The Basement Yard - #383 - Police Girls Gone Wild
Episode Date: January 30, 2023Joe and Frank the recent drama happening in police station bathrooms! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
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Welcome back to the basement yard.
Oh my god, bitch.
I knew I would get you.
Yeah, you got me.
I really did.
You had fun?
Yeah, because he's coming back to you.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, wow, that was quick.
Yeah, it was quick.
You remember when that was like a thing that people did?
They'd be like at the park, and they'd be like, fuck.
I used to do it all the time.
That would actually hurt me.
Are you good at skipping rocks?
I'm not the worst.
I'm not good.
Bro, have you ever skipped rocks on a frozen surface?
Oh, and it makes that sound like hoing, hoing, hoing, hoing.
Dude, I actually, when Becca and I first met,
we skipped rocks on like a frozen pond.
Oh, what are you, a fucking children's book?
What are you talking about?
The first time you guys hung out,
you were skipping rocks by a pond?
The first, but one of the first times we hung out.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Oh, fuck you.
What would you rather us do?
We did, I mean, we took it to dinner.
We hung out.
We went out to bars.
OK, good.
We had fun.
I'm not, I'm saying fuck you.
It's so like a, it's like a fairy tale.
It is cute.
It is pretty cute.
And that's why I married.
So we met on a tire swing?
Fuck you.
It was a woman of my dreams.
But I skipped the rock on the frozen surface.
And it was like, jump, jump, jump.
Well, no, that's not sounding right.
That last jump was a little.
Japanese, I would say.
Whoa, whoa.
What, it did.
It sounded like it.
That's a little insane and insensitive.
Isn't it?
A little bit.
I, I, OK.
But I would say it's really, really cool.
I'm like, I'm an OK rock skipper.
I'm not, I'm not really good.
I can get two.
Any time I find like a really good rock,
I like load up for it and then fucking
like right in my feet.
Yeah.
Shung.
I hate that.
Yeah.
That's what the sound is.
Floop.
But I was always a good like flicker of.
Bottles.
Bottle caps.
Can you make really good paper airplanes too?
Or you want to?
No, I've never, never been one of those.
Either, bro.
I couldn't even.
It wasn't like a thing in our school growing up paper
airplanes.
You know what was though?
When you get construction paper and you fold it a certain way,
you go, pow.
It's a big bang.
I didn't do that, but I know people that did that.
Yeah, I could never do it.
I didn't do that.
You know what I never heard of until I got to college?
It must be like a stupid hit Connecticut thing.
People would take, bro, people would take the wrappers off
of like a Gatorade bottle and they like rewrap it
and they like blow it like they blow air into it
and it fucking shoots up and it sticks into the like ceiling.
I swear to God.
I'd never, I'd never heard of it.
And I was like, why are there all these wrappers
on the ceiling?
They were like, you never, and they were like, watch this.
And it would just stick into the ceiling.
Really?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
I never knew.
Never heard, never knew.
I remember one time you came back from college
and you're like, yo, let's play this drinking game.
It's the greatest drinking game on the planet.
Wait.
I will stand by it.
Wait, which one are you talking about?
Stump.
It's the greatest fucking drinking game.
All we need is a stump, a nail, and a hammer.
I'm like, we are not in Connecticut anymore.
Bro.
We don't have a stump.
We don't have a nail.
We don't have a hammer.
And you know what?
You know what?
There's one person that I met who knew what I was talking about,
and she's one of the most fun people in this big age.
She knew.
She was like, what do you want to play?
I was like, this game called Stump.
She's like, I love stump.
And I was like, this is fucking amazing.
No.
You guys never gave it a shot.
You throw a hammer in the air, and you catch it,
and you hit the nail on the way down.
I'm like, when do we drink?
You drink all the time.
So all right, for those that don't know what the game is,
you have a stump that's knee high,
and each person playing sits in a circle,
and then they hammer their nail into a part of the stump.
But like, use a three inch nail.
You hammer like an inch into it.
And the point of the game is you have to throw the hammer up,
catch it, and in one fluid motion,
hit someone else's nail to either drive it all the way in
or to knock it out.
And when you hit, they drink.
When you miss, you drink.
When you hit, and there's sparks.
Everyone goes, sparks.
And they all drink.
It's so much fucking fun.
And I've seen one person get hurt doing it in plenty of games.
And that's it.
What did they hurt?
They missed the stump and hit their shin.
How do you even begin to do that?
You be drunk.
I guess.
You be drunk.
Be drunk?
And then you miss.
Yeah, that game.
You say that's the most fun beer game?
It's one of.
It's up there.
What would you say are your top five drinking games?
Number one.
What?
Beer pong.
Beer pong's up there.
I don't know that it's that fun.
What?
It's more competitive.
You're right.
I like it, but I'd rather play.
The game that we came up with is very fun.
Beer ball?
It's like beer ball and beer pong.
Yeah, tip out.
It's literally just a combination of two very popular games.
I like that game a lot, but I can't play too many rounds of it.
I got to say, beer ball is in my top five.
Beer ball is mad fun.
And it made a late entry.
Do you remember when we played in the Poconos?
And we won nine games in a row in an hour span.
Bro.
That was one of the drunkest I've ever been in my entire life.
Yeah, I was like, I'm going to go throw up all this beer now.
Yeah, we had a big old problem that night.
It was a lot of fun though.
Yeah.
Do you remember we drunkenly called Daniela Priori at night
and we're just citing lines from I think you should leave?
Probably.
That sounds really unparalleled.
No, that's exactly what happened.
But beer ball?
Yeah.
But beer pong could be miserable if you're too competitive.
Slap cup's a lot of fun.
Slap cup's fun.
Flip cup is fun, but it's too.
I'd rather do super flip.
I feel like that's more fun than regular flip cup.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I don't know that people really play that though,
but that's a fun game.
That is a fun game.
And then this is Mayhem.
Kings is a classic and fun.
I hate that fucking game.
Cheers to the governor.
That's a good game.
That's a great game.
Yeah, you have to play with a group that's like,
everyone's like sort of decent at it.
Because if you play in a group and one person sucks,
it ruins it.
Yeah, do you remember?
So cheers to the governor is a game where you're supposed
to go around.
If you have a circle of like, say, 10 people,
everyone has a drink.
And you have to go around and count from 1 to 21.
But 7 is 14, and 14 is 7.
So you go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 14, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 7,
you know, blah, blah, blah.
And if you get all the way to the end,
you all cheers, you drink, and then you sign a number, a rule.
So it could be like 7.
Now you have to fucking try to fit your fist in your mouth.
So you would do, and then at the end of the game,
it's not even numbers.
It's just like action.
It's just like, argh, argh, argh.
Like, just like stupid shit.
Yeah.
It's fucking a lot of fun.
Or if you really want to fuck the game up,
you're like, all right, now 3 is 17.
Yeah.
Now you're done.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No one's getting this.
So, and then at the end, you say cheers to the governor
and you drink.
Yeah, good times.
Used to drink a lot of beer back in the day.
I often look back on that.
And we got fucked up at your house, though,
when we played beer pong.
Slow down, dude.
Like, chill.
We did.
You're making it sound like I had the trap house.
No, I'm talking about, like, recently, like last year,
when I came here.
Oh, yeah.
That was, that's one of the most fun days I've had,
and honestly, a really long time.
It was fun.
Because we just danced to 2000's hip hop.
Yeah.
We put my collectible figures on our beer pong table.
And played beer pong for hours.
Played beer pong, and I lost every single game.
Every single one.
I remember when you were beating me one game,
and I was like, I need to switch it up.
And I went and got like a stone cold figure,
and then I beat the shit out of you.
You put a curt angle and a stone cold
on your side of the table, and you came back and beat me
after being behind like six cups.
You know, it's not me.
It's the men.
It's the team.
I got to say, new merch.
Looking pretty good there, babe.
It's looking good, babe.
You know what I mean?
Go get some.
Is it available now?
It is available now.
Right now?
Yeah.
That's really cool.
Maybe one day I'll have some.
It's right there.
You think I'm going to walk in, waltz in,
and take some merch for myself?
Yeah.
No.
You say, hey, you should take this.
For you, your wife, your children.
Now we're getting crazy.
We're up to like six people now.
No, no, no.
We shouldn't take it for my kids.
Jesus.
We shouldn't take it.
How you doing?
I'm doing swell.
Swell.
Yeah.
That's not.
I shouldn't have said that.
Swell is where you went?
I don't know why I said that.
Can I ask you, your dentures?
Are they removable?
Because I'm so old?
Why swell?
I don't know why I said that.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm a little mad at you.
You didn't get me the sunflower seeds I asked you to get me.
That was a big mistake.
It was a huge mistake.
Well, to be fair, you asked me yesterday, right?
No, no, I asked you weeks ago.
Yeah, but you followed up.
Oh.
You sent me a picture of the bag.
I did the first time, too.
And then I didn't go.
You didn't go?
I forgot.
A very simple thing that you could have done.
I know.
I don't like that about me.
What, that you're forgetful?
Yeah.
I am, too.
I have to admit.
I'm pretty forgetful.
I hate it.
I feel bad.
Sometimes I'm forgetful, and people
think that I just am avoiding them.
And it's like, I just forget.
People have just come to accept that I am a forgetful ass.
An ass.
A forgetful ass is where you went.
Ass, yeah.
OK.
But anyway, speaking of ass, hot story, hot off the press,
there was a female police officer
who was fired recently for fucking six other.
I heard about this.
Yeah, she was really thrown in the whole department,
apparently.
Good for her, though, because get that wiener.
Unfortunately, she was married to a man.
Was he also a cop?
That's, I have no idea.
Bro, this girl was just letting
the whole fucking battalion show her the blue line.
The precinct had a way with it.
Oh, man.
What was the final number?
Because I saw there were rumors of like, I think one is a lot.
Five colleagues.
Whoa.
Everyone was fired.
Five cops.
Where?
That's a great.
What town?
Tennessee.
Oh, they're all related to those fucking bubble fuck hicks.
No.
They're not bubble fuck, you said?
Bumble.
Oh, you said bubble fuck.
I was like, oh, that's a new one.
Yeah.
It's not a big department.
Yeah.
Did they all know?
So according to reports, her name is Megan.
Or Megan?
Well, are we just going to say her name?
Bro, I'm looking at the report.
What do you want me to do?
All right, all right.
Throw it out there.
Megan Hall.
That's a good name.
All right.
And other law enforcement personnel
were involved in a wild sex copaid.
That's a cool word.
Sex copaid?
Anything copaid is cool.
Yeah, like escapade.
Sex copaid.
Well, that's only two.
But like there's ex copaid.
All right, I guess there is only two.
I guess it's ex copaid and sex copaid.
Go on.
Masquerade?
Not that cool.
It's kind of freaky now that I actually.
What about aid?
Moving on.
Yeah.
They were involved in a wild sex copaid
that included sending explicit photos.
Well, yeah, naturally.
To these buddies.
Stripping off her top at a girls gone wild hot tub party.
Hello.
I still have those?
For the police.
Yeah, apparently.
There's a lot of jokes I can make there.
I'm not going to do it because I do support blue,
but it's also a little weird.
I'm referencing more girls gone wild.
I thought those were only commercials back in 2006
that came on at like 3 AM.
Well, no, they have to film the content, right?
Do you remember those things?
There's like girls gone wild presents Cancun slut
celebration.
Yeah, that's like in the back of an RV.
And she's like, fucking what?
Yeah, that's exactly what it was.
The guy would be like, listen, I'll give you three Miller
lights and you show me one fucking nipple.
And she's like, ah.
It's like, if you dump out those who haws.
I'm pretty sure the guy that ran that
got into big time trouble.
Yeah, big troubles.
I mean, I think it was he doing his legal.
But there was a documentary that came out recently
that I wanted to watch.
It was about that.
I don't know if it was recent, but I didn't know about it.
It was about the rise and fall of girls gone wild.
How different our lives are.
You hear about documentaries about girls gone wild.
I hear about documentaries of the show Glee.
Yeah, different houses.
Very different lives.
Yeah.
Even having oral sex with two other officers
at the police station.
Damn.
At the police station.
Hey, are you filling out paperwork?
Bing pal.
In the barracks.
Yeah, it's just like, is that what it's called?
That would be a cool place to get fucking throated down.
Dude, sucking in the precinct.
Is that fireable if you suck it in the precinct?
I think in the workspace, yes.
It doesn't matter if it's the precinct or fucking an office.
But like, all right.
Glee, when you and Greg hook up here,
you shouldn't be doing that.
But I'm the HR department.
Yeah, that's right.
Who's going to report the reporter?
Yeah.
No, but yeah, I didn't.
I don't know.
They all got fired.
Internal investigation reports, sexual and mixed conduct.
She boasted about the size of one of the partners.
Penises claimed to be in an open marriage.
But if all these people got fired.
Wait, so, OK, I guess it would make sense
why the people that had the affair in the building,
in the precinct, got fired.
Oh, well, I guess you need to disclose any relationships
with your employer.
But what counts as a relationship?
Like, if you hook up with your coworker at a party,
you're not going to be like, hey, we made out.
That's a good question for maybe an HR department
if there ever was one, Joe.
Yeah, I don't know.
Oh, boy, if you had.
I should whatever happened.
Remember those HR department meetings
I would do with Greg, with Danny, and Josh?
I should bring those back, because we probably
have quite the amount that we could talk about here.
I bet.
She boasted about one of the guys,
Powell, having a huge black dick.
Her words.
Well, you can call it.
I see it.
I saw a picture of the guy, too.
You're like, yeah.
Well, you got to understand, cops
are trained to be very descriptive in their reporting.
Huge black dick.
So, like, you have to imagine.
No, that's not very descriptive.
One more adjective, then you could say that.
Like, it was like, huge black Danny dick.
Or, like, huge black big bald dick.
Big bald.
You're really honing it on this day.
Huge black.
No, but, like, it's funny, because cops will be like,
well, at 0800 hours, it was right before sunset,
and there was about 38 dew point.
You know, like, they figure all that stuff out.
So, like, they have to be trained to describe sex
in a very specific manner as well.
This woman also has a husband this whole time.
She was being a cheater.
She was.
And he's staying with her through the fire and the flames.
Through the fire and the flames, we carry on.
Yeah, apparently.
So here's a good question for you.
OK.
You're married, happily married, you believe.
You find out your spouse is sucking the whole department?
Yeah, it's just like the whole fucking seven to three shift.
What are you asking me?
What number of partners that you find out
you've been cucked by are you staying with that person?
One.
So one you're leaving, one you're done.
Let me ask you a question.
You find out your wife's cheating on you?
No, yes.
I understand.
But there are people that work through extramarital affairs.
They say, like, you know what?
We're going to work through it.
We're going to do.
Can't suck in the precinct.
But what I'm saying is, like, how many is it, like, one,
you might be able to work through it.
Two, we're going to be really tough,
but there's a small chance.
Three plus, is it, like, absolutely out the window?
Or, like, I mean, we're up to five here.
We're like, this is the levels.
We're the five layers of hell.
Yeah, Dante's inferno.
Dante's inferno of police dick.
Yeah, exactly.
So I don't know if there's even, like, a thing.
That's, uh, man.
You know, first of all, they put her name out there
not to embarrass her.
And her picture, too.
To embarrass her husband.
No, I think they put her picture out there
because it's just a story.
Well, yeah, obviously.
I don't think it was a joke, Joey.
It's a big joke.
It's a big joke?
A big old joke.
A big fat joke.
A police joke.
A big fat black joke.
A huge black joke.
Oh, fuck.
Now, how did they, is there anything in there
on how the department found out?
I don't know.
Do you know of anything?
How, I was going to type that into Google.
How does the department find out?
I think they just did an investigation.
Well, it's easy to investigate when it's being done
by the whole fucking shift.
The whole day shift.
Oh, now this article says six colleagues.
Oh, they're finding more bodies.
She's like a serial killer who's behind the glass.
And they're like, if you give me a can of you
who I will tell you where all the bodies are.
A can of you.
First place my head went, Joey.
I love you, though.
By the way, not chocolate, not milk.
Don't know what it is in that fucking.
Oh, I don't care.
It's good.
By the way, when you think of you, who do you think of?
3, 2, 1.
David.
Yeah, this kid had a fucking 1,000 you-hoo's.
Bro, a fridge, a whole drawer in the fridge of you-hoo.
And Capri's son.
No, that was a separate drawer.
I know, but he had two drawers.
This kid had two drawers in a fridge of children's drinks.
He was you-hooed the fuck up.
Bro, he you-hooed his way through that entire fucking
elementary school.
By the way, I can't have enough you-hoo.
I don't remember last time I had one.
I imagine it was very long ago.
I'll tell you what, the little juice boxes?
Dude, I could drown in it.
If I fell into a vat of you-hoo, I'd get out.
You'd drink your way out.
I would drink the whole thing.
I can understand that.
Easily.
You think so?
Yeah.
I mean, I would probably shit myself.
You'd also die before you were able to drink everything
because of the laws of nature.
Yeah.
So six.
Six cops, six cocks.
Way to go.
You did that.
This is what I- I might work right now, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
That's crazy, man.
That's way too many cocks and cops.
Well, I mean, listen, if she was not, first of all, not
married, unless you do have an open relationship,
go for it.
I don't care, not my business.
But I think in the workforce, that's the thing that's tough,
because you know there are people out there that are making,
like, distress calls, and they're like, where are the cops?
They need to be on their way.
And then someone has just fucking double-cheeked up
inside her, or she's inside them, or whatever.
Yeah, she was putting it down.
Also, her husband is a cop, but I don't
think at the same place.
That's got to be tough.
You've got to retire, get into a different line of work.
Yeah.
Because do you know what would happen if I was a citizen?
He's a park ranger.
Oh, that's worse.
And the son of a pastor.
God has gone there.
Yeah, I don't know.
God left that loveless marriage.
Yeah, that's what I think happened.
Oh, boy.
That's tough.
Do you know park rangers?
Do you know what would happen?
If I was pulled over by a cop, and I knew that that happened.
Wait, what do you mean?
If I was pulled over by a cop, and he was being a real D-bag,
he was like, you were speeding, and I know I wasn't.
You're broken everything.
You got buffed.
And I found out that that's the husband of the woman that
did that.
Like, you're not mad at me.
You're mad at me.
I'd be like, are you giving me a ticket?
Yeah, well, get your book out.
You're going to give me eight more.
Wait until you hear what I've got to say.
Yeah, this is a tough one.
Also, they interviewed this dude's boss.
His name's Jedediah.
Wait, whose name's Jedediah?
The husband.
Oh, well, hold on a sec.
That's like an Amish person's name.
You got to cheat on someone whose name is Jedediah.
Do you?
Actually, it's pretty biblical.
Dude, who takes a serious person serious
when their name is Jedediah?
It takes a serious person serious.
Oh, it's Hebrew.
Yeah, I know what it is.
Solomon, also called Jedediah, was a monarch of the ancient
Israel and the son and successor of David.
How's your name Solomon, and your fucking nickname
is Jedediah?
That sucks.
That's like Richard and Dick.
It makes no fucking sense.
That's just someone that was angry at Richard and said,
like, oh, I call Dick for short.
I don't know.
You ever have someone refer to their penis as their prick?
I'm like, what the fuck?
That's a British thing.
That's what they do in Britland.
They use that.
You're a prick.
That's what they do.
They'd be like, he has baby prick out.
Yeah, he's blanket is prick.
He stuffed it in a muff.
Stuffed it in a muff?
That's what they say over there.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm from London.
I know.
Are you from London?
No.
Have you been to London?
No, I want to go real bad.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
You're going to make fun of me, but my favorite tea shop
is over there.
Also to see it, but my favorite tea shop is over there.
They're big on tea, aren't they?
Well, colonization was a thing, Joe.
The sun never set on the British empire for a long time.
What does that have to do with tea colonization?
Because they stole it from where they colonized.
I thought tea was made in China.
Well, it was oldest like traces of tea
could be found in China, but also China.
But also like India, you know, in different countries
that were colonized by the British.
The British, they stole it.
So they took it and they were like, this is ours now.
Did the Brits, the one to blame for all this slavery?
I'd like to pin it on someone historically.
If we could really pin all of it on someone.
Let's see.
Well, the ancient Greeks did have slaves as well.
I think, unfortunately.
Who created it is what I want to know.
I'm going to look that up.
That's a good question.
I'm sure there are forms of slavery to the ancient times.
By the way, for all the people who are at home jumping up
and down and going, the whites, I know.
We know, obviously.
The town.
The oldest known slave society was the Mesopotamian
and Sumerian civilizations.
Oh, I believe those are not white.
Yeah, in Iran and Iraq region between 6,000 and 2,000 BCE.
Yeah, and the Greeks were like doing it.
They were like, yeah, we love wine
and our fucking little boy slaves.
Who said that?
The Greeks, dude, they were.
So technically, if we want to get technical,
I'm more to blame than you are.
Wow.
Yeah, man.
Is that really?
Well, I'm Greek.
But we did a big one.
You did the, you guys had a big one.
You had the most recent one.
You know what they say in a restaurant?
You don't want the dessert to suck
because that's going to follow you all the way out.
Yeah, I guess.
People will remember the last bad thing they tasted.
We popularized it.
You did.
You guys brought it to prominence.
You were like the in sync of doing it.
Got it, got it, got it.
People did it before, but then they were like,
oh my god, in sync.
They're huge.
International, yeah.
European settlers brought a system of slavery with them
to the Western Hemisphere in the 1500s.
So we brought it west.
We let it travel.
You were the trendsetters.
We, yeah, we were tasting it.
Everyone was walking around in Jordans over there
and you brought them over here
and people were like, we just have sandals.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, so we knew you were to blame for something.
Yeah, yeah, I mean that, come on.
We knew that.
It was just a matter of how hard to blame you.
What do you think white food is?
Like, what's white food?
Or like American food, I guess?
American food is like hot dogs, hamburgers.
Like a barbecue?
I would say barbecue, yeah.
But that's, I would say barbecue was more of a,
yeah, no, yeah, barbecue.
Yeah.
Barbecue, corn.
I think corn was only in the United States.
Corn is a ridiculous food.
No, they had corn elsewhere.
They had corn in like Mexico.
Corn's fucking stupid.
Isn't corn fucking dumb?
I don't mind it.
It's like dumb.
I don't mind corn.
Celery's dumb.
Fuck you.
I like celery quite a bit.
It's delicious taste.
But I'm saying like the concept of celery and,
well actually, yeah, no, celery stew.
Here he goes.
Here he goes on his fucking high horse.
Celery and corn.
Two things that you eat and nothing happens.
Well, because they're mostly water,
but there's nutrients and at least celery.
I don't know about corn.
I think corn is literally.
Corn's like nothing.
Yeah, corn is nothing.
You might as well eat Legos.
You basically are eating Legos.
Your body doesn't know how to digest corn.
I know.
I know.
That's right, cause you do all the poop.
I can see it in the shit.
In your poop.
Yeah.
You know?
I would say that there's more reason for celery.
Like celery, bro, have you ever made
like a homemade pasta sauce?
Yeah.
Next time you do it.
Put celery in it?
Bro.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Blend up a little celery, carrots, onion, garlic
with olive oil, an incredible base for your sauce.
It's really flavorful.
You won't need many herbs.
Right, but like everything else that you named is like.
Pretty rad.
No, but like celery, I just feel like it's like.
Celery's cool, dude.
You can have it, right?
I love having celery as a snack.
People love going, you burn calories eating celery
because it has nothing.
So the motion of your body eating burns it.
Yeah, it burns it already.
Cause it has zero calories.
I never thought about it that way.
Yeah.
That's an interesting way to think about it.
Yeah.
Huh.
But corn is just like, what's your favorite corn?
You like corn on the cob or you like corn?
I like corn on the cob.
Like corn off the cob?
Corn off the cob is too childish.
I feel like it's hard to scoop this shit up.
Like, and then like, like I'd rather have the corn in me.
Uh, what?
I'd rather have the corn.
You'd rather shove a corn.
What'd you say?
You'd rather put a corn on the cob.
I'd rather have the corn in front of me
and just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Why'd you turn it like this?
Well, cause you have to turn a corn.
No, you bit the end of the corn.
No, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
You just did it.
What do you mean?
You went like this and then you went like that.
Which you.
First of all, I didn't go like that.
I didn't.
That was you.
Yes, you did.
I did not do that.
Yes, you did.
I swear to God, I didn't do that.
Run the fucking tape back.
I didn't do that.
Run the tape back.
Did I do that?
Yes, you did do it.
See?
I did do that.
But last week's episode, you're fucking sucking and fucking.
No.
And now you're reading books about licking pickles.
I said, no, no.
I went like this because you have to.
That's the bulls.
That's the bulls.
No, no, no.
That's for the, that's for the, that's for the,
your left hand was for the nuts.
Okay.
I made a mistake.
Yeah.
You hold corn like this or you hold it like this.
I hold it like this.
I sometimes hold it like this and you,
you have to.
You typewriter eat it?
Yeah.
You like a typewriter?
Yeah.
I don't do that.
I sometimes go around though too.
I spin it around as well.
I spin it around.
I spin it around as well.
My, actually, if you really want to get specific,
my favorite form of it is like in like corn tortillas
or like arepas or something like that.
No, but we're talking about like corn.
Not like.
There's two ways.
Off and on the, stop yelling me.
The ear.
Yelling at me.
Stop yelling me.
But no, yes, of course.
They're like off the corn, but like a corn,
like a tortilla.
You're not going to be like, oh, this is like a corn tortilla.
That's not corn.
Yes, it is.
I know it's corn, but like that's not the type of corn
I'm talking about.
Like creamed corn.
Ew.
No, creamed corn is kind of good.
Ew.
Bro, it sounds too like someone's fucking
nothing in your butt.
That's what, it's creamed corn, dude.
I mean, it looks.
You're going to tell me that's not a euphemism
for like sex and like, what did you guys do last night?
We went home, we made some creamed corn.
No, no one has ever said that.
I'm sure they have.
Cream corn or sweet corn.
Sweet, well, that's just a form of corn.
That's what we're talking about.
No, you're asking about the method in which you ingest it.
So your answer is a rep us.
Yeah, mashed and fucking into a paste with water
and then cooked.
It is good.
You know it's good too.
I fucking loved them, yeah.
I had a bacon egg and cheese in and out of the other day.
I saw that.
I was ready to be all in it.
What does that mean?
You know exactly what it means.
That's a very spicy way.
I would say if we're being traditional way of corn
on the cob.
You prefer the cob?
I like the cob.
Because it feels cool.
It feels cool to eat corn on the cob.
It does, like you're conquering nature
at that point in time.
You're conquering nature?
You don't think so?
It's a ear of corn.
Yeah, and then you take it off the stalk
and then, well, no, you don't.
You boil it or grill it.
Grill the corn.
Come on.
You can boil it.
Yeah, I know, but grill it.
It's better.
Okay.
It's like a little char.
I do like a little bit of a little char on it.
I just go, I don't like it.
It gets in my tooth.
It gets very wet too.
Wet.
Do you remember when we did the Santa Gata Studios video,
youtube.com, Santa Gata Studios,
where we had the corn eating contest?
Do you remember the juices that came out of those ears of corn?
Those were soaking wet corn.
Those were fucking juicy.
Juicy corn.
And I like it that way.
Cream corn, corn chowder.
I don't think I've had enough to really.
What the fuck is that?
You never had corn chowder?
Yo, I had a corn.
Wait, what was that?
Corn bread, you know, it was corn bread pudding.
Fucking stupid.
Becca makes a really good corn, like corn casserole.
It's like corn bread in there and shit like that.
What is casserole?
I think it's just baked in a dish.
Anything could be a casserole.
No, but it's like got white in it.
Like casserole's have like white.
Not all of them.
You can make, I think it's like vegetables or something
with like a form of a binder, like a cream.
When I think of casserole's, I think absolutely gross.
No, I don't think I've actually had a bad casserole.
Casserole is a kind of large, deep pan or bowl used
for a cooking a variety of dishes in the oven.
It's also a category for the...
I guess it is that.
So I was right.
What we're finding out right here is that I was right
and you were wrong.
Yeah, I guess.
But I feel like they all look similar.
You know what's really good?
You ever had Mexican street corn?
Yeah.
There's a taco spot by my apartment
that sells Mexican street corn.
Yeah.
There's a place in Asbury Park called Pop's Garage.
I've been there once, but I remember their street corn
was beri beri.
Beri-gun.
Beri-guns?
Beri-gun.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm just ill.
French onion chicken casserole?
Uh-oh, that sounds delicious.
Let's go through it.
French onion, I can imagine what's in there.
Onion and the French.
Like beef stock or bouillon or something like that is in there.
Bouillon.
Yellow onions, butter, garlic, flour, broth,
frozen peas, cooked chicken,
sour cream, fried onions, mozzarella.
That sounds delicious.
Although in a French onion thing,
it's actually Gruyere cheese, not mozzarella.
Oh, they wrote that too.
What are we saying?
Shut the fuck up, bitch.
Have I asked you what your top two soups are?
Yeah, you know I don't like soup though,
so I don't really have that.
Oh, that's right.
What are your top three cheeses?
Ooh, feta's gotta be up there.
Feta's in your top three cheeses?
Feta's up there.
A really good, like good feta.
Not like the store bought-
Like a spicy feta or like a regular feta?
I've never had a spicy feta.
Yo, spicy feta's banana.
I should.
Actually, there's a place in Astoria
that every holiday we would get Greek cheeses
and we get like the Bulgarian sweet sheep's feta.
It's to die for, legitimately.
You go to a grocery store and they give you feta
and it's like in a block and you bite it
and it's like a sponge and then it crumbles in your mouth.
This is like, you bite into it and it's like creamy.
I like feta.
I love feta, dude.
Is mozzarella in your top three?
Fresh mozzarella.
Like burrata?
Yeah, I would say that's up there.
I also like a real good cheddar.
Yeah.
Bree's real good.
I don't know cheeses.
The only cheese that I would say I'm not fucking with
is cottage because-
Yeah, that shit is fucking ass.
It is so, it's like diarrhea.
Yeah, it's like, I feel like elves eat that.
It's gross.
I tried to have it once for a diet
and I hated myself for a lot of reasons.
Right, yeah.
One of them was the cottage cheese.
Right, and then the other 400 were different stuff.
Oh yeah, well how much time you got?
Conch cheese is disgusting.
That's just like for mythical people.
Bree's cheese is good.
Yeah.
Goat cheese is good.
Havarti is good.
Gruyere is good.
I'm not a big Swiss guy.
Swiss is fine.
Too like, you know what I'm saying?
No, I have no idea.
You know what I'm saying?
No, I don't.
I have no idea what that means.
Yes you do.
I don't know what that means.
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
I have no idea what that means.
It's more of like an attitude than a taste with Swiss.
Well, it's a cheese.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Foods can do more than just taste, Joey.
They can elicit responses from your
mind, heart, body, and soul.
Okay, do the Swiss one more time?
Shit.
The only person on earth that's gonna have this in you.
No, I'm telling you.
You ever watch Ratatouille?
Are you talking about the made up fictional cartoon movie?
Yes, I have seen that.
Yeah, when he bites it and there's like,
that's what food does to me because I am,
I'm more than a fucking two dimensional being, Joey.
I look at food in different things in the world.
It's like on different dimensions.
Joey bites it and he goes,
good,
bad.
I'm like, oh, like there's like a rhythm in your mouth
and there's like a dance and there's like a fucking
like flowing of nature.
You're so insanely full of shit.
No, I'm not!
It's insane, dude.
Bro, there's depth to food and I see it.
I'm not saying there isn't.
You don't see shit.
You said that Swiss tastes like-
Joey will taste something?
Yeah, yeah.
Because there's more-
Lemons taste like that.
And, oh, oh.
No, that's lemons.
Lemons is, oh, no, no, no.
This is gonna be a good Patriot episode.
Patriot on ComSize's base video.
Just like, what food elicits
what sort of like bodily response?
Lemons is like, no, no, no, not tonight.
Okay.
You know?
Yeah.
And Swiss is like, I don't feel that way.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes it is.
I'm telling you.
So stupid.
How is it stupid?
Eat a hot dog.
What does a hot dog do?
You know what a hot dog does.
A hot dog is, yeah.
Yeah, because it's comforting.
And like the snap is like, chow.
You know?
It's like, it is a little sexual on it.
What's the most sexual food?
Oh.
Peaches.
Peaches.
No.
Peaches is like, chow.
You know what it is, dude.
You know it is.
I don't think so.
What?
I get why it's like a sexual one.
It is.
Wet.
It makes you feel the most sexual.
When you eat it, you're like, whoa.
Oh, I'm trying to think.
Oh, it's strawberry.
Cause like you like pucker your lips
at the end of it to eat it.
Oh, you gotta eat it.
You gotta eat it.
Like it's a nipple.
It's a fucking fat nipple.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's like.
Oh, shit.
That sure was crazy.
That sounded like a cartoon.
That was right, right?
Damn.
I just said that was right, right?
No, that was good.
You know what I'm talking about?
Strawberry might be the answer.
Even though I'm not like crazy about them, but like.
I like strawberries.
They're not as good as everyone makes them out to be.
Yeah.
They're too like, like my jaw.
And also I then have seeds in my teeth
for four fucking days.
Okay.
And also I have to bite it and then turn it
and bite the rest.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
We have had.
Folks, actually today we only have one ads.
We'll just get to it real quick.
One ad?
Uh-oh.
We're going to go under.
Good night.
Chapter 11.
Here we come.
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Okay.
That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
I think.
You eating a strawberry?
Lord.
I think that's, we're going to make that
into a Patreon episode.
So let's, yeah.
Not due to many of them.
But that is a sexy thing too.
I would say, I would say to eat,
but like we need to focus on like the feeling
that the food gives you.
Yeah.
You know.
Really like, I don't know.
I'm actually going to a sushi place next week.
Is it going to have little bubbles and foam?
What the fuck does that mean?
I don't know.
I just recently watched that movie, The Menu.
I liked that.
I liked it a lot.
Yeah.
But like it's, it's like those pretentious movies
where it's like places to eat where it's like,
they bring you out your first course
and it's a single fucking thing with like a microleaf.
What?
And there's bubble foam around it.
And it's like, bro, give me, give me food.
Well, it's like an art.
You just fucking said, you just went on this whole thing.
No, no, no, I know exactly what I said.
But like it's like an art form.
It is an art form, but it's like one of those art forms
that has become like so far art
that like it has lost what it is.
Far art, fart, fart.
You know, like when you give,
like food is supposed to be playful
and like you can like discover like new things
and ways and bop, bop, bop.
And then like when someone gives me like,
they're like, here's your course.
It's fucking $800.
And it's like a single plate this big.
Well, no.
With like oil.
No.
And it's like, bro, where's the food?
No, no, no.
So that's the misconception that I've been seeing
because I like going to those places sometimes.
Yeah, I know because you're a rich asshole,
elitist piece of shit prick
that missed my 30th birthday.
Elitist asshole.
But there's like 10 courses sometimes.
And it's like 10 dishes.
I know, but like I struggled to see
because I watched that movie, The Menu.
You said you watched it, right?
Yeah.
You guys watched it.
It's pretty good.
I thought it was great.
Yeah.
It was very funny too, I thought.
But like I watched stuff like that
and I'm like, how do you leave this?
Even if there are 10 mini courses,
how do you leave this satisfied?
Like your hunger is not satisfied.
Not always, but I will say more often than not.
I'm like, I'm like, that was a perfect amount of food.
But there is a good amount.
I would say like 30% of the time I'm like,
I need to order more food.
Cause it's like the chef's tasting menu.
So it's like, he'll, it's like-
It's more like, it's, it's, let's be honest.
It's a little like narcissistic sometimes, right?
Where it's like, I'm going to make you
what I believe to be the Kultus Hostel Fion.
And it's like, bro, just give me a fucking meat patty,
cheese, burger, done.
Yeah, like, but some places I remember going to,
the last time actually I went to a sushi spot
that's supposed to be like really good.
We did the chef's menu
and we were like definitely ordering more food.
It was not enough.
Yeah, it was like nowhere near there.
Sushi's tough too, because like you don't think it's like,
it's either, you don't realize it's going to be filling
and then it's super filling
or you think you're going to be filled up
and then you're like, I need more.
Yeah, also like, I saw there was a soft shell crab
on the menu and I was like-
But, butter me up.
I need to get that.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
You could just eat a whole soft,
you could eat like it's hands.
I know, I've had it.
Have you, have you had it like multiple times?
I've made it too.
I've only had it twice.
It's one of those things though
that like you have it once
and then you're like, all right, I'm done for a while.
I love fucking crab.
I sound like I love fucking crabs.
Where's the comma in there?
Yeah, it's like, I love fucking a crab.
One of the biggest heartbreaks of my adult life
has been the increased price of king crab.
Is it really high now?
Bro, 2020, I got a, 2021,
I got a box of 10 pound of colossal king crab for 300 bucks.
Wait, 10 pounds of it?
10 pounds, $30 a pound.
Where, how could you store that?
I literally got it from where it was
and went straight to the party and started making it.
Oh, okay.
Guess how much oon pound is today?
Like 60 bucks.
80, whoa.
80 a pound.
Double, double what it was.
You know how fucking upsetting that is?
It's one of my favorite foods, legitimately.
Weird crab, when I went to your place, right?
Yeah, remember when you guys came over
the first time to see the house,
I got a big thing of colossal king crab.
They had fat arms.
Fat, yeah.
And now it would be legitimately,
I would have to pay an arm and a leg to do something.
It would be a thousand dollar dinner.
Wow, isn't that fucked up?
Well, you know, the eggs, the milk,
all the stuff that's going up.
Yeah, but that stuff is, that stuff fluctuates like gas.
Yeah, you know, cause it's like,
but for some reason market price for king crab
is like through the goddamn penis.
It's fucked up, dude.
The price is through the goddamn penis.
I recently watched something, talking,
you know, I watched that movie, The Menu,
but I recently watched something else
that had the opposite effect on me.
It was an experience to put it lightly.
And that was, what?
Porn?
No.
Do you remember the movie Stomp the Yard?
Of course.
Yeah.
When was the last time you watched it?
When did it come out?
2007, I believe.
Probably 2009.
Yeah.
It is such a piece of dog shit.
I could not believe it.
I wanted to be a stomper so bad after saying that.
Really?
Yeah, I was just like, oh, if I could just like move?
Well, but they don't, they don't do a lot of stomping.
It's like just dancing.
It's like gangster battling dancing.
And that was gonna be my question for you.
Who created this narrative that like,
it was like gangster underground dancing
and that's what the thugs did.
Yeah, right on the weekends,
they go to underground clubs and they ban you from dancing.
I'll see you on fucking Saturday homie.
You know, like no one did that.
Yeah, it's like, where you got choreography?
If anything, it was the opposite.
If we knew any gangsters,
and we found out they were dancing,
they lost their street cred.
Right.
Which like, who created this?
Cause it was like Stomp the Yard.
You got served.
You got, but that's an iconic piece of American cinema.
That was like the first to do it.
I fucking love that movie.
That movie is very good.
I always tried to do the levitating foot thing.
Yeah, I wish I could backflip so bad.
Yeah, you probably could if you give it enough time.
Too afraid of that.
I can't even backflip into a pool.
Every time my brother almost hit his face
back flipping off of a dock.
Dude, Keith back flipped a bunch of times
into my pool when I had it.
When he was like, he was like teaching himself
and I was just there like,
trying to make sure he doesn't die.
He back flipped and I guess over rotated
and his face just hit the edge of the pool.
My wrong.
And he just got in the water
and then he came out of the water and like this.
And then he was like, I'm just kidding.
I was like, are you fucking insane?
Yeah, he got you good.
Yeah, he did get me.
He got you good.
You almost thought he was dead.
Yeah, I wanted to give him a fucking rocket punch
to the face.
Yeah, well, or you can just check on him
and say, are you okay?
He said he was fine.
I would love to do a backflip,
but in these movies,
I just, I don't understand who created this narrative.
And like they like intimidate each other with dance moves.
So they're like,
ah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
And it's like, didn't happen.
Did you watch the whole movie?
No, I had to turn it off
because of how dog shit it was.
Really?
Yeah.
Why'd you put it on?
Becca looked at me and she goes,
you want to watch this?
Sure.
You put it on and she was like,
I loved this movie growing up so much.
I was like, I saw it a couple of times.
I liked it too.
Is that Columbus Short?
Columbus Short.
And your boy, Chris Brown.
And they were, Chris Brown dies though.
So then I was like, all right.
Spoiler, he was shot.
I can watch a little bit more, I guess.
Yeah.
But like he was shot because they beat
the guys in a dance battle.
Oh, that's the biggest disrespect
they can ever have into a person.
I guess so.
Do you ever want to be a dancer?
Did I ever want to be a dancer?
Yeah.
No, I was very shy about dancing when I was younger.
Did you?
I tried to like not go to dances and stuff.
I've told my stories about how I convinced people
I was a retired dancer.
Not like a dancer, but like grinding at parties
and stuff like that.
Yeah, you know, I don't do it anymore.
Yeah.
And then too much.
And then there was one girl that brought me out of retirement.
Right, yes.
What was your name again?
I'm not gonna say that.
You did say it.
No, I didn't.
I think you did.
I remember not saying it.
All right.
But
I remember one time, this is like my fucking,
I remember this specifically.
We went to Alex de girl.
We went to her party.
What a name, by the way.
Yeah, her name was not even Alex, it was Alejandra.
No, she called herself Alex.
No, I know, but I'm saying like...
But we for some reason are called her Alex de girl.
Alex de girl.
We hung out with zero Alex de boys.
Yeah, we had no Alex de boys, it's just Alex de girl.
But we went to her house
when she moved.
Like she was living in the neighborhood
and then she moved and then we went
and I was like, oh, we're just going to a birthday party.
And then I was like, fuck.
And then I go down to the basement and there's like...
Grinding?
There's grinding.
Whose birthday party was this?
Alex's.
Where was it?
It was at her house.
I think it was her house, but it was in like,
like Whitestone or, I don't know.
She like moved somewhere over there.
And then like I go downstairs and I'm like, oh no,
I'm so scared now because there's,
there was like those colorful lights.
Yeah, I know what lights you're talking about.
And then there was like...
The ones with colors.
Those ones.
And there was grinding.
There was like Sean Paul.
I was like, I'm going to get eaten alive down here.
You're in the jungle.
Yeah.
You were in the jungle, baby.
And I was like, oh God.
And I was like, you can't, because you don't,
like I'm like, I don't want to dance.
I don't know if I can dance.
And then I was back in the day.
Bro, that was back in the day
when birthday parties would be like, yeah,
we can have the birthday party.
You can have it in the basement
and the parents just stay upstairs.
And the kids would have the party in their basement
where there was grinding, sucking,
fingering, fingers.
A whole bunch of fingers, I would say.
Blows galore, dude.
I don't know about blows.
No, more like neck kissing.
Yeah.
That's not a mirror blow.
That's what, you know, whatever.
Yeah.
A lot of hickeys.
Yes.
Hickeys.
Hickeys.
Seven minutes in heaven.
Seven.
You know, that's a lifetime, by the way.
Bro.
Seven minutes.
Seven minutes in heaven.
You know what I've done in seven minutes?
Seven minutes in heaven, dude.
Jesus Christ.
Just give me a minute and a half.
Give me a fucking, you know.
And I'll be in fucking hell right after.
Jesus Christ.
Bro.
Clean the closet for you too.
That's crazy though.
Like, I'm like brought back.
Because I've never played spin the bottle in my life.
I've played spin the bottle.
I've played seven minutes in heaven.
I played spin the bottle.
Yeah.
And you know, it's just, it's like a.
Do you have you kissed anyone?
Spin the bottle that I know?
Yeah.
I mean, we played as kids.
Like me and you.
Just us.
Just us.
Who's it gonna land on?
That's funny, cause people keep bringing up.
We originally said at 13,000 Patients,
cause we never thought realistically we'd be there
that we would kiss.
Yeah.
Well, you've blown past it.
We have.
Yeah.
Well, my first kiss got you angry.
And you didn't talk to me for like two days.
And I printed out the aim conversation.
Oh my God.
I, but yeah, I played spin the bottle
with like the girls that we knew growing up.
Where?
In random places.
Parks.
Spin the bottle.
Never played.
It, you know, it's.
I'm too old now.
Can't play spin the bottle.
Now it's a swingers party.
Yeah.
Now it's a key party.
You spin that bottle.
You're on the receiving end of a fucking dildo.
It's someone's wife you're kissing at that point.
That's exactly what it is now.
That's crazy.
That's weird.
I'm sure you're in a group of like weird guys though.
You guys.
No, that's not happening.
We can't play together.
No, I can't.
I'm sure Pete would really hate having to spin that bottle.
Like, all right.
I thought no one gets that joke.
No one except for me and you.
God, but yeah.
Have you ever played seven minutes in heaven?
I think I have.
Yeah.
And you know.
What'd you do in there?
I mean, what I remember it was just kissing
and then like awkwardness.
Cause you come out and everyone's like, oh.
But like, yo, seven minutes is such a long time.
Bro, seven minutes is an eternity.
Yeah.
Legitimately.
I mean, how much time we got?
It's seven minutes left.
Well, yeah.
We're like 10 minutes out right now.
So like.
Bro, imagine just for like all but three of these minutes
just kissing.
Yeah, I imagine since I've never played seven minutes
in heaven in my life and then it's,
but how do you choose who you go to heaven with?
I think that's the thing is like,
it's like a prearranged marriage.
You know what I mean?
I was like, yo, you and fucking.
It's like, all right.
It sounds like Joey and Stacy are going in.
And then like you go into a closet
and someone starts our timer.
And then I think there's a good amount.
Maybe like the first two minutes is just like, hi.
Yeah, it's like, this is awkward.
Yeah.
Like, why did you say that?
I was actually thinking of this the other day.
What was like, if you liked a girl,
everyone had questions that they asked.
What?
Cause I was the type that I never would be like the first
to be like, I like you.
Okay.
Was afraid of rejection.
So I would ask to make sure,
like I'd bring the horse to the water.
You know what I'm saying?
What would you say?
I would just like ask questions to,
what the fuck are you doing over there?
Put your shoes on.
I would ask questions to see like where this,
I'd gauge, you know, what was going on.
I test the waters, litmus test.
Okay.
With what questions?
Different thing.
But a question I remember asking a lot would be like,
what would you do if I just kissed you one day?
One day?
You all like on aim.
Oh, you would.
I never asked in person.
I was too afraid.
I mean, bro, you're showing all of your cards
with that question.
I mean, who you kidding?
No, no, no.
And then they, what if they were like,
oh, it's throw up.
Here's what I would do as a kid.
You ready?
Yeah. I know you're going to be like,
this is what I'm talking about.
What I say is so is your bad.
No, you're a maniacal.
Fuck.
I'm not a maniacal.
I would type that question.
Hold on.
Okay, good.
You would ask?
I would ask like,
cause we played 21 questions.
Okay. Yes.
And then I would type the question.
Yeah.
And then I would see that they're typing.
And while they're typing, I would write out,
my bad, that was my brother.
I'm so sorry.
And then whatever their response was,
if it was positive, I would delete it.
If it was like, what the hell?
I would instantly send it to make it look like
they came in at the exact same time.
That was a tricky little shit.
Wow.
That was a tricky little shit.
Wow. Okay.
My bad. That was my bro.
I've done that mad times.
Mad times.
I'm like, yo, Franky took my phone,
which half the time you probably did.
I absolutely did.
Yeah.
Did we ever say on the show when you took my cell phone
and changed my girlfriend's number?
Many times.
Our good friend Daphne.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I talked to her actually like two weeks ago.
Weird.
Yeah. So random.
You didn't tell me this beforehand?
Just like as a casual, like, yo, guess what happened?
Weird.
You know what I did yesterday?
What? Sorry.
What, wait.
First, what was your go to like questions?
Like what was your thing?
I don't remember.
I don't ever think I flat out ever said to someone
because I was like way more shy about it.
I was easy to talk on the internet.
In person, I was a little more shy.
But once I like opened up to a person, it was the floodgates.
I don't know that I've ever like said to someone,
like what would you do if I kissed you?
I feel like I like would know if they did like me or not.
I didn't really play.
I didn't really roll the dice that much.
I rolled it a little bit.
Yeah.
I would only really like engage in something if I knew like,
oh, they don't like it.
Yeah.
I made it a thing like I really wanted
to know like the person was going to reciprocate
because I didn't want to feel bad.
You know what I mean?
Like putting that person in like a weird situation.
Yeah.
Because like I knew it would bother me,
but I wouldn't want it to bother them if that makes sense.
Okay.
But the classic one is like what would you do
if I said I liked you, you know?
Well, we would, I was about to completely word that so wrong,
but we would fuck.
No, I was going to say, we used to like double team,
but we would work as a team sometimes.
To find out who liked who and what was going on.
It was tricky with you though, because you were so cute
and I had to really be careful because, you know,
I would be like, oh, Joe, go in there and like feel it out,
like see if they like me and whatever.
And then they'd end up liking you.
It's happening.
No, because we did this on the phone.
It was like, so like Frank's kind of cool.
Oh yeah.
I would do the whole like, oh, be right back.
I'm putting my phone down.
I'm definitely not here.
Put it on mute and then listen to the whole fucking conversation.
It's like, so you think Frank's like pretty,
pretty fucking chill, huh?
And to be like, I mean, I guess.
Yeah.
Let's reenact one of those conversations.
I'm Frank.
We're like, guys, give me a sec.
My mom's calling me.
I'll be right back.
Mute, hang up.
You're Joe.
I am the girl.
Give me a name.
Marissa?
Okay, I'm Marissa.
Yeah.
You're Joe.
I'm Marissa.
So Marissa like, yeah.
So Frank's like pretty cool, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's pretty cool.
Like how cool do you think he is?
I mean, I've seen his fitted collection.
He does have a Deuce McAllister.
Thanks, Jersey.
So pretty cool.
He's got a lot of hats.
And a Joe Horne, two thanks, Jersey.
Joe Horne, you had a Joe Horne, Jersey?
Yeah, dude.
Why did you have a Joe Horne, Jersey?
I had a Joe Jerovicious, Jersey, Joe.
Why do you have these jerseys?
I don't have them anymore.
That's insane.
I had a Joe Jerovicious, Browns, Jersey.
That's insane.
Yeah, it was a good one.
That's a crazy one.
Sean Alexander.
You, these are such, well, I guess Sean Alexander
is in a random one, but like, Jerovicious, Joe Horne.
Yeah, I had random answers.
Deuce McAllister.
I had a Champailey, Jersey.
That one makes sense.
I think I had one at one point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had, I had a John L. White, Jersey.
You remember that?
I had a John Abraham, Jersey.
Well, you're a Jets fan.
Yeah, I was.
John Abraham.
Oh, but yeah, no, he's pretty cool.
I'm seeing his journey in Clangton.
Do you like him?
Like, yeah, he's pretty cool.
No, like, do you like him, like him?
Oh, um, I mean, don't tell him.
I think so.
I'm not gonna say anything.
Yeah, no, I think I do.
I think, yeah.
Okay.
I was just wondering.
You know, one day you're gonna be a massive
entertainment conglomerate leader.
And then, Frank, you would be like, hello?
You were like, scramble the phone.
Yeah, I'm back.
Ma, shut up.
Yeah, I'm back.
Sorry, I was gone this whole time.
Not, I was so gone.
What were you guys talking about?
Yeah, what were you talking about?
I didn't know.
Nothing, man.
What's up?
What are you doing anyway?
Yeah, exactly.
And then as soon as the phone call would end,
we'd call each other and be like, dude.
Fuck, dude.
Oh, sweet.
All right, bro.
Sweet.
Or I would probably say something like, chah, chill.
Chill.
Coolio, coolio.
No, I wouldn't say coolio.
I'd be like, chah?
No, I wasn't a surfer.
I don't know.
Yeah, I was like, what?
You never said that.
I would say, do you remember?
Uh-oh.
No, say it now, bitch.
No, I'm not.
Say it the fuck now.
You wouldn't want me to say it.
All right, good calling.
Good calling, too.
I'm not going to do that for you.
Yeah.
But now I need to know after this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to say.
I need to know exactly what you were going to say.
I'm going to tell you after.
But the reason, what I was going to say earlier,
after you said you spoke to Daphne.
Yeah.
I was, I went on a fucking absolute tirade
looking for Ricardo on social media.
Bro.
I found him.
Whoa.
But I found him on one place and it was LinkedIn.
No picture.
What's he doing?
I'm not going to say.
I'm not going to say.
Oh yeah, but like what field?
Like engineering.
Oh, good for him.
Smart kid.
Pretty smart.
Guy was really smart.
Really smart.
Also his mom made some awesome ham sandwiches.
Hell yeah.
She was pretty rad.
She was.
And also he was real good at video games.
Really good at Smash Bros.
And he had Mighty Max.
Yep.
It was cool.
Ricardo.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
Let's chat.
Let's link up some memories.
Yeah.
Let's get the band back together.
Bro, we should actually do that.
I'm dead serious.
Let's go find everyone from PS2 on fucking Facebook
and make them go to a bar.
Yes.
I will put it to, I swear, me and you
and you know who needs to help us.
Who?
Chelsea.
She's good at this stuff.
She's connected, you think?
I think she's probably got ears in the ground.
She's tapped in.
She's tapped in.
Well, I think I saw my yearbook the other day.
So I could start plugging in names and be like, yo, it's me.
Yeah.
You remember me and Frank?
Yeah.
We're still friends.
Yeah.
We're still the best friends.
OK.
We're still best friends.
I forget after so much time, someone from PS2
was like, oh, hey, I was like, oh, you know,
whatever, nice to see you.
And they're like, are you still friends with Frank?
I was like, yeah.
I found Damir and I had messaged him
after we talked about him last time
and he never got back to me that asshole.
He's a shit.
Fuck you.
That's crazy.
Oh, I think I found a couple of people before, none the less.
What do you think Dixon's doing right now?
Exactly who I was looking up as you said that.
So weird.
I don't know if this is him.
I mean, you would know.
You would just stare at him and be like, that's Dixon.
No, it's tough.
I can't really tell.
I guess it could be the one that I just.
It is 20 years ago, something like that.
It is 100% 20 years ago.
When did we graduate from that school?
2000.
2003.
Good lord.
20 years.
This might be him.
Holy shit, that's 20 years.
Oh, so a 20 year reunion.
Perfect.
We could do it.
Dude, let's do that.
Do you want to try?
Yeah.
All right, hey, friends, help us put it together.
Yeah, I'm going to fucking, when we hang up these cameras,
I'm going to create a thing.
We're going to put fucking boots to the ground, baby.
Yeah, but yo, me and Frank are putting together
a fucking reunion.
Eight people show up.
That's all right.
It's all right.
We'll make it work.
We'll absolutely make it work.
Yeah, exactly.
People get stuff going on.
If it comes from you, they're going to be more interested
because you're King YouTube.
All right, but you've got to hit up Jamie.
He's still a little hurt.
Yeah.
She puts out like fucking Spain.
Yeah, she ain't coming.
Man, she does, though.
That'd be fire.
And she says to you, like, it's always been you.
Damn.
Yeah, but what if Gillian's there and Jane?
Oh, my god.
What am I going to do?
We have a lot to talk about off these cameras.
Thank you guys for hanging out.
Pageout.com starts at the basement yard.
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We literally can't under.
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