The Basement Yard - What The Hell Happened In Vegas?

Episode Date: June 14, 2016

We just got back from our trip to Vegas.. I can't really type anymore bc my eyes hurt. Enjoy. Get Yours at MeUndies.com/BASEMENT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hinge, right here we go, homes. Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Monday, June 13th. I am joined by two of my friends. I think you guys were on the last episode, right? Yes, sir. That was before we went to Vegas. We got Davino's here.

He's back, the son of a bitch. Hey! You are completely sunburnt. I am burnt like a cucumber. Okay, I can't hear you at all. Your microphone's all fucked. Yeah, don't worry. Yeah, okay, go ahead.

Talk in the mic. I am burnt like a cucumber. And now he's back. There he is. Hi. All right. How is everybody? Myself?

Oh my god. I have no voice. Ahmed's back. Yes, I am. Ahmed's back. And broke. And yes. There you go.

Ahmed is back and broke. Help him. Very broke. Okay, so we just got back from Vegas this morning at 8 a.m. We had a red-eye flight, which was the worst. My anxiety was terrible. Yeah. We went Thursday, yeah, Thursday to Sunday.

Who came Friday? I mean, Friday morning, but Jesus Christ, it was Vegas. Four days was enough. It was enough. I can't, I wouldn't be able to do another day. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

I want to go back so bad. No, my whole body is just screaming at me right now. How was your flight? Yo, first of all, the flight was horrendous because I had him and Dylan next to me. This kid's popping Xanax. So he's... Two of them, baby. Gone, gone, dad.

He slept the whole time with his mouth open. Wait, was I snoring? Because I woke up really sore throat. OK, you asked me this question again. I'm going to smash this Michael with your head. I just didn't want people to think that happened to me, too. He asked me 100 times. I'm like, he's like, am I snoring?

I'm like, dude, we're on a plane. I can't fucking hear anything. Yo, I was out cold. Like, I pop two Xanax and I was sleepy. And there was another. I'm not a stickhead. Next. Go.

Stickhead? Is that the word? Is that the fucking name on the street? Yo, yo, she a stickhead. She be hitting me up for the Molly's. Jesus Christ. No, it works. So I had no one to talk to.

He fell asleep. Dylan fell asleep. I'm over there trying to fucking fall asleep. No shot. That jet blue flight was brand new. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was a new plane. The TVs were huge.

The light. I was. Yeah, they hit the blue light. As soon as I got in there, I was like, I can't wait to watch TV. But catching zees. I had a baby right behind me. I had a fucking dog taking shits behind me.

Wait, there was a dog on the plane? Like a little puppy. Was it drunk? No, it just. Don't they have to go below the. No, if they're small enough. Yeah, they're small. They put him in a bag and he got so scared he was just shitting.

The dog was shitting. Yeah, and then her son, the woman's son, was in front of me. He was asking me, like, oh, how do I lift the armrest up? I said, I don't know. And he was just having a conversation. I'm sitting there dozing off, drooling on myself. And I didn't realize there was a dog shitting. Yo, if that dog were to start barking, forget about it.

Flush it. Flush it. Put it in the toilet. Flush it. I had my music on full blast. I don't even remember putting my, I don't remember taking off. Did you wake me up when we were landing or did I wake up on my own? I think I woke you up.

Damn. I touched your knee and you looked at me like terrified. Like you had no idea who I was. I'm like, no, I'm your friend, dude. Don't worry about it. Fucking Jesus Christ. Yo, I'm so happy. Yo, but did you notice?

You probably didn't notice. But did you notice that when we were taking off, there was like this sound that was like, yeah, like for 15 minutes. That's what happened. Like when I came to Vegas, it did the same thing, but I was in row two. Really?

You only hear it when you're in the front of the plane, I believe. Oh. Because when I was in row two, I was like, this, this isn't good. I said, I'm not seeing my friends. I know. Dylan's looking at me and he's like, yo, what the fuck? I was like, yo, it sounds like the exit door is open. They forgot to shut it.

That went off on my way to Vegas. That went off and I just put my head down and I was like, please get me there. Just get me there safe. I don't care what noise you make. The flight there kind of sucked. I took like two hour nap. I don't mind that like during the middle of the day.

This flight, I was so hungry. First of all, when you're in Vegas, there's no time to eat. There's just, there's just time to drink. I kept drinking those sugary drinks that had me destroyed every day. No, I know. But yo, Tuesdays, hey. I had breakfast and lunch that day, the day we were flying.

Breakfast. And then I didn't eat dinner. You guys were sleeping on the free mimosas at breakfast. They don't say shit to you. You got to go over there. Oh yeah, these are free. All right, give me 10. I spent $23 on my buffet breakfast.

The eggs were like biting into water. Why didn't you get the fucking omelette? They make you an omelette. Yeah, no, they make you an omelette. No, the eggs were really soft. I was like, I'm not fucking with those eggs. They had some called monkey bread. I don't know if you guys know about that.

The cinnamon and fucking. Yeah, I was destroying that. It's like molasses. They had monkey bread? Yes, I was eating it. Oh my god. You know Dylan, Dylan's diet is fucking French toast, monkey bread.

I didn't know they had that shit. Yeah, right. And the mimosas. Yeah, I don't really like mimosas though. Yo, but on the flight, I thought I was dying. I swear to God for a second, I was like, maybe I'm just dying. I'm like passing out.

Because I was so hungry and my eyes were closing. But I didn't feel tired. I was like, maybe I'm just like, I have no blood sugar. Did they have good food taken over now? It wasn't really food, it was just chips and stuff. I didn't get anything. This lady put a water in my hand and I was like, thank you. What happened to me is after I ate the Burger King

in the airport, my body just got really hot and I was like, this is it for me. Why would you eat Burger King Burger King in this trash? And then I was starving. Like I woke up starving and I'm sitting there waving down the flight attendant. She's right behind me sleeping. He's out cold.

The flight attendant? Yeah, knocked out. Sitting like three rows behind me out cold. I'm sitting there, waving my arms in the air and then some guy comes and he's like, what would you like? I was like, give me some popcorners and water, kettle. You said popcorners? Is it popcorners?

It's popcorn. He said corners. You know, legend, the chips. Yeah, popcorn. The popcorn or chips? Called popcorn. No. No, it's called popcorners.

What the fuck is a popcorner? I don't know if it's called popcorner, but it's not popcorn, it's a different thing. It's like these chips that taste like fucking salty butter and it's good when they give them out on planes for free. I've never seen this before, it's so weird. Anyway. All right, let's get into the Vegas trip.

Let's get into Vegas. So the first day we were there, we went to this pool party and we were like, all right, let's just fucking go here. So we went and the dude when I was walking in, I forgot his name, I think his name was Sean, he was like, oh, and I was like, what's up? He's like, I know you, man, you're a funny guy.

I was like, oh, thanks. And then that was it. We just left and then we're in the pool and we're kind of like on the side, whatever. He comes up to me and he says, he's like, oh, the owner here asked me if you were you. So he wants to, and I told him, yeah, so he wants to give you these.

He gave me eight free drink tickets. So it's like, you don't want to pay for drinks, eight drinks. I was like, Jesus Christ, thank you. Then I realized, yo, by the way, first of all, it's Vegas, it's 110 fucking degrees and I am white as shit. So if I don't put it on sunscreen, I will die. I'm beautiful.

I said the same thing and look at my nose. I'm so brown. I have a scab right on my nose. Yeah, you have, you gotta get that like carved out. I'm so brown, I think I'm browner than you, Ahmed. No, no shot. No, no, no, no. Look at this, this is a gorgeous tan, look at me.

Come on, man. I love it. This kid was born in the desert. He's brown, man. Now I'm born in the desert. Now I'm born in the desert. We were born here, but not in the desert. So anyway, yo, so while I'm in the pool,

I'm like, yo, I need to go get sunscreen. So I went to the bathroom and the attendant had one and I was like, yeah, let me get this, just whatever. It was like SPF 1000. It was for super white people. Yeah, I know. So before I put it on, though, I'm looking at it, trying to like turn it,

figure out how to spray this thing. Right in your face. He said to me and he goes, you know, $10, I'll rub it on you. I'm like, good night. No, I don't fucking want you to do that. I'll rub it on you. Licks his lips.

I was like, yo, good night. We're in the middle of a fucking dude's bathroom. This guy's like, yeah, let me just, a stranger. Let me just rub your body. I rubbed it down the other day. The guy who hangs out in the bathroom all day. Yeah, put your hands on me, guy. You let me rub you down.

Shut up. It happened. I did. But yeah, anyway, so then when I come out of the bathroom, this other guy there, his name's Chris, he's like, hey dude. This guy hooked it up the whole fucking time we were there at this party.

He's like, he's from Long Island. And he's like, oh dude, he gave us a free cabana, two free bottles, and then we bought two. How much were those drinks? What drinks? The bottles. The bottles were four for each. 4.95?

So how many did we buy? Three or four? We bought two bottles, but we got one for free and we was about to get one free thing. What kind of vodka was it? I didn't know. It was Grey Goose, I believe. Wow, good.

That's a good price. It was, it was nice. For Vegas, dude, forget about it. All I know is. The fucking ATM was $8. That private pool. Oh, trust me, I know. Oh, and that was another thing.

With the cabana, there was like a private pool that we were all in. I was like, this is amazing. We're not swimming in any piss, because if you've ever been to Vegas, you know. What do you mean we're swimming in any piss? You didn't piss in that pool? You didn't piss in that pool.

Like at least eight times. Dude, it's a tiny pool. All right, I moved away. First of all, the thing is like, you guys, I guess it's fucking me, like. It was four feet deep. At what republic? You tell me, you're gonna get out of that,

that thousand capacity was a thousand people in there. Thank you. Get out of that pool, go to the bathroom, come back in and think you're gonna find everybody again. Bullshit, I pissed in that pool. Yeah, it went republic. Not in a day like. At our core.

I think I did like. Day like the pool was from me to you, Dick. No, it wasn't. It was a very long pool. It was a long pool. It was like 15 feet long, but it was like two feet wide. Standing, I was over here.

Listen, you know how much cleaning was in that pool? My boxers were black and they were red the next day. That's how much chlorine was in that pool. It was something. What does that mean? You could just piss wherever the fuck you want? My skin is gonna glow. Yo, you mean to tell me you didn't piss in that pool?

No, I didn't. Fuck you, you pissed in that pool. I didn't piss in that pool. Yeah, I did. No, not the private pool. You know how hard it is to piss with mad people. You know I didn't piss in the private pool? Cause I'm not a fucking psycho.

Listen, at what republic? It took a very long time for me to just let it out because I was like, oh my God, it's so many people. Dude, I can't, you know how hard it is to pee underwater? Cause at what republic? Yeah, I was peeing in that. But you gotta like move your bathing suit cause if it's stuck to you, you can't.

It's not even that. Or is that just me? I don't know what you're wearing. It's just like, my dick knows. When I have to pee underwater, my dick knows, like we are not supposed to be doing this. And we are not, like this is not a toilet. Yeah, I have to like, I have to like, you know.

Dylan's like, yo, I don't piss in a pool because if you piss in the pool, everything opens up and like bad things get inside of your dick. I'm like, oh my God, are you kidding me? I mean, dude, that's fiction. That's true in like the Amazon where they got those little fucking bugs. They come in and they start eating your dick

from the inside out. And peeing or not, it's always open. Like it's open and closed when it feels. I think you need to tell me you're serious. That thing stays closed the whole time. The whole, I don't sit there and examine my penis. But listen, with a whole bunch of people and I think one point I was sitting next to Danny,

yesterday at Encore during the day. And I think I just let it go. I was like, yo, my bad dude, he didn't even know. Didn't even know. We were up against the wall. And I'm looking at Michael. Oh my God. I did not get, you don't need to tell me that people,

yo, hey man, you pissing in the pool right now? No, it's not gonna happen. You know what would be great? No, I'm not pissing in the pool. Do you know like in grownups when they're in the pool and they pee, is that that blue thing? Oh my God. That's no, when we were in daylight,

that's the first thing I did. I looked down as I peed and I was like, okay, it's not changing color, I can keep going. Can you imagine that happen? The pools would just be dark blue. Yeah, they would get out. Who's peeing in the pool? Not me.

Yeah. So then that was Thursday. Friday, that's when a med came in in the morning. Thursday night, Thursday during the day, we did daylight, then I went to Hawkinson and oh my, you can't do that. You cannot party during the day and then party at night in Vegas.

Yo, ask Marco. Marco, we went out to eat and who else were we with? We were like three other, three other of us, you know? We went out to eat and Davino sitting there at the table knocked out. Why are you saying Davino in like third person? I'm just saying. So I'm sitting there, I'm like,

I got an order of chicken fingers and fries and I and Mark was like, you'll wake up. So I go my bad, bro. He goes, yo, you ordered me a fucking Red Bull Vodka for the first time in my life. Never had it before. Oh my God, amazing. I don't like them because you people could die.

We get into Calvin Harris. We're dancing. It's like two. We're dancing. I heard you were falling asleep standing up. I was like, he was talking to me and I'm like, Mark, honestly, I don't know if I'm falling asleep or if I'm just too drunk, but I'm fighting it.

And he goes, yo, you want a guy? I was like, no, Calvin Harris, no. So yo, I actually had a lot of fun. Davino stayed for the music. I like, I love Calvin Harris, bro. I love to dance. It was great. It was great.

I could dance, I could dance. Concrete legs, that's what it's called. My legs are like stuck to the ground. I'm just moving my knees. That's it. Just move my knees in my body. That happened to me. Just waving my hands.

Waving my hands. On New Year's last year, I was drinking the entire time, totally fine. I smoked a cigar when it turned midnight. My fucking legs were stuck to the ground. When you went to Frankie's or the- No, when we rented that thing in the city. That was two years ago.

Yeah, dude, I don't know anything. I forget. I was killing the dance floor. You were, you were. I'm not even gonna lie. There's videos of you doing like spins and shit. You're like silk shirt, shits like shining. Listen, I dance like Luke Bryan.

Express. I don't really know how he dances. Yeah, I was like, I'll shake it. All right, so let's get into Friday. Friday. So Ahmed shows up on Friday. Then the disasters begin. Hold on.

Okay. I was supposed to get there Friday night. Right. But then the best investment I've ever made. Hold on. Let me just give you like a background. A background. Hold on.

Hold on. Let me just give you a little background on Ahmed. This kid has no idea how to save money and has no idea how to spend his money on things that are worth it. So what he was thinking, he hits me up on FaceTime before we go and he goes, listen. Cause his flight was on Friday night.

We were leaving Sunday night. I'm like, dude, that's too late. Come in, you know, the latest Friday morning. So you can like spend a bunch of time in Vegas. So he goes, all right. So then he looked, he FaceTimes me and he goes, yo, if I were to change my flight to your flight, which I got in Thursday morning,

he's like, it's $578. Should I do it? And I said, no, fucking no. It's like, it's like fucking another trick. I see you maxing out your credit cards every for the rest of your life. I don't have any. All right.

Thank God. Just express. Don't do it. Just express. Don't do it. Night night. What you ended up doing is like, you got like a free early flight.

What I did was, thank God to JetBlue. They told me I can call back at midnight and I'll catch the earliest flight and all I have to do is spend 50 bucks flat rate. So I was like, why not? I'd spend 50 bucks on a meal in Vegas. I'd just save. When did you spend 50 bucks on a meal in Vegas?

No, I'm just saying I could. That's what it's equivalent to. So then I just took the flight, left at 6.35 in the morning, got to Vegas at 8.45 their time, got to the hotel at 9 AM and I saw you degenerates gambling and drinking. Yeah, dude.

I didn't drink anything but water at the casino. I'm not an idiot. Because what happened was on Thursday, after that party, we all got back to the hotel and like Davino and a couple of other people went out but the rest of us just passed out. So like we slept for like hours. Like we didn't go out that night.

We all woke up at like 6 AM and just went to the casino, started drinking and gambling. And I was down $300 in 20 minutes. 11 o'clock they started letting you drink. And we, yo, for some reason, when we woke up every day for Vegas, we only had like three hours of sleep a day.

And I was up at like 8 o'clock, like ready to sip. Yeah. We were going to that, that I forgot evening ball thing. Evening call. Whatever. You get a big ass cup and a $10 refills.

And that's slush. You know what's the thing? Shots of Patron in that shit, destroy me. I think I had four a day. And then Fat Tuesdays was even better. Yeah, that's cool. The thing is, I was so down.

The thing that I realized is that when I was drinking in Vegas, I was like, I'm so used to the New York time that even though my phone said 8 AM, I was still thinking it's 12. Yo, that's wild. It's like 11 AM there. So I was, I was wired.

I was good. Every time I said like, oh God. Every time? There you go. Every time I look at my phone, I'm like, oh, it's like two in the afternoon. No, it's not. Dick Kett, it's really like, you know, five o'clock.

And I'm like, damn bro, I'm tired. I gotta go to bed. Friday, I got there and, you know, I was doing very well with my money. I'm not gonna lie. Until Danny and Dom walked into the studio. Why was he in the Dominic out of all people? No, it wasn't them.

Dominic was fucking too grand on green. Listen, listen, listen. When they walked in, we went to the craps table. Yeah, we were all on craps. And that's when everybody was throwing hundreds. And I just kept going and going, lost and going. And then I went to Blackjack. Kept going.

Guys, Friday night, I could have went to Encore with you guys, probably spent a hundred bucks on drinks because after a hundred bucks, you're hammered. Yeah. Me? No, let me spend 500 on black and miss. Yeah. That's why you didn't come, right?

Yeah. Prick? Well, no, I was just tired from my flight. Your excuse changed four times. I'm done. I remember that. I remember being on the craps table when we were playing and I originally started with $200

and I had those chips and then. Two times to five. I would win and then I would lose. And then like I had a good amount of money left. Like I had like a hundred and something like left in chips. And then Danny and Dom showed up and then like you guys started to get on the table. So I was like, fuck it, I'll just add another hundred

so I could play for longer. Can I? So I had $300 on the table. Then we were playing. Danny and Dom lost money, like quick. You, I just see you just. That's it. Yo, I gotta go.

Yo, when you say I have to go to the ATM, that's when you know. It's bad. It's bad. I didn't go to, I actually came home with like 300 bucks. I was happy. But I was down. I went once.

I was down. I didn't want to go upstairs and get my cash. I would only keep like $300 cash on me. Which it wasn't a lot. Yeah. Well, that's good to you. Good for you. Every day I budget like I had $200 a day to do somewhere.

And that didn't include gambling. Gambling, I'd have to go back upstairs and get money. Me, I had 900 on me. At all times. Oh my God. You know what the thing is. Keep your money in the safe. No, no, but the worst part about it is

when you're gambling in Vegas, you don't pay for your drinks. Cause they're coming on and giving you free drinks. That's bad. So I'm not spending money on drinks when I'm gambling. You know, the money that I'm losing is just strictly on me sucking at gambling. You gotta be careful because you could be like,

yo, let me get Johnny Walker blue. Bet you got it coming right up. They want you to get that. You could have got McCallan's 21. Like, I mean, McCallan's 18 there. And they would have given. Now Davino works at a liquor store. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck is going on.

No, that's like a really expensive. No, that's like a really expensive drink. But they'll give you anything you want because you're going to get fucked up and lose. You'll lose a guy next to me dancing to himself in the chair when we were playing roulette. And I'm sitting there. You know me, I'm just staring at him.

He goes, oh, this is such a good song. And it was girls just want to have fun. I came on the radio and he's sitting there dancing. And then he goes, oh, $1,000 on black. Oh, I lost. Oh, here's another 500. Really? I was just sitting there and I was staring at him.

He bet $1,000 on the color and then $500. It was me, Dominic, and no, me, Dominic and Dylan were there. And I think there was someone famous next to us. I forgot who it was. I didn't really care. But this guy was just dancing along to himself. And he was trying to talk to me. I'm like, dude, no, man, no, just no.

Leave me alone. Oh, he's a good song mate. Hey, he was from Australia because I looked at his ID. That's awesome. Friday was a disaster. I'm not going to say his name, but one of our friends, Friday, in the span of two hours, lost $1,500. That's rough.

And he was like, I'm done. He still had enough. Pack it in. Not today. Yesterday, remember? Yeah, he lost another 500. Yeah, but he lost $1,502. This kid was just like, he was fucking ready to spend.

I literally loved every moment of Vegas until I was. I realized that you had no money. Yeah, until I was in our room collecting change off the floor. Yeah, yeah, this kid was broke. We'll get into Saturday in a second, but first, a word from our sponsors. Me undies, all right? Whether you're wearing a suit or sweats,

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Mom, where are me undies? I'm going to go on. Use my own fucking code. You said you're not a great reader? No, you're a bad reader. You're not a very bad reader. Dude, hold on. Am I worse than him?

I couldn't say the word woman. Woman. Women. He has no idea what women is. No, I do. The word women? He has no idea. Yes, I do.

So there's something worse than women. Davino, did I ask you this question about in a car? How fast you're going? Yeah, when I had anxiety, gave me more anxiety. OK, I'm sorry. Yeah, 80 miles an hour. So listen, guys, me and me and my friend Frankie, right? We looked at Ahmed.

We're all just sitting there just chilling. This was yesterday, right? I don't fucking know. I think it was yesterday. Yesterday and today. I've lost all of us at the time. We're like, Ahmed, listen, if you're going 82 miles per hour, how long does it take you to go 82 miles?

8.2 minutes. I said 80 minutes. First of all, no, that was different. We said we made it easier. We rounded it off at 80. But I first we're like, Ahmed, 82 miles per hour. How long does it take you to go 82 miles? He goes 8.2 minutes.

I'm like, yo, are you an idiot? How? And then he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Then he goes, 82 minutes. I'm like, no. Then he goes, 108 minutes. I'm like, where are you getting these fucking numbers? Will you be an idiot when you said 8.2 minutes?

No, it's 80 miles. Yeah, but you didn't get it on the first try. I said 80 minutes. I didn't go 8.2. And then I said, I said 82 minutes. And I was like, yeah, a mile a minute. Well, my drive will take me like at least seven minutes. Ahmed's looking at us.

I'm like, yo, how'd you get 8.2? He goes, well, you're going a mile a minute. I'm like, what the fuck? He goes to me. And then so we did that. And I'm like, yo, fuck it. Let's just do these riddles. So he goes on his phone and starts googling riddles.

And he's trying to read them to me and Frankie. He was having a really hard time. I was half asleep. This is when we were in the airport, right? No, we were at the sports book in Luxor. And he's going. Yeah, go sharks. He's trying to read.

He goes, two women. I'm like, it's women. He goes, OK, OK, two women. I'm like, dude, it's women. Say women. He goes, women. Two women. I'm like, yo, oh my god.

It was hard. It was rough. So funny. And if the word was too big, I'd be like, yeah. But if I was like, if the word was two more than like five letters, I would just stop, put my hand over my eyes, and I can't pronounce this. He'd be like, all right, two women, go to.

And then he'd just start putting his hand over his face. So funny. Some people have a hard time. It's fine. I'm only like, I'm fake smart. You know what I mean? Can I just say what people were saying to me when they came up to me and asked me about my tattoo?

Wait, who? At what club? At every party we went to. Which tattoo? The one on my chest. The one on your chest. So explain what that is. Let's talk into the microphone, buddy.

It looks like I'm bleeding, but it's like blood splatter. But it's like a pirate skull and like a bird. It's pretty sick. And like, randoms, I was waiting online for drinks an hour long at Weh Republic. Good night. Dylan, go get me a drink, please. I'm begging you.

Yeah, yeah, no. All right? So I'm waiting online. Hey, what's up? Nothing. Like, yo, that's sick. What's on your chest? Is that a skin disease or a birthmark?

I'm like. Can you imagine it was a skin disease? Is it a skin disease or a birthmark? I'm like, pretty sure it looks like a tattoo 110%. That is so sick. Can I skip you in line, please? No. No, you can't.

I don't get who you are. But this line is so long. Look at me. I'm so drunk. Good for you, Ben. Good for you. Get in the back of the line. You saw that?

He tried to confuse. I was like, get in the back of the line. I mean, you're like an hour or the bartender. Remember when I get there? Yo, when I got there, Dominic was shitting on me. The bartender comes up to me. Hey, what do you want? I was like, I want pineapple and coconut.

And I'm like, yo, I didn't realize it. And she started laughing. And Dominic is dying. And I'm like, yo, what? She goes, what? I'm like, what did I say? I can't have that? She goes, no, you can have that.

And I'm like, what's wrong with that? And Dominic goes, it's coconut vodka, you fucking idiot. Yo, I'm an idiot. So she goes, you want to get fucked up? And I'm like, yeah. She put that shit in there? Do you remember? I met God Chonky.

He ordered a gray goose and vodka. Yeah, a gray goose. Gray goose is vodka. So I don't know what the fuck he was ordering. This girl goes under the cabinet and pulls out four bottles of vodka. She did the same thing for Joey. Yeah.

Four bottles of vodka in each hand. And pours into that. Two in each hand. No, no, no, it was four. It was four bottles. She was holding eight bottles. I swear on my phone. Yo, no fucking way.

She must have had six. OK, I'm sorry. Edward says her hands. Yeah, this one. And she pours that. This is an octopus bartender. She was able to flip six bottles at the same time.

As she was doing that. You annoy the shit out of me. As she was doing that, she had a whole two cans of Red Bull going down in there. And I was like, well, I'm going to die today eventually. And I did die. It was bad. First of all, that pool party, when we walked in.

Because when I went, I went two years ago to Vegas. And we went to that exact party at Web Republic. When we went to get a drink, those big drinks were like $40, $42, right? They were still $40. So when we bought one, we all drank them. We're like, yo, I can't even taste the alcohol in here. They just water it down.

They do everything to save money. I tasted the alcohol and now they want more. I know. So that's why when I walked up to this year, she had four bottles. She was pouring into one thing. And then she was putting splashes of shit in there. And I was like, OK, that's going to get you drunk.

So I was like, I'll take that. And I had two of those. And by the way, the second one that I wanted to go get, I'm there ordering it. Danny goes, yo, get me one. I forget how much they cost. I'm like, yeah, yeah, let me get two. She's like, yeah, $84.

I'm like, fuck. $84 is a lot. But anyway, so, dude, I drank those blackout. I was done. When I left the place, I left without my slippers, without my shirt. I was just in a bathing suit. I had nothing else on me.

Yo, that, go ahead. I left. And as I was walking out, there was a guy handing out white t-shirts. I took one. It was like an XO. I looked like a fucking asshole walking back to the hotel. There was a group of girls who noticed who I was.

And I was talking to them. And I was leaving with Frankie. I turned around. I'm talking to them. As I'm walking, he fucking disappears. I don't know where he went. And apparently, he was running through the hotels, trying to find me.

Mind you, he is as drunk as I am. Then when I finally get back to my room, he's sitting outside by the door. And I'm like, oh my god, we need to get the fuck out of here. So we get into our room. I was doing it. I was hammered. We get into our room.

And that's all I remember. And then Frankie has videos of me talking about how money is paper. I'm like, you see how this thing is paper? It's worth 20 papers. It's $20 bill paper. Like, yo, I was fucking hammered. Then he told me we went downstairs into Nick's room.

And then we went back up in Nick's room. And I walked in there. You were out. Yo, Joey, you walked up to me in the pool. And you grabbed me. You're like, please, I'm so drunk. Please take care of me. And I was like, what the fuck?

Can I just say real quick? I'm so responsible. As you were that hammered. You had Davino in the pool over here, trying to take videos, fucking Tiesto, right? All of a sudden, I'm taking a video. Bang. Someone smacks my phone out of my hand.

Gone. 1,000 people in the water. So I'm sitting there to myself like, I'm like, yo, let me attempt to look for it. Time out. It's not going to happen. Just continue on with the rest of your day. Now it's tight.

What did you lose? I lost my phone. So as I'm sitting there walking, all of a sudden, I see Joey hammered, destroyed. Yo, man, what is this? It was my phone. You found my phone. Because I stepped on it.

And I just reached down and grabbed it. I was the happiest person. But wait. I do remember that. I had been like, yo. But wait, I don't understand. Was it at the bottom or was it floating? No, it was at the bottom of the pool.

I stepped on it. And then I was like, oh, shit. So I picked it up. And you were like, yo, thank you. Yeah, I was kissing him on the mouth. We screamed. OK, none of that happened. Jesus Christ.

So the second time, I'm taking another video. I'm kissing him on the mouth. We're both massaging each other. It's crazy. Second time, I'm sitting there taking a video. I've already been all of a sudden, boys. You know, boys, when he's like, ugh. Fucking smacks my phone.

I'm looking at him like, you fucking idiot. Smacks my phone out of my hand. Now, I go under that water, all right? And I go under and I open my eyes. No, you didn't. I open my eyes under that water. And I'm sitting there looking for it. All of a sudden, I find it and I get up and I step on it.

I'm like, Frankie, Frankie. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, don't put your foot on my foot. My phone is there. I got to go into the water and get it. And he goes, got you. I got you. I got you.

So I give him my hat, my glasses. I go into the water, open my eyes again, all right? I don't know how I'm not blind. The pool is like three feet. Why do you need to open your eyes? I don't understand. Aim straight to your foot. I don't understand how I didn't go blind,

because the chlorine was a 30. Well, me and Joey were in contact. So that's beyond me. That mine still stayed in. So I got my phone and I didn't lose it. And shout out to Life Proof Cases. First of all, that pool is a toilet. You're just swimming in a toilet,

having a party in a toilet. I think it's solid water. That's it. Boss smacked water in my face and I just drank it. I was covered in different people's urine. Yeah, same here. But I think the amount of chlorine in that pool, we were all safe.

I don't think none of us will die. I hope so. Oh, I didn't tell you guys a story. Maybe I did. So Frankie, we were like all dancing, right? And I think he elbowed a girl in the back of the head by accident. And she was looking around to see who it was.

And all I saw was him point that it was me. He pointed at you? Yeah, this girl was chasing me around the pool, throwing haymakers at me. Trying to hit you? To hit me. I was blocking, I was weaving, I was hammered. She caught me in my chin and I was like,

this didn't just happen. And this kid was like, don't worry, I'm going to take her out of here for you. She smacked me right across my face. Are you kidding me? And I go to Frankie. How is this the first time hearing about this? Dude, Frankie hit her in the back by accident.

And then he just points, it was him right at it. And I was like, yeah, that's great. And I'm like, it wasn't me as I'm weaving in and out. It's not me. I'm blocking her punches. I'm like, it's not me. Oh my god. It wasn't me.

She's like, so who was it? Woof. Caught you? You nearly took me out. She would have hit me like, yeah. She would have closed fist. I would have been sleeping in the pool still. Yo, what got me really hyped is that

when we were trying to go get our stuff. We got into VIP somehow. And I was up against a DJ booth. And I'm looking up and I'm like, oh shit, look, it's Tiesto. That made my whole thing. I'm like, yo, that's fucking crazy. Tiesto. I was more happy the girl was there.

I go to EDC and Ezu and you're like, you're fucking miles away from this dude. And I'm like, yo, look at this. And then we couldn't get into the locker because this dickhead had to leave. And they're like, guys, you can't leave until Tiesto walks out. So as he's walking out, right?

I go, yo, Tiesto, can I get a high five? And he looks at me and he like waves. And I was like, yo. I win. I was like, that's it. His intro was amazing. When they had everybody wave the flags. Yeah.

It was pretty cool. He wasn't that good though. I've seen better. Sorry. I don't know how you're a bad DJ. I'm sorry. Davino's a hardcore raver, guys. I just love house music.

I could have done better. Could have been deeper house. No, you can share on me, but I've seen him do a lot better. Sorry. Yeah. Now Calvin Harris. Murder.

I can't believe you didn't come to Angkor yesterday, you bitch. Anyway. Well, first things first. I was incoherent. I was incoherent. Yo, I can't breathe. You're fucking making bets.

I'm sorry. Yo, my eye hurts. Speaking of bets. The last day that we were there, everyone went crazy. First of all, we booked a room for an extra night because our flights were at midnight,

so we needed a place to put our shit because check out is at 11 a.m. We were hoping we'd miss our flight. So we put our stuff in one room. So we're all in there. And then my friend Danny comes in there and he's looking at me. He's like, yo, please.

I need $200. Because he's like, yo, I have capital one. None of the ATMs accept capital one, so I can't take money out. He's like, I'll give it back to you as soon as we get home. He's like, just give me $200. And I was fucking with him the whole trip there

because he kept asking me for $200. I'm like, yo, no, I'm not giving it to you. But then I was like, yo, fuck it. All right, here, I gave him $200. He leaves, he goes to the roulette table. He wins $1,200, like mad quick, right? You were with him, wasn't you? It was like in an hour, not even.

How did he win that? Was he betting colors? No, he wasn't betting colors, he was betting numbers. And he just kept hitting every number. That's crazy. Like it was like 27 and then 14 and then whatever the number was. And he was just putting like eight chips on each

and he was just winning big. That's insane, man. Yo, did he lose it all over? No, he kept it. He kept it. So he comes, as that's happening, our friend boss, he's like, yo, this kid's like, his philosophy is completely flawed.

When he wins, right, they give you chips, obviously. He's like, these chips don't have any value, any monetary value to me. I was like, if you walk 30 feet to that fucking booth, they'll give you money. Yes, they do. And he's like, yo, I'll gamble them, I don't care. He had 20 chips in his hand.

Yeah. Hundreds. He has a thousand dollars in chips. He puts it all on red and roulette. And we're all like, just because he had it in his mind. Then he's trying to convince Danny, from what I understand, I wasn't there, but he was trying to convince Danny to put the 1200

that he just won on red with him. So, boss has his money on there. Danny's holding it in his hand. He's fucking shaking his, his heart's pounding. He was turning red. I thought he was in a faint. And at the last second, so how the rules of roulette is like, the dealer will let you do bets, whatever,

and it says everyone ready, you know, and then he'll spin the ball around the thing. And it spins like a bunch of times. Yeah, but how does he know when to say, okay, no more bets? I mean, you know, it's just random. Yeah, it just randomly does it, I guess. So, in the middle of the thing spinning,

he'll put his hand over the table and say, no more bets. But this guy fucking like short on it, and he was like, no more bets. No bets. Yeah, he's like, no, no more bets. He like whispered it under his bed, he's like, no more, no more bets, I guess, whatever. And then Danny at the last second throws 1200 on red,

and it hits red. So, boss doubles up. Right? He wins, boss wins $1,000, right? And gets his thousand back. Danny has 1200 there. The guy pays, boss knocks Danny's chips out. He's like, nah, I said no more bets.

He was like, what the fuck? I would have hopped over there and fought the guy. Yeah, yeah. That's $2,400. Yeah, I would have smacked him in his eye. Yo, Danny came back to the room, fucking livid. He was like, yo, he fucking told me no more bets. I wanted to strangle them.

And then while we're in the room, we're all talking about this and we all get mad hype. We're like, yo, fucking, let's go back to the home. Let's go back to the table. You guys were all betting. I was wishing I was, but. I've been running out of money. The second he got off the flight.

You've got 50 cents. 50, Joey stole me $11 and changed something. Into my bag. I don't know where it is. I really thought you stole my change. No, that's for the cab. You can just keep it. Oh yeah.

I'll take it home anyway. We all left the room to go to the roulette table. I'm like, yo, let's just all bet a color. I had $200. I put it all on red. Everyone, we're all on red, the whole table. Like there's like eight of us. And it hits red.

We all win. The whole casino's looking at us, right? And then we're like, yo, fuck it. Let's do it again. We leave it on red. We leave all our winnings on reds. Now I have $400 on red. Black, lost everything.

I lost mine too. I think I put it on 80. Yeah, it was terrible. It was a fun trip. That trip was amazing. Fun, fun's an underdog. Fun is an underdog. I want to go back next month, next month after that.

I said an August trip. I said, yo, once a year. Oh, we can go October for my birthday. Once a year is way too little. Twice a year is really good. No, no, I refuse to do that more than once a year. No. My body can't handle it.

Can I say, how old are you? Can I just say how we almost didn't make it home? We almost didn't make it home today. Because Dylan's a tough guy. Oh, yeah, we're a disaster. We're standing online waiting for a cab from my uncle. And Dylan's a hammer. When Dylan's hammered, he's not Dylan.

Once his eyes go halfway, they're halfway shut, goodnight. We're waiting for a cab. Now I'm standing there with Danny. Him and Dominic are screaming, yelling, everything, talking. Yelling at these girls from San Jose, California. And there's some random guy standing there. And I guess he got too jealous, because Dylan was talking to their girls.

And he tried starting a fight with Dylan. Now to myself, I'm like, yo, there's four of us. And there's one of you. And you're just not in shape, you know what I'm saying? There's no way you're going to win. And I'm sitting there, and he's cursing at Dylan, yelling at Dylan, and he's cursing. He's telling me to go fuck myself.

I'm like, yo, bro, my friend is drunk. Please just let him be. He goes, no, I'll fuck you up. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, yeah, OK, cool, man. No, you won't. I'm like, Danny would've haymakered this kid. Would've went to bed.

Yeah. He would've went to bed. And Dylan just missed it till I wasn't raised. Like, that was, I ain't pussy. I wasn't raised that way. I'm like, yo, I'm sitting there, and I'm like, dude, I want to go home. Like, the guy was like, yo, you see those guys over there?

And I'm like, yeah, and he goes, those are cops. They were waiting for you to pop off so they could bring you in. I was like, yo, if I didn't go home yesterday, I probably would've, I would've killed a human. Yo. I swear. Yo, I can't. If I, all I wanted was to have my ID.

I kept saying, yo, take everything. Take all the money I brought. Take my clothes. Take my shoes. Everything. Just give me my ID. I need to get back on the plane. I need to go home.

You fucking left your money on the bed everywhere. I put it in the safe for you. I'm like, what is this kid? I know, I left like $1,500. How about, yeah, you guys were all spending money. Davino got, Davino had, what did you say you came home with? 300? Yeah, actually, I don't understand.

You felt threatened when you heard that I went in your bag to take a change. We were, we were eating burgers and Frankie was like, yeah, he was going into people's bags. And I was like, yo, he went into my bag. He was going into people's bags, taking change. I didn't threaten you. I just said, yo, did you take my money from my fucking bag?

Yeah, because that's what I do in my spare time. Yo, you said, no, I said, okay, I believe you. Do you know the story about Frankie and that Spanish guy who was like trying to sell cocaine? Oh my. That is the fucking shit. My friend Frankie is Spanish, but he doesn't speak Spanish at all. And he goes, yo, he goes, apparently I speak Spanish now

because I was having a full blown conversation with this guy in Spanish. And then he was talking to the guy and then the guy, and then I think he was like, you know, I can get the cocaine and the guy's like, oh, yeah, I see you get the cocaine. And then he turns, he goes, you want to come to my room. I got the cocaine.

Frankie turns around to him, but he goes, I'm bad. You want to come with this guy? This guy's got the cocaine. The guy's like, I don't want cocaine. I'm sorry. When we were, when me doing it, I was walking. They got it. I was dying.

We were walking home from, I forgot where we were. We were in the casino walking back to the room and this really seven foot tall bird man, dude, comes out of nowhere. Yo, what's up guys? You're drinking the Starbucks. I was like, yep, we're getting fucked up. Yo, what's up guys?

You guys having fun in Vegas? Yo, I got that Molly, you got that coke. I got, what do you need? What do you need? Party food? Repeated himself seven times. I was like, I don't want anything, man. All right, cool, cool, cool.

Like that. I'm like, damn. Dude, I'm telling you, it's easier to get drugs there than it is to get water. Drugs, prostitutes, bro, everywhere. Were they? I haven't seen, I didn't see one. I think that Excalibur girl, that was taking the pictures

that we took the picture with. Like I didn't want to take that picture. Dylan was like, yo, I got this, I got this, let's do it. I was like, I'm hungry, I want to leave. I was like, no. And he was like, no, no, no, let's do it. And she was all just touchy feely. Like she was like, oh, hey, what's up?

What's your name? I'm like, yeah, I'm just here to take the picture. Thanks. Like what are you doing? And she goes, no, no, no, what's your name? I'm Cherokee. I'm like, sorry? And she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm Cherokee like the Jeep. I'm like, that's not your, that's your real name. She was not just my stripper name, it's my real name. I'm like, that's very, I'd hate my parents. Can I ask you a question? What would you, what would your stripper name be? I don't know, maybe you go first. I think Lollipop.

That's right. Well, yeah. Hey, I'm Lollipop. You know what I did one time? I took one of those, remember those Facebook quizzes back in the day? I was like, fill out this form and it'll tell you like your porn star name.

Yeah. Mine was Action Jackson. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. I think I'd be the, what do I call myself? Oh, the Palestinian. The Palestinian Piper. The Piper.

The Piper. Yeah, the Piper. Whatever it is, I don't fucking know. I think I'd be Shmeddy the Strawberry, if that was my stripper name. Shmeddy the Strawberry. I don't like that. That's terrible. I like Lollipop.

Yeah, but that's so cliche. No, it's not. When did you find a stripper name in Lollipop? Elite. Shout out to Elite. Oh, that was her name. Elite. Yeah.

Very nice. Anyway, let's wrap this up. I got a hockey game. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. No, I got a hockey game to go to. I suppose it's going to pick me up in a little bit. You have a hockey game?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely not going to. Yo, my ribs. No, can you come? No, no, no. She's so bad. Just come on. No, I have mad shit to do, man.

You don't have nothing to do, Joey. It's easy. I'm going to post this fucking thing. Yo, wrap this up. It was great talking to you, everybody. 1,200 on the trip in two days. Yeah. Listen, it's been real.

No. Guys, where can they find you if they want to contact you? You go first, because you're fucking weird. Twitter, you can find me at, it's Ahmed with 3Ds at the end. Don't forget this word. No, I don't. It's I-T-S-A-H-M-E-D-D-D. And then on Twitter, you can find me at shmeddy underscore.

No, on Instagram. Not Twitter again. Instagram. I said Twitter? Yeah. Fucking idiot. Night course. You can find me at Instagram at shmeddy underscore underscore.

I think it's 200 scores. Mine's nice, perfectly in symbol. You can find me at antvino, a-n-t-v-i-n-o. That's everything. Joey, where the fuck can they find you? Where can they find you? If you guys want to find me, I'll be on my bed for the next four days trying to get my life back together.

Well, listen, I got to go play hockey when it cracked. Please shut up. Okay. If you guys want to follow me on Twitter, I'm on Twitter at Joe Sanagato. Obviously, if you're following this podcast, you probably fucking know that. But also, I have a sports podcast called Veterans Minimum. If you want to check that out, I have a couple of my friends around there. We just talk shit and talk about sports.

Pink eye sucks. It does. Also, I just started vlogging. I have a channel, youtube.com, slash extra Joe videos. These idiots are always in the video, so you can check that out as well. We're not idiots. We're not idiots. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm not going to sell my stupidity. Okay, good night. Sorry. Do I have to pay you guys for being on this now? Actually, you need my full consent. I have forms that you guys need to sign now. Squiggly line, one squiggly line.

I'm going to beat you. I'm going to strangle you with this microphone. Can you explain what that means? Just real quick. You guys still play Xbox? No, I am going to get the Xbox. That sucks. You're getting an Xbox with what money, Dickie?

You lost it all in Vegas. Yo, aren't you going to go buy a new BMW? Yo, you know what I was just thinking about? What? Investing? No. I thought I was getting a paycheck this week. No.

They sent me an early vacation paycheck so I can go to Vegas. This week. See, you're working. See, I get my paycheck tomorrow. I'm going to be broke for another two. Yo, you know what? Come to my house. You can work for me.

All right. Clean my room. Wash my dishes. Tell my mom she's beautiful. Yo, if you want, you can sleep over for the rest of the week if you need to. Explain what that does to me. Yo, if you were ever broke, I wouldn't help you. All right.

That's all for this week's fucking basement yard. Thanks for listening, you motherfuckers. I appreciate it. Night course.