The Bechdel Cast - New Year's Eve
Episode Date: December 31, 2020We're closing out this terrible year with an episode on a terrible movie: New Year's Eve (2011).(This episode contains spoilers)For Bechdel bonuses, sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com/bechdelcast....Follow@BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @jamieloftusHELP on TwitterHere are the links / articles mentioned in the episode!Kal Penn's thread showing the racist stereotype roles sent to him early in his acting career: https://ew.com/tv/2017/03/14/kal-penn-racist-stereotype-audition-scripts/The article "Say What You Want, But Sofia Vergara Has Broken Barriers For Latinxs on Primetime TV and Beyond" by Jeniffer Paola Varela Rodriguez in Popsugar: https://www.popsugar.com/latina/is-sofia-vergara-fueling-latina-stereotype-47314023The Vanity Fair piece "Sofia Vergara to Critics: 'What's Wrong with Being a Stereotype?'": https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/01/sofia-vergara-stereotype-character Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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On the Bechdelcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them.
Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism
the patriarchy's effing vast start changing it with the bechdel cast oh man yeah let's find it
let's find a good line there's so many good lines wait what about the one that abigail breslin says
to sarah jessica parker when she's like you're just so moody and like possessive because you don't have
a man in your life you need a man in your life I like the one where you're just some wannabe hipster
who had his heart broken by the prom oh wait no I know what my favorite line my line favorite line
in the exchange in the movie is okay hopefully you remember the line I just ended up talking about. So, Caitlin, you're like a comic book artist.
Do you like draw?
I illustrate.
Oh, my God.
I'm in love.
Holy shit.
You fucking do.
So aggressive.
Welcome to the Bexel cast.
Wait, wait.
Which one was yours?
Oh, my favorite line from the film, the prestige film from 2011 directed by gary marshall
new year's eve my favorite line is let the best vajayjay win and then everyone was like ha ha ha
it's so funny oh this what a what a happy almost new year everyone uh This is the Bechtelcast. I'm Jamie Loftus.
I'm Caitlin Durante, and this is our podcast about how movies fare when we look at them
through an intersectional feminist lens.
And folks, we're going to have fun this week.
I feel like we, as an extended podcast family
have earned it.
It's been the biggest
shit pile of a year on record
and that was a pretty competitive
market.
Truly. There's been
some pretty shitty years
in the history of the world.
You know what people were having a
lot of optimism for was uh
2012 apparently they made a whole movie about how excited we were for 2012 yeah why wouldn't this
movie have come out in like the end of 1999 when like we were actually talking about like this new millennium y2k was a big thing
there was like so much maybe like 2012 2012 was the year that some people thought the world would
end because of the like oh i forgot about the mayan calendar thing my theory was it was the
entire movie was funded by obama's re-election campaign. They're just like, 2012, right?
I think they would have
made a far better movie
if that were true.
I don't know.
That's up for debate.
This movie is god-awful.
Okay, so this is the Bechdel cast.
If this is your first episode,
maybe reconsider it or just hang out and see.
We're loose today.
But we're going to use the Bechdel test, I guess, theoretically, as a jumping off point for discussion.
That being a media metric test invented by queer cartoonist Alison Bechdel, sometimes called the Bechdel-Wallace test, that requires that, for our purposes,
two people of a marginalized gender with names
talk to each other about something other than a man
for more than two lines of dialogue.
Doesn't seem like it would be that hard.
This movie really takes a long time to get there.
Really long.
It does get there.
Sort of.
It does,
but it barely does anything.
There's a whole scene in this movie
where Sofia Vergara and Katherine Heigl
are just throwing eggs across a room.
Feminist.
Feminist alert.
Feminist eggs of symbolism.
Okay, think about it.
We're talking about new year's eve the movie that was supposed to get us all excited for 2012
kayla do you do you have a history with this movie have you seen it before
no i hadn't seen this before okay i know i had seen the previous 45-person cast Gary Marshall movie.
I have seen Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day.
Sure.
Okay.
I have not seen that one either.
Nor have I seen Mother's Day, which came out like five years after this one.
It's like an unofficial trilogy because they're all Gary Marshall ensemble movies that are all bad.
There's no way. we were just talking about this
off mic there's no way gary marshall actually directed this entire movie i feel like he hired
10 assistant directors and paid them enough to not credit them appropriately and then showed up
for one i've the the true story of this movie for me is in the 45 minute blooper reel at the end.
It's pretty.
It's the most compelling part of the movie.
I think Jessica Biel gives a birth to two copies of Valentine's Day on DVD and the blooper
on Blu-ray.
Hello.
Okay.
She's rich, which is which is why like her whole storyline makes no sense.
Oh my gosh. None of these storylines make sense i can't wait this is like if uh i mean we we you know early in the cast we covered four years ago at this point we covered love actually and this is
if love actually like i don't even know like if Love Actually got hit in the head really hard with a basketball,
the movie would maybe be something like this.
It's trying to do the same vignette thing.
But instead of, like, with Love Actually, the vignettes make sense.
They're just generally pretty sexist and racist and dated.
For sure.
These don't even make sense they don't make sense at
least i mean go back and listen to our love actually episode we had plenty to say about it
and i like it's very problematic in many ways we're not fans at least love actually though
has the ability to elicit like real emotion in audiences like people responded to that movie
for a reason i understand why people really liked it like in a dated way but like you're like okay
i i see i see why people were into this at the time right no one was into this at the time i
think we're the first people that have watched it since it came out it made
okay it made 142 million dollars at the box office it was number one i can't i what else
came out around that time that no one everyone had to go see new year's eve because that's a
good that's actually a good question my favorite fun fact about this movie is that it was nominated for five Razzie Awards and lost all of them to Jack and Jill.
The Adam Sandler movie.
Yes.
So, you know, it wasn't even the worst movie to come out that year.
It also has a 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. And if you just like, if you look at the like critical reception chunk on Wikipedia about this movie, it's very funny because like the quotes that get pulled about this movie are and like there's, I'm just going to read a couple.
Okay, Roger Ebert, our favorite person person actually has something that we would agree with
says new year's eve is a dreary plod through the sands of time until finally the last grain
has trickled through the hourglass of cinematic sludge shout out to sludge how how is it possible
to assemble more than two dozen stars in a movie and find nothing interesting for any of them to do?
End quote.
Claudia Winkleman.
Not Claudia Winkleman.
Of BBC one.
I have found the worst film of all time and it is called New Year's Eve
period.
And then there's a couple more,
but you get the idea.
This is,
I mean,
this is one of those things that it reminds me of
the um lindsey ellis did a video on cats and like the sorts of movies that critics come together to
just really take a gigantic dump on as as a professional exercise however this movie does
deserve it it's way more than cats did because cats was good uh this movie is is really
bad um oh another there's just so many this movie is just a list of moments there's also scenes that
seem like they're interrupted by another scene and then the previous scene just starts again
yes i have i made a note of a few of those they they keep cutting to a montage that they just
they should just let the
montage play out but Zac Efron is taking Michelle Pfeiffer around New York City ever heard of it
to like check off her new year's resolutions from the previous year and instead of again instead of
letting the whole montage play out they just keep like dispersing little little bits of it throughout
the movie and it's
like this is so jarring and weird and then they cut back to a scene that they had already
like the katherine heigl storyline and it's like just let one of these moments breathe for five
seconds they cut away it's that's yeah that that was the i thought the most egregious one too where
they cut out of the middle of a scene of katherine heigl and it's not john it's not john bon jovi it's john bon jensen
it's uh jensen bon jensen jensen bon jensen uh but they cut out of the middle of it and then
it's like the weirdest part of most of that like thing that whole montage is that it's clear that
it's just zach affron doing adr over b-roll
that they're not even there for like 100 there's like they cut to like just b-roll of a water taxi
and then you hear zach afron say and go in a taxi in new york with no traffic check and you're like what so much of these scenes are adr um yes it's i had i had fun i i will say i
was so frustrated because i like i feel like i had to like for a horrible movie you have to really
pay close attention to what's like it took me a really long time to because i had to keep pausing
and because things keep happening and you're like wait a second they're wait a second why did they just take hillary
swank to the maternity ward what is why is that happening there why is she in a room full of
babies and then it's over so fast and then you forget right away it's how did how are we
so normally i watched the movie twice i think normally you watch whatever movie we're covering once.
We both had to watch it an extra time.
So I watched it three times.
You watched it twice.
I had to watch it twice, yeah.
Just because.
I also knew I wasn't going to retain it from the night to the morning, which is sad.
And that is the mark of a really bad and really poorly written movie.
Yeah.
If like none of it sticks with you and it's so jarring and it like just gives you so much
whiplash that you cannot piece together any part of the narrative like it just washes over you
it's so oh another one of my favorite bad lines is at the the end the hillary swank ludicrous
storyline i'm like what is this is so weird uh and then at the end ludicrous's fake
family shows up and i've never seen an actor make it more clear that this is not his actual family
because he because he like he walks towards these like these poor children and he's like hello my
little rug rats you're like you're not their dad also why is ludicrous a cop like an nypd cop and not just like a he's like
a lieutenant or something he's like yeah really high up in the ranks well this is this through
uh researching for this very important episode i did find out that uh ludicrous and richard pryor
were cousins did you know whoa i didn't know that he's cousins with richard prior and
monica the singer oh what a talented family i know it turns out it's a dynasty um but i'd rather
see that ensemble cast movie like about a comedian and two musicians all in like all sharing a
bloodline that's more interesting than whatever drivel we
get with new year's eve richard pryor is not available yeah but ludacris was available for
this movie he was so available uh but even though he could be removed from every scene and it would
be no different there was at one point truly like there and and we'll get to the treatment
of black and brown characters in this movie because it is real bad but um just like the
most poorly written you can imagine but there was a full like 10 minutes that i was convinced i was
like is ludicrous actually a ghost big because he's just sort of like in these scenes with hillary swank being like it's gonna be
okay and she never asks him really anything about himself and i'm like is he like a ghost of new
year's past telling her to go to robert also robert de niro is in this oh yeah i will say for
full disclosure i went into this movie being like
there's gonna be one storyline that I'm just not gonna pay attention to at all because there are
too many and so I was like one's gotta go and I chose as a character to pay attention during zero
of their scenes I chose Josh Duhamel oh I didn't pay attention to a single scene that Josh Duhamel
was in I know he ends up with Sarah Jessica Parker but I wasn't paying attention to a single scene that josh demel was in i know he ends up with sarah
jessica parker but i wasn't paying attention to josh demel i don't want to learn i feel like i've
gotten this far in life without learning who josh demel is and i like i just don't really want to
know who he is now he is fergie's husband question mark I think that's the main thing you need to know about him.
See, I wouldn't have expected that.
I didn't.
I was like, oh, I recognize this guy, but I don't want to look at him.
And so I ignored his storyline.
But all the other ones, I paid very close attention.
I'll fill in the gaps.
The Josh Duhamel.
What's his name?
Josh Duhamel? Is it Duhamel?al what's his name josh dumel i have no
idea i have no don't take my word for it i literally fast forwarded through his scenes
you not having paid attention to it will not like someone who did pay attention to it will have no
better understanding of what happens in his story than someone who did not pay attention at all so
you missed truly nothing god he's tad
hamilton and went a date with tad hamilton oh yeah he's in at least one of the transformers
movies sure is wow he's in some other stuff this yeah who is this man i'm just not interested
um i guess yeah let's let's see let's see uh, I don't know how to recap this exactly. Sorry to end the year on the most difficult recap of all time.
Okay.
I mean, it's not unlike Cats in that a bunch of characters just keep getting introduced and introduced and introduced.
And then there's no story.
And then there's a climax, sort of.
And then it's the end.
So it's really similar structurally to Cats, if you think about it.
It's true.
Anyway.
You got to hand it to New Year's Eve.
So again, this is like an ensemble movie in the vein of Love Actually.
It's trying very hard to be Love Actually and not succeeding.
And that is embarrassing.
But we're in New York City.
It is New Year's Eve day.
I think there are like seven main storylines,
but then a couple of them kind of morph together by the end.
So it's sort of hard to track them.
In a way that's supposed to be like, wow,
but this is like they're really reaching for love actually
because some of the stories intersect there.
But it like, and it doesn't work for me in that movie either,
but this one is like, huh? What? do that it really fails we don't care so it's worth mentioning
uh new york city in a way is the main character this is really the protagonist of the film it's
just kind of a love letter to new york i love the part where robert de niro is like ah that new york
air you're like yeah that's disgusting that new york air is yeah that smells like trash all the time it smells like something really wet
that you can't identify like awesome yeah they named all of the segments uh really boring in
the did you see in the credits where they're like oh yeah resolution tour hospital story maternity ward jensen and laura's story which is elevator
mother daughter ahern party time square you're like this is so boring the pinnacle of creativity
yeah if you ask me genius okay so um the other note about this is that i'm going to use actors
names instead of characters names just for the sake of clarity
because there are truly dozens and dozens of characters.
Yeah.
And most of them are played by famous people.
So that'll just make everything more clear.
Love it.
I'm also probably going to like accidentally
or on purpose leave some stuff out of this recap
because there's just like far too much to even talk about.
But here's the gist yeah so one story
revolves around hillary swank she is the vp of the times square alliance and she is in charge of the
famous ball drop at midnight she flips a gigantic light switch and that's her whole thing but she
has vertigo so ludacris has a cop pick her up. Oh, jeez. Right.
Sure.
Another story revolves around Zac Efron, who is a bike courier.
And he really wants to do some big, epic party for New Year's Eve that night.
With Ashton Kutcher, his roommate.
With Ashton Kutcher, his roommate.
He drops something off a package for Michelle Pfeiffer at her office at a record company.
And that turns out to be four tickets to this very exclusive party that Zach would love to go to.
But she's like, get away from me.
And then she quits her shitty job with her shitty boss, John Lithgow.
John Lithgow is the only person who knows what movie he's in and he has such a fun performance he goes like because he she works at like a record
the ahern record company and he's like yes you know it's been a bad year for music music piracy
blah blah blah i was like did he just skip over some of the script and then when she says i quit he goes you can't quit it's grammy
season i was like this is so vague michelle pfeiffer's wig is so distracting oh my gosh
really i'm like she we were texting about this last night but it's like everyone in this movie
is playing themselves except for michelle pfeiffer who is like doing this character yeah and okay here's what's really did you get this sense
too when you first watch the movie and you're first introduced to her character she is seen
getting off of a bus she's holding a piece of paper it makes it seem like this is her like
first time in New York because immediately after that she almost she like goes to cross the street and
then almost gets hit by a cab and then has to like twirl around and then prat falls into a pile
of trash but then you find out she's lived here for years right so I'm like why would you set up
this character that way it's so weird like that's so much reads as like she just got off the bus
in New York City where she's never been before and she doesn't know how to cross the street or she doesn't know how to like navigate through the city.
That's like a trope.
See, like you see that shot and you're like, oh, I know what's happening.
But then they make it they twist it for no reason.
It's so weird.
Like the way that this character is written is just like, I don't even know if it's sexist. I know it makes no reason. It's so weird. Like the way that this character is written is just like,
I don't even know if it's sexist.
I know it makes no sense.
I know, like, I guess it is sexist,
but it's so nonsensical that you're just like,
what were they trying to do even?
Like, she doesn't seem to know what her job is.
Or like, she doesn't, I don't know what her job is,
but she also doesn't know what her job is.
Zac Efron comes to deliver her the mail every day but he says he's a bike courier not a mailman
and then he says i've seen you every i've brought you a package every day this year and you've never
looked at me which is like uh if zach efron delivered me a package every day i would like
no you know and not look at anything else i would be thinking
about him constantly and then she's invited to like this cool party this like big record label
party the record label she is currently working at true and then he's like oh wow that's a really
cool party and she's like really what is it like, you work here. What are you talking about? It's it truly.
I like that.
And finally, I like that Zac Efron's character's name is Paul.
Paul.
There's a whole there's a whole thing where he sings that little song.
He goes, give Paul a chance to show you what I can do.
I was like, what if his character's name isn't Paul?
And he was just kind of guessing
oh funny sorry this is a disaster i know well the record company that michelle pfeiffer works at is
the same record company that is owned by josh dumell's character's mother and his storyline cherry jones his storyline is that he is trying to make
his way to new york from connecticut where he like was just the witness of his friend's wedding
or something on the morning of new year's eve sure yeah people have weddings then not absolutely
made no sense like i was like who are? Okay, we just need to get him.
We haven't even gotten to Jessica Biel's unvaccinated fetus.
Unbelievable.
Is she an anti-vaxxer?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Big time anti-vaxxer.
Very weird seeing her play a pregnant lady because you're like, this kid's in for a world of hurt.
This is bad.
Horrifying.
Yeah, she's bad well josh jumel is trying to get to new york because he is giving a speech at an event
which turns out to be the party that zach efron is trying to go to and he's also considering meeting
up with a woman who he met last new year's eve so that's his setup um on to zach efron's roommate ashton kutcher he hates new
year's eve he's a grinch about new year's he rearranges the sign that says happy new year's
eve and makes it say crappy new year's eve even though i'm like where did those letters come from
where did the c and the r come from how'd you get that uh this is the worst written movie of all time more like crappy
new year's eve ashton kutcher is so bad i mean he's so bad in really honestly most movies um
but have you ever seen jobs steve jobs yes you know i've seen jobs there well there there are
a few moments in the elevator where he's channeling jobs when he goes
i'm an illustrator you're like oh that's like he's prepping for jobs wow anyway sorry he doesn't want
to do anything to celebrate new year's eve and he's on his way to like throw out a bunch of new
year's decorations but oh no he gets stuck in his apartment building's elevator with Leah Michelle.
Is that how you say her name?
Leah Michelle, yeah. So we have in this storyline, we have Leah Michelle, a confirmed racist,
and Ashton Kutcher, an early investor in Uber and the worst actor of all time.
And we're supposed to be like, you should kiss.
And I'm like, I need to get out of these scenes as quickly as possible
uh so leah michelle is on her way to be a backup singer for john bon jovi aka jensen bon jensen
and he is playing the like televised time square ball drop concert like ryan seacrest hosted blah blah that whole thing he has a romantic history
with katherine heigl who is catering the big ahern records after party yes with her co-workers
russell peters and sophia vergara yes then uh we meet sarah michelle geller uh she wants to spend
the evening with her daughter, Abigail Breslin.
Sorry, you mean Sarah Jessica Parker?
What did I say?
Sarah Michelle Geller.
I keep doing that.
And I literally name Sarah.
It makes sense.
Meanwhile, Sarah Jessica Parker.
I even have that written down.
And I still said the wrong thing.
Okay.
It took me a second to be like wait who is and then i couldn't remember
sarah michelle gellers no sarah jessica parker god damn okay we have to leave this in we have
sarah jessica parker wants to spend the evening with her daughter abigail breslin but abigail
is trying to go to times square with her friends and she wants to kiss
her crush at midnight yeah she also lifts her shirt in the middle of a train station
in their first scene because reasons I was horrified to see that it is so weird she is 15 in this movie and um why do that it
it doesn't make sense for a character to do it doesn't make sense for gary marshall to tell a
child to do it doesn't even make sense for her character she's not kind of like her character
isn't like woohoo look at me like she is not an exhibitionist it here nothing about it it makes any sense tracks and
on top of that it's like y'all why is a child lifting up her shirt and exposing her bra in
public and why is her mom not reacting to that yeah she her mom well her mom does say this isn't
girls gone wild and she like runs over to like like dated reference she runs over to like cover her
up and i've seen that does tragically pass the bechdel test it's a flawed metric it's a i'm just
realizing that leah michelle's character uh was named elise um yeah i guess it's so weird it's
like some characters uh get full names in this movie. Other characters don't. Like Zac Efron is only known as Paul. But Michelle Pfeiffer is constantly referred to as Ingrid
Withers, like her full name all the time. Like why? Why? Which I feel like is like, hey, audience,
in case you didn't know, this is a character who is far, far older than Zac Efron. See, she has an old person name, Ingrid Withers.
Whereas he is young and cool and therefore he is Paul.
I don't know.
Not sure.
Rooting for them.
So that's Sarah Jessica Parker, not Sarah Michelle Gellar.
So that's her storyline with Abigail Breslin.
Then we cut to a hospital where Robert De Niro is dying.
Halle Berry is a nurse who tends to him.
His nurse.
His nurse, who he thinks is his wife sometimes.
Yes.
His dying wish is to see the ball drop in times square one last time with his own
eyes he wants to like go up on the roof but his doctor carrie and then i'm gonna have like a ewan
mcgregor moment here because i don't know how to say his last name he's the guy from what
could be princess bride princess bride guy i this okay this whole thing with robert de niro is so vague
on the second watch i was like maybe i will figure out what is going on here it seems like he is in
the late stages of cancer he has stopped refusing or he had started to refuse treatment which does
happen but then he's like i didn't do you think I came here because the hospital's good?
No,
I came here because I want to get on the roof of this hospital.
And you're like,
huh?
And then he keeps saying it was like on my second watch,
I was cracking up because his whole thing is he's like,
just take me up on the roof so I can die.
And it's his whole thing.
And then everyone's like, like why why do you want to
why why and he's like i'm an asshole or he's like i've been i've made so many bad choices
but he never says what any of those choices are right no one ever do we even did i miss something
does he say what he did that was bad because he keeps being like i'm an ass i made so
many mistakes and you're like were you like fracking like what were you doing that is so bad
that you want to die today like it's just so weird um i don't think they specify my impression was
that he was just sort of like an absentee father and husband kind of person it's the way
he was talking made it sound like he had done something really bad war crimes or something
because if because like most i maybe this is a generalization but like most parents who worked
a lot aren't like i need to die right now because i feel bad that i had to work like it sounds like he did something bad
it sounds like he really fucked up and i kind of am curious as to like what he did because
he's clearly wracked with guilt yes over something right but don't worry he'll get a redemption arc
because it's a holiday season movie maybe he was like henry kissinger's assistant
or something like i'm like something this man did something really bad otherwise he would not be
telling anyone who will listen that he was a bad person and needs to die right now yeah i don't
know well something's going on meanwhile at the same hospital question question mark, Sarah Paulson. Oh, yeah.
I didn't even think of that.
I think it's the same one, but I'm not totally sure.
Sarah Paulson and Jessica Biel are both extremely pregnant.
And the thing with this hospital is that if you are the first person to give birth on New Year's Day, that family wins $25,000 from that hospital so and like huh is that is that a thing does that happen maybe i don't know um but they are both vying for this 25 grand and
jessica beal is married to seth myers sure right there's also it's like a good like there's not one like i i would say i would argue that if
i had to choose a pairing and none of the pairings have chemistry but if i had to be like who has the
most chemistry i would honestly probably say zach gaffron and michelle pfeiffer and that's not a
compliment like they don't have a lot of chemistry but everyone else is just like they're just saying lines near each other like i feel like everyone's missing each other's eyeline and that whole i mean and i feel like
yeah the my my two bottom couples are definitely seth meyers and jessica beale horrible and who
oh wait it's i keep losing track of who is even where oh ashton kutcher and leah michelle yeah those are my bottom
right i truly could not track the logic of that relationship and then sarah paulson is married to
i know is married to till schweiger who i wrote down in my notes brilliantly but he looks like he should be the villain of a national treasure movie so oh he
definitely does wow i did not know who this man is he's is that bad i have no idea who this he's
a german actor who's in some american cinema but he's also in a lot of german films um yeah i i
recognize him but i don't i couldn't I like had to look up his name
I he I didn't like his character his character was really aggressive he also like runs a charm
school randomly like why do we learn what his job is it has nothing to do with anything I did not I
didn't catch that in the first one and then the second one I was like why would you add this detail the yeah he runs a charm school
which is like um i guess but also he's not very charming so i don't know like what my my i think
one of my top worst moments of the movie is when so like it becomes this weird masculine
race to who can get their wives water to break the fastest which is first of all
a really gross premise for a vignette and so it's it's like till schweiger and seth meyers being
like my wife's gonna water break any minute and i'm making her eat anchovies and you're like this
is so gross and then sarah
paulson goes up to till schweiger and like apologizes to him because her water hasn't
broken yet i'm like that's so bleak she's like i'm sorry honey i don't think we're gonna get
the money because i couldn't induce labor on command you're like oh also sarah paulson did
you feel i felt that sarah pa Paulson's pregnancy looked extra fake.
Like way faker than Jessica Biel's.
I don't know why.
But Sarah Paulson, it couldn't have been clearer to me that they just like velcroed something on her body.
They just like stuffed a lumpy pillow up into her shirt.
I'm like, why did she get a worse?
Did they only have two?
And then Jessica Biel's like, I get the good one.
I don't know.
Sarah Paulson's looked super fake. Well, I'm guessing like 50% of the budget went to paying Bon Jovi. did they only have two and then jessica beale's like i get the good one i don't know sarah
paulson's looks super fake well i'm guessing like 50 of the budget went to paying bon jovi so
yeah i don't know john bon jensen i can't get over it yeah so yeah she plays poor this is like
early i was trying to figure out is this um oh oh this wait okay i just learned something interesting oh please tell me sarah
paulson and cherry jones were together from 2004 to 2009 meaning that they were recent exes at the
time of this movie i don't know uh that has nothing to do with anything i just didn't know
that i was trying to figure out if this if this out when Sarah Paulson was famous or if this
was a movie that she did like right before she got famous because she got famous doing
like American Horror Story and stuff.
But I don't know when that was.
I feel like this was either right around then, the cusp of then or just like right before
that.
Right.
It had to have been because it's like there's some people, it's really hard to, because
like these movies are so in the moment that it's kind of some people are bigger stars than they
used to be and then other people are presented as huge stars and now they're kind of not
and so it's just very jarring like it's very much a time capsule of 2011 this is like peak
leah michelle when now like everyone this was like glee yeah this is like peak glee so I think we were supposed
to be excited about that Katherine Heigl it's always weird to be like and now it's Katherine
Heigl and everyone's like so what you know but another person who is who has ended up you know
being exposed as as a villainous person oh no what did What did she do? She was accused of a bunch of,
uh,
similar to Leah Michelle,
a bunch of,
uh,
racist microaggressions on the set of Grey's Anatomy,
much like Leah Michelle did on Glee.
So,
um,
yeah,
I guess my apologies to Seth Rogen.
Fuck those people.
Uh,
yeah.
Okay. So that is the setup
for all of these storylines.
Let's take a quick break
and then we'll come back
and see what happens next.
Daphne Caruana Galizia
was a Maltese investigative journalist
who on October 16th, 2017
was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now. The situation is desperate.
My name is Manuel Delia. I am one of the hosts of Crooks Everywhere, a podcast that unhearts the
plot to murder a one-woman Wikileaks. Daphne exposed the culture of crime and corruption
that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.
And she paid the ultimate price.
Listen to Crooks everywhere on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, everybody.
This is Matt Rogers.
And Bowen Yang.
We've got some exciting news for you.
You know we're always bringing you the best guests, right?
Well, this week we're taking it
to the next level.
The one, the only,
Katherine Hahn
is joining us
on Las Culturistas.
That's right.
The queen of comedy herself.
Get ready for a conversation that's as hilarious as it is insightful.
Tune in for all the laughs, the stories, and of course, the culture.
I feel some Sandra Bernhardt in you.
Oh, my God.
I would love it.
I have to watch Lost.
Oh, you have to.
No, I know.
I'm so behind.
Katherine Hahn can sing. Oh, I'm really. No, I know. I'm so behind. Katherine Hahn can sing.
Oh, I'm really good at karaoke.
What's your song?
Yeah, what's your song?
Oh, I love a ballad.
I felt Bjork's music.
I just was like, who is this person?
I got to hawk this slalom, Luge.
I'm not going to hawk this slalom. Ige. Not hawk the slalom.
I absolutely love it.
It was somehow Shakespearean when you said it.
It was somehow gorgeous.
Yee, my slok, you hollum.
Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradente.
And I'm Jemay Jackson-Gadsden.
We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline, a new podcast from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.
When you're just starting out in your career, you have a lot of questions. Like, how do I speak up when I'm feeling overwhelmed?
Or, can I negotiate a higher salary if this is my first real job?
Girl, yes.
Each week, we answer your unfiltered
work questions. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know
the answer, we bring in experts who do, like resume specialist Morgan Saner. The only difference
between the person who doesn't get the job and the person who gets the job is usually who applies.
Yeah, I think a lot about that quote. What is it like you miss a hundred percent of the shots you never take? Yeah. Rejection is scary, but it's better
than you rejecting yourself. Together, we'll share what it really takes to thrive in the early years
of your career without sacrificing your sanity or sleep. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcastss, or wherever you get your podcasts.
And we're back.
All right.
So here are the stories that unfold, I guess.
The pregnant women start to try to induce labor. I hate this scene with Jessica Biel and the anchovy.
I'm sorry.
I just can't get over it.
It's so nasty nasty
uh Bon Jovi meanwhile is trying to win back Katherine Heigl after bailing on their engagement
last year which we learn in very expository dialogue it's so okay that makes me laugh so
much because they're he John Bon Jensen is such a disaster in this like he keeps wandering around being like i don't
understand why won't you give me another chance and then sofia vergar is like well what did you
do he's like well i proposed to her and then i immediately disappeared last year and i'm like
well of course she hates you what are you talking right he's like i don't understand
he's like she also 50 years old i'm like how could you not understand she katherine heigl is like i didn't
even get to cook you one meal in our apartment together and it's like women be cooking like why
would that be the thing she says at least she's a chef but yeah she's a she's like a fancy chef
but even so like that whole like i mean talk about two people that have no chemistry, no
chemistry.
Jon Bon Jensen is struggling just to like seem like he is acting like he cannot act
and he's trying so hard and he's just something about the way he enters scenes.
I found very jarring and clear that he wasn't an actor because he just seems like he's
wandering into like a kitchen and you're like, get what are you doing in here gross there's a similar phenomenon happening
with ludicrous where like suddenly he just like swiveled around in a chair and he's like hi
there yeah the musicians in this movie are really clearly uh musicians and not actors
yeah i mean lud Ludacris is being
done a disservice. I mean, everyone's being done
a disservice, but Ludacris is
being done an extra disservice.
But he is just kind of all of a sudden
there. He's just
like, Hillary Swank is
my best friend and she's afraid of heights.
And as we know, I'm gonna...
The fact that he has a cop
pick Hillary Swank up and is like, I love my friend.
This is how I help her.
I have my coworker pick her up.
And it's like, I hate this friendship.
This friendship is so weird.
It makes no sense.
OK.
Meanwhile, Abigail Breslin sneaks out of her apartment.
And that makes it sound like she has her own apartment she sneaks
out of the apartment that she lives in with her mom whose name is either sarah michelle geller
or sarah jessica parker well we don't know her character name and we're not gonna look it up
we simply don't care she sneaks out and goes to time square and then her mom like tries to chase
after her and figure out where she's gone meanwhile josh dumell crashes his car and then
has to hitch a ride in an rv with a pastor and either the pastor or the pastor's his wife
horny dad making very gross comments the whole way um like then back in new york city uh robert de niro is like expressing all of his regrets about
not being a better person it's all very vague we're like what did you do i think he like he
has to be like working high up in the government and like i was gonna say like what did he do
was he like the president of some...
It could be Wall Street, maybe.
They're in New York.
I just feel like Robert De Niro characters
don't feel guilty over nothing.
He plays very hardened characters.
Right.
This character did something really bad.
Maybe he's playing the same character
that he did in Taxi Driver.
And his character in Taxi Driver does some very fucked up stuff.
That's the canon I'm going with.
He's on his deathbed being like, I just want to see the ball drop with my daughter, Hillary Swank.
So weird.
The twist.
Oh, yeah.
By the way, spoiler alert.
The twist, Hillary Swank is his daughter.
Yeah.
What?
Does he die at the end he
does i'm pretty sure he does yeah because she's like holding his like personal items as if he
passed away that is so confusing because on the first i realized at the end of my first viewing
i'm like i don't even know if he's he lived at the end no i think he dies and then it's like
the stroke of midnight or something i don't know i'm like did he die on the roof because that was the other thing i'm like hallie berry is about to lose her
job she lets hillary swank like abduct her dying father to bring him to the roof
yeah and then hallie berry's like i know it's all good she's like i'm too busy i'm skyping with
common who's overseas in the military with common
who was nominated for an award for for that yeah i saw that um but so hallie berry is like whatever
but then yeah it seems like maybe he possibly died on the roof and then she had to like what
bring her father's corpse down the alley back down right and then just be like like okay first of all hillary smite could
be accused of a murder if there is not if there is not good video surveillance of like what exactly
happened she could be in a lot of trouble true uh but instead she's just pulled into a room full
of infants and they're like look at these do you feel better and she's like yes right it's like
her dad died but now she's looking at
newborns it's the circle of life some people die some people are born wow i yeah i and also i felt
like there was just a weird element of and maybe i'm like overthinking a little bit but i'm like oh
nothing cheers up a woman like a room full of babies because women be wanting babies really bad
there are so many like stereotypes and we'll talk about them but like women stereotyped in a
particular way happens countless times in this movie yeah um okay so what happens next um zach
efron he is taking michelle pfeiffer all around the city to check off her New Year's resolutions.
And then Ryan Seacrest as himself.
Funny.
He's one of the few celebrities in the movie who is actually playing himself.
It's so funny.
So like half of this cast has been canceled since this movie came out.
It's like astounding.
And then on top of that, Michael Bloomberg comes out and you're like, shocking.
So Ryan Seacrest is like, all right, everyone, it's 6 p.m. in Times Square.
Let's raise the ball so that we can drop it at midnight.
So they go to raise it.
But oh, no, it's broken and it won't go up.
So then Hilary Swank has to call someone named kaminsky
who turns out to be the bodyguard elizondo diaries and you're like oh i want so much better for him
than this caricature of a of a character yeah so hector elizondo shows up to fix the ball
and then hillary swank gives this like what is meant to be a moving
speech that is televised across the entire nation for some reason everyone sees it in time square
time square is silent captivated by hillary swank's speech i also let there's so many like
2011 details of this movie like in in times square specifically where there's like a
huge poster for uh sherlock holmes trunk of secrets or whatever the fuck the second movie was
starring robert downey oh sorry sherlock holmes a game of shadows i was gonna call it book of
shadows but i think that might be the national treasure yeah it is a game of shadows trunk of secrets it was all it's all the
same but they're they're like heavily advertising there's an extremely sherlock holmesy movie
is actually what it's called disaster uh okay so everyone sees this speech meanwhile
leah michelle and ashton kutcher have started to bond they're about to kiss
but then the elevator starts back up again and she has to leave to go sing for jensen bun jensen
also he's so rude to her he she's she like he's like what are you a groupie i'm like uh yeah have
some respect sir she's john bond jensen's backup singer like this is the worst movie of all time and he's like i'm an
illustrator like oh i did not want them to kiss i was thrilled they didn't get to kiss but then
what they do later i know well and there's also like it goes without like you can tell by looking
at the poster and the year this movie came out that there's just like no consent in the entire just people
just like launching each other at each other's heads it's gross to look at i have a list of all
of like the sexual harassment and sexual misconduct that happens in the movie it's horrifying genuinely
nasty yeah okay so meanwhile zach efron is really close to getting his tickets to this exclusive party.
But then Michelle Pfeiffer overhears him calling her pathetic because he's screaming loudly in an open room with like three feet away from her.
He's like, hello, I'm with this lady.
She's fucking pathetic.
And then she's like, bye.
She's like, I'm right here.
I heard that. And he's like,'s like oh my god i'm so sorry you're like
what are you doing what do you think was gonna happen so she's like i don't want to do this
anymore and he thinks that he blew it but then he's like i'm so sorry i'm gonna make this up
to you and i'm gonna amaze you and all of your resolutions are gonna come true and blah blah
blah all this stuff okay the scene where he you know the one I'm talking about.
The scene where all of a sudden Michelle Pfeiffer is in like Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark.
Like they're just flinging her around the stage.
It was so scary and it like made my eyes hurt to look at.
Yeah.
It was so like, however that was edited.
I don't know if Michelle Pfeiffer was like, I'm not actually going to do that. You have to like green screen it was so like however that was edited i don't know if michelle pfeiffer was like
um i'm not actually gonna do that you have to like green screen it or something but it like
hurt my eyes to look at and it hurt my head to think about like why are they doing this why why
but it was also like it just felt so because her thing was like i need to be amazed that was like her resolution her list is fucking ridiculous
it's so basic it's like such basic white woman shit and i'm just like are you it makes just that
character is so and also i feel like there is like some ageism at play and the way that character is
written because they're like i feel like there is this whole element of like look at this like you are supposed to think that she's pathetic a little bit oh yeah but then we're like oh wait
paul thinks she's cool so i guess she's cool like you're just like he validates her and that whole
i mean none of these stories make sense but she's just like call she rents paul for a day which is
not how bike couriers work uh you can't just rent a bike courier for a day
but also he is already doing the work of a mailman so we don't even know what's going on
he also has two bikes he has a regular bicycle and then he also has like a moped scooter thing
this is why I'm very glad I watched this movie twice because I'm like wow he uh seems to have
a lot of money for someone who says that he does not have any money because he has a gigantic apartment that he shares with Ashton
Kutcher they live in like a loft or something multiple bikes like he's just like he's kind of
like living he's he must be from money or something well did you notice this whenever he goes into
like the record company to deliver the initial package to michelle pfeiffer he's just
like seen going into their like kitchen and like other spaces like rifling through stuff and
stealing it he like steals a bunch of cds and he like steals a bunch of like coffee creamer and
stuff i don't know what this guy's deal is at all i think we're supposed to think he's like
scrappy in his 20s and like doesn't have a lot of money but like that doesn't make sense and also it's like that sort of like i don't know i it seems like gary
marshall wants you to believe like oh new york it's magical and like you know zach but i don't
understand how paul has all these connections they're like he's like i'm a bike courier therefore
i can rig you up in the theater whenever i want you're just like no you can't or
like when he goes he opened that really jarring shot where he opens up a storage container and
there's a luxury spa inside and he's like here you here we are in bali and you're like meanwhile
michelle pfeiffer is like she's like oh we're in brooklyn the scariest neighborhood i hate it here it's so dangerous
brooklyn and it's just like shut up that whole her list it was really funny too i was like wow
should we try to pull that list off next year 2021 i'm like there it is my 2021 list save a life like ridiculous it's ludicrous it's it's officer ludicrous it's
it's lieutenant ludicrous to you
okay so then we find out that hillary swank is like planning to go meet up with someone that night.
And it's set up for us to think that Hilary Swank and Josh Duhamel are like meeting up with each other.
But then it's not because Hilary goes and meets up with her dad, Robert De Niro, and she takes him up to the roof.
Where he immediately dies where he dies
then uh the ball drops wow happy new year Jessica Biel's in labor yes the the the
the pregnant women are giving birth Lea Michele is singing Auld Lang Syne um Zac Efron shows up
and kisses Michelle Pfeiffer surprise kisses her mind you oh
launches himself at her the god some of the grossest no consent like surprise kisses in
all the film canon here i also think it's worth mentioning ashton kutcher shows up
yes to be like good luck liam michelle i'm your like loser boyfriend now surprise and she's like okay but he brings this thing that
i only recently learned about from a youtube channel i watch but like he brings her this
really weird dated item that's like a balance bracelet that are like do you remember those
they like were a thing 10 years ago i didn't know they existed existed. It looks like a Livestrong band but there's like a little piece of
stone in it and it's some
it was some bullshit scam that they did
in the early 2010s where
they're like, oh you balance better when you
wear this $30 bracelet that's just
plastic. I know he references that
but I thought he was just making a joke
where it's like, haha, if you don't have this
cheap rubber bracelet it
might offset your
balance i didn't realize that that was a real thing like a balance bracelet tragically that
was a real thing yeah i mean paging paging officer ludicrous once again excuse me officer
what's going on god and i mean they're obviously like fuck the NYPD. But then at the end where the New York cops just start kissing people, you're like, what the fuck is going on in this?
What's happening?
Well, here comes another surprise kiss.
Abigail Breslin goes and like finally finds her crush in Times Square.
Jake T. Austin, a Disney star or a Nickelodeon star.
Yeah, I have no idea who that was.
He was on Wizards of Waverly place okay yeah um but this other girl grabs him and surprise kisses him and then abigail
breslin sees this and she gets sad but then the boy is like wait a minute no i got surprise kiss
you have it all wrong i want to kiss you and then he surprise kisses abigail breslin and she's wearing fingerless gloves for all of
this oh i didn't even notice that oh 2011 she is wearing fingerless gloves oh there another just
quick this is uh seth meyers and jessica beale comment but one of one of my one of the most
baffling line exchanges in the movie for me was she's doing yoga to induce labor.
She just wants $25,000, even though they seem to have a ton of money.
Right.
To pay off Seth Meyers' student loan debt.
Oh, my gosh.
So, yes.
So this is the scene where you find out that he's a horse doctor.
He walks in.
He's like, why are you doing yoga?
Stop.
And then she goes okay and then
she says you are going to be a great vet someday griff and then he says thanks and then he makes
a long joke about like well what if i married a horse that i'd be married to a horse but i'm not
i'm married to you anyways why aren't you in labor and i was like what the fuck is going on here this is he's a horse doctor he has to pay off
his horse doctor so in that storyline of the two pregnant women we learn what both of their
husbands do for a living but we don't learn anything about the two women and the husband's
jobs are ridiculous it's a horse doctor and charm school owner like they're we we i i'm trying
to think i'm like we know what hillary swank does we know what katherine heigl does i would argue we
don't know what michelle pfeiffer does michelle pfeiffer doesn't even know what she does that's
why she quit i think she's the assistant to john lithgow but it's so vague that it really could be anything we sort of know what Sarah
Jess I almost said it again Sarah Jessica Parker does because she's like a costume designer
the Rockettes right iconic only in New York I guess we know what some of the characters it's
just so like but but yeah it it seems pointed that you don't know what the two very pregnant
people do for a living it's almost
as if to say like well they're mothers so they wouldn't have a career pregnancy is a full-time
job uh so weird but yeah he needs to pay off his oh also there's that matthew broderick cameo
oh my gosh first of all is that just like a deal that him and sarah jessica parker have like
you get both of us and they're like well we don't want matthew broderick and he's like well write
me a scene anyways also his name is mr buehlerton oh ferris buehlerton's day off maybe what a what
a mess what a mess um also pretty cool that sarah Sarah Jessica Parker is like, yeah, my husband needs to be in the
movie, but I'm not going to kiss him.
I'm going to kiss Josh Duhamel.
Duhamel.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that brings us to Josh Duhamel, Duhamel, whatever, goes to the spot where he was supposed
to meet this like mystery woman who he met last year.
It seems like she's not going to show up, but then she does.
And surprise, it's Sarah Jessica Parker. And we're like, were we supposed to care about this at all no hard to know um and then
they kiss and we're like woo i guess that's the end of the movie is josh is it josh du mal's
voiceover at the end of the movie because at the end it was like i believe so that was confusing
to me i did not catch that the first time. I was like, and then at the end, someone just starts talking.
I have no idea.
I wasn't sure if it was him or maybe De Niro's ghost.
No, it was Ludacris' ghost.
Oh, that.
Yeah.
So, oh, my God.
When they literally, I mean, the way that all these storylines end are so sloppy.
But when Hilary Swank leaves to go see, she's like bye ludacris it's been fun being in
this movie with you and then he's like my little rugrats and you're like oh stop don't don't
weird weird maybe they are his then i was like what if those are his actual kids and they did
one of those things it wasn't yeah yeah yeah who knows um but i think that's the end of the movie
then there's like this credit montage of mostly zach Efron dancing. And then there's also bloopers. But then that's it. over the actor that they were talking about so it was i was like dying it kept cutting like they
credit like it was shots of zach efron when they for ludacris it was shots of zach efron when they
were crediting leah michelle it was a shot of zach efron when they were crediting john juan jovi
like they put michelle pfeiffer over sarah jessica parker it was like it may have that's like editing 101 and they fucked it up
back to Zac Efron for everyone except for Zac Efron and that was Jon Bon Jovi like this is so
weird oh my god well that's the story let's take a quick break and we'll come back to discuss.
Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017,
was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now. The situation is desperate.
My name is Manuel Delia. I am one of the hosts of Crooks Everywhere,
a podcast that unhearts the plot to murder a one-woman Wikileaks.
Daphne exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.
And she paid the ultimate price.
Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, everybody, this is Matt Rogers.
And Bowen Yang.
We've got some exciting news for you.
You know we're always bringing you the best guests, right?
Well, this week we're taking it to the next level.
The one, the only,
Katherine Hahn
is joining us
on Lost Culture East.
That's right.
The queen of comedy herself.
Get ready for a conversation
that's as hilarious
as it is insightful.
Tune in for all the laughs,
the stories,
and of course, the culture.
I feel some Sandra Bernhardt in you.
Oh, my God.
I would love it.
I have to watch Lost.
Oh, you have to.
No, I know.
I'm so behind.
Katherine Hanken's thing.
Oh, I'm really good at karaoke.
What's your song?
Yeah, what's your song?
Oh, I love a ballad.
I felt Bjork's music.
I just was like, who is this person?
I got to hawk this slalom, Lugie.
Not hawk the slalom.
I absolutely love it.
It was somehow Shakespearean when you said it.
It was somehow gorgeous.
Yee, my slok, you hollum.
Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Gianna Pradente.
And I'm Jemay Jackson-Gadsden.
We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline, a new podcast from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.
When you're just starting out in your career, you have a lot of questions.
Like, how do I speak up when I'm feeling overwhelmed?
Or, can I negotiate a higher salary if this is my first real job?
Girl, yes!
Each week, we answer your unfiltered work questions.
Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice.
And if we don't know the answer, we bring in experts who do.
Like resume specialist Morgan Saner.
The only difference between the person who doesn't get the job and the person who gets the job is usually who applies.
Yeah, I think a lot about that quote.
What is it like you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take?
Yeah, rejection is scary, but it's better than you rejecting yourself.
Together, we'll share what it really takes to thrive in the early years of your career without sacrificing your sanity
or sleep. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts. And we're back. And we're back. I just wanted to shout out the blooper reel
one more time. Oh, please. Did you have a favorite blooper? I mean just because i love zach efron so much i was like very endeared
by i think he has one or two little bloopers that get snuck in there he seems like he was really
hamming it up he really was oh he has yeah he has one where he calls uh michelle pfeiffer the wrong
character name uh and then he like has and then there's another one where he's talking into the phone
to Ashton Kutcher, and then he does his line wrong,
and then he kind of swivels around.
He's like, oh, shoot.
And he goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
So I liked those just because I love Zac Efron.
My favorite one was when Halle Berry,
the Halle Berry Carrie-
Carrie Ewan McGregor? Halle Berry Halle Berry Carrie they're
they're walking
down
McGregor
so they're like
they're walking
down the
hallway
and Halle Berry
is saying
he needs to be
taken to hospice
care but she
can't stop
laughing
which is
maybe made
sense if you
were there
it seems like
you had to be
there
because it
doesn't make
sense to me
why she's like
he has to go to hospice care like you're just like hallie berry read the room yeah you almost
you like robert de niro has regrets and he's dying right they should have included the context or for
why she was laughing but they don't and then it just seems really insensitive it makes her seem
really mean like very strange uh oh and then of course jessica biel gives birth to a
deep a widescreen dvd and a blu-ray of valentine's day um because this all takes place in the same
expanded universe um hilarious i also wanted to shout out some of the cameo performances that we
haven't already shouted out um where was melana i never ended up finding her i was confused by
the two and i think it's partly because i don't really know what alissa milano looks like and i
like so i didn't recognize her i'm so i'm suffering from the same thing but um she was one of the
nurses in robert de niro i almost called him robert downey jr oh my god book of trunk of shadows she's a nurse in robert de niro's story there's also um is it yardley smith
you're lee smith oh wait bart simpson yes where is where is bart or sorry uh lisa simpson
she's in the um rv that josh dumell is in uh let's see if i fast forward at the josh dumel scenes for self-care
so i don't know she plays a very kind of tropey character where she's just like
in love with the idea of love and she's just like oh my gosh tell me about this love story between
you and this woman i love love it sounds like season two of you um there's also nat wolf from the naked brothers
band is credited as waiter which makes no sense to me because he would have been like 16 oh but
he plays i guess he plays a waiter i don't know who that is so i i can't that's okay uh carla uh
oh god i don't think i have ever tried to say her last name out loud since the Spy Kids episode, but Carla Gugino?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A mom from Spy Kids, iconically, amongst other roles, is in it briefly?
Briefly. She plays like a hippie doctor almost. She's like an MD, but she also like does all this like kind of holistic medicine approach she's the one who pulls the dvds out of uh jessica beale's vagina hilarious
joke we all love it um there's also penny marshall is at the like record company party
and we see her being very mean to a service industry person so that's uh cool um let's see oh jim belushi plays the superintendent
of the building with the broken elevator yeah and you can just tell like that whole thing
that had to be just a whole day of ashton kutcher kissing jim belushi's ass in a real and like in a
way that must have been really embarrassing to watch he's like oh my god i love your work so
much so influential to me and you're just like ashton kutcher shut the fuck up challenge
calm down yeah um yeah there's probably some other people i'm forgetting about but those those are
all the famous people and of course mayor michael bloomberg and and mike bloomberg as himself disaster you hate to see it you do okay where should we start
well i feel like the the one of the more egregious elements of this movie and movies of this genre
are how they treat non-white characters yes uh only white characters get meaningful love arcs in this movie i would say meaningful storylines at
all i mean i guess so but it's like are any of these stories meaningful i don't know like i
guess complete storylines like um yeah because we have a few people of color in this movie but
they're all in supporting roles mostly to support a rich white lady in dating someone.
Yeah.
Well, I guess so.
So Russell Peters and Sofia Vergara work with Katherine Heigl and they only exist to see what's going on with her and John Bond Jensen.
Right.
They don't get any meaningful storyline out of that.
And then there's also Luda, Officer Luda, who is a friend of Hilary Swank and then is like, okay, like he doesn't need to be there.
It's just weird that he's there at all.
Right.
I think we said this earlier, like he could be written out of every scene and the movie
would be kind of no different. He could also be a ghost in the movie would be no different
so that's not good writing for one of your only black actors in the movie and then there's
Halle Berry in common where Halle Berry's story compared to all of like the white couples is so
depressing like she doesn't get to go anywhere she doesn't get to do anything she has to just
like listen to Robert De Niro be like I've made so many vague mistakes and then well that's the
thing I wouldn't classify her storyline as being about her she to me is in another supporting role
supporting a white character and then they do try to characterize her a little bit more right but that scene is like
a minute maybe it's an after i think it's like fully an afterthought totally an afterthought
and the thing that they do to like try to characterize her further is just like introduce
her in the context of like the romantic hetero relationship that she's in so it's like okay
this isn't interesting or i mean it could be
interesting but like nothing about it had been set up or properly developed and it just feels like
very random and tacked on like i think what's what is more interesting about hallie berry's
character is that she is like does not care about medical misconduct. That's pretty interesting.
She's like, kill Robert De Niro, CFI care.
Like that's a better movie.
That's a better plot line.
But yeah, it's like even they give her a partner at the last second for no ostensible reason.
But even so, it's like you just see like a white couple
mashing their face together in Times Square,
white couple mashing their face together in Times Square. white couple mashing their face together in Times Square.
And then Halle Berry has to hang out with Robert De Niro calling himself an asshole
for two hours.
And then at the end, they're like, and Halle Berry has a husband who's serving overseas
and she's sad.
And you're like, fuck you.
Like, come on.
They also make her like get changed in like a fucking broom closet
and then she has to like to zoom to zoom in another room in the hospital like why doesn't
she go home like why don't we see where she lives like so it's it's like just everything you you
think it would be in terms of how this movie writes and treats their non-white characters.
It's aggressively cis hetero.
Yeah.
There's also with the two characters who are like in the employ of Katherine Heigl.
We have Sofia Vergara who plays a character that she she often plays which is a non-native speaker of
english therefore she gets some like words and phrases wrong and that's always played as a joke
right i mean that's like the story of modern family isn't it i don't know yeah that is very
in fact i was like is she just playing that same character because could be it's the exact same thing a lot of jokes are made at the expense of her
not having the most fluent grasp of english kind of thing and she's also extreme like over
sexualized in a way that she very often is so much well which happens uh very frequently like it it's
just it's it's really frustrating like she a lot is made of her body which is the same deal
in modern family and she's just very like ditzy and over sexualized in a way that isn't just
sexist it is also like I mean we've talked about this in past episodes before our conversation in
Aladdin kind of comes to mind of how black and brown women are so often over sexualized because tropes for sure and that is
like kind of no exception in in this movie for sofia vergara yes and then the other character
who works for katherine heigl is russell peters's character and he is made to do an accent which he does not have in real life nope he is canadian
he's canadian he has a canadian accent um this is something that a lot of south asian actors
in particular have to deal with asian actors in general where they are made to do an accent
that they do not actually have usually for like comedic effect yeah and it's almost always racist we just
we had a conversation about this on the matron recently with the character i don't remember the
name of the character oh sahil from princess christmas prince 2 yes and this has been
written about extensively it's like a i i don't know how much that conversation was being had in a public way in late 2011. But at this point, I mean, it's so, so, so egregious and absolutely not on the actor at all, because so many parts are written to these very racist stereotypes. And then the actor only gets so many offers
for so many types of parts.
Like it's just such an infuriating cycle.
Cal Penn had a really insightful
and frustrating Twitter thread about that
that we will link in the description
about the types of characters that he's been sent.
And this seems like this character,
wait,
what is Russell Peters character even called in this movie?
Sunil.
This character seems very in the South Asian stereotypes that like actors of
South Asian descent who do not have accents are constantly asked to play.
Yeah.
I would also recommend the documentary
the problem with apu uh the comedian hari kondabolu made uh which dives into this quite a bit so it's
on hbo max for anyone who wants to watch it it's good very insightful um yeah so in general like we
can just basically sum up this movie as being like obscenely white
the only main storylines are given to white people the only people of color are there to
support the white characters who have more significant narrative arcs just like a very
neg a lot of negative stereotypes are at play with um i feel like sofia vergara and uh russell peters in particular although it
doesn't help that uh officer luda is with the nypd i don't love that i also the the shot a truly
shocking at the end where new york cops are just making out with random people. I hated to see it.
Well, let's talk about the sexual misconduct
that takes place within these storylines.
So there are many examples
across many different storylines
of characters harassing other characters.
Or for example, Zac Efron,
the moment he is introduced on screen,
Street harasses like six different women.
Yeah.
Within the first 10 seconds of seeing his character.
Russell Peters to Sofia Vergara, which plays into the over sexualization of her character.
He's like taking photos of her.
She's kind of very excitedly jumping up and down.
And he says, keep jumping.
You're very sexy bouncy bouncy
bouncy Catherine Heigl also later sexualizes her again Catherine Heigl is is Sofia Vergara's boss
in this movie so like to her subordinate she's like commenting on the size of her breasts in a
really inappropriate way yeah Russell Peters also proceeds to make several inappropriate comments to various
women throughout the movie about like who they're going to kiss at midnight and other sexually
suggestive things we already talked about the whatever choice if i don't if this was in the
script or if this is something gary marshall decided should happen or what exactly but a
choice was made for abigail breslin who was a teenager she's 15 yeah a child
for her to lift up her shirt and flash her bra in a crowded public space for some reason that's
in the movie not just gross but also nonsense absolute nonsense um jim belushi is like hey
ashton kutcher you totally fucked leah michelle
in the elevator right right right right like it that scene goes on for so long of jim belushi
being like you had sex with that hot lady wink wink right and you're like please stop talking
and it's like is this i'm sorry screenwriter uh catherine what's her name
fugate fugate something is this your idea of comedy which goes to show that uh even women can
be uh terrible sexist screenwriters woohoo yay she also wrote valentine's day so the end new year's eve is the last like major movie that
she has written so you know yipes well good riddance sorry and then there's also and we
touched on some of these already but there's also a number of uh surprise kisses where ashton kutcher
there's constant they're constantly happening uh ashton Kutcher surprise kisses Lea Michele. Zac Efron surprise kisses Michelle Pfeiffer.
There's the several surprise kisses in the Abigail Breslin storyline.
There's extras surprise kissing other extras.
It's just constantly happening.
It's gross.
And it is also, in addition to this movie being horrendously racist,
it is also the most hetero movie I've ever seen.
Which is frustrating because they have, I mean, it's like they're, I don't know.
I'm like, why?
It's like you have, first of all, two queer icons in this movie. And it's like, come on, Sarah Paulson.
Why do I have to, like, anyways.
Wait, who's the other one?
Cherry Jones. Oh, wait, who's Cherry, who's the other one? Cherry Jones.
Oh, wait, who's Cherry?
I don't know who Cherry Jones is.
Cherry Jones is the owner of the record label,
and she and Sarah Paulson used to date,
but by the time this movie is shot,
they're not dating, so you're like,
what's happening, drama?
They don't appear in a scene together,
much like Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, even though they are married. Well, I don't appear in a scene together much like uh sarah jessica parker and matthew
broderick even though they are married well i don't know shrug shrug um but yeah there are
several several of the stories revolve around a romance of some kind between katherine heigl
and bon jovi ashton kutcher and leah michelle abigail breslin and her crush Seth, Sarah Jessica Parker and Josh Duhamel.
And it's really only Hilary
Swank who doesn't have
a romantic storyline. Yeah.
Kind of. It's like Hilary Swank and then Ludacris
is already married. Yeah.
You find out Halle Berry's been married the whole time at the
end. To common.
The two pregnant women are in hetero relationships.
So everyone is
this is a New york city where
only straight people live and mostly white people live and we all love cops and we need to have a
baby yesterday like it's messy um yeah i think that there we've sort of touched on this but i
think that there's definitely some ageism at play with how Michelle Pfeiffer's character is treated.
Didn't like that.
I'm all for like, you know, like I always think it's like a cool representation when there's an age gap relationship and the woman is the older party that I feel like a lot of them.
But this is not the storyline that you're like cool there it is um that's not
this is not it uh because these two characters make no sense together it doesn't like the huh
what are they gonna do like it doesn't make any sense but i guess they're in love. And so that's amazing.
Seth Meyers is a horse doctor.
What else?
What else is going on here?
Yeah, it is kind of like,
it was jarring to go down the list of main actors and realize how many have been canceled,
rightfully so, since this movie was released.
Oh, and then there's just like the good old
fashion sexism in the movie there's for example um when sophia vergara tells john bond jensen
uh that's what women like we like to talk oh yeah um some some classic some classic stuff there's
john bond jensen's being baffled that katherine heigl wouldn't
just give up her career to go on the road with him and he's like why won't you do what's the
big deal like right women's careers are less valuable yeah at the very least she challenged
i was like wow i'm surprised this movie even had her challenge that because she says something
akin to like i have my own life I have
my own career I'm not going to drop it for you again I'm going to focus on my own stuff and I
love my career and then because of that he decides to cancel his tour so I'm like okay I didn't
expect for any of that to happen that's like which leads to one of the worst setups of the entire movie oh god like where
they're kissing they're kiss kiss kissing in time square well apparently john bon jensen is supposed
to be performing at midnight in time square and then katherine heichel's like wait if you're not
performing then who is and he's like oh yeah i forgot to perform at midnight
in time square on new year's eve and then leah michelle has to come in and do do her little
thing i can't stand leah michelle i find her so annoying she's a bad person there's another
really troubling thing about the katherine heigl jensen bon jovi storyline to me and it is that you find
out toward the end bon jovi basically demanded that she get hired to cater this party yeah which
first of all talk about like giving a woman imposter syndrome because she's she thought
she got hired based on her merit and instead she got hired because
bon jovi threatened to not do the performance unless she catered the after party that's so
fucked up he tries to save it by being like i know you would have had a lot of offers but i just
you're like yeah okay and then the other very troubling thing about this is that she was actively trying to avoid him
yes after he betrayed her he was yes and he puts her in a situation where she is like forced to be
near him and come in contact with him which is not dissimilar from stalking yeah and i totally agree
so he's treated as so cute for doing all of this, too.
Like, we're supposed, we as an audience are trained to be like, oh, my God, I love how he keeps showing up.
I love how he keeps, you know, like, putting her, like, finances to revolve around this person that she doesn't want to be around for a very good reason.
And then that scene where he's sitting on the hood of the car and he talks to Hilary Swank and he's like, oh, I'm so upset.
He's acting like he's 20 years old.
He's like, boy meets girl.
Boy screws it up.
It's like, sir, you are 50 years old.
You need to grow up.
And then Hilary Swank says, you rock.
Yeah.
And then you go, oh.
But yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you said, audiences have been trained to think that what he did was
romantic and not very troubling and that's also how katherine heigl reacts she's like wow you did
that for me you stalked me and gave me imposter syndrome that's so romantic oh my god i can't
believe a famous guy made time to harass me all year and that's exactly what he does he basically
just wears her down throughout the whole movie.
Yeah, he keeps just walking into a kitchen.
It made me really stressed out.
I was like, put on a mask, put on some gloves.
Like, what are you doing?
Get away from the food.
You're dirty.
As much as I detest Ashton Kutcher,
Lea Michele, that whole thing,
there's a lot of sexism at play there as well.
He is like Mr.
Negging over and over.
He calls her a groupie
and then only to reveal that he
is like a freelance
graphic designer
who sucks at drawing.
That fucking thing they laser jetted off
and Ashton Kutcher's like, look at my art.
You're like, yeah, right. and then she says it's bad but his whole thing is like he is just negging her
and then she starts to fall in love with him yep i don't it's just like garbage nonsense they're
like we only have seven minutes to do this entire arc and it's just
and like two minutes of it are spent negging leah michelle's character
yeah i mean she negs him back so i guess there's that girl power but also not how not a good basis
for a relationship i didn't know for that that like the buscemi test
uh if you apply the buscemi test to that uh that relationship in particular of just like if steve
if you're sitting in an elevator with steve buscemi being like what are you some kind of groupie
oh so do you want to kiss me or what like it just does not it does not play uh it does not work and it's bad um how about how about this
uh abigail breslin says to her mom sarah jessica parker quote you're clingy and mean and it's
because you don't have a man in your life and then sarah jessica parker rather than responding meaningfully to this or
challenging this at all she nods in agreement she's like it is that it is because of that
you got me that's why i'm trying to prevent you from going to time square a really dangerous area
on a really dangerous day as a minor it's because i need to date josh dumell really bad um also we
didn't mention this her brother sarah jessica parker's brother is zach efron that does that
ever become relevant no no no it does not do we do they ever even appear in the same shot i don't
think that they do no they talk on the phone.
They've never met.
And, okay, I know that age gaps between siblings is a thing.
I know that it happens.
Oh, I hadn't even thought about that.
Sarah Jessica Parker is 22 years older than Zac Efron.
It's not impossible that they would be siblings.
Maybe they're step siblings.
I did find it to be sort of a weird choice, though.
Maybe they're step siblings. I don't to be sort of a weird choice though maybe they're step siblings i don't know oh could be half siblings maybe maybe they didn't even know who was gonna end up like it's so much of this movie must have come together in
in editing like who god i didn't even think of that it also what a meaningless thing to do like that never comes back because he's like he's like
well maybe like if my niece calls me and says like her cool uncle like but then that never happens
so well he does i think what happened there is that abigail breslin did call him off screen and
for some reason told him where she would be and that then he relays that information
to sarah jessica parker but like she could have just like she could have found out another way
where her daughter was you know she could have she could have texted piper's mom who is another
very tropey like woman character of like the overbearing mother hides in the bushes yeah
she could have
just texted piper's mom and been like where are our kids and piper's mom would be like they're
right here because i'm stalking them also the just how that um abigail breslin and her crush seth
how that plays out towards the end like we already went over like the surprise kissiness of it all. But the way that they have that, even the way that Seth, question mark, talks to her is really weird.
Where she's mad at him because he got surprise kissed, which is not his fault.
But this movie says it is his fault.
And he says, she grabbed me and she totally stole it from me.
And then she's like like i don't believe you
and then he surprised kisses her i just wanted to go through that dialogue because i'm like the
dialogue does somehow make a bad situation worse because it just but i the line i did like from him
that was so clear i'm like oh a a grown person wrote this a grown person who's never met a teenager before wrote this line
was when abigail breslin's like i'm sorry seth i can't come to hang out and he's like
but hayley half of the history class is going and you're like yeah teenagers do be saying that
all the time just like music executives are always saying you can't quit it's grammy season i have another really fun example of
a person who hasn't been a teenager in many decades and who has never talked to a teenager
since yeah so toward the beginning of the movie abigail breslin is like with her group of like
girlfriends and they're like oh my god are you gonna kiss Seth tonight? Do you even know how to kiss? And then one teenager says,
they have a video on the internet
that shows you how to kiss.
And then another teenager chimes in and says,
they have two, one for regular kissing
and one for passionate kissing.
And I'm like, are you trying to talk about YouTube?
Are we doing like a helicopter around the word YouTube
and we can't get there?
You know, the two YouTube videos about how to kiss.
Two YouTube videos about kissing.
Yeah, I had that down as well.
I was like, oh, teenagers, they're always watching those two YouTube videos about kissing.
Oh, here's another example of the writer not knowing anything about comedy writing.
Oh, cool.
Josh Duhamel, whose character's name is apparently Sam,
we guess, is at the exclusive after party,
and he gets surrounded by a couple women
who are throwing themselves at him,
and he almost looks to camera and giggles,
and he says, I'm a Sam-witch,
because his name is Sam, and he's sandwiched by a couple women
and that's a joke there that is what is meant to be a joke the only good comedy in this movie is
when they put michelle pfeiffer in the spider-man turn off the dark um like acrobat thing i did
laugh when jessica beale says my water broke and seth
meyer says all of it i did laugh at that that whole scene is just baffling he's like i'm a
horse doctor your water broke what's happening like i i like the scene where sofia vergara and
katherine heigl throw eggs again the most feminist scene in the movie they
throw eggs and um you know we have to respect the symbolism it's an allegory it's a bad scene but
they are throwing eggs for the whole thing yeah Hilary Swank saying you rock that's exciting
that's great well to jump back to the uh the pregnancy storyline really quickly a couple
things on that oh when they when they bump the when they push their pregnancies against each other yes that's that's
one thing that definitely happened and so basically the women and this is more jessica
beal antagonizing sarah paulson but sarah paulson seems very chill like she seems like she's being
kind of like bullied by her charm school husband to
participate in all this because she keeps being like i don't really care like i just want to
give birth to a healthy child which like fair there's that whole scene where her husband
sarah paulson's husband she's like wow we're gonna win 25 grand and he's like no it's much
less than that that's not the amount you're
wrong you're wrong you're wrong and we understand that it's because like he doesn't want to like
reveal to this other pregnant couple that he's negging his nine month pregnant wife
yeah every scene they appear in to the point where she feels like she needs to apologize to him for her water not breaking when he wanted it to
yes and that is awful um but basically because these two husbands are very competitive about
winning this money which they don't seem to need because they seem to be doing fine financially
there's always going to be sick horses right as we say in the biz
um but they're kind of competitive rubs off on to their wives and then the women get pitted
against each other in this pregnancy storyline and one thing that i was like okay again here's
the movie doing the bare minimum. The two women do apologize
to each other toward the end. But it just it was such a flimsy story to begin with that I
just hated like seeing the women pitted against each other and then like,
having to apologize for it because their husbands are like being just toxic and overly competitive
and like, almost having like a dick measuring
contest about whose wife can go in labor first kind of thing yeah it just fucking sucked like
and then at the end we're like seth meyers and jessica bieler like oh wait a second we're rich
we don't need 25 000 i guess we'll just give it to sarah paulson and the charm school guy
because they already have children?
Which is another thing that they reveal
that you're like, oh, I guess that would have,
it would have been helpful to know that earlier.
It would have made the thing with the money make more sense.
I don't know.
But I'm like, you own a Charmed School.
Is the Charmed School failing?
Like, what is happening?
I don't know.
Right?
I don't know.
This movie is so bad.
It's so horrible.
There's another really poorly done
joke where the spy kids mom doctor forget her name um she says to seth myers because seth myers is
like trying to negotiate like a split of the winnings with her yeah and she's not having it and she says you're dangerously
close to a rectal exam and he's like no don't give me a rectal exam because haha what's more
humiliating than someone doing something to a man's like anus it's exhausting I hate this movie so much.
It's bad.
It makes me sad to watch.
I hate how carefully I had to pay attention to it
in order to know what was happening.
I don't know.
Maybe it was worth it to see Michelle Pfeiffer
flung around a stage.
Maybe it wasn't.
Who am I to say?
It's definitely one of
the worst movies I've
ever seen. It's just so
expensive. It made me want
to watch. Every time Sherlock
Holmes' Trunk of
Shadows popped up, I'm like, I would rather
be watching this and I know that movie
is bad. I've seen it.
It's simply a disaster it's so
bad here I made a short list of the people whose talents were wasted in this movie because I think
some of the casting was like yeah I don't really respect you as an actor and I think you were well
cast for this movie but there are some people who are like you just feel so bad that they're in this
movie for me Halle Berry's at the top of the list sarah paulson hillary swank hector ilizondo and i'll throw
zach efron in there i don't care oh and michelle pfeiffer and i guess i mean robert de niro
robert de niro he's in a lot of shitty movies but he's a talented actor you do get the feeling that
Gary Marshall bullied him into doing this like someone owed someone a favor there maybe like
I don't know because Gary Marshall like he directed Princess Diaries which is probably
why Hector Elizondo's there he directed pretty woman he directed beaches
he directed one runaway bride like he directed a lot of you know iconic rom-coms and then just like
started making really bad rom-coms but r.i.p gary um we yeah you you started strong and there was a few weird ones at the end but uh yeah what the
fuck is going on apparently uh jessica biel ashton kutcher and hector elizondo are also
in valentine's day a movie i have seen but remember zero percent of the only thing i
remember about valentine's day is that taylor swift kisses taylor lautner because taylor lautner only dates other people other taylor
taylor i love that for him i think i've gotten i mean i feel like we're leaving out or like just
forgetting so much but there's only we i mean it's so difficult to process everything that
happens in this movie so it truly is yeah i i guess i just wanted to like touch one more time particularly on
because sofia vergara has been the center of a large discussion about the over sexualization of
latinx women in particular for so long there's a lot of different opinions on it we are obviously
not the two people to make any sort of judgment call on it. Sure. And it's something that I want to talk about with Latinx guests in the near
future preview.
But I just wanted to shout out a couple of articles and we can link this in
the description as well for some of the,
I wouldn't even say it's like necessarily criticism,
just several Latinx writers that
have written about her career and the sorts of parts that she's played in the past.
Sure.
So the first one is from this year, from 2020, in Pop Sugar by Jennifer Paola Varela Rodriguez.
It's called Say What You Want, but Sofia Vergara has broken barriers for Latinx people on primetime TV and
beyond. Then there's also interviews with Sofia Vergara on this topic. One is in Vanity Fair back
in 2017 with Johanna Desta. The headline is, and I would recommend reading the whole thing,
Sofia Vergara to critics, what's wrong with being a stereotype so it's a very large discussion
that we'll be having with guests but I just wanted to sort of shout out that there's uh
certainly notes of that in the part she is playing in this movie sure yes yeah I will have to check
those articles out thank you for doing that research Jamie and And I look forward to having this discussion
in greater detail and more depth in coming episodes.
We're hinting at an upcoming episode.
But it's a surprise.
It's a secret.
But it does pass the Bechdel test.
It does pass the Bechdel test.
It does.
Boy, does it oopsie it does
between a few different um Sarah Jessica Parker and Abigail Breslin we mentioned that scene that
passes where Abigail Breslin exposes her bra but the context of most of their conversations is mom why can't i hang out with the boy that i like
similar to the exchanges between katherine heigl and sophia vergara where they have a few exchanges
that are just like two line back and forth that technically pass but like the context of most of
their conversations are about john bun jensen jessica beale and sarah paulson talk about their pregnancy
competition but they're gregs they're great they're little gregs and but then also like
their husbands are always like right there so none of these passes and i mean i'd almost be
mad if there was like a really like a good exchange of dialogue that like does pass the
test in an
otherwise terrible terrible movie yeah because it feels like it wouldn't this movie this movie
doesn't deserve it mostly passes the bechdel test by accident by accident yes like by sure
coincidence or mistake so spiritually it doesn't pass spiritually it doesn't pass i'm giving this movie no nipples i'm giving this like nothing
nothing for this movie yeah the few again the few like bare minimum moments where i'm like okay at
least katherine heigl stands up for herself and doesn't want to go on tour because she has her
own career or like when the the pregnant women apologize to each other again like it's canceled out by
every other obscene thing that happens in the movie yes so zero nipples zero nipples uh which
is also what i give the year 2020 2020 gets zero nipples zero nipples i think that we actually kind
of jinxed stuff last year because do you remember when someone sent us a clip of us being like 2020 might be really fun.
So I'm just going to go in on 2021 neutral.
I'm going to I find it best to have very low expectations because even if something not terrible happens, they exceed your very low expectations so i'm gonna go on record as saying
2021 will be the worst year in recorded history i'm gonna have no take because thinking about it
gives me extreme anxiety um yeah well that's well there's another year and that's new year's eve so this new year's eve uh please stay inside yes and uh don't want this movie
here's the best way to ring in 2021 please don't watch this movie
yes so uh we'll be back next year with lots of fun episodes lots of of surprises. Maybe we'll leave our houses this year. Maybe we won't.
Kind of just like a fun rolling
of the dice.
But we'll be back for 2021
with you. Thank you to
everyone who's listened.
Thanks for coming to hang
for a fun end
of your episode.
And you can find us online
by at Bechel cast on instagram on twitter we
gave up on facebook you can uh contribute to our patreon aka matreon at patreon.com slash bechtel
cast five dollars a month gets you two bonus episodes plus access to i think like 80 other bonus episodes yeah lots holy moly
that's right yes and then you can also check out our merch store at tpublic.com slash the
bechtel cast and here's something that i just want to shout out uh because people always ask us
who designs our merch and because we never mention this but it's all jamie it's me jamie does all the merch it's me yay so all those block letters guess what this is my little my
little pause what am i saying it is me thank you uh do you wait jamie do you draw or do you
illustrate the the hubris of his saying that
and then showing me the worst shit
I've ever seen in my life.
I swear to God.
All right.
That's 2020.
We love you.
Happy New Year
and let the best vajayjay win.
Bye bye.
Bye.
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