The Basement Yard - #409 - Please Stop Kissing Your Brother

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

I'm an Island Boy and I kiss my brother! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm here with Tommy Bahama. Fuck you bitch. Come on! Why do you gotta do that? Yeah. Something. I like this shirt. You've worn a shirt. Not on an episode. I think this is the first time I've worn an episode.

You're giving me a dust in from Stranger Things with your hat, my hat, my shirt, and your hair combination. My hair coming out the side? It's going up, where it's... He's from New Jersey, so I guess that's cool. Okay, I don't know why. You're not. I don't know how to... Are you sure I think it screams like summer fun, but also like, careful around that one, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I'm getting pinnacle on it. Yes, like I'll crush a pinya. A pinya. I'll absolutely talk your ear off about, you know, the market. Maybe, I don't know, movies. Movies. Fun 80s movies yeah but also Careful because he means business with his fists. I don't think anyone's getting that

I don't think anyone is feeling that I'm only better one like fist fight in my life and it was pretty even matched I remember that yeah, you were there. You're both of your names were Francisco. They were it was odd It was definitely it was odd Both of your names were Francisco. They were, it was odd. It was definitely even. It was odd. They only fight Frankie. Has that ever been and ended in a tie

and both of their names were Francisco? Did I need to fix that light? Or is it all right? What does that mean? I don't know. Yeah, it was. You want to know something that's super funny about that. I remember, because it was in the winter that we fought.

And I remember me going to. Was it? Yeah. It was like late fall. Wasn't it at the park? Yeah, it was at 48th Street. Yeah. And by the swings.

In the swing set. And rubber floors, just in case. The rubber-matted floors. That's where we would also wrestle. I remember I gave you a wicked angle slam on there once and a woman was not happy with us. Really? Yeah.

You remember a woman came up to us and she was like, fucking cut it out. You know what I, you know what I remember from our childhood? And I don't know if you'll remember this. But there was this one time There was this kid that we were playing with and he was just like mad weird. He was wearing a leather jacket, right? Who he was named no no no? I don't know his name. He was stranger. Okay, and like he was like trying to act tough But he was like a small little kid. He was like five years younger than us

And he just like so then he was like spit and be like I'm not fucking doing this shit Like a fucking real greaser and shit like literally and then his mom comes over bigger Piece or shit. Oh, well, yeah, she's wearing a leather jacket too. What the fuck is going on in this family? I have no idea but family a gimp. So let me tell you what dude then she comes over and she puts her arm around him And I'm thinking that she's gonna like reprimand him because we were not doing anything to this kid and she goes if anyone touches you Beat the fucking shit out of them. I was like what the fuck? You know what I would have done if we first of all I would have killed you or something Yeah, we would have flat out murdered this kid in the middle of a park Maybe not but we did a lot of like wrestling like you were the rock

I was whomever was the bad guy at that point in time. No, you were that's I remember because you would I remember you Loved giving me rock bottoms because of the way I would sell it Do you remember that shit too? But on David's mom's bad his mom's bed. Yeah, but if we were in full fucking WWE WWE F mode and a kid came up to us to fight I would have put him in such a fucking fucked up walls a Jericho Oh, yeah, maybe like a little figure four. Oh, I never was able to figure out the figure four. I mean, I'm very confusing. Very, I don't, sharpshooter though.

Easier. Applying that ankle lock. I would have twisted that kid's ankle off like a fucking pop top. Yeah. Uh, I don't remember that. No, yeah, that, I don't know why that story like sticks out on my mind. But I remember fighting and it was in, it was colder. What the hell was that?

What are you fighting like West Side Story? That's my fight. I remember fighting and dancing was in it was colder. What the hell was that? What are you fighting like West Side Story? That's my fight. I remember fighting and dancing and singing with my buddies. Have you seen the new West Side Story? No. I remember so it was like yo the fight scene's incredible and it's a full fucking dance. And I was like yeah this is a good dance not a good fight. Yeah.

But bro I'm like I remember I'm I'm trying to Bob and weave because back in the days, of course, we were all professional fighters. Well, yes. And I remember going to like dodge a punch and you know how during the winter, you get like your runny nose and then you think like, I don't appreciate my non-runny nose enough. You ever thought that way?

You ever get like a clogged nose and then you just sitting there thinking like, I never appreciate the one I don't like. You're saying a runny nose? Yeah, runny nose, I'm just saying like, you know, when you haveged nose and you just sitting there thinking like I never appreciate the one I don't I'm just saying a running nose. Yeah running nose. I'm just saying like you know when you have a cough And you're like why I never appreciate the times I don't know Okay, yeah, I remember trying to dodge a punch and a fucking like a snott a snott came out and like fucking went for the hook that I couldn't hit Did it get on I don't think so but but you saw it Yeah, and we know what I also remember about that fight It was broken up by a very large girl scary Mary. No, no, no. I'm not gonna say her name. I will no

I maybe won't what was the first name it rhyme. It sounded kind of like your name But with a little twang a little girl twang on it Josie there it is. Yep. Who gives a fuck? Who's gonna know what the nose of the- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no than us but I'm in in plump stature yes but okay we were children we were yeah it's alright like if I never mind go ahead I didn't know what I was gonna say yeah good good good anyway big news out there in the world the island boys our boys our friends yes they're boys and apparently lovers because now they're they have like an only fans and then they're to promote their only fans, they're like making out with each other. Yeah, this is one of those things that I saw and I instantly became upset because I don't like seeing

people kiss, I don't like seeing relatives kiss even more. Yeah, I think that relatives kissing, twin brothers, no less kissing, is at the top of my list. Yeah, I don't listen, kiss whoever you want. I don't, I don't. No, I would say that there are rules. You think there are rules against kissing your brother? Yeah.

Yeah, I think there might be. I think you're right. One or two things. I think you're right. I didn't, they said something like that. You ever kiss your brother in the mouth? Not purposefully, as far as I know. How do you accidentally kiss?

You know, you're wrestling and you bump heads and something like that happens. I don't kind of wrestling. I don't know why, why is like the world? Don't change the subject, you kiss your brother, you bastard. I haven't kissed my brother, you freak. Have you kissed your brothers?

I don't think so. Exactly. I don't understand why the world is trying to just make like mouth kissing between family members like bring it back. You know what I mean? It is pretty popularized. It's bro, Tom Brady, the freak that he is. That's crazy.

You're kissing your old man, dad, white hair. You can't kiss a white haired man. But not only that, it's not just like a, like even if it's in, you know, or like a, like they catch like this, they catch lips on the side. I'm like the, you know, they like, he fucking, as your dad would call it, impouse, yeah, he impud. He like really gave it to him with like, like, cheek was behind that kiss. Like, I'm gonna let that go because I think he had just won the Super Bowl and whatever. No, I get it.

He was lying on a massage table and this kid came over and fucking full mouth Kissed him. That one I can't let go. You can't. You're getting a massage. You can't kiss yourself. It's a very intimate moment. Also, your son is like wearing a jersey playing football in the back yard?

Too old, man. I mean, I don't want to talk shit about Tom Brady's kids because they're probably going to be genetic freaks and kill me. But I will talk shit about these island boys because yeah, that's not good. Why are you making out with your brother? I have twin younger brothers. They've definitely sucked each other. Let's just get that out there. My brothers? The island boys. Oh. I don't, I hope not. I need to. But what am I to? The only evidence I have.

Why are you making out with your brother? Um, yes, let's start there. They said like in their video, because it's all to promote their only fans, which by the way they fuck people in front of each other. Also weird. Yeah. They said like, we shared a womb, like who cares? Like, you know, here's one.

There's one guy who I'll sign up to we got two people that care and if there's more people in the room I guarantee there'd be more hands I think any show of hands we've got a couple more wow yeah everyone's in here right but they care right I just I don't get like and they went they didn't just empower they didn't know they they they licked each other's tongues Can you stop doing that? It's uncomfortable to watch me do it with the air right? Yeah, imagine how it is watching brothers do it. Yeah Can I ask you a serious question? Yes, don't what?

Did it make you kind of want to watch their only fans? Obviously, I did not, but like, they did it because there are freaks out there that are just like holy shit, they're both hot. Wait, what? That's what they did it. I think that that, bitch! I think that they did it because it's so absurd

and we get so much like coverage. Yeah, but people, it is covering them, but like the coverage, what do they say? Like all, like there's no such thing as bad press or something like that. I would say kissing your brother press is pretty bad. I would too, but you know people who are just like, damn, these two will do anything.

Let's see what they do behind a page. I'm sure that it's worked and they've made money off of this, but like, I can't tell you two people who... First of all, I don't want to see anyone have sex if I'm being completely honest. I can't tell you two people I want to see less than those two freaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They might be nice. Oh, you don't want to see anyone have sex? I'm not like a voyeuristic person. I don't want to watch other people having sex.

It's like intimate, I don't want to watch other people having sex that's that's like intimate. I don't know Okay, oh you want to what you want to you want to watch me have sexy freak who's me? Why you out of the whole planet I would hope that if you wanted to see anyone you would want to see me Cool keep hoping okay, because no there's a list Can I ask you a serious question, though? Say that again. If the, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about the bear in the room. If these were two women, would you be as grossed out? Yes.

If they were... Less gross. Less gross. Still gross. Still weird, because they're sissy's Sisters, okay, I'm not like trying to like demean them. Yeah, like little sissy's Like still weird because of the blood relation. Yeah, not good. Oh, yeah No, that would not be cool. No, especially twins. That's weird. Can I ask you another question? Yeah of your two brothers? I'm gonna stop you there. You have free range to ask me any question you want. Get all of your two brothers. I'm gonna stop you there. You have free range to ask me any question you want

Get all of your two brothers. Who do you think is a better kisser? I take back exes like what I just said I take that back you wouldn't you can't sit here and pontificate about who might be a better kisser between keep and Thomas first Well, we're not gonna use that kind of language. You're not gonna say pontificate. I would have to say probably Keith When we're not gonna speculate either We're not gonna ponticate you late. You're not gonna say pontificate. I would have to say probably Keith. When we're not gonna speculate either. Why not? We're not gonna ponticate you late. We're not gonna spook. Who are my brothers do you think would be a better kisser?

Good night. Yeah, okay, you're not gonna. No, why the fuck? You kiss my brothers, I kiss your brothers. How does that sound? And then we were poor. Also not great. How does that sound?

Fucking sick idea dude. We report back. We do a full report. Oh, no. Any cousins you still want to kiss? Still. Did you ever have a crush on your cousin? No, because I'm not a freak.

No, and you're a child. No, because I was not a freak back then either. All right. I mean you. I did. No, and you're a child no because I was not a freak that then either I mean you I did Really I think that happens I Wasn't like an actual I know it does happen It wasn't like an actual like full on like whatever But I understand I understand I'm joking about the being a freak. That's so Alabama of me though No, but I was also like four you were four and you realized quickly you were like oh this Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, just do one of those, nope. One what?

You could point with all five fingers, just point. Turn it. No. I wanted to divert. I wanted to divert that, real quick. You almost got me. This is not, this is not supposed to happen on God's green earth. You know what I'm saying?

I agree. And like, that's a weird saying too, because earth is mostly blue. And brown. Wow. Yeah, there's a lot of like, I mean, he's killed a lot of trees. We got to change the saying. So like, not as green anymore. More brown.

Brown and blue. What are the green parts of the earth? Like, the Amazon. Amazon. Iceland. Because you know what they say. Iceland's ice, Iceland's green. Well, Iceland isn't green. I mean, you've seen pictures of Iceland. I know I haven't I see lens ice ice lens green well ice-land isn't green. I mean you seen pictures of Iceland

I know I haven't it's not really green. I feel like it's more baron New Zealand green is shit Is it that's where they fill more of the rings a lot of green there. Oh, God. I'd be yeah, yeah Ireland I assume well, it's the that's the emerald aisle of course course That's it I can't think of much green in the ocean. And the ocean is blue. The ocean is pretty blue. So blue, dude. Canada's green. Gotta be green and white.

All the great white north. That's why they call it the white north. Who? That's what they call Canada, the great white north. The great white north? Have you never heard of the fucking term like the nickname for Canada? The great white north.

Yes, Joey, I'll say it again. Never, never. Yeah, that's what they call it. I've heard of great white sharks Pretty cool great white. I've heard of the white night Who's that? Who is that? I think that's actually an expression to describe someone. Oh like I like though a night and shining armor Would they say like oh my night and shining armor it came riding up on their white steed I rescue me I guess yeah I don't know about that so what are we talking about you I feel like you I'm not we're not how far

back are you going because I'm not going back to that conversation you're going back to that at all no I'm not you're not like did they what they didn't look like they were kissing each other with passion is what I'm saying. You thought there were some passion? I don't know dude, they're weird cats because I went, because like someone said that, someone sent me a picture of them kissing and I was like this is fake. So I went and found one of their, I don't know how to tell them apart I went to one of their Twitter's and there's multiple pictures and they're like, oh we're so close to kissing Should we do it? And it's like are we?

monetizing incest oh well, I mean that where we are the world and Economy is just one giant fucking gelatinous monster which eats its own tail eventually So yeah, we will promote incest eventually is a form of That's kind of wild. I mean isn't there like fucking porn that's just like my brothers coming over and I'll fucking my aunt is here Yeah, and my uncle is fucking you showing me the ropes Isn't that a thing show Showing me the ropes. There's a lot of like step stuff. Okay, weird.

Step? Weird. A way less weird than the fucking other. Still weird though. I agree, because it's weird. Yeah. Because like, that's fucking, that's weird Joey. Oh, you don't have...

...step... ...people. Right? I mean, technically I do. Both of my parents have gotten remarried, but I don't call them like... ...step-step-step, Ma, and stepdad. Yeah, I call them by their first name.

Well, I-because you're scared. Sir! Yeah. No, and then I have... I guess, technically, I have step siblings. Mm. You know, and I have step children. That's a wild thing.

Step siblings? Just like imagine being fucking like eight, and then all of a sudden like, it's like, oh, you have three new siblings. You know who really fucked it up for everybody? Is that those fucking freaks the Brady Bunch? Where they're just like, you got kids, I got kids, let's get married and have them live together.

And it's like, this would be a fucking nightmare. So many kids. That's a lot of kids. They did have a maid though. They did have a maid and it was the 70s so people didn't really care about what their kids were doing. Fair. Like now?

Yeah. Forget it would be a nightmare because it would be just helicopter parents over six kids in a house. Helicopter parents. You never heard that term? What's that mean? A lot of people call today's parenting style, like helicopter parenting, because they

basically hover and watch and everything that the child does. Oh, and they're like, that's bad. They, I mean, there are some people that say, like, yes, that's bad. Some people that are just like, not the worst. Are you a helicopter parent? No, no, no, no. So you leave you pound it in the garage or something. Let them go.

Let the car run. Leave next to the furnace. Right. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's pretty cool. I want to make sure we are clear joke. Oh, yeah. If fucking what's the cold is watching this, we're kidding.

Yeah, CPS. Well, CPA is like a accountant. Yeah, CPS. CPS. We're we're completely yes child protective services. Yes we're not being serious. You show up I'm gonna fuck you up. That would piss me off. I don't think the promoting of violence is gonna do. My sister was actually so scared that that was gonna happen to her because it was like I'll get to the story. Yeah, no, because, like, he got like a bruise or something.

And then like, I think it was on Vinsburg Day. They were like in the front yard. Oh yeah, so that's what it was. It was like Vinsburg, or maybe it was Father's Day. I was Father's Day, I remember the story. Oh yeah, and then got her. Yeah, he like picked up a brick in my front. Why is there bricks in the front yard? But it's New York baby. Yeah, it then that hurt yeah, he like picked up a brick in my front I don't why is there bricks in the front yard, but it's New York, baby

Yeah, she's just ran the bricks and rats and you fucking throw a brick you walk down the street He's fucking one dollar beats of bricks and fucking rats Anyway, he picked up a brick and dropped it on his foot and the messers It was like I was just there for some other thing like I check up or something now They're gonna think that I beat this kid with a brick. And Vin was drinking, because it was Father's Day. They went out to breakfast. Of course, not a good look.

Yeah, so he's like, I'm gonna be there. I'm like, fucking, my Moses on my breath. Yeah, we had Miles one, like two years ago. I think it was in first grade. He, like on a Friday toward the end of the school day, he started crying. and the teacher, something along the lines of like the teacher, and I might be about during the story,

so bear with me, but like the teacher was like, what's wrong, like what's going on? And he's just like, I hate home, I don't wanna go home. God damn it, but it was because like, he didn't wanna leave his kids, and he was like his friends, and then he was like embellishing and shit like that.

So the teacher was like, what's going on at home? And we had to have such a talk with him. That's so funny. Miles, you can't say that. I Hate my house. Brose, it like could you imagine bro back in our day? If we told fucking one of our teachers like I hate home, they'd be like all right call my call our parents and our parents Show up be like you're gonna hate it now. No, I know, my dad would be like, dude, you're gonna hate it so bad. Yeah.

Oh my God. I love what people do that. We're like back in my day, the teacher used to beat us with lead pipes. And it's like, wrong then. Yeah. Doesn't mean it would have worked now. It's like, maybe we should cave kids heads in.

Maybe they'll help them learn. Uh, nothing, nothing's gonna help them learn like a quick fucking fist. I'd not be right to the chin. We're right to the chin. It's like, that ain't gonna help them learn. Ah, nothing's gonna help them learn like a quick fucking fist. I'd not be saying it. Right to the chin. It's like that ain't gonna help them learn. That's gonna ruin the rest of their life. When's the last time you had a sandwich?

Yesterday. What kind of sandwich? You ready for this? But was it a hero or a sandwich? Sandwich on a beautiful brioche bun. No, no, no. I'm talking about just a sandwich. We're talking square bread.

Oh, sandwich. A couple of weeks ago. What kind of sandwich? It was loaded fucking bitch. It was good. It was a loaded horror. Oh my god It was so fucking fat and just fucking You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I like that. It was Cheese What kind? Prove alone, I believe oh Prove Prove. We're a Prove House. Yeah.

Or white cheddar, it could have been, either one. Love them both. Roast beef. Oh. And we have like a white cream horse radish sauce. Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, but you put, you said it was loaded.

You said three things. Oh, there was, I think there was tomato and lettuce on it too. Okay. So it was just fucking nice. You put a lot of rose beef in it? Backamated for me. I didn't make it. Because of women. Yes, no, that's what they should do.

No, stop, stop. Frankie's thinking that women should make the whole thing. She offered. Get in the kitchen and make the sandwich. There's better be rose beef. She offered. She's like, do you want me to make you a sandwich? And I said, fucking damn rot.

Yeah. She offered. I like do you want me to make you a sandwich and I said fucking damn right? She offered I was like sure and she made oh fat But I'm weird with my meat on sandwiches there It freaks like you that like their meat like piled up on their sandwich. I like it flat Yeah, so I like it hanging around the side so I can take a trip around the perimeter and just make sure everything's good And I can kind of trim the hedges, you know what I'm saying? You have like a mouse. I'm like, I trimmed the hedges around it, just like in a little intro of what's to come

and then I bite into that bitch and it was, oh my God, it was so good. Can I ask you a question? Are you a child or an adult? I'm an adult, okay, so you don't like your sandwiches being cut, you take them as they are. Oh yeah, nice. Or like, you know what I haven't done in a bit.

I haven't had a fucking sandwich that was cut diagonally, and God knows how long. I don't think I've ever, now that I can think of it, ever. Will you? But dude, think about this. No, that's a sharp bitch to put in your mouth. Like, you can sharp it's a fucking sandwich for God's sakes. Or when you cut that shit diagonal. What do you think? What do you think happens to one of the edges? What do you think of it's bread? It isn't a

Steel. Joey, take it easy. All right. This is hyperbole for the sense of comedy in the sake of fucking being fun and having no good time. Yeah, I'm telling you though. You cut it sideways. You can't. You can't. It's like you know how they say like man All covers their circle for a reason they never fall in You can't, it's like, you know how they say like, manhole covers their circle for a reason. They never fall in, trying to fucking sandwiches. Wait, what? Manhole covers, that's why they're circled, because if it's a square or any other shape,

you can maneuver it and it'll fall through. Circle can just, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. Hey man, it was a really good sandwich. I might, you know what I had a couple of weeks ago too? Good old classic chicken cutlet sandwich. Ooh, chicken cutlet, yep. Probe alone, again, we're back. Big on the Probe, big on the Probe. Big on the Probe, big on the Probe.

Tomato, lettuce, mayo. Okay, yeah, a fresh chicken cutlet. Mm-hmm, mounds a hot sauce. Ooh. Oh, mountains. People call that like a fresh chicken cutlet. Mm-hmm. Mounds of hot sauce. Ooh. Oh! Mountains? People call that like a California chicken. I don't know why California needs this one.

What? We can have it. Yeah, we can have it. That's a good sandwich. I was just gonna ask you a question and I forgot. It doesn't matter. The sandwich thing is really, I'm really on it right now. It's, it's, having, I just want to bite into a cold sandwich.

Yeah. Like a cold sandwich. Yeah. Like a ham sandwich. Bro, oh, I was gonna ask you about cheese. Such a stupid conversation. Can you, so you'll want, are you familiar with cheese? What mean? No, no, no, seriously, I'm talking about really familiar with cheese. I'm not gonna be able to sit there and tell you what fucking, you know, where Ruklet comes from or the proper way to age a Parmigiano Regiano.

No, I'm saying, of course, I'm saying. I'm saying, you name a chees, I've probably heard of it. Yeah, no, but I'm saying, but if you ate a piece of Prove Alone, right, you'd be like, this Prove Alone. I'm not that good. Bro, I don't know, the other day I thought about this, I know mozzarella. Yep. And cheddar. You get anything else?

I would not know. I will say this, I will say this. I can tell what is American cheese and not American cheese. Like I can bite a cheese and go, that's American cheese. Yeah, because it's made out of a couch. Yeah, exactly. I can bite not American cheese and go, that's definitely not American cheese. Thank you.

This isn't a skill. That's it. Like, I don't know what you're, I think that's a skill if you ask me. No, it's not. But like, I, I love charcootery and like, Jesus. And I love pepper jack cheese. Let me tell you right now. I don't think I can pick it out.

Let me tell you right now. If there's a shark Coots, oh my god. I'm gonna fucking go to town on that. Yeah, I made one the other day. I saw that was a good I know I know it's like you did like a little like fold of the meats and stuff like that I'd like to like how you did that I really do I want to put a thing a fig jam fuck you up bro Fig jam it doesn't make sense how it goes so perfectly Maybe the most slept on thing on this earth. Watch this. Yeah. You're watching? I'm watching.

Look at this. I'm looking at it. I made a list when Becca was pregnant of foods she couldn't have. To real robin it. No. No. No. No. For like when she was no longer pregnant and the baby, you know, when Maeve was born, I was gonna prepare those foods for her It's like, you know, it's like a thank you for birthing a child here. It takes a fucking deli meat Here, it takes a fucking sandwich and shut the fuck off slapper in the face with a piece of fucking olive low. Hey, finally No, and one of the things I made for her you're ready You know that they have that like you know like sourdough toast. It's like cut and it's like a shape of like a fucking

like pancreas that toasted. But I have to run the, you know, the test where you run the knife on it and it's like, yes. Gochis spread. Oh, fuck you. Prasudo. Imported.

Not in this domestic crap Honey oh shit fig jam. Oh my fuck shut up Balsamic glaze I made it for I want that I'll do it for you do me. I'll I well Okay, not what I meant okay. I made it for you. Do me. Well, okay. Not what I meant. Okay, I made it for my postpartum wife, and I'll make it for my best friend. Real, they're right. Right, right there in terms of where they, you know.

I'm gonna kill that sandwich. Do you need to make it now? I know, I do. And like you can get like different types of goat cheese if you wanna get fucking horse. Horse. you can get like different types of goat cheese if you want to get fucking horse You can get garlic herb. Oh, I had that I have to what's this shit that go I had it But I don't know what it is I've done matter, but it's like it comes in like a Like a foil like a oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Is in a in a aluminum foil type shit and it was like garlic and herb kind of oh I don't know you just on you just undress it like a cupcake a little bitch Yeah, and then you and then you put it on the shark good reward and then you like dip shit in it Oh, it's like those like cheese balls. They have their own Christmas. Yeah, I don't like those

It's like cream cheese cream cheese not a cheese bitch cream cheese is good though It is I like cream cheese. Don't try to fucking join the club You're not one of the cheeses. You're not you don't be on a charcootery board in my house or One time oh when I went to Greece I was on the plane and they were like oh we have this thing. It's just a bunch of different cheeses. I was like I got that on the way to Puerto Rico remember yes We had the cheese. I had the charcootot reward twice. What the fuck did I eat? I found what I ate and it was man weird. You got, uh, you got, I think like the French toast. Oh, and it was like weird shit. It was not French toast. Yeah, it was like it was

very much so not. Yeah, this looks like any other country but French toast. Yeah. French? I'm gonna say France. You know, there are miles of the way you said that. Remember 40-year-old virgin? They're the girls driving I lost you fucking French Tows. Did you have a daquery? I thought so. All right, we do have sponsors for today I think it's the shirt that's making us so excited. I'm very pumped. Yeah The first sponsor that we have for today is Hair Story. Hair Story is best known for its hero product, the new wash. The first of its kind, custom formula that cleans conditions, detangles and restores air without harsh bones

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So get to it folks. Next year, we have FitBod. FitBod, they create custom workouts based on your personal goals, experience, available equipment, and more. And that is super helpful for a lot of people because not everyone has access to a gym. Not everyone has access to gym equipment in their own home or dumbbells or anything. And this is for anybody. Also, the fact that they create custom workouts based upon your goals is important too because people who don't have a background

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But you can go check out FitBod. It's super affordable to definitely more affordable than a personal trainer, which can be very expensive. Also, you have to go all the way to the gym for that. So this you could do in the privacy of your own home if you choose. They also have 1400 exercise demonstration videos, so it is very educational as well. But wherever you are in your finished journey, you can sign up. You get 20% off of your subscription at fitbot.me slash basement.

That is F-I-T-B-O-D-D-M-E slash basement. And you will get 20% off your subscription. So go check it out. And guess what you can also check out while you're at it. Patreon.com slash the base been yard folks. We did it. We got it. We crossed it 23,000.

And as we're recording, we're shooting toward 24,000. Oh my goodness. Can you believe it? I can because I love you and support you. Joey on the other hand hates all of you. So you believe it? I can because I love you and support you. Joey on the other hand, hates all of you. So, if you want to support anyone, go support me at patreon.com slash the basement yard where we tell you guys about it all the time. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. So you get in on the conversation about these twin boys that are

making out with each other and looking sane doing it. Six days before everybody else. And then that next tier, Oh my goodness bitch You get exclusive episodes every single Friday morning so you could start your week and end your week with the basement yard folks Honey, oh the patreon tastes so sweet. It's got a big corn on it. Oh It's got that extra meat. Yes. Go check it out. A big corn on it shut up bitch It's got that extra meat. Yes, go check it out. It's got a big corn on it. Shut up, bitch. Patrex.com slash the Basement Yard.

Thank you for the love and support. We're gonna be putting up exclusive stuff that we're gonna be getting to over to your fucking eyeball soon. Go check it out, patreon.com slash the Basement Yard, bitch. Big corn on it. That's the easter egg for the week, baby. Is that like a thing? I'll remind you.

Big corn. Joey, shut the, I'll remind you of it after we stop recording. Every time I do that, he after we, he's like, what was that? And I'm like, I tell him, he's like, oh, okay. That's what you're fucking, that's exactly what you do. Big corn.

I don't know if you saw, speaking of big corn, I don't know if you saw, Twitter is back at it. As it always is, the Twitter, the Twitter army is really taking this one head on. And in particular, it's that group you always keep in touch with the Twitter army has really taken this one head on. And in particular, it's that group you always keep in touch with the Twitter insels. Twitter insels are trying to convince the world that Margot Robbie is mid. Come on. Margot Robbie might be the hottest woman on earth.

Beautiful woman. Beautiful woman. By no definition of the word. newly single so fear of a garag God damn Someone said that to me and they were like are you okay? I was like, bro, and I don't look like him anymore. He looks he's got the gray that distinguishes him and I you never end your life Looked like Joe man, you could have a look for them. I'm a man. I don Careful what you say about him, because he's a big D&D fan and he'll fucking bust your nuts.

Punch wise. Not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, How disgusting do you need to be to try to bring down the way somebody else looks? You know what I'm saying? Someone said she's a hard-7. If she's a hard-7, what am I? Don't answer that. Okay, I was gonna give you an honest rating there. It would have had to have been no higher than three.

If she's a 7, the rest of us are fucking below a 4. I would say, right? Yeah, of course. I mean, I love that like in cells are just trying to like, it's become a character trait of them at this point where they're just like, ugly, don't care. Who's hot then? To in cells? Fucking the first person that shows the intention. You know what I mean? Or like anime characters. Oh my god. Can we, like, I'm, look, you like anime, cool. Stop though. You know what I'm saying? No, I mean, it is interesting though

that anime feels like it's transcended age. Like people are like, bro, why are people, it's like, oh, this anime girl is a 13 year old school girl with tits popping out the fucking bruisear Yeah, and everyone's just like, oh my god, she's so hot put her on a pillow and then sleep at her every night. That's weird That's weird. We can say it. It's okay. Yeah, but it is also that thing of like like Women who are like whatever in their 20s or something, but then they make like cosplay and content with like, ooh, and they're like crossing their eyes.

And it's like, who is that for? Let me be very, yeah, let me be very clear here. I am not saying that finding partnership and whatever form of media you enjoy is weird. That's fine, but the weird part is the acting like a child. Yeah, wow. And then the sexualization of that person acting like a child. Why are we doing that? We don't have to do that because guess what? It's wrong and disgusting. And also like the schoolgirl thing. Why? Like, oh, dressed up like a schoolgirl, put a skirt. Because that's famously, guess who's in school children, children, children,

children, famously in school, children. And like, why, why? Ooh, detention. What? I don't know if I've ever outwardly met someone that is admitted to having like a pillow where it's like, oh, this is my partner, you know, I'm not gonna give a traditional Japanese thing. What the fuck are you talking about pillow? You don't know about this. What are you talking about? Oh my God.

They fucking fuck their pillows, Joey. Who? People that love anime characters. Fuck pillows? They get pillows, body pillows, of the character, and they like, marry them. They write them like a horse. I assume they fuck their pillows.

Holy shit, I just thought of it. You ever hump a pillow? Not purposefully. You keep saying that. You can't accidentally hump a pillow. You can, if you're in the middle of something and there's a pillow in the wrong spot at the wrong spot. That's not hump in a pillow. Well, the pillow might have gotten, you know, might have fucking been in the middle of something and there's a pillow in the wrong spot at the wrong That's not open a pillow. Well the pillow might have gotten you know

You might have fucking been in the blast radius. I'm talking about you and your pillow I have never been like me this pillow are fucking getting it on right now never done that you Probably whoa, I was younger. Well, but why was I helping him? What was I getting at? I knew that there was like, I was like, scissoring a pillow. There was a kid in middle school who his sister, he like walked in on his sister like, fucking doing the scoot on a pillow. Oh. Yeah, and she was.

You don't forget stuff like that. I would assume you don't. And she like was then coined the pillow girl, you know Oh, no the school found out school. Why the fuck did he stitch on his own sister? I clearly wanted to tell the world that he saw sister masturbating. That's so weird Well, what are you gonna do? I've never caught I've never seen anything like that none of my friends none of my siblings I don't yeah, I don't think I've ever caught I definitely never caught any of my siblings in any form of

masturbation. Yeah no no and no and definitely haven't caught any of our friends either. Yeah I don't they've they've some of them have been very outward and said like you know I just jerked off. Yeah that's different like I haven't been like you know like open the door like whoa and they're like whoa You know like open the door like whoop and they're like whoa Never happened you're very good at that is that right practice? No, that's acting. I'm a fucking amazing actor. You're fucking Thespian. Yes. I'm a Thespian Anyone no one's ever caught you right no I've never I You know not a big jerk or offer back in the day. I don't think I ever got caught

Did you ever get caught downloading porn with your fucking Barry Sanders highlights? I don't think so. Frank, you had a folder on his desktop that was labeled Barry Sanders highlights filled with porn First of all Barry Sanders ESPN classics and it was filled with one video of porn. Well, was it? I wouldn't be able to tell you. Yeah, we're able to tell me that. I mean, I remember it was it was like some like, you know, like fucking I'm a vet that comes home in my fucking girlfriend surprises me with fucking flamet. of Puss of of Baganga. Baganga. Yeah. Wow. You have, you know, you have the Copacol and then you've got the Pajute, you know what I'm saying?

Which one of those is the asshole? You know what I mean? The one that they refer to as Gaba Ghul. Dude, honestly. That's a very asshole sounding word, right? Gaba Ghul. Gaba Ghul. It looks like that's what assholes,

that's a, that's a Gaba Ghul. Gaba Ghul. Gaba Ghul. Yeah, when they, when they pucker. Yeah. Gaba Ghul. Yeah. Yeah, when they, when they pucker. Yeah. Cabo cool. Yeah. Yeah.

We're adults that have children. Yeah. Well, no. You have children. Just be with, be my brother and arms here. Okay. Your kids will see this one day. They will. Don't be like, dad.

It'll be okay. They will not see this. Oh, daddy. You're gonna protect your kids. Protect them. You're gonna protect your kids from seeing you talk See this one day they will also be like dad. It'll be okay. They will not see this daddy You're gonna protect your kids protect them. You're gonna protect your kids from seeing you talk about but holes in my don't give it fuck Why would they go back and watch this? I don't know that maybe you die young and like they're like oh my god Like I want to I want to understand my dad. Why are you putting that on there? You're a piece of shit Don't worry when you go. I'm on my way with you. Oh yeah, I can't imagine a world without you baby forever and ever. Not gonna, not gonna high five me there for that one, huh?

Just stare at your own hand, not gonna do it. Forever and ever. Always. I don't understand. Also, I just wanted to bring this up because we were talking about chrystery That salami with the pepper on the end. Oh my goodness Probably the could be the no not the best prosciutto is but like I would say the hard like thick pieces That like you bite into and like you need it like you know, I'm saying no like the soper side Those are good. Yeah's what they are like Theresa

Spicy shit. Oh, oh spicy Theresa. I don't think it's Theresa belongs on a shark boots. I Mean that's because you're an asshole Any meat any meat really any meat any meat not chicken You put steak on a charcoot of reborn? That would be cool. Kind of would, now that I said it. It would kind of be cool if there were things of meat. Oh, god, yeah. Fuck it.

What if you cut a real good cooked prime rib? And then you layered a piece of a garlic herb goat cheese on it. I'm getting myself real hungry, Joey. I'm horny, forget about hungry. Oh yeah, you went right to home. Dude, I don't know, like, I guess this happens when you get older, you start to like

have an acquired taste for certain things. I wanna fuck food. Yeah, but the things that you wanna fuck are just different now. Like now, like our Shakutri board is like really exciting to me. Oh yeah, like I'm very now, like our Shakutri board is like really exciting to me. Oh, yeah. Like I'm very excited to eat a Shakutri board. Dude, Shakutri. Oh, what was that? I think that's how you say it in French. I'm shocked you haven't been to Parry yet. To Paris? I mean, it's not very high. Am I list of be honest? Oh, and fucking

there's a place in the city apparently. I forgot what it's called. It's called like bored or something like that. But it's like, you go and it's just like a buffet and you get a board and you make your own sharkootary boards. You know what I fucked this though? Hold on, butter boards. Get them the fuck outta here. What's a butter board?

You never heard of these bitches. There were people on fucking the internet that were making sh hoot rebords But it wasn't meets and cheeses Joey. It was butter Just butter butter why cuz people are fucking losers and we're America and we're fat slob pics Well, sure Kerry boards are not very like I know But they feel healthier because there's nuts and fruits on them sometime But like butter board. Yeah, I guess. But like butter board?

Yeah, that's kind of nuts. Get outta here with this garbage. There's a place near me, I was on like fucking Uber Eats, like looking at restaurants. It's, they just sell cheese boats. Hold on. It just looks like, it looks like it's this fucking big, right? Yeah.

And it starts like this, like straight, like that, and then it opens up, and then it just fills with cheese. Kinda. It's just a whole big thing of cheese. Kinda about that though. I was like, this will kill me if I eat this. Oh, of course, 100%. It probably will.

Yeah. I kinda, I kinda, I'm about that. You've ever been to one of those restaurants where you get pasta And they have the giant wheel of cheese and they heated up and they slide it off on your fucking food I've never been you know no is it good? What's that see a lot of it's like a reclint or something like that? It's like I've seen it in places way if you were to catch a baby. Oh Yeah, I do it catch your pipa famously doesn't have cheese.

I thought it was just like, I might be, am I wrong here? I'm gonna play a game with you. What's the one that's just like pepper and oil? Pepper and oil? Hold on one second, I'm trying to get this pulled up for you real quick Just get what's the what's the cheese in cat is it catch you? That what she's isn't fucking Catch you translates to

You fucking go on. You thought Cacho, Pepe, didn't have... Oh, I'm sorry. It's one of the nine things I have. Cheese and Pepe! It's one of the Pepe! I didn't know that's how you said fucking cheese. What kind of stupid-ass language has cheese as Cacho?

What does that even begin to mean? I like Kessso. Cool. What sounds similar? Two. Cacho, Kessso. No. No, no, no. It's sort sounds similar to cacho queso? No, no, no, no. It's sort of similar.

No, no, no, no, no. It's not carbonara. It's the one I was thinking of. Although there is cheese in it. I was like egg in that. It's egg in it. Yes, there is cheese in it. Yes, there is.

It's a pancetta. A lot of pecorino romano. That's a good fucking cheese. Oh my god, I need to eat cheese. Yeah, I'm a little hungry boy now. Yeah, I haven't eaten today. I had back a whipped up some eggs this morning. I fucking slam those bitches. I woke up I drank three big heaping glasses of water. Okay, and I ate a Ferrero Shay to

Counter it's breakfast. It's hazelnut Technically, you're not you're not breaking the bank there Ferrero Shay is incredible. Oh, yeah, and I yeah. And we recently talked about this, and it comes wrapped up like a fucking model. You know, like it's like, I'm going to the fucking Oscars, dress me up like that. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? I'm going to the fucking Oscars. It's like chocolate, but like fancy. Yeah, it's just like, you normally you see chocolate, and it looks like, you know, like Adam Sandler, but then fucking Ferreroshet is like, oh yeah, like Adam Sandler, but then fucking Ferraro Shades, like, oh yeah, Florence Pumea up. You know what I'm saying?

Like make me look like a billion dollars. Florence Pumea, that was such a random name. It's the first person at the Oscars I thought of. Okay, we do have some sponsors for the rest of the show. We have Stitch Fix here, Stitch Fix. It's like the easiest way to get your clothes that fit you. It's like having a personal stylist, if you will. But without having to endlessly scroll through options,

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I'm very good at that, right? What the hell did you say that like that? I needed your validation. Okay, but I do, I did want to talk about this because when I saw it I was like what the fuck and I don't know if the internet's like talking about her or not, but you know Zayn Malik Wonder I know do I know Zayn Malik here. No, you don't look like I you're right. I don't anymore all the tattoos make him and I you know indistinguish well Distinguishable cool. He's had tattoos forever. No bro. Look at him. He's got fucking like, you know, like bedazzles. What's that?

I just want to show you how the way this man says the word daughter, and then her. And he was British. So he's like, dog, dog, how the fuck the brits do it. I'll tell you right now. Yeah, since I've had my dog, the main thing in my mind. What the fuck was that? Since I've had my doll He like flew away with your dogs. What did he like all? Did he like going to like an ice bath as he was saying that he's like my doll?

You know I'm talking about the hardest time to get in water is you know when you're just like walking in yeah Since I've had my doll the main thing in my mind is trying to be a good example to her Come on, what the hell was that? What is that? I don't know the tattooing is getting in his brain. I think it's just where he's from My be his accent. Where's he from like what are these stupid fucking England sounding places like fucker? We live over in the barrow You know we live in we live in suck swarmed, you know, just live in we live in sucks wand, you know Just like stupid fucking names. I mean I don't know blood gate That sounds sick. It does kind of sound pretty cool

But yeah, when he's the way he says duh oh it sounds like he's not closing his mouth But he is I'm watching him. He's closing his mouth, but he's like duh, and I want to be a good example. Oh huh Yeah But he's like, doll, and I want to be a good example. Aww. Aww. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, I don't know why, like, why do Brits talk like such fucking idiots? Okay. Well, now I feel like you're like purposefully saying like me and shit.

No, not purposefully. First of all, if the Brits are really offended, I'll just remind them of what happened before 1776. There it is. There just, what they do? There's some not good stuff. And guess what, Joe, even after 1776, not some good stuff on their ledger, you know what I'm saying?

Hmm. Uh, we have, why, like, what was that? You think the queen killed Princess Diana? I'm not touching that one, Joe. Yeah, I thought you were gonna, I'm not gonna touch that one, yeah. I thought I could get you. Princess die.

Oh shit, we're gonna say, die, Princess. People talk so much about the crown, not just the show, like the collective, like the crown, the royal family. You know what's interesting? The queen died. There's a new king. I don't even know his name.

I don't think anyone gives a fuck anymore king Charles Cool, you could have said anything. I think so honestly, but like I don't think anyone really cares anymore I think she was the last one that would be really fat fucking sausage fingers. Those are something to care about Oh, yeah, you tell me he's got fat fingers the guys got fucking Vienna sausages on his hands. You love sausage right now though God, we're hungry again. I'm. Ew. I would love sausage right now though. God, we're hungry again. I'm starving dude, I need a sausage. That's the first thing you thought of a sausage.

We're like sausage and peppers. God, on a big one. Oh my. I'm talking like fucking like, you know, a story, you know, like the send, what was the festival that they'd have by us? The send, that's San Janado Yeah, I think it is that no, that's not the city is the book of the Beppo or something

I don't know but we want to those very classic Italian names. I don't know just getting like just like a fucking sloppy sausage and pet on a toasted American Italian bread Yeah, why are we so hungry? I don't I have an eating dude You had eggs. I didn't have eggs and I had some sunflower seeds Well, that must have filled you up. What do you a bird? You know how I eat my sunflower seeds. They you know, I eat a lot of them you do eat a lot of them I do after this you want to go crush a fucking yeah Crusher something something maybe pizza. Oh

I need even eat healthier. When you get a veggie tray, right? When do I do that? No, I'm just saying, like, you've been in the presence of a veggie tray. Like the one where it's like, it has the ranch in the middle. Yeah, it's like a bunch of different. So you got like celery, you got cucumbers, carrots, broccoli, edamame, sometimes.

What's your first grab? Honestly, I'm a big broccoli guy. Okay, because I like like dipping the whole head in like the ranch Yeah, it's like it's like hair gel for it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I fucking bite it Yeah, I bite it and and I swear to God I do this when I bite broccoli. I imagine I'm the dinosaurs Jurassic Park same thing same thing when they're up in the tree and it's just eating all the fucking twigs. Yeah, I'm just like Yeah, whenever you broccoli online I mean, it's like howling currently yeah, yeah, you know watching me I go cucumber I'm a big kooky guy, too. I too. I like QQ. I like I like cauliflower

Also, I like cauliflower too cut buffalo cauliflower is unbelievable. Yeah, also just regular plain cauliflower is good Yeah, but I'm saying that's better. I like carrots if They're baby carrots like the rounded ones. Yeah, I don't like a big fat carrot And not even I don't have a big fat carrot. I don't like them when they're cut like crinkle cut Yeah, I don't like that either that shit. I don't like them when they're crinkle cut. Yeah, I don't like that either. What is that shit? I don't want this. That makes me feel poor.

Yes. And they're all dried out. Like my fucking grandmother's fingers. Yeah. I don't want this shit. Yeah, especially now that she's been dead for years. Yeah, she's gone. But what's the last thing?

Whenever those green beans are, those tend to be the last one green bean There's there they're not in a momma because the outside is they're like snap peas. Oh, no or like green beans Well, those are like typically yeah, I've seen them in a bunch. Yeah, I'm sure you've seen but like I would say Salary is my answer. I do love celery, but of all the other things actually Salary is my answer, I would say. I do love celery, but of all the other things. I am actually, it might be carrot. I like it. I like carrot though. I know, but sometimes it's wet on the outside and you bite on it and you get just like fucking carrot. Juice.

You know what I'm saying? I know, but sometimes they're so hard. Yeah. And you bite it and it sounds like a fucking nuke went off in your mouth. Yeah and it sounds like a fucking nuke went off in your mouth? Yeah, it sounds like it's like- It's like free fill. Yeah. I do, I like to snap.

That's like the best thing, caratism is the off. That's the off. 100%. Absolutely. But I don't know. Sometimes you get them and it's like these have been out. And now the things are just like it's fighting me. No, but like they're always sitting in a little bit of water the carat,

which is like you go for the bottom batch. You go for the bottom because as you replen as it replenishes itself. They start soaking in some agwa Sometimes you know my mom does she she makes a baby carrots and she like cooks them so they're a little soft and they're like covered in butter Fucking god. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah, back in I we do well. I haven't done in a while because back in got sick off carrots once We do we roast them and you get sick off of carrots She she we ate the exact same thing. She got sick off carrots once. We do, we roast them and you get sick off of carrots. She, she, we ate the exact same thing, she got sick, blame the carrots. Is that okay? Out of everything, you blame a side dish, you know, but oil, salt, pepper, paprika, garlic, oregano, do it with baby carrots.

Telling you, I put that lead combination on anything. I'm tell, oh, I'm gonna, so good. And then you know anything. I'm tell oh I'm so good And then you know me. I'm a big carrot guy. You give me a big carrot. I'll fucking yeah You walk in here like fucking daffy duck one that fucking what's his name bugs? I almost said bugs baffy That sounds like a 1940s comedian Sounds like a 1940s comedian. Bugs and heroism, ladies and gentlemen, Bugs Baffey! And he walks on save, and he's just like, my wife, you know?

What? Yep. My wife's a bitch, so I hit her. What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and the dinner was cold, so I beat it to a bloody pulp. No! Fucking fucking people back then. Yeah. Also, before you get out of here, you brought up something before you were doing the show about like Diplos like songs that did not fuck to

or something? So Diplo, who I recently learned was one person, recently came up with a list of what he believes to be the worst songs to have sex to. Now we're for a Patreon episode going to make our own list. Okay. And we cannot include any of these lists, these here. I'm going to give you the song and you're going to tell me if you agree that it's good

to have sex to or agree with you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bad to have sex to or agree with you go low Bad to have sex to got it. I don't I should I don't think his first name is dip in last name low No, it's one word okay. I was gonna go first song angel Sarah McLaughlin Yeah, no you can't be doing now this isn't the better version you can if there's trapped dogs in the room low What you know, I like isn't that the song that they've got? Yes, yes, you want to have sex with trapped dogs in your room? No, I'm just saying if you happen to be in that sort of situation,

then like that would... When are you ever in a situation where you're having sex with imprisoned animals? Well, I'm not saying I'm not saying I would be in that situation, but there are people who save animals in those situations, maybe the mood strikes, and when you're in the middle of saving some animals. Let me get, let me, real quick, yep, that won't happen ever. I didn't think it would, I'm just saying. That's the only way.

And Bob Ernum said, oh, I'm gonna say words that have never been, like, put together, like, you know, about three things, getting money, getting pussy in the Dewey decimal system. I can guarantee there's never in the history of existence been a situation where people have been in the middle of saving in prisoned animals

and stopped to have sex while angel by Sarah McLaughlin. I'm just saying sometimes the mood strikes. Next, theme song to the reading rainbow. That would be weird. It reminds me of being a child. It would, and that's the last thing I want to think of when I'm having sex. Reading.

Yeah, I was gonna go with being a child, but, sure, Joey. Although that part where it's just like, you know, I can go very high, not in the, right man. No, okay. Next one here that we've got, Kat and I Joe.

I mean, no, I would think that you can. I can't. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I can't. I made a got-night-do-up and there. Don't time ago. What are these fucking guys do to this person? If it wasn't for Cut Night Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. What does it even begin to be? Where'd you come from? Where'd you come from? Cut Night Joe. Yeah.

And what does Cut Night look like? Oh, is that a racist thing? Is it? Mm. Cut Night Joe. Might be. It's from the South. So they don't have a good track record of being not racist to hit though

God night Joe the next one is yoho a pirate's life for me. Okay. Well, I kind of like a pirate shanty hell Yeah, I would be sick dude blast someone's back But I whoa to one of those I want it to be like a fucking sick one too not like yoho a pirate's life for me I want it to be like you know the one too. Not like yo ho a pirate's life for me. I want it to be like, you know, the ones that they wrote to. Where it's like, oh, show them, they're so, like, yeah, so you can like go with the flow. Yeah, yeah.

The next is the kids' bop version of Macklemore's Thrift Shop. Just skip over it too crazy. I haven't heard it, but I have to look it up. No, don't look it up. Why? Because we're just gonna run through these real quick. Okay, I'll, I haven't heard it but I have to I have to look it up. No, don't look it up Why? Because we're just gonna run through these real quick. Okay, I'll play it after you can't play it after we'll play it after though That's what I'll do watch me play it after Next is the theme song to that so Raven Damn that's your shit. That is my shit. Ain't no, staying now.

Well, that's the breakdown by our king, Orlando Brown. Not our king anymore, actually. He said some stuff. I wonder if he was ever our king. That was what I was thinking. Even at his prime, he wasn't our king. No, okay, he just wanted to make sure. No, okay, you're sure.

No, but the rest of that theme song is a slapper though. You can gaze into the future, okay, you're sure no, but the rest of that theme song is a slapper though. You can gaze into the future You might think life would be a breeze life is Go Ray and it's not the same dude fucking it's a hit you know And you see a situation and the is me hey man. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ain't now what to say now about to put it down. Yeah, come on, I'm robbing the rain now.

How about to do the rain now? Every day, she put the game away. You know the words. Good for you. I didn't think you still knew the word. Oh, it's a Disney Channel show. It's iconic. It's Raven Simone.

She's been around. Just saying we haven't sang that in 25 years What was the show she got like popular on before that's how Raven? There was a one yeah, oh my god, it's escaping me You said it's your favorite show. Oh, is it yeah, it's cosby show Yeah, yeah as soon as you said that I was like well, she was on the costume. At least you knew um Yeah, so and then the last one he has here is taps Where's that I don't know I think is that the one where it's like gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung gung

He's just So in sex dude Dip is doing sex I was like what are you doing? It's not me. That was you that was a dip dip. I'm being it wasn't dip. I'm being dip there Yeah, you were dipping into something. No, no, no, no, stop that But yeah, I think those were all oh the other one that was on there that I that I didn't say which I Viamly disagree with is the Wii Sports theme song.

How does that go? Ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na- Here we go. Here we go. The fire. Kind of. That's not the worst. That's a good one to like climax to. After you're... Banana, banana, no. You know. Yeah, there you go. Exactly.

But we're gonna, on Patreon, we're gonna make our own list. So tune into Patreon. I'm not gonna way better listen to that. The, we, it needs to be worst. I know. Okay. That's gonna be so good bad Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think I think mine will be worse than yours No Yeah, absolutely, okay, absolutely But go check it out that'll be ready on the patreon episode soon

Which is on patreon.com size of eSpring and you can also go on there and see an exclusive episode called the Joe and Frank Suck Off. I'm not going to tell you what it's about, but that is the name of it. I forgot that was the title. That's the title. And the title is Joey eating cucumbers and other phallic instruments. No, no, no. So, are we wrapping up? Can I just follow into it?

Yeah, yeah. You can find me at FHOP where is 8085 on Twitter, D-Frank Alvarez on all of the forms of social media, and then make sure you go check out the Patreon, patreon.com, sites, and base of your yard. Get your new dog, second merch, at shop.santagadastudios.com, and you can follow him at JoeSantagada

on all forms of social media, and then you can also follow the show at all forms of social media at the base of your yard. And what else? That's it, that's all, see you guys next time. Okay, okay. I'll see you guys next time. Okay, okay.