The Basement Yard - #432 - Proper Restaurant Etiquette

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

Who has better restaurant etiquette, Joe or Frank? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the base. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome back to the base. Many are frank. How's it going? I'm a chief. I'm a chief.
Starting point is 00:00:11 I'm a chief today. I don't want to. It seems inappropriate. I can't quite put my finger on it. But I love how we just took the term from like, you know, Native American tribes. And we're just like, we just call white men with like, you know, mustaches like, oh, chief. We call like Starbucks baristas, like, thanks, chief. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:31 We don't have to start there. Completely took it for ourselves. We can save that for like November, once the season of talking about America. Native Americans? Is that the month that's only month we could talk about? Well, that's when we talk about it about being like, the whites are like, you know,
Starting point is 00:00:44 we've kind of like pushed people out of their land. Now, kinda, at least you're well aware that it has happened. Hey guys, welcome, welcome back. Welcome back, it's the new year. Hope everyone's doing extremely well, but, 20. First thing I want to say off the bat,
Starting point is 00:00:57 if you're coming to the live shows January 19th, we are going to be in Makla, New Jersey, January 26th, and New Haven February 1st in Medford, Massachusetts. If you're coming to those shows, we sold them out, which is fucking awesome. But go to thebasementyard.com right now, and there will be an audience form, okay? Or you can go to thebasementyard.com slash submit,
Starting point is 00:01:17 there will be an audience form there. We want you to feel it out. If you're coming to the fucking shows, okay? Tell us what shows you're gonna be at, and then fill out the form. There's gonna have some fun questions on there. Like what's your biggest confession? What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Starting point is 00:01:27 It's shit like that. And we want the show to be interactive. So we're gonna pick out some of these things at random and kind of like read them off. And if we wanna bring you on stage or we just wanna talk about it, you can remain anonymous if you want. But we wanna like kind of drive the show
Starting point is 00:01:42 with that type of thing. So go to thebasementyard.com, fill out the audience form and we're gonna have lots of drive the show with that type of thing. So go to the basementyard.com Fill out the audience form and we're gonna have a lots of fun when we see you guys. Maybe maybe just maybe we can fill one out And like I like put it in there. It was like a dummy one. I'm just gonna put it in something so wild about you So like I'm filling to hi. It's me Joe Sanogado. I want to talk about some The worst date ever, well, it's because of my massively small penis. Yeah, you know, massively small. Insanely small. No, that's like a biggie smalls. What's that called? And I I'm not I know what it is. I'm not going to say anything like jumbo shrimp. Yeah. What is that? Not a figure it out. Come on. Give me a letter. Oh Mon- nope, not a mon-
Starting point is 00:02:25 No, not a mon- Mon- it be a opposite on Come on. Wait is it oh you're fucking with me. Oh, it's an oxy moron. Fuck you. I said it I said it because you're physically too stupid to be able to fucking come up with it It's called I forgot no bastard. You didn't forget. All right. Don't call me a black. Don't call me a bastard ever again Dude by the way this morning when I was walking out of my building I I'm walking towards the front door and there's a guy in a lobby. He's wearing a hoodie on the back of it. It says I Am not who I am
Starting point is 00:02:56 Okay, very Brooklyn thing to wear I literally want to walk out to this guy and be like you are who you am though He is though. You are exactly who you am. I love those people that just wear, just like, what does that mean? Like the hacks that are like, the ones that drive me nuts or the hacks or sweaters, you just say birds aren't real. Just like, it's a joke.
Starting point is 00:03:16 But is it though? It is. Are you sure? It's 100% a joke. I don't think so, because I need the people that wear that if you ask them. They're just like, no, actually, I do the kind of thing that they're not. How many people you ask? One. And guess what? because any of the people that wear that if you ask them they're just like no actually I do To kind of think that they're not how many people you ask one
Starting point is 00:03:27 Yeah, and guess what 100% of the time it has been the case. Okay, um was it You saw it's in the front it was it like light out? Could you was in the morning? Oh, so it was like the sun had already come up. Yeah, so what the fuck are you asking? So you were able to see that you walked out with those pants that you're wearing Just want to be clear guys I Don't I didn't think it was possible to get here. Joey's wearing camo pants and not like not like cool army camo He's wearing like woodlands camo. Yeah, like what's good? What big game are you hunting? Huh?
Starting point is 00:04:02 I'm not hunting big game Why are you wearing camo pants? They're comfortable You couldn't have bought any other pattern. I did what other ones please tell me there are other camos Like you got like one for like you know like snow camo Urban environment camo that's dude come on no I I just got like you you know, gray sweatpants and like black sweatpants and then these. Gray sweatpants, who you fool and dog?
Starting point is 00:04:29 What does that mean? You don't remember the thing about gray sweatpants? Oh, it's like you can see the outline of cocks or something, and it's like, Don't know where that came from. Yeah, what are you talking about here? It's just, from someone that has owned multiple pairs of gray sweatpants.
Starting point is 00:04:40 And a cock. I have, correct, I have owned my own cock. Yes. You own your own cock. Yes. You own your own cock? Or is it just like lent to you? No, by whom? God. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:04:52 But I am the owner. It's like, it's you. Yeah, because I can give it away. Can you? Yeah. No, you can. You can, you can loan it. You can be like, you can.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Loan, this is yours for the next like two and a half minutes Do what you want with it? Everyone you said you thought you When you thought sex lasted like 15 pumps You know, no, you asked you said that. No, no, you said it I don't think I said that you said like what do you think is the average amount of pumps at sex last and I said like 15 I said like 30 or something like what do you think is the average amount of pumps at sex last and I said like 15 I said like 30 or something like no way you said 30 did I say 15?
Starting point is 00:05:29 Bro, you you may have said less. I might know I didn't and I was like what are you talking? Well, you got to remember not everyone's a fucking jackhammer like you built Goldberg of Cox. This is what Fucking Jesus Christ. This is a this is what it is out there. That's exactly what you said at the last time. Yeah, that's what you're saying. I would say I've never counted my pumps. I would say I'm in the like low 100, like 80 to 100 pumps. That might be a lot. All right, so maybe on a good day I'm in the hundreds.
Starting point is 00:06:03 But like low eight, all right, maybe 80s, 85. Kind of fired by a football number. We don't know that it's 85 though. You're like, oh, damn, that's kind of dope. It lines up, you're guessing. I know. But like, you know, we've never tested this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Because I think I gave you homework to go and do it. And you never came back and told me what your average pumps were. Yeah, I mean, I always forget. You're not thinking about me when you're in the middle of no, I'm not. I've ever popped into your head when you're having sex. You? Yeah. Literally never. Not a single fucking time. Am I pumped into yours?
Starting point is 00:06:37 No, not unless you were like texting me and I was like, what the fuck? Oh, you... What, what, you're grabbing it? Like an old woman. What, you're grabbing it? You're like an old woman. Oh! What, I grabbed my titties. I've texted you... No, I don't know that.
Starting point is 00:06:50 I don't know that that's happening. Oh, okay. If someone texts or calls me to text me, though. My mom will text me, though. That's bad. I've been having sex. Why do you see your... Just throw your phone away.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Put it face down. Well, if it's dark, your phone lights up. So, you're like, moths, bro, we're gonna look. Fuck it. Yeah, I'm like, what is that? I was like, it's mom. Damn. Did you instantly like get soft?
Starting point is 00:07:10 I literally just went like, did I, no. I literally just turned my phone over. Really? Oh, I would, if I saw anything or thought of my family and any capacity, I would go soft. That's really? Yeah, that's weird. I'm not thinking about my mom being there.
Starting point is 00:07:25 I remember when I was in high school. Oh god, this is a... That's so pretty. Yeah, it's new year. I remember. New year? New me! Yeah, I could be more honest, right?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Right. Yeah, I remember when I was in high school, I would like try to think of like awful things to like last longer during sex Uh-huh, so I'd be like fucking my family's all dying, you know dead dead cats, you know just stuff like that Okay, I feel like That's not normal Because dead family is such a like, to the moon thing. But like if anything's gonna kill the urge to fucking...
Starting point is 00:08:08 stuff. What is that? Come. Come, that's a shot. Okay. Um, I've never really done any of that. Like thought about, oh my god, oh my god. So what do you think about... I think about what I'm doing.
Starting point is 00:08:19 That's exactly what I, Becca once at, she was like, have you ever thought about someone else during sex and I'm just like, no, I'm just thinking about what's going on right here right now. I mean clearly right here right now right here right now When you just said you don't I thought about my family goes up You just told me that you know when I was in high school I she was like with me if you ever thought about like no I think of fucking what's going on in the mold. Yeah, what are we doing here?
Starting point is 00:08:47 You know, we're gonna fucking bush I'm thinking of most watch and Joe fucking Jackhammer bill Goldberg over here No one who's who's saying you Joey you are because I was like dude 15 pumps is not a lot And you're like all right you Jackhammer it over there. You are fucking mr. Jackhammer McGee. Okay I'm a love maker Dude, you're probably the worst Yeah, right I Fuck it
Starting point is 00:09:15 You don't have the fucking ability to blow these doors. Yeah, but to Discollision Dude, you don't you don't have the. Dude, you don't have the fucking, you don't have the inertia. I'd send you to the hospital. This is a, I'm built like a fucking nuclear silo. Big tree fall hard, Frank. Never forget that. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:09:37 The bigger the tree, the harder they fall. Oh yeah? Yeah. All right. We'll never test this because we're not gay. Yeah. We're never gonna fuck each other. we're never gonna fuck each other. We're never gonna fuck each other.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Isn't that wild? Nope. Seems very normal part for the course for me when you ask me that. Isn't that wild? Absolutely not. No, but like, you're not gonna fuck most people. No, I know. That's how you didn't let me finish.
Starting point is 00:10:02 You didn't let me finish before you had your fucking smart answer. Your smart, alcoholic answer, Bill. Listen, hold on, I have a question. Okay, I hope this is a clip and Joey's faces on Goldberg's body. No, listen, I just thought about this, but you know how like, well, I have two questions. One, are animals monogamous? Some of them are, they say like, isn't it like, lobsters and lobsters?
Starting point is 00:10:30 Penguins mate for life or some shit like that? Okay, I didn't even, like, there's fucking like chimps out there that are just got like a hotation going on. Oh, they got a whole thing. So my question was gonna be like, for the animals that aren't monogamous, how many of you think they're banging in their lifetime?
Starting point is 00:10:45 One a day. Really? Gotta be, right? I don't know. Bro, if I'm a lion, I'm gonna go get, you gotta imagine if you're a lion and you're walking through the pride lands. Anytime you see a female lion, they're going after them, right? They're just like, oh, I need to plant my seed around here and be the biggest lion. That's what they do. That's what lions do. What does it say? What did it, first
Starting point is 00:11:11 of all, let me, let me, let me ask this, what did you type into Google? And what were the re fucking, it says, I wrote, how many monkeys do monkeys have sex with in their life? And there's a, this is the scientific American, whatever that is, website. Male monkeys have more sex with other males than females in this well study group. So monkeys, gay shit, gay as hell gay is
Starting point is 00:11:47 Huh 1993 reports of research is found a gay gene generated a jaw-dropping headline I saw a jaw. I was like, I don't know what the fuck with that a jaw gaping. Yeah, jaw gaping monkey Gay, but yeah apparently they're just like having meds gay sex damn so like so they're switching though it sounds like listen who said this wasn't a part of life nature you know people are sitting there and it's like oh they choose to be gay yeah don't sound like it sounds like these chimps are out there choosing to fucking suck the suck the life out of each other. How many sexual partners do animals have?
Starting point is 00:12:26 That makes sense. In the animal kingdom when it comes to mating, promiscuity, promiscuity. Primiscuity can't do it. Promiscuity. Is it? Yes. On the whole.
Starting point is 00:12:37 I thought it's promiscuous though. Right. Yeah. I was, yeah, so I was promiscuity. Promiscuity. Promiscuity. Yeah. Promiscuity is the rule rather than exception. Yeah, I was yeah, so I was from from a skewity prom a skewity prom a skew Yeah, prom prom a skewity is the rule rather than exception about 90% of mammals have multiple mates and Cheating on social mates is observed at almost all species in fact only 3 to 10% of mammals are even socially monogamous
Starting point is 00:12:58 So you know, bro, you know that there are some like hardcore fucking frat star watching this That is gonna cheat on their girlfriend and just be like, listen, in the animal kingdom, like men have to fucking cheat, dude. Like yeah, of course, of course fucking orcas cheat on each other, man. Oh, hold on, we have a website here, Top 10 Swingers of the Animal Kingdom. God damn, here we go. The first one, Bonobos. Just thought that was a website that had cool shirts.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Lenovo? Is that the computer? They're highly promiscuous. What is it? It's a primate. A bonobo? Bonobos. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Then we have a bronze winged jack canna. It's a bird. Jack canna? J-A-C-A-N-A. Jack canna. Yeah, that is. Bronze winged sounds horny as shit. No wonder why you do that.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Yeah, that is crazy. They have gender-bending qualities. Damn, so they can be boys one minute, girls the next, they just get fucking, they can bend their dicks into some posts, apparently. Wow. Spotted hyenas, that makes sense, because they're like laughing, they're like,
Starting point is 00:13:56 they're like having the time of their lives and everything they do, it's like, you know, I'm not gonna do the laugh. A bunch of drunk, uh-oh. No, I was just reading females dominating large groups of both male and females like the the females are like they fuck yeah in the kaini king 40 ass ladies red jungle foul to bird it's a hand-looking thing fuck that bird walruses there it is big walrus banger dude Barry white it what like
Starting point is 00:14:32 Because I have to do like a big just like fucking sexy ass walrus coming through just like yo first My everything and these got those fucking big ass tusks kind of about it dude dude To keep to keep up with these With so much water romping the bulky bulls are equipped with a penis bone called a baculum, which extends up to 30 inches. What a dick. That's insane. The longest of any living mammal. Longest dick of any living mammal on a walrus? I guess I thought it was the whale Yeah, that's just the biggest that's crazy That's crazy lions also they're fucking like crazy a line prank is this a three to three Veerstein lines have sex though. It's kind of not sick looking. They like shake. They're like
Starting point is 00:15:16 Really? Yeah, it's like cat like felines having sex is not like it doesn't look fun Like I would hate to be a fucking cat Yeah, just because of the sex right is that it is that all of them? I mean there's more but I'm not gonna what's the number one? Oh, they weren't in order It was just like oh there was like lions and there was like I think a mouse was in there My that's interesting to think about like how many how many like monkeys do you think monkeys are fucking in their life You know, no, there's you, what we need is social media content where monkeys are going up to other monkeys
Starting point is 00:15:48 but a handheld microphone like, what's your body count? Ha ha! They're just like putting in another monkey's face and they're like, And then a fucking silverback gorilla rips their arms out of their sockets. Jesus, dude.
Starting point is 00:15:59 I'm kind of about that. Yeah. Don't you wanna see a monkey rip arms off someone? No kind of kind of do I want to see people's limbs ill You know what's disgusting like people when they have like People when they get seriously injured and you could see like the meat ill Like when people like people are like yeah who likes grotesque viscera. Yeah, like I don't like What a weird stance like when people's like legs get covered up
Starting point is 00:16:35 Barrier whole leg off cover up this fucking disgusting injury you just It's funny because I'm like being serious like I know you are media. It's meaty. I know don't like it. One time, this kid's Zan that I knew. This isn't real. So where did he got his name of Zan? You knew someone named Zan? Yeah. I didn't tell you about the kids. They were from India.
Starting point is 00:16:51 They lived in the houses behind me. And we had like a West Side story style brawl in the alleyway. But at least I kind of vaguely remember this. We lined up and fought each other. Anyway, kid's Zan. We were playing manhunt. And he was trying to grab home base, which was like the pole to someone's like stoop or something.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Grabbed it, someone's hand went on top of his, and he thought he was gonna like keep running, but he couldn't, because someone was holding his hand down, and he slipped and fell on his chin and the meat. Oh, it was so meaty, and I was like, ill put it back. Yeah. I was like, put that in there. You touched it? I didn't touch the shit. Well, that's what you just did and I was like, ill put it back. Yeah. Like I was like put that in there.
Starting point is 00:17:25 You touched it? I didn't touch the shit. Well, that's what you just did. I was just saying. You did the touching. I didn't do it. I was like saying, I'm like push it up. Like you told that to Zan.
Starting point is 00:17:33 I'm sure he was in the fucking state of mind to be like, you know what, you're right here. Let me hold my chin the tango. Okay, this right now, Zan was not happy to do his pissed off. What happened to him? That's a great question. I don't know, they kind of moved away. Zan, Omar, I forgot the other one's name.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I think it was like David or something. What? That one's like Zan Omar David? One of these things is not like the other. It's bullshit. Yeah, that sounds like a big hit. Yeah, the good kids. Get them in their house, a bunch of times.
Starting point is 00:17:56 I think they're on the block from me. I guess, but. Yeah, well, you hear it first. Joey wants to go and hunt the animals that have the most sex because he's now a hunter. I guess. I don't want to hunt any welcome to hunting Joe This is the new this is the new thing. Would you shoot a deer? I Feel sad
Starting point is 00:18:12 Yeah, but I'm saying would you if it was like threatening my family And how would a deer do that? It's like they're like good like they do that like you know You know what I'm talking about that like they lift their foot and they're like, I'm gonna start running. They're like, they charge up where they like hit the ground. They're like, I'm fucking taking off. Yeah, but what can a deer do to you? I mean, I could kill a deer, most deer,
Starting point is 00:18:35 with my bare hands. Not if I had a pantilers, you could hurt. I mean, if I get out of the way and then I grab hold of those antlers, this thing, that's a steering wheel for a head. This thing is dead by dawn. Let me tell you. I'm not even gonna like dignify a response.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Seriously, dear, dear. I'm not talking bucks. Things that are like fucking like six feet tall. I'm talking like a deer runs across. Like a doe. Yes. I could kill one of those with my bare hands. I don't know that you can get a hold of it.
Starting point is 00:19:04 They're very jumpy. I Have such good strength If I were to get that thing in in leg scissors if I wrap my legs around this dose. What the hell are you talking about? If I can get this thing in leg scissors. Oh, who do you think you are if I can lap? Listen if I can wrap my legs If I can lap, listen, if I can wrap my legs around a doe's neck, it stands 0% chance. Frank, that's the hard part getting in that position. Put a deer in my legs and I guarantee you I can kill it. I can't do that. I can't.
Starting point is 00:19:38 I'm saying it's hard to get a get hold of a deer, dude. Why? They're just big dogs. Dude, they jump over a highway. Okay, yes. If they're trying to run away I'm gonna let it run away But if it's like we're stuck in this room with a deer. It's Dunzo, dude You know, it might kick your fucking head off now my head staying clean on my fucking about what about kangaroos?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Kangaroos might fuck me up. Yeah, dude. They might fuck me up. You got to keep a distance though I would slap the fuck I don't think there's really you I would say the opposite I say you need to get in close to a kangaroo No, bro. They sit back in there too. I was't think there's really, I would say opposite. I say you need to get in close to a kangaroo. Ah bro, they sit back in their tails, they'll kick the fucking shit out of you. And if they have distance, it's gonna hurt way more. If you get in close, close game,
Starting point is 00:20:12 you know, if you're right here with them, they can't extend their legs. Kangaroos will fuck me up. I don't know bro. Especially, but like, if I- I'll probably keep some distance. If I just grab that tail, I'm in a pretty good situation.
Starting point is 00:20:24 That shoulda's a spine. What'm gonna I'm gonna pretty good situation. That should Is a spine what you didn't know that no their tails like they're spine. That's why they sit back on their tails That's why they're able to kick Stop I thought it was just a tail dude. What do you think they were jumping up in the air and kicking and then landing? I thought they just had really powerful legs and and hips but Frank How do you think that they can kick with both feet? Magic? I thought they could go quick back on it.
Starting point is 00:20:48 But like, no, no, they could look, it's like, like I can jump in the air and kick both of my legs. I'm sure that's true. I can jump in the air and kick both my legs and land back on my feet. No, you can't. Joey, yes, I can. You can jump up, kick forward,
Starting point is 00:21:01 and then land with both feet. Yes, I would ask you to do it, but I don't want to run to the hospital right now. I'm doing this. He's gonna attempt. I don't wanna hit this. They're not gonna be able to see this, if you know that, right?
Starting point is 00:21:17 I know, but I'm gonna just prove to you that I can do it. Okay. Ah! He's laughing because I proved him wrong. I did it, folks. I fucking did it. You literally look like a four-year-old.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Just now, I'm not gonna lie. My left leg hurts bad. What? Sorry I'm saying. But it was saying, did I not? Tell me I did it. Did not like that. Tell me I didn't just do it.
Starting point is 00:21:43 No. He's a serious guy. Kangaroo spineine yeah, yeah, it's their tails tails spines He's upset. He's Joey's upset because I just proved him wrong and I jumped up and kicked both my legs and then landed on my feet again Cool kangaroos can do it so can humans But yeah, how did this even start we started talking about the guy the stupid sweater of my lobby and like I Am not who I am like by definition. Yes, you are. How could you not be who you are? You I don't know you know there's like weird like you know all you Brooklyn hipsters have like those weird brands
Starting point is 00:22:19 Like they'll wear a shirt that says hat and they're wear a hat They'll wear a hat that says hat and they're wear a hat. They'll wear a hat that's just pants. You're like they just they just love to do that shit. It just doesn't make sense. Honestly, you could definitely sell that to some people in Brooklyn. I can almost guarantee that it's a real thing already. I'm sure that's just pants. That's very funny. I like that. We do have some responses for today. Let's get into that. We have prize picks, prize picks. There's a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I've been playing prize picks during the football season, but you can now play with basketball. They have some crossover too. But you put together these lineups. Basically, you are playing against the prize picks projection. So someone like Travis Kelsey, is he going to have more or less than seven Seven reception so it's just that across all sports. They have a WMBA They have F1 they have the NFL NBA. They have pretty much every sport you can think of
Starting point is 00:23:15 So you can put together these lineups and you can win up to 25 times your money Which is great and like I said, it's just more or less than the projection So you're not playing against anyone else. It's just these projections that you need to, you know, be correct on. And yeah, my friends play it all the time now. I'm like, you guys using the code? What's up? And they have. So you can go to prize picks and play. It's a lot of fun. You know, if you're new to it, it's very easy to understand. You could set up lineups and not a long time. So yeah, go to pricepix.com slash basement, and use the code basement for a first deposit match
Starting point is 00:23:48 up to $100. And what that means is, if you put it in $100, they will match it, and you now you'll have $200 to kind of play with and make these lineups with. But if you put in 50 bucks, they'll put in 50 bucks. So they're gonna match it up to $100. So again, that is pricepix.com slash basement, and use the code basement for that first deposit match up to $100. So again, that is pricebix.com slash basement and use the code basement for that first deposit match
Starting point is 00:24:06 up to $100. But have some fun, a lot of sports out there. Another thing to win some money on, 25 times your money, kind of crazy. And some of my friends have won a bunch of money doing pricebix. I've won some money doing it as well. I've also lost some money doing it.
Starting point is 00:24:22 I'm not gonna lie. But it's a lot of fun. I definitely think you guys for trying it out. And we also have stamps.com. Stamps.com brings all the services of the post office right to your fingertips. All you need is computer and a printer. You can buy and print official US postage right from your home. For 25 years stamps.com has been indispensable for over one million businesses. So if you have a small business or you do e-commerce or something like that, and you send in a lot of packages, stamps.com.
Starting point is 00:24:53 You should use it. Going to the post office, kind of, you know, it could take a lot of your time. Also there is exclusive offers on stamps.com. So you're not only saving time, but you could be saving money. And I'm talking about big savings here. You get huge carrier discounts up to 89% off USPS and UPS rates to help your bottom line. So, there you go.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Your margin's just got bigger because of stamps.com. But you can sign up with the promo code basement for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts or anything like that, but you just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and enter the code basement, all right?
Starting point is 00:25:32 So go get yourself on stamps.com. If you're setting all those packages, you could be saving some money here. So stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and enter that code basement for the four-week trial free postage and free digital scale. All right, enjoy. All right, Frank. Yeah, before you say whatever the hell you're going to say, and it'll probably be stupid, I'm going to say something way smarter than he's about to say.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Go to patreon.com slash the base of your yard every single week. I tell you about patreon every single goddamn week. And the thing that people will tell you about life is that it's every goddamn day. So make your life a little bit better. Go to patreon.com slash the base when you are and sign up for our Patreon account. That's where you get more of us and more of us quicker. That's right. These weekly episodes, you can get those one week in advance if you sign up for that first year, and every subsequent year after that.
Starting point is 00:26:18 But then that second year, not only do you get those weekly episodes a week in advance, you get exclusive episodes that nobody gets the chance to see except for you. You, you little minks, you little horny bastard. So go check it out, patreon.com slash the basement yard, sign up today, and you get nothing special except for everything I just told you. There's no, you know, I'm no like, you know,
Starting point is 00:26:39 anything crazy. So go check it out, patreon.com slash the basement yard and make sure as Joey said earlier, go to thebasementyard.com. If you're coming to any of those live shows for the basement yard and make sure as Joey said earlier go to the basement yard.com If you're coming at any of those live shows for the basement yard experience January 19th January 26th or February 1st you want to make sure you fill out that questionnaire Maybe we'll talk about you to you you never know go check it out at the base video.com And you could also sign up to get emails from Joe just him not me. He doesn't want me to send emails
Starting point is 00:27:03 He told me very specifically, no, none of that, where we will tell you possibly about some new dates that might be coming in new places. So check it out at thebaseronear.com and patreon.com slash the basement yard. Basement yard, base, yard. Someone recently in like a cameo asked me, they were like, hey, why don't you do the ad reads and I'm I tried and I'm not good
Starting point is 00:27:29 You could if you want I know but I can't and I don't want there you go You know, but you're just like your business Joe like you're good at this so like why why if it ain't broke don't fix it You know what I mean and you ain't broke You know what I mean and you ain't broke. Oh man. Um, anyway, I just wanted to talk about this. I got my shoes off too. Look at me. I know. Why do I take my shoes off every time I do this? I just did it today because I saw you do it and I gotta say,
Starting point is 00:27:54 this is a stellar carpet. That's what I'm saying. Very good carpet. I haven't heard that adjective in years. I don't mind it. Stellar? Stellar. Stellar. Superb. Don't love that one.
Starting point is 00:28:04 Supreme. Getting further from that one. Supreme. Getting further from the point. I think it's a really good treatment. Yeah, I don't know, I like being barefoot. I don't. You ever hear the thing, it's like if you walk outside, barefoot, you're like getting charged up. Oh no, ground it, what's that?
Starting point is 00:28:18 You're grounding. Like your like electricity-wise? Yeah, like it's like grounding you. Like you're getting electricity. Well, if you go, yeah, if you go out barefoot because the electricity is running through your body because there's like a natural current that like runs Yeah, but it's like yeah, and like you're getting it. Yeah, that's why you go out with sneakers It you you're like okay because of the rubber souls Yeah, but I like if I walk outside and I'm barefoot. I'm charging up like I can like I guess technically you can just like you're like ready to go
Starting point is 00:28:43 What if you go outside barefoot you drink a paneroleminade and you do a smelling salt You might just fucking explode you might take off and fly. Yeah, you know That'd be great. You ever heard the thing where it's like if if you like get Your hands dirty and like dirt it like releases like What is the one the good one in your like the neurotoxin in your body, like serotonin, something like that, it releases it into you, it makes you happy. If I take dirt and I go like this,
Starting point is 00:29:11 if you get a box of dirt, or if you go into a front yard and you just start digging and you get dirt in your hands, it's like your body is like so happy. I do soil in my hands. I like the white parts of soil. You know, in potting mix? It's racism. Feels like so happy. I do like soil in my hands. I like the white parts of soil. You know, and like potting mix. It's racism. Feels like it is.
Starting point is 00:29:28 I guess it is. I guess. Yeah, because the other parts are good too. Just as good as the white parts. Yeah, I said that. But no, I like having, like when you, like my mom would, what's that called when you switch a plant? You put it in a pot it,
Starting point is 00:29:43 when she was repotting a plant, but you have that fresh soil that's kind of like, it's like light, and airy, and fluffy. It's like a browning, almost. It's like a cake, dude. And I just love going like that. I do too. I also like kind of feeling roots.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Like when you put, like when they pull the plant out and like the dirt like falls off the bottom and then it's just like a dang little root. And it's like chunks, it's chunks. All about it. Like the chunks that fall and hit the the bottom and then it's just like the dangles and the ruse. And it's like chunks, it's chunks. All about it. Like the chunks that fall and hit the ground and you're like, I like the chunk. I'm a dirt for some reason.
Starting point is 00:30:10 That makes a lot of sense. I used to dig a lot in my front yard when I was young. I do. I actually oddly enough really remember that. That we used to dig in my front yard. Not me, you. Like you were a big, like you dug. I like to dig.
Starting point is 00:30:22 And I remember you always had like dirty hands. No, this is not a bad thing. This is not a bad thing, but like, it's like such a like a kid thing for their to be like dirty. It could be like dirty. And like you would always have dirty hands whether it be from playing basketball or just digging in your front yard like a fucking mere cat.
Starting point is 00:30:38 I did dig a lot for some reason. I like to look at worms. I don't like to touch them, but I like to see them. And I like to see them like make their way through the dirt. When they do that weird worm thing, where they squish their body, and then they make it longer, and they go into something.
Starting point is 00:30:51 It's like a penis, dude. Like how does it do that? You ever seen a blood worm? What's that? Google that bitch. Does it like red? It spits up red vomit on you, and it has copper teeth.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Yeah! Bro! Oh yeah. Oh yeah dude. Ew dude. And it has like real? It has like copper teeth and it's like, this looks like you're done.
Starting point is 00:31:15 This literally looks like a cock. Let me see it. Why do I, why, what? This looks like a cock but the, but the tip of the cock has teeth. That's not the tip of a cock. Joy, what is your dick? I mean, it doesn't look like that.
Starting point is 00:31:28 What is your dick? That's made way more red. That is way not my dick. But like a, yeah, because you're brown. But this is like pink, dude. I can have a bit of a pink dick. You don't know my dick. I do know you're dick.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Yes. Yeah, these are disgusting, dude. Can they kill? Dude, they have those teeth. Look at those teeth. Yeah, but they do. You have to see a video of them spitting out. What do they do?
Starting point is 00:31:54 They like spit up and they like get them, they like extend their mouths to like show their teeth and they suck them in. It is, I guess it's like a dick, a worm. Yeah, dude, why don't we eradicate this? I think it's like, it's like a big part of like swamplans and stuff like that. Give a fuck, fuck this thing.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, you ever seen the people that go to beaches and like pour sand on like the shoreline and then they get this worm that's like this big, dude? No. I used to, oh, speaking of digging, I used to do that a lot too.
Starting point is 00:32:27 I would go to the beach and I would look for sand crabs. Oh, the little sand, what do they call sand dollars? The little, the little sand crabs. Just said it, sand crabs. Just said it, sand crabs. Sand fleas. Nope. What's a sand crab?
Starting point is 00:32:38 It's a thing. It's at the beach. It's got little feet. It's like a crab. It's like, it doesn't look like a crab though but they call them sand crabs I think they're called sand fleas ill but I would dig and I would find them and they're like afraid of the light they're like vampires so they're like no no no and they try to go back in they did quick
Starting point is 00:32:59 they did quick those things go really fast They do and how do they like live down there like there's nothing down there What do they eat exactly the fuck sand? I don't know dude if there was an animal that ate sand I'd go to the beach be a fat cat What if I if there if I was an animal and like my whole diet was sand. Oh, I'd be I'd be the happiest fucking person in the world Let's go to the beach live your whole life free food What a weird thought that that is honestly we say a lot of weird stuff on the show, but that is strange It's weird that I like to I like to hold those I haven't held one in a while But I do like to hold those no little legs are like kicking a little yeah, and like usually that would gross me out For some reason when I was younger like sand crabs. I was just cool. How do you feel like if if there were a
Starting point is 00:33:48 coffin full of worms now I don't know oh worms I'm more inclined to do it with worms because they don't have feet shit What feet is what I'm grossed out cockroaches? Fuck no god god? I can't know aunt aunt No, Greg and Ann yo you could do that if you want to but I'm serious They were like I would be very mad. I would be very mad if you guys were like, we're gonna prank him with a cockroach. Like I would be furious. What if we just like taped off this,
Starting point is 00:34:12 like all of the orfuses in this room and put you in this room and just threw boxes of cockroaches in here. I'm kicking the window. I'm like I'm kicking the window and it's not happening bro. Ah, you'd be alright. No. Yeah, you'd be I don't I don't like that shit you would you would do that though like let's say it was like fear factor Right and we were on it you put me in a box and you just fill it with cockroaches. No problem really not a single
Starting point is 00:34:37 What about if it was like your head in a glass case and they just like poured them on your head? Yeah, whatever dude. What about spiders? What kind of spiders? Who cares? Yeah, definitely kid. What about spiders? What kind of spiders? Who cares? Yeah, definitely care. Daddy long legs, don't give a shit. Now if you're telling me you're putting me in, it's like all tarantulas, then we got a problem. Yeah, those are rancies.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Because those got teeth, big teeth. Well, they're not gonna bite you. They're just gonna touch you. Oh, they're not okay. Oh my God, I can't think about it. I can't even think about it. I wouldn't even be able to be in the room. My punishment on fear factor would be to watch someone do it. Like, I'd be like, I can't even about it. I can't even think about it. I wouldn't even be able to be in the room. My punishment on FearFactor would be to watch someone do it.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Like, I'd be like, I can't even watch this. That would be all right. Listen, we're getting off topic here. I don't know if you saw this, but the New York mayor. What's his name? Eric Adams. Eric Adams did say Ed. I did say Ed.
Starting point is 00:35:20 This is all mayor, Ed. Gomez Adams. What? The Adams family. May of Ed. Gomez Adams. What? The Adams family? I said Ed. I know. Who are you talking about? I'm just making a joke like Gomez Adams.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Really nailed, Joe. Well, nailed. We're gonna do it. It's in the air. I'm shaking the cops. New York Mayor Eric Adams did an interview with Pixel 11, which is like a news outlet here in New York City, and gave the most insane answer. Someone asked him like, what would you, if you could use one word to define New York?
Starting point is 00:35:53 What would you use? He also used a paragraph. He said, well, no, he said, New York. That was his death, what is that? His short answer was New York. And he said, New York. New York said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said,
Starting point is 00:36:06 And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said,
Starting point is 00:36:12 And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said,
Starting point is 00:36:18 And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said,
Starting point is 00:36:23 And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, And he said, and he said, And he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and he said, and heo you and he. Thank you. He's good. Thank you. He goes. New York. It's the place where one day. I'm going to. I know you want to get the exact quote, but I'm going to I'm going to frame it in the way that makes it sound like crazy as he goes. One day you could be celebrating someone opening a new business the next day. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He's like, you know why New York's cool? You know why it's awesome? Could be a terrorist attack. Could be either 9-11 or a great day. You could be walking down and then, I don't know, 1,500 people just perish.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Could be like that. It could be cool. What a colossally, now listen. I guess we are being a little hypocritical. We have openly talked about 9-11. We're not the mayor of New York, we're doing idiots. We're talking about podcasts, Frank. It's so different.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Do you understand? I'm not. 9-11. We're not the mayor of New York with Duiddy, it's we're talking about podcasts Frank. It's so different. Do you understand how it like you are not selling it the way you think you're selling it. It's be like it could either be something wholesome and community driven. Like someone celebrating the opening of a new family run business, or an insane terrorist attack. The biggest American tragedy. In recent years, it's like, what is going on here?
Starting point is 00:37:50 Where are you saying? And then he went on to say, the next sentence is like, this is the ending of his answer. This is a very, very complicated city, and that's why it's the greatest city on the globe. Well, absolutely wild. Isn't a complicated city, yes.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Did you have to drive home the biggest terrorist attack on human soil? If you're not counting, it's so funny. You could, on US soil, I should say. He's, you could experience everything. You could experience everything. Look at that hot dog, bro. Walking the park.
Starting point is 00:38:24 A hot dog on the corner. See in the ball drop in Times Square. Oh, Samo bin Laden getting men to drive planes into the trade center and ate in the mall. Two iron eagles hitting the fucking. Come on, dude. What impossible conspiracy that George Bush, the own government sabotaging New York City could be.
Starting point is 00:38:43 It is such a, like, he he's also let's let's also Call it how we see it. He he is also undergoing a federal investigation. So yeah, the guy's under investigation by the FBI No one's correct like you know like dude. Oh my god. What like this was new York It's such a great city. You can get a hot dog You could experience it you first New York City hot dog. Or it could be a guy driving through the gate parade and kill on a couple of people. You never know you're gonna get. That's like legitimately.
Starting point is 00:39:13 And I hate to make like, I'm not making light of this, but like, that's like someone advertising Las Vegas is like, anything can happen in Las Vegas. Even in insane shooting, like, what are you doing? You can see the jab walkies, or you can get shot at a concert. It's like, what? This is not happening to me. This is not happening to me.
Starting point is 00:39:32 This is not happening to me. This is not happening to me. This is not happening to me. It's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like,
Starting point is 00:39:41 dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude,? What is, like, it is just like, oh my god. People don't like Eric Adams. I don't know enough about him, but not a good, you know, can ride the subway or car bomb.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Ah! Well, like what's going on? You know, like people should start realistically like advertising their travel destinations based off of the way that he's trying to sell New York. It's an incredibly complicated place. That's a very strange way to put it. That's that's so weird. Talk about the-
Starting point is 00:40:14 So many things you could say. Talk about the absolute just fucking culture pot. Oh, it's a melting pot. There's so many restaurants and places you can go and- And there's part- Yeah, exactly. Yes, yeah. That's like he's saying on that Somebody's like again, it also smells like P.P. When they're homeless people. It's like you don't need to be experienced a homeless man Jerk and he's cocking funny on the st. Incredibly complicated. It's complicated. You could might Complicated after just Oh, stop, do it, complicate it after just... I'm just embarrassed.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Listen, he's not wrong. This is a complicated city. It absolutely is a complicated city for multiple reasons. I don't think you should lead with 9-11. Just don't. Don't. That should be number 809 on your list. Listen, for any people watching this that might run for office one day,
Starting point is 00:41:05 whatever, however you are going to be politically involved, let me give you the smallest, the smallest, pinch of advice, pinch, baby, dick, piece of advice. Don't open up with whatever the worst tragedy is by your play. Don't be like, ah! You know, fucking New York, home of the son of Sam, baby. Like, don't do that. Home of the son of Sam. You know, like, come on. Man, shout out to Eric Adams, man.
Starting point is 00:41:39 East Palestine, Ohio. Come here for the train to railman's. Leave immediately after. The fuck is that? Maybe you should watch some fucking news Every now and then I prefer not to watch the news Yeah, it being kidnapped people being set on fire. Well either you're gonna watch it and learn about it there or fucking Eric Adams I'll tell you about God all right, we do have some more sponsors for today. How you doing? Rocket money Friends of the show rocket money. it's all one personal finance app.
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Starting point is 00:44:01 But yeah, you can go on Hello fresh, you pick out stuff and then they send it right to your doorstep. It comes in a box and makes sure all the ingredients are like cooled to the ones that have to be cooled. And like I said, it's pre-portioned. You don't have to keep all this stuff in your fridge or whatever. It just, you use it all when you cook.
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Starting point is 00:47:30 I've heard of this and this is a thing that like I remember from when I was younger that like my brothers had. They were afraid to order? They would be like that order for us. Great, a lot of the places we would go to were like Spanish restaurants. Obviously, I didn't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Starting point is 00:47:43 So yeah, but like I've heard of, I've fucking seen people that have this where like they Spanish restaurants. I was here like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So yeah, but like, I've heard of, I've fucking seen people that have this, where like they go out and they're just like, I think I'm gonna take, just order for me. Really? I know people that are like, like, I'll order, I know like, I'll just do that. Cause I guess-
Starting point is 00:47:58 But that's different. I think that's just, that's just like, you hear something good and it's like, oh yeah, all right, yeah, just that. But like every time they do it. But I think it's like, like an anxiety like they don't want to be spoken to really what like Guys
Starting point is 00:48:11 Or your fucking food one of the one of the foundation like Parts of going to a restaurant is having to talk to at least one person. Yeah The person in your food order Menu anxiety. I just don't understand. I can understand if the person is like, you know, like, what's that restaurant? It's like a chain. Oh, Dicks last resort. Remember that place? They had them in like Vegas. Hey, man, I've never been to a Dicks last resort. Listen, I've never been to, but I've never been to. That's, that's a weird way of putting you were to. You were to many years ago. I've never been to that's that's a weird way of put you were to you were to many years ago
Starting point is 00:48:45 I've never been either but it's like the restaurant where like the gimmick is like the waiters and waitresses are all just like complete assholes Oh, yeah, they call you a bitch or something don't put like a hat on you that's like you know comes too fast or something like that Uh-huh, which is a wild concept. I do like that idea for restaurants. I would be The owner of that company in a week. Yeah, you would probably have some people walking out. But it's like, if it's like a restaurant like that where they have a gimmick and it's just like uncomfortable for you, which one don't go there.
Starting point is 00:49:15 But two also, just go, just talk, just say what you want. All you have to do is just say, this is what I want. There might be a follow up question, how you want to cook, but it's not that complicated. Yeah, I don't know, man. The fact that Gen Z is having menu anxiety is kind of crazy to me, like just order your fucking food, where I do understand that there's some menu anxiety as like ordering wines or something like that,
Starting point is 00:49:38 because I don't know how to pronounce any of these. So I have to be like, you just go this. That one. That one. I love that one. Like I literally, like, have to be like, you just go this. That one. That one. I love that one. Like, I literally, like, and you're like a kid. It's like, I love that it's become like a thing now. Like, we've gone out to, it's more offensive
Starting point is 00:49:53 to try and pronounce it, right? I would say so, whereas like, let me get the shuffle goal photo. Yeah, and they're like, and they'll say it back to you completely different. Like, so that one, you're like, yes, has to be, I guess. Yes, it is. I don't know, I trust you. But it's just funny because like it's also now like it was probably a very real thing
Starting point is 00:50:10 Like the wine tasting thing at the beginning of a meal We're like they give it to you and you do the you know and the taste it like yes, okay Yes, I'm very good. Okay. I'll take the bottle But like now I feel like places do it and most people that do that just aren't gonna take it anyways Like even if it tastes like dog shit. But you're fucking, you're annoying with that shit. Because when we went to dinner not too long ago, he was like, oh, he's really gonna try
Starting point is 00:50:32 and you were making it a whole spectacle. Like let's just go through the motions. I was making it a spectacle. Not the person that was like, mm, okay. A little, little, little, little, little. No, I could say, drink it and you went, check the legs, that's what you said. In an Italian restaurant, I said, check I drank it and you went check the legs. That's what you said in a rush and an Italian restaurant I'm like check the legs. You didn't check the legs. I'm like shut the fuck off. Oh forget me for making jokes and having fun
Starting point is 00:50:53 Joey this is what all right, you know what now the fucking gates are open here comes the flood you're ready Hope you got your arc. They're floodgates. Well, whatever Joey when we go out, he becomes so like, I am dad, you're embarrassing me in front of everyone. You're embarrassed. We went to a studio's dinner not long ago, okay? Joey very kindly, graciously did a studio's dinner. Thank you for that, by the way.
Starting point is 00:51:22 Just, I wanna make sure I say that before I absolutely eviscerate you here. That was very kind. Good time. I have a comeback. Go ahead. Joey does the whole like you're embarrassing me. Oh, Frankie, they can hear you. Oh, like we're having a good time, dude. We're standing out of studios. We put the fun in fun. You know what I'm saying? Like we know exactly how to party because we're good fun fucking people. Joey becomes, when he's out with us, it's all like, mm, you're embarrassing me.
Starting point is 00:51:52 Blu-bblu-bblu. No, so at any point, did I say you're embarrassing me? No. But you act like it, you act like this. Shhh. Oh, mm. That's what you do. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Okay. I'll tell you why he's saying that. We were there, mind you, Shh! Oh, mm! That's what you do. Okay! I'll tell you why he's saying that. We were there, mind you, this place is not a very big play. It wasn't big. And also wasn't very loud. Oh, there was a lot of loud music playing. A lot of loud music. There was a lot of loud music.
Starting point is 00:52:18 There was loud music. There was loud Christmas music. We're a group of seven, or what a seven or eight, or whatever the fuck it is and There's like talking and shit. So we're louder than most people are on the date. It's one two minutes Like I like like they're like you know doing that. I don't think so we're loud already Frankie is now yelling from corner to corner of the table is going something about clapping cheeks Sun about yeah, what's it clapping cheeks and like oh no talking about sex most of the other people at the tables are probably doing the same thing just
Starting point is 00:52:49 Lowly sorry you Brooklyn the thing are you Brooklyn weird? I was on fucking openly joke about stuff Clap and she's screaming clapping cheeks in a restaurant so we get so he gets so embarrassed like and it wasn't just me that you did this You did other people to fucking oh, okay Because they're doing the same thing. They're sure we're having a good time. We're having a good time Joey You know and Joey gets a wine bottle. He's like Let me get the art you ordered a glass of orange wine I wanted to put my head through the window. It was good. It was it looked pretty good I'm not gonna lie like like you do you do, you got, you got like,
Starting point is 00:53:25 you get it in bearish. Because I don't, because, and I will admit that I do, I don't get like that, but like, I don't like being the loudest people in a restaurant. I agree. And we're not always allowed to be the same.
Starting point is 00:53:37 So when you're screaming about clapping, and like, that's another thing. I don't mind being loud at a restaurant as long as it's not like, what's the word I'm looking for like Ron she I guess Obscene because like there's like a little old lady next to us and you're talking about clapping cheeks You know who's probably the happiest person that night the little old woman that was reminiscing about fucking, you know Gerald Ford clapping her cheeks back in the first model 3, okay?
Starting point is 00:54:00 Everything was a good time. She was probably so excited Everything was a good time. She was probably so excited Whoever Gerald Ford Henry Ford my Gerald Ford was like a president Yeah, whoever it on metal Doesn't matter. That's funny. Um, it was a good time. It was a great good time I had a good time, but we didn't have many anxiety. We all ordered. Yeah, we are. Oh, yeah I just I I also like ordering. I do too. Like I like doing, like, that's why I said,
Starting point is 00:54:28 I was like, you know, can I just do apps? Cause like everyone will just eat whatever. Yeah, I just, I don't, I don't feel that order anxiety. And I guess I would have to speak with someone that does to see why. But then listen, I am fully sympathetic to people that suffer from anxiety disorders and any capacity. But like, if you have that type of anxiety,
Starting point is 00:54:48 what are the half-chicken and shut up though, come on. But like why put yourself in that situation? Like, it's not like it's like an absolutely ridiculous thing that us boomers are holding onto, like, you in interaction, you must order. But like, that's a pretty fundamental part of any dining experience is having to at least say hey, I want this yeah What's the well? I don't even know what the alternative is but the alternative is putting it on like have you been to like a chilees or something?
Starting point is 00:55:18 No, I guess not I don't see if I've ever been to chilees I've been, Chile's they put like a tablet at your table and you just order on the tablet. I don't hate that. I don't hate it either, but like, I don't want that to be the norm. Not. They're taking our jars. Targarder!
Starting point is 00:55:35 But I also like, you know, you strike me as I like, what's good, I do. Frankie takes the menu, he's probably, I could just picture you like, the menu's just what about you and you're like what do you like what's good I I will say this also if you're between items here we better be between two items yeah if you're there like I'm between these three what are you saying
Starting point is 00:56:00 and also also either commit to the specials or don't yeah like don't do this whole like Mmm, but that like either you hear a special. You're just like yes or Don't also you got questions about the specials you better be ordering a special Yeah, don't ask if you hear a special and you have a soon Question about it. It's yours. It's getting you're getting you have to and one question about it, it's yours. You're getting it. You're back to y'all. I'm with you at that.
Starting point is 00:56:26 You're asking questions about the specials. You're a bad-ig at it. Yeah, because if you go, no, you're not going to get any new information about the special that you didn't get in its original description that is going to deter you from getting it. There's nothing. I hate it, dude.
Starting point is 00:56:40 I hate that so much. I fucking hate that. I am the type, though, I'll say like, I'm stuck between the stake and the salmon. What do you think is better? I'm definitely, but I think that's okay. That's fine, but if there's three items that you're stuck between, and if you do that, if you do what I just said, and they say,
Starting point is 00:56:59 the stake is probably a little better, more people like it, and then you go with the opposite choice. You just, I will get up and leave. You want to hear yourself. I legitimately, you wanted to hear yourself talk, murder yourself in the sleep. I will literally get up and leave. I can't, I can't.
Starting point is 00:57:12 Like, especially when it comes to like, at restaurants with like, waiters and stuff, it's like you have all these questions and you just, once you say, I'm stuck between these two things, you've relinquished the power of all time. You're locked in. They are choosing what you have for dinner
Starting point is 00:57:25 Yes, and you fucking are gonna 100,000 percent. That's it. We're not arguing here. We agree I know I'm just fired up I'm fired up to between the steak and the chicken. They're like chicken. They're like I'll have to steak I would have been like yeah, I would have lost it too. I really can't pick these rib sound delicious But also the Talapia and it's like well, you know the ribs are our favorite here You know it's like you know what give me the burger. Oh my god. You're done dude. You're so don't listen not even a joke You're so done Also when people are like how's that cooked? I got Bobby fly over here on a kitchen all you spend
Starting point is 00:58:05 $20,000 a year on Uber Eats and now you're asking how it's cooked. We interested eat the fucking thing It's shut up. It doesn't rest around etiquette is so weird because your friend that will literally eat a carrot off the floor Goes into a building and then wants to know exactly what kind of oil is used to fry their burger My god just go in or the people Listen, I'm understandable about like substitutions with certain things but I recently went to do I went to a birthday dinner a couple months ago and it was a prefix menu and someone was just like all right I'm gonna do the rib-eye steak and they're like oh that's not on the prefix menu it was like I really want the rib-eye steak and they're
Starting point is 00:58:43 like I would have lost and it gets worse it gets so much worse it was like, I really want the rib-by-stake. And they were like, I would have lost. And they were like, listen, it gets worse. It gets so much worse. It was like, oh, but that's not, like, sorry. Like, the chef created the prefix menu, and they were just like, but I want, I'm dining here. Oh, no. I want the, and they were like, they were like, no, sorry. And they're like, all right, you know what, whatever.
Starting point is 00:59:01 I won't get anything. Or they were like, so that's what they did. And then the waiter came back, boycott. Listen, the waiter came back 20 minutes later. It was like, you know what, whatever, give me, I won't get anything. Or they were like, so that's what they did. And then the waiter came back, boycott, listen, the waiter came back 20 minutes later, it was like, you know what, I spoke to the chef for a bit of a surcharge. You know, we are gonna give you the, the, the, the, the rib-eye steak, you know, and they were like, oh my God, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:59:19 The rib-eye steak came, they didn't take a single bite. A, Joey, I wish this was a joke. You took it. No, no, they took it home, but they didn't take a single bite Joey I wish this was a joke you took it. No, they took it home But they didn't eat a single bite of this rib-eye steak Would have lost my mind I would aided at the fucking table. I would aided like You better fucking eat that now, dude. I couldn't believe it and it's funny because I was talking to my buddy Atthward I was like that was a bitch my bitch much right like that was a bitch much That was a bit over the top and they were just like no, I thought that was okay And I was like that's a wild dude
Starting point is 00:59:53 Also, this is kind of like what I was saying before but when people ask questions about an item and they're like how many You know of the ribs to do that what it's like. Oh, it's like this and whatever. It's like cool I'll have something completely different. I'm like Doesn't make sense Serious serious. Oh guys. I'm gonna give you another piece of advice those politicians I'm giving you another piece of advice. Oh my god if you ask about a menu item The eight you have an 80% chance likelihood of getting it and if you go with the 20% It better be something insane you better like it. And if you go with the 20%, it better be something insane.
Starting point is 01:00:27 You better explain yourself to it if you're gonna change. If you're like, oh, what's it, can I have this in this? And then it's like, they're like, oh, it's cooked like this or whatever. You better have an explanation if you're gonna switch. You better be like, oh, I don't really, you know, you can't just be like, well, I'll have that. And listen to fuck up, Ratatouille. If you're gonna order something
Starting point is 01:00:45 and then ask questions about where the cheese is from or something like that, just don't get it. Bro. Just don't get it. You know what's even worse? Trust the restaurant, dude. What's wrong with you people? I'm afraid you're afraid of order
Starting point is 01:00:58 that when you do order, it's not the... I can't, I really can't. I've been at restaurants with Aspo before and we get our food And then he finishes it and then he holds up the plate and he goes Where do you guys get these? I'm like when do you open up your restaurant? What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you gonna do realistically with that information go home and order a white plate because it's not but it's not white plates It comes on these like very irregular shaped things that are like it looks like rock or whatever the fuck and I'm like Even if they are gonna tell you what are you gonna even start eating dinner up on that?
Starting point is 01:01:34 Yeah, what are you gonna do? What are your plates on Amazon like a normal person? Yeah, no I love I love when people are like so enamored by like the silverware and they're just like where did you get Restaurant Depot I love when people are so enamored by the silverware and they're just like, where did you get restaurant depot? That's the answer. Do whatever you think you're gonna do with that information. I hate that so much, dude. I mean, listen, you had a drink out of a fucking bird's ass the other day. That was crazy.
Starting point is 01:02:00 That's a cool drink, but you're never gonna get that glass. No question. You're never never gonna get that glass. No questions. You're never ever gonna get that glass in your whole life. I won't ask. Shit. Well, I may ask like, or honestly, if I look at the menu and I don't know something, I will take on my phone and cool.
Starting point is 01:02:15 Like, I'll be like, I don't even know what the fuck that is and I'll Google it to make sure I don't know. Oh, like, instead of being like, what do you shut those e-gong fault phones? Yeah, there's no way I'm doing that. Oh, no, I won't Google want one. No, I know. It was an example. it was an example. It was an example. It's like, oh, it's made with a certain type of cheese.
Starting point is 01:02:28 But like, though, it doesn't say cheese. It just says the word. I don't know if you're like this, but like, let's say, you know, there's like a lamb dish on a menu. And it says, okay, there's lamb, potatoes, and then there's like some stuff that you don't really know what it is. People who like lamb, some people who like lamb
Starting point is 01:02:48 will look at that and be like, I wanna order that, but I don't know what these are. And I'm like, you already, like the main thing is there. The other things are probably sticks and stones. Yeah, yeah, you just get it. It's a seasoning, like it's not safe. It's really not gonna make too much of a difference. People, I have to say, as a human race,
Starting point is 01:03:05 we have failed restaurants. We have failed because we have just gone in and just absolutely butchered them to all hell. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I don't, I just realized how much like, there's so many ways that I could be completely uncomfortable by the people I'm with at a restaurant. And also, the people that are just like,
Starting point is 01:03:23 how's the fish? It's fish, It's fish. It's good. It's gonna be exactly like fish. You can't really do too much to make it not fish. Yeah. Just, yeah. There's only been one time.
Starting point is 01:03:35 The only question that I will ask is, is that enough for the table? Yes, yes, exactly. Because like, should we get two of these things or like, you know, there's a bunch of us, like should we get two of these things or like you know, there's a bunch of us like should we get two of these or whatever. Like that's fine, but don't, what all these other fucking questions.
Starting point is 01:03:50 Also gotta say, sending food back. No, don't even bring that phone over me enough. Don't even bring that phone over me enough. I rather get Sal Manella and kill over and die in the bathroom of the restaurant. I'm not sending it back. To a super, super, super specific degree. But like, for instance, I get my steaks cook medium rare if it comes a little undercooked or a little overcooked
Starting point is 01:04:09 I'm eating it right it's okay But if it comes and it has a used condom on top then I'll send it back. Yeah, that's understandable But if there's a human finger I may just move it out of the way. I may just move it out of the way I need it Because I just I just I'm not gonna I'm not sending it back be careful, dude There's fingers. Yeah, you never know. There's some places recently That have been in the final like weird like McDonald's is under like someone filed a lawsuit against McDonald's for finding a crack pipe in their food Fire someone in like New York and that like you know the salad place chopped
Starting point is 01:04:44 Uh-huh, they found a finger in theirs. Well, I mean they're chopping all day. I'm telling you right now That's why I heard someone in like New York and that like you know the salad place chopped. They found a finger in theirs. Well, I mean they're chopping all day. I'm telling you right now, if I find a finger in my food, I'm rich. I'm the, I'm not scared. I am so happy, dude. I'm eating it, I'm biting the finger
Starting point is 01:04:57 and I'm suing hard. Yeah. Oh yeah, a thousand percent. I'm taking a bite out of a finger. I'll go to the hospital, get whatever pill cocktail I need to make sure I'm okay. But your boy, if I go to a chain restaurant and there's fingers in my food,
Starting point is 01:05:12 I'm praying for a finger these days. Come on over, I'm throwing a party. Yeah, I'm praying for a finger these days. Finger in the popcorn chicken. Anyway, we're gonna find you Frank. F-alvers 88-5 on Twitter, X, whatever the hell hell it's called the Frank Galvers and all other forms of social media and then go check out the base Vinyard on all forms of social media Yeah, that's all I got you guys can go follow me at Joe Sanigato go follow the show at the base mirror on a
Starting point is 01:05:37 Tix-Ock and Instagram patreon.com slash the base me art and go to the base mirror dot com and If you're coming to those first three shows, fill out that audience form. And yeah, just like let us know what shows you're gonna be. That's gonna be a lot of fucking fun. Can't wait to see you guys out there. And we'll see you guys next time. you

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