The Best of Car Talk - #2435: The Wussification of the American Male

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

For decades American men drove hot rods and muscle cars produced with their testosterone levels in mind. Then came the 'automotive vasectomy' that is the minivan. How's a guy supposed to feel macho cruising into the Costco parking lot in a Dodge Caravan? Take off your fanny pack and ponder the wussification of the American male on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

I'm Jesse Thorne. Why did Cola Scola write a bonkers, extremely fictionalized play about Mary Todd Lincoln? Well, you know, it was 2020 and we were all so isolated, I just started doing research. But the truth is, no, I just thought of it. We'll talk about that and more on Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hello and welcome to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers. And we're broadcasting this week from the Center for Discombobulated Divinity here at Card Talk Plaza. Yes! A letter from the University of St. Thomas Department of Theology. Who's this guy?

Professor. It's only fitting that you should be reading it. Professor David Cunningham, Professor of Theology. Dear Click and Clack, I know you guys pride yourselves on the degree of misinformation you can give out in one show. Each week you offer a more veritable pas de deux. But last week's show hit an all-time high, or should I say, low.

In addition to shamelessly reusing a puzzler, you also managed to confuse the thousands of theology students who listen to your show religiously, so to speak. Yes, no pun intended. You may recall that the caller was trying to decide between two cars. He was going to keep one car

and give the other one to the ministry. Ah, yes, I do remember. You first made some wild guesses about which one would be more reliable, and then you noted that taking the good one would mean leaving the ministry with the heap. You then suggested that the caller might first fix his car and then give it to the ministry.

We did say that. Yes, we did. All well and good. But of course, could you stop while you were ahead? No! You had to go on to make an egregious theological error, suggesting that the caller would really ensure his place in heaven if he took this course of action. One of us must have said that.

I'm sure it was you. Okay, guys, you were obviously asleep, not only in your Latin classes, but also in your theology classes. Even my sophomores know that salvation cannot be bought by giving a lot of money or even a lot of junk cars to good causes. Really? To put it in language that even you can understand, it depends on faith, if you're a Lutheran, on faith leading to good works, if you're a Catholic, or if you're a Calvinist, on whether God says

so. No self-respecting theologian claims that you can buy your way into heaven by donating a 1984 Honda, whether it's fixed or unfixed. Now, a 1996 Lexus, that would be different. It's only a matter of degree, you know?

So we had it wrong. What do you want from us? We gave it a shot. We gave it a shot. I know it was on the right track, though. Sure. If you'd like to call us with a question about your car. I didn't know about the Calvinist there, whether God says so.

I guess so. I'll study that. You'll have to read up on it. I'll read up on it. Our phone number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. My name is Edmund. I'm calling you from Austin, Texas, and I have a particularly interesting problem with a 1981 Toyota, excuse me, a 1987 Toyota 4Runner that I just bought four weeks ago. It had spent the early part of its life in one of the more,

or should I say less, civilized places in America. And I was up there in Boston driving around in the snow. And, of course, as you know, in Boston, they put salt on the roads. Yes, they do. So when I bought this car, the stock steel wheels were a little rusty, so I was planning to change them anyway. Now, before I got new wheels, I would drive down the road at 70 miles an hour, and there would be a noise coming from the front, and also a vibration on the steering wheel.

And this noise sounded like the letter V, with sort of a cyclic reverberation going. But a little faster than that. That's it. Very good. Yeah, that's good. Since I was going to buy new wheels for this thing, I thought, well, it's okay. It'll fix the problem. I had somebody look at it,

and they said that it's a bad tire. Okay, no problem so i uh i bought four new tires and wheels and the next time i got up to 70 miles an hour on the highway i i uh hear the same noise although a little bit quieter what color is this uh forerunner oh it's black it's black and you bought it down there in Austin, or you bought it up here? I bought it in Austin. I bought it in Austin, yes. So you went from Boston to Austin. No, he didn't go.

The truck did. Oh, the truck did. I went from New York to Austin. Ah, okay. So someone drove this vehicle from Boston to Austin and sold it to you. Correct. So what are you doing in Austin? You at the university?

I was, but now I'm living. I'm free of student life, and I'm living here in Austin. What did you major in? I majored in architecture. Architecture. Yes. I'm not working in it. You're not?

No, I'm not. I'm doing quite a lot better, too, financially. Ah, so what are you doing instead? Oh, you're an Amway man. That's right. Well, I'm very happy for you, and thanks for the call. I don't blame thanks for the call. I don't blame you for saying that, actually.

Oh, you had a question, didn't you? I was hoping my brother would have enough time to come up with something, but he's still got that stupid look on his face. No, I... You think that I'm just sitting here doodling. Right, right. But what I think Edmund has is a bad universal joint. Oh. Bad universal joint.

Yes. I like it. There's no question that some of your vibration and noise was coming from the tires and the wheels. But I suspect you also have a partially seized or worn out universal joint on one of the drive shafts. Right. Well, this thing is a four-wheel drive, so it could possibly be on the front, even though I haven't used four-wheel drive. Well, the front drive shaft won't turn. Okay, I got it.

Unless you're in four-wheel drive. Oh, okay. So it's probably on the rear drive shaft. Well, then how come I'm feeling the vibration through the steering wheel, then? That's a good question. Ah, come on down. Oh, my God. Just when I thought we were out of the woods.

Well, there is a possibility that you have a bad ball joint or you have a worn tie rod end, too, and either one of those things can cause a vibration that would come up through the wheel. Oh, but you still have the vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. Not as badly, he says. It's not as bad. It really isn't as bad.

And my concern is that the new tire that I put on will perhaps wind up as bad as the other one I took off. Well, you know, we cannot preclude the possibility that you purchased a bad tire or a bad wheel. We should not rule that out. That's absolutely right. I mean, what I would do is I would just for a test, I would put the front wheels on the back and vice versa, whatever else you can do. Well, part of the purchase agreement is I get unlimited tire rotations.

Oh, perfect. Go in once a week. Oh, you take once a week? No, I would certainly go in three times a day. I would certainly go in and complain. I see. And ask them to investigate it. Oh, wait a minute.

Did they know you had this vroom, vroom, vroom when you went in? Yes, actually. They were the ones who told me I had the bad tire. Oh, too bad. I'll go ahead and get new tires and wheels and we'll fix the problem. Well, I mean, since they're the ones who told me I had the bad tire. I'll go ahead and get new tires and wheels, and we'll fix the problem. Well, I mean, since they're the ones who diagnosed this problem as a bad tire,

and they gave you new tires and the problem is not gone, you have every right to go back and ask them to do some things to help find out what the problem is. Right. And at the very least, they should rebalance the tires. And move them around. And shuffle them around, see if they can find the problem. Okay, fine. Well, that's exactly what I'll do then.

I mean, it really does sound like a bad tire, I have to say. Yeah, well, it did. And I was absolutely certain that new tires and wheels would fix the problem, but unfortunately it has not. Well, the fact that it has improved it might mean that you do have a bad tire. There are a lot of bad tires in the world. Evil. Some even evil tires.

Some very evil ones, yes. I think I possibly have one of those. There are a lot of bad tires in the world. Evil. Some even evil tires. Very evil ones. Yes. I think I'll possibly have one of those. You may. I think you had one, but you just have bad ones now. Okay. All right. Well, fine. Good luck, Edmund. Well, thank you very much for your help. A pleasure. Thanks for calling. Bye-bye. Hey, we've got more calls on the Puzzler Answer coming up right after this. On NPR's ThruLine.

We cannot function for 24 hours without COBOL. Because it's in our smartphone, our tablet, our laptop. And as a consequence, the lives of the people living in that part of the Congo descended into just a catastrophe. Find NPR's ThruLine wherever you get your podcasts. Summer is for going to the movie theater because it's too hot to stay home. It's for driving with the windows down, listening to your favorite music.

It's for stretching out while you're on vacation to gobble up a TV show. For a guide to some of the TV, movies, and music we are most excited about this summer, listen to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been lobbing some serious accusations at each other. You've probably heard the diss tracks and wondered, what's just a low blow and what's actually criminal?

I'm Brittany Luce, host of It's Been a Minute from NPR, and I'm getting into what's art and what's worthy of criminal investigation and who those accusations hurt the most on It's Been a Minute from NPR. Do you wish stories could unfold over three hours rather than three minutes? You tired of doom scrolling? Trying to find humanity?

Or maybe a deeper understanding of why the world is the way it is? Listen to Embedded, NPR's original documentary series. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. All right, Tommy, where's your lack of brain cell reminder form? Right here. The washing machine? No, no, no, no.

Hold on just a minute. Did I read? Love this. Can't talk. Wait, I wish I could remember the name of the guy who sent me these. Send me an email. How many did he send you? He sent me a whole pad of them.

I'll have to get rid of that. This is no more fun. CarTalk Weekly Puzzler Remembering Form. Hey, whoever you are who sent me this thing, send me an email on cartalk.com. So I can give you the credit you deserve. The show number, I didn't fill that in. Key phrase. Go ahead.

Frank Staples Lincoln. Brief synopsis. All right, all right, all right. Headlight under the dash. You're going to get pretty sick of saying, well, dummy, do you remember the puzzler? Next week you're going to say, that's not it. I took the wind out of my sails. Well, now that you've given it away.

It was a great puzzler, though. All right, this happened many weeks ago in the middle of the winter. I think that was a little hint, but not a great one. My neighbor, Frank. I have to tell you, by the way, I'm baffled on this one. Okay, well, I'm going to help you. Okay. Asked me to take his jalopy and Lincoln, into our shop for some repairs.

He had a list. He wanted a tune-up, oil change, check the brakes, put some belts on, fix the leaking valve-covered gaskets. Since we were neighbors, I agreed to drive it into the shop that day, and he got to use the Jaguar that I was test- Oh, I didn't tell you about the Jaguar I was test-driving? So anyway, we did the repairs, and I was driving his car back home that evening. And while at a stoplight, I noticed that there was a beam of light shining from underneath the dashboard, illuminating my feet. Now, at first, I thought I'd left my drop light under there. And I immediately looked back, expecting to see the cord stretching all the way back to the garage.

But there was no cord. So while they were at the stoplight, in fact, I was starting to move. The light turned green. I lie down on the seat, and I look up underneath the dash, and I see it's a headlight. And it was wired into the fuse box somehow.

Now, Frank is known for doing some strange stuff. Yes, he's famous for his asphalt technology and other interesting methods of home repair. Spent a week fixing his garage door once. But anyway, right after I saw this little beauty, I immediately said, aha. Anyway, I drive the car to his house, hand him his keys and the bill for $958. And I tell him, I think there was something else that you wanted me to fix, but you forgot to tell me about it. And he says, yes, there was. And the light was the clue. And the question was, what was the nature? Not the exact repair, obviously, and what was the light?

What was the repair that Frank meant to ask me to do, and what was the light thing all about? Yes. Well, I can hardly wait. What he had asked, what he had failed to ask me to fix was a short circuit, an intermittent short circuit that he had. And every once in a while, his brake lights would fail, the fuse would blow. But he wouldn't know that the fuse had blown until someone would pull up and say, Hey, you jerk, don't you believe in brake lights? You got no brake lights. And what he did was he wired a headlight in parallel with the fuse.

So that when the fuse blew, the headlight would light up because the current would now go through the headlight instead of the fuse. See, they're very different resistances. Yes, they are. So ordinarily, when the fuse is intact, the current goes through the... It doesn't make any difference. We're both going to end up in the same place anyway. But it all goes through the fuse. So pretty much all goes through the fuse. Well, the light would still't make any difference. We're both going to end up in the same place anyway, but it all goes through the fuse, so pretty much all goes

through the fuse. Well, the light would still be sort of on. No, it isn't. No, the light is very high. Resistance is too high. But as soon as the fuse blows, the light comes on

and Frank knows. Time to look for the short circuit. Boy, that's good. Pretty cute, huh? Who's our winner this week? Yeah. The winner. Winners, actually, this week good. Pretty cute, huh? Who's our winner this week? Yeah, the winner, winners actually this week, are the Carrboro, North Carolina team of Beverly Rockhill and Joseph Lobuglio.

Wow. Isn't it Lobuglio? And for being our winners this week, Bev and Joe will get to share a copy of the best of Carr Talk on cassette or CD. Joe, you can use the CD to prop up the kitchen table on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And Bev, you can use it on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. And you can play Frisbee with it on Sunday.

What do we care? And by the way, if you didn't win the puzzler and you find yourself in dire need of a copy of the best of Car Talk, you can always get one at Caralk.com on the World Wide Web or by calling the old-fashioned way, our shameless commerce division, whose number is 303-823-8000. And don't forget, if you ever miss a puzzler answer, you can also get that at cartalk.com on the web. Awesome, huh?

Now, we have a brand-new puzzler coming up. I have several from which to choose, but I think I'm going to do another scintillating automotive puzzler. Well, I may have one to donate to the cause here. We'll consult on it. We can discuss that during the break. Do we get a break? Do we get a break? If you'd like to call, no, we don't.

The number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Margie. I'm in Miami. Margie. How you doing like to call, no, we don't. The number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Margie. I'm in Miami. Margie. How you doing? I'm doing great. Boy, you know, if you had- Miami Beach? No, it's Miami. Well, actually, it's North Miami Beach. North Miami Beach. Yes, I know it well. You do? Yeah. Are you one of the retirees who lives there? No. Margie doesn't sound like a retiree. You sound much younger. Right. I am. Much.

Right. No, Margie runs the three-card Monty game when he's speaking. At least all those retirees. Anyway. They're suckers for a good card game, aren't they? Well, they have nothing to do, you know. I mean, how many pairs of plaid pants can you buy?

Don't make fun of them. For God's sake. I'm looking forward to the day when I can buy my first pair of plaid pants. Anyway, Marge, what's on your mind? Well, I have a 1985 Chrysler New Yorker. You're retired. No, no, no. I got it from a little old lady.

She bought it from a little old lady. Right. Okay. And I had the car for three years, and I put on, well, the last 25,000 miles of it. And I want to sell the car and the only buyer that I have so far for it is my ex-husband. How interesting.

How wonderful this could be. Yeah. He needs the car and I need to sell it. So this is an 85 New Yorker with a 2.2 liter four-cylinder engine. Right. Is that right? Yeah. So the only one that's interested in this is the ex-husband.

Right. And what's your reservation? Well, the problem is that once the car gets warmed up, it stops. Perfect. How far away will he be by then? Not far enough. Not far enough. Well, does he know where you live?

Yes, unfortunately. Could you move real fast? You know, he drives away. The moving truck pulls up. He gets whatever distance it is before the thing breaks down. He calls you and they say, that phone's been disconnected. I like it. And you're in Atlanta.

So are you interested in some devious way of selling him this car and misrepresenting it? Is that the reason you've called us, or would you like to fix it before you sell it to him? No, I really want to fix it. You do, huh? We were going to suggest that you just take out the thermostat. That way it'll never warm up. And who knows how far he could get on it. But if you're above board, we'll try to assist you in that regard.

I think it's important that one always maintain good relationships with one's ex-spouse. I think that's always important. We're good friends, actually. Really? Yeah. Just not that good. Right. Not so good that you wouldn't sell him this sled. Just not that good.

Right. Not so good that you wouldn't sell him the sled. Well, if I don't hurry up and get him the car, he's going to buy a computer instead. Oh, okay. What does it do? Tell us what it does, and we'll tell you how to fix it. Okay, let me give you a little history. I had some muffler work done, or I guess they replaced the muffler or something. And sometime after that, the car started to kind of, like, rattle.

And I kept bringing it in, and the mechanic would look at it, and he couldn't figure out what the noise was, or it didn't make the noise when he drove the car. And then it kind of, like, went away. Okay. And then this new thing started where I would, you know, get, I'd be just driving along and all of a sudden everything would just stop. All the systems shut down. There was nothing happening. And

I'd try to, you know, get over to the side of the road if I could and wait a few minutes and then start the car up and go away. Now, when you say everything shut down, the lights wouldn't go off and the radio and all that. I mean, those things would continue to work, but all the lights on the dash would come on because the engine had stalled, basically. Right. And if you tried to start it immediately, it would crank. In other words, when you turned the key, it would go,

wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, it just wouldn't kick over. Right. And if you just let it sit for a few minutes, it would go on. And then you could drive it a considerable distance or repeat? Yeah, I could drive it for days. Ah, so this doesn't happen every time it gets hot. Well, it happened every time he test drove a car. Oh, gee.

How unfortunate. Yeah. So he said, well, you know, I can't buy the car like this. Let me bring it to my mechanic and see what he says. In the meantime, I brought it to my mechanic, and my mechanic said that it was the carburetor, so he changed it. And the problem didn't go away, and my ex-husband took it to his mechanic, who said that he thought it was in the exhaust,

because he said he thought there was something blocked in there. And I thought, well, that kind of makes sense, because, you know, I had this rattle, and it stopped, and maybe it stopped because it lodged somewhere. Anyway, he took it apart. It wasn't there. No, I didn't think so either because it wouldn't be intermittent. It would be very predictable. Yeah. It would happen all the time.

Well, I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is an interruption in the ignition system. It's not getting spark. Mm-hmm. And who knows why? I mean, you could have a bad connection, but you could certainly have a bad igniter assembly. Or a bad coil. You could have a bad coil, but that would... No, this is good for...

This is classic coil symptom. Well, it is... Heats up. It is and it isn't. It is and it isn't because you wouldn't get days and days of trouble-free driving usually with a bad coil. It would be pretty predictable. It would get hot.

It would conk out. It would cool off. It would restart. hot, it would conk out, it would cool off, it would restart, but then it would conk out again the next day and the next day and the next day. However, a faulty igniter could give you exactly the symptoms that you have. So you might want your mechanic to see if he can find a secondhand distributor. Secondhand distributor? Yes. Ask your mechanic to find one in the junkyard or as they call them, auto recycling center. Yeah, I mean, you may be able to buy a used

distributor for 50 bucks or something like that and have them slap it in there. And if it runs for more than two consecutive days, get rid of it. You might also want to take the mathematical approach to this. I mean, how frequently did this symptom occur? It started out with like once every two weeks. Yeah. And then it started to become more frequent. And sometimes it would happen like two or three times in the same trip and then nothing for a week.

Nothing for a week. See, the fact that the several times that he drove it, it did exhibit this symptom. You could play the odds and tell him. I fixed it. I fixed it. And the chances will be, I mean, the chances are way in your favor that he drives it and it runs like a dream. No, no. And it could even be weeks that it runs like a dream. Unfortunately, you've already shown your hand because you've divulged to him that it has this problem.

He's even taken it to his guy to solve the problem. Right. So even if you are lucky, even if the odds are in your favor, the odds gods are smiling on you. It's only a matter of time before it conks out and he'll be right back with it, trying to return it. I mean, is she going to be responsible for this car forever? What do you think she dumped this deadbeat for in the first place? She wants to be responsible for the lousy car forever? He buys the car, he buys the car.

If he bought it from the woman you bought it from, was she going to give him a warranty for the rest of his life? Hell no. And that's why my brother has such a good relationship with his ex-wife. Let me tell you, my ex-wife wanted a car one time. No, I don't want to tell you this story. No, no. Look, here's what you do, Margie.

Uh-huh. You should try to find out from whichever mechanic was able to reproduce the symptom whether he thought it was lack of spark that was causing the car to die. The spark to the spark plug. Right. And if there was no spark, we know there's no spark anymore. It's over. Yeah, well, between you two, but if it was lack of spark that made it over for the engine, then I would try just the used distributor and that may fix it. Okay. Give it a shot. Thank you very much. Thanks for calling, Margie. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. More calls and a new puzzle are coming right up after these messages. I'm Rachel Martin. You probably know how interview podcasts with famous people usually go. There's a host, a guest, and a light Q&A. But on Wildcard, we have ripped up the typical script. It's a new podcast from NPR where I invite actors, artists, and comedians to play a game On this week's Wildcard, we talk with Issa Rae about those moments where our lives could have gone another direction. Definitely wasn't supposed to be with that guy at all. At all.

But I still think about it. I'm Rachel Martin. Issa Rae tells us how to make peace with the path not taken. That's on the Wild Card podcast from NPR, the game where cards control the conversation. Why is everyone so obsessed with traditional wives or trad wives on social media? This week, we're talking about the viral videos of women making marshmallows and mozzarella from scratch and how behind the sheen of calm kitchens and cute fits, there's some interesting pessimism about our modern world.

And that's worth digging into. Next time on It's Been a Minute from NPR. Next time on It's Been a Minute from NPR. Pro-Palestinian protests have popped up on college campuses across the country. But from the eyes of students, what are we missing? From the outset, these protests are painted as really violent when that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm Brittany Luce, host of NPR's It's Been a Minute, and I'm inviting you to hear from student journalists who see what the rest of us cannot on It's Been a Minute from NPR. and I'm inviting you to hear from student journalists who see what the rest of us cannot. On It's Been a Minute from NPR.

Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack, the Tappert Brothers. And we're here to discuss cars, of course, car repair, and the wussification of the American male. Yes, indeed. Is that a real word, wussification? Well, it's wuss.

Wussy. Wuss, wuss. Why isn't it wussy-ification? Wussify. Wussy, wussy. Wussification. Wussification is good. That's it, man. Wussy. Wussy. Why is it not wussy-ification? Wussify. Wussy. Wussification. Wussification is good. That's it, man. Wussy.

This is from Dave Renwald. He says, Carson, Washington, not C-A-H-H-S-O-N-C-A-R-S-O. Yeah, okay, okay, sure. Make fun of us. Anyway, I believe I have uncovered a plot to emasculate the American male, and at its source you will find the most innocent, innocuous machine ever devised by mankind, the minivan. Call them what you will, family vans, minivans, caravans, astrovans, it's all the same. They're all at the very rotten core of this all-out assault on American manhood, let me explain. We will begin with the vehicle itself and how you may encounter it on the highway.

Whenever there is a massive traffic jam, what's at the head of it? A minivan. If somebody ahead of you thinks it's better to do 30 in a 35-mile-an-hour zone, who is it? A minivan. Or my brother in his darts.

The list goes on, and who was at the wheel of these things? Is it one of our beloved and respected senior citizens? No. Is it a do-sweet young housewife with a load of ankle biters? No. It is a yuppie male in the prime of life, hunched over the steering wheel with his mouth drooped open

as if he had been hit between the eyes with a canoe paddle. All his life, he's dreamed of riding herd on a 63 split window stingray. Instead, here he is nursing an aerostat along at a ripping 27 miles an hour to get peat moss for the rose bushes. Do you think I'm kidding? Look at these guys. They act like little male caucas spaniels that just got home from an overnighter at the vets. Go ahead, look for yourself. There they are, brakes glowing, inching along, looking pie-faced, with one hand to their chin and a stupefied gaze on their mugs.

And they have taken to wearing neatly trimmed beards and cardigan sweaters. It makes me sick. Don't kid yourself that this is the normal course of events for the once manly American male. No Suri Bob, or should I say no Suri Jeremy or Justin or some other cutesy name. The twisted root of this plot can be dug up by confirming my suspicions that a strong feminist influence was at the heart of the Chrysler design team that thought up this minivan idea. And when nobody was looking, some sneaky individual in a pantsuit drew up plans for a bucket seat that causes the driver's boxer shorts to bunch up, thereby cutting off not only the blood supply to the brain, but significantly reduces the testosterone levels to the hypothalamus, resulting in demeaning physical and personality changes in males.

It all fits together. You'll never find me or any of my seed perusing the likes of a minivan or anything like it. But I do think the Subaru Outback is pretty trendy. Sincerely, Dave Renwald. Carson, Washington. This may be a plot. Oh, everything's a plot. You didn't know that? It may be a plot. Everything is a plot. Oh, everything's a plot. You didn't know that?

It may be a plot. Everything is a plot. And I think he is right. I think he is right. About the boxer shorts riding a bike? I know about the boxer shorts. Yes, they do.

Okay, it's time for the new puzzler and I'll make this brief because Dave's letter was rather lengthy. Are you ready? Yeah. Several years ago

we discovered at our shop a nifty way for detecting blown cylinder head gaskets and cracked heads et al. And we used to use a dye that would change color when you suck the vapors out of the cooling system. And a few other tests. Through the radiator. Yeah. Right, through the radiator cap. You take the radiator cap off. We discovered that we could sniff those same vapors with our emissions tester

and, in fact, check for the presence of hydrocarbons in the coolant. Sure. So you take the radiator cap off and get the engine up to operating temperature and you'd bring the sniffer over and place it near the radiator. And if the thing didn't read zero, you had a problem. Right. The reason this works is that when you have a blown head gasket, the products of combustion are getting right from the combustion chamber into the cooling system,

and pretty soon they get to the radiator and they come out. And you can smell them with the machine. The machine can smell them. Your nose can't smell them. You can't smell them. No. The other day, Manny is doing a test on a car, and he turns to Craig and he says, Oh, this guy's in deep doo-doo.

He's got a blown head gasket. Ralph is in the next bay doing a tune-up. And he hears Manny give this information to Craig and he hears him say, oh, yeah, I can see he's got like 60 or 70 parts per million hydrocarbons when I do the test at the radiator here. And Craig says, yeah, I guess so. And without lifting his head, Ralph says, I don't think so. Without lifting his head? Because he was asleep?

I was talking in his sleep. Yeah. You have all the information you need. Yeah. To solve this little problem. What's the question? The question is, what did Ralph know that allowed him to say, I don't think so? We should say that Ralph had no knowledge of the car that Manny was working on. Right.

He had his back turned to them. He's there. He's doing a tune-up. Hadn't even seen the car before. Hadn't even seen the car before. His back was turned all day. Right. That's the way he came in.

He backed into the garage. He walked in backwards. He had his hat turned around. Right. Now, if you think you know the answer or you're really miffed at your boss and you want to do something to get back at him or her, take a stab at this puzzle. Now, you can either email it to us by visiting the email section of cartalk.com, or you can use the old United States Postal Service and send your answer to Puzzler Tower.

You mean snail mail. Cartalk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our fair city. Math 02238. Now, by the way, if you just want to hear the puzzler again, or if you just want to scour it for clues, which could be a complete waste of time, you can also find it every week at

cartalk.com. That's right. Audially! Audially! You can hear it on the web. Awesome. Isn't it? Now, anyway, if we choose your correct answer at random and you catch us, we'll send you a copy of the best of Car Talk on cassette or CD,

which recently topped the New York Times best left-in-sellers list. If you want to call us, the number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Chris. I'm calling from Oakland, California. Hi, Chris. Oh, wait a minute. Oakland.

Oakland, yeah. Oakland. So let's see. There are seven ways to spell Chris in Oakland. Does it start with a Q? No. How about a K? I'm originally from Portland.

From Portland. Okay, it's a CH. No, it's a K. It is a K. Yeah. From Portland. So you went from Portland to Oakland. Okay, got it.

Yeah. What's up? Well, I have a 1983 pickup truck. You know, if we were one of those jury consultants, we would say that you're lying. I do, though. I don't know. I'm sure you're not. But the way you hesitated.

What's up? Okay, okay. I admit it. It's my dad's pickup truck. He owns it. He owns it. Okay, that's better. We'll have no more of that.

We rely on total honesty, Chris, because don't forget my brother may know something about cars, but I come up with my answers totally, how do you say it? Unencumbered by the thought process. Unencumbered by the thought process, right. So if I don't know everything truthfully, then I'm out of the loop.

Right, he has to use all those other little signals and, you know, rolling chicken bones and all that to come up with the answers. Okay, so is there a problem with this little sweetheart? Yes. I just put in a new starter, a new battery, a new carburetor, and a new distributor cap and all the works like that. I had it done, and now it still won't start. Ooh.

I consider that to be a problem, yeah. No. I consider that to be a problem, yeah. So now when I get in the truck, it goes zhoo, zhoo, zhoo, crunch. And it does that about four times, and then it'll start. Oh, it does start. It does start after it crunches about four or five times. Well, what was the problem before?

Is it exactly the same as it was before you put all these pieces in? No, before it was kind of, it just wouldn't start. And when it, and the starter motor would continue to go. And it burned out the starter motor. And they thought it was the battery. Now, I don't have, like, the most confidence in this particular mechanic who put in the starter, though. Yeah. Because he put in three starters before he actually found one that went with my truck.

Uh-huh. So, do you think that, do you think that maybe when he put in the wrong starter that it could have messed up something else? Well, we've got to go back because I'm not sure I understand everything. Well, I understand it. What happened was one day you turned the key and you started it, but the starter never disengaged. Right. So the starter just kept turning. It fried the starter, killed the battery. Right.

And the carburetor. Yeah. The carburetor got messed up when it was at the people who were messing with the starters. Okay. And the truck continued to run, however. Right. Well, it didn't actually run when the carburetor problem came. Right.

That's a different issue. That's a different issue. That's like superfluous. We may have to wait until next week to talk about the carburetor. So how long did you drive with the starter continuing to run? Well, when it would do that, I would disconnect it immediately

and then I'd connect the battery again and start it again and then it would start fine. Oh, okay. Now, see, now it's all coming together. Who taught you that trick? I taught it myself while I was kind of like frantic. Yeah, you learn quick when you're driving

in this on-pickup truck. That's very smart, Chris. But it did eventually burn out the starter motor after a while. Okay. Well, and it's entirely possible that when that was going on

that you damaged the flywheel. Yeah. The flywheel. The flywheel. It's almost a certainty that you chewed up some teeth. Well, the specific thing that you damaged was something called the ring gear.

The ring gear is pressed onto the flywheel, and it is the gear that is engaged by the teeth on the starter drive gear. So when he replaced these starters, did you actually view any of the starters so you know what they look like? I viewed one when I was, like, the next day when he put it. He said it was fine. So you saw those little gears that were sticking out the end of it? Yeah. Yeah. When you turn the key to the start position, those little gears jump out and they engage

with the gears on this ring gear. Uh-huh. With the teeth on this ring gear. So he puts a new starter in. Right. He turns the key, and what happens with the first new starter? Right. Well, it started two or three times, and just enough so that I wasn't stranded in East Oakland at nine o'clock in the night. And so it was at least good enough

for that. But the next day when I went to turn it on, you could hear it clicking, but it wasn't doing anything. Okay. So it may be that that hear it clicking, but it wasn't doing anything. Okay. So it may be that that starter was bad, and then he puts another one in, the same thing happens, a similar thing happens with that one. And now you have a starter in there that at least starts it, but it sounds awful. Right. It just sounds really, really horrible. Yeah. It wakes up my neighbors.

They come over and go, could you fix your car? Well, I hate to say it, but... I just sleep in on a Saturday. Here's what you do. Go back to this guy. Maybe not. Maybe not. No, because I think that he is completely insane.

Oh, is that what you like about him? No, I'm not going back to that guy. I had a different guy do my carburetor, and they seemed sane. But this guy, it seems like he's just... Yeah, I think you're right. So this guy butchered it. He may have and he may not have, and it may be impossible to tell. It's possible that your original starter damaged the ring gear, but you have to find that out.

And what you'll need someone to do is remove the starter, at which point you can then see a little piece of the ring gear. And what you want... If you're underneath the truck. Okay. Yeah, you actually can see it from here. Actually, if you're hanging over with your head way down in the ring gear. And what you want... If you're underneath the truck. Okay. Yeah, you actually can see it. Actually, if you're hanging over with your head way down in the engine compartment. You're not going to see it.

They're going to see it. They'll figure it out. And they're going to put a chalk mark on it and then turn the engine 360 degrees, turn the crankshaft of the engine, so they can look at each and every tooth. And they may find that there are a whole bunch of them that are all chewed up.

And if there are, then you've got to replace that ring gear. And how much is a ring gear usually? Well, it's going to be several hundred dollars because you have to take the transmission out to do it. Oh, jeez. You have a standard shift? Yeah. Yeah, well, this would be a great opportunity to put a new clutch in.

Oh, no. Tell Dad you need a clutch, too. He needs a clutch, rather. Okay. All right. Thanks for calling, Chris. Sure, thanks a lot. And good luck with the truck. Thank you. need a clutch, too. He needs a clutch, rather. Okay. All right. Thanks for calling, Chris. Sure, thanks a lot. And good luck with the truck.

Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. Well, you've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, pumpkin lips, Berman. And don't forget, he's getting married, so he's going to need irons. All you people who want to send him a gift, he's going to need an iron. Eight irons, need irons. All you people who want to send him a gift, he's going to need an iron. Eight irons, nine irons.

Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface, Ed Grimley Rogers. Our engineer and assistant producer is Jennifer Travel and Leisure Lobe. And our technical advisor, who's vacationing again this weekend, is John Bugsy Sebastian, Mr. Height, Sweet Cheeks, Free Lunch, Twinkle Toes, Hula Hips, Donut Breath, 2GB, Make That, 3 Triple Cheeseburgers, Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marjorie Novera. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender.

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Not that there's anything wrong with Montana. It took me a while. Montana's fine by me. Yes, it is. Our producer's office is furnished by Rick Kleiner. And of course, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey, Cheaterman Howe is you, Louis Dewey, known around Harvard Square as U.E. Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack, the Tabard Brothers,

and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. If you find yourself in desperate need of a cassette copy of this week's show, which is show number 14, you can order one on the World Wide Web through the Shameless Commerce Division of CarTalk.com or order one by phone at 303-823-8000.

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