The Basement Yard - #386 - Poppin Dat Spy Balloon

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Joe and Frank discuss a certain weather balloon that caused a couple problems! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to The Basement Yard, Frankie! Yeah, I'm looking good, feeling good, feeling wet. What? Like, you know, like how like people say like, it's like, oh, I'm nice and wet. Yeah. Not like a sex thing. When else do they say that?

When they jump in pools, what are you talking about? No, like, you know, like how like people are like slick. No. You know, when I was a kid. No, no, no. What do you, what are you talking about? I'm just feeling like good, man. Like when people say they're feeling loose?

Like fluid, like wet. You're fluid. I'm feeling fluid. You're feeling fluid. I'm feeling it. Like gender fluid? No. I feel I'm pretty, pretty, you know,

a hard, a solid state of matter with my gender identity. Okay. But, you know, I'm just feeling like wet. Nope. I guess wrestling messed me up because like all the cool guys were like wet when they would wrestle. And I would be like, damn, they're like fucking awesome.

Yeah. You know, and then I would be like, I want to be wet. You want to be wet with a guy? Well, stop. You just said that. Stop, stop. I'm not Frankie. You literally just said wrestling.

I didn't say with a guy. You put the idea of me wet with a boy in my mouth. I said it. Hold on. I don't know if you put the idea. You put it in your mouth just now. I didn't put anything in your mouth. That was you.

No, nothing. You put the idea in my head. I feel like that was a Freudian slip. That was not a Freudian slip. You want to put a wet man in your mouth? No, I don't want any men in my mouth, let alone wet men. Right. But if you were to have a man in your mouth,

can we transition elsewhere? Just answer the question. What is the question one more time? If you were to have a man in your mouth, would you rather him be dry or wet? Neither. How about that? I would rather them.

I would rather no men in my mouth. Got it. I don't want any men in or around my mouth. OK. When I was a kid, I often used the word sly to describe myself. And I don't know why. Were you a fox?

That's what I was thinking. I was like fucking. I can tell you this right now. There was nothing sly about you. Well, what would you describe as sly? A fox or like a cat burglar. I wasn't either of those things. Well, I know.

Someone's vacuuming upstairs. Someone's farting on hardwood. It's Janice up there. Yeah, I guess so. Ooh, was that sexist of me? That probably was, yeah, actually. I don't know why I use that word. What was your go-to word, to feel cool,

like you would describe yourself as? What a ridiculous question to ask me. I didn't have that. You had one. No, I didn't. Everyone had one. The only thing that I did do that I thought made me bad ass is that in my string backpack, I would carry a Russian,

not a Russian. Was it a Swedish? Wait, what's the? Oh, fuck. What's the thing? It's like the Swedish hand tool. No, what's it called? Oh my god.

I'm not going to say it. I know what you're trying to say. It looks like a butterfly knife. I'm going to let you do your thing. Swiss army knife. Oh, damn it. I wish you would. So Russian?

I was thinking Russian twist. What is that? You just got off the phone with them. You have a business meeting with the Russians. Right, yeah, me and Poop Poop. Yeah. No, and then when I say Swedish hand tool. It's a Swedish hand knife.

Swiss army knife. It's a Swiss army knife. I used to carry that around. I'd be like, oh, fuck, no one's following me. Damn, I brought a knife into Shea Stadium once. How did you get it in? They didn't care. Really?

I had my. Did you have to walk through a? Yeah. So it was at a time where I carried a, it was a Timberlin drawstring backpack. And I had random shit in it, like ax body spray. That was a given. It absolutely was.

At the time, my then girlfriend gave me a pair for underwear that was in there. No. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Time out. Yes, yes. You had a Timberlin string backpack. Drawstring backpack, yeah.

And you put ax body spray and a pair of your girlfriend's underwear. She gave them to me. Were they clean or did she had wear them? I assumed they were clean. I would kind of hope they were. Did you ever give them like a sniff? No, I don't think.

That always weirded me out. Why, sniffing for pussy? Yeah, like, what do you, what, if there's something to smell there, that's a problem, right? I mean, I mean, it's going to smell like not nothing. Well, I put like it, I don't know, that's a weird. It's going to smell like, you know, the sauce. The woman's sauce.

The woman's sauce? Yeah, every woman has a sauce. But the story I was getting at is there was also a knife in there, and I forgot I had it in there. I went to a med game. This is when you can go to med games for like six bucks. Less sometimes, yeah. And I forgot it was in there, and I was like, oh, fuck,

oh, fuck, oh, fuck, and they checked my bag. Didn't take it. Let me go. Did they open your bag? Yeah, they opened my bag. So they saw the fucking saucy underwear? I assume they saw the underwear, too. They probably said, like, oh, this kid's a fucking loser.

We got to know where you're about. Did you ever carry around a condom, like, all the time? Yes. Bro, me, too. I left it in my fucking wallet for so long that my wallet, if you just looked at it like this, you saw the circle. Yeah. My mom's like, what?

Were you the one that told me you regularly used to jerk off in the condoms? I've done that, like, twice. Really? Yeah. Someone that we know, like, regularly? Like, bought a box of condoms just to jerk off in them. Before I jerked off in the condoms,

I wanted to know what it was like. And? Definitely came in it. Yeah. Did you, like, imagine in your head, like, damn, like, this condom is so pregnant now? Why the hell would I think that? No, I just wanted to know what it was like to be like,

oh, this is what sex is probably going to feel sort of like. And were you right? Not really. No, you were wrong. My hand feels way different than a vagina. That it does, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can attest to that, as well.

Yeah. No, yeah. What was, like, your go-to condom? The Blue Trojans? No, actually the Blue Trojans? No, no, no, no, I used to do that. Why don't you fucking eat? What do you only eat apples now?

No, no, no. You eat fucking granola by the handful? You lame duck bitch? No, honestly, I would go in there, and I would, I would, like, to the vagina? No, no, no, I would go to the store. Oh, OK, all right. I would go to the store, and then I'd have to, like,

this is super fucking embarrassing, but I had to go get the XL magnums. OK. For who, Keith? Look at that fucking, you ain't got no elephant dong. Bro, have you ever, I've had, I've had my hands on one. Yeah, I've had my hands in one. Yeah, I've had my hands in one.

That's the point I wanted to make. I've opened up an XL magnum before, and I'm like, I, and I just put it all the way up to my shoulder. Yes, yes, legit. I've put it up to my huge muscles. It literally can go up to your shoulders. Right, yes. And, yeah, that's nice.

There's no way that that fits a human dick. Yeah, that would just look like a puffer jacket on there. It's meant for blue whales, and fucking, you know, like, big dogs. Yeah, and Pete, that's it. And Pete. No, 10 followers for it. Yeah, there we go.

No, yeah, I, but I would go in and I would get like. Oh, tell me, fire and ice. I did try that. You used fire and ice condoms. I did, I did, I did. Not cool, not rad. Yeah, I, that's like, Ben gay on my wing. Literally, it was like, you know,

that's like Ben gay on my wing. Literally, it was like, I was like, oh, it was very uncomfortable. You would use like a bunch of different ones. I would, when there was a new one out, I'd try it out, you know. A new one out. They made new ones all the time.

Like fucking Harry Potter movies, what are you talking about? Basically, yeah, basically. They were like collecting Pokemon cards. I would trade them. I remember there was one of my friends who was like, you know, you use the green? And I was like, yeah, here, I got green. Give me a red.

Really? Yeah, it was like. Anytime I went, I've never used a condom that was like a color. They're always just like that clear, like sort of yellow. Oh, no, no, no. I mean the packaging. I don't mean the condom itself. Oh, oh.

Yeah. But I, we've seen color, like colorful condoms. Remember when we did the episode on Patreon? I do remember. Yeah. That was, they make them like red and green. Yeah. Which you can check out.

Patreon.com has their basement yard. Yeah. But. I was so, I was so like nervous to buy condoms. I'm like, these people are going to think like. Bro, I went in with the most confidence. Like, yo, give me this. I would just say it.

Make it snappy. No. I would always go to the bodegas. Cause they were three dollars. Oh my God. I used to buy them at like. You used to go to like a fucking pharmacy? Yes.

What is wrong with you? I didn't go to a pharmacy. It was a CVS. Oh, you'd go to the CVS at the corner. Right there on where like subway is. Yeah. I would go there. Crazy.

I don't know why. Because there's like someone's mom's behind me and shit. I'd just go to the bodega, three dollars. And it'd be like, yo, let me get that blue pack right there. I should have done that. Cause those guys are cool. Yeah. They don't care.

But like the woman behind is like, oh my God, this guy's going to fuck pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I think, uh, did I ever tell the story about when I asked, when I got my first pack of condoms? Who bought, you bought it? No. Great.

Please tell me who got it. I never told you this story. I don't think so. Um, my, uh, I was in the car with my father and we were driving home. He had like brought me to dinner and we were driving home listening probably to like, you're telling a story about the first time you had condoms and you just said your dad brought you to dinner. So be careful.

Because I'm making a fucking game. No. And then we, You're a loser. Fake. Wake. Do you see what got for you? Okay.

So tell me the story about your dad buying you condoms. Uh, so I was, We were in the car. Okay. Go. Whoa. Did you like ask him like, Hey, I like, I really want to get into pussy. No.

Why did you say it like that? I just said, dad, I am a hundred percent down for muff. No. No, we were in the car. And I was like, Hey, dad, um, you know, I was wondering if, um, maybe you could, uh, or buy me some condoms. How old are you? It doesn't matter.

It matters. Six. Yeah. No, my dad was the most proud parent on the planet at that point. He looks at me. He goes, what? What? Okay.

And he fucking like, like pulled into a fucking Walgreens on Northern Boulevard and he was in for, uh, bro, my dad has never run in his entire life. My dad walked and got those condoms quicker than anything else he's ever done. That's amazing. He comes out and he hands me a box of the green twisted pleasure condoms. Wow. Twisted pleasure. And I'm looking at it.

I'm like the fuck. And it's like, it's like a condom. Twisted though. And at the top it has like a fucking, it's like threaded. Yeah. It's like, you know, like it's a drywall drill. Yeah. And my dad, he hands it to me.

He goes, so you could fucking drill that shit in. I didn't say that. I swear to God. Thank you, dad. I appreciate it. And then, and then you jerked off in it. Well, no. Well, why were you asking?

They sat unused for a very long time. I was going to say, were you like planning to have sex with someone? I mean, I felt, I remember at the time being like, this is just a good thing to have because you never know when someone was going to be like, yo, let's do sex right now. Right. And like, so I carried a condom in my wallet, which is the place they tell you not to. Yeah, don't do that. They say, don't do that.

Because it rips. Apparently. Yeah. And yeah. That was the first. Do you remember your dad ever buy you condoms? Hell no. No.

My dad never, I think the first condoms I ever got were like from our friends, like because they had them. And I was like, oh, I'll take a few. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, I guess. And then once my dad brought me to a Colombian restaurant and in the back by the bathroom, they had the NYC condom, like it was like a wall dispenser.

Yeah. And you can literally take as many as you want. I'm going to say this. 400. It's insane that they put that in a restaurant. Hey, you want to go fucking the bathroom? No, no, no, no. It had like a bar and like, I think at night they like, it came like a bit of a, you know,

like spot. Okay. Yeah. So like they wanted people to fuck nice. Fuck nice. Did you ever, I've never used one of those, by the way. But did you ever get like a pump fake of like when you were going to lose your virginity, like you thought it was going to happen, but then it didn't end up happening?

I'm sure. I'm sure it did. No story to stand out to. Not that I could think of. Did I tell you? You told me. Yeah. Bro, that was like.

I was not ready to lose my virginity. I was so scared walking over the school's house. Yeah, you were a scared boy. And then she never answered a phone. I was like, thank God. Thank God. I'm not trying to fuck right now. You might have dodged a bullet too.

And if it did happen, you might have had to dodge a couple of additional bullets. Prop. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Because you know, she knew some people that were a little sketchy. Definitely knew some people.

She had a lot of Jordan sneakers. Quite a few. Yeah. Quite a few Jordan sneakers. The one that got away. Drop her first and last. I don't even know her last. Oh, I know.

I do know her first. I know. I know it all. Do you really? Oh yeah. Wait, why don't you know her last name? Because she was, she was a hood legend as we called them. That's mad.

It was a, yeah. It was quite the time. Bro, that was like growing up. It's weird because like I talk about it and like remember some of this stuff. Like it happened yesterday. Bro, it was like almost fucking 20 years ago. For what? Like, think about it.

Like 2007, 2006. That was 16, 17 years ago. Yeah. Isn't that fucked up? Yeah. The other day it was like, get Richard Dytrine's 20th anniversary. Insane. That's wild.

Absolutely insane. Because I remember that so vividly. Yeah. 20 years ago when we were 10 when that shit came out. And it was still is. Yeah. Absolute banger. It's a slap.

But it's just weird because like in a couple years, my kids will be at that age. Yeah. And then are you going to be buying condoms, twisted pleasures? I gotta be honest with you. If my children came to me and asked me, I would, I would do it. But that would be. Let me ask you this bitch. That would be a big topic.

It would be a conversation, a fat convo. With what? I'd, I'd be like, you know, I've talked to them about, you know, safe sex and like, you know, what about if it was, if it was Ruby? All of my kids, if they came to me, I would have a very. Would you have the same reaction to Ruby that you would miles? I think I would. I like this.

I'd like to think I would, but in practice, I might not. Yeah. You know, it's going to be weird because like, you know, I treat and view miles as my son. Yeah. But it's, it's a different thing for a boy than a girl. Yeah. But like, I mean, forget about the biological thing. Like I understand.

I'm not even saying biological, but just like for boys and girls. No, I know, but that's what I'm saying. It's like, that's what I'm saying. Would you treat it differently? Like if, if Ruby was like, hey, you know, I'm thinking about having sex, she was fucking like 15. Man, I would lose sleep. Cause you can't, you, but you can't do that.

What if Charlie wanted to have sex? He does. Yeah. No, he doesn't really hope. Has he ever had sex? This poor dog's going to die a fucking virgin. Has he fucked? I think.

Yeah. He used to hump stuff. No, no, no, no, no. I don't mean. Oh, he's never fucked an animal. Like, is he ever like, no, you know, taste it a bit of the nectar. No, no. Ew.

No, dogs have tried though, cause he's beautiful. So in the dog part sometimes, one time the two dogs tried an Eiffel Tower. Charlie, I almost started taking heads. Really? Yeah. I was like, get your fucking disgusting dog. Charlie doesn't have to try these in two. He's not dude.

He was distraught. I had to say. Someone tried to enter my dog. Oh, okay. It's not cool with that at all. Yeah. I like to think I would. It would be the same if it were Miles and or Ruby or Maeve, but let's see.

We're, you know, a couple of years, couple of years, those conversations might be had. So we'll be doing the basement yard still when we're 45 and I'll be able to talk about it. 15 year old was like, I'm thinking about it. Well, let's be honest. Let's be honest, Joey. 15 is not like out of the question for like sexual encounters. No, it's not at all.

It's just weird. It's wild. It's just wild. I think of like a 15 year old right now. I'm like, Oh my God, you're so fit. You're 15. Bro, I remember being a 15 year old and be like, I'm basically an adult. Yeah.

I'm basically 20. When I was 21. I was fucking stupid. Yeah. You still are. Well. Still are. Okay.

How did we get here? I don't know. We were talking about virginities, condoms and stuff. Have you ever went to a store and like bought like lube or some weird thing? No, I'm not a lube boy. Me either. But like you go through phases. Like when I was younger, I probably was like, you went to a lube phase.

I didn't go through a lube phase. Big lube phase. No, for what I'm saying. Tell me about that lube phase of yours. I didn't have a lube phase, but I, but when I was younger, I feel like I was more inclined to be like, Oh, I should have this because this is what people have and do. I don't know. Yeah.

You know who has lube, Joey? Fucking 80 year old hags. I don't think so. No, I know. It's a very common tool. What did you think people stopped fucking? Man, I don't know. I would say if I'm, if I'm over, if I'm over 80 and having sex, that'd be insane.

That'd be nuts, dude. I don't think anyone's going to want to have sex with me at that age. Getting blown at 80 is probably fire. Really? Why? Fucking diabetes. Diabetes is kicked in. So does a dementia.

You won't fucking remember a thing. I'll fucking, maybe I forget who is blowing me. And I think it's like, I don't know. Joey, you won't fucking remember a thing. I'll fucking, maybe I forget who is blowing me. And I think it's like fucking someone really nice. That wouldn't be terrifying for you. You look down at someone different every minute.

No, it could be like someone way younger. Way younger would be like 40. Oh, okay. If I'm 80 years old. It's still weird because a person that would be 40 when you're 80, it's not been born yet. I hope you feel good about yourself. That's not what I meant. That's exactly what you meant.

That's not what I meant. Yeah. I'm not gonna, I barely look passable right now. I'm shocked Becca even likes me. Me too, dude. What was that? What? Me too, what?

No, I'm like saying like, yeah, you're right. I'm like on your, I'm on your side. On my side with what? With whatever you're saying. I'm like being supportive of you. Like me too, like you think I'm disgusting. Oh, no, I'm not saying, I'm saying whatever you said is right. I'm with you.

That's what I said. I don't. That's what I'm saying. I don't, I don't get, I don't. Whatever you said, I'm like on your side. You said me too, way too quickly. I'm agreeing with you. I said I am, no, because I said I am shocked.

Right. That my wife still finds me attractive. Correct. That's what you said. Why did you say me too? Because I want, I'm supporting you. I'm your friend. That's not something you're supposed to support me the opposite there.

No, because then I wouldn't be supporting you. I would just be like. No, you're supposed to say, yeah, you're a good looking guy. You still got something left in you. Well, I'm, you know, I want to be supportive of your ideas and like your opinions. What the fuck is this? I'm just, I'm being supportive. That's not supportive.

You're doing the opposite of support. I feel like we're, we've gotten off to the wrong foot here, but I'm trying to be, I'm trying to support your ideas and ideologies. My opinion there was self-deprecating. Right. I put myself down, not only because it's funny, but because it's how I feel. But if you're down and I'm with you, we're down, we're, I'm down with you. You know what I'm saying?

You're not alone down. I appreciate it, but also I think you're being mean. We're going to take five minutes. Okay. Oh man. I will say this. You also attacked me earlier for what I was eating for lunch, which is really fucking upsetting.

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And I'm like, okay, what is it? Before you go anywhere, I want to preface the conversation with this. Joey is stuck in the idea that a sandwich needs to be a meat, a cheese, and something else. The fact of the matter is sandwiches are anything in between two pieces of bread. Okay. So what if I put one piece of, never mind. One piece of cheese you were going to say, you stupid bitch.

Yeah, it's a grilled cheese. You dumb idiot. You fucking moron. Or it's a cheese sandwich. Joey was getting on me because as of lately, my sandwiches, which I enjoy quite a bit, have been simply tomato sandwiches, just tomatoes, just tomatoes and mayonnaise on white bread. Disgusting.

You've never, you've never seen Harriet the spy. She doesn't inherit the spy. I've never seen Harriet the spy. If she does it, why can't the fucking I do it? Is that like encyclopedia brown or those two different? No, those are very different and encyclopedia brown is like, oh, they're girls. I think she's just smart. Harriet the spy was just like, yo, what's this?

Okay. A tomato sandwich is a dumb sandwich and Frankie apparently loves them. They're very delicious. They're dumb. No, they're not. They're a dumb sandwich. How is it a dumb sandwich? Because it's bread, tomatoes and bread.

Tomatoes are delicious. When you have a good, good fat Jersey tomato, Jersey tomato, he's making it seem like it's Idaho potatoes or like you think Jersey tomatoes are not a thing because I'm ready to sit here and I'm ready to make sure that your mother knows that you're a fucking piece of shit. Jersey tomatoes are absolutely a thing. Just like Jersey blueberries. Okay. Now you're going to tell me you've never had, here we go.

I've never had a Jersey blue. You've never had a Jersey blueberry. You've never had just a mayo sandwich. I've never had that either. I was going to say you put just mayonnaise and then eat it. I will say this. I have and still do enjoy good butter sandwich. What is that?

You've never had a butter sandwich? You just put butter? Yeah. You think I just put the stick? No, but like you put pieces of butter on a sandwich and you spread it, spreadable butter. That's called toast you fucking moron because I don't toast it. The toast is the fucking hardness of the bread. Yeah, but that's still toast.

No, it's not. You're not toasting it. Okay. Well, that's fine. But not if you- Why is the butter fine, but the tomatoes and the mayonnaise are not mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. What?

You always do this. You always- When you're back into a corner and you have no fucking other- You said mayonnaise. You said mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Pronounced Wednesday. Wednesday?

No, Wednesday. Yeah. Mayonnaise. No. Yes. What do you mean no? That's how it's fucking spelled. That's how it's pronounced.

Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. You know, it's crazy that you haven't learned one thing in your life. I am a- I am a-

Oh, by the way- I am a college educated motherfucker. By the way, by the way, watch this. What are those things in like palm trees that are brown and you cut them open and there's like water in them? What are they? What are they called? Oh, coconut.

Coconut. What? What is wrong with you? Say it again. Coconut. What's wrong? You're a cartoon character. You're not a cartoon.

How? Because I say words? Coconut. Coconut. It's a coconut. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut.

Now you're saying it. Coconut. Now you lost it. What did it? Coconut. Coconut. Mayonnaise. Coconut.

Mayonnaise. You are fucking stupid. How am I stupid? You're literally- How am I stupid, Joey? How am I stupid? Because I eat fucking BLTs, prosciutto sandwiches, tomato sandwiches, coconuts and there's mayonnaise? What's wrong with me?

Nothing. Yo, tomatoes and mayonnaise? Don't go. Like they just don't go. Watch this. Yes, they fucking do. Frankie, that's the wettest sandwich you've ever heard because tomatoes are like wet. It is pretty wet.

I'll tell you this though. It's good. It's very good. Do you toast the bread? No. You just white bread that boy up. Oh, then it's definitely wet. It is wet and it's so deliciously wet.

Yeah, but does it like break apart? No, it's just soft and gushy in your mouth. You take a bite and it's like... It's so disgusting. You like that, right? It's like you're biting down on a fucking dirty diaper. It's the perfect consistency. You're really selling the sandwich, Frank.

It's like eating a dirty diaper. Don't doubt it. It tastes delicious. It tastes sweet. It's like a candy sandwich. It's like... It's like a candy... All right, hold on.

It tastes like candy. It tastes like candy. Tomatoes are sweet. It does not taste like candy. Yes, it does. Tomatoes are sweet, Joey. That's why tomato sauce is sweet. A little acidic.

It's not really sweet. Yes, it is. Tomato sauce is sweet. Bro, are you... Oh, are you a fucking idiot? Me? Are you a fucking moron? No, you've been hitting the head with too many coconut.

No, I clearly not. I know what the fuck I'm talking about here. You just believe Joey goes to the store and what does he get? He gets an oven-roasted honey turkey with fucking mayo and lettuce, tomato and cheese. That's a sandwich. That's all you fucking believe in.

Have some fucking flavor to your life. Do something outside. You saying I need flavor? Tomatoes and mayonnaise. The king of flavor, ladies and gentlemen. There you go. But no, Joey wakes up in the morning. Oh, he's got a fucking routine and a ritual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to have everything the same all the time. Throw a little something in your life that's a little different, Joe. A little fucking something. A little mayonnaise. A little mayonnaise on your sandwich. I put mayonnaise on my sandwiches. Okay.

See, now you're saying it correctly. Now you're not going mayonnaise. Like a fucking... Like you're from the bumbles. Mayonnaise, mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Do you put... No one sounds like that.

That's what you're sounding like right now. You see that TikTok where I was like, say this word and it says apartment and he goes, I pipe me. I pipe me. I can't believe you have an issue with that sandwich. Yeah, and your sandwich sucks. Did you try it?

No. No. I would try it. Would you? Go home. Oh, I'm not doing that. Yeah. You think I'm going to put effort into making this atrocity?

No. Get tomatoes. No. Get bread. Because I know you. You fucking higher mighty than though. You get fucking higher. Higher mighty than though.

Yeah. My year than thou. Look ahead. I'm not going to fucking argue that. Just go ahead and just know you're fucking wrong. Go. What happened to your thumb, by the way? Did you almost cut that off or you biting your thumb in half?

You fucking freak. You're like a mouse. Joey gets the bread. You're like a mouse and your fingers are cheese. And you're just fighting your fucking cheese all day. It's disgusting. You freak. This kid's eating his.

In one hand, he's eating a tomato and mayonnaise sandwich. And the other hand, he's eating his own hand. It's ridiculous, dude. It's ridiculous. Now let me guess, I need more flavor in my life. Joey, eat your own hands, Joey. Listen. My fingers sometimes, it's a problem.

I know I got to stop. But listen. He's biting your thumb. He's got his thumb like this. He's hiding them. What was I going to say? I have no idea. Joey, what do you eat, bitch?

Sandwiches? Yeah. I mean, just big sandwich. Think of a sandwich that probably ate that one. But you know which one's pissed me off. No. No. You need more fucking absolute, like you need to do something a little different.

Add a little more flavor to your life. Seriously. You know how I feel about BLTs? I think they're stupid or whatever. They're an incredible sandwich. Okay, okay. You know how I feel about BLTs, right? This tomato and mayo sandwich is like one billion light years behind a BLT.

That's how fucking dumb that shit is. Why? Because it's like, it's a good sandwich. It might as well be bananas and toothpaste to me. Like it's like two things at once. How, Joey? Now you're being ridiculous. Now you're being insane.

Oh yeah. How is that so far behind? I have no idea. It's not a legitimately delicious rad sandwich. What is it missing? It has everything you want. You have the savory, the sweet, a little acidity. What is it missing?

It doesn't have one thing. How's that? For starters, something. Oh, I'm sorry. It's because Joey eats bread that is mostly fucking grains. Like it's fucking made out of the bugs from a bug's life with those fucking things. You bite into it and it's fucking crunchy. Eat bread for once.

You loser. You geek bitch. Do something that's out. Like you have this. I do. You need to, you know. I know you like that bread. What is it called?

Like Dave's famous bread or some fucking. It's killer bread. Yeah, killer. Real fucking killer because I'm going to choke on it. Just do, just do me a favor. Do me a favor, please. Before you knock it, go buy a single tomato, a white bread and mayonnaise. That's all you need, dude.

I don't know the last time I had mayonnaise. It's all you need. And not a lot. I'm not putting like a lot. You know, you just put it on both sides of the bread. Could you, could you eat all just a straight up spoonful of mayonnaise? Could I? That was literally what I asked.

Could I or? Yeah. That's what I said. Yeah. It'd be hard to go down, but I'd get it down there. Yeah. I do like a lot of mayonnaise on like ham sandwiches though. Like ham and cheese and fucking mayo.

I'm a little weird with like cheese on sandwiches. I need to layer it properly because I don't like when it all like mushes together and it becomes like one giant block of cheese. You know what I'm talking about? What accent was that? You know what I'm saying though. Like when you have like a layered like an improperly layered sandwich and it's like all the meat and all the cheese and then you bite it and it just becomes like a giant hunk of meat

and a giant hunk of cheese. Oh yeah. I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like that either. I don't like that. You know what I don't like when people make sandwiches and it's too like neat? Like when you put like a ham on a sandwich. It has to be like you gotta like fucking fold it up.

You want fucking fat ass lips on the side. Yeah, like it has to look like someone just like didn't care. Yeah. I don't like people just like fold it over. Are you a child? Do you need your sandwiches cut or do you eat them like how they are? Oh, I just eat them. Okay, because I know people that like they can only eat sandwiches if they're cut.

Uh, no, no, no. I mean if it's on a white piece of bread like that shape, like I could just eat it obviously but like I do like a diagonal cut. You fucking child. What? I'm not saying like. You aren't, no. I'm not saying it has to be.

You know what I mean? I used to do this. I used to cut it into an X sometimes. Oh, like a real child. Yeah, when I was a child, bitch. Oh, okay. You weren't making your own sandwiches because you were an asshole and you made your mother make you lunch.

What an asshole at five years old. You used to get in school lunch with me. Oh, yeah. But like sometimes she would make us sandwiches. Or like she would make us sandwiches on the weekend or something. I used to steal Ricardo's ham sandwich because his mom made some fucking amazing ham sandwiches. How do you make a bad one? I don't know.

There was something in her hand. She was, dude, I'd be careful. I feel like she was putting mustard on those. No, no, no, trust me. I know mustard, bitch. I know. It was just ham and mayo and they were fucking. I feel like that kid liked mustard.

No, he was Spanish. Spanish people don't like mustard. I don't know. They don't have mustard in any Spanish-speaking countries. That's a big claim. Yeah, it's also false. Yeah. I would say so.

But something that we do have in this country, or did at least, your boy sent over a spy balloon. Your boy? China, my boy China. China. China. China. Yeah, big thing going around lately. There's a big spy balloon.

Well, there was. There was. RIP. RIP to the spy balloon. Yeah, for real. Which you don't, honestly, I will say you don't see a lot of balloons nowadays anymore. Like big ass balloons, like blimps. Never see a blimp.

Also, you know what I saw like two months ago that I was like, I can't take my eyes off this thing? When someone just loses a balloon and a Mylar balloon, it hits the power lines. Not what I was going to say. Oh. But I'm just saying when it gets, when it just like, someone like goes, let's go with a balloon and it just starts going in the air and you're like super far away. But you're like, oh shit, someone lost a balloon.

I have to watch it until it's disappeared. Yeah. It's gone. And you need to like see what kind of balloon it is too. And you were like, someone's birthday. Yeah. You know. It was too far away.

It's like just like a red balloon. I'm like, and I just have to watch it disappear into the atmosphere. 99 third-lushed balloons. Remember that song? Yeah. 99 red balloons. Yeah. But what did you say?

Something German? Yeah. That's the original version of it. I believe it's German. Oh. 99 third-lushed balloons. Halligan. Not going to offend.

Did you say hail what? I'm not going to offend it. I feel like you said hail or something. Yeah. Here was my question with this whole balloon thing because I see both sides of the spectrum. I see people like, whatever, it's a fucking balloon. They do this all the time. Apparently.

I didn't know. Yeah. People that consider themselves to be more conservatively minded. Being like, you don't get it. The country's over. We're done. You might as well consider yourself dead. Dude, if we lose to a balloon, that's tough.

I was saying like, if you want to instill fear, why send a balloon? I don't think they're trying to instill fear. I think they're just like running surveillance. What are they trying to see? I don't know. We're like, well, you want to watch people drive through the fucking sticks? No. Well, guess what?

They get from one point to another. You know what I don't understand? Anything? No, but like sandwiches? You don't understand sandwiches. I understand sandwiches. And you also don't know any expressions. Oh, that was another thing, but we'll get to that at a different time.

But I thought about this the other day, right? I'm like, oh, okay. Like I get why that's bad if they could just fly a balloon over the country and then be able to like see whatever they want. Can I ask you something seriously though? Yeah, yeah. What are you seeing from up there? If we have like secret military bases where they can see what they're building.

Okay, that would be a problem. That would be a problem. Yeah, like see what they're building or see what they're doing, how many trucks, how many whatever, like just taking inventory of the whole country and like where things are located. Yeah, okay, I understand that. So they can strategize them. So like I understand why that's bad. But like the thing that I don't get is like we shot this thing down and then China, well,

China, you know what China said that it's, it was just like a weather balloon. Dude, I can't even begin to explain how bad of an excuse that is. Like you probably have all the time in the world. We were just trying to check out. It's for the fucking weather. Yeah. And we're like, we're not buying that. You're China.

My thing is like if they're really trying to like instill fear, send something scarier than a balloon. Like a dragon or something. I've been scared of balloons zero times in my life. I've been scared of drones more. Now, if I heard it was like a Chinese drone, I'd be like, well, that's pretty freaky. But I'm like a Chinese balloon. I'm like, oh, shoot this fucking little Humpty Dumpty thing out of the sky.

Yo, also, how the fuck did we not see this balloon? It was up there. It was up. It was like 30,000 feet above where planes go, which, whoa, isn't that space? I think it is. Yeah. Like I don't think it's that. Yeah, but still like, bro, how do you not see this fucking balloon, bro?

I think that's what happened. Someone saw it. They were like, yo, and there's balloons everywhere too. Like they were global. Oh, China's sending balloons out all over the place. Yeah, they've ballooned the earth. But here's the thing. How do they know it's going to get where they want it to get?

There's a guy like, oh, they have a control. So it is a drone. So I'm right. Now we should be scared. I'll be honest with you. I don't know the answer to that. When I hear a balloon, I think it's just some fucking just letting it go and just saying like, all right, goodbye.

You know? Well, here's the thing that I wanted to say before that I just got sidetracked by. But like, like it's confusing that they sent a balloon because like with, we have satellites in space that you can see like my house from space. They have one. Why not just use that? You know, no balloon. Yeah, they don't need a balloon.

But well, actually, no, I read something or was it I was having a conversation with probably Greg or something. When they, you know where those satellites are in orbit. So when the, when other countries are flying over in places where they could see our shit, like the military, whoever knows, like don't do anything and wait till it passes and then you can start. Oh, so they're like, yo, like Australia's overhead right now. Yeah.

And they're like, we don't care about them. Yeah. Do whatever you want. But also is the military just like building stuff out in the open? Don't they do everything indoors? That's what I'm like, bro, build a total. There's like, that's a nice day to build a tank outside. Yeah.

Like do do it inside all the time or just like put up a tarp, a big ass tarp. You're going to tell me the militant. My dad has 40 tarp. Do you think the military doesn't have at least one? My dad could definitely hide a bomb and hasn't not done it. Yeah. Hasn't not. Right.

He hasn't not done it. So he's done it. So your dad is hitting a bomb. That's just a hunch. Okay. It's a big hunch. That is a big hunch. That's a big accusation too.

Yeah. I would say, listen, just military. Build stuff inside. I know you got to test stuff outside. We're underground. We're underground. Area 51. Do whatever you want over there.

You're not letting anyone in anyways. Just dig a hole. If we can't go, no one should be able to go. Like if you're not going to let like fucking Susie from down the street, come check out Area 51. Don't let China. Yeah, I did. You know, just like keep it all underground and doors.

Excavate like a big cave and you can fly shit in there. Like Batman did it. What is China learning? Like they have tanks. Yeah. No shit. It's on all the fucking Donald Trump's merch. It's what?

It's on his merch. You ever seen Donald Trump merch? I have. Yeah. It's like him riding a velociraptor on a tank shooting a guns and fucking fingering people. This guy's crazy dude. He's fucking nuts. Yeah.

Just like shooting guns and fucking fingering buns. Yeah. You think like Donald Trump definitely strikes me as a guy who smells his fingers when he like fingers. Oh, of course. Pussy. Yeah. Just as I suspected.

Pussy. If he's ever. Yeah. Absolutely. What are you going to say? No, I don't want to do that. If he's ever. Yeah.

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Okay. Because I wanted to tell the people about Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Listen, we beat you over the head with it. Okay? I tell you about this all the time. But realistically, it is the best place that you want to be if you're a fan of the show because you sign up for Patreon.

And guess what? The first tier, while you get these weekly episodes a week in advance, you get to comment and be in it on the jokes and everything and the TikToks and all. A week before everybody else. And then that's second tier. Well, that's where the, you know, that's where the money, you know, the lick gets licked, you know what I'm saying? So that's where you get access to exclusive episodes every Friday.

We told you guys we hit a goal. We were going to do something. And by the time this gets available to our patrons, there will be something available, I think the next day or the day after or shortly thereafter, maybe even already there. I'm not quite sure. I think it is there now. Well, it's us and Joey had creepy crawling bugs all over him. There's a guy that came in here.

The bug guy. He's literally called the bug guy. And he brought literally my top two worst fears as bugs were in this room. And I had to hold them. It was very, very good. So, and that episode is going to be exclusively for our patrons as we thank you guys for getting us to that goal. We want to keep shattering those goals.

We're almost at 16,000. And the more we, the more we climb on that ranking, the more we're going to do for you guys. And just for you guys. So patreon.com, size of a page of me. I go check it out now. Thank you so much for all the patrons and thank you so much for the people that are going to be signing up for the Patreon.

And we'll see you soon. Can I ask you a question? No. You've never been to Disney World, right? No, I have. Really? Yes. No, I didn't know.

When did you go? 2000. The third grade. A year before. A year before. You know what happened. I was going to do that. Yeah.

But you went in third grade. Yes. Oh, so you haven't really gone as an adult though. No, I went to, I think in 2008 I went to Universal. Okay. But, you know, again, 15 years ago. So I had an idea that I stole from the R U Garbage podcast, which is fucking hilarious. But they did this.

They did this for their Patreon. But the guys at R U Garbage fucking hilarious show. But I wanted to know if you would ever be open to this. If not this, something like it. But you've never done that. You've never, you've never done Epcot, right? No, I know. I mean, I, what is a kid, but I don't.

Did you, for like a Patreon video, like if we all went down to Epcot and landed mad early, went straight to Epcot, drank around the world and just got on a plane and came home? Sure. I would feel bad though. I wouldn't, I would feel terrible going to Disney World without my children. Well, you're not going to see any, like, it's not going to be Disney World. Well, it's Epcot.

Yeah, I know. But there's no fucking Daffy ducks. So, so hold on. So go from the airport to Epcot. Yes. Drink. No bags. No, not one bag.

Just get on a plane like this, right? Yes. Get on a plane at 6 a.m. like this, land there, fucking 9 o'clock or whatever. I don't know when the park opens, but like, you go and you immediately start drinking. You walk in a circle around the park and then we just go to the airport and go. I guess. I guess I would. We would be blasted.

I, yeah. I mean, is there a lot of drinks there? I don't know. You don't know what Epcot is? No. I know. I know of them. I've heard of Epcot.

Yeah. Because it's an epic concoction. That's not it. I don't know what, what does Epcot stand for? Experimental prototype community of tomorrow. How the fuck do you know that, you weirdo? I, I like knew that one time and then it came up like four years ago when we were at trivia. And I was like, I know this for some reason and then I, and then I, and then I'm not going

to forget it because everyone was like, yeah, you're, you're a loser. Yeah. Um, but yeah, no, it's like every place you walk, like when you first walk in, uh, it's like Mexico. So they have food, racism, I think all the people who work in their perspective countries are from that country. Keep them all separate just like you wanted. Who's fucking experiment with this?

Walt Disney? Hmm. Yeah. Go check them out. There is no Israel. Go check it out. I think the guy was not a fan. Yeah.

Um, but no, but like you, you go and they have like, um, what did they have? Like, like margaritas. Oh, like yeah. Margaritas or shit like that. Like frozen margs. Um, and then the next thing, I don't know, Italy, wine, Greece, Germany, there's beer and like, so, and then Morocco, Ireland, violence, they have Moroccan tea and they have like, oh, well now you said my magic word.

I know. You said tea. Then there's Canada. There's fucking other things. There's beer, I think. Spears? No, beers. Oh, I was going to say why spears?

But then you just like go in a circle and you hit all these countries and they have a bunch of different shit and then you just fucking throw up in a thing and you leave. Um, well, I don't want to throw up. Yeah. You're not going to throw up. I don't want to, but I guess I would do that, but like, I would feel terrible going without my children, but also if it was all paid for by the office, I'll go anywhere. Yeah.

It would be. It would be for the Patreon. I would want to do. It would be for the first time and then we would just be like, it would be like a hammered vlog because the guy, like I said, the guys that are you garbage, they did this because one of the hosts had never been to Disney World at all. So they went and they did like Epcot and I was like, this is such a good idea. I'm going to completely steal it.

Yeah. Well, it's okay. I mean, that's the internet baby. Yeah. No original ideas anymore. Well, yeah, let's do it. Okay. I didn't think that you would be down.

Why wouldn't I be? I don't know. I mean, I do get very uncomfortable being away from my children on a plane. Uh, yeah, but we're going to be, it's literally going to be the same day. It doesn't matter. What am I saying? The chance that I could die, so we don't start drinking unless we're at the park. Like we don't drink on the plane.

I mean, I do. I guess. Yeah. I don't know. I thought that would be funny. Okay. And we have to have like Ant and Greg, that fucking thing just scared me today. It's been scaring me this whole time.

Greg bought this huge mannequin. I just put it in the hallway and it's just staring in here. Where do you even buy mannequins? Amazon, I guess. I don't know. That's weird. I don't like it. We're in the Starla shirt, which you can check out at shop.santagotstudios.com.

Oh, synergy, baby. But also we want you to buy the Gloria from Astoria one because it's better. More personality. Prettier. More personality. Prettier. Uh, what were we talking about? Oh, Trump smelling his fingers.

That's why. Cause you, when you hung out with him, that's what he told you, right? Yeah. No, I've never seen Trump in person. He's got a weird stance. Yeah. He stands like forward. Stands like, you know, Michael Jackson, that dance move where he's like.

The lean. Yeah. I don't know how he does it. Um, oh, the thing I wanted to end the show with, before we started, you were talking about that guy who like sucked his own dick or something. What'd he say? Yes. There was, uh, there was a tweet that kind of like I saw and I was like, holy shit.

And it was like, uh, something along the lines of like, I thought about like the process of sucking your own dick, which that's like a thing, a tale is oldest time. I remember from being a child hearing about Marilyn Manson. Oh yeah. I always. Marilyn Monroe. Um, but they look exactly the same. No, they don't.

That's the removing, removing a rib there. Rib. I think he's a dude. He's a. Hey, he's. Hey. Hey. Hey, maybe if I misgendering him, my apologies, uh, and, and filleting himself.

Yeah. And I mean, that was a, that was a fucking early rumor before like the internet. Everyone knew that shit. And this guy said, he's like, I had it dawned upon me that I would not feel like I'm getting my dick suck, but that I'm sucking my, like that I'm sucking dick. Wait, did they do it? I think, no, I think it's like they, they thought more about it and like the, the reality is like, you would feel like you're sucking dick, not like you're getting your dick suck.

Well, it would technically. Have you tried? Have I ever tried? Have you tried? Not like actually. What's that mean? Like as a joke, like where I'm wearing pants. Oh, like, oh.

I've never like been naked to being like, let's go for it. You've never like seriously tried to suck your own ween-ween. No. Okay. I mean, neither honestly. I honestly think you could take one of my ribs on each side out and I still wouldn't be able to. Yeah.

I mean, I am very flexible, but I don't think it's the flexibility that would stop me. I think it's the Thuman's hot dogs that I have consumed, you know, over the summer. I'm fat now, Joe. I'm fat boy now. I don't know what you meant by that. Yeah. But if you could, you would, you would throw it in there. But the saying is, you throw it in there though.

No, no. That's what he just said. I probably would do it though. I never, no. I probably wouldn't. I would tell you no, but I would do it. Oh, you would do it just like amongst yourself? Yeah.

Yeah. Like I would take that shit to the grave probably. Have you ever done things that you don't talk about on the show? What is it? I mean, I'm sure I have, but I don't know what you mean by that. Tell the show. I tell them all right now. First and last.

Uh, have I done something that I haven't? I don't know. Like that time. Remember the time? Oh, this is about to be met. Okay. I was just going to ask if it was, if you were going to tell a story that time you burnt that cross, burnt that cross.

Speaking of burning crosses though. We know into where it shouldn't be. No, but one time I was walking past the church and a kid from our neighborhood older than us, Gary. Remember Gary? V. No. From the neighborhood.

Gary. He lived down the block from you. From me? Yeah. Gary? Yeah. And he had a brother, David. Who the fuck are you talking about?

Maybe you don't know them. Gary. I knew two Gary. No, I knew one Gary and he was in school with us. No. Oh, Gary. That's Spanish Gary. Yeah.

Elgari. Who? Elgari. Oh, yeah. No. Elgari. But anyway, so I was walking past the church and all of a sudden we turn around and it's on fire.

Stop. I swear to God. What happened? We called 911. And? Well, he called 911 and he tried to jump over the fence and like get in the church. I was like, Gary. Do you remember that time someone told you you hit a baby in the face with a paintball?

You forget that. Guys. You forget that story? Oh my God. Did you just forget that until this very second? Guys, listen to this. Guys, this is it all time. Oh my God.

You don't want to suck your own wiener because it would be more like you're sucking penis than you're getting your penis sucked. This story is better though. I, we were in my friend Sean's backyard and he had a paintball gun. Listen, guys. So dumb. If you have a paintball gun, keep it away from me. Well, keep it away from any child.

I'm going to shoot it. Yeah. Yes, they will. The way his backyard was set up was like all the houses were in a row. So everyone's backyard was like next to each other. So you could see like the next street and the next street, the houses went the opposite way. So you were like, they were facing us parallel.

Right. Well, perp and dick. Yeah. So it was like that. So you could see the front of this house. So we had this thing in the backyard. There was a bunch of us and there was a kid who used to live over there or something. And we were like, yo, it'd be funny to like shoot his house.

And it was the day before we were going to the lake house for my birthday. Yes. Oh my God. I forgot about that. Yes. And he had a paintball gun naturally. Well, someone was like, yo, you won't shoot it. And I was like, yeah.

And I remember seeing you, you just picked it up. Like you didn't point at someone's house and shoot it. You just picked it up and just went pop, pop, pop. Yeah. Or like pop, you know. Yeah. I like shot it in the direction of the houses that are facing us. And then we heard it hit like a house.

And then we saw like a light go on. And then we just ran. We ran away. Scattered like cockroaches. And then we went to Connecticut the next day. We went to Connecticut. Nothing happened that night. And then someone called me.

Someone called you or someone called someone else? I think I definitely got a call at some point. Okay. Someone called you. And I remember the rumor that I, I, when I shot that thing, it hit a baby. Yeah. And like, they didn't say like the baby's dead.

They just said like, you hit a baby. And I was like, I'm going to jail. I remember Joey was on the side of my cabin. Oh my God. On the phone freaking out like, yo, I hit a baby. And I'm like, bro, you didn't hit a baby. You didn't hit a baby because the way that it was conveyed, I think I remember, I think Ferg called you.

And I think the message that was conveyed was you shot at the house, a window was open and it hit a baby, which if it did. Yeah. Wow. I'm Jesse James. Wow, dude. That would be crazy. But then also no, you would have been, because apparently the

person went to Sean's house and said like, yo, kids were firing the paintball gun out of your backyard. Yeah. And just made up that you hit a baby. Spoiler alert. Oh, they made that up. I thought like our friends made it up to like fuck with me. Oh, no, no, no.

The person whose house was hit because you remember whose house it was. I do. I'm not saying. Yeah. Don't. Nope. Don't say it. But yeah, made that up.

Made it up to scare you. Scared the fuck out of me. And it did. Joey was scared. Also, I've seen that kid numerous times after that. He never once mentioned it. Yeah. You would think that if a baby was hit in his house by a

paintball gun, you fired, he'd say, hey man, that was fucked up. Yeah. He would like mention it, but it never happened. Never came up. Not once. Yo, that's crazy. I totally blocked up for my memory. Yeah.

Well, because you were very upset. You were basically on the verge of tears. I thought I thought I fucking shot a baby. Well, no one said you killed a baby. I know, but that hit a baby. Well, if you hit a baby, as long as the baby's alive, who cares, right? Me. Oh, you can.

I think so. Yeah. I think. Oh, well, that was, that was quite the. The gun was too good, man. That was a good gun. Also, don't be a teenager with a paintball gun in a city. I'll do you one better anywhere.

We used to go to that kid's house all the time and play ping pong. Yeah. Well, he told his mom that I broke his sink and I wasn't allowed back. Yeah. Do you remember that? Did he say that about you? Yeah. I do remember that happening.

And then when I got home, my dad told me that he was so proud of me and I was like, what? And he's like. You didn't break the sink. No, but he was like, Sean, his mom apparently was telling my dad that I like was handling the situation well. Like I was trying to, I wasn't leaving. I was trying to make sure everything.

Yeah. I was like pinned on me. Yeah. I think I actually, I think I do know why. Oh, yeah. Like you were the only Spanish kid around. No, apparently my mom and his mom didn't like each other. Oh, really?

Or whatever the reason was. It was said that I broke the sink and like I wasn't allowed back after that. And I didn't break no fucking sink. It was a really cool basement. It was a cool basement. That's it. Oh, I thought there was going to be more to that. No, it was a cool basement.

Yeah. Basements were where it was at back in the day, dude. Yeah. My basement. My basement. Nothing ever happened in my basement. My basement. We had the whole house where my mom would go away.

My mom doesn't listen. Yeah. When she would go away. Rage Town, USA. Forties. Bro. Forty. We had to do that, dude.

We had to drink forties like homeless people. Well, yeah. Edward Forty hands. We should do that. Let's do that next week. Um, I need to kind of like set myself up. I can't. I'm not in a situation where I can just do Edward Forty hands.

You have nothing going on. Yeah. Nothing at all. You have no children at home right now. I would have to, you know, realistically, I would have to do it at like 8 a.m. And then be like, okay to drive by like four. How long would it technically take for you to be like six hours? Well, because it's six beers.

It's about six beers, right? So it's like a beer an hour, I think. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get you out there early though. Well, no. Not legally. Yeah.

No. No, no, no. We don't know. God. I also have this problem. You ever drive drunk? No. No.

Have you? No. I definitely have. Oh, not good. Yeah. No, not good. Can't do that, Joe. Well, I, I, I, I'm only saying it because it was like a, it was, it was so stupid.

And I was like 22 when it happened and it was so terrifying. The prime, prime Q tip, Joe. Yes. Yeah. I had went to a bar with a friend of mine and we were having like cocktails at Rockies. Disgusting. It's just weird plays to have cocktails. It's like a divey like Bud Light bar, but we were having cocktails.

And that's a generous description there. Yeah. But you dare offend my friends over at Bud Light. But I had drinks and like the, the, the, I guess the liquor didn't like hit me at all. And she lived like a couple of blocks away. So I was like, oh, I'll just fucking drop you off. And I dropped her off. And then when I started driving after I dropped her off, I was like, oh.

You got a problem here. I was like, I'm fucking drunk right now. And I scared the living shit on myself. Parks my car like two blocks from my mom's and just walked the rest of the way. I was like, I'm not doing this. Yeah. Not worth it. Do not do it.

Don't do it ever. Yeah. Not cool. Even if you think you're fine, just wait. Real nice way to end the episode, Joe. Some, some, you know, you want to argue about something? No, I don't like arguing. Okay.

I'll ask you a very quick question. I will say this. You look like an inmate. Like your outfit looks like a, like an inmate would wear that, but like a good one would like, you know, you ever see movies where they do laundry or they're like making food or something. They're always wearing stuff like that. Thanks.

I appreciate it. And what do you look like a moron? How about that? All right. I'll end on this question really quick, really quick. Yeah. It's not a competition. There's obviously no competition.

Who's cuter? Ruby or Osama Bin Laden? It's tough, right? Your daughter or Osama Bin Laden? It's a little hard. Which Osama though? Pre-dead one. No, but like before he went, like before?

No, no, no. Like in his prime? Yeah. Your favorite part of his life? I'll go Ruby. Thanks. That's what I was thinking too. Yeah.

By a margin. Yeah. If he like, if he spent more time, like not in a cave. Yeah. Than maybe. Yeah. But he was a good looking guy. He had a good skin tone.

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