, by the way, a sex paddle. A sex paddle. And they're like, they're like, get in,

like really pull it in. Yeah, yeah. And then just like behind them. So you know, just keep pulling it in. It's like, bro. And then when you swing, you know, they do that stupid coach thing. Come across your chest.

You're like, yo, chill, bro. Yeah, it's a little weird. Yeah. But yeah, so the teacher in this situation was a woman. What? Oh, she was. She was a she. And the student was a boy.

He was a he, she was a she. I mean, oddly enough, he was a boy, she was a girl, can I get any more obvious? He played punk rock, she did ballet. What more can I say? What more can you say exactly? He was revered as like a God. I thought you were gonna keep going.

No, no. I was like, no, he was a skater boy. He wasn't revered. Well, she said see you later, boy. All right, I can't do this. He wasn't good enough for her. That's the... Well, now she's a movie star.

No, no, that's not it, Frank. Oh, he's a movie star? You know, he's slamming on his guitar. Who's the movie star? I don't think there is a movie star. Who is the movie star in 2005's iconic song, Skater Boy, by Avril Lavigne? No, he was a skater, she said see you later.

There's one very simple way to figure this out, Skater Boy. Oh, maybe he is a movie star. Now he's a movie star? No, now he's a superstar slamming on his guitar. He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Little... Also insensitive.

Not that obvious, bitch. Yeah, it's like, first of all... Yeah, maybe that little tie used to wear is too tight, bitch. Sorry, I'm going crazy on Avril. By the way, you know it's a conspiracy that she's dead and the person who's her right now is like a different person? Bro, I almost pissed my pants, a buddy of mine from college. Fuck, what did he recently tweet?

He's like, so you're going to tell me Betty White, Avril Lavigne outlived Betty White, and I almost pissed my pants. He was a punk, she did ballet. What more can I say? Right. Okay, so we're establishing two different... Completely different people.

Very different. He wanted her, she'd never tell. Secretly, she wanted him as well. Okay. A lover's quarrel. A bit of a lover's quarrel. Of course. This is most movies.

Of course. You know, rom-coms do this. You can't be too vulnerable and tell people how you feel. But all of her friends stuck up their nose. They had a problem with his baggy clothes. Yeah. The popular girls. Now here's the thing, I didn't know.

By the way, welcome back to the basement area where we're just analyzing Skeeter Boy, Avril Lavigne. It's a good song. And I intend to do the whole song. I'm here. Okay. I don't know punk rock boys wearing baggy clothes. They were kind of a little more...

They used to wear big pants with chains. Oh, like Janko jeans and stuff like that. But that's before our time. I do remember wallet chains. No, that was our time. You knew someone who wore Janko jeans? I knew, not Janko jeans, but had baggy ripped jeans. I had baggy jeans.

Shopped at PacSun, wore Kira Cologne, only air walkers and vans. Now you're just describing me. Quicksilver, yeah. Billabong. Okay, Billabong, exactly. All right. He was a Skeeter Boy.

She said, see you later, boy. She was done with that. He wasn't good enough for her. She had a pretty face, but her head was up in space. She's an idiot. But she's hot as fuck. That's Avril said it. Her face is.

We don't know about her if she had a rockin' body or not. What we've called butter face. Oh no, opposite butter face. Yeah, she has... Face or butt. No? Yeah, I don't know. Five years from now, she sits at home feeding the baby.

She's all alone. Damn, dude, single mom. Single mom. Now I feel bad for her. Going through it. Yeah, we're in high school, you know? Obviously, it's okay that you don't like some guy. She turns on TV.

Guess who she sees. Guess who she sees. Skeeter Boy rocking up MTV. Yeah. She calls up her friends they already know and they've all got tickets to see his show. Wow. She tags along and stands in the crowd,

looks up at the man that she turned down. This is a tale as all this time. This is a cautionary tale. Basically saying, if you like someone, just go for it. Or yeah, or maybe she didn't like him. She was like, ill, your clothes are so baggy and you're a skater. And I like where...

Well, because he did punk rock. She did ballet. Right, ballet and punk rock. They just don't mix. This sounds a lot like Grease just in song form updated for the mid 2000s. Yeah. And she's a single mom.

Right. He was a skater boy, said see you later boy. You don't have to do the chorus again. He wasn't good enough for her. Now he's a superstar, slamming on his guitar. Does your pretty face see what he's worth? Yeah, that's fucked up. It's kind of a little mean.

It's like, dude, take it easy on a single mom. She just, yeah, she's going through it. She's going through it. Avril, you bitch. Sorry girl, but you missed out. Well, holy shit. Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen. Sorry girl, but you missed out.

Well, tough luck. The boy's mine now. We are more than just good friends. This is how the story ends. Yeah, dude, this is a fucking violation. Avril is slam dunking on this like, fucking hot girl in high school. Like this poor woman is a single mom.

Very difficult. And now she's just like, fuck you. I'd fucking do the things with him now. Oh, he liked you, but you didn't like him back. Now he's rich and I'm with him. Fuck you. See the man that boy could be, there is more than meets the eye.

I see the soul that is inside. She's trying to spin it. She sounds like a crystal girl. Like I could see your soul. Take it easy. Yeah, like, all right. You're a tourist. He's just a boy and I'm just a girl.

Can I make it any more obvious? Again, a lot of people you're excluding there. Yeah, there is. There's a lot of, there's a lot, there's a subsection. We are in love. Haven't you heard how we rock each other's world? She's just trying to get this single mom to fucking do it.

She's like, by the way, we fuck a lot. Yeah. Like damn, dude. Like I'm fucking, I'm alone with the children. I'm with this skater boy. I said, see you later, boy. I'll be back on stage after this show. I'll be at a studio singing the song we wrote

about a girl you used to know. Wait a sec. Wait, did he make the song? Or did Avril Avril make the song? She made the song. Avril is the girl. Who made the song? Who's rocking on stage with him?

Oh, she's in the band? This is rocking, by the way. Yeah, I don't know what that is. And the girl he used to know. Yeah, she's at home raising her kid by herself and going through it. And Avril's like, remember when you wanted, he wanted to fuck you and then you didn't?

Bro, if Avril Lavigne wrote a diss track for me, I would fucking knock her top off. You think she's alive? A lot of people think Avril Lavigne's is like a body. I don't know, her eyes tell one story and her body tells another. Her outfits really tell a story. Her old outfits.

She used to wear, it was like. She looked like half a Gryffindor, half a Slytherin. Do you know what I'm saying? Her top half was. This was very Hermione and this was like punk rock. Oh, I would say the opposite. I'd say the neck up, she was Slytherin. No, because she was wearing like.

No, but she had like fucking deep eyeliner. She had a Slytherin face. She did have a Slytherin, Undertaker face. She was the Undertaker. Mick Foley. Okay. No, Lita middle. Lita middle.

Fishnets, thumb. These shirts, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I fucking hate them. I had one. I had one too. It didn't last very long. Oh, sorry, let me be clear. Have.

Oh, you currently have one. Yeah, it's a workout shirt. Guess what it doesn't give you? No. So that one has a Zedaline. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway. How you doing?

That's some, you know. That's Gitterboy. What song do you want to hear us break down in Death Necks about how fucking evil it is? So fucked up. Yeah. I didn't think that was the case. I didn't think about that either.

Apparently the song Jump by Van Halen's about telling someone to like kill yourself. Might as well jump. You might as well, dude. Just get it over with. Go, go. Fucking whatever. Go ahead and jump.

Go. That's a good song. I love that song. It's really good. No, but it's funny that we were talking about this actually, a Lovers Quarrel, because there was a Lovers Quarrel in the news recently where a woman accused her stuff doll husband

of cheating on her. So one, let's go what we have. Well, let's start from the, we have a woman, right? Give me Genesis, give me the book one. Woman. Yes. From Brazil. Duh.

Brazilians? Classic idiots. He said that. I don't even know any Brazilians. I know. One Brazilian. I knew one in high school. I'm kidding.

A woman accuses her stuff doll husband. So a stuffed doll, was it stuffed with feathers? Who's to say? No, no, no, dolls are stuffed with fluff. Fluff isn't a thing, Frank. It is. Thready fluff. Thready fluff.

Yeah. Fluff isn't a thing. Well, it's maybe it's stuffed with cotton. Maybe it's stuffed with a fucking hay. What's the stuff that you stuffed? Stuffing. Fluff. Fluffy stuffing.

Fluffy stuffing. That's what I just said. It's fluffy stuffing. She accused him of cheating. So here's the story. A 37-year-old Brazilian woman. 37, too young. Too young to marry a fucking doll.

Yeah, honestly, yeah. Also, this doll, hideous. Really? It just looks like a. Can I see the doll? Yeah, if you want to. Is it like a pro looking doll or? Yeah, dude, it looks super professional.

You wouldn't even know that this is a doll. You wouldn't even know that that's the doll that she married. You'd be like, who's that good looking guy? What's the doll's name? It's got to be some super Brazilian, like Thiago. The name's not there. But she said her marriage is hanging on by a thread. It's pretty good.

She gets it. Her husband portrayed her and was cheating on her with another woman. She's married to the doll. This is some toy story shit. Got married in 2021 to a doll named Marcelo. That's a very, yeah. See, like I said, Brazilian name.

Very Brazilian. Who her mom apparently made for her after seeing her daughter struggle as a single woman. That is so sad. Time out. You know how hard you have to struggle as a woman for your mom to be like, I'll just make a doll. A make a doll?

And you marry that. But also. Her mom's not really good with arts and crafts, by the way. We saw the doll, it sucks. Your mom sucks with arts and crafts. Your mom is not artistic. Not good at all. Not creative.

Also could have made this doll way hotter. Also, yeah, first of all, let's start there. First of all, if I'm going to marry a doll, I'm making this thing just a fucking absolute smoke. Like I'm making this doll, like the doll of my dream. Yeah, yeah, big fat. I'm not going to make it this ugly fucking little. And also, the other thing that is, that I don't understand.

Yeah. If your mom makes the doll, isn't it your brother? Yeah, if she fucking pushes it at her, but she didn't, bro. She just made it. Oh, technically, yeah. She's the creator. I consider Miles my son. He didn't come out of my jeans.

Why did you say that? Out of your jeans. Like, I mean, like my genealogy, like he's not. Oh, I thought you meant like your jeans. Oh, you think I was going with like the, he didn't come out of my jeans? Yes, that's what I thought. No, that's not where I went there.

By the way, this gets interesting. It says the wedding took place with a full complement of guests, and the pair went on to have a kid with doctors present. Tell me the mom made a kid. I don't know. Where did the kid come from? Did they pull it out of the doll, or did they like shove it in her, like you're shoving an oversized pillow

into a pillowcase, and you're just. That's a kid. That's a kid. She had a kid. It was also a doll. I thought that she would have been inseminated artificially from who? Donors, artificial insemination.

Bro, there are so many layers to this that are so fucked up. She saw, she had a friend who saw him entering a hotel room with another woman while she was taking care of her sick son in the hospital. So the doll son got sick. So she was taking care of the doll in the hospital, and that's when Marcelo. How does she, yo, all right, let's act it out.

You ready? I don't know what you're saying. All right, I'm going to give you a scenario you acted out. Let me be the doll. No, no, you're the wife. You married the doll, but you found out your doll son is sick. Go, and action. My son is sick.

How do you know? He's not himself. He's coughing up fucking cotton. He's coughing up hay. Bro, this is out of control. You know how upset I would be? What's the son's name? Marcelino.

Yeah, of course it is. Little Marcelo. I would be flabbergasted if my mom handed me a doll and just had because you can't pull. Yeah, that's foul, dude. That's super foul, dude. You get so much not painless that I'm going to make a doll. And also, your mom now has to imagine, you know,

does this doll have fingers, or is it like? Her mom doesn't seem like a good artist. I can't see. It's swaddled. Oh, no, no, no, I mean the grown one. The grown one does have fingers. You know where those fingers have been, right? Yeah.

Do you think her mom got like clever with it? She filled the fingers with like, you know, like silicone or something. So like, they're a little more like, you know what I'm saying? No. This doll got a dick. It's got to have a cock. You've got to have a penis, right?

Also, if your mom makes you a doll and doesn't give it a penis, does your mom even love you? I think, ooh, or what? Ah, figured it out. Yeah. She sewed in like a little hole where you can buy your own. It's like a Mr. Potato Head. Oh, like a dildo.

And you can, yeah, it's like a Mr. Potato Head. You know how Mr. Potato Head in his ass, he stores his eyes, his ears. Yeah, and like different hats. You can put like different dildos in there. Nice. You know, so like when you want to. Yeah, if you want like a crazy night where you're like,

yo, let me get some thick shit in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that, yeah. This is insane. Yeah, and honestly, I want to know who he went into that hotel room with. This fucking doll is getting fucking assed, dude. First of all, this is some toy story shit.

This doll is like running around with people. Marcelo, bro. Yeah, that's my guy. The guy's walking around getting fucking the same. The funniest part of this is that we're going to find out that he's like some like drug kingpin. He's going to kill us. So I go, what?

We're going to just see like the head of this. The doll pop up. What's up? His son's right beside him. Marcelinho. I feel bad making fun of this woman, but I have to. Oh, yeah. I feel like it's something in me that where I got to be like,

hey, man, that's a rough go. But I'm cool with that. Would you ever consider stop you there? No, hold on. Let me just say this. OK, go. Watch this. Would you hold on?

No, you watch. No, you know what? I'm going to write down my answer, and then I'll show you that I knew exactly what my response would have been. OK. Don't want to spoil anything, OK? OK.

Do you love your wife? Would you write? Just show us what you wrote. Just show us what you wrote, Frank, please. No, what was the first question? The question was, do you love your son? The question was, do you think your daughter is cute? Hold on.

Wait, what was the question you were going to ask? What was the question you were going to ask? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I was going to ask you. The real question I was going to ask you is, given the opportunity, would you ever, do you think back in the day you could have been convinced to be a Nazi?

Whoa. What? That's what happens when you get too ahead of me. You're right. You know what? You're right. You just let me ask the questions. You're right.

That was my answer. I don't even know what I'm saying. A little bit of both in there. That's just a Yankee symbol over there. Well, no, I was going to seriously, though. Seriously. OK, all right. All jokes aside.

Yeah, yeah. All jokes aside. What am I saying? No more Nazi jokes, Joe. OK. Yeah, those are not in right now. Oddly, no, they're not. Someone's not going to like that.

But a couple people. Yeah. Would you have relations with a realistic sex doll? There's so much that needs to go into that. The answer is no. But if I was in a place where like, let's be honest, there are people out there that are just woefully unable to find a partner.

But I'm not saying it because of that. I'm not saying that you're just like, I just haven't felt the warmth of a woman in years. It's just that you're like, I'll do it, whatever. No, no. I can't. I need, what about like one of those pocket things? No, it's like touching a dead body.

Like there's nothing there, and I know there's nothing there. I mean, there is something there. Well, it's just a bag of bones at that point in time. Sure. No, but like, it's like, I need to know that I'm getting some sort of reciprocate. What is that? Like I'm saying, like if I'm 69?

No, well, hold on. You want a 69? No, like I need to know that the person is like, there's an emotional connection. Like there's a physical connection. So you have to be in love with a doll. Then I would maybe consider it a little more. But then there's no physical.

I would look at it and be like, this is stupid silicone little fucking idiot. Yeah, I mean, no one's asking you to marry the doll, Frank. I'm asking you if you would beg yourself. Yeah, you're asking me to fucking fuck a doll. Yeah, no, Joey, no. Would you? Yeah, why not?

You know what's funny? Years ago. I would try it. Years ago, when you were doing the basement yard podcast, there was- Here we go, you're gonna make something up. No, I'm serious. Okay.

There was an episode where someone had bought you a bust of like a button, button bejeans. Oh yes, I had a butthole of vagina. And you always said to me like, no, I never. Yeah. I guarantee you did. That's one of the things I think- You lied to my face about.

The reason why I didn't, and I'll tell you this right now, I was kind of upset. I was kind of upset. I'm upset that you didn't. No, I was upset that it was ruined, but this is the reason why I didn't. It was because- Oh, I remember you saying this, yeah.

The reason why I didn't bang that fake butt is because is because we did a game where it was like, you stick your hand in the thing, you have to figure out what it is, and they put like kimchi all over it and it's rubber. So it's like, you're not getting the kimchi smell out of this. Oh, it's silicone, Joey, it's not- Well, that's what I mean, yeah.

It's not rubber. Well, silicone, you know? So it was like, it just smells like kimchi. So you're saying that you're not- If it didn't smell like kimchi, I would have- So you're saying that you're not attracted to kimchi, like anything that has to do with kimchi? I would rather not have a silicone slash kimchi smell

all over my wiener now. Well, I mean, you know, what's so bad about that? What do you have against kimchi, Joe? I like kimchi. Yeah? In my mouth, not on my yang. Well, you don't like- Is there any food you like enough

that like if they had shoved it in that fake bonon, you would have been like, I'm cool with this? If they had shoved some buffalo chicken dip. Oh my God, I would have slammed it, dude. Oh, I love buffalo chicken dip. Top five foods, I would like put it in. All right, go, one. Actually, that would hurt, wouldn't it?

Five, it's okay. If you can- Where are condom? Five, buffalo chicken dip. Four. A whole tightly packed thing of oysters. Okay. Yeah, you're going for sensation there.

You're not going for taste. Yeah, I'm just going for, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, hopefully no smell. Three, three. Like a peach, but like- Like canned peaches? No. Oh.

No. Not the cubes, the slices. No, like a peach, but like it's got to be like a fucking juicy one that's like, you know, ripe kind of, but like maybe it's been like, maybe it's not that ripe. It's too ripe. You know what I mean?

Oh, like it's like a bruised peach. You just want to beat up a bruised vagina. No, I don't know. I meant like, so it's like, it could, what the hell were you- How is this allowed on the internet? No, oh, this, by the way, this video, it's over. Yeah, zero dollars.

No monetization. You're not getting a penny from this video. You don't, so you didn't see what you did? You just sucked a whole ghost dick. You literally were just like, oh, this video. Fuck is going on over there. I did, like, you know, when people go like. Yeah, I do, but then you went back and forth.

No, I did, no, I did not. There's a ghost in this room that's very happy. There was no back and forth. It was, it's just, your head came forward like a pigeon. No, it did not. Stop being an appropriate pigeon head. You try to do this, you try to do this. Oh, I'm trying.

You're trying to do this. So, all right, do you want, you didn't care about my five? Yes. Oh, I didn't say five, but go ahead. No, you did, did I? You said, buffalo chicken dip, oysters, peach. Oh yeah, there's two more you got. Give them to me, quick.

A bunch of bananas, not banana, like smush bananas. All right, I'm going for food that you like, not food that's gonna make it feel like it's a real life. Oh. Yeah, like food that you love to eat. You think, wait, hold on, one sec, you went with buffalo chicken because it would assimilate a vaginus taste?

Also, I love the dip. That's like my one. If I had to marry a food, it would probably be that. A little fiery. Okay, all right, yeah, it could be a little, it could be a spicy, but also comforting and creamy. And a little messy. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean. All right, what's the other one? So I said the whole bananas, and then one more, I would probably say like a warm, no, never mind. We're talking about foods I like. Yeah, foods you like. Ah. Like a nice steak, I guess.

Yeah, there you go, there you go, yeah. You go. A good steak, cook medium rare. Okay. Colossal king crab legs. Ooh, I like that. Crushed up cookies, chips of hoi cookies, and a cup of milk.

Okay. Yeah, you know what I'm feeling, you follow me there. Ew, do you crush your cookies up and put them in milk? Yeah. In like a shallow bowl of milk? You eat cookies and milk out of a bowl? Yeah, like cereal. Are you a cat?

You eat. God, what now? What now, Joey? This is what I do. Stop, no, no, no, no, no, stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want you to know something. No, I don't need it.

Everything is about you here. Give me one, Joey. What I do is I take chips of hoi cookies. Hold on, hold on. The candy blasts. Can I set you up? Candy blasts. And I put them in a bowl and I crush them.

Hold on. I'm fucking smithering. Let me set you up for this, all right? Because I want people to know exactly how it happens. Please explain how you eat cookies and milk. Go. He's doing this for a clip. I know what he's doing.

Say it again and I'll comply this time. Because people think you're fucking insane on the internet for most of the things. So now there's another one here that we've just fucking found. No, I am the voice of the people. The people out there do not, they do not. No, stop, stop, stop, stop, no, yes.

They do not conform to these normal, Joey opens a pack of cookies, takes one, dunk, um, um, um, um, there are different things to do with cookies, Joey. How do we eat cookies and milk? Go. Chipsahoy candy blasts. Take them out of the packaging.

I close the packaging. I take three or four Macs, crush them up, put them in a bowl, whole milk on top, spoon. That's the best way. It's inventive. It's imaginative. It's delicious. Imaginative.

It is imaginative. What do you do? You sit there like a fucking good old boy, like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. And you put it down and then you go fucking read the Bible. Fuck. I'm some fucking, I have some color in your life. Have some color in my life.

Do something different for once. Frankie, what do you, do you think that you're the most like coolest guy in the world? Because you crush up cookies and put them in a bowl. And then you eat milk out of a bowl like a cat. No, no, no, I'm not saying I'm the coolest guy in the world. But I do things that are different. They're more playful.

You sit. You think I give a shit? Yes. Here's what I do. I take the cookies. I take the cookies. I take the cookies. I take the cookies.

I take the cookies. You give a shit? Yes. Here's what I do. I take the cookies. No, it's not about you give a shit. No, no, no. It's not about you give a shit.

Hold on. Hold on. Let me, this is how I eat cookies and milk. I go like this. I go. You're over there going. I got stopped. I'm gonna have to talk with you.

I don't know. He's just right. No, Joey. It's more inventive. It's more playful. People grew up doing different things. You sit there and you want all of us to walk in a straight line like a fucking, like, like we're all going to the same,

the work yard, the old rail yard, Joe. You hear the steam whistle? Everyone's going to dunk your cookie. Hold it. Take it out. Eat it. Put it back. And then you're going to fucking drink your skim milk because you know you have IBS.

Legitimately, I've never had skim milk. Don't even try that bitch. Sorry, you're going to dunk your cookies in a fucking almond milk. It's just as good. If not better. Fuck you. That whole fucking industry. Listen, I have almond milk sometimes.

I'm not going to lie, but I don't think it's better than whole milk. Whole milk's the gang. The gang is all here. You know what I'm saying? This is the thing with you. Yeah. I am the voice of the people. The people out there like to hear that there are people like them.

When there are things that they do as kids that are a little weird, a little off the beaten path, what do they do? They hear Joey talking about, Ew, you do that? What are you fucking dweeb? Maybe you should fucking go away. And I'm like, no. Embrace the diversity.

Embrace the weirdness, Joey. You're the leader of the strange. I am the leader of the people. The people like to hear that there's other things out there. And guess what? Guess what they're going to do? Guess what? Look at me.

Look at me. Yeah. They're going to go home. They're going to try my method. And they're going to be like, whoa. No. Yeah. Because you know why?

You get a little more milk. Instead, you get mushed up fucking disease-ridden cookies that you have. Disease. Fucking. First of all, no, I don't. I just put it in the milk and I count to like four. And there's just enough milk. There's math involved in the way you enjoy your cookies, Joey.

You're like one, two, three, four, boom, home, hmm, hmm. You want to be fucking sitting there watching the TV where there's only one channel your whole life. Okay. Counting isn't math. So relax. No one's frying their brains over this. I just put it in and I give it a beat.

And then I eat it and cook, cook, cook. Oreos and chips. Oh, I bought those cookies. When you have them in there for like four seconds, the first time I hit your mouth, you can go and like suck a little bit. Get some of the milk. You're fucking weirdo, Joey. Get some of the milk.

You would still be sucking your mom's tits if you could. If you had your way, you fucking weirdo. How does this equate to mom's tits? Talk about my mom's tits. You're right. I'm not allowed to talk about your mom's tits. And I never would because your mom, great woman. However, you piece of shit.

Get to the ads. Get right to those fucking ads. I do have ads. Get to them. I do have ads. Speaking of tits. Probably shouldn't say that. No, definitely not.

Yeah. Cut that out. Or how about this? Speaking of tits. Patreon. The reason why we speak about tits is because we hit our 12,000 Patreon goal, like we said. So we're going to be doing an episode of full drag.

We're in contact with a drag artist. And the reason I say full tits is because I think Joey wants to buy a bust to put under a dress. I would like that. So you can have big old knickknacks. You can check it out at patreon.com. We have a goal ready at 13. We have an idea of what we're going to do.

We want to make sure it's possible before we announce it to you guys. So go check it out. Patreon.com. We're excited for that first year. You get these weekly episodes in week in advance. That's second tier. Well, that's where you get those exclusive episodes and all of

the exclusive episodes that have ever been on Patreon on Friday morning. So go check it out. Patreon.com. The basement yard. Yes. And to get to the ads, the first one we have here is Fitbot. The Fitbot app creates a workout routine that adapts as you

improve and uses equipment you already have. So you can go on there even if you don't have access to an actual gym or have any sort of dumbbells at home. They will make a program for you, body weight stuff, things you could do in your living room if you wanted to. Also, this is also on the go. So you can do it at any time, wherever you want. You want to do it at home.

You want to do it at the gym, whatever you want. They will set it up for you. It's all customized. And the reason why it's so good is because they use data and analytics to build off your last workout. A lot of people, if you do the same workout all the time, your body will just plateau. You're working at the same muscles.

It'll be very hard to get progress. So they help avoid that. And that's one of the many mistakes that people make when exercising and creating programs for themselves. But yeah, it's great. And a full year Fitbot is less than the cost of a single session with a personal trainer. Join Fitbot today and build a routine that grows with you

without slimming down your wallet. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at our link in the description below or go to fitbot.me The link in the description or F-I-T-B-O-D. M-E slash basement. Fitbot.me slash basement. Go check it out. It is a great app and they do great work over there.

So go check them out. And next we have Stitch Fix, which is like having your own personal stylist. You go onto their site. You fill out a style quiz and they figure out what kind of fits you like, whether you're like a baggy or fit or a slim fit or whatever, your pants size, shirt size, everything. What kind of patterns you like to wear, things like that.

And then once you fill that out, they start choosing items for you. And I think it's every month that we'll send you a package and you only pay for the items that you keep. So if it shows up with five things and you like three of them, you keep those three and you pay for those. And the two you send back free shipping and free returns you will not pay for.

So it's nice. You get a little package every single month or whenever you want. And you keep your wardrobe nice and fresh. They've got you covered with over a thousand brands and styles you know and love. And they'll show you how to wear head to toe outfits and keep you fresh.

Right now Stitch Fix is offering our listeners $20 off their first fix at stitchfix.com slash basement. That is stitchfix.com slash basement for $20 off today. Again, that is stitchfix.com slash basement. Okay. Also, I wanted to bring this up because this happened to me two nights ago at 4.37 a.m. I woke up and sometimes I have dreams.

You do. Yeah. Sometimes I have dreams and they're so weird that as soon as I wake up from them, I start writing down in my pad about what happened and you were in this one. Yes. In a good way. Yeah.

Okay. You were just a supporting role. That's what I am in your life. I'm your co-host. I'm your supporter. Number one, always forever. You'll ever forget that. Wow, that was fucking beautiful dude.

Anyway, so the first thing was. Send that clip to Pete. Got it. Gas powered jet packs at a school. Now I can go into what I meant by that. So backpack. Yup. And also, I remember it being not a thing that other people had.

So people were like, whoa, what the fuck? I was like, yeah. Was it just me and you or just you that had them? No, we had them. Oh, me and you. And there was a gauge. It looked like a gas gauge. Okay.

So it took like gasoline, I guess? Kind of like a car. Like Buzz Lightyear's little star command. No, it was like a watch. Oh. And then you could fly with it. To get the class quicker. I guess.

Why? And then I wrote have to complete mission with the Stranger Things kids, but no Finn or 11. I still love those Stranger Things kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, is this including so.

No Finn Wolfhard and no Millie Bobby Brown. That's okay. They're too famous now. I guess. But they were in my dream. We got Caleb McLaughlin. Yes. We got Gaten Matarazzo.

Yes. And then we got. Will Byers. Will Byers. No a Schnapp. No a Schnapp. And then we have the redhead girl. Sadie Sink.

Sink? I think. Something like that. Something. All right. I'm rolling with that crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

So, and then it says me and Frank show up to school early. 4.30 a.m. Okay. So we get there mad early. And it's a big ass bathroom. Like a Harry Potter looking fucking bathroom. Like the ones downstairs. Like moaning Myrtle type of shit.

Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. Moaning in bathrooms. So we're. Then it says in bathroom planning mission. Well, where else would you. And we hear a voice.

Oh. Is this moaning Myrtle? No. And then I wrote it's Lynch. So our friend Ryan Lynch. All right. This is getting better. This is a pretty good dream.

Then it goes says he thought he was the only bathroom boy. Right. So he thinks he's the only bathroom boy. But clearly we're bathroom boys because we're in the bathroom. We're the bathroom boys. And then we asked him why he was there. And then he said he. Yeah.

He said he always comes early to jerk off before school. Well, as one does. And that was a whole dream. Um, I gotta say that is an eventful dream. Yeah. It was so strange. I was like, oh, we have a mission to do. And all of a sudden Ryan's like, oh, no, yeah.

I'll come in and jerk off. Oh yeah. I'll come here. I mean, let's not make that joke about Lynch. We don't want people thinking he's going to school to jerk off. No, we were all in the school. Oh, like we were students. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Still weird jerking off in the bathroom of a school with kids. You called them kids. Well, yeah, I did technically. No, no, no. Quite literally. Yeah.

You called them stranger things kids. I need a lawyer. Yeah. Um, why would we have rocket powered jet packs in a school? Uh, they were gas powered, not rocket powered. Well, gas rockets are powered by guess what Joey gasoline. Are they forms of it? I think the term gasoline is kind of like all encompassing.

Like it's some sort of accelerant. Gasoline. Yeah. Fuel's rockets. I believe so. Rocket powered gas. No. Now I'm just saying.

Yeah. I don't know where you're going. It's kind of fucking me up. I don't know. Is there gasoline in rockets? I think they're jet fuel, but they're a type of gas. Oh, okay. Like people use the word gasoline interchangeably.

Like gasoline. Yeah. Gasoline. Gasoline. Gasoline. Uh, like when people drink like Red Bull, they're like, ah, my gas. This is that, you know, people say it about their weed. This is gas.

Got it. You know, uh, four locos, original four locos, basically gas. Passing gas. Passing. Well, no, that's different. How's that different? Because gas is a, is a, is a, is a thing. So is fart.

Gas and gasoline are different. Right. Gas is like the uncle and gasoline is like the little Italian, you know, nephew. Do you know, I mean, obviously you know this, but like there's methane when you fart. So technically, if you fart in a tiny little box, like continuously, eventually you'll die. Uh, did you watch a jackass forever? Yes. They lit again.

They blew up a gas, a fart. Yeah. I've done that. You've never lit your fart on fire? No. I've done it. No. Okay.

I know, but when it, you know, I had to. So I leaned back and I was wearing sweatpants. I didn't put my bare hole to the wind. Okay. So you drew the line at putting your, your asshole in the air. I wasn't going to cinch my ball sack. You weren't going to cinch it too either, Joey. You had a lighter, not a fucking torch.

Bro, the fucking gas gets everywhere. Fucking it just. Come on, bro. What? You lose some hair follicles on your balls. Boo hoo. Not boo hoo, but like, you know, if any part of your body needs to get rid of some hair, it's probably that area.

Let's be honest. The, the grundle? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. I haven't seen it. I want to see it. Did you want to get like, you want to stand over like a mirror and just like see what's down

there? No, we did that on an episode of the basement, old episode of the basement yard. Well, no, I looked through my legs and I saw my hole, but I couldn't see my like grunt. I would have to like get, I would have to, you know. I think that's like a thing in like modern sex education classes. They encourage women to like look at their own stuff so they know what they're working with. Yeah.

They don't do it. They don't do it to boys. That's different because yeah, because we can, we can just look down and see everything. Well, no, I, I, I'm kind of following you there where I think like the part that I need to look at to make sure it's okay is like the part I can't see. What does that mean? Under, you know, like the goonch. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Well, yeah. If I was a girl and I'd be like, oh, I got to check out this vagina. Check it out right now. Check mine out. You got sweatpants on. Throw your phone underneath your, your, your, your bonch. You could do it.

Take a picture. I'm not going to take a picture. Don't show me. Please show me. These sweatpants are kind of tight. You're hearing this. Joe's taking a dick pic live on the air, babe. Am I taking a dick?

How's it look? Does it look all right? I'll be honest with you. It kind of looks like a vagina. Yeah. It does. We always knew that. What is that?

Whoa, I just got a smell of apples. Bro, I'm not kidding. I opened up my pants and then when I shut them and the wind hit me, I smelled like freshly cut apples. What would you say your, like your scent is? Apples? Fucking apples apparently. But like, yeah, like apples, bro.

I would say mine is like nutmeg. I like nutmeg. I like nutmeg too. I'm getting apples. You're gonna- Those fucking balls smell like apples right now. Yeah. I'm getting apples.

I'm not. That's probably not great. I mean, I'm not really getting anything. No. Damn. No, I can't like define the scent. You ever take a shit and it smells like a doctor's office? That's happened to me like twice in my life.

And you're like, yo, this smells like, I'm in a waiting room. You just never have any? Bro, that happens to a lot of people. What? I don't think you realize how much of an anomaly your body is sometimes. You say these things like, yeah, you ever just, you know, and it's like, bro, you're, that's ridiculous. That's absolutely ridiculous.

I think that I'm just like creative in what I like interpret smells as, if that makes any sense. You're also like cool with like your, like your body smells and stuff like that. I get really upset about my body. Well, I don't really like smell that much. I don't really smell that much. So it's not a really like big thing. I can smell myself and I apologize to my family.

And the only one that tells me the truth. Well, Ruby can't talk yet. She just smiles. He goes, yo, you smell like fucking shit. You're like, bro, your butt stinks. And I'm like, all right, take it easy. Like at first I'm like, and he's like, no, seriously. I'm like, okay, chill a little bit.

But Becca was always like, no, you never had a smell. She's lying straight. Wow. She's enabling you. She's a hundred percent. Like she also tells me my breath doesn't stink in the morning. It stinks. You have a stinky breath.

You have a stinky mouth. In the morning? Morning breath? Yeah. Well, my morning breath sucks. Really? Deadly, vile. Wow.

Never mind. No. I was going to say something so stupid. What were we going to say? I was going to say, you ever throw up and then, well, you haven't thrown up in like 10 years or something? December 26, 2008. 14 years in a couple of days.

14 years. Yeah, baby. 14 years since I've thrown up. You don't want to? There's zero part of me that wants to. I think at this point in time, like if I did, I'd be all right. You should throw up. No, I don't need to.

No, it's fucking cool, dude. No. No, it's not. I haven't thrown up in a little bit. When was the last time you threw up? 2020, I think you said a couple of episodes ago. Definitely during the COVID, I threw up a red wine. Yeah.

Oh, hell. Yeah. It was like, oh, okay. Barbecue sauce. Yeah. Barbecue sauce. It looks like probably like brown. It was way more red on the way out than it was on the way in.

Cut it out. Looking like I was making Hawaiian punch in there. Please stop. I've asked you nicely twice now. You know what's crazy about Hawaiian punch? It doesn't get cold. First of all, yes, it does. Second of all, you can't go from comparing your throw up to Hawaiian punch to then talking

about a delicious substance like Hawaiian punch. Hawaiian punch doesn't get cold, dude. No, I always wondered, why haven't they bottled Capri Sun and just keep it in pouches? Yeah, and those pouches, man, are not really like fucking, they're not easy, bro. I'm breaking fucking straws and then I'm sucking half their half juice. No, the Capri Sun ones are easy. The ones that have, because Capri Sun in the front, it has like a little hole with plastic. Yeah, but then I fucking jam it through the back of it.

Because you're an idiot. The ones that have the top, where like you have to put it through like the foil on top. You get the fuck out of here. You're an idiot. You're a certified moron. I paid the fucking money. I should be able to just use this. Now I have to perform surgery on your little bag of juice.

Yeah. Like just give it to me, bro. Just give me the juice. I don't need to go in there and be like, scalpel. Yeah, I gotta cut this thing open now. And it's delicious. Capri Sun. I haven't had a Capri Sun in 15 years.

I haven't even like seen one in a very long time. Oh, I see them all the time. Really? Yeah. We don't get them. We don't get them. No. We don't.

We're a big water drinking house. Very rare. We have juice. Whoa, dude. Did you just say juice? Oh, I thought you were talking about, I was like, chill. Well, no, I mean, it is very rare that we don't know many Jewish people. They come over.

Okay. So I guess it is rare that we have them. Why don't you know any Jewish people? Well, no, I know them. I said that come over. But you don't want them in your house, is what you said? No. I just...

Oh, you don't. Hold on. Stop. What are you saying, though, about Jewish people? I am not saying anything about Jewish people. I love everybody, including the Jews. Oh. But you don't want them in your house?

No, that's not what I'm saying. But they haven't been at your house? I'm just saying, of the people... They haven't been invited to your house? Those are the people that I know in my life that subscribe to the religion of Judaism. Right. None have come over yet. Have they been invited?

Yeah, I invite everybody. Oh. Everyone gets an invite. Hey, whatever you want. I feel like your voice went pretty high. No. I feel like you... No, no.

I think it went high again. I think so. Everyone gets an invite. Everyone gets... It feels like... What does it feel like? It feels like you haven't invited them. Oh, yeah?

Because you know what it feels like to not want certain people in your house. No, that's not what... That's what you're saying. You're not sitting here and saying like, you know, I don't know. It sounds like it. You're saying like, I know what he's trying to say. Absolutely not. Because that's what you want?

No, I'm just saying that's all it sounds like. You said it. You said there hasn't been any Jewish people that have been to your house. Dammit. It's a fucking kid. I'm just saying that I have yet to have any of my Jewish friends or people in my life come over. That's it.

Well, okay. Well, on that note, we do have more ads. Oh, man. You know what's funny? How we do that on the show all the time? Yeah. One day. They're going to get upset.

A clip of that is going to get posted and people aren't going to understand. It's going to be great. People don't get the show all the time. But anyway, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online counseling therapy. I've been in therapy for years now. It is amazing. I think that everyone should be in therapy and BetterHelp is a great way to get started

on that. They make it very easy to connect with a therapist. You can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. You can also switch from therapist to therapist. That also helps a lot because you have to find the right fit for you. But you should join the 3 million people who have matched with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online, plus best part, it's affordable, way more affordable than in-person therapy, which is sometimes an arm and a leg.

What I'll have to do is go on their site, fill out a questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch. Like I said, no waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10%. On top of it already being affordable, you will save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash basemanyard. That is betterhelpheop.com slash basemanyard. Go save some money, go do some therapy, figure out what the hell is going on.

Sorry. And lastly, we have stamps.com. Stamps.com brings all of the amazing services of the post office right to your home. All you need is a printer and a computer. You just sign on and you can print official U.S. postage with the click of a finger. Also, you're saving time by not having to go to the store and maybe wait in a line or whatever. No one wants to do that. But you're also saving money up to 86% off UPS and U.S.P.S. shipping rates.

That's not a little. So you're saving time and money with stamps.com and whether you're a business shipping out things all the time or the holidays are coming up, if you're sending some gifts to some relatives or whatever the case may be, stamps.com has you covered. So this holiday season, sign up with the promo code Basement for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the home page and enter the code Basement.

There you go, folks. Enjoy that this holiday season because it is important. Yeah. And actually, we're recording a couple days before Thanksgiving. Yeah. And around this time of the year, people often like to say what we're thankful for. What are you thankful for? I'm thankful for my family, my health.

Yeah, those are always the first two things I said in school. They're like, oh, what are you thankful for? Like health, family? Yeah. For you and our show. For the people that watch our show. And made the podium. For God of War Ragnarok.

It's a pretty fun game right now. I'm really enjoying myself, Joey. You're thankful for God of War. The video game, yeah. Right. Remember the last one? Still in the plastic in my house. Yeah, that was kind of wild.

You're honestly missing out. It is, you will become obsessed. Legitimately, in the last year, the only two video games that I have played. Call of Duty and NHL. I was going to say and Call of Duty. No, well Call of Duty and NHL. Those are like literally the only games that I play. Oh man, God of War really is something else.

I haven't played a game like that in a while. Although, I used to be, remember when I was really into Assassin's Creed. Yeah, you were a big Assassin's Creed boy. I don't know why I like that shit. What are you thankful for, Joe? I'm thankful for my friends, my family, the people who watch everything. My health, my calves. So close.

Come on, keep going. My friend Frank. There it is. All right, okay. Are you thankful for your hairline? I'm very happy about my hairline. You have good flowy hair. I have good flowing hair.

I'm very happy with my hairline. Anytime I go to a barber, very easy for them to shape me up. It's not very laborious. You can get it done quickly. Holy fuck, I legitimately forgot about that. What? Oh my God, you didn't say it. You didn't say it in the Patreon episode.

I don't do it in Patreon episodes. I don't know what you're talking about. You do say it though. I would say what? Oh, you're going to gaslight me now. I'm not gaslighting you. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay.

I'm very thankful for my hairline, yes. Yes. Are you thankful? You just went like this. Are you thankful for? Wait, hold on. What's your favorite part of Thanksgiving? Three, two, one.

Ham. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Come on, let's, we know that. Turkey's like, all right. I like turkey. I make it. I make it. But can you eat turkey without gravy?

No. Yeah. What? Yeah. No. Throw a little stuffing on that bitch. Okay. Or mashed tidiers.

I love mashed potatoes. I love mac and cheese. We're not doing mac and cheese this year. And you know, it's so funny you're saying that now I'm ordering someone to do mac and cheese. Why wouldn't you do that? Well, you just did everything else. Oh yeah.

Make someone do that. Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to. And they have to put breadcrumbs and fucking broil it. And broil that bad boy, right? Or whatever the fuck. Make it all baked and stuff. I want a little crunchy mac and cheese.

Yeah. Maybe that's what I'll make for Thanksgiving. There you go. Actually before, and I was like, I don't know. You know how you should do it? Start with butter. Wait, which kind of, which kind of pasta? Well, I mean, I like the two types that I like are shells or elbows.

You like elbows? I like elbows. Not bad. You know why? Because the cheese gets stuck in it. And you get to suck it out. Again? With the sucking, Joe.

I love to suck. Why do you? I don't know. I suck a lot of food. Food, dude. Not men. People would, people would say, you know, Venn diagram. They're in there somewhere.

Men aren't food. Your dog's dick is like there, dude. I just made that fucking. You seen that thing? I saw it. He's got a thing on him. He's all right. For dog his size, you would expect something a little better.

Like owner, like dog. Am I right? Well, you know. I am very thankful for. Forget thankful, dude. We're on to mac and fucking cheese. You're right. I'm sorry.

Maybe I'll just make a giant thing of Velvita. Yes. Well, that's all you need to do. You don't get, don't get fucking crazy with it. Velvita. I think I'm going to look up a thing of for mac and cheese and make like a lot of it. And make it fucking. Just get like three boxes of Velvita.

No, no, no. That'll, you're going to. I'm going to go shells. Velvita shells. No, I know, but I'm saying, no, no, no. I'm not going to cheat. I'm going to, I'm going to do shells though. Sometimes less is more, Joey.

You like to do all these like fancy, shmancy cooking things. Sometimes less is more. Frank, I'm telling you this right now. I'm making the best mac and cheese the world's ever seen. Well, second, because. It's going to be disgusting. What I make is. It's going to be not good for you.

Yeah. Well, they don't tend to be. Also, you know that biscuits are my top three. I love that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, I love biscuits. Ham stuffing turkey. I would say my top three's.

Eww, turkey being the top three is just ridiculous. Green bean casserole's in that bitch too. Love green bean casserole. Socks dude. Get the fuck out of here. Green bean casserole. Yeah, it's delicious. Okay, Janice.

Yeah. Well, a whiter thing. Can, yams. She like, not yams. Candy yams. Yeah. Nah, I can't do it. Too sweet for me.

Disgusting. Sweet potato mash with the fucking sweet potatoes. I'm really hit or miss with because sweet potatoes are too sweet Then it's right there in the name Crazy, there's not even that sweet. There they are Okay, they absolutely are with marshmallows fuck. I literally just said candied yams, and you said no I don't like candy yams. Well, is that what the marshmallows Joey? I'm thinking of the cranberry loaf thing Yeah, cranberry you want this gelatin fucking? No, bro I said to beckon I were planning Thanksgiving and I was like, oh, I'll get fresh cranberries

I'll make a cranberry sauce and she's like no Like why she's like we like the canned cranberry sauce and I was like I guess I'm in the minority here because people love that shit the loaf the gelatin loaf It's like out of the can like and it just yeah, like wait You okay go how are you supposed to eat that you're supposed like a spread? Oh, I thought you're supposed to just like cut slices of it. I need it. I got ham. No I don't know what way really. Yep. It's like a sauce. That's why cold cranberry. Oh Is it a sauce? I've only like a jelly, but they put it you like mash mash it up mash it up and you put it on your turkey

I've legitimately never seen anyone do that I it's always on a plate and it looks like the inside of a can I know what it looks like You know what I mean? It's ribbed for her pleasure and everything. It's ribbed for her pleasure Yeah, but I've never seen it mash it up. Yeah, let me ask you this This is how I am. Let me know if this is how you are. Yes everyone My plate is sectioned off. It's like here's the turkey. Here's the ham. Here's the stuffing. Here's the church Here's the steeple open the door and see all the people. I don't like to mix everything together I like to eat a little bit of that first then and that and then that and then that okay

I know people that just mash everything together. Oh, what the hell? Yeah, and they're like they just like a big fucking mess the only thing that you can mash together is like if you have like Mashed potatoes and like peas that are next to yeah because peas are idiots Yeah, because the peas are running around all over the place. I hate peas are all over the fuck you guys do peas for Thanksgiving Maybe I don't know why but I don't know how sad is your home It's just peas relax fucking peas are miserable, dude I don't like peas. They're very hard to eat. They run around they do They're and like there's no way you can't use a spoon because you look like an idiot

You can't use a fork because then you have a pee on the fucking fork Yeah, because by the time you pick it up, they just fucking all fall out and they're running all over the table That's why I like to use mashed potatoes and then I get them to stick in there mix in there. That's really smart I like that. That's actually pretty smart. Yeah, I'm a genius Also, how do you mash potatoes if there's gravy around do you make a little hole in the middle? Well, you well it up You gotta you gotta make it like I see videos of people making like homemade pasta Which I don't have the like it looks pretty easy when they do it, but it's fun I've done it many times. Yeah

But I make a well and then I put gravy in it and I fucking stir it up. Yeah Keith eats mashed potatoes he flattens it fucking weird bitch. Yeah, it's pretty weird Why would you fly? He just flattens it across this whole thing. I don't know it doesn't make any sense to me Honestly, haven't had some good stuffing in a while though. I love stuffing. I used to hate it when I was younger I I knew I wasn't a big fan of stuffing I was like, you know mushy bread but now with like all like the like when it's done up Yeah, you throw that on a piece of turkey with a piece of with some mashed potatoes on top and gravy you throw that bad boy in there Yeah, yeah, oh

Fuck dude, I can't wait for excited and you know what's cool this year is I haven't had Thanksgiving food up until Thanksgiving So I'm really like longing for it Yeah, when would you have stuffing and turkey any other day people do now? I'm not saying any other day, but like Thanksgiving is like Multiple like you have that food multiple times because it's like you do it with this side and that side and these people and those people I've waited. I've kept I haven't given my my turkey virginity away yet Yeah, I mean, I don't even really like turkey. So if someone's like I'm gonna make a whole turkey I'd be like what? Oh turkeys are very good. I wouldn't say it's very good. I would it's probably the worst meat

No, what's better? What's worse? I should say pork Probably yeah, like a pork chop. I'm okay. Yeah, you don't need it But that's it. I mean chicken you can argue stop You can argue no chickens. No, what chickens better than steak red meat Yeah, get the fuck out of here is fuck you and everyone you not the taste of it But like I feel like I use it more. I have more chicken I'm using more Joey because you like to be in shape. I fucking get it. You're awesome Yeah, you think you said you were thankful for your calves Joey, that's exactly why don't think I didn't hear that

You want it's a lean meat that you can dress up in reverse attire. That's not what I'm saying What are you saying? I'm saying there's more times that you can eat chicken So like it would be much easier for me You could eat a lot of steak, but your body would be fucking screaming at you I but I I don't eat steak that often either. I enjoy steak But I would be way harder for me to give up chicken than it would be to give up steak I could give up steak like pretty easily. That's not I'm not saying that has nothing to do with the quality But that's why I'm saying I'm not talking about quality. Well, that's what I said

You said quality. What's the worst than the best legitimately didn't use the word quality You just made what are you saying? What is your best and worst rankings based off of then? If not how how I can live with and you said pork chops are bad because of the quality So what fucking what are you trying to say? I didn't use the word quality Joey? You're all over the place. I like this is what happens when Joey gets back into a corner when he's proven wrong He'd be coming up I mean Backed into a corner first of all not back into a corner second of all you're using the word quality

Which never came out of my mouth just yours there Roger listen so to and then three I said the freeze when I said the pork chops I'm like, yeah, you know what that's not as good as fucking what are we talking about steak? No, Turkey Yes, Turkey's better than pork chop because I was just like yeah, I'm good That's what I said you're crazy and and honestly don't ever call me Roger ever again I am saying legitimately the best meat is red meat is beef Chicken lamb dude. I am good. That's a like lamb. That's a flavorful thing the Greeks did something right that name Well, that didn't just come from them their lambs all over the world. Well, they they've famous it That's not a verb definitely not

We got to get out of here Gotta get a fork at a father's eighty eighty five on Twitter the breakovers Instagram YouTube Tic-Tac. Go check it out. Thanks everyone for coming in and out patreon.com says a basement yard. We appreciate it Okay, you guys have found me at Joe Santa. Gotta go follow the show at the base me art on tic-tac and Instagram and that is all You guys next time Don't throw it