The Basement Yard - #399 - Are You A Cat Guy?
Episode Date: May 22, 2023So....you like cats? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
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Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going there, fella?
Fella? We're not gonna address the fact that I said that.
Wait, is that the Irish in here? Are you just Irish this week?
Hey, Taylor! Yeah, I don't know.
Do you feel like you're more Irish or Italian?
I don't feel like anything.
We know what your skin tone says, but I'm saying like your personality.
I don't feel like anything, to be honest.
This is a really good question now that I think about it. Welcome back, Basement Yard. Hey guys, hey.
Do you feel you're more Irish or Italians?
Did you not hear the fucking three times that I just answered that question?
Oh my god, you're coming off. Jesus.
Fucking hot. Do you f- like, do you-
Frankie, do not ask me again you're about to.
I don't feel either. That's my answer.
But if you were to associate yourself with one more than the other, what would it be?
Because clearly you got the Irish temper.
Clearly you got that.
Yeah.
You do have the Italian sense of wonder.
The Italian sense of wonder? Where are you grabbing that from?
A Pinocchio, honestly.
Gepetto? Gepetto.
Because Gepetto didn't do much traveling until he went to go find Pinocchio.
Right.
Pinocchio wanted to see the world be a real boy.
Right.
You want to see the world.
Yeah.
You always are telling me how into real boys you are.
Okay.
Well, into real boys.
No, I think I would say if I were to- and it has nothing to do with your last name being traditionally Italian.
I would say you're more Italian than Irish.
Okay.
The foods that you like, everything about you.
But what is Irish food? Just like cabbage or something?
Potatoes, carrots, cabbage.
Carrots?
And fucking, yeah.
So what are they?
Rabbits?
Cabbage?
Carrots?
Well, to my understanding, the Emerald Isle was a relatively poor place that wasn't able to grow a lot.
So they had traditionally one of the easiest and cheapest vegetables and stuff to grow.
And it was just stuff like that.
That's why, for St. Patrick's Day, we have corned beef, which is a cheap cut, cooked in the cheapest way possible, boiled.
Are you shitting on my heritage right now?
Oh, it's always so you're accepting them.
Well, when you're-
I'm not shitting on it.
You're literally stepping on the heads of a famine, Frank.
I'm not shitting on it.
People are famished and you're stepping on their heads.
I am not stepping on it.
I'm just saying traditional Irish food-
Not only are they starving, but they're poor as well.
And it rains a lot.
And it rains a lot.
Joey, this is what you're saying.
Slow the fuck down.
No, I'm not.
I'm just saying traditional Irish food is known to just have traditional ingredients that are just not as-
Say traditional again.
Like, it's true.
It's all like, think about a shepherd's pie.
Love shepherd's pie.
I don't even know what's in that.
What?
You've never had a good shepherd-
No.
You've never had a good shepherd-
Oh, meat.
Well, that is one of the ingredients in shepherd's pie.
Gravy?
I guess technically-
Well, it has to be a pastry in there.
No.
No?
There's no-
But how is it a pie?
So it's like, the shepherd part is it's lamb.
It's ground lamb.
Oh.
Yeah, I got your attention now.
I mean, yeah, I like lamb.
Now I got your attention.
I'm big on the lamb.
And you saute it with like onions, garlic.
Nice.
Carrots.
And you make like, you put like red wine in there.
Whoa!
You cook it down.
You put some Worcestershire sauce.
Right.
And then you put that in a baking dish.
Yeah.
And then you cover the top with mashed potatoes.
Oh, what?
And then you bake it so it comes out like, like a lasagna, but the top is mashed potatoes.
Oh, there's no pastry?
There is no pastry in this fucking pie.
Oh, that's hardly a pie.
Well, I think they just called it a pie because it's just like layers of stuff that you then
eat.
Yeah.
He's got to have something like bread though.
No.
To be a pie?
I don't think it needs that.
What other pie doesn't have bread?
Um, chicken pot pie.
Are you insane?
I guess, yeah, I guess you're right.
But like, uh, mud pie.
Was that diarrhea?
That's poop.
Yeah, that's a big ol' fat poop.
Technically some bread probably.
I guess there might be some bread in there.
Yeah.
No, I know there's other types of pies.
Um, pudding pie.
It's got the hard casing.
Does it?
Yeah, like the cracker.
Oh, I don't know.
I was making something up.
You don't have to put the word pudding and pie in things and then just make food out of
it.
The British are big on pudding?
Dude, they make like stupid puddings all the time.
Where do you stand on pudding?
Oh, I thought you were going to say the British.
No, no, no.
I know you stand on the British.
But where do you stand on pudding?
I like pudding.
You like pudding?
But like, if you give me a vanilla snack pack, I'll fucking shove it up my butt.
That's how much I love it.
Well, yeah.
Uh, that's not, I don't know why that's the threshold for mine.
I like pudding.
I don't mind pudding.
I think it's got a stupid name.
Blood pudding.
Wouldn't do that.
What is blood pudding?
Never heard of blood pudding.
Is it blood?
It's like, I think it's like congealed pigs blood.
Who's eating that?
They're those Irish back at ya.
Oh, I had some blood recently.
I went out for New Year's.
I went to an Irish restaurant.
I was like, what are they going to serve you?
Oh yeah, you told me about this.
And they had like a blood, they had something blood.
I'll tell you what.
Good blood.
It was good blood.
Yeah, dude, I get it.
Vampires, I understand, dude.
JT from the picky boys.
He was like, yeah, it was like a traditional thing.
Cause he's, as you can tell, very Irish.
Yeah.
He, I think he said that he would have it regularly growing up.
Maybe I'm mixing up him and somebody else from that, you know.
Doesn't he look like Charlie Conway a little bit?
Um, I'm not quite sure who Charlie Conway is.
So I'm just going to say yes.
You don't know who Charlie Conway is.
I can't quite think of who Charlie Conway is, Joey.
Frank, he's the captain of the Mighty Ducks.
Oh, oh, you're, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were going fucking traditional.
Like there's one Charlie Conway in the whole universe.
Joey, you watch F1.
You're pulling names out of your ass all the time.
Charlie Conway, he's a famous, I, I, okay.
I messed up.
Forgive me.
The Triple Deke.
Yes.
Yes, he does.
Yes, he does.
That's what you wanted.
Yes.
But forgive me for fucking, you're coming out and you're just being like, oh my God.
Triple three, two, eight, four has the fucking new album coming out.
It's fire.
You come up with these names.
First of all, two things.
One, what?
Two, you're the one who pulls names.
She's like, oh, uh, Roger Podactor.
Roger Podactor.
Who the fuck is that?
It's a name from Ace Ventura.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
He's just fucking.
That's by Roger Podactor's dead.
No, but you just say names of actors.
Like everyone knows them.
And you do little references that fucking no one understands.
No, that's not true.
A lot of people enjoy.
Four.
Four people.
A lot of people, but I get at least one tweet a week.
Whoa, dude.
Of people like, I caught that reference.
People on my, on the last weekly episode got the, you know, the, the Michael Skarn reference.
Yeah.
But you don't, you don't tend to get these things.
And that's okay.
That's all right.
Not everyone is as fucking advanced intellectual.
I fucked up there, but that's because my brain works too fast.
That's where my mouth.
That's what it is.
My brain.
You're so smart that you can't speak or read my brain works so fucking fast.
That's what it is.
Your mouth can't catch up.
And you're a high value man.
I, I absolutely think you're a high value man.
I am a high value man.
Why are you saying it as if I'm not?
No, I think that you're a high value alpha man.
I didn't put alpha there.
Why is that a negative thing?
I would say that it's not a very nice thing to be called now.
An alpha?
Yeah.
No, I think that's fine.
I think I'm a man of the people.
This is the people, Joey.
I don't know if you know this.
This is me hugging the people.
Well, first get consent before you hug all of the people.
Of course.
That was, did you not see my eyes look down and I asked them?
What?
And they gave me verbal consent.
I, when I went for the hug, I went and they went and I went.
Okay.
And I did.
But how, how are you?
Good.
You doing all right?
Yeah.
Good.
Do it.
I know what you wanted to fucking start with.
Do it.
You piece of shit.
I'm upset about this.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go.
Oh yeah.
There you go.
You stupid fucking idiot.
You look, those are stupid.
Nah.
No.
They are.
You look like Pac-Man's fucking bisexual neighbor.
Bisexual neighbor.
Are they at least comfortable?
Yeah, they're comfy.
Here's the thing that really upsets me.
Yeah.
Money was spent on those.
Yeah.
Who's money?
That's a great question.
Yeah.
Was it yours?
Well, I think Greg spent my money on it.
So we're just allowed to spend your money on things?
Well, you don't have the information.
Can I have it please?
No.
Why not?
Because you would buy swords with it.
Because you're a child.
There would be a sword in this room instead of just a fucking...
Yeah, but it wouldn't be an actual cool sword.
It would be a sword that lights up and makes sounds like he-man.
Since when is that not cool, Joey?
Since 1998.
That's when.
I don't think that's true.
It could be a sword from the original calling and casting
and filming of the Knights of Tuna Naga.
A forgotten show on Fox Kids.
And I'm the one with fucking...
What are the references that no one understands?
The kids of Tuna Naga?
What is it called?
There was a show.
Remember the era of Fox Kids?
Were you getting up at fucking 8 a.m. on Saturday morning to watch the shit?
Because your boy was.
I was at the park.
Here's what I did.
Certain mornings, I'd wake up at like 7.
I'd pull out the DVD of Eight Mile and on mute watch the sex scene of Brittany Murphy and Eminem.
That was a good scene.
It was a great scene.
It was.
I was...
Moved forward.
Bricked up for that scene.
Obviously.
Also, just a good movie.
Good movie.
I should have watched...
I have since seen the rest of it, but that scene in particular...
So you'd wake up at 7, you'd beat your little wing...
I wouldn't touch anything.
I would just watch.
Why?
Because my body wasn't there yet.
Oh, it was that young.
Yeah, it was that young.
I think that movie came out in like 2003, Joey.
Eleven.
Dude, sixth grade.
That was probably slapping it around a little bit.
Like rubbing it up against stuff, you know?
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait, when did you start jerking off?
Dude, sixth grade?
You're definitely jerking off.
Sixth grade was probably around the time I experimented.
Seventh, eighth grade was like...
I was like, this is how I can spend my time.
Yeah, exactly.
And then like 8 a.m. was like the fucking brand new episodes of like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
and Next Mutation.
Then there was Yu-Gi-Oh!
And Pokemon.
Yu-Gi-Oh!
And fucking...
And then there was a show, a short-lived show on Fox Kids called The Knights of Tirnanog.
And I loved it real fucking hard, and I was the Red Knight.
Golden Knight?
You were the Red Knight?
For Halloween one year.
Wow.
And it, you know, it literally only lasted, I think, like 12 episodes.
And then Beetleborgs was coming on.
Beetleborgs was good.
Was that the girl who would crack her knuckles and then like...
Yes, Beetleborgs, it was the three kids.
And the one girl would just be like...
And then just fucking like lift a couch, which by the way, not that hard.
To lift a couch?
Yeah, it's a couch.
I mean, she was a child, right?
You couldn't lift couches when you were a child?
No.
Yeah, but that's how I spent my Fox Kids mornings, baby.
Fox Kids mornings.
No.
We would watch like...
You know, I used to watch a lot of Maury.
Why?
And like Jerry Springer.
R.I.P.
Damn, guy left.
Yeah.
Just dipped on us.
Yeah, he just left without saying goodbye.
Do you know that he was like a running for governor before he got his show?
Yeah.
And he got in trouble.
Because of the show?
Well, no, because I think he got...
I don't want to...
Yeah.
I don't want to speak ill about the dead here.
I hope you're going to look it up.
I'm not going to look it up.
I'm not, absolutely not.
All right, cool.
But I think he got in a little bit of trouble.
I remember there being specific episodes of Maury that I'm going to admit were my favorite.
You have favorites.
Yeah, it was my favorite episode of Maury because they would do like, is this a guy or a girl?
Problematic.
A little bit.
No, a lot of bit.
But I didn't know that.
So your favorite episodes of Maury are the exploitation of people in the trans community?
Not now.
I'm saying back then.
Back then when you were afraid of people in the trans community.
I wasn't afraid of anything.
That's not true.
I was afraid of everything.
But I wasn't afraid of trans people because I didn't know what anything was.
Yeah, because they were like, oh, this is a fun game.
We don't know if this is a guy or a girl.
Swear to God.
And how many times did you win?
The audience was always wrong.
Were you always right or wrong?
Wrong.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
I wasn't a big Maury.
I remember when I would come home from school, my grandmother, also our IP.
Also dead, yes.
She'd be watching a lot of Judge Judy.
I liked her.
Like Judge Joe Brown.
Judge Joe Brown.
Is he still going, I think.
Is he?
I think so.
Bro.
What does Ricky Lake do?
I don't know if she's still on the air.
No, she's not.
I don't think she's still on the air.
But there was all those shows.
Ricky Lake.
Oprah.
Oprah was doing the damn thing.
Yeah.
You know, people are a little upset at Oprah.
Why?
She supported some people and maybe she shouldn't have supported.
I don't know.
I didn't see a clip recently of Oprah saying that she went to the bank because she hadn't
gone since, like, 1988.
And she was like, yeah, I just deposited, like, a million dollar check.
Hmm.
She was on Ellen saying this.
And then at the end of the segment, she was like, by the way, it was two million.
It's like, damn, Oprah, bitch, we know you're a billionaire, too.
Yeah.
So this woman's got, she's caked up money-wise.
Yeah.
Well, she's got a big old fat stuff, too.
Does she?
Oprah?
You're speaking of, like, the mom of the people, Joey.
You need to be careful.
You want to know what's weird?
You're going to tell me.
Your mom kind of reminds me of Oprah.
You're not the first person to say that.
Oh, OK.
You're absolutely not the first person to say that.
Your mom used to remind me of Oprah hard.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, I'd be like, Oprah Nancy.
Yeah.
I can tell you this.
I never got a car for my mom.
No.
No.
Not at all.
I never, my mom never said, hey, look under your seat.
Right.
Yeah.
She never did that.
If she did, it was to find, like, an old French fry or something.
Right.
Pick it up.
You want to know what's funny is I bring that up.
And we're going way off.
Because we have stuff to talk about.
It doesn't matter.
We're not getting to that.
I brought up on the Patreon episode that we did.
And I said, I remember that brown van, like our family van that we had.
I vividly remember never wearing a fucking seat belt.
And during long drives, my brothers and I would be under the seats.
Yeah.
Like flipping between seats.
Yeah.
Isn't it crazy that like mandatory seat belt laws have become a thing in our lifetime?
No, it's not crazy.
I think it's called progression.
But I will say this.
You are lucky that I even had seats because, you know, my dad's van didn't have seats.
That's right.
That's right.
And we would just get in the back with a bunch of tools and he would make a right turn and
a wrench would hit you right in the face.
So that's what my experience was.
Well, let's be honest.
You'd rather the wrench than your dad's fucking right hook.
Well, that would also happen if you sat close enough to the front seat.
That's swiping behind.
Really?
Yeah.
Those bear mitts.
What are they called?
Bear claws.
Claws.
That's right.
They were just swiping.
Pause.
Pause.
That's the one I was looking for.
Yeah.
Just swiping back at you.
Yeah.
He's done that a bunch.
The only time, because I've only been hit by my parents once as far as I can remember
and as far as they can remember.
So there's a chance there was more.
But the only time I got hit by my dad was in the car.
He pulled the car.
The classic like, I will pull this car over and I will give it to you.
Well, yeah.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Damn dude.
What'd your dad do to you?
Fucking nuts.
But yeah, he pulled the car over.
And my dad, he gave it to you.
He gave it.
All right.
And I did not want it.
What did he do?
Did he get out of the car?
He got out of the car.
He got out.
He got out, walked around and fucking, you know, like I'm like scared for my life.
Were you in the passenger seat?
No.
I was in the back seat.
So he opened up the side door.
He opened up the side door.
And he just fucking slapped you.
And just fucking bent, like out of a movie, bent me over his knee and fucking.
Wait, where was his knee?
He was outside.
He, he like, you know, like stepped into the car, like stepped into the van and put his
leg up.
Did he order you?
Bend over.
No, no, I didn't get that.
He grabbed you.
He grabbed me, put me down.
Did he expose your bare ass?
I don't know.
I don't remember.
And I don't remember if the story included my bare ass.
Got it.
That's, that seems intense.
Well.
I don't believe a layer of clothes on.
Well, I mean, bro, if I smack a bear, if I, if my hand makes contact with bare skin,
I'm fucking breaking blood vessels.
What?
Give me your arm right now.
Give me one fat smack.
You want to slap me?
What I'm saying is like, it's going to hurt.
But if I hit you with a shirt on, because a part of it is like, the sting, the sting
of like the hand and the skin making contact, but shirt or pant or multiple layers and some
of the blood.
Exactly.
So yeah.
And then my dad, to this day, he tells the story, you go, last time I hate you, I don't
like my kids seeing their dad be afraid, seeing their dad be afraid, seeing their dad and
being afraid.
My dad, you know this, not very literate.
Yeah.
No.
No.
Well, I can say that.
I can say that.
I feel like I can say it.
Can you?
Yeah.
All right.
You can.
I'll give you, I'll give you one pat.
Wait.
So that's kind of crazy.
So your dad got out of the car.
Yeah.
I think we were going to the lake house.
Oh, so he pulled over on the shoulder, shoulder on the way to fun to ruin my trip.
So he bent you over on the side of the highway.
Oh, yeah.
I just slapped your behind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never got taken over a knee.
I was always just hitting like, just hit, just like hitting the ear.
Yeah.
Like hitting the ear and the face.
Damn.
I don't think I ever got.
I don't think my dad ever hit me in the butt.
Well, unless it was like with a belt.
Damn.
You got belts?
All the time.
God damn.
Dude.
You have no idea.
Me and Keith used to fucking hold up our blanket like this.
Well, solidarity is power in numbers.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Absolutely.
At that point, we were sharing a twin.
That's right.
Yes.
That is right.
He slept right to toe for some time.
That's okay.
That's fine.
It builds character.
It does build character.
I say this all the time.
No silver spoon here, buddy.
I was sharing a twin.
Yeah.
You wait until you got 25.
That's when you got that goddamn silver spoon.
It's not a silver spoon if I create the silver spoon.
It's still a silver spoon.
Feeding yourself with a silver spoon.
No, that's not what that means.
You might be wrong.
Where's your spoon, bitch?
Great question.
Yeah.
You own my spoon.
I don't own anything.
You have my spoon.
I don't have your spoon.
Do you have a favorite spoon?
Yeah.
Me too.
I do.
And growing up, I had a favorite spoon.
And I fucking loved it.
And now I don't know where it is.
It was blue.
When we moved into our house, there was a spoon just in the sink.
That's your favorite spoon?
And we've kept it.
And I love it now.
Do you have a weird random spoon?
Well, we've since cleaned it multiple times.
But still, it's like a different spoon.
Growing up, I loved spoons.
Growing up, you loved spoons.
You know, remember how you'd get one in a cereal box?
You'd be like, whoa, it's fucking.
I did.
It's Jar Jar Binks.
Yes.
And I'd fucking slurp it up.
Yeah.
Well, and I liked those spoons because they were like plastic and like soft kind of.
And then they had like, you know, like tamon and poomba at the end of it or whatever.
Yeah, I wanted that.
And then I would be like, yeah.
Oh god, damn.
You know what I also loved on those Fox Kids mornings?
We had those like dollar store cereal bowls that had the straw built into it.
Yes.
Fuck yeah, dog.
All about that.
I'll slurp that bitch down.
The milk.
Got it.
That doesn't make it sound better.
Yeah.
I will slurp milk.
You know what I like?
My sister got me.
Oh, this is what I love too.
Because I was a big cookies and milk girl when I grow up.
Yeah.
And just real quick, I don't want to get into a huge argument, but Oreos are chips of hoi.
Chips of hoi.
Thank you.
So she got me this.
Oreos are too much.
They're good, but like they're like it's too, too, too much.
Yeah.
When they make mega stuff, it's like, Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
I don't want to show out.
I don't want to fucking whole like sperm banks worth of cream in my mouth.
I just want, I just want a cookie.
Yeah.
Jesus.
But she got me this cup and it came with this little contraption with a magnet.
Oh.
And you put the cookie in and then you can lower it into the milk.
That's cool.
That's really cool.
Fully submerge it.
You have to.
And then you bring it back up.
Let me guess.
You suck the milk out of it.
Yeah.
I knew it.
Yeah.
You know, everyone sucks the milk out of the cookie.
No, I just bite it and eat it.
Really?
Yeah.
You're sucking the milk out of it because you've talked about so many things.
Yeah.
That are porous in fucking texture.
I like this.
Yeah.
I do do that a lot.
Like honeycombs.
Sucking them.
Sucking them.
Yeah.
Kicks.
Kicks.
I'll suck kicks.
That's very close to a bad sound.
It's the kicks.
Cereal.
Yeah.
Joey.
Guys, there's, there are people that make edits of this show on TikTok.
Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
Field day of that one.
No.
But I, yeah, but like having a, like a chips ahoy cookie and you got it in there.
And no, and like people, listen, I like chewy chips ahoy.
Disgusting.
But not, not good for dunking.
Dunk ability starts and stops at regular hard old chips ahoy.
I need some crunch.
The, the chewy chips ahoy I just want to throw.
I like them.
I'll eat them.
I swear to God I will.
I'll eat them.
You know what, you know what we can get rid of?
Together.
Chunky.
Yeah.
What the fuck is this dude?
Chunky.
And also listen, Pepperidge Farm making these cool giant ass cookies.
Chill out on the fucking size of the chocolate chips.
Yeah.
You guys got to chill.
I want it to look like there's a fucking raccoon turd in my cookie.
You know what I like?
The elf.
What's it called?
The elf.
Kebler.
Kebler elves.
Yeah.
They make the, the circles.
With the chocolate.
And it's like drizzle.
It's like dipped in the chocolate.
The bottom is chocolate and the top is drizzle.
Yeah.
Like those.
I put my tongue through the center of those.
There it is.
There it is.
Yeah.
There it is.
But you, you got to do that too.
I have anything that has a hole in it.
My tongue is going through it.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not really, but this is all true.
I, at least you're being true to the man that you are.
That's what I'm saying.
I just got to be honest.
I, I, I'm a big, like one of my favorite cookies.
I love this cookie.
I love, we're cookie.
It's cookie.
Welcome back to the cookie talk yard.
Yeah.
Vienna fingers.
Oh no, you fucked it up.
What?
They're like, okay.
No, they're very good.
We used to have a lot of them.
I do like the tray.
I like when cookies come in trays.
I like when cookies come in like their own, like, you know, like they're coming out of
the army, you know what I mean?
Yes.
They, they march in order.
It's like stormtroopers.
I want to see, well, that's close to where like Nazi Germany, but you know, no, it, it
is very close.
Stormtroopers?
That's what some of them are called.
I'm talking, okay.
So I do like that though, when you could pull them all out in unison.
Yes.
And you could see that like they traveled well.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
It's like, oh shit.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
And then you could take one out and it's like, oh, the rest of them now have space to
chill.
Yeah.
Well, I know I do this.
Do you rub your, like run your fingers along all of them when they're in their tray?
Like a deck of cards.
Damn right, baby.
Dude.
I need to just make sure they're all there.
Well, that's the thing.
When they're brand new, they're all like kind of like stuck and then you take one out and
then everyone's got a little room to play around and then you can go like this and move
them all.
Oh, you're like fucking like play like mahjong with them and shit like that.
I don't play mahjong.
Oh, I don't know.
All right.
By the way, I don't have to play like that.
I've seen it.
It's pretty simple.
I really like the marbles in it though.
Mahjong.
That's Chinese checkers.
No, no, no, no, no.
Mahjong.
No.
Isn't that the little like flat?
Like it's like there's like cups that you put the thing in.
No.
What the fuck is that?
I believe mahjong is the one that has like little like dominoes with like characters on
them.
Dude, I think I'm right.
I think you're you're wrong.
Mahjong.
That should be the title of this fucking whole show.
I think you're wrong.
I fuck it.
Yeah.
I spelled that correctly on the first try.
Wait.
Is this the right thing?
There's a secret H in there.
Oh shit, you're right.
I know.
What am I thinking of?
I don't know.
I think you're thinking of screaming at the TV right now.
I think you're thinking of Chinese checkers where it's like a big star and it's marbles.
No, no, no.
That looked, that was sick though.
It was.
It reminded me of something.
The star of David.
Wrong.
No, it does look like this stuff.
No, like a cartoon something like maybe Yu-Gi-Oh or some Pokemon shit.
Well, Yu-Gi-Oh was pretty red.
What's the game where like there's like these marbles and there's like these like cups and
you have to like put some of the marbles.
It's not like.
What the fuck is that?
I don't know.
I'm quite honestly baffled.
Marble game with cups.
What?
This is it.
Mancala bro.
Mancala.
Close to Mahjong.
Yeah.
Very close.
Mancala.
I have no idea how to play that game.
Mancala is a very like tasty sounding word.
It is, but you see these?
Like the stones.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like those little, those are the little like, they're not, they're like half marbles.
Yeah.
They're like flat.
Yes.
I used to love those.
Yeah.
I want to like just go like this.
Be honest.
Eat them.
Well yeah.
I wanted to eat them.
Obviously.
I wanted to swallow them so bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were very colorful.
Listen, we had good ones.
Here are my rankings of chips ahoy.
Chips ahoy.
Candy blasts.
Yes.
Because they have the crunch on the chocolate.
Yeah.
The regular blue box.
Yes.
Red box.
Nope.
Red box and then everything else.
Is there other?
Yeah.
There's like super soft and chewy and then there's like chunky.
What are we fucking 90 years old?
No teeth.
Apparently.
Dude.
The, the chewy, the red package of chips ahoy.
Well, careful what you say Joey.
Cause what if they want to like, like, like basement yard branded cookies.
Send me the blue box.
Okay.
The red box I will kick as far as I can.
Okay.
With my new shoes.
Yeah.
I knew he was going to bring those back.
Yeah.
By the way, super tough on you and Greg by revealing your shoe size by ordering this
box.
What does that mean?
Fucking, you don't want the, now I know that you're a size eight.
Joey, that's not good for you.
Why are you lying to the people?
I'm not lying to the people.
You know I can show the inside of this boot.
Go ahead and show the inside of the boot.
What size shoe are you?
Ten and a half.
All right.
I'm a 10.
No, you're not Joey.
That's a size, you told me, you put that, cause those boots are size 10.
And Frank, you put your foot in them and you said, these are a bit big.
They're not big.
And I go, how big are your shoes?
And you go, eight.
Having bigger shoes doesn't help your fucking cause, Joey.
You can see my foot in here.
That's kind of gross.
That is kind of gross.
The size isn't even.
You really like, you really like those shoes, by the way.
Yeah.
Beep the shit out of them.
You wear them everywhere you go.
I know.
Yeah.
But not a good thing telling me that you have a size eight foot.
I have a size 10 foot, Frank.
No, you do not, Joey.
Yes, I do.
Prove it right now.
How?
Exactly.
So I'm right.
Pull your foot out.
I'll put my foot next to yours.
Okay.
Are we going to put it on the table?
Oh, we're going to make a lot of people's day.
A lot?
I might get...
Frank is getting in on this.
I'll get a tweet, guys.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'll do it.
I'll pull my foot out.
I'll pull my foot out too.
All right.
I'm scared of your fucking foot.
I don't think you're scared of my foot.
Get out of my foot.
Out of this is impossible.
I'm going to keep my shoe on.
Why?
Because?
No, you got to take your foot out.
Oh, you know what?
Take your foot out and put your fucking foot up there.
Why?
Because I just remembered...
Look at this.
This is a 30...
31-year-old man who's got children.
Frankie, put your foot up there right now.
Put your fucking foot on the table.
Show these people what I saw earlier today.
I just remember this.
Frankie, please put your fucking foot up here.
Okay.
Just show people what's going on.
All right.
Give me a sec.
Don't you dare...
He's trying to take it off.
Don't you dare take it off.
Put it on the table.
Put it on the table.
Look at this.
Frankie.
Put your foot on the table.
You bastard.
Look at this.
Oh, my God.
Why are you wearing that?
Listen, these are C9 active wear target socks.
Frank.
What?
They're duo dry, Joe.
Frankie, this isn't a laser tag birthday party.
Why are you wearing that?
I gotta go to Skyzone right after this.
Give me 10.
Put your foot on now, bitch.
Oh, shit.
Show me your dirty ass fucking sock.
Lord knows you have them.
Yeah?
That tough, huh?
I thought your fucking day two feet will just pop right out.
Should we do like Tarzan?
Two worlds, one family.
Is that on camera?
I think, all right, just come here.
Here.
No, stop what you're doing.
You see, I see exactly what you're doing, you dumb idiot.
Why can't we get strict?
No, look at you.
You're back.
Stay on the wood.
But you gotta go back that way.
Look.
Look at me, you idiot.
You're a liar.
You're not a liar.
One more time.
Look at that.
Look at you.
You're cheating.
I'm not cheating, bastard.
You are.
We were size eight foot.
I don't have a size eight.
Oh, no.
So now I found out mine's a size nine,
a little bit bigger than yours.
You still have a size eight.
Wrong.
That hurts you more than me.
Where does that say in there?
It says 10.
I said, the boots are size 10 and you put them on.
You said, these are a little big.
And I said, how big?
And you said, like, I'm a size eight.
That didn't happen.
It did happen.
And you're a bitch.
I'm not a bitch.
Yeah, come on.
I know what you want to do.
I know what you want to do.
Go ahead.
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I'll tell you every day,
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Mm-hmm.
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Last time.
Give me a compliment once in your life.
I told you you're very flexible.
That's not, is that a compliment?
Yeah, dude, you're flexible as hell.
You can get your whole leg up there.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I actually, I saw something the other day.
It seems like it's an internet debate
that I feel like you and I should weigh in on
because who doesn't want to hear from us, right?
But the question was posed on Twitter.
Yeah.
Is it weird for straight men to have a cat?
Well, I just say straight.
You think the gays are more prone to cat?
Because the question really was like,
is it gay to have a cat?
But I don't think that's appropriate.
No, it's not gay to have a cat.
But like, all right, so then is it just,
I think it's weird.
Is it weird for a man, a single man?
Yeah.
Straight or whatever, whoever cares.
I mean, I care about sexuality,
because it adds to diversity,
which we are all different,
but the same and I love everyone.
But is it weird for a single man to have a cat?
I think so, yeah.
Why?
I don't know, because I'm biased.
Like, I just don't like cats.
Oh, because you're a rad fucking golden doodle boy, huh?
No, bitch.
I will say this.
It's since become a joke.
I hate cats.
It's since become a joke,
but you were on the golden doodle train
before it became a joke.
Dude, I know.
And like that, it really didn't help me.
It didn't.
Absolutely did not help you.
Because then like, here's what happened, right?
Before everyone had a podcast, I had a podcast.
Before everyone had a golden doodle, I had a golden doodle.
Before everyone was on YouTube?
I was on YouTube.
But then all of a sudden, now I'm,
and it doesn't help, I just moved to Brooklyn.
I'm a white straight dude.
Well, you moved to Brooklyn late.
You know you did.
No, I know.
But I'm a white straight dude who has a podcast
who makes videos on the internet and has a golden doodle.
Has a golden doodle and a little higher socioeconomic status
than most people.
I'm just like a walking red flag, I think.
I hit all the boxes.
Yeah, you have definitely become a walking caricature
of what everyone hates about America.
I think so, yeah.
I would say so.
I don't really watch Joe Rogan.
Just because I don't watch any podcasts.
Yeah, you don't watch any podcasts.
So I, you know.
Do you ever watch this one?
Why would I watch this?
I don't know.
It's self support.
Self support?
I don't need to make sure I put that out there.
But I don't think it's weird for straight men or white,
excuse me, single men to have a cat.
As someone that grew up with a cat, cats are mysterious.
They're kind of self-sufficient.
They're going to bring you little gifts to show their love.
They're going to bring you little gifts.
Are you talking about mice?
Mice, yes.
Mice are in there.
Birds.
Thanks for the mice.
Birds, iguanas maybe in some situations?
Dude.
I also, I don't buy this whole thing that cats are mysterious.
What is mysterious about them?
Look at them in their eyes.
Look at a dog in the eyes and you see like playfulness,
happiness, joy, and like a general sense of like warmth.
Yeah, I look at a cat and I think mean bitch.
But it loves you.
No, it doesn't.
But it doesn't.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that's not mysterious.
That's very mysterious.
No, it's not.
Because you look in the eyes and you don't know what you're getting back, Joey.
Maybe that's why our relationship is so good.
You're like my cat.
You're my little pussy.
I'm your pussy.
Quality comedy right here on the Batesman Yard podcast.
Go tell your friends.
Jesus.
I grew up with a cat.
Cool.
Where is it now?
Look where that guy is.
It had mouth cancer.
What was it?
Smoking cigarettes?
Apparently.
I actually think it got it from a rusty can.
I don't know if that if that lines up.
It ate a rusty can.
I don't know if that lines up, but I remember it all started downhill when we saw her licking
a rusty can that was in the garbage.
And then she had like mouth issues.
And then she got shaved and like they gave her a shot.
She got shaved.
Yeah.
They had to like shave her and give her a shot.
And then she died not long after.
That's fire dude.
Listen.
Yeah.
If you were to ask if I were a single man right now.
Yeah.
Would I want a dog or a cat?
I would probably say cat because they require less work.
How many times do you have to alter your schedule?
I can't hug a cat.
Cats cuddle?
What do you mean you can't hug a cat?
They don't cuddle like dogs.
A dog will fucking love you.
Yeah.
It will love you in annoying ways.
Your big ass dog jumps on you and you're like Jesus Christ you're way taller than
me.
I'm only five six.
I don't five foot five foot six size eight shoe.
Spread the news on the internet folks.
Five foot six five eight shoes.
Wait what am I saying?
You just confirmed it.
That's what you said.
No.
Cats.
There's nothing cooler than laying down on the couch and then you feel what are you
doing?
Like the walking around in circles and then a cat just lays on you and it's just there.
I don't like it.
Protecting you.
I don't like the cat.
Protecting me from what?
Other cats.
Where are there other cats?
You never know.
You would know if your cat wasn't around.
Cats eat garbage.
So and dogs don't?
No they eat shoes.
And their own fucking dog shit.
Not my dog.
He's never eaten his own shit.
That is weird though.
Dogs eat shit.
This time I was at a dog park and I saw a dog eating shit and I was like how do you
even, these people let their dog kiss them.
You do too.
My dog doesn't eat shit.
He doesn't eat shit.
He's never eaten this shit in his life.
He shit his pants.
My dog's definitely shit his pants.
Your dog has pants?
Well when he's in a cage and he shit his pants.
And you kiss him?
No no no.
It was the first day that I got him.
I picked him up from the airport and I was like.
Your poor dog was terrified because you just fucking trafficked him across the country.
Technically the owner trafficked him.
Well you bought it.
Not helping your image.
Yeah.
Oh.
Shopped?
Shopped.
Didn't adopt?
Yeah I did.
Oh god.
You're in trouble.
Yo someone really got upset with me.
I forgot who it was but.
Where were they?
In the comments?
No no no.
Like someone we know.
It was a girl.
I don't remember who it was.
Oh I think I could figure out who it was.
I was upset that I got my dog from a breeder.
And I was like.
One.
I didn't even know.
I got the before like the whole like movement on adopting pets was a big thing.
Well not even that.
Like I just like didn't know.
Also we had a fucking dog already.
And I'm like I'm not going to bring a dog in here that may or may not have some issues
that are just going to kill this dog when I leave my life.
Yeah listen.
I'm all about adopting pets.
I think it's a great thing.
Same.
Didn't have it in me though.
But he didn't want to.
I didn't want to because he was really cute.
He was really cute.
He was also probably.
How much money.
1500 bucks.
Oh it's not bad.
No.
Slave trade.
Well that's what you just participated in.
Dog slave trade.
Is that what it was?
I think so.
I ripped him from his brothers and sisters.
Yeah.
You're not definitely not helping your cause here.
No I know that's what happened.
It's alright though.
Listen.
He was the last one to go actually.
Oh.
So he had to he had the pain of leaving seeing all of them go.
And now he no wonder why this dog's all fucked up.
I gave him a home.
All fucked up.
He's very attached to me.
Emotionally he's a disaster though.
Yeah he's attached to you.
Emotionally he's a disaster.
He's got social anxiety.
No not social anxiety.
Separation anxiety.
I wonder why Joey.
Yeah I wonder why.
We spent a lot of time together.
I think if anything if I was a single man it would almost make me more cool.
To have a cat.
To have a cat.
Because how many times how many times have you heard of just like single men just like
if I have a dog.
And it's like alright you're a fucking dime a dozen.
Like there's a hundred of you out there.
Unrelated note.
Don't understand the dime a dozen quote.
But that's neither here nor there.
I think like if you were to meet someone that has like oh like a fucking like something
unique.
Just a cat.
A ferret.
Cool.
That would be cool too.
Stop.
If someone told you that they have a ferret.
You'd go wow that's cool.
I would think it's unique.
Not what I said.
Why not.
Do you think it's cool to have a ferret.
I would think it's unique.
Your honor.
You're asking.
He's not answering the question your honor.
You're asking the same question and I'm giving you the same answer.
Is it cool.
That's a yay or nay.
It's a.
Frankie.
Yay or nay.
I plead the fifth.
The defense rests.
The prosecution is back.
I'm back bitch.
Yes it's cool.
In a sense.
If we're.
Oh.
If we're to find it cool and subjective Joey.
The basis of the law is going to fucking crumble under that argument.
Cool is subjective.
What's cool to me is not cool to you.
What's cool to you is talking about pooping your pants all the time.
What's cool to me is tea and megazords.
All right.
We're different people.
Clearly.
And.
And discoveries on socks.
Yeah.
Fucking multicolored socks.
You know what I just realized we didn't speak about it.
No.
Puerto Rico.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Puerto Rico.
You know what's funny.
We didn't say that at any point in the time.
At least I didn't.
Were you saying that to yourself in the mirror when you were just like.
Puerto.
Puerto Rico.
No but that clip has been going around.
It's very funny.
It is still funny.
Puerto Rico.
We can talk about that at another point in time on another episode.
We're jibing.
We're jowling.
We're moving.
We're cruising right now.
Just a little bit.
We're like oh we don't have to talk about that.
We'll talk about that later.
OK.
So you think.
I'm a straight man.
Yeah.
If I were to be single.
Yes.
Just get rid of my whole family and kids.
OK.
You think.
That if I were to be like oh I have a cat.
You'd be like weird.
I wouldn't.
But I'd be like.
You wouldn't come over.
You wouldn't.
Come over.
You wouldn't.
Come over.
You wouldn't come over.
You wouldn't come over.
you wouldn't come over you know it's funny you wouldn't well I'm allergic
oh that's right I think I think I've developed an allergy after my cat dipped
right maybe yeah I slept over my friend Sean's house in middle school didn't
know that he had three cats oh you and I basically had to sleep with my head out
the window really yeah yeah did you get like the itchy neck and stuff like that
my throat like closes kind of and I got my eyes go crazy Sean the killer the
killer yeah oh yeah you know yeah yeah you don't yeah he's not a murderer no he
is da killer yeah like everyone was back in the day you killed it yeah yeah yeah
I went to my cousins and I'll tell you what I meet someone they go oh yeah I
have a snake I go I don't want to talk to you and really a snake you know
what's funny briefly touching on Puerto Rico I've seen more Puerto Ricans with
snakes in the Bronx than I did in Puerto Rico but I did see one you saw a
snake fuck yeah where on a guy's neck well we were Puerto Rico yeah I was in a
gift shop getting stuff for like the kids and stuff like that turn around bang
right there was it a boa of course it was well yeah it was the you know the
the traditional like what you would expect and it was coiled up on his neck
like this was it yellow like Britney Spears no it wasn't Britney Spears yellow
it was I don't know who to it's brown but if I were to say a person with that
it would sound insensitive so yeah just you know like there's a brown snake it's
like the olive black brown combination you know what I'm talking about that's
pretty was he in the store in the store he was in the store with a snake he was
clearly I mean he was probably what all the the Bronx based there you know the
personalities off of right because he was wearing like like like a like a
Puerto Rican flag like you know tank top mm-hmm walking stereotype right yeah
well good yeah he's probably having fun yeah I I find your comment about the cat
offensive if I want a cat I'm gonna get a goddamn cat you son of a bitch you can
get a cat if you want but it doesn't even like I mean I just like how they're
just actually we've kind of like pseudo adopted a cat at the house there's one
that just like lives in our backyard now we saw it one day we left out a can of
tuna and it comes back all the time now well you fed it yeah of course and it's
friends with the kids now you know what I did the other day what I fed a bird and
I'll tell you this right now I get why old people feed birds cuz it was kind of
really yeah are you gonna be like one of those old men that just like sit at park
just throwing fucking bird seed out I probably because I was sitting outside
of a coffee shop oh my god what in Brooklyn feeding birds well I fed the
first bird by accident I was eating her croissant quads on yeah and they're a
flaky fucking mess they are very a piece of the flake hit the ground and then a
bird came over and they hopped they don't walk they hop what kind of bird
pigeons don't hop they walk it wasn't a pigeon it was a sparrow it was like a
little brown like you know whatever and he was hopping and he picked it up he's
like doesn't have hands doesn't have hands just did it with his beak you stupid
bitch like this yeah and then he ate it and I was like that was cool so I threw
another flake on the ground and then it was like oh wow this is really fun and
then another one showed up and I was like gonna feed that one you need to get
like a bag of like bird seed and just fucking like I'm not gonna knock it out
I'm not gonna make it a whole scene dude you're gonna be the old man that lives
in Brooklyn okay feeding birds outside of a coffee shop I like the way birds eat
I'm quick they eat them they quick they do they fucking yeah yeah Jesus yeah you
know what I don't like chickens they eat too hard well chickens are birds Joey well
I don't that's the bird that I don't like you don't like birds why don't like
chickens well if you don't like one you don't like them all that's not true that's
what you were telling me the other day that's not exactly what you just
generalize a whole group of people because we're a couple bad apples listen
listen Joey I know how often you defend those bad apples oh boy so I'm just
saying chickens whatever oh my god can I just say something to me by the way
that's the second time you've interrupted me and you were done with your
thought no done you know how Frank I'm talking now to the viewers here
obviously every single episode Frankie will just say a thing about me that's
just completely untrue like what were you saying about how you love slavery or
whatever the fuck like he'll just do stuff like that I do we were in Puerto
Rico with a group of like 10 people and he was just doing that and then people
are just looking at me like oh what I'm like it's a he's joking I wrote on the
sand hashtag racist racist Joe yeah but he was just like doing it the whole
weekend and the people are like oh what I was like he's fucking lying here's the
thing about the basement boys Frank but you do it in front of people that
don't get the joke why do you say it like that you do it you said like Dylan
yeah sorry here's the thing about the basement boys hashtag TM that's ours
now I don't think that's how that works like a it's not a copyright or
trademark got it what you get with what you see with us is what you get with us
this dynamic is how we are in real life so if you're gonna be around us
this is the dynamic you're going to get they don't know that well I would hope
that they did we also got what some might consider an insult we said we were
gonna bring this up and I'm gonna bring it up some might consider an insult but
we considered it quite possibly a compliment well it just is right it's a
very spot-on astute observation astutes a stretch but can't so we went to
Puerto Rico yeah and we were accompanied by a company and what we were
accompanied by a company yes I don't know if they want their information out
there so I'm not gonna say it but one of the employees there was like our like
guide really one of the employees of the company was keeping us company yeah
she was like our let's say it it's okay our mother our mom yeah you know for a
lack of better terms she was just making sure we weren't getting go go go see the
tree go see the tree that's so nice don't pee on that yeah oh my god don't
take pictures with that that's not that's inappropriate that's kind of funny
she's younger than both of us yes and would remind us all the time yes and
she in order to you know it was a branded deal very fun we had the time of
our lives but she had to do research on us in order to make sure we were good
people I think you know they don't want bad PR moves for that not neo-nazis
exactly one of us and and she goes you know I did I looked at the episode you
guys talked about the whole but like controversy right and she's like just to
make sure you guys weren't saying anything transphobic or homophobic or
bigoted anything that could you know really upset people and she said that
she wrote a report on us and her report said and I quote they are not
transphobic they're just incoherent which I kind of enjoy incoherent I kind of
like and for the record we learned this on the first day we were there yeah we
haven't stopped speaking about it since well you haven't I haven't brought it up
once I've brought it up one time when we met that four times five times a couple
times we met that vet in the pool when you said that I went right to dog doctor
yeah but he was a veteran thing about our fucking the freedom fighter we did we
did meet a veteran he was he he and he was just making PTSD jokes the entire
time he did it not us yeah absolutely not as we were in the pool well we didn't
join in after a while we're gonna have fun with this listen no man's an island
okay yeah I know he was making a lot of jokes and then a plane flew overhead I
was like get down yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like greenery around the pool and he
goes look out for the vietcong yeah oh shit dude that was the first one he
really broke the ice there waterboarded the ice there well so yeah we were told
that we are not transphobic or bigoted or homophobic we're just incoherent and
I personally agree yeah it's very fun so that's I mean yes Joey is a very kind
inclusive selfless person in real life but I will do my damnedest to convince
people otherwise and you're welcome for that by the way thanks I'll tell you why
people will have such a low standard for you as a human when they meet you that
when you show them the real Joe they're like wow this guy is a delight you want
me to thank you for me having to dig myself out of a hole every time I meet
somebody no because you don't have to dig yourself out you're not actively
trying to be better than the version that they believe that you are you're just
being yourself okay and if they walk away thinking that you are the version of
which I joke about that's more on them than you okay but we do have some
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wrap up by the way I do want to talk about that Hilton manager suckin toes
yeah can you can I are you at was that a question yeah correct Joey you are
correct so there is a report that came out that David Neil a Hilton hotel
manager from Nashville Tennessee Nash Vegas did you say the Hilton when you
were there you said a brandy okay well he was arrested in charge with
aggravated burglary and assault after he snuck into a guest's room and began
sucking the guest's toes while he was asleep back in March Neil 52 year old
the fuck did he think was gonna happen well so apparently he's an employee he's
a manager there dude that's not the question and he earlier that day the
the guest had recognized him because he went in to repair something with the TV
and he must have got a look at those fucking piggies and he was just like
he's like I gotta suck those daddy wants a pig in a blanket yeah and checked in at
like 5 a.m. what keyed into the room and while the man was sleeping started
sucking on his toes dude here's my you're not getting far into a toes sucking
with me before I wake up by the way really first of all I'm a light sleeper
so you all come to my room I'm up you also have ticklish piggies I do I were
to kick that guy's fucking mouth off yeah what was that movie where oh is it
old school where he kicks the girl no no no no 40-year-old virgin when she's
like sucking on his toes and he kicks her in the fucking teeth yeah I I'm a
little torn on this I understand why this is scary oh I thought you were gonna
understand why the guy keyed in at 5 a.m. no that's fucked up that's scary
dangerous legitimately people you know there's no whole industry of people to
tell you to fucking how to like arm your room so this doesn't happen but a little
bitch in me would be like a little flattered if someone liked my feet
enough to fucking break into my hotel room and suck my toes in my sleep that
shows that my my toes got them so fucking dolled up that they were like yeah
I'm gonna break the law yeah I want to break the law for those toes I don't
think there's anything wrong with that oh I mean there is legally there is oh no
every every yeah it legally I completely understand but like thanks you're a
little flattery bitch I would be a little flattered you'd be like get out of
here yo get just out of curiosity what made you break in though well what was
that porn that you watched where it was like the kid woke up in the middle of
it and she's like you're getting your fucking job you're getting a cock suck
kid yeah I would be like what are you doing go to left what is going on do you
think you would like that no probably not no I'm not a toe I'm not a foot guy
you don't have to be a foot guy to have my toes sucked I think that would be a
foot guy thing guys just whether that would feel good or not I don't think so
I've never had my toes so actually a question would you describe yourself as a
dick guy I'm sure you like that being sucked well I wouldn't be like yeah I'm
a dick guy but I'm not like I'm into dick stuff because yeah no no no what
dick stuff no not me using it you know what I mean like I'm not into foot stuff
you don't have to yeah I don't want like my foot's to be in feet to be involved
in anything I'd be open to a toe being sucked but I really would really you
would be scared that yeah you would be afraid to get a fucking pedicure cuz I
don't want to kick about 20 20 20 2000 patrons you suck my toes there's a
less than negative percent chance that I'm going to suck your less than
negative technically less than negative is positive so there is a positive I'm
not gonna suck anything on your body Frank fingers no ear did you hear what I
said nothing listen I get why it's a scary and freaky but I think there is an
upside here good this man had such incredible toes he has such a boner
first toes that this hotel manager at a Hilton by the way is that a good
reputable chain yeah was so pumped to see his feet it was like I'm going back
I'm breaking the law think was gonna happen though obviously the guy's gonna
wake up also you break into a room at 5 a.m. and you suck a couple toes this is
not your first rodeo oh no there have been other fucking little piggies that
have been choked down yeah 100% but it probably worked out for him he was
getting his toe sucked and then the guest was like what are you doing he's
like oh I work here and I think I was like all right finish up and then get
out really I mean he got away with it like is it like just like an extra like
I if now listen if mr. Neil the hotel manager was smart he would have been
like listen here at the Hilton we offer all types yeah our you know 5 a.m.
complimentary foot massage yeah that wasn't my mouth I was just right wet
hands or it's just part of like the package it's like you get a bed and
breakfast like the continental breakfast and you get a toe sucking at 5 a.m.
yeah I think he could have spun this and he might have honestly monetarily you
could have made some dollars here he's damn right he should be like all right
well where's my tip this guy could have got paid to suck toes yeah that's kind
of like those guys that just show up and start cleaning your windshield and
like oh yeah this is like this guy sucks at your toes in the middle of that he's
like well bro I just like to tell you 10 bucks you pay him I don't really carry
cash I don't mean yeah I don't need a square if he has square then yeah it's
your Venmo dog yeah exactly I'll send you a dollar on Venmo yeah yeah I I think
like there's there's positive upside here real real question here jokes aside
how hard are you beating the dog shit out of this guy if he's sucking on your
toes I think at 5 a.m. I wouldn't even realize that my toes are being sucked
because I'd be so scared because that's it you're up yeah you're up scared you're
up at 5 a.m. also I wouldn't even I wouldn't even think it's like a sexual
thing I would think I'm being eaten by a demon in your dreams that might be what
happens to you because you have some weird dreams you're eating penises and
stuff one time and it was my penis I would say doesn't matter still a penis
like in your in your dreams will you believe like yo like what's going on with
my am I standing in a puddle I don't have a lot of dreams like that oh okay
it relates to like my dog's look in my face and I'm like making out with
Cameron Diaz yeah it never happens just in the mask yeah my favorite movie of
all time well Stanley I guess but yeah no that doesn't happen to me but I really
would be afraid that I'm that I'm being eaten or something and then I would
realize it's a man and then I would go into full like fight mode alright so
scared alright so I'll ask the sexist question in the room mm-hmm if it was a
woman no I would be broke 5 a.m. I'm being woken up by a stranger Jennifer
Aniston J Lo you don't know it's her but then you open your eyes and you see
it's fucking J Lo she's just like Ben's been pissing me off this week he's
hitting the bottle again and then she's just fucking she may get a little bit
what the fuck and like a jab to her but then I'd be like I'm sorry that's an
insured face I would assume I'd be like I'm so sorry I love your Jenny from the
block you are Jenny from the block yeah but that's if it was Jennifer Aniston I
be like oh my god maybe I friends is okay no I know what you would do you'd
be like what what's going on that's what you would do you would be like no I
beat you wouldn't have a way from Jennifer Aniston if you suck on your
jab away from anybody who's suck woke me up sucking my toes I'm just someone's
getting kicked really dude how am I gonna wake up and process the fact that
like and also I'd be like well this is a fucking dream I'm sleeping in a random
hotel so what is it in Nashville and Jennifer Aniston comes in and she's got
my big toe in her mouth who said big toe maybe she's going to town on your
little pink your little your little baby piggy that'd be weird get the big toe in
there oh if you had a big toes big toe I assume it would be one of the or you
can just get all four of the other ones in your mouth at once like playing an
accordion like a whole foot yeah like a harmonica yeah that's what I man god
damn it joke or again yeah I yeah yeah do an accordion again no I didn't want
it's all we need no I did it once that's all you need I think listen I
understand the legalities here he's in trouble he's arrested he's been you know
being charged but I would be flat I would I would need some time before I was
flattered at least two months I would be like goddamn like I would say like
what bro you know feet hard O's out there are like we need to get a look at
yeah I need to see these puppies these these there are people out there that
are just like because this is one of those guys that's on that website you
think he's seen your feet you think you propelled him into his toe sucking days
how would I do that because he's went online saw mine saw your feet and was
like holy shit this guy's feet were resemble 9.2 rating San Agato maybe dude
maybe trendsetter wow should be prepped I am prepped I think we get in there
at Falvors 8085 on Twitter D Frank Alvarez no hey when you do that really
good good yeah yeah yeah the Frank was it good the Frank Alvarez on Twitter
uh no I don't know at Falvors 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez and all their
forms of social the Frank Alvarez was taken on Twitter because some asshole
who hasn't tweeted since 2012 has had it wow it's a real fucked up but then go
check it out and then make sure you check out the patreon patreon.com slash the
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see you next time