The Basement Yard - #467 - This Is A Bad Sign

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

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Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard. You're gonna keep all the big fat nut talking We're gonna keep all the big fat nuts Josh leave all the nuts in Josh actually no take them out. Did you leave them in? Monetization will probably get Josh take him out take this take out your nuts take out our nuts. No, yeah Take out take out any talk as of right now in this recording. No, we're good right here. I think where I started, when I said,

welcome back to the basement yard, we can start from there, Josh start from there. Yeah, nothing about nuts, yeah. Let the people wonder. Stop saying nuts. Well, nuts could be peanuts, which are technically legumes, walnuts. Cashews.

Cashews, which are... what the hell is a cashew? A nut. It's not a nut though. It's not? I don't think it's a nut. I think it's technically a berry. It's a cashew... what? I think... look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Are you gonna make... are you pranking? Are you pranking? No, I think so. I think walnuts are nuts. I think tree nut, you know. Is a cashew a nut? I think it's technically a berry. It's a berry right what the Is it saying says botanically? Well starting a sense like that. I mean fucking shoot me broke. It's poison ivy. Yeah Super hot that Batman movie who was that which one the poison ivy? Oh, umma Thurman. Oh wow

botanically You didn't know that no, I don't she was I don't know she had a lot of makeup red hair stuff like that She did and she was just horny dude. She mad horny. I'm you watch that 90 I love that dude, and it is so bad by like Really standard. I'd go watch it back. It's nearly unwatchable She kisses people on they get poisoned and they get Hor but also horny dude. She like Yeah, cuz she's Batman and Robin like almost fight for her. She moves horny like a cat she does, but she's not cat woman. No she is

Poison Ivy she's poison Ivy which her real name is. Doom. No, that's. I don't know. Pamela Isley, come on Joey, figure it out. Oh, we've added so much to the conversation. A lot of her origin is linked to who? The Floronic Man. Right. Which is also linked to what other DC property? No one cares.

Swamp Thing. I am married with a woman, wife, who is real and has skin that's a weird why did you say that why did you feel the need to specify that she's not a pillow she's got skin and hair and teeth for now and can be identified by the government dude go watch that movie it's all of its on max so good still but like you know what I love is that her name is poison ivy and when she kisses people they just die And they don't get poison ivy. Well. Yeah, it's like she's like she's she's poisonous I know, but I think then it poisoned like it like a like a like a you know like oh sexual poison like she's

I have you under my spell point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah stuff like that like you know like they're like she's just like- I have you under my spell poison. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff like that. Like you know, like she's like, um, you know, like the, like she's lethal. That's what I'm looking for here. Oh. Yeah. I didn't know if you were talking about like STDs or something. No, no, no. That would make more sense if she was poison ivy. And her superpower was just giving STDs.

You just got Matt Itchy and Bernie. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I'm coming to get you Batman, but first chlamydia Yeah, you know no dude or like that's how she gets them She gives them chlamydia imagine being a Batman And you have chlamydia or whichever one makes your dick like itchy and shit, and then you're in the bad suit But you gotta take the whole suit off well I'm sure Batman has figured out a way to pee in a suit or like an easy pee out of his suit

You know what you go back and watch Batman you look at the suit There's no way for him to fit his hand into the fuck bro or like an ECP out of his suit. You know what, you go back and watch Batman. You look at the suit. There's no way for him to fit his hand into the pants. Bro, they had, I mean, that was like in the fucking Batman fandom. Those movies are really popular in the sense of like they ruined Batman for a while. Because he can't piss.

Not only that, but Batnipples, dude. They put nipples on the Batman suit. You're watching this movie. Representation, nipples. Where, you know're watching this movie representation nipples where you know what honestly big nipple we need big nipple women and nipples and women I'm gonna talk to you guys what was that you guys like you've been saying free the nipple right Batman been saying free the nipple. Batman started the free the nipple movement first.

Technically, diamondly hard nipples. Diamondly, yeah, like really hard. Diamondly is not the adjective. Dymandic. Yeah, no. When someone is studded in diamonds, it's dymandic. Yeah, what was the last time you got poison ivy? If ever.

I'm immune. Wait, what? Yeah, I'm immune to poison ivy. Frank. Listen to me, this is not a'm immune. Wait, what? Yeah, I'm immune to poison ivy. Frank, listen to me. I'm this is not a bit medically medically someone told you that I have you think you look like Jason Momoa and now you're are you like it's like that type of thing I can with confidence tell you I have played in poison ivy at the why not like on purpose but like

we've been like manhunt and rotten this, ba ba ba ba ba. I've been in poison ivy, I've not gotten poison ivy. Okay. I'm gonna get some- That was when years ago when it was around at all time. Maybe now I'm not immune to it. Yet, Frank. I'm letting, Joey I swear on my children.

You can't make a blanket, you can't make a blanket statement like, I'm immune to poison ivy if you're not 100% sure you played manhunt No, it's like some leaves and you were like never go. I'm telling you. I'm telling you serious Who told you that the doctor or you just said it? I have I have been in and around vegetation that has confirmed poison ivy and I have not gotten poison ivy But I'm saying it like this because I'm getting poison ivy in here You know that right bitch, and I'm rubbing it all over all right, but like oh Growing up we had a we had a cat as a pet never allergic to cats saw cat

Years after my cat had passed and I got a little itchy itchy bitchy you know okay So it's like the so you think that maybe maybe through time Yeah, because I've not played in poison ivy in a while right I've established a sensitivity to it But jokes aside I have like legitimately at one point in my life was immune to it This is ridiculous, I'm Joey I have no reason to lie about this you think it makes me cooler than I'm a music I think that you think it makes you cool not it is absolutely not something that I would boast about Oh, I'm a music. I think that you thinking makes you cool. That's not, it is absolutely not something that I would boast about. Oh, I'm a music.

You're an idiot. Load the gun, shoot it until I'm dust. But go watch that 97 Batman and Robin movie. That's with Jim Carrey, right? No, that's the 95 Batman Forever. So who else is in the poison? Batman Forever, the one you're referencing. Oh, the green guy with the thing

Can you can you the 95 Batman forever? You're referencing is Tommy Lee Jones is two-faced right Jim Carrey is the Riddler and then Batman but Val Kilmer Batman and Dr Chase Meridian. Yes, Nicole Kidman, right and then 1997 Batman and Robin same director different Batman and Robin, same director, different Batman, same Robin, same Alfred, different villains. In that one you got- Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah. You have Poison Ivy, Uma Thurman, you have Bane, played by some, I don't know, some nobody. Some jacked guy. And then Batman is... George Clooney. That's right. Yeah doesn't look like you Go watch it. It's so bad. It's good. No, I think all right everyone chill. Yeah, you know chill What killed the dinosaurs at the ice age?

Yes, he does say that The toy lines for those movies which one which one was the one where like? Batman is or Robbins like in an alley and all these guys are like thugs are like in neon paint either one of those two Movie, I think it was forever because that's what they they'd be like oh, no the scariest place Gotham, and they're in fucking neon Black lights everywhere, so's looking like a raid. Yeah, exactly. These people on MDMA, like these aren't folks. Yeah, that should look pretty fun. I'm not gonna lie.

It looks mad fun. I would, I'll be honest with you. I'm a scaredy cat. If there are neon lights, I'm less of a scaredy cat. It is a little more inviting to me. And maybe it's because I am part moth. I'm not quite sure. You aren't. You're not immune to poison ivy and because I am part moth, I'm not quite sure. You aren't.

You're not immune to poison ivy and you're not a moth. Sorry to break your dreams, kill your dreams, whatever it is. You're on a fucking roll today. Fried, I get on a plane in 12 hours, I'm excited for that. Way more than 12 hours but okay. 24 is what I meant to say. Even more than 24 if we wanna be like actually.

I'm gonna punch ya. You're gonna like actually. I'm gonna punch ya. You're gonna sock me? I'm gonna sock ya. One time I went to a club and it was like, I don't know, I didn't pick it, but it was like a jungle theme type of thing, but it was black lights and there was a bunch of fruit hanging.

Like real fruit? Fruit, but they had paint to make them like glow. And I bit a banana and it wasn't, it didn't taste good. Where was the banana when you bit it? Hanging. From whom? A string. And I jumped up and grabbed it and I bit it.

Yeah, what was the guy's name who the string was hanging on? Oh no, it wasn't a penis thing. Do you remember when we were like, you know, 18, 19, 20, around that age, the thing of like the necklaces, like the light, what are those called? The neon necklaces? Glow sticks.

Yeah. Do you remember, first of all, don't know why this was a thing, but when we were teenagers, it was the thing that like Guido's or like wannabe guido's would frolic Yeah, and it was and if shuffling essentially it wasn't even just shuffling But then they included a thing that was like they would put glow sticks in between their hands like this And they yeah yeah they would do

this while fucking like yeah it was the dumbest thing you could imagine and then the finger gloves they had the lights at the end of the fingers yeah they'd be like oh my god I can't they would they would I think that's still a thing well also stupid but do you remember when it was a thing that they would break the glow sticks and like put them in their mouths and shit like that? No. Yes. Yes, dude.

Have you done it? No. It hasn't been done at a party where I've gotten some residual glow stick juice on me? Yes. That has happened to me too. Yes. And I thought I was going to, you guessed it, pass away. Well they had the mouth ones too.

What's that? Oh yeah, they were like- They were like little pills they looked like. Oh. And you'd put them in your mouth and be like I Do remember that it looked like a What's that called? I like a mouthpiece and it would light. Yes. Yes who needs their mouth to light up? I don't know but I remember that was a big thing. It would be called like a like a

glow-in-the-dark parties and people would break glow sticks and just throw the juice everywhere. What is a glow stick? It's some, it reacts to certain light because all those lights, it's black lights. Oh, you gotta crack them. You do, you create some form of a chemical reaction in this thing. So weird.

You remember like they were just like, oh, if you wanna keep them, put them in the freezer. Yeah, like why would I need, why would I need a glow stick like close things are pretty cool they are cool when you're 11 that is true or very drunk also true which own head like at a wedding bro when they start breaking out the inflatable I hate that shit dude they did that when we were like younger it would be like they had inflatable hands and they would always wait until you they fucking with the song like hands up Baby hands up. Give me your heart. Give me give me your heart. Give me fuck you wedding. Yeah

You know what? I fucking hate at weddings. So, I do like a photo booth or some photo opportunity But the props Oh big glasses! Fucking sick dude A mustache on a stick? They'll never know who you are Oh cowboy hat! Bro, let's get some crazy shit in here Get a fucking actual knife

Yeah, and get me a gun dude. Give me a gun. Give me a real life parrot that I can sit on my shoulder. I hate that shit. A chainsaw. Something cool. It'll be like let's take a picture hugging. Now let's do a funny one. Let's do like a fucking carrot top. I hate it. I hate that shit too. I've done it before. The worst are the ones that have the little signs on them where it'll be like She's taking me home tonight And then they'll and the girl or the guy whoever your dude diddles with will say like I'm taking them home tonight And it's just like I'm with I'm with stupid. Yeah, I'm with stupid. You're

You're both idiots fat morons. I am with you a hundred ten percent. I don't know why I don't know why I hate them so much I could see them. Or like the boa. Oh Look at me Look at me. I got the boa on I'm fucking oh you kidding me? What is this? Was this cool? Yeah, or oh my god those things suck so bad the worst one is definitely the mustache on a stick That's my least favorite there is one that I like

It's the Viking helmet Like the Viking helmets got two horns. Now we're getting warm. No, no, no. We're getting warm. I'm not a fan of any of them. I will say I have considered, because of one of those things, buying an actual sailor hat. But, that's not happening anytime soon. Tee.

Uh, hum? You know the sailor hats. No, I know. That like, ship captains wear. Yeah, like a captain's hat. Yes, a captain's hat. You thought you were gonna go out and buy one? I've considered it because I thought

I looked pretty good in it. Where would you wear it? The beach. The beach? You're gonna wear a captain's hat to the beach? It's a thought that I've had. It's a bad one. I think I would look fantastic in it. I do love photo booths

So I like I like them when they're just like you you be the photos not like fucking yeah Put this giant gold chain on that has a dollar sign on it put a pimp hat on Yeah, that's a real crime, and there are real victims of it I go to a wedding and we're going to one soon and there's one of those baskets that have props throwing it I'm letting you know. I'm drinking a ton. Yeah, I'm getting rid of that basket knocking the thing Oh that basket is going to disappear. We should bring our own props. Like real ones, a real gun. Yeah, I'm gonna walk a donkey into this place.

Everyone could take a seat on it, take a picture. Dude, also, if you're gonna go into one of those photo booths, it's a booth, one of those pictures have to have some sort of nudity in it. Well, I told you that this happened to me, right? You know what I mean? Oh yeah, you found someone's tits or something. Bro, Miles, Becca and I went to the American Dream Mall

and we went to that little like water park in there and on the way out we stopped by, we were like, this will be fun and we took some pictures, you know, just like ha ha, funny, happy, good time. Yeah. And then we went to go get it and Miles goes, what's this? He picked it up It was not just titties penises. No back up It was someone like a woman with her tit out and the person with her

Sucking this thing. Was it a guy? Yes. It was a guy But like miles being a fucking at time, seven-year-old? Yeah. Fully watching a- Guy who knows what's going on. Well, now he does. Yeah. He had no choice.

He learned that day. That's how you're supposed to do a photo booth, though. You're supposed to take your pictures, though, for God's sake. Well, you got to- if you're doing it at like a wedding, that's open. But you can be like a guy being like, here's my tit or here's my butt. Crazy. One of them. No. One of them, you have of them you have to take some normal pictures. No, that's boring No, well it is but take a normal one you go Hi, and then the rest of them are just fucking mayhem and the last one is like someone's tits are out fucking my

You're trying to will this into existence are you? Guys if you go anywhere Joe might also possibly be one day just start leaving? pictures of your butts out or Something out no, I'm not trying to find it. I'm not Joe wants to find your butt No one wants to find your fucking butt. I'm saying I Want to leave my butt for the machine? nudity a butt a machine nudity a butt a man's but you are exposing is a man's but what happens if a child sees that a man's but not if I was out and Ruby and I did one of those photo booths

at Ruby and it was cute or Maeve or even miles yeah and he opens it up and there is a man's ass Furious I'm letting you know this won't be like a Simple like what it will be pure fury and okay absolute a ball of fire I've never been in a photo booth outside of a wedding. So I'm thinking full adults here and and you know There are also a children at weddings sometimes. Bad ones. Sometimes. Bad weddings. I'll confirm that sometimes you are correct.

When I was younger and I was like, what the fuck I didn't get invited. As I got older I was like, all right, I get it. Yeah, I had gone, I had not gone to any weddings from like 2000 to like 2013. Yeah. Like it was a long time and maybe even longer than that honestly. Probs, yeah. to any weddings from like 2000 to like 2013. It was a long time and maybe even longer than that honestly. Probs, yeah.

But now I've said it before and I'll say it again. If this all goes to shit. Which the pod? Pod, Patreon. Everything. You lose all your money. Would you know I'd already lost it at that point in time? We could do like a party service. We could be hosts of weddings, dude. Wedding DJs. Not DJs.

I don't want to fuck with the music. Wedding MCs. MCs. We would crush. Hi, I'm party girl, not a party tonight! I'm glad that I I'm glad that I I'm glad that I First try glad I heard you were saying what you were saying because I would have thought it was something in another language That would have been insensitive. No, no, I was trying I was trying how you doing and I has the party tonight I like it sounded like yeah, but like I could do an electric side with an old woman or something You can feel it. It's electric. Give the mic to someone, that's right. Old woman, get her dancing. Remember what happened to me

last time I got an old woman to dance? She almost fucking rid you to hell. She wanted to ride me like I was the fucking, you know. King to car. King to car, she wanted to ride me like I was a 1920s Ford, okay? The Model T. All right, old mama was cooking that night she said

you want to get naughty or raw or raunchy or something like that raunchy let's get raunchy let's get raunchy and I was just like I am 24 years old I'm trying to survive she was ready you weren't you weren't you weren't what if she was 10 years younger then she'd be 90. No, first of all, I was in a relationship with Becca when this happened. So there was 24. Well, I wasn't 24. I think it was like 25. Oh, I was going to say.

Oh, might have been 24. I thought you were 26. Becca and I met on my 24th birthday. 24th. 24th birthday. Did you? Yeah. Oh.

First interaction that we had was on my 24th birthday. Where was that? I'm not gonna reveal. It was online. Oh. The first time we interacted. You made it seem like you were like. Interacted in person.

I solicited her for fucking, you know, I met her on a corner or something. No, but you made it seem like that's the time we met, but like talking online. Well, yeah, I mean, the first interact, that's why but you made it seem like that's the time we met but like talking online. Well yeah I mean the first interact that's why I recanted it and I said the first interaction we had. Thank you for the recantion.

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Definitely has helped me tremendously. Even when you don't think anything's wrong or whatever, it just helps you think a little clearer. There's a lot of tools I've taken away from therapy that have helped me just make decisions, not only in my personal life, but in my professional life as well. It's good.

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and we want it to keep getting out of control. Kind of like Godzilla running through a city and wreaking havoc. So thank you for helping us get there. We wanna continue to build this. We have reached a record number continuously. Literally every day is a record number of paid patrons and it's because of people like you it supports us We really thank you. So what do you get if you sign up for patreon?

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Go bad boy go bad boy Yeah, did you sorry do you just compare the patreon to Godzilla by the way back there it's just like Godzilla But I was actually I brought up a sign earlier and I pulled up something for this episode that I wanted to talk about not talk about show you but you've obviously seen the abundance of like, you ever been to like a Home Goods, or a TJ Maxx, or Hobby Lobby, or something? I love, I've never, what is it, I don't know what I'm talking about. Hobby Lobby.

I've never been inside, I've never seen a photo of one. I know Home Goods, I know Home Goods. Home Goods, you know, Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Right. You know, stuff like that. Hey, TJ Maxx, right, you know stuff like that Hey, lobby is basically just a bigger version of those places. Okay, and there's more like like they have like Cloth for people that like what is that? So and shit like that. Oh, they got like yarn in there there's also some stuff about their like political views that we're not gonna get into but

the point of this story is You've obviously seen those like the signs that they have there That'll be like live laugh love Eat yeah eat in you know fucking cursive lettering when we were in Atlanta our Airbnb had eat in the dining room Well it had It had three words, and we couldn't tell what the last word was. Oh, that was a different one. There was, and we were just like, huh? Yeah.

It said like laughs something and then it was family, but it looked like, like it looked freaky. It looks, yeah. And I was like, what the fuck is that? It did. It looked like, I think I said, I was like, it says fortune. Like we, we couldn't tell. And then they're like the jars that have have they're like white and they have that like black

Like fucking Tim Burton lettering that'll just say like coffee on the jar. Yeah rice Yeah, you know a boy a bowl and it'll say bowl on it. Yeah, bro. I I Thought of you the other day because I was I hope you think of me more Okay I I thought of you the other day because I was I hope you think of me more. Okay I but I thought of you the other day because You've made this joke so many times on the show and I thought it was just a joke But I went for a run and while I was on it a guy was running this way and he oh no

He was on a bike and he was wearing a shirt that said pants. I Hate this. Oh, it's like oh my god. It's real. Yeah, of course it's real. A hat that says socks or some shit like that. I was on the Williamsburg Bridge and I was like, fuck. Yeah, there are so many of those ironic Brooklyn clothing lines. His shirt said pants. I want it to be like, dot me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now people try to be funny on like t-shirts and stuff, you know, like the one that I hate is the one that it's like, it says beer,

but it's a deer holding beer. That's kind of cool. I like that. Is it? Beer. No, it's stupid. I like animals. That's why I do like animals. But I pulled up what I believe are some of the worst Versions of these signs. Oh, yes, and I need you to tell me if you believe the people Well, first of all, if you like the signs if you would ever have them in your house I already know no, no, I don't want any signs that say things on them. Okay

How sad are these people on a range of like, okay? like really sad or like just having a tough day. Actually, let's not rank if we would have them in our houses because I think we know we wouldn't. Okay. We should rank on if Ahmed would have them in his house. You know, like those signs that just say grateful. Yeah. Like what are they doing? Yeah, like your day is as beautiful as you. You know like those signs that just say grateful.

Yeah. And you're like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, like your day is as beautiful as you. It doesn't. Bro, you know what I just thought about that just made me think about something? I don't know if you remember this, but it's not there anymore. But when you used to walk into my house,

you know how there's that closet immediately? Yep. There was a picture right to the right. Like on that wall, that the same wall that the closet, there's a small wall right next to it. Yep, I remember. And there was a photo there of a kid touching the glass. And like, yes, yes, I know, and it looked like it was,

was it your house? No, so I looked like it. Bro, I asked my mom one day, I was like, who is that? And she's like, I don't know. That's just a picture. So the first thing you see when you walked into my house was just a, my mom went to the store and just bought a thing and what was ever in the frame, she put it on there

and it was there for years. I remember that. And it was a child. The first thing you saw when you walked into the house where there were four children was a child that was. Neither of us. Yeah, none of us. Yeah, so this is what we'll do.

We'll rank these, we'll tell if we believe Ahmed would have them in his house. Because those of you guys that haven't gotten to know Shmedy as people famously know him, Shmedy official, go check him out. He is like at equal parts the funniest but most wholesome person. Like you could be like, oh man, I'm having a tough day.

And like everyone would be like, haha, loser. And he'd be like, you are beautiful. And love will come in folds to you. Ten folds. Or if you ever say like, oh my god, I'm such an idiot.

He goes, yo, don't talk about yourself like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like not like a joke. No, he's serious. Very serious. So, okay. So I have about ten of these. So, first one. Hit me. 10 of these. So first one.

Hit me. I'm actually really excited about this. And should I send them to you too after the show? So you could like. Sure. Sure. This one here. It says in script,

people are the worst. Who's putting that in their house and where we know someone who might have this because they have the whole like oh people oh my god I'd rather hang with my dog you know and it's like shut the fuck up where would you even put that like in your fucking living room yeah people are the are the worst. I'm kidding. We're all here Yeah, you're so ironically Comedically hilarious and also why it is fucking shit Yeah, the script lettering that lettering whoever deserves for my mr

Or mrs. Helvetica or like the comic sans twins whoever makes these fonts comic sans twins Yeah, I don't know they are oh, I'm saying, whoever makes these fonts. Comic Sans twins? Yeah, I don't know. They are. Oh. I'm saying like whoever made those fonts. Like who's Time's new Roman? That's the name of the font. I know, but like- Who made it?

Who is his name? Time? No. Or is his name like first name Tim, last name, middle name, Enu, last name Roman. Well that sucked. Yeah. I think it's supposed to be like Roman lettering, but then it's like. New for the Times.

It's new, yeah. It's the New York Times. It's new for the Times of today. Right, yeah. Times New Roman. This one sucks so bad. Yeah today. Right, yeah. Times new, Roman. This one sucks so bad. Yeah, people are the worst. People are the worst.

Ah ha ha, then who do you like? Yeah. Would have met Have This in his house. No, he loves people. He loves people. Yeah. Don't talk to me unless I've had my coffee. Shut the fuck up.

Also, yeah, also a really bad one, but not on this list. I tried to pick some that we've never seen before. Okay, good. All right, This next one is one that at a certain point I think you would have had in your house me you not your mom not your dad me You might have had not me not oh, ma. Are you you what is it? That's a terrible idea. I'm in shut Shut the fuck up! You'd have that! No, you would!

No, you would. You would definitely have this. No, you would have it. And you would wear it under the skinniest, thinnest blazer you've ever seen. That would be a sign on your room if it was written in graffiti. But it would have to be written like that. But it's written in finger! It's written in finger! So that means someone hilariously wrote in finger, I'm in.

Sounds like a terrible idea, what? I've got a case of bullets to put in the back of your skull. Sounds like a terrible idea. I'm in because I'm so edgy. Because you're edgy. Oh my God, that's so witty because like, normally people wouldn't want to be in on a bad idea.

You're adventurous and dangerous. Oh my god. Spontaneous. The worst one is, and I could say this with full honesty, I am a reformed piece of shit. I had actually used this line before. Oh my god. Hold on. Let me put my seatbelt on.

Go. Do you remember the cars that would automatically put seatbelts on? Yo. The coolest invention. Why have we gotten away from this? You kidding me? I hated those things.

I would plug in and all of a sudden be like. No. I just hit my head so hard on the fucking wall. That hurt so bad. I felt that in my chest, dude. Yo, that hurt so bad. Oh, fuck. It was everybody's dent in their... He's crying!

Dude. Oh my god. I slammed my head just now. Oh god. God almighty that's fucking funny. But those things, maybe you should be like, and take you back. I thought we peaked as a society when we had cars that automatically buckled you in. Okay, moving on. Oh, the thing I actually said, non-ironically.

Please, please. Was the whole, uh, no great story starts with a salad. You know where it's just like, you ever heard that one? Where it was just like... Frank, where did you say that? Like at a Red Lobster or something? No, you probably said it to the waitress. Like you want a drink? Well no great story starts when I'll take the salad. Yeah, you know yeah So alright so now the question we've all been wondering What a med have this sign in his house?

It doesn't feel like in a med one it doesn't and I'll tell you why He's a little more. He's not in for terrible ideas. He's not he's not he's very much So like I want to make sure the decision I'm making is good for me and good for the people around me. So if that's a terrible idea, he's not in. But I will tell you this, that doesn't mean that Ahmed hasn't had some terrible idea. 100%. He's had some bad ones.

And has been in on those. Yeah, like it's not a terrible idea if you come up with it. It's a terrible idea if someone else says it and you think it's terrible. I don't know what you're saying, but okay. Yeah. So, okay. It's a terrible idea if you come up with it. It's a terrible idea if someone else says it and you think it's terrible. I don't know what you're saying, but okay. Yeah, so, okay. So, so far, 0 for 2. Amed is probably gonna get like a bunch of tags in this.

Like, guys, find these signs, tag Amed in it, don't tell him what. This one, I can almost guarantee Amed would have in his house. What does it just say, like, worship? No, it says, the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

What a med here is that he might get it tattooed on his ribs. I'm pretty sure this is a Sam Smith line. So he might've already used this seriously. What is it about? Is it about the dead? Is it about the dead? I don't know. It's like, I guess it's like you're longing for someone, but why would you put that on a sign in your house? In your own house? Or home.

Is this for people who are like into incest? It's like, I suppose it's right next to me, but I can't have it. Ill, ill, ill. It's like I suppose it's right next to me, but I can't have ill ill ill It's going in someone's house. I just think that like this is for like people that want to show like people are putting this up like What's this talk to me? Yeah, right? You can someone that is heartbroken buys this That's a weird thing to have in your house This is also one of those signs that like I had to read four times to understand

It's like the whole like Sex Panther 60% of the time it works every time right thing to have in your house. This is also one of those signs that like I had to read four times to understand. It's like the whole like sex panther 60% of the time it works every time. Right. I don't get that still. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. I think that's when you go and visit your grandma at like a grave. Oh, oh well I wouldn't any of my loved ones I wouldn't describe loving them as having them that's a sex thing yeah yeah I wouldn't be like dude oh my

god I long to have you you'd be like you want to fuck me right yeah and I don't I know uh yeah I don't know that's a weird one to where's it, like, it being up in your house is strange. And also it's- Like your family's reading that. And it's a conversation piece, let's be honest. You're putting it there to get people to just be like, uh-oh, what's that? Who do you want? I'm sitting home.

That's what you want. You want to be sitting with your crush and they see it and they go, oh my, it's been me all along. It's been you all along all I don't know that that's gonna happen with that hung up in your house We can with like complete unanimous agreement agree that this is going in a meds house 100% if it's not already there Yeah, yeah, okay. That's it. That's in a med one for sure. Okay this next one I Feel like I Don't know why'd you say it like that? I don't think this will go in a This next one. I feel like... I don't think this will go into meds. I feel like...

I feel like... I don't think this will go into meds. I don't think this will go. I feel like a woman. Bap ba-li-la-wa-wa-ow. I don't think this will go in any of our places, but maybe you can convince me otherwise. Okay.

Sprinkles are for cupcakes not for toilets piss brother oh bro I had no idea what that man I had no I was like what the fuck does that mean you thought someone was putting sprinkles on a toilet yeah enough that someone had to make a sign like stop putting sprinkles in the toilet that would be a fun prank to put like chocolate frosting on a toilet with sprinkles And then someone needs to crump and it's like What do they do now? They don't want their ass to just be a fucking juicy donut Her there has to be a juicy doughnut

This is like meant for bathrooms like pull up the seat sprinkles are yeah bathroom signs if they involve any bodily fluids You fucked up Bro your house in Connecticut has one not no Espos has one no yours has one, too It's written in Spanish. You wouldn't know what it said I know what it says because it used to be in English and I think it was written on a fucking paper it's written on it's written in. Yeah, no, I got gone papayas It was it was and it was funny because like it was like bubble lettering too, I mean hey Yeah, what's more of our parents generation than writing notes on paper?

I'm a favorite play, you know, I'm I do like drawing on those paper plates because they're so ribbed. Okay, okay. When we were younger, my mom would always leave like in the morning, she'd leave a note on a paper plate. Really? Yeah. What would it say? Like have a good day?

Yeah, have a good day, you know, take the garbage out before you leave for school or you know, we're doing this for dinner tonight or I'll pick you up something like that and we noticed like what my sister and I noticed one day that we like used like two paper plates instead of one and she was very upset about that like those are expensive we were like you fucking use them as postage use them as postage so one night my mom was like exhausted went to bed and my sister and I wrote notes on like 50 paper plates from the room all the way down the stairs. She was not happy.

No kidding. My mom was generally angry. In this moment, she was very directly angry at us. You probably ran out the back door. Do you... I meant like running away from your mom. Oh. I didn't mean that metaphorically. Yeah. I don't know what that means. Um sprinkles are for cupcakes not for

toilets. I don't think you'd have it. I don't think I'd have it. No. This sucks though. This is for people who compete on like the Food Network and shit which I love the Food Network. Big Food Network guy. The best channel on live TV. I would honestly yes. Outside of sports this is the best. Well those channels include more than sports though. Then it's better. Yeah. The Food Network Guy is the best channel.

Yes, I will agree. How do you feel about the Game Show Network? Pretty, uh, pretty good. They're hit or miss. They are because I don't want, I want to watch new game shows. I don't want to watch the fucking $50,000 pyramid from 1971 where it was like yeah, all right What are these commies doing today? You know and it's yeah, there was stuff was outdated back then Yeah, like the host is like, all right. You're a big chested broad. Yeah

Give me a kiss Yeah, they were doing that. They're kissing their people that dude was kissing all the people. Yeah, dude. It was weird Did I ever tell you does like the newlywed show now? Newlyweds he's kissing the fucking I don't know if it was no, I don't think it was weird. Did I ever tell you? That was like the newlywed show, no? Newlyweds, he's kissing the fucking mums. I don't know if it was, no, I don't think it was newlywed. I think it was. Whatever. Alright, Ahmed's not having this, you're not having this, I'm not having this. No. Before we move forward with that though, we do have some more sponsors here.

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Um, okay. Next one we have here. Probably a little more directed at the southern region of the United States, but you never know. You could find these things anywhere. Mind your own, I need to read it like they're saying it. Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy. Okay, I love biscuits and gravy.

When have you had biscuits and gravy together? I know you've had biscuits. No. I know you've had gravy. Yeah. When have you had like legit like biscuits and gravy? Twice. When, where, how, why, when, why, how, where, when?

I had diners, sometimes they have them. Did you have it when we went where when? diners Sometimes they have you have it when we went where when we were in Chattanooga No, I had a hellhole omelet. That's right Joey the hell hole We open the fucking menu and it was like you want the hellhole omelet. I was like yeah, I do it was spicy Yes, it was like pickled jalapenos and that's it right. Yeah, it was just like onions peppers jalapenos and eggs and cheese I think yeah, I don't know there was a woman behind us just waiting to let a racial slur just fucking fire off Yeah, she had about 18 minutes to live. Yeah, she looked like she was dead. Yes Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's besides the point. But yeah and like different I like I don't know

I feel like I could on a trip in like a random diner, I've had biscuits and gravy, it's pretty good. It's a great combo. Well, biscuits and gravy, they made me a man. Biscuits and gravy made me who I am. I love a biscuit. That's a fucking WWE reference that no one will get but me and Josh. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. It sucks because it's just like, why just, just be a nice mind your own biscuits and that will be gravy. Everything's gravy. Everything's gravy. I do like the idea of referring to things as gravy. Maybe I don't hate this one as much as I, yeah, I don't know. It's kind of like, cause I like biscuits and I love gravy. I do like biscuits, a big fat wet biscuit. Dude, gravy? What is gravy? Yeah, it's basically like a reduction of like meat juice.

You don't make, you don't make, well you don't make anything on Thanksgiving. But like I use like the turkey neck and like their fucking like little. This thing? I use their neck. I don't know what that is. The little hobbler. The gobbler thing.bble thing yeah no I use the neck and like the inner like the

heart and the shit to make gravy nice but that's all it is so you know it's just meat juice let me ask you a question yes when you have some mashed potatoes right do you hollow out a little bit of the middle and put the gravy and then close it up I don't close it but I definitely bit of the middle and put the gravy and then close it up. I don't close it, but I definitely hollow out the middle. Really? I'll tell you this. I think that we have been harsh on both KFC and Popeyes as brands. I love Popeyes.

I am. And they're fucking biscuits. Both of them. Really good. God dry though. Dry, but too good. But so because they're meant to be sucked in, soaked in biscuits, gravy, you know? Yeah.

Oh my God. I agree with you. Like I know like people get, you know, they talk shit about McDonald's and Burger King and Wendy's and Taco Bell and Subway because it's all poison and it is. And I don't think it's respectful to Popeyes and or KFC to include those things in that conversation. I don't think it's respectful to Popeyes and or KFC to include those things in that conversation Pillsbury they make a biscuit. I'm talking a fast food chain. You need it make it your own. I Don't know why I'm being scolded. I'm just excited

Will a med have this in his house? I know I think you would no no Yeah, the South wouldn't probably even let a man have a home okay I have I have actually a couple more left so should I yeah speed through them or how much time we got you're good you good okay another one this girl runs on cupcakes and Jesus. How are those connected? This girl runs on cupcakes and Jesus. I'll tell you this, if you have this side of your house, you're probably not doing much running. I eat so much cupcakes that it's-

That I pray that I don't die tomorrow. I just pray to God that I can wake up and eat more cupcakes. I don't know Who look a cupcake cool? How many cupcakes can you eat? How many that you make it? I run on cupcakes Come on. That's a lot of cupcakes. Have you ever had a cupcake outside of a birthday? Yeah Martha's bakery Okay, I said when and you just specifically Well like you just go there randomly It's like a bakery

I feel like cupcakes only exist on birthdays I've had under a hundred cupcakes in my life probably I'm calling fat bullshit on you I'm calling garbage bullshit on you That is bullshit You've had at least ten a year for your whole life Ten cupcakes a year?

Think about it. Where are you getting that? Birthday parties. I don't eat cupcakes at every birthday party. I only like a specific kind of cupcake. Red velvet, we get it. I don't like when like bakery cupcakes. They're too big and too much icing. And your mom makes them for you and you love when mommy makes red velvet cupcakes for you. I love when my mommy makes cupcakes. They're too big and your nice your mom makes them for you and you love when mommy knows velvet cupcakes I love what my mommy makes cupcakes. It's the best cupcake So you have at least two a year because of your birthday alone But sometimes she makes me a cake and now you have several nieces at all niece. Yeah several nieces and nephews Yeah, I could imagine at those birthdays. You've had cupcakes

There was one of them where there was cupcakes, but I didn't like them But you ate it to figure but I didn't like them. But you ate it to figure out you didn't like it. I had a little bit of it. There you go. I had a little bit of it, what of it? Okay, before that you've been to other birthday parties. Okay, so let me rephrase.

I'd say you've had- Under 300. Yes, correct. I would say you've had at least 200, between 250 and 300 cupcakes in your life. I don't know. I would say I've had way less. I'm not a cupcake guy. No. Now if you start asking me about slices of Carvel ice cream cake, Oh, with the crunchies, the crunchers. You know what I had recently? Fudgy the whale. Don't care. Couldn't care less. It was good.

Couldn't care. Did I tell you what happened recently? I don't give a fuck. We wouldn't have this in our house. This girl runs on cupcakes and Jesus. This sucks. Would a med have this in his house? I don't know that it would say Jesus on it. I don't think it would say that. I've also never seen this boy runs on baklava and Allah. No, it's no, I would say this boy runs on Zins and coke. Coca Cola. Coca Cola. Okay.

We were in, where were we? He was just like, guys, I'm giving up Coca Cola. And we're like, okay, good. The next meal we had. Bro. Let me get a Coca Cola. You're asking where? Every city that we've been to on this tour.

Every city he says the same thing. Yo, when I get back, I'm going to get sushi which he that what he does He says I gotta get a massage never happens every city we go to he's gonna get a haircut and shave there Not one doesn't happen. I just can't find them But yeah, we legitimately scoped one out that he liked in LA and he just didn't do it. Yeah, okay alright Three four more here. Here we go.

This one, sucks. Man cave, cave rules. One, my cave, my rules. Oh my God. Two, no sitting in my chair. Three, keep your hands off the remote. Four, women by invitation only. A asterisk bringing food is strongly suggested.

Oh, so sexism. So misogyny. Five. Any objections to the rules? Please refer to rule number one, which again says my cave, my rules. Dude, there is no bigger indicator that this guy doesn't wear the pants and is a bastard. Yeah. that this guy doesn't wear the pants and is a bastard. Yeah, literally his wife is like, you could feel like a fucking part of human society

in your basement and that's it, bitch. No girls. No girls. You're a grown man. No girls, more girls. By invitation only. All right, you could come. Fine. Come on down. This sucks. His wife comes in,

shut up Stan The rules the rules honey, my friends are here Come on my brother-in-law was recently talking about man caves and he called him a he-hole He-hole great one great one if you have we've already, the idea of a man cave is so fucking 2014. But if you have a sign that explains the man cave rules. That's really bad. That belongs in like a college dorm. That belongs in like a trash can.

It does belong in a trash can. It doesn't belong in it anywhere but in trash. But like a college dorm or something, and then like you get made fun of and you take it down before the second semester even starts Yeah, but that's where it belongs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's if this if a med wouldn't have this in his house now if he did what were the rules be? one cry

To I'm here if you need me. It's just like therapy shit Three no one is closer than us in this moment. Yeah. I'm gonna catch it straight this episode. He's gonna love it. He's gonna love it every second of it. Alright. I know I gotta speed through. Shut up. Okay, this last, next one.

It's a dog one. It's a pet one. Perfect. Every meal you make, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. Is it the dog's house? It's why is this up in your home? Also, just talk about the fact you're just stalking your animal now. Are you an idiot? Are you a fucking idiot? Okay. a fucking idiot? That's for like when you're eating food and the dogs watching you like dogs do you dumbass? I thought it was like people like to watch their dogs eat

What does that say? It says every meal you make how many dogs have you seen? Make food for themselves It's from the dog's perspective, Frank. My god. That's bad. That's bad. You thought they were just stalking their dog. Yeah, I did. I honestly thought that was like for the dog. It's just fair. I tend to stalk my dog. He definitely stalks me. Well, there you go. This is like, first of all, ripping off

the fucking... Sting. ...every breath you take by the police, which is fully about. Was that the police or Sting? The police. Okay. It might be Sting.

I think it's the police. Fully about. Sting is in the police, but we don't know if it was. Stalking. Yeah, the police had Sting. They were stung, but there were Stings that happened outside of the police station. There were big Stings that came out of there

What what else came out of? solo sting yeah, I Don't know He had big stings I can't think of one single thing he stung Bro, I know I know Roxanne I know that's the police take I know that's what I'm saying sting solo I know Roxanne, I know every breath you take. I know, that's what I'm saying. Sting solo songs. Don't stand so close to me.

Don't stand so close to me. Oh, fortress around your heart. What the hell is that? It's a famous song, but I can't sing it right now, but it is a famous song. So there you go, what the hell Sting? Sting, you stung me. Sting got stung. Stumped. I know where he, but it is a famous song. So there you go. What the hell, Sting? Sting, you stung me. You got stung.

Stumped. I know where he lives. It's a fun fact. We're gonna go see him. Go sting him. Go sting Sting. Go sting Stump. Sting Sting so I can say I stung Sting and then next time he'll see me he'll be like, you're the guy that stung Sting. I did sting Sting.

Yeah. This sucks. Yeah. Okay. Next time. You are my kind of weird in the Tim Burton font. Literally someone needs to be hit over the head with a bat for a half an hour. You're my kind of weird. Neither of you are weird.

You guys just burp after dinner. Whoa, wacky crazy doodly. You know who would have this sign? Joey, after he made that tweet where he was in fucking Portugal And it was just like wacky times with my friends is wacky enough, but I love it I want I said it all with being weird and drinking wine with your friends. What was it? It wasn't being weird What was it bitch was I? Don't know what it was nice try. It wasn't wacky or weird. I'm not a clown not bozo the clown

Relax all right. I got one more here. This one might be the worst one. I've ever seen silence is golden duct tape is silver What the fuck that's some kinky shit What the fuck? That's some kinky shit. Silence is golden. You know what's nicer than shutting the fuck up? Me taping your mouth shut. How about I duct tape your fucking mouth shut? What the hell is this?

It's kind of horny to be honest. Honestly, whoever is making these signs for these companies is getting criminally overpaid. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. It almost feels like a haiku. That's what the fucking that's what jigsaw would have the little puppet in his fucking yeah That maybe that's like a Halloween decoration Still stupid. Yeah, I agree, you know Halloween decorations, I can't wait love Halloween. You're gonna ball out. No, not really

Don't you get a lot of treats, treaters? Hell yeah. Really? That's cool. Hell yeah, baby. So you should, you know what you should do? Give out. No, you should like sit in a chair and pretend to be a fucking decoration

and then scare children. Too much. It's funny. It is too much though. Oh, you don't wanna sit there? Yeah. Okay. Being there and being still, can't do that.

Yeah, especially you. You'd have to like sing Hamilton. Like is that decoration, singing Hamilton? All right, well, that's all we have for today folks. We hope you enjoyed this episode of the Basement Yard. We had it, we enjoyed it, we enjoyed it. I had a good time. I had enjoyment.

I had enjoyment too. Where can they find you? FAlvarez885 on Twitter, The Frank Alvarez, and all other forms of social media. Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Make sure you continue to support us. We appreciate it. And if you can't, we completely understand.

We still love you for hanging out anyways. And then go check out The Basement Yard and all forms of social media. And go follow me at JoeSanagato on social media. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard. And yeah, if you're coming to the shows the last five shows go to thebasementyard.com slash submit and fill out those forms and we will see you out there folks see you guys next time hey you're my kind of weird I didn't like that you