The Basement Yard - The Extra Yard - Keith Santagato

Episode Date: January 9, 2020

On the 1st ever Extra Yard, we welcome back a Basement Yard legend! The one, the only...Keith Santagato. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I Welcome to the extra okay, welcome to extra yard. I'm Keith Sanagato, and I guess I'm a gamer I don't need one more. That was terrible. Why are you looking at me? You should be looking at the camera. He told me not to Yeah, I did. I told him not to look at the camera. Yeah. Yeah. I fuck you guys. Yeah, welcome back to the extra yard Yeah, welcome back to the extra yard. I'm Keith Sanagato, and I'm a gamer. Oh That's kind of hard. Yeah, it's cool. It's like third take though. I like it. I liked it, too I like it. Thanks. We made me wet. I farted also during that intro. By the way, I had my farts There's really bad. You know when they come out like marbles

Like it's like one after the other you're about to cry Marbles, I don't know how to hog top people When your farts come out and they're just like Yeah, you remember you farted it sound like morse code when you fart he farted literally sound like this That's all it was and he was like it was on like like the couch like it was like cloth I always thought it was Morris code Keith. How you doing buddy? Is it Morris code? I know it's more. It's more. I said it. Yeah, Morse. No Darth Maul. What are you saying? Hmm Morris? Morse Zach Morris

Who is it? There's a D on the end. So how Keith? How are you? How's it going? How's your day? It's alright I mean, I don't know what else to say. Yeah, that's great. It's great. Tell us about your beard I mean because it looks like there's stuff going on over there. It looks like it's good. Sorry basically what this is just I Wake up I go to work I come home and then as you can see I didn't even mention anything so nothing happens here It's just growing you shampoo that thing oils or something. Yeah when I take a shower Yeah, you shampoo your face. Yeah, how often you shower?

Like once every two days what really why because I'm an idiot Okay, all right. Okay. All right. So I do you stink knock because it's sir I mean again, I'm blaming it on fucking work and also shit, but I wake up late anyway Yeah, I wake up late to go to work. Well, I get to work when I'm supposed to but I wake up late so that I have I have literally a 20-minute window to get the fuck out of out of the house So I wake up put clothes on wash my face brush my teeth and have all my shit get out and then when I come home I go right downstairs and I stream most days and Go to bed and then do the whole fucking thing over again

Okay, I have to wake up like an extra 10 minutes earlier It's like a constant stream of working essentially literally for like the past two years Yo, cuz I mean, yeah, so I mean you have a twitch channel. I love This you have a twitch channel What is it the URL is what it's a twitch.tv slash K Santa got to How often are you streaming cuz I don't I honestly don't know the question I don't even know either. I'm literally a very sporadic right now Usually though right one day. Oh, I'll try to do one day on the weekends. How much is it? How long is the stream?

Oh, I streamed yesterday for nine hours Wow after I after I worked the whole day as well. What time did you go meet me sleepies? To in the morning to in the morning. What time did you get home? I can't do math. I got home at like Six that's that would be eight hours No, that's not right. I'm stupid Yeah, that was eight that was eight hours. Who was who was better at playing video games growing up? I had a used to My sports games and stuff. It's him me. I'm more shooter. Yeah, I'll fuck him up

Yeah, I was very good. I would dust you and need for speed underground though Yeah, cuz he had this bullshit car that I fucking tuned up for him. Yeah Yeah, need for speed underground was like nobody really played that game That's not a fact Like people played it, but we're talking about like Halo way more people played Yeah, Keith was better at Halo than I was at yeah, and the only reason was cuz I Fucking played it eight hours a day. I'm better call a duty player. That was that was what I know That was when I broke my on your purse edge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot you

How'd you do that? Yeah, Keith snapped his neck dude. Yeah people forget. I legit snapped it playing football, right? Yeah I went to tackle a kid and A massive kid so these kids brought in a ringer. He was like six four. This is not the fucking kid I'm talking about. I wasn't him. You're talking about the stiff arm, right? No, all right, cuz everyone fucking thinks that's it It's not fucking it. Okay. All right. Well, you know to me. I'm on your side. I want your neck to be all right No, Keith Dude was up. Okay. I look I went to tackle a kid I went to tackle kid as we're about to go to the floor some other kid on their team comes and hits me

So when I head is through like, you know, you picture tackling somebody right like this. You say I had you say I had Is that the new Apple product? I? Wish I wasn't supposed to say I had it's just like a fucking automatic bloge machine Just sucks you all right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about getting paralyzed Yeah, it tells about your palization your near pal position Yummy. That's a hard thing to say. Um So you want to go tackle? I got it. I want to tackle person

My head was like through his like my head is protruding out. Yeah, some fat kid Did you look at me? Look right at me some big fat some big fat messy kid not um My head hit his stomach directly and when it did that instead of like whatever it snapped backward Yeah, we're harder than you think. Yeah, so and I literally heard I literally heard the snap With my neck and to describe the pain that I felt with it picture like lighting Like getting a knife like to where it's like red red hot mm-hmm and jabbing at your fucking neck

Oh, it was like some some heat involved. Yeah, like walk after yeah I got a lot. I didn't get right up But he got up and was on the sidelines and I remember him being like yo my head hurt So I was like all right cool So he took some plays off but Keith was our like best defensive player so we needed him That's a true. That's a fact. It was a hundred percent of that get in here That wasn't that wasn't an exaggeration Keith was our best player on defense without a doubt like I was nuts So I was like yo

So I was like yo you probably just got whiplash like you're fine, you know So I wanted him to get back in the night But I even said it. I'm like I'm like yeah in my head. I'm like there's no shot. I'm going back in Yeah, and then you never think somebody breaks their neck because you figure if someone breaks their neck They're not getting up and like look look this was the crazy part about the besides breaking my neck and all that the crazy part about the whole thing was Obviously like it happened like you know like you get hit in the head like your eyes closed for like a second, right? Yeah, so my eyes closed I hit the grass

I was like I was like face down the grass and then I I came back up and when I came back up I couldn't see anything Everything I saw was a different shade of green everything. It was probably like a shock or something I know but that was the weirdest part and it was like that for like a good like 10 seconds And I had to like legit like go like this and and like and in my eyes were working again I felt the same way when I tore my ACL like it was like so much pain that I was like oh my god And like everything kind of like went fuzzy or something But it like yeah, it was weird

But then he went to the doctor and he was like I think I broke my neck like all the stuff and they're like now you're good And then he wore a soft collar for a while right hold on now with that the woman Uh, I mean granted. There's always the women, right? Am I right guys this woman this fucking woman gave me her opinion, which is no it wasn't a man Which is give me your opinion, which was disgusting No, all right, so the the woman doctor ahead, uh, I because I came in with a soft collar on and uh They took like all the uh, they took a MRI and I got two CAT scans because they fucked up the first one And then uh, she comes over and after like literally been waiting there for like eight hours. She comes over me and literally

Grabs the back of my neck where the thing was and rips the thing off of me The soft collar. Yeah, she rips the soft collar off of me and she goes you don't need this and throws it out and then uh hands mom, uh mom, uh A persoma said my mom Hands mom a prescription for valium. So technically On paper, I thought I was fine right because mom thought it was whiplash as well. I didn't even know this by the way Where's where's the valium now? It's uh, yeah, is it for sale

No, I got rid of that. I probably would expire. This was some time ago. All right. Go on. Does that shit even expire? I don't think it does they save medicine expires But I think that's just to trick you in like re re upping for it Like there's a big like market where you sell like expired medications to people at a cheaper rate Okay, that's uh information I don't want to know why you know that but all right in here because it's not good at our door So your mom was just like you didn't look at my son's neck or she was just like No, I mean you trust that doctor. Yeah, you trusted her. She was like she was like the head

Like person on like the floor. I don't know. I'm not buying not buying that But uh, so long story short. I went back to school Had person on the floor I don't even know what to call her a doctor woman. She's like the manager Okay, she's the gm of the doctors. She's the jotori of doctors I don't know so so but then you had to go back because you were still in pain. No, no, no um Fucking two days later because I'm in school now like oh, shit. I'm like walking around

Yeah, right now They call uh, they called of course they called dad Two days later and they go Yeah, we are we looked back at the mri and uh You might want to you might want to go to a neurosurgeon My dad's like, huh? They're like, yeah, we kind of see something We just go to the neurosurgeon just to make sure that there is a nothing there. So we go to neurosurgeon

He we give him the mri. He takes one of the things Puts it up on the fucking, uh, whatever the hell the thing is And I like literally from here to like your tv which is far away. I saw the break And it was it was like uh, usually like the breaks are like, uh, what do they call their uh like hairline fracture? Yeah, but the but they show up they show up like, uh, was that called gray? Yeah, gray. This it was black. It was just a black line Right through my c5 c6 fuck

c5 c6, dude, it's right here Oh, you broke the top of your neck God damn, dude. It's cool It's dope. What'd you have to do after that? You were like a brace like one of those like pull-up brace. No, no, no Yeah, well, no, it was a it was a hard collar because the surgeon said neurosurgeon guys said, uh He's like luckily he had uh, he has a lot. I have a longer neck than like a normal person And a longer dick too. Yeah, the normal people. You're super giraffe. I know But uh, you ever see his license? I thought you were going somewhere else. Did you ever see that cock?

No, I was just saying you ever see his license because he Keith has a license picture for the ages He's got a a neck on him, man. That's when Keith used to buzz cut Look at this thing. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that neck. God damn It looks like a thumb with a little bit of fuzz on it. Look at that. Jeffery giraffe ass That neck is fucking whoa. This is bigger than I thought. Yo, but you know why you know why I fucked that up though Because uh, I went to the dmv. You know, you just want to get the fuck out of there. You look like Peyton Manning's ghetto brother Yeah, you do Yeah, that's exactly what Peyton Manning's uh, brother that did time. Yeah

The lost Manning they're gonna do a 30 for 30 on you He didn't win a super ball. No, but he did kill someone in jail Well, the other I thought the other one we got sick. They don't one of the other Manning's Cooper No, but Joey remember you said you look like Peyton Manning's brother. No, sorry. You look like ila Manning, but sick So you required uh, didn't require any surgery. No because um Uh, the neurosurgeon said I have a longer I have a longer neck than like a normal person. Uh, and uh, he said literally True words here He goes

If you had like if you didn't have the like a like the neck that you have right now Yeah, he's like with the break and the and like the compact. Uh, sorry the impact that happened all that stuff He's like you probably would have been paralyzed From like from like the waist down. Thank god for having a long neck. Yeah, so long neck squad I've been screwed. My neck is super chode. You see this thing. Yeah, you got a chode neck. Yeah, my thing That's terrifying. Wait, what size is your neck? 15. Yeah, I'm 15 and a half Dude, I'm 16 and a half

I got a thick neck. Danny. What are you? What are you like 18? No, I'm probably trapped. I'm a little I'm a little Thicker than his than his like but it's just because up here is just big No, yeah, you got a big fucking neck too. Yeah, so it's I could take some shots Yeah, dude, I just snapped this dude's neck. It's not going anywhere So, you know fucking long it would take me to snap Danny's neck. I just have a really big upper shelf Yo, how do you snap a neck like you know a movie is where they go like this and what are they doing? Yeah, what are they doing? And you hear the like the Steven Segal like you're dead But like think about this, right? So like I'm gonna do it. Obviously, but like

Oops You're you're you're forcing it back to like because the neck The neck joint can only go to here and to here. So if you go past that you're technically breaking Uh, you're technically breaking like the neck and the spinal cord So you could technically even if you didn't kill him like I think you could probably paralyze Wait, why do you die when you break when because you can just connect it to your brain? Yeah And then you cut off breathing and see you later, bro. It's all she wrote. Damn. That's crazy The spine the spine is dumb. I know. No, you're not dumb. I'm dumb, man. By the way, I'm talking out of my ass

We're all guessing here, but even though when that happens How long did it take for you to be like a normal like person? Oh, you're not normal, but you know what I mean Like we're all weirdos I was in the hard collar for two months Wait, what? I was in the hard collar for two months. I thought it was way longer than that. Did you have to sleep in it? Uh, no But I was an idiot, uh, uh, because after a while I got really tired of like not playing sports

So I was like, all right, if I can't play a contact sport Fuck it. I'll just play basketball. So I was playing like full card basketball games with a hard collar on Oh, I remember Keith and now Keith's the opposite. He won't go outside if it's windy because he worries it'll hurt his knee Um, I'll take this kid with the broken neck Dude, literally play with us dude. You want to hear a funny story? Keith was playing handball when he had the hard collar. He has like a hole right here It had a hole here So he swung at the ball and missed and the ball went right into the hole and then we and then we couldn't find it

I was like, where's the ball? Where'd it go? Yeah, I also got burned by a crackhead the same day. I got burned by a crackhead playing handball too Yeah, they just came up and burned you know, they know it's because I with their cigarette in their hand. Yeah, because I we beat them We beat them. I don't know why this is beat them for me We just bit slapped a bunch of crack heads on the handball board. It was great And she burned me. Can you believe it? Can you believe this? No, but uh, yeah, she uh, we we were beating I was it was me and Espel playing so we beat them. We were beating them She comes she comes past me and she like literally is purposely comes over and burns me on my on my hand

Oh, so it was like it was it was it was a purpose burn. Why'd she do that? Oh my god She's a fucking crack head. That's why burn a perp burn. Yeah, I actually kind of I still have it. Where is it? You still got that perp burn. It's right there. Wow. You reminded of that crack. Yeah, you will never I have it right there I still have that burn. You will never forget that crack slut Do you not see it? Yeah, I fucking see it. Yeah my pale Milky white. I know that I know it's a woman though, but if a crack woman burnt me I'd beat the ever-loving piss out of her. You just made her into like a monster No, but I played one time with a crack head and the guy had a cigarette in his mouth

And he was like hitting the ball or whatever and then he would take it out of his mouth if he was going lefty And then he was so multitasking dude. The guy was incredible. It was like a really like athletic move to be honest with you Uh, didn't have a whole lot of stamina, but he would take it out of his mouth and he like burned me one time And I was like, dude, come on. Can you put the cigarette out and he's just like come on, man. Come on. We're gonna play We're gonna play. We're gonna play like man But I got burnt by a crack head as well. So we had so what what was that exchange like after wait You never remember. I didn't say anything. No, no, no, no, no I didn't say anything. It's not like I'm in a fucking state to even punch the person in the face

Oh, yeah, I grew up in the suburbs. Yeah, flight me bro. I have a wait. Did you did you get shattered neck? Was it one spot or was it one of those like swipy burns? It was like, uh, yeah, it was like a Damn, dude. How'd she how'd you have enough time to burn you? Yeah, how'd you knock up on you? Yeah No, it's like because you know how, uh, if it's not their turn anymore, you rotate people go to the front So it was during that exchange. She fucking like basically she she shanked me with her, uh, her cigarette Yeah burns you during the rotation. It's fucked up. Was it a new port? What were you talking about? What kind of cigarette?

I don't know. It could have been like one of those cheap ass ones like the american spirits or something And those things they stay they stay lit forever those american spirits. You could smoke one cigarette for like 45 minutes Yeah, it's like a candle that thing Oh my god, you've never smoked a cigarette, right? No, I never had never will no has shannon ever Yeah, right. So wow, that's crazy. Thomas. I think might have yeah that guy. He was in a frat, right? Yeah, he definitely banked Was he Thomas, I don't know. But he where do you go to college again? Springfield springfield. That's a party school Is it and he went to albany before that so that's a big party school too

Yeah, when we were younger keith used to like we went and visited thomas at college and keith like stayed Like yeah, what did you do that? Yeah, I was I think it was like I was I was six 15 16 and he like just stayed with thomas. That's awesome It was because it was like their last day his last day there and uh, where were our parents No, my dad my dad my dad dad let dad let me go. He's like, yeah, you know, did you get like hammered kind of That's pretty awesome. I mean I can hold my own drinking. So that's cool brother. Yeah, you can brother There was a time where I remember keith would wouldn't

What he was the one who was drinking and I didn't want to because I thought that if I drank and and got drunk I would throw up Yeah, are you jerking the mic? No, I'm trying to do it. I've only thrown out twice and you know both of them Yeah, dude that story of keith being in the bowling alley. You ever tell you that story? No Dude, we were at the bowling alley and we were like and this is when mark sanchez was on the jet So we're like, yo for every jet's turnover will take a shot. So it's like a bowling all that fucking night went He literally had like four turnovers in the first half. So we were like or like in the first quarter Um, but we were at this bowling alley and like they give you like a free drink after you buy one Like it's ridiculous. So we were happy like anybody in there is

Yeah, but he was a psycho. He was drinking the fish bowls Yeah, I was drinking fish bowls and a bowling alley. Yeah, and uh Disgusting actually no that night. I wasn't drinking the fish bowls the night of the beer pong tournament I showed up didn't play one game Ordered a fish bowl pay for the first one and then the bartender just kept filling them up and not saying anything I was like, all right, and then I couldn't walk. Oh, yeah, and then yeah, that's when you uh, bit into a wing He bit into a wing and the whole thing was just like he bit into it and his mouth started bleeding I don't know because

She tried to cook the wings, but she didn't cook them all the way. Oh, they were frozen still no, but um This one that he was eating for some reason it had like a blood packet in it It seemed and he bit in vain. He bit into it and then blood came out of his mouth And I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now. I don't remember that That's fucking disgusting. But anyway, so we were there that night. This place sounds awesome. Yeah Oh, by the way when we were there, no one else there. Obviously. I've had so many pizza parties in there. Yeah Uh, but we were there and Keith was drinking like a lot of beer and it's mind you it's monday night football like it's monday the next day

We have the shit to do. I didn't so That was that stretch where I didn't work for three years Three years. Yeah, all right. It wasn't a good time. So It's all good good at cod though, but um Yeah, uh, so he we were Keith gets like mad drunk and he's just sitting there like this and he's just spitting All right, and I'm like, yo, and I'm like, yo, what are you? I'm like, what are you doing? And he's like spitting into a cup. I'm like, yeah, are you gonna throw up? And he's like, no

And I was like, you're spitting. He goes, yeah, I spit. I like to spit and I was like, okay So he's just sitting there spitting again. I'm like, dude, stop spitting And I was like because in my head. I'm like, I know where this is going. I know when people start spitting. It's like, I gotta vomit so We get back to my house and we didn't even get there. We didn't know we didn't get to the house. We got like 15 steps from my house and there was a tree and Keith just puts his hand on one of the branches And throws up eight gallons of vomit. Oh just Gush, yo

No, but it was just like a ha Like I wasn't screaming nothing like it was silent. The only thing you heard was like the splash against the floor It was like dumping a bucket of water. Yeah, but yo, it was it was it was three big, uh things. I think it was white the color Thanks for adding that in. Yeah, and uh, and then right after that I felt so much better, dude. Oh, yeah I I thought I wasn't even drunk after that and I was like, all right. What are we doing? Like literally, that's what I said right after. All right. What are we doing now? Another time we came home drunk and Keith was upstairs and he was throwing up into the sink

Oh, that was terrible terrible place. No, no, no, but you know why I was throwing up because we were drinking tall boys Uh, uh, whatever the hell we were drinking, but I had a lot of them as well And somebody went into the fridge and found sky vodka Oh, yeah, so we just started taking shots of sky vodka. That's what sent me over That that will do it that will do it. He was throwing up into the sink in our house There's only one sink for six people and my mom comes in the bathroom. I look. Yeah, obviously. I just said that I didn't hear that so

So so my mom comes in and she goes keith. What are you doing? He starts apologizing to her as if she's josh's mom. I thought she was josh's mom So I'm like, I'm like, I'm sorry, Elaine Yo, so I literally I'm like, yo, so sorry. So now I'm like this I'm like throwing up and the only thing I remember because as soon as we got into the house I took my shoes off As soon as my foot hit the step Nothing that was it. That was it. I wake the part of me waking up was I'm throwing up in the sink

And again, I'm gonna say the color Uh, it was red Those are the ones that burn too. Like the back of your throat a little bit. Yeah, it stinks, right? Yeah, the red one's the worst. So now it's red. So The only reason I know the color is because I was like this in the sink And then I wake up and now it's just right here in my face Yeah, and then I come up and when I came up is when I saw it was my mom I thought it was josh's mom because I didn't know that we left

Uh, josh's house. We were at josh's house. Yeah, we're drinking in the basement Oh, I don't remember Um, I love how I remember this whole night besides me. I just remember the funny parts. There's been like 11 stories He's like, I don't remember anything We're talking about you being drunk and I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about But that was so fun. I really y'all I literally just picture Looking at somebody and then everything around the person is just so distorted What did you what did your mom say? What did your mom say my mom my mom?

She's like, she's like I was literally laughing at you the whole time Yeah, my mom's pretty cool She's like I was only really pissed at you because you threw up in the sink instead of throwing up in the toilet A normal person one time I threw up in the cell This is the this is the disgusting part though. I just have thrown in there for some flavor. Yeah. Oh, um Obviously she didn't want to clean it. So I'm drunk. I'm more of like apologizing to Somebody else's mom. So she goes Scoop it with your hand and put it in the toilet. Oh

So I did that until it was over And then I went on my merry way back to my bed and I probably pissed all over the place I want to say this no way he washed his hands after that. Oh, I mean mom probably told me to watch and then I jerked off Yeah Sorry, Josh's mom Good daddy and Josh's mom Josh's mom keeps following me years. What are you doing that? It's so gay Stop being gay. Let me stop being gay. Josh's mom is someone looking at me in the bathroom, dude

Yeah, that was 2009 probably Call someone's mom gay Oh my god, no, but yo, there was one time that we went to a party. I got really drunk I left by myself and I was sitting to shut up and then I was sitting down You can't interrupt starts so we're sitting There was a time Um, and I was sitting on the toilet and I threw up into the tub

And then I went to bed And then my mom wakes up in the morning. She comes into our room and she goes Because me and kids shared room at that point and she goes To me she goes you threw up in the tub like why did you do that? And I was like, yeah, I'm really sorry. I was like, I tried to clean it But I was like really drunk I was like I was sitting on the toilet at the time because I thought I had to go to the bathroom And then I ended up throwing up in the tub. So that's why that happened

And she goes why did you throw your underwear in the toilet? and I was like What and then I look under my sheets and I'm like I'm wearing my underwear and she goes so whose underwear is this So we both look over at Keith and Keith's just like Oops But I do that all the time still you ditch them in the toilet. No, no, no, I mean I did that twice, but What is the I don't know. I get out of here flushed it. Yo, but like the whole thing is uh, like that's weird

Is like if I really like I drink a lot and like None of this makes sense. It doesn't so now a lot of times like I get like drunk and like obviously I go home and go to bed But I'll wake up Nothing on Naked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Completely naked. I used to get naked too. You get those drunk sweats kind of yeah When you start to spin you're like, I just need to less. Oh, thanks giving I mean, I was so much I was clothed for that one, but For for Thanksgiving. I was close. Oh, this is funny. I drank so much, right? Obviously, whatever. It gives a fuck

um Now I fall asleep on the couch. Uh-huh and my mom wakes me up. Don't remember this at all She's like, you gotta go bed. I'm like, all right sick. So instead of going to my actual bed upstairs I went downstairs into the basement Now i'm on I go to the couch. I take my socks off I put them on the couch And then I just fall asleep on the floor And I woke up like patrick the fucking starfish

Dude, I woke up. I thought I was in like another person's house. I woke up because everything's pitch black Isn't that the worst you'll wake up. You don't know where you are because I felt the rug and I'm like This isn't my rug on my room like where the fuck am I? And then I woke up like I'm like Jesus christ and I because I'm a psycho again. I know the exact time. Yeah, it's 441 when I woke up It was 441 in the morning. I love who's like i'm a psycho. I know the time the fuck No, because I remember like small get your ditch in your underwear into the toilet bowl Like knowing the time is not psychotic. So what what how is it?

I think you throw your short one though, but if you throw your underwear into the toilet, right? Are you physically placing it in there? Or is it one of those things like uh? And just happens to end up in the toilet. No, I think it's this is a this is a purposeful ditch I doubt it because now I'll go into you can't accidentally do that twice Yeah, it sounds like a fetish at this point. Yeah, it sounds like you're trying. Oh, yeah I'd like just putting it in the toilet. No, it sounds like you're trying to flush evidence Oh Shit my pants again, not this time not gonna catch me. I've actually I think I shit my pants in Nashville

I shit my pants the other day here. Yeah, dude. I think I shit my pants in Nashville and I uh, I threw them out He's shit Wait, are you saying you think because it sounds like you know, I did I think I shit so I just threw him away I No, he said I think I shit my pants in Nashville and he goes, yeah, I think I threw them out You secretly threw them out Behind that one bar we were at. I left early. I think that happened. I don't know

It was a dream. Yeah, I shit my pants right right in here He shit his pants the other day and he goes, yeah, I I shit myself and I'm like what and he goes, yeah I shit myself and I was like Wow, and he just goes you want to see and then before I could answer he was up in the air turned around Pulled his pants down. I'm looking at shit in his pants That's a real thing that just happened It happened while I was painting too. I bent down nothing worse than a paint. Yeah. No, I was getting over being Remember, I was I was sick

Like oh, it was like a sick shit. I was a few days before I was sick. So I was painting I was like, I'm okay So like I'm painting with the roller and I and I went up and I went all the way down And as I went down just like a perfect like gravitational pull of my asshole I guess opened and just like a little Came out And just sat there and I felt it because you know There's many times where you shit and you're not fully sure if you made it past your butt cheeks

I knew this one went past my cheeks this one Yeah, broke the plane so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was gross. It was one of the worst things. Yeah What are you guys doing for Christmas? Is Christmas at your mom's house too? No, no, it's uh I'm at my aunt's in New Jersey Is it like our early? I hate early Christmas shit. I mean we get there like probably like two Oh, that's that's fine. So you guys get to do your own Christmas thing Yeah first with each other and then you head out over there. Yeah every holidays is the same at my mom's house. We go there

Either like either like for Easter or something. We'll go there. We'll have like breakfast. Yeah, and then we eat candy In the morning and then we go to where we're gonna go I mean I do that every morning, but uh, no, but there's what kind of candies. Oh, dude. Easter. My mom still makes us baskets Yeah Shannon that bitch keeps you my fucking bunnies. You'll get the bunny. Yo, Easter bunnies are fucking trash. Yeah They're literally like that that chocolate's whack. It was never good ever I love those those lindoor whatever they are all the chocolate filled fucking balls And you just suck on them till they fucking melt in your mouth and then you break down the like the the crust

Yeah, and then just blows a fucking chocolate load in your mouth. I love it. I love it. How you say balls is hilarious balls balls balls Balls balls. Yeah, but she does that she gets those starburst jelly beans, which I could literally eat forever What happens? I just like dislocated my jaw You're a weird cat. I know What can I ask you a question? Yep, well like uh, what's the first thing you have to do like When you go to work like do you have to like clock in do you have to like no, I'm on salary So you just you just walk in I walk in it doesn't matter if you didn't shower

No, nobody sees you right dude. I so I'm just trying to get what I'm wearing right now is acceptable attire for me Oh, that's a go to work. Okay. I I literally so you don't really don't need to shower I've given up on wearing jeans. Why just giving up on it Don't care. I want to give you I want to give you a style makeover. Would you let me do that? Probably not It's gonna be expensive. No, it's not Yeah, it's not expensive. No, it's not You also haven't spent money since 1998 when you bought pez because I have to pay taxes Keith everyone

I understand that but I have to budget everything No, that doesn't mean that you don't have money where he's coming from But I don't he doesn't you don't have that fucking problem me. Yeah What are you talking about? Yeah, you paid fat taxes last year two years ago. I got fucking yeah, but you're dry But plugged but you're still fine Yeah, so what so are you? No, I'm not Keith. I pay more of a percentage in tax than you do What are you talking about? I forgot to pay rent this month too

There you go Damn it Don't you take that money go buy a pair of jeans that fit you dumb bitch. You're a thousand dollar jeans or have you gotten true religion? No, no, no. Who's got a thousand dollar jeans? The most expensive pair of jeans I have are five hundred dollars And no and I and I got those. I would never all right. Let's end that there And most no most jeans I wear now are like 70 bucks. Yeah, that's still a lot. No, it's not. Have you been to a jean store? There's a jean store. I have a lot of them. Keith jeans are 70 dollars Yeah, that's just what they are 59 99

Actually, if you know, I bought I bought mad fucking jeans at like Macy's is some shit for like 30 bucks Uniclo has good jeans. They're they're my favorite jeans. Uniclo. I have them on right now Uniclo they have good jeans and they're cheap. They're probably like 30 40 bucks Yeah, and they're straight. They have a little bit of elastic in there for yeah, but he paid 70 No, no, no, no the the other pairs I have are all right. I was gonna say, yeah, you know, danny. Yeah, likes to be flashy Danny Danny Danny boy. No, would you let me like just give you like a little like Go with you. I'll just go with a tune up and you get what you want Dude, I haven't shopped ever in my life. We were taking a change. We're taking them. We're gonna change that

We're gonna take you on a shopping spree like rick ross took I'm not 50 cents of rick ross's wife. I'm not paying for it though. You don't have to pay daniel pay. I'll pay That's weird. Let me buy you one outfit. I'd rather he fucking pays. All right. We'll take his card and we'll go together If he's paying I'm paying your way. We'll put it on the uh, the santa gato studios card We're not putting anything on the santa gato studios card because you have money. No, I don't yes, you do I have nothing keith. You have money. I have nothing. I'm dirt poor Dude, look at me. I'm homeless. He's the type of dude that would leave the money like to himself like when he dies I can't wait until like his will just like it's mine

Keith's gonna have a million dollars in the bank I'm gonna bury it and just like pull like a treasure map. You'll never find it Keith's the type of person that if he has a million dollars I mean go yo Like you should buy like this this and this he goes I can't because you know I can't just like live off a million dollars like that'll run out in five years And that'll be his excuse for not buying a pair of jeans because I'm planning ahead for what? At what age are you gonna start buying outfits? See but like I don't spend money on clothes and shit like that

I already have clothes you I don't mind like spending mad dough on fucking I just said dough You're about to say is fire keep going. Yeah, I was about to get something. What do you spend mad dough on? I don't care what it is. I'm gonna support it That's why I spend mad dough on bacon egg and cheese Not but like food is definitely a big uh thing I spend money on and uh What's it called?

Seltzer like uh, I love when you guys get me seltzer when I watch your house I drink maybe 75 seltzers a day. Oh by the way deal. We bought you a case of 24 I looked in the I looked in the fridge. There was three left. Yeah I was like, fuck you been here for what like two days. No, I was there for like five days Yeah, he's there like four or five days brother brother when we went to disney. Yeah, I was there for like a oh shit That's disney. Yeah. Yeah, no, but the other time I just drank all the way I had To drink a disney. All right. I'm not gonna let you off the hook here. Um, dammit I want to go with you just to just

Not because you need it, but I have a really I have a really good style. Oh, no, he needs it Let's just get that out. Yes What? Well, what's wrong with this exactly key? What's wrong with this? It's bad I think I could really do I could do nothing wrong with your current outfit It's just that you don't have outfits to do other stuff in Ah, yeah

Because I don't do anything I stay inside. That's because you don't have the uniform to go out You can't go to work and be a cop if you don't have a cop uniform unless you're an undercover I need a bar uniform. The fuck is that? That was a metaphor for your ass But I think I think because you want to know why though you had for my ass. Yeah See, I'm jealous of you because you because you have a good Like I you could wear a lot of clothes that I can't wear so it'd be nice to like dress you up Like what? Well, he's a bigger guy. I'm a bigger guy. I have to wear different types of clothes

Can't wear like lateral stripes. You know what I'm saying that I'm gonna look like an actual plan Yeah you know I've Let's go one time. Let's just go shop. But let's just hang out like we'll go get dinner after I'll come too We'll make a day out of it Dinner out. It's gonna be like a fucking four thousand dollar day. No, I'll be like I do you have any concept of what things cost No, clearly, which is why I don't spend money on it four thousand dollars. See I told him

I said I want to give you a couple pairs of shoes that I don't wear anymore That I've worn like three or four times But if you wear them, I want you to keep them clean and nice because they're because they're gonna be expensive shoes Or just make outfits out of these. That's what I'm saying build up from the shoe So if I give you like three pairs of shoes build up the outfit Dude, did you not hear my routine of going to fucking work? Yeah, that's why you lay out the night before I lay out my clothes the night before because I know I'm gonna be late and I'm still late Yeah, and I'll tell you this right now. He doesn't do that

No, I do I do it's just that sometimes I put the outfit on and then I'm like, I don't really like this one So I'm gonna change Oh, I would never do that. I literally open the drawer and I'm like, all right sick. Can I ask you a question? You don't do not you don't care at all about your appearance ever I feel bad that I open this box Why it's interesting. It is interesting. I don't care Yeah, it's not embarrassing. This is how he feels. I don't care So here's the thing because sometimes I get I get up and like even if I'm going to the gym or something

Like I'll try to make it like look like a normal outfit Yeah, the one thing that you do that drives me fucking bananas Is that you'll wear nike shoes? Yeah with like adidas shorts, and I'm like, dude, we're so close Just put on the nike shorts. Yeah he gets mad that That wouldn't bother me at all. No, you know what I heard mom hates that I wear two different socks. Yeah, you can't do that Yeah, come on. We're doing all right. I'm not doing all right. Don't do it. We're too old. We're too old for that Yeah, we can't play those games dude. They have a store in the mall called miss match socks. Yeah, what?

But they but they have to match in in a miss mismatch kind of what they don't they sell socks that are mismatched So there's like one blue sock and one red sock. Yeah, and you buy that That's dumb. You have colorful socks though. I do, but I'm not crazy about it. I want to go back to plain socks You have to you gotta grow up gray black and white gotta grow up You still you you still buy like those uh schittles those nike socks Oh, like the left and the right on them. Yeah, I like the nike elite Those those socks are too hard. Yo, I will say this I'm not just saying it because they're a sponsor of the basemiyard

But the bomb of socks are fucking amazing like they're like tight. Are they? Yeah, and they're like thick So I like them like a lot in a best-case scenario. Those would be my only socks like how often do you buy new socks? both you guys I buy literally ever since Remember that was that one year that we just were getting a shit ton of socks I'd never have to buy socks ever again. I don't remember. I get new socks like every six or seven months Keith will wear shorts with like dress socks

And then just like yeah, you know I'm saying like a tube sock Kind of not a tube sock. I just feel like if you if you care a little more about like, uh, like You're like your look you would feel better. Yeah Not saying that you don't feel good But what I'm saying is that I know that listen I'm a fat man, right? So but if I dress really nice, Keith, tell him he's a fat man. Look at him. Come on. Tell him come on Say you're a fat man. Keith if you're looking at me right now. Throw Puerto Rican in there. Yeah, or brown spit on me Burn me like that crack head

You're burly do whatever you want But you know burn me like that crack Joe how many times do we go out? like Burn me like that crack head when we're out together people comment on my on my look. Yeah constantly I'm not saying you got to go over the top But I look good feel good play good play the game of life. You could have a very good look You know what I like. Yeah

That that that the way I look bothers other people for what fucking reason you don't like that No one likes that. I don't care. You don't like to bother people. Keith. You're very non-competent You know me. I wear literally a pink dress to work. It's not bothering me I get all right. So we can go out and buy a nice pink dress then that's what we're trying to say We could dress it up with a nice pair of pink shoes And then we're gonna get you a new wallet because that wallet is crazy. That looks like a quadruple fold It's a it's a it's a trifle christmas is coming up. I'm gonna get you a wallet. I haven't had a new this is 14 years old How old are you? We're just unraveling this onion here and I cannot wait to get to the blue mist

Are you wearing underwear? I mean I want to skip right to the end. Are you guys gonna try to make me cry today? You would never hold on can I see this wallet? I need I need to dive into this. No. No, no, Keith There's a thousand cards in there dude. There's and how many you have one credit card Are those business cards are you are you taking dinners? This is this is a dude This is a fucking orthopedic card reminder a reminder card that he has to have had my teeth are still shitty

That jokes on me. Keith. This is for your knee. What are you talking about? Oh, that's orthopedic surgeon These are the others from 2014. It's in his wallet. You know what let's do let's do a wallet biopsy right now No, we're not doing that with this Wait, okay. Now we're here. You want this back? No, no, no, no, it's just because I have no attachment to anything in here. It's just more or less. I just have it It's the same shit with like my twitter and I don't believe this and my instagram and all that stuff I'm I I'll follow someone have never fucking talked to it like I there's like a few people I follow on On uh, was it on twitter? Uh-huh

For some odd reason I never have went into Thing and cleared out and like unfollowed people Keith that has never done it. It's like no, it's the same shit with this I'm just gonna keep it because it's still working. Wait, wait, wait, wait I just want I just want I just want to be clear here. This is the most contradictory thing in the world You're telling me that you don't care and you have no attachment to those things so much so that you won't get rid of them That's literally not I never said I wasn't gonna get rid of it. I just said I didn't want to go through it No, no, no, let's give me that one card and let me just rip it up right now

No, no, no, see now that you're too late now. Give me all those cards. Which ones Why can't we just go through it There you want my emblem health card you fuck no you need that you need that you need that you need that you need that Could catch that was a great catch. Is there anything on this dunkin donuts cards? What is this? That's a movie ticket I'm well fucking aware of that. I used to like keeping movie stubs. What is that though? What movie? I don't know. But Keith, I really want to dive into the separate pocket right here that has 5 000 cards in it Why can't we just clear this out? Can I have that? Because this one I'm actually using if we're not gonna throw out your like

I know but there's so many in here. All right. I need this card to all metro cards to get kept. Yeah, let's just see So all of fucking care. All of this we can just toss. We're done All right garbage, but just realistically because I think I think if you got a nice wallet No, this is good content for the show Joey, it's just uh Dude, how many fucking metro cards do you have? Look at this. Yeah, but I got a lot of I feel like I'm playing uno And and everyone gave a draw four to me plus. I have a I have a very Plus I have a really rare metro card in there. Yeah, we won't throw that out

I have a very rare one in there. Yeah, it's a blood wise white dragon It's a holographic guy right is it's gate guardian Wow, that's my guy Doe you need these things they stay those doesn't need and I love the doe card because it doesn't have an expiration date Yes, two forms of identification. They don't even hand metro card right here. Okay. That's one metro card What the hell is this it's just a white card that says santa gato on it Oh, that's nothing else. That's how I get into work if I'm working on all weekends. All right, so you need that Okay, this is the w hotel. Who are you? I'm saving that because that's where I used to work

I used to work in the w hotel when we first started. So you why you saving it because it's a momentum. You have a That's fine. Okay, this one rescue training definitely don't need this You're saving anybody but I was going to the gym and I was going to the gym and that's when uh, We were going up, uh, that's when we went to chris carlson Yeah, yeah iron learn and a guy approached me who worked in the same building and said if you guys ever want to do cpr Because he was a fan of us and he gave me that and I never called him So we don't need it. We can toss that. All right, okay two more metro cards

Seven one eight dentist park dental Ten eight five thirty. You don't want to miss that throw that What year? No, I didn't say It's it's health care air physicians. It's a vision. I said not a physician Metro card. There we go. Um, this is for 2014 orthopedic That's when he's like towards asl my life

Metro card, metro card, metro card. Well, I know when it's the rare one because they all look the same. There it is Okay, here's here's a game of thrones one a game. No, no, no, that's not the one. So you want to toss this you toss it Okay, we're tossing Uh, what is this? That's the rare one. I'll keep that. This is a grand central terminal. Uh-huh. Why is this? This is the rare one. Yeah, that's mad rare. Yeah, don't fuck that. I think they made only like a hundred thousand All right, we're keeping that that's for you Um, thanks Joe Thanks, man. I feel really I feel really good about this. I don't care. This is nothing for to me

No, yeah, the only reason look because now look you took all the shit out. I'm gonna throw it all out I'm never gonna be able to put a card back in here now because I've had this wall for so long We're gonna get you new wallets. I understand but at what at fucking christmas Yeah, that's like 20 fucking. I'll go get you a wallet when we keep I can make a wallet better than this one in this apartment Out of things I cut out of a pillow Pillow dude this wallet you open it up and it looks like in between like your your fucking your couch cushions. Yo, this looks like Like like a cowboy from the wild west. This would be his wallet His leg. Yeah, and they would just be full of bounties and shillings

I'm not a cowboy. I'm like fake gold. I have no idea. Regal. That's that's that's fucking expired. Good. That's another metro card This is what a metro car. Do you need this? No, I was more just keeping them out of their points just because they were different colors. What about these? Do you want to keep them out? Yeah, keep them. Keep the ones with the different colors. What is he gonna do? He likes them I'm gonna get judged. You're enabling fucking caring. You're enabling. No, no, no. Give one green and put the other green there Why do I need one? Just throw it the red Keep it. That's that emblem health we need. This is another one. This one is a is a dentist appointment in 2015 getting closer to our current year I think that's when I stopped going. Metro card, Metro card, Metro card

I'm gonna count these at the end. I had some Bible on every 30 days for the last two years March 27th I don't know what year though. We're back in 2014. Okay, we are back in 2014 here We're back orthopedic back in 2014 all the metro cards. So we're counting them at the end Here we go. Now another dentist appointment that goes thrown out another Metro card jet that gets thrown out Yeah, but I want them all. What is this Keith? Japan sarku. Yeah You have a sarku card. Yeah, that's when we used to go to stop and shop And uh teriyaki and sushi express you're in a vip

No, no, no, you are a vip at sarku japan This is a vip club card Is that really it says vip how much sarku have you had? No, it was whenever I went uh food shopping with mom We would go to it and I'm sorry Whenever I would go to stop and shop with mom Food shopping wise it was in like the same complex shit and I would always get a

Teriyaki chicken on white rice. Hmm. All right. And if I got five of them, you'd get a free one Okay, so now we're back at the orthopedic surgeon and this is 2015. Get rid of that very close to to Valentine's Day though. Yeah Keith more dentists this kid's been to the dentist's like you would not believe uh 2015 another dentist card Metro card metro card metro card Metro card metro card metro card metro card metro card Here we go. Uh back at the orthopedic surgeon June of 2015 metro card metro card. That was the last time I went. Uh

What the fuck is this a bunch of baby feet What public health nurse the fuck is that? Let me see that. Oh, I know what this is Yeah, yeah, you keep that I have subway card I don't I don't know good luck. I did. Yeah, fuck subway back at the dentist Who knows that sponsor July July of 2015, uh Fuck that place. Um back at the dentist again, uh July 20th dentist 2015 Uh queen's consultation center. What the fuck is this? There's nothing even written on it

It's been in your wallet so long that the ink has disappeared Did I mention it was 14 years old? Yeah, probably and then this is back at the orthopedic surgeon Okay, September of 2015. Don't need any of it. Keith you have been to the orthopedic if someone found your wallet There would be like this person has only been to the dentist and orthopedic surgeon. I counted these There's 30 there's 30 Listen, this is a good cleanse This is this sounds like my dick No, it doesn't

Well, you can keep your metro cards. I don't really care. Don't keep the metro cards. It's pointless. It's just you need one Now my wallet's not gonna be sufficient enough. That's what I'm saying. Keep that keep them for the weight The actual weight. I know this is why I didn't want to do this. This is the only reason I didn't want to do this Oh, yeah Yeah, it actually is. Wait, I don't get the argument. What do you mean the weight? Take the garbage Joey It's leather. It stretches out Right. Okay. So now you stretch something out for fucking 10 years. Do you think it's just I have money. Come on, man

I gaped my wallet so hard That uh, nothing's gonna fit in it again. And what the fuck are you doing? Oh, so he's getting mad at where I'm putting it Yeah, he's got he's got he's got rituals. Who puts it there? Sorry. Sorry. It's not my wallet. You're right Do you need 30 of them? Yes, he does just for the just literally literally all of these is is me buying them every 30 days So that I can go to work. I buy an unlimited metro car and I always get a new one It's all this is Okay, that does and I just I just save it in my wallet for the hell of it. Yeah

Do you have any Do you have any like I think we're good. We're I think we're good. I think we made good progress here Yeah, I think we we purged your wallet a bit Wow, he's making a big step. Wow, it's not a big step. This isn't bothering me I already fucking told you the reason of why I why I wanted to keep all of it in there kids yelling But since it's such a big deal All right, whatever baby steps. I really don't care. We're gonna clear the wallet and then we're gonna go buy some jeans You know how many times I've pissed on this thing

How does this happen? There's peeing on your wallet. There's putting your underwear in the toilet Dude burning my crack heads with life. Are you living here? It's it's adventurous You're the most like I have a very good interesting person. I've ever talked to How do you pee on that? No wonder it's warped dude But we know my pee stories. I know your pee stories, but are you pissing into your pocket, dude? I It's cock so big just like fun Put it in my back pocket fill up my back pocket

That's warm. No, check this out Pissing my own pocket. No, dude. I've woken up multiple times in my bed where I'm fully clothed And I'm wearing I'm wearing jeans. Yeah socks A fucking sweater. Yeah, all of it. I wake up the whole thing Whole thing is drenched. Wow I don't know how I hold all this liquid. So you're saying I did it yesterday. Well, I didn't pee yesterday but like this is what's scary is uh last night like I drank nine beers and then

I got a while of streaming and I had like a shit ton of water. I went to bed 161 pounds Woke up woke up the next day 152 pounds, which means I peed out all of that Keith How do I hold that much like fucking liquid? You weigh yourself like a UFC fighter As you weigh yourself before bed when you wake up I'm curious to see like how uh, because like I'm like hovering right now around like 150 152. All right That's a nice healthy weight. So it's not how how it how it's packed on me. It's not but

Keith before we get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. I just have one more question. Go ahead. Yeah, absolutely The 10 questions. Um, what do you have an ideal weight? I I have an ideal weight Probably 145 mines 205 you want to be 145? Yeah, when I was when I was when I when I was like in really good shape when I was younger and I was like I thought it. I know you did. It's not like you dropped a penny on the floor Click that was it um What was it? Was it talking about 145 Keith? You're always like six. You're also 16

No, when I was when I was 23 when I was 23. I was 139 pounds. Okay, and I was In decent shape Like all this is all this is right now. It's just I haven't worked out in five years. So yeah, but you have the metabolism like a six-year-old girl Yeah, I know burning cows. Yeah I wish burning cows and getting burned by crackhead. I eat one slice of bread. I gained 48 pounds That's just how it works. I've seen it happen. If I just look at a cake. I gained six pounds That's how it works for me. Dude, you know what was weird? I was drinking la croise. Yeah, la croise La croise

By the way, I was fucking out that name for the longest time you and us both. I was calling it la croix Yeah, la croix la croix. Yo pass me a la croix. Yeah, what the fuck? I would love a la croix right now crush a la croix All right, so before we get out of here, I have we have 10 questions So we're gonna be asking everyone on the show. You're the first episode of the x-ray yard So congratulations to you. We got some stuff done today. We got a lot of stuff. So we purged the wallet Um, all right first question. We're gonna go back and forth big filler for this one Yeah, you're not gonna have that with another guest. Well, let's see your wallet

Stuff your wallet right now right now. Let's go. Let's also just take it out on the table Come on. You don't need this picture you and your parents. Come on. Throw it away. Magnum condom. Yeah, okay They're not alive anymore. It's your only memento of them. Throw it out. Throw it out. All right. Here we go Do you say read receipts or red receipts? Read receipts. Wow really I say red Well, I say I say read receipts too. I say read but read it red and red is a word I know it's a word but it makes more sense. But I I say read no because it's like, you know, did you read this?

Yeah, then that's right. But the person receiving it would say, yeah, I read that Yeah, but you have to realize also I can't probably write like a great essay for you like my english whole Thing I english is terrible for me. Your english hole. My english hole is Tight It's not it's not expanded. It's not great. Okay next question. Next question. Uh, are you more of a truth person or a dare person? Probably a dare Do you agree? I don't really know. I don't know. I don't know him

I haven't played a whole lot of truth to dare. I feel like you're a very truthful person too though But you're down to get to the nitty-gritty. You're down to dare it up. You're down to dare. I won't hold on I won't I won't force it there. But you're gonna put it there. I'll fucking go there I don't know what the accent that was there. I'll fucking go there. You fucking hop brother. I'll get inside you Okay, uh, what's something you have to do every day? Like not like pee or poo poo Will we cover that like stuff that you need to do every day to like kind of like make yourself complete Besides put a new metro card in your wall

And go to the orthopedic surgeon Uh Probably play video games you have to yeah, you have to do that helps it helps you relax, right? Yeah, it's it's my escape Okay, nice. Go you go it is my drug Um, do you think your social media account is a good portrayal of who you are? Yeah Do you though? No See, but my my social media accounts literally how all of them are is just me basically

Just post and dumb shit and like making fun of myself because I think it's hilarious Yeah, I don't take it's not that I don't take myself serious. It's just more or less I think it's hilarious. Yeah, I don't think I don't think mine portrays who I really am Yeah, I'm Like I haven't I posted on my instagram today and then the picture before that I don't think I posted on my instagram in like a month. So I mean It's here or there What animal best describes you?

We'll go like a komodo dragon nice no way nice since it's his animal he picks it Five again. I don't know. I just picked the cool You just like komodo dragons But you had to describe it because the reason I like them and it's kind of fucked up also is if they bite you There's bacteria in their saliva That we do not have cures for and you're gonna die So if you ever get bit by a komodo dragon, you're gone So

Keith doesn't trust many people. I don't think so. That's what it is. I see if you bit me right now We'd have to drive. I mean I got some gentrified. So you want that I might lose a couple teeth there, but Oh, yeah, it's my turn. Yeah, um Rate yourself one to ten ten Love it. That confidence is great. I love that. This is a great answer. Um, what game show would you have the best chance on? who Definitely not jeopardy Fuck that show. Ah, fuck me. Uh game show

Can you do the bird noise just one time? That is remarkable. It's recredible. Recredible It's ridiculous and that is incredible. That's one of the best impressions of an animal I've ever heard That's insane. Give us the bird one more time If I heard that shit, I'd be like, yo get this fucking bird out of here It's got even different seasons. Yeah, you got different tunes different seasons. That's water That's a different species is what it is. Give me give me a fall bird. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. A fall bird like a bird in the fall Yeah Let me hear it. Give us a fall bird

Damn it. That was so good. That was absolutely hurt. All I see is November when you did that I felt a leaf come come down and just touch my face. I can feel a leaf crackling under my feet All right, what game show bro? Oh, um Fuck I don't know, uh, we'll go, uh, you know what? Fuck it. I'd probably kill it. I will fortune. Okay. Oh cool Yeah, you're not that dumb. Fuck Let me buy an A. It's like, well now I got no money. You fucking idiot Just know there's an A there. Oh my god Do you think your personality is better than your looks?

Hell yeah Was that serious? God damn, son. I'm fucked, dude. I'm fucked I'm margarita pizza. Let me There's a shittery. God damn um Funny you came with a margarita. What's your least? What's your least favorite feature about yourself? Probably my knees

Because they suck. Okay the way they look or like like they just always wish you had different knees. They're always hurting Someone else's knees. Yeah. Yeah, okay. If I get a knee replacement in both of them and never have to I don't know why I'm going with this. Yeah And um last question last question is are you happy today? No, that's awesome. Nice. It's the weekend. Yeah Cheers to the freaking weekend Yeah, I don't know this song. That's the only part of the song that I know That's honestly the only part I know too. I don't know. Is that a rihanna?

Yeah, I think so. I'm just glad you didn't go to the R. Kelly song. So I think we had this was a great first episode. Yeah, I had fun. I heard some santa gato stories I had no idea happened crackheads burning. Yeah, we got burned by crack. It sounds like a christmas carol Crackheads burning on an open fire handball court Cocaine dripping from their nose Piss is flying Wallets soaking. It's okay seven pissy wallets 30 metro cards

And a crackhead with a cigarette Oh, man, I love so true. It's so true though. It hurts. It hurts. Um, anyway, Keith tell us where they can find you in your orthopedic surgeon From 2014 He actually did surgeries for the next so so tell people about your your twitch stream where they can find you when you Kind of games you play all that shit. Yeah all that Well, was it? Yeah, you my twitch handle is twitch.tv slash k santa gato Um, I stream sporadically. I don't really have set days when I stream

But I try to during a week try to do like three to four days. Okay, so I don't really have a set schedule I like to keep myself what times what times do you usually? Oh, I stream after work So that'll probably be like early saw stream is probably 6 30. Okay, p.m Pacific standard time No, it's not standard. Is it eastern? Yeah, where do you think you live? Seven o'clock GMT I run an australian time, so I love how I always fuck those up. It's all right Like I still don't like you just told me it. I still remember eastern bro eastern

Eastern standard north east. Is that why no just because we're yes, we're the east part of the country. Okay, got you Um, all right, cool. Well, that was a fun first episode of the extra yard You guys could look forward to more episodes like this with some special guests that me and daniel would be grilling and giving Those 10 questions to and finding out a little more about them. They won't give better answers than they they won't probably I highly doubt it. No one who comes on the show for the rest of time is ever going to say something like Do you know how many times I've pissed on this wallet? That's just gonna stay here. I think it's like molding too Do you see like the white? Yeah, you can keep it. No, no, no

You see like it's the white because like I pee and then like, you know when you um Like the uh, the cards get wet. Yeah, so from there, I guess like the friction is like blowing off a little of the uh The the paper pieces This kid's got a piss-infused wallet Oh, yeah, but you wanted to go through it. Yeah, I mean it was before I knew there was piss mold on it Yeah, Joe. I've been paying myself my whole career I didn't know you were pissing into the fucking fold where you put your dollar bill into the fucking wallet We're getting you a new wallet. Yeah, this one's this one's all fucked. All right. Anyway, just don't give me like that

It's all That's all for this week's uh episode of uh the x-ray art key. Thanks for coming on. We appreciate it. Fuck yourself All right, you have a dentist appointment coming up Oh