The Bechdel Cast - The Princess Bride with Myq Kaplan

Episode Date: January 12, 2017

Myq Kaplan joins Jamie and Caitlin to talk about The Princess Bride? This is absolutely, totally, and in all other ways conceivable! They make some puns and discuss how Buttercup is utterly useless.(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @myqkaplan on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hear episodes of Rip Current early and completely ad-free and receive exclusive bonus content by subscribing to iHeart True Crime Plus only on Apple Podcasts. On the Bechdel cast, the questions asked if movies have women in them. Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchy's effing vast. Start changing it with the bechdel cast welcome to the bechdel cast i'm your host caitlin durante i'm your other host jamie loftus and here we are we are gonna talk about movies that's what we do that's what this podcast is all about yeah and why why must we do this jamie? Impossible to say. Just kidding. We have a great reason.

It's because women are almost always underrepresented or misrepresented in film. So that's why we started the podcast and we use the Bechdel test as sort of a guideline for how some of our favorite movies are doing. What is the Bechdel test, I wonder? Well, let me tell you. We're killing this one. Yeah, we're doing really well so far. Smoother than ever. The Bechdel test is a test where you apply it to a thing, like a movie.

What? What's a movie? Wait a second. A movie passes the Bechdel test if there are... We've explained this. Our listeners know. If you're listening we've explained this. Our listeners know. Basically, do two women speak to each other in the story about something other than a man? Right. So that's what that is.

Yep. That's pretty much it. I saw, oh, no. Did we do all the intro stuff? Pretty much. We can do our thing where, I don't like to bring this up, but some people want to know that I do have a master's degree in screenwriting. Because

what are your credentials, girls? What are you? This part has really evolved where, yeah, between the two of us we have three degrees in film. You have two bachelors and I just skip straight on to the masters.

You are the master. Which would be a really interesting episode of this. Oh, you mean to discuss the movie The Master? Oh, yeah. I wrote something once for the Boss of Glob a couple years ago where I watched The Master and The Master of Disguise

and I tried to decide which one was more valuable. What did you conclude? Master of Disguise. Yeah, obviously. I hated The Master and The Master of Disguise, and I tried to decide which one was more valuable. What did you conclude? Master of Disguise. Yeah, obviously. Of course. I hated The Master. Anyway, it was an hour too long.

We have a guest, as we often do, to talk about a specific movie. And let's introduce our guest. Hey, okay. It is our friend and a very funny comedian mike caplan hey thank you for having me you're welcome yes you are allowed to speak now i heard my name so i thought it was time that's your cue i didn't know we didn't really i didn't know for sure but i made a choice we have to make sure the bechdel cast passes the bechdel test you talk to each other first and about something

besides a man or you. We did it. Can I ask a quick question? Because I've heard there are versions, like alterations or varieties of the Bechdel test where some people require that the women both have names. Yes. There is that caveat, which I don't know if we've discussed, but yeah, I've heard. Happy to be a

man bringing it up. Also, I don't really identify as a man. Please mansplain this to us. Well, the thing Yes. Also, I don't really identify as a man. Please mansplain this to us. Well, the thing is about me. I don't really have a gender. I just seem to be a man, so people assume I'm a man, and I'm like,

whatever, thank you. I'm privileged. I do have another question also. This one is going to sound sincere, but it's really mostly just so I can make a joke, but you say that sometimes women are misrepresented,

and it's fun to think of a miss represented. Miss is what you might call a woman sometimes. Miss, are you represented in this movie? I'm misrepresented. I'm Mr. Representing. Hey, at least she had a name. She was misrepresented. Oh, yeah, misrepresented here.

Yeah, that's true. That isn't something we've discussed yet, but I have heard that caveat that both characters have to have been named in whatever narrative piece it is. Yeah, I think, I don't know if we've covered a movie yet where that has come into play. Maybe Beauty and the Beast.

I don't know if the chest of droids had a name. I don't think she does either, but... Chesta. I believe that was her name in life. But we discussed, well, we concluded that that movie does not pass the Bechdel test anyway. That's true. Because they only talk about the Beast. Although the Beast is technically.

Is he a man? He's a man. He's not a man. He's a man. He's a beast. He's a male creature. As we like to bring up a lot. He's got fangs.

He's got sharp ones. This is a sing-along podcast, just so you know. Quick question. I mean, that is, I think the answer, I think i will understand the answer as i'm saying it but like say you watch the the animated robin hood where none of the characters are humans right but there are still you know male female relationships yeah we um since they are humanized oh yeah anthropomorphized yeah that's the one thanks for being here with your words. I have a master's degree in linguistics.

Mike Caslin is a wordsmith. Master's in the house. I call it a mistress's degree, though. Oh, that's a good one. Thank you. I should start using that. You may. Thank you. Anyway, so why don't you talk to us about the movie that we all watched that we're going to be discussing?

I chose the movie The Princess Bride. That movie I chose. Do you want me to tell you why I chose it? Yes, please. Yeah. It's a movie that when people ask you, often people will say, what's your favorite movie? And I have some new stuff I'm talking about on stage about the idea that favorites don't even, like, as an adult, there are so many things. Like, when you're a child, it makes sense to be like, I've seen three, and so one of them is favorite. But, like, you know, as an adult, you can, like, I don't like to have the things that I love compete against each other.

And sometimes when you tell somebody, this is my favorite movie, they're like, but what about this one and this one? And like, well, I don't want to feel bad just thinking about all the wonderful movies that I like. Like, but this is the one if i ever if people like just tell me what your favorite movie is i'll be like fine the princess bride it was definitely it was at a time my favorite movie and so i remember it as sort of my first favorite movie how old were you when you first saw it i think it came out in around 1985 84 85 i think it's 87 oh my god i was wrong. I was in probably fourth, yeah, I was in fourth-ish grade. I was like nine, around nine years old.

And we watched it in school. And I hadn't heard of it. Like some of the kids, like we were watching it on a video, obviously, because it was in school. We didn't have a movie theater at school. But I didn't know what it was. So some of the kids had seen it and they were super excited by it. And when it first started, you know, there's like just the scenes with like Fred Savage in his home in bed. And I'm like, Princess, right.

Why does this make any sense at all? And everyone's like, it's good. And we also watched like at the same time, like in the same time period, a movie about a hedgehog. Like it was a myth about called Hans, my hedgehog. And so these two movies like had for a while equal weight in my mind. I'm like the two movies that i saw this year are these two and people are like hans my head what are you talking about like but uh yeah the princess ride it was so wonderful and then like i went i bought the book at one

point and i read the book which is written by the same guy who wrote the screenplay william goldman william goldman gold man yeah and uh trigger whoa I apologize. Also, Willamette Goldwoman. William Goldman is a fascinating dude. He's like, yeah, I have a bunch of his books. Brag. And he's wonderful. Okay, end Jamie's comment. No, that was great.

Thank you for your contributions. I liked it. I'm trying to have a drink. Thank you. Yeah, so it was just a movie that I've loved for a long time. And also I I've seen it so many times, but hadn't thought about it in the context of like, I wonder how many female characters are there. I mean, I can't remember all that. Like there aren't that many.

Even a movie that has both the words of the title are female thing. You know, princess bride, which i tend to not like any movie that has any sort of wedding or bride or princess not my kind of movie but um i do like this movie this title is not you know indicative of what the movie is like like and about i wonder why it was called that in the first place because it's not really like a movie that seems directed at girls. It worked. It did work. I mean, you guys are girls, and you are a young person.

You were not alive when this movie came out. I was not. I was one year old. So you saw it when you were one, and you saw it many years recently, just now, for this. Yeah, I saw it this morning. And how did you like it? I didn't really like it very much. Okay, well, let's talk to Caitlin.

Caitlin, what didn't you like? Well, I mean, I just, because I have no sentimental attachment to it, I didn't have any problems just sort of seeing the problems when the movie jumped out at me. The cold, harsh realities. What are the problems?

Well, the problem, I mean, there's just scenes that Princess Buttercup is in where she doesn't, she's there, but she doesn't speak. Oh, yeah. Oh, we'll talk all about it. Right. That's infuriating. The other female characters that I can remember

off the top of my head were like poor wenches who would scream about, bum in at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I just like, wenches who would scream about bumming at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I just, like, I didn't like Wesley very much. I didn't understand, like,

I couldn't stand the beginning where they were, like, they see each other once a day, and he says one sentence, and now they are in love forever, and they are bonded. Well, there weren't so many people back then. You had to fall in love with your farm boy because that was the only other thing you could fuck was a horse. But then it's five years later and suddenly he has a personality.

I'm like, where did that come from? All of a sudden he's like a sassy boy and he's just like, I have a lot of one-liners. Dred Pyron Roberts taught him how to be a person. You were a fucking drag at the beginning and now you're a drag in a different kind of smuggy kind of way. You can't have it both ways. You can only dislike him at one of the points.

Like him as a farm boy or like him as a pirate. He's nothing as a farm boy. He's just like a... He knew his place. True. I am also prejudiced against adult blonde males. I don't know why, but I find them creepy. I feel like that's something you should grow out of.

Yeah, I don't like any Aryan-looking people of any age. I do like that she kind of puts him in his place. Hey, farm boy, do this fucking thing for me. Very classist. There are so few moments. Well, she's poor, too. It's weird. It doesn't make any sense.

That a poor farm family has another poorer servant. I don't know. I call it a farmily. There are so few moments in this movie where she displays any sort of agency that, like, her even saying farm boy do this is like, wow. Yeah, like, you go, girl. Big moment for her. Yes. So I first saw the movie when I was in high school,

probably like a sophomore, junior, so I was like 16 or 17 or so. Did you like it? I did like it at the time. And I still do, but upon the two rewatches I did because I'm a crazy person

and to prepare for every podcast, I rewatched the movie twice. Yeah, I don't know how I... That's some master-like behavior. It's true. I rewatched the movie twice. Yeah. That's some masterlike behavior. It's true. I have to watch it once for each degree I have. Ha. Oh, my God. I'm going to throw up.

I thought you only had one. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. I watch it for one for each degree that Jamie has. So upon rewatching, I was like, oh, this is pretty problematic as all the movies that we talk about are. Yeah, at the time, I liked it enough to buy it on DVD and I own it on DVD. And I'm like, oh, what a great little movie. And I wrote a paper about it in grad school.

I plan to read all of it on this podcast. I don't. I'm kidding. But I should. We usually close on a live video. Read it. Read the paper. There's a few sentences that I might share. Maybe just my thesis statement.

Oh, yeah. It's a year old laptop. Beautiful. You're something for a class? Yeah, for a genre class. And what was the genre? The genre of The Princess Bride. Well, like, for example, IMDb lists five different genres for it. class. And what was the genre? The genre of The Princess Bride? Well, like for example IMDB lists five different genres

for it. Family, adventure, romance, adventure, romance, and comedy. Was that five? That's four. Family, adventure, romance, comedy. Maybe action? I can't remember. Okay. I accept.

My thesis was something along the lines that I don't remember. I'm going to have to. I'll tell you later. Thank you. But it was a great paper. You're like the grandfather. I got an A on it. Great inflation.

Anyway, because it wasn't that well written. Ah. Anywho. Well, you were younger. Yeah, that's true. I was like 27 back then. Yeah. And a dummy.

You could write a way better paper today. I will say one part of the line that made me laugh was the line, please consider me as an alternative to suicide. I was like, that hit me. I was like, wow, I've been in relationships where maybe that could have, that would have been a very appropriate thing to say. That's funny. Yeah, there's some, there's a few lines in this movie that are worth mentioning. Why don't we just do a very quick recap of the story in case our listeners are unfamiliar. There's a, there's a farmily. So we meet Buttercup and she bosses this little farm boy, Wesley, around and then they decide that they're in love with each other. And he's like, I don't have any money, because I'm your servant,

so I have to set off to the seas and seek a fortune. And she's like, alright, okay, bye, I guess. Why are you doing this? I'll take care of us. I'm a modern woman. Then she discovers that he has, he was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts,

and he's dead. And then Prince Humperdinck. What a name. Oh, what a name. Yeah. I mean, it was already Engelbert's name, right? That must be. There's an Engelbert Humperdinck that is a famous singer.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that. I am not familiar with that person. I'm pretty sure. It would be weird if I was making it up. I don't think I'm making it up. You are not. And he is a singer, and he kind of looks like Yanni.

Oh. Oh, wait, that's not the right picture. Wait, he's a musician? He is a singer, yeah. Okay. Yeah, he's like a singer that old people love. I see. Yeah, much like Yanni.

Right. But yeah, Prince Humperdinck. Prince Humperdinck's like, yo, you commoner woman, marry me. And she's like, well, I'm not doing anything else. And then she gets kidnapped by these three dudes. A giant and then a swordsman and then a little man. Genius. A little genius.

Vizzini. Baby genius. The most important of which, played by Mandy Patinkin, the swordsman. Yes. I love Mandy. His name is Inigo Montoya. And he's got a father who's dead and he's prepared to kill it. That's the quote, right?

I'm prepared to kill. So she gets kidnapped. They take her to the Cliffs of Insanity and up the hill and all this stuff. Oh, yeah. It's exciting. There's a man in a black mask who's following them. And he suddenly has a personality. Yes. And he suddenly has a personality. Yes, and he suddenly has a personality.

Surprise! Reveal! It's Wesley the farm boy. An adult blonde. And then he bests all these three dudes. And he's like, it's me, as you wish. Blah, blah, blah. They go into the fire swamp. And there's a whole adventure there. And then they come out of the fire swamp and there's a whole adventure there.

And then they come out of the fire swamp. And this is where I stopped liking this movie. The first half is cool. It's exciting. Nailing it. And then it gets dumb. It's okay. When Prince Humperdinck catches up to them?

Yeah. And she's like, surrender. When Prince Humperdinck catches up to them? Yeah, and she's like, oh, surrender, we surrender, take him away. So she makes a lot of decisions that are really stupid and that I don't like. But she is allowed to. She can make her own decisions. She doesn't accept what Wesley's doing.

True. Although, I just don't like this character either. She has the right to make dumb decisions if that's what she wants to do. That's how I live my life. Don't let a man tell you how to be smart. That's true. She's like, I'm going to be a big dumb idiot. God damn it.

She is motivated by, she says like, spare his life and I'll go with you and be your wife. Which reminded me of the Beauty and the Beast thing with Belle and her dad. there we go uh-huh i still don't know i mean i don't i obviously don't think that was the best decision but that that was like one of her i i made like a note of that i was like like one hour into the movie she makes a decision that changes the plot line that is true that is pretty much the single moment where in the narrative that that happened they could have just lived happily ever after from that point the same way that they eventually did at the end where they're running away from the same people right yeah yeah it just seems like oh there's a moment where the movie could have ended it's just well what what i don't

like about it is the decision she makes I don't know she's so naive to think it bothers me how naive she is basically but you know that maybe is just she overcomes that as a character flaw that she grows to she's like oh wait I was dumb all this time I've been a silly girl

that is what changes from then to the end she's not dumb anymore I still think she's dumb I don't like hearing all this Anyway. That is what changes from then to the end. She's not dumb anymore. I still think she's dumb. I don't like hearing all this woman on woman hate. I'm sorry. We should really be. That's true. Everyone in this movie is a dumbass, I think, except for Mandy Patinkin and Andre the Giant.

Yeah, probably. So then some things happen. I don't even remember. Wesley is taken away. They've lied. He is tortured. Oh, yeah, he's thrown into the pit of despair. To death.

That weird steampunky machine that sucks the life out of you. One year at a time. Right. Yeah. Right. And then Inigo and Fezzik the Giant are reunited, and they're like, we've got to go find this guy because he's going to help me kill this man who killed my father. They do that, and they storm the castle.

Have fun. They're told to have fun. Right. By Billy Crystal's wife. Oh, right. Another woman. A strong woman. Oh, that's true.

I'm not a witch. I'm your wife. She's very memorable. I forgot about that. She is very memorable. She might have a name as well. She may have. I don about that. She is very memorable. She might have a name as well. She may have. I don't think they name her.

They may have yelled, he may have yelled it at her. Yeah. People listening at home are like, it's blah, blah, blah. Sorry, we can't remember. I remember Max, the miracle worker's name. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, he gets revived. There's a miracle.

He comes back to life. They storm the castle. And then Prince Lumberdick is like, I'm going to sit down and let you tie me up. And then they jump out of a window. And that's pretty much how it ends. Mandy Patinkin does get to kill the six-fingered guy. And then presumably becomes Dread Pirate Roberts himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bo, let's not spoil the sequel that doesn't exist.

Oh, yeah. They definitely, he says to him, I think you'd make a great Dread Pirate Roberts. Yeah, we can presume. He's like, oh, perhaps. Yeah. It's very important that there be a pirate who everyone thinks kills people and probably sometimes does. Right. It's like, well, maybe we can just end it somewhere.

How about the Dead Pirate Roberts? Ooh. How about it? You're welcome. So that's the story. We've already sort of revealed some of our thoughts and feelings. We all loved it. Forever. So let's just jump into, as we already alluded to, the fact that Buttercup, she's the title character. She is not the protagonist, though, I would not say, because there are large chunks of time where she's not even on screen.

All the time when she is on screen, she's not doing anything or talking. That scene between Wesley and the baby genius who drinks the wine and dies. Yeah. Wallace Shawn. Oh, yeah, yeah.

See, I don't have any short time memory for it. But she's in that scene, and that scene is like seven or eight minutes long, and she doesn't move. She doesn't move. She doesn't say anything. She's not really restrained besides, like, her hands are bound and her eyes... She's blindfolded. Yeah. She thinks he could have a knife to her throat. She's scared.

She doesn't look anything though. She's justed. She thinks he could have a knife to her throat. She's scared. She doesn't look anything, though. She's just a blank slate of like, let me listen to how this plays out. Well, eventually, she becomes the very powerful wife of the President of the United States of America in House of Cards. She becomes real strong.

I thought we were doing a scandal. Oh, that's great, too. Yeah. Is she in that? No. No. But also, that's great, too. Yeah. Is she in that? No. No. But also, she's sort of like the title character of the Raiders of the Lost Ark. She's like the Lost Ark.

Like, it doesn't appear that much in it, but it's like kind of what it's all about. Sure. I mean, she's an object. She's the vehicle that Wesley is like, OK, I got to save this lady, this object. And that is what continues to happen. I wrote down all the times where someone has to save this lady, this object. And that is what continues to happen. I wrote down all the times where someone has to save her because it's several. The first time is when, okay, she does make another choice that doesn't really influence the direction the story takes, but at least she does something. And it happens kind of early on whenever she's been captured by the three dudes and they have her on ship, and they see that someone's following them,

so she jumps into the eel-infested water. Oh, yeah. That's true. So she does that, but then she needs to be saved pretty much immediately because an eel is coming for her. So the giant pulls her out. That's the first time. The second time is when they're in the fire swamp, and Wesley has to save her, like, three different times from the bursts of flame.

Oh, yes. That series, that whole fire swamp sequence, I was just like so frustrated. At one point, he's like just carrying her through it. She's like, I can't walk. When that rat dog attacks him, she just watches. Oh, yeah. She's just like, Wesley, what are you doing? You've got hands.

He said he had it under control. Oh, God. No, it's infuriating to watch. They're like the worst couple ever. I don't like either of them. Have you ever met any couples? There's bad couples. That's true.

That's true. There are a few good couples. When the rodents of unusual size come and attack she just she stands there and watches for a long time she does pick up like a branch and sort of hits it in the face a little bit but like almost immediately falls over and then doesn't do anything she gets back up and does land a blow to the face of the the r.o.u.s but then just continues to stand there and not do anything what we would all do until finally wesley like pushes it into the burst of flame and then stabs it several times with the sword right and just before that there's that

moment where i forget what he's saying to her but it's it's another one of his like well do you think that it's just never been done before? Because, and now we're going, I don't know. Like, one of his weird one-liners. And then she says, hmm, okay. And then she falls into a hole immediately. I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah.

She's like, we'll never survive. He's like, ridiculous. You're only saying that because no one ever has. And he's like, okay. And then she falls into a hole. Quicksand. It's like, Jesus. Come on. It was quicksand. She couldn't tell that's come on it was quicksand she couldn't tell it was great yeah she's not dumb right but she could have been

uh formulating a response instead of like checks out she deserved to fall into that quicksand that is one of the other times that she needs to be saved by a man. Okay, before they go into the fire swamp, though, we find out that Wesley is kind of a dick. Well, he became a pirate. That's true. He didn't have to. We don't mean to be shitting on your favorite movie. It's not my favorite movie anymore. It's totally fine.

I'm happy for you guys to say what you want. It's a fun show. It's not me. I didn't make the movie. Even though I did, it's from over 30 years ago that's true or almost 30 years ago that would be a great reveal

if you were like oh I'm William Goldman yeah there's a bunch of lines he has about women that she just takes

lying down and I was like that is a crotch kicking offense oh right not at the time this is a long time ago this is I mean...

Women knew their place. But I feel like the men in the movie are given more contemporary, I don't know. Oh, you're right. They felt like they had values of the 80s. Right. And she was stuck in the middle ages. Still very archaic, yeah. Right.

Just to be clear, I'm joking on your side. I don't know if that's clear. Thanks, Mike. You got it. We your side. I don't know if that's clear. Thanks, Mike. You got it. We're bad. We don't know anything about comedy. No problem. Just kidding.

Now we're joking. Wait a second. Hold on here. Oh, God. We're caught in a spiral. Just doing it for the listeners. I know you guys understand. I assume your listeners don't know anything about comedy.

I assume they're also dudes. We're in a feedback loop right now. Oh, God. It's like two mirrors facing each other um anyway at one point he raises his arm to hit her do you remember this and then he says that was a warning highness the next time my hand flies on its own for where i come from there are penalties when a woman lies. Right, yeah, I had that written down too. I think this is when he's still

masked, aka pretending to be a dread private. Why does he do that for so long? Why does he be like, mask off, hey buttercup, it's me, remember your beloved West? I'm going to be an asshole to you. And then once we tumble down the hill with hilarious ADR,

then this is like, that is how you would sound. What's ADR? It's audio recorded after. I gotcha. They bring them in and they're just like, just make a bunch of oofs. And then he's like, I love you. And you're like, no, he's still blonde, but he's really old now. I mean, isn't the explanation that they would give or that they did give for why he stayed masked so long is that he was mad that she immediately married another dude?

Well, I mean, she is terrible. I would be upset, too. But also he let her believe he was dead for a long time. And I don't understand exactly why that was. Right. Yeah. He's mad because she's gone off and gotten engaged to someone else. But he was also gone for five years.

Not monogamy, guys. That solves everything. Yeah. It would be very unreasonable of him to be like, you think I'm dead, but stay single forever just in case I might come back. You may not move on. Right. And then those exchanges they have, and I know that they're supposed to be beautiful, but I was just like, man, like, death

cannot stop true love. I was like, oh, she's not allowed to move on with her life. And then she says, I will never doubt again. And I'm like, no! Yeah. Doubt. Don't agree to that. Doubt sometime. Let's switch, no. Yeah. Doubt. Don't agree to that. Doubt sometimes. Let's switch this discussion to the movie Doubt right now. Oh, my God.

That's one of my favorite movies. Really? Yeah. That's no one's favorite movie. No. My brother and I used to do this double feature. We still do it sometimes. We'll watch.

There will be blood and doubt back to back. No reason. Just love it. Is there a movie called Fire? Because then you could watch Doubt and Fire. Fire and then Mrs. Doubt. Ooh, I didn't even think of that part. There you go.

That's a closer. Alright, goodnight everyone. So, in Doubt, Glenn Close or Meryl Streep. I always get them confused. But Glenn Close is wonderful. They're both great. Wesley is a dick. He threatens to hit her.

He does all kinds of shit. Oh, and then in the fire swamp, he's like, in character as pirate, just to be clear. But then afterward, after he's like,

it's me, Wesley. They're in the fire swamp and he's explaining to her how he became the dread pirate Roberts. And he's like, he's so patronizing. He's like, with me so far? Does this make sense to you?

And it's like, it's not a hard story to understand. He's just like, hey dummy, you get it? You stupid idiot. And I also don't understand, maybe I missed something because it was the first time I saw it, but he becomes the Dread Pirate Roberts

and that becomes more important to him than getting back to buttercup although he's alive and like that's never from what i get to all that's never explained of like why couldn't he just under that like persona she did she was still there maybe it didn't move locations until she was kidnapped but maybe it had just happened maybe i mean it sounded like he'd been like that for a while. Yeah, because he's like, oh, I was training and doing all kinds of fencing and learning stuff. But you're right. They didn't give an exact timeline.

Well, it's convenient for this. It's kind of a plot device because as soon as she gets kidnapped, now she needs someone to rescue her. So it just happens to be at that moment. Then he puts his plans on hold. He was like, whatever it was, he's like, well, now it's important because she has been kidnapped that moment then he puts his plans on hold he was like whatever it was he's like well now it's important because she has been kidnapped well he doesn't know that maybe he was wesley you just i guess he was he just he oh now i'm gonna i'm gonna go back for

her oh convenient that she's been captured because now this cool story can unfold called the princess bride i don't know maybe he did find out that she was kidnapped. Maybe. I don't know. It's pure speculation. He has his ear to the ground. And here's just a, you know, this is a unnecessary dumb defense of him being mean to her and treating her like she's dumb. She is dumb. She is dumb.

This particular person that he's talking to has been dumb before. How did he get this way, though? I don't understand. It's like in the first, you know, when they're falling in love at the beginning, they say maybe 20 words to each other. It's like, as you wish, as you wish. I love you and I'll never leave you.

Goodbye. Ceremonies. Yeah, and I'm just like, okay, these are very horny, blonde adults and I'm not okay with any of that. Yeah, I'll also add, I do think that it's not nice to be, it's not good to be mean to dumb people even if they are dumb. I don with any of that. I'll also add, I do think that it's not good to be mean

to dumb people, even if they are dumb. I don't know about that. That's what I'm saying. That's my position. Mike takes one position, Jamie takes another. Still be nice to dumb people. I say for sure cyber bully dumb people. Maybe not to their face because dumb people could be very strong.

I understand what you're saying. They might be Andre the Giant and they might just be earlier. Andre crushes it. He's a poet. What a poet. Anyway, she's maybe not dumb, but extremely naive. Naive, yeah. Which I could understand if she had grown up a royal and wasn't exposed to the world

and was just, oh, I'm a princess. I'm like, I haven't had any life experiences, but she's a commoner. I feel like she should know better. She should have some street smarts. Yeah. There's no streets back then.

That's true. Pasture smarts. Some old dirt path smarts. Exactly. Cause she, she goes on her daily ride. She rides all over. She should know stuff. I don't know. She knows how to Exactly. Because she goes on her daily ride. She rides all over. She should know stuff.

I don't know. She knows how to ride. And I don't want to sound victim blamey because she's captured against her will and she's a victim. But she is. She was wearing her capture me boots. She also threatens to kill herself

a number of times throughout this movie. Like towards the end with humberdick she you know she goes and she's like well if you do you know i'm not gonna marry you i'll just kill myself and i'm just like you could try to escape there's so many that's yeah alternate paths other than like killing yourself because you can't be with this asshole right i don't know oh totally um she does I said, she makes that one escape attempt when she jumps into the eel-infested waters. Right. Why not try that again? There are

like, no one's really holding her captive. Like, Humperdinck is like off planning her murder. She doesn't appear to be. Like, get on a horse and ride out of town. Yeah, I don't understand her at all.

She seems like maybe she's just depressed and she just doesn't know it because she, from the beginning of the movie, is like, maybe I'll just kill myself if I can't be with Wesley. Maybe she has mental health issues and that's why she's falling back on this suicidality because it's not... She's just codependent on wesley which brings me to the point that of the pretty few lines of dialogue that she does have throughout the course of the movie they are almost all about either wesley or love or being in love

with wesley she doesn't talk about anything else. We don't know anything else about her. Yeah, exactly. Isn't there the scene where the old lady says that she's just garbage? And that's like two ladies talking, and it's just about both of them. But it's about because she's marrying Humperdinck. So I've concluded that it does not pass the Bechdel test.

I agree. Because even though those two women speak, well, the old lady speaks at her. Buttercup doesn't really ever respond but we're going with the name thing too she doesn't have a name she doesn't have a name and they're talking about the context of their conversation is Buttercup's portrayal to Wesley so it's about a man and therefore I do not think it passes fair enough the Bechdel test yeah but don't, Princess Brine. A lot of movies don't. Also, don't feel bad because you're a movie. Can I tell you a funny story about the movie?

Mm-hmm. It's actually kind of a touching story as well. Maybe only that. Who can say? I'm not going to tip it any further. But about two years ago, a friend of mine got married, And I was at the wedding, the person who's getting married, my friend, her friend was officiating. And so the at the beginning of the wedding, this person was like, I've never, you know, married anybody before, I just got the credentials so that

I could marry my friend. So it's really a beautiful experience for me to get to do this. And since I've never done this before, I may never get never do it again. I was wondering if you guys would indulge me for a moment while I just quote one of my favorite lines from The Princess Bride. And everybody's like, okay, great, sure, sure, sure. And then she says, and all right, everybody, the shrieking eels. Okay, anyway, so now we've, yes. It was super fun. Also, I don't know if you guys know this, but getting a master's degree in screenwriting does automatically ordain

you to officiate weddings. I also like that you called it scryding. Scryding, I don't know how to talk. It's a screenwriting master's thing. Yep, it was a joke that wasn't good to begin with, and I ruined it because I don't know how to talk. Scryding. Can we talk about the line that almost closes the movie?

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. First of all, and I come at this as someone in a similar predicament. Of having perfect breasts? Which predicament? No, she is pretty flat chested and not to shame her because i'm right there with her but if someone said i had perfect breasts i would be like where you know uh and second of all what an obnoxious thing to say and i hate that he said that yeah i would it's like the people who are like fighting breast cancer by being like we've

got to save the breasts right right it's just i don't know i wanted to harpoon him more than ever at that moment i wanted to harpoon him the whole movie i will say that uh you know beauty is subjective so if somebody ever tells you that you have perfect breasts i would say thank you i they might really mean it. I would rather harpoon someone than say thank you. Yeah, no compliments, please, ever. Yeah, it is. It's a silly, silly moment. Also, I just mean if it's like somebody that you care about and like you're in a relationship, not just like somebody on the street.

But I also think that they just have a toxic, terrible relationship and you shouldn't talk to her at all. Yeah, their relationship is very, it's one of those things where they fall in love because one of them is a man and one of them is a woman. And they're both around. And they're near each other. Yeah. Which is how it worked for centuries. That's how it worked with my parents. Do you know, did you guys read Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance book? Yes.

Oh, no, I didn't. In the first chapter, there's a thing where he interviewed people who are the oldest people today about their dating experiences. And there were some numbers about one in six people, oh no, over half within a mile of them. And one in six grew up in the same building. Wow. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, sure.

This was before the time of internet connectivity. Hundreds of years earlier. No Tinder. No. see yeah sure this was before the time hundreds of years earlier yes and no tinder no but people fell in love because even if they yeah they were near each other but then they were they also had to be compatible but there's like no there's like they're like oh you have blonde hair i have blonde hair we look like siblings but we're not. So that's what's sexy about it. I'm really attracted to the fact that you're not my sibling. I guess those were people's standards were not very high back then. I do think that there is something to tribal connections.

Sometimes Jews are attracted to other Jews. And tall people are attracted to tall people. Potentially. I mean, it's not it's not a guarantee, but you definitely can see couples that look alike as long as they know they're not from the same actual family. Sure. You mean formally? I don't know. I've never heard of this. I think. Yeah. I mean, I do agree with that. I just think that they're both insufferable in different ways. Well, that's the thing, too. That's why they belong together.

It's true. The thing about stories is that you can build a world and develop the characters and explain why they're good for each other. Sounds like a lot. Or not. The movie does not do that. That's some scrider talk. Goldman, come on. The book actually goes way more in depth into a lot of things.

I have not read the book. I'm sure it also has some of the same problems, but I did really like the book as well. I thought it was very funny. I don't read books. I have a master's degree in movies. Hold on. I actually don't know how to read. So, oh, I wanted, we already touched on this a little bit, but there is a chunk of time between around minute 13, whenever they reach the Cliffs of Insanity, to somewhere around minute 34, so almost 20 minutes, which is right when Wesley beats the little, the baby genius in the Battle of Woods, where she does not say a single thing but she is in the in the scenes

the whole time she well she only has a few like slivers of screen time even during that i kept forgetting she was in that scene with the baby genius and wesley like i kept forgetting like and then she would be sitting next to the baby genius and i'd be like oh yeah i guess she is just sitting there like that was so that was like my the most frustrating part for me was watching that scene my favorite part of that scene is that vasini had just set up a little picnic for that there was like grapes and cheese and apples and like goblets and wine and it's like what were you gonna do like you didn't decide to have the battle of Wits until Wesley showed up and suggested it. How did they get a table?

I didn't even think of that. I think there was a stone. Oh, okay. But he had like a tablecloth and stuff. He just like comes ready for other people to suggest. He's a genius. He's like, oh man, I hope he suggests that we have a Battle of Wits because I've got it all laid out and ready to go. He made it happen.

I did appreciate that he died. Yeah. Because I was like he was quite a villain. Oh no, he's not going to be there to say that one word anymore. Hot. Inconceivable. I did not find that charming. I don't think that he was meant to be charming. I know, but

I know that you're supposed to, you're like that's the fun thing. What a bit of comic relief. Yeah, it's not that. The little guy said a funny thing. And I remember when I first watched that movie, the fact that he, oh, he's like, oh, I poisoned both cups. I spent the past few years growing up an immunity to iocane powder. And I was like, oh, brilliant.

My 16-year-old self really enjoyed that. It was good. Yeah. It was a clever thing to do. It's true. I had one note because Baby Genius and Andre the Giant are paired up to be like this little guy, big guy team. It's very fun. It is fun, but I would argue that the best little guy, big guy team that I know of is in Jesus Christ Superstar with Anas and Caiaphas.

Oh. That's a little guy, big guy team to remember. Jesus Christ Superstar would be a very hard podcast for us to do. I have never seen it. I thought you were going to say, is it Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito? Oh, yeah. Or Twins. Twins.

Oh, Twins is what I mean. Yeah, not Junior. Junior, what's Junior? Oh, that's the one where he gets pregnant? Yes. What a career he's had. Oh, yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant.

They put a baby in him and they're like, let's see if a man can carry a baby. I want to see that movie. I just heard a little noise. I got so excited. I don't remember it super well. It's been probably two decades since I've seen it. Okay.

I didn't see it and I bet we wouldn't love it. Yeah, I don't remember it being very good. The poster is terrifying. Wow. Oh, yeah.

Nothing is inconceivable. Whoa. Is that the tagline yeah oh my god how fitting that is crazy wild that that happened yeah because that's the word we were just talking that is crazy that vizzini says everything's connected that is a good slogan that's a good slogan for that for that movie yeah yes good catchphrase it's like do you know the uh the one for dr strange that i like that I've seen on posters? No. It's The Impossibilities Are Endless.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. That's good. Sometimes they're very bad. Like, almost always. Yeah, for sure. I'm like, I look at these posters for movies and I'm like, I'm going to either see the movie or I'm not going to see the movie. Like, I can't imagine the person that the tagline, you knowline pushes it over either to yes or no.

Like, you know, the gang's all here. Don't even just save some letters. Just show us the pictures of the people. Give people what they want. When I was in college, I made a student film called Baxter the Clown. And it was about a clown who decides to... George knows. I don't know why.

A twist. His name was Baxter. Okay. Sorry to interrupt. And he decides to run away from the circus. Ah, that's fun. A twist. And he switches places with his brother,

who was like a businessman. His brother's name was Oliver, I think. And they switch places, so Oliver's like, I'm going to run away and join the circus and take my brother's place. And Baxter was like, I'm going to work in an office. They weren't, so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Hello, person with the same genetic.

I didn't have access to a huge casting. The idea of twins, right. Anyway, so. I understand. You couldn't have two people who looked exactly alike. Didn't have high tech CGI. And then Baxter has to decide whether or not he wants to pursue this life as a businessman or to return to the circus. But the tagline that I wrote for this movie is he's climbing the corporate ladder to the big top.

Guys, I'm so clever. So we've been shitting on this movie and specifically buttercup the character for a while now. And Wesley. We've been shitting on everybody. Everybody kind of sucks. What characters do you like?

I do like Inigo. Oh yeah. I do too. Yeah. So yeah, that little duo is good. The Chandler and Joey of Mrs. Bride. Truly.

And Miracle Max, that's a fun little cameo. Sure. But we do have to— Christopher Guest, as well, is a pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah. We do have to take into account the genre, which is why I wrote this—I chose this movie to write this paper on. Because, sure, things are going to be exaggerated it's for kids it's for the fun for the whole family so

like characters are going to be pretty like archetypal they're not going to be super nuanced right sure hang on let me find that really cool paragraph oh yeah cool paragraph coming right up she doesn't read but she does right i do i don't know how it works once the words are down she well my thesis statement yes for this please because i say oh imdb lists all these different oh yeah let me see if i got it right uh family adventure comedy romance and fantasy oh that's the one I left out. Yeah, fantasy. And I say that fantasy is the most prominent genre of these in The Princess Bride because the story within a story highlights the fantastical setting, characters, and narrative by juxtaposing them against the ordinary realistic world of the grandfather relaying this story to

his grandson, which we haven't really talked about yet. And then I say, but it is not just any run-of-the-mill fantasy. The Princess Bride is self-aware to the extent that it playfully satirizes its own genre so you guys it's very academic a plus a plus you got an a yeah and then i go on to talk about how the love story portrayed in this film is kind of the most fantastical and unrealistic element of the movie. Oh, that's fun. That's good. Because...

Like The Matrix. Right. Hey, we already talked about that movie. Did you know that? That's what we did last week. I didn't know. Oh my gosh. I mean, you're in The Matrix.

All movies are The Matrix. I am the one. Actually, we talked about it with matt donahher okay and when i got home i was so mad at myself because we had been talking about like oh why isn't like why couldn't morpheus have been a woman why couldn't one of the agents have been a woman why like why couldn't one of the the two brothers been a a sister and then i was like fuck why couldn't they have been neo? Why couldn't a woman be the main character? We know that

the savior has to be a man, but why couldn't everybody else? All around. I was just like, the patriarchy is just so... I've been so socialized to think that the hero of a movie has to be a man that I didn't even suggest, so I was mad at myself for not suggesting it. You're forgiven.

We're doing it now. Thank you. Thank you. I pulled up a paper I wrote in college, but it has nothing to do with what we're talking about. You can read it off. What's it about? Andy Warhol and the allure of photography. What's the thesis? Don't worry.

This is a solid B. Mechanical reproduction is the phrase that sticks out when summarizing andy warhol's staggering volumes of artwork in the four decades he was a working artist that sounds right however oh no he uses this concept within so many different mediums and different phases of his career that a primary process becomes impossible to nail down. Wow. Amazing that I don't even know what this class was. This guy's hard to nail down. Yeah, you can't nail them down. I'm pretty sure that's what I just repeat for the rest of the paper.

I remember that was the class that I passed out in once. Wow. Why'd you do that? I didn't. It wasn't on purpose. Okay. But I did. Did you faint or did you fall asleep? I didn't. It wasn't on purpose. Okay. But I did. Did you, like, faint, or did you fall asleep?

I fainted. I went through a phase. Yeah, I'm a delicate flower, and sometimes I faint every couple of years. Wow. Were you seated? Well, good thing there are men around to save you from the fire swamp. To save my Andy Warhol professor, presumably. Basically, I would have liked to have seen just a more active female character.

I would have liked to know anything about her. Yeah, she could have had a more fleshed out personality. She was put in several situations where she could have made a decision to be like, oh, I should do this or I should try to help this person or I can save myself because I hear the popping sounds that precede every little fireburst. Like, why don't I jump out of the way instead of having the guy fling me out of the way?

And yeah, sure. It's a fairy tale. She's a princess. She's a damsel in distress. She's gonna be saved. She's a delicate little flower. Like me and my Andy Warhol class. But if they're gonna, the whole thing about this movie is that it's look at this fantasy but it's like it's not i don't know i feel like every scene buttercup appears in is a

missed opportunity in one way or another like there's either an opportunity for her to do something that she doesn't or there's an opportunity in a scene you know in and i'm sorry to bring up the baby genius wesley scene again but like there could have even been a witty interjection from her there could have been something at any time oh sure there's all this time that we could hear what has she been doing for five years besides being sad and contemplating suicide. And all we know is that she likes to ride a horse. And at the end, that's still all we know. She likes to ride a horse and she loves Wesley. And it's just, I don't know.

She's pretty flat. Yeah, she is a very one-dimensional character. There's no shortage of chances. Flat-chested. Boom. I'm just echoing what Jamie said. I'm not adding my own. Sure.

Shame. I stand by that comment. Yeah, it is. It's a movie full of missed opportunities. She could have contributed so much more to the story and to the dialogue. Maybe she'll do it all in The Prince Groom. Ooh, love it, love it, love it. I was like, oh, we can play a fun game, and we'll call it

the Battle of the Tits, or the Battle of Clits. And then I forgot to add, I named the game, and then I didn't. That's how all of our games have gone so far. Except for the Labyrinth episode, we will have something. Yes, for the Labyrinth, we're going to talk about the Labyrinth soon with our friend Jenny. And we have a game all planned out. No, we have the name of the game and then nothing yet. But there's time. There's time yet. Let me ask you guys.

Here's a game. On the count of three, I'll ask. I'm going to say a question and then I'll say three, two, one. And then you guys give an answer to this question. Would you rather be, if you could only be one, a princess or a bride? Three, two, one. Neither. Princess. Bride.

Fun? Well, see, if I was a princess, I'd use that platform of fame and influence and power to change the world and make it a better place. Sure. If I was a bride, I'd just be like, ugh, God, I'm just married now. If I was a bride, I would do anything I want because you could be married to do anything you want.

I mean, you can do... Being married doesn't give you, like, superpowers. No, I would fly. So you're saying that whether or not you were married wouldn't change anything about your life. You have the powers right now. I'd do the same shit that I'm doing now except for like

being on Tinder. That would be probably the only thing I would stop. I see. Yeah. You could still do that too. Hey, why not? You could have an open marriage. That's true. That's true. 2016 baby. If I was a princess, I don't know. I just wouldn't want that. I feel like it's kind of limiting in some ways.

Sure. I mean, that's what Aladdin is all about. Let's talk about that movie now. I should spend more time thinking about why I don't want to be a princess. So I think we've come to a moment where we can rate the movie. We remembered. You remembered. Is there anything we want to, any other topics we want to, we didn't really discuss like Humperdinck or the story within a story.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't need to talk about those men. So like, what does make sense about him is that he hires those three dudes to capture her and start a war because he wants to start a war with Gilder for most of that. Why? What other place?

Most of that just didn't matter to me. Yeah, because it was like whenever he was saying that, I'm like, whatever he's trying to do will not work out. Yeah. He's a sociopath and he just likes to be, you know, he likes power. He likes to be, he doesn't care about love. He just wants to be in power and he wants to have a reason to go to war with this neighboring land that they have some treaty with. So if he could frame them for, you know, kidnapping her, then he could be like,

now, a reason. He just likes war. He likes fights. He's a real Farquaad. We should do Shrek. We should do Shrek. FARC. F-A-R-C. It's Family, Adventure, Romance, and Comedy. Mike Kaplan, everybody!

Plus Fantasy is another F. A fark is spelled with two Fs. A fark. Of a farkwad. Oh, gosh. I liked the story within a story. I thought that that was fun. I always enjoyed the coming back. You like Fred Savage? Yeah, I mean, how could you not?

Yeah, he's cute. Yeah, that's what my paper was about. How, like, to frame it in this, like the Princess Bride inside of another story was like, it allowed it to poke fun at its own genre. The book is like that too. Oh yeah? Yeah, there's like a chapter in the book

where it's like, and this chapter, it's like they've discovered this old, they're like, I'm gonna do a modern revamp of this old story from this fake place, but they're presenting it as real. And they're like, in this chapter, you know, like, they're like, I'm going to do a modern revamp of this old story from this, you know, fake place, but they're presenting it as real. And they're like, in this chapter, in the original, it was about 73 pages of just describing the princess's dresses. So you don't need to hear that. So we'll just skip ahead.

Oh, that's fun. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. It is fun. Well. You know who also does a fun thing like that? Have you guys ever read the book Couplehood by Paul Reiser?

No. He's one of the first comedians that I ever saw on TV, and I loved it. So I got his book, Couplehood, and I got it on tape, and I'm reading it. I drive around listening to it, and I believe the book, the physical copy of it, starts on page 143. That's the first page listed. And he's like, we're starting on page 143 because it's so hard to get into a book. And sometimes if somebody looks over your shoulder and they see you're on page like two, then they judge you. So it's like this way, like if somebody on the train, they're like, oh, wow, 144.

That's pretty great, right? So you feel like you're already in the middle at 143. That's where you start. I love that. Yeah, me too. Great guy, Paul Reiser. Was that like a novel he wrote? Oh, no, it was like a sort of a memoir, but mostly about like his, you know,

his relationship and relationships in general, his wife, being in a couple, the hood of coupleness, a couplehood. I'll read it one day. I like it. Craig Ferguson wrote a great novel that I used to vouch for maybe a little bit too much in high school. What's it called? Between the Bridge and the River.

I just remember there's a prominent character who's a televangelist and that he wore an orange robe and that at 16 i thought that was very fun orange robe like a prisoner exactly i thought of a prisoner of his own beliefs oh yeah that was my theory so when we rate the movie what is the scale that we use? Nipples. From one to five nipples. And more nipples is good? Always. Always more nipples is good. Five nipples is the highest rating you could give a movie. Just to be, I mean. And we're rating it in the context of its representation of female characters.

And you have to describe the nipples also. Really? Yeah. Like last week we had like chrome nipples because we were talking about the Matrix. Oh, I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect breasted nipples. I think I also just don't like the phrase perfect breasts.

I feel like that's something I would be comfortable hearing at KFC. But not directed at me. But that's a lot of things too, probably. Well, we've all got our own baggage, Jamie. I'll take one bucket, please. Right. I would not be okay with someone saying that about my body.

Bucket of Jamie. Ooh. What order do we go in? I'll go first. Go for it. So I grew up liking the movie, and then the more I watch it, the more I'm like, oh, this isn't as good of a movie as I once thought it was, especially considering its portrayal of women as being stupid idiots who can't do anything. For this podcast, I would give it like two nipples. One from Fezzik the Giant, which is going to be huge and hairy.

That's a lot of nipples. And one from Baby Genius Fazzini, which is going to be huge and hairy. That's a lot of nipples. And one from Baby Genius Fazzini, which is going to be small and hairy. I'll give it one nipple, which sounds harsh because it maybe is a little bit, but

it's Buttercup's nipple and it's really soft and afraid and inverted. Wow. This might sound harsh because it is the worst rating I can give it. But hear me out. I would never say no nips. It would have to be a real...

Is there zero? You can give no nips. Okay. Who wants that? Not me. I want at least one. But also, I'm fine with none. They're not deal breakers to me. Fair enough. That's very progressive.

Any number of nips is fine by me. I'll give it 1.5. Oh, I gave it the highest rating. Damn. And I give it 1.5 nipples because I have done an average of the two ratings that you guys gave it. Because I'm bowing to your experience in the issues of this female related matter what do i know very noble of you what a noble cause like we respect your decision thank you and thank you for recognizing that we are correct all the time masters yes great well thank you so much for, for coming on.

Thank you for having me. Yes. Sorry for shitting out a movie you liked for an hour. I literally don't care. It's not, it's not part of who I am. You also could have shat on me for an hour. And we didn't.

We did not. Thanks for not doing that. I think anytime we have a guest who's a man or who presents as a man because you say that you're somewhat genderless, I would say we just shit on them the entire time. Quick roast. Give them a taste of how the patriarchy has treated us. Give me a bucket of that. That's what I'll yell without context. Y'all pull that up.

Oh, I'm on your bucket list? Thank you. That's hilarious. KFC, not on my bucket list. Boom. Is there anything you would like to plug? Where can people find you online? Check out your stuff?

If you put my name into online anywhere, Mike Kaplan, where Mike is spelled weird, sorry. MYQ. Kaplan spelled the quote unquote normal way. MikeKaplan.com is my website. You can find my Netflix special. You can find my albums. I have a podcast called Hang Out With Me. Everything should be available through my website.

But if you also go to, you know, any of the places, Twitter and Instagram and not Vine anymore. I don't know. I've never heard of them. Facebook, the things, whatever. Whatever things are. All those good things. Yeah.

Are good these days. LinkedIn for sure. I may be having. Oh, I'm there. Yeah. True. Thank you. Yeah, check out Mike Kaplan on the internet.

And in real life, I perform places. And in real life, yeah. There's tour dates on there. Jamie, anything you want to... I thought of something this weekend. Oh. You can find me on Twitter at Hamburger Phone. You can find me on website at jamieloftisisinnocent.com.

Wow. I'm also doing... Of what? It... Plug in any crime. I did not do it. Except I drive without a license. But...

Whoa! Because it gives me anxiety to say it out loud. I think for good reason. I should be afraid, but I also... I just haven't gotten there I'm doing

I'm doing a a long show in Boston I'm doing an hour in Boston on December 6th oh cool if you happen to be in that area hopefully this podcast

or this episode comes out by then I was being optimistic I'll be I'll be in Boston on January 12-14 at Laugh Boston I love that place

feel free to free Diet Cokes backstage come there whoa to come. Free Diet Cokes backstage. Come there. Whoa. I remember where Free Diet Cokes are. I'm sure. It'll be my first time there. I didn't even know about that.

Look forward to it, baby. Hey, it's me, Caitlin. You can find me on Twitter at Caitlin Durante and some other places. I have a website, CaitlinDurante.com. Also, if you live in L.A., which, why would you live anywhere else? Ha, ha, ha.

Our friend Mike here lives in a different place. And so do probably the majority of the country. Definitely. Most people don't live in Los Angeles. Yes.

But if you do live in Los Angeles and you want to check out a new weekly comedy show at NerdMount, which is the place where I work. It's called Rabbit Hole with Jay and Rory, hosted by Jay Larson and Rory Skowal. And I help do things with it. When does it happen? The first one is November 30th.

And then it's every Wednesday at 830. That'll be fun. Yeah. And I think that's it. We've had 8.30. That'll be fun. Yeah. And I think that's it. We've had a great time, guys. We have. Farewell. We have. Thank you. Wait, what does he say? As you wish.

Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks. Bye. We did it. We did it. Nipple. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unnerves the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.

Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. In California during the summer of 1975, within the span of 17 days exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Lynette Fromm, nickname Squeaky. The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI.

Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore. The story of one strange and violent summer, this season on the new podcast, Rip Current. Hear episodes of Rip Current early and completely ad-free and receive exclusive bonus content by subscribing to iHeart True Crime Plus, only on Apple Podcasts. I'm NK, and this is Basket Case. What is wrong with me? Only on Apple Podcasts. Why so many of us are struggling to feel sane, what we can do about it, and why we should care. Oh, look at you giving me therapy, girl. Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.