The Best of Car Talk - #24105: Mickey the Dunce

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Fortunately, when car trouble arises there are among us many who can avert automotive disaster by dint of their knowledge and decisive action. But what about those rare occasions when it isn't in your interest to fix something? Meet 'Mickey the Dunce' on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

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You know, it's almost the end of the year, and it's time for one final reminder that you are what makes NPR's engine run. Well, you and that thing they call a coffee machine in the NPR cafeteria, but it's mostly you. If you currently are an NPR Plus supporter, thanks. But if you've never given to public media before or not in a while, please consider it right now Here at the best of car talk we bring you your favorite car questions Puzzlers and everything else but to do that

We need your support and the easiest way to support us and NPR network stations across the country is to sign up for NPR Plus it's a recurring donation that gets you special perks for more than 25 podcasts. Perks like sponsor-free listening, bonus episodes, access to the best of CarTalk Archives and even exclusive and discounted items from the NPR Shop and the NPR Wine Club. It only takes a few minutes to sign up and you can do it right now at plus.npr.org. That's plus.npr.org. And thanks. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the new dance division here at Car Talk Plaza.

Now, I'm sure none of you knows this yet, but my brother has invented a new dance. Yes, I have. I am. And I'm sure will soon sweep the nation. Now, the exhaust system on his beloved 63 Dart bit the farm this week. Bought the farm? Bitten the farm? Bought the farm. Bitten the dust. Bought the bucket. So he called me and whined and I told him I was too busy and that he should go someplace else, which is what I always tell him. So he took the thing to his

local muffler shop where they gave him an estimate and upon hearing the estimate He spontaneously invents This new dance he put his left hand out then his right hand out Then he reached for the guy's neck Then the other on his hips and told him where he could put his muffler. Then he put his left hand on his forehead and said, jeez, I don't know how you guys stay in business with these prices. Then he put his right hand on his back pocket to make sure his wallet was still there. Then he spun around 180 degrees and hopped out the door.

So you got it, it's left hand out, right hand out, left hand on the hip, right hand on the hips, left on the forehead, right on the wallet, spin, hop hop hop. You know what we call this new dance? The Mufflerena. That's bad. That's bad. I like it, I like it.

Bad. Alright, I know you don't have a letter to read. I don't. Actually, I don't. Let's go right to the phone. But I have some great stuff for the next half of the show. Same, interesting. After the halftime show. After the halftime.

1-800-332-9287, that's our number. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Lynn Fredertson from El Dorado Springs, Missouri. So what's on your mind, Lynn? Well, I'm calling because I have a problem with my truck. I have an 87 Ford F-150 pickup. And when I turn on the defroster or the heater, this big cloud of steam comes up. Oh yeah.

And it makes it real hard to see out the window. I would think so yeah. Yeah. Now I know I could take this to a radiator shop and get it fixed, which I'll probably end up doing, but this friend of mine, he said what you do is you throw a handful of pepper into the radiator. Yes, fresh ground, coarsely ground black pepper. Preferably from Sumatra.

Well, actually, most pepper comes from what? Madagascar, right? Was there a pepper comes from? I don't know, I'm just guessing. I don't know. No, most pepper comes from...? Madagascar, right? Was there a pepper comes from? Is that right? I don't know, I'm just guessing. I don't know. Most pepper comes from... Marco Polo brought pepper back. From the Orient. Where did he go anyway?

Mexico. He didn't go anywhere evidently. No, he faked it. He faked it. That's the latest, you know. He bought the videos. Anyway, so black pepper, we've heard that eggs are good too. Yeah.

Eggs? Yeah. If you have a bigger, evidently if there's a bigger leak Uh-huh. that Pepper can't deal with. One egg. Well, they said if it was a small leak in the heater core, which is what they said it probably was,

Well, there are actually- that the Pepper would get stuck in there. Well, maybe, yeah, it might. There are actually things you can add to the cooling system designed specifically to do this. There's stuff like Bars leak, Porter seal, Aluma seal, all of those are trade names for the products that are supposed to stop cooling system leaks. But you could actually go and fix it the right way, which is to install a new heater core.

Oh no! Which is what you really need. Now it depends on how much of a jalopy this is, whether or not you should do that. Yeah, and whether you plan to keep it. Oh yeah, we just bought it in June. Oh, then there's no question, don't mess around with the pepper. No, I already got the condiments for that. I go straight to the eggplant. No, you don't want to mess around with it because whatever you do with pepper and eggs is only going to be temporary. Unless you make a submarine sandwich, pepper and egg submarine sandwich is great. And it's going to do damage to the system because it does plug up passages.

Well, that's what I wondered. Now, you know, my husband and I, neither one of us really know too much about engines. I mean, we're lucky we know where to put the gasoline in the truck, you know? But this needs to be fixed. I mean, number one, you do not want to be breathing the vapors that are coming out of the...that's antifreeze you're breathing. Oh, it's bad. Yeah. I mean, it won't hurt you much. Evil stuff.

Evil. It won't hurt you much. But you will find days when you can think better than other days if you're exposed to this for long periods of time. Warm days when I'm not using the heater or the defroster. So you should fix it. And it's not it that expensive

okay it's not that expensive the have any idea what it would probably it's probably less than two hundred bucks okay now that truck is relatively more easy to get that but he recorded an ordinary passenger relatively more easier more easy more easy and there's no air conditioning on this

oh it's a piece of cake it's a piece of cake yeah the labor is what kills you on these jobs yeah but this is easy but this one happens to be easy oh well that's good to know yeah a handful of screws and the heater core pops right out and you throw a new one in

there, hook up new the hoses to it and you're off and running okay but I was telling you know different people that I'd heard about this pepper thing I was kind of skeptical no it works the pepper thing does work I kind of skeptical. No, no, it works. The pepper thing does work. I mean, you could put anything in there almost. Cinnamon works too. I mean, anything that'll plug up the hole.

But I guess the pepper has the unique property of expanding and then hardening when it's exposed to the air. And so that's why when it escapes through the hole and it hits the outside air, it dries and hardens and it stops the leak by slow accretion. What a crock that was! You don't have to throw a whole crock in, just about a teaspoon full. No, by the slow accretion of these pepper bits, you will stop the leak, if that's what

you want to do, but you should fix it the right way. Okay, okay. Well, that's, you know, I didn't know if this would really work or not. No, and by state law, I'm pretty sure, or maybe, maybe federal law now, you're not allowed to do this and you've had the vehicle at least four years. So you haven't had it long enough. There may be some exceptions for buying a used one, but I haven't read the fine print yet. Or unless you've got a degree from the Cordon Bleu. See you later, Lynn. Thanks.

Thanks for calling. Fix it right. Okay. El Dorado. Bye-bye. Okay. El Dorado. Bye-bye. Bye. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

My name is Doug Keane calling from Fort Myers, Florida. How are you guys? No last names, please, Doug. Hi, Doug. Fort Myers. Fort Myers. I think the Red Sox used to spring train there or something. Well, we have two teams here.

Detroit. We have the Minnesota Twins. Yeah, I know it's a and they read talks and the red sox they still they still train their you bet they should have stayed longer this year anyway what's up that well i have a problem with my in nineteen ninety six grand caravan well my daughter decided that you know since it's a nice new thing she'd like

everybody to know it's hers so she took a very sharp rock and decided she would engrave her name in the left quarter panel. So what can I do? What year high school is she in? She's three years old. She's three. Well that's not as bad as my friend Don Chalk's brother, Ken, has two twin boys. And when they were about your daughter's age,

they decided they were going to do daddy a favor, and they were going to paint his car. So he goes off to work one day and comes home that night... Leaving the car in the driveway. ... leaving the car in the driveway, and they painted it with brushes and rollers. Oh, I hope they used a good latex paint. The best. I don't think it makes much difference once it dries. Yeah, what can you do? Yeah, what options? Well, you want the, let's see, my criminal mind

immediately says, uh... Call your insurance company. Have an accident and call your insurance company. But that would be a vile thing to do. Well, no, as a matter of fact, I think this qualifies as an accident. I mean, after all, she may have done it on purpose, but I think it qualifies as a mishap. It would be the same as if you had driven into a rose bush and scratched up the side of your car.

You will be subjected to the same deductible that would be if they have such a thing in Florida. Oh yeah. We have that here and I would imagine most states have it, that you have to assume some responsibility because of the nature of your policy, but they will pay the rest. And I think in this case, honesty is the best policy because if you try anything else, you go to jail. Just in this case, honesty is the best policy because if you try anything else, you go to jail. Just in this case, honestly, it's the best policy. It isn't always the best policy.

Well, with this in a clear coat thing, when it goes to get repainted... Yeah, they're going to have to strip it down and paint everything. You know, a three-year-old daughter can write her name already? Well, yeah, yeah, she just loves to write. Precocious little thing. Alternatively you could decorate the scratches with a flower of some kind. Paint a flower on the side of the car. Hmm. Absolutely. You got the car talk bumper stickers? Well they're out. Well I had one time I had an MGA and the

side of it was all scratched and my mother being an artist looked at it one day and said you know that sort of looks like a face there and I said well not really and she said leave your car here tomorrow and she painted a face into the scratches and it was a quite an interesting decoration couldn't sell the car for years you know I I have a an 86 Alfa Romeo spider and I thought anything that you know that she would go after that car but no she had to go with the new one well it's only a car if it makes a little kid happy what more could you ask? Absolutely, I'm a believer that cars shouldn't come through with such shiny exteriors and and perfect exteriors They should you should buy them all banged up dented and scratched already

And then you wouldn't care but if a similar if she had done this to your lawnmower You wouldn't even worry about it. That's right. So you have those already. They're called used junk boxes That's right. Well, they have those already. They're called use-carts. Junk boxes. Well, I've mentioned many times how liberated I feel when I drive my 87 Dodge Cold Fiesta because it is already pre-banged and scratched up, and I don't worry about it like I do when I'm driving for General Mike.

Didn't they come from the factory that way? It did. They may have. Wise guy. Thanks for calling, Doug. Good luck. Thank you. See you. Bye for calling, Doug. Good luck. Thank you. See you.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll be right back with the answer to the puzzler after these messages. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things in other currencies. Send, spend, or receive money internationally, and always get the real-time mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees. Download the WISE app today or visit WISE.com, T's and C's apply. On NPR's Book of the Day podcast, we hear from all sorts of writers making bold arguments like the late president Jimmy Carter on

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Okay, Tommy Babies. Yeah, yeah, I know, the puzzler's on vacation. You have said it a million times. Well, for those of you who actually enjoy the puzzler, both of you can check out this week's archival puzzler at Cartalk.msn.com. Please note that we're doing our best to keep you distracted at work until the puzzler returns in the fall.

It's our responsibility. Everyone's got a job to do, right? And ours is to help you waste otherwise valuable time. Speaking of which, 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Cartalk. Hi, this is John. I'm from Empire in Michigan. Empire? Yeah. What is that, a city? That's. Hi, this is John. I'm from Empire in Michigan. Empire?

Yeah. What is that, a city? That's a rather pretentious name. It's near Traverse City. If you look at, if you can picture Michigan as a mitten, it's the tip of the little finger. Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

So you are at the tip of the lower peninsula. That's right. As opposed to being a you per and right now not a new you know the you per your all over i think this is a right hand mitten are left hand mitten with the left hand mitten with the back of the hand facing you all right okay well thanks john for the geography lesson a pleasure talking to you that's not a pleasure talking to you

that's not my car it i've got a ninety six hundred manual talking to you too. My car, I've got a 96 Honda Civic, the manual. It's developed this pretty scary tendency to go into these high revs on its own. Really? What it does is it occasionally begins to accelerate all by itself. It happens usually when I want to pass somebody, say.

And then when I want to decelerate a little, as I try to return to my lane after I've passed the other car, I very quickly notice that my car sort of has other plans. It's speeding up very strongly. The first time it happened, I put in the clutch and then the tachometer goes into the red all the way to the peg. How many miles are on this thing? About 33,000. Did you buy the extended warranty? No, it's got a 36,000 mile warranty and I'm about to take it to the dealership and say hey this is a death trap. Well you haven't taken it yet. Well I did as it happens. I took it

about two weeks ago and they I think what they did was replace the accelerator cable. Did it do it every single time you accelerated prior to this last trip to the dealership? It did, yeah. And I sort of stepped sharply on the accelerator. Is that pure? But the accelerator pedal isn't stuck. But does it feel different? In other words, does it feel that as you're stepping on it, does it already feel like

it's at the floor when you step on it? I think it does feel a little, a little different. Oh, here's the thing you do next time. Calmly put it in neutral and pull over to the side of the road with the engine revving at 10,000 RPM. Ignore all tendencies to rush. Whatever happens happens. Don't forget you have 3000,000 miles left on the warranty

And I certainly wouldn't go to any You've probably already done damage to the engine by having it rev like this that was gonna be my next question That is gonna shorten its life So I wouldn't be in any hurry to fix it after all they had their shot at fixing it and they didn't yeah So I would calmly get out and first before you do this you should find where the throttle cable is and see if in fact the throttle is jammed open and you can do that by move you if you had an assistant with the engine off yeah like if you went out there right now and had an assistant step in the pedal you would

see how the cable moves a thing called a bell crank, okay, which opens and closes the throttle. Right. And you'll see where that is when the accelerator is engaged and where it is when the accelerator is not engaged. Okay. I think you're going to find out that the throttle is stuck in the full open position. Maybe there's something wrong with the throttle body.

So that when you try to accelerate to pass somebody and you put the gas pedal very close to the floor, it stays stuck in that position because there's some fault with the throttle body. Now if it happens that a piston, things happen sometimes, comes through the block at the cylinder head while you're waiting to figure this out, it happens. What if I'm bending over the open hood? Don't bend over, I was going gonna suggest you do this with a stick. Okay. I've heard you guys say that an engine's life

is how many revs it's gone, not how many miles. Yeah, you've got a lot of revs here. I mean, you should first of all, complain to the manufacturer that there's something that's happened to this thing which you fear is gonna shorten its life. Or mine. Or yours. Or yours, or both.

Right. Yeah. And that you are concerned even if the problem is rectified that the engine is not long for this world so you think I have already done some damage with it I think so too and I thought there's gonna be on the phone in five minutes no I think they owe you an engine regard and I just want to make it very clear this was my brother Raymond Maliazzi it's MAG who recommended this procedure to Joe. Well, I didn't recommend it.

I just recommended that he play Mickey the Ducks. Oh, you got a lot of experience there. You have no obligation to do anything to save the car. You just pretend that you know squat. You know too much. The thing revs, you pull over. And you wait for it to slow down. If you didn't know anything, what would you do?

The car would be going too fast. You'd put it in neutral. You wouldn't want to shut the key off. The steering wheel might lock. You lose your power steering. You lose your power brakes. So you can't shut the engine off. They tell you not to shut the engine off because it's dangerous.

So you're coasting to the side of the road with the engine running so the car can be stopped safely. The engine happens to blow up in the process. They give you what? A new engine. Case closed. I think I can do this. They give you what? A new engine. Case closed. I think I can do this. I think you can handle it.

Don't try to interfere too much. Play stupid. Yeah. Do you need any pointers on that? Call me at home. No, no, I can handle that. I'll give you my brother's home phone number. Hey, good luck, John. Thank you so much, guys.

See ya. Bye-bye. Bye. Trust me, it's great to be stupid. It is, you know, you're right. I mean, I wouldn't know, of course. Well, I told you the situation with my wife's Dodge Caravian. I mean, the thing threw a connecting rod through the oil pan and knowing what I know, I was tempted to shut the thing off

immediately to save the engine. And I will tell this brazenly. Yeah, no, I think it was very, very- I said, why should I do anything that any other moron wouldn't have done? Right. And so I continued to drive it. Sure. Thinking that, I don't know why there's oil lights on and the thing's going ding ding ding.

All the smoke filling up the passenger compartment. Oh, the smoke. Man, the smoke was unbelievable. How about the noise? The noise was unbelievable too, and I figured... You said this is what the average motorhome would do? The average motorhome would say, I'm going to get off the highway, my exit's not for six miles.

And I drove to my exit. Good. The engine didn't make it. But I don't think I was under any obligation to endanger my life or my passengers' lives to save an engine which was mis-manufactured in the first place. Yeah, I agree. And the side benefit was it ensured that they had to give me what? A brand new engine, not try to save it. Mickey Mouse. Believe me, there was nothing salvageable. No, you pulled the plug on that baby.

Oh yeah baby, that line was a flat liner. We'll be right back with more calls after these messages. Do you make resolutions in January? We do. Specifically, we make pop culture resolutions. We also check in on what we resolved to do this last year. Did we catch up on all those classic movies or finally write that novel? Find out on the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us clicking clack to Tappert Brothers and we're here to discuss, of course, cars, car repair, and

most importantly, M.A.S. Yeah, David Leventhal sent us via the web M.A.S., male answer syndrome, and I haven't read this, I'll be perfectly honest, but the first paragraph was enough to tell me that I should read it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, Kidoge. And I'm going to read it right now for the first time.

Male answer syndrome, why men always have opinions even on subjects they know nothing about. In the animal kingdom, and I thought it was especially apropos for us, in the animal kingdom, males exhibit what is known as display behavior in order to attract females into ward off rival males. They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plumage, and generally try to appear more impressive than they really are. And they grunt.

And they grunt. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic too, when it shows up among humans. The guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed. For example, have you ever wondered why? Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese. Men who can't pay

their own credit card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt. Men who aren't on speaking terms with their own families know how to achieve peace in the Middle East. I mean, this is all true. So far, it's all true. Well, I do happen to have the answers to all of those questions. And the last one was, men who haven't had a date in six months know what women really want. Well they know it isn't them. Alright, the compulsion to answer varies from person to person. The few men are happy saying, I don't know. Some men seem to regard life as a talk show in which they are the star guest. If you ask, what's the capital of Peru?

They hear, so tell us a bit about your early years, Bob. Sometimes this is expansive, this is appealing. If you ask a woman, why did Madonna go on the David Letterman show, she will simply shrug helplessly, acknowledging that some things are simply unknowable. A man on the other hand will come up with a few theories. She has the same agent and an overdose of Prozac. Men have the courage and inventiveness to try to explain the inexplicable. Wow. Yeah, well, I mean, this reminds me of the electric trailer brake question that we had some time ago. But if you're faced with women in our circle that

don't have an answer to something, if no one else has an answer, you have to volunteer one, right? You always do. Yeah, I mean, how interesting would it be? If your son or your daughter asks a question and your wife says nothing, or she says, I don't know. Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Say I don't know either? Let the kids think they got a couple of morons for parents? I can give them an answer and then let them think they got a couple of morons. And then they'll know they got at least one moron for parents.

It is a curious syndrome. Male answer syndrome. And everyone knows it's true. Here's why I think it's true. Explain it to us. Well, my theory is this. And while you're at it, explain to me how there can be peace in the Middle East. This must be from Barry, Dave Barry.

No? Who knows? Who knows? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Who the heck is that? Unannounced. Entering at this instant the studio

is our erstwhile technical advisor but off missing in action John Bugsy Lawler who's now making the rounds taking orders for coffee, shaking hands with all these people that he should know but he's forgotten. He's forgotten and they've forgotten him. Unbelievable. I mean, it's good though because no matter where he goes, his first words are always hi, my name's John Lauer. Right, when in doubt, introduce yourself. Hey, well speaking of not being around, the puzzler is still on vacation.

That means no new puzzler this week. That's right, but remember, you can always get a puzzler by visiting our website, Cartalk.msn.com, where we have posted some of our favorite puzzlers from the past, and these are some buttes! Oh yeah, right! And! If you want to help my brother out with some semi-interesting puzzlers that he might be able to use in the fall, you can email them to us from Cartalk.msn.com or you can send them the old-fashioned way to... Walk them over here? No, no, not that old-fashioned. You can mail them to Cartalk Plaza, Good Puzzler Division, Box 3500.

I want to emphasize, did I interrupt? I want to emphasize good. Potentially good. No, no, not potentially. They have to be good have to be good otherwise unqualified post office will not accept them that's right so it's car talk plaza puzzled division box thirty five hundred harvard square cambridge our fair city massachusetts zero two two three eight in the meantime you can call us with your car question or anything

else at one eight hundred three three two nine two eight seven hello you're on car talk hi this is lois with your car question or anything else at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Lois. Hi, Lois. Lois. Where are you from? Ashland, Oregon.

Ashland? Mm-hmm. What can we do for you? Well, I splurged. I bought a brand new 1997 Subaru Brighton station wagon in February. And I'm pretty happy with it, except a few things and one of the major things is that it's very low to the ground. Yes it is. Especially the front end and I'm

scraping on driveways and certain roads that where the road comes in on a little bit of an incline and a certain angle and I'm scraping around town and... I mean are you actually hitting important pieces? I don't know I hope not. Or is anything falling off? No, it's mostly the front end that I've been scraping underneath. My driveway has kind of a big dip in it and every time when I drive certain cars as I

pull into or out of the driveway and I remember especially a Mercedes which I was backing out of the driveway I heard a scraping sound and pieces were in the driveway they just fell off so I guess they've already designed it in I'm sure the good folks at Mercedes will be thrilled to hear I put it back in the trunk I put no I managed to take it and it was part of the light assembly. I just pushed it back and it went right back on. But I think they've designed it such that all the pieces that will fall off when you hit low bottom are unnecessary pieces. Good. I mean, as long as you're not hitting like, when you say front end, as long as you're not really hitting front end pieces like tie rods and you know, and control arms

I assume it's just this large kind of fancy bumper thing yeah, it's that spoiler thing that's in the front yeah, it's a plastic piece oh, that'll fall off unnecessary that'll be falling off any day now can I take it off? sure you can

you don't have to, it will come off of its own, it's like a scab it will fall off when it has like a scab. It will fall off when it has to. Has it been two weeks yet? Can you modify this car to make it higher up like they do it? You are modifying it every time you drive. Well there's really not a heck of a lot you can do. You can't. The only way you can get the important components higher up off the ground is to put bigger wheels and tires on it. Oh you can do that, like they do on the trucks I see around town. The monster trucks. So I can make a monster Subaru if I wanted to?

A monster Subaru, yeah. Yeah, you need those Mount Kilimanjaro shocks on there. You know, you're done for. Yeah, you're done for. See all the stuff that you would do, like those fancy springs and shocks, all they do is raise the body of the car up, but the running gear stays where it is. I see. So...

But bigger wheels and tires would certainly raise all of this stuff, would, you know, like a rising tide floats all boats. And all it's gonna take is an inch or two. Oh, uh-huh. So, that probably has what, uh-huh. So that probably has what, 14 inch wheels on it? I don't know. Yeah. You might be able to get 15 inches. Yeah, for a thousand bucks you can buy bigger wheels and tires. But that plastic spoiler

was unnecessary. And I wouldn't take it off because it really does give you kind of a first line of defense. Not defense so much, but an early warning. It's an early warning system. The scraping that and bumping that is not a problem much, but an early warning. It's an early warning system. So scraping that and bumping that is not a problem. It's not a problem. It's purely cosmetic, really. I mean, it's presumably what it does is it prevents the air from getting underneath there and reducing the silkiness of the ride.

It decreases the drag. So it lowers your gas mileage if you don't have it. But by tenths of a mile per gallon, so who cares? Okay. Good. Go any place you want, Lois. Go any place you want. Until you hear loud thunks, I mean when they're real loud, that means you've probably hit

a tie rod and the wheel's going to fall. Right. Or if you lose fourth and fifth gear in the transmission, then you'd be alarmed. Okay. Other than that, if the oil light light comes on it means you hit the oil pan and you've got lost all your oil okay other than that is not much to worry about okay see ya thank you well you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to car talk our esteemed producer is Doug the subway fugitive Berman our associate producer and Dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken

Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine Cathold-Ray. Our engineer is Kevin I've Already Given. Our technical, spiritual and menu advisor is John Bugsy, free lunch lawler, who was supposed to be here today, but is what? Having a free lunch someplace. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marjah Novera. Our director of new product repair is Warranty My Foot.

Our staff butler from the Car Talk Mumbai division is Mahatma Kot. Our document security expert from the island of Jamaica is Uriperdiz Uppman. Our director of upward mobility in Eastern Europe is Zibignu Chrysler. Our director of Turkish indigion is Mustafa Malox. Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our head of used car purchasing is You Will Be Hoofin' It. Our behavior consultant is Wyatt B. Hoofzier. The chairman of the Federal Rubrication Board

is Alan Griespan. The manager of our weekly shrimp buffet is Sheldon Devane. The curator of Tom's Car Collection is Rex Glore. And our chief counselor from the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howes, Hugh Louis Dewey, known around Harvard Square as Huey, Louie, Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Cliff and Clark for Tapper Brothers, and remember, don't drive like my brother.

And remember, don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now, with an important announcement, here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Vinny Gombatz. Hey, if you see one tape to this show, which is number 32, here's what you do. You click on the shameless commerce division of CarTalk.msn.com. Can't you just call in your order? Hey, hey, hey, don't interrupt me, all right? You can call in your order at 303-823-8000.

That's three. Three-oh-three. That's exactly what I said. 303-823-8000. You can get the best of CardTalk and all the other CardTalk junk the same way through cardtalk.msn.com, all by calling 303-823-8000. You got anything else to add, Mr. Funny Man? Uh, no, I don't.

Card Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheetahman Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Ray Suarez has a good cry every time he hears us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.