The Basement Yard - #430 - Merry Christmas From The Basement Boys

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

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Welcome back to the b- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B-- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- I don't know that song what what is that I know over the river and through the woods to grandma's house we go I don't think it's a Christmas song. I think it's just like a winter cool like winter song never heard of that song in my life really? Nope, oh, oh, sorry. You're fucking Christmas knowledge starts and stops at Mariah Carey Maybe fucking read a book. I know Bing Crosby. I don't think I don't know how those who do who do and Mikey boobs Mikey boobs Oh the boobs. Yeah, dude. Love boobs guys in his era I'm just like I don't know if you saw he was on I'm I can't do it. I wish I could sing like I Dream no, I know it's suck too Mikey boobs. Don't don't don't don't I didn't suck. I could sing better than you

Yeah, probably give me give me give me a give me a I'm dreaming of a white Christmas I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Well, you know you wanted already sing it. What song were you singing? What's it called? Ring and you said that's not a Christmas song. It is literally just a Christmas. I don't remember. I don't remember No, though over the river and through the woods a grandmother's house we go is grandma got run over by a reindeer that one's wild Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. That one's wild. Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Hey, hey, hey, walking home from our house, Christmasy. Is that the lyrics?

Hey, you made your grandma walk home? You could say there's no such thing as Santa. But as for me and Grandpa, we believe. That's crazy. You're making your grandma walk home. Casual manslaughter while your grandmother walks home and grandpa, like, where was he? Hey, he didn't leave with her. Wait, that's not the lyrics this it is dude

Grandma got right over by a reindeer walking home from our house or maybe driving home But why would she get run over walking? I mean driving she can't get run over If she's driving grandma got run over by a reindeer lyrics Maybe she was in one of those like wheelchairs like Stephen Hawking grandma got run over by a reindeer walking home from our house on Christmas Eve You can say this was anything as for me and Santa we believe so they made this old bitch walk home by herself The grandpa stayed is like I'm gonna chill honestly though. Whatever dude. I mean you got she got to use those legs You don't want some fucking like you get run over by a reindeer. They're supposed to be flying. Yeah They're in the sky was your grandma. She She's putting lights up. What's going on?

Yeah, she took a magic carpet down. Honestly, if she was on the roof, she kind of deserved to be hit. That's all I'm going to say. She's not walking home on the roof. Maybe she had to go like get something up there. Like she forgot something up there. Oh, yeah. Maybe she forgot part of the chimney.

What are you talking about? Yeah, how did she get? That's a really good question. Walking home. It's Christmas and you're making your old bitch grandma walk home. She's probably divented. And you're making them walk home. Oh, that's why she got, you know how like, oh boy, you know how old people go missing

and they'll find them at a bus stop screaming at a pigeon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what if it was one of those? Like, she was walking home from your house on Christmas Eve because she forgot her fucking focus factor medicine You know what I'm saying? What is that? It was a medicine for dementia that my grandmother took oh, but she literally she'd forget to take it Yeah, how do they how do they figure that out? I don't know and then she got like the pillbox that would save the days Yeah, but she then it she just like her instead of her brain be like oh, okay, then her brain just forgot the days of course

You know so really they're tough, you know I okay, then her brain just forgot the days. Of course. You know, so really. They're tough, you know. I pray for the day that I forget the days, you know? Oh, I don't. That's gonna be sad, dude. You won't know. You're right.

That's actually kind of cool. You know what's really cool? The pill things. Dude, I'm not even kidding. I see them in the store and I'm like, I want that. I'm not even kidding. I kind of want one of those. Just to put, I don't even know. Just to put multivitamins in itvitamins in it like take tax are like a little candy. No, no, no, no

Something like a multi-vitamin because I I can't tell you how many times I like I'll take a multi-vitamin Then you should be like, oh fuck did I take that like I don't I don't remember the days they they they blend together together and it's hard Well the thing is that Our jobs are so taxing on our bodies. It is so hard, you know. People don't realize how hard it is to be a podcaster. You guys, listen, let me, let me key you in on our life.

It's just like, when I get home, I'm just like, oh, those two days a week that we work are so long. Long hours. You, you try exactly. Working four hours a day. That's what I'm trying. You try it. Yeah, you ever see that there's some fucking like Boston like hyper Boston like girl and like makeup influencer and there's like a clip of her and she's like

You think being an influence is not had I Finished work at 520 today, all right you try it and it's like pretty standard. That's every day in the day. Pretty standard. But here's a difference between you and I. Is that I understand a hard day's work, bitch. I had jobs. Pizza Reyes. Oh, I kinda, I was a little jealous of that job. I'm gonna be honest.

Really? You're a free pizza? Yeah. I was eating the barbecue slices like a bitch You love like beaten off fucking pizza slices. No, I'm the beaten pat That's what I meant to say slices up. I mean, it's not that crazy. It's a barbecue chicken slice Just eat pizza, dude. I eat pizza too. Just eat no no no pizza. Sorry. I like to mix it up sometime So you're not but you're not eating pizza. You're just eating an open-faced sandwich

That's what you're eating. That's why I hate all this fucking like, forgive me, Bart, look, listen, I understand like chicken bacon ranch pizza. I understand buffalo. How the fuck do you understand that? Listen, I understand buffalo barbecue chicken pizza too, but just stop calling it pizza.

It's not pizza. It's just an open-faced sandwich. Would that make you better, would you sleep better? Yeah, I would be less upset about it. Well, the world doesn't give you what you want all the time, so shut up and suck it up. Mary Christmas. Mary Christmas.

Mary Christmas to you. Christmas, by the way. Can I answer your serious question? No. Do you get yourself something for Christmas? Because I know I see your tapnet, that new Rolex that you haven't seen. I'm not taking this off of my body for what I paid for it.

I don't blame you. I don't blame you. But serious, do you buy, like, do you do that? Like, either for your birthday or Christmas, I'm going to get myself a gift. No, I'm actually, my family is usually, they won't let me buy anything like November December because they're like, just don't get it. Exactly.

So don't buy anything. Because if I say that I want something, I'm like, I need whatever, then it's like, alright, don't fucking buy it. So I you know, yeah exact same I but I did buy this because I bought it because I was like, you know, it's around Christmas and also Like the tour and stuff. So I was like which by the way holy shit. We didn't even fucking mention this. Oh, oh, oh, oh the tour That we the first three shows sold out in like 10 hours. Wild. Crazy. Crazy.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not Holy Spirit. That's right. It was on the the sun. There was on the tip of the tongue spirit Why's father in the head and the sun is in the stomach because it's still I think it's like meant to be like in his balls still

No, bro. You don't go father son down here. You don't son. You don't son it. Well, oh, oh, oh, oh the father and no not for the father I hate the people is it to the father for the father to the son? You're asking a person from the father to the son and the Holy Spirit. No in the name of the father, for the father, to the son. You're asking a person from the father, to the son. In the Holy Spirit? No, in the name of the father, I'm an idiot. I hate the people that do it so quick that they just look like they're doing a circle. Yeah, they're just like, the Greeks, they go crazy. They do like six in a row and you're like, bro,

it just looks like a very, very, very, very weirded. But whatever. But yeah, Merry Christmas, the tour. That's our yeah, Mary Christmas the tour that's our gift to ourselves Yeah, that's our gift to ourselves as we announced the the three shows right gone Yeah, yeah, that was crazy I and you remember when we went to see the the venue because we could talk about it now Yeah, I looked and I was like do that. I don't think we could sell this out because it's big. It's a big place It's big 30,000 people

It's big. It's a big place. It's big. 30,000 people. No, it's not. That's it. 30,000 people. That would be insane. That would be nuts.

But yeah, man, it's pretty crazy. And that's our Christmas gift to ourselves. What does that mean? What do we give to ourselves? We were gotten, we got gifts. Well, my little self-care never hurt nobody, you know? Like every time, whether it be Christmas Or my birthday. I always say like you know what this year. I'm gonna get myself a gift

So would you get yourself this year? I oh here's the thing got it by The time comes that I remember it's time where I'm ordered to stop buying stuff for myself got it so I can't So get something that you haven't told anyone I don't I don't know how to like... I'm a pretty open book. Like am I a hot user? You don't shut up about everything you want? Is that what you're saying?

Fuck you! That's what I'm saying. Fuck you! I'm an open book. People it's easy to buy for me. All right? I like what I like and that's what I like, you know? What?

I like what I like and that's what I like. I was very pop-eye of me. It was very like. But, yeah, man, it's crazy. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. If you don't celebrate, you're a good holiday. It's a really good one, dude.

Sorry. Listen, Hanukkah's cool too. Hanukkah's pretty cool. I'm a big fan of Minoros. I don't know much about Kwanza, but I am told it's pretty cool. And I do like the color scheme. I do too. Yeah, pretty set of all the holidays during this time of the year,

Kwanza has the best color scheme. For sure. I mean, Christmas is two colors, shit sucks. Yeah, and Kwanza's two colors too. Hanaka, you mean? Who would I say? Kwanza. Oh, Hanaka.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see the video? Someone asked for a cameo from Smoky Robinson. Oh, happy Chanooka. Happy Chanooka. I don't know what Chanooka is. It's like dude, come on. I mean, you're a fool grown adult.

I mean, once you see the spelling of something you can throw you off. Like the first time I saw the spelling of Yamaka, I was like, what is this? You're Moky? You're a Yarmalook. I thought it was, remember that comic strip that had like a dog? Marmaduke dog Marmaduke Marmaduke I

Was like is this like what is this like happy Marmaduke day? Yeah, that's a natural thing. Yeah, Chinooka By the way, you ever played with a dreidel no It's not bad mad fun mad fun's crazy because it's just a little top But like I imagine back in the day, but it's a square top kind of. It's square, but it's got a point on it. That's kind of cool. You ever played with a Dredel? You were playing Dredels when I was in like third grade. They had him at lunch, I mean, but just spin him.

I had tops, dude. Like I had tops. I didn't have Dredels. You ever play with a fucking Beyblade? Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. Dude, I put that son of a bitch on her. I fucking let that shit rip.

You know, like I'm straight out of the cartoon. Yeah, why weren't like Like Japanese like toy and card and game shows so big when we were kids You notice that I think it's it's become bigger now with like manga and like anime and stuff like that, but like Bro, I threw a fucking Yu-Giokar on the desk once like I was Yu-Gi versus Pegasus. I used to go like this I still kind of do that and fucking Yeah Ha ha ha ha you have no idea who I'm going to summon now an attack mode You know fucking throw down a dark magician. Yeah, I know I know all the cards dude

I mean I know a couple of you go monsters. You be 10 Blue eyes wide dragon. Yes, Exodia Exodia dark magician. Yeah, Guardian cake already in Blue eyes wide dragon you already said that did I yes fuck um Pot of greed I'm a pot of greed. Yes! I remember that one. We're five in. Mm.

Mm. Mm. There's red eyes, black dragon. Oh, Lord. There's tuned dragon. That I don't know. You remember Pegasus had the tune pack? I loved Gate Guardian.

Really? That's why I actually don't know if I can name 10. There was water remotics. Who the fuck? Yeah. That sounds like a girl magician. Oh, it was kind of fucked up. They called it girl magician though. Like just, yeah, it's something like be a little more PC, you know. Why is that? I don't know. Sounds not right. Girl magician. Yeah, that's like calling,

you know, like, up, like, it would be like, oh, the man is a cop and the woman is a fucking BDSM lawmaker bitch, you know, like that's what people would say. Does anyone know what the fuck he's talking about? I have no idea what you mean by that. Never mind, never mind. Yeah. You're not all there today. You had a rough morning. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, this idiot fucking sitting over there. My dog. Can I, can I scream in him too?

No, Dranky, don't you fucking dare. Can I? No. Hey Charlie. Okay. Don't you dare do it. He might be, I will come to your house and I will yell at your daughter for keeping me up at night like you do Makes no sense. You've never been kept up at night for my daughter and he's never bothered you Charlie don't wake him up. He's sleeping all right, okay, all right Plus if he walks over

my dog last night I Am in my bed playing video games. Charlie's lying. You bitch! It wasn't during the night. You fucking little lying cock. Not a liar. You dirt-hor.

You wanna go through the text messages? I asked this fucking asshole to play with me last night. It wasn't night, so the fucking sun goes down at 4.30. I got off at 7. I still don't believe it. That's true. I was playing with a maddie. We got off at 7. Tell your fucking story.

So anyway, we're playing, and then I'm like, all right, I'm getting off. So I get off, and I'm just sitting in my bed on the phone, and I'm like, what is that? And I smell like the worst possible thing in the world. It's smell, it's like, you ever take a permanent marker and put it in your nostril and just let it rip? Oh, watch this.

Absolutely not because I'm not a fucking methodic. What's wrong with you? You've never been curious of what if marker smell, but I haven't shoved it up my nose, Joey. I'm not shoving it up. I'm being fucking joke. I'm being comedy joke. I'm being comedy joke. Yeah.

All right, okay. So like you've smelled one though, and it has that reaction where it kind of like stings a little. It burns, yeah. So it's like that almost, but it smells like two permanent markers dipped in a diarrhea. In one whole diarrhea. Oh, so he just got, did he, where he shot here?

He did not shit his pants, thankfully. He wears pants? He doesn't know. But he got, so he's got did he where he's shot he did not shit his pants thankfully he wears pants. He doesn't No, but he got so he gets that oh my god Charlie movie fucking stink and then I just see a thing I think of what it's like his anal gland leaked Yeah, Charlie anal gland it all over my fucking bed Dude, I want to cry. It was so disgusting. And I was like, don't fucking do it.

So it was a pool of just leak? Yeah. It was a leaky butt leak? It was a leaky puddle of so like when they say that like gay men get fucked in the butt so much that they leak. That's not what happened.

No, that's not, don't. That's different. These are dogs, Frank. They're not gay men. Dogs can be gay, dude. I've heard that they can be gay. But I had to make sure that it was what I think it was, so I had to get, I sniffed it. I almost threw up. I don't gag. Like, I don't, well... Okay. I actually have a horrible gag reflex. Nope, but like he tested it.

I can I can't brush my tongue. Go go go go. Um, no two fingers down. We always have to test it. No, I'm not. Go go go. No, go no. Are you going to clean up the vomit?

Because I'm not. I'm going to try to leave it. He will. You know it. I know disgusting. But he ain't a gland that all over my fucking bed. And I was like, it was disgusting, gross, icky. On your bed.

Yeah. Oh, you can't sleep there for another year. Well, I took this fucking sheet off. And you threw him out. Uh, no, I didn't throw him out. I'm just gonna... Yeah, yeah. Time out.

What, are you calling in a reliever? No, it just sounds like oh There is a dirty dish that gets a little bit of mold on it porcelain dish non-porous Yeah, and you toss it your dog full on spray peas but all over your sheets and you're like oh whatever Yeah and you're like, oh, whatever. Yeah. Hmm. You're seeing the inconsistencies here, right?

Probably, yeah. Yeah, you're seeing how you're basically just a walking, fucking idiot. Yeah, okay. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. But I had to take him to the vet this morning. Not the vet, you take him to the groomer and they just like, they gotta like squeeze out

to whatever's in his anal. Oh, we fucking on the, the comedian told us about this I'm a willman oh what anal gland yeah fucking so you had you wait what do you mean squeeze like I paid twenty seven dollars to have my dog go to the groomer the same groomer that he was just at not so long ago and then they put him on a table and they shove their hand in his ass. Get no no no and they squeeze his Glance is in his ass. What glans dude? There's a whole glance. There's no glans. What are we glans? What's in there? It's it's in his anal cavity. Dude you're fucking so all right

So you pimped your fucking poor dog out for $27 or go get a finger blasted. I didn't get $27 That would be pimping. I was I had to pay. Oh, it's always a jiggle. Oh then that or jiggle that Jiggle that what's a female jiggly puff? What's a female jiggle? Oh Hooked or yeah, yeah, that's it. All right. I like jiggle that that sounds a little funnier to me It does so it sounds like good like I said and he was like cool with it First of all he wouldn't even get out of a fucking car cuz he's smart and he knew where we were We pulled up and he was like yeah cuz he knew you were going to get him fucking, you know knuckle deep He didn't know he was gonna get fingered this morning you

Clearly he didn't get out of the car for a reason Joey I think it traumatized and though because he wouldn't he's very hesitant He's a little upset right now. Yeah, he's sleeping cuz he's like I've had a long way. He feels betrayed by you I don't blame him. I had to help him, bro. Dude, you got him fucking, someone put three fingers in your dog's ass, like it's paid minimum wage, probably. No one knows how many fingers were in there.

There's multiple people that know. I think it's two. You're not gonna fit three. Too many! Yeah, I mean, too many. But otherwise it gets infected and- And I'm like, you're saying it's too They can't fit three is if they're not going in there and fucking pop and butt pimples in your dogs ass hole

I actually don't know how they do don't look it up You have to look it up now. Don't look it up. No, you have to now you have to How to express this is wild because there's someone that's watching this on Christmas Christmas day. Boof! No, no, no, no. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm not I'm not keeping eye context directly with you. I'm not looking at it So that's what I assume it's like looking in the eyes of Medusa. I'll turn a stone if I see that so I'll just read off what it says Lift up the tail and take about an inch on each side of the anal opening and

Inch on each side how big is your fucking dog take an inch? Yes, I talk to ask a small take an inch. That's that's about It's about half average, right? Lift up the tail and take about an inch on each side of the anal opening use your index finger and thumb and pinch Squeeze the area on both sides of the anal opening Gently compress the area into see small amounts of liquid coming out Dude, yo fuck God small amounts of liquid coming out. Dude, yo fuck, god.

You may have to repeat the step once or twice. So you go in, wait what? You're milking your dog. You're milking your dog's butthole dude. Oh so what you do is, dude, this is wild. Now this is coming in at Christmas. Merry Christmas. I hope no one's drinking egg nog right now.

Oh god. Oh, that just got my spit thick. What the fuck? Never heard that saying? No, because it's not. It is. Yeah it is. Sorry not in your fucking small world. But yes, so I guess you just kind of go up to it

and you pop it like a pimple essentially. Like you go over to it, but like if let's say this is his butt, right? That's definitely not as butt you couldn't that what you couldn't do this You couldn't no because I have to no you know So you have to get to the side of it and go like this unbelievable how you didn't go with the obvious choice Just kind of go in there and just fucking no, I don't think you go in you definitely go in well that guy was in for sure Bro, please. I just need you to look at this. No look at me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, trust me, trust me, trust me. This is so funny, though. Frankie, come on. Please just look.

We're doing a whole thing. Just look at this. It's like a YouTube thumbnail. And it's a woman going like this. Holding her dog's tail, his asshole. Right there. How you doing? Just like this.

Hey. Yeah. Just holding up a prize fish. I know this is going to be a clip. How to express anyone? Please make Joey the one whose face is near the dog asshole. No, you can't put dogs assholes on Instagram and f- Blur it out a little bit, pixelate it a little bit, but Joey's full in dogs assholes.

Dude. So yeah, anyway, it was a big... That's the worst morning I've ever heard of my time. It was a big anal morning for sure. How big? Just for him, dude. Just for him. How big are we talking? It was a, I mean, it wasn't anal morning for you. How big? Just for him, dude. Just for him. Just for him.

How big are we talking? It was an anal morning. Realistically. I wouldn't do anal in the morning. That's crazy. Can they do anal gland milking for men? Boys? I don't think we have glands there.

So why are they? Dog human. Like what the fuck? He hears us talking about it and he's pissed dude. Yeah, I'm blame him. You took your dog to just be hoarded out. You paid someone, you're like those like weird fucking like Fathers that are just like on a vacation with their like 13 year old son and they're like, oh my you a hooker.

Come on. That's not what happens. That's exactly what happened also what about you you willingly walked into one of these places and let one of these old men finger you oh it's true first of all what do you mean these places you mean a doctor's office yeah like a hot dog don't don't equate me going and getting my prostate checked like a good fucking person State check like a good fucking person to you take Dragging your dog yeah out of a fucking high-end SUV

To a place where he's gonna get his fucking inside smash It's for zone good and it's and it is medical. I haven't go in there trying to make them fucking orgasm Just get the glands removed dude. Frankie. Are you? You've done the solution sometimes Make them fucking orgasm. Just get the glands removed, dude. Frankie, are you... You did... I don't know. You've done this solution sometimes. Are they like, oh, are they not like tonsils? They can see... I'm asking!

So why are you saying it? Like it's facts though. I said get them removed. Yeah, you said get them removed. Can you get them removed? You just made it seem like, oh, he's got a problem with his ass. Cut his ass off then. No more problem. You could do that. You could sew it seem like oh he's got a problem with his ass cut his ass off then No more problem. You could you could do that

You could sew it up and get a colostomy bag for him I'm sure they make doggy colostomy bags. Yeah, and that would be cool. Now. I'm changing shit bags Way better than your dog fucking leaking ass hole juice all over your bed And I fixed the problem this morning dumb ass. Yeah until next time chief Then we got to go back another $27 down the drain this dog is how well how often do you get it done? That's the second time in his life So you've had him for what five years seven seven years?

It's a lot of money dude 50 bucks Probably 50 bucks. I didn't even have to go to the vet you go to the vet they get in there and they're like well you walked in That's $300 they should they should be able to have health insurance policies where you can put your pets on it Oh, that exists you fucking moron Stupid bitch Let's give them the invented pet insurance They have to get surgeries and medications sometime. I thought it was just like you pay money. Like you like...

There's been insurance. I didn't know that. I didn't know. I'm sorry. Is it like the insurance where like you get to like insure your legs or something? We should insure... What the hell are you talking about?

We should insure our voices, dude. Insure them? Yeah. Like J.Lo has her legs insured or some shit like that there's why would she have her legs insured She's not a soccer player. No, but like it's part of her thing is like her legs and butt I think rianna also has like her butt or something insured What does that mean if that you she hurts her butt something happens to it she gets like a big lump It's like life insurance dude, but for your asshole So you should well not not for him because his ass was already torn a shreds because of what you did in this

morning but like you and I should get voice insurance god forbid anything happens to our voice I think that's a thing in like lose our voice like Ariel from a little mermaid you never know you never know if a big fucking octopus comes by and says that they can give us you know you know I have your wasn't that big dude she was big whoa come. Come on, brother. I feel like your body's shaming in octopuses. Come on, brother. Come on, how you see it?

Yeah. You smash an Ursula? Honestly? Not, no. Not, no. Yeah. When she came out, poor unfortunate souls, I'm fucking naked by the end of it.

Eight hands? Not even hand. Two hands. Eight, ten, ten legs? Ten, ten, no. Tell me you don't know. Ten, ten, no. I almost had testicles. I almost had, ten, ten, wow. Do you know the word or you're like, no, no, no. I know it's on the tip of my tongue. Yeah. Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten,acles, okay, okay, okay, I said almost a testicle. Yeah, it's like the time you couldn't remember baboon you're like bamboom That was real. No, I was real. That was super real. I just had my brain just farted What did I say? I said bamboon bamboon

Dude kind of Ursula kind of dude Dude dude kinda Ursula kinda dude Slap and in right that's what I'm talking about yeah, she's also got a fucking Vic lips to dump truck, dude Probably got big ol fat bags. I think she does look at the bags for her. You can see the bag She's purple. She's purple. Don't really care about that much. Yeah, I mean either Funny that it was based off of a drag queen. So we're basically saying we'd fuck a guy. Can women be drag queens? Yeah, they're called drag kings, aren't they? This is not a joke. No, no, no. I know there's drag racers. There are drag racers. Ben Diesel's not a drag queen. He's a drag racer. All right, here we go, here we go. Drag kings. Yeah, dude, a drag king.

It's a woman, female performance artist who dress in masculine drag. Oh, they do dudes, they do, they're dudes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh, I didn't know, I've never seen that. Do they have the same kind of, that one in the middle kind of looks like you, that's why.

Let me see. Okay, that's a insane reaction. This probably doesn't look me at all Frankie that looks nothing like it kind of literally enough kind of looks like you do not even want That's got to be a hurt to your ego that like a drag king looks like you like that's how basically over the top white you look Yeah, now we're being offensive on Christmas morning. Oh Oh, oh now we're drawing the line and fucking you Oh, oh, oh, now we're drawing the line. And fucking you looking like an offensive white asshole when you were literally just talking about

juicing your dog's butt shit, pup, juice, poop. This episode is sponsored by Liquid IV. Liquid IV, uh, eh. Ah. Speaking of juice, uh, No, you're not gonna like that. Don't know that. No, but this podcast is sponsored by LiquidIV.

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Because I think it's important to like kind of get that out It's like going to the gym for your mind and better help is a great way to get started on that and to dip your toe into the world of therapy Because it's very affordable. It's not like a huge commitment. Like in-person therapy is very expensive, especially if you don't have the right insurance. But yeah, so go check out BetterHelp. We're gonna save you some money,

even though it's already more affordable, you could save some money. Go to betterhelp.com slash basemanjr and you will save 10% off of your first month. That is BetterHelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash basement yard to save 10% off of that first month. And like I said, I think everyone should be in it. I've been in it for a couple of years. I find it very useful and definitely have made some progress in my life because of therapy.

So go check it out. And folks, not only am I going to tell you about Patreon, but I'm going to tell you about something a little juicier, sweeter, sexier, plumber, uh, saltier. Is that a word? Doesn't matter. I'm going to use it. Not only can you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard to continue to support us and get these weekly episodes one week in advance when you sign up for that first year and then exclusive episodes every single Friday,

but now I'm gonna make it so much easier for you. You know why? Because I'm your friend. I'm your fucking podcast daddy and podcast daddy want you to know that you're- That you can go to the basementyard.com and everything you need is right there. Boom, in your pocket, at your fingertips, Joe's little fucking booty right at your fingertips, all right? So thebasementyard.com, I don't only can you sign up to get updates on the show, which does include, if and when, there might be more cities added to a basement yard experience tour,

but then you can get the links to our merch. You can get the links to our Patreon. Everything is right there and you're greeted with a beautiful picture of Joe and I on the front page. Does that sound better than making your background? Make it your whole day. Go to basementyard.thebasementyard.com, excuse me. And then go check out that beautiful website.

And while you're there, go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. We thank you guys. We had it incredibly, incredibly successful year. 2023 was literally bigger than either of us could have imagined and dreamed. We want to continue rockin' rollin' popin' and goin' for 2024. I mean, what do you mean, bitch? I'm fuckin' good at this. Very Christmas, dude.

Can I ask you a question? Nope. Why do we keep doing that? Uh, but... Have you ever kissed under a mistletoe? Yeah, absolutely. I've never done that. I ever kissed under a mistletoe? Yeah, absolutely.

I've never done that. I've kissed under a mistletoe before. I've never done that before. I got a real mistletoe once. Where are they? They're plants, dude. They're just like little plants. Where do they grow?

I don't know where they actually grow, but like we get like, target or someone was selling them. Would you put them above your door? That's the thing is that's weird. At my house, it's like where I live now, there's like no like entranceway, like really besides like the door, because it's all open concept.

Yeah, but why would you have a, why would you put it above a doorway? It's so much kissing. Oh no! What if the mailman comes in for a sec? Then he has to, then, well, why is your mailman coming into your place? You've got a pee. Your mailman. That's sec then he asked it then well why is your mailman coming into your place? You've got a pee your mailman

That's what they do Can I piss I like saw my mailman out in public once not in his like Uniform is that what it is uniform costume. What is it? It's a uniform. Okay, and I like scared him I was like oh shit dude, and he was like literally he like backed up What and I was like you look shit dude! And he was like, literally he backed up. Wow. What? And I was like, you look so familiar. He's like, I do mail.

I was like, you're our mail man. He wasn't happy with me. I do mail. Yeah, I don't think he wanted to. I am mail. We last year gave him a gift card for Christmas. Oh, that's nice. It was.

And literally he went, thanks. And he just kept going on his mail. Browd. Yeah, like, stop and say thank you so much, you know heard we left like during the holidays season We left like bottles of water and chips out there for them because they work a lot, dude, you know Didn't care. He's kind of kept going on his day So you heard her here first folks the mail that the nicest people in the world Interesting I have like garage and like this is the first time I lived in a building with a front desk and you have to like tip those guys.

Yeah, you gotta get them. But there's a rotating cast of a bunch. But also like serious question, I've been to your building a couple times. They've never stopped me. No. But like, what do they do? I know like door man in the city like open the door They will they get the elevator for you. You know, they'll help you with your bags

Sometimes they do that because when I walk chart like there's like a revolving door But then there's also a regular door so if I'm they see me coming with the dogs sometimes they run over and over and over Up the door most of the time they don't but but what they do do do do. Sweet. Poop. Is they accept all the packages so they have to like organize all the packages and whatever. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. But it's not like a crazy job. The in the garage attendant too. And it's like you're supposed to tip these

people a lot, right? I don't know. I mean, it fits like that many people that do the front door. You can just, I should just like just get just get them like a $50 gift card to Duncan and say like, use it amongst yourselves, you know? Like, something like that. I think I just may get like bottles of wine, but not anything like too crazy. And just like, give them that. I see bottles of wine, Joey. They probably just want cash though, right? Yeah, but then you got to give out fucking how much cash to how many people.

I know. That's a thing. It's like a rush thing. There's only two people that I would give money to, because I only recognize those two. But there's like a rotating cast of people that I don't really see. I have to say, if any of them are Hispanic and you don't give them money, you're racist. Well, no, the one who's like my dude,

because when my car had a flat or whatever, we were like, I had to go up and down for my apartment to the garage a thousand times. That kid, I would, I'd like, no. And there up and down from my apartment to the garage a thousand times. That kid I would, I'd like, no. And there's one other person who works at the garage who's also Spanish. You know him, but the front desk guy, actually there's three front desks guys.

There you go, he's fucked. Now you gotta pay everybody. That's the, that is the curse of being big business billionaire boy. Shut the fuck up. That's what you have to do. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck. Joey, I don't know if you saw this.

Doritos is coming out with a liquor. I did see that on Twitter. Dude. What's my, it's sold out. I already tried. I already tried. Trust me babe. Fucking pieces of shit.

And I saw, and so basically Doritos officially partnered with this company. I don't remember their name. I think it's like emerald or something like that. And they like infused it with like their actual I'm not gonna hear you in, dude. It's gross. A bloody Mary. Ooh. And the vodka you use is that vodka. A little savory, a little bit of vodka. And then you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, It's gross. A bloody Mary. Ooh. And the vodka you use is that vodka. A little savory, a little mommy, a little salty.

Mommy. Who mommy? Oh, these said mommy, I was like, what? Well, yeah, sure, mommy too. Mommy could be in there. That sounds good, right? I don't know. What other drinks would you make?

What is it, a vodka? Yeah. I don't know if it's vodka. I said? What is it, Avaca? Yeah. I don't know if it's fine. I said liquor, so it could just be like a spirit of, you know, indiscriminate, you know, origin. But this kind of, I kind of want it. I'm not fucking worth it. Why not?

I don't want to be Dorito. How about this? A martini with blue cheese olives. Nacho cheese teeny. I got him for days. I hate martinis. Why? Because you're just drinking straight up fucking, one I don't love olives either.

So like olives and vodka. I think I'm not crazy about it. I crushed a teeny the other night at dinner. Express of martinis, I fuck with those. Oh, you're such a fucking, like you do this to yourself. What? You do it as express of martinis. You're basic a fucking like you do do this to yourself. What you do it espresso martini's you're basic Dude, oh, you're so cool because you drink tea

Cools guy in the land. Oh guys guys. It's just so different. You're so eclectic You're so eclectic. I like to collect I like to drink tea and I hate coffee and I hate the special martinis Do you join anything that everyone else likes? I don't hate anything. Exactly. Except you're fucking stupid idiot face right now. Whop! My idiot face. Yeah, why?

I don't hate coffee. I just don't drink it. I choose not to drink it. espresso martinis, they'll come on. You know what you're doing. What is wrong with them? It's just the world's drink right now. Everyone drinks them.

Isn't that good? Mm. Are they? So you're not going to drink it because the world drinks it? I've had it! Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've had it before. Oh.

Not, not great. Oh, you're so cool and contrarian. It doesn't follow the grain. Oh, you're such a rebel. Dude, I, I want to, I want to fucking go, fist bomb, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna find a way to hurt you. Fucking guy.

I'm gonna find a way to hurt you. They're good, dude. Charlie, wake up. They're just good. Wake up, Charlie. Don't wake up, my dog. I'm gonna find a way to hurt you they're good dude Charlie wake up they're just good Wake up Charlie. Don't wake up my dog. I'm gonna wake that a long morning got his ass. Oh Buckard. Is there a drink that you would have with this nacho cheese drink? Yeah, I mean I would just take a shot of it because I want to like feel the cheese. Oh It probably tastes nothing like it to be honest. It's the grossest way I've ever heard. Feel the cheese.

You should put that on the fucking bottle. Feel the cheese. The nacho cheese. I don't know why I haven't stopped thinking about it. In one of our more recent episodes, you said, dude, I don't know eggs. And it's so funny. It's so funny.

But I don't know the difference between eggs. It's so funny to me. Speaking of cheese. What? How you cheese? Oh, yeah fucking no Oh Greg has to try this what'll that do to his fucking inside? Oh, I don't need cheese I don't really cheese People comment the guy he said this is screech at he's like all right. I see you Frank. He goes like how do people know about this already It's the basement yard. Cool.

That's how people know. Also people love when you try to say basement yard again with that episode. Like, basement yard. Bay miniat. Are there any foods, whether it be snack foods or candies or anything that you would infuse into alcohol and be a fan of?

Candy. Mm-hmm. Pretty much any candy. I did the Skittles of vodka. infusing to alcohol and like be a fan of. Candy. Mm-hmm. Pretty much any candy. I did the Skittles vodka. I remember, you made me had it. And it wasn't.

You made me had it. It wasn't good. No? No, it was just I- I'm a gummy bear. I've had gummy bear. I've got very drunk off of those like alcohol. You like jello shots?

They're okay, but they're a little too like, I'm showing people how I would suck dick when I'm trying to drink alcohol oh I was gonna say pussy but oh yeah that too what what kind of jello shots you taking that you're just like like I'm like I'm like yeah but it's like you're like putting it in yours like that's how you would do it, ew. I know socks that suck in dick, dude. Teach me your ways. You suck dick in the second, dude. It's a little too like, performative to get my alcohol. Like just give it to me in an easier way.

I have a whole method, why don't you do jealous shots? It's like, you're a remit. You gotta, you do, that's what you do. You gotta put your tongue in, down hard. Oh, and like cut through it like on the side And then you go and then you turn the whole thing like a tuna can give me your top three jellos Like colors. Yeah. Oh blue. Yes Probably red and green all green. Yeah, what's what's our green orange dude? Oh, orange is pretty good

That's probably like the only orange thing that I like really so dog shit It's crazy. I don't know, especially when it's a fucking jello shot. It's like it just tastes like vodka such dog shit I like jello shots though. I They're okay, but like they're a little like I need to like sit there and work for it like I don't want to do that you know It's fun Putting jello in front of your teeth you here. We go here comes a sucking freak Here comes freech sucker McGee Yellow in front of your teeth you here we go here comes a sucking freak here comes freak sucker me G. I'm like putting for your teeth and then you suck it through your teeth there it is

And I told you but it finds little holes in your teeth and it goes through I told you this is fun the sucker freak And then I like pushing it out the yeah you do you do because you're a fucking weirdo like you like that too I do I can't even right I do I'm not gonna live I I Judge how like healthy my mouth is if I can like you know like that too. I do. I can't even write. I do. I'm not gonna lie. It's fun. I judge how healthy my mouth is if I can like, you know, like that. You know what I'm saying? Judged how healthy it is. Yeah, just like if I can like squeeze, like if I can squeeze air out of like my two front teeth, I'm like, oh, this is a good mouth. What about Michael Strayhand?

He got him fixed. Did he? He got rid of what did he really? Yeah, he got it fixed. He's he fucking betrayed his fucking Idiot tooth brethren. Yeah Dude speaking up Michael straight hand kind of This new thing on on tiktok. I can't get behind it dude. This guy bevo This new thing on on tiktok. I can't get behind it dude this guy bevo bro dude I can't I can't if you guys have not seen this guy freaks me out go on tiktok and it's like a bevo bro British slash maybe Jamaican to make it. I'm not quite sure white guy who tries and rates food But doesn't he know exaggeration exaggeration. He puts it in, takes one, like, and he swallows it.

But he swallows it, like you're trying to swallow a baseball. Like he swallows it and goes, his head goes down and he's like, oh fuck, like every time he swallows I'm like, is he choking? Yeah, and he choose like the worst person you've ever met. He's like, he literally, like, oh, it's like nails on a troughboard. You know what I hate about that shit? Is that there's always beans on his plate. I'm like, this literally, like, oh, it's like nails in a troughboard. You know what I hate about that shit?

Is that there's always beans on his plate. I'm like, this shit is so British. Yeah, fucking British people. Show what the beans, bro. Beans, brown sauce, and potatoes. Like, they're not an every meal type of thing. Just chill with the beans. I can't talk shit though, I do love beans.

Big beans? Bushes, baked beans? They're fine, yeah. I like black beans better. Better than fine. Okay, oh, yeah. Better. Black beans better. Better than fine. Okay, oh wait, you like black beans the best? Nice trying to apologize. That's all my white guilt.

I love black beans the best. I can't be racist, I love black beans. Why would he have made, I devoted for Obama a third time if I could. I racist, I love black beans. Dude, I can't get behind this b-boy guy. I'm sure he may be possibly a nice guy, but like, seems like a nice guy,

but he's got weird eating habits. He puts a whole sauce in his mouth, choose his mouth opens and closes twice, and then he swallows the thing, and he goes, that was pretty good. I'm like, how could you taste it? He's like, oh, it's seasoned well. It's like, it didn't even hit your tongue.

Yeah, by the time you swallow it, it gets a chew, and then it goes straight back. This guy is like swallowing pills, but it's food, dude. It's insane. Wild. Also, if it's something like rice or whatever, he didn't even chew. Ain't a chew. They're ain't a chew.

He did one where he took rice and curry and just went right, right back. Yeah, he swallowed a spoon. I couldn't believe it. And I refused. Wild. Shout out to Bevo though, man. Alright, so what candies? I'm gonna name some candies and snacks and you tell me if you would drink a liquor and

fuse it this flavor. You ready? Go. Nerds. Okay, yeah. What do you mean okay, yeah. There are, I don't really like that. Oh, what do you want, Mike and Ix?

That would taste good. Mm-hmm. Anything that's fruit based. Twix. No, chocolate caramel, maybe? Chocolate liquor? Yeah, if you not had chocolate liquor, you're sitting here talking about having a special martinis.

That's coffee. It's, I believe it's made with like a chocolate liqueur. Oh, do you? No, it's coffee liqueur. Dumbass. All right. Good try. Oh no, I'm sorry. I think everything that's brown

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No, it's killing people. And I don't mean to say that with a smile face. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. No, people are dying from this fucking lemonade. Allegedly, Joey, careful. No, who's gonna come have to be Panera Bread? Yeah. Yeah, probably.

Allegedly killing people. Here's what I say about Panera. You're gonna send a fucking grenade in a bread bowl. Oh yeah. Which like, the idea of bread bowl is really cool. Dude, unbelievable, like, you can't be mad at a bread bowl. No, no, no. And I like, what's the thing?

It's like the spinach dip with the bread. My mom makes that. My mom makes that so hard, dude. I fuck with that. Yeah. I wish all of my plates were edible bread. Why don't we make more edible plates dude? Hey, who's the people that-

Cops even! Plastic, or paper plates, Dixie or whatever they're called. Yeah, yeah. Make it edible. Edible paper plate. And napkins, I want to wipe my face with something and then eat it. I got sauce on my face, I wipe over to, and bread napkin and then I eat it. Yeah, that would be pretty great I like if it was like and it doesn't need to be anything crazy like it you what are they used to make like the Eucharist?

Fuck god knows like you could like the body of Christ Friday, I'm talking about the body of Christ. Amen How dare you in the name of the fathers? I don't really spirit amen. Sorry. I'm sorry, but or amen whatever Whatever it is. I don't care. Amen amen. I I think you definitely need to make more edible cutlery and like plates and cups and shit like that Dude if my fork was made of bread it wouldn't last dude. What was it? Charlie? Charlie and the chalk effect through the original one the one with Jean Well, do you remember he takes like a sip of something and he eats the cup? Yes. Oh Yeah, dude. I want an edible cup so bad. I guess remember he takes like a sip of something and he eats the cup? Yes! Oh!

Yeah, dude, I want an edible cup so bad. I guess you can make like jello cups. Well, when I was in Chicago and also, I think, when I was in Denver, there was certain bars. I think it's this one bar. Federalized I think the name is, but they have ice shots. So like the shot comes in like an ice cube shot glass And you drink it and you throw it at a belt fire dude like a gong. It's like a gong

I think nothing I want more than being able to create like havoc and mayhem with like safety Dude I took a shot at this bar when I was already drunk and Absolutely crushed this bell. It was the best feeling in the world. That would be so Do you know how bad I want to be at a bar not sad because this only really happens when people are sad But like at a bar drinking and then just fucking throw a bottle behind the bar You know what I'm talking about oh like a shot glass You know like you ever see like someone's just like at a bar and they're miserable and there's like you know It's whatever they're going through and then they drink it and then just fucking launch the beat like the bottle behind the

bar. And it explodes. It just like fucking evaporates. I just, I want to do that. Another business idea I just thought of. We make, you know how they have like those like rage rooms? Yeah. But it's a bar.

And you can do that. Instead of like being like a regular room with like a fucking TV in it, like it's like a, it looks like a bar setup and you just fucking, oh my God dude, you know how awesome that would be? I don't know if that's gonna sell, buddy. Why?

Because alcohol is expensive. No, no, no, no, not like real alcohol there. But if you're throwing it around the bottles. It's just a staged, okay. Like someone you, oh you're getting rid of your fucking bottles, like I'll take them. No? I don't know. Yeah, so this Panera, this Panera, the supercharged lemonade. Yeah, there's a killer lemonade out there and it's allegedly killing a bunch of people. Shout out to Panera Bread for murdering the masses here.

Allegedly. Well, two is not masses, two are singularities. Yeah, it's massive, depending on what you think. I looked it up, in this drink, there's 260 milligrams of caffeine in a 20 ounce serving, which is insane. Dude, what? Then there's 390 milligrams in a 30 ounce serving. Here's my question, who needs 30 ounces of lemonade?

Listen to me, there's a reason where the fattest country on the planet. 30 ounces of lemonade is psychotic. What's the recommended daily amount for caffeine a day? Maybe 200. So the smallest amount that they have, we'll watch in this. Also, Coke, a label on the tank,

states the flavor, states the flavor, followed in smaller print, by claim that the lemonade is plant-based. Bro, who's walking, no one thinks this lemonade's made of meat. Yeah, it's plant-based. That's a starkel, because I believe, unless I'm mistaken, caffeine is from plants.

So like, technically it is plant-based, but that's how they're getting away with it. Plant- plant-based and clean with as much caffeine as our dark roast coffee. Maybe the whole fucking- I don't know about that. 30 gallons of coffee. That's insane.

Dude, what? Oh! That's roughly accurate, though arguably misleading. Since Panera doesn't sell 30 ounce coffees, it does, however, sell a 20 ounce light roast with 384 milligrams with caffeine. Bro, this is INSANE A MOUTH OF CAPPY! Dude, that's nuts!

And people who have, like, hard issues or whatever the fuck, some... some guy... he died because... he had high blood pressure or something, and he drank three of them. because he thought it was regular lemonade Which dude high blood pressure even if there was no caffeine?

That's a lot of lemon. Hey, he didn't die He probably just fucking spontaneously combusted. Oh, he had a tack of the heart His heart didn't attack him and just blew up in his chest. His cardiac was arrested at the authorities Dude what? Yeah, man. How? You've got to be like cocaine in it. In what possible world? Dude, it was like, would one drink need to contain

385 milligrams of caffeine? It was like the Dunkin, look up the Dunkin drink that came out, I think it was like last year or something that it had like, it had more sugar than like a box of donuts. It was insane and this is why we're in fucking shambles. Duncan's is not gonna be a happy customer for us, you know? Were they ever?

No. They were. I don't even know how to look that up to. Just say, I'm looking up Duncan Nutrition. Duncan donuts, sugary drink. That's all you need to look that up to just just say I'm looking up Duncan with nutrition Duncan donuts sugary drink. That's all you need to look up and I guarantee it'll pop up Duncan donuts Duncan's toy chest That's a toy store in the city Isn't it in home alone? Oh

Oh here it is Duncan customer goes viral after revealing their drinks have as much sugar as 14 donuts. Bro, I'd rather eat the donuts! What? I would rather eat a fucking cyanide pill. I'm gonna die anyways because of this stuff. Might as well go out. What are the, oh it's a pumpkin swirl frozen coffee. Here's a rule of thumb, I think. If you'd the drink you're ordering has that many

different words. It's probably a lot of sugar. Yeah. The least amount of names for whatever you're eating. Puppet's world frozen delight. Fuck crust. Yeah. You're dead. Yeah. Can't do that. What do we? Oh my god. This is legitimately insane that people, there's gonna, they like, why do all these like fast food chains just like just come up with the most evil shit in the world? I don't know, I don't know how this is like, I don't know how this is allowed, like I don't know like I just don't get it. My friends, this is it, this is what he said, my friends, this is a pumpkin swirl frozen coffee. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put this on the menu because this drink has 185 grams of sugar in it.

It's 46 grams of sugar in it. It's 46 teaspoons of sugar. 46 times insane. The amount of sugar in there is equal to 14 glazed donuts. Bro. Give me the glazed donuts and I'm blunt. Give me one that was microwaved a little bit. I'm a fucking happy camper. Oh, you microwaved your glazes? I didn't know that. A warm donut, bro. I've had a warm donut before but like I get why people have sex with donuts

What yeah, like people fart there are people out there. What do you mean? I get it? I don't I don't think that there's no one fucking donuts. Is it a thing Joey? You know you're porn master general. Look it up. I'm not looking up, dude. It's fucking donuts. No, not dudes. Just look up. No, I can have sex with donuts. Dude, obviously you can assume people have put their dick and donuts before.

I'm just saying you put a warm glazed donut in front of me. I'm gonna eat it, but a part of me is gonna go, if I did do this, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Sex with donuts. I gotta be careful, because my oldies is my computer at home and it's linked to me. Sex with donuts. Donut sex. Yeah, it's a thing. It told you. Boom. Safe assumption. That was an assumption. I ate it, donut off my boyfriend's penis and it was awesome.

That sounds cool. Hey, just give me the donut. Don't put it on my penis. Just give it to me. I'll eat it off of my hands. I mean, no, it'd be cool. It would. Getting a donut, eating off your, it'd be cool. It wouldn't getting a donut eaten off your yang Yeah, cool. How? How would that be cool? Someone's biting around your dick like it's like a fucking Bomb that's about to go off a woman's mouth near your penis is good 100% of the time Unless she's going for a bite. We could well that's what she's doing What if she fucking accidentally gets to into the donut and like bites your fucking shit

Well, who knows 930 calories and 194 carbs in that drink as well. That's insane 930 calories. We're all like We're gonna be consumed by this stuff eventually Now we wonder why like worthy by this stuff eventually. Now we wonder why like worthy, like country that has like the most like gastrointestinal issues. It's because most of our diet is like, I fructose corn syrup, artificially created caffeine,

fucking heroin. Well you don't know, what if someone put heroin in those drinks? Basically, you're getting the same high I assume. Yeah, it probs. That's insane dude. It's got to be heroin in like having crunch because I cannot stop eating that shit. Dude, Captain Crunch. Mm.

Back at Christmas Crunch. Ah. Back at yesterday got the special edition Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but it's Apple Pie Crunch. All right. The fuck? It just tastes like a Cinnamon-E-Apple Pie. I don't like that.

It was okay. I'm not a big fan of Apple Pie, but like, it was okay. I don't like Apple Pie Do you guys do anything like Christmas day like make a thing all the time? We we I've told you this before and you oh yeah, you do the Jewish thing. Stop. It's not a Jewish thing We can 100% as a Jewish thing. We can share with them. No, you're appropriating Jewish culture. No, I'm not appropriating Jewish culture Joey All my other guy was playing with draitals Oh my god, the guy that was playing with Dreadles. Cause my Jewish friend gave it to me. You know what Jewish friend, Joe?

I can't remember. You know remember, I had more Jewish friends than you ever had. That's true. You did. Fucking try to come at me. We watch a movie, hang out with the kids, watch them, be joyous, give each other gifts. Love that. What if it snow as you go snowball fight?

If it snow's on Christmas, mark my words. I will fucking, like it won't get better than that. I'd kill myself. I have to. Probably yeah. You go over there drink a charge lemonade and that'd be it. Yeah. And go out and snow.

100,000%. Yeah, you gotta do it. Oh, having snowball fights is so fun. Get any part of you that now kind of wants to try to slumen lemonade a little bit. No, dude. I do not react well to that much caffeine. Yeah, if you drink the whole thing, but like if you have a little sip, it's probably, it probably tastes good.

Probably just tastes like sugary lemonade, that's it. Exactly. Like the lemonade you get at like the like street festivals in New York. That ain't lemonade folks. That is just sugar water with his splash lemon. But there is a lot of ice. I like when the drink is filled with ice. And you can shake it, do you do the shake?

Yeah. Or like a see-through cup when you're like, huh. Yeah, man. I do like that. All right. But you can't have, you can't have that sugar. Oh, that caffeine, bro. If I have one cold brew, like, during the summer, especially,

if I'm going to get coffee, I'll ask for an iced coffee. Rarely do I ever like finish my coffee, by the way. I try to only have one, which I don't, I'm not like a huge coffee person to begin with, but if it's a cold brew and I think it's iced coffee, you shit your pants. No, my body's like, oh yeah.

I can feel it, dude. And people drink them like every day. Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, I imagine if I have coffee, like if I have a cup of coffee, I don't know what my body will do. I had a, like, how much caffeine's in a tea?

Well, that's the thing. So the way that I make my tea, you can. Oh, dude, I just really want a numerical answer. I don't want a whole thing. I can't give you, it's like, all right, if you're gonna go make it land on a number, I swear to God, if there's more words, I'm gonna lose it.

I'm just gonna fall asleep, probably. A standard 12-ounce cup of black tea will have like half the caffeine of a standard 12-ounce black cup of coffee. So what's the answer, Frank? I don't know a number, that's what I'm telling you, but I know. It's like 95 and a cup of coffee.

So it's about half of that. Like the strongest T will give you around half of what the strongest, like a regular cup of coffee will give you. But like the way that I use it, I want you to say that he's gonna do this whole fucking story. No, but the way that I have my T is I wash out most of the caffeine.

Like that's, you can do that? Yeah, how do you do it? I'm not gonna go into the way that I make my tea right now, Joey but now I'm asking and now you don't want to tell me but fucking when I don't want to know you want to tell me this whole shit Well, what I use is something that is traditionally called the gung-fu method Which is an extra like amount of leaves to a smaller amount of water So it's just there more potent batches of tea and you can do it more frequently So what you do for most teas except except for green teas, are very specific teas.

I regret this. I really do regret it. You pour water in it and then you pour it out. There's an old Chinese proverb that says something along the lines of like, my first I give to my enemies and that's because the first infusion of tea is not as flavorful to leave you to open up, and that kind of washes away most of the caffeine. They say give it to your enemies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, do the Chinese here.

I'm so people, dude. That's why I'm people. It's like, oh, that sucks, it's give it to the people you hate. Yeah, it'll take this, yeah. Piece of shit. So I'm sure there are people watching this that are just like, they stopped listening when I said tea.

I'm one of them, dude, I'm here and I, you know. When you asked me, once you said gung-fu, I was like, is he? When you asked me about tea at my house that day, I like, didn't know how to react because you never do. I was just like, what? I asked him about tea and he, I don't even, your reaction was so weird.

I just didn't know, because like, I didn't know. It was like you ran into your celebrity crush and they were like, oh my God, you're beautiful. And you were like, what? No, no, no, but it's like one of those things that like, when you're so into something that you can't casually talk about it, you know what I mean? Like, I don't bring up tea to other people

because like they'll ask me a question like that and I can't give a simple answer. Like you'll be like, what's your favorite tea? And it's like, we're gonna go back to the part where you said you don't bring up tea to people. I don't, I don't bring up tea to people. They bring it up to me as you did at my house that day. Right. Frank, do you think I one day was just like how do you feel about tea? No, I know I like tea but I'm not like I don't talk about it's like sometimes you walk in here with a dirty tea

like a leafy day. I do have some leafy.. It's like a bottle and then it's just filled with leaves. That's tea, baby. It's like a fucking pile in there. It's a big, it's tea. Correct. But I didn't know how to act that day because you never asked me and I didn't know how to like, so if there's so many leaves in there, is it more, is it more caffeinated if there's more leaves in the tea?

Not necessarily. I mean, if you do the gung-fu, but you lose as you do it more, so like the more infusions you get, you lose more and more of that. So you try to wash out all the... I don't try it. You're supposed to open the leaves up. So who do you give the first batch to? Like Miles is on me right here. I pour it on my tea pets. What'd you say? No, I poured on my T-pets. What'd you say? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, back up, back up, back up.

T-pets, pets, what does that mean? Is that some sort of thing that I don't know? What is it? Frank, you know, I need to know, seriously. You could follow us that way. No, no, no, no, no, what's a T-pet? Tell me you have like little action figures or something. Frankie, what's a teepet?

What's a teepet? So. No, I'm scared, dude. Quick answer, quick answer. Just get to it. Just tell me. They're little ceramic animals, dude. But what do you mean?

You pour it on them? Frankie, explain that. I can't, it's like a thing in China that like that first batch you pour out so they would make like little cute little pets and then put them on the tea table and then they would pour that first on them so like they have their serving a tea and I got them on the T table, and then they would pour that first on them, so like they have their serving a T. And I got them for like, I got them for like the kids. Like Ruby takes them and plays with them all the time. So I have like right now, I have a little rabbit,

I have a little duck. It's a color changing duck. But you put it on the table, and then you just spill shit on the table. Well, on a T table, it's like a bamboo table that has like a top, and like you pour in, and there's like a well in it so it's okay. Yeah. How much do you hate me right now? Not only do you collect toys but now you're making sure they're having tea with you. You're having a little tea party is

what you're doing. Like when a little girl sets up a table and has like Mr. Bonnie rabbit oh gender gender issue bitch everyone could like to get him get this and then you're having a little tea party like oh Mr. Rabbit what's his name no names I've never given him a name all right well working they find you when you're not feeding your teepets? I thought you said that and really were like, oh, I said too much. Teepets. Valvers at 85 on Twitter or X, whatever the hell. The Frank Alvers on all the forms of social media. Like I said, go to thebasementyard.com and go sign up, you can get more information. If you ever want an email from the basement you are and you can do it and you can get it that way. They'll be more information on upcoming shows merch stuff

The patreon is up there patreon.com size of basement yard Mary Christmas Mary Christmas to you Mary Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas And just check out the basement. I don't know. Oh, it's so nice. Yeah Mary Christmas I go check out the patreon pay up a page by my mom time go check out that basement yard I was obviously Yeah, Merry Christmas. Go check out the patreon page on page bomb on time go check out their basement You know, all forms of social media. Yeah, the basement yard calm. There's like a at the bottom Head like whatever the photo of the fucking website you can put in your email Keep you updated on when there's no dates because there will be new dates for a tour come hang out with us live We appreciate you guys so much this year has been crazy crazy. Love you guys. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. All right

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