The Best of Car Talk - #24104: To Porsche or Not to Porsche

Episode Date: December 28, 2024

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We need your support and the easiest way to support us and NPR network stations across the country is to sign up for NPR Plus it's a recurring donation that gets you special perks for more than 25 podcasts. Perks like sponsor-free listening, bonus episodes, access to the best of Car Talk Archives, and even exclusive and discounted items from the NPR Shop and the NPR Wine Club. It only takes a And you can do it right now at plus.npr.org. That's plus.npr.org. And thanks. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tap It Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Department of Behavior Modification Therapy.

Behavior Modific... No kidding, what does that mean? Oh, I don't know, I just invented the... Very good. Isn't it? I just invented it. That's a bestseller title if I ever heard one. In any event, I've been witnessing lately a phenomenon that has me

greatly disturbed and I'm going to rant and rave about it. I love it. Yeah, go ahead. And, and it's because of this witnessing of this phenomenon that I think that behavior modification therapy is in order for the people engaging in this. And what I've been witnessing and I can't believe this. And the first time I saw it, I figured, well, it's gotta be one out of 20 million people

that do this. I don't know how many motorists there are in the road every day, probably 100 million. What has to do with driving? Has to do with driving. Ooh, that's even better. And it has to do with mixing something with driving. Oh, I know what it is then.

You know what it is. I do know what it is. You know what it is. I do know what it is. You know what it is. Yeah. And I have witnessed on several occasions, people reading and driving at the same time. I mean, not just looking at a map. I can almost understand that. You lost, you glance at the map,

you look at the street signs. I've seen people reading catalogs. War and Peace. The most recent bestseller by John Grisham, and you can't possibly tell, you can't read three words of a sentence and pay attention. I can barely change the station on the radio without having an accident. And how can you possibly read and drive at the same time? It's impossible and it's dangerous.

If you do it, cut it out. Well it's partially, you know. And if your life is so busy that you have to read and drive at the same time. You should be taking pills so you're going to stay awake all night. You should be doing something else. You should move closer to work or you should be riding the bus to work. Exactly. Or some such thing, but you can't read and drive at the same time because you're going

to kill somebody. And the behavior modification therapy I suggest is that you get in front of these people and you let allow them to tailgate you. And at the appropriate moment, whilst you're looking in your rear view mirror, and this person is reading, you're slam on the brakes. But you're going to make sure you're not driving your own car. I was driving your car at the time. Well, here's my my I have a similar plan

actually. I'm I have the same problem of people especially on the street where I live. My blood pressure hardly went up at all. It didn't huh? No I mean I was able to rant and rave calmly. I don't think it mad I don't think it counts then. It doesn't count. If your blood pressure isn't over 200. It already is. Then you're not ranting and raving You're just making a casual statement You don't have the passion that is necessary for a true rant and rave But my plan to slow down the people driving up and down my street is to take a ride tomorrow broke over glass over to nissenbombs junkyard and I'm gonna buy a

$50 car and I'm gonna register it and I'm gonna get no insurance for it. And every day, I'm gonna back into somebody who's barreling down my street, making sure that he hits me. Excellent. What do I care? And now I'm like, what have you done to my car? I'm sure that this will get you a nomination

for the annual humanitarian award Can we take a question the Darwin award? She'd like to call us at numbers 1-800-332-9287. Hello. You're on car talk. Hi, this is Frank in Mountain View Hi, Frank Mountain View, Tennessee, California Okay, so what's new Frank well my wife and I are having a little disagreement about dark about specifically her car But tell me more about it. I've had so many of them. I know Here it is She says you can't turn the air conditioner on while driving at highway speeds. It'll damage the car. I get hot I want the air conditioner on she said can't turn it on till we stop

She says he says she says he says right She says she says what what is she nuts can't turn on the air conditioner while the car is driving at highway speeds Because it damages the engine or the air conditioner or the belt or something and so she thinks that the air conditioner is only for use No, no, no, no, no She means you can't turn it on can't turn it on. Can't turn it on. But you can have it on. You can have it on. Right. As long as you remember to turn it on first. Right. Oh okay this is not the first time we've heard this theory. Well and she's right. She's right. Yes there is actually something to this theory. Okay. The compressor. Not much. The compressor

has a certain mass associated with it. There are pieces to be moved around, either pistons or a rotary vane, whatever. But it's a piece that's currently, when you're driving at 60 miles an hour, at rest. And then all of a sudden, you hit the button and turn on the AC, you engage the clutch, and at 3000 RPM or more, you kick this thing in and make a turn at very high speed in a very short period of time. You can accelerate very quickly to catch up to the engine speed. And that's bad.

It's bad for it and it's bad for the belt. It would be better if you turned it on when the engine were idling and had it on as you approached highway speed. So she is correct about that part of it. On the other hand, you don't have to stop to do it. I mean, if you're really driving along at highway speeds 60 miles an hour, you throw it neutral for a second. Actually, it depends on the car you're driving.

If you're driving a General Motors car, or most late model cars with automatic transmissions, you're not turning that much faster on the highway than in city traffic. Okay, what about an 84 or a 94 Subaru? A 94 Subaru at 60 miles an hour is doing 25,000 RPM. 3,000 RPM. And then she's more right. Okay. More writer. More writer. More writer. But I mean, don't forget, I mean we're not talking about the end writer but i mean and don't forget and we're not talking about the end of the world here because don't forget there are millions of people who do this all the time and you know maybe they have their compresses burn out a little faster

who's dog i mean we know we've never done a study of this right now which theoretically it makes sense uh... you can do this at will if you have the extended warranty. Ah. Like on my car I have a standard transmission Ford Aerostar. I will turn off the air conditioner when I'm climbing a hill and I'll probably also downshift and then when I crest the hill and start over down the hill. There's no reason to do that. I engage the clutch, change the gear back into the gear I want to be and then then before I let the clutch back out, I also push the air conditioner button. You guys are worrying about some mighty trivial stuff here.

I'm very happy to hear that you have no other problems more serious than this in your lives. How blessed you are, Frank. Do you want to give me childcare advice? Sure. No, I mean, it's good that you have trivial things like this to worry about. There we go. But I don't agree with your habit of disengaging the air conditioner when you're climbing hills and reengaging it. The less you do when you're behind the wheel, the more tension you'll pay to the road.

Ah-ha. Yeah. All these other things where you have to take your eyes off the road to find that button for the air conditioner. Oh, no. My finger knows where it is. It knows where it is, huh? Boy, I guess I must be too old. I can't relearn where that stuff is. And the more buttons, the worse it is.

So I guess you may be alright. You can do whatever you want. Oh, thank you. And we know you're going to do that anyway. See you, Frank. I mean, you can tell your wife that she is right. So basically, she can do what she wants and I can do what I want. Sure.

She is right. She is right. You can tell her that and that will boost her ego. Okay. And her ego. Okay. And her ego probably doesn't need any boosting anyway. No, don't tell her that. See how I get into trouble. It's so easy.

And you got Frank in trouble too. Bingo. Take it easy Frank, thanks for your call. Bye bye. 1-800-332-9287, hello, you're on Car Talk. Hello, this is Ruth in Austin texas hi roo la la okay except we have a uh... question for you we needed a professional consultation we have to car

and eighty four volvo which is uh... you're kind of drive like a tank we were talking to define it i don't even talk about that part and then we have a ninety five camera e airbags and all. So the dispute is who gets to drive what car, my husband or the baby and I, who gets to go around in the 95 Camry with the airbags and who gets to drive the 84 Volvo? And so our question is which car is safer, which one should the baby and I drive of course everybody wants to drive the Camry right? Because it's nice and comfortable well you know how old is your baby?

This is a bit of a team. Yeah, it's a little us immediately. You're gonna be surprised by the answer Ruth you are baby notwithstanding No, I think baby notwithstanding well does he stand yet? Nineteen months he might. Running. No, the Volvo is the one. Oh, I have to drive the Volvo. I knew you were going to like it.

First of all. I know it's built like a tank, but I can't even park the thing. It's a wagon. It's 50 feet long. Well, I mean, there are two reasons. One is it is built like a tank and the Camry is not built like a tank. Right, that's true. It's heavier than the Camry. And secondly, the airbag is really of no use to the kid.

That's true. He has to sit in the back anyway. In fact, in lots of cases, the airbag could be a problem for the kid. Right, if you put him in the front, right? If you put him in the front. Oh, in fact, I don't put him in the front. You're not supposed to, are you? No, you're not supposed to put him in the front. Right, so I know I don't put him in the frame not supposed to are you know you're not supposed to right

right here I'm now what's his name his name is Ariel cool he's being very quiet and he's a sweetheart of a kid excuse me is he a sweetheart of a kid oh of course he's a little energetic but you know yeah that's how they're supposed to be I guess well I mean the best place for him is in the middle of the back seat of the Volvo. Most accidents are not head-on accidents. Right. And if you were to get plowed into broadside or from the rear, the Volvo's a safer car than the Camry. Now we haven't considered the mother in all of this. So the other question is is it safer for the kid in the back of the Volvo driving in a car where his mother, if she should have an accident,

will be immediately unconscious and unable to help him. Right, and also impregnant, you have to know this also. And pregnant, or is it safer if the kid is in the back of a less safe Camry? I have the solution! But his mother has an airbag. I have the solution! You want to buy an 84 Volvo? Teach the kid to drive!

Yeah, yeah, what's your solution? You need a 94 Volvo for you Ruth. Now that's a wonderful idea. You need an 850 Volvo wagon. I think so. I think so. And I think your husband should recognize that you have blessed him with one wonderful child and are about to with another. You should be rewarded for being a wonderful mother with a new car.

Oh. Well, because now you're going to have to have two little car seats in the car pretty soon. That's right. Yeah. Don't those cost like, you know, you have to mortgage your house or something? No, they're not that bad. I mean, they're in the high 20s.

Yeah, that's a lot of money. I think we paid like, yeah, I don't remember what. But you guys are Texans. Everyone in Texas is a millionaire, right? Oh, we just got transferred like, yeah I don't remember what. Well, but you guys are Texans. Everyone in Texas is a millionaire, right? We just got transferred here so we don't count. Oh, you didn't get rich yet? No. I'd give it a couple of months. What do you want? Yeah, really, we haven't been here that long. No, it takes time for it to rub off. Yeah, no, you gotta get another mortgage. How much Avon do I have to sell? You better get out there and start beating the pavement. Really? Don't you want to eat some lipsticks?

Well, yeah, send us a couple. Okay. With a bill. Good luck, Ruth. Okay, well thanks. I'll tell him your advice. I think it's great. I'm sure he'll love it. And have him call us. If you can't convince him, have him call us. We'll straighten him out. Oh, okay. Please do that. Okay.

See you, Ruth. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hey, we've got more calls coming up right after this, so don Please do that. Okay. See you, Ruth. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hey, we've got more calls coming up right after this, so don't go anywhere. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things in other currencies. Send, spend, or receive money internationally and always get the real-time mid-market exchange

rate with no hidden fees. Download the WISE app today or visit WISE.com, T's and C's apply. Every January, millions of people take the pledge to cut down on alcohol in the new year. If you're one of them, count on LifeKit and PR's self-help podcast for tips and tricks you can use

to make the most out of your commitment. We'll help you draw up plans and have experts weigh in on how to stay motivated and kind to yourself throughout the month. Search Life Kits Dry January wherever you get your podcasts for the tools you need to pull it off. From NPR. All right, since the puzzler is what? What? Living it up like Don King on vacation at the moment. I don't have a puzzler to answer from last week.

But, for both of you diehard puzzler fans, we have posted a puzzler from the archives this week at our website, Cartalk.msn.com. So each week this summer, while you should be working, you can instead be pondering one of our classic conundrums. Just another time-wasting service from the good folks here at Cartalk Plaza. In the meantime, you can still call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello you're on Car Talk. Hi this is Gus and I'm from Scotch Plains, New Jersey.

Gus? Gus! Yes, that's me. I mean is your real name like Augustus or? No, it's Gus. It's the name I chose for myself when I became a citizen. Really? Yes. What? Did you emigrate from like Manhattan?

I'm from Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Really? Yes. What? Did you emigrate from like Manhattan? I'm from Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Really? You came here when you were 12? Five. That's why I do not speak mitzvah accent. Yeah, from Amsterdam. Our fair city. And you chose Gus as a name? Well, it used to be Gus with two U's and it's pronounced Hoos, which most people can't say

because you will have to clear your throat in a particular way when you say it. Oh good, New Jersey, is Hoos going to the movies with us? I come from a long line of Flemish painters. Oh, so you... Gus with two U's, what are those Dutch people thinking? Well, that's why I'm here. I don't want to be associated with them anymore. So anyway, Gus from Scotch Plains, New Jersey. Yeah. What's up man? I have an 82 GMC pickup truck, just a standard plain vanilla pickup that I inherited from a friend. What size engine?

It's a six-cylinder engine. Six-cylinder? Here's the problem, it won't shift into park now sounds very easy but before you give me the easy answers I've already disconnected the linkage done all the proper adjustments and we put the transmission in neutral and if the transmission does go into park if you lay underneath it and switch it into place oh you can do it from underneath but you can't do it from inside the truck now I can monkey with the linkage and get it to go into park, but then my only options are park, reverse, and neutral. And since I don't run demolition derby for a living, it's not a good set of options. That's an interesting set of options. Now, here's what else I've done.

I completely disassembled the steering column, and I can't find anything wrong. Wow. Well, this thing has a linkage that runs, it has a bar that runs from the shifter. That's right. That comes through the firewall. Exactly.

And it runs down to the transmission. And somehow I've gotta believe that the geometry here is wrong. Something has moved. Either the frame on this thing is twisted or there's not enough adjustment you can put into this thing to get into park to push that. No. Could it be the motor mount or the transmission mount?

Sure could be. Yeah. Sure could be. Ah. Sure. It could be a bad motor mount, a broken motor mount. It could be something. It's got to be something that's bent or out of position.

Ah. So I've got to look at the transmission mounts at the engine mounts. The whole thing, the whole, the engine and transmission may have just moved back by some amount uh... yeah now i thought i was actually just a creative solution it's gonna be too hard to fix them in otherwise the thing runs okay wonderful okay how about how's about this

a creeper uh... How about, how's about this? A creeper. You get out of the vehicle and real fast, you slide underneath and you throw it in power. Well, no, if you cut a hole in the floor in just the right spot, you're gonna make yourself, Gus, a homemade floor shift for this, which will consist of clothes pins, rope, coat hangers. Actually it's very simple to do.

Yeah, actually you could install, you could buy a kit and put a floor shifter on this thing. That's what I should do. That's what you should do and forget about the column shift. I mean you should obviously look to see if the motor mounts are broken or if any of the frame is busted. You know, if you had a broken weld or something, everything could be all out of whack. With a vehicle you know, if you had a broken weld or something, everything

could be all out of whack. And with a vehicle this age, anything could be wrong with it. Of course, now the other problem is I've got that whole steering column apart. I never knew there were so many springs and things. Oh, never. You'll be surprised at how many of those pieces are unnecessary. I'll bet that when I reassemble it, I have enough to build another half a steering column. Just tell me, when you took it, since you took it apart, have you blinked?

Oh, too many times. Forget it. It's hopeless. The phone isn't wrong or anything like that. The phone rings, you're done for. Any interruption, forget it. You'll never get it back together again. In fact, if you read the book, it tells you to empty your bladder before commencing work

on the steering column. Because any interruption and you're done for. I have to admit when I started taking the steering column apart, that happened naturally. Yeah. Gus, I wish you the very best. Check out the motor mounts if they're okay and you can't figure it out. You can have a mechanic cut a hole in the floor

and you can put a floor shift in. Okay. And it'll be great, you'll love it. Terrific. And it'll look cool too. Yeah, you're right. See you guys. I'm gonna have to get glass packs.

I can see it now. Broom. Bye bye. Bye bye. You can actually do it with like a broom handle, and a couple of clothespins. Rope clothespins. Rope clothespins.

You know, some old hangers you could do it that way but actually it's I mean it's not rocket science no I mean it really rocket science 1-800-332-9287 hello you're on car talk hi this is Francis from Dallas Francis with an F no pH pH yeah with an F and a C, E, S. Yes, of course. We know. Sure. How are you, Frances? I'm great. How are you guys? Do your friends call you Fran or Franny or anything like that?

Not if they're my friends. How about Francine? Not usually. Frankie? Sometimes. That one I like. Frankie. Frankie. The K-I. Huh?

K-I-E. K-I-E. Like Frankie and Johnny. Right, exactly. Great movie. I got it. huh? K.I.E. Like Frankie and Johnny? Right exactly! Great movie! I got it. Movie? I like Francis. I only know of the song. Anyway, what's up Frankie? I have a little sports car and I love my sports car. I'm very emotionally attached to it. What is it?

It's a great car. It's a 90 Mazda Miata. So I got one of the first ones back in the day if we had to be on a waiting list to get one yeah back i have an opportunity to you get a different part part but i know i would really really love to and it's a bit of a family heirloom it that question nine forty four eighty three with seventy five thousand miles on it

but here's the deal the original owner is my uncle and he recently passed away but he was a mechanic all of life so this car if spotless if you look at the head it doesn't look like it's ever been driven well because the engine is even under the hood but it is going to and if you know that they're great car that with seventy five thousand miles on it

what you're gonna start breaking and how much of a kind of cost me to fix it and how long how long will the car last how many miles does it have in it how many miles around the me on sixty five and you're happy with the me out of i am i mean you're more than happy yes i am

while the proof frances what proof I mean you're more than happy. Yes, I am Wow Francis what proof this this this question is is fraught with in you endo and and all kinds of intrigue intrigue I mean, this is this changes your image exactly changes everything exactly. I'm glad you understand holy cow Yeah, oh, yeah Exactly, I'm glad you understand this. Holy cow! Oh yeah, this is not just about whether or not the car is going to last another $75,000 or how much it's going to cost you to fix it, because you already know the answers to all of those questions. I mean... Yes, it's going to break every week.

Yes, it's going to cost you a million dollars to fix it. No, you will not be able to find anyone to fix it. What else is going to happen to it? You're going to wish you had the Miata back, which never breaks down. Right. It handles gonna wish you had to be out of back which never breaks down right it handles it's gonna be a lousy ride you're gonna hate it it's uncomfortable have you driven the car yeah not a long distance but around you know a little short distance no I mean the 944 is a well I was gonna say a wonderful car but that's not the right word.

It's a unique car. Interesting. An interesting car. And there's a small number of people who want Porsches. And they are people who can't have anything else. Or don't have anything else. They are very strange people, I have to say. Strange how?

Have you lusted after a Porsche all your life or is it just a happenstance that brings this up and makes it a dilemma? Well it's sort of genetically encoded in my family that we lust for sports cars. My dad used to race Jags in the early 60s. Well answer the following questions. Okay. Yes or no. Have you ever driven on the sidewalk for any reason no no i don't know if really have you ever wanted to run anyone over especially someone over the age of sixty that was slow crossing the street i've i've wanted to run people over but not because they were well-prepared three okay have you ever attempted to run anyone over now i have not

you haven't obviously and not succeeded yeah do you have a low self-image that needs to be bolstered? I don't think so. By the ownership of a fancy car? I don't think so. Do you have two or more ex-husbands? I have one ex-husband. One ex-husband.

Well, the Porsche is yours for the taking, is it not? Pretty much. I mean, why not have both of them? Well, I only have a one-car garage. I would stay away from this thing. I hate to tell you to do this. I mean, what's going to happen to it if you don't take old Uncle Harry's car? What's going to happen to it?

My cousin will sell it to a stranger. It'll leave the family. It'll leave the family. Oh, then don't let your cousin get a hold of it. Well, it's hers right now. Yeah, it seems to me that you feel an obligation to take this car, even though deep down, this is not you. I mean, that's the sense I get.

Oh, so your cousin's gonna sell you this car? Well, she's gonna sell it to somebody. You're not getting the car for Zip. No. You're gonna have to pay for it. Correct. Oh. Oh, that changes everything. That changes everything. Tell her to stuff it.

Pay for it? Nah. Really? I would stick with the Miata. I mean this is not the answer you expected, is it? No, it's not, but that's okay. That's why I called. No, I think you'll be a much happier person if you stick with the Miata. Excellent. You know, I'll tell you what, if you should get the Porsche and you fell in love with the power and the authority of it, you would never be able to go back to a Miata. I'll tell you what, if you should get the Porsche and you fell in love with the power and the authority of it,

you would never be able to go back to a Miata. It's like if you've been driving Chevys all your life and all of a sudden you do something like you buy a Mercedes. You think you could ever go back to driving a Chevy? Never. I don't think so. I don't think so either. Never. I mean, that's why you can never buy a car like that because you're done for.

And don't forget, you're gonna turn off many males because males are afraid of women who drive Porsche. Oh yeah. So since you've already dumped one husband, do you have a new husband? No I don't. Well you ain't gonna get one driving around in that thing. I don't know if you're interested, you may not be.

You may be perfectly happy with your Miata. Well most days, you know, I'm not sure I want another one. Yeah well, I can understand that my poor wife She thinks that every day Something to consider it is of course it is what the husband of the Porsche I think about the poor scaring guys off. Oh, yeah. No, it is. It is intimidating. Well, huh? Yeah, you're too fast for them. You're a jet setter you identify yourself now as a jet setter Yeah, and you're not going to attract the right kind of granola eating mountain climbing

Cherokee Calls coming right up after these messages. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tafford Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the five toughest questions. Remember, we had a letter a couple weeks ago about the woman who says, what would you do if I died to a husband? This is an elaboration of that. There's the five toughest questions that women ask and their answers.

The five questions are, one, what are you thinking? Oh, yes. Two, do you love me? Three, do I look fat? Four, do you think she's prettier than me? And five, what would you do if I died? Who said this to us? Wait a minute. Jorah Lavon. What are you thinking?

The proper answer is this, is this. I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are, and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously this statement bears no resemblance whatever to what the guy is really thinking at the time, which was mostly, most likely, one of several things. Baseball, football, how fat his wife is, how much prettier she is than his wife, and how much would he get to spend of the insurance money if she died? Let me see if there's another one here that's good.

This came on the internet. There's no reference to Dave Barry, but it certainly sounds like Dave Barry. It does sound like Dave Barry. I like this one. It does sound like Dave Barry. I like this one. Do I look fat? The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically say, no, of course not, and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include a little extra weight looks good on you. Wrong answer B. Compared to what? Wrong answer C. I've seen fatter. You could be in a lot of trouble.

With any of those. Hey look, this is normally the time where we give you the new weekly puzzler, but there is no new puzzler this week because the puzzler has been sent on an involuntary leave of absence this summer for being what? Lousy. And we hope it will have rehabilitated itself by the fall. But if you're dying for a puzzler to wile away the workday, you can visit our website, cartalk.msn.com

and check out this week's archival puzzler. And if you should happen to have a half decent puzzler you wanna suggest for the new puzzler season, you can email it to us from kartalk.msn.com or you can send it via snail mail to Kartalk Plaza, Good Puzzler Division, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Mac 02238. In the meantime, you can call us with your questions or anything else. Anything. Anything, anything. Here at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Oh hi, this is Fiona calling from Clarkston, Michigan. Fiona? With an F? With an F, yep. Like Frank.

Yeah. From where? From Clarkston, Michigan. Clarkston. Actually right now I'm calling from work in Ann Arbor, but I live in Clarkston. Ah, work. I work at the university Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do are you a college professor? No, unfortunately, I'm not because they get paid better than I do not by much, but they certainly do less work than you do Fiona yeah, that's that's an interesting name Well, my mom is from Scotland and so my my dad is American, but my mother's Scottish, and so they gave us one Gaelic name and one American name.

And so my Gaelic name is Fiona. That's a Gaelic name, Fiona? I always thought it was sort of Mediterranean. Oh, no, no. Like Scotland, Ireland. Oh, no, no, no. No, no. It's a British Isles name. British Isles. Oh, yes, indeed, lad. Is it? Oh yes indeed, lad. Well, top of the monitor, Fiona.

Oh, thank you. Thank you for that interesting bit of information. Everything's due to my brother. So anyway, Clarks in Michigan. So what's on your mind, Fiona? Well, I have a 91 Probe GT and it's got 105,000 miles on it. And when the car is cold, it makes makes an exhaust noise kind of like there's a hole in the muffler

it's not really very loud but it's loud enough to make my neighbor turn around in his driveway and wonder what i'm doing and then it goes away when it warms up well it used to go away completely when it got warm but now it doesn't really go away but it kind of changes to a higher pitch noise and it's not as loud and with hard acceleration it becomes a whistle I only get the noise when I'm accelerating and not when I'm at a constant speed and my husband thought that it sounded like a transmission noise but when it makes it makes a noise whether or not I have the clutch pressed in or not so when I rev the engine with a clutch pressed in it still makes a noise

but not when the car is really hot okay so actually you can get the noise without even moving the car is that true? that would pretty much eliminate lots of things yeah like wheel bearings transmission probably you know and why did you describe it as exhaust noise when you first mentioned it? Well, because that's kind of how it sounds when the car is really cold, like I haven't, like first thing in the morning.

Well, that's what it is. It's kind of like a lower, kind of, brrr, thing. I'm going to suggest. I think that's what it is. I think that's what it is too. And I'm going to tell you that it's coming from the front of the car and not the middle of the back. From the front?

That's what I said, Fiona, baby! Well, where do you think it's coming from? I don't know. Good. She's right through the front suggestion. Yeah, are you susceptible to a front? Front is good. Front is good.

No, somebody told me it might be a cracked exhaust manifold. Exactly that. That's exactly what it is. Because what's happening is the crack is there when the manifold is cold and as we know most things when they heat it up expand and the manifold is expanding and closing up that crack so that the noise changes in pitch and severity. Exactly, because the space where the hot exhaust is coming through changes shape and it's like whistling. Oh, okay.

So when the engine is cold and a lot of exhaust can escape, it sounds more like you have a hole in your muffler and then as the thing warms up it'll revert to a whistling sound. Eventually the manifold will just split in two and it'll sound like a cement truck all the time. Oh it'll sound like, it'll probably sound like a machine gun. Now how quickly would that happen? I'd say you got about an hour. Oh great. Well I mean it sounds like you've had this problem for a long time

well i cut that well probably like four or five months yeah it's getting close okay so and you were waiting all this time to talk to us and you didn't think to have someone look at it of course yeah that would cost money no see i was gonna take it to have somebody look at it actually i was gonna take it to the dealer and my husband said no don't take it to a dealer look at it. Actually, I was going to take it to the dealer and my husband said, no, don't take it to a dealer. They'll rip you off. And so I listened to him and I didn't take it. Yeah, but if they don't rip you off, how else are they going to keep those nice waiting

rooms intact, you know, with those nice... Sure, with coffee, the donuts, the air conditioning, the suits on those salesmen. They're counting on you, Fiona. Go in there and pay your dues. Yeah, I mean, those guys are wearing thousand dollar suits. They've gotta be paid by somebody. Now is this a thousand dollar repair though? No. Do they have to pull the engine in?

No, but it's several hundred. Oh, okay. Well that's not too bad. I mean they could even get the part at a junkyard, save you a couple of bucks. Yeah, the dealership wouldn't do that, but your local gas station might. Okay. So I would go there. And it's not rocket science.

Get it looked at because you probably are breathing some of this exhaust that's getting up into your ventilation system. Okay, so that would explain my imaginary friend on the way home from work. Yes, that would. That's it. Good luck, Fiona. See you, Fiona. Thanks.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Well, you've certainly wasted an otherwise perfectly good hour listening to Carl Tuck. You certainly have. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Punk and Lips Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College

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