The Basement Yard - #446 - Frank Walked Into A Crime Scene

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

Let's hope he didn't leave any DNA! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing, Frank? I am not doing good. Good. No, why not? Fucking hi. First of all.

Hello. Good to see you. It's good to see you. People don't know this. You start recording. I walk in and I come in here. We don't talk at all. We just we just show up and sit completely untrue.

It is very untrue. Doing well ish. Right. Doing well, ish. Right. Because of some ish. Right, what happened? What's the ish in your life? The ish, I briefly keyed Joey in on what was going on. There was, I don't know how to explain it outside of it,

like it might've been a crime scene. I went to arrest- You walked into a crime scene? Possibly possibly but not like death like everyone I think is okay big bloody scene no blood legit human shit everywhere no example exaggeration what would be the crime attached to this human shit bloody scene well you know a shit and run that's it here we go folks that's comedy for you that run. Later folks, that's it. Here we go folks, that's comedy for you.

That's what you signed up for. Enjoy that. That's what you came here for and that's what we're giving you. What happened? You went to a rest stop? Yeah, on the way here, I drink, I try to drink fluids, you know,

I wanna stay hydrated because We don't need to know this far back. You went to a rest stop, let's get there. Oh, let me, I drink water. We know how the body works. Cause anyone, you didn't, no one, ever wrote the Bible No one told them how to tell stories Joey, so let me fucking do how I do. Okay?

I don't know how that applies did write the Bible Mark and Peter and John and Luke and shit. Oh the guys that put like it's like John 316 and the aposties 1201 I actually don't know what those numbers are like John 316 Is it like chapter 3 page 11? I would assume that know what those numbers are like John 3 16 is it chapter 3 page 11? I would assume that's what it is It's like so if you want to find it quickly you just go to chapter John page 3 line 16 No, you don't go chapter John you go to John the book of John and then you go chapter 3 Is that a book? I thought it was the book of Genesis and the New Testament

I don't know but there's letters too. There's letters to the Corinthians who wrote those Oh from Corinthians is a wild word to just throw out at me, Joey. The letters from St. Paul to the, so St. Paul, who's that? I got no idea who this Paul character is. But he wrote letters to the Corinthians who I don't know, but they sound like a gang of people. First of all, one, Corinthians sounds sick.

It honestly sounds really cool. It does. Like it sounds like an offshoot of like an X-Men evil team. You know what I mean? Like it's like this week, professor X is going after the Corinthians. Yeah. You know, cause they've captured Cyclops.

Which we don't know. Maybe they were enemies of sort. I have no idea. I'm not quite sure. Also don't know who Sean St. Paul. I always call them Sean Paul. Yeah. Well, you know, Sean Paul. We know Sean Paul.

Sean Paul way better than St. Paul. Sean Paul, come and call you know Sean Paul. We know Sean Paul. Sean Paul, way better than Saint Paul probably. Sean Paul, come cosa den. I don't know what he says, but that's what he says. Shonda Paul. Come cosa den. Whatever that means. You know, we're on board with it though. He don't even care what people say.

He doesn't even watch what they are doing. What does he say? He just wanna stick to his guns like glue and I'm- Play number two? I don't know what he says. I'll be honest two I'll be honest I'll be honest I say I sang those words without knowing what he was saying yeah hindsight bad idea right I mean you tried but the Bible is very confusing

though there's you would think there'd be some sort of table of contents to be like I would just the book I'm sure there have been revisions made to it where they're just like yo if you want to read about like understanding human sacrifice and like doing good unto the neighbors and stuff like that, you go to this page. Human sacrifice isn't in the- wait, yeah it is. It is in the Bible. Well there you go. Yeah it is. Like there's got to be like an index or something where like it's like Jesus is mentioned on all of these pages.

Right. I would assume most pages. Well, it's the book about Jesus, dude. Is it about him? It's the book of God. I was gonna say, Joey- But he's a byproduct of God, so he's the main, he's the protagonist. I'll be very honest about something. That is one of the most confusing points. Who's God? Jesus or God? And if Jesus isn't God, what's Jesus?

And if, and if- He's the son of God you dumbass. Okay, but if he, well why do we- He's the lamb of God. The lamb? Who take away the sins over the world, have mercy on us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a song to my grandma used to sing to me when I was misbehaving She sounds like a really fucking awesome woman. She was Irish. Don't you dare? She was tough. She was only singing them out of that She was tough classic Irish Catholic guilt and you know it probably maybe but she I know I don't think that she had a whole Lot of guilt she used to hit me with no remorse, but she did always she knew honor or Big Newton she for some reason

Fig Newton's that was like I don't know. I don't know. I think I liked them when I was young. They're okay But what's that? What's that around the fig? What's that? It's like it's like cardboard cookie I'm not quite sure if they had that with no no like fucking fig filling. Yeah, no one's eating that shit Well,, yeah. Well yeah, duh. That's what I'm saying. The fig is everything. Fig jam, I'll beat up a fucking piece of shit

for the fig jam, dude. Think it the fuck easy, okay? I love that shit. Jesus Christ, what if I wrapped a fig Newton in like a fucking fat piece of prosciutto for ya? No, honestly, yeah. I would heat up the fig Newton so it's a little runny. Hot Figgies?

What the hell is Figgy Pudding, by the way? Everyone during Christmas is like, Figgy Pudding. I don't want you to... I am not even exaggerating. At first, I thought it was saying like, finger pudding. I'm like, what the hell are you giving me here? Finger my pudding and then give it to me? I mean, some people might be into it, not me.

We were just talking about Jesus Christ and before that human shit. So we're really Really sandwiching the lamb of God between some fucking incredible Dad, I don't get either the lamb of God. Oh, well because he is the shepherd of the people so he is the lamb It's crazy that there's actually still shepherds in the world, you ever think about that? There's a guy who walks around with a stick and he herds the sheep. That's a pretty cool.

He's a shepherd. Bro, you know how bad I wanna herd animals? I wanna just like, yo, and just see a fucking, like a wave of like goat. Dude, how about training a dog to do it? Wild. What? Wild. Wild thing. How do we get them to do that?

Wild thing. It's like in their blood now too. Like their ancestors, like German shepherds, Australian shepherds. You gave him a job? He's like running around and like, Hey, hey, where the fuck you going? Yeah. How is that not-

How is that not- Dinner ready. How is that not some form of fucking like, it like put in slavery. It's like we've trained these animals from years and years and years ago to be just good at one thing and now it's just like that's your expectation now I mean I don't know also bird training and then they start doing I don't believe in that all these like fucking super real I

watched that show a Shogun if you haven't watched it I only watched the first episode and it's a lot but it's pretty good and like at one point they train a bird to go hundreds of miles to another Message like messenger. Oh, that's not I've stand by that's not real And it is to take breaks like does it stop but also like you know I'm saying like no dude It's a bird like we call it bird brain for a reason these fucking dumb flying idiots What hollow bones are gonna bring the most important message to a fucking Samurai

300 miles away. I mean they did but they didn't though. They did I'm saying they didn't take date I'm telling you right now send a raven, bro Ravens would be pretty cool, but I'd be terrified if I saw a giant fucking just all-black bird That's another though. How did the first person know to accept a raven? If a bird was flying at me, I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, no, I have a message for you. And then also, have you ever tried to like get close to a bird?

Fuck that. No, like, they're not doing it. And you're gonna tell me I see a little scroll on their fucking dumbass dinosaur legs and I'm gonna go over and just get it from them I would think it has like a disease where it's growing something. Yeah, you heard about you heard about also I don't like when birds touch me when they when they leave their fingers their hand What are they called that don't have fingers? No, they're like their talons Yes, the talons when they land on you're like this feels like what have you had so many biting you had many birds land on you

But it feels like someone's biting your head. Yeah, I used to have birds. That's right, you did. I remember, I was there when one of them died. Yeah, I was, I was crazy. It was like a canary. It's funny, because birds don't die, they're just dead. Yeah, they don't like, oh, I'm going. It's just like up, down, gone. They're dead. There's no dying, dead.

Full life to none. Nothing, literally none. You heard about the famous New York owl that died? Famous New York owl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there about the famous New York owl that died? Famous New York owl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was this famous New York owl. I don't remember his name. If you pull it up, you'll be able to pull it up. But he died, like flying into the side of a building,

and he exploded and they did an autopsy on him. Don't say exploded. Exploded. He didn't explode. He exploded. They did an autopsy on him, and they found that he had a severe case of pigeon herpes back up a Bird flies into a building and your words explodes apparently and then someone picks it up and goes let's find out if it did drugs

You know like let's run a toxicology report on it. Let's find out how this fucking obliterated bird died. It's like, who knew? We figured it out. Yeah, like what do we think was going on? Do we think there was some foul play going on? Yeah, I mean, like maybe they were saying like, oh, there was a severe case of like bird flu that made it go crazy.

Oh, okay, nevermind, that makes sense. Maybe I could see that in terms of, listen, we can't play safe with these fucking pandemics and birdemics and shit anymore. I agree with you. All right, but the funniest part is that it had a severe case of pigeon herpes It was blasting all the birds bro, which most popular bird in New York Just fucking pigeons out here blasting the pigeons probably why or like ducks No, no pigeon herpes. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah now he's just cross breeding herpes. Maybe damn. Can you do that? I guess I mean, it's not like koalas have like chlamydia. They say koalas have chlamydia. Yeah, I can I get it from my koala

I assume if it's just fucking just classical chlamydia then yeah If it like touches me, you know, I get it. I think I don't know how that I think it needs to like I need to like scratch you or like or like spit in my cuts or something. I guess yeah, I'm not honestly sure how the transmission of chlamydia from koala to human does. I'm not quite sure but I'm staying the fuck away from koala. I need to see if you're bringing a koala near me, I need to see some papers that this thing is fucking koala free. Show me it's last three sexual partners. Koala free. I mean chlamydia free

You know what I'm talking about. I want to see its last three sexual partners, and then I'll touch this cool I probably take a little chlamydia koalas I would take a little chlamydia just to like hold one just like hold it you would take it I would it like no I wouldn't let it like you would bang me or anything I'm saying I'd be like if I could hug a koala bear no someone's like those things are fucking vicious You're gonna get chlamy. I'd be like well. I gotta get my pills no, I'd be like, if I could hug a koala bear, and someone's like, you're gonna get- Those things are fucking vicious. You're gonna get clemige. I'd be like, well, I gotta get my pills, but I'll be good. Oh, just don't, just don't, just don't.

Watch this. Are they vicious? Bro, you've seen their claws? Am I thinking of the right thing? You're definitely thinking of the right thing, cause you're not an idiot, but koala. What's the other one that's like mad sloths? Yeah, but I'm not thinking of that. Those are cool though.

They just had a new sloth. We went through an aquarium a couple of weeks ago. couple weeks ago. No, we're on fire right now But we cannot stop getting to be our we are not on cocaine Just want to put that out there. We have never done drugs. All I have done is drink water today Yeah, honestly, I have had a Tea resin that I've had but nonetheless, I'm fucking firing off on all cylinders crazy Uh, yeah the new sloth at at an aquarium by us in Jersey, went to see it, little baby boy.

A new sloth? Yeah, like it's like a little baby got dead. How'd you know? Like they like put it out. They like posted it, it's like everyone needs to go see this new sloth. Oh, you follow your local zoo? I don't follow it, but it's a well-known thing.

It's like a, it's a big time. You got an email? It was an aquarium. I think, I think Becca and I saw like an alert. An alert! Like people were sharing like, oh did you know like the fucking Point Pleasant Aquarium has a new sloth?

And people were just like, we gotta go check this shit out. Checked it out. Pretty cute sloth. Is it cool? Does it have a mama and papa there? I didn't see one. It does have stuffed animals though. Which means that they ripped it from its habitat.

First of all, that's very weird. Imagine like the reverse, an animal put you in like a tank and then it just like filled up stuffed dolls. You'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, but also we're way smarter than sloths. So what do they know? To be fair.

That is true. The food chain has established dominance and the human fucking, you know. How has there not been any sort of like evolution with them like be quicker? I mean, you're so slow be quick I think the evolution has probably made them slower for why because they get away. Apparently they're also pretty vicious They've got some fucking talons. They do but like I can't move they move very slow That's what they do. and if they have to move faster I'm sure they could but they just don't I saw I saw one on the road

It was like trying to get out of the way of a car and it was like shit And then the guy like pulled over and like picked it up, and it was just like oh, it's so sweet It was like thank you If I was on the road And there was a fucking sloth in the middle of the road and I got out and picked it up and it just went like this I Don't know if I'm putting it down. Oh you bring it in my trunk. I was just saying you bring it home Yeah, classic sloth napping That would be really cute to have a pet but apparently they can be pretty vicious and I think they could also carry disease and they shit

Like once a week and it's like it takes him like minutes to poop That sounds like women though Ladies and gentlemen this might be our quickest most rapid-fire on fucking point episode that we've ever had So sit down buckle up strap in the boys think about it though women can be vicious sometimes Also, hey, dude. I am NOT comparing women to a Women can be vicious sometimes. Also- Hey dude, I am not comparing women to a- an animal I just basically referred to as an idiot.

I'm not saying that they're like sloths. You're saying that sloths can be like women. I said no, with things you can- you just described can sound like women. That they're vicious, that they only shit like once a week or whatever. I don't know what that's about, but women aren't shitting and there's an epithetic- That's society, babe. That's big- that's big society tell women not to that's what it is so women have been trapped in the fucking prison of

Bound movements and big society big business big toilet is just like these toilets are made for men asses Not fucking female, but well, no, they're allowed to shit, but they don't for some reason because society Frankie You don't have to do this. I'm doing it. I'm just trying so hard not to be canceled. I'm not trying not to be canceled. I'm trying. I'm obviously jo-

Don't. I just, yeah. Don't. That's what you sound like. I'm just letting you know, do not. Okay. But yeah, they're a victim of big fucking poop. Big poop is telling women not for you, bitch.

Nah, they're pooping. But speaking of, so I was at the rest stop. We're back here. Oh, we're back to the rest stop. Human shit everywhere. I walk in and there are people- What's everywhere though? Also the stall or the bathroom? The bathroom? The whole room. Out of the bathroom to the parking lot. Okay, time out. You follow the trail of shit into a door. Well, hold on, hold on. I didn't see the trail of shit until I already got in the door. So then I got in the door and I look on the floor

and I'm like, whoa, and someone says like, look out. When you have to warn someone, like when you have to fucking, like there's a stampeding animal, like get out of the way of the fucking fecal matter all over the floor, That's a problem. So there was a trail. And it was like, it was like foot,

not footprints, but like shoe prints. Right. So then I followed it and it went into the bathroom and then it was everywhere, brother. Walls? Like the base of walls. Like in the middle of the floor and up the base, I shouldn't say all of them, but like, up the base of like one of the walls. So there was a leaky butt going on.

But here's the thing. It wasn't a leaky butt. It was like well-formed dump. That's- it wasn't like Squirty McGee. It was fucking like- it was like- like dump shit. You know what I'm talking about? It was like dump shit? It was dump. You know what I'm talking about. It was like dumb shit. It was dumb Okay, now I'm very confused and here's the most confusing part. It was coming from the stall

So someone started to someone Something happened someone was doing to someone and then was like I gotta leave Yes, and then left and then we're doing well, but here's. Yes. And then left while doing. But here's the thing, what were they wearing that two was able to make its way onto the floor? Either nothing or assless chaps. This is a very confusing situation that we need to get to the bottom of.

I'm so confused. So then I'm like, so I still pee. I fucking, you know, like fucking hopscotch my way into the bathroom, because I gotta go. But it was like in a stall, right? No, brother. So wait, where did the, all right, so. Where did the trail stop? So you walk into the bathroom, straight ahead of you.

Sinks on both sides. Okay. Then it goes further back. Left side stalls. Right side urine. Right side, opposite. Left side urinals, right side, or opposite, left side urinals, right side stalls. Okay? It was coming from a stall, in all the way out to where the sinks are,

out the fucking door of the bathroom. But it wasn't wet? It was fully formed dump. So it was just log after log. But it was stepped in log I just can't crack this case. I neither can I don't know what's going on after I pee and wash my hands and everything I obviously what it smell like give me a smell shit What's an obvious. This wasn't clear.

Just fucking classic American shit, brother. American shit. Okay. So then I'm like, all right, I gotta see how far this goes. It went to the parking lot. Did you find a car? I did.

It stopped like where the parking lot and like the sidewalk meet car? It stopped where the parking lot and the sidewalk meet. And then it was, but it was fresh. It had happened maybe a minute before I got there. No way. I'm telling you, because they were in the middle of cleaning up and this fucking, listen. There was someone cleaning?

Multiple people cleaning, dude. So this is what you don't understand. This is what you don dude. So this is what you don't understand. This is what you don't understand. This is what you don't understand, okay? As someone that has worked in the retail industry, I guess technically the rest stop is like a retail spot. You can't just like Clorox, like, you know, fucking go and just like wipe down

like an unknown substance. Of course you knew it was shit in this point But like bodily functions you need to take like proper precaution and like sometimes the reason I called it a fucking possible crime scene is you need to like zone it off as like a Possible containment center. Oh, yeah. Yeah Someone slips and falls in your bathroom on a line of shit. I am a big suit job. Immediate millionaire. Okay. Millionaire. I'm an immediate chameleon air. Don't you dare talk shit about chameleon air. Okay. I love chameleon air.

Let's invite him to the Houston show. You know, it's funny. He looks like a comedian sometimes when I see him, I look at him, I go, I think I see a chameleon and I see a millionaire. I see what he did. I picking up what you're putting down But also I'm gonna be a little careful and not touch that one. I think we should invite him Chameleon air to the Houston show is he always from H town? He is from H town I wonder if he's still riding dirty. I feel like once you start riding dirty. It's pretty hard to stop. Mm-hmm You know, it's like Pringles it Pringles Joey, he's like a very like successful investor

And I saw someone it was a picture of him like on the floor at a Rockets game And they were just like what the fuck is his wash the blues are doing there get him off here and people were like He's made multi millions of dollars investing in like fucking Silicon Valley and he was riding dirty, bro That's on his fire. Not only was the song fire the fucking remix with Pat poos Don't get me started that whose that whose that's who piss oh my god. I'll fucking I'll do it bitch. Don't fucking get me started I don't want to but yeah, so You hear that? Yeah, what was that? I don't know. I have no idea you think they're spanking a man out there No, what Jesus no, but is, that's crazy. Yeah.

So I mean, but eventually you were like, all right, I'm leaving the scene. Yeah. I'm fleeing the scene. I stopped caring. I will say this though. How are they cleaning it? Mops?

Thank you so much for leading me into my next point. This is real synergy here, baby. Okay. That's the first time you use that correctly. Good bye. Good boy? No, I said, good bye. It was done. First time you use it correctly. Good boy. No, I said goodbye. It was done.

First time you use it correctly. Goodbye. And the last. Goodbye, bae. I saw one of the people going to clean it up and put a mop over one of the larger pieces of shit. I swear to God. Throw the mop.

And mopped and then picked it up and went, oh. What do you expect and then I saw another one picking up one with like, you know Grandparents how they do like they crumple the piece of like tissue paper That's just paper like napkin or something in between their hand and they pick stuff up with it like that He was picking up human shivers and with a piece of with a paper towel But like you know when people like take a paper towel, and they use it to like pick something up like that That's how he was picking it up like it was fucking normal. This is human shit here This isn't normal fucking you're not picking up a roach you need to approach with caution. You don't know what the hell's in this thing

Oh, yeah, I would never I literally would would never do that if my boss asked me like you know you got a clean I'd be like good luck luck, find someone else. Because I'm quitting. Well, it was these people's jobs to clean it up. So, you know, I guess they didn't have a choice. Oh, they were janitors. Yes. Well, you think it was just like normal Good Samaritans

cleaning up the human shit in a New Jersey restroom? No, I think a New Jersey like rest stop, like you probably wear multiple hats. So you like do the cashier or whatever. Then at the end of the day, you like maybe mop some shit. I don't know. If you, if I get hired and they're like, you just need to just kind of check people out when they want to buy some fucking bags of chips, drinks and the occasional Twix bar.

And then he said, Oh, also small asterisk, you might need to clean up human waste. A shit surprise. I would be like, honestly, thank you for your time. I am leaving here quicker than I got here. That's wild, dude. Yeah. I mean, speaking of like that, I mean, I had a dream last night that I actually slept really well last night.

Oh, good for you. But I had a dream that felt so real that I threw up in my bed. Oh. But like, I like, but I threw up under my blanket. So like, I like. Do you throw up, there's a good question. What? Do you throw, if you throw up on your bed,

over blankets, under blankies. What am I gonna fucking, no, I'm gonna fucking just throw up. I'll probably throw up on the side of the bed. Okay, all right, I would throw up on the bed. By the way, if you have a king, do you sleep on a side or you sleep in the middle? I sleep, we have a king. But you're with a person, I'm saying by yourself.

I had a king by myself when I was in college. I shouldn't say college grad school. Literally I'm asking you what side you sleep on. I don't give a fuck where you went. The middle, I slept in the middle. Did you really? I slept in the middle, yes. That's weird to me.

Why? I don't know, I feel like I need to be close to like a night stand. I mean, don't get me wrong. Shut the hell up. Yes, that is a great point. Is that my phone would be charging and it would be on the bed with me. So there were times I'd roll over

and like it would unplug the phone. That's dangerous. Is it? Yeah, because if it like heats up or it gets too hot or something, you can start a fire, then you're dead in your bed. I wouldn't be able to tell if my hot phone was sandwiched between my fucking gut.

Sometimes they explode. And my fucking Jersey sheets that I had at the time. You had New Jersey bed sheets. Joey, let's be very clear about something. You think I had New Jersey bed sheets? You just said that. Jersey. Not New Jersey. Oh. Like my bed sheets were baseball jerseys. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I just almost had a heart attack dude. You would though. Eww look at your tongue dude. I almost lost it. You almost. You would be the one who would be like, oh I'm going to Frankie's apartment for the first time.

You're 25 years old and you walk in. Batman pillow. Exactly. That I will say yes. However... And your bed sheets and you take the blanket off and it looks like your bed's wearing a bat belt like the Batman belt. That's what you would have dude. No, no, no. It was a type of fabric. It was known as jersey. They were big like, you know, like in like college towns because they were just like they'd sell them in that bundle that came in a bag and then you just like open it and it's like, oh got a thinny sheet loose sheet. Yeah, they were called jersey They were very soft. I thought you had new jersey bro. If I could you imagine

I will say this though living in kinesis. I will say this I still have uh Sheets from when I was a kid I don't I don't use them except for a one pillow that's in the house You have your bed sheetsets as a child? Not my bedsheets, the pillowcase, I should say. You have pillowcases from when you were a child. A pillowcase from when I was a child, yeah. Oh, but you said you have, you have like a bunch?

No, just one. Oh, just one. Just one. Do you know what it was? It was sick, and I know you love this because I think you had them too. What? It was the Space Jam ones that one side were the Monstars

and then you flip over to the other side of the pillow and it was the You know in squad the toon squad. That's that's so sick. And it's the original We have some sponsors that we have to get to today the first one being liquid IV I just popped one this morning after the gym. I like to throw it in boom get some nice You know vitamins and minerals right in my body real quick But if you don't know what liquid IV is, basically they come in this, they're like a little packet, right? And you rip it open, it's a powder,

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I like it a little bit. Go to the patreon.com slash the basement yard and check out the page. Go see, dip your toe in there. See if the water is warm enough for you to dive right the fuck in. Okay. Because you join that first year, you get these weekly episodes, seven whole toe in there. See if the water is warm enough to you to dive right the fuck in Okay, because you join that first year you get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance That's right You get the clips the laughs the stupidity mostly Joey kind of gaslighting me yelling at me making me say things and feel things that I didn't know were humanly possible and

Angry and you could get those one week in advance for that first year and then that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single Friday 7 a.m Like clockwork, baby. Okay. Unless something happens where one of us are sick or whatever, but you can go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you so much. We broke 30,000, which is legitimately astronomically insane. We cannot even begin to express how grateful and appreciative we are. So thank you guys from the bottom of our cold black hearts. All right. So thank you. And also go check out thebasementyard.com folks we announced we did it. We did it. The basement yard experience shows. We announced them the next day. The tickets went on sale. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. We sold out some of

them in literally mere minutes, but guess what? Because of some of those sell outs, we added two more shows by the time you see this, maybe those shows are no longer available. I'm sorry, but Toronto and LA and people are like, Oh dude, there's a lot of moving pieces that we don't necessarily have control over. So go check it out. Thank you so much. Keep your eyes peeled. Go to the basement yard.com. Check out the Patreon link, check out the merch link, check out the show links. We still have tickets available possibly in the Texas shows. So if you're looking to make a weekend, go get some barbecues, go check it out. All right. Thank you guys. Love you guys. Jover to you. Jove. She told me joke. See, I, I was literally batting a thousand until that last sentence. You said joke. Joff is okay. It's not

my name. It's okay. It's not. You call me things that are not my name all the time. Like? You really wanna do this? Yes. Piece of shit brown man. Piece of shit brown man. Fat loser. Go ahead, keep projecting. What else you got? Don't, don't.

Yeah, exactly. Please don't. Joey, I don't know if you saw this. Back on the market our girl JPC Rose she's not back on the market that's right she was for a fucking she was she was almost as available as the fucking base but you are Toronto shows she was like yeah yeah but the story coming out obviously we don't want to delve too much into personal people's lives But guess what we're gonna going to yeah, I mean

What what that's a good point should we not? Well, all right, let's just pivot then hot dog water No, no, no, all right. All right. Okay with respect with respect with respect. We're full. We're on team gypsy I'm where I I listen I am all about gypsy Rose. You have been a huge fan of her since 2012 around that time. I don't even know what that means. Um What does that mean? We obviously don't want to be disrespectful because this is a private matter for them things happen to people But we are going to say that I mean they posted about it. They posted about it

I feel like we can talk about it if they're posting about it. That's correct. Although the D was fire, they are no longer together. The fire has burnt out. The fire is no more. She was with a guy. Gypsy Rose, she was with a guy. I think they were engaged or she was married to him or something.

I think she was married. And she said the D was fire, but it sounds, but it looks like the D has burnt out because now she's fully reconnected with her ex. The but be very specific. The one that's not in prison for life for murder. A different ex. One of, one of, there's a big distinction between some of her exes.

One of them has killed a person. And the other one, as far as we know, hasn't no murder, but looks like he would do it I mean that was probably a man that was nice, and they did get matching tattoos on their arms very sweet of Bird unicorns. Oh, I don't know what I saw unicorn technically a unicorn is just a bird with a horn It's a horse. No well don't they have wings? That's Pegasus. I'm all over baby No, yeah, but she you know, she said the D was fire and I'm sure it was Now she's got a new fire date, you know, and we back at the X we wish her obviously Well, you know

I mean she she didn't leave herself on the market because that dating show would have been immediately picked up by fucking discovery or someone out there whatever they're called now max they would have picked up what was the name of you know what was the name of the reality dating show for cuz we had flavor of love with flavor flavor we had rock of love well who's dying to be with gypsy Rose Jesus Christ every rose has her thorns oh my god I like that locking down gypsy locking down the gy. Yeah, those are tough. Locking down too. I mean, yeah, no, I mean, it would have been a great dating show. I would have tuned in.

That's for sure, yeah. I, 100%. We're just happy that someone found love because at the end of the day, no matter what goes on, we don't know if the D was actually fire or maybe it wasn't a fire. Maybe it was a little complicated D going on. Yeah, maybe at the time the D, you know,

like when something is hot, you only know it in context of what it is. But then when you feel other hot, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's way hotter than that. That's way hotter than that. Than the thing that I thought was hot originally. Exactly. And like, things happen behind the scenes, we're not judging, we have no idea, we're

just happy to see that people are seemingly happy. We want to put out there into the world, for anyone that may or may not listen to this, all we want is for happiness and love to prevail. And if that is happening to Gypsy Rose, Who am I to say that she shouldn't be with her ex- I am no one to say that. Matching bird, unicorn or bird, did we land on that? I'll do you one better, I don't care.

Right. But matching Tatties, if you're getting matching Tatties with a person you one better. I don't care. Right. You know, but. Matching Tatties. If you're getting matching Tatties with a person you're in love right now, support. We want her to be happy. She has a second lease on life after being released from prison.

And she's trying, what? She's trying to just be happy and live it up. And we support that. We're happy for you Gypsy Rose. All the people that are gonna start talking shit. Yeah. You know. She's living it up. That support that we're happy for you gypsy rose all the people that are students start talking shit yeah you know she's living it up that's it you know for all the people that be living it up but say what I don't know any lyrics to that song to be honest with you. Chill out. I love how we were convinced Ja Rule was good at being a musician when he would just scream

at us for a minute and a half on every song he would sing. And then the real Ja Rule came out when the Fire Festival. Bro, embarrassing for him fire festival the fire festival Documentaries that came out neither painted him in it any good Show Honestly that dude I saw an interview with him recently. He has to like pay back like all this money Yeah, I think it was was it Theo Vaughn or somebody else They were like what would happen if I gave you $30 million right now

and I told you to double it and he goes, honestly, probably blow it in a week. Which that's what I'm talking about, self-awareness. Good on him. She's like, I would try to figure it out, but I most likely blow it. Well, speaking of investors and great incredible opportunities, Joey,

I have an opportunity for you. For me? I know how into self care and bettering yourself you are. And there is a boot camp that. Oh my God. I was like, where is he going with this? I think you really should start looking into. Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't seen, there is an alpha male boot camp that is and it's cheap right only $18,000 for how long I believe it's a couple days cheap and it's out there if you guys want to be involved in it if you want to be more alpha and like a fully grown male yeah you know if you really want to just like kind of get in touch with your primal apex? Predator right who is in there for you? And you need to bring them out and you need to pay to have that brought out and you need to be an apex Predator because this is a dog eat dog world and you need to make 400k a month and yeah

And quite frankly you need to just really hate women Yeah if they hit you And yeah, and quite frankly, you need to just really hate women. Yeah. If they hit you. Don't Joey. I'm not gonna say it. Don't, don't, don't. I'm trying to play the part. I know.

Do we, do you do it or do I do it? Do I do what? Do we talk about like. What are you talking about? This alpha male boot camp. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean it's kind of wild. The videos that I've seen, it's just like these dudes who desperately,

I feel bad for them because it feels like this- I feel no fucking remorse for these fucking ing breads. I do feel- You're so mean. I'm sorry, I don't. If you're willingly signing up for this shit- I agree. Like, I agree-

You deserve every piece of ridicule that's coming your way. I agree to some extent. Unless you're doing it as like like I'm gonna fucking expose this for the possible fucking fraud scam that it is Yeah, I don't know that it's like, you know, $18,000 for like four days is kind of insane. Did you have a question? I do have a question What qualifications make someone a good teacher of alpha male ism? If they're just cool.

How many, all right, I'm gonna ask you serious questions here, I'm just gonna. Do you want me to be serious? I'm gonna breeze through some possible qualifications and you let me know. Okay. If these would get me hired or not. Where?

As a alpha male trainer. Oh. Okay. I own three Tap out t-shirts. Do you want me to answer honestly? Yeah. No. Oh, how many do you need in order to be a quality alpha male?

Hopefully none, dude. That's a rough one. Okay. All right. I have a truck that has a bumper sticker that says, don't tread on me. Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, there's probably a high percentage of those. Yeah. Oh yeah.

It exists or that just says alpha male on the thing. But here's the thing. The reason why I'm like, I, like, I get what you're saying that like these dudes who are in this program are like, all right, you guys are like, you know, you're clowns for this, blah, blah, blah. But to me, the way that I look at it is that these dudes are so they're being manipulated. They're a victim of the system too.

They're just so desperate at a certain point that they're saving all this money to do this thing and it's like, I can't help but feel like you're just taking advantage of someone who's in a very vulnerable position. Charging them 18,000, like if you wanna do that and even if that helps some people, great, but like yo, $18000 dollars for that is kind of insane. That's all it's it's an absolute It's insane. And now they're by the way, they're popping up more frequently now one of them here on the website

I'm up and just spray them with a hose and shit. It's like yeah, and it's just like yeah I saw one where it's like the guy with the teacher the fucking I don't know what What would you call the fucking instructor was just like get in push-up position and they're like you know how like the services like the fucking they'll like shout something back is like a positive affirmation like yes like sir yes sir or you know theirs was kill kill kill so it was like push-up position they're like kill and they got into fucking push-ups. It's, it's, listen.

Free market, capitalism, you could, we could say whatever we want about it. If you feel so inclined to make this stuff and you're making money for it, I guess good on you. But if you sign up for this, what has happened to you? Like, what is going on that you've, and also, not even just that, seriously, serious question, I'm gonna stop trying to be funny here for a single second. Okay. Okay, I know it just oozes funny out of my bones here. Yeah.

What are you hoping for to get out of this? That's my serious question, because a lot of these alpha male-isms are rooted classically in fucking like American misogyny I will I will say this so like what are you literally? What are you trying to get? I I think that you like I think what they're paying for is To be broken down which I do think is helpful I do think is helpful to like get your ass what plague every day heard it here first folks Joey

About are you one of the fucking investors here? Here we go. This guy. No but I do think it is I think that that is like something that's really hard to do. Like you I don't know you it changes some some things like these dudes maybe they feel like I've never done anything in my life I've never completed anything blah blah blah so I'm going to pay all this money to get my ass whooped and screamed at and like Psychologically broken and then I'll find myself after that. Maybe you will

But I don't know that you will and it's just sad that it's come to that and I can't help but be upset About that because I think that the dudes who are running the organization. It's like you're you're just Capitalizing on people who are in vulnerable positions when you shouldn't do that, I think. So like, I think that's maybe what people think they're getting out of it. It's some form of like therapy in a way. Listen, I am not gonna sit here and talk shit about like the self help fucking line of work

because like people have made money off it and it does work for some people. But what I'm saying here is that when you look at like a lot of the websites they use jargon like shatter your your Fucking insecurities and shit like that and it's like they're not trying to fix the problem They're trying to just fucking throw in other shit on top of it to minimize any Touch with reality people will have and like I said, this whole alpha male fucking wave, if we look at it, I know we've joked with Frankie Skins and shit like that, but it's fucking rooted in like,

like fucking, no women will tell you what to do. You are a man, you are an alpha. And it's just like, exactly like, you're, what are you trying to say you wanna do here? You wanna get better at just being a fucking misogynist piece of shit to a degree? I mean, it depends. I mean, I don't know. Like... Why are you defending the alpha males here, Joey? No one's defending anyone! I have a different opinion than you! Fuck off, bitch!

I'm not saying that that's the way to go. What I'm saying is like, the alpha male thing, I think that it's just... Of course it's like, these people now, they all look the same. Like these aren't like, quote unquote, alpha males, like what you should be as a man or whatever the fuck. Like all of them think that if you talk in a certain way and say the f-word a lot and then wear a suit on Instagram, like now you're an alpha male. Like you're all peacocking and you all look the same. So that to me is like, you're not even being authentic. You're just like trying to be like the dude who you saw that you're like got horny for it She's like oh, that's what a real man looks like so I'm gonna dress like him And I'm gonna talk like him

But it doesn't change who you are as a person and neither will getting sprayed with a hose that won't change it either I saw one where it was like guys were laying on their back crawling across a railroad track And it's like this is the peak like this is why the earth is going to implode in 50 years and we're all gonna die i don't my biggest thing is like i don't understand why dudes like who are because i like not that i consider my i'm such an alpha male but like i i don't think that i'm not like i don't think that anyone's like, yo, yo, but like I'm also... Well you are a beta boy, soy boy, beta cuck.

Well like a lot of people, I mean I don't think that, like no one's, I haven't heard anyone say that to be honest, but like I feel like those type of people, like I'm not like that, but like I also just don't get why people feel like someone should be like this, or like they're like, the guys need to be like this, or like, you know, men are like soft now. It's like, but what does that do to you? You know what I mean? Like if it was just all the way that you wanted it, like what would that even look like?

I'll tell you exactly what it is. It's as the world has changed and in certain parts of the world have become more progressive to include more people. People are finding themselves more and more insecure about the fact that they are unable to be at the fucking top of the food chain because Joey let's let's be honest all these videos about these alpha boot camps who is it it's your fucking people it's whites so what happens why are you making this like a racial i'm not making it a race thing but i'm saying that justin no well yeah all right maybe but i'm saying a lot of it now is people are insecure because it's the world is

evolving around them so someone fucking says something stupid is like no reestablish your dominance in the fucking pecking order and do it by fucking rubbing your feet with a pumice stone and it's like what's going on you know yeah I think that dudes are just like there's a lot of guys that feel alienated because of social media and it's like I need to be like this I need to be like that. And like these people are like characters. Even like fucking Dan Bilzerian, I've heard him say in interviews, like what he's doing

on Instagram, it's not that that's not what he does or whatever, but it's like an exaggerated version. It's clearly like a persona or whatever to sell something. He had a company that he was building the entire time. So it's like that's not authentic, but people see that and be like I need to be that. So I'll just like act like that, even though it's not me. And then it's like, then I'll, I have to teach other people and like,

now I'm starting a business. Like it's all a fucking money thing. Like it's all a fucking scam. People just pretending to be like, and using the same language and wearing the colored sunglasses so that they could sell something. Like it's all about money at the end of the day. These dudes don't care about people need to be more alpha,

this is so I could help people like as a dating coach. It's just money bro. It's just money, it's not that deep. It's not about you trying to change the landscape of men in the modern time. Like it's just money that you're after and that's it. And it's like as a person who I consider myself like, I think I'm like an alpha dude and like I'm in

Whatever the fuck see but that's that's the thing. I don't care to make but not only that but not only that you that's that is a fucking like You're trying to put a label on something when that label is just in itself fucking stupid And it's like I think I'm an alpha dude. No you're you're fucking being adult. No, just grow up I just got up and figured out man go home play with some toys. You know whatever you want to do I mean well Okay, grab a Megazord be an adult Collect tea you know the classic stuff the real alpha males do Joey be a man be a cute

You need a cucumber in two bites relax Can I ask you a serious question yeah if we were to open up a basement yard school for alpha male-ism, what would be like one of your classes? Frankie, how am I supposed to even answer a question like that? One, no. Also, alpha male-ism.

Joey would be like, you know what, honestly, it would be like crying 101, and like how good it feels to cry. It does, but also, that's you, bitch. That's how you become an alpha male. That is, you have to be broken down gotta be created Yeah You need to be you need to be in like a fucking weeping state if at the end of the first Joe

Santagato class for alpha males you need to be crying in the corner in the fetal position Yes, and then yes, the rest of your life is in front of you I honestly believe that actually what I was saying with the with the breaking down thing is like but that's the thing like like men are so, they're afraid to be vulnerable because they think it's feminine or some shit, but that's why it's no to therapy, is because I don't wanna be vulnerable,

I don't wanna do this or whatever the fuck, and crying is gay and all this stuff. But then at the same time, they're like, oh, we'll be vulnerable in this way in And like, these dudes showing up to this thing and like, you're getting sprayed with a hose. You're getting like emasculated by another dude. And it's like, oh, so you'll- Come here, pig.

You'll be, you can, so you do not understand like being vulnerable and doing something very hard is rewarding. Yeah, exactly. Listen, if I was making fun of the people that do this and I will continue to do that because I Think there's something in say insanely funny about it But also like you're basically doing what it is what it takes to be a better person

But you just don't need to go and do it in such a stupid hyper masculine way Like yeah You want to get you want to be more in touch and broken down and fucking feel vulnerable? Do it with talking to someone that maybe has been a licensed therapist do it, you know be more in touch and broken down and fucking feel vulnerable, do it with talking to someone that maybe has been a licensed therapist. Do it, you know, with expressing yourselves. Do it with something that you maybe didn't know that you like, like fucking painting or, you know, like,

playing with Megazords or something like that. How long those lines. Yeah, something, Megazords, Batman, I can keep going, X-Men, I don't know. Like, it could, that's what I'm saying though, but you could, it could be anything But I feel like people are too focused on like I have to do the exact thing that someone else is doing So when these dudes are like at the gym and like going crazy about that, it's like I'm not saying you shouldn't go to the gym

I go to the gym. I love it. I think that it's very helpful for your mental health, but I also go to therapy I've also cried in therapy. I also you know I'm saying like I'm not afraid to do those things either I think that's when you kind of like learn about yourself That's why I was saying before like things that are hard really hard and like break you down and you're just like fuck Like I didn't or you didn't know you could take it this far or whatever the fuck like you find yourself in those moments So if you can be vulnerable, like if you go through a fucking Boot camp or something at the end of that. It's like yes, that's extremely rewarding because it's extremely difficult and now I'm this person I'm I was able to like lose a bunch of weight get through boot camp

I'm an amazing shape and now I'm servicing my country like that's amazing you can like so just that concept of doing something really hard And then and be make yourself formal for something very rewarding You could also do that emotionally through something like therapy or just like it doesn't have to be like therapy But just like being open to the fact that like it's okay to be vulnerable bro because on the other end of that is something rewarding balance baby crush that honestly kind of crushed it just saying brought to you by a man in a backwards baseball cap with a fucking sweatshirt who has the sleeves that's what I'm saying I look like you know I'm saying you do absolutely I look

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I'm loving the matching, by the way. You do, right? I am a very matchy boy. Are you? I am, I, I, I. Not all the time. What the hell does that mean? Sometimes you come in here and it's like

a gray sweat pant, a red t-shirt, and then you got like a, I don't know, like a jacket that's. No, I always try to match my top to my hat. Your top? My top, I absolutely do. Your shirt? You maybe, how about this,

maybe buy a couple more baseball hats because you've worn that hat more than I've seen you wear a Yankee hat in your entire life. That's not true. It is. Untrue. Absolutely.

What's going on with my voice right now? Uh-oh, this is what happens. He gets up. The devil's coming out of me Joey I know we're about to wrap up here, but I don't know if you saw we got tagged in this about 450 fucking times 7-eleven is releasing a new flavored seltzer which Any let's be very clear about something. I didn't know 7-eleven made products. I was gonna say any Flavored any like if I got something and it was like, this is 7-Eleven branded,

chances are I'm not having it, period. I'm all set. I'm not having it no matter what. However, the taquitos though, those things are like little fucking balls of death. I like them. I do too, but that's the problem. I also like putting on the glove.

You ever do that? No. You know, you can't just pick them up. Oh, I use a thing. I don't think they have, well, the one. I also like putting on the glove. You ever do that? No, you know, you can't just pick them up Oh, I use a thing. I don't think they have well the one that I went to they didn't have them So you just get gloves so you put on a little damn they trust you guys over there, huh? They're like disposable still crazy trust me with you're taking them off of a hot thing What like what stops you from accidentally touching like? It's a good point. Maybe Maybe there was gloves and tongs.

Probably. I didn't use the tongs. You just didn't use the tongs. And now that I'm thinking about it, those are like, it's like plastic. I will say this. I would have burnt my hand. I do want one of those hot dog rollers for the house.

Hot dog rollers are cool. When I have a party, I wanna fucking load that hot dog roller up and just be like, oh, do you want a hot dog? Just grab one off the roller. They've been rolling all morning. That'd be so sick, dude. Can you just leave them on there? I think so. What well they stay hot So it's like they're just continuously cooking. Yeah, but wouldn't that make them burn? I mean, I like a little burnt dog

I like a little truck like a big dog burnt. What take it easy. Are you like a big burnt dog? I do I like a little char in my fucking and you like burnt popcorn I do like a little burnt popcorn. What else you like just burnt Kale char my fucking boy. And you like burnt popcorn? I do like a little burnt popcorn. What else do you like, just burnt? Kale. Burnt kale? Like not burnt, but like charred, you know? Don't do that with your tongue. I don't like that.

Burnt popcorn, I don't understand. Yeah, it's good. But as I was referencing, so they're releasing a new flavored seltzer. Didn't know they had any to begin with. But this one is hot dog flavored. Hot dog flavored flavored seltzer. Didn't know they had any to begin with. But this one is hot dog flavored. Hot dog flavored water seltzer. Wait, are you sure?

It's possible it was an April Fool's joke. I was just gonna say, April Fool's just fucking passed. It's possible it was an April Fool's joke, but we're going to do what every classic American does and not look into it and just talk about it as if it is fact. Should I look it up? Might as well. We're as if it is fact. Should I look it up? Might as well.

We're not going to do that. Should I do it? Do it now. No, if they actually made it, hot dog water is fucking disgusting. Gross. There was a game show back in the day. I forgot what it was called,

but it was like on MTV or one of those things. And it was like this guy on the street who's like making people do stuff for money. And one of the things that I, I don't know why it stuck in my mind he made this dude drink a whole thing of like hot dog water and I remember being like bro not for point that doesn't sound good I mean anyone that has made boy like boil hot dogs in their house they understand what fucking

hot dog water looks like and it's just it's not appealing I've never I will say this though I've never tasted it so I can't confirm that it is gross. You can smell it though. But just the thought of it is actually making me a little nauseous right now so I should probably stop. What, the hot dog seltzer? Is it real? My computer is just shitting its pants right now. Maybe get a new one. You've had that one for quite a number of years.

I feel like this is not that old. Hot dog seltzy pelts. What's it saying? Oh yeah, no. Hot dog seltzy pelts. What's it saying? Oh yeah, no. It's fake. Oh, well. All right, folks. Good to see ya.

We're fucking out. Dumb ass. All right, whatever. Wait, what is this? 7-Eleven announces it. No word on limp biscuit. Did you just fart? My elbow.

I thought you farted. That was gonna be a monumental moment. I've never heard Frankie fart. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy, yeah. I've never heard you fart. I'm not a fucking a farter. I'm not like an audible farter.

You're a human, you're a human. I know, I'm human. I'm saying like I'm not an audible farter. Well, just be like, yo bitch, font. Pfft. I don't think that's funny. It's not. So all your farts are like pfft.

They're, they're, they're. All of them? Yeah. I don't think that's funny. It's not so all your farts are like there they there All of them yeah, you never get like a bubble in your stomach and you're like I need to just blast this no They're pretty even when you're alone. Yeah, you accidentally fart when you poop sometimes though Yeah, but not like yeah, it's like champ. No yes I'm like, chimp, no. Yeah, it's not like chimp, champ. Are you kidding me? I said chimp. You never, but you never?

I'm sure I have, but not like, it doesn't happen to the point where I can say like, oh yeah. You've never forced a fart out in order to get air out of your butthole. I don't think so, no. You never have your butt filled with air? Quite the opposite, I've held them in. Oh, you can't, oh, I've held? Quite the opposite, I've held them in

Oh you can't do it? Oh I've held them in In places that you just can't fart Yeah It feels like you have it all right here But then it gets sucked all the way back in And then I get a little nervous like where did it go? Because then I know it's coming back It's coming back, it stays in there

You just don't know where it goes though I'm not quite sure I feel like it's like in like the Looney Tunes cartoons We're like someone plugs their finger into like the fucking Elmer Fudd's barrel the barrel of his shotgun And then it fucking blows out the like the back. That's what I get worried about There's a fart if you hold it in long enough become a burp. Oh No, are you sure no I Know I can't really burp. So do me a favor. For the rest of the day, don't fart and see if you burp.

I'm not going to do that. Please? No. Why am I saying please? It feels like, yeah, you desperately need this. Please? Please? No, I feel like if I fart, what?

Farting feels good to release. Get out of here. Yeah, I'm not on that train. You also, you're one of those kids that like, it's like funny, like, ha ha, plop, flop. I don't know, maybe you've never heard of fart

because I don't know whose farts sound like that. Blark. Bark? Blark. Blark. No? Does any woman in your life fart? Of course, they all do, but I don't know.

But like, you heard them? Of course. Of course. Of course it happens. Okay. As I don't. No, but like, you heard him? Of course. Of course. Of course it happens. Okay. As I'm sure like, I've like, I'm sure farted in my sleep or something and like. That doesn't count.

Oh, well then. I'm talking about like the fart. Becca's not a farter either, dude. Well I, well. We're not like at home. I know, you're married, so. We're not like at home. Ruby thinks it's funny.

Ruby will fart and she cracks up laughing. Do you hate it? No, I think it's cute, because it's her, it's funny. What age until you're like, Ruby, I'm gonna throw up. Six, honestly, she gets till six. She has a couple more years in her. But she also thinks it's funny, she'll be like, hey daddy, what do you want for dinner?

And I'm like, oh, and she goes, I made fart. And she'll like, not like fart on command, and then she'll say she made fart. She just thinks the word is funny, too. Oh, I thought she farted in her hand, I was like say like she made like fart it's like she thinks the word is funny oh I thought she's like farted in her hand it was like here take some fart I was gonna say that is that's level stuff yeah I mean she would have to get spoken to yeah Ruby we don't do that why don't we sit down maybe that works for black daddy with the special tongue but not me but

not this daddy okay I am now mad daddy once again. Mad Daddy is back. Yeah. But like other women in your life have farted. I've heard, yeah, I've heard. I think I told this story, I think it was in college. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was in college. I was like kind of like on and off again dating someone, and I met their parents, and we were at their house, and their mom accidentally farted in my face.

Oh yeah! parents and we were at their house and their mom accidentally farted in my face. Oh, yeah And I was Like here's the thing I could be I would have lost I could be a good sport I was a bad sport. I was visibly not the best sport at when that happened I was just like, okay I would have been on the ground because I am the subject of ridicule at that point in time Like everyone's just like yo, like she know yeah She's like, I'm so sorry. Yeah, that would mean it was I've been dying. I'm so sorry farted in your face. Yeah, I was It wasn't like my wasn't like very pumped

What did she what did the girl say she just laughed it was embarrassed bro, like oh my god No one laughed their ass off. I think people like the people because there were also several people there it wasn't like it was just like how recreate it I want like length and actual volume don't fucking exaggerate here was it a quick one oh my god you're loading up your cheeks with air. It was like a flapper. It was a... Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. That's a perfect... That's what I thought in my head. When you told the story, that's what I was thinking. That's what it was, that's what it was. Oh my God. Yeah, not a good day. It's awesome.

Not a good day, dude. It was a bunch of people. Why was there a bunch of, oh, like a dinner? It was, yeah, it was like, it was like hang out, like family hang out. It's awesome. Not a good day, dude. It was a bunch of people? Why was it a bunch of, like a dinner? It was, yeah, it was like, it was like hang out, like family hang out. It's awesome. I was not pumped. I would have lost my mind on the ground.

Well, someone, someone, I'm glad someone would have gotten the fucking. Well, you lost your mind. You probably went home and washed your face with like aloe. Never spoke to that girl ever again. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. I always tell, it's funny I tell this story

cause like I am well aware that I am the exception like I understand that people think that like Potty humor is a lot funnier and blah blah blah and they joke about it that works for people personally not for me Nonetheless, and it's not some sort of fucking double standard It's not like I'm like talking about fat dumps and farts and burps and shit and then I expect someone else doesn't do it I don't do that shit either. I was in high school, there was a girl who, like her and I were like talking, you know, remember, this was before high school,

it was like you're talking, then you're dating. You know? And we were talking and she was like, you know, people were like blown away. They were like, yo, freaky, how is this girl interested in you? Which, hindsight, disrespectful, but it's all right. And she came to me and she was like, I have to tell you something.

And I was like, oh. And she was also like on the outs with a fucking like soon to be ex boyfriend. So I'm wondering how this connects to farts. She goes, I have to tell you something. I just don't know how to talk to you. I'm like, you could talk to me. Like, what's up? She's like, I can't shit how to talk to you. I'm like, you could talk to me. Like, what's up? She's like, I can't shit.

I swear to God. I said, I gotta go. I turned around and I didn't speak to her again after that. Because she said she was constipated? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she said I can't shit. She divulged some pretty personal medical information. I don't know, dude.

I also don't know, like it wasn't, I remember, literally I remember, we were walking to Memorial Field. And she said, I can't shit. She was just divulging personal medical information to me. And you used it against her. 100%. Oh God, she didn't get, she didn't even get like a goodbye.

What was your reaction when she said, I can't shit? I said, I was like, I gotta go. And I just left. Why? I'm not saying it was right. It was probably very immature. It was wrong. Let's go with incorrect response. I just you know, I was done. I was it was over. It was over. I can't it was done. Wow. Do I know this person? Uh, you I mean, they were definitely around so you've definitely met them I wouldn't say you know them I know this person backed up with poop. I don't know if they're currently backed up

I have no idea where they are in the world right now I hope they're doing well and their bowels are working as they should right but That moment I'll tell you after the show got it And you'll be like what that's good. I like that. Yeah, it was something else. Well. I think we can end there Frank Yeah, sure where can they find you but I found version 85 I do it at the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media and then go check out patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard If you don't want to go to that link go to the basement yard calm find the links We still may be possibly have tickets available. We added a show in Toronto. We added a show in LA

There's maybe tickets available in some cities or the Texas is I don't know go check it out That was a lot go follow the show at the base we want to take dog and Instagram and go to the basement com for all tour tickets There may be some that just pop up randomly So check it out all the time if you haven't gotten to take and you want one. Just keep looking maybe maybe someone is like trying to get rid of it or whatever but yeah thank you guys so much and we'll see you next time.