The Basement Yard - The NYC Subway

Episode Date: February 7, 2017

On this episode, I have @LambVM10 & @TimboTheTruth from @VeteransMinimum on to talk about the NYC Subway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard in days, but oh my god. I'm all fuck out. I'll forget it So still drunk from yesterday Super Bowl Sunday. It's February 6th. I think yeah, it is February 6th. I'm with two of my friends who are on veterans minimum with me We got Nick. Yeah, and we have Tim. What's up? As I mentioned before Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday, so I guess I can speak for everyone in this room that we're all kind of zombies today Yeah, pretty rough day to get through and Tim was laying on the couch before and he's like I think we should start getting signatures

For a petition and I was like here we go all this political shit He's about to say he's like that the day after this Super Bowl everyone should have off everyone everyone national hangover day 100 I We celebrate others like We celebrate, you know, we get days off for other shit that I don't really know what's going on 70% of America had the Super Bowl on their televisions Wow, it's crazy. Isn't it and what the other 30% was just not at home and at a bar like me probably Yeah, I think everyone watches that game or like a

Foreign person that just got here. Yeah, that's like what's not really into football. Yeah, that's like working Yeah, they're watching like some form of soccer Now you're an asshole if you didn't have that game on yesterday No, 100% and then we had the First of all the game was out of control Patriots won Unbelievable they were down 20 what they have 28 unanswered points. Everyone's using the term unbelievable. It is unbelievable I don't know if it's that unbelievable. I've been watching this a lot. Yeah, I guess I'm a Jets fan I mean, this is um, it is unbelievable to do it at the Super Bowl when you're down

Fucking 25 points crazy. Yeah, this swing of emotions in that game. Oh my god. Wow Yeah, I felt so bad for our buddy Alan. Oh, he's a big Falcons guy. Yo, he was there I felt so bad if unless you're like a buck Saints or Panther fan You shouldn't make fun of any of your buddies that are fucking fans like that was devastating Yeah, dude, if that happened to the Giants, no, I would like I told my dad. I was like there was no way I was coming into work like maybe the whole week Like at all, you know, I wouldn't I don't know what what I would do. I really don't know I already told him I was like I would be out of this. I'd be kicked out already

Before they tied the game up. I would have been kicked out I would have fucking started pushing tables over and shit. I'm a real Imagine I didn't even think about it from a fans perspective. No, I think about that dude two years ago week one week one We played the Cowboys and like threw the game away and we lost by one point. I believe and I Was I've flipped out for an hour. I was just sitting at my table with my head down and then like my friends would come over and like They weren't like standing near me they just like kind of reach and pat me on the back like you I'm leaving later like I wouldn't say anything. I'm like just get the fuck out. I was slamming walls in my house It was week one imagine those a fucking Super Bowl. Oh my god, or like what happened with Philly and the Giants

Yeah, oh my god, they blew a fucking 20-point lead. Nick's face is always the same when that game is brought up. It's like It's the worst time my life Speaking of faces remember when us two just glimpsed over at Alan when it was going over time Yo, he looked like you ever seen that meme of that dude wearing the stone cold shirt when Undertaker lost at WrestleMania He was like his eyes are like Yeah, he's wearing like glasses. Yo Alan looked like that like just shot I mean me and Joey just looked at each other and we're like, yo, don't say nothing You just let him just sit there and yo after they lost

Yo after they lost you just put his hat over his eyes and he's like First of all, I would have just I Would have fought to be no that I know see that he's a Patriots fan would have hit him I would have fought him 100% Yo, can we talk about what he was doing? Fuck I hate when sports fans do that. It was like the second quarter and he's going yo good game Alan You guys won whatever. Yeah, the Patriots say man. They suck or whatever. I'm like, you're what he does is he's hedging his bet That's what it is. So that if they do lose, he's like y'all knew that we're gonna lose anyway

Yeah, I was I was in my fantasy championship and my brother's texted me at 130 Yo, yo, you had a good season man. Sorry. Sorry. You couldn't win at 130 like fuck you guys Let's go I won though half-time show was very interesting We had Lady Gaga who jumped off the fucking roof yo props. That was dope. Yo, how that's terrifying I would never get high How high is that high? She jumped a little weird. She looked like a fucking she put like monster claws out You ever see that viral video the baby just jumping off the bed into unknown territory. No, maybe

Check that out. It looks just like Lady Gaga Like a flying squirrel and then was and then landed on like a stage. I was singing and shit. Everyone was wearing silver outfits It's mad weird. I couldn't stop thinking of own heart resin piece. Yo, you told me to the whole time. Really? Oh, yeah That's like a legendary iconic moment and like even just sports entertainment, dude Guy just comes down and the wire snapped and you know imagine Bro, first of all, you fall from that height good night. Oh, yeah, you're just you're a soup then she hits the floor water Nothing else You just turn into water like a dust. It's disgusting. What do you think it a halftime show?

I don't know. I don't say it wasn't really painted. This is the first year that I watched it at like a bar So like during the halftime show it's kind of like yeah, I'm not a huge Lady Gaga person She's extremely talented, but like I'm not like a huge. I'm not huge into like pop You know like I don't know I was about it. She was cool. It was good. I thought it was solid I didn't think it was like bad by any means. I think it was better than Coldplay last year I know your Coldplay is like number one fan. Yeah, I know I mean I love Coldplay, but like Their concert was fucking unbelievable But like I feel like it shouldn't be like I didn't like how they had the combination of things because I feel like you're forcing it then

Last year I had Beyonce Coldplay and Bruno Mars. It's like you have so many superstars and now they're forced to like You know do half your song half my song, you know, I'm saying like trying to do a fucking mashup like they're the radio Remember when hello came out with Adele the fucking radio somehow turned that into an EDM fucking song Yeah, that's everything now though. So every song Mike Posner's took a pill in Ibiza is a song Do you ever hear the real song? It's an acoustic and it's so sad. It's about how to ruin your life It's a banger though, I'm down but this but you don't know what the song is about because all you hear is don't Yeah songs about how to ruin your life. I mean Yeah, don't really need help much

Leading up to the Super Bowl though Two days ago. Yeah two days ago. We sent our buddy MP out on the street street in Times Square in the city and He was interviewing people about the the Super Bowl and mind you this kid's never been in front of a camera I think like unless it was like for a school project or anything And I bought a wireless mic and I sent him and this kid who's interning for me out into the city I'm like, yo guys just go do it like tell them how to use the equipment. Alright, go I really didn't have the highest of expectations. I kept telling him like yo Just try to be you don't like try to be professional or anything like that like I want you to be you like that's why I want you to

Do it Whatever so I sent him out there and I was like, don't worry if it goes bad. It's not a big deal. No one's expecting it I'll just trash it. No big deal dude this fucking video I was so fucking good. I was blown away. I watched one clip beforehand Like I was I was trying to make sure they they even got the mic to work correctly So watch one clip and I watched it and I was I was dying dude And then I was editing the whole thing and usually those videos are supposed to be three minutes long But there was just so much good shit that I was like fuck it. It was seven minutes long

I'm just interviewing people seven minutes of goodness though. Yeah, it was amazing job It was hilarious Kind of got upset when it when it ended Like seven minutes and you're like, yeah, I want more. I want more. I Remember you were dying. Well, he like interviews that like first of all everyone in Times Square I would say I mean pretty much everyone in the fucking video didn't know what the hell football was. They're like Yeah, exactly Times Square, it's the biggest attraction in the city. So everyone there is a foreigner Yeah, that one dude. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm a big sports guy

And then if you told him that they're having the Super Bowl in Germany or something and he's like, oh, yeah I think it's good for the brand. You got to expand. It's in fucking Texas He's like, yeah, big sports guy. I was asking people about you know Do you think that the weather is gonna play a factor in the game? You know snows coming down. Yeah, the one goes like Oh, we're from Boston. We're used to the snow. Meanwhile, it's in Houston. It's like 80 degrees in a dome Yeah, so it could have been a blizzard. It wouldn't have fucking mattered Um, but yeah before we move on to our if you guys want to go watch that by the way It's on youtube.com slash veterans minimum

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40% of food that has grown is just wasted Put into the trash is it? 40% 40% isn't that incredible? Wow, there's tons of food in the United States going away So they give you these pre-portioned meals is cool man. No waste. Yeah, and you get to learn how to make them too Dude, I can't even explain. I think my mom likes blue apron more than me Like she would rather have that than me as a son But you miss she likes blue apron more than you like no no no she likes fucking blue apron more than she likes me as a person But anyway, so we decided to jump on this topic here because this past week

Last Tuesday I put out a video about a homeless dude who fucking spit on me, which was sick Best day ever but then we were just having conversations about like taking the train and stuff because The New York City subway I think especially if you're not from here is a shocker To most people because you see a lot of stuff there. It's a lot to handle. It's a lot That's why I always tell people like oh you're new here take the subway You'll see where it's about like the depths of hell. You see you'll see shit there They've never seen before every day to every day. You see something you'll remember

It's unbelievable it ice. I miss it because I used to work in the city I miss taking the train because there was just so much material there There's times where I've I've actually there was there was one time specifically Where there was this one dude who looked like Jack black but sounded like you know the guy So you guys ever see Chuck and Larry? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know what the wedding the homeless guy Well, it was like The whatever he says was like the FBI is in the cake and he like jumps in the cake his voice He sounded exactly like that right like Shawn Michaels almost, you know, he has that

So that's what he sounded like and he was sitting there and just like saying shit whatever and new in New York If someone's really loud everyone else is the most quiet They've ever been their entire life and they don't look they have their heads down So this one guy's just going off just screaming. I'm live tweeting all this and he I Forgot how it started, but he then out of nowhere. He just went suck my nine inch And in my first thought my mind was like good for him nine inches. That's fucking huge, dude I feel like he wasted that talent. Yeah, like you got nine inches. Go go hit the big screen nine inch cock, dude That's a dick

Me but he's screamed that and I'm now I'm just because it makes it funnier for me Because everyone's so like everyone's acting like I didn't hear that no and they're just everybody heard that shit I know but no one's smirking and that makes me laugh you for more So I start laughing come cover my mouth cuz I'm like I don't want this guy to see me and then he's he's looking Directly across at some Asian ladies little tiny Asian lady who's just trying to mine over business He's staring into her soul and that made me die laughing even more and he goes and he just kept going hey hey Hey, and she wouldn't look up and then I started laughing and then he looks at me I'm like, oh shit like I didn't I saw him look at me, but I didn't look at him

And then he goes, what are you laughing at? I lost it and I started dying, but it was like my stop. So I just got off. But yo I was fucking Losing it and I'm sure all of you guys have a story that you could Tell about the fucking subway. I got a few stories about the subway. I'm a daily community to work. So So a lot of subway stories so lucky that the one that stands out the most is I was at I Was it was my first student teaching job. It was in the Bronx and I was going way deep into the Bronx like 179th was a stop or 174th one of those two so deep into the Bronx and I was with this this woman Caucasian

From Minnesota, right so she's not familiar with She was about to yeah, she probably had just saw her first black person. So I Yeah, probably like yeah, or like her third. Yeah, so like So she's you know, she's coming over she's she reads about all the injustices out here and she wants to do her part And she's teaching in the Bronx. So it's good good But she had she doesn't see the underbelly yet of what could come when you're living in a place like the Bronx and there's poverty everywhere So people are poor and desperate So when you bring up thing when you bring up

Something which I bring up It triggers people so I was telling I picked up something to eat I think I got with McDonald's back when I was still eating McDonald's like I wanted their snack wraps Made it yourself that day. No, I thought I was eating healthy. Wow. You're the dumbest person. I know I know anyway so So I'm I'm I'm whipping it out on the train. I'm eating it And she goes yeah, you were eating on the train like I would never even think about doing that and I'm like, yeah, you know, I commuted to school. I commuted to work

Like I just I've just been a commuter to the point where like the train is my lunchroom Yeah, right and this homeless guy heard me say that and when he heard me say that he just screams he goes The problem with you motherfuckers is that you idolize the food? And I'm turning around and I look at him. I'm like, I'm like what the fuck And he goes he goes, yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you. You better throw that shit out right now throw it out Right, so I'm I'm also young at this point And when I'm when you're young like even a crazy homeless dude when he challenges you like older me is smart Be like, yeah, yeah, sure you want the rest of the snack wrap, but me I'm like fuck you guy

Who the fuck are you? I'm sitting there like a fuck out of here and then he goes. I'm gonna stab you Fucking stab you Right and then the girl next to me is completely losing her shit. Yeah, I'm trying to calm her down from Minnesota Yeah, like, you know, I'm trying to calm her down at the same time and be like, oh, listen He's not gonna stab you don't worry. He odds are he doesn't have a knife, right? It's okay I hope and if yeah, I hope and if he tries like I was also young and dumb to the point where I'm like, yeah I can't a knife so what yeah, right?

So couple scars He so he Yo screened at the top as long as everyone on the train Eyes on us And it made me feel a little bad. I'm like, you know, I am eating this in a public place and he doesn't have food So that's that's foul, but you know, I'm a busy guy. I gotta eat on the train. I do what you gotta do Yeah, I just gotta do you know, it's not like I was eating gourmet food. I was eating a McDonald's snack wrap for two and two fifty so So he ends up he's got the next stop and he's just mumbling the whole time

And the the worst part about it is is that the girl from Minnesota is also on that stop and she like at this point It's like two stops and when this happens on the train it usually Goes down for a while like yeah the energy and then when the energy comes back up That's when you know, it's real like there's always a second wave Yeah, I feel you on that now that I think about incidents in the train It's always like that because always because people are are wound up. They're close together. Yeah So you might have a little disagreement, but usually they come to their senses So this guy's mumbling on the train like I'm gonna stab this motherfucker

So this this girl is going crazy. So I got the train with her and Then he just ended up going on his merry crazy way Yeah, and she went home and I had to wait fucking like 15 minutes for the next train. Oh She wanted you to get out. Yeah, I got out with her. I would have been like, oh fuck you stay here You're getting stabbed not me Yo shout out to her though. She's like she's one of the good people in this world man that girl. She was so innocent That's great. I've never been like

you know a Stab victim or anything on the subway Or at least that's don't yeah threatened to be sad. Yeah, that's pretty fire That's probably my most intense train story. I got like a couple like You have an intense one. Yeah, the the one of me Danny and Dom going to far rock away the beach Oh, man, yeah, we're like 15 16 years old and you know, none of us drove at the time so we took the train and from Astoria to get to far rock where you got to take three different trains and

You know always transferring and shit. So you're not like people come on the train and they'll like They'll dance or they'll like play the trumpet or some shit And you know, they'll have the cup out and you know, you give them money Like you see that pretty much on every long stop Yeah So these group of kids come in and they're all decked out head to toe and like all red, right? They come in with a big-ass boombox and they start yelling like loud like nobody move nobody like it's part of their act Now me Dom and Danny. We're just chillin there

You know, we're like towards the back end like where you can get out and go in between the trains You know how like you can slide that door and keep going Meanwhile, they tell you not to do that. Yeah, so we're over there and Dom is the most paranoid kid ever like that kid He's just like y'all guys Can we just like get out and go into the next train car, right? So stop comes we get out go into the next train car do the moment the train starts moving Those kids come storming in get in front of Dominic's face when I tell you Like their nose could like as close as you could get to your nose touching without touching. That's how close and he goes

Nobody getting off this train Just like that Dominic instantly as the kids in front of him just puts his hands on his face and then just puts his So they're like we didn't see that they were dancing though You know me and Danny are dying because we know how paranoid this kid gets and then all of a sudden they just start dancing and on purpose they're like doing a Jumping Jackson shit and like doing like hanging from the the railing at the top over Dominic So then Dominic goes I was like y'all we got to give him money, you know give him like a dollar or two or whatever Dominic Dominic takes out a $10 bill and he goes y'all just take it, please

Let me just get to the beach. That's jackpot. Yeah, $10. Oh, yeah, I always give the people who I Give to I give a lot of money To homeless people on the train, but I always give it to the people who are like doing something at least Like at least do something sing. I don't care if you can't sing like Give me like give us something like entertain us something like earn your money because that's you know, that's that's America Have I told you one of like my my favorite fantasy football like punishment for last places It's you know, how like people get on the train and they'll have a sign like oh, you know I'm unemployed looking for a job or help me to feed my family

It was a sign where you come on the train and you're like you go ladies and gentlemen I'm not you know asking for money. I'm good. I have a nice job and shit But you know, I finished last in my fantasy football championship and to all my people Like just addressing them as your fans like you let them down like as your general manager I let the team down and you just start giving them dollars So you give out like 30 40 singles, you know to like everyone on the train. I think that would be hilarious. Yo, that is that's good That would be funny. I mean you just constantly see Crazy people on the train no matter what actually even before the train. You remember crazy Tony. Oh, yeah, he's a legend

He was like I feel like everyone who's listening like in your neighborhood has at least one crazy Dude in their neighborhood that they have a nickname for like all that's this guy If you have a crazy guy, please tweet me and let me know what this what their name is ours was crazy Tony We call them Tony the bum you call them Tony the bum that was his nickname in like my neck of the woods We grew up kind of like We called him crazy Tony it was just like this dude who just walk around and just he would talk to no one all day He would just yell shit and just like whatever and I remember like he's like famous in our neighborhood I haven't seen him and what's last time he's all probably went to jail

Probably because yo, you know, you know, you know that site that you can look up Like criminals or whatever your neighborhood, right in your neighborhood So we we found like two in our neighborhood. We clicked on one of them the first one picture pops up Crazy Tony Registered sex offender get the fuck out of you. Yeah. Yes, you can also get that from peeing in public too. Yo, let me tell you Let me tell you I think why he got his registered sex offender I used to go to school underneath the bridge where he slept at It was cold, okay, but I will say this

noises were coming from underneath his covers and And Gyrations he was jerking off. I believe he was jerking off. He was beating off almost every single morning. Which which bridge? The one that goes off to, you know, 43rd Street. Yeah for it between a story Boulevard and 25th Avenue Stop, I would walk to the bus to get to school that way and he was beat. Oh, that's the one by portable Yeah, a little bit a little bit up further up further up. He's beating it. He's just beating it beating away Yo, another story with crazy Tony me and Dominic are waiting for the train

We're like what in the seventh grade he comes running over to us. He goes my grandmother was a bitch He goes and he goes but she sucked a mean dick though. No Now what six seventh graders What's up Just went like, you know, he was known for just coming over yelling and then we just You didn't need to yeah, I didn't bother you anything But you know, but he would just start yelling Crazy just blow out these wild ass fucking claims

Yeah, those of you who know my boy Nick who's my roommate now He used to he used to live a different life than he lives currently, but my roommate Nick He used to be like he's a talk to Tony Like for real, that's not a surprise. No, Nicky. You know, like Like he used to talk to I'm like, yo, what up Tony Like I don't know like the crazy dude who talked to the fake person next to him. Yeah, Nicky. He's talked to him all time Yo, I do you remember, you know, I don't know if you if you were there, but there was this one time I'm sorry

There's this one time where it was like the first first of all crazy Tony is like famous because he only shows up Like once every four months. It's some shit and when you see him It's like unforgettable but for whatever reason he just moves around and remember this one time we saw him We're at Portobello. We're sitting on the benches. He comes walking up Let me use a background. So in the Portobello, like it's like a mini mall, right? We call it Portobello because there's like a pizzeria over there. It's like a big place around here, but There was some guy who was just like a little off and he would always be pushing a shopping cart Mad slow and I don't think he ever blinked in his entire life

And he would just walk and like shake his head and push his cart that had nothing in it for hours And there was this one day Oh He shows up and the guy has his card and he's pushing it one way and Tony's walking towards them the other way and Frankie sees this and goes oh, you'll get the we gotta get the fuck We gotta get the fuck out of here, you know some shit's about to go down But you know, thank God nothing happened Tony's walk by. I'm so it was said was up to us. Yo, what's good, man? Yo, I don't believe that my grandma sucked a good dick thing. Yeah, that's my favorite story

I think I've ever heard of my life. Yeah There's a couple of legend like homeless legends in Astoria, yeah There's there's this dude in the key food You know where the you put the bottles in you get money out. Yeah, he had a pocket knife And I guess when you have a pocket knife here you run shit, right? It was like the mob back back there. He used to take percentages stop from everyone's canned Foray's no he didn't know no lie. He's take percentages him in his his Sidepiece who you could still find I know I thought that yeah, hold on you talking about to do with the hat

Maybe maybe I don't know yo because there was one time right that dude He we were walking. I forgot why we were walking and this kid Mikey that we know Somehow got he said he didn't say anything like Disrespectful to this homeless guy. He just said something. I don't know what he said But the homeless guy I guess took it the completely wrong way and it was the dude who I think you were talking about and he comes up And he's like what'd you say motherfucker? So I tried to separate them. Yo, I put my hand on this dude's shirt It was like you threw that shit in a pool. It was so cool It was my left hand, I remember everything. Yeah, it was soaking wet. It was crazy that that dude

He said he has like a side piece the chick, right? So I think you know the chick you're talking about the chick was always by dimmars always. Yeah, you know this I know the chick. That's a side piece. Yeah, yo first of all, they're always like fighting in the middle of the street Yeah, and then like just like out loud just doesn't matter sometimes fucking each other in the middle of street I've never seen that yeah, like and like not in the middle of street. I'm being I'm being hyperbolic But like in the corner that's a bar bars imagine just on the yellow lines. Just Pounding away. I remember one time we're going ice skating. I've told the story so many times before we were going ice skating We're going to the city

We're going up the stairs and she's like at the bottom of the stairs or whatever and I'm walking up She was having a good time. I was like, thank you. She goes. No. Have a good time Or I'm gonna fuck you up. I Turned I was like, oh my god, and I jogged upstairs. I was like guys. We better have a good fucking time because Yeah, if I don't have a good time, we're fucked. Yeah, I saw her like three days ago She was on the she was on the bus with me coming from Harlem to Astoria. Apparently she's like You know, she lives a normal life. Apparently. She's not homeless. She's just kind of she's addicted to very many drugs Yeah, that's what I think it is. Which is which is terrible. Yeah, we've went about a half hour

And we haven't mentioned the one thing that's closely associated with trains in the city Rats. Oh, and if you if you've seen a New York City rat, you remember that shit That's a big fucking animal. No, no rat stories on the train. I mean, I like the rats. What? That's the one thing that scares me the most. What the fuck are you talking about? Dude, I watched them I do too and I get creeped out. I look at them. I'm like, uh, but I like following them If I see them I get hyped. I'm kind of like, oh, but then I'm like if the shit comes close to me I'm screaming. I saw a tragedy one time man I it was these two these two rats and I'm telling you they were chasing each other and it was like, um

They were in so perfect unison like the one rat would go up and take a right And then the rat fought the rat following go up and take that right and it was like a right angle like a Like they were flying around and then this one rat goes right left right Like around the train tracks and the rat behind them goes right left and then doesn't make the right and then he loses him And you just like at that point I made like eye contact with the lost rat If you've never seen a sad rat before like I should have picked your heart We're gonna see a sad rat in this New York City subway You want to see chaos?

True chaos be on the train when a rat comes into it and it's packed wait I've never had that happen ever I was on and luckily I had a seat and yes I was standing on my seat up your rat. How do you do it? It just came on to the train like all right It wasn't I got chills. It wasn't jam-packed, but all the seats were packed and I'd say about 15 to 20 people were standing so it was pretty packed But yo you want to see chaos that shit came on to the train and Everybody was jumping up and down and like trying to get on the thing. You know at one point there was about Literally everyone on the train just and that shit was just going over there back and forth. No fuck that yo

Yo, these are big ass. These are like cinder block rats, too Yo, these are no joke. New York City rats are their own breed at least seven inches long at least like not including the tail The tail would make it off foot easily, but like they're fucking huge. I don't know what they're eating like you ever see one of those We're more control cars that have the two front wheels that are smaller than the the big Exactly what a foot in New York City rat looks like with a tail. No dude. It's crazy I was just telling Tim the story before too like I mean it's completely unrelated to rats but there was one morning where I was coming on to the train and People stand near the doors, which is what I always try to do because you can get in and out easily so

People were standing near the door So I couldn't go left to right because this one woman was standing when you walk onto the train There's a pole in front of you and if someone's standing there and they have a gigantic school bag You can't go anywhere if there's people standing near the doors so I try to tell his woman I'm like excuse me I'm trying to get through and she she doesn't even like look at me. She just goes. I'm not moving. I'm like, okay Great, so I'm like so as I'm like moving her backpack like to the side if I'm moving it I have to move her like body, but I'm not touching her I'm touching her bag like moving it

So I get through because there's people behind me. It's a fucking sick train in the morning. It's packed So I'm starting moving her I start moving her backpack and it forces her to move and she just goes Yo, I started laughing because what do you do? I started nervously laughing cuz I'm like, what are you doing that situation? I'm like, I'm like, what are you doing? And she's like don't touch me. Don't touch me And now I'm now I'm laughing so I'm like because I literally said like you're fucking crazy Like what are you doing? Everyone around me. Thank God didn't think I was trying to like she made it seem like I had my whole fucking hand in her pants grabbing her puss

Screaming straight trumpet straight trumpet. That's that's happened to me, too We're like, you know people have headphones and shit on and you're like, oh, excuse me I'm like they don't hear you and then you know, I just gently on on their back Just you know part of me. Let me get through. I Excuse you. Yeah, Michael lower your music so I could tell you that I would like you to politely get out the way so I can Go and do what I got to do. There's there's three people in this world that I hate People who when there's a pack train have their bag next to them. Oh fuck that person Oh, who like takes up the seat. Yeah. Oh, yeah people who leave their bag on their back. Oh do on their on their train and

People who don't move From a spot when you know, you're the missing link between everyone packed by the pole. Yeah, and all that space in the middle. I Hate those people. I hate them when I get on the train. I take my backpack. Well That's cuz you're a civilized human being. Yeah, you're not a fucking savage like this lady. I moved her fucking 13 degrees I'm like lady, but I'm like, yo, you're fucking great Everyone on the train was laughing too because they realize how insane it was. She did I screamed four times the original and then I think three What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh? And I was like, yo, you're fucking crazy. Yeah, this is a grown woman. I was like, yeah

Oh, God, you guys ever see people take a tumble on the train. You know that like random jerk right when it takes off Love that and people people are like reading or they're on the Paper and just go down. I see someone take a bad fall like back back to the Cuz the train jerks like you got to stand like you're on a surfboard when it first takes off I'm gonna tell this quick story real quick. It knowing that it'll probably haunt me for the rest of my days I was that person one time I was on the bus and I had crutches and I had a broken and I had a broken ankle And I was coming back from college and I'm a very stubborn person in the fact like I don't like when people help me do things

Yeah, I just like to do it myself. So someone offered me their seat for me. I said no another person offered their seat for me I said no, I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Right. Not only that I wasn't even holding the thing because I had my crutches I'm telling you as soon as the fucking bus started. I went down like a ton of bricks and my and my Crutches when flying in the air. It was like straight out of a movie. That was me I was that guy. What's ever happened to me? I'd pay big money to be there. Oh, it was good And I was like I was in a coat too and I was so clearly annoyed with my situation and uncomfortable That it made it even better like this is what you get asshole. Just take a seat

You know falling in public is great like I've done it a couple times You know, I almost fell down the stairs to the subway once you ever start falling down the stairs and then you just can't you can't stop You refuse to be like I just go down, right? So you look like an asshole for like 10 more seconds than you should have I tripped on like the second step Fucking people are like, what do you fucking do? I was I felt like I broke both my knees Oh, yeah, are you someone that when they fall get right back up quick and like pretend like nothing happened? Yeah, do you own it? No, I can't like I can't own it. Yeah, I fell in I fell in portable one time delivering I had the boxes to bring them up to the front slipped all my ass. I just said there everyone was looking at me

I just started going Everyone to see what an asshole I was for falling. I start laughing hysterically I start laughing too because dude and when I see people fall. Oh, it's the best That's why like if I was not me and I saw me do that I would be laughing in my face. Oh, so I'm gonna laugh at me dude there was one time I was delivering Portobello and now you brought that up I used to be a delivery boy there and I delivered in the winter, which by the way is a fucking disaster

Especially when you're delivering in your father's red minivan that slides all over the goddamner. I'm surprised I didn't hit I didn't get to 50 accidents. I Barely drove I was just sliding the entire time. My car would be sideways going down the street I'm not even make it like no exaggeration Tokyo Drift but exactly so I I Got I got to this person's house and they had like some home alone style traps set up apparently because the fucking whole walkway I guess to get rid of the snow

They sprayed it with water because it literally was an old ice and I didn't see it. It was all black eyes. I walk up Yo, the pie went in the air My feet went up. I landed on my back and it landed on the side of it I opened it up The entire like top coating of cheese was stuck to the top of the box And I could have brought it back, but I didn't Yeah, it was really bad. I was just like, yeah, here you go I just got the fuck out of there. They probably call Portobello like what the fuck is this?

They did it because I told my boss out. I'm like, yo, I'm not gonna lie, man I took a tumble, but I told him I was like I didn't check the box So it could have been good, but I don't know he's like, well, I didn't get a call So it's probably good. Yo, my old boss in Portobello used to come he used to pull me up side. Yo, Joe Okay, let me talk to you for a second. You pulled me over and he'd be like, yo I forgot how he worded it. It'd be like You've been getting your dicks up and then cut a fart in a girl's face. I'm like, yeah, what? I thought he was about to fire me and he's like, you have a cut of fart in a girl's face. I was like, all right

That was like my first real job. You probably already covered this in a previous episode. I'm not sure But did you ever have any like pornographic? Kind of encounters and pizza delivery boy I mean, there was this one dude that I would show up to his house and he would always be sweating and in tidy Whitey's grown man every time and I don't I didn't know like he was Like he was working out like that's or getting fucking nailed. How big or small was this guy? He was he was not bigger than me. He was a smoker. He was small guy. So he would go he would go work out then pizza Yeah

Or like I don't know Or yoga and pizza, I don't know because he was you know, he was sweating. He wasn't out of breath though I don't know. I don't know what that means. There was another time I opened the door for some guy and it was like this chubby dude who was wearing it was like a belly shirt But I don't know if it was a shirt and because he was chubby It was a belly shirt or if it was just a belly shirt, but it said I heart and then in sparkles said Guido's and Here I come pizza delivery boy with a fucking Guido buzzcut haircut And I show up to his door and I don't know if he did it on purpose

All right, this is a classic, but I delivered I gave him his pie and he goes to give me the money and he drops it Right and then we kind of looked at each other like who's gonna get that and then I just kind of went all right So I you know got down and gone. He's like, sorry, and I was like, yeah, thank you Good tip though. Wow. I When I asked you about pornographic stories, I had that was not what I was expecting Yeah, that was that the Guido one is probably my favorite one because it was just so like perfect The shirts that I heard Guido's on it. It was fucking great

Then I got back in the van and slid my way back to the pizza So no nips by the way my first day working at Portobello. I pulled into the parking lot hit a car As the lady was coming out My first day. I just pulled it. She's like, oh, I gotta now fuck Now I got it and I was just like there's I don't even see a mark on your car But I have to do it. She kept saying that I don't know what she would never finish her sentence But then she ended up letting me go. So I just parked my car then I get in he goes. Yeah, it's my first day It's snowing. So, you know, and I didn't know how to read read addresses yet, by the way

I had no idea and then they hired me. Good job He goes, yeah, we're a little busy tonight. I'm gonna give you eight orders. I had eight orders at one time For the rest of my day's working there for like two and a half years I've never gotten over four. I had eight my first day didn't know how to read addresses in a van That was sliding all over the goddamn street. You know what I did? I called my dad. I'm like, I need help And he drove and I was in the back like organizing and I was dropping them off and shit. Yeah Clutch though. Yeah If I didn't have him I just I would still be dropping off pizzas today

I was like, I don't even know Or so I got an address once that was 23rd terrace. I'm like, what the fuck is that? It's like all the way down by the park I didn't know what the fuck it was. There's like 17 23rds. Yeah 23rd Road 23rd Drive 23rd Terrace Avenue Street That's not as bad when the names come in when it's like like Austin Street like those are the worst I don't understand how people live in neighborhoods like that. I don't get it either. Yo in Long Island I delivered at Pizzeria one time. That was the worst like here in Queens or even in the city. Everything's numbered You know 80th Street 79 78 there. It's like Lindbrook

East Melrose and it's like Take a ride on Apple Street head down orchard make a left on Bloomberg what the fuck is going on or it's sometimes there's like a Combination it's like oh 13th Street 14th Street White Street. I'm like what the fuck and then it's like 57th Avenue or whatever in our neighborhood It goes from 49th Street to 72nd. I don't It's cuz a story is in a triangle Yeah, whatever yo, I suck at addresses

But I used to get in a lot of arguments my ex-girlfriend about this because he was from Brooklyn I was from Queens and Queens the way that you do it is the address would be like 42 is the street Yeah, and then 15 is the house number 25th Avenue, and that's like the crossroad Mm-hmm. That makes sense right you could find that yeah, I don't understand the city addresses like 106 Lex Lexington like where the fuck is 106 and there's a bunch of 106 is too because then you got to worry if it's on the east side on The west side. Yeah, you know, it's terrible. It's no sense So many arguments of me should be like no it makes sense this way like no shut up ours makes sense

Like the address is that's what I'm saying. Maybe it's cuz we grew up in Queens. I mean, yeah I'm completely biased against things that I know already. I don't want to learn any more new things I'm 25 all I know now is what I'll take with me for the rest of my life That's it. I don't want to learn new things The other day I learned a country. I was really upset about it I forgot who it was but some chicks said I forgot I forgot we were watching but she was from like Some country I've never oh, it was Shevchenko the UFC fighter She just won the title or she had the title from the Ukraine. No, she's not she's from some country

I've never heard of like Kaz Kaz Bekistan or something as Bekistan not Uzbekistan It was a bit of K it was like cat I've never heard of it And I was like well, I learned something new and I felt completely stupid for not knowing if it wasn't in the world If it wasn't for being a soccer fan, I wouldn't know half the countries Like that that's what that's what helps me. I'm pretty good at naming the countries Which is don't ask me like how to get there? I'm pretty sure my dad knows how to get anywhere if I'm like I need to go to Alabama

Like hey, you get a four nine five you make a left all baby. I like our GPS either at all Yo, that you like our brains don't work as well as our parents I used to take a bike and fucking ride to the Jones Beach, which is like a fuck an hour by car You just take a bike well try getting to my parents used to go to Atlantic City like once a month with no GPS Yeah, I struggled getting there now with the GPS because jerseys Yeah, all over the place my dad's the same way. He's like, yeah, I gotta go to Florida. Yeah, take 89 Transfer here transfer here. We're here. Yeah, never panics. My dad knows everyone's phone number. You tell him one time I don't know any of your phone numbers

At all no fuck yo, that's bad. Is there a one in it starts with a one, right? No Anyway, let's wrap this up guys Jesus we're in all over the place with this fucking podcast Tim where can they find you if they want to contact you at Timble the truth on Twitter? We'll keep it short at veterans minimum. That's where I really want you to find me. Oh, yeah sports show that we do Uh dick lamby. I'm ten on Twitter and Instagram I have a sports betting and DFS podcast at the generation bets 7 of 12 on Super Bowl props

So cheap little plug there and also if you're a wrestling fan at SCJ pod the squared circle jerks If you guys that's podcast name ever I'm not even gonna plug my shit if you're listening, you know who I am Jesus I don't know why I almost said that I'm used to veterans minimum doing that go check out veterans minimum By the way, it's a sports podcast that we all do and that is all thanks for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers