The Basement Yard - Who Sh*t On Keith's Floor?

Episode Date: December 6, 2016

On this episode, I have my brother @KeithSantagato on to talk about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, Christmas Shopping, & a mysterious pile of poop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone....fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Monday December 5th, and I am joined by none other than my brother Mr. Keith Santagato Is that a burp? I don't know what that was. I really appreciate you burping first thing in the podcast By the way, we're both dressed in we both have Santa hats on I have Santa pants on and we both hate candy canes on the way here Oh Santa in it is going down. I did some Christmas shopping today. Oh
Starting point is 00:00:36 You what you went with mom Christmas shopping the other day, right? Technically wasn't Christmas shopping. Oh, you guys just went yeah shopping. Mm-hmm. That's real fucking cute. Anyway today. I went Christmas. Oh my god Oh Yeah, it smells like really bad meatballs That scared the shit out of me. I was looking away and you did it. Oh god. It's so loud in my ear Anyway, I what are you gonna do it again? Course light kids chugging it throwing it down. He's got to get loose Get loose. By the way, that's stash is coming in It is stash is coming in he's growing out his facial hair
Starting point is 00:01:21 It's a big mistake. If you I like it if you go on my Instagram There's there was a picture of me him and Thomas and people are like cute stash No, the thing that's bad is I don't have the thing that connects to like the yeah, what is this the chin part? Yeah, like the goatee. Yeah, it's like it's like one hair in a line Going down. It's fucking terrible. I mean, you know, you grow it out to a certain point, you know You got little patches over there. You look like an Arizona lawn No, no in Arizona all patchy and the the side looks like a bald guy's comb over Yeah, I get what you're saying there. You need some hair plugs. I got like
Starting point is 00:01:57 Lebron Joe buck Joe buck. Yeah, the more hair plugs Joe What the fuck was I just So I went Christmas shopping But yeah, I went to Chris I went Christmas shopping today and I went to today Yeah, I did and I went to TJ maxx and Target Uh-huh, and let me just tell you the difference between those two stores is fucking insane Because Target is like you go in there's everything it's a different shit It's like a supermarket then it turns into like a yeah makeup store
Starting point is 00:02:32 It's like the fucking and then and then you could buy a pool and yeah, you could buy couch a crowd couch Sorry, that's couch is a really hard work. Okay, no, but you can buy a couch you could buy a pool You could buy clothes kid child. You can probably find one one's running away from his parents in there to grandma I'm sure they're waddling around somewhere. There's a fucking Starbucks. So you got some pieces of shit in there Oh, they got Pizza Hut to Pizza Hut in Starbucks I saw a girl eating Pizza Hut at 10 in the morning when I went there. She doesn't give a shit. Yeah anything nothing I feel her though because Pizza Hut. I would have had diarrhea immediately. Yeah, you can't I mean I know I can't some people have metal stomachs and they could do whatever they want metal stomachs. Yeah, I don't
Starting point is 00:03:23 What's yours made out of cloth? I don't know nothing good. I know that I could turn anything into water Especially Pizza Hut at 9 a.m. Forget about it. That'll be fucking water by 903. It'd be black water. Yeah Exactly. I forgot who was telling me the days like oh, you know, I can't come out have diarrhea I'm like dude grow up. I've diarrhea like once a week. What do you mean? Like what do you do not drink protein once a week once a day once it did be a probably I don't fucking know Every so often like I don't feel sick. I don't feel anything water will just fly out of me Geez, I'm like a I'm like a geyser. Sorry. This is a graphic So yeah, dude, I just want to say that TJ max
Starting point is 00:04:06 Such a shithole. It's like a thrift shop. It's it's like someone took a store and Then shook it up because there's shit everywhere. Yeah, there's just stuff like dude It's there's like a whole handbag session a section. Nothing's on the rack. It's all kind of on the ground It's just fucking it all looks like someone stole it dude It looks like a big garage sale and and then they have that big fucking line like to wait to Actually pay for your shit. Yeah, it's a bank. There's just like all this items You just really don't give a shit about they're trying to sell you like mugs that are like Halloween mugs Meanwhile, it's fucking Christmas. Okay. You want a mug? You want a car charger?
Starting point is 00:04:46 You want to fucking and then there's so there's so like vegan chips. I didn't know that was a thing I didn't even know that was possible Actually chips might be vegan. Well, we're fucking dumb whatever But yeah, that place is such a shithole. I walked in there and I was just like I Was in and out within five minutes. I swear to God There are like some diamonds in the rough there But like you really got a fucking search form and I'm just not about that I just couldn't get over the fact that
Starting point is 00:05:14 It just it looked like I put the store together like you know what it means It looks like my room And I can't explain everything's hung up. Everything looks like it's been worn before And someone came back and put it on the $10 rack like here's someone else gonna have it now they have like Dude, there's an there's like a whole section where they have like home furniture or whatever. Yeah, it's like there's lamps with Fucking cups and she's like nothing is organized in that section. It's like a lamp G
Starting point is 00:05:51 It's like a lamp Why not a cup and an ottoman in this right next to each other? You could buy it all at the same time and a bunch of frames that are broken Picture frames and shit with with other families in there. Yeah, I just I just couldn't I walked in I was like fuck this whole place and then I went into Target and walked around and didn't buy a goddamn thing either Yeah, Target's too big. I just I I'm a really bad shopper. I can't go in I can't go in blind I go in there and just I don't know what I'm gonna get yet And I'm gonna see something in magically like I don't even have the patience for that. Yeah, I just bought shirts
Starting point is 00:06:24 I hate shopping in person or those onesies. They got good onesies Target they got good ones. They do they have us they fucking big bird in there I was like, what the hell time out if I would have saw that or what I left with it Do they have a big bird? Does it have like a hood with feathers? Yeah, stop. Yeah, but but yeah, yes But the feathers hold on the only one I saw though was for like person. I was like six eight sold Don't take it. I don't give a fuck Gotta get have the onesies especially this time of year. I have a bunch
Starting point is 00:07:02 You have actually an un-okay amount. I have too many for an adult. Mm-hmm I have I want to say I have six you have a monkey one, but like it's so big. Yeah, you're like a flying squirrel It's like a drop. It looks like a drop crotch. Like it's like it looks like yeah, like Justin Bieber pants Because the tail is like shit down there on the ground Drop crotch. No the UFO pants the fuck is that UFO pants they called What I'm talking about. No fucking mad big Like the MC Hammer pants. No good. He was wearing fucking What are they called like windbreakers?
Starting point is 00:07:44 Yeah, don't worry about UFO pants, okay Hammered off this beer. Yeah, one beer. Good night. He's burping and that's it. I'm done The meatballs and now I'm going to sleep Wow There was another time I remember one year me and Keith We've only gone Christmas shopping one time in our entire lives and we'll cut it off there Yeah, because of what happened, but I want to say it was like two or three years ago
Starting point is 00:08:11 we went to go buy my mom like a Keurig you remember that we went to bed bath and beyond and Keith had the shit the entire time. The thing was mad expensive too. Was it? Yeah, it's like 170 bucks I remember we I had no money. I might have Yeah, that's right. I bought it. Yeah, I probably had $30 and I barely had a job at that point. Yeah, I think I Might have just started working and I was I think I was like 21 22 and I barely had a job too This actually this was a while. Oh, this was four years ago at least I was still working at like a pizzeria and stuff
Starting point is 00:08:46 All through the days on those were the days. I love that's for great job Actually, I didn't love the second one. The first one was cool though. Lot of quiche Wait you talk about Portobello, all right, so We went to bed bath and beyond to get this cure and Keith had the shit and He was like, I'm not I was like just go in there. He's like I they don't have bathrooms I was like, okay, so everyone who's there. They just shit themselves all day. They all were diapers, I guess There's a bathroom in there somewhere. Hey, man. It could happen so I what I
Starting point is 00:09:21 We asked someone where the Keurig's are and she's like, oh, they're in that aisle or whatever So I we're walking there and I walk up to it and take it off the shelf when I turn around Keith is nowhere to be found So I'm like, what the fuck and like I'm looking I thought he was fucking with me at first I'm like, I don't know where he is or wherever And he turns out he went to the fucking bath. Wow. Okay. Did you hear that? We're a growing we are growing before we're maturing are you 14 or 15? I am getting up there I'm almost 11 anyway with a full facial head. What facial head who knows
Starting point is 00:10:03 Who knows what I tried to mean with a full facial head and that made sense to who knows what I tried to mean I'm gonna quit Who knows what I tried to mean The fuck was I saying oh So I took the the shit off the shelf Keith was nowhere to be found I was like, I don't really don't know where this kid is and then I keep looking around all these aisles I can't find him. I walked around the store like twice didn't find him. So finally I was like, what am I gonna do? And I knew he was in the store
Starting point is 00:10:38 I didn't know if he was fucked with me or not But I thought it'd be hilarious to go up to the register and I asked them to announce his name over the last week I went up and I was like, hey, I can't find my brother is in the store and They're like, yeah, sure. What's his name? I was like his name's Keith. So they got this thing Keith Can you come to the front, please Keith to the front, please and It took a minute, but he came and I He was and he told me he's like I was taking his shit dude. It's like a painful shit It's I specifically remember you telling me that it was a black shit. It was like you shit black
Starting point is 00:11:18 It was really painful So it was like you threw miracle grow into the fucking toilet the bet Jesus Without like the little white balls Yeah, cuz then you'd have to see a doctor unless you're eating styrofoam. I don't know. I wouldn't put it past you Honestly walk in your room. You're just chewing on styrofoam. It was a rice cake But the best part about that whole story was I I mean you guys couldn't be there for the best part The best part was seeing this woman's face realize that it wasn't a little brother 20-something year-old kid and she was just kind of so confused. I think she had a lollipop in her hand
Starting point is 00:12:03 Just like to make sure that the kid was alright. Yeah, like there you go kid Get oh here you go champ. It's fucking 20 year old kid comes out. He's like I was taking his shit So we're like, yeah, that's the last time we'll do that but you know funny thing about bed, bath and beyond For whatever reason it makes us shit because I remember another time I went there recently And I went you came with me It was me you and Sammy I think and we went into bed, bath and beyond and I had to shit and listen I don't have a lot of time Like I don't like I just when my dough is really sure but I guess I have a delayed fuse or something because
Starting point is 00:12:49 When I get the message to my brain that like oh you got a poop. It's not like oh you It's like a firework with the fuse. Yeah, some people can be like, oh, I got a shit, you know, whatever I'll just wait till I get home me. It's like you dude. You got to do something. I gotta go now It's like a timer starts. It's like 10 9 so So I release so I I get in the store and I start buying stuff and like You know when you got to take a shit. It's like the worst In your public you're like I can't do anything. I hate the dance and you got to get your pants off. I'm not I'm not the dance
Starting point is 00:13:29 Well, you've never had to like shit and you're like, oh I don't dance because that'll bounce it out. I'm not I'm a veteran. I'm not doing a fucking nay nay in there I'm just saying So I get in there and I grab a couple stuff that I didn't really need so this whole thing could have been avoided but Avoided so I walk in there and I start grab myself off the shelf and then I stand in line and like Keith and Sammy or like joke Around like ha ha being all fun and I'm just stone-faced because I realize Like this better be quick because I'm gonna shit myself
Starting point is 00:14:03 And then I start thinking about and just makes it worse because then I think about like the amount of time That's going to pass like I have to go up to the register I have to she has to ring up all my stuff and then I have to pay for it Then she doesn't give me a receipt. Then I gotta get in the car and go home. Then I have to you know I mean, there's just so much time there. I'm not gonna make it so many steps. So Dude, I am not making this up in the slightest I swear on everything that sounds like a movie but when I got online There was this fucking old lady in front of me that was using coupons
Starting point is 00:14:36 Fucking she was like does this still work? She's got old coupons from fucking 1980. What what year is this penny? Yeah, she's got literally she had exact change. She had coupons. She had questions. What is this? When does this what's this? I was like, what am I lady? I got a shit. I Was about to the trash cans are right behind the register I was about to shit one of those but I ended up just like like I was staying there and then I start to get I start to sweat You got the shit sweats because when I have to shit like my my lower stomach Lower we have an upper more like cow like right above the groin region, right?
Starting point is 00:15:19 Like my hips sort of that area. It just starts to tense up like I'm doing a plank It just starts to tense up so I'm like Like I have to shit man And this lady's pain with all kinds of shit and she's like, do you know what that and the guy's like, I don't know I'll ask my manager. He leaves the register. He comes back with some fucking douche This guy doesn't really know what the hell his job is. He's she's got more Do you know I just stocked she looked like the pigeon lady from home alone, too She had like this big fucking jacket on that feathers all over it. It could have been her
Starting point is 00:15:55 It could have been birds on her at this point That was her if she looked like the pigeon lady And I was just furious, but I ended up Giving all the stuff to you guys and I just walked out the store and when I got to my car Wait, you you went to your car to take a shit. No, no, no Imagine I got to take a shit in my car guys. I'll be right back Is your is your bowel that bad where you have like a hole in your fucking seat to shit in that would be something though Now that you say that
Starting point is 00:16:27 Dude, that's is like the worst idea. No, but I I gave all my stuff to them and I was like I just I gotta go so I left it I went to my car and I was planning on getting to my like while standing in line I was planning to get into my car Drive home take a shit come back and pick you guys up because it was that bad like I didn't want to wave you We didn't have that much time online, but I yeah, you were the next people the lady was at the register with this fucking asshole So you were gonna go through like a half hour. Yeah, just so I could and we had to just sit there Was it was the alternative shit in my car. That's fucking selfish, man. Yeah, it was but you know, I should have known
Starting point is 00:17:05 I should have known that I could use the bathroom like you did but You know, whatever not I don't like that. I got in my car though And it kind of went away sort of and then when I got home there was an explosion I don't think my ass touched the seat when I was there Yeah, some people do the hover yeah, well you do like a you do like a squat It takes a lot of leg power, but you can pull it off. Honestly. I I don't care I'll sit on a seat. I don't like whatever. I'll sit on pee like I just What am I what am I gonna get like a fucking ass herpes or something?
Starting point is 00:17:38 You could get warts or something like that maybe on the outer rim I Possible that'd be like the worst luck what getting warts just I got like on your ass cheeks You're like baseball warts. There's no way you can get warts on your like but whole is There but hole unless you were like spreading them and rubbing your fucking hole I didn't know there was a such thing as a blue waffle, but there is yeah, that's disgusting I don't know how the fuck that happened. Don't go go that guys. Yeah, don't it's gross You're gonna throw up and then shit on the throw up Keith and then shit on that. I mean sorry throw up on that all right
Starting point is 00:18:19 fucking Christ My god, oh God how much time oh 18 minutes? Yeah, I just I don't know how I'm getting real flexible. You must put your leg behind your head Guys, right let's before we move on we're gonna do the sponsors right now, which I have to today The first one Indochino Basically, it's one of the largest made to measure menswear wet men Wow, okay. Yep made to measure menswear brands Okay, easy for men to get great fitting
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Starting point is 00:22:17 Um, so go to tipsy elves dot com and enter the code basement at checkout for your 20 off Site wide discount. Okay. That's tipsy elves dot com and the code is basement And wow, okay, so we got two there guys I took too long Fuck you Um tonight is the vittoria secret fashion show Oh
Starting point is 00:22:44 good times, um Bad times for girls for some reason. Oh, yeah Hey, I they're in like to toy Yeah, I'm not as good as that everyone also. It's like, all right. Relax. Everyone pretends to be bulimic or whatever like I'm gonna go throw up right now. I mean, it's so real all day first of all and I I don't know what it is, but for the last three years. I want to say
Starting point is 00:23:12 I'm I really have been saying the entire time. I'm not super attracted to all of them I haven't watched it in two years. It's not like anything crazy I'd rather play battlefield or watch porn like it. Well, you know what I mean But who watches porn for an hour straight. You don't have to watch it for an hour straight What are you trying to get like the actual What's up? Oh, you get the storyline. Yeah, right? You got to get the backstory and everything No, this is a good porno. It's a really good story. No, that's a good story. Good acting He dies at the end, but yeah
Starting point is 00:23:42 But yeah, I don't know. I don't for some reason the the The model look isn't like what I like, you know, like it's just not my shit I just I don't know because they're a foot tall than me And when they wear those wings, they look scary as shit I don't understand fashion at all or fashion shows because like most of it I'm like who would wear any of that, but I don't think that's the point I don't think it's like, you know, I used to think that These runway shows were just like
Starting point is 00:24:11 These people would wear the coolest items that you could buy in stores and they'd walk in them So you'd be like, oh, yeah, it looks cool. I'll buy it. But it's just an art form I I guess I don't fucking know. I'm not a fashionista nor do I know what the fuck that word even means, but Yeah, but the thing about the victoria super fashion show is that like people are super They love it or they're super against it Like I hate when girls get on our fucking dudes for that matter get on like, oh, these girls are so skinny like Fucking I need some meat and girls say like, oh, this this is so bad But for little girls like looking up to these girls. They want to be so skinny
Starting point is 00:24:50 I'm like just to fucking appreciate these fucking people. Would you or not watch it? Just shut up It's annoying. They live the life though Who the models? Yeah Yeah, they just do fucking photo shoots on like the shores of hawaii and shit I mean, they're probably they're probably bombarded by like a bunch of rich bald guys throwing millions of dollars at them But well, isn't Miranda Kerr. I think she's like dating a billionaire who's like a fat old bastard Hey, man. Good for her Good for him. Fuck her. Are you kidding? Not good for her
Starting point is 00:25:21 Well, she will be good for her when he dies. I think he married a Smola Bring up I don't know, man. I'm not like a big Victoria's Secret fashion show guy I'm I'm just whatever. I can't wait to see all the tweets I'm eating pizza while watching this show. Really fucking original. Love it. Thank you Jesus, I'm eating ice cream like this will never be me. Okay. We get it. You're awesome. Whatever and I would never have a shot with any of them I'm too short At five seven
Starting point is 00:25:57 Yeah, they're all six some of them are like, yeah, like no, like a legit foot taller Some of them are not that tall and in heels they're like eight foot nine. Oh, yeah I mean they are and like I said, plus the wings they look like a fucking Uh gargoyle. Yeah, they're a little terrifying. I'm pretty sure if that was malnourished Candace swine flu swine to pull swine to pull Swing the pole can't just swing the pole If she like roundhouse me not knocked out. Yeah, we're all dead. She would knock first round knockout. Yeah She's she's good at kickball. We're gonna move forward here. Uh
Starting point is 00:26:35 So something recently happened happened to Keith. Okay And um almost my lowest of lows What is top because Yeah, we'll get into this. I'll get what could have topped it. Okay, listen, so One day my mom starts freaking out one day. This is no no no listen. No, no, no, I know but Like last week one day last week or like five days ago. The fuck it was who cares Could have been 10 years ago who gives a fuck Uh, my mom walked into Keith's room for something and she's like, oh my god
Starting point is 00:27:13 It smells like shit in here good in here because Keith has his laundry everywhere, right? Doesn't the kid doesn't have an hap have a but hip-hop Kid doesn't have a hamper. I can't even see my rug your rug. There's clothes everywhere, right? And uh It fucking it's it's stunk in there because I I remember I went in there because I went to go get your laptop And I walked into your room and I was like, god, what this kids need to do laundry. It stinks in here so I grab The laptop and walk out whatever
Starting point is 00:27:43 And then my mom I guess we were drinking. Yeah, you didn't put this in there. What we were oh, right, right, right So the night before we went out to the city And we all were drinking whatever and then we came home. We went to sleep when I woke up in the morning I woke up to yelling and I'm like, what is what is now? I'm downstairs at this point, right? Keith's downstairs with my mom. No, no, no. I'm downstairs. My mom goes upstairs. Oh, right, but I'm in the basement Yeah, and then I so this is 20 feet I hear my mom screaming And I'm like what and she says something
Starting point is 00:28:19 About like she said something like all this shit on the floor, right? I'm like Why is she yelling like whatever and whatever then? Comes I come to find out that uh, she Went in there. I'll tell you exactly what happened. Please tell me. Yes, please. Okay I'm sitting on the couch watching TV It was a set. Yeah, it was saturday. So I'm watching college football My mom goes upstairs I could think she was gonna close my window because I always have the window open for some reason
Starting point is 00:28:50 It's like a fucking igloo in there. Yeah, it's fucking freezing. So she goes to close the window And all they hear is oh my god If you're gonna yell yell away from the mic, yeah, I'm sorry and I'm like, I'm like what she goes There's shit on the floor And I'm like I'm like, so I'm like, yeah, don't worry about it. I'll like clearly. I thought it was my laundry
Starting point is 00:29:19 She goes no there's shit on the floor So now for us for because I was drinking last night and god knows what happens when I drink Time up. Hold on and I heard this. I heard my mom say no There is shit on your floor and I just yelled up Because I thought
Starting point is 00:29:44 Keith got so drunk that he's shit. But see for a split second, I was like Did I shoot on the floor? Oh my god Right. So now I'm like retracing everything that happened And I'm like, there's no way I shit on my floor Right now I'm like I'm like no And then uh, I go upstairs
Starting point is 00:30:16 And there is like an un-okay amount Of shit on my floor. Keith any amount of shit is un-okay. This was a substantial amount No, it was a lot. It was like it was like I ever see a drastic park where they're putting their hands through the shit Yeah, define like the the transponder whatever the fuck it was called It was like a t-rex dump. Oh man on my floor and Oh man, it was it was bad. It was but look, this is the fucked up part Was my room smelled terrible for like three days Right. So I would always go in there periodically and I'd be like
Starting point is 00:31:02 Like damn, I like fart that bad and just like leave the room. Yeah leave the room and it's like still there Yeah, like type thing Because like I never I never really go to like the left side of my bed. That was his excuse. My mom was like, yeah Keith By the way, charlie was the one who shit on his floor charlie was a culprit which he's very trained now. He doesn't he only Fucking train. Yeah. Well, your room's a jungle dick, but he he always in the jungle. He should Dogs, uh, he he shits outside. He doesn't shit in the house or pee in the house anymore at all But keats room for some reason
Starting point is 00:31:40 Marcus territory there and the window was probably open. It was rolled out But keats excuse was that like my mom was like My mom was livid. She was so angry Keith are you kidding me? How do you not know there's shit on the ground? He was like He's very nice. He's like, I don't really go to that side of the room I don't though. I don't really go to the left side of my room. Oh, man
Starting point is 00:32:11 Because it's like really narrow. It's like no fucking point of me being there But look now. Yeah, okay I remember in the middle of the night opening that window And it's on the left side of the fucking room. Yeah, which means I would have almost stepped in shit right trying to open that window. Yeah And then just just imagine I stepped in the shit, right? Right You're drunk now. I'm yeah Now I'm tracking this through his room through my room and then getting in my bed
Starting point is 00:32:45 With this Keith it looks like the godfather when they put the fucking horse there, but now it's just shit. Yeah Dude, I will and by the way again when I picked all this shit up the same day, obviously It was it was hard and cold So like that shit's been there for a while. Yeah Thank god. There wasn't like there was almost a plant growing out of this thing probably Keith That is the most ridiculous fucking thing and he didn't just shit. He pissed everything
Starting point is 00:33:22 I had a I had a white towel I had a white towel. This is how fucked up your dog is okay No respect for my laundry on the floor Yeah, the shit was all over my khakis He almost shit in the pocket. Oh, man, right And then I had a white towel on my floor And he pissed all over the towel the towel was yellow. Oh my god Don't tell mom this but the towel is still there. Why because I forget to pick it up always
Starting point is 00:33:55 Oh my god, this kid. No, no, I'm like I'm like really lazy You think you're like one of those fucking crazy ladies on hoarders You had a fucking moment where you ate cereal Didn't drink the milk and then you left it in your fucking room for like two weeks and it stuck like shit That's not true. Yeah, it is Is it? Yeah, maybe you still have mayonnaise on your fucking roof. That's not from when we did that know or go video That's not true either. Ow. I just stole my towel. That's not true sitting down Yeah, I kicked the fucking leg of this thing. This kid don't tell mom that
Starting point is 00:34:31 But you you're like one of those old ladies on hoarders that like they start moving boxes. They're like, ah It's just a dead cat. What is this thing fluffy? Yeah There's like a hole in the the fucking seen her in 10 years There's a hole in the drywall where raccoons can come in and out all the time Dude, oh my god So Keith had a pile of dog shit in his room on his khakis For it wasn't my proudest moment. I just didn't know it was there now back to your original Statement where you said this was almost my rock
Starting point is 00:35:07 Almost my rock right. So like what is topping that? Um, I don't think anything honestly. That's the bottom. No, dude. What about when I fucking Peed through I I uh went to sleep. I was fully clothed. Yeah I didn't have a sweater on but I had my shoes were still on of course Um, it doesn't sleep with those what I had shoes socks jeans and like a long-sleeve shirt I woke up completely soaked
Starting point is 00:35:43 It was like a backward sweat Where you just have like, you know what I'm talking about where it's dry We're like you would actually sweat if you were actually doing something and uh Well, obviously my shirt was soaked My boxers were soaked My jeans completely soaked my socks were soaked and my inside of my shoes Were soaked too
Starting point is 00:36:08 Plus it went through the uh, was it it went through the box it went through the mattress Through the box spring And there was still water water. There was piss On the floor too like the rug that was underneath all of that and then the the uh, the pillow behind me was like Fucking play dough. How much did you drink? I don't even know how you could piss that much I don't even know either. The only thing that would explain it was like was like I just took all the water out of the the tub and just threw it and just like
Starting point is 00:36:46 Layed down in bed, but like poured water on myself But piss yeah 98.6 degrees piss dude You are something special. I don't get it I love it. I haven't pissed in a while. You haven't. Yeah. It's because I I've been like I've been somewhat uh, was it
Starting point is 00:37:13 What's that word Can't wait to hear how easy this word is. It's definitely so easy. What what are you trying to say? Uh conservative With my drinking What do you mean? You don't get blackout. No I haven't done that. I'm definitely doing y'all christmas watch out because I I might shit I might shit in mom's bed. You're gonna shit on my own khakis this time
Starting point is 00:37:37 Yeah, I'm gonna shit on your dog that piece of shit. Hey Don't you dare and then pee on him To wake him up Get up fluffy Just peeing all over. No dude christmas. I plan on getting terrible christmas is gonna be great. I plan on getting really bad Please win At at our uncle's house. No. No when we get home. Oh, yeah, because what we do now
Starting point is 00:38:04 We just started doing it last year Yeah, we what do we do for new years and and christmas we We um christmas day. We usually go to our aunt and uncle's house in new jersey every year and um We usually get home around 11 10 30 11 10 30 11 But then we just break out a bottle of jameson And play like the stranger Some billy joel now. We got a fucking record player a record player makes it even more legit
Starting point is 00:38:32 Yeah, and I am going shopping and getting more records. I have dude get boston. I know I don't care how much What a great gift samey got me that gift. She got me a record player with the only good gift she's ever gave The uh billy joe the stra- billy joe billy joe the stranger. She got me eagles uh bruce Bruce Credence clear water revival. Hey, so now I have a bunch of fucking records. It's it's awesome So I need to go buy more though
Starting point is 00:39:02 Uh, but we'll probably do that We'll just get home from christmas and then just start taking shots of jameson And dancing in our living room because that's what we did last year. We got home. My mom was dancing. She was playing her guitar It was fucking great. And then we did the same thing on new years. We went out. No, we actually got the uh The guitar hero thing. That's what we reported. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah We we went out last year for for new years But then we were like, yeah, let's just go back home and we'll do the same thing We did on christmas that we did that again
Starting point is 00:39:27 So now we're just gonna try and make that a tradition but that should be fun I'm psyched. We do need a story of plunge. Uh Uh this month Hopefully not I wanted to retire the plunge for a little bit because we did uh you know I'm also trying to lose a couple which I have lost a couple by the way. Yeah, I'm getting fat. I have to I have to
Starting point is 00:39:53 Deadlift 365 and bench 225 by christmas eve. Good luck I'm pretty sure I could do both right now But I'm putting it off I'm not putting it off, but I told myself like that was the day. I'm gonna go into the gym In full Santa outfit No shirt Suspenders though for sure
Starting point is 00:40:14 Try to do it in that Get up on the wall. Anyway, we are fucking rambling now Uh, let's get the fuck out of here. How long we've been recording right now 40 minutes pretty solid. Yeah, I like it Oh, yeah, pretty solid. Uh, let's go home and do something. I actually talked to this one. What so they actually talked to this one New facial hair new guy shit on the ground. Whatever go nuts. Have a party. Fuck it Let your hair down. Let the shit on the ground. Whatever Um, Keith, where can they find you if they want to contact you if I'm on instagram twitter? And that's it. Yep at Keith santa gato
Starting point is 00:40:49 And uh, yeah So go follow Keith and that is all we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers

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