The Bechdel Cast - Labyrinth with Jenny Zigrino

Episode Date: January 5, 2017

The babes with the power of voodoo--Caitlin, Jamie, and guest Jenny Zigrino--discuss Labyrinth. Fun fact: the Labyrinth in this film is mostly made of up morally ambiguous gray areas where a fully grown man preys upon a teenage girl!(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @jennyzigrino on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Bechdelcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them. Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchy's effing vast start changing it with the bechdel cast hello and welcome to the bechdel cast i'm your host caitlin durante i'm the other one jamie loftus and we are talking about movies and how women are portrayed in them that's what the bechdel cast is about i want to take back calling myself the other one that was yeah i'm trying to be less down on myself,

but I immediately jumped to the... Yeah, don't minimize yourself and your role. Okay, what were we talking about? Let's try again. Okay. But we're keeping this all in, but this is a character arc. I'm supposed to be making a concentrated effort. I paid someone $150

last week. You do the intro. You say, like, hey, welcome. Okay. Okay. Ready? Yes. Okay, one, two, three.

Hey, welcome. This is the Bechtelcast. I'm your first and primary and most important host, Jamie Loftus. And I'm your shit piece of crap host, Caitlin Durante. Caitlin, don't be so hard on yourself. You should learn from me. I'm so confident and assured. All right, let's try it again.

Okay. No, I think people get it. We are both equally important. This is like a choose-your-own-adventure podcast. Like, who do you want to be the alpha of this one? Welcome to the Bechdel cast. Yes. Is what we were trying to say.

That's what... And leave this all in. Yeah. This is perfect. We're working some stuff out. This is our This is perfect. We're working some stuff out. This is our best episode yet. We're working some stuff out. Yeah.

It's a hard time of year. It's the winter. It's sad. We're in the throes of it, baby. We are. I got to, I saw snow yesterday. Brag. Oh, because you were in Boston or New York or somewhere on the northeast?

I was in Boston and I got to brush off my dad's car and everything. Wow. Yeah. i've been living in a tropical paradise that is los angeles so it's a beautiful city um well let's uh introduce our guest why don't we okay oh wait we didn't say what the podcast is about though oh they get it okay yeah i guess let's stop saying it it's the. Yeah. No, I'm on board with that. They know what the. Yeah. Listen to another episode. I'm tired of talking about this podcast. Yeah.

Let's quit. Let's cancel. No, let's introduce our guest. Yeah. Let's do that. I'm excited. She's a very funny comedian. You might have seen her on Conan.

She's also in movies like Bad Santa 2. What? Movies. Boom, boom, boom. Hello and welcome. Jenny Zag, boom. Hello and welcome. Jenny Zagrino. Hello. Hi.

Hi, ladies. Thank you so much for being here. We're both equally as important, but not as important as the guests. That's true. Exactly. Okay, so the alpha was sitting next to us the whole time. Yeah, that's why I just let you bitches watch that shit out. I just sat back and watched.

The call was coming from inside the house. These girls think they matter. Right, male producer? Okay, never mind. You guys do matter. Thank you. Okay, we'll get to it. I want to talk about Aristotle, but I don't think he wants us to talk about Aristotle.

What, how he has to poop? I told you we'd call it out. Yeah, he does. But he made a real show of not doing it before we started, so now it's on us to make a real show of when he chooses to. Exactly. This is your punishment. If you hold it for the whole

episode, that would suck. It'd suck for him. Yeah, but for all of us, too. I'd like to make this about myself as well sure let's make it about the poop you guys that's true that's the real star we're having focus issues in this one i think well let's try to reel it back in and talk about the movie that we're going to be talking about which is the labyrinth yeah uh it was uh came out in what 1986 directed by jim henson written by terry jones i mean it's got everything got everything tell us

tell uh what does this movie mean to you why'd you choose this one i chose this one because i feel Because I feel like for a lot of us, it was the first time we really saw a female protagonist in a movie that wasn't all about getting the dude that wasn't a baby. She's still trying to get the dude, but it's a baby dude. Oh, sure. It's a little dude. And it's her brother. So she's not trying to. Yeah. And then also for many of us, we were introduced to David Bowie through this movie.

And it was the first time we felt our loins do anything. We recognized that they were there. Yeah. And forever, we were into dandies and ladyboys. So that's what I'm into now. And that's the only thing I'll ever be into. When did you see this movie for the first time? How old were you? I think I saw it when I was a kid

and then, do you remember when Hot Topic got a hold of it? Oh yeah, sure. 2001, then it was just like all day, every day. And then it stopped and then I went to an arts high school and it had a real big resurgence in the arts high school. Sure had a real big resurgence in the arts high

school sure every halloween yeah every halloween someone was bowie i just googled where what the baby from labyrinth looks like now and i wish i hadn't what what's he like okay first of all the huffington post uh headline is very mean it says years later, the baby from Labyrinth is a real-life Goblin King. No! That's pretty mean to him. I don't... Maybe it's something in context, but he's wearing a fedora. He's not like...

It's a bummer that he's such a cute little baby. Okay, let's see. Here it is, but there's an American Express ad really getting in the way of me finishing up this. Okay. So here he is, a real-life Goblin King. I don't think it's that bad.

He's just wearing a lot of layers. He looks like a steampunk kid. That's it. Right, right. He is a steampunk kid. I think he makes something. He makes steampunky things or something. He looks fun.

Oh, now he's a puppeteer and a fabricator of goblins. Oh, where'd you think he got that idea? His whole identity is based around the fact that he was in the labyrinth as a baby and he's like, I gotta live up to this. Toby! His real name's Toby.

For real? Yeah. I thought you said Dobby, like Dobby the Elf. I was like, what are you saying? Toby is the baby's name. For real? Yeah. I thought you said Dobby, like Dobby the Elf. I was like, why are you shouting his name? Toby is the baby's name. A different goblin. That was his name. Oh, wow.

And the man's name. Cool. I wonder if he inspired it. Do you know that David Bowie did the sound of the baby laughing? No. In Dance Magic Dance, because he didn't like the baby's laugh. He made that sound with his mouth? He's like, I can do better.

I can do better. And then he did. He does that trick with the crystal ball, which has no business really. Is it a bubble or a crystal ball? It's alluring. It is. But they worked this very flimsy reason for it to be in the movie. He's like, do you want a gift? It doesn't have anything to do with anything. this very flimsy reason for it to be in the movie at all.

He's like, do you want a gift? It doesn't have anything to do with anything, but look how I can do this cool trick. And I'm just like, you just wanted to show off, David Bowie. Yeah, he's going to turn into bubbles. Well, that's like almost everything he does in this movie. It's just a big fun show off. Down to his leggings.

He wants you to know. He wants you to know. Yeah. And we want to know. We do you to know he wants you to know yeah and we want to know we do want to know um just a quick recap of the story we already know how we want to fuck david bowie and how the baby's ugly now no he's he's actually he's he's a regular looking dude he He's just a looking dude. I'm trying to get us to pass the Bechdel test in real life because all we've done so far is talk about other men. One last thing, though.

His face looks really smooth. I refuse to acknowledge that this is what we're talking about and to look at the picture. It's mostly just because I'm too lazy to get up and walk around the table and see what he looks like. I'm just saying nothing freaks me out like a really smooth face. Like a smooth man. Oh, he's a man? Yeah. I didn't know if you were talking about the baby's smoothness or his like... Oh, no. I like a smooth baby.

I like a hairy... I like a suave baby. I like a scar baby. The baby really knows how to... Agni Scar Baby. Okay, we gotta start a band now baby all right let's okay no more fucking no we're gonna i will come back to it yeah oh yeah we just have to like spend a minute talking about something else and then we'll go back to how we want to fuck david bow. The story is this little, this girl.

She's, I don't know, a teenager. She's 16, 17. Yeah, 16. She's 17. She is all about fantasy. She's like, I love fantasy. I love books. She's bit by the theater bug.

Oh, yeah, she is. She loses me first scene for that reason. Like, who's this fucking nerd? What is this dumb soliloquy you're doing and she got yourself in the park in a park yeah yeah can i just kind of interrupt real quick okay i went when i was younger i went to fat camp and we had this girl there who god bless her like i wish i knew her now because she seems like she'd be so cool. She was obsessed with the play Cats so she would just put on cat face

like Just for fun? Yeah for fun. She would just do cat face and sing and do performances from the musical Cats by herself. That's it.

That's a courageous young woman. performances from the musical cats by herself that's it i just like memory and the whole bit yeah but like because we're fat camp we're all fat and uh we were playing baseball one day and we got really sweaty and it was like summer in massachusetts oh yeah and her makeup melted oh i love a good cat girl there it's just like a fucking nightmare cat I love a good cat girl. It's just like a fucking nightmare cat. She left early because they're so mean to her. It's so funny to think of.

Well, whoever you are out there, young girl. Contact me. Contact me. I miss you and I've thought about you every day since i was 12 anyway let's just never talk about the movie let's keep going on tangents she's a hot theater kid all right yeah she's a babe theater kid with really expensive costume like that costume would cost like a thousand dollars at a rent fair oh geez oh yeah she was dedicated yeah damn or just a brat probably more of a brat um the story is about a girl she's a young budding woman and she likes you caitlin i want to fuck her that's what i'm talking about that passes the test i don't want to fuck that. That's what I'm talking about. That passes the test.

I don't want to fuck that, Jennifer Connelly, but, like, Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I only saw the edited version. And I am pretty straight. Like, the TBS version. Oh.

I watched it. We talked about this. Which is, like, one word, and then it's over. In the first episode, we talked about Kill Bill, and I had only seen the TBS Kill Bill, which is like a great Kill Bill. My name's Buck and I like to party. Like, it's great. Nice.

Oh, yeah. The movie Labyrinth. Yeah. Do you want me to? Yeah. Do you want to talk about the story i'll just get straight through it all right young betting theater nerd right just wants to do theaters and plays and shit but she got this dumb little brother who's a baby and he's a brat and she's

like oh i don't want to take care of this dumb fucking baby and then she's like goblin king take this baby away and then she runs away that goes to the bathroom or something and then uh she comes back and the baby's gone she's like oh no where's this baby and then david bowie shows up we all get boners and then and then he's like oh you can come get your bro but he's i have him now and so then she has to go through the lebron yeah go to the city goblins then she finds this tiny goblin that she befriends who's like all grumpy and shit and then she makes it through there's like some weird dance scenes and a ball and she's like oh no i'm questioning everything do i love him don't i love him and then eventually i mean

should we give the end away yeah there are spoilers here yeah oh she makes a lot of goblin friends on the way there's a guy named hoggle there's so many tertiary goblin characters yeah uh sir didymus which uh i think is just a nickname for epididymis uh which we all know as the male reproductive organ tube thing i don't know what's an epididymis let me look it up whoa i just looked up no that's not an epididymis yeah isn't it i don't know i went to public school epidermis is your skin yeah oh what am i thinking yeah what ventricles what do you seminal ventricles seminal ventricles? Seminal ventricles? No, I'm fucking right! Are you really epididymis?

A highly convoluted duct behind the testes, along which sperm passes to the vast difference. Wait, I get the convoluted. Suck my dick and my epididymis. I'm so sorry that I ever judged you for your knowledge of a scrotal bag. Epididymis is the first album name of my band. Agnes Garbini.

Epididymis. While you were googling Anatomy, I googled did David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly hook up? I hope not. She was like 15 when they filmed this. But like David Bowie did that. Not to get into his legacy, but he was like down. Yeah, this but like david bowie did that not to get into his legacy but he

was like down he did yeah but they didn't bummer good uh because that would have been statutory rape again she was 15 when they filmed that movie rest in peace r.i.p uh that's the story of the labyrinth uh let's talk about um our characters okay uh we have one female protagonist jennifer connelly aka sarah who is the whiniest angstiest and most annoying she's terrible little b word that uh i've ever encountered you guys were never like that when you were a theater nerd and a teenager i just didn't have those outfits i might be having selective memory but i really remember myself as being a really cool kid oh okay oh tight sure of course you were. You were walking around like, hey, guys, do you know what

epididymis means? Yeah, I was teaching all the kids. That dude's an epididymis over there. Yeah. So she's pretty much the only notable

primary female character. Well, there's also the worm's wife. Who we never see on screen. And the hag puppet. The hag puppet. Sure, but's also the worm's wife. Who we never see on screen. And the hag puppet. The hag puppet. Sure, but she's very tertiary. Also, although the...

Are any of the... Oh, what's their names? The ones that take their heads off. I all perceived them as men, male puppet things. They don't have genitals. They don't, but they had, like, I suppose the voices of men. They're genderless. Yeah, they are.

A lot of them are a bit genderless. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of those goblins are genderless, too. Well, no, some of them didn't have, like, dresses and shit on. Either way, I'm going to continue to argue that the only notable character what about the stepmom oh i loved the stepmom i like she had a story like there she didn't do anything wrong she had one line and she's like why does she treat me like i'm a stepmother in a fairy tale all because you know sarah gets home and then she's like her stepmom's

like we were worried it's 7 p.m and then she begins to scream and run away and poor step i wrote down um poor stepmom liked her hair she did have good hair she did yeah she did i mean she had great stepmom hair well that scene I think that allows the movie to technically pass the Bechdel test. Yeah, yeah. Because they talk about, yeah, like, I was worried about you. Where have you been? You're supposed to be home to babysit or whatever. It's a short conversation and the stepmom has three minutes of screen time, maybe less.

Like, it's not that much. She's still getting paid and residuals oh she was she was and she had like a anyways i was like she's very beautiful i really like her yeah but she doesn't come back no she doesn't uh yeah and she's on screen for yeah two minutes okay so pass the test guys pass the test done we're done um good night uh but so uh by comparison we have a bunch more more uh how do you talk again uh i'm just gonna keep stuttering broken i'm a robot malfunctioning there's a bunch of dude characters is what I'm trying to say there are lots of dudes characters

we've got Jareth the Goblin King is that it's Jareth Jareth is his name Jareth David Bowie's character

is named Jareth I wonder how many Jareth's were born from this movie oh I bet a lot although they'd be like

our age and I don't know any Jareth's so that you know well I mean just put Facebook I don't know any Jareths. That you know. I mean, just put Facebook. I don't know any Jareths that I know. Okay.

Anyway, there's that little Hoggle dude. How many brokers are named Jareth now? We've got Hoggle, which I have some things to talk about concerning him in a moment. Yeah, well, Hoggle is a piece yeah well hoggle is a piece of shit he's a piece of shit yeah but we grow to love hoggle eventually i find him repulsive and horror i just hate everything about him we have ludo who's like the big monster guy yeah and then sir epididymis who is i don't know a little fox creature i don't know i think so but then he's riding a dog yeah no he's i think he's a yorkshire tear he looks like a yorkie oh is that the the is he is

that dog british the one that looks really nice and like he came from a renaissance fair i'm sorry yeah that's okay because i found a ton of jareth's and that's whyididymis. Guys, I found a ton of Jareths. That's why I wasn't really listening. Look at this one. This one is like, he's really leaning into Jareth. Jareth, what's his name? Jareth. Where's he from?

Jareth, if you're listening, shout out to you. I don't know, but he's an event coordinator in Infinity Marketing Team. Whoa. We're probably giving away too much information about this stranger. What's his phone number? I don't know. Anyway.

They're out there. Those horny moms had a lot of Jareths. They were like, I don't know why I just like this name. It sounds so powerful. I just want to have an alluring son can really take it sweep a teenage girl off her feet yeah let's talk about that uh there is the scene or the the sequence where jareth is like Hoggle, give the girl this peach roofie and make her eat it so that she can have a dance scene with me.

A very sensual ball dance thing. That's like her dream. He roofies her. He does roofie her, but. Oh, I love it. Okay, so, like, that scene is, like, that was supposed to be, like, her dream scene of, like, if you stay, like, all your dreams are going to come true. So, you... So, she's in love with him?

Is she supposed to be, like, 17 in this? That's what I told myself, but I'm not sold. Look, I'm going to say she's 17. I'm going to say she's legal so the movie is okay. She might have played an older character than Jennifer Carlyle's actual age, because she was 15 when this movie came out. Man, but she was like... I know. And I didn't perceive her as being like...

She just had gone through puberty to me. She seemed older to me. She seemed 17 to me. Really? She seemed like 14 to me. No 14-year-old has brows like that. Do you see her brows in that? They're great.

Well, Jennifer Connelly is an outlier with her eyebrows. She really came into it. That's what people always say about her. Was she born eyebrows first? She had that thing where they're like brushed up a little, but it doesn't look insane, which is like, I could never do that. I over-tweezed when I was a teenager. Oh, you had those skinny ones? Like pregnant.

Those are like absolutely teen mom eyebrows that I have. Over-pl teenager. Anyways. Oh, yeah, those skinny ones? Mm-hmm. Like pregnant. Those are like absolutely teen mom eyebrows that I have. Oh, yeah. Overplucking. Anyways. I just think that it wasn't so much a roofie peach. It was just like he wanted to stop her from getting this baby

because he wants to keep that baby. But he's also like, if you live in this peach world, all your dreams will come true. Come on. It's very complicated complicated maybe that is because that's what your impression of that scene was when you first watched it as a kid but i so i saw this movie for the first time when i was probably in college yeah and then i watched it

again three times over the past few weeks to prepare for this episode and i was like oh my god he uh he roofies her with this peach and then so that he can have this weird dance this ballroom dance thing with her and get all close to her and he's a predator and it's weird and i just found it very creepy especially because again she's 15 david bowie at the time was 39 it was 39 over twice her age okay so i would not have thought it was charming if they hooked up yeah yeah it would have been again yeah but 15 year old jenny still would have fucked 40 oh my god there's like that's what oh okay that's the thing thing, it's like, we're looking,

we are looking at it like it is wrong, but like, remember when you were 15, you totally wanted to fuck like 30 year old men. Right, well that's probably,

that's all you wanted to do. That's why that scene was like, because I was watching this movie for the first time like ever, I don't know why, I haven't seen a lot of movies.

How many movies have I seen that we've done on this? Just Beauty and the Beast? Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast. And that was about it. But I was okay with it just because it's like I feel like when I was that age, I had that exact fantasy about someone from the cast of Harry Potter.

You know, like everyone has that. Wait, but they would have been your age unless it was Snape. I also would have fucked Snape. Can we just put that out there? Oh, yeah. Moody, Alan Rickman. All died this year. Yeah.

Prince, too. Would you have fucked him? Oh, God. Heartbeat. Yeah. Of course. You're a big Prince fan. Sorry that all your icons are dead.

I would have fucked Leonard Cohen, which is a harder choice. That is a harder choice. What year Leonard Cohen? Oh, well, this year, but also... Like this year, Leonard? I love a deep voice. I do. But like Suzanne-era Leonard Cohen, living in Greece for no reason. Oh.

I'd be so down. There are reasons. Yeah. See, I think I would have definitely hooked up with Anton Yelkin, who also passed. Who's that? He's that little guy from Green Room, and he's in Star Trek. He sounds hot. Yeah.

He's age-appropriate, is what he is. Oh, he's the jeep. Yeah, he had a very tragic death. And I'm sad to bring it up. Let's talk about the labyrinth. Actually, this is fitting. I lost a whole spank bank and we're all sad about it. The fact that we keep going off on tangents is very fitting

because we're just getting lost in the labyrinth that is this discussion movie. So it's very thematic, actually. Okay, so I get it. He roofies her with a peach. You don't like it. I think it's more of a spell, so it doesn't count as much. Okay, it's a spell. Everyone's motivation.

You can have it. I'm not going to agree with you, but that can be your weird, creepy take if you want to do it. Can we backtrack a little bit to the scene where she yells at the baby? Literally insane to me. Like, she, I've never, and I was, like, we were all that bitchy teenage girl. Never would I pick up an adorable baby and try to send it to hell because I couldn't wear my Renaissance fair costumes outside. That's just crazy.

No, I wouldn't. But I would do that now as a 30-year-old woman. I'd be like, I hate you. Get out of my life. Why did I have you? I can't wear my Renaissance costume. Was she in a play? No, she was in the park?

She just has no friends. That's why she has to make friends with Hoggle. Why? Because she's so desperate to be like, Hoggle, you're my friend,

right? And he's just like, no, I don't really want to be your friend. She's like, no, you're my friend.

She doesn't really technically make any friends in this movie, but by the end, they love her. At the end, they do love her. And then they all

come back. They're all so crazy. Yeah, in her her room she turns around and she's like my friends if you just turned around and all your friends are in your room and they were all goblins even creepier sometimes i look in my mirror and i'm just like i wish my friends are here and i turn around and they're all there wow i really would like there to be like that scene and then we see it from like the parents and there's a woman in the room. They're just like, she's lost her mind. Boredom school. But she

screams at this baby a lot and then there's like cutaway scenes where the goblins are like, send the baby to hell. And then she does at the last second. She's like, I wish the goblin king would take you. And then I don't know why she blames this baby for all of her problems.

That was confusing to me. And then David Bowie's motivation, why does he want to keep the baby? Is there a reason for that? He wants to add to his goblin collection because the baby turns into a goblin after 13 hours, I guess. I mean, that's never explicitly stated, but that's sort of implied. It's implied.

Also, he probably wants to fuck the baby. Oh, I think he should fuck the baby. Yeah, so he's luring young women into his labyrinth. Is that how he does it? Is that the only way he just sits around waiting for some girl to curse her baby and he's like

pussy okay so then she yells at the baby the baby disappears and then David Bowie appears and she's not scared I was like do they know each other? well yeah that's the whole thing about the movie he's the villain thing about the movie. He's the

villain, but they have several scenes together. One of them, he's dancing with her after he roofied her. Spell. It was a spell. He cast a roofie spell on her. It's not rape if it's a spell. That's the rule.

That is the rule. Is that part of the Bechdel? Yeah. So there's that creepy that's the rule is that part of the Bechdel yeah yep so there's that creepy thing there's the other creepy thing where I'm pretty sure Hoggle also wants to have sex with Sarah

well look at him no I don't think he does I think Hoggle has a genuine love for her I viewed it as more paternal. I think so. Yeah, I see a fatherly. Maybe I'm just a weirdo. That's why he feels so bad about giving her the peach.

A paternal horny. Yeah. But I don't think that necessarily implies that it's like a parental or like a fatherly relationship. He's a goblin. It's not a real thing it's real he's a he's a tiny person in a suit that's it there's so many there's like a lot of i had one smart thought this whole movie let's hear it okay here it goes there's a lot of references to other shit in this movie

where it's like, there were a few things. There was the fact that she was like a pubescent fucking mess who her parents were trying to like fix her. And that kind of reminds me of like Wendy getting booted out of the nursery in Peter Pan. That's what that whole like flashback scene felt like to me when she was like, toys suck and or whatever uh yeah and then the whole like it was kind of wizard of ozzy too because she's just like

walking through you know walking down this very long hallway and making friends and then at the end just like in the wizard of oz there's a room full of goblins and a baby and david bowie yeah exactly like that's my smart thought what if it's like uh it's a what would it be like an allegory for uh for growing up women growing up yeah coming of age coming of age period something about her period yeah the this what is the thing that i was just like are they talking about a pussy in a mean way uh when they kept calling it, like, whatever, the stink swamp, I was like, is he? Is that like a... No, I just felt like farts and stuff.

The, like, fart swamp. But then there was a huge cavernous like pussy opening in the middle of the fart swamp that I was like, what is he? Or was it a butthole? Whoa. Okay. I think it was a butthole. As long as there was some sort of reference to a human hole, I feel like I have retained my sanity.

I think the guys who took their heads off are my favorite part of that movie. Oh, that's a great part. They have a great song. It's like, what, the Chili song? Or which... What am I talking about? Not Losing Your Head?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're dancing around in front of what's very clearly a green screen. Yeah, it's great. And you can kind of see the outlines of the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're dancing around in front of what's very clearly a green screen. Yeah, it's great. And you can kind of see the outlines of the people. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. It's like nowadays all that would have been CG and puppets are so great.

Puppets are awesome. Yes. Yeah, I like puppets. Yeah. And they make it feel real and wonderful. Like you totally get lost. If that's a CG thing, I'm like puppets. Yeah. They make it feel real and wonderful. You totally get lost. If that's a CG thing, I'm like, it's CG. But if it's a puppet, I'm like, oh, that's great.

I feel like that's a real creature. Although, can we talk about, has anyone seen Moana? No. No, I haven't seen it yet. Saw your FB post about it. Gosh. What is it? It's so good.

Everyone should see it. I won't see it. But it's Lin-Manuel Miranda. I know, and I love him, but he ruined our opening weekend for Bad Santa. So, fuck that guy. Sorry about that. Lin, I love you.

The movie Moana is so good and I loved it so much and I think everyone should see it a thousand times and buy it on DVD even though that's a medium that is going obsolete but I still buy DVDs

You still buy DVDs? I wonder what the vinyl version of DVD is going to be You mean like what I collect vinyl Oh sure I think DVDs are going to be vinyl. And then whenever we all just press a button in our head

and we play a movie on our eyeball screens, so DVDs are going to be the vinyl 20 years from now. God, the future sucks. I know. The future's going to suck. They call the swamp the land of stench, and they keep threatening to send people to the land of stench. Maybe I was just being self-conscious, but I was like they're talking about your someone's place but did they

act i actually i'm at that same i forget did they actually fall into it or they just went down the slide they stopped themselves yeah and then there's a bridge over it that collapses but then they also oh yeah and they make fart noises i mean it's just great it's just a five minute fart joke is it a queef? is it a fart? we don't know I think you can tell the difference between a queef and a fart it's true queefs are delicate

they're somehow more understated I think they're called queef-i plural it's like if you see a herd of moose it's just uh the the plural is the same it's just queef yeah i had so many queef or no it was it's like i saw a bunch of queef in the woods and they were more afraid of me than I was of them. I had another thought, which is that, oh, because there's only one primary female character, there doesn't go through any sort of like emotional arc even though she is I think she does see that line you don't control me or whatever that line I suppose so

yeah no I think she I think she definitely goes from bratty brat brat to like I'm a woman and you can't control me and I'm gonna get that baby back because I love to like, I'm a woman and you can't control me and I'm going to get that baby back because I love that baby and I'm responsible for that baby. And also it's my fault that I sent that baby to hell. Yeah. She does accept, I suppose, the responsibility of, or the

sorry, how do you, no I'm, no, no, no, no. Malfunction! Malfunction! Someone reboot this thing. Do you need me to take you to the iPhone store? I think so. It's very warm in here, and I think I'm just getting overheated.

I'm also going through menopause and having a hot flash. Because I'm so old. No, um, I suppose, I guess I just didn't notice her arc as much as i noticed like a hoggle who's all like oh i'm a lonesome man and i don't want any friends but oh i guess it's okay to have one and also i'm a coward but i should be brave every person i've ever been in a relationship

how you're about to talk about this character are you getting turned on now you're like oh my god maybe hoggle's the one for me i was gonna talk about how uh i used like puppets like i have a not that puppets like get me horny but i do think i like i used to guys i used to choose your words carefully i used to work at a puppet theater in summer oh did you oh at the brand uh or no it was in brookline it was in brookline the um the kids one yeah that oh could you could see from the train station yeah i always wanted to go in there it was fun i worked there for like a year and but there was a puppeteer there he was the artist in residence and he lived in the attic of the puppeteer i was like 19 and i wanted to fuck him real bad i had the biggest crush on the attic puppeteer and he talked to you through the puppet he he didn't talk to women really at all he was afraid

of them yeah he's a puppeteer i want to show you my new puppets I took his class his puppet class and it was these very it's like imagine the scene from Ghost with the pottery but like with me making a puppet oh my god

there was one time I was forming the head of my puppet and he touched my hand and oh my god puppet and he touched my hand. And, oh my God. Okay. And he was like, what's its name? I was just like, I don't know. And he was like, I think it's going to have a beautiful voice.

And I'll never, oh my God, I'm sweating. I think that if you were to ever. The hottest thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life. That's amazing. He was also 40. He was like twice my age. If you ever hooked up with him I imagine the foreplay for him

to be like, have an erect penis but have a puppet on over it. And he's just like, meat epididymis. I just imagined penis but like have a puppet on over it yeah it's just like another smaller puppet um this is what i just imagined and i'm it's forever to haunt me is he has a piercing and there's a string attached to it and a little marionette oh god you can just suspend it and you know how make it dance well you know how... Make it dance? Well, you know how a penis can flex a little bit?

So it could do a little... Yeah, it could do a little dance, maybe. I'm actually a virgin. I have no idea. Let me explain to you how much a penis can flex. How much it can lift. Aristotle, comment. Aristotle's having a meltdown. Do you have to...

How's your poop? Did you ever have those NSYNC marionettes? No. No. I don't know what those are. I had five. Well, there were five members

of NSYNC, five marionettes. You had to get the full set. It's when Bye Bye Bye came out. Oh. And there was this set of marionettes that came to get the full set they it's when bye bye bye came out oh and there was the set of marionettes that came out and they were horrifying but i've uh played with them a lot were they like paper or like three dimensions like they're fun yeah in general i enjoy puppets yeah that's rule yeah all right well you guys have puppet fetishes i don't have a normal over here

and i'm fucking ghosting it with jim hansen over here okay the puppet guy came to a stand-up show i did many years later i thought you were just gonna end the sentence there the puppet guy came when i probably a lot in that oh no no i wouldn't want to wreck a puppet you know but like but he came to a show like years later and I like, you know, zoned in on him. I was in love with him and he like absolutely didn't remember who I was. Oh, no. I know. You're like when he walked away like it did have a beautiful name.

What did you think of that voice? I want you to fuck this guy so badly now I know I bet he still lives in that attic $20 he still lives in that attic yeah I'll find him let me see if there was any other if there were any other things I wanted to say uh the

the we have the it passes the Bechdel test again the movie does whenever she encounters that like little old hag puppet which is the only other like obviously female puppet um because they talk about uh she's like oh don't you want to go and play with your toys? And it's a weird conversation, but it technically passes. Although, like, she's very, she's like tricksy and deceptive. So it's, I don't like to see women treating other women that way. You know? Oh my God, girl and girl crime.

I know. It's not okay. Wait, how do we feel about how high in the air David Bowie threw the baby? Whoa. Or really insane. Like, you could tell it was a dummy, but I was like, how does that add to the story, how high he threw that baby? I don't know.

It's a good use of physical comedy. It's true. It's true. And David Bowie was very funny. Master of physical comedy. Master of physical comedy. He wore a dress one time. Men in dresses is always funny.

It's a joke because he's not supposed to wear it according to the rules. Right? I get it. Like, I'm just like, I don't know if you guys get it, but I get it. You guys just see, you know, David Bowie and I have the same birthday. Really? Whoa. We are one.

Let me guess. January 23rd. Am I close at all? Same. Good month. Oh, right month? January 8th. Oh. Me, Bow month? January 8th. Oh.

Me, Bowie, and Elvis. Hey, speaking of guessing things and questions. Your game? I have a game. Your game! Okay. The game is called, drumroll please. Oh, wait, I can't, no.

The Labia Rinse. oh wait i can't no the labia rinse i just would like to say kaylin has been tweaking this game oh my tweaking this labia rinse twerking for upwards of three i've been rubbing it gently wait with a small one or the big one? The labia majora. The labianth? There's two? Labianth, majora. There's a labia minora and a majora. Yeah, even in The Goblin King, there was an outer labyrinth

and an inner labyrinth. The labyrinth is a pussy. Did you not Did you see all the stares? It's the perosy of woman womanhood so i had two directions wrong turn everyone's boulder just walls falling at oh and all those hands oh the gropey oh that was the other thing i wanted to talk about like the helping hands which actually the ones that got caught the ones that got chopped yeah you know when someone

fingers you when you just chop them yeah well the hydrochloric acid in the vagina usually will disintegrate yeah and then there's just bones yeah yep all right well there's two directions that i was gonna maybe have this game go one was that we just tell stories about men who don't understand how to pleasure a woman because it's such a complicated labyrinth of folds and bits down there. Or the second one, which I actually... It's a fold

and a bit. And more than one of each. One fold. One bit. Folds and bits! That's what your vulva is. Or maybe that's what mine is. Yeah. Email us at... Here's the lead. Here's the basic version.

Email us at thebectlecast.com if you've ever had sex with me and let me know if, whether or not you can confirm that my vagina is a fold and a bit. Anyway, the game. I've been told I'm a very nice one. Oh, that's nice. Well, you are the alpha. I got an ooh. Oh, boy.

Reviews are in. One time, a guy told me that my vagina speaks to him. And then did you do a really good ventriloquism wait the first version of that what's the second version the first one is just a uh trivia questions about women's women's anatomy so we already already learned. Okay, cool. Because I didn't have anything prepared for the other one. Look, we all know that men are lazy and don't understand vaginas and it will always be a mystery to them.

Totally. They get everything else in the world, they just don't get this. True. It's a blind spot. Well, also I will say that all women are insanely different and uh complicated

and what works for one is not gonna work for the other that's true some we got talking vaginas we got yeah

we have ooh yeah that could really go either way yeah the ooh ooh

yeah maybe you interpreted it wrong scrubbed it ooh ooh anyway so i have uh five questions uh for jenny to answer okay and if you win you uh each one you get right you get to you go further into the labia rinse okay and you're trying to reach the clit castle. Not the baby? I'm not trying to get the baby. No, fuck the baby.

You reach the clitoris castle and you have an orgasm. I don't know. I don't know what the prize is. All right. Number one. Although, and you mentioned something to this effect, so I think you might get this answer right.

Where does the average vagina fall on the pH scale? It's a six. I have multiple choice. Sorry. Okay. I forgot to mention that. So, two, 4.5, seven, or 10.5. What's the rate?

What's the water? So, water is seven. So, neutral is seven. Oh, it's 10.5? What's the rate? What's the water? So water is 7. So neutral is 7. Oh, it's 10.5. No. No? That's basic. The higher the number, the more basic.

Oh, okay. Sorry. It's 4.5. Correct. Yay! I thought it was the higher the basic. The higher the number, the more basic it is. Yeah.

The vagina is acidic, so it's the lower the number. Self-cleaning oven is what it is. Yeah. Full of acid. Caustic acid that will burn your penis off. I just want to point out that my vagina is a 10 on the Richter scale. Whoa! Look out, guys.

Earthquake. Danger. Yeah, that pussy makes the earth move. Shift those plates. Number two. The condition, and I'm going to mess up the pronunciation of this. Uterus, diddlefus, didelfus? I don't know you get the idea

okay is characterized by a woman having a an upside down uterus b

two uteruses three and no c not three c an abnormally

large uterus or d a uterus that produces an excess of menstrual blood. Two uterus. Correct.

Yeah. My friend has that. Really? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. She's got two. I guess also since- I have a tilted one.

Oh, really? I have a tilted one, yeah. Thanks for sharing. You're welcome. Guys, just so you know, you go down a different path with this. Get ready to learn. That's what I like to say about it. It's an uphill climb.

You're ready to get educated. It's like studying for your SATs. That's great. Sexy, yeah. That's great. Number three. Okay. How far am I in the labyrinth by the way you well you've gotten

i mean we had to help you out a little bit with number uh one but i think that was your sign i knew what it was science yeah there's a math question later on so watch out okay there but uh you're you're two-fifths of the way into the labia rinse congratulations number three uh which company produced a film that was the first film to use the word vagina disney paramount mgm or warner brothers i'm gonna say warner brothers they seem more edgy you are not correct sorry it was Disney, believe it or not. Stop it. What was it? In a 1946 short educational film called The Story of Menstruation. Oh, I've seen that.

Really? Yeah. It's on YouTube. First of all, that's not a film film, okay? I'm thinking feature films here. Yes, that was a misleading question. Yeah, there's a did you guys know the original name for Bambi was

Vagina? That's a fun fact. I thought Bambi was a little girl deer until he went through puberty and got horned and he was like, oh, I'm a man. Yeah, I thought Bambi was a boy too. And now Bambi's just a stripper. I was about to say,

if I became a stripper, which was my dream for about three or four years i was gonna become bambi but yeah there's still time just getting yeah i think i'm past my prime no you can do it i would have called myself if i was to name myself after a disney character i think i would my stripper name would be um dopey one of the seven welcome to this day dopey all right number four okay on average how many eggs will be ovulated from a woman's ovaries before she goes through menopause okay 75 350 350 okay. Okay, you're right. You're right. You didn't even know the other answers.

I know all the answers except for the Disney ones. And I'm just going to give them to you. Was it Moana? Is that the movie? Yeah. Yeah, she's like, oh, come here, Maui, touch my vagina. None of us have seen it. Is Maui a character? Maui is a character. He of us have seen it. Is Maui a character?

Maui is a character. He's like the demigod. No, he's a character. He's a demigod. Guys, it's such a great movie. Go watch it. Anyway, and then number five. So you're four-fifths of the way through the 11th

because I'm going to give you the Disney one because I feel very generous. So add the number of vaginas that one kangaroo has and the number of vaginas that one koala bear has. How many vaginas do you have? Oh, my God. What are the answers? Are there multiple choices? I forgot.

I was like, just do the math. Your choices are two, three, four, or five. Four? So close. It's five. Five? Guess what, guys? Kangaroos have three vaginas, and koala bears have two vaginas.

Where do they keep the extras? Well, karangas. What? Carangas. I combine the two animals into one word. It's just five vaginas. Wait, wait. Okay, I never understood how, like, is the baby born into the pouch?

So the pouch. No, here's what happens. Or puts it in the it's born from it has two uh like sex vaginas that the kangaroos the men the man the men put their penis in and how many penises do the male kangaroos have? I think just one, but I didn't research that. Because who cares about men? Hey, Aristotle, how's your penises? This isn't about them.

What's your poop level, Aristotle? Oh, yeah. Because I think that it's catching, because now I have to, too. Oh, no. Well, we're done pretty soon. Okay. I like how so far off we've gotten from this movie. But, and I'm not going to get any of this information right because I didn't Google this enough.

But kangaroos have two like sex vaginas and then a separate one that they actually give birth out of. And then they give birth, like it's a tiny little like one inch long kangaroo baby. And it crawls up from the vagina into the pouch, and then it germinates there for a little while. Wait, it crawls up like a little – I did see a documentary about it. Like a bug? Just a slime ball growing in your pocket? They're so small, and they're hairless and freakish looking.

It's disgusting. Looking at it. Or it's the miracle of life. So the vagina is clearly near the tail and then it just has to crawl up and latches onto its fur oh my god

are you looking at pictures? isn't it horrifying? and then koala bears have it's like a maggot yeah why are they like that? to this horrifying maggot Why are they like that? To this horrifying maggot. Why are they like that?

Oh, my God. I don't know. It's, because I don't know if they're, like, born prematurely and then they have to, like, develop into the,

you know. You're excused. May I be excused? Tinkerbells are bugs and I didn't know. How do they know? How do they know where the pouch is? I don't know. How do they know where the pouch is?

It has instinct, I guess. That looks like something Tamar and Pumbaa would eat. Yeah. And then koala bears have two vaginas and two uteruses and almost all of them have chlamydia. So fun fact about koala bears. It's a baby in like a mesh bag. It's alive, guys. It's a baby in like a mesh bag it's alive guys it's a weird photo um so unfortunately you did not have uh an orgasmic clitoris castle because you did not answer all the questions correctly but guess what also there wasn't that's what sex is like with men because they don't know

that's the good news you can always still fake it. You can fake it. I think... Have you guys ever? I've never faked one. Really? Yeah. I've faked some more convincingly than others. Some I've been given a stern look at the end, like, we both know what that was. You're just being like, whoo! All right! Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!

Yeah. Oh, guys! I think I faked one like once or twice. But now whenever a guy's like, oh, did you did you come? I'm just like, did you do anything to make me come? No. The last time someone asked me that question. Did you punch him?

The last time someone asked me that question, I was like, don't ask me that. That like gave him his answer. Nice. So I'm really selling myself I don't fake orgasms in a pretty vagina and me and David Boyd have the same birthday

so that's like yeah you're doing a hard sell come on guys because we have so many horny male listeners is there anything else we want to

mention or chat about before we wrap up? I mean, look, I think this movie we can look past the Bechdel test and just see that this is a fun romp that we can all get behind. And it's written by an amazing writer as an amazing director. And it's really encapsulated our childhoods Are you also a robot that's not happening?

What's happening? I like the I like that the moral of the story is that you gotta become an adult sometime but you can still tackle your goblin friends sometime. And have a room full of stuffed animals.

Summon your goblin friends. Did David Boiber come back at the end, though? Did he die? He didn't die. He just was like, I've got to go hit on another teenager. I've got another 13 year old wanting to not have to babysit I really like that

scene at the beginning was chilling to me when she would just picked it up and held it and was like you cursed goblin baby and I was like he's so cute and he's wearing the Where's Waldo outfit and he's a little blonde baby

and he was thrown too high and that's all my thoughts on the movie give the stepmom a sequel for real we rate the movie on a scale of 0 to 5 nipples and we also qualify so we

rate it in the context of how like how well did it portray the female characters um so i'll go first i usually rate it too highly and then i feel dumb but that's why you you go first that's why i go first and then everyone else lets me know how dumb i am i'm gonna give it uh i i'm gonna give it a 1.5 just because that peach seems like pissing you off isn't it yeah there's the peach i think you're harder on this one than than other ones yeah i've learned my lesson not to be so generous um don't eat that peach there's a weird peach scene there's that gross like pseudo like attraction between the two of them is the peach thing another pussy reference?

Could be. Because of the advice that they give you when you're a young man. They're like, just act like you're eating a peach. What? I don't know what sex ed class you took, but I learned about the epididymis. I always thought how to eat out a lady. Hey kids, just act like you're eating a peach.

Then put your dick in that peach. Just take it. And then you're going to want to fuck that peach. Just rub the head of your dick on this peach. Oh God. There was a daycare in my school. That's probably why. Oh.

There are a lot of peaches getting fucked. Yeah. All right. Well, I have to go kill myself. Yeah, I'd give it like 1.5. One of them is, what's his name? Hoggle? Yeah.

Hoggle's nipple, which is disgusting. And then one of the half nipple is, I don't know. I'm bad at this. I didn't take enough improv classes. So it's just a regular nipple. I feel like you saying you didn't take enough improv classes is like a compliment to yourself. Yes.

True. What's your rating, Jamie? Two sultry 15-year-olds. Hard nipples for David Bowie. They're pointed at him. but they can't touch him good that's my rating i'm gonna give this a three because first of all you guys are putting your

adult eyes on this movie okay yeah when you were 15 you saw this movie like okay you're obsessed with NSYNC how old were you? I was probably 12 and how old were they? they were who knows but you know what you wanted to do to them I wanted to fuck those puppets you wanted to eat their peaches fuck those marionettes

so you're putting your adult eyes on this movie and people who are going to see this movie are probably going to be teenagers because Hot Topic, I'm sure, is running out of shit to sell. So they're like, let's bring back the labyrinth. Right now, actually, they're doing pretty well with their Nightmare Before Christmas shit. Oh, yeah. It's all out.

It's a season, baby. My first kiss was with a boy in a Jack Skellington sweatshirt. Oh, gross. Oh, I was going to say, awesome. I think my first kiss was this kid, Nate. And I was wearing my, I worked at Halloween Express. Hell yeah. And I had my big orange Halloween t-shirt.

I already grabbed my boob like kind of like a like a little and I was like is this what it's supposed to be like and then I was like you need to go I had a panic attack I was like you need to leave I can't do this mine was on a beach and I didn't know what a boner was until it was against me

and I was like and then we were standing on a rock and I almost fell off the rock I like to reiterate that I am a virgin so i'm gonna have a first kiss so i finished why i gave it a three okay so i feel like she is not on a mission to fuck first of all she's on a mission to get her to get her bro and at the end she is like you don't have control over me like i'm an independent woman i'm strong i'm fearless i'm gonna get this baby back you can't seduce me with your peach spells okay and it's a peach spell

and she makes all these great friends and at the end she gets her brother back and it's not about fucking it's about becoming a woman okay fair that's a fair assessment I'm on board I'll take it I'm on board with that and that little baby grew up to be a steampunk yeah yeah good for him all's well that ends well i bet when

he sleeps he still sees david bowie just stare down in his peach dreams millions of peaches peaches for me is that the canned peaches one I don't know she eats canned peaches yes something about putting Vaseline I don't know what you're talking about she eats Vaseline

oh I didn't know that was a lyric it goes he does that wolf thing no you're thinking of werewolves of London She's Vaseline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that was a lyric. It goes, ah, ooh. Right? He does that wolf thing. No. No, you're thinking of Werewolves of London. No, no, no.

Ah, ooh. Werewolves of London. Oh, that old sex tune. Love it. Something about Vaseline. Anyway. She don't use jelly. Yeah, she doesn't use jelly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's Vaseline. That's like Vaseline Vaseline that's not the peach song at all nor is it werewolves of London well this was a fun one I've had a great time thank you so much Jenny for coming

thank you guys for having me is there anything you want to plug where can people find you online see me at Jenny Zagrino. J-E-N-N-Y-Z as in zebra. I-G-R-I-N-O. And that's all my instas and twits and snaps and all that shit. Great.

And yeah, and then I'm going to be at Sketchfest next month. In San Francisco, right? In San Francisco. Next month. In San Francisco, right? In San Francisco. And, um, shit. What else am I going to be? Go see Bad Santa 2. Yeah, I was going to say, oh yeah, go see Bad Santa 2. Although by the time this comes out, it might already be on DVD or something.

Yeah. And go to my website for tour information. Is that just JennyIsagrino.com? JennyIsagrino.com. Great. Thank you again so much. Thank you guys. You can follow us

on Twitter at Bechtelcast. We've got followers. Yeah, we do have. Sometimes I look at it and I'm like, whoa. I'm like, wow, people like us.

You can like us on Facebook also. We're just, I think. Some people did that. Yeah, some people did that too. I can't believe it. You can email us.

Honestly, I've been here and I cannot believe it. It's wild. Hey, some people did that too. I can't believe it. You can email us if you want. Honestly, I've been here. I cannot believe it. It's wild. Hey, straight from the source. I see what's happening here. I'm not a believer. You can also email us at thebectocast at gmail.com if you have any questions. Particularly if you are a past sexual partner.

And you want to, yeah, let me know what my vagina was like. I'm very curious. I'm sure it was great. I've never seen it. There's any men out there that want to give me, let me know what my vagina was like. I'm very curious. I'm sure it was gray. I've never seen it. There's any men out there that want to give me a second ooh? Ooh. I would take it. Yeah.

So email us about that and nothing else. And if my past lovers just want to call me to say hi. Just check in. Yeah. Just check in with me. Just check in in. Is that? Oh, we should end it in two different ways, too.

Oh, like I say something, you say something entirely different? I just want to do one more confident thing. Oh, sure. You go first, because I don't know what you're talking about. Okay. Wow, what a fun podcast we had today with our guest, Jenny Zagrino. My name is jamie i feel i've felt great this whole time and i feel like my future is bright and i am having a good day

and i like my outfit thanks for listening that was wonderful okay i get what you mean now um i'm gonna just play that back to myself later right uh jamie i cherish you and i like that you are my co-host. And I have a great time doing this with you. And Jenny, I cherish you, too. I cherish both of you. Thank you so much for being here. And just, like, being my friend and stuff.

You're so welcome. We're all really great people. It's that holiday warmth. I know. Oh, yeah, guys. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

And happy winter solstice. hanukkah is gonna be on christmas this year true oh and so happy hanukkah and um happy happy times all around for all of us wow i'm really ending this fun episode on a solemn note everyone just go fuck david bowie go get that peach get fucked by a peach. All right. Bye. Bye. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist

who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. In California during the summer of 1975,

within the span of 17 days and less than 90 miles, two women did something no other woman had done before, try to assassinate the President of the United States. One was the protege of Charles Manson. 26-year-old Lynette Fromm, nickname Squeaky. The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI. Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore. The story of one strange and violent summer.

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