The Basement Yard - #464 - Competing In the Olympics
Episode Date: August 19, 2024We can win in break dancing! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome back to the base.
Welcome back to the basement yard.
Oh, smoking.
Frank got a new T-shirt and now he's acting out his T-shirt show.
30 years old, 30 years old.
This is my favorite movie ever.
It's 30 years old.
The mask.
Oh, I thought your shirt was 30 years old.
No, no, no.
You got that off Amazon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was made to look vintage, but it was actually printed last year.
It was purchased for me, so I don't know any of that information.
I- and I actually- I don't even think it was off Amazon, but...
It looks nice, I like it.
I like it a lot. It's one of my favorite shirts now.
A lot scarier than I remember, honestly.
God, 30 years old. Can you believe that?
I can believe it. I'm 32. I'm older than the movie.
I really don't like this attitude that you're fucking starting off with.
Fuck you, this was like the first like,
this formed my personality, this formed my humor.
A lot of Who I Am is 1994 is The Mask starring Jim Carrey.
Frank, no it's not.
Yeah, I can get it.
It's just you like the movie.
No, no it is.
What part about your personality was shaped by the mask? I think his playfulness his
What his apparent like mischievousness
Mischievousness whatever it is a lot of you're not mischievous. I think I used to be now I can't be mischievous
Yeah, because as a kid you're mischievous now as an adult
It's just called being a criminal, right? You know that's why like as a kid you're allowed to be mischievous
You're allowed to be like oh, I'm gonna play pranks and fuck with people. Did you do a lot of pranking?
I like to try I know like but like I know you faked your death to your sister
I did fake my death to my sister. That was psychotic every now and then I just throw a little random one in there
like I'll just like I didn't fake my death to my sister. That was psychotic. Every now and then I just throw a little random one in there.
Like I'll just like pretend to sneeze, you know,
just to see if anyone catches me.
See if I can still keep people on their toes, you know?
That's you, oh, the big mischievous man.
He pretends to sneeze.
He's got the whole world fooled.
He's just so funny in that movie.
When's the last time you saw?
You don't really, this is what Joey's doing.
Shut the fuck up. This is what Joey's doing. Shut the fuck up.
This is what Joey's doing, is he hasn't seen something
and doesn't care about it, but then he's gonna go watch it
and he's gonna slide it in to make it parts
of his entire personality.
And people are gonna be like, I've always liked it.
This is what you do.
No, I'm a very upfront, forward, and honest person
with what is about my fucking personality
and shit like that, bitch.
You see what he just, everything you just said meant nothing by the way one
That's one thing I want to get out of the way to you're the one who's sneaking it in right now
Not really sneaking exactly. It's not sneaking. I'm in your face. I'm blasting all over you. I am I don't
For you to come in here and be like I think that I was shaped by the movie the mask is like an insane thing
To say I don't think it's insane
I think that there are a lot of parts of our personality that we don't realize now. I'm throwing it now
I'm absolutely I think we as a society we as a society. Yeah, the mask. I'm not saying that
Saying the mask, but if we want to use that as an allegory to represent all of society then we shall I
Don't want wanna do that.
I'm just saying, there are so many,
there are pieces of media that we encounter
at a young age that shapes us.
We spoke about this the other day.
Two Girls, One Cup, that was one.
That was, unfortunately that was one.
Kids in the Sandbox, where she shoves a dildo
in his pee hole.
Why does it have to be all these like dark web
fucking sex videos that you're watching?
I don't know, I don't know.
No, but you remember that video?
I remember, I saw them too.
I'm not happy about it.
Do you remember Church of Fudge?
I remember Church of Fudge.
I remember Gaiwon Dar.
What happened to Church of Fudge?
Would poop, dude.
Yeah, what happened?
Explain it, because some people don't know.
Well, weren't they nuns in there?
It was a nun and a priest.
Yeah.
And I think the priest farted.
Very blasphemous.
Just want to put that out there.
We didn't do this.
The Church of Fudge did.
Wherever they made shall rest
It was a less popular one than two girls one cup and the sandbox one
But it was a priest who was farting and shitting into a nun's face
Fucked up saw that right after I ate a pizza and I was like, yeah, we saw that I don't know
Yeah, Finn's house. Yeah, we can say it. It's all right. So out there. I was eating a pizza
I immediately put it down and walked home
Yeah, and that pizza stayed there for probably eight months
Also, if you listen if you're gonna fart and shit in someone's face on video don't you don't have to be dressed like you
Like why are you doing that the act of what you're doing is fucked up enough
You don't need a blast beam on top of it to be a priest. You could just do that God forsaken act without trying to bring God into it. God is already not there. Don't try to
bring God into it. You know what I'm saying? You could do it in plain clothes. Do it in
your favorite t-shirt. Or just do a nakey bakey. You know, like, just like save, like,
clothes are expensive. Yeah. At least the girls, you know, the women, the nice women
of Two Girls, One Cup didn't't have any this is not a patreon episode
just probably so we all know it's going on the web didn't have any nun outfits
on they were naked they were not a member they were not members of the
nunnery nor that's not it are you sure called the clerk the the sisterhood not
the clan what's the house that they all go to they
all live in a house the Episcopalian no what the fuck is that cool word I gotta
say yeah it is not bad the the ministry is see you see con con con convent
convict convent is it the convent I think it is convent yeah okay I used to
thought it was the nunnery it's crazy but there are so many other pieces of media that shaped who we are growing up and I think everyone is convent. Yeah, okay. I used to thought it was the nunnery. It's crazy, but there are so many other pieces of media
that shaped who we are growing up,
and I think everyone could speak to that.
You don't remember watching,
I definitely know that you were a fucking freak
for like little giants, mighty ducks,
fucking remember the Titans,
and you became big boy Joe Jock boy because of that.
I watched those movies
because I was interested in sports already. Like to this this day. You're like. Oh fucking flying V
You know oh shit Frank. You can't just watch movies. He's so dramatic. He's like this movie
She just movie shaped me you are who you are
Because unlike fucking psychopathy over here
Yeah, maybe people are moved by pieces of media to feel something not looking at a wall
And just depending on how big their bank account is you fucking rich bastard. That's not what happens
I think that you're just dependent on something that you like and you like see this shaped me. I like the movie
It shaped me see it's important. Oh Joe. He's getting me something. I'm always getting real don't make me
This whole fucking episode cut the cameras off no
The the man looks nice today, but thank you so much. I nothing in it. Just. The the the man looks nice today, by the way. Thank you so much. I nothing in it just right out the shower. I
I'm a meds bringing me a hat that he purchased for me
because Greg being a being a bastard. Greg had nine strikes
one of those shows. That's Seattle show. That's Seattle
show. He **** up six times. No, no, no. It was the second LA. I
think. Oh, no. It was Seattle. It was a hat. He **** up. Let's
be honest about something. Jokes aside, he wore jeans jeans the night before to be fair. He doesn't wear jeans
Yes, he was all thrown off and he works probably harder than any of the other people on that on that in our crew
How hard is that?
Ratio babe ratio. Yeah, but he did fuck up several times within like a 10-minute span and
One of those times was I asked him to buy me a hat and he just didn't.
Yeah.
He didn't forget.
I told him and he just didn't do it.
No, I think, I don't know, whatever.
But you got the hat.
I did, Ahmed's coming with it.
I was gonna wear it for the show,
but Ahmed's not here yet.
So here we are, living the dream.
Living the dream, watching the Olympics.
That's all I watch on the flight back home.
The whole time? Yeah, I just, I put the Olympics on that's all I watch on the flight back home. The whole time?
Yeah, I just put the Olympics on the TV.
What was on the, like what sports?
Uh, they were going back and forth. I kinda like the coverage, it's kind of like a red zone.
I don't like the song, I don't like the song.
Song?
The Olympic song? It annoys me.
I don't know it.
It's like triggering when I hear a fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan Can't remember the graduation one. I actually believe it's called pomp and circumstance The graduation song don't tell me that I don't want to know that why not I don't know stupid
It was also macho man Randy Savage's entrance music in WWF at the time
You know
Pumps and circumstance pump and circumstance got it. I kind of want to look it up now. Can I no no no no
So what sports were you watching?
Uh, I don't even remember.
There was some like track.
The Olympics, folks.
It was mostly like track that I was watching.
Oh, cool running.
I love watching that.
You guys are so annoying, dude.
Oh, there was women's discus.
I do like that.
Those bitches were throwing.
I got to say, I do like when they throw the discus.
I do like when they do shot put. And I do like the jabbling. I gotta say I do like when they throw the discus I do like when they do shot put and I do like the jab. I hate shot put I have convinced myself throws like this
I know that it probably is there's a there is like a specific. How heavy do you think that thing is?
That's gotta be like 40 pounds 40 pounds 30
30 pounds, right?
20 pounds right how about he's already down to maybe 20 how heavy I'm pretty sure
Brock Lesnar's daughter does shot put ball yeah she is in men's competition
it's 16 pounds and women's competitions it's 8.8 damn we'll never have a
quality eight pounds is heavy too 16 pounds is heavy as shit. It's a little lighter than 40. I backtrack a little bit
I apologize. It's not welcome back to us not knowing anything. Well, that's because the Olympics hasn't sponsored our show yet Olympics
Why like why not have us?
Like sponsor us to do the show we could do the Olympics. Oh
My running fast. Oh shit. They're throwing the Olympics. Oh, they're running fast.
Oh shit, they're throwing hard.
Wow, look at them throwing that fast.
You ever, I always get so nervous during the relays
of track when they're like handing off the baton.
I'm like, don't drop it.
That's the closest like I've ever felt to being
You've done the baton.
in Olympic sport doing the baton race.
Because like it is literally like a science.
Like You gotta like run with your hand behind you and you gotta put it in. Olympic sport doing the baton race because like it is literally like a science like
You gotta like run with your hand behind you and you got to put it in and then you got a wank
You need to like and then the person in front of you starts to run and you need to like time it and everything That shit is crazy. Yeah, that shit is absolutely crazy. Did you do the relay in fifth grade? I'm pretty sure I or like around there
Yeah, I did the I think I did the sprint and lost because there was a fucking
The Michael Phelps of PS2 growing up was Dennis. Yeah, this kid won every gold medal
That's the only reason why I've had second place medals and the one DQ in first grade that I'm not over. Yeah
but I
Only won in fifth grade because he wasn't in the relay.
Without exaggeration, I tried to join
events that I didn't think he would be in.
So like one year I did like the three legged race.
I remember when you did the three legged race.
I was just like three legged race.
I remember like being like, this is my moment.
Yeah.
And I, you guessed it.
Didn't.
Didn't moment.
What was the thing where it's like you sit on something with wheels and you scoot? Oh
First of all, yes, I know what you're talking about athletic event
It was not an athletic event at all how it doesn't make sense, but it was just like a board on wheels
Yeah, and it had handles on the side. You know, like go go go
Yeah
But you had you couldn't like kick and you had like the whole time you had a kick who did you?
Do the three-legged race with?
I'm not too sure but I think it was Damir.
Okay that's good.
He was an athlete.
He had a jumper.
I don't know.
He's an athlete if you count fucking throwing a Xodia down on the battlefield.
You know one time he fouled me really hard during basketball and then he went out for
a layup and I pushed him you snuffed the
shit out of him I pushed him and he hit the fence and there was a little spike
and he got like a hole in his arm bro this kid just he didn't he was looking at me and
crying and just and I was just like chill this is that's crazy I just kept
backing up I'm like chill chill chill it was cool he was a cool kid though I
friend a couple years ago when we like we talked about him on the show and I
messaged him to like
See if he would like say what's up like or like sending a story or something about the show
Ignored you they completely ignored me. Really? Yeah. Hell. Yeah, you fucked up the mirror. Shout out you fucked up
No, that was dope. No, no
No, no, no awesome. No, but I I I know last we spoke about the Olympics
I didn't watch anything but I did watch something this time
Well, it's the fucking shooting. Oh
the fucking
I didn't see any of that dude people are showing up with like gear like some fucking like spy kids
Guy coming with with a mirror that's blocking one eye
It's like this it houses not cheating that and this guy this guy just walks like out of in sweatpants
like if you if you've ever walked by like a
Like Italian American Club in like a major city. You've seen people like this all the time
They look like they are just like that's all that they have a long sleeve like sweatshirt on in the summer
This guy showed up bang bang, walked out.
So fire. That's some fucking, that's some shit.
Yeah, that is cool. I like that.
He should have had a cigarette. Just, oh yeah.
And you see all the other nerds, they have like arm pads and eye things.
I know there's a science to it. I know there's a science it I know there's science to go up there
and raw dog and pow I saw someone saying like it's crazy that America didn't get
the gold in shooting yeah and it was like well because they're hitting
targets not each other yeah that's kind of sad I mean it's a joke to make for
sure have you ever like legitimately thought you could compete in any Olympic sport?
Never.
I'd never thought that I actually could.
I like convinced myself.
If you had to pick one, like if you had to compete.
Done.
I got it already.
What?
Javelin.
Throwing a javelin?
I'm pretty sure I could throw a javelin very, very well.
Based on what?
Got it Okay based on delusion
Based on delusion also someone threw a javelin in the mask and that shaped his life, so it's in
bitch
Throw a javelin in the mask. I can't think of it. No, they're like I've seen enough
Javelin throws and I just convinced myself like I might be able to do
this.
But like, okay, javelin I feel like is a tough one.
Is there any of the sports that legitimately if like your life depended on it, like you
had this is the sport that you had to do the best at, like which one would you pick?
If they if there was an Olympic event for sunflower seed eating, I'm pretty sure I could
place. Are you listening to the question? Are you in fantasy land because I'm saying which one that does exist
I'll I'll save you time. Okay, that sounds like it's gonna be silence for a half an hour. I just said curling
Which it's probably hard but like that to me seems like more doable than like- Oh yeah, you've played enough shuffleboard that you could probably-
I'm not beating anyone in swimming, bro.
Yeah, no no no. Swimming is crazy. Absolutely-
I can barely get down and back, bro!
I'll say this, if sunflower seed eating was an Olympic sport, your boy might be in there.
Honestly, honestly, do you think I would do well in that?
What is the competition? I don't even know how to weed-
Eat 100 sunflower seeds the quickest. do well in that. What is the competition? I don't even know how to weed. We eat a hundred
sunflower seeds the quickest. I've never seen you eat seeds fast. Man, you're missing out,
let me tell ya. I'm not missing anything. And also, if, I know it's technically, it
is a sport, but if they allowed pencil diving in the diving competition. Pencil diving?
A pencil dive. You think you're good at that?
I think I'd be pretty good at that.
Bro, I dove off the boat in Connecticut.
You did a good pencil dive?
No, I did a good fucking Olympic dive. Look at this thing.
Get the hell out of here.
That's- but your feet are all fucked up and you're going-
My feet are perv!
You're going no, no. And you're going out out you need to go down for olympic e dives
Well, I'm jumping off a boat you won't how am I gonna get fucking straight down exactly you go up you go down
Maybe if the boat had a diving board then I could give you a little something here
I mean, let's go then now we have to rent the yacht with a diving board. Oh boy
I don't think that they come with diving boards
I'm pretty sure you could if you pay enough money you could get a diving board on a yacht
You ever actually been on a diving board? Yeah crazy tough. It's kind of nuts. It's bouncy for sure
It is bouncy and also like I don't want to jump that high
If you time it wrong your knees will like kick you in the face
Yeah, because you need to jump as it's still like down. So what brings you back up?
Yeah, I've gotten enough practice on a trampoline
that I think I could do it okay, but like.
See, I don't like fucking with those either.
Oh, I love trampolines.
Can you do a back flip?
No.
No, I can't.
Front?
What do you do on that?
You just jump like you're on a bed.
I do, I play with the kids on it.
But like sometimes I'll do, it's funny,
when Miles and I go on it, I'll be like,
I'll be like, all right, Miles,
let me see if I still got it.
Make sure I'm not rusty.
And what I'll do is I'll jump as high as I can,
come down straight on my back,
and while in the air, I'll do a flip.
And I don't land on my feet, I land on my face.
Got it.
But it's pretty cool.
Yeah.
And he'll go, still got it.
Does he?
That's awesome.
Does he flip?
Not really.
We're not big flippers in our house.
We're not taking risks.
Not a big flippy household.
No, no flippies?
No.
I will tell you, when we were kids, we went out to the McGrath's house on Long Island
and they had a trampoline.
And the parents would sit outside and just chain smoke cigs.
Like I'm talking like bad.
One is bad, but a lot of bad.
And we would do the thing where we'd be like,
yo, watch us, and we would jump up,
and we would go straight down,
and then at the last second, we'd curl.
Like fucking like Jeff Hardy's Swanton bombing.
Anyone have any questions?
I have a question.
Call on me, call on me.
Call on me, please.
Okay, Joe?
What the fuck do cigarettes have to do with that story?
Also, what was the point of the entire thing?
To talk?
Hear myself talk?
Oh my God.
Spend some time in there?
I've almost killed myself on trampolines.
I'm not fucking with anyone.
So, okay.
Curling is the only Olympic sport you think you even have a slight chance of being pro
in.
I'm sure there's other ones.
I don't even know.
Breakdancing!
Breakdancing is in the Olympics now.
Breakdancing!
I'm not good at that either.
If you give yourself 10 minutes.
10 minutes?
Sorry, alright.
To do what?
Every day for a year.
To breakdance.
You don't think you could be good at it?
I would definitely not pick that.
I would pick other shit before that.
I'm just saying I have the confidence.
We know that.
We know you have that.
We're gonna call it confidence
that I believe if I put my mind to anything,
I can and will do it.
Yeah.
And so far I've not been proven wrong.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't think that's true.
Where, when?
I don't know, you have a lot of things that you just say.
You're training to dunk a basketball,
when's that not gonna happen?
I mean, I've not yet tried to actually dunk the ball yet.
I'm just training.
So you just never attempt to things.
Technically, technically, if I never attempt to do the thing,
it means I've never failed. failed Wow, so we don't know
When are you gonna be honest with yourself?
Ain't gonna be today, baby
Do you know I pulled up this thing about sports you didn't know existed? I don't think these are in the Olympics, but I looked this up because
Breakdancing we were talking about right before we started recording that breakdancing is now how does Japan ever
lose in breakdancing really I would have said the Philippines but I think China
won are they big break dancers I thought oh I don't know I don't know either
it's probably backpedal a little bit I just they feel good at it yeah well the
japa walkies are Japanese you're getting crazy. We look this. I don't want to know we look this up
I think it's a collection of Asian like Asian Americans from different nationalities. Yeah
I will say when white people breakdance drives me nuts
Drives me crazy get out of here. You're not allowed to do this. I just don't like it like it just it
Cuz they're not I don't you know it also like looks horrible
regardless of race
When break dancers are like getting ready to break dance. Oh, but
When they're doing this thing when they're like like yeah
Like just go just do it. It's like it's like the lead-up to a sneeze like you oh I hate it dude. I hate that shit. And I'm like, just go, spin dude.
It's like the lead up to a sneeze, like you don't want it.
It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, it's just not.
Just fucking sneeze already.
Just start breaking dance.
I don't like that.
And also, maybe that started as being
like an actual warmup thing,
like they're just like warming up their arms
and stuff to do break dance.
I just.
But now it's just like they do it for flair and I don't like it.
Well, they're like, either you better be getting ready to spin and land on your
head.
You know what I mean?
We peaked as an, as a world and you got served and then even stopped the yard.
But although that was coming down a little bit, the yard, I definitely
wanted to do that piece in my head.
I was like, when I go to college,
I'm going, also, what, like in what world
am I going to one of these colleges?
Zero.
To break dance?
Well, no, do the stomping thing.
Well, hold on, in what world did you go to college?
Let's start with that one.
Well, yeah, that world doesn't exist yet.
A different variant of me has gone to college.
I did not.
But I remember watching them,
we'd be like, this is the coolest thing in the world.
And like, then what?
Like, am I going to like,
like an HBCU college?
Yeah, well no, there are other colleges.
So like my school is not known
as a historically black college or university,
which is what HBCU stands for, I think.
And... I love, I think.
And...
I love the I think at the end there.
But we had historically black and Spanish fraternities
and sororities on our campus, and they would step.
Would they do it at house parties?
They would do it everywhere, dude.
Careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful.
You don't wanna accidentally offend.
Oh, I don't wanna actually do a call
and then I start beef or something.
Bro, it would literally be like 11 p.m.
and you would hear their call through the fucking echoing
through the campus and then you would just hear like
I don't like yo that shit looks sick I'm not gonna fuck around and I part of me wanted
to do it and I was like I don't want to offend anybody yeah well I also like yeah I don't
look good in like boots so like I can't you look good in boots do I yeah I've seen you
in boots you look pretty good in boots when did Do I? Yeah, I've seen you in boots. You look pretty good in boots. When did you see me in boots?
I've seen you wear boots like casually.
And you look- As well boots.
Like, you look good in boots.
Really?
You know what it is?
You have a good like,
from the knee down.
I got a good leg?
That part.
Right, right, right.
Your thigh and ass sucks.
We've established that.
Don't talk about that.
We've established that. But I got a good knee down. Yeah knee down pretty good boots good on you
Okay, do boots more boots. I'm gonna do more boots
You got to do cowboy boots when we go on that basement experience tour in Texas might have to buy some you might have to fucking
To step your way into that state and then get dragged out. Yeah, dude, why not? Fuck it. Yeah. Boots are incoming.
So if you're in Texas, look out for the boots.
Why do you say that like that?
Boots are incoming.
You said incoming.
Boots are incoming.
Better.
I thought that's what I said.
When you said incoming, like they're in Alan Cumming.
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So you don't think you could be a good break dancer?
I know you're white.
We've already established that.
Right, I'm not breaking any dance.
I think you could, I really,
Joey, you think you're a good break dancer?
I am confident in my abilities to do things
that if I commit to wanting to do something,
I think I could do it.
And I think you're the same way.
You're very versatile.
I can't break dance.
I know you can't right now,
but if you woke up tomorrow,
look, hey, you couldn't previously tell
any tasting notes in wine
and you're a level one sommelier now.
You could do it.
Right?
I'm never gonna be a Jabberwocky.
I'm not saying level of Jabberwocky.
That's another level.
You think I could probably spin on my back?
Yeah.
I think you could do back spins.
Maybe.
I think you could do that thing where like you're crab walking and you throw a leg over and then you go the other leg over. I know you could do back spins. Maybe. I think you could do that thing where like
you're crab walking and you throw a leg over
and then you go the other leg over.
I know what you're saying.
You know what I'm saying?
It doesn't look like it's hard at all,
but they do it really fast, you know?
Yeah.
Also you could do the thing where you bring your legs
around and you're like, you know what I'm saying?
I feel like I've tried to do that before.
I pretty, I am 70% sure I could do it right now.
I'm not gonna ask you to do it.
Yeah, there's not a lot of room in here.
After we record, I'll show you.
Okay.
But I have strong wrists.
I'm pretty sure I could do it.
You have strong wrists?
I think I do, yeah.
Okay.
What is that?
Proving how strong your wrists are
that they didn't snap just now?
What other sports are on that fucking list
that you looked up, bitch?
Well, we haven't even gotten to any of them,
but the first one, chest boxing. God, we haven't even gotten to any of them, but the first one, chess boxing.
That sounds fire.
Alternating rounds of boxing, and then you go and sit down and play chess.
That's awesome.
A physical game of...
Mental game.
Mental game, physical game.
This is incredible.
This is domination over another man.
I know we've spoken about this before.
Yeah.
I don't know if we've done it on the show.
Where do you stand with eSports? Do you believe eSports are a sport?
I guess let's back up a little bit.
Yeah.
What do you define as a sport?
A competition, I guess, I don't know.
Okay, are you limiting it to just physical competition?
Are you?
I'm not like a gatekeeper of the word like people go so hard like if it's not
Basketball, it's not a sport basically like okay. It's competition. That's all it is
So I think the competitive eating is a sport for sure. Okay, so then do you consider esports a sport?
Sure, like a subsector of chess
chess chess but then do you consider esports a sport? Sure, like a subsector of it. Chess.
Chess?
Chess.
If someone wanted me to, I would.
I think I used to subscribe to the whole,
if there's no physical exertion included in it,
it's not a sport.
Because a lot of people,
I remember there was a big conversation about baseball.
How much of a sport is baseball?
Because people-
When the fuck was that?
Baseball's one of the main sports.
Because people would see Prince Fielder and C.C. Sebastian
and go, these are athletes?
This is not, this is a joke of a sport.
But-
They suck off Babe Ruth?
I don't know.
But I think I've come to,
I've broadened the understanding of what I believe a sport is. So I think I've come to like, I've broadened the understanding
of what I believe a sport is.
So I do think like chess is a sport,
e-sports is a sport.
Yeah, I don't know why anyone would even really
like care to have that argument of like,
no, this isn't.
Because their whole identity,
their whole identity has been tied
to being a certain type of athlete.
But you can be that, you can still be that.
I know, you know. I'm just saying. I'm trying to speak for the fucking morons in the world. I know I know what the fuck are you yelling about?
I'm on your side
You're right. I am a little worked up, but yeah, I mean I think eSports
It's a competition if you want to call it a sport. I don't care. It's an eSport
Is email not mail?
It's email. It's an e-sport. It's email not mail It's email. It's electronic mail
Yeah, I guess this is an electronic sport. I will say this I will
Throw a bone to the purists out there about sports
When they have like draft night for like NBA 2k and they everyone gets dressed up in suits like the NBA draft
Now we're flirting with psychosis here. Why because it's just like that's a little too much to me. I don't think so
I think it looks it looks great. I
Don't know about that. I will say it is funny when like it just feels like too much
I think I think the part of it that's funny is like the marketing of eSports
We're like you'll pass by a fucking billboard and it'll be like Kobe Bryant like jamming it down on fucking somebody and then like
You look the other way and it's you know
Wayne Gretzky fucking absolutely nailing someone into the boards and then you look and it's like a
Gamer a bunch of gamers like on a bus like this. Yeah, well, I come play with Sonic Sonic dwarf
Trickle Fox
Yeah, the names are fun like they do like a I
Like how they have but like that's fun that they have names that are not their names like their names are like
Chet, but their real name. name yeah like yes Sonic Dwarf that's mad funny here comes Imperial Titsmacker x32 it's
incredibly difficult to be a professional gamer also oh yeah you have
to like dedicate yourself like you would any other professional I do honestly I'm
gonna say this with zero psychopathy or delusion.
I do think there was a time.
Oh no.
Where our friends could have legitimately,
if we had known what it was gonna turn into,
we could have been professional gamers.
Yeah, I mean anyone could have.
No, no, no, no, no.
We had the skill and the time played.
If we had just like, if someone had said to our parents,
like, listen, like this is gonna be a legit sport.
They can make millions of dollars a year.
We could, I do believe we could have done it.
I mean, I mean, yeah, you think that.
No, no, I'm with, don't do that.
No, I know that you think that.
Don't do that.
What am I supposed to say? You are correct. correct no you support my logic I said I am presenting an argument
with logic I don't have evidence I don't know evidence evidence is how good we
were right compared to who you played it's matchmaking you match with people
who are the same level this is before there was skilled based mass-making I
don't know that so you kind of went in and you were fucking thrown to the wolves, baby
Yeah, if they had to call the duty zombies as a competition
We might have been a problem Frank wants to create Olympic sports for the things that he thinks he's good at he's like
sunflower seed eating and
Nazi of not zombies or whatever of course I Are they all Nazi zombies in Call of Duty?
Some of them are Nazis, some of them are not Nazis.
But some zombies are better than others.
I mean, you would do the same thing!
You definitely want an Olympic sport of being a gaslighting piece of shit.
Yeah, okay, this guy, you're fucking manipulating gaslighting piece of fuck.
See?
All the stuff that you throw at me-
You throw back at me?
What's the thing?
Gaslighting!
That's what you're doing! No, what what's the it bounces off me back to some I'm rubber you were glue
whatever you throw at me bounces back to you sticks to you rubber and glue don't
match now no what no I'm rubber you're glue sort of you throw me bounced off me
and sticks to you yeah but that's what I'm saying so rubber and glued like glue
doesn't stick to rubber we're different your glue yeah if something, glue to anything is gonna stick to it.
But they're assuming in that situation
where you're saying, I am rubber, you are glue,
meaning like, you're glue.
I am rubber, you are glue.
No, I'm rubber.
I'm the one who says the rubber.
I'm just saying, I said it for my point of view.
I'm the rubber.
I, the recipient is the rubber.
Right. You're the glue. Right. The insinuation there is that glue is not gonna stick the rubber. I okay the recipient is the rubber right you're the glue right the insinuation there is that
Glue is not going to stick to rubber. That's not what that means you yeah
It is no the glue is throwing something at the rubber
It's gonna bounce off the rubber and then once it comes what is glue gonna throw it doesn't have arms
Yeah, the insinuation is that you're mixing the glue on the rubber. No, it isn't
I am rubber you are glue. Do you think this cuz you're stupid? How is that stupid? That's what it is saying
No, it's not that is what it is. No one's mixing rubber and glue you
I am rubber you are glue whatever you whatever you throw at me sticks bounces back and sticks to you
This is easy. It bounces off the rubber and then once it touches the glue now
it's stuck on the glue. I I'll be honest with you. What did you think it was?
I've talked it through and now I kind of see what you're saying. I I'm probably wrong here. No probably.
But I thought it was like a
You know, you're a rubber entity and I'm a glue entity?
Yes, and like we're hugging and it's just like bounce,
you know, like fucking like get off of me.
Why would we be hugging?
You're hurling insults and stuff.
I'm saying I'm wrong here.
I'm explaining why my logic was incorrect.
Yeah.
This is gaslighting.
I know you're wrong.
No, this is not gaslighting.
I am admitting fault, bitch.
Thank you, I do deserve a round of applause. This guy, my God. Know you're wrong. No, this is not gaslighting. I am admitting fault bitch
Thank you. I do deserve a round of applause. Hey
My god, I thought it was like, you know, like you thought they were hugging I didn't
Frankie does fuck with me on the show a lot and like pretends that you know, whatever and like plays it up sometimes I
I that you know whatever and like plays it up sometimes I I promise you when it comes to expressions he's useless he you get them I like I don't think useless is
a proper time you have it like just thought it was rubber and glue. I thought they were hugging. When you said rubber and glue don't mix,
now I was like what the fuck does that even mean?
Rubber and glue don't mix.
Oh my God, that's so good.
I thought there was a mixing thing.
I did.
I did.
I thought, you know how people say like,
oh, don't mix oil and water, you know what I mean?
Like.
You ever do that?
Of course I have.
That was one of my science experiments.
Yeah, that was one of my science experiments
in elementary school.
What is a lava lamp?
It's like a combination of like oil and wax
and like another fluid and stuff like that.
It's really cool.
It is.
My mom got me a lava lamp in like 2018.
I was like, what is this?
What year do you think it is? Bro, the original ones were like insane fire hazards.
They all are. I mean it has to be hot as fuck.
No, now they're not as bad.
Like now the solution is like it doesn't need to be as hot in order to like be lava lampy.
Be gloopy.
Be gloop. To gloop, yeah.
Yeah.
But originally it was like that shit got like hot.
You remember that thing where it was like a ball?
Inside? It was like electricity?
You had one of those! I did, it was in my closet.
And I used to go in my closet and shut the door behind me and just put my hands on it.
Be a fucking wizard and shit like that?
Oh, the electronic trinity is in my hands.
The electronic trinity. The electronic trinity.
The electronic trinity is going through my ants
Electronic trinity
Oh my god
That is so stupid
That is dumb
I used to that too though
I used to be like oh I'm you know what
You charge up your power
I thought I was like
And you'd be emperor Palpatine
You'd be like oh
The bad guy from Star Wars I said put my hands I think like oh
Yes, dude, yes, I swear swear. What is this shit called electric ball light with static?
That's not it
Electronica electricity dude a hundred percent electric ball fully commit to being Emperor Palpatine. I'd be like do it
You know and fucking do it
What is this shit called electric ball with fingers oh this says plasma oh way cooler what it's called plasma yeah yeah plasma ball it
looks like this for people who don't know it looks like oh dude but I'm a
little stay didn't have that many it didn't have that many hands on it it
didn't have that many you would have like three in there And then you'd put your hand on it and it fucking bang
And it would get right in your hands you can see your bones, and you could see your butt
Yeah, you could see like they're like oh, dude. What do you so cool? What the hell happened to us as a society?
I don't know we have failed electronic balls
Electricity needs to come back dude. Where have you been?
Come back, dude. Where have you been?
Electronic trinity is a crazy thing.
Do you remember like Spencer sold like a whole line
of like shocking things?
Like one was like a pen, gum.
You loved that.
I did, I had a couple of them.
Did you have the one that was a trap?
It was like a mouse trap.
Yes, I've told you this.
I broke my grandmother's finger.
It was gum.
I thought she was just being over dramatic.
Turns out her hands
were mostly fucking dusting out for us yeah it was like she had osteoporosis
yeah but I had the pen I had the gum I had the ball I had we had the game
remember it was like handles and it would like go in a circle wait a game it
was like it was like a roulette game and it would go in in a circle. Wait, a game? It was like a roulette game.
And it would go in a circle, everyone would grab a handle.
Oh!
And it would go in a circle
and it would fucking hit someone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fun times, man.
I hate being shocked.
We were better as a society when we would just openly
just like try to fuck with each other by shocking us.
Yeah, every time I was like,
yo, can I borrow a pen?
I'd be like, how do I?
Yo, you wanna know something super serious?
I, I.
What?
It's funny to say right now.
I, as a kid, I had one of those pens.
Which ones?
The one where you click it.
By the way, it fucked me up for life.
Anytime I click a pen now, I'm a little afraid.
But I was on the train on the way back from middle school.
I already know this is gonna be made up.
I swear on my children this is not made up.
Okay, okay.
People were holding the pole.
Like you know in like the middle of the train
it was like a single pole and I put it on there
and people went like what the fuck?
And they didn't get like fucking full shocked.
You shocked a train?
I shocked, not the whole train,
just the people that were holding,
there was like three people holding it.
You put the pen on it?
I put the pen on it to see if it would work.
And people were just like, oh shit, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the hell was that?
I swear on my children I did that.
How cool did you feel?
You were like, oh, I hold the power.
Little cool.
Well, then I had to go home and recharge.
Yeah, of course.
Your house, I didn't have one of those
fucking cool plasma balls. I don't know why we hid it in the closet. go home and recharge. Yeah your house. I didn't have one of those fucking cool plasma balls
Why we hid it in the closet? I have a question. Yeah. Yeah, why did you hide it?
I don't know. I would just go in the closet because it was dark. I guess I don't know the dark did make it cooler
What would happen if you broke the glass around it? I?
Don't know would you like is that like the key to time travel?
Obviously not I'm joking you're getting
electronic trisity
Electrocution a city. Yeah. Whoa, I
I wonder like what would happen if you broke the ball around the plasma ball
And like if you just grabbed the shit if you grabbed the shaft like would it fucking like
Yeah If you grab the shaft like would it fucking like Yeah
What it yeah, I don't know bro probably it electrocute you I
Don't know if it's actually like a lot. What is it because it's not electricity. No it is
But you can't see electricity. You know I'm saying you can if they arc
What does that mean arc if like the electricity arcs you could see it like, oh shit that's arc?
Yeah like that's electricity.
What?
Yeah.
You can.
Do you remember that day when a story of the sky was blue?
Yeah.
It was because of electricity I think.
You haven't said anything that's answered any of my questions.
And you're ending with I think. I don't know why I bother listening to you.
We do have one more sponsor for today.
God damn. What have I done to hurt you over the last fucking four hours or something?
My God!
You remember that day? It was electricity.
Yeah, the power plant blew up in Con Ed.
I assume it has something to do with electricity. I think you could see electricity like
Now we got I think going. I'm gonna look it up. You do the ads. I'll look up electricity
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and
Now I
Need to look up this thing, the plasma ball.
Are you looking it up?
I look, so I'm looking up if you could see electricity and I'm going to tell you something.
Lightning.
Bingo.
So that's what I was going to say.
Lightning is a form of electricity.
I know that.
But then also I found a video.
Of what?
Of electricity. Electronic trisity look babe look so you
could you could you could agree that that is fucking text you can agree
that's a power line now watch this watch this electricity babe that's
electricity that's fire you're seeing electricity what do you mean dude that's electricity. That's fire. You're seeing electricity. What do you mean dude? That's electricity
Why is it? Why am I able to see it because of electricity?
The answers that we I don't know why you could see it, but you can see electricity
I'm sure fucking our buddy fucking Hank Green is gonna grab this and be like well
You're seeing the electricity reacting with oxygen do ever, ever try to do his voice, ever.
You're right, I shouldn't.
Let's be very clear about something.
If it hasn't been clear before, he's way smarter than us.
Oh, how hard is that?
But he's gonna grab this and he'll have an actual answer,
but like, that's electricity.
You've never seen Ghostbusters?
That's what electricity looks like when they shoot the-
Frank, that's so goofyofy about chasing ghosts.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
But what I'm saying is like they based the look
of the shooting the fucking plasma gun.
What is it called?
Plasma pack.
What is it called?
I don't know.
The proton pack.
Third time's a charm.
Off of electricity.
Look at it, it looked like electricity.
All right, well I don't know.
Maybe this thing will just electrocute you straight up.
Or do you think if you did it in a dark room that it would hit the walls?
And then you touch the walls and you get all the energy.
And you could be like Dr. Manhattan.
You'd probably be dead at that point, I think.
How much...
Hmm.
Do any part of you like wonder if like, you know, you watch all these like comic book movies and all this stuff any part of you think like we've not tested if
getting bit by a radioactive spider would fucking do the right thing and
make a spider-man is there any part of you that would be like I wonder I used
to like when you know you're at that age where you're like I got new sneakers. I'm the fastest man alive
You know yeah, go ahead. I've done that before yeah, we know that so when I was younger
You know when it would come to that kind of well
I told you this a couple episodes ago. I used to think that like if you get bit by a bat
Something would happen. Yes. Yeah, you know turn into a vampire because you're an idiot
I didn't think actually you would turn into a vampire, but I thought something would happen.
I'm just saying like.
I thought something supernatural would happen.
I thought it was like, if I get hit with enough volts,
will I then have the power of electricity?
You know what I'm saying?
You won't have the power to stand
if you get hit with enough.
I know, but.
Did I ever tell you the story
about my dad getting electrocuted?
I think you did.
Wasn't he on a ladder or something?
Was he? But he was holding two. I think you did. Wasn't he on a ladder or something? Was he?
But he was holding two,
I think I do remember this.
Oh, two stories actually, real quick.
My dad used to work in construction.
He used to turn us into child slave,
laborers.
But there was one time he was holding something
and then he accidentally grabbed the other one.
So much electricity passed through his body
that the light turned on
Dude we were laughing
So hard and he gets so mad cuz he's just like you think that's fine. I could have died could have died honestly Honestly, I'd be pissing you think it about I was like my dad screams
You got a lot or you were thinking about that and you were like, maybe maybe bro. There was another time
we were putting up sheetrock and
We're all holding it
Laughing already
I
Don't know what was going through his head because we didn't drill nothing. Yeah, just holding it up and he just goes
It's shit rock you guys don't know your mouth
She rock it just fucking breaks on his fucking head dust goes everywhere dude I was on the ground this there's any part of the story have to do with electricity. No, okay. Gotcha
The other one did oh my god, dude when I used to work on construction sites
I would get I wouldn't get in trouble,
but people would get upset
because I would take my knife
and pretend I was a 1950s greaser
and slice up the drywall.
Is that allowed?
No.
You would slice up the drywall?
Yeah.
Like a greaser?
Yeah. Like a greaser?
Like a piggy grinder?
Basically, yeah.
On these construction sites, on every floor,
when they were getting ready to do the carpentry work for that floor,
there would be stacks of dozens of fucking regular sheets of drywall.
And I had this blue cobalt knife knife on me and it had three settings on it
And I would take each setting I'd open it and I'd fucking like
And then I'd close that one and I do and I would like look at like oh look at this one compared to that one
Like that blade made this much of a gash and stuff like that
Why are knives so fun dude or like swords, you know how bad? I want to fucking have a real butterfly knife and fucking I used to know how to do that
Get the fuck out of here hard my uncle taught me he sat me down and taught me how to do it
And you never cut yourself
No, cuz the way that you flip it even if you go like this and it hits your hand
It should be like the outside part. It shouldn't be the blade on your hand. I need to get you a butterfly knife.
I feel like I remember how to do it.
It's not hard, it's not that many moves.
I wish I had the knife that, you know, like the knife that,
like it's like the metal handle and has a little like
twirly, like the like fucking edge guards on it.
And then you press it and it fucking, dude.
Bro, I had one of those as part of my Halloween costume.
Carried it everywhere.
Everywhere?
Everywhere.
Dude, I want to like, It was an actual knife. I where dude I want to like
It wasn't as actual knife. I know I want to act this out I don't want to make this a real actual thing but like grab someone and just be like you're gonna give me your lunch money
And then I put it against their cheek cut their cheek get their cheek a little bit
get the cheek
Yeah, just cut their cheek a little
Cut you know no No, I don't know.
And just be like, mommy and daddy
aren't gonna have you to come home to.
What?
That was like a big thing.
What'd you say?
Mommy and daddy are not gonna have you come home to?
What the fuck was that?
You'd be a horrible criminal.
I know, I would.
Because I have a good heart.
Putting a blade on someone's face,
don't be like.
Putting it on their cheek and just being like, ah, ah.
You're just like pointing,
and just like a little bug come down.
Just a little baby blood,
and then they can scoop up with the knife,
and then again, like just like a real evil piece of shit,
you know, like I'm pretty sure they did it in like it.
Where he like grabbed him and he's just like,
all right boys, who wants bacon for dinner?
You know, cause he was a little fat kid.
Anyone ever pull a knife on you?
Yes.
I feel like yes is my answer, but I can't remember.
I think there are answers outside of the one
that I can remember, but the only one I can remember
was at Target.
What does that sense mean?
Like I'm pretty sure it happened.
Oh, more than once.
More than once.
Okay.
But the one I remember specifically is at Target.
Someone pulled a knife on you?
Yeah, dude.
So I know we joked about it.
What was he trying to steal?
Xbox controllers.
And you were like, hey man, and he was like, hey.
No, so they had,
I guess, who cares?
They would put these specific tags on the controllers
so you couldn't just take them off of,
and on the peg that they're on,
they had a thing on the end, a locking mechanism,
so you couldn't just take them off.
Someone would have to come take them off for you,
and the idea is they hold it, they bring you to,
so you can purchase it, so less chance chance but there was a guy that came in and we saw him fucking with it
And it looked like he just ripped it off
But so I I did the whole like kitten caboodle about like making sure like I went around about the whole process to make sure
I could actually like apprehend this guy
and
He gets to the front and as he's getting as he's like trying to like run out he actually apprehend this guy. And he gets to the front, and as he's getting,
as he's trying to run out.
He's running at this point?
He's starting to run by all the cash registers and shit.
And as he's starting to run out, he sees me,
and he holds a knife and looks at me,
and just fucking takes off, and I'm like, holy shit.
I was like, dude, you could take it.
It's not fucking, it ain't worth it. I'm getting stabbed for a fucking Xbox. Yeah it was scary man.
If you save the store from someone stealing shit you should be able to get
that money like whatever that's worth you should get personally because why
else am I like I'm not going to put my life on the line for a fucking Xbox. Damn Joey's
yo big big box retail if you hear this Joey's got the ideas here but you got a
there are some you might be careful because there are people that get busts of like
Thousands of dollars and shit like good, but they have to put themselves in danger to stop
I mean the idea is that you're not supposed to put yourself in danger. It's supposed to be like
Hey safely yeah, I mean yeah, you're supposed to like call the police
So they're there when their guy like runs outside and like it's crazy, man
I've seen some shit anyone ever pull a gun on you ever
mmm, I
Thought it was a gun at the time and then I found out it wasn't
When that Halloween when someone like opened the side and like went like this out the fucking car door and we all ducked
We found out it was a paintball gun. Yeah, but I remember when I
We found out it was a paintball gun. Yeah.
But I remember when I,
that was the same one where I threw an egg in the car.
Yeah.
They opened up the thing and I kept running
and I just heard shots and I was like, my friends are dead.
Yeah.
Same, exact same.
And I pray that never happens
because that would freak me the fuck out.
I mean, no one pulled the gun on me,
but like someone
Handed you a gun.
Brandished a gun without anyone knowing,
and we were like, put that the fuck away.
Yeah, not in New York, because that would be crazy.
It was in a state that I will, it was Texas.
It was Texas.
It was Texas.
You had to guess.
Person.
The person was out with us, and they wanted,
they asked us to walk them back to their car,
and, because it was in a parking garage,
so we were like, yeah, no problem, we'll all walk you back.
Walked this person back to their car,
they opened their car trunk, and they said,
look at this, we said, get that the fuck outta here.
Put that right the fuck back in your trunk.
And then haven't spoken to that person since.
Yeah, the gun thing is scary.
A little scary.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I would like it in my house if I lived in the subs.
Yeah, we've discussed that as a possible...
But I'm not taking this gun out unless I'm shooting it, to be honest with you.
Because I'm not getting shot.
Well, that's the thing, man.
You brandish a weapon, you better be ready to shoot that, man.
I'll shoot it into my fucking ceiling just to scare somebody.
Well, you gotta hope no one's upstairs.
Well, yeah.
Or floor. And also, bullets will will come down eventually so you need to be
careful of that. Bullets will come down? What happens when you shoot a gun in the
air? It comes down. And someone dies? It can if it hits someone. That's crazy.
Mythbusters did an episode on that. Did they? Yeah. And it comes back with like
the same force that it was shot. I would assume it's very high. Not well yeah not
just because of the high but just like the speed at which it's going
and then it come it's it's fucking crazy but eventually would have to slow down
no I mean it slows down and then picks up yeah you know go watch it's fucking
crazy I'm pretty sure all the episodes are on max it's a good show fun to
watch God max sponsor us we just plug Mythbusters.
Come on.
We're simple, bro.
If this show ever got to the level of like,
Joe Rogan show or something,
you would just be firing off all these like, Apple.
HBO, make a TV show about this.
I mean.
Joe Rogan, that's the it's the podcast the biggest podcast
So yeah, yeah, I think it is the biggest podcast
Anyway, I think that's all we can do for today
You don't want to do a couple more minutes
No, can I see your shirt open it?
Take it off
No, well you got a lot of brown sugar right there, huh?
That seems racially motivated.
I'm not going to ask.
I'm talking about hair.
That's what you call hair, brown sugar.
A little bit.
We've got to get out of here, folks.
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What I don't know. Isn't that like a snoop?
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