The Basement Yard - #429 - Joe's No Good Really Bad Day

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Joe is really having a tough time! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank what's going on bud? Nope, I was chewing on like a chewy mint before so I wanted to I thought it'd be a fun way to open the show really fun Mint's having fun. Hey, we're all off to a hot fun start So thanks for bringing the mix. Yeah, so I thought it'd be a fun cute, cuddly, cozy way to open up the show with people just reacting to the sound of my mouth clapping back and forth. All right, I think. Pfft.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What's wrong with you? You're all over the place. What's wrong with me? Eh! My mouth clapping back and forth. What does it even mean? What would you call that? What would you call that what would you? Eating I don't know disgusting. What are cows chew on like they have like permanent gum in their ass? No, but they have like permanent gum in there. Hey, hey Joey

I'm not that's what they eat what do they eat? That's just sloppy food in like an Oliver Twist movie. Yeah. I'm talking like- That's just poor people's soup, isn't it? Yeah. 100% The gruel is just poor people's soup. That's the- Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. The pores get gruel. Yeah. The regulars get soup. Right. And the rich get risotto bingo. Hahaha. I love a fucking risotto.

I've had- Dude, Becca once made a pumpkin risotto and I almost fucking came. Damn. Jesus. God damn. Fuck. That's a pumpkin risotto and I almost fucking came Damn Good risotto. Yeah, it was really good, but I like any risotto Sounds doing that people don't like that risotto makes you do that if it's a little mush like I like it because it's rich I had a truffle risotto recently. Oh like we're like fresh shave truffle on top. Yeah, ask me how much it was too much Guess how much it was 80 bucks 70 bucks. Yeah, so me how much it was. Too much. Guess how much it was. 80 bucks, 70 bucks.

Yeah, so too much. Too much. Too much. With like fresh shaved black truffle on top. It was on it, it was shaved. I've never had real black truffle or white truffle for that matter. I hear once you have black, you don't go back.

I heard that as well. But, you know, only about truffle. Once you go black, you break your mother's back. Yeah, that's when you step on a crack, Joe. That's true. If you now, if you step on a crack, Joe. That's true. If you now, if you step on a crack while eating black, Trump, you won't go back to your mother who's now got her back broken.

Right, exactly. Yeah, yeah. If you step on a black crack, forget your mother's back. You got to, she's gonna have no hole. Yeah. I think, I think that's about it. How you doing? You know, I believe that so much when I was younger too.

Like, don't step on the crack, you break your mind this back. I know that my mom's back wasn't gonna break, but I was like, I'm not gonna step on this thing on the off chance that maybe her shit breaks. Damn. And then I broke her rib because I hugged her too hard. Yes, because Joey's strong Joey boy. No, it's because I had a couple hundred bud lights.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm gonna give me a hug and I broke her rib. That's funny because a lot of people after, like what happened this year with Bud Light would say that it does the opposite to you because they supported, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tricking Bud Light, it makes you super gay. Yeah, back in the day, it made you hug your mom

and break her rib, but apparently now, you know. It just makes you grab hold of a cock or something. I don't know. What was it to? I don't mind a buttlight by the way. Dude, I love a buttlight. In a glass bottle though, it's needs to be in glass. I gotta be honest with you, I went through a phase

of being like, oh my god, IPAs, oh my god, this fucking sour. Oh, I can't wait to have a triple. Like, I realize about myself. Like, yes, I will indulge in like a craft beer But like you're a white dress drinker. You fuck you fuck you don't don't say white trash drinker It has a compliment. Oh, thanks. I'm saying like you're you drink like a like a white trash step But that's not a compliment. I hear what you're that's like saying like you're it's a compliment. You're a fucking fat idiot

It's a compliment no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no right back to my college days. Exactly. Bro, bring a pack of nattie lights and we can't drink nattie light in the house you own. Like that's crazy. Yeah, no. When you have a mortgage, come on. There are certain beers you can't drink anymore. That's one of them. You gotta give it up. You can't have everything. Bushlight. Dude, you know what I do for a bush latte right now? Bush. Man, I'm telling ya. That's gross. Fuck you. Okay. I remember the other one. Keystone. Keystone, yeah. That's gross. Fuck you. Okay. I remember the... What's the other one? Keystone.

Keystone... Yeah, the college beers. There's not beer in the... Nadi Bush Keystone were like the college beers. And there's like Milwaukee's best and like Bud ice. Oh Milwaukee. Yeah, just like shit that like you will never drink in the real world. But like when you're at a college and you have $10 to your name and you can get 30 beers,

you get one of those. You put them in a backpack where they stay warm and you drink warm beer and have the time of your life. Let me ask you a question. No. Actually, it's not really a question. Is it a question? I don't know. Do you know? Do you understand grammar? If I say a statement at you, it requires an answer. What is that? Is it a question? It's an attack. That's what it sounds like. No, I'm not attacking you. I want to say a statement. Say, well, you're pointing with all four fingers

and I don't quite understand it. He's in a pointy mood today. I'll say that. He came in here talking with Greg and I. And he was just like, yo, I just said, yo, I had to say, Greg goes, you said a pointy mood. I've had a long fucking day. He has.

It's only one o'clock, but I've had a long day already. OK. It's 2.47. I don't know. Check day. He has. It's only one o'clock, but I've had a long day already. Okay. It's 2.47. I'm like, let's check this out. I only shit 2.47. I woke up, my garage guy texted me, he goes, your car's a flat. I'm like, hmm, so I go, it's definitely a flat.

And then I'm like, great. But you were gonna ask me a question. Well, guess it's a question, okay. But anyway, so I find out that I have a flat tire, then I call to have a guy come fucking do whatever. Yeah, yeah, I was not going to change the line. Listen, guys, listen, if there are people out there that were like, swooning over Joey and they're like, oh my god, his fucking super like ironic interest in sports is so cool and turns

me on. I, it's all out the window now because you've just proved that you are Beta Cuck's soy boy, loser. Yeah. Like, that can't change your tire. Can't change the tire. Well, it's not that I can't. You failed, dude, don't let your dad find out. Don't, don't.

Yeah, yeah. He's gonna call me upcoming games. Your dad's gonna call you. He's probably gonna call you. Your dad's gonna call you, I was like, I changed it for this morning. Yeah. You know, what is wrong with you? No, I failed as a parent.

That's what he was saying. Yeah, that's the like litmus test for what our parents generation does. Like see if they've succeeded. Yeah, if they've succeeded. Can we change a tire? Can we balance a checkbook? Which, huh? Don't need to do that anymore.

It's 2023. Balance, the fuck? Frank, I know what you meant by balance, relax. But I wasn't gonna change it. I think that if I was just stuck in the wilderness, I could change it. Why would you have a flat tire? Why would you be driving in the wilderness, Joe?

I'm just saying in the off chance, I was like, oh, I have no cell service, I have to fix this or I'm gonna die. Like, I'll fix it. Like, I know how to fix it But so anyway, I just got your manicure you didn't want to get it dirty I never got a manicure but I would love to get one actually I would love to get a pedicure even more than that But I get I got ticklish toes, so I don't want to kick a woman in the face

You know what I mean bro? I would pay 40 bucks for you to kick a woman and like when you're getting a pay 40 bucks for you to kick a woman. And like when you're getting a picture. You're like, fan it out, dude, pick the woman. I'll let you pick the woman. Let me kick a head off. I'll tell you who I was gonna kick the fucking head off a woman today. Yeah.

So anyway, I'll get to the woman who's gonna kick a woman. Yes, so Joey, back to you being physically unable to change your tire. Right. So I call the guy to come fix the tire. He shows up and he's like, you got the wheel lock and I was like, what is that? And he's like, it's a thing that they give you. And it's so I can take off one of the like lug nuts or whatever the fuck,

because the rest of them you can take off, but one of them has a specific pattern. So like then they could take it off. I was like, I've never even heard of this or seen it before. So we look through my entire car. Can't find it. He's like, I could take it off. I was like I've never even heard of this or seen it before So he looks for my entire car. I can't find it. He's like I can't help you. So he leaves So now I'm like the fuck so then I call a Toe truck, but I have to come here to record so I'm like all right I'm just gonna call it because they're like we can pick it up like unattended just like whatever So I go back downstairs and I talk to the garage guy and I go, they're gonna show up and then, you know, can you just give them my keys

and then they're gonna take the car. And he's like, yeah, he's like, dude, call me on this phone. He's like, here's the number of call me on this phone. I always have it on me. I was like, all right, they should be here in like an hour. And get in the Uber on the way here. It's 15 minutes to get here. And it's all in Brooklyn, by the way. I live in Brooklyn, on the way here. It's 15 minutes to get here And it's all in Brooklyn by the way. I live in Brooklyn. This is in Brooklyn. It's like a straight shot. It's not like it's one road. It's one road and

They call me immediately so I'm like four blocks from my apartment and they're like yeah, I'm outside They said they were coming in and out. Yeah, what the hell? So I was like, all right, so I start calling the number of the garage guy, not picking up. Attached to my hip, I always have it, don't pick up, I'm like, great. But then eventually the tow guy called me. And he's like, because the company called me, it's like, your guy's gonna be there,

like he's like, right outside. I was like, all right, I was calling this guy, it was an answering. So then the guy who's in the truck calls me and he's like, hey, I'm here. I was like, yeah, I'm trying to get in touch with the garage guy, it's an answering. So then the guy who's in the truck calls me and he's like, hey, I'm here. I was like, yeah, I'm trying to get in touch with the garage guy. It's like very next to the building, like, just go in and talk to the guy

and he'll give me my keys. That ends up happening. As soon as I figure that out, I look up, I'm on a bridge going to Manhattan. And like, there's no reason to go out of Manhattan. Oh, God. This isn't Brooklyn. My apartment's in Brooklyn.

It's in Manhattan. Whoa. The opposite way. It's literally, there's no reason to do that and The woman didn't really speak a lot of English Which made you hate her more I get it go ahead shut up But I lift my head up and I'm like we're going we're on a bridge I'm over I'm suspended in the air above water on a bridge on a structure. What am I doing? So I go? Are we going to Manhattan?

And she just goes, yep. I don't know what the fuck, like the most confidence, like yes sir, Bob, right to Manhattan. She didn't know how to say anything in English, except for yes, absolutely. I wanted to be like, why? And she just kept pointing to the map and like she's following the thing.

Oh, so there was probably congestion in the way that you normally get here. So she took what she thought was a little loopty loop, a little trickle, a little trickle trick, you know, like a little slippery. Yeah, you know, go into Manhattan which there is traffic and take two bridges, both have traffic. Yeah, instead of just going on the one road. Yeah, it's all right.

I mean, hey, but so where was it Brooklyn or Manhattan where you stole that outfit off of the homeless man? This is a nice shacket. Are you telling me or trying to convince me? No, this is a great shacket. And you wanna know what's, you wanna know what's up? Wait, what the fuck is a shacket? It's a shirt jacket, you dumb bitch. Figure it out.

Wait, what? What did I do to that? Yeah, I don't know why we're touching tips. Is that one piece yeah that's all one piece dude oh that sucks even more oh you stupid had different articles of clothing Joey you're not a child you could put them on differently you can function you putting different stuff on at different times what are you talking about wait what are you talking about are is the sweater oh no

those are separate oh okay all right, all right, thank God. I was about to keep going off on the Joey's clothes. Oh, it's not a shirt, so. You said jacket. You said jacket, Joey. Shirt jacket, shirt jacket. Looks like a shirt, but it's a jacket. No, that looks like a jacket.

That doesn't look like a shirt. That just looks like a jacket. You gotta be further away. Looks like an over shirt. No, whatever. No, it's not whatever. So listen, you also, you look like a fruit rollup. Yeah, but this No, it's not whatever. So listen, you also you look like a fruit roll up Yeah, but this looks like it tastes really good. It does and so I wear cool colors sometimes not everyone just wears Yankee's fucking

Say it so he's all a saying say it. Mr. Yankee hat that you're wearing at this very moment in time Is it up there? Yeah, this is Yankee. Yeah, is it? Yeah shit? Shit You know I got this though. Don't care. I don't care But I know you have to but I don't care about it. It's a podcast I got this because there's a kid out there his name's Connor would you guys know oh free blog So what do we do it? I mentioned beer club and you're like oh and you're fucking sitting here Connor fucking And you're fucking sitting here Connor fucking Why you just said it again? Yeah No, no

He's a he's a social he's a social media and He posted a picture and he was wearing this and I commented. I'm gonna need a link to that jacket And he never answered me. So first of all somebody clipped this Senate to him. Fuck you Connor your piece of shit It's name is Connor. You automatically sucks. Let me guess, white. Not dude, he's West African. I don't know who you follow, you freak.

Yeah, he's a white man. But he didn't answer. And then, Rangler hit me up and they're like, we saw your comment. We're gonna say you're the jacket. I was like, so you're wearing Rangler? So up and they're like we saw your comment. We're gonna say you the jacket. I was like So you're wearing Wrangler so you're basically just like you have super hardcore Trump lover right now No, first of all don't do that tell me about how many of you

Shack tell me about how many pairs of bread far of jeans you have at the moment Joey Frank You look like you live in the Bronx and hate your own kind so stop You look like you live in the Bronx and hate your own kind so stop You got a bit of a point there. It's what's going down. You got a bit of a point But Joey you're inside you're in your own space take your fucking jacket and sweatshirt off stay a while I wanted to show off that's what it is He wants Wrangler to see hey Wrangler fucking I love your jeeps and I love your fucking He wants Wrangler to see hey Wrangler fucking I love your jeeps and I love your fucking D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- like they make like car branded clothes. I know they make jeans. They make like Ferrari shoes and like. Who? You've never seen Ferrari shoes dude?

They're like the skinny like fucking shoes that all like the Guitos that went to like, like, teen nice. Yeah. Yeah, the ones that would put the fucking glow stick in between their hands and they fucking, what do they call that frallicking?

You remember that shit? Oh my god, you don't remember that? I do remember frallicking obviously. Oh my god It was like these 2006-7-8 maybe even a little tinge of nine the Greeks love that the Greeks Italians Albanians you know Montenegroans like just getting in a circle with your boys and they'd be like they'd be like yo You fucking like we go out then we finding all of the fucking titties, bro, and then they'd get there And they put fucking glow sticks in their fingers and dance to cascada like

Which is great writing was on the wall dude. Yeah, you know cascada is really great though really good Good stuff there We're not gonna sing it though, right? We're not gonna sing it though, right? We're not gonna sing it though, right? We're not gonna sing it though, right? Oh, man, you're fucking you just punch your ticket to fucking shit's town. I'm gonna get you bitch. By the way name a woman Rebecca Name a woman Rebecca like a woman's name or oh name a woman Name a woman name any woman. Okay. Literally any woman. Name a woman. Tanya Harding That's quite a bowl. Yeah, yeah

I don't know why that's so funny to me. I have a photo better in 10 years Like that's crazy. Uh, Tony Harder. Dude, isn't that question so funny? So it started going viral on TikTok before that. Because it was Billy Eichner. Yes. And he's like, they were always like, uh, it's so hard.

No, it's not. But like, and I've asked, I've been asking most, uh, I've been asking multiple people to do that and they usually freeze up but they have questions. They're like, what? In what context? In what context? Three fucking words. Name?

Oh woman. They think you're gonna put a gun to their head and fucking room. I love you. Just go Michelle. Damn, Michelle Bowen's a good one. Tanya Harding. Yeah. No one has said.

So that was awesome. I guess, I mean mean that's the first literally I said Rebecca because I thought you were doing like the like name just say a girl's name Oh, no, because I've seen that TikTok trend is it I think maybe I'm off I don't remember but the name of women that's easy. I can give me I can name a thousand of women right now I'm sure Tanya Harding, Alex Borstein. Who the fuck is that?

She was on Mad TV, she does lowest griffin's voice. Oh, you don't know her. How was that number two? Who do you think the most famous person ever is? There's an answer. Like Jesus? That's my guy, right? That's why the show you think we're dumb and you think we're not educational

But the most famous person is yes, you're screeched. I would say like but are we talking like Hollywood famous or just like everyone knows who they are Jesus is up there games over Mickey Mouse Mickey Mouse Mickey Mouse Super Mario. You think Mickey Mouse is more famous than Walt Disney Yes Yes You think Mickey Mouse is more famous than Walt Disney? Yes. Yes. Do you think a child right now knows who Disney, who, no, that's the point. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the point.

Like if you ask a kid who's it, so it's like Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse is kind of on the outs, dude. Nah, he's still kicking, he's living it up. They're really fun. They're really cute little specials and stuff. You're like, why are they still pushing him? Probably not pushing him at all.

I mean, he's not really in like movies anymore. They kind of, he's like the face of like everything. Oh, oh. We got, it's not really in like movies anymore. They kind of face of like everything like We get it. Yeah, he can do impressions guys. Everyone clap I'm in such a bad mood. You really are you're a pointy bitchy mood. I am a pointy You came in here just like serving cut Frankie please I have to say something you came in here serving cutunt also do you know what that even means Frank? You came in here serving. I heard it. Do you think serving cunt is a bad thing?

I think it's just like you just got like an attitude like a I'm fucking here bitch like don't fucking double cross me cuz I'll fucking double cross I Didn't survive Don't double cross me Damn, which kids give it a speech at a tribal council. I was double cross Tony Harding Don't double cross me bitch. Oh my god. Yeah, I guess that's kind of right, but it's supposed to be a positive thing I think I would say I think it's just like a like when people like serve

You know like when they say like yes, slay Yeah, serve and slay serve it and slide slay it then serve it because you got to kill it in order to put it on a plate and give it a What rhymes with? C and X2's that can we say that on YouTube? Are they gonna like it's on dude? You said it. Oh Bunt runt Can we say that on YouTube? Or are they gonna like, is that a lens? Dude, you said it. Oh, okay. I'm a bunch. I'm a bunch. Bunt, runt, front. Yeah. Blunt, blunt.

Dude, a gay marijuana shop called Serving Blunt. Oh, dude. I'm Serving Blunt. Serving Blunt. People walk in and it's like, what is this? And it's like, blunts here, bitch. Yeah, it's blunts. It's just blunts.

Just blunts and weeds. Just blunts. You're in your weed hour right now. No, I haven't smoked in a long time. What you have, and I'll never forgive you for it. It might, I have to. Bro, I'm gonna tell, if the weed ever come up with time machines, I'm gonna tell you

six grade you that you smoked weed. Do you know what I would do? What I'd probably put a pencil through my own neck and stop it from ever happening in the future What I'm saying if you told younger me like that you smoked weed Yeah, I don't know where you kill somewhere to pencil of course you can I don't know about of course. I mean I think you can but not of course You sharpen a pencil Joey. I can kill you it'll break. I mean no

A shove it in your eyes socket repeatedly. Oh, yeah, that'll do it up your nose. You're dead, dude Our eyes hard up your nose, you're dead dude. Are eyes hard? It's just a socket dude. No, I mean like my actual eyeball, like can you, would you be able to just go like that? No apparently so I, apparently squeezing an eyeball is like squeezing a frozen grape. It's pretty hard.

Really? Yeah, so I wouldn't be able to like, stab the shit out of it. I mean you can. Oh yeah, you can. But like you won't be able to hold it in your finger and squish it, it'll probably be very difficult. I imagine it's like a Like a fried egg not a fried egg. Yeah, like a fried egg kind of like a hard-boiled egg

No, I guess yeah kind of like that too because a fried egg is cracked and put in a pan and fried I don't really know eggs. You know I don't really know eggs. You know what to be honest. I don't know. What's over easy? Over easy as you cook it and you turn it over and for like 10, 15 seconds, then you're done. Yeah. You turn it over and you leave it running. I don't know eggs.

I don't know eggs. That's a confession. That is one of my favorite quotes you've ever had from the show. I don't know eggs. I really don't. I don't know eggs. I don't know over easy over me.

What's the difference between over easy and sunny side up? I have no idea. Well, one is facing up the the oak is facing upwards. Yeah, so you don't flip a sunny side up Oh, see I wouldn't have said that I got no idea you don't know anything a fried egg is a deep fried I don't know it could be I mean yeah, see I don't know you're you're dumb. That's what we're finding out here I just always scrambled my shit. That's it. Yeah. Oh, let me guess your egg whites You fucking hard oh fucking all you like you know I like to fucking be fucking boo boo boo boo. No, I I just we're gonna end up by the end of this episode killing each other Probably if we both have pencils they could get real dangerous in here

Do you think seriously in a fist fight you could beat me up? I don't think that would ever happen. I know it won't ever happen I think so wow I think that we I think that we're pretty evenly matched. No, I got height weight and arm breach on you I'm six feet. Yeah, if you go by the book like I Got seven inches of arm like you know wingspan on you said no Got a good inside. Yeah, what do you do hit me in my fucking gut? I'm good. I don't know about that You know wingspan on you know Yeah, what do you do hit me in my fucking gut? I'm good. I don't know about that dude. I could hit a fucking your liver shot liver, dude Your liver shot would be bad. You're fucking drinking all the time. You why no your drunk. That's who the ads who the ads who the ads You why no you drunk. We do have some ads though

We do have some ads the first one being square space square space. That's where you're gonna go if you're drunk. We do have some ads though. We do have some ads. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace, that's where you're gonna go. If you're gonna set, sorry. That's where you're gonna go to set up your new website. If you have an e-commerce business or you have, oh, if you create content or something, you're gonna need a website, a nice little home base for your stuff and you're gonna want it to look good.

You can't have a you know Wack website. You need a nice professional looking website and you don't have to go crazy with the spending to get it either You can do it with Squarespace They have a bunch of templates that make it very easy to make your site look amazing All you have to do is kind of switch out some texts and pictures and there you go And it's a lot of fun. I just recently used Squarespace to build a website for the live shows actually. So I built the website, built, sounds a little crazy.

I mean, I used a template and I swapped out a couple photos. But if you go to thebasementart.com, you can go get the tickets to the tour with Squarespace is what we powered that with. So yeah, if you have anything like that or you have your own business or whatever, you should definitely use Squarespace. Like I said, I've been saying it for weeks when we do Squarespace that I use Squarespace for all my stuff.

Proof is in the put and right there. But you can go to squarespace.com and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain that is Squarespace.com for a free trial. Okay, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain. Do not use anybody else. Use Squarespace. Trust me.

And we also have Adam and Eve. Okay, you want to spice up your sex life. You want to make your wife, your husband, scream just a little bit louder, go on Adam and Eve and get him a nice little sex toy or like a cream. That'll make them a little more sensitive or something. There's a bunch of stuff on there

that I guarantee you guys don't even know exists, but they also have your classic Dildo's, vibe brighters, there's some swings, some restraints, if you're into that sort of thing, but they got it all. And you can get 50% off of one item, free shipping with fresh, with free rush processing. That was mouthful. And some exclusions do apply to that though. But you can go to adamaniv.com, use the offer code basement at checkout, spelled B-A-S-E-M-E-N-T, at Adam and Eve.com.

Like I said, 50% off of one item with free shipping and free rush processing. So go out there, buy some stuff. How are these are coming up? Maybe you get a little crazy on Christmas Eve. Well, Santa's not there. You know what I mean? Go nuts on each other.

It's Adam and Eve, baby. Adam and Eve.com use the code basement for 50% off. Enjoy. Yeah, that's all I'm doing. And then I'm going to talk about patreon.com. Plus the basement yard folks. Every week you see me, my beautiful face, my incredibly supple, soft mouth, talking to you about Patreon. And listen, Patreon is the best, most direct way that you can continue to support us in addition to telling your friends and family about us We love that you can go over to patreon.com and just get more of us. That's right more of Joey loads Loads and loads and loads of Joey so go to patreon.com

And he's at it for that first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and in that second tier you get And he's not up for that first year. You get these weekly episodes, one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get additional perks, where you get weekly episodes every single Friday morning. You can start and end your week with a basement yard. And listen, there's more tiers on there. I don't wanna tell you about it. I wanna be a little surprised, a little go in there.

And you know, just fucking open up the pinnato of Patreon and find out what you're good to get. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you to getting this over 27,000. Let's keep on climbing, bopping to the top, reaching for that brass ring. All right, go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you to getting this over 27,000. Let's keep on climbing, bopping to the top, reaching for that brass ring. All right, go check it out, patreon.com slash the basement yard. And folks, while we're here, we might as well tell you, if you didn't hear the news, do me a favor. Let me know what the weather's like under that rock you've

been living under. We're doing live shows. I despise right? We're doing live shows. That's right. You guys asked for it. I didn't listen. Joey barely listened. And we're doing live shows. So we have three live shows at the moment that tickets are on sale for now. I don't know if they're sold out. I really don't.

We have no idea what's going on. We were cordoned in advance. We haven't, as of today, we haven't even announced that the program is on sale. Yeah, so you guys technically, technically are the first person to hear about it. That's not true. So we have an, as of today, we haven't even announced that the video- Yeah, so you guys technically, technically, are the first person to hear about it. That's not true.

This will be going on Patreon on Monday at the exact same time that the announcement goes. So if you watch this one for whatever, who listed whatever, but Montclair, New Jersey, at the Wellmont Theater, January 19th, January 19th, New Haven, Connecticut, Daddy's coming home at College Street music and bar. What is it college Street music?

Okay, and then Medford mass Tuesday's right outside of Boston. We love this kid no dates January 26th in New Haven and We fucking do it you young and even don't take your job February 1st at Boston or Medford messages at at in Boston or Medford, Massachusetts at the Chevrolet A. So we are so fucking- Chevrolet A. Chevrolet A. He's in Gregg is just like- Yeah, he's like he can't- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you saying before? I go, you know I'm getting food downstairs,

you want anything and he's like, yeah, I was like, do you know, like what do you want? He's like, oh anything, anything. I was like, do you not eat anything? I don't really eat cheese. I was like, okay, Greg. It's okay.

It's okay. Well, we're so fucking excited to bring you guys out for these shows and to show you what it's gonna It's gonna be insane. It's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be nuts. No, we're really excited We bought these shirt guns We did we don't know if we can use and Joey bet me that I can't throw it further than the t-shirt gun But I guarantee you I can no, but here's thing. We don't know if we can use the guns, but we're gonna bring them anyway.

Just in case we can. Maybe there's a fine, but that's all right. That's why you get a show check, and then it pays for it. That's right, that's right. What if the fine is the exact amount of what we make? Had fun? Well, all right. So thank you guys.

We wouldn't have been able to do this without everyone, realistically. So we're really excited. And if these three shows do well, maybe we'll add some additional, I mean, we're definitely adding more shows. OK, there you go. All right, so then yeah.

But go to the basementyard.com, and you'll see you can get tickets to those shows. Also, we want you guys to be involved in the shows. We're setting out this thing. We're setting it up right now, like I said we haven't even announced technically. We're going to be setting out this thing and it's basically, we want there to be a lot of crowd work within the shows. There's going to be a form, tell us what show you're going to be at, and then if you want

to fill out this form, so you can kind of be a part of the show. Maybe we'll pull you on stage, maybe we'll hand you a microphone and we can talk to you. I don't know. We're going to have like a whole thing going at these shows. It's going to be a lot of fun. We have no idea how it's going to be.

I'm just going to have, you know, maybe a special martini and a couple beers beforehand. And we're going to go crazy on stage. That's it. And if you wear that jacket, maybe he'll even, you know, jerk off another homeless man. You never know what Joey, it really can, anything can happen. We really hoped that you got, you weren't a scar. Are you know, jerk off another homeless man. You never know what Joey, it really can anything can happen.

We really hope that you got, you were in a scar. Are you fucking, what do you want, but Bushka? If they're watching this on Patreon, on Monday, then they have to use the pre-Sale code.

If you're watching this, great, dad's here. If you're watching this on Patreon on December 11th, use the pre-Sale code basement, okay? Otherwise, you're not gonna be able to buy tickets? Yeah, you'll need the code basement.

Code is basement. Code's always basement, guys. Yeah, if you're watching this, and I need to, on the past, the 12th, you're fine, but if you're watching us on December 11th, use the code basement, but yeah, we got yelled at. He was not. I think he heard, you yeah, we got yelled at. He was not. I think he heard, you're talking about his cheese thing.

And then he brought out his Ziploc bag of lunch. You saw that? I opened the fridge and there's just, oh, just a sloppy wet Ziploc bag. And it was just food in it. And I'm like, dude, is this how you bring your lunch? And he was like, yeah, by by the way I don't need cheese. It's so fun because Greg is selling that at all. I know but it's alright. I don't need you. So yeah we're really really excited. Like we said, Montclair, New Jersey, New Haven,

Connecticut, Boston, Medford, Massachusetts. Yes, I'll buy Trillium on the way up and get a lot of beers. Oh, okay, just saying. But yeah, that's that on that. Anyway, can we talk about the guy who's naked at Disney? Speaking of Disney, you spoke about Disney, man. Oh, Disney Day, it's a Disney Day. Yeah, yeah. What was that?

Yes, we can. So a couple of weeks ago, there was a gentleman who got arrested at Walt Disney. Why are you saying Walt Disney? Disney, it's not World, what's the other one? Disneyland. Disneyland in California for going naked. Striking and going swimming, basically, through the, it's a small world ride.

Yeah. Also, by the way, guy ripped to fucking shreds. Oh so a ripped dude got naked and ran through the it's a small world ride. It was like yeah it was like like sitting with like the animatronics and shit like that. Yeah. Obviously you got to get arrested. I mean you're naked in a child's theme park. Yeah that's a psychopath. Yeah I will say this. That ride sucks. Really? I haven't been on that ride in 20 years. Trash bags. Really? You're in a little boat, but it's a fake boat.

It goes on its own. You're gonna get to row it. That sucks. Oh, that's what makes it bad. No, that's not just like a bunch of puppets, like singing in unison. It's kind of my hell to be honest. Oh, that's why is that your hell?

Are you like a freight, are you like one of those freaks that are just like, oh, like, like kids, like, you know this bro, I don't like little children and like, they freak you out, that's right. Well no, I, children don't freak me out. Children that are like, at the end of hallways, of places they're not supposed to be, scam me. Let me ask you a serious question.

Yes, you ready? Yes. How many times does that happened in your life? None, but in my head, it's happened. Gotcha. Okay. So in your head, you've looked at all. No, actually one time I was driving around, no, I'm serious, I was with the patropyluses.

We were driving around the story. I think if there's two of them, it's patropyl. I probably, yeah. It's like octopus. But we were driving around and it was super foggy. and then there was this little girl in like a white dress Like just by herself and I was like hit her Cuz like I don't like that. So instead of just driving away you decided you would run a pastor The killer man, you know, yeah, we could she could have been you know

Lost but we were like that got you so yeah. So, yeah, hey, kids out there. No kids in the fog. If you happen to get lost in the fog, Joey ain't gonna help you. I'll do one better. I'm not gonna help you. I'm gonna hurt you. Because I get scared.

He does get scared. He's a little jumpy bitch. I don't like that, but also like dolls too. I gotta say, if I'm gonna go shrieking through anywhere, the last place it's gonna be is the place that just keeps repeating, it's a small world that may, well, my dick is hanging out. That's true, too.

I don't, that's not, like, I don't want that. It's a big world. Or it's like, it's like a good world. It's like, it's like a good world. Honestly, I would've go to the ride that's just like, it's like a, like, honestly, average world where like, it's a big, it's a sensible world that is like, perfectly fine.

It's not a crazy world. Yeah, it's like, it's actually, if anything, I would rather it not be a big world. Exactly. Because, you know, this is something I can use world, you know. It's a world that doesn't hurt. This is a world that I can work with. Exactly.

That's a good ride that I would run through too, you know. But, and then have you ever seen the thing that like, people like drink the water in these like Disney parks? Yeah. Are they alive? Because apparently they put like chemicals in them that make that make such a unique smell and it's like, it's only the smell in the pirates of the Caribbean ride or something like

that. And like the water and like it's a small world is different, blah, blah, blah, blah. But wait, what the fuck are you talking about? You've never seen it. I've seen on TikTok. So people will drink it? They'll take, literally I saw one the other day where someone took a straw and leaned over the boat

and drank some of the water. Wild. Are we? Although, although, no one's gonna defend this. I'm kinda gonna defend it. No one's swimming in it. I'm sure Disney pumps enough chemicals in it to make it not kill. Frank, let me ask you a question.

Okay, are you fucking stupid? Yeah. There's roller coasters. Okay, Joey. Yeah, like they're in the water. And what are roller coasters made of? Metal. Yeah.

What do we need in order to, you know, allow our blood to get carried, you know, through our veins to our heart, iron. Maybe you're just getting like nutrient rich fucking water. Maybe it's like, okay, by that logic, eat an aluminum bat. Okay, do that, because that's not helpful. Okay, eat a bunch of, eat a handful of screws. What if like these like, you know, like daily drinks

supplement companies that are just like, oh, we have like, you know, it's a mixture of like 11 different super foods. What if it's really just like the water on it's a small world and like they just powderize it and they, you know, you can put it in your cup? Yeah, what if? It isn't though. Eating, it's drinking the water at a theme park is psychotic.

Yeah, I mean, and also, what are you saying? Like the water, they put something in the water. Yeah, so I think it smells like pirates. Like, what are you talking about? So, like, you know how when you go to, I guess, I don't know how else to explain it, but like, if you go to an indoor pool, let's say, at like a hotel or a resort or something.

It smells like chlorine. Yeah, you instantly smell it and you're just like, oh shit, and because your olfactory bulb has a direct line through your hippocampus, which is the part of your brain, that has the strong, it basically controls memory, they say that smell has the most strongest effect on bringing out very vivid memories.

Or I honestly, I'll be honest with you, I stopped back there at hippopotamus. Whatever you said. It's true. Smells can elicit. Lispocampus? And hippocampus. Smells can elicit the strongest memories. I can't? The hippocampus. Smells can elicit the strongest memories.

I can't wait until fucking solemn sigh. Another Instagram site. I believe you. Oh, thank you. I'm just trying. All right, so. If I smell something, I go, oh my god, grandma. All right, so that is seriously.

Yeah, I'm gonna walk you through this here at the most basic elementary level with the slight chance that I could be wrong. But it's all right. All right, your senses, okay. What are your five senses? Give them to me. Taste.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Are you kidding me? Hearing. Yes. Sight. There it is.

So each of those Bruce Willis, no. That was him. The sixth sense. He's technically Heli Joao. He has the Sixth Sense. Right, got spoiler for a 25 year old movie. Yeah. But each of those have a place in your brain

that like when they go off is like where they work. The what an explanation folks. It's already off to a hot start. The one that's tied to your scent is it goes through your ol' factory bulb or like something ol' factory. Okay. Yeah. And it goes through your hippocampus.

Through your hippocampus. Through your hippocampus. It goes through your hippocampus. What is a hippocampus? It's a part of your brain that controls memory. Yes. There are different parts of the brain that do different things.

I know. A Magdala prefrontal cord. A Dolabongada. Yes, sure. Frontal lobe. Yes. Backtal lobe. Yeah, sure.

Stem, you know all that stuff. Stem. Sarah Bellum. Yes. What do they do? Stuff. We got you. Stuff that we made.

Maybe there'll be a Patriot episode. I quiz you on the brain. But a short episode. Yeah, the olfactory sense goes through where your memories are basically stored. So they say that smell elicits the strongest. Because let's be honest, you can see something or someone and just be like, oh shit, where are they from?

Where are they? You can hear something and go, oh my god, I know this. Where is this from? You could touch up and say, like this feels familiar, but you're smell. Once you smell it, you instantly remember what it is. Huh, crazy, right? Yeah, sometimes, like, I'll get a whiff of an old person. And then you just like, that's fine.

I'm like, that smells like the inside of an empty thermos. Uh-oh. You ever smell the inside of an empty thermo? You know, I've smelled old people, so I guess by your logic I have or like leather couches old people stink by the way Why do they all smell the same dude? They all people just smell the same I guess it's decaying skin all smells the same I guess All smell like a lunchbox dude. They literally smell like a brand new lunch box that you just shoved paper bags into. You know what they smell like? Like an empty room with like nothing in it.

Yeah, not even the rug. Yes, correct. You know what you walk into? When you smell like the floor, like the hardwood floor and you're like, you're at an open house. Yeah, yeah, you're going to see apartments and you walk in, you're like, oh, why does it smell like, and then you wonder like, wait, did a dead person die here?

Yeah, well, dead people don't die. Oh, well, what a dead person. You know what I mean? Like, did a dead person die here? Yeah, well, dead people don't die, oh well. Or old person, you know what I mean? Like did an old person die here? Yeah. Or did they just smell like a freshly painted wooden floor? What is that? Don't get it, don't know.

But, I think what Disney does is they put different chemicals in the water to make them smell a specific, bro, Disney is just, it's the most insane social experiment. Are you gonna finish this thing? I asked 40 minutes ago what the fuck where it was and you keep talking about other shit. Disney is the most insane social experiment. But they make, they make the worst smell.

They make pirates. They, not like pirates, but they make it smell like something. So it's when you smell it, you're like, oh, it reminds me of Disney. It reminds me of this ride, it reminds me of that ride. Oh, I got there. I got there. I like the Disney stuff.

Like, you ever see the YouTube videos where it's like, they do like crazy shit. Like the green paint that's like on their garbage cans or whatever. It's like attracts. Yeah, it's a big social opposite. It's like, it's like, you're, you're, it blends in so you don't see the garbage.

Yeah, no, dude, Disney is legitimately a just a giant social experiment. Yeah, they're really experimenting with the price of beers at that place. I haven't been... And the fuck is this a playoff Yankee game? Is it bad? That's bad. The fuck? Yeah. Well, they don't want...

They're not encouraging people to drink at Disney Joey, so that's how you do it. Hey, what? They're not deterring me. Double it. Double it. See what happens. I'll be hammered around that fucking... It is, oh, world! Double it. Double it. See what happens. I'll be hammered on that fucking Sephora. It's all world. Yes, on this guy just got fucking cocking balls out. Yeah, it's kind of crazy to do at a child's theme park. You got to put that guy down.

No, you got a taser at least. Oh, you got shoot him. Yeah, if you like expose yourself to a shot, like a good like. No, no, no, you can kill him. Can you? I want not. Well, if he runs out of group of people, then you got it. I mean, you got it. You just got, yeah, he, he's got a trank him at least that he was ripped up. That was pretty jack dude. I didn't see crack head ripped up I didn't see I mean he didn't look all there clearly. I mean I I didn't get a chance to see his Thump but okay like I Imagine there's a level of confidence if you're whipping out a Disney dude. Yeah, that's a little crazy to me.

It's a little crazy, criminal as well. Criminal. Major criminal stuff. I hope he gets everything he deserves, which is probably not a ton. Yeah, because he, you know, you know, you know. Well, that's a fast pass though. Take your clothes off, you'll skip the line.

I guarantee it. Oh yeah, you will, you'll skip the line I guarantee it. Oh yeah, you will, you'll skip the line right in the prison. Yeah, probably. That's definitely a felony, right? 100%. Being naked at a child's theme park? Yeah. At the first class.

I love how you keep specifying child's theme park when three minutes ago you were talking about how they don't encourage you to drink beers there. No, I'm saying they're trying to determine what the price is. Who, I'm rebelling against this. If you and I were to go and drink 10 beers and ride as many rides as we could, who would throw up first? I won't throw up.

I won't throw up either. Neither of us then. Oh, all right. There's the answer. 20 beers. What? 20 beers. What? 20 beers. Whew.

Dude, can you imagine giving black out in Disney World? I would feel horrible. I would too. I would not. This is not the place. This is not fun. Even though I did it, I didn't black out though. But it also wasn't my fault.

A bartender outside of the safari recognized you. And we just started. No, no, we have a hand in it. Me and Keith left the our family Because we were waiting on the line. It was like an hour and a half and we're like we're gonna go get drunk and come back And I'm like all right, so me and Keith went to a bar like those right outside and we were talking to the bartender And he was originally from New York, but he's down there in Orlando now So we're like oh, yeah, we're following what I he's like, huh?

He's like you guys want to double or a single like double and he's like triple and he put like three different fucking and it was like a slushy drink I was blasted dude. There was a whole like dance number behind me. I was like I would've gotten into it, dude I was I was hammered but imagine being hammered and seen a giraffe right there. No, I wouldn't hype I wouldn't be and a hippopotamia a hippo campus. There you go. He was you go. It was a hippo. It was a hippo. It was a hippo-pos-pip. It was a hippo-pos-pip. Anyway, we do have some more ads for today. The first one being, Babel, you wanna learn a new language?

You should, okay, because not a lot of Americans to speak a second language. I've been to Europe a few times. That is the biggest, like, deflating thing about being in Europe is that everyone speaks multiple languages, and I just see, I'm here to speak in English, and it sucks. So I went to another language,

and I think that a lot of people want to learn other languages as well. Best way to do that, or the most efficient way to do that, is with Babel. Babel is like an app that you can go on, and they sort of gamify the learning process when it comes to learning another language, and it's very beneficial.

I mean, there were studies made about this and studies like Yale, Michigan State University, and others. They continue to improve that babble is better. One study found that using babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So it works. They have 10 million subscriptions. Everyone's using this thing.

You want to learn a new language. Or if you want a new hobby, this is a great one to have. I always say if I could just pay an amount of money to learn a new language in a second, I would do it. Learning another language is so cool, but I think that everyone should try it out. And Babel is the one to use. It's the one that works the best. So a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. get 55% off of your battle subscription but only for our listeners at bevel.com slash basement that is b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash basement and you get 55% off of your subscription so go check it out folks go learn another language rules and restrictions may apply and next here we have prize picks Prize picks is a lot of fun. Prize picks is, it's like fantasy basically.

I mean, it's sports betting, sorry, it's daily fantasy sports platform in North America with the basketball season here. You can start betting on basketball. But you can, but basically have this work is like they have a prize picks projection, okay? So it's like player is a specific So if you have like Travis Kelsey, you know over six and a half more than six and a half receptions or less than six and a half

Receptions and then you have LeBron James is gonna have more than Five three pointers made or less than you know five three pointers made and you kind of build out these Entries like that so you can do do like five, two to six players and build out these entries. And you can win up to 25 times your money. It's a lot of fun, very easy to understand, like I said. And you can play alongside some of your favorite players, like Meek Mill plays.

If you guys know Andrew Schultz, the comedian, he also has a couple of picks, a couple plays every single week. You can find that under the community plays, under the Promo's tab of the app to view the entries from the biggest names in the PricePix community. It even offers a reboot policy, so if your player gets injured, then your entry is still alive, so you're good. But it's a lot of fun, and you can check it out, go to prysepix.com slash basement,

use the code basement for a first deposit match, up to $100. So what that means is like you're gonna put in $100, they will match it, so they'll put in, you'll have $200 to play with. You can put in 50, they'll put in 50, you have $100, and so on, so go to prysepix.com slash basement, use the code basement for a first deposit match,

up to $100. Yeah, go check it out, folks. And lastly here, we have Dr. Squatch. Dr. Squatch, they make the best soaps in the game, okay? I have a, it's like a brick, okay? And it lasts forever, but they're amazing. The best part about them, no harmful ingredients. I'm one of those people that all of my shampoos and soaps,

I like them to be like, you know, organic or, you know, no harmful ingredients or anything like that. And Dr. Squatch makes awesome, awesome soap. They have soaps like birch wood breeze, bay rum, fresh falls, pine tour, cool fresh aloe. They smell amazing. I mean, start using the soap in the shower and your whole shower smells like a forest Okay, it smells like the Pacific Northwest. It's incredible. So Right now you can buy three soaps and get three soaps for free $28 in savings. So it's like getting each bar for four bucks and free shipping Okay, and it's only valid only valid for new customers

Okay, so if you've never had it before this this is for you, buy three, get three. And it's right around the holidays. This is a perfect stocking stuff, okay? Just get the bars, throw them in the stockings and you're good, you're hero, okay? So right now, Dr. Squatch is offering, our listeners, a huge savings. All new customers will get three free bars of soap,

plus free shipping with any purchase of three bars. So just go to drsquatch.com slash basement, spelled drsqutch.com slash basement to buy three soaps and get three four three. Okay. There you go folks. All right. Well, we got one more story to talk about here, Joey. Do it. And it's about your favorite thing. Poop. Poop. You love poop, dude. I don't love poop. You do love poop. Well, there Poop. You love poop, dude. I don't love poop.

You do love poop. Well, there's a story that came out where a influencer, a ability to be by the name of Jess Jacobson, revealed that she's- Jess Jacobson? Jess Jacobson, revealed that she broke up with her boyfriend because he abandoned her on the toilet. Now, we'll get into the nitty-gritty of the story.

I don't even know what that means. We'll get into the nitty-gritty of the story. Have you ever walked in on a woman in the-on gritty of the story. I don't even know what that means. Well, getting to the nitty gritty of the story. Have you ever walked in on a woman in the, in the, in the alnna? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They're both sitting. Yeah, but pies I would also assume is poop. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying like I haven't walked in like I'm sure I don't want to say I'm sure because I don't know that I'm sure But I've probably walked in on someone going to the bathroom before but up. Yeah, but like I don't know You're not like the person that's like you know Someone's using the toilet and you walk in you're just like I'm just gonna like hang here brush my teeth

Well, someone's using the toilet and you walk in and you're just like, I'm just gonna like hang here brush my teeth. What do you mean? Well, there are people that like sit with their partners in the bathroom. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's weird, right? I don't love that. Unless it's like a shaggy thing. It's a private thing. No, it's a private.

But it's like a shower thing. I think I'm okay with that, just because, but not if I'm shitting. I don't want you in there. But whatever I'm doing in the bathroom, I kind of want to. If I'm showering, it's fine. Oh, if I'm showering and someone comes in, sure, but like, at least I'm in a current situation where I have multiple bathrooms.

It's like go to another bathroom to pee or something. You got three bathrooms. I do have three full bathrooms. Very lucky. Hashtag blessed. Sky, he needs a raise. He has three full bathrooms. Fuck outta here.

Uh. But, um, so the story was that she went to her boyfriend's house. And he told her like, hey, listen, there's no toilet paper in this bathroom. So don't use it. And she had to go and use it. And she went in to use it. And she was taking a lift.

And, and, and, uh, she was like a lift and and She was like hey, there's no toilet paper. He was like I fucking told you there wasn't so figure it out and Just like dipped on her Weird all of it's weird. Why is that weird? One I mean I Don't know like why would he say that? Well clearly he's an asshole, I'll figure it out. Like, yo, what's the alternative here? You get one of your towels ruined? The cat runs in and all of a sudden- If that were to happen to me and someone say, figure it out, I'd say,

okay, challenge accepted. I would wash my ass in the sink. I would fucking rub my ass hole in everything in that room. Every single thing in that room. Really? Well, maybe not everything. Every single thing in that room. Really? Well, maybe not everything. What about the knobs to the medicine cabinet? I have to get up there. Oh, I meant like below the sink.

Oh, that is. No. That's... Have you done that? Have you shoved one of those knobs in your butt? That fuck no. So why are you asking me? I thought that maybe.

You would. What about me gives off, yeah, I'll shove a fucking knob to a cabinet in my asshole I'll tell you I will shove my ass all over everything in that place Do you have a bit of a point? There you go, but I was more saying like I was like I'll rub it all over everything Yeah, have you ever had to wipe your ass or something that wasn't wasn't what it's supposed to be? Yes. What was it a receipt? What yeah, where'd you get it my wallet. Keep receipts in your wallet. No, I mean taxes. So tax right off. No, when I would like buy like, you know, like certain things that like I might need to return for turn for whatever reason,

you'll keep the receipt. I'd keep the receipts in my wallet. And then I would keep them for so long that like the ink would wear out. And then became totally paper. And then it would keep them for so long that like the ink would wear out and then became toilet paper and then it just became Whatever what are you gonna do we know my answer leaves? No, no, no, I mean I told the story on a podcast so long ago before I did guests or anything or like co-host or anything before you were cool I got it. Yeah, but you were there for it. Oh, and the woods. Yeah, and I, no, no, it was, it was at, uh, the cat skills. Nope.

Oh, well, that, yeah, I just shouldn't know what's, but I didn't wipe my ass with anything. I just ran home to show her. Somehow worse. Not somehow. It is. Oh, no, it's not worse actually. No, it's not worse actually.

But we were, um, by like 81st Street, and I had to shit so bad, and then I shit between these, these tree line, and then I was like like what do I do? And then I saw an abandoned umbrella and I use that Dude you could have gotten butt aides dude. Yeah, I know, but I that's crazy. I didn't yeah I know the umbrella was like turned inside out. Yeah, well Yeah, so it was like those are the ones that you abandoned Yeah, and I like to think that the umbrella

You know of toy stories real right the umbrella is like damn my guy left me just cuz I turned inside out one time And then he's probably sad and he's like no one ever uses me anymore, and then I used him So toy story is not an anime objects that come to life just toys and I could No one plays with an umbrella unless you're fucking Mary Poppins. Dude, I played with umbrellas before. As swords, dude Batman returns. I was a big umbrella gun guy, dude. You're a chup. Yeah, I was a big umbrella gun guy.

I also would like walk with it like a cane and I would put it, kick it. You know what I'm talking about? I do, like dancing in the rain. Yes, exactly. I do, because I do that still. But I kind of, I can I do because I do that still. But I I I kind of I can hear both sides of the argument here. Which one? Oh, okay. Because that was an asshole thing to do to leave your fucking girlfriend. I guess I was

just saying high and dry, but she was low and squishy. Yeah, she was down and brown. She wasn't high and dry. She was down and brown. Ladies's doing it. She wasn't high in dry. She was down in brown. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh my god. But also him, like, you know, I told you, like, yeah, but come on, bro. Come on, what? People forget.

Bro, how do you not have toilet paper in the whole house? Yeah, that's it. I mean, there was definitely was toilet paper in there. He, like, not in there, but like in the house somewhere. I've had to use a paper towel before. That in there, but in the house somewhere. I've had to use paper towel before. That not fun, dude. Really? I literally had to go.

If anything, that would get the job done well, I assume, right? Yeah, but it beats the hell out of your house. Oh, I've had to use, you know, that cardboard paper towels and bathrooms cardboard paper towels? It's like the brown ones. The brown ones. The school ones. Yes, yes, yes.

I've had to use those before, which are, it's basically wiping your butt with just, just, constructing. Yeah, like there's no, there's no like, assistance you're getting there. Yeah, yeah, that's bad. I just smelled something that smelled like shit. No, it wasn't me.

It's gotta be you. How could it, how do I mean me? What did I say? How me me? I don't know, your shirt's a little open there, maybe it traveled up and stung in the nose. I'm not wearing a shirt under this. You're not broad dog in that?

Are you serious? No, just a, oh. Just a, a wife beater? I mean, we can't call it that anymore, right? You could beat your wife, you're just going to jail. You're okay. But you can tactically, right? God, people do.

What a tough, like the tank top industry, just like, God, it's called anything else. I love how that like, on the radar. Yeah. It's like insane. Yeah. What the hell was that? I'm getting really excited for this announcement by the way like I said we haven't even announced yet It is what day is it Thursday today is Thursday Thursday Monday is when the

We made a video We made a video we shot this thing I put the fucking pictures on Yeah, you said number sent me the link so I could watch this stuff What stuff the four-inch refund? Oh, yeah, but I Just gonna gloss over it. Yeah We Fuck cuz I was making a point I posted the pictures and people have been like trying to guess what it is Yeah, it was like oh is this slam poetry. Yeah yeah everyone is saying slam poetry in my like a music video yeah why what would suggest what would suggest that we're doing a music video

and in any situation although where we shot yesterday 100% could do a music video yeah it definitely that was sick dude the guy there was so horny dude this guy wanted a fuck Greg so bad guy this is not an exaggeration either. This is a real story. We get there and Greg is talking to the guy. We rented a random studio. And the guy is just like super like friendly with Greg, but like, flirtatious.

Lurty. For flirtatious friend. Lurty. And he goes like, all right, I'll be right back. I have an exam and he leaves. And we were joking. We were like, oh, Greg like this guy was feeling you. I was like, I don't need cheap.

And then she... Oh! That will make me laugh every single time. I don't need cheap. And I showed up late. I showed up late and I even know I was like, this is flirting with Greg, man. So hard hard dude.

And Greg loves it. He said something like, he said something like and don't mess up because I'd have to come back. Yeah, he says like like threatening Greg with a good time. So we were just joking around like, yo, that guy wanted to nail you and then immediately after. Really leaving. Not even an hour later. Greg was like, hey man, really even thanks like whatever. And then the guy just goes,

all right, he said, I want to pull out the screenshot. I mean, you can, you can just fucking paraphrase it. He said something along the lines of like, because Greg said like, oh, this is, we're doing a first show. They're doing these of a boss or we're shooting a promo. Here's where he says, he said, uh, thanks guys. And then he just wrote, I work in a kinky shop if you want to donate show there. Let me know I can get you the space for free. There was a little bit of language barrier. But even then the flirting was coming across. Yeah, you don't need like, listen, love is the universal language.

Exactly. Kinky shop, everyone knows that that is, but I wanted to double down. So I took his phone and I wrote, what's a kinky shop? Oh, that was you? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was. No, we were out at lunch. I was like, give me. phone and I wrote what's a kinky shop? Oh, that was you? Yeah, oh No, we were out at lunch. I was like give me and I wrote what's a kinky shop? And then he said like bdsm shop like kinky Great would be tied up with his fucking ankles right by his ears

Okay, we're in yeah, and fucking breachies on a shoulder. I don't eat this. Don't make me eat it. No, no, no. So yeah, we're really, really excited. I mean, like I said, by the time you guys are seeing this, it's all should be out and available. Yeah. And if you want to look at the pre-sale stuff for the shows, you have to make sure you use the pre-sale code basement. If you're watching this on Monday, December 11th, if you're not, you're good. Just go check them out. Yeah, man, we really want to sell these shows out. And if you do well, these shows will do more places So yeah, but yeah, the basement yard calm to go get tickets come out. Let's have fun. Let's get drunk. Let's go crazy In the we're in the middle of a whole thing. Oh now we're being professional. You're professional literally

Tell me how you wiped your ass with an umbrella Joey That was in confidence and also in confidence with whom I know I know but I'm saying like I Okay, all right do the last resort. Yeah, all right go ahead keep fucking going you wiped your ass with fucking What was the thing you said other paper another form of paper you wiped your ass with fucking an nylon synthetic blend You wiped your ass with fucking an nylon synthetic blend Blend I did and it didn't do a good. You see there are companies that sell reusable toilet paper How do you clean you wash them in the washing machine? Yeah, dude, let me ask you a question because I'm sure like

Miles has shit as pants before of course other kids shit their pants Kids shit the pants all the time. What do you do? Clean it up. No. But like, you take shit pants? Oh, Miles has never shit his pants. Like, it's like a baby shit. Yeah, so like, Maeve has like pooped and it's like blown out her diaper.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what babies do. It's blown out. It's blown out. I wouldn't know it's blown out. You got a kid, you know, blow out baby. Trust out. Blow out. I want notes blow out. Okay. You got a kid, you know, blow out baby. Trust me.

Blow out is very funny. But so there's shit covered on like pants. Yeah. What do you do? What's the process? In our laundry room, we have a slapsink. Oh, see you. So I put it in there and I like use it to like rinse itself.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it sucks. Oh, it's so bad. And then you clean it. And then I throw it in the wash. You don't just throw a dump in there. I it sucks. Oh, it's so bad. And then you clean it. And then I throw it in the washroom. You don't just throw a dump in there. I would know. No, that's like people that put like plates with food

on into their like dishwasher. No sense drives me crazy. No sense because that's, sorry. That scared the fuck out of me. Sorry, shit out of me. But then you open up the fucking dishwasher and it's like there's a whole cucumber. I'm like, yeah, I don't like that.

Yeah, you know what I hate? What? What you when you use like a spatula to make eggs and it's like the eggs get on it and then you try to like wash it off and it doesn't come out and then you put it through the the washer and it's still there and it's the eggs are still on it. It's still in the spatula. I hate it. You put it in the dishwasher. I hate that. I don't like it. I bet. That's why I throw stuff out.

Yeah, well, that's also a problem. That's why I was good to ask you because I didn't know the protocol. I know so many people have so many baby clothes and whatever, but it's like, I know this one gets a little too dumpy. I might just toss the... You want to hear something crazy?

I know people that when they were children used cloth diapers. That's a thing still I think. Yeah, it's still a thing. What does that mean? Imagine tying a fucking table cloth around your baby. Like you ever seen like the fucking like looney tunes? Like Tarzan?

Yeah, sure dude. You ever seen like looney tunes where they put like safety pins on the side? Yes, that. Weird. Very weird. Like readily available like- Like omnis, like-

Dig amish. Disposable diapers is like a relatively new thing of like the last like 40, 35, 40 years. I think, I'm pretty sure. You think the diaper will ever get like a change? Like a, like a, like, like, like, it's been the diaper for so long, but like- I mean, they just make it more absorbent,

so like they can just piss and shit in it more, I guess. But like, what, you know what's shocking to me? What? That like, and maybe I just don't. You're dumb? Maybe. But like, I'll do you one better, you are. Okay.

But diapers around the legs of a baby are like not that tight. They're pretty tight, that's, so the, it's funny that like I brought it up before, but like a lot of companies now will blow out proof. Yeah. They will market theirs with a new blowout barrier. There's blowout and actual term, aren't you being funny?

I'm not being funny, dude. They put blowout on a fucking box. Dude, on one of the diapers that we got. It says blowout barrier. It says blowout barrier. It says blowout barrier. It's incredible. Blowout barrier, your pamper. Yeah.

Oh, she had a fucking blowout. Yeah, dude. Like, and it'll say on there, like, super absorbent with a brand new blowout barrier protection. Wow. Yeah. So your baby can just be walking around with a fucking ass of shit.

Hahaha. January 19th. January 19th. Mark Laird, New Jersey. Well, Montena. January 19th. New Haven, Connecticut. February 1st. Med-Fur-Nastitude.

Med-Fur-Nastitude. Med-Fur-Nastitude. That's it for now. Go check it out and watch. Batesmeard.com. If you're watching this on December 1st, Medford, Massachusetts. That's it for now. Go check it out and watch. BASE ME ARE DOK. If you're watching this on December 1st, use the presale code. No, definitely not. December 11th.

If you're watching this on December 1st, use the presale code. No, again, you're too. If you're watching this on December 11th, there you go. Not to be confused with September 11th. December 11th. If you're watching this on December 11th,

use the pres Out Code basement. Get your tickets. We'll see you guys there.